CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150401
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Here it is April: the bird is in the meadow… the farmer is in the field… and I’m in a shoebox looking for a business-lunch receipt from last July.
Remember, when troubled by embarrassing itching, try (THE JOCK SHOW). It probably won’t help, but who knows?
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works; There is none that doeth good.” — Psalms 14:1
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. — 2 Corinthians 5:21
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” — John 13:13-14
Thought: Before Jesus went to the cross, he showed his disciples what it means to live in a cross-centered community: he took the position of a household slave and washed his disciples’ feet. He did it knowing they would run from him, disown him, betray him, and deny him. Incredible! But he also says that I’m to do it, too. “You can’t say you love me,” Jesus is saying, “if you won’t love those I suffered and died for!” (see 1 John 3:14-18 & 4:7-12)
Prayer: O God, I want to be like my Teacher and your Son. I renounce my self-seeking ways so that I can genuinely serve your children, even those who may not be kind to me. Please give me the strength, courage, and patience to live up to these convictions and more perfectly reflect the character of Christ. In the name of Jesus, my Lord, I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Ephesians 4:1 NIV = As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – APRIL 01, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 269 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is APRIL FOOL’S DAY. *** Today we honor fools everywhere… not just those in Washington D.C.
Today is RECONCILIATION DAY, a time for forgiving, a day to write a letter, make phone call to mend a broken relationship. *** Sure, you may feel like a fool in doing it, but what better day to feel like one than April 1st?
Today is NATIONAL PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY DAY. *** What better snack to go with your children’s book?
Today is INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN’S BOOK DAY, marking Hans Christian Anderson’s birthday. *** You have to wonder about some of his books though. Like “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” How is it appropriate for kids to be reading about some guy walking around naked?
Speaking of books, this is TALKING BOOK WEEK. *** I’m all for talking books, especially for those of us that don’t have time to sit and read a lot. But if I have to listen to (NEXT JOCK’S) tape of Green Eggs and Ham one more time I’m gonna flush it down the toilet.
Today is INTOLERANCE DAY. *** Top of the list – (NEXT JOCK’S) Green Eggs and Ham audio book.
And finally, not to ruin your day or anything, but your TAXES ARE DUE IN TWO WEEKS.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
April Fools Day (All Fools Day)
Boomer Bonus Day
Library Snap Shot Day
National Day of Hope
National Fun Day
National Fun at Work Day
Paraprofessional Appreciation Day
Poetry and The Creative Mind Day
Reading is Funny Day
Sorry Charlie Day
U.S. Air Force Academy Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, APRIL 02
International Children’s Book Day
National Ferret Day
National Love Your Produce Manager Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 03
Pony Express Day
Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 04
International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action
National Love Our Children Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 05
Plum Pudding Day (Eaten on Easter. If eaten on Dec 25th it’s considered “Christmas Plum Pudding” – but it’s the same recipe for either day.)
MONDAY, APRIL 06
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Tater Day (Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
TUESDAY, APRIL 07
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
Metric System Day
No Housework Day
World Health Day (UN)
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 08
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Day
Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day
ON THIS DAY
1778: New Orleans businessman Oliver Pollock created the dollar symbol ($) by adding a vertical line through a capital “S.”
1853: Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay firefighters a regular salary.
1866: Congress passed a civil rights law guaranteeing equal rights to all persons born in the United States except Indians.
1889: The first commercial dishwashing machine in America was sold in Chicago.
1963: The soap opera “General Hospital” debuted on daytime television. The wedding of Luke and Laura in 1981 drew the largest audience ever to watch a daytime soap. (audio clip)
1967: The Country Music Hall of Fame opened in Nashville, a glass and brick museum shaped like a barn. The first inductees: Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams, Fred Rose, Ernest Tubb, Roy Acuff, and Tex Ritter.
1976: After Steve Jobs sold his Volkswagen and Steve Wozniak sold his programmable calculator, the two pooled their $1,350, created a computer circuit board in Jobs’ garage, and formed Apple Computer.
1985: Sports Illustrated carried a profile of a New York Mets wonderkid named Sidd Finch who could throw a baseball 168 miles an hour. Readers should have recognized an April Fool’s joke by the by-line: author George Plimpton, widely known for his hoaxes.
1990: It became illegal in Salem, Oregon, to be within two feet of a nude dancer.
1991: Doll doctor Cherie Gervais of San Rafael, California, closed her doll hospital after 18 years because of the rising cost of medical care. She continued to doctor dolls from her home.
1997: Russia’s Tass news agency reported that an alligator named Gena, hatched from a quail’s egg aboard the Mir space station, had bitten a U.S. astronaut. It was Tass’s best April Fool’s Day story.
1998: When a pit bull jumped a fence and attacked Bonnie, her German shepherd, 39-year-old Belinda Bechtold of Woodbridge, New Jersey, jumped in to save her dog. The pit bull finally let go of Bonnie’s neck when Belinda bit his ear as hard as she could. Bonnie had to have stitches, Belinda suffered scraped knees and a dislocated thumb.
