April 02, 2018: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180402
PDF: 20180402

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Now, once again, (STATION) proudly presents (THE JOCK SHOW)!  It’s absolutely free, no salesman will call.  Listen for one hour and even if you’re not delighted, please keep (CO-HOST) as our free gift to you.

Radio doesn’t pay well – so I’m thinking about getting into dealing meth. Anyone know the best way to capture cow farts?

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“We… declared our independence 200 years ago, and we are not about to lose it now to paper shufflers and computers.” – Gerald Ford

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. — Psalm 119:160

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. — Isaiah 53:5-6

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

When he [Judas] was gone, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him.” — John 13:31

Thought: While other human leaders try to find glory in all sorts of ways, Jesus’ path to glory was the cross, because he was not after acclaim, but wanted to obey and glorify the Father! When Judas left the Last Supper, the final stages of the process was set in motion that would bring Jesus to the horrors of Calvary. But rather than seeing the cross as his degradation, it was his way of glorifying God.

Prayer: Dear Lord, please forgive me for seeking the approval and recognition of others. Forgive me for being so self-centered. Forgive me for thinking of my glory and not yours. Forgive me when I have trampled on the hearts of others because I was so busy gaining attention for myself. Jesus’ example in the last week of his life shocks me back to reality and helps me realize that true greatness is found in serving you, completely, no matter the cost. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Ephesians 4:2 NIV = Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

TODAY IS MONDAY – APRIL 02, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
266 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

This is BE KIND TO SPIDERS WEEK. So here are a few “true or false” questions about our eight-legged friends.

  • You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a poisonous spider. (True)
  • On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (True)
  • The Cleveland Indians baseball team was originally called the Cleveland Spiders. (True)
  • Each spider has its own distinct web pattern. While webs differ from spider to spider, an individual spider will always spin the exact same web. (False)
  • A spider has transparent blood. (True)
  • The venom in a Daddy Long Legs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow or a Brown Recluse, but they can’t bite humans because their jaws won’t open wide enough. (True)

TODAY IS ALSO…

Dyngus Day
International Children’s Book Day
Mule Day
National Ferret Day
National Love Your Produce Manager Day
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Reconciliation Day
Tater Day ( It’s Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
World Autism Day
World Autism Acceptance Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

TUESDAY, APRIL 03

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
Fan Dance Day
Find A Rainbow Day
Pony Express Day
Tweed Day
Weed Out Hate
World Party Day

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 04

Childhelp National Day of Hope
International Day for Mine Awareness& Assistance in Mine Action
Jeep 4×4 Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Day of Action
National Walking Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day
Paraprofessional Appreciation Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
World Rat Day

THURSDAY, APRIL 05

Gold Star Spouses Day
National Fun at Work Day
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Burrito Day
National Deep Dish Pizza Day
Read A Road Map Day

FRIDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day
Charlie the Tuna Day
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
Hostess Twinkie Day
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace
National Pie Day
National Kids Yoga Day
National Student Athlete Day
National Walk To Work Day
New Beers Eve
Tartan Day
Teflon Day
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Day

SATURDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide
Every Day is Tag Day
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
International Pillow Fight Day
Metric System Day
National Beer Day
National Girl Me Too Day
National Handmade Day
National Love Our Children Day
No Housework Day
Tangible Karma Day
World Health Day (UN)
World Health Organization Day

SUNDAY, APRIL 08

Buddah Day (Historical Birth Date)
Draw A Bird Day
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Da
y
Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day

MONDAY, APRIL 09

Appomattox Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Jumbo Day (Elephant
s came to US and created the word for “jumbo” meaning “big” in our language.)
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Winston Churchill Day

ON THIS DAY

1894: English philanthropist William D. Longstaff died at age 72. He wrote the hymn “Take Time to Be Holy.”

1902: The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles. The Electric Theatre charged a dime to see an hour’s news reel, including the films, “The Capture of the Biddle Brothers” and “New York in a Blizzard.”

1924: U.S. patent #1,528,202 was issued for the Flat Tire Alarm. It was a steel spring device which, when fastened to each wheel on a car, would make a loud clacking noise if a tire lost too much air.

1941: In pro football’s biggest trade, Bert Bell and Art Rooney traded the Philadelphia Eagles to Alexis Thompson for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yep, they traded franchises.

