October 25, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20171025
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

It was cool enough yesterday that I had to drag my leather jacket out of the closet. And, wouldn’t you know it, I’m at the mall and a lady comes up to me on the street and points out my leather jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket’? she says.

I replied, “I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you as well.”

She didn’t think it was funny… neither did mall security.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. –Psalm 37:5

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. –Psalm 90:12

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. — Proverbs 9:10

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

For many years you were patient with them. By your Spirit you admonished them through your prophets. Yet they paid no attention, so you handed them over to the neighboring peoples. — Nehemiah 9:30

Thought: God has spoken repeatedly to his people through the prophets who spoke as they were inspired by the Holy Spirit of God. But so often, these people ignored their voice and abandoned their God. Let’s not let the same thing be said of us!

Prayer: Sovereign LORD and Abba Father, I praise you! Please never let me ever outlive my love for you or my heart’s desire to be obedient and pleasing to you! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Hebrews 10:25 NIV = Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – OCTOBER 25, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
62 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL GREASY FOODS DAY. ***Is there any other kind?

This is PEACE, FRIENDSHIP AND GOOD WILL WEEK.  ***Which means that next week we can go back to being warmongering and bent on destroying the world.

Today is PUNK FOR A DAY DAY, a special day for all punk pretenders, sometimes called punkocrits. ***So does that make hippo wannabees “hippocrits”?

Today is CARTOONISTS AGAINST CRIME DAY.  ***And thank goodness. I’m sure we all feel safer in our beds at night knowing Dilbert is looking out for us.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day
International Artists Day
Sourest Day
Unity Day
World Pasta Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26

Howl at The Moon Night
Mule Day (Historical, not celebration. Honors the importation of the first Spanish Jacks to the US which were a gift from King Charles III of Spain delivered October 26, 1785 in Boston.George Washington then began breeding them in the US. For the celebration, go to March 31 or Columbia, TN )
National Day of The Deployed

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27

Black Cat Day
Cranky Co-workers Day
Frankenstein Friday
International Bandanna Day
National Breadstix (Bread Sticks) Day
Navy Day
World Day for Audiovisual Heritage

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 28

Champagne Day
Make A Difference Day
National Chocolate Day
Pit Bull Awareness Day
St. Jude’s Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29

Internet Day
National Cat Day
Reformation Sunday
Visit A Cemetery Day
World Psoriasis Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 30

Checklist Day
Create A Great Funeral Day
Devil’s Night or Mischief Night
Haunted Refrigerator Night
National Candy Corn Day
National Publicist Day
Speak Up For Service Day
World Audio Drama Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 31

Beggars’ Night
Books For Treats Day
Day of the Seven Billion
Girl Scout Founder’s Day
Halloween or All Hallows Eve
Magic Day
National Caramel Apple Day
National Knock-Knock Jokes Day
National Magic Day
National UNICEF Day
Samhain
World Cities Day

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 01

All Saints’ Day
Autistic Speaking Day
Birth of Baha’U’Llah
Birth of The Bab
Hockey Mask Day
Dia de Los Muertos (Day of The Dead)
Extra Mile Day
Give Up Your Shoulds Day
International Stress Awareness Day
National Authors’ Day
National Calzone Day
National Family Caregiver Day
National Family Literacy Day
National Go Cook For Your Pets Day
Stress Awareness Day
Prime Meridian Day
World Vegan Day

ON THIS DAY

1921: Bat Masterson died at age 68. He served two years as city marshall of Dodge City, Kansas, and two years as a deputy U.S. Marshall, but spent most of his life as a professional gambler and New York City sports writer. ***Huh?!? What about all his adventures fighting the Joker, and Catwoman with his sidekick, Robin?

1960: The first electronic wristwatch, the Bulova Accutron, went on sale in New York City. ***Thus began the “I’m late because my watch battery died” excuse that is now a staple in all busy offices.

1979: A black and beige collie named Jessie was elected homecoming queen at Tarleton State University in Texas. ***You know it’s time to relocate when nobody can tell the difference between the most popular girl in school and dog!

1991: 33-year-old Jack Feeser set the unofficial world car kissing record in Hanover, Pennsylvania. Feeser kissed a $15,000 Geo Storm for 145 hours 14 minutes, and won the car from an auto dealer. Another 100 car lovers already had kissed off. ***Later it was discovered he’d got his braces caught in the grill.

