June 21, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20170621
PDF: 20170621

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

“Radio separates the men from the boys.  You’ve got to be able to write, and to have a good idea, and there’s nowhere to hide.” – Lionel Hunt

I was watching an interesting special on the Discovery Channel last night. We’ve all heard that people for centuries thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. But that got me to thinking – couldn’t both views be correct? After all, that’s what happens to cheese when you leave it laying out.

The secret to a productive morning: A good night’s sleep, lots of coffee, stay off Facebook & Twitter. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

A quick note for those of you who ask me for advice on how to make it in radio. Please keep in mind that I am NOT one of the overly-paid radio personalities that have agents knocking on their door at all hours in the hopes of earning 13% of my paycheck. So my advice might not be the best to get you to success.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. –Matthew 5:10

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. — Psalm 103:13

May the God of peace, …that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will. — Hebrews 13:20-21

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. — Isaiah 40:30-31

Thought: What is your strength? Is it your youth? …your conditioning? …your wisdom? …your friends? …your experience? None of us can depend upon our human ability. Health, wisdom, and wealth are all vulnerabe to the fragility of life and circumstance. Only the LORD can ensure that we can survive the unthinkable, thrive in the mundane, and soar in good times. Let’s call upon, let’s wait upon, let’s depend upon the LORD!

Prayer: O LORD, thank you for sustaining me through the hard times in my life. Thank you for helping me soar, doing things for you that I never dreamed I could accomplish. Father, thank you for blessing me during the everyday comings and goings of life. I depend upon you for help and strength. For every good thing in my life I praise you and thank you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Matthew 6:21 NIV = For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – JUNE 21, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
186 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is the first full day of SUMMER.

Today is STOCK UP ON ANTIPERSPIRANT DAY.  ***After all, it IS the first full day of Summer – you’re going to need it!

Today is NATIONAL AIMLESS WANDERING DAY.  ***Also known as “(THE JOCK SHOW).”

Today is CUCKOO WARNING DAY.  ***Much like Groundhog Day, but with a twist.  It will be a wet summer if the cuckoo is heard today.

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

DO YOU REMEMBER…

* “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

* How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

* When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

* Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

* When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

* Who shot J.R.?

* How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

* When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

* When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

* How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

* When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

* When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

* What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

* When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

* When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

* Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

TODAY IS ALSO…

American Eagle Day
Flitch of Bacon Day

Lambrusco Day
National Hike With A Geek Day
National Kouign Amann Day
World Productivity Day
World Refugee Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21

Ann & Samantha Day
Atheists Solidarity Day
Cuckoo Warning Day
Global Orgasm Day
Go Skateboarding Day
International Day of Yoga
National Daylight Appreciation Day
National Selfie Day
Summer Solstice
Tall Girl Appreciation Day
World Handshake Day
World Humanist Day
World Music Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 22

Global Smurfs Day
Stupid Guy Thing Day
Baby Boomer’s Recognition Day
HVAC Technicians Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 23

International Widows’ Day
Let It Go Day
National Eat At A Food Truck Day
National Hydration Day
Pink Flamingo Day
Take Your Dog To Work Day:
Public Service Day
Runner’s Selfie Day
SAT Math Day
Typing Day

SATURDAY, JUNE 24

ARRL (American Radio Relay League) Field Day
Celebration of the Senses
Great American Backyard Campout
International Fairy Day or Faerie Day
National Haskap Berry Day
Stonewall National Monument Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 25

America’s Kids Day
Color TV Day
Day of The Seafarer
Descendants Day
Eid-Al-Fitr
Global Beatles Day
Leon Day
Log Cabin Day
National Catfish Day
Ratha Vatra

MONDAY, JUNE 26

International Day Against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking
International Day in Support of Victims of Torture
National Canoe Day
Please Take My Children To Work Day

TUESDAY, JUNE 27

Decide To Be Married Day
“Happy Birthday To You” Day
Industrial Workers of The World Day
National HIV Testing Day
National Sunglasses Day
PTSD Awareness Day

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 28

International Body Piercing Day
National Parchment Cooking Day

ON THIS DAY

1788: The U.S. Constitution went into effect as New Hampshire became the ninth state to ratify it.

