January 13, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – the show for discriminating listeners: for people who want extra crispy when everybody else is settling for regular recipe.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

"Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly."  --Proverbs 3:18

You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. — Galatians 3:26-28

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. — Galatians 5:6

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. — Luke 12:23

Thought: In the rush of the holiday season and the grab at getting and giving gifts, it is very important to remember that life is much more than even the most basic things we think we need. If we lose sight of God, his work and his will in our lives, then what do we have? Not much and it won't last long! My prayer for you, and for me, during this holiday season is that we are reminded of what is most important, most valuable, and most enduring.

Prayer: Sweet and precious God, almighty and awesome in glory, yet so near and so concerned about my heart, thank you for knowing and loving me with an everlasting love. Please give me the wisdom to see beyond the transitory things of life and find you and your sustaining presence. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 1:13 NIV = And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,

TODAY IS SATURDAY – JANUARY 13, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
346 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is RADIO DAY, marking the first public radio broadcast on this date in 1910 when tube inventor Lee DeForest broadcast the voices of Metropolitan Opera stars to several receivers in New York City.  ***Thank you for listening to the show and celebrating the day along with us!

Today is NEW YEAR’S DAY... according to the old Julian Calendar, that is. It's still observed in Belarus, Ukraine, and some communities in Russia.

And today is RUBBER DUCKY DAY. Saluting the great Sesame Street song sung by Ernie, first broadcast on February 25, 1970. Actually, today is supposedly Ernie’s rubber duck’s birthday. The ‘famous’ rubber-duck-squeaking solo in the original version of the song (for the very first Sesame Street album) is squeaked by the song’s creator, Jeff Moss. The rubber duck is actually considered a percussion instrument by the Boston Pops.  Apparently unwilling to pay musicians to play a ‘second instrument,’ duck squeaking was limited to the percussion section when the cast played this song with the Boston Pops – with Big Bird, conducting. There are several versions of this song, including a cover by Little Richard and a five-version cd in German, containing a “dance remix”. “Rubber Duckie” actually became a bona-fide hit: in August of 1970 it made the Billboard Top 40 chart for pop/rock and stayed on for 7 weeks, peaking at number 16! (audio clip)

TODAY IS ALSO...

Eagle Day
Korean American Day
Make Your Dream Come True Day
National Sticker Day
National Vision Board Day
Public Radio Broadcasting Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, JANUARY 14

Caesarean Section Day
International Kite Day
Dress Up Your Pet Day
National Sunday Supper Day
No Pants Subway Ride Day
Organize Your Home Day
Ratification Day

MONDAY, JANUARY 15

Alpha Kappa Alpha Day
Blue Monday
Humanitarian Day
Martin Luther King Day
National Crowd Feed Day
National Day of Service

TUESDAY, JANUARY 16

Appreciate A Dragon Day
Civil Service Day
Fig Newton Day
Nothing Day
Religious Freedom Day
Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day
Without A Scalpel Day

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 17

Cable Car Day
Hot Heads Chili Days
International Mentoring Day
Judgment Day
Kid Inventors' Day
National Bootleggers Day
Popeye Day

THURSDAY, JANUARY 18

Pooh (Winnie The) Day
Thesaurus Day
Get to Know Your Customers Day

FRIDAY, JANUARY 19

Bean Day
Popcorn Day
Robert E. Lee Day
Tin Can Day
Women's Healthy Weight Day
World Day of Migrants and Refugees

SATURDAY, JANUARY 20

Camcorder Day
National Cheese Lovers Day
Penguin Awareness Day
Inauguration Day
National Disc Jockey Day

SUNDAY, JANUARY 21

Celebration of Life Day
National Hugging Day
National Sanctity of Human Life Day (or Pro-Life Day)
Stephen Foster Day
World Religion Day
World Snow Day

MONDAY, JANUARY 22

Answer Your Cat's Questions Day
National Bible Sunday
Roe vs. Wade Day

ON THIS DAY

1936: The 50-year-old Baptist minister B.B. McKinney prepared for an Alabama Sunday School Convention by writing the song "Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go."