1998: A Danish man said goodbye to his 86-year-old father by taking his corpse for a motorcycle ride, and stopping at a bar for a beer and a cigar. Flemming Pedersen asked to be left alone with his dad, dressed the corpse in leather, a helmet, boots, and dark glasses, strapped it to his Harley-Davidson, and rode around Copenhagen for three hours to his father’s favorite places. He said he felt good about the ride.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1147: The armies of the Second Crusade (1147-49) were destroyed by the Saracens at Dorylaeum (in modern Turkey). The Crusaders went on with fruitless campaigns against Damascus, Syria.

1564: Birth of Hans Leo Hassler, sacred composer. The first notable German musician educated in Italy, Hassler left a rich musical legacy, including the hymn tune PASSION CHORALE, to which the Church now sings, “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded.”

1800: Birth of Jacque Paul Migne, French theological publisher. Establishing his own press in 1836, Migne published a voluminous collection of writings by the ancient Greek and Latin fathers (161 vols: “Patrologia Graecae”; 221 vols: “Patrologia Latinae”) during his remaining 39 years.

1921: Franklin Small, 48, and a group of dissatisfied members of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada, obtained a Dominion charter to establish the Apostolic Church of Pentecost of Canada. In 1953, this group merged with the Evangelical Churches of Pentecost, whose major congregations are located today in the Canadian prairie provinces.

1941: The first Youth For Christ rally was held at Bryant’s Alliance Tabernacle in New York City. An international evangelical youth organization, YFC has no single founder, but rather emerged out of weekly rallies held for the youth of New York City during the 1930s.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (The Perfect Husband, The Perfect Tenant, Perfect Game, The Perfect Nanny, Meredith Parker on “Melrose Place”) Tracy Nelson 54 (audio clip)

  • actor (Ben Dryer on “West Wing”, Mr. Alderman on “Nip/Tuck”) Brian Kerwin 68 (audio clip)

  • coach Bobby Knight 77

  • actress (Mrs. Cunningham on “Happy Days”) Marion Ross 87 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1912 : Minnie Pearl

1924 : Earl Palmer

1926 : Jimmy Heath

1937 : Jeanne Black

1941 : Helen Reddy

1943 : Dick Dodd (Standells)

1944 : Taffy Danoff (The Starland Vocal band)

1944 : Jon Anderson (Yes)

1947 : John Hall (Orleans, The Equals)

1949 : Glen Tipton (Judas Priest)

1950 : Chris Norman

1955 : Matthias Jabs (Scorpions)

1960 : Christina Amphlett (Divinyls)

1962 : Chad Smith (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

1963 : John Leven (Europe)

1968 : Speech (Arrested Development)

1970 : Ed Robertson (Barenaked Ladies)

1981 : Jermome Jones (Immature)

1984 : Katy Perry

1985 : Ciara

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Did you know that our moon actually has a name?

The earth’s satellite is the moon named Luna. Here are a few facts about this object that graces the earth’s night skies. The earth is 2,159 miles in diameter. It has a circumference of 6,790 miles. The moon is 27% of the size of the earth.  The moon’s orbit is elliptical. The distance of the moon from the earth varies from 221,463 miles at perigee (the closest point to earth) to 251,968 miles at apogee (the furthest point from earth). The orbit of the moon about earth also demonstrates capture rotation. Capture rotation is a combination of two motions where the rotation of the moon takes exactly the same length of time as the time it takes to revolve around the earth. With the rotation and revolution of the moon equal in time – the same side of the moon always faces the earth. The other side (dark side) of the moon never faces the earth and can never be seen from earth.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Sears has borrowed another $40 Million from their CEO.  ***No wonder Sears is slowly dying – they are paying their CEO enough that he can afford to loan them $40-million while Sears is in a position where they have to borrow money from their CEO.  Math people… math.

Justin Bieber’s entire upper torso is now covered in tattoos.  ***Can you belieber it?  That should look great when he’s a grandpa with sagging man boobs.

In the near future, Toyota vehicles will have facial expression technology to analyze if drivers are sleepy or hungry.  ***How can a car tell if you’re hungry – unless you happen to be pulling in to a Jack-In-The-Box?

In Nairobi, Kenya, an illegal big game poacher had the tables turned on him by a Rhino he had been tracking. The incident happened in Etosha National Park after suspect Luteni Muharukua and other alleged poachers illegally entered the wildlife area in hopes of killing rhinos for their horns. Suddenly, one of the rhinos they had been tracking appeared out of nowhere and inflicted a severe leg injury on Muharukua after he fell while fleeing. Muharukua found refuge on a nearby mountain and police arrested him there the next day. Rhino poaching has sadly increased in recent years in Namibia, which has one of Africa’s biggest populations of the critically endangered black rhino. Some consumers believe rhino horn can cure illnesses if ingested in powder form, although there is no evidence that the horn, made of the same substance as human fingernails, has any medicinal value.   ***And if it did, rather than hunting rhino couldn’t you just chew your own fingernails?

