August 02, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20170802
PDF: 20170802

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS! (As an ONAIRprep subscriber, you can gain access to all of the work parts for the Daily Dose of Weird News, allowing you to edit for length and content – and also receive a custom tag specifically for your station or show which you can have updated at any time… ABSOLUTELY FREE! IT’S PART OF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION! Email me to get more information, FTP access and your free customized tag!)

**********

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

We’re creating a (JOCK SHOW) fan club.  Actually, it’s a “fan of the month” club.  I’m allowed 12 fans a year.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  –1 John 4:7

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. — Jeremiah 32:17

Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. — Titus 2:3

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. — Psalm 31:1

Thought: When all the clutter is stripped away, what is your real hope? When you push aside the diplomas, awards, accolades, and honors, what is the basis of your significance? Only one source for hope and only one basis of significance is trustworthy. Only One — the LORD God — endures forever! Only our Father in heaven guarantees that our life is significant. So let’s place our hope in the LORD and have him be our refuge!

Prayer: O LORD, God and Redeemer of our Fathers, Keeper of your many promises, thank you for allowing me to place my hope, my future, and my significance in your hands. Give me the courage and the confidence to know that you will not let me be put to shame, but will share with me your righteousness on that day I stand in your presence. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 8:2 NIV = “…because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – AUGUST 02, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
144 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is MAKE SOME OLD-FASHIONED LEMONADE DAY, squeezing real lemons and using real sugar and real water.  ***When I was growing up I thought lemonade was made by just adding water.  Go figure. And why do they use artificial lemon flavoring with the lemonade mixes, but use real lemons for cleaning products?  Now if I want an authentic lemonade I have to use a twist of Mop-n-Glow!

Today is HUG A DEEJAY DAY.  ***In fact, as a joke, everybody should just show today and give (OTHER JOCK) a big hug.

Today is NATIONAL ICE CREAM SANDWICH DAY.  ***Personally, I prefer mine on pumpernickel – but that’s just me.

PSYCHIC WEEK begins today.  ***But then, if you’re a psychic you already knew that.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Earth Over Shoot Day or Ecological Debt Day
International Albarino Day
National Coloring Book Day
Take A Penny/Leave A Penny Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

THURSDAY, AUGUST 03

Friendship Day
Watermelon Day
India Pale Ale Beer Day

FRIDAY, AUGUST 04

Braham Pie Day or Homemade Pie Day
Coast Guard Day
International Beer Day
Tomboy Tools Day
Twins Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day

SATURDAY, AUGUST 05

International Hangover Day
Mead Day
National Disc Golf Day
National Jamaican Patty Day
National Mustard Day
National Oyster Day
National Underwear Day
Sandcastle Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 06

American Family Day
Friendship Day
Hiroshima Day
National Doll Day
National Kids’ Day
Sister’s Day
National Fresh Breath
National Root Beer Float Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 07

Assistance Dog Day
Lighthouse Day
National Psychic Day
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 08

Dalek Day
International Cat Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Odie Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 09

International Day of The World’s Indigenous People
Perseid Meteor Showers
Veep Day

ON THIS DAY

1876: Jack McCall shot Wild Bill Hickok in the back as he played poker at a saloon in Deadwood, Dakota Territory. Hickok held black aces and eights, which became known as the “dead man’s hand.” McCall was hanged.

1938: In a game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St. Louis Cardinals, the first yellow baseball was tested. Johnny Mize was the only major leaguer ever to hit a yellow home run.

1943: PT-109, commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy, sank after being rammed by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri off the Solomon Islands. The future president was credited with saving members of the crew; he was awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for heroism, and the Purple Heart for his injuries.

1945: Norma Jean Dougherty filled out an application for the Blue Book Modeling Agency. Later, she would change her name to Marilyn Monroe.

1961: The Beatles began a 2-year engagement of some 300 shows at Liverpool’s Cavern Club.

1963: Eric Clapton quit The Roosters to form Casey Jones and the Engineers.

1967: In their first pre-season game, the New Orleans Saints lost to the Rams 77 to 16.

1984: Charles Schultz’ comic strip “Peanuts” was added to the Portsmouth Daily Times, making it the first comic strip to appear in 2,000 newspapers.

1987: Eurythmics guitarist Dave Stewart and Bananarama’s Siobhan Fahey were married in Paris.

1987: Disney re-released “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” 50 years after the film’s original release.