1957: In Hollywood, Elvis Presley recorded "All Shook Up" and "That’s When Your Heartaches Begin."

1962: Comedian Ernie Kovacs died in a Los Angeles auto accident.

1964: The Beatles released "I Want to Hold Your Hand" in the U.S.

1979: "The Bionic Woman" debuted on ABC-TV starring Lindsay Wagner as schoolteacher-turned-cyborg Jaime Sommers. (audio clip)

1981: 11-year-old Donna Griffiths of Pershore, England, caught a cold and started sneezing. She sneezed about every 30 seconds until Sept. 16, 1983, 978 days later. It's the world sneezing record.

1987: The Supreme Court ruled that states could require employers to grant unpaid leaves of absence to pregnant women.

1988: Residents dropped plans to build a 12-foot statue of Madonna in a bikini in the Italian village where her grandparents lived when the mayor objected.

1991: An unlucky thief was captured immediately after stealing a van in Lake Worth, Florida. He hadn’t noticed police officer Ulrich Navjoks on stake-out in the back of the van.

1993: A Dallas recording company mistakenly mailed the Dead Kennedys’ CD Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables to 1,000 radio stations that were supposed to receive religious programs from the Southern Baptist Radio-TV Commission.

1998: Dozens of police were called when a chair-swinging brawl erupted at an Oakland, California, clergyman’s funeral. Police said some 40 people from two different congregations were involved, though no one was arrested.

1999: The Washington Post reported that the U.S. National Security Agency had banned Furbys from its Fort Meade offices. The mechanical stuffed toys, which had built-in audio recorders, were deemed to be a threat to national security since they might be used to record classified information.

1999: Michael Jordan, regarded by many as the greatest basketball player ever, announced his retirement. He had led the Chicago Bulls to six NBA championships.

2002: The off-Broadway musical "The Fantasticks" closed in New York after almost 42 years and 17,162 shows.

2002: President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a pretzel.

2005: Major League Baseball adopted a tougher steroid-testing program that suspended first-time offenders for 10 days and randomly tested players year-round.

2007: A 7-year-old cat named Tama was named stationmaster at a railway station in Kinokawa, Japan. Two other cats were named deputy stationmasters at the unmanned Kishi Station. The railway paid the cats in food. Tama wore a special railway cap while on duty.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

367: Hilary of Poitiers, the leading orthodox church father during Arianism's heyday, dies. His writings about the Trinity and his organization of anti-Arian allies were influential in fighting the heresy but did not have their full effect until after his death .

1501: Christianity's first vernacular hymnal is printed in Prague, containing 89 hymns in Czech.

1616: Flemish mystic Antoinette Bourignon is born. A mystical writer whose works were included by John Wesley in his Christian Library, she soon found herself estranged from mainstream Christianity, especially when she declared herself the "woman clothed with the sun" of Revelation 12. Still, her ideas were so influential that, for 178 years, ministers of the Church of Scotland had to make an explicit denial of Bouringnonism before they could be ordained.

1635: Philip Jacob Spener, founder of German pietism, is born in Rappolstein. His emphasis on new birth and holy living revitalized the German Lutheran Church and many later movements, including American evangelicalism.

1691: George Fox, founder of the Society of Friends (Quakers), dies. Fox left the Anglican church to rely on the "Inner Light of the Living Christ."

