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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Hello and welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW). Remember, four out of five dentists agree that listening to this show is cheaper than laughing gas.
105-degree heat index, the radio station has the A/C blowing at 68-degrees. How’s a human being to dress for that scenario?
After eleven hours of sleep, I have determined that I will always require “just another twenty minutes”.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.” –Ephesians 3:20-21
God exalted him [Jesus] to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every other name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. — Philippians 2:9-11
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. — 1 Timothy 5:1
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. — Galatians 6:14
Thought: Do you have a basis for pride? What is your source of that pride? Paul reminds us that our one, true, and dependable source of boasting is boasting in what the Lord has done for us on the Cross. This one source of boasting has absolutely nothing to do with anything that we have done, attained, or accomplished on our own. All other reasons to boast are fleeting glimpses at hollow fame compared to the joy and assurance of sharing in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.
Prayer: Forgive me, O Abba Father, for the times I have thought myself important because of some transitory accomplishment. Thank you for giving me a bedrock source of boasting in Jesus’ love and grace demonstrated in the Cross. In Jesus’ name I thank you. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to email@example.com.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Ecclesiastes 7:20 NIV
There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – JULY 20, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 157 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL LOLLIPOP DAY.
Today is MOON DAY, marking man’s first landing on the moon on this date in 1969 when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed their lunar module Eagle. ***It was one small step for man, one giant waste of tax dollars for mankind because we didn’t find any cheese.
Today is CLEAT DANCING DAY, a day to see how much fun it is, if any, to tap dance while wearing baseball cleats. ***It might also be Lawsuit Day if you try this stunt on the hotel ballroom’s dance floor.
TODAY IS ALSO…
Get to Know Your Customers Day
International Cake Day
Space Exploration Day
National Lollipop Day
World Jump Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
FRIDAY, JULY 21
Legal Drinking Age Day
No Pet Store Puppies Day
SATURDAY, JULY 22
Casual Pi Day
Fragile X Awareness Day
National Day of the Cowboy
National Penuche Fudge Day
Spooners (Spoonerism) Day
SUNDAY, JULY 23
Gorgeous Grandma Day
Hot Enough For Ya Day
MONDAY, JULY 24
National Drive-Thru Day
National Tequila Day
National Thermal Engineers Day
Tell An Old Joke Day
TUESDAY, JULY 25
WEDNESDAY, JULY 26
Americans With Disabilities Day
Aunts and Uncles Day
THURSDAY, JULY 27
ON THIS DAY
1940: Billboard magazine published its first “Music Popularity Chart.” The first #1 single was Tommy Dorsey’s “I’ll Never Smile Again,” featuring vocalist Frank Sinatra.
1949: The Hollywood Reporter said that American teenagers were calling their local drive-in movie theater “the passion pit.”
1963: Trombonist Ray Conniff was awarded two gold records, for the albums “Concert in Rhythm” and “Memories are Made of This” on Columbia Records.
1968: Iron Butterfly’s “In-a-gadda-da-vida” became the first heavy metal song to hit the charts, coming in at number 117. *** It was mainly a hit because deejays enjoyed the time it gave them to go to the bathroom.
1969: Astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. First words transmitted from the moon; “Houston, Tranquility Base here, the Eagle has landed.” Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first men on the moon with the Apollo 11 mission. ***And some poor loser had to wait in orbit and we can’t even remember his name. (Michael Collins, if you want a trivia question for a T-shirt.)
1974: A Dallas narcotics suspect surrendered after police had served a warrant at his “incredibly filthy” apartment two days earlier while he wasn’t home. Officers made his bed, washed his dishes, vacuumed, tossed out all the beer cans and trash, and left fresh flowers on his coffee table with a note saying they’d taken his drugs.
1983: Nightly ABC News anchor Frank Reynolds died at age 59. He was replaced by ABC News correspondent, Peter Jennings.
1987: Overnight, a 160-foot iron bridge, spanning the Santa Lucua Chico River in Florida, Uruguay, completely disappeared. Police believe thieves dismantled it and hauled it away.