1997: “Frasier” star Kelsey Grammer tied the knot for the third time, this time, to model Camille Donatacci at a private ceremony in Malibu, California.

1998: A woman called San Francisco Animal Control to complain that an iguana was “staring at” her cat. The “iguana” turned out to be a 4-foot crocodile named Ernest, who escaped while his owner was moving. Though he reported Ernest missing, the owner kept moving because it’s illegal to own a crocodile in San Francisco.

2000: The Republican Party nominated George W. Bush and Dick Cheney to head its ticket for the November U.S. elections.

2001: A Muskegon, Michigan, man was charged with unlawful use of a harmful device after he blew up his home while sniffing propane gas and smoking marijuana. No one was seriously injured in the blast, which blew the home off its foundation and damaged two neighboring houses.

2004: Crude oil prices rose sharply after the terror alert in the United States was hiked over an al-Qaida threat, posting a then-record $43.92 a barrel before slipping back.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1100: William the Conqueror’s son and successor Rufus, a wicked king who delighted in torture, seizing church property, and blasphemy, is mysteriously killed while hunting by an arrow that flew out of nowhere. No one mourned, and England took his eternal damnation for granted.

1640: Joseph Chiwatenhwa, a faithful Huron Indian Christian is butchered as he carries a message for the Jesuits.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress Hallie Eisenberg (The little girl in Bicentennial Man, How To Eat Fried Worms, the girl in the old Pepsi commercials) 25

  • actor (The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Visitation) Eddie Furlong 40

  • actress (“Weeds”, Amy Gardner on “The West Wing”, Ruth Jamison in Fried Green Tomatoes) Mary-Louise Parker 51 (audio clip)

  • comic (“Saturday Night Live”, UHF) Victoria Jackson 58 (audio clip)

  • actress (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Dr. Madison Wesley on “Diagnosis Murder”, Beverly Bridge on “Boston Legal”) Joanna Cassidy 72 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1900 : Helen Morgan

1935 : Hank Cochran

1937 : Garth Hudson (The Band)

1939 : Edward Patten (Gladys Knight and the Pips)

1941 : Doris Kenner-Jackson (The Shirelles)

1941 : Andrew Malcolm (The Herd)

1943 : Kathy Lennon (The Lennon Sisters)

1951 : Andrew Gold

1961 : Pete De Freitas (Echo And The Bunnymen)

1970 : Zelma Davis (C and C Music Factory)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How far can spiders travel on a thread of silk?

By casting a thread of silk into the breeze spiders are able to ride wind currents away from danger or to parachute into new areas. Often they travel a few meters but some spiders have been discovered hundreds of miles out to sea. Researchers have now found that in turbulent air the spiders’ silk moulds to the eddies of the airflow to carry them further.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell it.  ***Anyone willing to own and run a clown hotel would have to be a real Bozo.

Cosmetic surgeons have identified a new phenomena among our computer reliant generation. Described as “computer face” they have noticed that sagging jowls and eye wrinkles are common on women who spend their days hunched over computers. The sagging jowls are caused by constantly looking down, which shortens the neck muscles making the neck baggy. The wrinkles are caused by people who squint and frown when concentrating on their screens. Doing it for long enough, or often enough, makes those wrinkles and lines permanent. ***I can hear women tossing their computers out the window right now.

Officials say a Spirit Airlines flight leaving Las Vegas Sunday was briefly delayed after a passenger removed all their clothes while boarding and approached a flight attendant.  ***He had so much fun doing it during the TSA security check-in he couldn’t wait to do it again.

The stereotype is that guys just won’t ask for directions. But that’s not always true. In a bizarre story coming out of the middle east, it seems the pilot of a Kazakhstani chopper landed his $14 million military aircraft on a snowy highway, stopping trucks in their tracks. Soon, the pilot hops out, runs to the first truck, shakes the driver’s hand, has a chat, runs back to his Mi-8 gunship, and takes off. Turns out the guy was just lost and stopped to ask “which way to Aktobe.” A video of the incident is now making the rounds, prompting the Kazakhstan Ministry of Defense to defend its trainee pilot. He was apparently sent out as part of a “visual orienteering exercise” in which he was supposed to figure out his way back “by means of human survey.” It’s not clear, however, whether stopping to ask truckers counts as cheating. ***He asked a man for directions – sounds like he figured his way back by means of a human survey to me!

If you live to your 80’s you will have acquired 6-and-a-half feet of nose hair during your lifetime.  ***Aren’t you glad you know that now?

