April 02, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Now, once again, (STATION) proudly presents (THE JOCK SHOW)!  It’s absolutely free, no salesman will call.  Listen for one hour and even if you’re not delighted, please keep (CO-HOST) as our free gift to you.

 

Radio doesn’t pay well – so I’m thinking about getting into dealing meth.  Anyone know the best way to capture cow farts?

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal.  — Psalm 119:160

 

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. — Isaiah 53:5-6

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

When he [Judas] was gone, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him.” — John 13:31

 

Thought: While other human leaders try to find glory in all sorts of ways, Jesus’ path to glory was the cross, because he was not after acclaim, but wanted to obey and glorify the Father! When Judas left the Last Supper, the final stages of the process was set in motion that would bring Jesus to the horrors of Calvary. But rather than seeing the cross as his degradation, it was his way of glorifying God.

 

Prayer: Dear Lord, please forgive me for seeking the approval and recognition of others. Forgive me for being so self-centered. Forgive me for thinking of my glory and not yours. Forgive me when I have trampled on the hearts of others because I was so busy gaining attention for myself. Jesus’ example in the last week of his life shocks me back to reality and helps me realize that true greatness is found in serving you, completely, no matter the cost. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 4:2 NIV = Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – APRIL 02, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 266 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

This is BE KIND TO SPIDERS WEEK.  So here are a few “true or false” questions about our eight-legged friends.

  1. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider. (True)
  2. On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (True)
  3. The Cleveland Indians baseball team was originally called the Cleveland Spiders. (True)
  4. Each spider has its own distinct web pattern. While webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (False)
  5. A spider has transparent blood. (True)
  6. The venom in a Daddy Long Legs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow or a Brown Recluse, but they can’t bite humans because their jaws won’t open wide enough. (True)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Every Day is Tag Day

International Children’s Book Day

International Pillow Fight Day

National Ferret Day

National Love Your Produce Manager Day

National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

Reconciliation Day

Tangible Karma Day

World Autism Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, APRIL 03

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day

Fan Dance Day

Find a Rainbow Day

Black Marriage Day

Pony Express Day

Tweed Day

Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 04

International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action

National Love Our Children Day

Passover

Square Root Day

Tater Day (It’s Sweet Potatoes)

Victims of Violence Wholly Day

Vitamin C Day

World Rat Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 05

Equal Pay Day

National Deep Dish Pizza Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Mont’s Day of Action (SAAM)

Read a Road Map Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day

Charlie the Tuna Day

Drowsy Driver Awareness Day

Hostess Twinkie Day

International Day of Sport for Development of Peace

Childhelp National Day of Hope

National Student Athlete Day

National Walking Day

New Beers Eve

Paraprofessional Appreciation Day

Tartan Day

Teflon Day

Whole Grain Sampling Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide

International Beaver Day

International Snailpapers Day

Metric System Day

National Alcohol Screening Day

National Beer Day

No Housework Day (known here as Wednesday!)

World Health Organization Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 08

Buddah Day

Draw a Bird Day

International Roma Day

National Dog Fighting Awareness Day

Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 09

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Baby Massage Day

“Bring Your Own Cup” Slurpee Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Jump Day

Slow Art Day

Winston Churchill Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA Day

Global Day To End Child Sexual Abuse

National Farm Animals Day

National Sibling Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 11

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children To Save Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1894: English philanthropist William D. Longstaff died at age 72. He wrote the hymn “Take Time to Be Holy.”

 

1902: The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles. The Electric Theatre charged a dime to see an hour’s news reel, including the films, “The Capture of the Biddle Brothers” and “New York in a Blizzard.”

 

1924: U.S. patent #1,528,202 was issued for the Flat Tire Alarm. It was a steel spring device which, when fastened to each wheel on a car, would make a loud clacking noise if a tire lost too much air.

 

1941: In pro football’s biggest trade, Bert Bell and Art Rooney traded the Philadelphia Eagles to Alexis Thompson for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yep, they traded franchises.

