May 23, 2017: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170523
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Interesting fact. Historians announced yesterday the smile on the Mona Lisa’s face can be traced to the day she found out she wouldn’t live long enough to hear my show.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Jesus is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. — Hebrews 7:25

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. — Galatians 5:13

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. — Proverbs 3:27

Thought: Rather than “looking out for” only “number 1,” we are to look out for those deserving of good — whether that be help, aide, praise, love, affection, attention, praise — and to act decisively to give them what they need and deserve. We are to be a people, as Paul tells us, that Jesus saved so we would be “eager to do good deeds” (Titus 2:14).

Prayer: Father, forgive me for my selfishness. I so often notice only my needs or what I deserve. There are so many good and deserving people you have placed in my life that have blessed me. Use your Spirit to open my eyes and my heart to see those around me that I can bless and give me the courage to act in ways that glorify you and are a blessing to others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 Thessalonians 5:23 NIV = May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – MAY 23, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
215 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is DON’T ROB A BANK DAY. ***So I guess I’ll have to find alternate plans for my afternoon.

Today is GO FOR A WALK IN YOUR SWIM FINS DAY. ***Yeah, like I own swim fins. Have you seen me? I don’t belong anywhere near the water. My skin has two colors – white and extra crispy. If I were any whiter I’d be clear.

Today is NATIONAL CLIMB A TREE DAY. ***In swim fins?  Are they INSANE?!?!?

TODAY IS ALSO…

International Day to End Obstetric Fistula
Declaration of the Bab Day
International Day to End Obstetric Fistula
National Taffy Day
World Crohn’s and Colitis Day
World Turtle Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, MAY 24

Aviation Maintenance Technician Day
Emergency Medical Services for Children Day
EMSC (Emergency Medical Services) Day
International Tiara Day
Morse Code Day

THURSDAY, MAY 25

Cookie Monster’s Birthday
National Missing Children’s Day
National Tap Dance Day
National Wine Day
Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day
Red Nose Day
Towel Day
Eat More Fruits & Vegetables Day

FRIDAY, MAY 26

National Chardonnay Day
National Paper Airplane Day
World Lindy Hop Day
Don’t Fry Day
Heat Awareness Day
National Polka Day
National Title Track Day
National Wig Out Day

SATURDAY, MAY 27

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)
Cellophane Tape Day
International Heritage Breeds Day
Julia Pierpont Day
Ramadan

SUNDAY, MAY 28

Menstrual Hygiene Day
National Hamburger Day
Sierra Club Day
Slugs Return From Capistrano Day
Indianapolis 500

MONDAY, MAY 29

Learn About Composting Day
Memorial Day
Prayer for Peace Memorial Day
International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers
Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day

TUESDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day
Mint Julep Day
Shavout

ON THIS DAY

1430: Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians and sold to the English. ***Terrible way to treat Noah’s wife.

1868: At Fort Lyon, Colorado, Indian Agent Kit Carson died of a bleeding aneurysm at age 58. The women at the desert fort, unable to find flowers, decorated his coffin with artificial flowers from their dresses and hats.

1877: Grace Ingalls was born in Burr Oak, Iowa. Six months later, the Ingalls family returned to Walnut Grove, Minnesota. Grace’s sister, Laura, made the Ingalls famous with her “Little House” book series. (audio clip)

1934: Fugitives Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker were ambushed in Louisiana. They were wanted for 14 murders during dozens of bank robberies. He was 25, she was 23.

1940: Frank Sinatra, The Pied Pipers with Jo Stafford, and the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra recorded the classic, “I’ll Never Smile Again” for Victor Records.

1953: Singer Jim Reeves debuted on the Grand Ole Opry. An announcer on the Louisiana Hayride, his first single, “Mexican Joe,” already had hit #1 on the country charts.

1962: The NBA agreed to allow the Philadelphia Warriors to become the San Francisco Warriors. Later, they became the Golden State Warriors.

1962: Joe Pepitone of the New York Yankees set a major league record by hitting two home runs in one inning.

1964: Ella Fitzgerald’s cover of the Beatles’ “Can’t Buy Me Love” hit #34 in Britain. She was the first artist to chart a Beatles song in the U.K.

1979: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, without a record contract, filed for bankruptcy.

