Sadly, after so many years, it is time to close down ONAIRprep as well as the audio feature “Daily Dose of Weird News”. I don’t wish to do so, but due to some health issues, I just cannot keep up with the demanding time it takes to put it all together each day. It was fun while it lasted but I need to re-prioritize my life to put other things first and take care of myself and my family.
The final day of ONAIRprep will be posted this coming Saturday, June 30th, to finish out the month. The final Daily Dose of Weird News audio feature will be posted Tuesday, June 26th.
You all have paid subscriptions, so you will need to cancel your subscriptions before you they get automatically renewed through PayPal. You can cancel your subscription immediately by unsubscribing through this link: http://ow.ly/ppcI30kF84t. It will require you to sign in to your PayPal account and cancel your subscription so you are not charged again. Do not worry, even if you unsubscribe today you will still be able to get the prep for the remainder of this month along with the prep below via links.
While the service is closing down, I do not want any of you to be at a loss for material – especially as many of you still have time left on your subscriptions. Too make up for that, I have uploaded all of the radio show prep from last year (2017) as well as everything that has been created so far this year (2018) into zip files for you to download and save to your hard drives. All of the ONAIRprep elements I use every single day are there and the only thing that would be different for each date would be the NEW news kickers which, of course, would be outdated – but the EVERGREEN news kickers could still be used for years to come. This gives you 90% of the prep which you can keep forever; just be sure to download these zip files sometime this week before the ONAIRprep portion of my website gets shut down. Here are links to the zip files…
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS: https://www.dropbox.com/s/lka38h583bwion7/AsTheJungleTurns.zip?dl=0
THE TICKET: If you would like to have Marie Asner continue to provide movie reviews for your show/station, you can email her directly at email@example.com.
If you have any questions, please let me know. It has been a true privilege to server each and every one of you, and to entertain your listeners through the writing I’ve done over the years. Someday I may be able to come back to this, as I know I’m going to miss it. But it appears God has other plans for me at this time.
Thank you in advance for your understanding, and God bless you, your station, and your listeners.
Sincerely Yours and HIS,
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Tune in tomorrow for the beginning of the show when I’ll say the very charming and witty thing I don’t have prepared to say right now.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“…Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” –Philippians 3:13
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever — do not abandon the works of your hands. — Psalm 138:8
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. — Psalm 105:4
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever… — Psalm 37:28
Thought: God is committed to his people. He loves justice, and those who pursue it. He will not forget his people, those who seek to honor him by displaying his character in their lives. God has promised that he will honor his promises to his people and preserve them with his protecting power, forever. As God has promised elsewhere, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you!”
Prayer: Eternal and Faithful Father, thank you for your great promises. I am thrilled at the reminder of your faithful presence in my life. I fully believe that I can entrust my future to you and that you will bring me into your presence with victory and great joy. Thank you for my sure and steadfast hope. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Matthew 6:30 NIV
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
TODAY IS SATURDAY – JUNE 30, 2018
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 177 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL ICE CREAM SODA DAY. ***And the first person to bring me one gets to pick something out of the prize closet!
This is LEAP SECOND ADJUSTMENT DAY. You get an extra second added to the day to help adjust the clocks. ***You’ve been asking for more time in the day – well today, you get it!
TODAY IS ALSO…
California Avocado Day
National Haskap Berry Day
Leap Second Time Adjustment Day
National Meteor Watch Day
NOW (National Organization For Women) Day
Social Media Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
SUNDAY, JULY 01
Estee Lauder Day
Fast of Tammuz
Hop A Park Day
National GSA Employee Day
National Postal Workers Day
Resolution Renewal Day
Second Half of The Year Day
U.S. Postage Stamp Day
Zip Code Day
MONDAY, JULY 02
I Forgot Day
Made In The USA Day
Second Half of The Year Day
World UFO Day
TUESDAY, JULY 03
Compliment Your Mirror Day
International Plastic Bag Free Day
Stay Out Of The Sun Day
WEDNESDAY, JULY 04
Boom Box Parade Day
Fourth of July or Independence Day
Independence From Meat Day
THURSDAY, JULY 05
Work Without Your Hands Day
FRIDAY, JULY 06
Earth at Aphelion
Fried Chicken Day
International Kissing Day or World Kiss Day
Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
SATURDAY, JULY 07
Father-Daughter Take A Walk Together Day
Global Forgiveness Day
International Day of Cooperatives
International Cherry Pit Spitting Day
Tell The Truth Day
Victims of The Dallas, Texas Attack Day
SUNDAY, JULY 08
Coca Cola Day
Math 2.0 Day
ON THIS DAY
1859: French acrobat Blondin (real name: Jean Francois Gravelet) crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope as 5,000 spectators watched.