Nearly one-in-four parents will deny their children some basic school items as they continue to struggle to cover the cost of returning to school. Nearly three-quarters of parents surveyed feel back-to-school spending is a financial burden and 27% say costs will impact negatively on household bills.  ***You know things are bad when you have to dip into your kid’s college fund to buy him a protractor.

In Seattle, a brewery is offering employees ‘puppy parental leave’–a week off with pay when they adopt or rescue a dog. ***Need a week off from work?  Visit the dog pound. And what if that dog gets hit by car next week – do you get another week off work when you get a new dog to replace first dog?

The mayor of a small town in Spain is being urged to bring in an exorcist as workers believe the city council offices are haunted-and the ghost was even caught on camera.  ***We should do the same thing in the USA to exorcise the demons out of Congress.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A study by research company Univue says the average family will spend 91 hours a year fighting and arguing. Fights flare up as much as three times a day, usually lasting for around five minutes. The most common arguments are over household chores, children “treating the house like a hotel”, and couples taking each other for granted. 3,000 families took part in the research and it was interesting to note that the mother seems to still play the most pivotal role within the family when it comes to resolving conflicts, however the results do show that dads are getting far more involved. Daughters were most likely to slam doors during an argument, while fathers preferred to go for a long drive to cool off. One in ten of the families surveyed said they were not on speaking terms.  ***And would only answer survey questions through gritted teeth.

There’s a new kind of DWI, driving while intoxicated… by your cell phone. People talking on their cells are almost completely oblivious to what goes on around them, according to a study from Western Washington University. Researchers used a clown riding a unicycle past participants to test the awareness of nearly 350 pedestrians. When asked if they saw the clown, 71% of those walking with a friend remembered the clown, as did 61% of those listening to music. But shockingly, only 25% of the cell phone users remembered seeing a clown on a unicycle. “If people experience so much difficulty performing the task of walking when on a cellphone, just think of what this means when put into the context of driving safety,” says psychology professor Ira Hyman.  ***I’m not sure this is a fair analysis.  Couldn’t it be that we just see clowns on the road so often that we’re just desensitized to them?

According to a recent poll, 1 out of 5 Americans are in favor of bringing back the gas chamber. ***Sure, Justin Bieber gets on my nerves too, but this is kind of extreme, isn’t it?

Now available-socks that don’t ever need to be washed. Steve and Jenny Whitley own an angora goat farm and run mohair knitwear company Corrymoor in the UK. They created a line of mohair socks after customers reported that their Corrymoor jumpers didn’t pick up the same amount of odors that their other clothes did, and hence didn’t require as many washes. According to Steve, mohair fibers don’t trap the usual bacteria that cause problems with foot hygiene, which — he says — means they can be worn “day after day, week after week” in extreme conditions and without any stench or discomfort.  ***And we’re concentrating just on socks?  I need a whole mohair wardrobe!

 What foods are millennials into? In a recent survey by Nation’s Restaurant News that included over 170 brands, Red Lobster was ranked the top choice among 18- to 24-year-olds. , surprising just about everyone — including Red Lobster. The chain’s CEO said that chasing the young crowd was never part of the chain’s strategy.  ***In case you missed that, the secret to reaching millennials is to ignore them completely.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Sully the Aardvark was extremely angry at Gruffy Bear for continually breaking promises to play checkers with him. And the bowling team in the tournament, which started this whole mess, doesn’t need Gruffy anymore now either…

CLOSE: It’s good that Sully isn’t holding a grudge in all of this – and finding Nozzles to play checkers with is a great idea. But now Gruffy is really depressed about how he acted. Will he be able to make everything right again? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Giving away money sometimes makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.  Other time, it makes you feel like a real inDUHvidual.

A man stunned shoppers on a British street by handing out his savings to “make people happy.” Chris Aljaradat withdrew just under $18,000 from his bank before dishing out the cash to amazed passers-by in Worcester, England. He got about $3,500 into his free-for-all when he wised up and walked away with the rest of his money.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU LIVE IN A REALLY SMALL TOWN

10. You can fill your car with gas, check your mail and get a haircut at the same place.

9. The whole town showed up for the neighbor’s cat’s funeral

8. There’s no newspaper…just old Henry who sits on a bench in front of the cafe and talks about what everybody’s doing.

7. When you were 10 your daddy drove you 30 miles to show you a stoppin’ signal.

6. You can touch both “City Limits” signs at the same time.

5. When someone says, “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us,” they mean it literally.

4. The phone book is a 3×5 index card.

3. The town library consists of the outdated magazines at the combo barbershop/town hall.

2. The grocery store’s operating hours are 7:00 AM to Whenever I Get Ready To Go Home.

1. The sidewalks are rolled up promptly at 8:00pm.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

You have to be a true genius to be caught doing something illegal… while behind bars.