Sam Smith said in an interview that when it comes to his gender, he feels fluid. “I feel just as much woman as I do man!”  ***Which works for the rest of society as well, because he doesn’t look like either one.

Thousands of pages of long-classified documents about the investigation into the assassination of President John F. Kennedy will be released to the public this Thursday.  ***Maybe we’ll finally learn what the heck a grassy knoll is!

Bernie Sanders says he’ll run for re-election next year, but as an Independent.  ***Because nobody else wanted him.

We all know what it’s like – the evening starts with a few drinks with friends and suddenly you’re waking up in jail because you tried to bite a police officer. Okay – well at least Celina Dally of Lake Charles, Louisiana knows what it’s like. She basically got drunk while wine tasting and passed out in the car on the way home. A concerned friend who was driving called paramedics but when Dally later woke up she was in jail, having been arrested for public intoxication and assaulting a police officer. In a since deleted Facebook post, Dally said she wasn’t proud of her behavior and that her conscience had been eating away at her. So she surprised the officer she assaulted with a giant cookie cake with the words “Sorry I tried to bite you.”  ***”Here’s a cake for you – by the way, are you caught up on your rabies shots?”

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s car was reportedly broken into outside their California home.  ***I understand there was a lot of junk in the trunk.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

The power of dogs’ noses is well documented, and that reputation continues to improve. Researchers have discovered that our canine companions’ snouts may be more accurate than advanced laboratory procedures when it comes to detecting certain forms of cancer. Researchers in Italy (Istituto Clinico Humanitas) trained two dogs that can sniff out the scent of prostate cancer in urine samples with a success rate of 98 percent.  ***I’m torn on this story – I like that there’s another way to detect cancer, but do we really need to give your dog yet another reason to sniff your friends’ crotches?

Days in the laboratory are numbered for chimpanzees, humans’ closest relative.  Chimps paved astronauts’ way into space and were vital in creating some important medicines. But the government said that science has advanced enough that from now on, chimpanzees essentially should be a last resort in medical research – a move that puts the United States more in line with the rest of the world. Chimps’ similarity with people “demands special consideration and respect,” said a National Institutes of Health spokesman.  ***So instead of being used in medical experimentation, chimpanzees will now do the other job they are most qualified for – running for political office.

Depending on the specific model, your car loses 1-2% fuel efficiency for every 100 pounds of extra weight in the car. That’s a surprising amount that can really add up. Experts say cleaning out the junk in your trunk, the back seat, etc., can save you $35 or more a year in fuel costs.  ***Another suggestion is, when driving to work, leave your body at home.

A Scandinavian study suggests that getting drunk increases the risk for violent behavior in people who have a strong tendency to suppress their feelings of anger when sober.  ***And in other news of the obvious…

New research suggests that a gene linked to wet, sticky earwax and excessive underarm odor may be an indicator of higher breast cancer risk. The Japanese study may give doctors another tool for predicting breast cancer risk. The researchers arrived at their conclusion by tracking a protein created by a gene called ABCC11, which is associated with breast cancer.  The ear wax and odor problems “may become lifesaving clues to the early detection and treatment of breast cancer.  ***Assuming your doctor can stomach being close enough to examine you, you waxy, smelly freak.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear built a toll booth on his property – right on the main path through the jungle. 35-cents a pass. But Gruffy let Nozzles get past with just 30-cents, with an I.O.U. of five cents, and he let Hermie the bug through for free! Fortunately, most all the animals had the money, and paid the toll without incident…

CLOSE: So now we have a toll free road, built to avoid the toll road in front of Gruffy’s house – but now Gruffy had removed his toll booth. So now we have two toll-free roads! That’s gotta be good, right? I know… that sounds too easy, doesn’t it? We’ll so how the animals react next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

How can banning smoking and drinking in restaurants be a Moment of Duh? 

The tiny town of Timnath, Colorado has banned smoking in restaurants in bars, which shouldn’t be too hard since Timnath currently has no restaurants or bars.  The town’s only restaurant closed earlier this year.  No matter, the city council decided to approve the ordinance anyway for the town of only 223 citizens.  According to their mayor, Donna Benson, “Now is the time to pass this ordinance before Timnath sees a rush of new businesses.”  ***MARLAR: Right – like people are lining up to open restaurants in a town of only 200 people.