1942: At RCA Victor studios in Hollywood Glenn Miller and His Orchestra recorded “American Patrol.”

1964: The Beach Boys recorded “I Get Around.”

1974: Robert Opel streaked naked across the stage at the Academy Awards. Actor David Niven, who was on stage, adlibbed, “Just think, the only laugh that man will probably ever get is for stripping and showing his shortcomings.”

1978: “Dallas” debuted on CBS Television. It starred Larry Hagman as J.R. Ewing, Linda Gray as Sue Ellen, Barbara Bel Geddes as Miss Ellie, Patrick Duffy as Bobby, Victoria Principal as Pam, Charlene Tilton as Lucy, and Jim Davis as Jock. (audio clip)

1980: Toshiaki Shirai and Yukiko Nagata set the world underwater kissing record in Tokyo with a very wet kiss of two minutes 18 seconds.

1984: John Thompson became the first black coach to lead his team to the NCAA college basketball championship. Georgetown’s Hoyas defeated Houston 84-75 in Seattle for the win.

1992: Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison.

1995: Author Norman Mailer, writing in the New Yorker, quoted KGB officials who said when Lee Harvey Oswald went hunting in Russia, he couldn’t hit anything.

1996: A Chinese dinosaur egg believed to be 100 million years old sold at auction in Vienna for $4,500.

1999: The Labor Department reported that the nation’s unemployment rate fell to a 29-year low of 4.2 percent in March 1999.

2001: A computer engineer in Coppull, England, found a live mouse inside the casing of a faulty PC’s hard drive. Gary Taylor said the creature caused the machine to short circuit by chewing through wires to make a nest. He thinks the rodent may have crawled into the computer through a tiny hole at the back.

2007: In Langley, Washington, Alden Couch went for a drive in his ’81 Impala to celebrate his 101st birthday. He would breeze through his state driver’s license test, including the dreaded parallel parking, a few days later. He limited his driving to South Whidbey Island — “The mainland is too wild” — and drives mostly to nearby Langley, to the grocery store, the gas station, and the senior center for lunch and a game of dominos. His new license expires in 2012.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

742: Charlemagne (Charles the Great) is born. When Pope Leo III crowned him “Emperor of the Romans” on Christmas Day, 800, Charlemagne announced, “Our task [as secular ruler] is externally, with God’s help, to defend with our arms the holy Church of Christ against attacks by the heathen from any side and against devastation by the infidels and, internally, to strengthen the Church by the recognition of the Catholic faith.” Indeed, within his kingdom he was far more influential in church affairs than the pope. Charles appointed and deposed bishops, directed a revision of the text of the Bible, instituted changes to the liturgy, set rules for life in the monasteries, and sent investigators to dismiss priests with insufficient learning or piety.

1872: Death of Samuel F. B. Morse, a prime agent in the invention of the telegraph. A Christian, the first official message he sent was, “What hath God wrought?”

1877: Fundamentalist Baptist evangelist Mordecai Ham is born in Allen County, Kentucky. At the end of his ministry, he claimed one million converts—including Billy Graham, who made a declaration of faith at a 1934 Ham meeting in Charlotte, North Carolina.

1914: Three hundred Pentecostals meet at the Grand Opera House in Hot Springs, Arkansas, for a ten-day conference. Though originally intended merely to organize annual conferences, by its close, the conference had birthed the Assemblies of God, Pentecostalism’s largest denomination.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Chris Meloni (“Law & Order SVU”, Man of Steel) 57

  • actor (“Legacy”, “Sweet Valley High”) Jeremy Garrett 42

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1912 : Herbert Mills

1917 : Lou Monte

1928 : Serge Gainsbourg

1938 : Warner Mack

1939 : Marvin Gaye
1941 : Leon Russell

1943 : Glen Dale (The Fortunes)

1946 : Kurt Winter (The Guess Who)

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1947 : Emmylou Harris

1952 : Dave Bronze (Procol Harum)

1952 : Leon Wilkerson (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

1953 : David Robinson (The Cars)

1961 : Keren Jane Woodward (Bananarama)

1967 : Greg Camp (Smash Mouth)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How did the name Oscar (Academy Award) originate?

