July 25, 2017: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The program normally heard at this time will not be heard at this time so we can bring you something at this time worth hearing.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“And Jesus answered saying to them, ‘Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, “Be taken up and cast into the sea,” and does not doubt in his heart, but believe that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.’”  –Mark 11:22-24

Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice.Psalm 112:5

Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.Psalm 71:9

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. — Matthew 6:20

Thought: Where’s your treasure? What are you doing to invest in long term security? Why not make sure your most important investments are guaranteed a great return!

Prayer: Abba Father, I know that the only true security I can ever have is in you. Please give me wisdom as I seek to use my time, my talents, and my treasure to honor you and bring others to you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Hebrews 7:25 NIV
Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – JULY 25, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
152 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is the BIRTHDAY OF THE BIRTHDAY CAKE.

Today is NATIONAL HOT FUDGE SUNDAE DAY. ***As if you need an excuse.

NATIONAL SALAD WEEK. ***Which goes terribly with hot fudge.

Today is BE ADAMANT ABOUT SOMETHING DAY. ***Like about getting a hot fudge sundae!

Today is PARENTS DAY, paying tribute to parents whose devotion to their children strengthens our society and forms the foundation for a bright future for America. ***That’s all well and good, but haven’t we already covered this with Mothers Day and Fathers Day? Kinda redundant, isn’t it? Plus we have Grandparents Day – which is essentially just Parents-Of-Parents Day.

Today is FEED THE COUNTRY DUCKS DAY. ***That either means to feed the ducks when you’re out in the country, or to feed our entire nation duck for dinner.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Carousel Day or Merry-Go-Round Day
Hire A Veteran Day
Red Shoe Day
Thread The Needle Day
Video Games Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 26

Americans With Disabilities Day
Aunts and Uncles Day
Bagelfest Day
One Voice

THURSDAY, JULY 27

Barbie-in-a-blender Day
National Chili Dog Day
National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day
National Intern Day
National Refreshment Day
Walk on Stilts Day

FRIDAY, JULY 28

Buffalo Soldiers Day
Lumberjack Day
National Milk Chocolate Day
National Get Narly Day
National Talk in An Elevator Day
World Hepatitis Day

SATURDAY, JULY 29

Army Chaplain Corps Anniversary:
International Chicken Wing Day
Lasagna Day
National Chicken Wing Day
National Dance Day
National Lipstick Day
Rain Day
System Administrator Appreciation Day

SUNDAY, JULY 30

Cheesecake Day
Father-In-Law Day
Friendship Day
Health Care Now!  Medicare’s Birthday
International Day of Friendship
National Chicken and Waffles Day
National Support Public Education Day
Paddle for Perthes Disease Awareness Day
Paperback Book Day
World Day Against Trafficking in Persons

MONDAY, JULY 31

National Mutt Day
Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day
World Ranger Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 01

Girlfriend’s Day
Lughnasa
Mead Day
National Minority Donor Awareness Day
National Night Out
Respect For Parents
Rounds Resounding Day
Spider-Man Day
Tisha B’Av
US Air Force Day
World Lung Cancer Day
World Wide Web Day
World Scout Scarf Day

ON THIS DAY

44: St. James the Greater, the apostle and brother of St. John, was killed at Jerusalem.

1872: One of the most unusual rains in history occurred as thousands of black worms rained from the sky over Bucharest, Rumania.

1899: Stuart Hine was born in England. While serving as a missionary to Ukraine, he wrote English words to a traditional Swedish hymn, which is sung today as “How Great Thou Art.”

1969: U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy pleaded guilty to a charge of leaving the scene of an accident one week after an auto accident at Chappaquiddick had taken the life of Mary Jo Kopechne.

1979: President Jimmy Carter absolved Dr. Samuel Mudd, the physician who had treated John Wilkes Booth’s broken leg, of any responsibility in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Mudd’s name was no longer mud.