1984: The Surgeon General reported that smokers can inflict lung damage on non-smokers who inhale second-hand smoke. ***Of course, non-smokers can inflict damage by wrapping their hands around the necks of smokers, so it all evens out.

1991: Seinfeld’s “Chinese Restaurant” episode was broadcast. (audio clip)

1995: In Clermont, Florida, a 33-year-old woman who had a baby in state prison tried to swap the child two days after her release for a 1985 Honda Accord. Police charged the mom with arranging to sell a child, a third-degree felony. ***I think the car dealer should be charged too… that’s an awful steep price for an 85’ Honda Accord.

1995: Thieves in Kenilworth, England, broke into a discount store and made off with 60 tubes of toothpaste. ***MARLAR: They wanted nice white teeth for their mugshots. (audio clip)

1996: The Walt Disney Company announced that for the next ten years the more than 18,700 McDonalds restaurants would promote Disney movies, parks, and videos in 93 countries.

2001: Four Sri Lankan men got more than they bargained for when they tried to molest two women near the town of Matale. The men dragged the two women into a bush by the road when one of women started to fight back. A local newspaper said two of the men were felled by neat blows “where men are most vulnerable,” while the other two ran. One of the ladies, Dulcia Sirisena, had recently been named Grand Champion at the Open Karate Championships in India.

2006: Amnesty International claimed in its annual report that U.S. anti-terror policies worldwide had undermined human rights in 2005.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1430: French military hero Joan of Arc is captured by the Burgundians. They sold her to English, who tried her for sorcery and heresy.

1498: Italian reformer Girolamo Savonarola, who preached aggressively against the corruption of northern Italy’s church and society, is hanged for heresy and his body burned. After gaining fame for successful prophecies, he sought to establish an ascetic Christian community. Scholars still debate whether he was a saintly prophet or a fanatic.

1533: Thomas Cranmer, archbishop of Canterbury, declares King Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon null and void: a key moment in the English Reformation.

1618: Bohemian Protestant rebels storm the castle of Catholic Hapsburg king Ferdinand II and throw his governors out the window (and into a pile of manure). This act touched off Europe’s Thirty Years War, which ended in 1648 by the Treaty of Westphalia.

1633: Though Huguenots (French Protestants) had tried to colonize “New France” (Canada) for three decades, France declares only Roman Catholics are allowed to permanently settle there.

HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor/comedian (“The Drew Carey Show”) Drew Carey 58 (audio clip)
  • Actor (“Murphy Brown’s” Jim Dial) Charles Kimbrough, 80 (audio clip)
  • Actress (“Dynasty”) Joan Collins, 83 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1910 : Artie Shaw

1928 : Rosemary Clooney

1934 : Dr. Robert Moog

1943 : “General” Norman Johnson (The Chairmen of the Board)

1944 : Raymond Fulwood (The Parliaments)

1945 : Misty Morgan

1946 : Danny Klein (The J. Geils Band)

1947 : Bill Hunt (Electric Light Orchestra)

1953 : Rick Fenn (10cc)

1955 : Jim Mankey (Concrete Blonde)

1967 : Phil Selway (Radiohead)

1972 : Maxwell

1974 : Jewel (Jewel Kilcher)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Who was Mona Lisa?

Italian scholar Giuseppe Pallanti, like others, believes that Da Vinci’s model was Lisa Gherardini, who was married to a prominent Italian silk merchant, Francesco del Giocondo. Del Giocondo, according to Pallanti’s research, was a friend of Da Vinci’s father and that is how the younger Da Vinci and Lisa Gheradini came to meet. Leonardo is thought to have begun painting the Mona Lisa in 1503, when Gheradini was 24 years old. It took four years for Da Vinci to finish his work. Lisa and her husband had five children and she lived at least into her 60s, according to Pallanti. However, there is no record of her death.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Third day member Mark Lee says his hike this weekend on the Appalachian Trail was longer than expected. Mark posted: Good times got extended quite a bit when I realized I had lost my car keys at the trail head. Our 5 mile hike turned into a 14 mile hike! #itwillbeagreatstorysomeday

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUR41JcgSN9/

Jason Gray on depression: Depression is like a dark room with black curtains that hang over every window in your heart, swallowing every bit of light until you wonder if light ever even existed. He made his statements upon hearing of the death of Chris Cornell and added: My heart goes out to Chris Cornell, his family, friends, and those touched by his music. But especially his children. Depression is a liar and a thief.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUQsfMWgX7L/