FILE #1: You won’t find a much dumber criminal than this.  In Trenton, New York, Donald Ray Bilby pleaded guilty to sending letters to the FBI and secret service that included bomb and anthrax threats. He sent five letters in all demanding authorities deposit $20,000 in his county jail inmate account because he needed the money for bail. Each letter did include his name and inmate number. Christopher Christie of the U.S. Attorney’s Office said, “I think it’s fair to say we were not dealing with a great criminal mind here.” Donald now faces a maximum of five more years in prison after he finishes serving a sentence for automobile theft.

FILE #2: The bank robbery careers of Andre Lamar Henderson and Lisa Terry Hanna have come to an abrupt and unprofitable end. Anderson entered a Norristown, Pennsylvania, bank and handed a note to a teller that read, “Give me all your hundreds and fifties FAST.” Apparently the bank was short on cash that day as Anderson got away with just one $50 bill. Actually, even ‘got away’ is a relative term as a witness noticed the license number of Hanna’s car and the aspiring Bonnie and Clyde were soon busted.

FILE #3: A ringing cell phone landed a 17-year-old Patchogue, New York, girl facing drug charges in a jail cell after an angry judge sentenced her to 21 days for contempt. Mariela Acevedo incurred the wrath of the judge when, as she awaited her hearing, the phone went off in the courtroom and the judge warned everyone to shut off all cell phones and pagers or face contempt charges. When Acevedo’s phone sounded, the judge called the teenager forward and asked, “Did you think I was playing with you?” She responded, “No. I thought I had turned it off.” The judge said, ” I know you’ve been playing with it all morning, sayonara” and sentenced her to 21 days on the spot.

STRANGE LAW: A common law, found in dozens of states and cities, forbids men with moustaches to kiss women.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Today in history… one guy’s brain was on drugs!

On this day in 2001, a Muskegon, Michigan, man was charged with unlawful use of a harmful device after he blew up his home while sniffing propane gas and smoking. No one was seriously injured in the blast, but it did blow the home off its foundation and damaged two neighboring houses. 

PHONER PHUN

Anybody know of an open lemonade stand in the area right now?  Where are your kids setting up shop? Let us know and we’ll tell everyone about it on the air so listeners can stop by and your kid can make some dough!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the wife of Lapidoth and for what is she famous?
ANSWER: Deborah, she was the first woman judge of Israel (Judges 4:4,5)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s the strongest muscle in the body?

ANSWER: The tongue.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A pineapple is a nut. (False – it’s a berry)

2. Coffee cures scurvy. (False, but advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for scurvy, gout and other ills.)

3. Ginger works twice as well as Dramamine for fighting motion sickness, with no side effects. (True)

4. Tea was so expensive when it was first brought to Europe in the early 17th century that it was kept in locked wooden boxes. (True)

5. Mercury is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature. (True)

6. Fishermen in China train dolphins to herd fish into their nets. (False – but they do train otters)

7. The average human will pump 48 million gallons of blood in their lifetime. (True)

8. You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss. (True)

9. There are 26 calories in a Hershey Kiss. (True)

10. Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MCDONALD’S ADDS _______ TO HAPPY MEALS (PROZAC)

Bowing to pressure from health advocates and the government, McDonald’s is putting “happy” in the  Happy Meal.

The company announced Tuesday that it would more than halve the amount of French fries and add apples to its popular children’s meal in an effort to reduce the overall calorie count by 20 percent.

And to make children “happy” the company is adding two 20 mg Prozac pills to the meal.  A toy will still come with each Happy Meal. Children will either get a free water pistol or a plastic Pirates of the Caribbean knife.

Happy Meals account for less than 10 percent of all McDonald’s sales, and the signature box and its contents — first introduced in 1979 — have become a favorite target in recent years.  Health groups were concerned that the french fries were making kids “fat and sad”.

Now, with the addition of apple slices and Prozac  the company feels kids will now be “skinny and happy.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results.  Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill.

Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered.  After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait.  Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water.

“Okay,” he said, “Let’s drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while.”

JOKE #2

At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian.

He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian, and his sister was also valedictorian.

He paused, leaned back in his chair and said, “Looks like the end of an era!”

JOKE #3

A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said “Chopsticks were provided only on request.”

“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”

“True,” the waiter shot back, “but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess.”

USELESS FACTS

A University of Michigan study found that if a child is misbehaving, removing his tonsils might help.  ***Or just threatening to remove them.

A British medical journal called The Practitioner has determined that bird watching can be hazardous to one’s health. They have officially designated bird watching a hazardous activity, using the example of the death of a bird watcher who became so wrapped up in watching a particular bird that he failed to notice his potentially dangerous surroundings and was eaten by a crocodile.

FEATURED FUNNIES

I PAINT WHAT I FEEL

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

DUMBEST GAME SHOW ANSWERS EVER

The folks at.jumpingjacksbar.com assembled some of the dumbest answers given to some of the easiest questions on such shows as “University Challenge,” “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” and some regional radio shows:

  • Question: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? (Contestant: I don’t know; I wasn’t watching it then.)

  • Question: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? (Contestant: Forrest Gump.)

  • Question: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. (Contestant: “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”)

  • Question: In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637? (Contestant: Sydney)

  • Question: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? (Contestant: <after long pause> Fourteen days.)

  • Question: What is the currency in India? (Contestant: Ramadan)

  • Question: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play? (Contestant: Jesus)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

NEEDING A SONG
A nurse escorted a tired, anxious young man, to the bedside of an elderly man. “Your son is here” she whispered to the patient. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened. He was heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack and he dimly saw the young man standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand and the young man tightly wrapped his fingers around it, squeezing a message of encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair next to the bedside. All through the night the young man sat holding the old mans hand, and offering gentle words of hope. The dying man said nothing as he held tightly to his son. As dawn approached, the patient died. The young man placed on the bed the lifeless hand he had been holding, and then he went to notify the nurse.
While the nurse did what was necessary, the young man waited. When she had finished her task, the nurse began to say words of sympathy to the young man. But he interrupted her. “Who was that man?” He asked.

The startled nurse replied, “I thought he was your father”.

“No, he was not my father, “He answered. “I never saw him before in my life.”

“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?” asked the nurse.
He replied, “I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here. When I realized he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, I knew how much he needed me….”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

I’M SORRY

Read: Luke 15:11-24

Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. —Luke 15:21

A meaningful apology can be the first step toward forgiveness. Colleen O’Connor writes in The Denver Post: “The successful apology dissolves anger and humiliation. It shows respect, builds trust, and helps prevent further misunderstanding. A sincere apology makes it much easier to forgive.”

And author Barbara Engel says that a true apology depends on the three Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.

In Jesus’ story of the prodigal son, the headstrong young man who returned home after squandering his inheritance approached his father with humility and remorse: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son” (Luke 15:21). He expressed regret for the pain he had caused, took responsibility for what he had done, and was prepared to work as a hired servant (v.19).

As Christians, we have a responsibility to repent and sincerely say “I’m sorry” whenever we wrong another person. In a spirit of humility and love, we can help those who need to forgive us by offering a genuine apology.

A sincere apology doesn’t compel others to forgive, but it’s the right thing to do. We must take the first step on the pathway toward the freedom of forgiveness. —David McCasland

Have you hurt a friend or brother?
Go at once and make things right;
From your heart say, “I am sorry.”
How these words bring God delight! —D. De Haan

A heartfelt apology can’t change the past, but it can brighten the future.

LEFTOVERS

SWEET SLEEP

A convicted murder is complaining that she’s not allowed to sleep past 8:00am… poor thing.

Virginia Green, a patient in the Augusta (Maine) Mental Health Institute was convicted of murdering 75-year-old mother in 1996. She has filed a lawsuit alleging that the facility’s 8 a.m. wakeup policy violates her rights and is ordering that the institute be instructed to permit her to sleep until 11 a.m. ***MARLAR: But of course, Ms. Green… we wouldn’t want to inconvenience a convicted murderer now, would we?

LIFE… LIVE IT

Healthy living can cut your risk of death in half!