1984: Singer/composer Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton died. In August 1952 she recorded “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog” for Houston’s Peacock Records. (audio clip)

1990: Roseanne Barr sang “The National Anthem” before a major-league baseball game in San Diego. When she spit and scratched herself, the fans booed. ***The umpires should have thrown her out for unsportsmanlike conduct. (audio clip)

1992: A college student in Ogden, Utah, got so mad at Baskin-Robbins employees for closing before he got his ice cream, he mooned them. Unfortunately, he pressed too hard against the window, shattered the glass, and cut his buttocks. ***Fortunately, at a Baskin-Robbins there’s plenty of ice to apply to the wound.

1998: A pair of identical Ethiopian twin brothers drew lots near Addis Ababa to see who would marry whom after their parents arranged their marriage to a pair of identical twin girls. ***Don’t like the outcome? Switch! Who’s gonna know?

1999: In Bath, England, fragments of a man’s false teeth were found in his windpipe eight years after he thought he lost them in a traffic accident. Mike Russell had suffered severe breathing difficulties for years until doctors finally found four front teeth, still attached to a dental plate, wedged above the entrance to his right lung. They were removed in ten minutes and his breathing improved immediately.

2002: Texas Governor George W. Bush selected Dick Cheney to be his running mate on the Republican presidential ticket.

2002: In England, police tried to issue a speeding ticket for a vintage vehicle with a top speed of 18 mph which hadn’t been on the roads for 40 years. A prosecution notice sent to a museum West Yorkshire claimed the ‘mechanical horse’ was clocked doing 44 mph in a 30 mph zone. The Scammel three-wheeler was parked up at the Museum of Rail Travel when it was supposed to have been speeding in Bolton. Police said the mix-up occurred when the Scammel’s license number was confused with one on a Belgian car.

2004: Lance Armstrong won the grueling Tour de France bicycle race for a record sixth consecutive year.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

325: The Council of Nicea closes. The first ecumenical council, convened by Constantine, it rejected the Arians (who denied the full divinity of Christ) as heretics.

1593: King Henry IV of France, raised a Protestant, converts to Catholicism. Long considered a political move, the conversion is now thought to have been sincere, partially because of the king’s statement that “religion is not changed as easily as a shirt.” His conversion did not end his sympathy for Protestants, however, and in 1598 he promulgated the Edict of Nantes, giving Protestants freedom of worship and permitting them to garrison certain towns for security.

1817: Death of John Fawcett who wrote the hymn “Blest be the Tie.”

1918: Walter Rauschenbusch, Baptist pastor and theologian of the Social Gospel, dies. His books, including Christianity and the Social Crisis and The Social Principles of Jesus, influenced many—among them Martin Luther King, Jr., who observed that “Rauschenbusch gave to American Protestantism a sense of social responsibility that it should never lose.”

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • Actor (“Joey,” “Friends”, Lost in Space, “Episodes”, “Man With a Plan”) Matt LeBlanc, 50 (audio clip)

  • Actress (The Single Guy, Cape Fear, Goodfellas) Illeana Douglas, 52

  • Model/actress (Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, No Way Out) Iman, 62

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : William “Benny” Benjamin (The Funk Brothers)

1934 : Don Ellis

1941 : Manny Charlton (Nazareth)

1942 : Bruce Woodley (The Seekers)

1943 : Jim McCarty (The Yardbirds, Renaissance)

1944 : Tom Dawes (The Cyrcle)

1946 : Jose Chepito Areas (Santana)

1948 : Steve Goodman

1950 : Mark Clarke (Uriah Heep)

1951 : Verdine White (Earth, Wind & Fire)

1958 : Thurston Moore (Sonic Youth)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How was the first radio telescope developed?

A radio telescope is a highly directional radio antenna that is able to create a map of the sky by recording signals coming from different directions. Although radio engineer Karl Jansky was the first to identify deep space radio signals in 1931, his antenna was not good at pinpointing individual sources. The first steerable radio telescope was built in 1937 by Grote Reber, who had applied to work with Jansky but was turned down because of the poor economic times. So he decided to build his own radio telescope, a 31.4-foot metal dish (9.6 meters) mounted on a directional cradle in Wheaton, Illinois. With his radio telescope, Reber was able to detect radio emissions from the Sun, the center of the Milky Way Galaxy, and several other “radio-bright” sources. By 1941, he had completed the first crude radio survey of the northern sky. Today his radio telescope is an historical monument in Green Bank, West Virginia.

