April 02, 2017: Sunday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

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Radio doesn’t pay well – so I’m thinking about getting into dealing meth. Anyone know the best way to capture cow farts?

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. — Psalm 119:160

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. — Isaiah 53:5-6

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com.)

When he [Judas] was gone, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him.” — John 13:31

Thought: While other human leaders try to find glory in all sorts of ways, Jesus’ path to glory was the cross, because he was not after acclaim, but wanted to obey and glorify the Father! When Judas left the Last Supper, the final stages of the process was set in motion that would bring Jesus to the horrors of Calvary. But rather than seeing the cross as his degradation, it was his way of glorifying God.

Prayer: Dear Lord, please forgive me for seeking the approval and recognition of others. Forgive me for being so self-centered. Forgive me for thinking of my glory and not yours. Forgive me when I have trampled on the hearts of others because I was so busy gaining attention for myself. Jesus’ example in the last week of his life shocks me back to reality and helps me realize that true greatness is found in serving you, completely, no matter the cost. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 4:2 NIV = Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 02, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
268 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

This is BE KIND TO SPIDERS WEEK. So here are a few “true or false” questions about our eight-legged friends.

  • You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider. (True)
  • On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (True)
  • The Cleveland Indians baseball team was originally called the Cleveland Spiders. (True)
  • Each spider has its own distinct web pattern. While webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (False)
  • A spider has transparent blood. (True)
  • The venom in a Daddy Long Legs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow or a Brown Recluse, but they can’t bite humans because their jaws won’t open wide enough. (True)

TODAY IS ALSO…

International Children’s Book Day
National Ferret Day
National Love Your Produce Manager Day
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Reconciliation Day
World Autism Day
World Autism Acceptance Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

MONDAY, APRIL 03

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day:
Fan Dance Day
Find A Rainbow Day
Pony Express Day
Tater Day ( It’s Sweet Potatoes)
Tweed Day
Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day

TUESDAY, APRIL 04

International Day for Mine Awareness& Assistance in Mine Action
National Sexual Assault Awareness Day of Action
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
World Rat Day

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 05

National Deep Dish Pizza Day
Read A Road Map Day
Childhelp National Day of Hope
National Walking Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day
Paraprofessional Appreciation Day

THURSDAY, APRIL 06

American Immigration Lawyers Association Day of Action
Army Day
Charlie the Tuna Day
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
National Fun at Work Day
Hostess Twinkie Day
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Student Athlete Day
New Beers Eve
Tartan Day
Teflon Day
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Day

FRIDAY, APRIL 07

International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
Metric System Day
National Beer Day
National Walk To Work Day
No Housework Day
World Health Day

World Health Organization Day

SATURDAY, APRIL 08

Baby Massage Day
Draw A Bird Day
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Day
Take Your Parents To The Playground Day
Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day
Slow Art Day

SUNDAY, APRIL 09

Appomattox Day
Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse
Jenkins Ear Day
Jumbo Day
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Winston Churchill Day

MONDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
National Farm Animals Day
National Sibling Day
Salvation Army Founder’s Day
Safety Pin Day

ON THIS DAY

1894: English philanthropist William D. Longstaff died at age 72. He wrote the hymn “Take Time to Be Holy.”

1902: The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles. The Electric Theatre charged a dime to see an hour’s news reel, including the films, “The Capture of the Biddle Brothers” and “New York in a Blizzard.”

1924: U.S. patent #1,528,202 was issued for the Flat Tire Alarm. It was a steel spring device which, when fastened to each wheel on a car, would make a loud clacking noise if a tire lost too much air.

1941: In pro football’s biggest trade, Bert Bell and Art Rooney traded the Philadelphia Eagles to Alexis Thompson for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yep, they traded franchises.

1942: At RCA Victor studios in Hollywood Glenn Miller and His Orchestra recorded “American Patrol.”

1964: The Beach Boys recorded “I Get Around.”