1955: Sun Records in Memphis released Johnny Cash’s first recording, “Hey, Porter,” backed with “Cry, Cry, Cry.” Sun owner Sam Phillips had turned Cash away a year earlier as being “too country,” but reconsidered after a second audition.

1964: Philadelphia Philly Jim Bunning pitched a perfect game, beating the New York Mets 6-0. It was the first perfect game in the National League since 1880.

1976: For a movie remake, a 110-foot artificial King Kong was dropped off the World Trade Center in New York City. ***And you thought the PETA people were upset BEFORE!

1977: An article in the Wall Street Journal revealed that Kellogg had reduced the iron content of its Frosted Rice after consumers discovered they could move flakes of the cereal around with magnets.

1982: A jury in Washington, D.C., found John Hinckley Jr. innocent by reason of insanity in the shootings of President Reagan and three other men.

1983: Singer Kathy Mattea signed her first recording contract on her 24th birthday.

1988: An 18-month-old Bangladesh boy became the youngest person on record to bite a snake to death.

1989: A 15-year-old West Palm Beach, Florida, girl received $81.25 in damages after she sued her prom date for standing her up. ***Pretty much ensuring that she’d never be asked out by anyone ever again.

1989: Hollywood’s Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith remarried.

1989: The Supreme Court ruled that burning the U.S. flag as a form of political protest is protected by the First Amendment.

1990: Singer Little Richard got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was Little Richard Day in Los Angeles.

2003: A German driver on the autobahn near Gotha crashed his Volkswagen Passat into the back of a truck when a pair flying underpants landed on his face. One of a passing van full of naked men threw the underpants out the van window. No one was hurt. The naked men did not stop.

2003: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, fifth book in J.K. Rowling`s blockbuster series about a young wizard, hit the book stores and sold 5 million copies the first day.

2004: The SpaceShipOne rocket plane punched through Earth’s atmosphere, then glided to a landing in California’s Mojave Desert in the first privately financed manned spaceflight.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1607: English settlers found the first Anglican (later Episcopalian) parish in America at Jamestown, Virginia.

1639: Birth of Increase Mather, early American theologian. He published nearly 100 books, and is credited with helping end executions for witchcraft in colonial America.

 

1821: Birth of Henry W. Baker, compiler of ‘Hymns Ancient and Modern’ Ä the unofficial Anglican church hymnal. He also authored the hymn based on Psalm 23: “The King of Love My Shepherd Is.”

 

1821: The African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Zion Church was formally constituted in New York City. Nineteen clergymen were present, representing six African-American churches from New York City; Philadelphia; New Haven, CT and Newark, NJ.

 

1892: Reinhold Niebuhr, American neo-orthodox theologian and ethicist, is born. He rejected some of the optimism of Christian liberalism, arguing for origional sin and for a prophetic, culture-challenging Christianity, but his liberal views on politics, the Bible, and the nature of Christ (he believed Jesus was a moral exemplar, but not fully God) distanced him from conservatives.

1897 – Death of Clara H. Scott, who wrote the hymn “Open My Eyes that I May See.” She was killed when thrown from a buggy by a runaway horse.

1963: In Rome, Italian Cardinal Giovanni Battista Montini was elected Pope Paul VI, the 261st pontiff of the Catholic Church.

 

1968: Swiss Reformed theologian Karl Barth wrote in a letter: “Faith in God’s revelation has nothing to do with an ideology which glorifies the status quo.”

HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Cape Fear, Starsky & Hutch movie) Juliette Lewis, 43

  • Actor (“Melrose Place”, “Desperate Housewives”) Doug Savant, 52 (audio clip)

  • actress (“Family Ties”) Meredith Baxter 69 (audio clip)

  • actor (“Family Ties”) Michael Gross 69 (audio clip)

  • actress (Sister Mary Daniel on “One Life To Live”, Attorney Lorna Scarry on “Law & Order: SVU”) Mariette Hartley 76 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“The Love Boat’s” Dr. Adam Bricker) Bernie Kopell, 83 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Helen Merrill

1932 : Lalo Schifrin

1936 : O.C. Smith

1936 : Nick Noble

1942 : Deodato

1945 : Ray Davies (The Kinks)

1945 : Chris Britton (The Troggs)

1946 : Brenda Holloway

1947 : Joey Molland (Badfinger)

1950 : Joey Kramer (Aerosmith)

1951 : Nils Lofgren (Grin, E Street Band, All Starr Band)

1957 : Mark Brzezicki (Big Country)

1959 : Kathy Mattea

1959 : Marcella Detroit (Shakespear’s Sister)

1968 : Sonique

1975 : Justin Cary (Sixpence None the Richer)

1976 : Mike Einziger (Incubus)

1981 : Brandon Flowers (The Killers)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How is it that men started to be called “Mister?”