Congratulations to Mercyme drummer Robby Shaffer. He took part in a charity event put on by major leaguer Mike Matheny over the weekend and said: Not sure how, but I won the celebrity event champion award. Apparently I scored well in the skeet shooting and golf. Who knew? He posted a picture of the belt buckle he received as a prize for winning but added: I need a belt for this buckle.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUQsU2dAK_E/

The members of for King and Country recently introduced Christian on their facebook page. The young man came to see for King and Country for his very first concert! That prompted Joel to ask: What was your first show? Mine was Stryper when I was 5!

https://twitter.com/4kingandcountry/status/864862235184836608/photo/1

Milam Byers, guitarist of rock band Bleach, and his family have been trying to raise an overwhelming $40,000 in order to adopt a child into their family. With the Byers family being halfway to their goal, their friends in the music world are rallying together to help them out. According to the web site Jesus Freak Hideout, On Tuesday, May 23rd, Bleach will reunite to help raise money for the Byers family adoption. They will be joined by MercyMe, Plumb and Rhett Walker.

https://twitter.com/jfreakhideout/status/864711856484630529/photo/1

Switchfoot was broadcasting live on facebook as they surprised a group of kids singing their song Float. The members of the band posted: We are hidden in a room at an elementary school about to surprise a bunch of kids. We’re gonna join in, sing with them, and invite them to play BroAm with us! Check out the video and see what happens: https://www.facebook.com/switchfoot/videos/10156142918521679/

Mercyme’s Bart Millard says the band’s song Happy Dance is making him laugh for more than one reason. He posted a picture of one recent chart showing Happy Dance at number 10 and added: Makes me giggle that this song is randomly in the top ten. It was written for our kids to dance around the house to.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BULfSnJg56W/

Mandisa on her new album Out of the Dark: After God pulled me Out of the Dark, I was a bit scared to share about my depression. I had no idea that so many people experienced it too. Now I’m praying that what the enemy intended to harm me, God will use for good.

Good news from Carman. The long time Christian artist announced over the weekend: THE TUMOR IS BENIGN. Carmen was at the end of end of his estimated remission time when he discovered another tumor. He says he even got gray hair on his knuckles after needing surgery, the delays on the surgery day, and waiting for the results. But the results came back CANCER FREE! Carmen is currently raising funds for another record through a Go Fund Me campaign.

http://Gofundme.com/Carman2017

Steven Curtis Chapman wants to do something to honor those who gave their lives serving this Memorial Day, and he needs your help. A little over a year ago he wrote a song called “We Remember” for Veteran’s Day inspired by his Grandpa Rubel Rudd, who received a Purple Heart medal for his service in World War II. This year Steven is creating a lyric video of the song to honor those who gave their lives for our country and to allow you an opportunity to say “thank you” and honor them. Steven says: If you have a family member who gave their life in service to our country, I’d love if you’d be willing to share a photo that I could put in a video montage. Photos can be sent to sccsalute@gmail.comthrough this Tuesday.

http://instagram.com/p/BUTAY01BVjn/

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Crime is drying up in Japan, leaving Japan’s police to hunt for what to do. Japan has over 259,000 uniformed officers—15,000 more than a decade ago. At the same time, crime rates have been falling for 13 years. The murder rate of 0.3 per 100,000 people is among the lowest in the world;. Only one gun slaying was recorded in the entire country for all of 2015. This means plenty of attention for crimes that would be considered too petty to investigate elsewhere. ***What are they doing in Japan – and how can we adopt that here? http://econ.st/2pVJ6bM

Steve Harvey’s second ex-wife, Mary Harvey, has sued the “Family Feud” host for $60 million, alleging that he damaged her “soul.” ***How much is a soul worth – I mean, legally?

After 146 years, the Ringling Bros., Barnum & Bailey Circus gave its final performance Sunday. ***But don’t worry, there are plenty of circuses still performing – for example, the one at The White House.

Dozens of Notre Dame students from the class of 2017 quietly filed out as Mike Pence began his commencement speech Sunday – carrying out a planned protest of President Trump’s VP. ***Ooh, these graduates are just going to love the real world, where everyone’s opinions and political beliefs always mirror their own.