1974: Robert Opel streaked naked across the stage at the Academy Awards. Actor David Niven, who was on stage, adlibbed, “Just think, the only laugh that man will probably ever get is for stripping and showing his shortcomings.”

1978: “Dallas” debuted on CBS Television. It starred Larry Hagman as J.R. Ewing, Linda Gray as Sue Ellen, Barbara Bel Geddes as Miss Ellie, Patrick Duffy as Bobby, Victoria Principal as Pam, Charlene Tilton as Lucy, and Jim Davis as Jock. (audio clip)

1980: Toshiaki Shirai and Yukiko Nagata set the world underwater kissing record in Tokyo with a very wet kiss of two minutes 18 seconds.

1984: John Thompson became the first black coach to lead his team to the NCAA college basketball championship. Georgetown’s Hoyas defeated Houston 84-75 in Seattle for the win.

1992: Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison.

1995: Author Norman Mailer, writing in the New Yorker, quoted KGB officials who said when Lee Harvey Oswald went hunting in Russia, he couldn’t hit anything.

1996: A Chinese dinosaur egg believed to be 100 million years old sold at auction in Vienna for $4,500.

1999: The Labor Department reported that the nation’s unemployment rate fell to a 29-year low of 4.2 percent in March 1999.

2001: A computer engineer in Coppull, England, found a live mouse inside the casing of a faulty PC’s hard drive. Gary Taylor said the creature caused the machine to short circuit by chewing through wires to make a nest. He thinks the rodent may have crawled into the computer through a tiny hole at the back.

2007: In Langley, Washington, Alden Couch went for a drive in his ’81 Impala to celebrate his 101st birthday. He would breeze through his state driver’s license test, including the dreaded parallel parking, a few days later. He limited his driving to South Whidbey Island — “The mainland is too wild” — and drives mostly to nearby Langley, to the grocery store, the gas station, and the senior center for lunch and a game of dominos. His new license expires in 2012.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

742: Charlemagne (Charles the Great) is born. When Pope Leo III crowned him “Emperor of the Romans” on Christmas Day, 800, Charlemagne announced, “Our task [as secular ruler] is externally, with God’s help, to defend with our arms the holy Church of Christ against attacks by the heathen from any side and against devastation by the infidels and, internally, to strengthen the Church by the recognition of the Catholic faith.” Indeed, within his kingdom he was far more influential in church affairs than the pope. Charles appointed and deposed bishops, directed a revision of the text of the Bible, instituted changes to the liturgy, set rules for life in the monasteries, and sent investigators to dismiss priests with insufficient learning or piety.

1872: Death of Samuel F. B. Morse, a prime agent in the invention of the telegraph. A Christian, the first official message he sent was, “What hath God wrought?”

1877: Fundamentalist Baptist evangelist Mordecai Ham is born in Allen County, Kentucky. At the end of his ministry, he claimed one million converts—including Billy Graham, who made a declaration of faith at a 1934 Ham meeting in Charlotte, North Carolina.

1914: Three hundred Pentecostals meet at the Grand Opera House in Hot Springs, Arkansas, for a ten-day conference. Though originally intended merely to organize annual conferences, by its close, the conference had birthed the Assemblies of God, Pentecostalism’s largest denomination.

HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Chris Meloni (“Law & Order SVU”, Man of Steel) 56

  • actor (“Legacy”, “Sweet Valley High”) Jeremy Garrett 41

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1912 : Herbert Mills

1917 : Lou Monte

1928 : Serge Gainsbourg

1938 : Warner Mack

1939 : Marvin Gaye
1941 : Leon Russell

1943 : Glen Dale (The Fortunes)

1946 : Kurt Winter (The Guess Who)

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1952 : Dave Bronze (Procol Harum)

1952 : Leon Wilkerson (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

1953 : David Robinson (The Cars)

1961 : Keren Jane Woodward (Bananarama)

1967 : Greg Camp (Smash Mouth)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did the name Oscar (Academy Award) originate?