While Mr. is common these days, it began as a term of respect, coming to us from two sources. The word “Master” evolved into “Mister” to match the female title, “Mistress.” Mister also developed as a title to set apart skilled workers, or artisans, from the peasantry and common laborers. Here it descends from the Latin, “ministerium,” which meant craft or trade. Over the centuries, as it passed through the lips of enough mumblers and fast talkers, ministerium became mister. By the way, the French Revolution sought to eliminate all special terms of address, replacing them with “Citizen.” That really went too far. Just imagine your children’s looking up at you and saying, “Hello Citizen Johnson!” Sounds like you’re in a George Orwell novel, doesn’t it?

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Francesca Battistelli was on stage with her hero this week. She posted: In November I had the opportunity to meet Rita Springer, a woman who influenced my life, music, and ministry in profound ways. Fast forward to tonight. I led worship alongside her with my home church, and as we were singing I heard the Lord say to me, “You didn’t even think to dream this up, but I had it in mind for you because I love you that much.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVTnIi6lCCa/

Casting Crowns Juan Devevo has a problem. He posted: When you just trying to mind your own business and read your night devotion, and someone (Charles) (Spurgeon) won’t leave you alone

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVWQGv3lO8n/

Jamie Grace has autographed some unique things but signing homework is a first. Jamie posted this week: tonight I signed geometry homework.

https://twitter.com/padillahaley/status/874797855747309568

Juan Devevo: They don’t ask you a lot of questions at the checkout when you have a 12 pack of toilet paper and headache medicine.

Casting Crown’s Melodee Devevo has long dealt with heath issues and she has learned that the right motivation helps. This week Melodee posted: When I get my IV, if I get stuck 3 times or more, I get to go shopping after. Today, I couldn’t find any clothes I liked so, chocolate!

https://twitter.com/MelloDee/status/874351118020694018/photo/1

Comedian Bob Smiley: How many neighborhood kids do you have to have at your house before you register as a summer camp and start charging their parents?

You never know who you might be able to minister to if you follow God’s leading. Natalie Grant was flying on her own this week, something that she hates to do. That was when God brought Amanda into her life. Natalie says Amanda was able to immediately put her at ease, causing her anxiety to leave. She said sometimes God sends someone along in the natural realm to remind us of his Supernatural presence which is always with us.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVSPPC0hVno/

You never know what to expect when Third Day’s Mac Powell is on stage with David Crowder. Mac posted this week: That time I challenged David Crowder to an Indian Leg wrestling match on stage and he flipped me. He’s wirey. Unfortunately, no video is currently available.

Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall is moving on. He posted this week: The Bird is going up for sale. Attached was a picture of his black and gold Trans AM

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVOEVoRFFLZ/

David Crowder this week shared some Monday motivation from the Cooke Monster. He posted: Today me will live in the moment unless it’s unpleasant in which case me will eat a cookie.

#mondaymotivation

https://twitter.com/crowdermusic/status/874312482046832641/photo/1

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Cadillac has launched a vehicle subscription service for a fee of $1,500 a month. So, you don’t buy it… you just subscribe to it. ***Or here’s an idea… pay a third of that each month and actually OWN a vehicle.

Scientists at Massachusetts General Hospital have used adult skin cells to grow a beating human heart. ***Meaning there may still be hope for George Soros to finally get one.

If you want to boost your performance on the putting green, listen to jazz while you’re putting. while any kind of music improves performance compared to listening to no music at all, jazz is the most effective musical genre for improving putting, according to researchers. ***And animated Disney movie soundtracks are good for murder sprees.

A geographer has determined that Center, North Dakota is the geographic center of North America. ***Apparently the people of Center, North Dakota already knew that – they named themselves CENTER.