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Researchers say they may have discovered the tomb of King Tut’s wife.  ***She was the one who really wore the pants in Egypt.

A Louisiana man has been arrested, and booked into the same jail for the 77th time. This time he was caught when he got stuck in the chimney of a business.  ***Shouldn’t there be some kind of limit on how many times you can get arrested without being confined to house arrest with ankle monitor and an electrified fence?

That White Ford Bronco in which the famous O.J. chase took place is now in the Alcatraz East Crime Museum in Tennessee. ***At least for now.  The Juice is going to need a vehicle to travel between golf courses when he gets out in October.

Apple has shared some of the new emoji coming later this year. They include a zombie, T-Rex, zebra, mind blown, vomit, yoga, and breastfeeding.  ***Breastfeeding?  How often is that emoji needed – who was clamoring for that one?

New research predicts that in 65-billion years, the moon will crash into the earth.  ***Wow – good thing I just renewed my homeowners insurance.

A Virginia man has been sentenced to 132 years for stealing tires.  ***132 years?  Did he then murder a small village with those tires?

A recent study found that women find stubble more attractive than any other kind of facial hair – and even more than a clean-shaven face.  Researchers theorize it’s because scruff makes a dude look more mature. ***However, ladies, it doesn’t work the other way around.  We do not think your leg stubble is sexy.

The Three Rivers School District in Texas has approved corporal punishment — as in paddling. Parents would have to approve its use, but if they do, a bad child could be spanked.  ***The tougher schools will be incorporating counting the number of swats kids get into the math classes to help teach addition.

Loubie lives in New York City and is famous for giving hugs. She’s a five-year-old golden retriever who likes to hang out on a street corner near her owner’s home and give out free hugs to stressed New Yorkers.  ***With the amount of stress in New York, I’d be afraid my dog would be crushed to death.

White House spokesman Sean Spicer resigned on Friday.  ***”Saturday Night Live” is still in mourning.

Scientists say they have found the reason for misophonia, a condition that makes some people find certain noises unbearable.  ***Oh… I thought it was just being upset over losing your smartphone.  I guess I don’t have misophonia after all.

A guy in China is breathing better after doctors removed a bottle cap from his throat. He had accidentally swallowed while opening a beer with his teeth.  ***So obviously he was a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal to begin with.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Despite years of public health messages, barely one third of Americans use sunscreen regularly (according to the CDC). Researchers found that sunscreen is most often used by women on the skin of the face, and by people with higher household income. ***And by soulless gingers known as redheads.

Scientists have discovered another galaxy, located 4 billion light years from earth. The hidden dwarf dark galaxy was discovered by astrophysicists at Stanford. Researchers used a technique called gravitational lensing to discover the new galaxy. They say the process could help researchers also learn about other hidden parts of the universe. ***But at the speed of light it would still take you 4 billion years to get there – so be sure to use the restroom before you leave, and pack a lunch.

Fish oil capsules won’t help boost weight loss if you’re already dieting and exercising, new research in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows.  Among a group of overweight and obese adults enrolled in a diet and exercise program, those who took omega-3 fatty acids didn’t lose any more weight than those given placebo capsules.  ***In other words, the secret to losing weight with fish oil capsules is to not diet or exercise.  Sign me up!

The Irish have begun burying people with their cell phones, so they know they’ll have a way to call for help if they’re not really dead.  ***Right.  I can’t get a signal in a tunnel, and these people think six-feet-under is going to work with a cell phone?  If that works, I’m buying an Irish cell phone.

How important is your cell phone? According to recent study by the phone security company Lookout, nearly 70 percent of Americans would be willing to put themselves in actual, physical danger just to retrieve a lost or stolen phone. Nearly half said they would pay $500 to get their phone, with all of its data, back, and a third said they would fork over up to $1,000!  ***Except for Blackberries – people actually offered the person taking the survey twenty bucks to take it off their hands.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear had cancelled his checkers game with Sully because he wanted to go bowling with his new friend, Grizz Bear – doing a favor for the team who was short one player. But Sully is upset about Gruffy not keeping his promise…

CLOSE: Did Gruffy get a strike and win the game for his new friend, Grizz? Will they move on to the next round? The championships? Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

What if Noah’s Ark was built today?