An Academy librarian and eventual executive director, Margaret Herrick, thought the statuette resembled her Uncle Oscar and said so. As a result, the Academy staff began referring to it as “Oscar”. By the sixth Awards Presentation in 1934, Hollywood columnist Sidney Skolsky used the name in his column in reference to Katharine Hepburn’s first Best Actress win. The Academy itself didn’t use the nickname officially until 1939. It had been referred by industry insiders and members of the press as “the Academy statuette,” “the golden trophy” or “the statue of merit.” The entertainment trade paper, Weekly Variety, attempted to popularize “the iron man.” The term never stuck.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Francesca Battistelli is pregnant with her fourth child. She is also on the Roadshow tour and the two aren’t mixing well. She recently told that nights crowd: “This is not Pappasitos, it’s baby #4. We’re very excited and blessed. I’ll try not to throw up on you.”

Matthew West was showing off a brand new coffee mug this weekend sent to him by his editor in celebration of the completion of Matthews new book “Hello My Name Is.” The mug says: Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya. You drank my coffee. Prepare to die. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSMdFYygbN_/

Third Day’s Mark Lee is out with: My Life as a Complete Idiot, Episode 4. The latest edition is subtitled:That time I grilled chicken and started my own “consuming fire”. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSMYj6CAq2M/

Citizenway was sharing their tongue in cheek version of Christian pickup lines this week. Their suggestion: Hi, My name is will…God’s will. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSJB7J6gnHE/

Hawk Nelson’s Jon steingard is branching out. He posted this week: Working on a Kung Fu video today. Never thought I’d say that.

It’s a boy! Chris and Jodi of Love and the Outcome posted this week: celebrating another baby boy with burgers. Jodi posted a picture of their family, announcing that family member number four will put her at a significant minority. https://twitter.com/loveandoutcome/status/846842313448083456/photo/1

An update from Jeremy Camp’s Speaking Louder Ministries. The ministry posted this week that, so far this year, they’ve built three homes and held and outreach that impacted more than 3,000 people and saw 107 saved in India. At the same time they also began the planning stages for Jeremy Camp to come to Uganda for an evangelistic concert. https://t.e2ma.net/cshare/inbound/t/915yo/257466690c69391dc41591793d280ac8

Trying to work out with a young daughter can make exercising difficult. Meredith Andrews posted a picture of her daughter Frankie and added: This girl is my shadow. I absolutely love it, but it makes trying to work out rather interesting. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSJZ3t5lUrI/

Paul Baloche is cheering on his son David. The long time worship leader posted a link after his son released his first album late last week. He said: My son David teaches ‘speech & debate’ to high school kids in Manhattan. And he makes this kind of music in his spare time. But Paul isn’t the only one celebrating the new album. Fellow artist Phil Wichkam posted: This record is really, really good. Beautiful melodies and music. The Lyrics are straight from scripture but somehow feel fresh and new. Maybe my favorite record so far this year. Amazing job David Baloche! https://www.instagram.com/p/BSCMIPoBx7o/

Mercyme drummer Robby Shaffer was loving technology over the weekend. He posted: I can keep up with my boys pitching, while waiting to watch my girl dance in her spring ballet.

Megan Garrett says the band’s kids may need a lesson about land lines. She tagged fellow band members Jaun and Melodee Devevo: “Just caught our kids making long distant land line phone calls from this Illinois venue to their Georgia friends.”

Hillsong will not tolerate pedophiles in any shape or form, according to the church’s founder Brian Houston. Recently Brian told Australia’s child abuse royal commission that Hillsong has ‘zero tolerance’ for pedophiles He said, ‘For a long, long time I’ve been extremely vocal that no convicted pedophile, nobody who’s made any kind of confession of inappropriate behavior towards children, is welcome at Hillsong Church at all.” ‘On numerous occasions, we’ve told people they can’t come to church. Houston added: ‘We’ve got a no tolerance policy on pedophiles because we have a massive children’s ministry, obviously, and young persons’ ministry, so we just don’t believe that it’s the right place for them to be.’ http://ow.ly/55HU30ai8kh

