April 03, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160403

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

This is (OTHER JOCK) Appreciation Month, which means we don’t mention the time he went to the drive-in movie and parked on the wrong side of the screen.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.  –James 1:12

 

The fool says in his heart there is no God. — Psalm 14:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples. — John 18:2

 

Thought: Judas knew where to find Jesus during this intense period of religious preparation. It was no secret that Jesus would be with his disciples in the garden praying together. If we had someone who wanted to betray us, where would that person tell our enemies to find us? Would they know where we would go to be in prayer? Interesting questions aren’t they! Can you imagine a better complement than our enemies knowing that they could find us in the place of prayer!

 

Prayer: Forgive me, Father, for not joining you more faithfully in the precious time of prayer. I confess that I get busy, distracted, and even disinterested in my prayer time with you. I am sorry. I am not sure why I have to approach this blessing as a discipline. I pray for your Spirit to create a burning in my heart that calls me joyfully to this grace of prayer. Your presence and concern truly are my sustaining hope. Thank you for always listening even when I’ve been neglectful, in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 4:3 NIV = Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 03, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 265 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is NATIONAL WORKPLACE NAPPING DAY… a day for employees to “lie down and be counted”.  *** Known to us here at the radio station simply as, “Weekdays.”

 

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MOUSSE DAY.  *** Which goes perfect with Rocky Road Squirrel!

 

Today is DON’T GO TO WORK UNLESS IT’S FUN DAY.  *** One day for you – every single day for me.

 

This is NATIONAL LAUGH WEEK.  *** Of course, we began National Laugh Week with April Fool’s Day, which gave a lot of people a few laughs at someone else’s expense. So what do the other people do; those who were fooled? Well, we’ve got a day for you too…

 

Today is ADD A FEW DROPS OF LIQUID SMOKE TO THE OFFICE COFFEE DAY.  *** Vengeance is a dish best served cold.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day

Fan Dance Day

Find a Rainbow Day

Black Marriage Day

Pony Express Day

Tweed Day

Weed Out Hate: Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, APRIL 04

International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action

National Love Our Children Day

Passover

Square Root Day

Tater Day (It’s Sweet Potatoes)

Victims of Violence Wholly Day

Vitamin C Day

World Rat Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 05

Equal Pay Day

National Deep Dish Pizza Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Mont’s Day of Action (SAAM)

Read a Road Map Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day

Charlie the Tuna Day

Drowsy Driver Awareness Day

Hostess Twinkie Day

International Day of Sport for Development of Peace

Childhelp National Day of Hope

National Student Athlete Day

National Walking Day

New Beers Eve

Paraprofessional Appreciation Day

Tartan Day

Teflon Day

Whole Grain Sampling Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide

International Beaver Day

International Snailpapers Day

Metric System Day

National Alcohol Screening Day

National Beer Day

No Housework Day (known here as Wednesday!)

World Health Organization Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 08

Buddah Day

Draw a Bird Day

International Roma Day

National Dog Fighting Awareness Day

Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 09

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Baby Massage Day

“Bring Your Own Cup” Slurpee Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Jump Day

Slow Art Day

Winston Churchill Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA Day

Global Day To End Child Sexual Abuse

National Farm Animals Day

National Sibling Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 11

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children To Save Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1882: Outlaw Jesse James was shot to death in St. Joseph, Missouri, by Robert Ford, one of his own gang.

 

1953: The first issue of TV Guide carried a cover photo of Desiderio Arnaz IV, better known as Desi Jr. The headline called him “Lucy’s $50-million Baby.” (audio clip #1, audio clip #2)

 

1959: In London the BBC banned the Coasters’ recording “Charlie Brown” because of the word “spitball.”

 

1960: At his first recording session after leaving the U.S. Army, Elvis recorded “It’s Now Or Never.”

 

1960: The Paul Winchell Show last aired on ABC-TV. The ventriloquist’s dummy partner’s name was Jerry Mahoney. Later, Winchell invented history’s first artificial heart.