In Summerfield, Florida, 18-year-old Shelby Conder was arrested after allegedly downing five beers in the beer aisle of a Walmart store and then groping a paramedic who was trying to help her. The teenager reportedly told the Walmart manager that she was drunk and needed a ride home. She is also accused of kicking an officer in the leg as she was put in handcuffs. ***Wait… where did this take place again? Oh… Walmart. Okay, that explains it.

Finnish researchers say that eating eggs actually boosts your brain function. ***So bring on the Cadburys!

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A new study finds that tall men in good shape make more money. ***And in other news of the REALLY OBVIOUS, the sun will once again rise in the EAST tomorrow morning.

British dentists say the National Health Service doesn’t reimburse them enough so they’re refusing to take patients who have bad teeth. ***Wait a minute… Britain has DENTISTS?

A study of UK consumers by Glasgow Calegonia University found that men are still much more likely than women to shop on the Internet. The study also found that the stereotype is true: men don’t like shopping, so they go on the Internet, find something that looks good at the lowest price, assume it’ll be okay and buy it. ***My wife hates it when I buy my jeans online. “But you don’t have a chance to try them on that way.” True; but I don’t do that in the store either.

It seems as though Americans are losing their appetite for fast food combo meals. Since 2007, the traditional burger, fries, and soda have been down, according to a report by market research firm The NPD Group, by one billion servings. The number-one reason they said they stopped is that the dollar menu is a better deal. ***Okay then – make all combo meals a dollar. There you go, problem solved! Now… I’ll take a double-Whopper with cheese meal, please…

A recent study finds that attending live concerts reduces the concert goer’s level of stress. ***For those of you who attend a lot of live concerts… “I SAID…A RECNET STUDY FINDS THAT ATTENDING LIVE CONCERTS REDUCES CONCERT GOER’S LEVEL OF STRESS!”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAYS EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we found out the Plaid Guy – who all the Razzleflabbins had been terrified of for years, was actually a really nice guy! So nice, in fact, that the Razzleflabbins invited him to the barbecue and to the next day’s busy day of playing and singing!

CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A Moment of Duh from a listener!

Hello, (JOCK). I can’t use my name, because my wife would kill me, but I still can’t help but share this story with you. My wife called me this morning when she was driving to work. She was really frustrated and said she couldn’t find her cell phone anywhere. I asked her, “aren’t you talking on it?”

She didn’t say anything for about twenty seconds and then told me, “You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!”

“Well, nobody except (JOCK) on (STATION),” I said. She made me promise not to use my name or hers. Hope you like this real-life Moment of Duh. We listen to your show every day; it makes the day for us!

–Anonymous

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REAL REASONS THE CHINESE BUILT THE GREAT WALL

10. Started as a college hazing stunt in Mongolia

9. Ancient philosophers foresaw the coming of Britney Spears.

8. The Chinese inventor of the skateboard needed something to “shread” on.

7. It’s really a big, huge zipper that holds two tectonic plates together. Apparently, they were having chronic earthquakes.

6. They were planning on building the worlds biggest subdivision.

5. Insomnia is a scary affliction.

4. It all started when the Emperor’s Wife saw this fabulous 2-for-1 sale on wallpaper.

3. They really planned on just having a pretty good wall, but you know how these home hobby projects tend to grow.

2. What else would you do with 8,234,376,665 rocks?

1. Chinese? Everyone knows Al Gore built the Great Wall!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes criminals take stupidity to a whole new level.

FILE #1: Curtis Sherman gave a bank teller in western Washington a note demanding money. On the back of the note was a name and phone number of a person who turned out to be his girlfriend. Before he was caught, he robbed another bank the next day. This time, he had a cab driver help him find a bank that was open on Saturday. Then, he borrowed a pen and paper to write a holdup note that was easily traced to the cab. To top it all off, he stiffed the cabby. He was finally arrested the next day — for shoplifting in the same store where the second bank branch was located.

