April 03, 2018: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180403
PDF: 20180403

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

This is (OTHER JOCK) Appreciation Month, which means we don’t mention the time he went to the drive-in movie and parked on the wrong side of the screen.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.” – Ronald Reagan

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. –James 1:12

The fool says in his heart there is no God. — Psalm 14:1

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples. — John 18:2

Thought: Judas knew where to find Jesus during this intense period of religious preparation. It was no secret that Jesus would be with his disciples in the garden praying together. If we had someone who wanted to betray us, where would that person tell our enemies to find us? Would they know where we would go to be in prayer? Interesting questions aren’t they! Can you imagine a better complement than our enemies knowing that they could find us in the place of prayer!

Prayer: Forgive me, Father, for not joining you more faithfully in the precious time of prayer. I confess that I get busy, distracted, and even disinterested in my prayer time with you. I am sorry. I am not sure why I have to approach this blessing as a discipline. I pray for your Spirit to create a burning in my heart that calls me joyfully to this grace of prayer. Your presence and concern truly are my sustaining hope. Thank you for always listening even when I’ve been neglectful, in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Psalm 4:3 NIV = Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.

TODAY IS TUESDAY – APRIL 03, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
265 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL WORKPLACE NAPPING DAY… a day for employees to “lie down and be counted”.  ***Known to us here at the radio station simply as a “weekday.”

Today is NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MOUSSE DAY.  ***Which goes perfect with Rocky Road Squirrel!

Today is DON’T GO TO WORK UNLESS IT’S FUN DAY. ***One day for you – every single day for me.

This is NATIONAL LAUGH WEEK. ***Of course, we began National Laugh Week with April Fool’s Day, which gave a lot of people a few laughs at someone else’s expense. So what do the other people do; those who were fooled? Well, we’ve got a day for you too…

Today is ADD A FEW DROPS OF LIQUID SMOKE TO THE OFFICE COFFEE DAY. ***Vengeance is a dish best served cold.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun Day
Fan Dance Day
Find A Rainbow Day
Pony Express Day
Tweed Day
Weed Out Hate
World Party Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 04

Childhelp National Day of Hope
International Day for Mine Awareness& Assistance in Mine Action
Jeep 4×4 Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Day of Action
National Walking Day
Whole Grain Sampling Day
Paraprofessional Appreciation Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
World Rat Day

THURSDAY, APRIL 05

Gold Star Spouses Day
National Fun at Work Day
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Burrito Day
National Deep Dish Pizza Day
Read A Road Map Day

FRIDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day
Charlie the Tuna Day
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
Hostess Twinkie Day
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace
National Pie Day
National Kids Yoga Day
National Student Athlete Day
National Walk To Work Day
New Beers Eve
Tartan Day
Teflon Day
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Day

SATURDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide
Every Day is Tag Day
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
International Pillow Fight Day
Metric System Day
National Beer Day
National Girl Me Too Day
National Handmade Day
National Love Our Children Day
No Housework Day
Tangible Karma Day
World Health Day (UN)
World Health Organization Day

SUNDAY, APRIL 08

Buddah Day (Historical Birth Date)
Draw A Bird Day
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Da
y
Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day

MONDAY, APRIL 09

Appomattox Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Jumbo Day (Elephant
s came to US and created the word for “jumbo” meaning “big” in our language.)
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Winston Churchill Day

TUESDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
Equal Pay Day
Free Cone Day (Ben & Jerrys)
National Be Kind To Lawyers Day
National Farm Animals Day
National Library Workers Day
National Library Day
National Sibling Day

Salvation Army Founder’s Day
Safety Pin Day

ON THIS DAY

1882: Outlaw Jesse James was shot to death in St. Joseph, Missouri, by Robert Ford, one of his own gang.

1953: The first issue of TV Guide carried a cover photo of Desiderio Arnaz IV, better known as Desi Jr. The headline called him “Lucy’s $50-million Baby.” (audio clip #1, audio clip #2) ***Up until that time, no one had any idea what shows were on at what time. Of course, before then, they didn’t own a TV so it didn’t matter.

1959: In London the BBC banned the Coasters’ recording “Charlie Brown” because of the word “spitball.”

1960: At his first recording session after leaving the U.S. Army, Elvis recorded “It’s Now Or Never.”

1960: The Paul Winchell Show last aired on ABC-TV. The ventriloquist’s dummy partner’s name was Jerry Mahoney. Later, Winchell invented history’s first artificial heart.

