CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150403
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
This is (OTHER JOCK/JOLYNN WINTER) Appreciation Month, which means we don’t mention the time she went to the drive-in movie and parked on the wrong side of the screen.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. –James 1:12
The fool says in his heart there is no God. — Psalm 14:1
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples. — John 18:2
Thought: Judas knew where to find Jesus during this intense period of religious preparation. It was no secret that Jesus would be with his disciples in the garden praying together. If we had someone who wanted to betray us, where would that person tell our enemies to find us? Would they know where we would go to be in prayer? Interesting questions aren’t they! Can you imagine a better complement than our enemies knowing that they could find us in the place of prayer!
Prayer: Forgive me, Father, for not joining you more faithfully in the precious time of prayer. I confess that I get busy, distracted, and even disinterested in my prayer time with you. I am sorry. I am not sure why I have to approach this blessing as a discipline. I pray for your Spirit to create a burning in my heart that calls me joyfully to this grace of prayer. Your presence and concern truly are my sustaining hope. Thank you for always listening even when I’ve been neglectful, in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Psalm 4:3 NIV = Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – APRIL 03, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 267 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL WORKPLACE NAPPING DAY… a day for employees to “lie down and be counted”. *** Known to us here at the radio station simply as, “Weekdays.”
Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MOUSSE DAY. *** Which goes perfect with Rocky Road Squirrel!
Today is DON’T GO TO WORK UNLESS IT’S FUN DAY. *** One day for you – every single day for me.
This is NATIONAL LAUGH WEEK. *** Of course, we began National Laugh Week with April Fool’s Day, which gave a lot of people a few laughs at someone else’s expense. So what do the other people do; those who were fooled? Well, we’ve got a day for you too…
Today is ADD A FEW DROPS OF LIQUID SMOKE TO THE OFFICE COFFEE DAY. *** Vengeance is a dish best served cold.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Pony Express Day
Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, APRIL 04
International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action
National Love Our Children Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 05
Plum Pudding Day (Eaten on Easter. If eaten on Dec 25th it’s considered “Christmas Plum Pudding” – but it’s the same recipe for either day.)
MONDAY, APRIL 06
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Tater Day (Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
TUESDAY, APRIL 07
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
Metric System Day
No Housework Day
World Health Day (UN)
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 08
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Day
Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 09
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Winston Churchill Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 10
ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
Salvation Army Founders’ Day
Safety Pin Day
ON THIS DAY
1882: Outlaw Jesse James was shot to death in St. Joseph, Missouri, by Robert Ford, one of his own gang.
1959: In London the BBC banned the Coasters’ recording “Charlie Brown” because of the word “spitball.”
1960: At his first recording session after leaving the U.S. Army, Elvis recorded “It’s Now Or Never.”
1960: The Paul Winchell Show last aired on ABC-TV. The ventriloquist’s dummy partner’s name was Jerry Mahoney. Later, Winchell invented history’s first artificial heart.
1965: Sam the Sham and the Pharaoh’s MGM single “Wooly Bully” entered the Billboard pop chart. It would remain there for 18 weeks and peak at #2.
1969: The TV show “Star Trek” was canceled. The best of its three TV seasons was 1966 when the show reached as high as #62 in the ratings. (audio clip)
1982: Roger Mudd and Tom Brokaw became the co-anchors of “The NBC Nightly News,” replacing John Chancellor.
1995: General George Custer’s personal Civil War battle flag brought $165,000 at a San Francisco auction.
1996: Rapper Hammer, formerly M.C. Hammer, filed for bankruptcy.
1996: The FBI raided a Montana cabin and arrested former college professor Theodore Kaczynski, accusing him of being the Unabomber whose mail bombs had killed three people and injured 23 more since the 1970s.
1998: Michael Jackson became a father the second time when wife Debbie Rowe gave birth to Paris Michael Katherine Jackson.
1999: An Arkansas man blew a hole through his roof in Berryville when a large mixture of beans and rice packaged with dry ice exploded. The man wouldn’t say why he was storing the mixture, but officials warned that dry ice is just frozen carbon dioxide and can build up gas pressure fast when confined.
1999: An 80-year-old Japanese man was saved from choking to death in Okaka by a fast-thinking 911 dispatcher. When the usual life-saving steps didn’t dislodge a piece food, the dispatcher told the man’s granddaughter how to insert a vacuum cleaner tube into the unconscious victim’s mouth. She flipped it on and out came the food. The dispatcher said vacuuming was the absolute last resort.
2003: An Oklahoma couple finally got married after 77 years of living together. Zyness O’Haver, 95, and Sallie Warren, 94, decided to make it official in a ceremony at the Oklahoma County courthouse. When the judge asked, “Do you?” Sallie responded, “I sure do!”