An Academy librarian and eventual executive director, Margaret Herrick, thought the statuette resembled her Uncle Oscar and said so. As a result, the Academy staff began referring to it as “Oscar”. By the sixth Awards Presentation in 1934, Hollywood columnist Sidney Skolsky used the name in his column in reference to Katharine Hepburn’s first Best Actress win. The Academy itself didn’t use the nickname officially until 1939. It had been referred by industry insiders and members of the press as “the Academy statuette,” “the golden trophy” or “the statue of merit.” The entertainment trade paper, Weekly Variety, attempted to popularize “the iron man.” The term never stuck.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

*****NOTE: THIS FEATURE WILL BE TAKING A BREAK FROM MARCH 31 THRU APRL 16. IT WILL RETURN TUESDAY, APRIL 17, 2018.*****

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Good Housekeeping reports 76% of toy recalls are due to design flaws rather than problems like lead paint.  ***The most common flaw is the imprint “Made in China.”

Scientists in Australia accidentally stumbled on a substance that can remove toxic mercury from the sea. It’s called limonene (limon-neen), and can be found in any orange peel. The team was working with sulfur and limonene to create a red, rubber-like polymer. When they began running tests to measure its potentially harmful impact on the environment, they discovered quite the opposite — the substance can suck mercury right out of water.  ***So be looking seaside communities to begin dumping orange-scented Mop-n-Glo directly into the water.

Getting by on less sleep could be a good way to lose weight. That news comes from scientists at an international sleep conference, where research noted your body burns five percent more energy when you get just five hours sleep a night.  ***Which makes no sense – because the only time I’m not fighting the urge to go to McDonald’s is when I’m asleep.

A new survey found men with beards look around 5 years older than those that are clean shaven. When people were shown pictures of celebrities with and without facial hair, they said beards made them look on average 5 years older.  ***No word on whether shaving facial hair helps women look younger or not.

Australian scientists claim they might be able to take away the beer hangover. Nutrition experts at the Griffith Health Institute made some beer that was more like Gatorade. In essence, the scientists added electrolytes to the beer.  ***Which is perfect if you’ve been struggling to have enough stamina to down that next beer.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins were running away, terrified of The Plaid Guy! Marvy was running so hard and was so scared that he even dropped his teddy-bear – but then he fell down, and before he could get up, the Plaid Guy was right on top of him!

CLOSE: Well… it’s good to know that The Plaid Guy is actually a friendly guy… but you have to wonder… living alone all these years, how good can his seven cup salad really be? We’ll find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
Not only are the Taliban fighting against us – they’re also fighting against the phone companies!

Some time back, Afghanistan’s Taliban fighters staged attacks on telecom towers that provided cell phone service across the country. Not only did the successful attacks tweak off their fellow countrymen who no longer had phone service, some Taliban fighters now realize they’re starting to miss the convenience of phoning their fellow terrorists. The Taliban is now asking that the phone companies restore service and are promising not to attack the phone towers. As you might guess, the phone companies are skeptical and are hesitant to return. How can a war last so long when the enemy is this stupid?

TOP TEN

CELEBRITY AND FAMOUS PEOPLE TOP 10 REASONS THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD

10. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

9. Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

8. John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

7. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

6. Stan Laurel: I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the pen.

5. Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

4. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

3. Alfred E. Neumann (MAD Magazine): What? Me worry?

2. Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

1. Mr. T: If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes taking the law into your own hands is not that great of an idea.

FILE #1: Phil Swire of Bury, Greater Manchester, UK, decided to paint yellow “no parking” lines outside his business in order to stop cars from parking there.  Well, his plan backfired… because Phil ended up getting a $45 ticket for parking his car within 35 feet of a “no parking zone” when a traffic cop mistook his lines for the real thing.  Phil then decided to go to court to contest the ticket… which was another bonehead move, because now he faces possible prosecution for having painted the lines in the first place.

FILE #2: Police in Gilbert, Arizona, say a luckily for him unidentified 42-year-old man posing as a potential car buyer, stole a vehicle from the man who was trying to sell it. And how do the police know? The dunce stole the car in front of a police officer who was being interviewed by a local TV news crew while their cameras were rolling. Police quickly caught up with the guy and the film at 11 will also come in handy at his trial.