1965: Sam the Sham and the Pharaoh’s MGM single “Wooly Bully” entered the Billboard pop chart. It would remain there for 18 weeks and peak at #2.

1969: The TV show “Star Trek” was canceled. The best of its three TV seasons was 1966 when the show reached as high as #62 in the ratings. (audio clip)

1982: Roger Mudd and Tom Brokaw became the co-anchors of “The NBC Nightly News,” replacing John Chancellor.

1995: General George Custer’s personal Civil War battle flag brought $165,000 at a San Francisco auction.

1996: Rapper Hammer, formerly M.C. Hammer, filed for bankruptcy.

1996: The FBI raided a Montana cabin and arrested former college professor Theodore Kaczynski, accusing him of being the Unabomber whose mail bombs had killed three people and injured 23 more since the 1970s.

1998: Michael Jackson became a father the second time when wife Debbie Rowe gave birth to Paris Michael Katherine Jackson.

1999: An Arkansas man blew a hole through his roof in Berryville when a large mixture of beans and rice packaged with dry ice exploded. The man wouldn’t say why he was storing the mixture, but officials warned that dry ice is just frozen carbon dioxide and can build up gas pressure fast when confined.

1999: An 80-year-old Japanese man was saved from choking to death in Okaka by a fast-thinking 911 dispatcher. When the usual life-saving steps didn’t dislodge a piece food, the dispatcher told the man’s granddaughter how to insert a vacuum cleaner tube into the unconscious victim’s mouth. She flipped it on and out came the food. The dispatcher said vacuuming was the absolute last resort.

2003: An Oklahoma couple finally got married after 77 years of living together. Zyness O’Haver, 95, and Sallie Warren, 94, decided to make it official in a ceremony at the Oklahoma County courthouse. When the judge asked, “Do you?” Sallie responded, “I sure do!”

2005: A study prepared by U.S. Defense Department advisors said that “Muslims in dictatorial regimes” do not yearn to be liberated by the U.S.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

33 AD: According to an Oxford University study, this is the actual day Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross.

1507: Martin Luther is ordained, seemingly just one monk among many. But ten years later…

1897: German pianist and composer Johannes Brahms dies at age 63. Though not employed in a official ecclesiastic position, the devout Lutheran wrote extensively for the church. His German Requiem (1868) is considered by some to be the greatest major sacred choral work of his century.

1950: Death of Ira B. Wilson who wrote the hymn “Make Me a Blessing.”

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Marvel Universe, “How I Met Your Mother”), Cobie Smulders 36

  • actors (Parks and Recreation) Adam Scott, 45

  • actress (What I Like About You, “Beverly Hills 90210”) Jennie Garth 46 (audio clip)

  • comic (Daddy Daycare, 48 Hours, The Nutty Professor, the voice of Donkey in the Shrek movies, Dreamgirls) Eddie Murphy is 57

  • actor (Dr, Niles Crane on “Frasier”) David Hyde Pierce 59 (audio clip)

  • actor (“30 Rock”, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Aviator, The Last Shot, The Cooler, The Hunt for Red October, and a lot of other movies beginning with the word “the”) Alec Baldwin 60 (audio clip)

  • actress (Sherry Dempsey on “Frasier,” Gov. Grant in Nick of Time, Paula McFadden in The Goodbye Girl) Marsha Mason 76 (audio clip)

  • singer Wayne Newton 76

  • actress (Calamity Jane, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Pillow Talk, Please Don’t Eat The Daisies) Doris Day 96

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1924 : Doris Day

1928 : Don Gibson

1938 : Jeff Barry (Raindrops)

1941 : Jan Barry (Jan & Dean)

1942 : Billy Joe Royal

1942 : Wayne Newton

1943 : Richard Manuel (The Band)

1944 : Tony Orlando

1949 : Richard Thompson (Fairport Convention)

1951 : Mel Schacher (Grand Funk Railroad, Question Mark and the Mysterians)

1955 : Mick Mars (Motley Crue)

1968 : Sebastian Bach (Skid Row)

1974 : Drew Shirley (Switchfoot)

1985 : Leona Lewis

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Who came up with the idea of “Seeing Eye dogs” for blind people?