2005: A study prepared by U.S. Defense Department advisors said that “Muslims in dictatorial regimes” do not yearn to be liberated by the U.S.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1507: Martin Luther is ordained, seemingly just one monk among many. But ten years later…
1897: German pianist and composer Johannes Brahms dies at age 63. Though not employed in a official ecclesiastic position, the devout Lutheran wrote extensively for the church. His German Requiem (1868) is considered by some to be the greatest major sacred choral work of his century.
1950: Death of Ira B. Wilson who wrote the hymn “Make Me a Blessing.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (What I Like About You, “Beverly Hills 90210”) Jennie Garth 43 (audio clip)
- skier Peekaboo Street 44
- comic (Daddy Daycare, 48 Hours, The Nutty Professor, the voice of Donkey in the Shrek movies, Dreamgirls) Eddie Murphy is 54
- actor (Dr, Niles Crane on “Frasier”) David Hyde Pierce 56 (audio clip)
- actor (“30 Rock”, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aviator, The Last Shot, The Cooler, The Hunt for Red October, and a lot of other movies beginning with the word “the”) Alec Baldwin 57 (audio clip)
- actress (Sherry Dempsey on “Frasier,” Gov. Grant in Nick of Time, Paula McFadden in The Goodbye Girl) Marsha Mason 73 (audio clip)
- singer Wayne Newton 73
- actress (Calamity Jane, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Pillow Talk, Please Don’t Eat The Daisies) Doris Day 91
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1924 : Doris Day
1928 : Don Gibson
1938 : Jeff Barry (Raindrops)
1941 : Jan Barry (Jan & Dean)
1942 : Billy Joe Royal
1942 : Wayne Newton
1943 : Richard Manuel (The Band)
1944 : Tony Orlando
1949 : Richard Thompson (Fairport Convention)
1955 : Mick Mars (Motley Crue)
1968 : Sebastian Bach (Skid Row)
1974 : Drew Shirley (Switchfoot)
1985 : Leona Lewis
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Who came up with the idea of “Seeing Eye dogs” for blind people?
During World War I a doctor at a German hospital was called away from the blind patient he was treating. The doctor left his German shepherd with the patient and upon his return noticed the positive way that man and dog were interacting. The physician reasoned that such dogs could be trained to assist blind people and set about to teach the animals to do just that. This might have remained a local phenomenon had not Dorothy Eustis, a wealthy American dog trainer, heard of these guide dogs (the proper term). She hired some of the German trainers and set up an institute in New Jersey to make this use of the dogs widespread. Guide dogs undergo several months of training. Fortunately they are not yet required to take the Scholastic Aptitude Test to qualify for the course. (Source: READER’S DIGEST BOOK OF FACTS)
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Matt Maher’s wish for the day: I want Matthew McConaughey to narrate my life for a day.
Two years ago Mark Hall wrote the song Just Be Held. After kidney surgery to remove a cancerous tumor two weeks ago the lead singer of Casting Crowns says: now I know I was writing it for me. Mark adds: it’s like a page from my journal these past few weeks. Every line. I’m still so struck by how it fits.
The Christian Rock Band Thousand Foot Krutch joined the growing list of others releasing shocking news releases on April the first. In their release, Thousand Foot Krutch announced that frontman Trevor McNevan is now embarking on a new road. Instead of firing up the fans from behind the microphone, 2015 will find McNevan lacing-up as the newest winger for the Ottawa Senators. http://t.co/7XtUhxTBtL
for King and Country choose April the first to release a video confession. In the video Joel and Luke set the record straight by confessing that they were really born in America. The brothers said they just chose Australia because they thought it looked cool on their bands crest. They say things got a little out of control so they finally decided it was time to admit their deception. However soon after a second video followed as the brothers broke down in laughter and shouted April fools! https://t.co/Br9k53USRy
The Christian music web site New Release Tuesday celebrated April Fools day by continuing their tradition of sending out some creative news releases:
- Release #1: Bill Gaither has been making Southern Gospel hits for more than 60 years, and if the Homecoming host has his way, he’ll keep doing that for another 600 years at least. Gaither, 79, recently paid Sony an undisclosed sum to upload his “creative consciousness” into a prototype android called the Sony SongBot®–which, if successful, would continue writing songs for centuries to come. http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/news_detail.php?newsid=695
- Release #2: Fans have been bewildered by a lack of tour dates on Jeremy Camp’swebsite and social media outlets, but an announcement today by the singer has clarified that, at least for now, touring has taken a backseat to a new passion: bodybuilding. The artist has put all touring on hold while training for the Beefcake Invitational. http://t.co/U2gxLfws99
- Release #3: Throughout its storied 19-year career, Skillet has taken a number of risks and has reinvented itself multiple times. As their stint on Winter Jam ended last month, Skillet got back in the studio, and some videos recently released from recording sessions indicate more changes are on the way. The studio videos showed frontman John Cooper playing a black, fiberglass upright bass, while Korey Cooper brandished a rhinestone-embellished accordion, and Seth Morrison wielded a six-string banjo. http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/news_detail.php?newsid=698