FILE #3: An 18-year-old man went into a Chicago muffler shop, waved a gun around and demanded money. When the kid was told the money was in a safe and that only the manager knew how to open it and he wasn’t there, he gave the employees his cell phone number and told them to call when the manager arrived so he could open the safe for him. The employees called the cops, who called the kid, who returned and waved his gun around again. The cops later opened a jail cell for him.

STRANGE LAW: In Baltimore, Maryland, it’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. ***MARLAR: Sorry, MGM.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

One robber shoots his father during a heist!

The elder half of a father-son robbery team pleaded guilty this week to a beer heist that ended with the dad being accidentally shot in the chest by the son. The 41-year-old father and his son were walking along a Winnipeg (Canada) street, with the dad carrying a hidden sawed-off shotgun in his clothing. The two planned to sell the weapon. Instead, the pair ran into three people who had just come out of a hotel carrying a case of beer. The dad decided to rob them of the booze, but the owner of said booze didn’t want to let go of it. In the ensuing tussle, the dad threw the gun to his son, and the boy fired it toward the man fighting with his father. Instead, the bullet hit his dad in the chest. The father has been sentenced to four years in jail and his son received 18 months probation.  ***MARLAR: Sounds to me like they’d done a little drinking before-hand as well.

PHONER PHUN

What would you stand in line for? To see your favorite band or artist in concert? A particular movie due out (or that you’d like to see come out)? Great deals at some store? What would YOU stand in line several hours to see or do?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said,” In the last days the mountain of the Lord’s temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and peoples will stream to it.”

ANSWER: The Prophet Micah (Micah 4:1)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

ANSWER: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Mexico City is the oldest capital city in the Americas. (True)

2. New Jersey is the US state with the greatest number of hazardous waste sites. (True – 96 of them)

3. All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted green, unless they belong to a high official. (False – they all must be painted black)

4. At 840,000 square miles, Greenland is the largest island in the world. (True – it is three times the size of Texas. By comparison, Iceland is only 39,800 square miles.)

5. Disney World in Orlando, Florida covers 46 square miles(30,500 acres). (True – making it twice the size of the island of Manhattan, New York.)

6. Spanish was the official language of England for over 600 years. (False – French)

7. China is the world’s leading importer of iron ore. (False – Japan)

8. The Brooklyn Bridge is the world’s largest bridge. (False – it’s Lake Pontchartrain Causeway at New Orleans, Louisiana. It is almost 24 miles long.)

9. Denver, Colorado is the highest large city above sea level in the world. (False, that would be La Paz, Bolivia, at 11,900 feet above sea-level)

10. Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year. (True, because it’s built on top of an underground reservoir. Wells are drawing out more and more water for the city’s growing population of more than 15 million people.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

____ PLANKTON (FLYING)

Flying plankton, tiny shrimp-like creatures called copepods,  are leaping through the air and attacking fishermen.

The flying plankton typically  break through the ocean’s surface and leap through the air solely to escape predators, but recently they have been attacking fishermen around the world.

Scientists  have been investigating how the brightly-colored Pontellid copepods, which live close to the surface, are so abundant yet so conspicuous to fish.

Scientists say copepods travel further in air than in water. Predators are also left confused about where they will land, they say.

Almost all commercially important fish, including cod, pollock and whiting, feed on copepods.

In recent months, the flying plankton have exhibited unusual behavior.  They have jumped onto unsuspecting fishermen, who don’t notice them at first, and suck their blood.  There have been 27 fishermen that have died from the flying plankton over the last few weeks.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The Reverend Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and planned move to Arizona.  After the service a very distraught parishioner came to the pastor with tears in her eyes.  “Oh, Pastor Bill, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said, “Now, now, Liz, don’t carry on so… The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me.”

“I doubt it”, she sobbed, “That’s what Pastor Mike said when HE left!”

JOKE #2

In the English-as-a-second-language class, the teacher explained the difference between a watch and a clock. She told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.
A few days later there was a power outage, and the classroom clocks had not been reset. The teacher asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, “It is exactly ten o’watch.”

JOKE #3

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom, decreed: “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence. I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

USELESS FACTS

The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.  ***That means they only represent about two percent of a woman… or half a butt cheek.