1993: In Philadelphia, an animal rights protester, dressed like a cow, was arrested after she hit Ronald McDonald in the face with a pie.
1994: O.J. Simpson offered a $500,000 reward for the capture of his wife’s “real” killer.
1996: “Blue,” the first album by 13-year-old LeAnn Rimes, debuted at number one on “Billboard’s” country album chart and number four on the pop album chart. The title song was written by Fort Worth all-night deejay, The Midnight Cowboy, Bill Mack.
2000: Seven skydivers set a world record for unassisted human flight by gliding from a Dutch island to the nearby town of Den Helder. From a height of 16,000 feet, they glided 2½ miles, the first time such a distance had been bridged by pure human flight. The skydivers wore special suits that gave them a longer glide path than normal. They opened their parachutes at 1,000 feet before touching down on the mainland.
2001: A 42-year-old Bucharest cleaning lady stopped an armed robber in his tracks by hitting him with her mop because he walked on her wet floor. The thief shot at Florica Dumitru but missed because “he had soap in his eyes.”
2003: A prison guard in Betim, Brazil, went to a bar close to his jail and bumped into three inmates who had sneaked out for a drink. The owner said they were regulars who often popped in. The men said they weren’t running away, they were only having a beer. The prisoners were returned to jail and an investigation was launched into security.
2006: U.S. President Bush received a kind reception and applause from the NAACP in his first address to the nation’s oldest civil rights organization as president. He had turned down five previous invitations to speak.
2014: A toothless man in Lakewood, Washington had been charged with assault and “criminal mischief” after allegedly gumming the wrist of his roommate because she would not clean his ear for him. Police said that 50-something Kenneth Chambers confessed to biting his roommate, but said he was acting in self-defense. He also allegedly stated he couldn’t have hurt her because of his lack of teeth. ***So you’re in your 50s, toothless, under arrest and have a roommate. Does life get ANY BETTER?!?
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1054: Patriarch of Constantinople Michael Cerularius, having been excommunicated from the Roman church four days earlier, excommunicates Pope Leo IX and his followers. This precipitates the Great Schism.
1910: The Christian Endeavor Society of Missouri begins a campaign to ban all motion pictures that depicted kissing between non-relatives.
HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actress (“According to Jim”) Billi Bruno 21 (audio clip)
Actor (Det. Mike Kellerman on “Homicide: Life on the Street”) Reed Diamond, 50 (audio clip)
Actress (“Crocodile Hunter”) Terri Irwin, 53 (audio clip)
Actress/model (“Bosom Buddies”, wife of Dan Aykroyd) Donna Dixon, 60 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1933 : Buddy Knox
1943 : John Lodge (The Moody Blues)
1944 : T.G. Sheppard
1946 : Kim Carnes
1946 : John Almond (The Johnny Almond Music Machine)
1947 : Tony Thorpe (The Rubettes)
1947 : Carlos Santana (Santana)
1955 : Marisa DeFranco (The DeFranco Family)
1956 : Paul Cook (The Sex Pistols)
1958 : Mick McNeil (Simple Minds)
1966 : Stone Gossard (Pearl Jam)
1972 : Vitamin C
1978 : Elliott Yamin
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Do dandelions have anything at all to do with lions?
In England this flower was originally called a lion’s tooth. But as early as the 16th century people were already coming to look upon anything with a French name as having been culturally bumped up a notch. So the lion’s tooth became the dent de lion, eventually dandelion, which freely translated means–surprise!–“lion’s tooth.” But why was it a “lion’s tooth” in the first place? Because the leaves that accompany the flower are said to resemble teeth.
(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A Virginia Beach, Virginia, woman is accused of arson after investigators say she purposely set a potted plant on fire. The charge is a Class 3 felony, which means the 29-year-old could go to jail for anywhere from five to 20 years if convicted. ***Someone needs to tell this lady that setting a potted plant on fire is not the same as smoking pot.
A study says many U.S. children suffer lower back pain. ***I used to tell my mom that’s why I couldn’t clean my room, but she never bought it.
