CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150404
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW), rated PG-13. Parental guidance is suggested for anyone with an I.Q. over 13.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. — Ephesians 1:7
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. — Hebrews 12:2
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.” — John 13:21
Thought: I can still remember my friend saying it in church one Sunday: “We think so badly of old Judas for betraying the Lord for 30 pieces of silver, but how many times do we betray him for nothing?” Ouch! What makes this so difficult for us to bear is Jesus’ anguish knowing one of his own would betray him. Let’s make every effort and call upon God’s strength so that such betrayal can never be true of us! And if it ever is, let’s make sure we run toward his grace with an honest desire to escape sin and come back to him!
Prayer: Jesus, I am sorry for the times I have broken your heart with my rebellion and neglect. Father God, I apologize for my lack of passion and zeal for your Son’s sacrifice that saved me from sin and death. I want to live more vibrantly for Jesus so others may see him and come to know him. It is in his precious and holy name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Matthew 4:4 NIV = Jesus answered, It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’
TODAY IS SATURDAY – APRIL 04, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 266 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
HATE WEEK begins today, according to George Orwell’s novel, 1984. *** Gee, there’s a great way to start the day, eh?
Today is PIGS BEAT IT DAY. In 1995 Reuter news service reported that a farmer in Karnataka, India, scared wild pigs away from his crops by playing Michael Jackson tapes. *** It worked on his neighbors too.
Today is NATIONAL ENJOY GAINING A POUND DAY. *** Right, like that’s ever a problem the rest of the year. Gaining weight IS the enjoyable part! Double cheese and pepperoni pizza, 2 pounds of chocolate malt balls in one sitting, 12 cans of soda in a day… heck, how can you NOT enjoy gaining weight! It’s trying to LOSE that weight that a real bummer.
Today is NATIONAL WORKPLACE NAPPING DAY, a time to promote napping where you work. *** I know we had this yesterday as well, but I’m still sleepy.
Today is HOKEY POKEY DAY. In 1996 Larry LaPrise died at age 83 in Wendell, Idaho. In the late 1940s, he wrote “The Hokey Pokey,” still played, danced, and skated by children throughout the world. The first group to do “The Hokey Pokey” were patrons of an Idaho ski lodge. *** Wouldn’t it be sad if you find out that the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
International Day for Mine Awareness & Assistance in Mine Action
National Love Our Children Day
Victims of Violence Wholly Day
Vitamin C Day
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, APRIL 05
Plum Pudding Day (Eaten on Easter. If eaten on Dec 25th it’s considered “Christmas Plum Pudding” – but it’s the same recipe for either day.)
MONDAY, APRIL 06
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Tater Day (Sweet Potatoes)
White House Easter Egg Roll
TUESDAY, APRIL 07
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
Metric System Day
No Housework Day
World Health Day (UN)
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 08
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Day
Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 09
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Winston Churchill Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 10
ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
Salvation Army Founders’ Day
Safety Pin Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 11
Barbershop Quartet Day
International “Louie Louie” Day
National Teach Children to Save Day
ON THIS DAY
1915: McKinley Morganfield was born in Rolling Fork, Mississippi. He became one of the great blues rockers, Muddy Waters, known for “Got My Mojo Working” and “Rolling Stone.” He discovered Chuck Berry.
1938: After seven years of singing on the radio, Kate Smith began a new noontime talk show.
1960: On the same day Elvis Presley recorded “Are You Lonesome Tonight,” RCA became the first record company to begin releasing pop singles simultaneously in both mono and stereo. Its first such release was Elvis’ “Stuck on You.”
1964: Twelve of the Billboard Hot 100 songs were by the Beatles, including the top five in order: “Can’t Buy Me Love,” “Twist and Shout,” “She Loves You,” “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” and “Please Please Me.”
1967: Johnny Carson quit as host of “The Tonight Show.” He returned three weeks later with a $30,000 a week raise. (audio clip)
1967: The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in New York City announced his opposition to the Vietnam War.
1968: The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis.
1974: Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves tied Babe Ruth’s home-run record by hitting his 714th homer in Cincinnati.
1988: Prudential Insurance lost $11-million in loan repayments because a typist left off three zeros at the end of a million dollar figure.
1992: Billionaire Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart, died of cancer at 74. His retail store chain helped make him one of the world’s richest men.
1995: Reuter news service reported that a farmer in Karnataka, India, scared wild pigs away from his crops by playing Michael Jackson tapes.
1996: Larry LaPrise died at age 83 in Wendell, Idaho. In the late 1940s, he wrote “The Hokey Pokey,” still played, danced, and skated by children throughout the world. The first group to do “The Hokey Pokey” were patrons of an Idaho ski lodge.