For Easter, the makers of marshmallow Peeps came out with Sugar-Free Peeps. **What is that, an empty Peeps box?

In a recent poll, Jack the Ripper was named Great Britain’s greatest villain.  ***But Simon Cowell is insisting the votes were rigged.

FEATURED FUNNIES

HAIR TREATMENT

A woman, trying to control her dry hair, treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, she washed her hair several times. That night when she went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, “Do I smell like olive oil?”

“No,” he said, sniffing his wife. “Do I smell like Popeye?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A beauty queen becomes ugly through her road rage.

Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina, 2007 Jenna Walters faced charges after she was arrested following a road rage incident. Police say she recklessly drove through traffic to harass driver Angela Thomas. Walters allegedly pulled in front of Thomas, blocked her path, then got out of her car, screaming and taunting her. Walters then drove off, only to return moments later from the other direction, bump Thomas’ car and resume screaming, then left again, only to return one more time and bump Thomas’ car from behind and yell some more. And here’s the funny part… not only was she Miss Fayetteville, North Carolina 2007 – ironically she was also voted Miss Congeniality.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

CHURCH SIGNS

1. You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.
2. Come in and have your faith lifted.
3. Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.
4. No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won’t get better.
5. Everything you always wanted to know about heaven and hell but were afraid to ask.
6. [At an Arizona church in August] You think it’s hot HERE?
7. What on earth are you doing for heaven’s sake?
8. Fight truth decay. . .study the Bible daily.
9. Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?
10. Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BREAK THE ROUTINE

Read: Mark 1:32-39

When He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. —Matthew 14:23

When was the last time you read the Bible while sitting under an oak tree? Have you ever prayed while the cool water of a creek ran across your feet? Wouldn’t it be enjoyable to meditate on God’s Word while watching the sun come up over the horizon?

It’s not possible, of course, for all of us to do all those things—but it is possible for each of us to break the normal routine of our time alone with God. Sometimes, the habits of our devotional life can get in the way of our growing closer to God. In fact, at times they can grow stale and boring.

But there is nothing boring about a God who created the earth in all its splendor and variety. There is no lack of excitement in worshiping a Savior who was willing to die a horrible death for us and pay the penalty for our sins. There is nothing common about being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to accomplish God’s will.

So how do we avoid dry devotional times? By breaking the routine of the usual and adding some variety to our personal time alone with God.

In His worship, Jesus found solitary havens away from the busyness of people and ministry (Mark 1:35). We need to do the same. We need to break the routine. —Dave Branon

LEFTOVERS

MOTHER-IN-LAW VACATION
If a weeklong vacation with your mother-in-law sounds like fun you need to check out the special deal a British hotel is offering.

Couples staying at the Raven Hall Country House Hotel in North Yorkshire can get a free room for the mother-in-law if they stay six nights themselves. The enterprising hotel is viewing the mother-in-law not as a source of jokes but as a marketing opportunity. And should the arrangement last the full six nights, all those involved can have a seventh night free. The idea behind the promotion comes from the hotel’s sales and marketing manager Matthew Loades, whose own mother-in-law just so happens to run the hotel.  ***MARLAR: Sounds like someone is trying to kiss up to the boss.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Uh oh… looks like being obese has another nasty effect on the body now – dementia and Alzheimer’s!

That spare tire could go straight to your head. Researchers now say that a flabby belly in midlife can increase your risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer’s later on down the road. Past research had suggested that belly fat also increases the risk of developing diseases like diabetes, stroke and heart disease. The good news is that you can reduce the risk if you hit the treadmill now and watch what you eat. As for the numbers, people who were obese, and that’s 30 pounds or more overweight, and had collected a lot of belly fat in their 40s were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia during their later years. For those who just have a bit of a spare tire, the increased risk was still about 1.8 times.

JUST FOR FUN

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON VERIZON

Are they EVER going to decide whether or not cell phones cause brain cancer? There’s yet another study.

