Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: March 31, 2011

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NEW NEWS...

A Farmington, New Mexico woman's plan to avoid arrest backfired when she identified herself as her sister during a traffic stop.  Tashena Begay told authorities she gave her sister's information to authorities last November because she knew she had a warrant for failure to appear in court.  It turns out her sister Brittany Kee had a warrant out too... also for failure to appear in court.  San Juan County Sheriff's deputies began their investigation in February after officers arrested Begay's sister.  Charges have been dismissed against the sister and re-filed against Tashena Begay.  Begay pleaded guilty Thursday to attempted forgery and for driving on a suspended license.  ***MARLAR: Her hope now is to somehow convince authorities again that she is her actually her sister and since they dropped the charges against her sister they should drop them for her as well.

Police say a 14-year-old Utah boy was trying to cover up for falling and ripping his new pants when he reported a bullet grazed him.  South Salt Lake police Sgt. Mikael Wersland told the Salt Lake Tribune that the teen reported the shooting Tuesday evening. Police say about 10 witnesses told them they did not hear any gunfire in the area at the time.  Wersland says the boy "fell down and tore the knee" of his pants, but lied about being grazed by a bullet because he didn't want to get into trouble. ***MARLAR: Like lying about being shot at WON’T get you into trouble.  Way to think it through, Pants Boy.

OMG! LOL! The venerable Oxford English Dictionary approves of the three-letter, Internet-inspired expressions you use for "Oh, my God!" and "Laughing out loud."  It is adding them to the authoritative reference book's latest online update.  Among the 900 new words just added is IMHO (“in my humble opinion”).  You can now text the news to your BFF. That's "best friends forever."  ***MARLAR: Of course, the only real beneficiaries of these added words are scrabble players who immediately recognize that BFF is worth twelve points!

It took $140,000 of your tax dollars to prove it, but scientists have confirmed that women really are more sensitive than men. Gals are quicker to cry when upset, more sympathetic to others who are in emotional pain and more likely to hug someone who is not a blood relative, the 6-year government funded study revealed. ***MARLAR: Men still cry though – like when we find out that $140,000 of our tax dollars go to a study to prove what we already know.

A book urging dentists to learn from a fearsome Mongol warrior has won Britain's quirkiest literary award, the Diagram Prize for the year's oddest book title.  "Managing a Dental Practice: The Genghis Khan Way" by Michael R. Young won the not-always-coveted prize.  It beat finalists including "8th International Friction Stir Welding Symposium Proceedings" and romance novel "The Italian's One-Night Love Child."  Organizers said the winning book took more than half the votes in an online ballot.  The prize, run by trade magazine The Bookseller, was founded in 1978.  Its rules say the books must be serious and their titles not merely a gimmick.  Previous champions include "Living With Crazy Buttocks" and "Bombproof Your Horse."

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING...

Federal authorities have busted up a Colorado drug ring that smuggled its methamphetamine in Elmo dolls.  ***MARLAR: Makes you wonder if the tickling may NOT have been the reason for Elmo’s uncontrollable laughter.

Police in College Hill, Ohio, arrested a man for stealing 32 deodorant products from a Walgreens.  Cops say Martin Steve Johnson entered the drug store Monday and transferred 18 sticks of Degree deodorant, 10 sticks of Axe deodorant and five bottles of Axe body spray from his shopping basket to his book bag before walking off. Officers caught up with Johnson behind a Chili’s restaurant and arrested him.  ***MARLAR: They just followed his body odor.

A New York mother took her two children to the “Sesame Street” theme park Sesame Place in Langhorne, Pennsylvania – and left with three. Takia Mann, 21, gave birth to baby Jayda in a restroom shortly after arriving. The baby came nearly two months early. A Sesame Place emergency medical technician examined mom and baby before taking them to a local hospital.  Sesame Place characters Elmo and Abby Cadabby stopped by to visit the family. They were given free season passes for the rest of this season and next.  ***MARLAR: And during the birth, The Count was declaring, “One... one little newborn baby!”  (Thunder clap.)  “TWO!  Two little newborn babies!  Ha, ha, ha...!!”

Yes, Michael Wax stank. He's the first to admit it. The 440-pound man said he was playing poker in an Atlantic City casino for 17 hours and didn't have time to clean up. He understands why grossed-out gamblers complained about his body odor, but said he didn't deserve stinky treatment from the casino that asked him to leave. The 54-year-old limousine company owner, who says he's a frequent gambler at the Borgata, said a poker room manager followed him into the restroom and informed him that patrons at his table were complaining about his body odor. When the man tried to retake his seat at the table, he said a manager told him to leave. He said he asked for a free room to freshen up, and the casino refused. He promptly filed a complaint with the Casino Control Commission. A commission spokesman says the complaint will be reviewed. A spokesman for the Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa, says it's company policy not to comment on matters involving customers.  ***MARLAR: It’s pretty bad when you actually SMELL like a dead man’s hand.

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