FILE #2: A retired police chief says he was robbed by “probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania.” It happened at a police officers’ convention, of all places. The retired chief says as he came out of a stall in the men’s room, a man was pointing a gun in his face, demanding money. The chief did what he was told, handing over his money and cell phone. But when the robber turned and ran, the former cop and some colleagues chased him. They arrested the guy as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

FILE #3: A Michigan man who’s accused of breaking into a gas station might have gotten his inspiration from “Prison Break.” Except he didn’t have control over the script.  Police say once the guy had broken in to the gas station, he had a few smokes and drank some booze. Then, he called 911 so he’d be arrested because he wanted to see his brother in jail. But, the guy wasn’t allowed to see his brother. Now, he’s pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of “attempted” breaking and entering. His sentencing is in one month. That’s when he’ll find out how much time he’ll get to spend in jail, and whether or not he’ll be bunking with his brother.

STRANGE LAW: Throwing snowballs will result in a $50 fine in Provo, Utah.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Sometimes even non-humans can have drug problems.

A dog that ran off from its owner in Seattle’s Seward Park found and ate some marijuana and got high. Owner Jen Nestor Waddell told KING-TV the 11-year-old black Lab mix named Jack was “just stoned” May 12 after they returned home from the park. The dog’s eyes glossed over and he had trouble walking. The vet said Jack had swallowed a large amount of dried, harvested marijuana. After some medication to induce vomiting and a night of rest Jack was back to normal. Waddell told police about the drugs and joked they could borrow Jack to find them if they paid the $1,500 vet bill.

PHONER PHUN

Today is BABY BOOMER RECOGNITION DAY.  ***MARLAR: And here’s a quick test.  The more of these you remember, the more likely it is that you’re a Baby Boomer…

DO YOU REMEMBER…

* “Cruising” on a Friday night, listening to the Top 40 on your AM radio?

* How much popcorn you made when you got that first microwave?

* When there were only 3 TV channels — and it was so hard to choose what to watch!

* Where you were when JFK was shot?  (or RLK or MLK?)

* When the “Domino Theory” meant something other than planning to have pizza for dinner?

* Who shot J.R.?

* How scary it was to open that first Apple II to add a card to increase the RAM from 16K all the way up to 64K?

* When your teenage son or daughter first told you about the Internet?

* When the Beatles sang “I Want To Hold Your Hand” to Ed Sullivan?

* How “neat” it was to hear the Beach Boys actually sing surfing music at the beach, on your transistor radio?

* When you bought your first car that actually had seatbelts installed?

* When you said that you’d never trust anyone over 30?

* What a TV test pattern looked like, when the channel went off the air at midnight?

* When we gave up trying to win “hearts and minds” and settled for “peace with honor?”

* When the price of gas jumped up to 50 cents per gallon?

* Watching the first man walk on the moon with “one small step…?”

***PHONER: What did we miss?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Jonah and what other prophet were sent by God to minister to Nineveh?
ANSWER: Nahum — (Nahum1:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What is the world’s largest office building?

ANSWER: The Pentagon with 6.5 million square feet.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. A deltiologist collects exercise equipment. (False – postcards)

2. Seat belts became mandatory on U.S. cars in 1978. (False – March 1, 1968)

3. The average sixty minute audio cassette tape has 200.8 feet of tape in it. (False – 562.5 feet)

4. The launching mechanism of a carrier ship that helps planes to take off, could throw an average pickup truck over a mile. (True)

5. The quartz crystal in your wristwatch vibrates 32,768 times a minute. (False – a second!)

6. The side of a hammer is a called the “flat”. (False – the cheek)

7. A canton is the blue field behind the stars in the U.S. flag. (True)

8. A bonnet is the cap on the fire hydrant. (True)

9. Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else. (False – they owned more property than anyone, except The Catholic Church)

10. The little lump of flesh just forward of your ear canal, right next to your temple, is called a tragus. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

PICKLES CURE ______ (OBESITY)

Scientists have discovered that eating homemade pickles – cures obesity!

The best way to fight “fat bacteria” is to eat homemade pickles.  This is according to a new study out of Harvard, Cambridge and the Culinary Institute of America.

“If you eat homemade pickles, you will lose all the excess weight you carry on your frame,” said famed nutritionist, Jacob Walkmer.  ”Five to ten pickles a day after that will help you maintain your ideal weight, for the rest of you life.”

Microbiologists discovered that we are made up of 90 per cent bacteria. Nine out of every ten cells in our bodies are not human but belong to these microbial species (most of them residents of our gut).