WEIRD & WACKY
|British couple win a million in lottery for 2nd time photo
LONDON (AP) — A couple from northern England has defied the odds — again — by winning a million pounds ($1.5 million) in the lottery for a second time. David and Kathleen Long won the money — and a car — in the EuroMillions Mega Friday Draw, having already scooped up 1…
|Tiny songbird tracked across 1,700 miles of open ocean photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A tiny songbird that summers in the forests of northern North America has been tracked on a 1,700-mile, over-the-ocean journey from the northeastern United States and eastern Canada to the Caribbean as part of their winter migration to South America, according to a new…
|‘Spicy’ scent of a Burger King store entices cologne buyers photo
TOKYO (AP) — The whiff of a Whopper made hundreds of customers hungry for a Burger King special Wednesday — “Flame Grilled” cologne. Bottles of the fragrance were sold at the fast-food chain’s stores in Japan for 5,000 yen (about $40), including one Whopper burger. At a downtown Tokyo…
|‘Miracle dog’ survives being hit by car, clubbed, abandoned photo
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The stray dog was hit by a car, clubbed in the head and left for dead in a ditch in Washington state. Days later, the 1-year-old bully breed mix showed up sickly and covered in dirt at a nearby farm. Now, the dog that defied death is recovering with the help of good…
|Man accused of posing as officer to cut into fast-food line
ODESSA, Texas (AP) — A West Texas man has been charged with impersonating an officer by using sirens and flashing lights to skip to the head of the drive-thru line at a fast-food restaurant. Odessa police say Michael Chico was arrested after an off-duty officer spotted a truck with…
|Woman charged with stabbing boyfriend after salsa argument
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — A northeast Ohio woman has been charged with felonious assault for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend after yelling at him for eating all of the couple’s salsa. A police report says 61-year-old Ronnie Buckner told officers he was eating salsa with his girlfriend, Phyllis…
|Police: Idaho man calls 911 a dozen times about bar bill
POST FALLS, Idaho (AP) — Police say a northern Idaho man called 911 a dozen times to report being overcharged at a bar and now faces a $1,000 fine and a year in jail. Post Falls police Capt. Pat Knight says an officer gave Phillip Poissonnier of Post Falls a ride home after he was kicked out…
|Stalled replica pirate ship towed to port after crew rescued
BOSTON (AP) — A disabled Canadian replica pirate ship whose nine crewmembers were rescued by the Coast Guard has been towed to a southern Maine shipyard. Coast Guard Petty Officer Ross Ruddell says a fishing vessel took the charter schooner Liana’s Ransom to the Kittery Point Yacht Yard in…
|10-foot, 300-pound metal rooster goes missing in Athens
ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — Police are searching for whoever made off with Rocket the Rusty Rooster, a 10-foot-tall, 300-pound metal sculpture stolen from its perch outside an Athens business. Lexington Vintage owner Bonnie Harris tells CBS 46 that she’s saddened by the crime, believed to have…
|Police: Man crashed truck, stole forklift while intoxicated
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — Police in Fairbanks, Alaska, say a 21-year-old man drove a stolen forklift more than 3 miles while intoxicated to retrieve a truck he crashed. Police Lt. Matt Soden says just before 6 a.m. Monday, Aleksandr Glushko of Delta Junction drove off a road in a pickup and…
|Judge ends Maine man’s attempt to salvage Cape Cod shipwreck
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A treasure hunter’s effort to salvage what he calls $3 billion in platinum from a World War II shipwreck off Cape Cod has been ended by a federal judge. Greg Brooks’ company Sea Hunters LP is no longer allowed to salvage additional items from the S.S. Port Nicholson,…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Too much iced tea caused Arkansas man’s kidney problems photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Doctors traced an Arkansas man’s kidney failure to an unusual cause — his habit of drinking a gallon of iced tea each day. They ruled out several potential causes before stumbling on a reason for the 56-year-old man’s kidney problems. He said he drank about 16 8-ounce…
|Senate has new deadline to avoid doctors’ Medicare cuts
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress will get a little extra time to prevent a threatened 21 percent cut in Medicare payments to doctors. Technically, the cut was to take effect Wednesday. But the Department of Health and Human Services said it will hold off processing claims at the lower rate until…
|Texas bill would bar gun ownership status in medical record photo
DALLAS (AP) — Texas lawmakers are considering a bill that would keep a person’s gun ownership status from being listed in their medical records, a move health providers worry would be an unnecessary government intrusion that harms their consultations with patients. The bill would make Texas…
|Liberia, Sierra Leone gain in Ebola crisis; Guinea struggles photo
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — When will the world’s largest and longest Ebola outbreak end? The West African countries of Sierra Leone and Liberia both appear to be on steady paths to ending the epidemic. The wild card is Guinea, where Ebola hasn’t burned as hot but remains stubbornly entrenched….