There’s another cell phone alert being issued. An award-winning cancer expert has issued a report saying that mobile phones could kill far more people than smoking or asbestos. The study says that using handsets for 10 years or more can double the risk of brain cancer. Since cancers take at least a decade to develop, and cell phones have only become commonplace in recent years, studies have been mixed. The doctor admits that mobile phones can save lives in emergencies, but concludes that “there is a significant and increasing body of evidence for a link between mobile phone usage and certain brain tumors” and believes it will be “definitively proven” in the next decade. ***MARLAR: Oh… so he’s not really saying mobile phones WILL cause cancer… it’s just a “definite maybe”. Well, in that case, forget everything I just said.

FUN LIST

SUREFIRE SIGNS THERE WON’T BE A SECOND DATE

  • Instead of a goodnight kiss, he asks if you’d mind him rifling through your purse for something to remember you by.

  • She establishes the ground rules early in the evening over latte and pepper spray.

  • She leaves you standing outside her door with an immobilizing “goodnight wedgie.”

  • While dancing, he reveals that he’s a recent widower. When you ask how recent, he says, “A week from next Thursday.”

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

ALTERNATIVE SPRING BREAK IDEAS

  • STUDENTS: You’re in college and money is scarce. Skip the tropical drunk-fest and take a road trip with friends. You’d be surprised how much ground you can cover in a week, and with everyone chipping in gas money, expenses will be minimal.

  • FAMILIES: Airfare costs and lodging can really add up for a family, so for this spring break consider a camping trip. Spring isn’t too early to be sleeping outside, although you’ll want to make sure you have gear for inclement weather; that means warm sleeping bags, a tent that stands up to rain and wind, and plenty of cozy clothing. Crisp mornings and sunny spring weather are good for the soul, as are s’mores cooked over a campfire.

  • PROFESSIONALS: If you need a break from the daily grind but your budget won’t allow a full-onspring break, consider dividing the week between a long weekend away and a “staycation.”

  • ANYONE: Volunteer for a week. Non-profits such as Habitat for Humanity, Cross Cultural Solutions, and United Way offer week-long programs that cater to spring breakers.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Not that I’m encouraging you to do this – but it appears athletes can enjoy a post-game bottle of beer and know that it may be doing them some good. Scientists in Spain found beer after exercise helps dehydrated bodies retain liquid – even better than water. The beer could also quench thirst a bit faster because carbon dioxide bubbles may speed up the absorption of fluids.

Healthy people aren’t just the happy ones — they’re now the married ones. And if you thought that a significant other was more woe than it was worth, turns out you were painfully mistaken because a mate won’t just keep you happy. They’ll keep you living longer, too. In a study sure to tug at every inch of your heartstrings until they’re shredded to bits (because it’s that sweet), a team of researchers at the Harvard Radiation Oncology Program found that married cancer patients live longer than singles with the same disease. It’s thought that the emotional support provided by a spouse proved to be to a patient’s benefit, they found that men benefitted greater than women did. Most unsurprisingly, though, was the fact that the study and doctors were able to conclude that being single is a risk factor for cancer patients. They’re less likely to attend and keep up with medical treatments. (yourtango.com)

Well, this might explain the cookie crumbs on your pj’s: One third of Americans say they have wandered in their sleep, reports a study in the journal Neurology. Scientists are not sure exactly what causes sleepwalking, but stress, insomnia, alcohol, and antidepressants have been linked to roaming. Most sleepwalkers leave clues to their jaunts: displaced furniture, missing leftovers from the fridge, and filthy feet from venturing outside. If you notice any of these signs, talk to your doctor, says study author Maurice Ohayon, M.D., Ph.D., of Stanford University. One remedy he recommends: You might also attach a bell to your bedroom door to help stir you from your slumber.

If you’re obese and you lose weight, you know you’ll be healthier. But did you know you’ll also sleep better and be happier? Obese adults who lose at least 5 percent of their body weight, sleep better and longer after just six months of sustained weight loss, according to researchers from the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. In addition, the study found that mood notably improved — no matter what weight loss method was used.