 

1965: Sam the Sham and the Pharaoh’s MGM single “Wooly Bully” entered the Billboard pop chart. It would remain there for 18 weeks and peak at #2.

 

1969: The TV show “Star Trek” was canceled. The best of its three TV seasons was 1966 when the show reached as high as #62 in the ratings. (audio clip)

 

1982: Roger Mudd and Tom Brokaw became the co-anchors of “The NBC Nightly News,” replacing John Chancellor.

 

1995: General George Custer’s personal Civil War battle flag brought $165,000 at a San Francisco auction.

 

1996: Rapper Hammer, formerly M.C. Hammer, filed for bankruptcy.

 

1996: The FBI raided a Montana cabin and arrested former college professor Theodore Kaczynski, accusing him of being the Unabomber whose mail bombs had killed three people and injured 23 more since the 1970s.

 

1998: Michael Jackson became a father the second time when wife Debbie Rowe gave birth to Paris Michael Katherine Jackson.

 

1999: An Arkansas man blew a hole through his roof in Berryville when a large mixture of beans and rice packaged with dry ice exploded. The man wouldn’t say why he was storing the mixture, but officials warned that dry ice is just frozen carbon dioxide and can build up gas pressure fast when confined.

 

1999: An 80-year-old Japanese man was saved from choking to death in Okaka by a fast-thinking 911 dispatcher. When the usual life-saving steps didn’t dislodge a piece food, the dispatcher told the man’s granddaughter how to insert a vacuum cleaner tube into the unconscious victim’s mouth. She flipped it on and out came the food. The dispatcher said vacuuming was the absolute last resort.

 

2003: An Oklahoma couple finally got married after 77 years of living together. Zyness O’Haver, 95, and Sallie Warren, 94, decided to make it official in a ceremony at the Oklahoma County courthouse. When the judge asked, “Do you?”  Sallie responded, “I sure do!”

 

2005: A study prepared by U.S. Defense Department advisors said that “Muslims in dictatorial regimes” do not yearn to be liberated by the U.S.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1507: Martin Luther is ordained, seemingly just one monk among many. But ten years later…

 

1897: German pianist and composer Johannes Brahms dies at age 63. Though not employed in a official ecclesiastic position, the devout Lutheran wrote extensively for the church. His German Requiem (1868) is considered by some to be the greatest major sacred choral work of his century.

 

1950: Death of Ira B. Wilson who wrote the hymn “Make Me a Blessing.”

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  1. actress (What I Like About You, “Beverly Hills 90210”) Jennie Garth 44 (audio clip)
  2. skier Peekaboo Street 45
  3. comic (Daddy Daycare, 48 Hours, The Nutty Professor, the voice of Donkey in the Shrek movies, Dreamgirls) Eddie Murphy is 55
  4. actor (Dr, Niles Crane on “Frasier”) David Hyde Pierce 57 (audio clip)
  5. actor (“30 Rock”, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aviator, The Last Shot, The Cooler, The Hunt for Red October, and a lot of other movies beginning with the word “the”) Alec Baldwin 58 (audio clip)
  6. actress (Sherry Dempsey on “Frasier,” Gov. Grant in Nick of Time, Paula McFadden in The Goodbye Girl) Marsha Mason 74 (audio clip)
  7. singer Wayne Newton 734
  8. actress (Calamity Jane, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Pillow Talk, Please Don’t Eat The Daisies) Doris Day 92

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1924 : Doris Day

1928 : Don Gibson

1938 : Jeff Barry (Raindrops)

1941 : Jan Barry (Jan & Dean)

1942 : Billy Joe Royal

1942 : Wayne Newton

1943 : Richard Manuel (The Band)

1944 : Tony Orlando

1949 : Richard Thompson (Fairport Convention)

1951 : Mel Schacher (Grand Funk Railroad, Question Mark and the Mysterians)

1955 : Mick Mars (Motley Crue)

1968 : Sebastian Bach (Skid Row)

1974 : Drew Shirley (Switchfoot)

1985 : Leona Lewis

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who came up with the idea of “Seeing Eye dogs” for blind people?