|Health providers’ stand could invite other execution methods photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — With the American Pharmacists Association taking a stance this week, the medical community is now united in its opposition to playing any role in capital punishment killings. That could make it increasingly difficult for corrections departments to obtain the already scarce…
|3-D print technology provides ‘robohand’ to 7-year-old girl photo
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. (AP) — Seven-year-old Faith Lennox never thought much about putting a prosthetic limb where her missing left hand had once been. Not until the little girl learned she could design her own, strap it on easily and then jump on her bike and pedal away at speeds previously…
|Texas measure cuts HIV funds, boost abstinence education
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Texas would cut $3 million from programs to prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases and spend that money instead on abstinence education under a contentious Republican-sponsored measure tucked into the state budget Tuesday night. The GOP-controlled House…
|An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, study says photo
CHICAGO (AP) — An apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away. That’s according to proverb-busting research that found daily apple eaters had just as many doctor visits as those who ate fewer or no apples. The findings don’t mean apples aren’t good for you but they do underscore that…
|Exercising critically ill patients may help speed recovery photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The intensive care unit is a last frontier for physical therapy: It’s hard to exercise patients hooked to ventilators. Some hospitals do manage to help critically ill patients stand or walk even if they’re tethered to life support. Now research that put sick mice on tiny…
|Arizona governor signs abortion drug notification mandate
PHOENIX (AP) — Gov. Doug Ducey signed a bill Monday that requires abortion providers in Arizona to tell women they can reverse the effects of a drug-induced abortion and also bars women from buying any health care plan through the federal marketplace that includes abortion coverage. The…
|10 Ebola cases found during Sierra Leone’s shutdown
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone found 10 new Ebola cases during a three-day countrywide shutdown, an official said Wednesday, declaring that the West African country is now at the “tail end” of the epidemic. Hundreds of sick people were identified on Friday, Saturday and Sunday as…
Join my new Facebook group, download the free app for Apple or Android, subscribe to my YouTube channel, sign up or my newsletter, visit my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and more at www.DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com! [Theme music provided by Turner Broadcast Music Library and 615 Music.]
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Ted Cruz is correct, the IRS Tax Code Has More Words Than Bible. At a speech recently before the International Association of Fire Fighters, the Republican presidential candidate said, “On tax reform, we, right now, have more words in the IRS code than there are in the Bible. And his claim has been proven correct. The King James Version of the Bible contains just over 800,000 words. In contrast, there are as many as 3.7 million individual words in the IRS tax code. So there are actual nearly five times as many words in the IRS tax code. ***MARLAR: And unlike the Bible, the red lettering in the tax code isn’t all that loving.
Police (in Wilkes-Barre) say a Pennsylvania man dropped to the ground and rolled around in dog waste to avoid being arrested for public drunkenness, but he was taken into custody anyway. ***He did, however, succeed in getting the K9 until to sniff him even more intently.
Archaeologists have unearthed a 250-year-old pretzel in Germany (Bavaria) — possibly the oldest example of the knotted dough ever found in Europe. Carbon dating showed the pretzel was made between 1700 and 1800. ***MARLAR: Even more odd, the heat lamp it has been sitting under all this time was still working and warm.
President Obama said “I have a very business-like relationship with Netanyahu”. ***MARLAR: Roughly translated, that means “giving Netanyahu the business” or “doing my business on Netanyahu” – it’s hard to certain.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Doctors have always assumed that both human ears were basically the same. But a UCLA study of babies may change a lot of assumptions about the way the brain works, because it found that the right ear is better at picking up speech-like sounds, while the left ear is better at processing music. ***MARLAR: So one ear is for talking and one is for music…Which ear does rap go into?
Depressed patients are more likely to stick with talk therapy if their sessions are conducted over the phone rather than in person. In a study, about 79 percent of people with depression whom had talk therapy sessions over the phone completed the full 18 weeks of therapy, compared with about 67 percent of patients who met with their therapist in person. People may be more likely to complete their therapy with over-the-phone sessions because they take less time, avoid transportation problems and are less expensive, according to the study. ***MARLAR: In other words, sitting alone at home with your mobile phone is less depressing than your therapist seeing your sourpuss in person.
They’re not exactly the kind of thing you’d find at Victoria’s Secret, but undergarments that were designed for Queen Victoria herself, at the end of the 19th century, have been given “national designated status” by the Museums, Libraries and Archives Council of England. This award is given to museum collections which are considered of both national and international significance. They look more like oversized linen pajamas and are embroidered with a small crown and the initials VR. The undies are now part of the Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection – 12,000 items worn by royalty and courtiers from the 17th century until the present day including a tweed suit created for Princess Diana for her 1981 honeymoon. ***MARLAR: It’s old underwear that’s now worth money… I’ve got plenty of ancient tighty-whities; what am I doing working for a paycheck?