The pickles fight the bacteria in the gut and enhance growth of “fat-killing bacteria.”

“You have to eat the pickles as soon as you wake up and then have two or three right before you go to bed,” said Walkmer.  ”If you do this, you will, absolutely lose weight.”

If you change the ratio of bad bacteria to good bacteria in your stomach, you will lose weight – fast – according to the study.

The Western diet, with its refined carbohydrates, highly processed foods, and dearth of fresh vegetables, preserves foods by killing bacteria and then deprives our gut bacteria of much that is good for them to ferment and grow.

‘Probiotics – beneficial bacteria ingested either in fermented foods or in supplements – have been shown to calm the immune system and reduce inflammation; shorten the duration and severity of colds in children; relieve diarrhea and irritable bowel syndrome; reduce allergic responses; stimulate the immune response; possibly reduce the risk of certain cancers; and improve the health and function of the gut.

And the best probiotic every created – pickles.

So, go ferment some pickles – and lose weight!

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

There was a farmer who had many pigs.  One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that.  Why?”

“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.” Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.  The farmer answered: “Well, I feed them very well.  I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak…  why?”

“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.” And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.  The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: “Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want.”

JOKE #2

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. 
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. 
”Look !” she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. “And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.” 
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. 
Services are pending.

JOKE #3

An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?”

“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again … “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter? … ???”

USELESS FACTS

A new study says garlic stinks at reducing cholesterol.  Almost 200 adults given the equivalent of an average clove of garlic a day, six days a week for six months, saw no reduction in their cholesterol level.  ***But garlic-eaters did see a massive reduction in their number of friends.

In Milan, Italy, when an operator dialed a wrong number, the phone company fined the operator. ***I know, I know, “what’s an operator”… right?

FEATURED FUNNIES

FATHER’S DAY SURPRISE

Realizing at the last minute that it was father’s day, a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.  Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud, “Happy Father’s Day to a wonderful Dad. Now that I’m a father too . . .”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
In our fast-paced society, we often have a difficult time waiting for things. Gillian Kennedy of Bristol, England, decided she just couldn’t wait any longer for the furniture she ordered and took matters into her own hands. After being told the dresser she ordered 10 weeks ago was still not in and was on backorder from Malaysia, Gillian stormed the furniture store. With a screwdriver in hand she spent 30 minutes taking apart the display model of the dresser she wanted and put the pieces in her car. Walking out the door she yelled to the store’s staff, “Don’t you dare try to stop me!” And they didn’t! ***MARLAR: Two syllables for Gillian… DE-CAF.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DAD’S GREATEST JOB
I may never be as clever as my neighbors down the street,
I may never be as wealthy as some other men I meet;
I may never have the glory that some other men have had,
But I’ve got to be successful as a little fellow’s dad.

There are certain dreams I cherish that I’d like to see come true.
There are things I would accomplish, ere my working time is through;
But the task my heart is set on is to guide a little lad
And make myself successful as that little fellow’s dad.

I may never get earth’s glory; I may never gather gold;
Men may count me as a failure when my business life is told;
But if he who follows after is a Christian, I’ll be glad,
For I’ll know I’ve been successful as a little fellow’s dad.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

SMART DAD

Read: Proverbs 4:14-27

Whoever loves wisdom makes his father rejoice. —Proverbs 29:3

A hard-working single dad named William Jackson Smart was the inspiration for the creation of Father’s Day. His wife died in 1898 while giving birth to their sixth child, and the Civil War veteran was left to raise the children alone in rural Washington.

In May 1909, Smart’s daughter, by then a married woman named Sonora Dodd, heard a sermon enumerating the virtues of motherhood. It was Mother’s Day, a new American holiday that had begun the previous year. Sonora decided to honor her dad’s dedication to his children by seeking to have a Father’s Day designated on the calendar. The day caught on, but it wasn’t permanently established as an annual holiday in the US until 1972.

What a vital role fathers can play in the home as they train their children to follow God’s ways! Proverbs 4 gives these nuggets of wisdom that dads can pass on to their children: “Do not enter the path of the wicked” (v.14). “Keep your heart with all diligence” (v.23). “Put away from you a deceitful mouth” (v.24). And finally, “Remove your foot from evil” (v.27).

