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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. — 1 John 5:12
This is why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him. If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. — Romans 13:6-7
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. — Psalm 145:1-2
Thought: The way we praise God forever, the way we honor our pledge to give him glory for all the days of our life, is really pretty simple: we do it today. As long as we praise God today, the forever takes care of itself. So as you commit to lift high the name of God and praise him for all eternity, remember the place it starts: praise God today — not only in the things that you say, but also in the way that you live!
Prayer: Mighty God and loving Father, today I want to tell you how marvelous and wonderful I believe you to be. You are righteous, faithful, holy, and merciful. You are tender, loving, and yet magnificent in glory and incomparable in strength. You have redeemed me from my sin and given me hope beyond my own death. You have filled my life full of good people and have promised me a home with you. You, O God, are without peer and without rival. You are my King, my awesome and majestic Father. In Jesus’ name I praise you, today and forever. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
1 John 4:17 NIV = In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.
TODAY IS MONDAY – APRIL 17, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 251 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is TOOTHBRUSH APPRECIATION DAY, a day to wonder how life would taste without your toothbrush. *** I’ve decided to give this a try, and this morning I intend to find out if my co-host will notice.
Today is NATIONAL CHEESE BALL DAY. ***I’ve been told not to talk about this day, though. Apparently the boss is getting a bit fed up with the amount of honesty I’ve been using recently when talking about him on the air.
Today is BLAH BLAH BLAH DAY, a day to stop smoking, take out the trash, lose weight, empty the cat litter, get a job, quit a job, or whatever. ***So it’s a day to do whatever it is you need to do, I guess. I’ll be using this day to not talk about our boss being a cheese ball.
TODAY IS ALSO…
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
MONDAY, APRIL 17
Bat Appreciation Day
Blah! Blah! Blah! Day
Ellis Island Family History Day
Ford Mustang Day
International Haiku Poetry Day
Malbec World Day
Nothing Like A Dame Day
TUESDAY, APRIL 18
Adult Autism Day
Income Tax Pay Day
International Amateur Radio Day
National Columnists’ Day
National Lineman Appreication Day
Pet Owners Independence Day
World Amateur Radio Day
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19
Education & Sharing Day
John Parker Day
National Garlic Day
National Hanging Out Day
National Stress Awareness Day
National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day
Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 20
Chinese Language Day
Get to Know Your Customers Day
International Cli-Fi Day
National Cheddar Fries Day
National Pot Smokers Day
High Five Day
National Ask An Atheist Day
National D.A.R.E. Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 21
Bulldogs are Beautiful Day
LGBT National Day of Silence
National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day
National Day of Silence
National Donate Life (Blue and Green) Day
National Pro-Life T-Shirt Day
National Surprise Drug Test Day (yesterday was 420 Day)
National Yellow Bat Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 22
Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day
Girl Scout Leaders Day
Global Selfie Earth Day (NASA)
“In God We Trust Day” Day
Mother Earth Day
National Dance Day
National Jelly Bean Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 23
MONDAY, APRIL 24
Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day
International Sauvignon Blanc Day
New Kids on The Block Day
World Meningitis Day
ON THIS DAY
1810: Lewis Norton of Troy, Pennsylvania, patented Pineapple Cheese.
1912: Al Jolson recorded “Ragging the Baby to Sleep” for the Victor Talking Machine Company. Reportedly, the record sold a million copies in two years, the first “unofficial” gold record.
1947: Jackie Robinson got his first hit for the Brooklyn Dodgers when he beat out a bunt.
1950: The wrestling program at Hollywood Stadium was canceled when ten of the wrestlers refused to perform on a televised event. The wrestlers said televising matches would hurt paid attendance.
1953: Facing pitcher Chuck Stobbs, Mickey Mantle hit major-league baseball’s longest regular season home run at Griffith Stadium in Washington, D.C.—565 feet. The ball eventually was found in the backyard of a home a full block away from the stadium. (A minor leaguer, “Dizzy” Carlyle, hit a 618-foot homer in 1929 at Emeryville, California.)