According to a Gallup poll, 46% of Americans believed in Creationism as found in the Bible, 32% believed in theistic evolution (God directing creation over millions of years using evolution) and 15% believed in evolution without any divine intervention. The statistics seem to mirror opinions from three decades ago, meaning we’ve not really changed our minds one way or the other on this matter. ***MARLAR: Except for Scientologists, who apparently feel they were never created, but planted next to volcanoes.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Horizontally Gifted”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… David Dean, “Mall Parking”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: I have no idea what Gruffy is talking about. Sounds like a fierce game of checkers is about to take place though! What do you think will happen between Gruffy and Sully that will make Sully angry though? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the story, Marvy Snuffleson’s doctor told him he had infected tonsils – and that he’s have to have surgery! But Marvy decided not to go through with it, escaped from the hospital, and now he’s floating on a bed on the high seas!
CLOSE: Will Marvy be able to change his mind and go through with the surgery, or will he still have to attend his own funeral? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
It’s the worst speeding excuse ever!
In Salisbury, Connecticut, 28-year-old Justin Vonkummer may just win the award for worst speeding excuse ever! Justin, who’s from Millerton, New York, told police his reason for speeding through the small Connecticut town was due to an errant Oreo cookie dunk. He said an Oreo had just slipped from his fingers as he dunked it in a cup of milk, and that he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of his car.
TOP TEN REJECTED “PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR” TOPICS
- 365 Ulcers that Look Like Celebrities
- 365 Liver Recipes
- From Guinness Book of World Records, 365 Photos of Unusual Nostrils
- Paris Hilton’s “Quote-a-Day” calendar
- Counting the Days: each day is represented by a special, unique number
- 365 Ways to Skin a Cat
- 365 Words that have earned Bobby Knight technical fouls
- 365 Things Your Mother Always Told You Would Happen
- 365 Complicated Mathematical Equations for Everyday Use
- 358 Ways to Spend the Money You Saved by Buying a Defective Calendar
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Learn English, or go to jail!
FILE #1: A judge in Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania gave three Spanish-speaking men a choice: Learn English or go to jail. The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery but Judge Peter Olszewski said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs. During the hearing the men pleaded guilty but they needed translators. Judge Olszewski said, “Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?” Attorneys for the men said they’re studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven’t decided whether to appeal. But one attorney said his client is happy and added, “I think it’s going to help him.”
FILE #2: In Spartanburg, South Carolina, a bounced check wasn’t good news for one bank customer. Authorities say a man tried to cash a $173 personal check but was told by the teller there wasn’t enough money in the account. He then told the teller he had to have the cash or someone was going to kill him. When she still refused to hand over any money, he then wrote her a note saying he was robbing the bank. She then did give him some money and the guy ran out. No arrests yet but police do have a suspect.
FILE #3: In Austria, plans for a new youth center to help cut down on teenage delinquency and crime have had to be put on hold. It seems that the pre-fab building that was delivered to the village was stolen by the time workers arrived to erect it. A spokesman for the mayor said: “Of course there is a possibility that the thieves were youngsters who were well aware of the plans for the youth center.”
STRANGE LAW: In Rochester, Michigan, the head of police must inspect all bathing suits before they are worn.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool.
…Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, 2009 they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial. ***MARLAR: Which is that much more evidence that you shouldn’t drink and think at the same time.
I used to have a treadmill, and all it became was a clothes hanger. Same went with the exercise bike I used to have. What kind of exercise equipment do you have at your house? Do you use it?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What husband, the victim of David’s adulterous scheming, was made drunk by the king?
ANSWER: Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:13)
QUESTION: How many calories do you consume when you lick a stamp?
ANSWER: One tenth of a calorie. ***MARLAR: Maybe I can snack on stamps next time I decide to go on a diet!
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (True)
- Banging your head against a wall uses 250 calories an hour. (False, 150 calories an hour.)
- Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (True)
- The ant can lift 500 times its own weight. (False – 50 times.)
- All polar bears are left handed. (True. ***MARLAR: Which is too bad, because if they were right handed they’d live nine years longer than left-handed polar bears!)
- The catfish has over 7,000 taste buds. (False – it has over 27,000)
- The flea can jump over 5,000 times its body length. (False – it can jump 350 times its body length – the equivalent of a human leaping the length of a football field.)
- A cockroach can live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death. (True)
- Butterflies taste with their feet. (True)
- An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (True. ***I know some people like that.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
$15 MILLION DOLLAR _______ (WEDDING)
A Chinese coal magnate spent $15 million to marry off his daughter.