 

1942: At RCA Victor studios in Hollywood Glenn Miller and His Orchestra recorded “American Patrol.”

 

1964: The Beach Boys recorded “I Get Around.”

 

1974: Robert Opel streaked naked across the stage at the Academy Awards. Actor David Niven, who was on stage, adlibbed, “Just think, the only laugh that man will probably ever get is for stripping and showing his shortcomings.”

 

1978: “Dallas” debuted on CBS Television. It starred Larry Hagman as J.R. Ewing, Linda Gray as Sue Ellen, Barbara Bel Geddes as Miss Ellie, Patrick Duffy as Bobby, Victoria Principal as Pam, Charlene Tilton as Lucy, and Jim Davis as Jock. (audio clip)

 

1980: Toshiaki Shirai and Yukiko Nagata set the world underwater kissing record in Tokyo with a very wet kiss of two minutes 18 seconds.

 

1984: John Thompson became the first black coach to lead his team to the NCAA college basketball championship. Georgetown’s Hoyas defeated Houston 84-75 in Seattle for the win.

 

1992: Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison.

 

1995: Author Norman Mailer, writing in the New Yorker, quoted KGB officials who said when Lee Harvey Oswald went hunting in Russia, he couldn’t hit anything.

 

1996: A Chinese dinosaur egg believed to be 100 million years old sold at auction in Vienna for $4,500.

 

1999: The Labor Department reported that the nation’s unemployment rate fell to a 29-year low of 4.2 percent in March 1999.

 

2001: A computer engineer in Coppull, England, found a live mouse inside the casing of a faulty PC’s hard drive. Gary Taylor said the creature caused the machine to short circuit by chewing through wires to make a nest. He thinks the rodent may have crawled into the computer through a tiny hole at the back.

 

2007:  In Langley, Washington, Alden Couch went for a drive in his ’81 Impala to celebrate his 101st birthday. He would breeze through his state driver’s license test, including the dreaded parallel parking, a few days later.  He limited his driving to South Whidbey Island — “The mainland is too wild” — and drives mostly to nearby Langley, to the grocery store, the gas station, and the senior center for lunch and a game of dominos. His new license expires in 2012.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

742: Charlemagne (Charles the Great) is born. When Pope Leo III crowned him “Emperor of the Romans” on Christmas Day, 800, Charlemagne announced, “Our task [as secular ruler] is externally, with God’s help, to defend with our arms the holy Church of Christ against attacks by the heathen from any side and against devastation by the infidels and, internally, to strengthen the Church by the recognition of the Catholic faith.” Indeed, within his kingdom he was far more influential in church affairs than the pope. Charles appointed and deposed bishops, directed a revision of the text of the Bible, instituted changes to the liturgy, set rules for life in the monasteries, and sent investigators to dismiss priests with insufficient learning or piety.

 

1872: Death of Samuel F. B. Morse, a prime agent in the invention of the telegraph. A Christian, the first official message he sent was, “What hath God wrought?”

 

1877: Fundamentalist Baptist evangelist Mordecai Ham is born in Allen County, Kentucky. At the end of his ministry, he claimed one million converts—including Billy Graham, who made a declaration of faith at a 1934 Ham meeting in Charlotte, North Carolina.

 

1914: Three hundred Pentecostals meet at the Grand Opera House in Hot Springs, Arkansas, for a ten-day conference. Though originally intended merely to organize annual conferences, by its close, the conference had birthed the Assemblies of God, Pentecostalism’s largest denomination.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Chris Meloni (“Law & Order SVU”, Man of Steel) 55
  • actor (“Legacy”, “Sweet Valley High”) Jeremy Garrett 40

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1912 : Herbert Mills

1917 : Lou Monte

1928 : Serge Gainsbourg

1938 : Warner Mack

1939 : Marvin Gaye
1941 : Leon Russell

1943 : Glen Dale (The Fortunes)

1946 : Kurt Winter (The Guess Who)

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1952 : Dave Bronze (Procol Harum)

1952 : Leon Wilkerson (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

1953 : David Robinson (The Cars)

1961 : Keren Jane Woodward (Bananarama)

1967 : Greg Camp (Smash Mouth)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did the name Oscar (Academy Award) originate?