A Michigan doctor has had his license suspended after performing liposuction in a barn. ***Yep. That would do it.

Snoop Dogg has signed with TBS to host a game show, “The Joker’s Wild!” ***The show will have more commercial breaks than other game shows to give Snoop time to get in a few tokes to keep his personality consistent.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Travelers now consider their mobile device the ‘single most indispensable’ item they take with them when traveling, rating it higher than their toothbrush, deodorant and driver’s license. More than 90% of respondents said their smartphone was ‘an important travel companion’, and 60 percent said they would be unwilling to go on vacation without a mobile device. ***Personally, I’m surprised it’s as low as 60%. Heck, I’d rather travel with my smartphone than my own family.

Researchers have figured out something most pet owners suspected: dogs and cats don’t dance, but birds do. They say they’ve documented for the first time that some animals “dance” to a musical beat. The researchers made a series of lab and video studies, watching various animals for signs they were actually feeling the beat of music they heard. They concluded that some parrots do boogie, and so does the occasional elephant. But there’s no sign of such musicality among dogs and cats, despite long exposure to people and music. And chimps, our closest living relatives, also appear to lack rhythm. The findings are published by the journal Current Biology online. ***Unfortunately, the only dance parrots can do is “The Bird.”

Time Magazine did some deep investigating and found that the McDonald’s McRib Sandwich has 70 ingredients, many of which most of us can’t pronounce. ***And none are pronounced “rib”.

Checked in on Facebook? Then you’re among the many being blamed for $260 million a day in lost productivity, according to a recent study. 233 million hours a month are squandered because employees are “wasting time” on social networking sites. ***Of course, I would never have known this had I not read it on Facebook.

According to a recent survey, 1-in-5 Chicago drivers is violating the ban on using hand-held cellphones while behind the wheel. ***In fact, you’re reading this on your cell phone right now, aren’t you?

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, everybody was so caught up in their own talents, voices, and instrument playing that nobody was making beautiful music together… because nobody was together at all! In fact, even all of the band members wanted to do their own solos! Everyone wanted their own spotlight.

CLOSE: Okay, I think we’ve gone just about as far with this solo-thing as we can go. If individual piano keys and individual guitar strings won’t play together, what’s left? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

You can steal from a library… but you have to do it quietly! 

A woman who visited the University of Indiana’s Math Department, asked an employee to see a copy of a doctoral dissertation, and then, in a bold and daring move, stole the documents.  The employee saw the woman run across the street and jump into the passenger seat of a waiting truck, which then sped off.  Department Chairman David Hoff said the theft was puzzling because copies of dissertations can be checked out of the IU library at no cost whatsoever.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO WASTE TIME AT THE AIRPORT

10. Ask people if you can repack their luggage for them.

9. Make a friend, and go to the gate to see their flight take off… just for old times sake.

8. See how many seats you can “save” in the waiting area.

7. Organize a wheel chair racing tournament!

6. Toss a dime through the metal detector just when someone walks through.

5. Use mini-bullhorn to announce gate changes

4. Help out security by re-inspecting other passengers’ carry on bags after they’ve gone through the security checkpoint.

3. Four words: Golf Cart Drag Racing!!!!!!!

2. Hack into the computer system and change all the arrival/departure times to GONE FISHIN’ BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES

1. Stand by the checkpoint, and ask people to remove their socks, just for laughs.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A stork becomes a jail bird in the files of Law & Disorder!

FILE #1: According to the BBC, a bird carrying a satellite tracking device has been arrested on suspicion of spying. The South African stork, called Saturn, was detained after crash landing in Burundi. The bird was part of a University of Cape Town study monitoring the migration patterns of birds. Villagers in the area where Saturn landed were suspicious of the strange device strapped to the bird’s back and handed him over to police. An e-mail was sent to Professor Les Underhill at the Cape Town university after his address was found on the device. It said the bird had been taken into custody.

FILE #2: Hungarian police have arrested a volunteer fireman named Zsolt F., who admitted committing arson at least nine times because he could not resist the urge to set fire to dry leaves. Zsolt caused nearly $600,000 in damage to houses and property around the village of Rusza in southern Hungary.

FILE #3: In 1995 thieves in Kenilworth, England, broke into a discount store and made off with 60 tubes of toothpaste. ***MARLAR: They wanted nice white teeth for their mugshots.