During World War I a doctor at a German hospital was called away from the blind patient he was treating. The doctor left his German shepherd with the patient and upon his return noticed the positive way that man and dog were interacting. The physician reasoned that such dogs could be trained to assist blind people and set about to teach the animals to do just that. This might have remained a local phenomenon had not Dorothy Eustis, a wealthy American dog trainer, heard of these guide dogs (the proper term). She hired some of the German trainers and set up an institute in New Jersey to make this use of the dogs widespread. Guide dogs undergo several months of training. Fortunately they are not yet required to take the Scholastic Aptitude Test to qualify for the course. (Source: READER’S DIGEST BOOK OF FACTS)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Comedian John Branyan was teaching his dad to use a cell phone this week. He posted…might as well be putting him in the cockpit of a jet.

 

A small victory for Citizenway’s David Blascoe. He posted this week: Only person in line for TSA at the airport today! Winning.

 

Jamie Grace is considering something new. She posted: sometimes I just wanna have a separate Twitter account where I only talk about food.

 

It was tense for a little while but Jamie Grace has some good news. After announcing on twitter that she might have a new life uniform due to a stuck zipper on her skirt, Jamie returned to social media to announce that her dad had come to her rescue. After the zipper broke on her skirt Jamie posted: I’m stuck forever! My dad can’t even fix it with pliers! However, she announced a short time later: I have been freed!

 

Angie Smith, wife of Selah member Todd Smith, posted this weekend: I just realized I accidentally used Todd’s toothbrush and the only logical conclusion is to burn the house down and start over.

 

Jason Gray: The chances of spilling coffee on my shirt are directly related to how white the shirt is and how much I don’t want to spill coffee on it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDY-vKGE-f8/

 

Jamie Grace says her Grandma might just have come up with the next ESPN features. She said she regularly receives morning calls from her grandma telling her the jersey numbers of Christian single guys on her favorite basketball teams.

 

A reminder from The Afters: you know what “stressed” spells backwards?…. desserts. Now hand me a cookie.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Energizer Bunny”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “Engaged/Mother-in-Law”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: Taking a windy day and making the best of it – that sounds like a great plan!  Maybe this time everything will go smoothly with our jungle friends getting together, no one will get upset, and everyone will have a fun day!  Yeah right… you know better than that!  Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 01/03

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, the singing Cheetah Sisters weren’t getting along very well – mostly because Cheetah Bonita’s new song had no room for anyone but her.  No three-part harmonies, just Cheetah Bonita singing solo.  Not only that, but she refused to sing any other songs!

 

CLOSE: Do you think this is why other music groups break up?  Find out what happens next time on As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

It’s the worst speeding excuse ever!
In Salisbury, Connecticut, 28-year-old Justin Vonkummer may just win the award for worst speeding excuse ever! Justin, who’s from Millerton, New York, told police his reason for speeding through the small Connecticut town was due to an errant Oreo cookie dunk. He said an Oreo had just slipped from his fingers as he dunked it in a cup of milk, and that he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of his car.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REJECTED “PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR” TOPICS

 

  1. 365 Ulcers that Look Like Celebrities

 

  1. 365 Liver Recipes

 

  1. From Guinness Book of World Records, 365 Photos of Unusual Nostrils

 

  1. Paris Hilton’s “Quote-a-Day” calendar

 

  1. Counting the Days: each day is represented by a special, unique number

 

  1. 365 Ways to Skin a Cat

 

  1. 365 Words that have earned Bobby Knight technical fouls

 

  1. 365 Things Your Mother Always Told You Would Happen

 

  1. 365 Complicated Mathematical Equations for Everyday Use

 

  1. 358 Ways to Spend the Money You Saved by Buying a Defective Calendar

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Learn English, or go to jail!