1999: A tanker-truck overturned near Marlborough, Connecticut, and spilled 3,000 gallons of milk. Nobody cried over it, but firefighters had to spend hours cleaning it up.
2002: A 16-year-old bank robber in Rochester, New York, has such poor handwriting the teller couldn’t read her note. By the time the teen was handed a bag of money, it was closing time and other employees were locking the doors. The robber wound up trapped in the foyer with the cash, where police captured her.
2005: The body of Pope John Paul II lay in state in St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome where millions were expected over the next three days. Cause of death for the 84-year-old pontiff was septic shock and cardio-circulatory failure.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
397: Ambrose of Milan, the most talented bishop of the early church, dies. Biblical exegete, political theorist, master of Latin eloquence, musician, and teacher, he brought Roman Emperor Theodosius I to his knees in repentance after the emperor ordered a massacre of his citizens (This marked the first time the state submitted to the church). But he is perhaps best known for teaching his most famous pupil, Augustine of Hippo.
1507: Martin Luther is ordained a priest in Erfurt, Germany.
1742: Charles Wesley preaches his famous sermon, “Awake, thou that sleepest,” to the University of Oxford. The sermon soon became Methodism’s most popular tract.
1968: Civil rights leader and Baptist minister Martin Luther King, Jr., is assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (American Pie, Scary Movie 2, Blade: Trinity) Natasha Lyonne 36
- actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Grudge, Scooby-Doo) Sarah Michelle Gellar 38
- Actor (Saving Private Ryan, We Were Soldiers, Roger Maris in *61) Barry Pepper, 45
- Actress (“The Facts of Life”) Nancy McKeon, 49 (audio clip)
- actor (The Shaggy Dog, Good Night and Good Luck, Gothika, “Ally McBeal”, Iron Man) Robert Downey Jr. 50
- Actor (“Coach,” “The District,” the voice of Mr. Incredible in The Incredibles, TV’s “Parenthood”) Craig T. Nelson, 69 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1914 : Frances Langford
1915 : Muddy Waters
1934 : Clive Davis
1936 : Margo Sylvia (The Tune Weavers)
1938 : Michael Parks
1938 : Norro Wilson
1939 : Hugh Masakela
1940 : Sharon Sheeley
1941 : Major Lance
1942 : Kris Jensen
1948 : Carol Douglas
1948 : Berry Oakley (The Allman Brothers Band)
1948 : Pick Withers (Dire Straits)
1950 : Pip Pyle (Gong, Hatfield and the North, National Health)
1951 : Steve Gatlin (The Gatlin Brothers)
1952 : Dave Hill (Slade)
1952 : Pete Haycock (The Climax Blues Band)
1962 : Craig Adams (The Cult)
1964 : Kid (Kid ‘N Play)
1966 : Mike Starr (Alice in Chains)
1972 : Magnus Sveningsson (The Cardigans)
1972 : Jill Scott
1973 : Kelly Price
1974 : Andre Dalyrimple (Soul For Real)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Is it true that animals are colorblind?
You may have heard that a bull never literally “sees red” when the bullfighter waves a cape in his face. It’s the movement of the cape that provokes. Animals, after all, are colorblind. Hold on, not so fast. Birds, for instance, have a marked ability to distinguish colors. They need it to spot food, such as berries, on the ground. On the other hand, most creatures of the night–including the ubiquitous house cat–have little sense of color. But they’re awfully good at picking up movement. So the next time someone tells you that all animals are color blind, tell them that it’s not such a black and white proposition.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Matthew West says a girl at his concert in Illinois this week made his night. She’s been through a lot but is a survivor. Matthew said she’s also a great t-shirt maker. He shared pictures of her shirt that, on the front, said keep calm and attend a Matthew West concert. On the back it has a list of the concerts she’d attended, all 8 of them, in 2013 and 2014.
Jonny Diaz shared a picture of a four foot tall painting of a cow that is now hanging in his living room. Jonny didn’t give any indication on why he chose to have the multi-colored cow predominantly hung in his house. But he did ask his social media followers to help him come up with the cows name. Some of the suggestions included: holy, Lola, and chick-fil-a. https://t.co/MPxXD3op2K
Crowder is part of the Rock and Worship Road Show but David Crowder says catering may be taking their end of tour pranks a little to far. Crowder shared a picture on Facebook of a Weiner dog in a hot dog bun.
Mercyme’s Bart Millard says the bar has been officially raised. Bart tweeted: can’t stop listening to Live Forever by Matthew West. The newly released song is the title cut from Matthews upcoming CD.