For over three decades now, many residents of Frostburg, Maryland, have been puzzled, and annoyed, at the three-story-high, 400-foot-long metal- and-concrete frame that Pastor Richard Greene calls his modern Noah’s Ark. Pastor Green said the idea came to him in a vision during 1976 and he works on the thing in his spare time while awaiting Judgment Day. Some neighbors are patient, but others call the Ark an eyesore that depresses property values and wastes religious charity money. So far, contributions to the Pastor Greene Ark project have totaled $1 million bucks!  ***MARLAR: As a pastor, shouldn’t he know that God promised never to flood the planet ever again?

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU SLEPT IN TOO LATE

10. You try and get up for Letterman, but just manage to catch the closing credits.

9. When you went to bed your son was asleep in his crib. When you woke up he had graduated from college.

8. You were supposed to be at work by 8. It’s now November.

7. Little men are tying you down and charging other little men to look at you.

6. You don’t have the same roommates as you did when you went to bed.

5. You come out of your room and your parents are shocked that you were home all this time.

4. The alarm clock must not have gone off. You only got up when that “Charming” fellow kissed you.

3. You don’t ever remember wanting to start a beard…. but what the hey. Who says you can’t accomplish anything when sleeping?

2. When you roll out of bed, the sheet makes that distinctive “packing tape” sound as it peels off your back

1. The sleep crusties around your eyes have taken over your face, making it look like a cauliflower.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

If you’re planning a bank-robbery, it’s probably best to leave your girlfriend at home. 

FILE #1: Ronnie Green of Evansville, Illinois entered the Civitas Bank, giving the teller a note asking for $500 and in which he claimed to have a gun. But when the teller showed him that her money drawer was empty he left, much to the apparent disapproval of his girlfriend who was waiting outside. The two remained outside the bank arguing, giving an off duty police officer plenty of time to enter the bank and then step back out and arrest them.

FILE #2: An Edmonton, Alberta, Canada man who had his sport utility vehicle stolen earlier this month was surprised to get a call over the weekend telling him he could have the vehicle back for $50. The man who owns the 2003 Chevy Blazer arranged to meet the mysterious caller at a liquor store Sunday afternoon to make the swap. Nearby police, who’d been notified by the owner, arrested a man who arrived in the Blazer.

FILE #3: 48-year-old Charles Perkert broke into a Chinese restaurant and left his cell phone at the scene. Cops found the phone and began scanning through its contacts list. When they came to ‘Mom’s number,’ an officer called and asked the lady on the other end how he could return the phone to her son. The woman unknowingly led the cops right to her son’s front door, where they arrested Perkert and charged him with third-degree burglary.

STRANGE LAW: A Michigan state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Each day at this time I talk about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A homemade license plate leads police to a criminal inDUHvidual!

Mitchell Raulerson of Seville, Florida, was arrested by Seminole County sheriff’s deputies on his 16th drunk driving charge, as well as driving on a permanently revoked license and other charges. What first drew their attention was not his erratic driving, but the fact that the license plate on his van was hand-drawn.  ***MARLAR: He couldn’t stay inside the lines on the license plate or on the road.

PHONER PHUN

Remember your first job? Tell us about it. Did you hate it? Love it? What job are you the most nostalgic for?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who is mentioned as the father of those who play the harp and organ?
ANSWER: Jubal (Genesis 4:21)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The only genuine freshwater sharks in the world can be found… where?

ANSWER: The Ganges River in India

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Welsh mercenary bowmen in the medieval period only wore one shoe at a time. (True)

2. There are only 18 letters in the Hawaiian alphabet. (False – there are only 12)

3. Charles de Gaulle’s final words were, “It hurts.” (True)

4. Brooklyn is the Dutch name for “broken city”. (False – it’s “broken valley.”)

5. There are four cars and eleven lightposts on the back of a U.S. ten-dollar bill. (True)

6. White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith, formerly of the Monkees. (True)

7. Naugahyde, plastic “leather” was created in Naugatuck, Connecticut. (True)

8. The Swiss flag is round. (False – square)

9. The largest land-owner in England is the Queen. (True – followed by the Church of England and Trinity College, Cambridge.)