 

FILE #1: A judge in Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania gave three Spanish-speaking men a choice: Learn English or go to jail. The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery but Judge Peter Olszewski said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs. During the hearing the men pleaded guilty but they needed translators. Judge Olszewski said, “Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?” Attorneys for the men said they’re studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven’t decided whether to appeal. But one attorney said his client is happy and added, “I think it’s going to help him.”

 

FILE #2: In Spartanburg, South Carolina, a bounced check wasn’t good news for one bank customer. Authorities say a man tried to cash a $173 personal check but was told by the teller there wasn’t enough money in the account. He then told the teller he had to have the cash or someone was going to kill him. When she still refused to hand over any money, he then wrote her a note saying he was robbing the bank. She then did give him some money and the guy ran out. No arrests yet but police do have a suspect.

 

FILE #3: In Austria, plans for a new youth center to help cut down on teenage delinquency and crime have had to be put on hold. It seems that the pre-fab building that was delivered to the village was stolen by the time workers arrived to erect it. A spokesman for the mayor said: “Of course there is a possibility that the thieves were youngsters who were well aware of the plans for the youth center.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Rochester, Michigan, the head of police must inspect all bathing suits before they are worn.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool.

…Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, 2009 they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.  Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph.  Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.  ***MARLAR: Which is that much more evidence that you shouldn’t drink and think at the same time.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

I used to have a treadmill, and all it became was a clothes hanger.  Same went with the exercise bike I used to have.  What kind of exercise equipment do you have at your house? Do you use it?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What husband, the victim of David’s adulterous scheming, was made drunk by the king?
ANSWER: Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:13)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many calories do you consume when you lick a stamp?

ANSWER: One tenth of a calorie.  ***MARLAR: Maybe I can snack on stamps next time I decide to go on a diet!

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (True)

 

  1. Banging your head against a wall uses 250 calories an hour. (False, 150 calories an hour.)

 

  1. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (True)

 

  1. The ant can lift 500 times its own weight. (False – 50 times.)

 

  1. All polar bears are left handed. (True. ***MARLAR: Which is too bad, because if they were right handed they’d live nine years longer than left-handed polar bears!)

 

  1. The catfish has over 7,000 taste buds. (False – it has over 27,000)

 

  1. The flea can jump over 5,000 times its body length. (False – it can jump 350 times its body length – the equivalent of a human leaping the length of a football field.)

 

  1. A cockroach can live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death. (True)

 

  1. Butterflies taste with their feet. (True)

 

  1. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (True. ***I know some people like that.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

$15 MILLION DOLLAR _______ (WEDDING)

A Chinese coal magnate spent $15 million to marry off his daughter.

On March 18th, in the Shanxi province, one of China’s richest individual,  Xing Libing, held a massive wedding for his daughter – inviting many Chinese celebrities to perform.  The total cost of the wedding exceeded $15 million.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Mary’s five-year-old son informed her that part of his tooth had come out. When she checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.  Trying to lighten the moment, Mary asked my husband, “What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?”

“Nothing,” he replied,

”She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.”

 

JOKE #2

Bill has a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day he was in the break room with another manager. Bill reached into the refrigerator for his lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. His co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at him, looking a little tense. When Bill pulled his sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief.

“What’s the matter?” Bill asked him.

“Uh, nothing,” he replied. “I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch.”

 