If you’ve ever attended one of Ben Calhoun’s solo concerts you would likely have heard “Savannah’s Pajamas”. The Citizenway front man wrote the song in honor of his daughter and her bedtime routine. Now he is finally getting to the book version of the song. Ben announced work has started on the new project. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSCci-Bjsrz/

Moriah Peters needs your help. She posted: I met this Israeli caterpillar where Jesus shared the beatitudes. What should we name him? https://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/845606203447283712/photo/1

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So Gruffy’s going on a picnic… I’m thinking Millard’s going to want to go too. So what’s the big deal with that? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Not only are the Taliban fighting against us – they’re also fighting against the phone companies!

Some time back, Afghanistan’s Taliban fighters staged attacks on telecom towers that provided cell phone service across the country. Not only did the successful attacks tweak off their fellow countrymen who no longer had phone service, some Taliban fighters now realize they’re starting to miss the convenience of phoning their fellow terrorists. The Taliban is now asking that the phone companies restore service and are promising not to attack the phone towers. As you might guess, the phone companies are skeptical and are hesitant to return. How can a war last so long when the enemy is this stupid?

TOP TEN

CELEBRITY AND FAMOUS PEOPLE TOP 10 REASONS THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD

10. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

9. Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

8. John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

7. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

6. Stan Laurel: I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the pen.

5. Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

4. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

3. Alfred E. Neumann (MAD Magazine): What? Me worry?

2. Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

1. Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes taking the law into your own hands is not that great of an idea.

FILE #1: Phil Swire of Bury, Greater Manchester, UK, decided to paint yellow “no parking” lines outside his business in order to stop cars from parking there.  Well, his plan backfired… because Phil ended up getting a $45 ticket for parking his car within 35 feet of a “no parking zone” when a traffic cop mistook his lines for the real thing.  Phil then decided to go to court to contest the ticket… which was another bonehead move, because now he faces possible prosecution for having painted the lines in the first place.

FILE #2: Police in Gilbert, Arizona, say a luckily for him unidentified 42-year-old man posing as a potential car buyer, stole a vehicle from the man who was trying to sell it. And how do the police know? The dunce stole the car in front of a police officer who was being interviewed by a local TV news crew while their cameras were rolling. Police quickly caught up with the guy and the film at 11 will also come in handy at his trial.

FILE #3: An 18-year-old man went into a Chicago muffler shop, waved a gun around and demanded money. When the kid was told the money was in a safe and that only the manager knew how to open it and he wasn’t there, he gave the employees his cell phone number and told them to call when the manager arrived so he could open the safe for him. The employees called the cops, who called the kid, who returned and waved his gun around again. The cops later opened a jail cell for him.

STRANGE LAW: In Baltimore, Maryland, it’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. ***MARLAR: Sorry, MGM.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

One robber shoots his father during a heist!

The elder half of a father-son robbery team pleaded guilty this week to a beer heist that ended with the dad being accidentally shot in the chest by the son. The 41-year-old father and his son were walking along a Winnipeg (Canada) street, with the dad carrying a hidden sawed-off shotgun in his clothing. The two planned to sell the weapon. Instead, the pair ran into three people who had just come out of a hotel carrying a case of beer. The dad decided to rob them of the booze, but the owner of said booze didn’t want to let go of it. In the ensuing tussle, the dad threw the gun to his son, and the boy fired it toward the man fighting with his father. Instead, the bullet hit his dad in the chest. The father has been sentenced to four years in jail and his son received 18 months probation.  ***MARLAR: Sounds to me like they’d done a little drinking before-hand as well.

PHONER PHUN

What would you stand in line for? To see your favorite band or artist in concert? A particular movie due out (or that you’d like to see come out)? Great deals at some store? What would YOU stand in line several hours to see or do?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said,” In the last days the mountain of the Lord’s temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and peoples will stream to it.”