STRANGE LAW: In Gurnee, Illinois it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to ride horses in shorts.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Dummerston, Vermont – what an appropriately named city for our “Brain on Drugs” story to take place! 

Father and son team Herbert and Brian Powell of Dummerston, Vermont went for a little drive over to Connecticut where they became hopelessly lost. Driving aimlessly down the road, they spotted a police car parked on the shoulder. They thought they would stop and ask for directions, which would have been fine except for the fact that they weren’t alone in the car. They were traveling with their good friends Bud and Weiser. And it didn’t help their cause any when Brian told the officer his date of birth was “September 31.” Dad has been arrested for drunk driving and son has been arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest. ***The good news is that instead of getting directions, the police simply drove them to their next destination!

PHONER PHUN

Are you a newer listener to (THE JOCK SHOW / STATION)? If so, who did you listen before you tuned in, did you stop listening to that other show or station? If not, which show/station do you like best and why? That’s okay, be honest… I can take it!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was dropped accidentally by his nurse so that he became crippled?
ANSWER: Jonathan’s son Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 4:4)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What famous entertainer was known is Annie Mae Bullock before she adopted a stage name?
ANSWER: Actress/singer, Tina Turner.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. It takes 4 minutes to cool Hershey’s chocolate into a kiss. (False, 18 minutes)

2. The term “Beatlemania” was coined after the Beatles appeared at Yankee Stadium. (False, The Palladium)

3. In “The Karate Kid,” Daniel had to paint Miagi’s house Green, as part of his training. (True)

4. India celebrates Constitution Day when we celebrate Christmas. (False, Taiwan does)

5. Buffalo can actually jump as high as six feet in the air. (False)

6. Your liver is about the size of a football. (False)

7. The Gill, lateral line, and dorsal fin are all parts of a fish. (True)

8. Michelangelo designed the uniform worn by the Swiss Guards at the Vatican. (True)

9. The source of the Nile is Lake Victoria. (False)

10. In the 1970’s, Paul Newman famously wore Beauty Mist pantyhose in TV ads. (False, Joe Namath)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

RACHER LASSOS FLYING _______ (COW)

East Hampton, NY — Last week, local rancher lucky stetson was working his cattle when a rogue cow set off for the hills.

“I am pretty quick with the rope, but this one wasn’t like the rest”. Moments into the pursuit, Stetson knew something was amiss. “He just took off! And by off, I mean straight up– into the sky”. Stetson was shocked to see his favorite milker take flight.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Two snakes were out taking a stroll when the son snake turns to the mother snake and asks: “Mommy! Are we poisonous?”
“Why, yes we are”, says the second.
Again the baby snake asks, “Are you sure we’re poisonous?”
“Yes, we are very poisonous.”
The baby snake becomes very upset. Again, he asks, “Are we really really poisonous?”
“Yes we are really really poisonous. In fact we’re the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?”
“I just bit my lip!!!”

JOKE #2

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?   His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?” 
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. 
”The evening was a disaster,” he moaned. 
”Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother. 
”Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook…”

JOKE #3

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing. “What did you find?” he asks.

“I’m not sure,” comes the answer from the second mouse. “It looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see… Ah, yes. It’s from ‘Gone With the Wind.’ “

“And how is it?” asks the first mouse.

“Not so great,” replies the second mouse. “The book was better.”

USELESS FACTS

ABC News reports that 71 percent of children said they “need” a vacation.  ***Hey, kids – I got news for you.  Having someone ELSE provide your food and lodging while you play video games and update your Facebook status IS considered “a vacation.”

A survey by Nationwide Mutual Insurance found that 81% of Americans do something else while driving, including talking on a phone, texting, checking e-mail, eating, watching TV, doing their hair, applying makeup and shaving. ***I was reading this survey and was so astonished I had to pull over and finish the article!