In Northern California, Judge Michael S. Williams has lost his job because he apparently couldn’t resist the urge to swipe two art deco-style business card holders from a judges’ dinner in San Francisco! The Commission on Judicial Performances censured Williams and he agreed to resign effective December. Williams was attending a dinner hosted by a matrimonial lawyers association in March 2016 when he took two cardholders in the art deco decor of The City Club of San Francisco. They were each worth about $30 to $50. The commission says Williams returned the cardholders after being informed that he was caught on video. The judge expressed remorse and said he had an “unexplainable impulse” to take the cardholders. ***A judge’s career destroyed – over the theft of something less than a hundred bucks. If you can’t be trusted with the small things, how can you be trusted with the big things?
San Francisco school officials have banned chocolate milk because they say it contains too much sugar. ***They’re also banning sugary soft-drinks, non-sugarless gum, and Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” just to cover all the bases.
Researchers have found that an all-corn diet can quite literally turn a female hamster into a deranged cannibal. A new study found that the European hamster, which once used to feast on a varied diet of grains, roots, and insects, is not doing so well on a diet limited to industrially grown corn. The study notes that the hamster species is “on the verge of extinction in Western Europe.” The all-maize regimen has turned the burrowing critters into “deranged cannibals” that eat their own offspring. ***Do you see what you’re risking by goiing vegetarian or vegan? You might be the beginning of the zombie cannibalistic apocalypse!
Sometimes a price increase is so steep, it must be criminal. A woman in Australia called police to report that her drug dealer was asking way too much for marijuana. The woman told police she was “completely offended” at the “outrageous price hike.” ***What an idiot! Calling the cops for pricey pot? No… that’s a call for the Better Business Bureau!
A melting glacier in the Swiss Alps has given up the bodies of a couple that went missing 70 years ago. The ice preserved them as they were when they disappeared all those years ago. ***Scientists are baffled as to why one of them looks like Brendan Fraser.
A new study says that people in Seattle spend 58 hours a year parking their cars. ***I’m guessing that number doubles during Christmas-shopping season.
America’s bacon reserves are currently at a 50-year-low. ***On the plus side, our cholesterol levels are looking a heckuva lot better.
Heidi Montag says she’s gained 25-pounds during the first six months of her pregnancy. ***I hate to break it to you, Heidi – but chances are you aren’t carrying a 25-pound baby. Some of that extra weight is you.
Lifetime is going to debut a new show next week where they show blind dates live! ***Obviously not a true reality show, because nobody in their right mind is going to want cameras watching their first date with someone when everything you do is already being judged by the person you are hoping will be “the one”.
A team of engineering students from UC San Diego is on a quest to discover whether the moon provides the necessary conditions to brew beer. ***Wait – is there something wrong with brewing beer on Earth now? Are we going to have a beer shortage unless we’re able to start brewing in space? WHY DIDN’T WARN US ABOUT THIS?!?! Excuse me, I gotta go stock up on the Guinness…
A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he threatened to pull a gun on a taco shop employee for giving him the wrong order. ***Bullets, Taco Bell… neither one is good for your health.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
30% of women in a recent survey say they won’t marry a man who has a bad credit score. ***Meanwhile, 70% of men won’t continue to date a woman who does a credit check before the first date.
Over 90% of American households bought a pie last week. ***My house is running waaaaay behind on this. I’ve got some catching up to do!
A Virginia Commonwealth University study found that people with bigger brains are smarter than people with small brains. ***Boy – it’s amazing what students and scientists will rationalize as “important research” nowadays, isn’t it?
Airline pilots are choosing their words more carefully nowadays. When speaking to passengers, pilots say “we are experiencing bumpy air” instead of turbulence, “rain showers” instead of thunderstorms and “gate” instead of “terminal,” which people associate with death. Additionally, flights are not late but “delayed.” ***And your bags weren’t broken into by the baggage handlers, but merely “quality inspected inside and out”.
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
Last time, Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were just sitting down to play checkers… something they both looked forward to very much every week. As Sully was getting the lemonade ready, there was a knock at the door from a lost grizzly bear, and Gruffy was trying to give him directions…
CLOSE: Oh boy… not only has Gruffy left Sully without playing checkers, but now Gruffy’s new friend the grizzly bear – I can’t seem to remember his name right now – is sinking in quick sand! Will Gruffy be able to save him? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Getting out of taxes is not just illegal – it could be a big Moment of Duh!
A Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada man who tried to get away with paying no taxes was fined $3,000 by the government. Cliff Hanna attempted to persuade a judge that he is a free man who owes the government nothing. In a sworn affidavit, he declared that the name “James Clifford Hanna” was put on his birth certificate many years ago without his permission. He disclaimed responsibility for debts or obligations the government assigns to that name. And said there is no record anywhere that he ever accepted the Hanna name. As far as he is concerned, the name James Clifford Hanna is “hearsay.” The judge didn’t buy it.
TOP TEN STEPS IN PHOTOGRAPHING A NEW PUPPY
10. Remove film from box and load camera.
9. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
8. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
7. Choose a suitable background for photo.
6. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
5. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
4. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
3. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
2. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
1. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Can’t handle your seven-year-old? Have the police arrest him!
FILE #1: A woman in Bismarck North Dakota apparently cannot handle her role as a parent. Instead of handling it herself, the woman decided to call the police to have them arrest her 7-year-old boy – who took $6 from the kitchen counter without permission. (Like this is what we’re paying the police to do.) Amazingly the police did indeed arrest the boy whose fate will now be determined by the Police Youth Bureau.
FILE #2: Floyd Stagner stole a pickup truck and got only a short distance down the interstate before the truck ran out of gas. Realizing how far it can be between gas stations on the interstate and not wanting to leave his newly stolen pickup behind, Floyd decided to use his cell phone to call for assistance. Did he call one of his friends for help? Nope. His mother? Of course not. He called 911 and asked if the cops could come by and help him out. You bet they could! They helped him out of the truck and into their squad car! They gave him some really shiny new bracelets too!
FILE #3: A dozen inmates who escaped from Colombia’s mountain prison of Caloto returned to the front gates of the compound, asking to be readmitted. “Why would they do this?” you might ask. Good question… and the answer is this: the prisoners said they had opted to take advantage of a Colombian amnesty law that forgives and forgets prison breaks if fugitives return voluntarily within 72 hours. They were right too… according to a spokesman at the state-run National Penitentiary, as long as the prisoner were back by 10pm Thursday night, they would NOT be penalized! ***MARLAR: That’s not prison… that’s a job!
STRANGE LAW: You may not catch a fish in Pennsylvania using any body part except the mouth (I assume they mean the fish’s mouth, not yours.)
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Drinking and driving is dumb. So is playing with matches.
Police in upstate New York accuse student Christopher Chianese of going through a lot of trouble to avoid a DWI court date. Now he’s in a lot more trouble. He’s charged with torching the new municipal offices in Seneca Falls that housed the court. He allegedly set fire to the building just hours before he was to answer a felony charge of driving while intoxicated. Now he faces a charge of third-degree arson and was ordered held on 200-thousand dollars cash bail. If convicted, he could get up to 15 years in prison.
Are kids too spoiled these days? My niece’s bedroom has a television, VCR, DVD player, X-Box, telephone, cell phone, stereo and her own bathroom. She even has a mini-fridge! There’s no reason for her to ever leave her room. Is this too much for a teenager to have? How do you punish a kid who has all of these things? You can’t send her to her room without any supper because she can just crank open the fridge and pop in a movie.
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who was Hosea’s second son?
ANSWER: Lo-ammi (Hosea 1:8-9)
QUESTION: In the comic strip “Peanuts”, how many home runs did Charlie Brown ever hit?
ANSWER: Charlie Brown hits a game-winning home run on March 30, his first (and only) in 43 years. (Unfortunately – he never did get to kick that football Lucy was holding for him.)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The visiting team must provide the referee with 24 footballs for each National Football League game. (False – the home team must supply them)
2. The maximum weight for a golf ball is 2.01 ounces. (False – 1.62 oz)
3. A flea expert is a pullicologist. (True)
4. A bear has 78 teeth. (False – 42 teeth)
5. M&M’s stands for the last names of Forrest Mars, Sr., the candymaker, and his associate Bruce Murrie. (True)
6. Duddley DoRight’s Horse’s name was “Horse.” (True)
7. On Sesame Street, Bert’s goldfish were named Lyle and Talbot. (True, presumably after the actor Lyle Talbot)
8. The word “hangnail” refers to the gallows. (False – it comes from Middle English: ang- [painful] + nail. It has nothing to do with hanging.)