10. The white part of your fingernail is called the lunula. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“People Remember Their First Car More Than Their First _______!” (KISS)


In a surprising survey, more adults say they can remember their first car more than they can remember their first kiss. More than 40% were so attached to their first car that they could recall its license plate number in full.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children’s Sunday school class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw a picture that would illustrate some part of the story.

Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat behind the wheel was a rather large man and in the back seat a man and a woman.

The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson. But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. “Why, this is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!”

JOKE #2

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, “Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful -so 
invigorating and inspiring and refreshing.”
The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man add, “Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!”

JOKE #3

As a court clerk, Rhonda was well-versed in the jury-selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom.  Then the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.  During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. 
”There may be,” he replied. “Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything.” 
Both were excused.

USELESS FACTS

Good news! Scientists have found a way of stopping beans from causing gas! Supposedly, a short burst of gamma radiation before soaking the beans does the trick.  ***One of the unfortunate side effects though is that you can’t sleep at night because your eyelids glow in the dark.

The UFO and Paranormal College has opened in Russia in response to a rash of unexplained crop circles in the region.  The faculty says they are qualified to teach the course, because they have video footage featuring the type of UFOs called Belgian triangles, which they say are frequent visitors to their city.  ***Um… no. That’s like saying I’m qualified to teach a course on time-travel, because I own all of the Back to the Future DVDs. (

)

FEATURED FUNNIES

IT’S THE TRUTH

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into the insurance office to file a disability claim. As the agent scanned the claim form, he did a double take. Under “Reason unable to work,” she wrote: “Can’t stand to cook.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

TAX TROUBLE

Gerardo Gonzalez is a very depressed man right now. It seems that taxes are getting the best of him too… but even more so than the rest of us.

The IRS says that poor Mr. Gonzalez owes the government $16,000 in back taxes! But the IRS loses a little credibility on this one, because they also say that he was working in 12 cities all at the same time! That has not stopped them, however, from withholding $3,000 from his paychecks to pay his tax bill. According to the IRS, Mr. Gonzalez worked simultaneously in Arkansas, Arizona, Texas, North Carolina, Indiana, Nebraska, Iowa, Maryland and Tennessee. After much explaining, the IRS, the Social Security Administration and the FBI are now finally convinced that he wasn’t working in all those states at the same time. (Gosh, really?!?!) They’ve concluded that other people must be using his social security number. They have canceled the debt and will return his money.  Gerardo isn’t so sure the matter is over (and knowing our government, I don’t blame him). Just in case the IRS returns, he’s sold his car, because he doesn’t want the government to repossess it.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BRANDO TALKS
We always hoped that Brando would learn to speak. We never guessed what he’d have to say

When we first bought our macaw in late September of 1982, my wife, Cindy, and I named him Cesar, after Cesar Romero, the handsome Latin American movie actor famous for his smooth, suave speaking voice.
But after we had our parrot for several weeks, we decided to rename him, because try as we might to get him to mimic any phrase at all–even a simple “hello”–we could only get him to whistle and, occasionally, to emit a loud, ear-piercing squawk. Cindy said it sounded to her like Stanley yelling for Stella in “A Streetcar Named Desire,” so she voted for Brando to replace Cesar as the bird’s name.

Even though we were disappointed with our inarticulate bird, the truth of the matter was that we grew attached to Brando. He wasn’t terribly messy, and he did have a winning twinkle in his eyes.

One night, about five or six weeks after we got Brando, I came home from work to find Cindy sitting in the easy chair next to his perch, a puzzled look on her face. She put a finger to her lips, indicating a wish for silence, and nodded toward Brando. As if on cue, the bird suddenly spoke out, clear as could be, “Help me! Please, someone help me!”

Now it was my turn to look puzzled. “His first words, and he wants someone to rescue him from us? That’s gratitude for you.”