1894: Korea declared independence from China, then asked for Japanese aid. ***Well that hardly seems very “independent”, now, does it?
1926: McGraw Electric Company of Minneapolis sold the world’s first pop-up toasters.
1934: The NFL Portsmouth Spartans became the Detroit Lions.
1953: The first Chevrolet Corvette rolled off the assembly line in Flint, Michigan. It was the first laminated plastic car. Sticker price: $3,250.
1974: Steven Spielberg filmed the famous July 4th scene for his movie, Jaws. A crowd of 400 screaming extras in bathing suits ran from the water — again and again and again. (audio clip)
1975: Cher married Gregg Allman. The marriage lasted nine days. ***Hollywood celebrities still ask her, “What was your secret to a long marriage?”
1985: Continental Baking executive James A. Dewar died at age 88. In the early 1930s he invented Twinkies. ***Appropriately, he was labeled as “creamy filling” and buried in a long square yellow coffin.
1985: Actor Yul Brynner ended his reign as the King of Siam in “The King and I” after playing the role on and off for 34 years in over 4,500 performances. He won two Tonys and an Oscar.
1986: Calling his Playboy Bunny a symbol of the past, Hugh Hefner closed Playboy clubs in New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.
1988: The city of Brooklyn dedicated a bus depot honoring Jackie Gleason for his “Honeymooners” character Ralph Kramden. *** We’re still waiting for a sewer named after Ed Norton.
1992: Newspapers reported singer Tom Jones’ new television series was rated lower than British TV’s hymnfest “Songs of Praise.”
1994: Twelve miles of highway in Waverly, Tennessee, became Loretta Lynn Parkway.
1994: The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of her 1994 national title and banned her for life for the attack on competitor Nancy Kerrigan.
1995: The movie “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” opened throughout the U.S. (audio clip)
2002: Brazil won its 5th World Cup soccer championship with a 2-0 victory over Germany.
2005: A Solomon Islands man who had lived as a hermit in a jungle cave for 40 years returned home when his fire went out. After relatives welcomed him home, 80-year-old Philip Uduota decided to stay.
2011: A Florida man was accused of tying his 74-year-old mother to a chair and forcing her to write checks. ***Later he forced Mom to do his ironing and make him a meatloaf.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1881: Presbyterian preacher and African-American abolitionist Henry Highland Garnet is appointed minister to Liberia. The former slave shocked the abolitionist community in 1843 by calling for violent rebellion. “Rather die free-men than live to be slaves,” he preached.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
“American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino 34 (audio clip)
Actress (Saw, Along Came A Spider, Con Air) Monica Potter 47
Actor (“Melrose Place”) Brian Bloom 48 (audio clip)
Actor (“Daredevil”, Full Metal Jacket, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”, Men In Black) Vincent D’Onofrio 59 (audio clip)
Actor/comedian (Little Man, “Chocolate News”, “Life With Bonnie”) David Alan Grier 63
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1917 : Lena Horne
1940 : Larry Hall
1943 : Florence Ballard (The Supremes)
1944 : Glenn Shorrock (Little River Band)
1949 : Andy Scott (Sweet)
1951 : Stanley Clarke
1953 : Hal Lindes (Dire Straits)
1956 : Adrian Wright (The Human League)
1969 : Tom Drummond (Better Than Ezra)
1984 : Fantasia Barrino
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Are there people with mirror-image bodies?
About one person in 8,500 has a condition called situs inversus in which all the internal organs are located in mirror-image to the usual arrangement. People with situs inversus have their heart on the right and their liver on the left. The condition does not usually result in any medical problems. No one knows why some people are internally flip-flopped, but recently scientists have discovered some clues. In the earliest days of embryo development there is a critical period during which cilia (tiny beating hairs) cause a current to flow across the embryo. This current carries certain substances to one side more than the other, creating a left-right difference that becomes amplified into the left-right positions of the organs. People with situs inversus may have a genetic quirk that reverses or removes that current.
MOMENT OF DUH
Don’t believe everyone who calls you on the telephone… especially if they say it’s for your own safety that you start breaking things around you.
A telephone prankster posing as a sprinkler company employee caused havoc at an Arkansas Holiday Inn when he convinced an employee to set off the hotel’s fire alarm, smash windows, shut down electricity, and break a sprinkler head that flooded the building lobby. Holiday Inn employee Christina Bergmann was at the front desk early that morning when a male caller “identified himself as an employee of Grennel Fire Sprinkler service.” The man told Bergmann that there was a problem with the hotel’s fire sprinklers and that she “needed to pull the fire alarm to reset them,” Bergmann, aided by a hotel guest, would subsequently follow a series of directions from the caller that would result in about $50,000 in damages to the hotel!