9. Louis IV of France had a stomach the size of three regular stomachs. (False – but still big. His stomach was the size of TWO human stomaches.)
10. Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain smoked four cigars a day for the last years of his life. (False – he smoked forty a day!)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
SUPER ________S FOUND! (EARTHS)
Three Super Earths, capable of supporting life, were discovered by scientists.
Astronomers believe they are close to our galaxy and that all three “earths” can sustain human life.
Super Earths mean they have between one and 10 times the mass of the Earth.
Previous studies had identified three planets orbiting the star, including one in the habitable zone.
Lead scientist Dr Gino Angelo, from the University of Rome, said: ‘We identified three strong signals in the star before, but it was possible that smaller planets were hidden in the data.
Angelo said that the planets seem to be identical in make-up to Earth and that “you can almost seen the oceans on each of the planets.” Angelo also picked ups signals coming from the Super Earths. He thinks that “humans” on the Super Earths are also looking for us.
The Chinese want to take the “lead” on travel to the new Super Earths and stated that they will launch a space ship in the next ten years to go to each of the planets.
President Trump also hailed the discovery and plans to send a Democrat delegation to the planets as soon as possible.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram.
He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow.”
The clerk says, “You can add another ‘Bow wow’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog says, “wouldn’t that sound a little silly?”
At my friends’ wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride’s mother. “You’ve given me a gift,” he began, “a gift that…”
Here he paused, a pause that grew in length. ”That you can’t return!” his mother-in-law completed.
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.”
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, “I eat moderately and I exercise frequently.”
“Hmm?” said the manager. “And are you sure you having nothing else to add?”
“Well, yes,” said the member. “I lie extensively.”
There’s a radio station in Gifu, Japan that broadcasts nothing but a human heartbeat 24 hours a day. Listeners say that hearing it helps them relax. ***The format is called Arrhythmia and Blues.
Two Australian scientists claim they have invented a real thinking cap that can actually improve the thinking skills and IQ of people who wear it. ***If you think you look stupid while wearing the thinking cap, that’s just evidence that it’s working.
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some “real” musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says “I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.”
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies “OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator’s got to stay”.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
NEED A FAMOUS FACE TO GRACE YOUR NEXT EVENT?
Odds are, you can’t afford them. How about a has-been celebrity? You probably can’t afford THEM either! Here’s what a few of the stars of yesterday are charging to give speeches.
Howie Mandel $70,000
Suzanne Somers $62,000
Louie Anderson $44,000
LeVar Burton $30,000
Bob Eubanks $10,000
***MARLAR: Heck – I’ll come out to your event for gas money and a Diet Mt. Dew.
SIGNS SEEN ON CHURCH MARQUEES
“Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins”
“Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!”
“Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons — come hear one!”
“God so loved the world that He did not send a committee”
“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right”
“Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday”
“Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
LIVING UP TO THE NAME
Read: Ephesians 2:1-10
[God] made us alive together with Christ. –Ephesians 2:5
A new Christian was reading through the Gospels. After she finished, she told a friend she wanted to read a book on church history. When her friend asked why, the woman replied, “I’m curious. I’ve been wondering when Christians started to become so unlike Christ.”
We can understand why this new convert was perplexed. There is a great disparity between the life of Christ and the lives of many who bear His name. In fact, some believers are even imitating the world instead of trying to live like Jesus.
Almost 2,000 years have passed since followers of Jesus were first called Christians (Acts 11:26). Today, we who have placed our trust in the Savior still bear that name and march under the same banner as those early believers.
The Bible says that we are God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). When we call ourselves Christians, we are saying to the world that Christ is our Savior and that we are following Him.