JOKE #3

A nice old-fashioned lady was planning on going on a camping trip. Uppermost in her thoughts were the toilet facilities, so she wrote the park ranger a letter asking about them. When she came to asking about the toilet, she decided that saying “toilet” in her letter would be improper, so she decided to say “bathroom commode”. But when she wrote that down it still sounded improper, so she finally decided to use the initials “B.C.”. Well, when the ranger got the letter, he was baffled by the initials, so he decided to ask some of the other campers about it. After much thought, they all decided that the lady must have been talking about the Baptist Church, and with this information he sat down and wrote the following reply:
Dear Miss Edwards:
I’m very sorry to delay in answering you letter, but am now very happy to reply that there is a B.C. located just 9 miles from the campground. It is a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly, but some people pack a lunch and make a day of it. It seats 250 people, and the last time my wife and I went, it was so crowded we had to stand the entire time. Quite uncomfortable to say the least! It may interest you to know that there is a fund-raiser planned at the B.C., and all the profits will go toward buying more seats. It pains me not to be able to go more often, but it really does get to be too much, especially with the weather like it is these days. But perhaps I might accompany you the first time you go and introduce you to some of the regulars. Remember that Florida is a very friendly state.
Sincerely,
Ranger Fred Jones

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Scientists in the UK report they have grown a miniature human liver in the lab.  ***MARLAR: It will be transplanted into a man who says he only drinks a little.

 

Got milk? It turns out that vitamin D may act as pheromones to attract the opposite sex. It works in Iberian rock lizards at least.  ***MARLAR: Perfect for anyone wanting to ask an Iberian rock lizard to the prom.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GRAVESTONES

Bubba, Earl and Jeb were walking home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here”, says Bubba, “It’s Zeb Jones’ grave. Bless his soul; he lived to the ripe old age of 87.”

“That’s nothing”, says Earl, “here’s one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died.”

Just then, Jeb yells out, “But here’s a fella that died when he was 145 years old!”

“What was his name?” asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Georgia.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

You can’t be any more secure with a marriage proposal than incorporating airport security in your plans!

Hats off to 24-year-old Aaron TKachuk of Prince George, British Columbia, for one of the most creative marriage proposals I’ve ever heard. While most people cringe at the idea of going through airport security, Aaron got the idea to use all the hassles to his advantage as he and his girlfriend, 24-year-old Jennifer Rubadeau, were going through airport security at the Prince George airport. Aaron had hidden the ring in a small box and tucked it into the toe of a sock, knowing full well it would arouse suspicion of security screeners. It did — and they insisted on having a closer look at the box. When they opened the box to find a white gold, diamond and ruby ring, Aaron dropped to one knee on the spot and popped the question. Other travelers and security personnel all cheered as Jennifer said yes! (AHN News)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE JOYOUS NEW LIFE (The Dragonfly Story)

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew that when this happened, their friend was dead, gone forever.

Then one day, one little water beetle felt a irresistible urge to climb up the stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he found at the top. When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun was so warm, that he decided he must take a nap.

As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying. So fly he did! And as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and far superior way of life to what he had ever known even existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now that he was dead. He wanted to go back to them, and to explain to them that he was more alive than he ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended. But his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news.

Then he understood that their time would come, when they too would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ANOTHER WALK WITH WHITAKER

Read: Psalm 23

He leads me. —Psalm 23:2

My dog Whitaker and I like to take early-morning walks through the woods. He runs ahead while I amble along, meditating or praying. I know where we’re going; he’s not sure. I stay on the trail and he trots ahead—sniffing, investigating, and taking occasional forays into the forest to chase real or imagined chipmunks.

Every so often he checks to see where I am. If I’ve turned back toward home or gone on to another trail, I hear his pounding feet and panting breath as he races to catch up with me. If I hide behind some brush, he runs to the last place he saw me and tracks me down. Then we walk the trail together again.

It’s like that with God’s leading. He knows the way because He has prepared the way. But sometimes we may not see Him—so we do our best to go where He wants by following the guidance of His Word. Other times it may seem as if He is hidden from us. His pace may not be as fast as we would like, or we wish He would slow down.

Just as Whitaker keeps looking back at me, we need to look to God and His Word at every important juncture we come to. We must rely on the direction of His Spirit.

That’s what I thought about today while I was walking with Whitaker. —Dave Egner

 

Lead me, if Thou wilt, dear Master,
Where the whispering waters flow;
Guide me through the soft green pastures,
Let me all Thy goodness know. —Rae

 

If you want God to lead you, be willing to follow.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Restless, sleepless nights? It could be caused by your cell phone!