1960: Singer Eddie Cochran died in Bath, England, from severe brain injuries sustained in a car crash near Chippenham. Gene Vincent was seriously injured in the accident.
1964: At the New York World’s Fair, Ford Motor Company introduced the Mustang. Base price was $2,368.
1964: The FBI lab reported that it could not determine the lyrics on the Kingmen’s recording “Louie Louie.”
1967: “The Joey Bishop Show” debuted on ABC-TV late night, opposite Johnny Carson. Joey, announcer Regis Philbin and Johnny Mann’s music lasted just over 2 years, but couldn’t beat Carson.
1970: Paul McCartney released his first solo album, “McCartney.” It included a self-interview that confirmed the Beatles had broken up.
1980: Police in Lansing, Michigan, arrested three adult sisters for running around their neighborhood nude after smearing their bodies with mustard. The ladies said they were looking for the Garden of Eden.
1985: The U.S. Postal Service unveiled its new 22-cent “Love” stamp. Showing the set of TV’s The Love Boat as a backdrop, the stamp became one of the postal service’s biggest sellers.
1987: An armed Easter bunny robbed a store in Manchester, Ohio, and escaped with $655.00. No one was hurt.
1990: A 21-year-old man pleaded no contest to 732 charges of disturbing the peace and driving with a suspended license in Torrance, California. Rather than face 275 years in jail, the man agreed to move away from neighbors who said he drove his Volkswagen across their lawns every day for 366 consecutive days.
2003: A 34-year-old research scientist who’d had too much to drink stumbled home and fell asleep in a house where he had lived seven years earlier. Police were called when a teenager came home to find the intruder asleep in the teenager’s bed in Axbridge, England. Police took the scientist to his own home and did not file charges.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1521: The German Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church. The Church’s action was based on Luther’s attacks against the papacy and the sale of indulgences. A practice common at the time, a person’s sins were pardoned through the purchase of an indulgence letter.
1708: Ambrose, Archbishop of Moscow from 1768-1771 is born. In 1771, in the middle of an outbreak of the plague, Ambrose (who is known for his translations of the Hebrew psalter and some Greek and Latin fathers) was martyred by a mob when he removed an icon from the church to prevent the spread of infection.
1937: With Mussolini’s troops occupying Ethiopia, Sudan Interior Mission missionaries who had started a small church among the previously devil-worshiping Wallamo tribe are forced to leave the country. “We knew God was faithful,” one missionary wrote. “But still we wondered—if we ever come back, what will we find?” The missionaries returned in July 1943 to find that, despite severe persecution by Italian soldiers, the Christian community had grown from 48 members to 18,000.
HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actress (“Alias”, Elektra, Daredevil, 13 Going on 30) Jennifer Garner is 45 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1882 : Artur Schnabel
1934 : Don Kirschner
1936 : Tony Bellus
1940 : Billy Fury
1943 : Roy Estrada (Captain Beefheart, Mothers of Invention, Little Feat)
1944 : Bobby Curtola
1948 : Jan Hammer
1954 : Michael Sembello
1955 : Pete Shelley (The Buzzcocks)
1964 : James Keenan (Tool)
1967 : Liz Phair
1970 : Redman
1974 : Victoria Adams (The Spice Girls)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why is there no channel one on broadcast TV?
You just can’t count on broadcast TV to count. When the rest of the world begins counting things with the number one, our TVs begin counting with the number two. That’s because there is only a limited amount of broadcast bandwidth to go around. The part that would be used by channel one was long ago allocated to mobile radios… a.k.a. CB Radios. So, in reality, channel one is being used to warn people that there’s a cop up ahead.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Switchfoot headed overseas this weekend. The band posted: we’re off to the Philippines, Japan, Europe and the U.K.