During World War I a doctor at a German hospital was called away from the blind patient he was treating. The doctor left his German shepherd with the patient and upon his return noticed the positive way that man and dog were interacting. The physician reasoned that such dogs could be trained to assist blind people and set about to teach the animals to do just that. This might have remained a local phenomenon had not Dorothy Eustis, a wealthy American dog trainer, heard of these guide dogs (the proper term). She hired some of the German trainers and set up an institute in New Jersey to make this use of the dogs widespread. Guide dogs undergo several months of training. Fortunately they are not yet required to take the Scholastic Aptitude Test to qualify for the course. (Source: READER’S DIGEST BOOK OF FACTS)

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

*****NOTE: THIS FEATURE WILL BE TAKING A BREAK FROM MARCH 31 THRU APRL 16. IT WILL RETURN TUESDAY, APRIL 17, 2018.*****

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

A Wyoming bookstore wants customers to give up their personal electronics, at least at the store. Owner Vicki Burger has banned Wi-Fi and electronics in her bookstore, Wind City Books, in an attempt to get customers to actually read books. A sign posted on her storefront asks customers to leave their cell phones and computers in their bags as they enter “a place for books.”  ***And if you’re caught using your mobile device it’s taken away from you until you can prove you know how to use the Dewey Decimal System.

A study by the National Institutes of Health says obese children who cut back on their sugar intake see improvements in their blood pressure, cholesterol readings and other markers of health after just 10 days.  ***So you cut back on sugar and your health gets better.  How did we not know this before?  Oh, wait… we did.

According to a recent study, kids who are musicians develop better social skills. ***For example, when on tour they always ask permission before trashing their hotel room.

Soon you’ll be able to take a pill to erase those bad memories!  A widely available blood pressure pill could one day help people erase bad memories, perhaps treating some anxiety disorders and phobias. The drug was shown to significantly weaken people’s fearful memories of spiders and other creepy things.  ***My high blood pressure is caused by the memory of seeing myself in the mirror coming out of the shower.  Can it get rid of THAT memory?

According to a recent study, more doctors are starting to make house calls again. ***Here’s what you do: Have the doctor arrive at your home at noon then make him wait in the living room with old magazines until three.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, we discovered that the Plaid Guy – who all of the Razzleflabbins were terrified of, was actually not a bad guy at all… he was just different! They’ve all made friends now, and he’s even been invited to the Razzleflabbin Barbecue!

CLOSE: Sounds like everyone is having a great time with their new friend, the Plaid Guy… but what about Marvy? He’s still stranded on Razzleflabbin Island! Will he ever get home? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH
It’s the worst speeding excuse ever!
In Salisbury, Connecticut, 28-year-old Justin Vonkummer may just win the award for worst speeding excuse ever! Justin, who’s from Millerton, New York, told police his reason for speeding through the small Connecticut town was due to an errant Oreo cookie dunk. He said an Oreo had just slipped from his fingers as he dunked it in a cup of milk, and that he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of his car.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REJECTED “PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR” TOPICS

10. 365 Ulcers that Look Like Celebrities

9. 365 Liver Recipes

8. From Guinness Book of World Records, 365 Photos of Unusual Nostrils

7. Paris Hilton’s “Quote-a-Day” calendar

6. Counting the Days: each day is represented by a special, unique number

5. 365 Ways to Skin a Cat

4. 365 Words that have earned Bobby Knight technical fouls

3. 365 Things Your Mother Always Told You Would Happen

2. 365 Complicated Mathematical Equations for Everyday Use

1. 358 Ways to Spend the Money You Saved by Buying a Defective Calendar

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Learn English, or go to jail!

FILE #1: A judge in Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania gave three Spanish-speaking men a choice: Learn English or go to jail. The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery but Judge Peter Olszewski said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs. During the hearing the men pleaded guilty but they needed translators. Judge Olszewski said, “Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?” Attorneys for the men said they’re studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven’t decided whether to appeal. But one attorney said his client is happy and added, “I think it’s going to help him.”

FILE #2: In Spartanburg, South Carolina, a bounced check wasn’t good news for one bank customer. Authorities say a man tried to cash a $173 personal check but was told by the teller there wasn’t enough money in the account. He then told the teller he had to have the cash or someone was going to kill him. When she still refused to hand over any money, he then wrote her a note saying he was robbing the bank. She then did give him some money and the guy ran out. No arrests yet but police do have a suspect.