Prolonged cell phone use before bedtime may impair your sleep quality. In a study of 71 people, participants took longer to reach deep sleep, an average of 22 minutes versus 16 minutes, after they had been exposed to cell phone radiation for three hours, compared with having been exposed to sham signals for the same amount of time. The effect was too subtle for the subjects to perceive a difference in their sleep, though they did report more headaches, but “deep sleep is the most important aspect of sleep for recharging your energy reserves,” says Bengt Arnetz, a professor of occupational and environmental health at Wayne StateUniversity in Detroit. “If you have problems sleeping, use a wireless or hands free device to keep the radio frequency fields away from you head,” Arnetz suggests.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

You may not have to go online to be victimized by hackers.

It turns out you’re your telephone’s voicemail is an easy target, especially if you never changed the password after you bought it. The way it works is hackers call your voicemail and if you have an easy password like “1 2 3 4,” they access your phone system and change your outgoing message to say something like “operator, I will accept the charges.” They can then make international calls, sticking you with the bill, which can run into the thousands of dollars. Needless to say, the phone company will tell you that you’re responsible for the charges, but that’s not the case if you can reasonably prove that you never made the calls.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

FIRED UP

A Pakistani man in Australia set himself on fire to protest about his family’s failure to get visas.

…He set himself on fire at the entrance to the parliament building in Canberra. Parliamentary officials doused the flames with a fire extinguisher as he sank to the marble floor of Parliament’s Great Verandah. He was rushed to a Canberra hospital before being flown by helicopter to the burns unit at Sydney’s Concord hospital. The man was granted permanent residence several years ago and has been trying to secure immigration visas for his family since then. He thought he had failed in his task, and for some reason thought that setting himself on fire would get the government to change its mind and issue visas for his family. As terrible as this story is, it gets even worse. His fire ceremony was completely unnecessary… he didn’t realize that the case of his wife and child had already been reviewed, and their visas had already been granted. ***MARLAR: Yikes!  I’d be a bit steamed too.

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS HOLLYWOOD IS NOT CALLING YOU

  • People boo you when they see you in home movies
  • People want to put your entire feet in cement, not just footprints
  • Director walks up to you and says you’d be perfect – if you would just leave
  • You’re told you have the face of a model — a discontinued model
  • The MGM lion just tried to eat you

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

In the United States, freedom of speech and freedom of religion are political buzzwords, most recently heard in regard to women’s health issues. But in Europe, some people are fighting for the right to honor their faith as they see fit. In a landmark case, the European Court of Human Rights will decide whether employers have the right to stop Christian employees from wearing crosses at work.  According to the British newspaper The Telegraph, the argument hinges on the fact that, unlike the Muslim hajib, the Sikh turban, or the Jewish yarmulke, wearing of the cross is not a requirement of the Christian faith and therefore not protected by law.  ***MARLAR: We may not live in a perfect country – but at least we’re still allowed to share our faith here in the USA.  (For now, at least.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Recently “Living on the Edge’s” Chip Ingram was joined by Small Groups Pastor Jim Blazin. Together they addressed the “Real Job Description of a Group Leader.” Over 1,300 leaders from around the U.S. participated in the webinar, taking a closer look at the scriptural profile of a leader and responds to some of the common misperceptions of leaders. Now the free webinar is available online. Access the video at http://livingontheedge.org/group-leader-qa-2.