Nearly three years after the 2014 death of friend and backup singer Lakisha “Kisha” Mitchell, Mandisais finally ready to share her story with others. Mandisa is slated to release her album “Out of the Dark” on May 19. On April 26, she will perform on ABC’s “Good Morning America” and discuss “Out of the Dark.” http://ow.ly/VBDw30aMk1W
Casting Crowns member Josh Mix says attending a Kansas Cit Royals baseball game this week wasn’t his first choice but it was a good option. He posted from Kauffman stadium: Off day. Wish I was home, but this’ll do. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSzj5BtjRxm/
Ryan Stevenson this week released a little mashup for Easter with Matt Maher. Check out the medley at https://www.instagram.com/p/BS1jE21j9mK/
In celebration of Easter, We Are Messengers has released an acoustic version of their song My Victory. Darren posted: Hell has been defeated, our sin and shame is gone. We as believers have received a grace that at times we cannot comprehend. Christ accomplished all of this through His death on a cross. With thankful hearts, we His people can rejoice in the knowledge that ‘a cross meant to kill is my victory’. https://youtu.be/VW8hthdCoAw
Anyone who has ever lost a special pet can sympathize with Natalie Grant. She posted : A little over 11 years ago, when Bernie and I were told we may never be able to conceive a child, we got this adorable doggie and named her Coco. She was our first baby. Then my sister and her family wanted to adopt Coco and she helped them through hurt, disappointment and heartbreak. This week Natalie shared: Today was Coco’s last day. All she ever knew to do was love. She will be dearly missed. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSzZLcfBKK3/
Casting Crowns Megan Garrett was showing off a special guitar given to the band this week. The custom electric guitar is in the shape of the pink ribbon used to bring attention to Breast Cancer. Megan posted: It means a great deal to me because my mom is a breast cancer survivor!
Laura Story and her husband, Martin, were offering hope and encouragement last week on Focus on the Family. The couple discussed how God has strengthened their faith and relationship after Martin was diagnosed with a brain tumor early in their marriage. Listen to the two day program at http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/finding-unexpected-blessings-in-marriage-pt1
Matthew West will be on Facebook live Monday night at 8:00pm CT for a special event celebrating the launch of his new book, Hello My Name Is! He’s inviting you to join him and wasn’t above dropping a few names. Matthew posted: I might have a few of my friends join in on the festivities: Scott Hamilton, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Mandisa.
(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Even though they’ve had dinner earlier, the 8-year-old son and his 4-year-old sister are hungry — for McDonald’s. But instead of the waking up his parents, the boy decides this is a problem he can handle by himself. Police say The boy seated his sister in the back of the father’s work van before he got behind the wheel. He drove about a mile from his house, through four intersections and over railroad tracks. Witnesses in other vehicles spotted the underage driver and called police. They reported he obeyed traffic rules, stopped at red lights, adhered to the speed limit and didn’t sideswipe a single garbage can. After reaching the drive-thru at the fast-food restaurant, the boy paid for the cheeseburgers with money from his piggy bank. Yes, they did get to eat the food before police arrived. So how did an 8-year-old learn how to drive so well? He says he learned by watching YouTube. ***Next he’ll be watching how-to videos on basic SURGERIES he can perform.
A waitress at a popular Waikiki restaurant got a very big surprise during her shift. Cayla Chandara was waiting on a couple from Australia and she says they hit it off. When they left Chandara says she was shocked to see the tip was for $400, double the $200 bill for the dinner. But the generosity didn’t stop there. The next day, the couple returned to the restaurant and offered to help pay off her student loans and debt, which totaled more than $10,000. ***Why am I wasting time in this job? I should be waiting tables again!
Kylie Jenner is getting her own spinoff show called “The Life of Kylie.” ***Followed shortly thereafter by the moon turning to blood and the raining of frogs.
British publication The Daily Mail has to pay Melania Trump $2.9 million to settle a lawsuit. ***Which is perfect timing because it’s just about time for her to buy a new pair of shoes anyway.