Christians have a glorious name. It is a great privilege to be identified with Christ–and a great obligation to live up to His name!
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Ever thought about changing your name for any reason? A five-year-old boy has done it!
A five-year-old boy has changed his name because it was too long for him to write down. Josef Michael William Duncan-Williamson decided he’d had enough after coming home from school crying. Hey, with a name like that, you’d get hand cramps before even beginning to write your book report! His mother Gail took out a newspaper ad to announce the change to simply Josef William Duncan. Now the little boy is writing his name all over the place. ***MARLAR: I guess he doesn’t mind writing after all!
LIFE… LIVE IT
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING CEREAL BOX
Have you noticed a few less snaps, crackles and pops in your cereal lately?
…That’s because cereal boxes – and the amount of cereal inside – are shrinking. Last June, Kellogg slimmed down its cereal boxes. Froot Loops, Cocoa Krispies, Corn Pops, Apple Jacks and Honey Smacks all decreased by about 2.4 ounces. Meanwhile, Unilever recently shrank bottles of Hellman’s Real Mayonnaise, Breyer’s Ice Cream and Skippy, among other items. And while a bag that holds potato chips may not be shrinking, what’s inside is. But consumers are noticing: 75% of those surveyed by Consumer Reports in July said they noticed packages are shrinking and 71% believed the main reason for downsizing was to hide price hikes from consumers. Yet, half of those surveyed said they’d prefer that manufacturers keep the old package and raise the price. Unfortunately, many manufacturers are shrinking the contents and its packaging AND raising prices.
JUST FOR FUN
Being robbed in your home while fast asleep is one thing, but being carjacked while asleep at the wheel – now that story is totally bizarre!
A Seattle man is doing well after sleeping through a carjacking. That’s right… he slept through the carjacking! Police say four men forced four people out of their Honda Passport and went for joyride. But they didn’t get very far after realizing that a fifth person was still sleeping in the backseat. When discovered, the carjackers apparently panicked and the Honda ran into a parked car a short distance later. The four men inside fled and police were able to catch up with one of the suspects, but the other three are still on the loose. No one was injured.
SIGNS YOU’RE NOT SUPERMAN
People recognize you even without your glasses.
A speeding bullet kicked your butt on the 200-meter dash.
Your application to the Justice League was rejected.
Your X-Ray vision only enables you to see through glass.
You look pretty dorky in a cape.
Your home planet is still habitable, but your father sent you here anyway.
Instead of “It’s a bird, it’s a plane…” people say, “What IS that ugly thing?”
The armor piercing bullets rip through your flesh like a hot knife through butter.
When your therapist says “Lex,” you say “-us”
Evil super-villains don’t know your girlfriend or where she lives.
Exposure to Kryptonite only gives you a ringing in the ears.
The only way you got the pickle jar open was by smashing it with a hammer.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
OUR BRITISH FRIENDS LOVE THE UFOS
Maybe David Duchovny should move to Great Britain. According to Britain’s Ministry of Defense, the number of UFO sightings in the country rose by about 40 percent over last year. There were 135 reports of UFO sightings — up from 97 sightings recorded the year before. One report says that a camper lost his dog when it was abducted by an alien ship in Cardiff. Another report claims that there was a sighting of two mile-wide objects over Guernsey. Another witness in Rotherham claimed seeing “a bright triangular object in the sky,” which was stationary at first and then moved. (BBC News)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
If you want to ward off burglars, plant trees. You’ll not only beautify your yard and do the environment a favor, but also discourage would-be thieves from breaking into your home, according to a study by the U.S. Forest Service. Less crime occurs in neighborhoods with big trees in the yards and next to the streets, while homes that have smaller trees have more crime. The crime data from the Portland, OR, Police Bureau and compared it to information showing neighborhoods’ tree coverage. Large trees may be a signal to crooks that a neighborhood is well cared for, making it more likely criminals will be caught. ***It’s strange, because I would think large trees would make it EASIER for criminals, as the trees would help hide their movements – but I guess it doesn’t work that way.