Cindy rolled her large brown eyes. “We’ve got a mystery here, you big lug. Why would Brando’s first clearly spoken words be a cry for help?”

I ran through the obvious answers. Had either of us left the television or radio on before leaving for work? Did Brando have some unresolved emotional or psychological issues of which we were unaware? Had Cindy herself screamed for help as she contemplated her mother’s fast-approaching weekend visit for Thanksgiving?

“No, no, and no!” Cindy replied to my teasing questions. “Hey–be quiet. Listen for a minute. I think I heard something.”

I sat down in the easy chair beside her and did as I was told.

And then, after a few minutes of silence, I heard it. A faint, faraway voice crying for help.

Once again, Brando was right on cue, providing us with an immediate echo: “Help me! Please, won’t someone help me!”

I got out of the chair and headed for the window. After a momentary struggle with a stubborn latch, I had it open and was listening intently to the sounds of traffic on a chilly November morning.

“Please help me!”

I told Cindy to call 911, and I went outside with a flashlight to investigate.

Rush hour was dying down, but there was still the din of traffic to contend with. Although the cries were easier to hear when I was outside, the hum of tires on the pavement and the occasional blare of a horn made it difficult to determine exactly where the owner of the voice might be.

I investigated the line of bushes between our house and the neighbor’s house, and I carefully directed the flashlight beam up and down our side of the street. After a few minutes, I was certain the cries were coming from a lot across the street where there now stood only a couple of old warehouses that would soon be torn down to make way for some new apartment complexes.
As I crossed the street, the person in distress obviously spotted my flashlight, because he called out, “I’m over here! Please help me!”
When I directed the beam toward the sound of the voice, I was shocked to see an older, white-haired gentleman pinned against the side of a building by a utility van.

Thankfully, at almost that same instant, the police car summoned by Cindy’s 911 call arrived, and the officers, in turn, immediately called an ambulance.

The incredible story was that 70-year-old Edward Kabrick, a semiretired plumber, had been using one of the old warehouses to store surplus equipment and supplies. He had gone out earlier that afternoon to pick up a used water softener for a customer’s apartment. Somehow, as he walked toward the door of the warehouse, his old van slipped out of “park” and rolled down the incline, pinning him against the brick wall.

In terrible pain, Kabrick started yelling for help, but since he was only a couple of streets away from a busy road, no one heard him above the traffic noises. The poor man had suffered the agony of broken ribs and legs for hours, lapsing into unconsciousness, then waking again to cry out desperately for help. He had repeated the pitiful cycle for hours, growing weaker each time he regained consciousness.

Kabrick worked only part-time, so no one would particularly notice if he came to the office or not. His wife had passed away three years before, so there was no one at home to miss him if he didn’t come home on schedule.
“I thought I would surely freeze to death if no one found me soon,” he said, shaking my hand as they were placing him in the ambulance. “Thank you for hearing my cries for help. I didn’t think that I would be able to last the night.”
I told him it was our parrot that deserved the thanks. Our mostly mute, mumbling parrot had apparently heard Kabrick earlier in the day when his voice was stronger, then had clearly repeated the cries for help with the same urgency with which the trapped man had uttered them.
One of the police officers chuckled and shook his head in wonder. “You found Mr. Kabrick because your parrot repeated his cries for help? I would call that some kind of miracle.”
I agreed. Why was it that good old Brando, a parrot that had never repeated a distinct word until that day, had suddenly chosen to echo an injured man’s desperate cries for help as loud and clear as could be?
“Yes,” I told the officer, “I think that ‘miracle’ will be the next word we’ll teach him.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE LAMB IS OUR SHEPHERD

READ: Revelation 7:13-17

The Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. —Revelation 7:17

The book of Revelation gives us a marvelous picture. The Lamb of God leads us from one fountain of water to another, always deeper into the love of God (7:17).

Jesus prayed in the Upper Room shortly before He went to the cross: “I have declared to [the disciples] Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them” (John 17:26).

Jesus leads us into an ever deeper knowledge of the love of God. His concern is not merely that we know about God, but that we know how deeply we’re cherished and loved. As Jesus said, the love the Father has for the Son He also has for us.