ANSWER: The Prophet Micah (Micah 4:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

ANSWER: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Mexico City is the oldest capital city in the Americas. (True)

2. New Jersey is the US state with the greatest number of hazardous waste sites. (True – 96 of them)

3. All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted green, unless they belong to a high official. (False – they all must be painted black)

4. At 840,000 square miles, Greenland is the largest island in the world. (True – it is three times the size of Texas. By comparison, Iceland is only 39,800 square miles.)

5. Disney World in Orlando, Florida covers 46 square miles(30,500 acres). (True – making it twice the size of the island of Manhattan, New York.)

6. Spanish was the official language of England for over 600 years. (False – French)

7. China is the world’s leading importer of iron ore. (False – Japan)

8. The Brooklyn Bridge is the world’s largest bridge. (False – it’s Lake Pontchartrain Causeway at New Orleans, Louisiana. It is almost 24 miles long.)

9. Denver, Colorado is the highest large city above sea level in the world. (False, that would be La Paz, Bolivia, at 11,900 feet above sea-level)

10. Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year. (True, because it’s built on top of an underground reservoir. Wells are drawing out more and more water for the city’s growing population of more than 15 million people.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

____ PLANKTON (FLYING)

Flying plankton, tiny shrimp-like creatures called copepods,  are leaping through the air and attacking fishermen.

The flying plankton typically  break through the ocean’s surface and leap through the air solely to escape predators, but recently they have been attacking fishermen around the world.

Scientists  have been investigating how the brightly-colored Pontellid copepods, which live close to the surface, are so abundant yet so conspicuous to fish.

Scientists say copepods travel further in air than in water. Predators are also left confused about where they will land, they say.

Almost all commercially important fish, including cod, pollock and whiting, feed on copepods.

In recent months, the flying plankton have exhibited unusual behavior.  They have jumped onto unsuspecting fishermen, who don’t notice them at first, and suck their blood.  There have been 27 fishermen that have died from the flying plankton over the last few weeks.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The Reverend Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and planned move to Arizona.  After the service a very distraught parishioner came to the pastor with tears in her eyes.  “Oh, Pastor Bill, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said, “Now, now, Liz, don’t carry on so… The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me.”

“I doubt it”, she sobbed, “That’s what Pastor Mike said when HE left!”

JOKE #2

In the English-as-a-second-language class, the teacher explained the difference between a watch and a clock. She told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.


A few days later there was a power outage, and the classroom clocks had not been reset. The teacher asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, “It is exactly ten o’watch.”

JOKE #3

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed: “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence. I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

USELESS FACTS

The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.  ***That means they only represent about two percent of a woman… or half a butt cheek.

For Easter, the makers of marshmallow Peeps came out with Sugar-Free Peeps. **What is that, an empty Peeps box?

In a recent poll, Jack the Ripper was named Great Britain’s greatest villain.  ***But Simon Cowell is demanding a recount.

FEATURED FUNNIES

HAIR TREATMENT

A woman, trying to control her dry hair, treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, she washed her hair several times. That night when she went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, “Do I smell like olive oil?”

“No,” he said, sniffing his wife. “Do I smell like Popeye?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A beauty queen becomes ugly through her road rage.

Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina, 2007 Jenna Walters faced charges after she was arrested following a road rage incident. Police say she recklessly drove through traffic to harass driver Angela Thomas. Walters allegedly pulled in front of Thomas, blocked her path, then got out of her car, screaming and taunting her. Walters then drove off, only to return moments later from the other direction, bump Thomas’ car and resume screaming, then left again, only to return one more time and bump Thomas’ car from behind and yell some more. And here’s the funny part… not only was she Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina 2007 – ironically she was also voted Miss Congeniality.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CHURCH SIGNS

1. You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.
2. Come in and have your faith lifted.
3. Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
4. No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won’t get better.
5. Everything you always wanted to know about heaven and hell but were afraid to ask.
6. [At an Arizona church in August] You think it’s hot HERE?
7. What on earth are you doing for heaven’s sake?
8. Fight truth decay. . .study the Bible daily.
9. Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?
10. Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BREAK THE ROUTINE

Read: Mark 1:32-39

When He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. —Matthew 14:23

When was the last time you read the Bible while sitting under an oak tree? Have you ever prayed while the cool water of a creek ran across your feet? Wouldn’t it be enjoyable to meditate on God’s Word while watching the sun come up over the horizon?