FILE #3: In Austria, plans for a new youth center to help cut down on teenage delinquency and crime have had to be put on hold. It seems that the pre-fab building that was delivered to the village was stolen by the time workers arrived to erect it. A spokesman for the mayor said: “Of course there is a possibility that the thieves were youngsters who were well aware of the plans for the youth center.”

STRANGE LAW: In Rochester, Michigan, the head of police must inspect all bathing suits before they are worn.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool.

…Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, 2009 they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial. ***MARLAR: Which is that much more evidence that you shouldn’t drink and think at the same time.

PHONER PHUN

I used to have a treadmill, and all it became was a clothes hanger. Same went with the exercise bike I used to have. What kind of exercise equipment do you have at your house? Do you use it?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What husband, the victim of David’s adulterous scheming, was made drunk by the king?
ANSWER: Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:13)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many calories do you consume when you lick a stamp?

ANSWER: One tenth of a calorie. ***MARLAR: Maybe I can snack on stamps next time I decide to go on a diet!

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (True)

2. Banging your head against a wall uses 250 calories an hour. (False, 150 calories an hour.)

3. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (True)

4. The ant can lift 500 times its own weight. (False – 50 times.)

5. All polar bears are left handed. (True. ***MARLAR: Which is too bad, because if they were right handed they’d live nine years longer than left-handed polar bears!)

6. The catfish has over 7,000 taste buds. (False – it has over 27,000)

7. The flea can jump over 5,000 times its body length. (False – it can jump 350 times its body length – the equivalent of a human leaping the length of a football field.)

8. A cockroach can live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death. (True)

9. Butterflies taste with their feet. (True)

10. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (True. ***I know some people like that.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

$15 MILLION DOLLAR _______ (WEDDING)

A Chinese coal magnate spent $15 million to marry off his daughter.

On March 18th, in the Shanxi province, one of China’s richest individual,  Xing Libing, held a massive wedding for his daughter – inviting many Chinese celebrities to perform.  The total cost of the wedding exceeded $15 million.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Mary’s five-year-old son informed her that part of his tooth had come out. When she checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.  Trying to lighten the moment, Mary asked my husband, “What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?”

“Nothing,” he replied,

”She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.”

JOKE #2

Bill has a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day he was in the break room with another manager. Bill reached into the refrigerator for his lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. His co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at him, looking a little tense. When Bill pulled his sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief.

“What’s the matter?” Bill asked him.

“Uh, nothing,” he replied. “I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch.”

JOKE #3

A nice old-fashioned lady was planning on going on a camping trip. Uppermost in her thoughts were the toilet facilities, so she wrote the park ranger a letter asking about them. When she came to asking about the toilet, she decided that saying “toilet” in her letter would be improper, so she decided to say “bathroom commode”. But when she wrote that down it still sounded improper, so she finally decided to use the initials “B.C.”. Well, when the ranger got the letter, he was baffled by the initials, so he decided to ask some of the other campers about it. After much thought, they all decided that the lady must have been talking about the Baptist Church, and with this information he sat down and wrote the following reply:
Dear Miss Edwards:
I’m very sorry to delay in answering you letter, but am now very happy to reply that there is a B.C. located just 9 miles from the campground. It is a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly, but some people pack a lunch and make a day of it. It seats 250 people, and the last time my wife and I went, it was so crowded we had to stand the entire time. Quite uncomfortable to say the least! It may interest you to know that there is a fund-raiser planned at the B.C., and all the profits will go toward buying more seats. It pains me not to be able to go more often, but it really does get to be too much, especially with the weather like it is these days. But perhaps I might accompany you the first time you go and introduce you to some of the regulars. Remember that Florida is a very friendly state.
Sincerely,
Ranger Fred Jones

USELESS FACTS

Scientists in the UK report they have grown a miniature human liver in the lab.  ***It will be transplanted into a man who says he only drinks a little.

Got milk? It turns out that vitamin D may act as pheromones to attract the opposite sex. It works in Iberian rock lizards at least.  ***Perfect for anyone wanting to ask an Iberian rock lizard to the prom.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GRAVESTONES

Bubba, Earl and Jeb were walking home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here”, says Bubba, “It’s Zeb Jones’ grave. Bless his soul; he lived to the ripe old age of 87.”

“That’s nothing”, says Earl, “here’s one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died.”

Just then, Jeb yells out, “But here’s a fella that died when he was 145 years old!”