FEATURED FUNNIES

GOLFING COUPLE

This fellow’s wife constantly berated him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband steps up first and says, “Now watch me, and do the same thing.” A nice shot, lands on the green with about 30 feet to the cup. The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and bounces it off a rock, clips a tree, sideswipes the second rock and rolls up onto the green and sinks it. The husband looks at this, and says, “OK, now you know how to play, let’s go home.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

GAMBLING AGAINST THE IRS

Estelle Busch took a gamble against the IRS — and won… 

…State tax collectors in Minnesota said she owed more than 100-thousand dollars in back taxes on her winnings playing the slots. But the Minneapolis woman claimed gambling for her is a business and she should be able to deduct her losses of 200-grand. The Minnesota Supreme Court agreed, ruling she didn’t owe any back taxes. Busch says gambling isn’t fun for her; it’s just plain hard work. State tax collectors disagreed, contending the retiree had no particular skill and depended on luck to win.  ***MARLAR: Actually, it sounds as if she has a great skill… defeating tax lawyers.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DELAYED

From D. Delli

I sat in my seat of the Boeing 767 waiting for everyone to hurry and stow their carry-ons and grab a seat so we could start what I was sure to be a long, uneventful flight home.

With the huge capacity and slow moving people taking their time to stuff luggage far too big for the overhead and never paying much attention to holding up the growing line behind them, I simply shook my head knowing that this flight was not starting out very well. I was anxious to get home to see my loved ones so I was focused on my issues and just felt like standing up and yelling for some of these clowns to get their act together.

I knew I couldn’t say a word so I just thumbed thru the “Sky Mall” magazine from the seat pocket in front of me. You know it’s really getting rough when you resort to the over priced, useless Sky Mall junk to break the monotony.

With everyone finally seated, we just sat there with the cabin door open and no one in any hurry to get us going although we were well past the scheduled take off time. No wonder the airline industry is in trouble I told myself. Just then, the attendant came on the intercom to inform us all that we were being delayed. The entire plane let out a collective groan.

She resumed speaking to say “We are holding the aircraft for some very special people who are on their way to the plane and the delay shouldn’t be more than 5 minutes. The word came after waiting six times as long as we were promised that I was finally going to be on my way home. Why the hoopla over “these” folks? I was expecting some celebrity or sport figure to be the reason for the hold up. Just get them in their seats and let’s hit the gas I thought.

The attendant came back on the speaker to announce in a loud and excited voice that we were being joined by several U.S. Marines returning home from Iraq !!!Just as they walked on board, the entire plane erupted into applause. The men were a bit taken by surprise by the 340 people cheering for them as they searched for their seats. They were having their hands shook and touched by almost everyone who was within an arm’s distance of them as they passed down the aisle. One elderly woman kissed the hand of one of the Marines as he passed by her. The applause, whistles and cheering didn’t stop for a long time.

When we were finally airborne, I was not the only civilian checking his conscience as to the delays in “me” getting home, finding my easy chair, a cold beverage and the remote in my hand. These men had done for all of us and I had been complaining silently about “me” and “my” issues I took for granted the everyday freedoms I enjoy and the conveniences of the American way of life.

I took for granted that others had paid the price for my ability to moan and complain about a few minutes delay to “me” while those Heroes were going home to their loved ones. I attempted to get my selfish outlook back in order and minutes before we landed, I suggested to the attendant that she announce over the speaker a request for everyone to remain in their seats until our heroes were allowed to gather their things and be first off the plane.

The cheers and applause continued until the last Marine stepped off and we all rose to go about our too often taken for granted everyday freedoms. I felt proud of them. I felt it an honor and a privilege to be among the first to welcome them home and say “Thank You for a job well done.”

I vowed that I will never forget that flight nor the lesson learned. I can’t say it enough, THANK YOU to those Veterans and active servicemen and women who may read this and a prayer for those who cannot because they are no longer with us. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WELCOME CRITICISM

READ: Proverbs 9:1-10

A fool despises his father’s instruction, but he who receives correction is prudent. —Proverbs 15:5

Cancer researcher Dr. Robert Good was a hard-driving individual with an enormous faculty for new ideas. According to an article I read about him, he had the ability to make use of any information he came across.

I was most impressed, however, with a statement that credited him with a willingness to recognize any error in his theories and abandon them faster than anyone else in medical research. An associate said, “Dr. Good never gets married to his hypotheses, so he doesn’t go through the pangs of divorce when one is proven wrong.”

Proverbs 9 puts a high premium on such a willingness to see one’s error and admit it. It describes a wise man as one who wants to learn from his mistakes. When challenged, he resists the urge to get his back up like a threatened tomcat. Instead, correction becomes a faithful friend and a necessary means to improvement (v.9). On the other hand, when a “scoffer” is rebuked, he responds with anger and hate (v.8). Because of his overinflated ego, he won’t listen when told he has erred.