An Academy librarian and eventual executive director, Margaret Herrick, thought the statuette resembled her Uncle Oscar and said so. As a result, the Academy staff began referring to it as “Oscar”. By the sixth Awards Presentation in 1934, Hollywood columnist Sidney Skolsky used the name in his column in reference to Katharine Hepburn’s first Best Actress win. The Academy itself didn’t use the nickname officially until 1939. It had been referred by industry insiders and members of the press as “the Academy statuette,” “the golden trophy” or “the statue of merit.” The entertainment trade paper, Weekly Variety, attempted to popularize “the iron man.” The term never stuck.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Comedian John Branyan was teaching his dad to use a cell phone this week. He posted…might as well be putting him in the cockpit of a jet.

 

A small victory for Citizenway’s David Blascoe. He posted this week: Only person in line for TSA at the airport today! Winning.

 

Jamie Grace is considering something new. She posted: sometimes I just wanna have a separate Twitter account where I only talk about food.

 

It was tense for a little while but Jamie Grace has some good news. After announcing on twitter that she might have a new life uniform due to a stuck zipper on her skirt, Jamie returned to social media to announce that her dad had come to her rescue. After the zipper broke on her skirt Jamie posted: I’m stuck forever! My dad can’t even fix it with pliers! However, she announced a short time later: I have been freed!

 

Angie Smith, wife of Selah member Todd Smith, posted this weekend: I just realized I accidentally used Todd’s toothbrush and the only logical conclusion is to burn the house down and start over.

 

Jason Gray: The chances of spilling coffee on my shirt are directly related to how white the shirt is and how much I don’t want to spill coffee on it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDY-vKGE-f8/

 

Jamie Grace says her Grandma might just have come up with the next ESPN features. She said she regularly receives morning calls from her grandma telling her the jersey numbers of Christian single guys on her favorite basketball teams.

 

A reminder from The Afters: you know what “stressed” spells backwards?…. desserts. Now hand me a cookie.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Energizer Bunny”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “Engaged/Mother-in-Law”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Taking a windy day and making the best of it – that sounds like a great plan!  Maybe this time everything will go smoothly with our jungle friends getting together, no one will get upset, and everyone will have a fun day!  Yeah right… you know better than that!  Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 01/03

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, the singing Cheetah Sisters weren’t getting along very well – mostly because Cheetah Bonita’s new song had no room for anyone but her.  No three-part harmonies, just Cheetah Bonita singing solo.  Not only that, but she refused to sing any other songs!

 

CLOSE: Do you think this is why other music groups break up?  Find out what happens next time on As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Not only are the Taliban fighting against us – they’re also fighting against the phone companies!

Some time back, Afghanistan’s Taliban fighters staged attacks on telecom towers that provided cell phone service across the country. Not only did the successful attacks tweak off their fellow countrymen who no longer had phone service, some Taliban fighters now realize they’re starting to miss the convenience of phoning their fellow terrorists. The Taliban is now asking that the phone companies restore service and are promising not to attack the phone towers. As you might guess, the phone companies are skeptical and are hesitant to return.  How can a war last so long when the enemy is this stupid?

 

 

TOP TEN

CELEBRITY AND FAMOUS PEOPLE TOP 10 REASONS THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD

 

  1. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 

  1. Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

 

  1. John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

 

  1. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

 

  1. Stan Laurel: I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the pen.

 

  1. Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

 

  1. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

 

  1. Alfred E. Neumann (MAD Magazine): What? Me worry?

 

  1. Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.1. Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes taking the law into your own hands is not that great of an idea.