TOP TEN
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A REAL MAN

1. OPENING JARS – She’s struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ – Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A KNIFE – Blunt, is it? Hand it here.

4. HAVING A SCAR – Ideally it’ll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. “Ooh, did it hurt?”. “Nah… I’m used to it”.

5. USING POWER TOOLS – slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while sucking a Tootsie Pop.

6. ARRIVING AT THE PARTY LATE – and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean you’re popular, it just means your friends are jerks. However, the rest of the party doesn’t know that.

7. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT – fat is a feminist issue. Brilliant. Now pass the meat pies.

8. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS – ideally, hardware stores would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how hard you look with any DIY item. Until then, we’ll make do with metal display shelves.

9. TAKING OUT $500 FROM THE ATM – okay, so it’s for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a gangster. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

10. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE – unlike women, men get straight to the point. “Hey. Drink? Seven? Seeya.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Horses and hatchbacks just don’t belong together!

FILE #1: Police in Holland fined the driver of small hatchback car after spotting a Shetland pony crammed in the back of it. Not only did the pony have no room to move and had his head pressed against the window, he had to share the back seat with a woman who was holding it by a rope.  The cops fined the man $277.

FILE #2: An Ohio man attempted to pull a stick-up at a small bank by using his finger and thumb to represent a gun inside his jacket. Halfway through the attempted robbery, the man inadvertently pulled his hand out of his jacket revealing that he did not actually have a gun. Presumably, the bank gave him a bag that did not contain money.

FILE #3: A car thief in Sweden is in custody after trying to take a car in for servicing. Turns out he took the car to the service shop where the man he stole the car from works! The mechanic says he couldn’t believe his eyes when his stolen car pulled up at his garage. The thief realized his mistake when the real owner confronted him. He tried to run, but was arrested soon after by police. The surprised mechanic says, “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw my car, which had been stolen two days earlier, pull up in the drive. The driver got out and casually walked into the shop and asked me to book it in for a service.”

STRANGE LAW: In Nicholas County, West Virginia no clergy members may tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during church services.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

In Lawrence, Kansas, a 21-year-old man was so drunk he needed an ambulance to get home. Unfortunately, in this case, he stole said ambulance and drove it home himself! Worse — the ambulance was parked outside a business where its crew was responding to a real medical emergency. Our drunk friend led police on what was described as a brief, low-speed chase. He was arrested on charges of theft of the ambulance as well as driving under the influence.

PHONER PHUN

It’s National Greasy Foods Day… so where’s the best “greasy spoon” restaurant in town? (Make a contest out of this – you will be amazed how many nominations you get, even from the restaurants themselves who won’t mind being known as “greasy spoon” type of establishments!)

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who cast a Spirit of Divination out of a young girl?

ANSWER: Paul (Acts 16:16-18)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: There are 28 of these in the White house.

ANSWER: Fireplaces (according to WhiteHouse.gov)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Hong Kong was the first city to have a population over 1 million. (False, it was Rome)

2. The #1 thing Americans say they regret wasting time doing is worrying! (Truth-according to USA Today, #2 was watching TV, #3 was commuting)

3. America was the first country to give women the right to vote. (False, it was New Zealand)

4. In over 80% of the black box recorders recovered in plane crashes, the very final word on the tape is a curse word. (Truth)

5. Of all the presidents ever elected in the U.S., only one was Catholic. (True, it was John F. Kennedy)

6. Tweety-Bird used to be a baby bird without feathers but TV censors made him have feathers because he “looked naked.” (Truth)

7. The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as figure skater’s rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. (False)

8. Most people dream in black and white. (True… This is because that part of their brain shuts down during sleep and prevents them from seeing in color. Only a third of the population dreams in color.)

9. 53% of Americans surveyed said that the person they look to for advice the most is Ann Landers. (True… sad, but…)

10. More than 2500 left handed people are killed every year from using right-handed products. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ONE-EYED ALBINO ______ (SHARK)

MEXICO –  An extremely rare cyclops shark was recently discovered. 

The 22-inch-long fetus has a single, functioning eye at the front of its head—the hallmark of a congenital condition called cyclopia, which occurs in several animal species, including humans.