But it’s a process to comprehend  that love. It takes time for God’s love to take hold of us. Perhaps you’re not sure that He loves you. Be patient. The Holy Spirit is at work guiding you into all truth (John 16:13). Read and meditate on His words and deeds in the Gospels. Ask Him to show you God’s love. In time He will reveal its “width and length and depth and height” (Ephesians 3:18).

And if I understand it correctly, the process will go on throughout eternity. We will be completely satisfied in heaven, and yet we will continue growing, for there is no end to the love of God. —David H. Roper

Our love has limits but God’s love is boundless.

LEFTOVERS

TWO KEYS SHORT OF A KEYRING

A friend of mine always locks his keys in the car by accident. He has been doing this for about a year, when one day last week, he said, “You know what? I’m going to leave the coat hanger in the trunk so I can unlock the car the next time this happens.”  Okay… quick question. How’s he supposed to get into the trunk to get the hangar if he’s locked his keys in the car… keys that are required to open the trunk in order to get the hangar he wants to use to get into the car he’s locked his keys in?  Is it any wonder my friend is still making minimum wage?

LIFE… LIVE IT

TECHNOMANNERS FOR PARENTS

(Family Circle) Your kids learn how to behave or not from the adults around them. Here are five ways to set a good example:

  • Silence is golden — Turn your phone off in restaurants, museums, movie theaters and public bathrooms. If you must be on call for example, you’re waiting to hear about a job, use the vibrate feature and take the call in private.

  • Be discreet — Steer clear of inappropriate conversations, both on cell phones and when e-mailing at work. “See you at 8” or “Please take the roast out of the freezer” are within the bounds of good taste. Arguing with your spouse is not.

  • Be polite — Don’t say anything in a phone message that you would not normally say to someone in person.

  • Send your regrets — Always use regular mail for condolence cards or letters. No typing allowed; take the time to write them by hand.

  • No multitasking — Don’t answer e-mail or check your voice messages and stock portfolio while chatting with your kids or watching their soccer match or school play.

JUST FOR FUN

TOPLESS POOL

Believe it or not, lifeguards at the Wayne County’s Family Water Park in Detroit called the cops on a topless female swimmer! 

(2003) Now, before you shout “amen” to that, I need to let you know that the female swimmer in question is only three years old!  The girl’s mother, Karmia Sorel was told by park security guards that topless female toddlers are inappropriate at the pool.  Fortunately, the police had some sense. An officer from the 5th Precinct finally arrived, assessed the situation and then told the park manager Karmia was doing nothing wrong. The park apologized to Karmia.  ***Sounds like the pool’s lifeguards have been sniffing too much of the chlorine.

FUN LIST

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM A REDNECK

  • We’re vegetarians.

  • The tires on that truck are too big.

  • Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.

  • Checkmate!

  • Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

  • I’ll take “Shakespeare” for a $1000, Alex! (audio clip)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Is there any moment of the day when our cell phones aren’t within reach?  Apparently not, because an online address-book site called Plaxo found that 19% of us have dropped our cell phones down the toilet. If that’s not bad enough, a new T-Mobile survey discovered 59% of us wouldn’t hesitate to ‘take the plunge’ and grab the phone. Yep, reach right in the toilet and save the iPhone. 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

The old saying, “What goes around, comes around” is now backed by science. A Harvard study confirms that being kind to other folks is contagious benefiting all of us so be good for goodness’ sake. Study participants played a “public goods” game, in which one person gave money to others. The players did not know each other before the game, and they never played it more than once with the same person. Despite their lack of personal connections, the players’ generosity in the first round was tripled by others, who were influenced to show even further kindness by giving more money. The conclusion was that when folks are the recipient of generous acts, they “pay it forward,” creating a domino effect of increasing kindness. Among other fascinating findings by the study’s researchers, Harvard University physician Nicholas Christakis, and James Fowler, a social scientists at the University of California San Diego, is that happiness, loneliness and obesity can have a contagious effect, too.