It’s not possible, of course, for all of us to do all those things—but it is possible for each of us to break the normal routine of our time alone with God. Sometimes, the habits of our devotional life can get in the way of our growing closer to God. In fact, at times they can grow stale and boring.

But there is nothing boring about a God who created the earth in all its splendor and variety. There is no lack of excitement in worshiping a Savior who was willing to die a horrible death for us and pay the penalty for our sins. There is nothing common about being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to accomplish God’s will.

So how do we avoid dry devotional times? By breaking the routine of the usual and adding some variety to our personal time alone with God.

In His worship, Jesus found solitary havens away from the busyness of people and ministry (Mark 1:35). We need to do the same. We need to break the routine. —Dave Branon

LEFTOVERS

MOTHER-IN-LAW VACATION
If a weeklong vacation with your mother-in-law sounds like fun you need to check out the special deal a British hotel is offering.

Couples staying at the Raven Hall Country House Hotel in North Yorkshire can get a free room for the mother-in-law if they stay six nights themselves. The enterprising hotel is viewing the mother-in-law not as a source of jokes but as a marketing opportunity. And should the arrangement last the full six nights, all those involved can have a seventh night free. The idea behind the promotion comes from the hotel’s sales and marketing manager Matthew Loades, whose own mother-in-law just so happens to run the hotel.  ***MARLAR: Sounds like someone is trying to kiss up to the boss.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Uh oh… looks like being obese has another nasty effect on the body now – dementia and Alzheimer’s!

That spare tire could go straight to your head. Researchers now say that a flabby belly in midlife can increase your risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer’s later on down the road. Past research had suggested that belly fat also increases the risk of developing diseases like diabetes, stroke and heart disease. The good news is that you can reduce the risk if you hit the treadmill now and watch what you eat. As for the numbers, people who were obese, and that’s 30 pounds or more overweight, and had collected a lot of belly fat in their 40s were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia during their later years. For those who just have a bit of a spare tire, the increased risk was still about 1.8 times.

JUST FOR FUN

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON VERIZON

Are they EVER going to decide whether or not cell phones cause brain cancer? There’s yet another study.

There’s another cell phone alert being issued. An award-winning cancer expert has issued a report saying that mobile phones could kill far more people than smoking or asbestos. The study says that using handsets for 10 years or more can double the risk of brain cancer. Since cancers take at least a decade to develop, and cell phones have only become commonplace in recent years, studies have been mixed. The doctor admits that mobile phones can save lives in emergencies, but concludes that “there is a significant and increasing body of evidence for a link between mobile phone usage and certain brain tumors” and believes it will be “definitively proven” in the next decade. ***MARLAR: Oh… so he’s not really saying mobile phones WILL cause cancer… it’s just a “definite maybe”. Well, in that case, forget everything I just said.

FUN LIST

SUREFIRE SIGNS THERE WON’T BE A SECOND DATE

  • Instead of a goodnight kiss, he asks if you’d mind him rifling through your purse for something to remember you by.

  • She establishes the ground rules early in the evening over latte and pepper spray.

  • She leaves you standing outside her door with an immobilizing “goodnight wedgie.”

  • While dancing, he reveals that he’s a recent widower. When you ask how recent, he says, “A week from next Thursday.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

ALTERNATIVE SPRING BREAK IDEAS

  • STUDENTS: You’re in college and money is scarce. Skip the tropical drunk-fest and take a road trip with friends. You’d be surprised how much ground you can cover in a week, and with everyone chipping in gas money, expenses will be minimal.