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (The Hunger Games, “Elephant Princess”) Liam Hemsworth, 28
  • Actor (Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean) Orlando Bloom, 41
  • Actress (“Baywatch”, “Charles In Charge”) Nicole Eggert, 46 (audio clip)
  • Actress (“Baywatch”) Traci Bingham, 50
  • Actor (Mobsters, Outbreak) Patrick Dempsey, 52
  • Actress (Kindergarten Cop, Big Top PeeWee) Penelope Ann Miller, 53
  • Actress (“Seinfeld's” Elaine Benes) Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 57 (audio clip)
  • Actress (aunt Vivian Banks on “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”) Janet Hubert-Whitten, 62 (

    Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

    )

  • actor (Bull on TV’s “Night Court”) Richard Moll 75 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1884 : Sophie Tucker

1909 : Butter Jackson

1930 : Liz Anderson

1930 : Robert "Squirrel" Lester (The Moonglows, The Flamingos, The Chi-Lites)

1947 : John Lees (Barclay James Harvest)

1954 : Trevor Rabin (Yes)

1955 : Fred White (Earth, Wind & Fire)

1961 : Suggs aka Graham McPherson (Madness)

1970 : Zach de la Rocha (Rage Against The Machine)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Why do full-length golf courses have 18 holes, and not 20, or 10, or an even dozen holes?

During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson finally broke down and told the truth about why the island had no food and why trash was piling up everywhere. It wasn’t because others weren’t doing their jobs, but because Marvy had nailed down the calendar clock to always be Saturday…

CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
Modern art morphs into a Moment of Duh!

For some reason, California artist Trevor Corneliusien wanted to draw a portrait of his own legs wrapped in chains. Trevor went to his favorite sketching spot, an abandoned mine shaft about five miles north of the Mojave Desert town of Baker, California, to begin work. To ensure authenticity, Trevor chained his legs together so that he could accurately render a picture. While the picture may have been accurate, his memory was not. After completing the drawing, Trevor realized he forgot to bring the key to unlock the restraints and was forced to hop for 12 hours through the desert back to town. On the bright side, Deputy Ryan Ford, who helped cut his chains, said of the drawing: "It was a pretty good depiction of how a chain would look wrapped around your legs."  ***MARLAR: But then, he did have a LOT of time to work on it!

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE CHOSEN A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE

10. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

9. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

8. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

7. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

5. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

4. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

3. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

2. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."

1. No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A well planned robbery, a getaway car, an easy victim – but still the culprits end up in the files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: Craig Glaiser approached a 24-year-old man, kicked him and grabbed his bag.  Yes, we have a crime in progress.  Glaiser apparently had spent some time planning the caper, as he had his faithful and loyal accomplice, Nicholas Saide, waiting in a vehicle.  Saide, the wheel man, took his job seriously.  Not only was he there to provide their timely means of escape, but also to use his vehicle directly in the commission of the crime, because when the victim attempted to skedaddle, Saide drove up on the pavement to block any path to escape.  With a smirk undoubtedly on his face, Glaiser picked up his booty, got in the car, and nodded for Saide burn rubber and lam it out of there.  Clean, and quick.  Except that they had failed to notice that a police helicopter had been hovering above them the entire time and had filmed the assault.  Glaiser got two years, Saide got a year.  Both end up in the files of Law & Disorder.

FILE #2: Police say a woman who begged from a wheelchair was caught running from a crime scene on foot in Monterrey, Mexico. Police spokeswoman Sidlayin Robles says 30-year-old Ana Victoria Perez fled on foot after she and her husband allegedly threw a stone through the front window of a furniture store. Perez was a regular fixture along a main Monterrey road, asking for change from motorists as she sat in a wheelchair pushed by her husband. Robles says that the couple apparently planned to rob the furniture store but were scared off by a security guard. They have been charged with vandalism. Police arrested the couple when they returned for the wheelchair.

FILE #3: In Launceston, Australia a gang of would-be burglars tried to steal a cash machine inside a shopping center. First they forced open the doors of the mall to get to the ATM inside. So far so good. But this was a big, heavy duty cash machine and it would require special tools to get inside it. The burglars thought they were well prepared for the task. Before going to the mall they had stolen a truck with some welding equipment in it. They dragged the welder inside and went to work on the ATM. And that's when things started to go sour. Perhaps they forgot that cash is flammable. The heat from the welding torch incinerated the money.