2003: An ice cream maker in Fredonia, New York, introduced his newest flavor, suffering succotash. Scott Aldrich mixed corn and lima beans with vanilla ice cream and threw in pimentos for color. For more than 20 years, the Aldrich Beef and Ice Cream Parlor has made a bizarre flavor to honor April Fool’s Day.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1548: Parliament orders the publication of the Book of Common Prayer (BCP). Though Thomas Cranmer is rightly credited with the final form of the BCP, he worked with a committee of scholars, including Reformer Martin Bucer, to shape his famous liturgy.
1745: David Brainerd begins his missionary work among the Native Americans of New Jersey, having previously worked in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. The New Jersey natives showed more interest than most, but Brainerd died of tuberculosis only two years into his work there. Still, his diary, published by Jonathan Edwards, became a major force in promoting missions work, inspiring missionaries like William Carey, Henry Martyn, and Thomas Coke.
1756: First Moravian missionaries arrive in Jamaica. It was the Moravians who led the Protestant church back to a recollection of their responsibility to preach the gospel to those who had never heard the good news. Moravians on shipboard led John Wesley to a true understanding of the gospel.
1860: American Baptist Free Mission Society Jonathan Goble and his wife arrive at Kanagawa Japan, some of the first Protestant missionaries to enter Japan
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Being Human”, “Cavemen”, Jimmy Olson in Superman Returns) Sam Huntington 33
- actress (“Smallville”, “The Huntress”, “Nash Bridge”, 48 Hours, Superman 3) Annette O’Toole 62
- Actress (Love Story, “Dynasty”) Ali MacGraw is 76
- actress (Singing In The Rain, Halloweentown, “Will & Grace”) Debbie Reynolds 83
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1866 : Ferruccio Busoni
1897 : Lucille Bogan
1932 : Debbie Reynolds
1934 : Jim Ed Brown (The Browns)
1939 : Rudolph Isley (The Isley Brothers)
1942 : Alan Blakely (The Tremoloes)
1942 : Frank Gari
1943 : Phil Margo (The Tokens)
1945 : John Barbata (Jefferson Airplane)
1948 : Jimmy Cliff
1954 : Jeff Porcaro (Toto)
1961 : Mark White (ABC)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
WHY DO WE CELEBRATE APRIL FOOLS DAY?
Truth is we really don’t know where the tradition of playing pranks on people came from. There are a few theories floating around though.
When the western world used the Julian calendar, the year began on March 25th because they celebrated the start of a new year with the start of spring. However since that fell in the Holy Week, the celebrated it on the first of April. However when we switched to the Gregorian calendar in the 1500s, we moved the New Year to the first of January. According to the most widely told story, those who still celebrated the New Year on April 1st were called April fools.
The Encyclopedia of Religion and the Encyclopedia Britannica thinks that the timing of April Fool’s Day is directly related to the arrival of Spring, when nature ‘fools’ humans with erratic weather.
The Country Diary of Garden Lore has a theory that April Fools Day commemorates “the fruitless mission of the rook (the European crow) who was sent out in search of land from Noah’s flood-surrounded ark.”
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
TobyMac wrapped up his tour with Mandisa with a little excitement. He said he and his band conducted a bus raid on Mandisa’s bus on the final night of the tour this weekend.
Switchfoot’s tour through India has resulted in several first’s. It was the bands first stop in the country and also was the first time frontman Jon Foreman has used a human mic stand. He shared a picture of the concert attendee who was holding the mic for him as he sang. http://t.co/5ARenpw66S
Matthew West recently took a break from his Live Forever tour to visit the grand opening of a Chick-Fil-A in Pennsylvania. Matthew says he played a few songs and even got some crowd participation, recording a video as everyone declared “eat more chicken”.
The Dove Awards have selected Mark Lowery to be inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame. Mark is a member of the Gaither Vocal Band and is also a well-known Christian comedian.
Congratulations to Mikeschair frontman Mike Grayson. He announced the birth of his daughter Grailey Elizabeth Grayson. She was born on Sunday. Mike says: she already has me wrapped around her finger. I can’t believe I get to be her dad.
Casting Crowns’ Chris Hoffman says the little boy they almost lost before his first birthday is now almost two years old. Chris tweeted: crazy that a month from today Silas will be 2 years old. Silas had to have a heart transplant soon after he was born.