Earlier this year fisher Enrique Lucero León legally caught a pregnant dusky shark near Cerralvo Island (see map)in the Gulf of California. When León cut open his catch, he found the odd-looking male embryo along with its nine normal siblings. “He said, That’s incredible—wow,” said biologist Felipe Galván-Magaña, of the Interdisciplinary Center of Marine Sciences in La Paz, Mexico.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

One afternoon, I was in the backyard raking leaves when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with ten children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

JOKE #2

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father thought for a moment, then replied, “I don’t rightly know, son.”

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

“Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions … you’ll never learn anything!”

JOKE #3

TOP FIVE DRAWBACKS OF BEING A ZOMBIE

  • Coffee doesn’t even phase you

  • Constantly being accidentally buried

  • That $300 a month habit at the tanning booth

  • Never, ever fast enough to catch a bus

  • Can’t find out how many Weight Watchers points in a serving of brains

USELESS FACTS

Men are 58% more likely to die from accidental injuries as opposed to women.  ***Ironically, 58% of those injuries to men are while trying to impress women.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.  ***Meaning politicians will always be stronger than you (and my wife will always be stronger than me).

Redbook says you burn 50 calories by laughing for 10 to 15 minutes.  ***So listening to this show burns, what… TWO calories?

FEATURED FUNNIES

PICKUP BACKFIRE

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son’s room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read,

“Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

CLEAN GETAWAY

A woman protected her store by using Windex on the would-be robbers!

A woman fought off three armed robbers by squirting them in the eyes with a cleaning solution! Julie Walsh was cleaning when the gang armed with pistols burst into her store. So she fired Fairy Liquid at the men (kinda like Windex), while ordering them to “get out”. The raiders fled the shop empty handed. She said: “I just let rip with the Fairy Liquid. I don’t think they knew what hit them. All I remember thinking is ‘I hope I don’t run out of washing up liquid’.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

I SHALL MEET YOU THERE

Some years ago radio evangelist Charles E. Fuller announced that he would speak the following Sunday on “Heaven”. It was to be broadcast on radio. During that week he received a letter from an old man who was very ill. Here is part of that letter:

“Next Sunday you are to talk about “Heaven”. I am interested in that land because I have held a clear title to a bit of property there for over 55 years. I did not buy it. It was given to me without money and without price. But the donor purchased it for me at a tremendous sacrifice. I am not holding it for speculation since the title is nontransferable. It is not a vacant lot. “For more than a half-century I have been sending material out of which the greatest architect and builder of the universe has been building a home for me, which will never need to be repaired because it will suit me perfectly, individually, and will never grow old.

“Termites can never undermine its foundation for it rests upon the Rock of Ages. Fire cannot destroy it. Floods cannot wash it away. No locks or bolts will ever be placed upon its doors, for no vicious person can ever enter that land where my dwelling stands, now almost completed and ready for me to enter it and abide in peace eternally without fear of being ejected.

“There is a valley of deep shadow between the place where I live in California and that to which I shall journey in a very short time. I cannot reach my home in the City of God without passing through the dark valley of shadows. But I am not afraid, because the best friend that I have ever had went through the same valley alone, a long, long, time ago and drove away all the gloom. He has stuck by me through thick and thin since we first met and became acquainted 55 years ago, and I hold His promise in printed form, never to forsake nor to leave me alone. He will be with me as I walk through the valley of shadows, and I shall not lose my way when He is with me.

“I hope to hear your sermon on “Heaven” next Sunday from my home, but I have no assurance that I shall be able to do so. My ticket to heaven has no date marked for the journey…no return coupon…and no permit for baggage. Yes, I am ready to go and may not be here while you are talking next Sunday, but I shall meet you there some day.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(modified from Campus Journal)

How important are appearances? Is image everything? Hollywood says “yes”, but the Bible says, “no”.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. –1 Samuel 16:7

I sat flipping through the channels and stopped at one of those entertainment shows that act as if the latest celebrity breakup should be headlining World News Tonight. A guy with blinding white teeth and a woman with an insurance policy on her legs ran a story on how Hollywood’s elite were getting ready to walk the red carpet on Oscar night. Models paraded around in gowns the nominees might wear. And they were dripping in more diamonds with more carats than I’ve ever seen. But I almost dropped the remote when they said that some actresses were having a chemical shot into their armpits so they wouldn’t sweat on Oscar night.

My first thought was, I wish my life’s biggest worry was sweat stains! My second thought was, How sad to be constantly judged on your appearance! Obsession with beauty is nothing new. Go all the way back to the book of Esther. When King Xerxes was looking for a new queen, he had only three requirements: physical beauty, youth, and virginity (2:2). And when the king’s agents found these women, they spent a whole year making them even more appealing with body oils, perfumes, and cosmetics (2:12). Esther was even given a special diet (2:9).