Have you driven toward work on your day off? Here’s why. Have you been using your vacation days? Maybe take some. Clearly you’re zoning out; people’s minds are more likely to wander when they’re on familiar roads, a New Zealand survey found. So you’re defaulting to your usual commute. Your brain has two spatial navigation centers: The one in the hippocampus is flexible, lets you plan trips, and requires conscious attention; the other is in the striatum, for habitual routes. “If you don’t pay attention, the second system takes over,” says Russell Epstein, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. If could also be a sign of workaholism or guilt. Maybe you’re thinking about the project you didn’t complete, and might head toward your job because that’s where you think you should be Men’s Health advisor William Pollack, Ph.D.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Cassie Warren and Jesse Jones have been busy getting ready for the big day on which they’ll finally tie the knot – so in the chaotic midst of planning the wedding, Cassie accidentally wrote the wrong address on a wedding invitation that was meant for her aunt and uncle.  Instead of being sent to the her relative’s home in Eugene, Oregon – twenty minutes away from where the couple lives in Portland – it arrived at the home of an older couple.  While the recipients could have simply thrown the letter away, they sent it back to Cassie and Jesse with a note inside.  The note read: “I wish I knew you – this is going to be a blast. Congratulations – go have dinner on me. I’ve been married for 40 years. It gets better with age.”  Enclosed with the returned invitation was a $20 bill.  “I was at first annoyed that Jesse was so worried about opening mail and not focused on the conversation we were in the middle of, but after he opened it and saw the note, I was just grateful and felt so blessed,” Cassie told KOIN.  The happy couple ended up using the money to take their friend to dinner before he is deployed on active-duty.  Cassie also made sure to write a thank you note back to the mysterious couple so they know that their gesture was well-received.  “It was just a thank you card,” Cassie said. “I thought [they] should know [their] act of kindness was appreciated. Not many people would do that for a stranger.”  (Good News Network)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

After about four hours of deliberating, the jurors decided Marco Antonio Parilla, Jr. would be sentenced to life in prison for killing Tarpon Springs officer Charles Kondek. But when the court clerk read the verdict in court, he announced Parilla had been sentenced to death! Of course the Kondek family was elated and the courtroom erupted in cheers. But realizing the mistake, the jurors were horrified. After noticing the error, Pinellas Circuit judge Joseph Bulone instructed the jurors to fill out a new form. This time, it read life in prison. It’s unclear what exactly led to the error. Most jurors did not return a reporter’s calls or declined to comment. For Chief Assistant State Attorney Bruce Bartlett and defense attorney Bjorn Brunvand, this is the first time they’ve seen a wrong sentence announced in a capital case. The jury’s decision wasn’t what the Kondek family hoped for. Shortly after the verdict, Kondek’s widow, Teresa, said the mishap “devastated” her family. Parilla shot and killed Kondek, a 17-year veteran, while he was responding to a noise complaint on Dec. 21, 2014. (TampaBay.com)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

“Millions who long for immortality do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” –Susan Ertz

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MARCH 30, 2018…

Ready Player One—Steven Spielberg directs this film that is based on an Ernest Cline novel from 2011. It is a science fiction film, set in 2045 and in a world where the reality everyone lives in is just too hard to bear. People live in barren cities and use a virtual reality world to exist. The outside world is something like “Blade Runner.”  Enter Mark Rylance (remember him from “Dunkirk”) as the man who is head of the Oasis Corporation, along with Simon Pegg. In Mark’s later years. they set up a game called “Anorak,” supposed to be unsolvable. Well, tell that to teens. If you win the game, you get an enormous amount of money and life away from this present place. Now,  everyone goes to solve the game, so if you don’t play, it means, you like to remain just where you are. “Ready Player One” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

Acrimony—Taraji P. Henson, who makes a name for herself in the television series, “Empire,” now plays a betrayed wife in Tyler Perry’s newest film, “Acrimony.” Woe to the husband, played by Lyriq Bent. Also in the cast is Crystie Stewart. “Acrimony” is rated R. No rating.

Loveless (opening in select cities)—A husband and a wife (Boris and Zenya) quarrel all the time. They don’t seem to notice their son, Alyosha.  One day, after a heated argument, they notice the boy is missing A massive search begins, and in the meantime, how does the couple deal with this enormous loss—a missing child. “Loveless” is rated R. Rating of 2. Subtitles.

APRIL 06, 2018…

You Were Never Really Here has Joaquin Phoenix in a thriller about a kidnapped young woman.

Blockers is a comedy starring John Cena about a father trying to stop his daughter from serious dating.

A Quiet Place has John Krasinski as the actor/writer/director of this thriller that also stars his wife, Emily Blunt. Keep quiet when the prowlers come.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.