Living a long, healthy life is simple – eat healthier and stop smoking. Researchers at Harvard School of Public Health and Brigham and Women’s Hospital said women who heed common sense health messages about smoking, diet and exercise can cut their risk of premature death in half. Researchers followed 80,000 nurses for more than 20 years. They found that 28% of the 8,882 women who died during the study could have survived if they had never smoked. And 55% of the deaths could have been avoided if the women had never smoked and exercised regularly, eaten a healthy diet low in red meat and trans-fats and maintained a healthy weight. Smoking played the biggest role in causing premature death, and alcohol consumption played the smallest, they said.

JUST FOR FUN

A SURE FIRE WAY TO WIN A BASKETBALL GAME


The basketball coached by Kevin and Kollen Werner stinks and they’ll be the first ones to admit it! The couple from Nebraska coaches a fifth-grade girls basketball squad that was sprayed by a skunk while sightseeing between tournament games. The girls tried showers, soap and shampoo and even tried perfume — but nothing seemed to work. But the bad smell must have worked to their advantage. The skunked girls won their game 27-14 and the coaches say their girls weren’t guarded very closely. ***MARLAR: Ah, the sweet smell of victory.

FUN LIST

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!
Even though we can now explain differences between men and women’s social conducts genetically, several facts remain puzzling and distinguished professors in the field think answer may be a few centuries away yet…for instance, can you explain why:

  • Men are biologically incapable of letting a women light a barbecue.

  • Women do not replace tops on jars and tubes. Men put them on so tightly that they cannot be removed at all.

  • Single-tasking men do one thing well at a time: (e.g. drink a cup of coffee.) In the same time a multitasking women can make breakfast, make the children’s sandwiches, organize the window cleaner, phone the office, dress the children, write shopping list, iron a shirt and DE-flea the cat. Women have not yet realized this is a disadvantage.

  • A man who regularly visits his mother is a mommy’s boy. A women who does the same is a good daughter.

  • A woman believes that visitors will be impressed by a clean house. A man believes that the visitors will be impressed with his large stereo system.

  • Exactly the same haircut will cost $30 more for a woman than it will for a man.

  • Men have flu, women have colds.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

POP YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH

Daily popcorn snackers may be more likely to hit their quota of whole grains, reports a study in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Researchers surveyed more than 15,000 people and found that popcorn poppers consumed an average of 2.5 servings of whole grains per day; non-‘corn connoisseurs got .7 servings, the recommended daily allowance is three servings. Let’s face it: We snack. But grazing on high fat or sugary treats often comes at the expense of eating fiber rich grains, says Kristin J. Reimers, Ph.D., manager of nutrition for ConAgra Foods. One six-cup serving of dry popcorn such as SmartPop! has about 90 calories and supplies two servings of grains. (Women’s Health)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Oh grow up. The law may consider you an adult once you turn 18, but new research suggests that your brain keeps on maturing until almost the half century mark. So, it is true that you get wiser with age, because the part of the brain that keeps growing, the prefrontal cortex, governs personality traits, decision making and social interactions. “Until about 10 years ago, we pretty much assumed that the human brain stopped developing in early childhood,” says University College London professor Sarah-Jayne Blackmore. “But we now understand from brain imaging that is far from the truth, and that many human brains keep on developing for many decades.” Neuroscientist Blackmore adds that this part of the brain continues developing well into the 30s and 40s. “It is the part that is involved in high cognitive functions,” she continues. “It is also has to do with the ability to understanding other people.”

In Indianapolis, when it came time for it came time for Marielle Slagel Keller, a teacher at IPS Butler Lab School, to choose a flower girl and ring bearer for her own wedding, the only kids who came to mind were her students. So she invited her entire class to be in the wedding. Twenty students walked down the aisle wearing all white and carrying garland. Keller said, “The kids and their families were part of the whole wedding planning process with me and gave me so much support along the way. They are a huge part of who I am and it would not have felt right to not have them there.” She teaches a combination of kindergarten and first grade students, so some of the students will have her as a teacher again this year. (FOX 59)

While we can’t tell you that a good night’s sleep most nights will increase your checking account bottom line or make you smarter, it could very well make you healthier — so much healthier that you will live longer than those who skimp on sleep. But get this: It’s not sleep that keeps your heart healthier so you live longer. It’s the lifestyle you’re more likely to lead if you sleep well. That’s the word from researchers at the University of Delaware, who have concluded that the duration and timing of your sleep are closely associated with whether your behavior is heart-healthy. Sleep deficits and poor-quality sleep have been linked to obesity and a myriad of health problems, but this study shows that when it comes to promoting healthy hearts, it’s not a matter of getting more sleep. It’s a matter of getting adequate sleep at optimal times. Doing that seems to reduce the kind of behaviors — smoking, sedentary lifestyles and poor dietary choices — that put hearts in harm’s way. The study found that those whose sleep was either short or long and the night owls who went to bed later were more likely than adequate sleepers and those who went to bed earlier to smoke, remain sedentary and eat fewer fruits and vegetables.