On March 18th, in the Shanxi province, one of China’s richest individual, Xing Libing, held a massive wedding for his daughter – inviting many Chinese celebrities to perform. The total cost of the wedding exceeded $15 million.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Mary’s five-year-old son informed her that part of his tooth had come out. When she checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off. Trying to lighten the moment, Mary asked my husband, “What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?”
“Nothing,” he replied, ”She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.”
Bill has a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day he was in the break room with another manager. Bill reached into the refrigerator for his lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. His co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at him, looking a little tense. When Bill pulled his sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief.
“What’s the matter?” Bill asked him.
“Uh, nothing,” he replied. “I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch.”
A nice old-fashioned lady was planning on going on a camping trip. Uppermost in her thoughts were the toilet facilities, so she wrote the park ranger a letter asking about them. When she came to asking about the toilet, she decided that saying “toilet” in her letter would be improper, so she decided to say “bathroom commode”. But when she wrote that down it still sounded improper, so she finally decided to use the initials “B.C.”. Well, when the ranger got the letter, he was baffled by the initials, so he decided to ask some of the other campers about it. After much thought, they all decided that the lady must have been talking about the Baptist Church, and with this information he sat down and wrote the following reply:
Dear Miss Edwards:
I’m very sorry to delay in answering you letter, but am now very happy to reply that there is a B.C. located just 9 miles from the campground. It is a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly, but some people pack a lunch and make a day of it. It seats 250 people, and the last time my wife and I went, it was so crowded we had to stand the entire time. Quite uncomfortable to say the least! It may interest you to know that there is a fund-raiser planned at the B.C., and all the profits will go toward buying more seats. It pains me not to be able to go more often, but it really does get to be too much, especially with the weather like it is these days. But perhaps I might accompany you the first time you go and introduce you to some of the regulars. Remember that Florida is a very friendly state.
Ranger Fred Jones
Scientists in the UK report they have grown a miniature human liver in the lab. ***MARLAR: It will be transplanted into a man who says he only drinks a little.
Got milk? It turns out that vitamin D may act as pheromones to attract the opposite sex. It works in Iberian rock lizards at least. ***MARLAR: Perfect for anyone wanting to ask an Iberian rock lizard to the prom.
Bubba, Earl and Jeb were walking home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here”, says Bubba, “It’s Zeb Jones’ grave. Bless his soul; he lived to the ripe old age of 87.”
“That’s nothing”, says Earl, “here’s one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died.”
Just then, Jeb yells out, “But here’s a fella that died when he was 145 years old!”
“What was his name?” asks Bubba.
Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Georgia.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
You can’t be any more secure with a marriage proposal than incorporating airport security in your plans!
Hats off to 24-year-old Aaron TKachuk of Prince George, British Columbia, for one of the most creative marriage proposals I’ve ever heard. While most people cringe at the idea of going through airport security, Aaron got the idea to use all the hassles to his advantage as he and his girlfriend, 24-year-old Jennifer Rubadeau, were going through airport security at the Prince George airport. Aaron had hidden the ring in a small box and tucked it into the toe of a sock, knowing full well it would arouse suspicion of security screeners. It did — and they insisted on having a closer look at the box. When they opened the box to find a white gold, diamond and ruby ring, Aaron dropped to one knee on the spot and popped the question. Other travelers and security personnel all cheered as Jennifer said yes! (AHN News)
THE JOYOUS NEW LIFE (The Dragonfly Story)
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.
Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew that when this happened, their friend was dead, gone forever.
Then one day, one little water beetle felt a irresistible urge to climb up the stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he found at the top. When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun was so warm, that he decided he must take a nap.
As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying. So fly he did! And as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and far superior way of life to what he had ever known even existed.
Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now that he was dead. He wanted to go back to them, and to explain to them that he was more alive than he ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended. But his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news.
Then he understood that their time would come, when they too would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
ANOTHER WALK WITH WHITAKER
Read: Psalm 23
He leads me. —Psalm 23:2
My dog Whitaker and I like to take early-morning walks through the woods. He runs ahead while I amble along, meditating or praying. I know where we’re going; he’s not sure. I stay on the trail and he trots ahead—sniffing, investigating, and taking occasional forays into the forest to chase real or imagined chipmunks.
Every so often he checks to see where I am. If I’ve turned back toward home or gone on to another trail, I hear his pounding feet and panting breath as he races to catch up with me. If I hide behind some brush, he runs to the last place he saw me and tracks me down. Then we walk the trail together again.
It’s like that with God’s leading. He knows the way because He has prepared the way. But sometimes we may not see Him—so we do our best to go where He wants by following the guidance of His Word. Other times it may seem as if He is hidden from us. His pace may not be as fast as we would like, or we wish He would slow down.