TOP TEN WAYS TO STREAMLINE CONGRESSIONAL PROCEDURES
- Important issues are to be decided with Rock’em Sock’em Robot Matches.
- All statements over 300 words are subject to rebuttal by Simon Cowell.
- Add a “10 Bribes or Less” Legislative Express Check-Out.
- Outsource it all to Domino’s Pizza. Then you could get a bill passed in “30 minutes or less.”
- Combine swearing-in and indictment ceremonies.
- All budget appropriations are to be submitted to an internet based Top Ten List. Only the suggestions that get selected will get funded.
- Instead of a gavel, give the chair a supply of poison blow darts.
- Make it like a reality show: the first congressman to pass his bill wins immunity!
- New temperatures in House and Senate. Winters 20 degrees F. Summers 110 degrees F
- Limit senators to ten words per day. Cut off access to aides for non-compliance.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man tries to get a driver’s license – and goes to prison for kidnapping.
FILE #1: Roberto Padilla’s day started with him just wanting to get his driver’s license and ended with him being arrested for kidnapping. The 44-year-old Portland, Oregon, man’s driver’s test got off to a bad start when he shifted gears to drive and hit the curb – an automatic failure. Padilla pleaded with instructor Ruth Ramos for another chance, but she refused. So Padilla took off driving, refusing to let Ramos out. Finally, he stopped at an intersection and Ramos was able to jump out. Padilla was arrested a short time later and has been charged with second-degree kidnapping. ***MARLAR: Somewhere in between “making complete stops” and “parallel parking”, I’m sure there has to be something in the Rules of the Road book about not kidnapping your instructor.
FILE #2: Sometimes we’re able to succeed in spite of ourselves. Take the unidentified man who held up an Orlando bank. Surveillance video showed the bandit handing a bank teller a piece of paper before pulling a gun, which he held backwards during the holdup. During the robbery he also pointed the gun at himself before walking out of the bank, amazingly with cash. Police consider the man armed and dangerous to himself.
FILE #3: In Durango, Colorado, police had to tell liquor store owner Gabe Fidanque to give shoplifters the boot — quite literally. Tired of losing what he says was about $1,000 worth of merchandise a month in thefts, Gabe took to telling shoplifters he caught that they had two choices: Give him one of their shoes or he’d call the police. A handful actually gave up a shoe but Durango police told him to cut it out or face charges of felony robbery. Ironically, shoplifting from his store is only a misdemeanor. Police Capt. Micki Browning said, “I would suggest that he find a different option that doesn’t involve giving up property. What’s the difference between him saying, ‘Give me $20 and I won’t call the police’ or ‘Give me your shoe?'” Gabe was also ordered to return the shoes to their owners–if he can find them. He reluctantly agreed but said, “That’s the whole point of it. They’re too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, and that also means they won’t steal again.”
STRANGE LAW: In Nebraska it is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
If you plan on protesting something, first be sure your brain isn’t on drugs.
A man accused of trying to burn down a post office to protest the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan has been charged with attempted arson. A 45-year-old man was arrested in front of the post office holding a beer, a hammer and a propane torch. Police found the front door smashed and saw a garbage can and its contents on fire inside the building. An officer dragged the can outside before flames spread to the structure. Police said the man claimed he was angry about U.S. military involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan. No word on how he thought burning down a post office would help anything.
What are some of the coolest things you’ve found at garage sales?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What was indicated when one who had taken the Nazarite vow shaved his head?
ANSWER: He had completed his vow (Numbers 6:13 & 18)
QUESTION: For roughly six to seven months after birth, an infant can do this, but adults can’t. What is it?
ANSWER: Breathe and swallow at the same
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Over 30 million people in the US “suffer” from Diastima. (True. Diastima is having a gap between your front teeth.)
- In 1976 Sarah Connor became the first woman to conduct the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. (False – Sarah Caldwell. Sarah Connor conducted the first escape from The Terminator!)
- Reindeer milk has less fat than cow milk. (False – it has more)
- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. (True)
- The city with the most Rolls Royce’s per capita is Los Angeles. (False – Hong Kong)
- The youngest pope was 11 years old. (True)
- The First novel ever written on a typewriter was “Tom Sawyer.” (True)
- The phrase “Rule of Thumb” refers to spousal abuse. (True. It is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.)