In Kentucky, Dr. Amanda Hess, an obstetrician, was actually about to have her own second child when she heard an emergency unfolding in the birthing room next to hers. Knowing it would take longer for the on-call physician to reach the baby in distress than for her to jump in herself, she did just that! She left her own bed and went next door to deliver Leah Halliday Johnson’s fourth child. Just moments later her own contractions kicked in, and she soon had her second daughter, Ellen Joyce. Johnson later said, “I appreciate what she did for my family, and it speaks a lot to who she is as a woman and a mother, as well as a doctor.” As for Dr. Hess, she admits that delivering someone else’s baby – something she does all the time – was much easier than taking part in her own delivery. (NBC News)

Take a good look at that face in the mirror. If you have a baby face, you’re more likely to live a long life than your friends who look older than their real age, according to researchers from the University of Southern Denmark. That means appearance alone can actually predict long-term survival. Led by Professor Kaare Christensen, the Danish team took photographs of 387 pairs of twins and then asked nurses, trainee teachers and their own peers to guess the age of the twins, reports the BBC News. When they were photographed, the twins were all in their 70s, 80s or 90s. The twins were followed for seven years. Not only did the individuals who were rated as being younger-looking tend to outlive their older-looking sibling, but also the bigger the difference in perceived age within a pair, the more likely it was that the older-looking twin died first.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school — you’ll be working for them in the future. –Wisecrack of Dawn

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JULY 28, 2017…

Atomic Blonde—When Charlize Theron dives into a role, she really does it. The actress trained for hours a day for months getting the stunts right.  This film concerns a British female spy in the 1980’s who is supposed to gather information to help bust a spy ring in Berlin. With all the action here—and watch those deadly spike heels—Theron goes into battle as Lorraine Broughton. She is in Berlin, just before the big crack in The Wall. The plot is adapted from the graphic novel by Anthony Johnston and Sam Hart called “The Coldest City.”  James McAvoy plays Lorraine’s contact, while Sofia Boutella (“Star Trek: Beyond”) is a French agent. Director David Leitch was once a stunt double for Brad Pitt and directed  “Captain America: Civil War.“ “Atomic Blonde” has action sequences that go on longer than what is usual in an action film. Plus, there is a rocking soundtrack. Fasten your seat belts. “Atomic Blonde” is rated R and is an adult movie. Rating of 2 for fans of the genre.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power (documentary)—The first “Inconvenient Truth” documentary with Al Gore won an Academy Award in 2006. Now, we have an update on the situation.  From melting icebergs to typhoon victims, the audience see what is happening to the world as the climate slowly warms up. What can be done? Gore knows. “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power” stars Al Gore. Rated PG 13. No rating.

The Emoji Movie—The little creatures that seems to decorate everything in cyber land now have their own animated film. The theme of the movie is that one emoji thinks he is imperfect because he can’t express emotion. What to do? Voices of T. J. Miller, Patrick Stewart and James Corden. “The Emoji Movie” is rated PG. No rating.

From The Land Of The Moon (opening in select cities)—is  French films starring Marion Cotillard. She goes into an arranged marriage to a land owner in Spain only to fall for a war veteran (Louis Garret.) What to do? “From The Land Of The Moon” is rated R. No rating.

The Incredible Jessica James (opening in select cities)—In this romance, a woman who writes plays (Jessica Williams) falls for Chris O’Dowd who has recently been divorced. Will this work out? The story is set in New York. “The Incredible Jessica James” is rated PG 13. No rating.

AUGUST 04, 2017…

The Dark Tower is adapted from the Stephen King books and stars Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba.

Detroit is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and is centered on the Detroit Riots. Stars Anthony Mackie.

Ingrid Goes West has Aubrey Plaza befriending someone on Instagram. It had to happen.

Wind River concerns an Indian Reservation murder. Stars Jeremy Renner.

Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature continues the animated  adventures of the little creatures and voiced by Will Arnett.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.