Moriah Peters was putting in some late nights recently. But the Christian artist wasn’t recording a new CD. She was part of late night fittings with a 19 year old designer who is creating a gown for the live music video of Moriah’s song Brave. Moriah says “stay tuned”.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Officials: Pizza shop burglar steals 100 candy bars, cookies
PLEASANTVILLE, Pa. (AP) — State police in northwestern Pennsylvania are looking for a burglar who just may have some cavities — or, at least, a sweet tooth. Troopers from Franklin say whoever broke into Corky’s Pizza Shop overnight Friday into Saturday stole more than 100 chocolate bars…
|Man pays fine, avoids jail for missing jury duty 11 times
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — A western Pennsylvania man has paid a $500 fine to avoid being jailed for missing jury duty 11 times in the last two years. Somerset County Judge D. Gregory Geary told 32-year-old Owen Fazenbaker III that he’d spend a week in jail if he didn’t pay the fine. Fazenbaker…
|After uproar, Utah restaurant statue loses prominent feature photo
HURRICANE, Utah (AP) — The small southern Utah town of Hurricane might become a little quieter after a statue of a copper bull lost its most prominent private feature this weekend. The sculpture holds a high perch above the sign for Barista’s restaurant, and owner Stephen Ward said he woke up…
|4-year-old girl rides Philly bus searching for 3 a.m. snack
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A 4-year-old Philadelphia girl has been returned safely to her parents after slipping out of her house at 3 a.m. and getting on a transit bus in search of a snack. Bus driver Harlan Jenifer said the girl swung her legs as she chanted, “All I want is a slushie.”…
|Arizona man finds gun inside used golf bag
BULLHEAD CITY, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona man who bought a used golf bag discovered his purchase was packing more than just a set of clubs. Mel Grewing told the Mohave Valley Daily News in Bullhead City (http://bit.ly/1DaZJAP) on Friday that he found a loaded .22-caliber pistol inside his new…
|Girl, 4, sneaks out, hops bus in search of 3 a.m. slushie
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A 4-year-old girl has grabbed her purple raincoat, slipped out of her house at 3 a.m. and hopped a Philadelphia bus in search of a snack. Bus driver Harlan Jenifer says the girl swung her legs in a seat as she chanted, “All I want is a slushie.” Authorities say the girl’s…
|New Hampshire senator resurrects kids’ hawk bill after flap
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — This bird’s best friend may be a cat. The highly-publicized and unsuccessful bill proposed by a group of fourth-graders to designate the red-tailed hawk as New Hampshire’s official raptor is back. It will be added to a Senate bill seeking to name the bobcat the state’s…
|Oregon’s pink chicken mystery solved; owner explains photo
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — The mystery of Portland’s pink chickens is solved. Multnomah County Animal Services says the birds’ owner told the agency he used food coloring, beet juice and Kool-Aid to dye the two birds, then released them to “make people smile.” Owner Bruce Whitman of Portland says…
|Alaska police officers corral grazing miniature horses photo
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Police officers in Alaska’s biggest city became wranglers early Friday morning, rounding up a couple of miniature horses that escaped from their corral. A photo tweeted from the Anchorage police department showed three officers with the two horses they apprehended….
|Surplus symbols: How many state bugs and beans do we need? photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Maine celebrates its Whoopie pies. North Carolinians proudly dance their Shag. In Kansas, even dirt is official: Harney silt loam is the state soil. So was it really out of line when a group of fourth graders asked their lawmakers last month to make the red-tailed hawk…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Pharmacist group says members shouldn’t aid in executions photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — In a move that could heighten the hurdles faced by states attempting to execute prisoners, a leading association for U.S. pharmacists has officially discouraged its members from providing drugs for use in lethal injections. The policy adopted by American Pharmacists…
|An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, study says photo
CHICAGO (AP) — An apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away. That’s according to proverb-busting research that found daily apple eaters had just as many doctor visits as those who ate fewer or no apples. The findings don’t mean apples aren’t good for you but they do underscore that…
|Exercising critically ill patients may help speed recovery photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The intensive care unit is a last frontier for physical therapy: It’s hard to exercise patients hooked to ventilators. Some hospitals do manage to help critically ill patients stand or walk even if they’re tethered to life support. Now research that put sick mice on tiny…
|Arizona governor signs abortion drug notification mandate
PHOENIX (AP) — Gov. Doug Ducey signed a bill Monday that requires abortion providers in Arizona to tell women they can reverse the effects of a drug-induced abortion and also bars women from buying any health care plan through the federal marketplace that includes abortion coverage. The…
|Britain to offer all infants meningitis B vaccine
LONDON (AP) — Britain says it will become the first country to offer all babies a vaccine for potentially fatal meningitis B after it reached a price deal with GlaxoSmithKline PLC. Government health advisers recommended use of the Bexsero vaccine last year, and the government has spent months…
|Struggle to explain what motivated co-pilot in doomed flight photo
LONDON (AP) — A disgruntled worker shoots up a workplace. A student opens fire at a high school. A pilot crashes a planeload of people into a mountainside. There may never be a convincing explanation for such devastating acts of violence, but experts say certain personality disorders such as…
|Mexico double-transplant patient gets US humanitarian pass photo
MEXICO CITY (AP) — The U.S. Department of Homeland Security gave a 90-day humanitarian pass to a 20-year-old Mexican man seeking a double heart and liver transplant, his mother said Monday. The document, which Jose Chua received and a copy of which was shared with The Associated Press, grants…
|Guinea shuts border with Sierra Leone in effort to end Ebola
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — Guinea closed its border with Sierra Leone on Monday as part of new efforts to stamp out Ebola, an official said. The current Ebola outbreak in West Africa has killed more than 10,300 people, mostly in Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone. Liberia currently has no Ebola…
|Colleges getting out of health insurance business photo
SEATTLE (AP) — The federal health care overhaul is leading some colleges and universities to get out of the health insurance business. Experts are divided on whether this change will be good or bad for students. Some call it an inevitable result of health care reform and a money-saver for…
|Senate delays vote on bipartisan bill on Medicare doc fees
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Republican-run Senate has delayed giving final congressional approval to bipartisan legislation permanently blocking Medicare cuts for physicians until next month. The GOP-led House approved the $214 billion bill Thursday, moving Congress close to resolving a problem…
|White House unveils plan to fight antibiotic-resistant germs photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The White House on Friday announced a five-year plan to fight the threat posed by antibiotic-resistant bacteria amid fears that once-treatable germs could become deadly. Repeated exposure to antibiotics can lead germs to become resistant to the drugs, so that they are no…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
After a bad break-up, who’s the first person most people call. Regardless of whether the person is a man or woman, the one who got dumped most often calls a good female friend (27%)… or mom (17%). ***Because us guys don’t want to hear your whiney-butt sissy-crying boo-hoo story. You pansie.