  • FAMILIES: Airfare costs and lodging can really add up for a family, so for this spring break consider a camping trip. Spring isn’t too early to be sleeping outside, although you’ll want to make sure you have gear for inclement weather; that means warm sleeping bags, a tent that stands up to rain and wind, and plenty of cozy clothing. Crisp mornings and sunny spring weather are good for the soul, as are s’mores cooked over a campfire.

  • PROFESSIONALS: If you need a break from the daily grind but your budget won’t allow a full-onspring break, consider dividing the week between a long weekend away and a “staycation.”

  • ANYONE: Volunteer for a week. Non-profits such as Habitat for Humanity, Cross Cultural Solutions, and United Way offer week-long programs that cater to spring breakers.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Making amends with the person you love and adore – what could possibly be hard about that? According to psychotherapist LouAnn Smith, L.C.S.W., apologies are extra tricky in romantic relationships, where emotions run hot and you have a history. Smith’s golden rule for being truly contrite: “You can only apologize for one thing at a time for it to really stick.” When you’re saying sorry for your specific screw-up, don’t let it become a doorway to other issues in the relationship. “That’s where those annoying “buts” come in like in “but you always… ” If you’re due an apology, realize that men are typically raised to avoid sharing vulnerability, says Lerner. “Many men say they’re worried about admitting they’re sorry will unleash endless anger and criticism.” So listen with an open mind, don’t interrupt, and avoid shaming him/her further if you want this to be such a painless episode that they are willing to experience it again and again. (Women’s Health)

Open the spam folder in your email account, and you’re likely to find all kinds of messy missives offering low-cost drugs, replica watches, and millions in winnings from that lottery you didn’t enter. Now NBC news is out with a short interesting and educational video explaining how email providers determine which messages are spam, and which are not. http://nbcnews.to/2m9JfVY

Millions of Americans call themselves Christians, but how does their faith shape their worldview? A new Barna Group study says, “not so much.” Researchers asked American Christians about their views on issues like lying, cheating, the nature of God, and sin. They found that while more than seven out of 10 Americans call themselves Christians, just one out of every 10 were able to answer basic questions about the Bible and the faith. http://fw.to/GDQv8jG

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“Millions who long for immortality do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” –Susan Ertz

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

MARCH 31, 2017…

Ghost In The Shell— This science fiction film, adapted from the novel by Masamono Shirow, concerns a cyborg named “Major,” who is created for a special purpose from Section 9. ( from a film years ago starring Sharlti Copley). Of course, there are always problems with cyborgs. They want to be human, but does a human always want to be a cyborg? The cast includes Scarlett Johannson, Pilou Asbaek and Michael Pitt. “Ghost In The Shell” is rated R. No rating. (not that I’m counting, but is this the fourth science fiction/fantasy film for Scarlett?)

Boss Baby—Oh, my, just when you think you have read everything. This story concerns a smart baby who controls a corporation. Of course, there is skulduggery afoot here, because the older sibling is jealous of the baby. Some people might think most corporations are controlled by babies. This cast includes Alec Baldwin, Steve Buscemi and Lisa Kudrow. “Boss Baby” is rated PG. No rating.

The Zookeeper’s Wife—Based on a true story that happened during WWII, in which the wife of a zookeeper and her friends plotted to care for the zoo animals and also help others (The Resistance) to fight the war. Stars include Jessica Chastain, Daniel Bruhl and Michael McElhatton. “The Zookeeper’s Wife” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

APRIL 07, 2017…

Smurfs: The Lost Village has the Smurfs out to save a village from the bad guys. Smurfette is voiced by Demi Lovato.

Going in Style stars Morgan Freeman who, with friends, tries to pull off a robbery.

The Case For Christ is based on a true story about an atheist. Stars Mike Vogel.

Wonder has Julia Roberts as the mother of a child with a facial deformity.

Colossal is a science fiction film that deals with massive headaches and what happens to the world, then. Stars Anne Hathaway.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.