As a young person about to enter the workplace and the world of disposable income, you’re the target of massive advertising machines. They don’t care how you look–they just want you to spend, Spend, SPEND! They’ll tell you anything to get you to kiss your hard-earned dollar goodbye and buy into the myth that says: Success and happiness are found at the bottom of a jar of facial cream and a box of hair color. And too often they succeed.

God taught Samuel a lesson about outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:6-12). Samuel went to find the man who would succeed Saul as king. Seven brothers took their turn on the “red carpet” in front of Samuel, but it was David whom God chose, the one out herding the sheep while his brothers were showing off–the one who would become a man after God’s own heart.

Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t look at you the way the world does? Appearance, fame, and dry armpits aren’t what God cares about–He looks at your heart.

LEFTOVERS

Coming up, a lesson on one of the seven deadly sins.

Carly Sipe a student at the College of Visual Arts in St. Paul, Minnesota, was given the assignment that depicted or was based on one of the seven deadly sins. Picking “greed”, she made a 1950’s style dress out of one-dollar bills (48 of them total) held together by paper clips. Sipe said her goal was to “turn the viewer into the person with the greed. And have the greed become reality while they are standing right there and think, ‘Oh, I could take one of those dollars and no one would notice.'” Guess what? The entire dress was stolen! ***MARLAR: I guess she proved her point.

LIFE… LIVE IT

WANNA LIVE TO BE 100?

You can live to be 100 or more with tips from 25 men and women ages 101 to 126:

  • Never go to bed angry at anyone, especially yourself- or your spouse.

  • If you smoke or drink, don’t fret about it. Just be sure to eat right and get some exercise to maintain the best possible health.

  • Never, ever get on an airplane.

  • Don’t drive at night.

  • Try to do something nice for somebody else every day.

  • Don’t let others get under your skin.

  • Have lots of children and enjoy them.

  • Don’t worry needlessly about money.

  • Take time out to relax.

  • Never second-guess yourself. When you make a decision act on it- and forget it. Move on to other things.

JUST FOR FUN

SNAIL MAIL

You’ve heard the term “snail mail”… well it seems that snails really DO like mail… the TASTE of it!

Much to the dismay of the post office, snails have become hooked on the taste of saliva and glue on envelopes. Post Office officials say the creatures are crawling into post boxes for a lick. Postal staff were finding up to 30 snails at a time in the bottom of boxes in some locations. According to a post office spokesperson, “They were leaving their slime everywhere, getting into the letters, licking the paste.” ***MARLAR: Imagine that – some postal employees are SO slow that snails can actually beat them to the letters.

FUN LIST

YOU’RE WORKING TOO MUCH IF:

  • Your spouse stops in occasionally to update the photos of your kids.

  • Everyone from day shift, swing shift, and graveyard shift thinks you work their shift.

  • Your boss orders you to go home because you’re creeping everyone out.

  • The janitor dusts off you and your plants twice a week now.

  • Your kids start calling you “Uncle Daddy.”

  • You get very annoyed when some slacker lets the coffee run out at 4 a.m.!!!

  • You get five hours of sleep every day. That includes time spent napping on the freeway.

  • Even the voices in your head keep telling you they need some sleep.

  • Your 40 hour work week is met within 2 days.

  • You can always find your car in the parking lot because it’s the only one left.

  • You pick up a carton of milk on the way home and it has your picture on it.

  • Everyone else thinks 4 am is early, but you’ve taken to thinking of it as late.

  • You are at work Friday and are getting ready to leave when you look at your watch and say “Whoa, Monday already?”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

FOUR VERY SPECIAL SECRETS


Betcha didn’t know this but there are four secrets in our world that at any given time, only two people on the planet know. The reason — to make sure these secrets stay a secret. It all makes sense when you learn what the secrets are:

  • The formula for Coca-Cola. The “only two executives have the formula at any given time” rule has been enforced for years — and so much so that the Coke folks pulled out of India because laws there would force them to give the formula to the Indian government.

  • KFC’s 11 Herbs and Spices. Pretty much ditto as Coke — and no — they’re not in India either.

  • The Farmer’s Almanac Weather Formula. Strange how the Farmer’s Almanac fairly accurately predicts the weather for a whole year in advance. Only two people know how they do it.