Sad news for you, Gary. You’re probably the last of a long line of men named Gary. The name is going extinct. It’s been plummeting in popularity since the early 1950s — where America saw nearly 39,000 baby Garys. This is compared to 2013 with only 442, the lowest since 1928. The name is now ranked number 578 in America. ***I blame Gary Busey.
A Sarasota, Florida, woman faces felony charges after she allegedly posed as a nurse at a clinic for more than a year, giving out flu shots and various medications. ***They realized something wasn’t right when none of her patients complained that their nurse was cold, unfeeling, and couldn’t find a vein.
On Monday Amazon officially announced Amazon Home Services, a marketplace where customers can request repair work and personal lessons from service providers in their area. Services are provided by individual contractors, not Amazon, but those contractors are rated by customers and vetted by the online shopping giant. All services provided are backed by Amazon. Services include things like assembling a bed, installing a garbage disposal, drum lessons, setting up a wireless printer, and goat grazing. ***MARLAR: The tough part is getting the sheep and herder into those smiley face Amazon boxes.
NEWS KICKER KLASSICS…
According to a recent study, more than 8,000 devices are left at seven of the largest airports in the United States, including: Chicago O’Hare, Denver International, San Francisco International, Charlotte Douglas, Miami International, Orlando International and Minneapolis/St. Paul. Every year we’re leaving behind thousands of laptops, iPads, phones, and USB keys. ***MARLAR: So if you can’t afford to shop at BestBuy, now you know where to go.
Scientists are warning that the radiation emitted from full-body airport scanners has been seriously underestimated and could lead to an increase in skin cancer. According to Dr. David Brenner, head of Columbia University’s center for radiological research, the dose absorbed by the skin may be up to 20 times higher than previously thought. ***MARLAR: Finally, here’s something that the world could ban from airports that I could actually get behind! Forget banning nail clippers and e-cigarettes… lets ban full-body scanners!
A high-pitched tone developed in Europe to drive teenagers out of public places is now being used by teenagers as a ringtone. ***MARLAR: Proving that there is no sound so annoying that teenagers won’t think it is music.
We keep hearing about the health benefits from wine, but did you know that almost 10% of women say wine makes them itch? It’s called wine intolerance, and the allergy-like symptoms come mostly from a glass of red wine. The most common reactions include having nasal congestion, fleeing flushed, or feeling itchy. ***MARLAR: Women also reported that too drinking wine also brought unwanted advances by men itching to buy them more.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Expired Sour Cream”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Midnight Man”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, the animals were tired of running scared from the giant gorilla – but when they stopped and tried to be friends, the gorilla captured Millard again! Fortunately, they stomped on the gorilla’s foot and he let Millard go – but now what do they do?
CLOSE: Ah… the animals are finally moving in a positive direction! Praying… why didn’t I think of that? Will prayer be the answer to the problem? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the story, Marvy Snuffleson’s doctor told him he had infected tonsils – and that he’s have to have surgery! But Marvy decided not to go through with it, escaped from the hospital, and now he’s floating on a bed on the high seas!
CLOSE: Will Marvy be able to change his mind and go through with the surgery, or will he still have to attend his own funeral? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
They were arrested, mugshotted, and forced to give DNA samples. And they were only twelve years old!
British police officers in a small town in England arrested, photographed and DNA-sampled three twelve-year-old kids recently. What terrible crime could these kids have committed to get mug shots and mouth swabs for DNA samples from the cops? Oh, and they served two hours in jail. So what horrendous crime did they commit? They climbed a tree. Yes. They climbed it. A cherry tree. And, according to the police report, they were seen damaging the tree as they climbed it. Translation: a few limbs cracked, as they tend to do when a kid climbs a tree. ***MARLAR: Wow, summer just got a lot less fun.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR CAR IS A LEMON
- It has an orange slow moving vehicle sign on the back.