This is a joke right? Wrong. When provoked beyond their endurance, plants are quite capable of committing suicide, says a recent study. The findings were discovered by cell biologists and biochemists at Vienna University in Austria. The researchers found that when plant life is threatened by either animals or infection, they deliberately sacrifice parts of themselves. “It’s often a wrong assumption that immense heat or ozone kills a plant,” explains study leader Andeas Bachmair. “Most of the time, plants create a special program themselves to save what can be saved. Despite the voluntary death of certain parts, it remains alive in its core.”

How much “wait-learning” have you done today? That’s the new term MIT scientists have for picking up knowledge while you’d otherwise be wasting time lingering in an elevator, waiting for a reply to your text, or doing other things that would normally have you simply staring off into space. Well now there’s an app for that – one that will help you maximize those “micro-moments” and get smarter in the process. First introduced in a paper last month published in the ACM Transactions on Computer-Human Interaction journal, the WaitSuite language software developed in MIT’s Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory detects when you’re idling during five distinct tasks – the elevator and text message scenarios, as well as while uploading content to your phone, searching for a WiFi connection, and sending or receiving emails – and then shows you new vocabulary words in a language you’re trying to learn. Because the technology sends the words directly onto the screen you’re currently viewing, rather than being a discrete feature to open separately, you’re able to learn “without leaving what you were already doing.” (Newser)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. — Don Marquis

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it. — Clarence Darrow

“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin

“A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, ‘He was a loner.’ Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.” — George Carlin

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JULY 21, 2017…

Dunkirk—Here comes one of the big war movies of the year. “Dunkirk” directed by Christopher Nolan and with cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoyterna (they had worked together on “Interstellar”), gives the audience the sensation of WWII, in the 1940’s and what it was like to have your back to the water’s edge and the enemy closing in. The evacuation of Dunkirk, France took almost 300,000 Allied soldiers, and with every means possible, brought them to Great Britain across the English Channel. You get the view from the ground, sea and the air. Massive undertaking. The stars of the film, Fionn Whitehead (new actor on the ground) and Tom Hardy (seasoned actor in a fighter plane) are the people to watch in the melee of activity. So, movie fans, fasten your seat belts and prepare for a rocky sea journey. IMAX cameras were used for part of the filming to bring the audience into the action and keep track of the actors. “Dunkirk” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

First Kill—Hayden Christiansen is on a holiday and hoping for a pleasant trip. However, he accidentally witnesses a serious crime. Someone sees him and then take Hayden’s son as a hostage, telling Hayden to get them money. What a situation. “First Kill” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Landline—Yes, the word “landline” is still operational. In this film two sisters who have not gotten along (Abby Quinn and Jenny Slate) are suddenly suspicious that their Dad (John Turturro) is having an affair. What to do? Tell Mom? (Edie Falco) Say nothing…or do a little investigating themselves. Such is the plot. “Landline” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Girls Trip—Seems as though everyone is going on a vacation this summer.  Hayden Christiansen is in trouble with bank robbers, and in “Girls Trip,” four woman decide to go on a trip and have a good time. They are Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Regina Hall and Tiffany Haddish. Look out, world, here they come. The film is set in New Orleans. “Girls Trip” is rated R. No rating.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets—This science fiction film, directed by Luc Besson, concerns a fabulous city in the sky that evolved from the first Space Station. It is centuries later and the city (actually called Alpha) is over 18 miles long. Of course, there are problems there. Stars Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne. “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Polina (opening in select cities)—This is the story of a young girl (Anastasia Shevtsova) who wants to be a dancer in the Bolshoi Ballet and is—this close—to getting in when she discovers modern dance. What to do? She leaves town and moves to France and studies with Juliette Binoche. Is the impossible…possible?  Beautiful choreography. “Polina” is rated PG 13. A French language film with subtitles. Rating of 2 for dance fans.

JULY 28, 2017…

Atomic Blonde is Charlize Theron as an assassin who can clear a room in 30 seconds or less.

The Emoji Movie is—guess what—a movie on emotions when one emoji doesn’t have feelings.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power (documentary) has Al Gore with more information on global warming.

From The Land Of The Moon with Marion Cotillard deciding between two men.

The Incredible Jessica James is a romance between Jessica Williams and Chris O’Dowd.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.