 

FILE #1: Phil Swire of Bury, Greater Manchester, UK, decided to paint yellow “no parking” lines outside his business in order to stop cars from parking there.  Well, his plan backfired… because Phil ended up getting a $45 ticket for parking his car within 35 feet of a “no parking zone” when a traffic cop mistook his lines for the real thing.  Phil then decided to go to court to contest the ticket… which was another bonehead move, because now he faces possible prosecution for having painted the lines in the first place.

 

FILE #2: Police in Gilbert, Arizona, say a luckily for him unidentified 42-year-old man posing as a potential car buyer, stole a vehicle from the man who was trying to sell it. And how do the police know? The dunce stole the car in front of a police officer who was being interviewed by a local TV news crew while their cameras were rolling. Police quickly caught up with the guy and the film at 11 will also come in handy at his trial.

 

FILE #3: An 18-year-old man went into a Chicago muffler shop, waved a gun around and demanded money. When the kid was told the money was in a safe and that only the manager knew how to open it and he wasn’t there, he gave the employees his cell phone number and told them to call when the manager arrived so he could open the safe for him. The employees called the cops, who called the kid, who returned and waved his gun around again. The cops later opened a jail cell for him.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Baltimore, Maryland, it’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.  ***MARLAR: Sorry, MGM.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

One robber shoots his father during a heist!

The elder half of a father-son robbery team pleaded guilty this week to a beer heist that ended with the dad being accidentally shot in the chest by the son. The 41-year-old father and his son were walking along a Winnipeg (Canada) street, with the dad carrying a hidden sawed-off shotgun in his clothing. The two planned to sell the weapon. Instead, the pair ran into three people who had just come out of a hotel carrying a case of beer. The dad decided to rob them of the booze, but the owner of said booze didn’t want to let go of it. In the ensuing tussle, the dad threw the gun to his son, and the boy fired it toward the man fighting with his father. Instead, the bullet hit his dad in the chest. The father has been sentenced to four years in jail and his son received 18 months probation.  ***MARLAR: Sounds to me like they’d done a little drinking before-hand as well.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What would you stand in line for?  To see your favorite band or artist in concert?  A particular movie due out (or that you’d like to see come out)?  Great deals at some store?  What would YOU stand in line several hours to see or do?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said,” In the last days the mountain of the Lord’s temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and peoples will stream to it.”

ANSWER: The Prophet Micah (Micah 4:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

ANSWER: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Mexico City is the oldest capital city in the Americas. (True)

 

  1. New Jersey is the US state with the greatest number of hazardous waste sites. (True – 96 of them)

 

  1. All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted green, unless they belong to a high official. (False – they all must be painted black)

 

  1. At 840,000 square miles, Greenland is the largest island in the world. (True – it is three times the size of Texas. By comparison, Iceland is only 39,800 square miles.)

 

  1. Disney World in Orlando, Florida covers 46 square miles(30,500 acres). (True – making it twice the size of the island of Manhattan, New York.)

 

  1. Spanish was the official language of England for over 600 years. (False – French)

 

  1. China is the world’s leading importer of iron ore. (False – Japan)

 

  1. The Brooklyn Bridge is the world’s largest bridge. (False – it’s Lake Pontchartrain Causeway at New Orleans, Louisiana. It is almost 24 miles long.)

 

  1. Denver, Colorado is the highest large city above sea level in the world. (False, that would be La Paz, Bolivia, at 11,900 feet above sea-level)

 

  1. Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year. (True, because it’s built on top of an underground reservoir. Wells are drawing out more and more water for the city’s growing population of more than 15 million people.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

____ PLANKTON (FLYING)

Flying plankton, tiny shrimp-like creatures called copepods,  are leaping through the air and attacking fishermen.

The flying plankton typically  break through the ocean’s surface and leap through the air solely to escape predators, but recently they have been attacking fishermen around the world.

Scientists  have been investigating how the brightly-colored Pontellid copepods, which live close to the surface, are so abundant yet so conspicuous to fish.

Scientists say copepods travel further in air than in water. Predators are also left confused about where they will land, they say.