If you want to impress your boss, say “thank you.” Expressing gratitude may be more than good manners, especially if your workplace is overseen by a belligerent and insecure manager. What makes some bosses mistreat their subordinates — and what can the subordinates do about it? When powerful people receive expressions of gratitude from their subordinates, it makes them feel socially valued. And that helps them reduce their aggression toward others, according to a study by Yeri Cho and Nathanael Fast of the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business. So, every once in a while, take the time to tell the boss “thank you.” It could work wonders.
No doubt this has happened to you. You’re sitting in a restaurant, on a park bench, on a bus or any public place when you overhear a cell phone conversation. Why is that so annoying? Cornell University researchers have figured out the answer: It is very difficult, if not impossible, to concentrate on anything else. HealthDay News reports that when we hear just one side of the conversation, it is far more distracting than when we hear both sides. It’s annoying because it erodes our ability to pay attention to other tasks. Why? Your brain has an innate ability to ignore things that are predictable, but pays close attention to unpredictable situations.
If you’re looking for a job and want to stand out from the crowd, don’t describe yourself as “effective” or “motivated.” But most of all, don’t say you’re “creative.” Why? Everyone else uses those words. LinkedIn, the world’s largest professional network, combed its 135 million member profiles to find the most overused buzzwords professionals in all industries use to describe themselves and their work. The top 10 most overused resume buzz words:
Need something to keep you going throughout the day? Here are some healthy snacks to keep in your desk:
Individually wrapped dark chocolate squares
Fruit and nut bars
Whole nuts in pre-measured 1/4 cup portions
There are also a few things you should avoid having at your desk! Get the list at http://ti.me/28ggOWy
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Well, I’ve got to run. My fan club is meeting tonight and I promised I’d play checkers with the guy.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 14, 2017…
Wish Upon—Joey King is a teenager with a sad heart. Her mother has died. How to handle this? She discovers a music box, but it is no ordinary music box. It can grant wishes. Of course, there is always a price to pay. “Wish Upon” is rated PG 13. No rating.
To The Bone—Keanu Reeves has played many screen roles, and this time, he is a therapist who helps anorectic patients. In particular, Lily Collins, who definitely has a problem and ends up in his program. “To The Bone” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
War For The Planet Of The Apes—Caesar, the intelligent ape (played by Andy Serkis) is the leader of the group and they certainly are ready for battle against humans and especially, Woody Harrelson, as the leader of the humans. This film is set two years after “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.” Who to trust? New characters are a little human girl, Nova (Amiah Miller) and a teenage ape who is all trouble (Steve Zahn.) “War For The Planet Of The Apes” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Lady Macbeth (opening in select cities) —This adaptation of a Shakespeare play goes the route of a novella from 1865 by Nikolai Leskov called “Lady Macbeth of The Mtsensk District.” Now, director William Oldroyd, has taken the story and set it in 19th century Great Britain. The plot centers on Katherine, played by Florence Pugh (“The Falling“), who is in a dull and boring marriage without love. This is a lady could meet Hannibal Lector and calmly serve him a cup of tea. The word “scruples” is not in her vocabulary. Katherine is married to Alexander (Paul Hilton), and his father is Boris (Christopher Fairbank from “Guardians of the Galaxy” and television’s “Wolf Hall’). This is a stern life, and Katherine begins to look favorably on the farm hand, Cosmo Jarvis, Hmm. This farm is a bed of intrigue. The household has a maid, too, Anna (Naomi Cukie.) A horror-style film does not have to have monsters crawling out of the woodwork. “Lady Macbeth” is rated R. An adult film. Rating of 2.
JULY 21, 2017…
Dunkirk is a war film about WWII and the evacuation of Dunkirk. Stars Tom Hardy.
Landline centers on two sisters who decide to spy on their father to see if he is having an affair. Stars Edie Falco.
First Kill concerns a robbery, a kidnapping and a witness to a crime. Stars Hayden Christiansen.
Girls Trip stars Jada Pinkett Smith, Queen Latifah, Regina Hall and Tiffany Haddish as friends who try to bond again.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is directed by Luc Besson and a sci-fi film about life on a space station 18 miles across.
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