The Sun newspaper is claiming that the Navy Seal team that took out Osama Bin Laden is in training to remove North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un. ***A) I’m behind them doing it 100%. B) A bit thanks to The Sun newspaper for screwing up the surprise arrival of the seal team and what otherwise would’ve been a great mission.
Monks in England who make Buckfast Tonic Wine are under fire after the high alcohol content wine was cited as a cause of 6,500 incidents of antisocial and violent behavior. ***And obviously it’s the fault of the monks because they chased down and forced all 6,500 of those people to drink their wine to excess then sent them off with instructions to kill, maim and destroy. No? Well then how do YOU explain why they’re getting blamed?
In Ohio, and 8-year-old boy drove himself and his sister to McDonald for some cheeseburgers after seeing how to do it on YouTube. ***Looks like that “restricted mode” on YouTube is suddenly going to get a lot more use!
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Half the nation’s overweight teens have unhealthy blood pressure, cholesterol or blood sugar levels that put them at risk for future heart attacks and other cardiac problems, federal research says. And an even larger proportion of obese adolescents have such a risk, according to the alarming new numbers. “What this is saying, unfortunately, is that we’re losing the battle early with many kids,” said Dr. Stephen Daniels, a University of Colorado School of Medicine expert. ***Most health experts believe the solution is to somehow find a way for teenagers to burn calories simply by logging in to Snapchat.
The journal Nature reports that researchers in Zurich, Switzerland, have found a musician whose brain “wires” are crossed in such a way that she senses tastes when she hears music. For instance, a minor third tastes salty to her, a minor second chord is sour, and a major third tastes sweet. ***That’s weird, because I’m the exact opposite. I hear today’s pop music and taste bile.
Genetically engineered mosquitoes could help eradicate malaria. The students in Anthony James’s insectary at the University of California, Irvine, have genetically engineered mosquitoes that carry genes that stop the malaria parasite from growing. ***How about we just come up with a way to rid the world of mosquitos? Wouldn’t that be a better plan?
Psychology researcher Felix Warneken discovered that babies develop altruism at around 18 months. He did household tasks in front of 24 different toddlers. Every time he knocked over a book or dropped a clothespin, the toddler would quickly crawl over, pick up the object, and hand it back. He never asked for help or said “thank you” because he didn’t want to influence their behavior. But he found that the babies only helped when he appeared to accidentally drop something and needed help, not when it looked like he did it on purpose. ***Yet they never, NEVER picked up their OWN toys.
Social networks such as Twitter may blunt people’s sense of reality, claim brain scientists. New evidence shows the digital explosion of information from networking sites could have long-term damaging effects on the emotional development of young people’s brains. The danger is that heavy Twitters and Facebook users could become indifferent to the emotions of people. ***You mean they’ll become Kanye West?
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Today’s Moment of Duh takes place in a bank… but on the TELLERS side of the counter!
Apparently, our inDUHvidual (who’s name has not been released) didn’t see anything strange when Dorothy Livingston opened a new account at the First National Bank of Newport, Pennsylvania with a one million dollar bill! The teller actually opened the account and Dorothy promptly withdrew some of the money and transferred some to her husband’s account. Of course someone higher up the bank food chain finally caught on and Dorothy was promptly arrested. Just in case you still can’t figure out what’s wrong with this story — the largest bill the U.S. has ever made was the $100,000 bill which existed for about three weeks in 1930 and was used only to transfer funds between Federal Reserve banks. Today, any bills over $100 are being withdrawn from public circulation when they are turned into banks.
TOP TEN SIGNS RUNNING IS NOT FOR YOU
10. Excess Ringing in the Ears and Flashing Lights, especially if they’re on an ambulance taking you to the hospital
9. Constantly being followed by cars with “Wide Load” signs and flashing lights can be distracting.
8. After completing the NYC Marathon, you submit your cab receipt to your corporate sponsor.
7. You consider waiting for the bus an extreme sport.
6. The camera men from the T.V. show COPS can outrun you.
5. You’ve been at it for 2 weeks and have no idea how to get home.
4. Your thighs keep rubbing together and setting your underwear on fire.
3. Your town doesn’t have an ice cream truck you can chase after.
2. You ran for a block and were so out of breath you thought you busted a lung.
1. Running? Is that a new video game?
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Not only does crime not pay, it sometimes stinks too!