“What was his name?” asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Georgia.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

You can’t be any more secure with a marriage proposal than incorporating airport security in your plans!

Hats off to 24-year-old Aaron TKachuk of Prince George, British Columbia, for one of the most creative marriage proposals I’ve ever heard. While most people cringe at the idea of going through airport security, Aaron got the idea to use all the hassles to his advantage as he and his girlfriend, 24-year-old Jennifer Rubadeau, were going through airport security at the Prince George airport. Aaron had hidden the ring in a small box and tucked it into the toe of a sock, knowing full well it would arouse suspicion of security screeners. It did — and they insisted on having a closer look at the box. When they opened the box to find a white gold, diamond and ruby ring, Aaron dropped to one knee on the spot and popped the question. Other travelers and security personnel all cheered as Jennifer said yes! (AHN News)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE JOYOUS NEW LIFE (The Dragonfly Story)

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew that when this happened, their friend was dead, gone forever.

Then one day, one little water beetle felt a irresistible urge to climb up the stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he found at the top. When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun was so warm, that he decided he must take a nap.

As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying. So fly he did! And as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and far superior way of life to what he had ever known even existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now that he was dead. He wanted to go back to them, and to explain to them that he was more alive than he ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended. But his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news.

Then he understood that their time would come, when they too would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ANOTHER WALK WITH WHITAKER

Read: Psalm 23

He leads me. —Psalm 23:2

My dog Whitaker and I like to take early-morning walks through the woods. He runs ahead while I amble along, meditating or praying. I know where we’re going; he’s not sure. I stay on the trail and he trots ahead—sniffing, investigating, and taking occasional forays into the forest to chase real or imagined chipmunks.

Every so often he checks to see where I am. If I’ve turned back toward home or gone on to another trail, I hear his pounding feet and panting breath as he races to catch up with me. If I hide behind some brush, he runs to the last place he saw me and tracks me down. Then we walk the trail together again.

It’s like that with God’s leading. He knows the way because He has prepared the way. But sometimes we may not see Him—so we do our best to go where He wants by following the guidance of His Word. Other times it may seem as if He is hidden from us. His pace may not be as fast as we would like, or we wish He would slow down.

Just as Whitaker keeps looking back at me, we need to look to God and His Word at every important juncture we come to. We must rely on the direction of His Spirit.

That’s what I thought about today while I was walking with Whitaker. —Dave Egner

Lead me, if Thou wilt, dear Master,
Where the whispering waters flow;
Guide me through the soft green pastures,
Let me all Thy goodness know. —Rae

If you want God to lead you, be willing to follow.

LEFTOVERS

Restless, sleepless nights? It could be caused by your cell phone!

Prolonged cell phone use before bedtime may impair your sleep quality. In a study of 71 people, participants took longer to reach deep sleep, an average of 22 minutes versus 16 minutes, after they had been exposed to cell phone radiation for three hours, compared with having been exposed to sham signals for the same amount of time. The effect was too subtle for the subjects to perceive a difference in their sleep, though they did report more headaches, but “deep sleep is the most important aspect of sleep for recharging your energy reserves,” says Bengt Arnetz, a professor of occupational and environmental health at Wayne StateUniversity in Detroit. “If you have problems sleeping, use a wireless or hands free device to keep the radio frequency fields away from you head,” Arnetz suggests.

LIFE… LIVE IT

You may not have to go online to be victimized by hackers.

It turns out you’re your telephone’s voicemail is an easy target, especially if you never changed the password after you bought it. The way it works is hackers call your voicemail and if you have an easy password like “1 2 3 4,” they access your phone system and change your outgoing message to say something like “operator, I will accept the charges.” They can then make international calls, sticking you with the bill, which can run into the thousands of dollars. Needless to say, the phone company will tell you that you’re responsible for the charges, but that’s not the case if you can reasonably prove that you never made the calls.

JUST FOR FUN

FIRED UP

A Pakistani man in Australia set himself on fire to protest about his family’s failure to get visas.