- The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. (True)
- The nursery rhyme Ring Around The Rosey is a rhyme about the plague. (True. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores <Ring Around the Rosey>. These sores would smell very badly, so common folk would put flowers on their bodies somewhere, inconspicuously, so that it would cover the smell of the sores <a pocket full of posies>. People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease <ashes, ashes, we all fall down>.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“______ BUY THE DODGERS” (THE YANKEES)
The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy on Monday – and the NY Yankees quickly bought the team. According to a release issued by the team on Monday morning, the Dodgers filed for bankruptcy. Hal Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, immediately announced that the New York Yankees would purchase the ball club. “The Yankees organization always wanted to have a west coast presence – and now we have it,” said Hal Steinbrenner. The Los Angeles Dodgers will be known as the Los Angeles Yankees starting next season.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” So now he works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
This story happened about a month ago in a little town in Alabama, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s not.
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly crept toward him – silently – and stopped. Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car slowly started moving again. The guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. The guy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and he would plunge to his death, when just before the curve, a hand came from out of the darkness thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.
Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was not drunk and could very well be telling the truth.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar. One said to the other, “Look Billy Bob, thar’s that idjit what rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain.”
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The women were arguing noisily even in the court. The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
Blind people could one day use their tongues to help them “see”. Scientists have developed a device which transfers visual cues from a video camera to the brain through electrodes in the mouth. A map of the outside world is sent to a postage stamp-sized “tongue display unit” made of 144 electrodes which stimulates the highly sensitive tongue. ***So if someone sticks their tongue out at you, they may just be sight-seeing!
About one in every five men say they couldn’t leave for vacation without packing a hair dryer. ***Which is a flawed study, because obviously those people aren’t real men.
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Great,” Sue exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Wonderful,” Mary replied. “I’ll go with you.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Think of the dumbest reason to get rid of your car… I can almost guarantee you that the next story will beat it!
Granted, I don’t like spiders either… I’m sure most people don’t. But would you sell your car because you saw a spider in it? Michelle Holloway did just that! “I don’t regret selling the car at all. I couldn’t keep it after that. If the spider had come out while I was driving I would have crashed,” she said. So she sold her Mazda 626 because she saw a spider in it and now she rides the bus to work. ***MARLAR: Oh yeah, I’m sure public transit is completely bug free.
CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO GOD
Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane
Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy
Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane
Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan
Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane
Dear GOD, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother! -Darla
Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
EIGHT COWS ON THE ALTAR
READ: Genesis 22:1-12
God tested Abraham. —Genesis 22:1
Pastor Ed Dobson was speaking to a congregation on “putting all on the altar” in total surrender to Christ. After the service, an old German farmer came forward. He told Dobson that he had eight cows that were dying, which would mean great financial loss, and he had been struggling with accepting this as God’s will. Then he said, “Because of your message, I have found peace. Tonight I put them all on the altar.”
Christ’s lordship touches every area, every relationship, every concern of our lives. If we are willing to submit to Him, any loss in life will be seen as an opportunity of giving back to God what is rightfully His and trusting Him to provide what is needed.
When God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, He seemed to be undermining His own purposes. Isaac was the son of promise through whom God would bless the world. Yet Abraham’s faith had grown strong over the years, and baffled though he must have been, he said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb” (Genesis 22:8).
The issue is the same for us. Can we entrust everything to God—our possessions, job, health, family? If we commit ourselves to Him each day and thank Him for every blessing, our confidence in Him will survive any test. —Dennis J. De Haan
You have longed for sweet peace and for faith to increase,
And have earnestly, fervently prayed;
But you cannot have rest or be perfectly blest
Until all on the altar is laid. —Hoffman
Submission to God means taking our hands off what belongs to Him.
DEADLIER THAN GUNS?
Lots of people are saying that guns are dangerous and should be banned… but there is something that every single one of us uses that’s 9,000 times more dangerous than guns and kills more people than guns ever could!
Bad news folks. You know how everyone is saying that guns should be banned because they’re so dangerous? Well, I’ve learned about another product that’s NINE THOUSAND TIMES more dangerous than guns! And, sadly, every single American uses this product at least once in their lifetime! I can almost guarantee you’ve used this product at least once… and children are especially vulnerable because they use this product more often than the average adult! Want to know what this product is? Are you sitting down? It’s health care administered by a doctor! That’s right… doctors are more deadly than guns! Don’t believe me? Keep listening…
We have 700,000 doctors in the United States. All total, doctors cause 120,000 accidental deaths per year. That equals 0.171 deaths per doctor.
As for guns, there are 80-million gun owners in the United States. There are a total 1,500 deaths caused by guns (and that’s for all age groups). That comes to 0.0000188 deaths per gun owner.