FILE #1: Police who were chasing a man after a traffic stop got an unlikely assist from a skunk, who sprayed the suspect in the face. Kenneth Rideout was nailed after he ran into the woods. He was wanted for violating release conditions stemming from a domestic assault. The skunk didn’t stop Rideout but it slowed him down enough that police officers were able to catch up with him. The cop car reeked of skunk by the time they made it to the police department.
FILE #2: Sometimes it pays to be chicken. Harold Harper of Salt Lake City, Utah robbed a KFC restaurant, but couldn’t drive away because he locked his keys inside his car. No problem. He just ran off and eluded authorities by running away. A short while later, while the police were at the restaurant taking the report, somebody noticed that Harper had returned with a coat hanger and was standing by his car trying to get in. He’s now in lock-up, eating the prison’s idea of chicken flavored meat products.
FILE #3: A female clown from New York State has been banned from wearing her costume after being convicted of charity theft. Melinda Shipman was recently sentenced to 4 months in jail and was given 5 years probation after she kept $1,600 she’d collected for the family of a child who died from cancer. The woman, also known as Minnow the Clown, was also ordered to give the family the money and to perform community service.
STRANGE LAW: In New York, a license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
When the cops stopped by Suzanne Meyers’ Roseville, Mich., home with an arrest warrant, she was at a loss: she didn’t remember being cited for alcohol possession…
… 14 years ago. “I’ve been racking my brain. I don’t even remember this,” she said. “A warrant’s a warrant,” shrugged a police spokesman. “The officer had no way of knowing it happened when she was 16 years old.” A judge threw out the ancient charge, but Meyers still has no idea what it was about. “I have never even had a speeding ticket.”
What’s the longest time you’ve gone without brushing your teeth?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What were the original names of Abraham and Sarah?
ANSWER: Abram and Sarai (Genesis 17:5, 15)
QUESTION: What day is the middle day of the year-in non-leap years?
ANSWER: July 2. There are 182 before it and 182 after it.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. Rats are carnivorous. (False – they are omnivorous, eating nearly any type of food, including dead and dying members of their own species.)
2. Crowds of up to 15,000 are common for major badminton tournaments in Malaysia and Indonesia. (True)
3. The name hockey–as the organized game came to be known—has been attributed to the French word for “shepherd’s stick.’ (True – the word is “hoquet” – “shepherd’s stick”)
4. The United States has more donut shops per capita than Canada. (False – other way around)
5. The world’s fastest flying insect is a type of beetle. (False – it’s a species of horsefly, and it can fly as fast as 90 miles per hour)
6. John Milton used only 800 different words in his poem, “Paradise Lost.” (False – 8,000)
7. When a queen ant dies, so does the entire colony. (True, because no new worker ants are born)
8. Nearly one million deaths worldwide are caused by measles each year. (True)
9. Shakespeare introduced mystery fiction’s first fictional detective – August C. Dupin. (False, the author was Edgar Allan Poe, in his 1841 story, “The Murders in the Rue Morgue.”)
10. In the original draft of “Gone With The Wind”, Scarlet O’Hara was named “Pansy O’Hara.” (True. Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone with the Wind between 1926 and 1929. In her early drafts, the main character was named “Pansy O’Hara” and the O’Hara plantation we know as Tara was called “Fountenoy Hall.”)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Adulting Classes Now All the Rage with _______” (Milennials)
Classes teaching basic life skills like folding sheets, changing a tire and cooking dinner are popping up everywhere. Hey – if you’re lame parents don’t teach you, then…
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
As U.S. tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop waiting for fellow tourists.
An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.
“America,” the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.”
“Yes, I am.” said the wife.
He looked at her and asked, “Is he your husband?”