…He set himself on fire at the entrance to the parliament building in Canberra. Parliamentary officials doused the flames with a fire extinguisher as he sank to the marble floor of Parliament’s Great Verandah. He was rushed to a Canberra hospital before being flown by helicopter to the burns unit at Sydney’s Concord hospital. The man was granted permanent residence several years ago and has been trying to secure immigration visas for his family since then. He thought he had failed in his task, and for some reason thought that setting himself on fire would get the government to change its mind and issue visas for his family. As terrible as this story is, it gets even worse. His fire ceremony was completely unnecessary… he didn’t realize that the case of his wife and child had already been reviewed, and their visas had already been granted. ***MARLAR: Yikes! I’d be a bit steamed too.

FUN LIST

SIGNS HOLLYWOOD IS NOT CALLING YOU

  • People boo you when they see you in home movies

  • People want to put your entire feet in cement, not just footprints

  • Director walks up to you and says you’d be perfect – if you would just leave

  • You’re told you have the face of a model — a discontinued model

  • The MGM lion just tried to eat you

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

In the United States, freedom of speech and freedom of religion are political buzzwords, most recently heard in regard to women’s health issues. But in Europe, some people are fighting for the right to honor their faith as they see fit. In a landmark case, the European Court of Human Rights will decide whether employers have the right to stop Christian employees from wearing crosses at work.  According to the British newspaper The Telegraph, the argument hinges on the fact that, unlike the Muslim hajib, the Sikh turban, or the Jewish yarmulke, wearing of the cross is not a requirement of the Christian faith and therefore not protected by law.  ***MARLAR: We may not live in a perfect country – but at least we’re still allowed to share our faith here in the USA.  (For now, at least.)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

It’s been scientifically proven that people who get eight hours of sleep each night tend to weigh less than those who don’t, but did you ever think that catching your z’s could help you save money? It’s true. Getting enough sleep helps your body maintain a proper hormonal balance and keeps your appetite in check during the day. But also shutting off your lights, computer, TV and lowering your thermostat in chilly weather for eight hours will also cut down your energy bills. And that means more money stays in your wallet.

Too much sodium can make you feel bloated, but can it also give you a gut? Unfortunately, yes. In an Australian study, people who ate pasta with a salty sauce took in 11 percent more calories than those who ate less-salty versions. That’s because excessive salt may override feelings of fullness, says study author Russell Keast, Ph.D. Meanwhile, too much saturated fat may lead to knee arthritis. Study participants who ate the most saturated fat lost 48 percent more joint space between their femur and tibia, an indicator of knee osteo-arthritis over four years than those who ate the least. Choose polyunsaturated fats, found in foods like walnuts and fatty fish. (Men’s Health)

The best midday energy booster is a trip up and down the stairs. if you want to jolt yourself awake around 3pm when you get the afternoon doldrums, climb up and down the nearest set of stairs. That’s the word from researchers at the University of Georgia in Athens, who found that 10 minutes of walking up and down stairs at a regular pace does more to make you feel energized than drinking a cup of coffee or a can of soda. A study found that neither caffeine nor exercise caused large improvements in attention or memory, but stair-walking was associated with a small increase in motivation for work, albeit temporary.

(2017) If you want to be happy, just grow old. The happiest Americans are also the oldest Americans, according to a recent study of 28,000 people ages 18 to 88 by the University of Chicago. Older adults are also more socially active, which makes sense since being social not only makes us happy, but also can banish the blues. In fact, the odds of being happy increase 5% with every decade you age. The bad news? Baby boomers are miserable. Of all the age groups surveyed, they are the least happy.

Just under a quarter of U.S. adults do not believe in God. While that means a strong majority — 76 percent of adults and 77 percent of teenagers — does believe in God’s existence, that number is down quite a bit from the 82 percent who believed in God in 2005, according to a recent Harris Poll.

What do Christians in the United States believe in?

  • Miracles: 73 percent

  • Heaven: 73 percent

  • Jesus is God or Jesus is the Son of God: 71 percent

  • Angels: 70 percent

  • Resurrection of Jesus Christ: 68 percent

  • Survival of the soul after death: 64 percent

  • Hell: 59 percent

  • The Devil: 58 percent

  • Virgin birth (Jesus born of Mary): 57 percent

What else do we believe in?