Almost all commercially important fish, including cod, pollock and whiting, feed on copepods.

In recent months, the flying plankton have exhibited unusual behavior.  They have jumped onto unsuspecting fishermen, who don’t notice them at first, and suck their blood.  There have been 27 fishermen that have died from the flying plankton over the last few weeks.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The Reverend Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and planned move to Arizona.  After the service a very distraught parishioner came to the pastor with tears in her eyes.  “Oh, Pastor Bill, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said, “Now, now, Liz, don’t carry on so… The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me.”

“I doubt it”, she sobbed, “That’s what Pastor Mike said when HE left!”

 

JOKE #2

In the English-as-a-second-language class, the teacher explained the difference between a watch and a clock. She told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.


A few days later there was a power outage, and the classroom clocks had not been reset. The teacher asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, “It is exactly ten o’watch.”

 

JOKE #3

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed: “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence.  I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.  ***MARLAR: That means they only represent about two percent of a woman… or half a butt cheek.

 

For Easter, the makers of marshmallow Peeps came out with Sugar-Free Peeps.  ***MARLAR: What is that, an empty Peeps box?

 

In a recent poll, Jack the Ripper was named Great Britain’s greatest villain.  ***MARLAR: But Simon Cowell is demanding a recount.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

HAIR TREATMENT

A woman, trying to control her dry hair, treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, she washed her hair several times. That night when she went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, “Do I smell like olive oil?”

“No,” he said, sniffing his wife. “Do I smell like Popeye?”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A beauty queen becomes ugly through her road rage.

Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina, 2007 Jenna Walters faced charges after she was arrested following a road rage incident. Police say she recklessly drove through traffic to harass driver Angela Thomas. Walters allegedly pulled in front of Thomas, blocked her path, then got out of her car, screaming and taunting her. Walters then drove off, only to return moments later from the other direction, bump Thomas’ car and resume screaming, then left again, only to return one more time and bump Thomas’ car from behind and yell some more.  And here’s the funny part… not only was she Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina 2007 – ironically she was also voted Miss Congeniality.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CHURCH SIGNS

  1. You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.
    2. Come in and have your faith lifted.
    3. Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
    4. No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won’t get better.
    5. Everything you always wanted to know about heaven and hell but were afraid to ask.
    6. [At an Arizona church in August] You think it’s hot HERE?
    7. What on earth are you doing for heaven’s sake?
    8. Fight truth decay. . .study the Bible daily.
    9. Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?
    10. Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BREAK THE ROUTINE

Read: Mark 1:32-39

When He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. —Matthew 14:23

When was the last time you read the Bible while sitting under an oak tree? Have you ever prayed while the cool water of a creek ran across your feet? Wouldn’t it be enjoyable to meditate on God’s Word while watching the sun come up over the horizon?

It’s not possible, of course, for all of us to do all those things—but it is possible for each of us to break the normal routine of our time alone with God. Sometimes, the habits of our devotional life can get in the way of our growing closer to God. In fact, at times they can grow stale and boring.

But there is nothing boring about a God who created the earth in all its splendor and variety. There is no lack of excitement in worshiping a Savior who was willing to die a horrible death for us and pay the penalty for our sins. There is nothing common about being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to accomplish God’s will.

So how do we avoid dry devotional times? By breaking the routine of the usual and adding some variety to our personal time alone with God.

In His worship, Jesus found solitary havens away from the busyness of people and ministry (Mark 1:35). We need to do the same. We need to break the routine. —Dave Branon

 

 

LEFTOVERS

MOTHER-IN-LAW VACATION
If a weeklong vacation with your mother-in-law sounds like fun you need to check out the special deal a British hotel is offering.