***MARLAR: Statistically, doctors are about 9,000 times more likely to kill you than are gun owners. Maybe we should ban doctors… and politicians who want to give us free health care.
(Numeric Figures from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.)
LIFE… LIVE IT
WATER COOLER TALK
Looking to get ahead at work? Spend more time at the water cooler…
… drinking water, not talking! According to research conducted by the Innowave water company, 38% of folks claim they feel more productive after drinking water on the job. Plus, they say it will help you digest food better, which makes workers feel less groggy after lunch. ***MARLAR: Then again, this is research from a water company – so you might want to take it with a grain of salt. Which, now that I think about it, will make you thirsty for more water.
JUST FOR FUN
Two things that mankind (and mostly womankind) have been looking for are: ways to look younger; and acquisition of chocolate. Now it looks like you can combine the two!
Confectioner Adolf Andersen of Hamburg, Germany, teamed up with an anti-aging clinic to develop the first line of anti-aging chocolates. He says Felice pralines are made with dark chocolate, mango and soya milk, all filled with antioxidants and other ingredients that reportedly protect against free radicals, boost metabolism and tighten skin. A tester for the company said that two chocolates with a cup of tea at the end of the day make you immediately feel 15 years younger. ***MARLAR: But the sugar and caffeine will keep you awake all night making you look like death warmed over at work the next morning.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SUMMERTIME WHEN…
- The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- Hot water now comes out of both taps.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
- You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
- The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
- Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Want to live longer? Stop bathing!
A new study out of Stockholm University reveals that people who want to live longer may want to re-think how often they bathe. The study shows that warm bath water strips the body of essential germ-fighting oils, and that shortens life expectancy. Researchers say when you bathe for social reasons, take quick showers in cool water.
***MARLAR: Well, if there’s a teenage in your house, cold water is usually all that’s left.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
This important traffic bulletin. If you’re driving on (Pleasant Street), please avoid the road at the intersection of (Pleasant and Public Ave). There’s nothing wrong out there, but I’ll be going home in a few minutes and I’d sort of like the road to myself.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER (email her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org)
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JUNE 29, 2018…
Uncle Drew—Kyrie Irving, of NBA sport fame, dives into acting as Uncle Drew. In the film, Drew is a legend of the sport of streetball. He wants to bring the old team back for a special game. Can he do it? This may turn out to be a different kind of ball game as there is an opposing team led by Nick Kroll. Also, in the cast are Shaquille O’Neil, Chris Weber, Mike Epps and Lisa Leslie. “Uncle Drew” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Woman Walks Ahead—Jessica Chastain takes on the role of a real-life portrait painter of the 1890’s, Caroline Weldon. From Brooklyn, she was famous for her paintings and decides to take on one special subject, Chief Sitting Bull of the Lakota (Michael Greyeyes). Will he do it? A painting by a woman? Where to find him? What about security? We do know that this is a famous painting of historical significance. Sam Rockwell plays the Colonel. “Woman Walks Ahead” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Leave No Trace—In this film, directed by Debra Granik, a father and daughter, have lived in the wilderness by themselves—-no civilization, thank you. Things are going well, until “civilization” comes into their territory. What to do? The film is based on the book “My Abandonment” by Peter Rock. This film stars Ben Foster and Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie. “Leave No Trace” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Sicario: Day Of The Soldado—The first film, “Sicario”, was one of my favorite films of 2015. The reality of the illegal drug trade crossing borders gets to you in opening scenes of that film. Photography (Roger Deakins), acting, directing (Dennis Villeneue) and that special soundtrack (from the late Johann Johannsson) brought the level of filming way up. Now, this story centers on Alejandro, the Benicio Del Toro character. “Sicario” means “hitman.” Since the end of the last film, he has helped to slow down drug traffic across the U.S.-Mexico border. Now, he has a young girl hostage, who is related to the drug cartel. This is leverage if the plan can work. Not only do they have to stay hidden, but who is out there to help them from the cartel? There is a history between the hostage and gun man, too. The southwest and arid countryside have their place in the film. The cast includes Josh Brolin, Jeffrey Donovan and Isabela Moner. Director is Stefano Sollima. “Sicario: Day Of The Soldado” is rated R. for violence. Rating of 3 for fans.
JULY 4-6, 2018…
Ant-Man And The Wasp brings together more super-heroes from Marvel Comics. Stars Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly.
The First Purge goes back in time to how the “Purge’s” came to be. Stars Scott Davis.
The Legacy Of A Whitetail Deer Hunter is a comedy starring Josh Brolin and Danny McBride on a weekend hunting trip.
Sorry To Bother You goes behind the scenes of telemarketing. Stars Lakeith Stanfield.
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