Happy Anniversary to Kevin Max. He announced this week that he was celebrating 10 years of marriage “to the wonderful, beautiful, and indispensable Amanda Max.”
David from the band Hawk Nelson was asking for some help. He said that he just found a $25 iTunes gift card left over from Christmas and needed some suggestions. David asked: What is an album or two that you consider a must have? Or some artist that I should at least check out. I mean, maybe suggest an app or two while you’re at it! HELP……and…..GO!
A one-man effort to get Jamie Grace on TV is underway. A Jamie Grace fan named Jerry Williams is tweeting daily in hopes of getting Jamie Grace cast in the role of Dorothy in the NBC live musical The Wiz and it sounds like Jamie isn’t opposed to the idea. She retweeted his post and asked her social media followers to join in the effort, using the hashtag #JamieGraceIsDorothy.
Kutless member James Mead was dealing with the loss of a piece of his personal history this week. The longtime guitarist for the group shared online that the high school in South Albany, Oregon where he studied band and choir burned to the ground. To make matters worse, media outlets now say officials believe the fire was intentionally set. They say an arrest has already been made in the case.
EASTER: Have you invited someone to church for Easter yet? Pastor Greg Laurie reminded his readers in a recent blog that you are even more likely to get a positive response in the week leading up to Easter. The teacher on the program A New Beginning pointed to a Barna poll that revealed about 25% of adults say they would go to church if a friend invited them. Greg wrapped up with a simple reminder: It’s as simple as reaching out and asking. So invite someone to Easter service this Sunday! http://ow.ly/La276
EASTER: Darlene Zschech shared an Easter tradition from her family. She tweeted a picture of the chocolate bread and butter pudding that had just gone in the fridge to soak overnight before baking. Darlene said the dish is a part of Easter every year for her family.
WEIRD & WACKY
|British couple win a million in lottery for 2nd time photo
LONDON (AP) — A couple from northern England has defied the odds — again — by winning a million pounds ($1.5 million) in the lottery for a second time. David and Kathleen Long won the money — and a car — in the EuroMillions Mega Friday Draw, having already scooped up 1…
|Tiny songbird tracked across 1,700 miles of open ocean photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A tiny songbird that summers in the forests of northern North America has been tracked on a 1,700-mile, over-the-ocean journey from the northeastern United States and eastern Canada to the Caribbean as part of their winter migration to South America, according to a new…
|‘Spicy’ scent of a Burger King store entices cologne buyers photo
TOKYO (AP) — The whiff of a Whopper made hundreds of customers hungry for a Burger King special Wednesday — “Flame Grilled” cologne. Bottles of the fragrance were sold at the fast-food chain’s stores in Japan for 5,000 yen (about $40), including one Whopper burger. At a downtown Tokyo…
|‘Miracle dog’ survives being hit by car, clubbed, abandoned photo
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The stray dog was hit by a car, clubbed in the head and left for dead in a ditch in Washington state. Days later, the 1-year-old bully breed mix showed up sickly and covered in dirt at a nearby farm. Now, the dog that defied death is recovering with the help of good…
|Man accused of posing as officer to cut into fast-food line
ODESSA, Texas (AP) — A West Texas man has been charged with impersonating an officer by using sirens and flashing lights to skip to the head of the drive-thru line at a fast-food restaurant. Odessa police say Michael Chico was arrested after an off-duty officer spotted a truck with…
|Woman charged with stabbing boyfriend after salsa argument
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — A northeast Ohio woman has been charged with felonious assault for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend after yelling at him for eating all of the couple’s salsa. A police report says 61-year-old Ronnie Buckner told officers he was eating salsa with his girlfriend, Phyllis…
|Police: Idaho man calls 911 a dozen times about bar bill
POST FALLS, Idaho (AP) — Police say a northern Idaho man called 911 a dozen times to report being overcharged at a bar and now faces a $1,000 fine and a year in jail. Post Falls police Capt. Pat Knight says an officer gave Phillip Poissonnier of Post Falls a ride home after he was kicked out…
|Stalled replica pirate ship towed to port after crew rescued
BOSTON (AP) — A disabled Canadian replica pirate ship whose nine crewmembers were rescued by the Coast Guard has been towed to a southern Maine shipyard. Coast Guard Petty Officer Ross Ruddell says a fishing vessel took the charter schooner Liana’s Ransom to the Kittery Point Yacht Yard in…
|10-foot, 300-pound metal rooster goes missing in Athens
ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — Police are searching for whoever made off with Rocket the Rusty Rooster, a 10-foot-tall, 300-pound metal sculpture stolen from its perch outside an Athens business. Lexington Vintage owner Bonnie Harris tells CBS 46 that she’s saddened by the crime, believed to have…
|Police: Man crashed truck, stole forklift while intoxicated
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — Police in Fairbanks, Alaska, say a 21-year-old man drove a stolen forklift more than 3 miles while intoxicated to retrieve a truck he crashed. Police Lt. Matt Soden says just before 6 a.m. Monday, Aleksandr Glushko of Delta Junction drove off a road in a pickup and…