  • The subject of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” This has been rock trivia fodder for decades but the truth is the only two people who really know who this song is about are Carly Simon herself and Dick Ebersol, the former President of NBC. Despite being asked in virtually every interview she has ever given, Simon has never admitted who the song is about. In 2003, an auction was held on Martha’s Vineyard where one of the lots was the chance to know just who “You’re so Vain” was referring to. Dick Ebersol won with a bid of $50,000. To be fair, he’s loaded, it was for a good cause and he was also given a private performance by Carly Simon. (Cracked.com)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Foursquare data reveals the most popular fast-food chain in every state — and America has a clear winner. To determine the most popular fast-food chain in each state, Foursquare looked at which chains received the most visits on average per location in every state based on the total number of visits to each chain divided by the number of locations in that state. Chick-fil-A dominates, which isn’t surprising — the fried-chicken chain generates more revenue per restaurant than any other fast-food chain in the US.
http://fb.me/3nGs3wlld

How would you like to work for royalty in England?  Well, dedicated royal watchers, it’s time to brush up your resume! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, along with Prince Harry, are in need of a senior communications officer, according to an official job listing. The position is a temporary, but it involves daily management of “news flow to the media, communicating with audiences via traditional, digital and social media.” The royals are looking for someone to take the “lead on communications plans and the delivery of engagements and overseas tours.” Applicants must have extensive experience in the field and the “ability to handle sensitive information with tact and discretion” is a must.
http://on.today.com/2gTQIoA

As if jumping into a pile of leaves wasn’t fun enough, now a website called Cash 4 Leaves actually wants to pay you for collecting them. They’re apparently dishing out $1 for a maple leaf. However, before you start sending in your whole backyard pile, it’s worth noting that Cash 4 Leaves is not looking for any old run-of-the-mill maple leaves. If you want to make some easy money from fall foliage, those leaves have to meet some pretty specific requirements.
http://www.womansworld.com/posts/cash-4-leaves-144827

The Neiman Marcus Christmas book that just hit households this week and suggests gifting trips exceeding $100,000 and a designer fridge that will set you back $50,000. Other items in the catalog include a private flight and photo session with photographer Gray Malin is available for $35,000, going on a trip to Africa to make a one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry with acclaimed designer Stephen Webster for $300,000, and matching limited-edition Rolls Royce cars for just under $1,000,000.
http://peoplem.ag/9uk1LHT

Students at an East Texas high school have responded to an atheist group’s demands that the school remove a Christian flag by bringing their own Christian flags to fly on school grounds. Many in the community of Larue, Texas, are speaking out against the nation’s leading secularist legal organization, Freedom From Religion Foundation, after it sent a letter to the Superintendent James Young of LaPoynor Independent School District on Oct. 11 to demand that LaPoynor High School stop flying a Christian flag alongside the United States and Texas flags in front of the school. Local news station KETK reported that a small group of students responded to FFRF’s demands by flying three large Christian flags from the back of pickup trucks parked in the school’s parking lot on Wednesday.
http://fb.me/3pWJD4rhq

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

When 87-year-old Marie Boyer fell inside her home, she thought she would die.  After slipping and falling, Marie found herself helpless on the floor of her home, unable to get back up. The doors and windows in her house were closed, so Marie’s calls for help went unheard.  For four whole days, Marie lay on the floor of her home. She was falling in and out of consciousness, dehydrated, and slowly dying.  Marie says, “I remember thinking to myself, I didn’t wanna die that way.”  Nobody heard her screams for help — but her mail carrier, Lisa Sweeney, did notice something was off at Marie’s house.  Lisa had been Marie’s mail carrier for 13 years, so she knew Marie’s habits very well. When Lisa realized that Marie’s mail and garbage were piling up in front of her home, her gut told her to call 911.  Lisa says, “I decided I should call 911. I mean, I didn’t know, but my heart told me she was inside.”  Thanks to Lisa’s call, the FDNY and NYPD broke into Marie’s home — and found her clinging to life on the floor. Lisa burst into tears when she learned that Marie was alive.  Now, Lisa and Marie have a stronger bond than ever.