“Yes,” she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered, “I’ll give you 100 camels for her.”
The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, ” She’s not for sale.”
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, “Well, obviously, I was totally stunned by his question. I’ve never in my life been made such a shocking offer as this ridiculously embarrassing proposal. Besides … how could I possibly get 100 camels back home?”
A boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?”
“I thought so! Who was it?”
“My father, sir.”
“And what did he tell you?”
“He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right.”
Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall: YELD
Close, but not close enough. I drove through the following week and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now it read YEILD (with the E and the I reversed).
About two months later they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word STOP.
Research from Vanderbilt University claims that aggression is rewarding to people, just like food & drugs. ***They even reported it through gritted teeth.
A recent study finds that you can still be a little overweight, perhaps even obese, and still be fit. If you’re not fit, it doesn’t take as much as you might think to get in shape, either. Experts say that 30 minutes of moderate activity at least five days a week can get you out of the hazardous low-fit category. ***I’m in pretty good shape if “moderate activity” means arm stretches to the bowl of peanut butter cups.
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.”
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”
God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
WHERE’S THE BEEF?
Are you a fan of unusual dishes? If so, there’s a place in England that you’ve got to try!
Ever had Indian food? Not native American, mind you… no… Indian. As in “from India”. If so, then you likely know what curry is. But you’ve likely never had cobra, frog, or zebra curry, have you? What about camel, buffalo, kangaroo, ostrich or alligator curry? No? There’s a new restaurant in England where the chef imports these meats especially for his own curry recipes. As weird as it sounds, the customers love it. The chef says the unusual dishes may sound un-appetizing, but once you try them, you’re hooked. You’re most likely broke as well, because the dishes can be as expensive as $100 per serving! ***MARLAR: So, in other words, you’re paying $100 to do something that the thought of makes you sick. Kinda like paying taxes.
Joseph J. Mazzella
I can remember what a scary time it was after our home burned down when I was a boy. We weren’t sure where we were going to live. We had lost everything in the fire. We didn’t even have any clothes to wear. Thankfully, we were surrounded by caring people. Our church, community, and extended family all rushed to help us. It was such a blessing seeing this outpouring of love. I can remember too during this time the moment that I stopped being afraid. A woman was bringing some winter coats into the temporary home we were renting. When my Mom thanked her she said, “Honey, that is what we are all here for.” I knew then that everything was going to be alright, because I realized that we are all here to love each other.
Sometimes it amazes me how often we forget this. Life is so simple and yet we make it so complicated. We rush around trying to do a million different things that we think are so important. In the end, though, there is only one thing that matters and that is Love. All of life comes down to this one thing. It is the one thing we are meant to learn. It is the one thing we are meant to do. It is the one thing we are meant to choose. And it is the one thing we are meant to share. It is what life is all about.
If you want to live then you need to love. You need to love God. You need to love yourself. And you need to love others. You need to bring some winter coats to a family in need. You need to cheer up a sick friend. You need to help a neighbor fix up their home. You need to hold a crying child in your arms and comfort them. You need to offer a word of encouragement and kindness to a hurting heart. You need to take the hand of a loved one and let them know just how much you care about them. You need to smile and give your joy to everyone you meet. You need to do the one thing that makes life worth living. It is, after all, what we are all here for.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
People in Michigan must be so proud. They’ve got Timothy Boomer, the “cussin’ canoeist.” They’ve got Steven Clevenger, the “cussin’ coach.” And finally, Jeffery Richards, the “school bus cusser.” What state wouldn’t be just glowing with pride to have these citizens?
All three of these “pride and joys” have had press coverage recently because they haven’t yet learned to control their mouths. This is a big deal, not because people in Michigan swear more or less than they do in other places, but it’s just that they have this 103-year-old law about swearing in front of children and they actually enforce it!
Mr. Boomer’s trial began a couple of years ago. The national news anchors joked about the silliness of the judicial proceeding. Obviously, they thought this kind of language (the same foul word used more than 75 times in a few minutes) was so common that it was ridiculous to try to protect the innocent ears of children.