STRANGE LAW: A law that still exists in Nevada makes it legal to hang someone if they shoot your dog on your property.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Ever had a splitting headache where it felt as if nails were being driven into your skull?  Next time, you might check to see if there are, perhaps, actual nails protruding from your skull. 

An Oregon man suffering from a terrible headache went to a hospital for an examination. Turns out he had something stuck in his head; actually 12 things; actually, 12 nails. And he had put them there himself. The man at first told doctors he had had a "nail gun accident." It wasn't until later that the patient admitted he was using drugs at the time of his nailing. Somehow the guy was in remarkably good condition when he got to the hospital. Surgeons were able to remove the nails with needle-nosed pliers because the nail heads did not penetrate the skull.

PHONER PHUN

(Email from a listener) Our new preacher prides himself on being "hip" and "with it" and bringing young people into the church. But some of his techniques are questionable. For one thing, he throws big "communion parties" which is something I've never heard of. He also ends each weekly youth service by burping "The Lord's Prayer." What do you think of that?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which apostle was exiled to Patmos?



ANSWER: John (See Revelation 1:9. The island of Patmos, just off the coast of Asia Minor, was a place where John was confined with other political prisoners. It was here that he received the revelation of Jesus Christ in a series of visions.)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: A new study says that if you don't like a food you should do this to see if it will taste better?

ANSWER: Eat it in a different location.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The movies "The Terminator," "The Abyss" and the "Titanic" were all directed by James Cameron. (True)

2. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. (True)

3. A moment is an actual unit of time. (True - it's defined as lasting exactly 1 1/2 minutes)

4. The worst time to reach the IRS is on a Monday. (True - around 1pm on Monday is the absolute worst time to try to get hold of them)

5. When a person sneezes, their heart stops for one and a half seconds. (False)

6. Drinking from a water hose can eventually cause brain damage. (False)

7. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. (True)

8. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. (True)

9. There are 157 ways to make change for a dollar. (False... there are 293 ways!)

10. On the cartoon show 'The Jetsons,' Jane the mom is 33 years old and her daughter Judy is 15. (True - that means that the mom had her first child at age 18!) (audio clip)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ KILL HERRING IN NORWAY (ALIENS)

OSLO, NORWAY – Ten of thousands of dead fish have washed ashore in Norway.   The reason:  aliens.

There were thousands and thousands of dead herring everywhere on the coast Norway for two days – and then they mysteriously disappeared.

The dead fish first appeared on New Year’s Eve, leading to speculation that predators might have driven a huge school ashore or the fish could have been washed onto the beach by a powerful storm that hit Norway on Christmas Day.

WWN once again turned experts at the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.  Dr. Susan Begley spoke to WWN last night.

“This is a similar event that happened last New Year, but it seems have escalated.  Last New Year, dead blackbirds dropped from the sky in Arkansas and dead herring came ashore in Norway, the pattern was repeated this year – only the numbers are far greater.”

Dr. Begley said that the U.N. has concluded that the herring (and the blackbirds) were killed by aliens from Planet Gootan.  “There are two alien species that have been inhabiting the earth in the last fourteen months.  The Zeebans are peaceful and docile beings here to help humans, and the Gootans are here to attack us.  The dead herring appear to be the work of the Gootans – they are sending another warning to citizens of earth.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A boy was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is it ? I've told you that I'm a beautiful Princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?!?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

JOKE #2

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash.

He did it again for a third time at an even slower rate. Same result.

"Some idiot must have messed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets - each for not wearing his seat belt.

JOKE #3

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. 
"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. "In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?"

USELESS FACTS

You can lower your blood pressure with 3 to 4 ten-minute walks a day, Indiana University researchers report.  ***Right… like your ultra-stress boss at your ultra-stress job is going to let you have that many breaks.