We need to follow the path of wisdom by giving heed to words of reproof. To be truly wise, we must remember that at times we too have played the fool. —Mart De Haan

When criticism comes your way,
Consider its intent;
It may be that some truth from God
To you is being sent.  —D. De Haan

LEFTOVERS

DRIVER TRAINING

An unidentified 22-year-old man was taking a driving test with a license examiner near The Hague, the Netherlands, when he got stuck on a railroad track. The driver and the examiner ran for safety just before a train rammed the car, dragging it 150 meters down the track. But the car came right back to them — a second train coming the other direction hit the car and dragged it back other way. (Reuters) ***MARLAR: The examiner failed the man, noting “He didn’t know whether he was coming or going.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

MEDICAL MYTHS

Here are seven medical myths identified by the British Medical Journal that will no doubt stun you. You’ll probably think at least one of these is true. Here are the seven medical myths that are all false:

  • You should drink at least eight glasses of water a day — This advice, often found in the popular press, probably originated from advice given in 1945 stating that a suitable allowance of water per day for adults is 2.5 liters (which is 10.14 cups). Drinking too much water can actually be harmful, resulting in water intoxication and even death.

  • We use only 10% of our brains — Erroneously credited to Albert Einstein, MRI and PET scans show that there are no dormant, inactive areas of the brain. Detailed probing of the brain has never revealed the non-functioning 90 percent.

  • Fingernails and hair grow after death — Johnny Carson even perpetuated this myth, but forensic anthropologist William Maples says no such thing occurs. However, there is a biological basis for the myth. After death, the skin around the hair or nails can retract, giving the impression that the nails or hair have grown when in fact the contrasting soft tissues just shrink.

  • Shaved hair grows back faster, coarser and darker — Clinical trials conducted as long as 80 years ago show that shaving has no effect on hair growth. More recent research proves that shaving doesn’t affect the thickness or rate of hair growth. Because shaved hair lacks the fine taper seen on the ends of unshaven hair, it can appear to be more coarse.

  • Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight — Moms have long maintained that children who try to postpone bedtime by reading under the covers with a flashlight will need glasses. That’s not true. Poor lighting can make it seem as if your eyes can’t focus and it makes them feel dryer, but in fact such light won’t permanently harm your eyesight.

  • Eating turkey makes you drowsy — Scientific studies do show that tryptophan, which is an amino acid present in turkey, is involved in sleep and mood control and can cause drowsiness. However, turkey doesn’t contain enough tryptophan to knock you out.

  • Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals — Hospitals may be plastered with warning signs against using cell phones, but not a single death can be attributed to such use. However, less serious incidents causing false alarms on monitors, malfunctions in infusion pumps, and incorrect readings on cardiac monitors, have occasionally been reported.

JUST FOR FUN

WHAT ARIA LEARNING IN SCHOOL?

Sentencing young offenders to listen to music they don’t like seems to be catching on, so Eastern Connecticut State University in Hartford decided to try the tactic with students who break campus rules. But the punishment doesn’t seem to be working out the way administrators intended. One student was sentenced to watch the production of Tosca when he was caught with beer in his dorm. His reaction? “It was awesome, I loved the show!” Another student said, “It’s definitely not punishment. It’s a privilege.” At least one student in the audience was there voluntarily — he so enjoyed his sentence to watch The Magic Flute last semester that he now goes to the opera regularly. ***MARLAR: What a punishment! “You better shape up, young man, or it’ll be season tickets for you!”

FUN LIST

REPORT CARD FUNNIES

These are actual comments made on students’ report cards by teachers in the  New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite..)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a ‘full six-pack’ but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

11. It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

IS YOUR TEEN LIVING UNDER THE LENS?  

Does your teenager always feel she must look her best just in case someone snaps a photo of her – no matter what time of day it is or where she might be?  It’s a growing trend among teens… and not a healthy one!

Many of us may remember those self-conscious teenage years hoping no one would spot us walking out the door in sweats. Teens still have these worries, but with the addition of Facebook and smartphones (that allow a photo to be snapped and uploaded for all to see instantly) the feeling of being seen looking untidy is all the more devastating. And with 7.5 million Facebook members under the age of 13, these worries can start at a very young age.