Just as Whitaker keeps looking back at me, we need to look to God and His Word at every important juncture we come to. We must rely on the direction of His Spirit.
That’s what I thought about today while I was walking with Whitaker. —Dave Egner
Lead me, if Thou wilt, dear Master,
Where the whispering waters flow;
Guide me through the soft green pastures,
Let me all Thy goodness know. —Rae
If you want God to lead you, be willing to follow.
Restless, sleepless nights? It could be caused by your cell phone!
Prolonged cell phone use before bedtime may impair your sleep quality. In a study of 71 people, participants took longer to reach deep sleep, an average of 22 minutes versus 16 minutes, after they had been exposed to cell phone radiation for three hours, compared with having been exposed to sham signals for the same amount of time. The effect was too subtle for the subjects to perceive a difference in their sleep, though they did report more headaches, but “deep sleep is the most important aspect of sleep for recharging your energy reserves,” says Bengt Arnetz, a professor of occupational and environmental health at Wayne StateUniversity in Detroit. “If you have problems sleeping, use a wireless or hands free device to keep the radio frequency fields away from you head,” Arnetz suggests.
LIFE… LIVE IT
You may not have to go online to be victimized by hackers.
It turns out you’re your telephone’s voicemail is an easy target, especially if you never changed the password after you bought it. The way it works is hackers call your voicemail and if you have an easy password like “1 2 3 4,” they access your phone system and change your outgoing message to say something like “operator, I will accept the charges.” They can then make international calls, sticking you with the bill, which can run into the thousands of dollars. Needless to say, the phone company will tell you that you’re responsible for the charges, but that’s not the case if you can reasonably prove that you never made the calls.
JUST FOR FUN
A Pakistani man in Australia set himself on fire to protest about his family’s failure to get visas.
…He set himself on fire at the entrance to the parliament building in Canberra. Parliamentary officials doused the flames with a fire extinguisher as he sank to the marble floor of Parliament’s Great Verandah. He was rushed to a Canberra hospital before being flown by helicopter to the burns unit at Sydney’s Concord hospital. The man was granted permanent residence several years ago and has been trying to secure immigration visas for his family since then. He thought he had failed in his task, and for some reason thought that setting himself on fire would get the government to change its mind and issue visas for his family. As terrible as this story is, it gets even worse. His fire ceremony was completely unnecessary… he didn’t realize that the case of his wife and child had already been reviewed, and their visas had already been granted. ***MARLAR: Yikes! I’d be a bit steamed too.
TOP FIVE SIGNS THAT HOLLYWOOD IS NOT CALLING YOU
- People boo you when they see you in home movies
- People want to put your entire feet in cement, not just footprints
- Director walks up to you and says you’d be perfect – if you would just leave
- You’re told you have the face of a model — a discontinued model
- The MGM lion just tried to eat you
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Who among us has not been shocked by the dramatic and devastating act of a German pilot this past week? We are now assured that Andreas Lubitz deliberately brought about the deaths of 150 people aboard the crashed Germanwings flight in France. The pilot had left the cabin for a few minutes and found the door locked upon his return. The rest of the details only leave us with an imagined horror of what took some eight minutes to finish.
We are gradually finding out quite a bit about this Andreas. Apparently he suffered from depression. It was debilitating enough for the 27-year-old to receive treatment. We are aware he had a “sick pass” so he would not need to fly the day of the crash. We know there are reports of vision problems—whether real or psychosomatic.
But standing out about these to me were the comments he purportedly made to a former girlfriend. In her words, he once said he was “planning a heinous act that will be remembered forever.” The woman, dubbed “Maria W,” expanded on this saying, “[He said], ‘One day I will do something that will change the whole system, and then all will know my name and remember it.’ I never knew what he meant, but now it makes sense.”
Lubitz learned to fly gliders at the age of 14. The New York Times reports that Klaus Radke, the president of the glider club, said “When I saw him as an adult compared to a youth, I thought, ‘He really amounted to something.’ He was confident, helpful. I thought, ‘Man, he’s someone who made it.’”
But his adult behavior was not so pleasant to Maria W. She said, “We spoke a lot about work and then he became another person. He became agitated about the circumstances in which he had to work, too little money, anxiety about his contract and too much pressure. During conversations he’d suddenly throw a tantrum and scream at me. I was afraid. He even once locked me in the bathroom for a long time.”
It is impossible to know how much his mental state led Andreas to commit his “heinous act.” What seems apparent, however, is that he was stable enough to make statements about wanting fame. He was rational enough to fly airplanes and function well with associates. And, at times, he apparently sought help. But not enough.
Thus, two very common attributes of human behavior left out of control come into focus: pride and selfishness. These forces, perhaps enhanced by a spiritual battle of which Lubitz was unaware, kept him from two important decisions. The first was to seek more help. The second, was to avoid the totally self focused act of taking the lives of 149 other souls to satisfy his longing to be remembered.