- Your mechanic pays YOU to take it somewhere else
- Its picture keeps showing up in ads for auto insurance
- The warranty is in pencil with many words crossed out
- The birds won’t even go near it (We’ll leave it at that…)
- You leave the car downtown overnight and someone adds a radio and hubcaps
- Instead of being named after a horse it is named after a species of slug
- You decide to buy wading boots to get through the oil spots on your driveway
- Manual suggests screaming “Yabba dabba doo” as you slap your feet to the pavement
- Two Words: Manual Airbag
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man calls the fire department, but ends up in the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: A three-person fire crew in Kingman, Arizona, went to Jeffrey Cullen’s home when he reported a tree fire. But they found no blaze. Instead, Cullen told firefighters he wanted a cat rescued from his tree and knew they would only respond to a fire call. A battalion chief told Cullen to call animal control or wait for the cat to get hungry and come down. Cullen apparently didn’t like the response, so he went back into his house, got a small revolver and came outside shooting. The firefighters and a 12-year-old boy who had come to see the fire truck ran for their lives. No one was injured and Cullen has been charged. ***MARLAR: No word on the cat in the tree.
FILE #2: Police in Daytona Beach are investigating the burglary of a home. That home belongs to Daytona Beach’s police chief. The burglary apparently took place while the chief was away giving a lecture on crime prevention.
FILE #3: You don’t have to get up too early to fool some criminals. Police in South Africa decided to throw a party with celebrity guests, top entertainment and prizes for all those with invitations. As you may have guessed, all those with invitations were nearly 200 of the country’s most wanted crooks. 20 of them bit on it and their prizes included mug shots and fingerprints.
STRANGE LAW: Portland, Maine, shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
It’s easy for the police to nab you when you’re sitting there waiting for them.
Police had an easy time catching a man suspected of driving under the influence. He was waiting for them in his car – where they said he was passed out in the driver’s seat in the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant. According to police, another customer found the Houston man unconscious at the drive-thru around 3 a.m. Thursday. The other customer took the keys out of the ignition and called police, who arrested the man on suspicion of driving under the influence. Police said the man passed out because of a combination of alcohol and prescription drugs.
Favorite April Fool’s Day pranks. Tell us about a prank you pulled on someone else or, one you heard was pulled on someone, or better yet, one that someone pulled on you that was successful!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who said, “First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, that your faith is spoken of throughout the whole world.”?
ANSWER: Paul (Romans 1:8)
QUESTION: Which weighs more – a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?
ANSWER: Sounds like a trick question for April Fool’s Day, right? It’s not. In reality, a pound of feathers weighs more than a pound of gold. Feathers are weighed by avoirdupois weight which has 16 ounces to the pound. Gold is weighed by troy weight which has 12 ounces to the pound. So, a pound of feathers weighs four ounces more than a pound of gold.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- In 1855, dentist Robert Arthur was the first to use lead to fill cavities. (False – he was the first to use gold.)
- The rate of triplets are one set in every 490,000 births. (False – that’s for quadruplets.)
- On Neptune, a year lasts 65 Earth years. (False – 165 Earth years)
- Some herons in Japan use insects as bait rather than food. (True – they pick up insects and cast them on the water, luring fish up to be speared by the herons’ beaks.)
- It’s estimated that 80% of direct mail advertising is thrown away without it being opened. (False, 40%)
- The movie “Jaws” was based on true events. (True – although loosely. The story was based on the Jersey Shore shark attacks of 1916, in which four people were killed and one was seriously injured.)
- The average popping temperature for popcorn is around 347° Fahrenheit. (True)
- The reason firehouses have circular stairways is to keep horses from walking up them. (True. In the old days, fire engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. So spiral staircases were installed.)
- Non-dairy creamer is flammable. (True.)
- Texas is the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
NFL TO BECOME ________ FOOTBALL LEAGUE (FLAG)
The NFL is changing its rules to outlaw tackling. It will now be a flag football league.
The NFL has been under a great deal of pressure to make the game safer. NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell met with President Barack Obama last week. In closed door discussions, the President told Goodell that football was much too violent and that Goodell had to do something about the violence or the President said, “I will.”
So, the NFL announced the most drastic rule change in the history of the sport. It has banned tackling.
“It’s just too dangerous out there for our players,” Goodell reportedly told ESPN. ”There’s too many injuries, too many negative health issues for our players as they get older. And, frankly, the lawsuits from former players are having a negative impact on the league.”
The NFL feels that fans will grow to love the new flag football league. ”The game is essentially the same,” said an NFL insider. ”Players still run, pass and kick. There is tackling – but instead of hitting a player, you grab a flag. The fans may love the game even more, because there will be more finese to the game. We are excited about it.”
But the league’s all-time leading rusher, Emmitt Smith, thinks the NFL should have its own head examined.
“They’ve absolutely lost their minds,” Smith said. Many other players echoed Smith’s sentiment. There were also major protests from fans in every city across the country.
Senators from 12 states said they would bring the matter up on the Senate Floor. But they are not hopeful that they can change the NFL’s mind. ”President Obama doesn’t want tackling in football and he has said he will do everything in his power to take the NFL down if it doesn’t ban tackling,” said a Senator from Wisconsin. ”The NFL really has no choice.”
So, get ready for your Fantasy Flag Football League!