We honor our godly fathers by obeying their instruction. And we should pray for all dads to recognize their God-given role of training in the home. —JDB

We’re thankful for good fathers, Lord,
They’re special gifts from You;
Help us to show we honor them
By what we say and do. —Sper

Good fathers not only tell us how to live—they show us.

LEFTOVERS

HOW MUCH BEER IS THAT AGAIN?

You know how some people, after they use something, just can’t bear to throw it away. That might make sense if it’s magazines or clothes. But what if it’s empty beer cans? In astounding numbers?

…When property manager Ryan Froerer checked on an Ogden, Utah, townhouse, he knew something was up. Ryan couldn’t even open the front door. It was blocked from inside. From 70,000 beer cans. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there. To all outward appearances, the person who lived in the townhouse was the perfect tenant. He always paid on time and he never complained. He kept a low profile in the neighborhood. The cans were recycled for 800 dollars. And by the way, to burn through 70,000 beers in 8 years you’d have to drink 24 beers a day. (audio clip)

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP U.S. AMUSEMENT PARKS TO VISIT THIS SUMMER

  • Astroland Amusement Park (Brooklyn, NY) – Featuring the world famous Cyclone.

  • Busch Gardens (Tampa Bay, FL) – Besides rides, there’s the Edge of Africa safari experience.

  • Cedar Point Amusement Park (Sandusky, OH) – 68 rides, 16 rollercoasters!

  • Disneyland (Anaheim, CA) – Main Street, USA; Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.

  • Kennywood Park (West Mifflin, PA) – Old fashioned park, but with five major coasters.

  • Knott’s Camp Snoopy (Bloomington, MN) – Largest indoor theme park inside the Mall of America.

  • Magic Kingdom (Lake Buena Vista, FL) – Adventureland, Frontierland, Fantasyland and more.

  • Paramount’s Carowinds (Charlotte, NC) – Featuring the tallest body slide on the East Coast.

  • Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (Santa Cruz, CA) – Old school boardwalk with carousel, rides, Whack-a-Mole, Skee Ball.

  • Six Flags Astroworld (Houston, TX) – With the Serial Thriller, a suspended, looping coaster and Looney Tunes Town.

JUST FOR FUN

BEST TV FATHERS

Everyone knows being a dad can be demanding, even on TV. For Father’s Day, TiVo commissioned an independent survey and in 2008 announced the top 25 TV dads of all time to honor the men who take on the toughest — and most rewarding — job of all: fatherhood.  Top honors went to:

  • (5) Ward Cleaver, “Leave it to Beaver”

  • (4) Howard Cunningham, “Happy Days”

  • (3) Pa Ingalls, “Little House on the Prairie”

  • (2) Sheriff Andy Taylor, “The Andy Griffith Show”

  • and at the top of the list, Cliff Huxtable on “The Cosby Show.”

***MARLAR: What disturbs me about this list isn’t those fathers, they’re all great… but the ones at the bottom of the list.  We have lewd, crude, and tattooed fathers coming in positions 21-25.  Keep in mind this is still the list of TOP TV DADS – supposedly, GOOD fathers.  Number 21 is Peter Griffin, from “Family Guy”, then comes Al Bundy, “Married… With Children”, Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”, number 24 is Tony Soprano, “The Sopranos”, and just barely squeaking in at the end of the “best father list” – Ozzy Osbourne from “The Osbournes.”  Is it no wonder that society is being flushed down the toilet when some of the so called “best” TV dads are always drunk, stoned, running the mob, or running from responsibilities?

FUN LIST

YOU’RE NOT OLD UNLESS

You’re not old UNLESS you can remember …..

  • Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

  • When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

  • When there were two types of sneakers for boys.

  • When boys couldn’t wear anything but leather shoes to school.