 

Scientists have been struggling for decades to free diabetics from regular insulin injections.  Now researchers have created a synthetic patch that’s covered in natural beta cells, which can be stuck painlessly to a patient’s skin to secrete insulin when it’s required and safely control blood sugar levels, no injection or monitoring required. The patch hasn’t been tested on humans as yet, but it’s already been shown to safely control the blood sugar levels of mice for at least 10 hours at a time.

http://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-have-created-a-painless-patch-that-can-automatically-control-diabetes

 

Are you concerned that your child’s decision not to go to college will mean your child will be less happy with their life?  No need to worry.  A new study shows that there is no link between your education level and your personal happiness. That is the finding of a mental-health research study published by the British Journal of Psychiatry. The team discovered that the odds of happiness were equivalent throughout all levels of educational attainment. Researchers defined happiness as a state of high mental well-being in which people “feel good and function well.”  http://ti.me/1NbDsE6

 

If you are part of a growing church, you and your staff probably feel stretched to accomplish all there is to do. But according to the Christian Post, growing in staff often outpaces growth in cash flow. So they are suggesting that you increase the size of your staff without spending a dime. Some of their suggestions include raising up new leaders, empowering volunteers, increasing your delegating, sharing the vision, and releasing control. Most churches have untapped leadership already in the church. They have skills you and your team don’t currently have and they may be waiting to be recruited.

 

A Navy tugboat that sank nearly a century ago has been found by a team of government researchers off the San Francisco coast. According to ABC News, the USS Conestoga departed San Francisco Bay for Pearl Harbor in March 1921. But the boat never made it to Hawaii, and her 56-man crew was declared lost. The boat was never found, despite a search that covered hundreds of thousands of square miles and was the biggest air and sea search of its time. This week officials from the Navy and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that the tug has been found about 30 miles off the coast. NOAA is in the midst of a multiyear effort to map roughly 300 shipwrecks off in the waters off San Francisco.

http://abcn.ws/1ZsywAC

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

People who do the world’s real work don’t usually wear neckties.

 

There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had many of them…

 

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. — Douglas Adams

 

My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 01, 2016…

 

Collide—With a title like this, you would think it would be a meteor movie, instead, Nicholas Hoult stars in a story of trying to escape from the mob. A robbery goes awry and Anthony Hopkins, as a crime boss, is after him.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Felicity Jones.  “Collide” is rated R. No rating.

 

Amityville: The Awakening—This is supposed to be a restart of the famed horror film series about residents who live in a haunted house, again, and again. Sigh. The stars are Bella Thorne and Jennifer Jason Leigh. “Amityville: The Awakening” is rated R. No rating.

 

Everyone Wants Some (opening in select cities)—1980’s college baseball is just about what you would expect, with girls, games and school time.  Stars include Blake Jenner, Wyatt Russell and Ryan Guzman. (Do the last names of these young stars look familiar?) “Everyone Wants Some” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Pandemic (opening in select cities)— Another film set in the future and a virus gone awry. This one has a young, female doctor (Rachel Nichols) locked in a lab trying to find a cure. The original title was “Viral.” “Pandemic” is rated R. No rating.

 

Hunt For The Wilder People (opening in select cities)—Sam Neill stars as a crotchety New Zealander who, with his wife, takes in a foster child and tries to give him a home. Other stars are Julian Dannebon and Rachel House. “Hunt For The Wilder People” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Meet The Blacks—This comedic movie has Mike Epps and his family (with the last name of Black) winning big and leaving Chicago for Beverly Hills.. The cast includes George Lopez, Mike Tyson and Perez Hilton. “Meet The Blacks” is rated R. No rating.

 

Miles Ahead—This is  a bio-pic of the late jazz musician, Miles Davis.  Don Cheadle stars as Davis with Ewan McGregor as the Rolling Stone reporter, Dave Brill, who is trying to get an interview with Davis. We see the ups and downs of Miles Davis life. “Miles Ahead” is rated R. Rating of 2 for jazz fans.

 

APRIL 08, 2016…

 

Before I Wake has a family dealing with a child’s nightmare’s that come true. Stars Kate Bosworth.

 

The Boss is a Melissa McCarthy comedy movie in which is she is a business leader who goes to prison.

 

Demolition has Jake Gyllenhaal in a break-down after a tragedy and trying to rebuild his life.

 

Mr. Right is a study of manic-depression and stars Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick.

 

Term Life has Vince Vaughn in a comedy about a bank robber.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.