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete said to the salesman, “We really like it, but I don’t think we can afford it.”
The salesman said, “You just make a small down payment, and then you don’t make another payment for six months.”
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and said, “Hey, who told you about us?”
“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his anxious patient. “You only have six months to live.”
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time.”
“Okay,” the doctor said, “let’s make it nine months.”
Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, “Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten, miserable beasts I have ever seen.”
One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, “You know … I think I just heard a discouraging word.”
Interesting idea at a library in Kentucky. If kids have a late fee they can pay it off by reading books. ***MARLAR: Isn’t that how the late fees occurred to begin with?
A Men’s Health poll found 50% of men think it’s possible to love more than one woman at a time. ***MARLAR: In a related study, it was found that 50% of men were discovered to be delusional.
FOOTBALL FAN TO THE RESCUE
Two boys are playing football when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
“Young Chicago Bears Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.
“But I’m not a Bears fan,” the little hero replied.
“Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were.” said the reporter and starts again. “Little Cubs Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack” he continued writing in his notebook.
“I’m not a Cubs fan either,” the boy said.
“I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Bears or Cubs. What team do you root for?” the reporter asked.
“I’m a Green Bay Packers fan,” the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Little Cheese Head Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Are there loopholes in the anti-smoking laws? Some people in Minnesota may have found one!
The Minnesota Department of Health declared that bars that hold “Theater Nights” are in violation of the state’s strict anti-smoking law. The law bans smoking in most public places except theaters where actors in plays have to smoke. So some bars have been declaring “Theater Nights,” and claiming that all the customers are actors involved in an improv theatrical performance, and their cigarettes are props. A state official called it an obvious attempt to circumvent the “Freedom to Breathe Act.”
“Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven. If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure.” Luke 6:37-38. It is no accident that the word forgive comes from the word give. Jesus taught both principles in conjunction with each other. If you forgive, you will receive forgiveness. If you give, others will also give to you. The spirits of forgiveness and giving are opposite from the spirits of the devil. People in the world lash out at anyone who mistreats or abuses them. Jesus said, however, “God blesses you who are hated and excluded and mocked and cursed because you are identified with me, the Son of Man. When that happens, rejoice! Yes, leap for joy! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. . ..” (Luke 6:22-23). He also encouraged His disciples to love, do good, and pray for those who mistreated them (vv. 27-28). In the same passage He continued, saying, “Give what you have to anyone who asks you for it; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back” (v. 30). You are called to be God’s channel of mercy. He wants to use you to pour His grace and blessing upon the world. You must not block that flow through unforgiveness or stinginess. You must let forgiveness and giving flow. When you do, God will bless you, “full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over” (Luke 6:38). Give and forgive. “Then your reward from heaven will be very great….” (v. 35).
–By Larry Stockstill
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
HOW TO FAIL SUCCESSFULLY
Read: 1 John 1:5-2:2
If anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. —1 John 2:1
Inventor Charles Kettering has suggested that we must learn to fail intelligently. He said, “Once you’ve failed, analyze the problem and find out why, because each failure is one more step leading up to the cathedral of success. The only time you don’t want to fail is the last time you try.” Kettering gave these suggestions for turning failure into success: (1) Honestly face defeat; never fake success. (2) Exploit the failure; don’t waste it. Learn all you can from it. (3) Never use failure as an excuse for not trying again. Kettering’s practical wisdom holds a deeper meaning for the Christian. The Holy Spirit is constantly working in us to accomplish “His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13), so we know that failure is never final. We can’t reclaim lost time. And we can’t always make things right, although we should try. Some consequences of our sins can never be reversed. But we can make a new start, because Jesus died to pay the penalty for all our sins and is our “Advocate with the Father” (1 John 2:1). Knowing how to benefit from failure is the key to continued growth in grace. According to 1 John 1:9, we need to confess our sins—it’s the first step in turning our failure into success. —Dennis De Haan
Onward and upward your course plan today,
Seeking new heights as you walk Jesus’ way;
Heed not past failures, but strive for the prize,
Aiming for goals fit for His holy eyes. —Brandt
Failure is never final for those who begin again with God.
GREATEST APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKES OF ALL TIME
In 1992 National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, “I didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t do it again.”
In 1965 BBC TV featured an interview with a professor who had just invented a device called “smellovision.” This miraculous technology allowed viewers to experience directly in their own home aromas produced in the television studio. The professor offered a demonstration by cutting some onions and brewing coffee. A number of viewers called in to confirm that they distinctly experienced these scents as if they were there in the studio with him. Since no aromas were being transmitted, whatever these viewers thought they smelled coming out of their TV sets must be chalked up to the power of suggestion.
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. Incidentally, Taco Bell also reported as fact that sales increased by $500,000 on April 1st and $600,000 on April 2nd over the prior week’s same day sales.
In 1993 a German radio station announced that officials in Cologne had just passed an unusual new city regulation. Joggers going through the park would be required to pace themselves to go no faster than six mph. Any faster, it was felt, would unnecessarily disturb the squirrels who were in the middle of their mating season.