A recent New York Times report discusses how teens of today feel they have to do a lot more primping and posing in public than ever before. One eighth grader, Grace, describes how she avoids video chats when she is looking less than perfect. Grace explains, “Before a video chat, I’ll fix my hair and make sure that I look good. If I just got out of the shower and my hair is wet, or I’m wearing my sweats, I’ll cover the camera with a Post-it, or I just won’t accept the video chat.”

Other teens describe how posing in a sexy way or wearing revealing clothing will get them more “likes” on Facebook and what teen doesn’t want to be liked by all? Lily, a 14-year-old, explains, “Girls don’t just want to get ‘Likes’ from their close friends. They want to get them from boys, or older kids or kids from other schools who are popular.”

Always being “on” and thinking about how to pose in public may be doing more harm to our teens than we think. Child and teen development specialist, Robyn Silverman, warns “The sexualization of girls at this age is very dangerous. It makes girls feel hurried… and feeling hurried can cause anxiety, depression.”

THOUGHT: What do you think of the new teen generation that has to constantly think of how they will be viewed by the people in their social network? How do you and your teen deal with this kind of pressure?

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

This teen literally reached for the stars, and it looks like he made it. An 18-year-old from India built the world’s lightest satellite — and NASA’s going to send it into space. Rifath Shaarook created a 4-centimeter (1½-inch), 3D-printed cube that weighs 2¼ ounces, making it lighter than an iPhone.

http://nyp.st/2qz7sVD

Researchers say that wearing sunglasses may help prevent itchy, watery eyes. People who went sans shades for three weeks needed 10 times more anti-histamines than those who wore sunglasses daily during daytime. That may be because the lenses keep airborne pollen from landing on your eyes and activating mast cells, the culprits behind inflammation and irritation. for shades that will keep your eyes itch free, protect you from harmful UV radiation, and have you looking great. (Men’s Health)

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby is urging believers from all denominations to take part in the “Thy Kingdom Come” prayer initiative which is set to take place later this month. Christian Today reports that hundreds of thousands of Christians are already committed to joining in the initiative. Some of the events being planned include prayer walks, candlelit services, and prayer tepees, as well as street parties and fireworks celebrations.

http://dlvr.it/PB16cg

Christian revival is sweeping across North Central Texas, specifically the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Through a movement called “reviveTX,” more than 350 churches are involved in sharing the Gospel with people in the DFW Metroplex for 50 days — from Easter to Pentecost. The nonprofit organization behind the revival, “Time to Revive,” says since reviveTX began in mid-April, more than 1,600 people have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

http://fw.to/MqKZ1Fb

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If I had a nickel for every time I changed my mind… no, wait… make that two nickels…

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

MAY 19, 2017…

Alien: Covenant—This is a prequel to “Prometheus” and is about a colony ship called Covenant that ends up on a new planet to live on, but discovers something truly horrible. The universe is not kind with its distant life forms. The cast includes Michael Fassbinder, Noomi Repace, Katherine Waterston, Guy Pearce and James Franco. “Alien: Covenant” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul—The Kid (Jason Drucker) and his brother, Rodnick (Charley Wright) go with their parents (Alicia Silverstone and Tom Everett Scott) on a road trip to visit relatives. Yawn, what is thought by the kids to be snooze time turns into something rather funny. “Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans of the books and films.

Champion—This film about dirt racing stars Gary Graham and Andrew Cheney. It is a story of competition between two men and an accident that changes everything. Faith Renee Kennedy is also in the cast. “Champion” is rated PG. No rating.

The Black Prince (opening in select cities)— Jason Flemyng plays the last great ruler of India, the Punjab and realizes that the British Empire is there to stay, so what to do? Alexa Morden plays young Queen Victoria. “The Black Prince“ is rated PG 13. No rating.

Everything, Everything—A young girl is born with a disease that means she must stay inside during her lifetime. Oh, what to do? One thing is to watch the new neighbors next door and perhaps, a budding romance? Stars Anika Nooni Rose.

MAY 26, 2017…

Bay Watch stars Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron and need I write more?

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales and this one stars Johnny Depp. Again—need I write more?

Drone has Sean Bean as a military drone operator who faces consequences.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.