  • Darwin’s theory of evolution: 49 percent

  • Ghosts: 41 percent

  • Creationism: 37 percent

  • UFOs: 35 percent

  • Astrology: 33 percent

  • Witches: 28 percent

  • Reincarnation: 26 percent

Believing with an absolute certainty that there is a God is also down. Some 53 percent of U.S. adults say they are either absolutely certain or somewhat certain there is a God, compared with the 79 percent who professed the same certainty in 2003.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
It was an ordinary Friday night for six college students at Rutgers University-Camden. After spending the evening playing video games and socializing, two of the students got ready to head home around midnight.  As they were leaving the house, however, they saw that a duplex down the street had caught fire – and no one was running out of the building.  The two students, Tammy Meneses and Vanessa Solis-Palma, alerted their other friends to the situation before they all ran down the block and started banging on doors, rattling the fences, and yelling that there was a fire.  Solis-Palma dialed 911 while her friend Corey Zytko alerted a nearby campus security officer.  23-year-old Matteo Resanovic took a more hands-on approach my punching through the glass in the building’s front door so he unlock it and charge inside. Resanovic and Solis-Palma then found a 90-year-old man who had been sleeping in his bedroom on the second floor.  The two students guided him downstairs and onto the sidewalk. While firefighters arrived and managed to control the fire in under 30 minutes, the students immediately left the scene.  School officials started a search for the “good Samaritans” who “considered the community and other people and their safety over themselves.” The students were hesitant about coming forward to take credit for their heroism. After their names were made public, Zytko simply told the Philadelphia Inquirer that the rescue was “Fire 101. You’re taught as a kid get everyone out of the building, knock on all the doors. I was just going with it.”  (Good News Network)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

This will turn your stomach. Nikolas Cruz – the Parkland shooter – is getting stacks of fan mail, including love letters and lewd photos, mostly from women. In one sent from Texas, the writer identifies herself as an 18-year-old high school senior before sharing her breast size. “Your eyes are beautiful and the freckles on your face make you so handsome,” she writes. A letter sent by a woman in Chicago was accompanied by nine photos. One showed cleavage, another showed a bikini-clad woman eating a Popsicle. Other letters provide words of encouragement, offers of friendship, or money to be added to Cruz’s commissary account, hovering around $800. Howard Finkelstein, Broward County’s public defender said, “I’ve never seen this many letters to a defendant.” As Cruz remains on suicide watch, he has yet to receive any mail, which is screened by jail officials. Finkelstein says, “We read a few religious ones to him that extended wishes for his soul and to come to God, but we have not and will not read him the fan letters or share the photos of scantily clad teenage girls.” It’s that “perverted” mail that “scares” Finkelstein, and a case out of central Florida might explain why: According to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office, a 13-year-old boy who idolized and collected photos of Cruz admitted Saturday that he wanted to be “the next school shooter” and “kill a lot of kids,” per the New York Post. The teen was arrested on suspicion of felony aggravated stalking. (South Florida Sun Sentinel)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had many of them…

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. — Douglas Adams

My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MARCH 30, 2018…

Ready Player One—Steven Spielberg directs this film that is based on an Ernest Cline novel from 2011. It is a science fiction film, set in 2045 and in a world where the reality everyone lives in is just too hard to bear. People live in barren cities and use a virtual reality world to exist. The outside world is something like “Blade Runner.”  Enter Mark Rylance (remember him from “Dunkirk”) as the man who is head of the Oasis Corporation, along with Simon Pegg. In Mark’s later years. they set up a game called “Anorak,” supposed to be unsolvable. Well, tell that to teens. If you win the game, you get an enormous amount of money and life away from this present place. Now,  everyone goes to solve the game, so if you don’t play, it means, you like to remain just where you are. “Ready Player One” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

Acrimony—Taraji P. Henson, who makes a name for herself in the television series, “Empire,” now plays a betrayed wife in Tyler Perry’s newest film, “Acrimony.” Woe to the husband, played by Lyriq Bent. Also in the cast is Crystie Stewart. “Acrimony” is rated R. No rating.

Loveless (opening in select cities)—A husband and a wife (Boris and Zenya) quarrel all the time. They don’t seem to notice their son, Alyosha.  One day, after a heated argument, they notice the boy is missing A massive search begins, and in the meantime, how does the couple deal with this enormous loss—a missing child. “Loveless” is rated R. Rating of 2. Subtitles.

APRIL 06, 2018…

You Were Never Really Here has Joaquin Phoenix in a thriller about a kidnapped young woman.

Blockers is a comedy starring John Cena about a father trying to stop his daughter from serious dating.

A Quiet Place has John Krasinski as the actor/writer/director of this thriller that also stars his wife, Emily Blunt. Keep quiet when the prowlers come.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.