You know… I was taught that using vulgar words reveals a small mind and a tiny vocabulary. That’s pretty obvious when an offensive word is used as a noun, a verb, and an adjective in the same sentence! Some of the Proverbs make a real point of warning us to control our speech. They connect the use of one’s mouth with being a wise person or a fool.
It’s certainly bad enough that we have to listen to that kind of language all around us. But when we hear a Christian use bad language, our hearts (along with our ears) especially hurt! As believers, we would all hope that no “unwholesome talk” would ever come out of our mouths (Ephesians 4:29). But does it ever come into our minds? Luke 6:45 tells us that our words overflow from what is in our hearts. Controlling our thoughts can be tough, especially if we hear bad language all day long at work, in the dorm, at sports events, with friends. That’s why it’s essential to fill our minds with what is good, not with evil.
Obviously, God cares about the words we use and our testimony to others. And what about Timmy, Stevie, and Jeffy–those language offenders in Michigan? Maybe the courts will order their mamas to wash their mouths out with soap!
STOP BUGGING ME!!!
Upon finding a cockroach in the kitchen, most people would do just about anything to get rid of it. But would you make your house explode…?
…a lady in Los Angeles recently did just that – and almost killed herself in the process. She thought it’d be a great idea to light 30 bug bombs simultaneously. During set up, her furnace lit and caused the big bang to happen throughout her house. The explosion smashed windows and even lifted off her roof! The lady was been treated for first and second degree burns.
LIFE… LIVE IT
ORGANIZE YOUR FILES
Eileen Roth, author of “Organizing for Dummies,” recommends these quick checklists to get organized. Use W-A-S-T-E to decide whether something’s worth keeping:
W — Worthwhile. If the item isn’t worth saving, toss it. If it is, move on to the next four questions.
A — Again. Will you use this item more than once?
S — Somewhere else. Can you find it somewhere else or borrow it if you need it?
T — Toss. Will anything happen if you throw it out? If you need it for tax or legal reasons, for example, keep it.
E — Entire. Do you need the whole thing, the complete catalog, for example, when you only want to order from one page? If not, keep what you need and toss the rest.
Use R-E-M-O-V-E to clear off your desk:
R — Reduce all the distractions on your desktop, such as knickknacks or this morning’s mail. Put them on top of a file cabinet or bookcase instead.
E — Everyday use. Only keep things you use often on top of your desk.
M — Move items to the preferred side, whether you’re a “righty” or “lefty.” Put the phones, pens, pencils and pads within easy reach. Put the telephone on the opposite side so you can write with your preferred hand.
O — Organize like items together so you can find them easily.
V — View your time. Keep an organizer and clock on your desk.
E — Empty the center. Clear off space in the middle of your desk so you can work on the project at hand.
Use R-A-P-I-D Response to sort mail and create stacks for each category:
R — Read. Magazines, newsletters, etc.
A — Attend. Notices and invitations for seminars, workshops, meetings.
P — Pay. Bills.
I — Important. All unknown incoming mail that needs sorting.
D — Dump. Mail you know you won’t read or need.
JUST FOR FUN
SCRATCH AND SNIFF BILL PAYING
As many bills as we have to pay every month, wouldn’t it be great if we could at least enjoy licking the stamps? That’s what Switzerland thinks – and it’s doing something about it.
The Swiss have a new stamp. If you had to choose a scent for a Swiss postage stamp what would you choose? Nope, it’s not cheese. Try again. That’s right… chocolate! In fact, the stamp looks like a square of chocolate on an open foil wrapper. The chocolate scent is sealed in tiny capsules in the stamp, all one has to do is rub the stamp lightly to release it. ***MARLAR: That’s right – it’s a scratch and sniff. And at only half a calorie per stamp, you can afford to lick all day while paying your bills and not have it go directly to your hips.
WAYS TO TELL YOU HAVE A BAD HAIRDRESSER
Autographed picture of “Mr Clean.”