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, “many others requested their own ‘right handed’ version.”
In Canada, CHEZ FM fooled the listeners one April Fools Day making listeners believe that it was the last day that the treasury would honor all the two-dollar bills still in circulation. The same year they had people going through their change looking for the mysterious two-dollar coins that had mistakenly been minted from real gold.
On 1 April 1957 on BBC’s show Panorama opened with a line about Spring coming early this year, prompting the spaghetti harvest in Switzerland to be early as well. In the normal news manner, spaghetti’s oddly uniform length was explained as the result of years of dedicated cultivation. The report stated that the ravenous spaghetti weevil had been conquered.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Are you scared of a society without cash? A paperless, coinless society? It’s already happened in Pennsylvania.
… at least, for lunch period. A fingerprint identification program used in three Pennsylvania school districts allows pupils to pay for cafeteria lunches without carrying cash. Students place their index fingers on small scanners, and a template matches them with their electronic print. ***MARLAR: So now, instead of the bullies threatening you with a knuckle sandwich to get your lunch money, they just steal your knuckles.
JUST FOR FUN
APRIL FOOL’S TRIVIA
In France, April Fools day is called “Poisson d’Avril” meaning April Fish. The tradition is that French children will tape paper fish to the backs of their friends. When they would discover the fish on their back, the prankster would yell “Poisson d’Avril!” The origin of this is unknown.
In Scotland the April fool is called April “gowk” which is Scottish for cuckoo. The Cuckoo is an emblem of simpletons.
An April Fool is defined as: “One who is sportively imposed upon by others on the first day of April.”
Websters Dictionary defines a fool as: 1. One destitute of reason, or of the common powers or understanding; an idiot, a natural. 2. A person deficient in intellect, one who acts absurdly, or pursues a course contrary to the dictates of wisdom, one without judgment; a simpleton; a dolt. 3 One who acts contrary to moral and religious wisdon; a wicked person. 4. One who counterfeits folly; a professional jester or buffoon, a retainer formerly kept to make sport, dressed fantastically in motley, with ridiculous accouterments.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW COMPUTER
- It’s been three days since you started booting up
- Your monitor is the size of a washing machine
- And they now have color monitors, you know
- Letters on keyboard are in Babylonian
- When you try to connect your iPod to your computer, it says “Ewwww”
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Who among us has not been shocked by the dramatic and devastating act of a German pilot this past week? We are now assured that Andreas Lubitz deliberately brought about the deaths of 150 people aboard the crashed Germanwings flight in France. The pilot had left the cabin for a few minutes and found the door locked upon his return. The rest of the details only leave us with an imagined horror of what took some eight minutes to finish.
We are gradually finding out quite a bit about this Andreas. Apparently he suffered from depression. It was debilitating enough for the 27-year-old to receive treatment. We are aware he had a “sick pass” so he would not need to fly the day of the crash. We know there are reports of vision problems—whether real or psychosomatic.
But standing out about these to me were the comments he purportedly made to a former girlfriend. In her words, he once said he was “planning a heinous act that will be remembered forever.” The woman, dubbed “Maria W,” expanded on this saying, “[He said], ‘One day I will do something that will change the whole system, and then all will know my name and remember it.’ I never knew what he meant, but now it makes sense.”
Lubitz learned to fly gliders at the age of 14. The New York Times reports that Klaus Radke, the president of the glider club, said “When I saw him as an adult compared to a youth, I thought, ‘He really amounted to something.’ He was confident, helpful. I thought, ‘Man, he’s someone who made it.’”
But his adult behavior was not so pleasant to Maria W. She said, “We spoke a lot about work and then he became another person. He became agitated about the circumstances in which he had to work, too little money, anxiety about his contract and too much pressure. During conversations he’d suddenly throw a tantrum and scream at me. I was afraid. He even once locked me in the bathroom for a long time.”
It is impossible to know how much his mental state led Andreas to commit his “heinous act.” What seems apparent, however, is that he was stable enough to make statements about wanting fame. He was rational enough to fly airplanes and function well with associates. And, at times, he apparently sought help. But not enough.
Thus, two very common attributes of human behavior left out of control come into focus: pride and selfishness. These forces, perhaps enhanced by a spiritual battle of which Lubitz was unaware, kept him from two important decisions. The first was to seek more help. The second, was to avoid the totally self focused act of taking the lives of 149 other souls to satisfy his longing to be remembered.
I’ve read nothing that would indicate he had a spiritual life. When the moral constraints of an individual rely solely on one’s own value system, why should we be surprised at such acts? Unless we are willing to be guided by the wisdom, understanding, and discernment that comes from our Creator, we operate on a different moral plane. So to speak.
Proverbs 16:18 (ESV) warns: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” And as for being remembered, Psalm 34:16 (ESV) states: “The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.”
May God help those families being tortured by the tragic ending of their loved ones. May God give comfort to the parents and family members of Andreas Lubitz, who also will be tortured by the memory of this terrible act. And may all of us remember that we are capable of acts much worse, were it not for the moral restraints offered us by a loving God.