Music has been known to improve relationships. It can strengthen a couple's bond and relieve emotional tension. ***Unless you’re bonding over Ugly Kid Joe’s “I Hate Everything About You”.

FEATURED FUNNIES

PUNNY COW JOKE

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho," and went out walking with one of the hired hands.  Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:

"Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows.  There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

In Michigan City, Indiana, 11-year-old Cameron Schuette is lucky to be alive after a pickup truck ran over his head!

...Cameron and his 13-year-old brother Tyler were helping their grandfather chop and load wood. The boys were sitting on the tailgate of their grandfather's truck when he began backing down his gravel driveway and Cameron either fell or jumped off. Grandpa Ron Shurley said he at first thought he ran over a piece of wood until he got out of the truck and saw Cameron lying face down in the gravel. Cameron was rushed to the hospital where tests revealed he had a slight hairline skull fracture. He was released the next day and the only lingering effects seem to be nothing more than a slight headache. Grandpa Ron said, "Maybe he's got an exceptionally hard head!"

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GOD-CENTERED FAITH

Read: Mark 11:12-24

Have faith in God. --Mark 11:22

During difficult times we often lament, "If only I had more faith!" Yet we demonstrate in everyday life that the most important issue is not the amount of our faith but the object of our faith. For instance, whenever we sit down in a chair, we trust that it will support us. Our faith is in the chair, not in how much faith we possess. In Mark 11:12-24, Jesus taught His disciples the importance of having the right object of faith. It began when they overheard Jesus curse a fig tree (v.14). The next morning, Peter exclaimed, "Look! The fig tree which You cursed has withered away" (v.21). Jesus replied, "Have faith in God" (v.22). Having declared God as the object of faith, Jesus assured them that they too could pray for and receive amazing results through God-centered faith. And so may we.

Often, however, we praise those who have great faith in God. Ian Thomas once preached: "When we congratulate people for having faith in our Creator, we're really saying that God is so decrepit they're to be congratulated for believing in Him." He continued, "To become less conscious of faith, we must become more acquainted with the object of faith." Get to know God better. Then to trust Him will become as natural as trusting the chair you're sitting on!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

REAL SECURITY

It's finally here! I can hardly believe it. I remember as a child thinking what (ancient) age I would be when the year 2000 arrived. It seemed it never would. But it has come to pass, and I have reached that ancient age. We've all heard the many forecasts of doom and gloom, whether it be as a result of the Y2K computer bug or as a result of God's judgment. Many words have been spoken about the possibilities, especially economically during the next few years. In many parts of the world the very things we fear have already arrived. There is massive suffering in many nations. But we do not know what awaits us in the future, whether it will be feast or famine, good times or bad. Do we put our hopes in the economy of our country or in the stock market, or is our security in things that are unseen? If the economy should fail us, which way would we turn? Would we despair and no longer have any hope or reason for living? Are the everyday comforts that we enjoy what we are relying on? What would happen to us if we lost them?
If you have been putting all your trust in the things of this world and neglecting your spiritual security, I challenge you today to reevaluate the value of the two. In 2 Corinthians 4:18-19 we read, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
This is a perfect time for reevaluation of your priorities. God has put before you a door that leads to a new life, one that is built upon eternal truths rather than temporal things that will fail us. Jesus said in John 10:9, "I am the Door; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved..." I admonish you today to walk through that Door that is before you while you have the opportunity and while it is open wide. In Christ we have this promise no matter what the future may bring: "'For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My loving kindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says the Lord who has compassion on you" Isaiah 54:10.
Contributed by Daphne Harrington

LEFTOVERS

SLOW AND STEADY

While many college kids take the "five or six year plans" to graduate, Stuart Baldwin took a little bit longer. Make that, a lot longer!