He’s drinking the blue stuff the combs are soaking in.
The wall is lined with different sized soup bowls.
Since leaving the salon, five people have called you “Kramer.”
Don King walks up to you and says, “Dude, who screwed up your hair?!?”
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
You can dramatically reduce your blood pressure reading without spending a dime at the drugstore…
All you need to do is go out and make a friend. Researchers at the University of Utah’s Department of Psychology have discovered that people who had a strong network of friends and were involved in regular social activities had blood pressure readings that were much lower than those who spend most of their time alone. ***MARLAR: I always thought it was my friends that were causing the high blood pressure!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Muslims displaced by ISIS are embracing Christianity thanks to the witness of their children, who share with their parents the love of Christ. A ministry director working at a refugee in northern Iraq told Christian Aid Mission that recently, 600 children attended a program put on by the ministry, where they received Bibles and heard the gospel.
A new report on consumer trends of America’s teens has found that fast food chain Chick-Fil-A ranks number one on the list of restaurants teens like best. The report comes from a survey conducted by Piper Jaffray. It looks at teen spending trends. It is especially noteworthy that Chick-Fil-A has moved into the number one spot, because the restaurant which is known for its founders’ and owners’ conservative Christians values, beat out coffee chain Starbucks. http://dlvr.it/NsRhbc
The Alabama Senate has granted a large church the right to create their own police force. Christianity Today reports that the 4,000-member Briarwood Presbyterian Church in Birmingham says it needs its own police force to keep its congregation safe, especially with the many events the church holds every year and the increased violence directed at church congregations. The bill passed in a 24-4 vote. http://dlvr.it/NsxjvZ
An 11-year-old California boy is being called a hero after he took three bullets to save his 2-year-old sister after shots broke out at a birthday party on Sunday. Carrie Joe, along with her son and daughter, were at a toddler’s birthday party when the shooting happened. Carrie said her son covered his sister with his body to protect her. The boy was shot in the chest, back, and knee, and had to undergo surgery to remove a kidney and his appendix. Luckily, he is expected to make a full recovery. http://bit.ly/2nFphnO
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I don’t think I’d make a good parent, because I’m the kind of person who lets a kid run with scissors because it develops good hand-eye coordination. –Michele Stone
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 14, 2017…
Fate Of The Furious (No. 8 in the series)—And here we go with Vin Diesel and his pals (Jordana Brewster and Lucas Black) winding down after the last film, and Vin and Jordana are on their honeymoon. Along comes trouble with a woman (Charlize Theron) who wants Vin to go back into crime, cars and all. Hmm. Also in the cast are Dwayne Johnson, Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren (you read that right) and Scott Eastwood. “Fate Of The Furious” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
Gifted—Raising a child is a life’s work, and in this case, it is a girl (McKenna Grace) who is considered a prodigy. Dad (Chris Evans) has to go against the school principal and his own mother, Lindsay Duncan. Olivia Spencer is a family friend. Also in the cast are Jenny Slate and Glenn Plummer. “Gifted” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Spark: Space Tail—Here is an animated story about a teenage monkey and his friends trying to save Planet Vana from the evil warlord, Zhong. This guy destroys planets and the friends want to help put other planets together. Oh, and a monster named “Kragan” is on the loose, too. Voices of Jessica Biel, Patrick Stewart, Hilary Swank and A. C. Peterson. “Spark: Space Tail” is rated PG. No rating.
APRIL 21, 2017…
Unforgettable has Katharine Heigl as the former wife who hates the new wife.
War With Grandpa stars Robert De Niro in a comedy about the grandpa who isn’t welcome.
Born In China is a documentary on the lives of young wild animals, including pandas. John Krasinki narrates.
Lost City of Z concerns the true story of Sir Percival Fawcett who was lost in the Amazon in the 1920’s. Stars Charlie Hunnam.
(new opening) Free Fire, an action film about gangs in Boston, 1978. Stars Brie Larson and Armie Hammer.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.