Couples staying at the Raven Hall Country House Hotel in North Yorkshire can get a free room for the mother-in-law if they stay six nights themselves. The enterprising hotel is viewing the mother-in-law not as a source of jokes but as a marketing opportunity. And should the arrangement last the full six nights, all those involved can have a seventh night free. The idea behind the promotion comes from the hotel’s sales and marketing manager Matthew Loades, whose own mother-in-law just so happens to run the hotel.  ***MARLAR: Sounds like someone is trying to kiss up to the boss.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Uh oh… looks like being obese has another nasty effect on the body now – dementia and Alzheimer’s!

That spare tire could go straight to your head. Researchers now say that a flabby belly in midlife can increase your risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer’s later on down the road. Past research had suggested that belly fat also increases the risk of developing diseases like diabetes, stroke and heart disease. The good news is that you can reduce the risk if you hit the treadmill now and watch what you eat. As for the numbers, people who were obese, and that’s 30 pounds or more overweight, and had collected a lot of belly fat in their 40s were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia during their later years. For those who just have a bit of a spare tire, the increased risk was still about 1.8 times.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON VERIZON

Are they EVER going to decide whether or not cell phones cause brain cancer?  There’s yet another study.

There’s another cell phone alert being issued. An award-winning cancer expert has issued a report saying that mobile phones could kill far more people than smoking or asbestos. The study says that using handsets for 10 years or more can double the risk of brain cancer. Since cancers take at least a decade to develop, and cell phones have only become commonplace in recent years, studies have been mixed. The doctor admits that mobile phones can save lives in emergencies, but concludes that “there is a significant and increasing body of evidence for a link between mobile phone usage and certain brain tumors” and believes it will be “definitively proven” in the next decade.  ***MARLAR: Oh… so he’s not really saying mobile phones WILL cause cancer… it’s just a “definite maybe”.  Well, in that case, forget everything I just said.

 

 

FUN LIST

SUREFIRE SIGNS THERE WON’T BE A SECOND DATE

  • Instead of a goodnight kiss, he asks if you’d mind him rifling through your purse for something to remember you by.
  • She establishes the ground rules early in the evening over latte and pepper spray.
  • She leaves you standing outside her door with an immobilizing “goodnight wedgie.”
  • While dancing, he reveals that he’s a recent widower. When you ask how recent, he says, “A week from next Thursday.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

ALTERNATIVE SPRING BREAK IDEAS

  • STUDENTS: You’re in college and money is scarce. Skip the tropical drunk-fest and take a road trip with friends. You’d be surprised how much ground you can cover in a week, and with everyone chipping in gas money, expenses will be minimal.
  • FAMILIES: Airfare costs and lodging can really add up for a family, so for this spring break consider a camping trip. Spring isn’t too early to be sleeping outside, although you’ll want to make sure you have gear for inclement weather; that means warm sleeping bags, a tent that stands up to rain and wind, and plenty of cozy clothing. Crisp mornings and sunny spring weather are good for the soul, as are s’mores cooked over a campfire.
  • PROFESSIONALS: If you need a break from the daily grind but your budget won’t allow a full-onspring break, consider dividing the week between a long weekend away and a “staycation.”
  • ANYONE: Volunteer for a week. Non-profits such as Habitat for Humanity, Cross Cultural Solutions, and United Way offer week-long programs that cater to spring breakers.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Recently “Living on the Edge’s” Chip Ingram was joined by Small Groups Pastor Jim Blazin. Together they addressed the “Real Job Description of a Group Leader.” Over 1,300 leaders from around the U.S. participated in the webinar, taking a closer look at the scriptural profile of a leader and responds to some of the common misperceptions of leaders. Now the free webinar is available online. Access the video at http://livingontheedge.org/group-leader-qa-2.