...The 70-year-old book shop owner in the UK just graduated after 28 years of college courses. Stuart Baldwin has now not only collected his BS, but has been given the dubious distinction this week of receiving a Guinness Book of Records certificate for the longest time recorded to complete a university degree. He started on a science foundation course with the Open University when it opened in 1971. He says that "studying was a hobby" and that he "didn't want it to end." Stuart now plans to tackle a doctorate at breakneck speed. "I think there's an eight-year limit on PhDs" he said "so I'll be in no danger of breaking my own record." He potentially could’ve started college the year one of his professors was born!

LIFE... LIVE IT

Are you an impatient pain in the neck?

Let's find out… Answer each question TRUE or FALSE and keep track of your points.

  • You think everyone is entitled to make a mistake. (If you answered TRUE, give yourself a point.)
  • You would never dream of peeking at your Christmas presents ahead of time. (If you answered TRUE, give yourself a point.)
  • Your home is crammed with paintings, needlework or other examples of your favorite hobby. (If you answered TRUE, give yourself a point.)
  • You prefer newspapers, magazines and watching TV to reading books. (If you answered FALSE, give yourself a point.)
  • Your garage or basement is cluttered with unfinished projects you started than forgot about. (If you answered FALSE, give yourself a point.)
  • You love crossword puzzles and other games that tax the mind. (If you answered TRUE, give yourself a point.)
  • You grind your teeth in rush-hour traffic. (If you answered FALSE, give yourself a point.)
  • You play "musical checkout counters" when waiting in line at the supermarket, constantly moving to the shortest line. (If you answered FALSE, give yourself a point.)
  • You never exceed the speed limit when driving. (If you answered TRUE, give yourself a point.)
  • You interrupt people during conversations. (If you answered FALSE, give yourself a point.)

SCORE:

  • 0-4 Points... you tend to be impatient, so ask yourself whether saving a minute or two is really worth it if it hurts the feelings of others. Start enjoying life a little more. Extreme impatience can have a basis in physical problems... anemia, vitamin deficiency, poor sleeping or eating habits.
  • 5-7 Points... You're even tempered with good self control. You realize that many delays and inconveniences turn out to be no one else's fault. But there is a limit to your toleration of the vices and manipulations of other people.
  • 8-10 Points... You are extremely patient and don't demand instant gratification at the expense of others. You enjoy completing every job. You're very tolerant... almost TOO tolerant... so guard against people who might take advantage of your good nature.

JUST FOR FUN

IT'S TIME TO EAT!

Why are Americans so fat?  Well, it has something to do with eating.

Do you wonder why 50% of all Americans are considered overweight? According to a study from the University of Minnesota, it's because of the increasing numbers of food brands available to them. There's more food available than ever! Another reason is that Americans eat out more and are eating larger portions. As a result, for every dollar spent in households on food, 20% went to eating out in the 1970s, but that has since increased to 38%.  ***MARLAR: So basically, the university spent all of this money on a study to tell us that we're overweight because there's plenty of food to eat and we're eating it.  Thanks for the info, Professor Obvious.

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO DIET WHEN...

  • You dance and it makes the band skip.
  • You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
  • You go to the zoo and the elephants throw YOU peanuts.
  • Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
  • You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
  • Your blood type: Ragu!
  • You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

Even after kids move out, Mom's favoritism still matters.

...When Mom repeatedly singles out one adult child more than another, whether for praise or a slap on the wrist, she's unwittingly contributing to her offspring's depression, according to recently released research.  "Perceived favoritism from one's mother still matters to a child's psychological well-being, even if they have been living for years outside the parental home and have started families of their own," said study researcher Karl Pillemer, a Cornell University gerontologist. "It doesn't matter whether you are the chosen child or not, the perception of unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings."   Even Mom's favorites take a hit. -"Interestingly, being the favorite child has some serious drawbacks, research has found," Pillemer says. "The favored child can feel guilty, and he or she can experience negative relationships with the other siblings, who may be resentful. With older parents, favored children may be expected to provide more care and assistance for the parent, leading to stress." As for which children become Mom's favorites, "Parents tend to prefer oldest or youngest (as opposed to middle) children, and they gravitate toward those children who are more similar to them in personal characteristics and values," Pillemer said.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I'd planned to clean up the control room today, but then I got to thinking: if it was clean it might not work.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JANUARY 12, 2018...