  • When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

  • When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

  • When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

  • When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

  • When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

  • When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

  • When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

  • When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Next time you catch a cold, forget about vitamin C and aspirin.  Take a good, brisk walk. A new study reveals that exercise helps you fight the common cold. The study showed that men and women who walked 45 minutes a day recovered from colds twice as quickly as couch potatoes.  ***MARLAR: I will never be healthy.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Beware your contact lenses. Wearing them appears to change the natural bacterial environment of the eyes, reports HealthDay News of research from the New York University School of Medicine. Led by Maria Dominguez-Bello, the team collected samples at the beginning of the study from 58 adults to analyze bacteria on the eye surface and the skin below the eye. Twenty of the participants wore contacts, and the researchers also collected bacteria found on their lenses. Additional samples were taken from another 20 participants, about half of whom wore contact lenses, at three points over the next six weeks. for those who do not wear contact lenses, the bacterial composition of the eye is very different from that of the surrounding skin — with greater or lesser amounts of specific bacteria. for those who do wear contact lenses, bacteria that are normally found on the skin around the eye were found also on the surface of the eye. How did the skin bacteria get into the eye? The researchers aren’t sure. It could have been transferred by fingers to the lens or it could just be from the act of wearing contacts. What should you do? Be smart about contact lens hygiene. Wash your hands with soap and hot water before handling your contacts. Clean the contacts per the manufacturer’s instructions, and replace disposable lenses on schedule. Never sleep with your lenses in your eyes. Replace disinfecting solutions monthly and lens cases every three months.

When the going gets tough, Mom’s brain gets going. That’s what scientists are saying after figuring out how motherhood super charges female smarts to equip gals for the rigors of raising a child. “Pregnant women undergo a phase of so called baby brain, when they have an apparent loss of function,” explains Dr. Craig Kinsley, professor of neuroscience at the University of Richmond in Virginia. “This is because their brains are being remodeled to cope with the many new demands they will experience.” Hormonal changes during breast feeding increases to size of brain cells, which leads to a boost in smarts. “The many benefits seem to emerge from motherhood as the maternal brain rises to the reproductive challenge,” he adds. “The changes could last for the rest of their lives, bolstering cognitive abilities and protecting against degenerative diseases.”

More than 85 percent of American will experience low back pain. Backache is the second most common cause for sick days in the workplace. Headache is the number one reason for sick days. Most cases of back pain stem from poorly trained core muscles that put pressure on nerve roots leaving the spine. A literature review and meta-analysis led by Daniel Steffens Sydney Medical School in Australia published in JAMA Internal Medicine, concluded that exercise plus proper spinal biomechanics are moderately effective for reducing the incidence of lower back pain and the use of sick leave. Popular back pain preventive methods such as back braces, shoe insoles and lifting belts are ineffective. Studies by Canadian bio-mechanist Stuart McGill show that core-stiffening exercise such as side-bridges, stir-the-pot, bird-dogs and Pallof presses are extremely effective for treating and reducing the incidence of back pain. People must do these exercises regularly to get results. (Fitness Rx)

Ladies, lace up your running shoes and hit the pavement or the treadmill. But you don’t have to run. Walk — but at a forceful pace as fast as you can go. Do that when you’re young, and it could reap huge benefits as you age, keeping your brain strong. That’s right: Strong legs equal a strong brain, according to researchers in Great Britain. The study found that leg strength was a far better predictor of brain health than any other lifestyle factor examined in the study. Generally, the twin who had greater leg strength at the start of the study maintained her mental abilities better and had fewer age-related brain changes than the twin with weaker legs. While the research didn’t prove a cause-and-effect relationship, it appears that simply walking more now to improve leg force and speed could help maintain brain function as you age.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I wanted to be a singer, and I tried it once. And the birds left, the sun went out, the rivers and lakes dried up. So I became a radio DJ.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JUNE 16, 2017…

Cars 3 is an animated film and continues the adventures of Lightning McQueen (voice of Owen Wilson) who still wants to be a top racer.

All Eyez On Me is a biopic of the late rapper Tupac Shakur and working his way up the ladder of fame. Actors include Demeterius Shipp, Jr. and Jamal Woolard.

Rough Night concerns a bachelorette party that goes in many directions, and this is an adult film. Stars Scarlett Johansson and Zoe Kravitz.

Book Of Henry has a young boy (Jaeden Lieberher) trying to help his friend next door. But is this the right thing to do?

47 Meters Down is about two sisters whose diving expedition leaves them stranded with sharks all around. Stars Mandy Moore.

Maudie (opening in select cities) is a poignant film, based on the life of English artist Maud Lewis (Sally Hawkins). Maud was not your typical artist.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.