Check out the video at https://www.littlethings.com/mail-carrier-saves-marie/

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Derek Starnes and his wife are from Indiana. They were staying in a condo they rented on Airbnb in Longboat Key, Florida, when they discovered a camera and microphone hidden inside what appeared to be a smoke detector in the master bedroom and another in the living room! Starnes called police who seized a lot of computer storage data devices, hard drives, computers, laptops, SD cards, anything that would store data, and then arrested the owner of the condo, 56-year-old Wayne Natt. He was charged with video voyeurism. Det. Bob Bourque says they “are still reviewing how many victims there possibly are,” but Starnes says Natt’s Airbnb page had more than 40 reviews. Natt claims he lives in the condo when it isn’t being rented, the cameras are for personal use only – specifically for the sex parties he hosts – and that he has consent from everyone who is filmed. Of course Bourque’s response is, “If people are consenting to recording sexual activity, why is it hidden in a smoke alarm?” Airbnb has “permanently banned” Natt, who had been a host for two years and whose Airbnb listing specified no guests under the age of 18. (WFLA News)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I must apologize. I’m just not myself this week. Unfortunately, several people have called up and complimented me for that very reason.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 20, 2017…

Geostorm—So global warming is causing storms that go from average-bad to terrible-bad-and-above. Weather people have to make up new terminology to keep track of these storms whether they be blizzards, tornados, typhoons, monsoons or hurricanes. Especially hurricanes in this year, as one after another breeds off the coast of Africa and comes hunting across the Atlantic Ocean for Puerto Rico or Haiti or Mexico, Texas, Florida and you name it. It is as though the southern part of the North American continent is fair game. “Geostorm” tells such a story of massive storms, triple tornadoes and the like, but is global warming always the cause?  Could there be something else lurking behind this, a master plan that is designed for something entirely different? This is what Gerard Butler is finding out as he is one person to go into space to photograph Earth images, finds satellites designed to do something else, and then gets quite a view of what is happening below. The special effects people have a ball here. Makes the term “Tornado Alley” sound calm. Also in the cast are Abbie Cornish, Daniel Wu, Ed Harris and Andy Garcia (always good to see him on screen.) “Geostorm” is rated R, and fasten your seat belt. Rating of 3 for fans.

1922 (opening in select cities)—Oh, what a tangled web life can sometimes be.  In this thriller, starring Thomas Jane, a farmer wants to murder someone and tries to get his son to help him. Money is involved, of course.  Also in the cast are Molly Parker and Neal McDonough (“Arrow”). “1922” is rated R. No rating.

Leatherface—There is much secrecy concerning the exact plot of  “Leatherface” that is supposed to be a prequel to the character in the “Texas Chainsaw” films of several years ago. Will we know how the person became “Leatherface?” After the first film, it took many years before fans could eat chili again. The film concerns a kidnapped policeman (Stephen Dorff) and a woman (Vanessa Grasse.) “Leatherface” is rated R and is an adult film. No rating.

Wonderstruck—Stay on your toes here, there are two stories going on. One is about a girl running away from home in 1927 and the other is about a boy running away from home in 1977.  Hmm. The girl really wants to find a woman she is star struck about and the boy wants to find his father. The cast has Oakes Fegley,  Julianne Moore, Michelle Williams and Tom Noonan. “Wonderstruck” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween—It wouldn’t be Halloween without Tyler Perry getting into costume with his character of Madea, the family member who irritates everyone. This plot is a continuation of  “Boo!” and in that one, Madea driving the old car was enough to give anyone nightmares.  Perry’s character has a built-in audience. Also in the cast are Cassi David, Patrick Lovely and Yousef Erakat.  “Tyler Perry’s Boo 2! A Madea Halloween” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

The Snowman—Imagine, doing a movie role and not having read the novels from which the character has come. Michael Fassbinder is a fast learner and he is doing the role of Harry Hole (pronounced hoh-lee), as created by Norwegian author Jo Nesbo. In this film, there is a killer who strikes on the first snowfall, hence the name. The cast also includes Rebecca Ferguson, Val Kilmer and Charlotte Gainsbourg. “The Snowman” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Only The Brave—This is the true story of the Hotshot Firefighters in Arizona who braved a massive forest fire in the Yarnell Hills, only to have tragedy within their own company. A forest fire is also a wildfire, and difficult to control. Just as policemen and firemen where there is danger and everyone else leaves—they enter. Stars of the film include Josh Brolin, Miles Teller, Jeff Bridges and Taylor Kitsch. “Only The Brave” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

OCTOBER 27, 2017…

Suburbicon has Matt Damon battling a home invasion.

Thank You For Your Service stars Miles Teller as a soldier coming back from war.

The Killing Of The Sacred Deer has Colin Farrell as a doctor married to Nicole Kidman.

The Square stars Elizabeth Moss (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) in a satire.

Professor Marston And The Wonder Woman is about the creator of the character of “Wonder Woman.” Stars Luke Evans.

Jigsaw and he’s back…..well, maybe.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.