The Lord is my Light. And my Salvation. Amen.
That’s The Way WE Work.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
START YOUR ENGINES!
Is breakfast REALLY the most important meal of the day?
Just like a car needs gas, your body also needs fuel to run properly. Breakfast is the best way to jump-start you for the day. Breakfast gives you a great opportunity to fortify yourself with calcium, complex carbohydrates, protein, and other essential nutrients. In fact, you may even feel the need for less food overall if you regularly eat a good breakfast. But beware! A heavy, fat-laden breakfast can literally weigh you down for the rest of the day and may lead to heartburn or increased cholesterol in your body. Make a few wise choices and you can start your day healthier and feel great, too.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends.
If you are part of a growing church, you and your staff probably feel stretched to accomplish all there is to do. But according to the Christian Post, growing in staff often outpaces growth in cash flow. So they are suggesting that you increase the size of your staff without spending a dime. Some of their suggestions include raising up new leaders, empowering volunteers, increasing your delegating, sharing the vision, and releasing control. Most churches have untapped leadership already in the church. They have skills you and your team don’t currently have and they may be waiting to be recruited.
A dog named Tommy is finding solace in church after losing his master. Tommy was adopted by Maria in Italy. And each Sunday he would accompany her to mass. Maria passed away two months ago and parish officials say that Tommy showed up at the funeral unattended. They add that, every day since, when the church bells toll, Tommy is there. Church officials say he sits quietly throughout mass each day. In fact, officials say that due to his dedication, the parish has unofficially adopted him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWMRx2IAFs8
Are you concerned that your child’s decision not to go to college will mean your child will be less happy with their life? No need to worry. A new study shows that there is no link between your education level and your personal happiness. According to Time Magazine, that is the finding of a new mental-health research study published by the British Journal of Psychiatry. The team discovered that the odds of happiness were equivalent throughout all levels of educational attainment. Researchers defined happiness as a state of high mental well-being in which people “feel good and function well.” http://ti.me/1NbDsE6
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I was so tempted to tell my boss today “I quit!”, but I was too afraid he’d be happy about it and not give me time to say “April Fool!” — Darren Marlar
“To be or not to be… that is the question.” Unless you want French fries, in which case the question is “Can I have fries with that?” –Skyf Kentry
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MARCH 27, 2015…
Killing Jesus (National Geographic Channel (television movie)—It isn’t often this critic gets to view a television movie, but it happened. Adapted from the novel by Bill O’Reilly and Martin Dugard, the script by Walon Green condenses 33 years of the life of Christ into 133 minutes. Actually, it is well done. There are familiar parts of scripture and additions, such as what happened to Elizabeth after the birth of John the Baptist. There is a star-studded cast, with many being European actors, but you will recognize Stephen Moyer from “True Blood” or the late John Rhys-Davis as Annas. Haaz Sleiman plays Jesus while Joe Doyle is Judas (and what a part he has), Rufus Sewell is Caiaphas and Kelsey Grammar is King Herod. First showing is Sunday, March 29 on the National Geographic Channel, and watch for other times. “Killing Jesus” could be rated PG 13 or R for violence, especially the Crucifixion. Rating of 4.
Home (3 D)—This animated science fiction humorous film is about a little guy (Oh and voiced by Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”) who has run from his planetary system because he doesn’t blend in. Well, he lands on Earth and doesn’t blend in there, either. Tip (voice of Rihanna) comes to his rescue with her cat, but the other aliens are on their trail. “Home” is rated PG. Adapted from the book “True Meaning of Smekday” by Adam Rex. Rating of 3 for animation fans.
The Salt Of The Earth (opening in select cities)—A documentary on the photographic work of the Brazilian photographer Sebastiano Salgado and directed by Wim Wenders. A Cannes Film Festival selection, it will be opening slowly around the country. Expect great cinematography. “The Salt Of The Earth” is rated PG. No rating.
Get Hard—Will Ferrell has really done it…getting caught for tax evasion and going to prison. He wrongly thinks one his friends has been in prison (Kevin Hart) and has Kevin teach him how to behave in prison. Personally, I think Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder did it well in “Stir Crazy.” Also in the cast are Alison Brie and Craig T. Nelson. “Get Hard” is rated R.. No rating.
“71” (opening in select cities)—Jack O’Connell is making a name for himself after starring in “Unbroken.” In “71,” and set in 1971, he is a British soldier, caught behind Irish IRA lines in Belfast, and trying to make it home. There are hit squads after him. Also in the cast are Paul Anderson and David Wilmot. “71” is rated R. No rating.
APRIL 01, 2015…
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group. Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise” is not rated. No rating.
APRIL 03, 2015…
Furious 7 is a continuation of the car action movies and the last screen appearance of the late Paul Walker. Also stars Vin Diesel.
(this opening day may change) Woman In Gold stars Helen Mirren in a fact-based story about a woman trying to retrieve a stolen painting.
Danny Collins is a comedy with Al Pacino as an aging rock musician who tries to revive his career.
Effie Gray stars Dakota Fanning as Effie Gray, the wife of the famous British painter, John Ruskin.
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