I’ve read nothing that would indicate he had a spiritual life. When the moral constraints of an individual rely solely on one’s own value system, why should we be surprised at such acts? Unless we are willing to be guided by the wisdom, understanding, and discernment that comes from our Creator, we operate on a different moral plane. So to speak.
Proverbs 16:18 (ESV) warns: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” And as for being remembered, Psalm 34:16 (ESV) states: “The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.”
May God help those families being tortured by the tragic ending of their loved ones. May God give comfort to the parents and family members of Andreas Lubitz, who also will be tortured by the memory of this terrible act. And may all of us remember that we are capable of acts much worse, were it not for the moral restraints offered us by a loving God.
The Lord is my Light. And my Salvation. Amen.
That’s The Way WE Work.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
In the United States, freedom of speech and freedom of religion are political buzzwords, most recently heard in regard to women’s health issues. But in Europe, some people are fighting for the right to honor their faith as they see fit. In a landmark case, the European Court of Human Rights will decide whether employers have the right to stop Christian employees from wearing crosses at work. According to the British newspaper The Telegraph, the argument hinges on the fact that, unlike the Muslim hajib, the Sikh turban, or the Jewish yarmulke, wearing of the cross is not a requirement of the Christian faith and therefore not protected by law. ***MARLAR: We may not live in a perfect country – but at least we’re still allowed to share our faith here in the USA. (For now, at least.)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends.
Two Pastors recently Swapped Pulpits to Deliver A Powerful Message. According to an Christian Post report, Rev. Bryan Carter, an African-American pastor at the Concord Church in south Dallas, travelled about 25 minutes north to lead the services at the mostly-white Park Cities Baptist Church, while Caucasian Park Cities senior pastor, Jeff Warren, gave a sermon at Concord Church on Palm Sunday, in Dallas, Texas, March 29, 2015. After acknowledging racial tension that had been occurring in Texas, the two say they decided to stand up. They said the goal was to take the stand and remind people that God loves EVERYONE! Read the article and see the accompanying video at http://bit.ly/1IRiQhS.
A Navy midshipman who’s friend is training to become a Navy pilot got a nice surprise after buying something on eBay. According to the Navy man his friend bought and paid for an XBox One. But when the seller found out the buyer was headed to flight school to become a Navy pilot, he told him he was not only sending him the XBox One, but also refunding his money. http://ow.ly/L7F9i
Two Michigan police officers are being hailed for making the decision to buy a car seat for a family in need instead of citing the child’s parents. According to an ABC News report, the officers responded to a call about a woman holding a baby in her arms in a car’s passenger seat. When the officers spoke with the parents they quickly realized they did not have the resources to purchase a car seat for their daughter. So while one officer stayed with the family, the other went to a local Walmart and purchased a new car seat with money from their own pockets. They then installed the car seat and gave the family instructions on how to properly use it. The officers said they decided to get the family a car seat rather then giving them a ticket so they would know the kid was safe and that this issue wouldn’t come up again. http://abcn.ws/1GHs6Gb
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
People who do the world’s real work don’t usually wear neckties.
There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had many of them…
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. — Douglas Adams
My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 01, 2015…
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (opening in select cities)—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group. Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise: is not rated. No rating.
**Note: “Woman in Gold” starring Helen Mirren as a woman trying to retrieve a lost painting is now due to open April 10.
APRIL 03, 2015…
Furious 7—This film will be remembered as the last movie for the late actor, Paul Walker. His brothers are stand-in’s in some scenes as Walker had finished most of his work before his tragic accident. Basically the story has Jason Stratham as the villain out for revenge for the death of his brother a film ago. The fan favorites are back with Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson and Jordana Brewster. Plenty of action here and one hopes the series can continue. It has a built-in audience. “Furious 7” is rated PG 13. Rated 3 for fans.
Effie Gray (opening in select cities)—Dakota Fanning stars in this film in which she plays Effie, the wife of 19th century British painter, John Ruskin (Greg West.) Problems in the marriage and Effie doesn’t know what to do. Also in the cast is Tom Sturridge as the painter John Everett Mellais. “Effie Gray” is rated R. No rating.
APRIL 10, 2015…
Desert Dancer (opening in select cities) is a Middle East film about a young man and his friends who want to learn to dance but the government forbids it.
The Hunting Ground is a documentary that concerns the subject of rape on a college camp. Directed by Amy Ziering.
Merchants of Doubt, a documentary by Robert Kenner that shows what goes on behind presenting the news. It sometimes is like a stage show.
While We’re Young stars Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts as a middle-age couple who meet a younger couple, become friends, and then take a look at their own lives.
The Longest Ride is adapted from the Nicholas Sparks novel about a bull-rider and artist who fall in love. Stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson.
# # # # #
WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.