 

Scientists have been struggling for decades to free diabetics from regular insulin injections.  Now researchers have created a synthetic patch that’s covered in natural beta cells, which can be stuck painlessly to a patient’s skin to secrete insulin when it’s required and safely control blood sugar levels, no injection or monitoring required. The patch hasn’t been tested on humans as yet, but it’s already been shown to safely control the blood sugar levels of mice for at least 10 hours at a time.

http://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-have-created-a-painless-patch-that-can-automatically-control-diabetes

 

Are you concerned that your child’s decision not to go to college will mean your child will be less happy with their life?  No need to worry.  A new study shows that there is no link between your education level and your personal happiness. That is the finding of a mental-health research study published by the British Journal of Psychiatry. The team discovered that the odds of happiness were equivalent throughout all levels of educational attainment. Researchers defined happiness as a state of high mental well-being in which people “feel good and function well.”  http://ti.me/1NbDsE6

 

If you are part of a growing church, you and your staff probably feel stretched to accomplish all there is to do. But according to the Christian Post, growing in staff often outpaces growth in cash flow. So they are suggesting that you increase the size of your staff without spending a dime. Some of their suggestions include raising up new leaders, empowering volunteers, increasing your delegating, sharing the vision, and releasing control. Most churches have untapped leadership already in the church. They have skills you and your team don’t currently have and they may be waiting to be recruited.

 

A Navy tugboat that sank nearly a century ago has been found by a team of government researchers off the San Francisco coast. According to ABC News, the USS Conestoga departed San Francisco Bay for Pearl Harbor in March 1921. But the boat never made it to Hawaii, and her 56-man crew was declared lost. The boat was never found, despite a search that covered hundreds of thousands of square miles and was the biggest air and sea search of its time. This week officials from the Navy and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that the tug has been found about 30 miles off the coast. NOAA is in the midst of a multiyear effort to map roughly 300 shipwrecks off in the waters off San Francisco.

http://abcn.ws/1ZsywAC

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“Millions who long for immortality do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” –Susan Ertz

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 01, 2016…

 

Collide—With a title like this, you would think it would be a meteor movie, instead, Nicholas Hoult stars in a story of trying to escape from the mob. A robbery goes awry and Anthony Hopkins, as a crime boss, is after him.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Felicity Jones.  “Collide” is rated R. No rating.

 

Amityville: The Awakening—This is supposed to be a restart of the famed horror film series about residents who live in a haunted house, again, and again. Sigh. The stars are Bella Thorne and Jennifer Jason Leigh. “Amityville: The Awakening” is rated R. No rating.

 

Everyone Wants Some (opening in select cities)—1980’s college baseball is just about what you would expect, with girls, games and school time.  Stars include Blake Jenner, Wyatt Russell and Ryan Guzman. (Do the last names of these young stars look familiar?) “Everyone Wants Some” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Pandemic (opening in select cities)— Another film set in the future and a virus gone awry. This one has a young, female doctor (Rachel Nichols) locked in a lab trying to find a cure. The original title was “Viral.” “Pandemic” is rated R. No rating.

 

Hunt For The Wilder People (opening in select cities)—Sam Neill stars as a crotchety New Zealander who, with his wife, takes in a foster child and tries to give him a home. Other stars are Julian Dannebon and Rachel House. “Hunt For The Wilder People” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Meet The Blacks—This comedic movie has Mike Epps and his family (with the last name of Black) winning big and leaving Chicago for Beverly Hills.. The cast includes George Lopez, Mike Tyson and Perez Hilton. “Meet The Blacks” is rated R. No rating.

 

Miles Ahead—This is  a bio-pic of the late jazz musician, Miles Davis.  Don Cheadle stars as Davis with Ewan McGregor as the Rolling Stone reporter, Dave Brill, who is trying to get an interview with Davis. We see the ups and downs of Miles Davis life. “Miles Ahead” is rated R. Rating of 2 for jazz fans.

 

APRIL 08, 2016…

 

Before I Wake has a family dealing with a child’s nightmare’s that come true. Stars Kate Bosworth.

 

The Boss is a Melissa McCarthy comedy movie in which is she is a business leader who goes to prison.

 

Demolition has Jake Gyllenhaal in a break-down after a tragedy and trying to rebuild his life.

 

Mr. Right is a study of manic-depression and stars Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick.

 

Term Life has Vince Vaughn in a comedy about a bank robber.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.