The Commuter---Liam Neeson begins the year with an action thriller that gives one pause for thought about the hazards of riding a train. Derailments, come to mind, but criminal activity? How does one become accidentally involved? Wait and see. Also in the cast are Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson. “The Commuter” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for Liam Neeson fans.

Paddington Bear 2---A week without a horror film opening and here comes London’s favorite bear (mine, too) as little Paddington goes into action when he wants to buy a special birthday present for Aunt Lucy who will be 100 years old. Paddington does odd jobs, but becomes involved with something different. Hmm, this begins to sound like Liam Neeson in “The Commuter.” Back to Paddington, who is voiced by Ben Winshaw. Also in the cast are Hugh Grant and Hugh Bonneville (“Downton Abbey.”) “Paddington Bear 2” is rated G. Rating of 3 for little bear fans.

Proud Mary---No, this movie is not a musical, it stars Taraji P. Henson as a hit woman for the Boston mob. Ms. Henson finds herself with problems when suddenly there appears a boy while she is at “work.”  Hmm. The cast includes Neal McDonough, Danny Glover and Jahi DiAllo Winston. “Proud Mary” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

The Post---This is a Steven Spielberg film and it shows from beginning to end. The sets, actors, music---all combine to make an interesting---but slow-paced---film about the famed newspaper, "The Washington Post."  There is always a battle between the Post and the "Times", neck and neck for the scoop and wondering what is legal to print and what isn’t. This is where high-priced lawyers come in. The film centers on leaked government papers during the Nixon Administration that came to be called The Pentagon Papers. What to do with such high profile---and secret information? Put it to bed, or run with it? Meryl Streep is publisher Katharine Graham, who, as a woman operating the family newspaper, runs into opposition about her judgement and skills as a manager. Tom Hanks plays Ben Bradlee, her editor, and they go back and forth about the information. We all know what happened, and the getting-there could be interesting, but we are treated to parties (Katharine’s place for information) and backroom meetings (Ben’s place of information.) Cue the music, as John Williams is at the helm there and you know beforehand what is going to happen because of the sound level. Also in the cast are Sarah Paulson, Bob Odenkirk, Tracy Letts, Bradley Whitford and Matthew Rhys. “The Post” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 and good cast but methodical, almost documentary production..

JANUARY 19, 2018...

12 Strong is an action thriller of military forces in the Middle East. Stars Chris Hemsworth.

Den of Thieves
 has Gerard Butler after a gang of bank robbers.

Forever My Girl is a romance about a country western singer coming home. Stars Alex Roe.

Maze Runner: Death Cure
 is a continuation of the series this time trying to find a cure for a deadly disease. Stars Thomas Brodie-Sanster.

# # # # #

Best and Worst Films of 2017 compiled by Marie Asner
Arranged in Alphabetical Order

Ten Best Films of 2017---
Blade Runner
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Hostiles
Maudie
Phantom Thread
The Shape of Water
Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri
Wind River
Wonder Woman

Extra:
I. Tonya
Jane (documentary)
Lady Macbeth
The Man Who Invented Christmas

Ten Worst Films of 2017---
Group One: Basic Plot Horror Film
Book of Henry
Jigsaw
The Bad Batch

Group Two: Science Fiction/Fantasy
Alien Covenant
Flatliners
Geostorm
Get Out
Guardians Of The Galaxy: Part Two
King Arthur
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Group Three: The Rest
Baywatch
mother!
Pitch Perfect 3
The Disaster Artist
The Florida Project
The Snowman
Trip to Spain
Woodshock

WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.

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