|Judge ends Maine man’s attempt to salvage Cape Cod shipwreck
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A treasure hunter’s effort to salvage what he calls $3 billion in platinum from a World War II shipwreck off Cape Cod has been ended by a federal judge. Greg Brooks’ company Sea Hunters LP is no longer allowed to salvage additional items from the S.S. Port Nicholson,…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Too much iced tea caused Arkansas man’s kidney problems photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Doctors traced an Arkansas man’s kidney failure to an unusual cause — his habit of drinking a gallon of iced tea each day. They ruled out several potential causes before stumbling on a reason for the 56-year-old man’s kidney problems. He said he drank about 16 8-ounce…
|Senate has new deadline to avoid doctors’ Medicare cuts
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress will get a little extra time to prevent a threatened 21 percent cut in Medicare payments to doctors. Technically, the cut was to take effect Wednesday. But the Department of Health and Human Services said it will hold off processing claims at the lower rate until…
|Texas bill would bar gun ownership status in medical record photo
DALLAS (AP) — Texas lawmakers are considering a bill that would keep a person’s gun ownership status from being listed in their medical records, a move health providers worry would be an unnecessary government intrusion that harms their consultations with patients. The bill would make Texas…
|Liberia, Sierra Leone gain in Ebola crisis; Guinea struggles photo
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — When will the world’s largest and longest Ebola outbreak end? The West African countries of Sierra Leone and Liberia both appear to be on steady paths to ending the epidemic. The wild card is Guinea, where Ebola hasn’t burned as hot but remains stubbornly entrenched….
|Health providers’ stand could invite other execution methods photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — With the American Pharmacists Association taking a stance this week, the medical community is now united in its opposition to playing any role in capital punishment killings. That could make it increasingly difficult for corrections departments to obtain the already scarce…
|3-D print technology provides ‘robohand’ to 7-year-old girl photo
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. (AP) — Seven-year-old Faith Lennox never thought much about putting a prosthetic limb where her missing left hand had once been. Not until the little girl learned she could design her own, strap it on easily and then jump on her bike and pedal away at speeds previously…
|Texas measure cuts HIV funds, boost abstinence education
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Texas would cut $3 million from programs to prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases and spend that money instead on abstinence education under a contentious Republican-sponsored measure tucked into the state budget Tuesday night. The GOP-controlled House…
|An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, study says photo
CHICAGO (AP) — An apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away. That’s according to proverb-busting research that found daily apple eaters had just as many doctor visits as those who ate fewer or no apples. The findings don’t mean apples aren’t good for you but they do underscore that…
|Exercising critically ill patients may help speed recovery photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The intensive care unit is a last frontier for physical therapy: It’s hard to exercise patients hooked to ventilators. Some hospitals do manage to help critically ill patients stand or walk even if they’re tethered to life support. Now research that put sick mice on tiny…
|Arizona governor signs abortion drug notification mandate
PHOENIX (AP) — Gov. Doug Ducey signed a bill Monday that requires abortion providers in Arizona to tell women they can reverse the effects of a drug-induced abortion and also bars women from buying any health care plan through the federal marketplace that includes abortion coverage. The…
|10 Ebola cases found during Sierra Leone’s shutdown
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone found 10 new Ebola cases during a three-day countrywide shutdown, an official said Wednesday, declaring that the West African country is now at the “tail end” of the epidemic. Hundreds of sick people were identified on Friday, Saturday and Sunday as…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NONE ON THE WEEKENDS
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
NONE ON THE WEEKENDS
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Lighter Hair, Darker Skin”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Golf Carts”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were about to go head to head in their regular checkers match… and it sounds as if they don’t pull any punches when it comes to playing the game or even trying to intimidate each other before the game begins!
CLOSE: Can’t miss them? I don’t even know what Gruffy is TALKING about! I don’t think I could follow those directions if they were printed out through MapQuest and fed into a GPS system! And who is this new guy… Grizz? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the story, Marvy Snuffleson’s doctor told him he had infected tonsils – and that he’s have to have surgery! But Marvy decided not to go through with it, escaped from the hospital, and now he’s floating on a bed on the high seas!
CLOSE: Will Marvy be able to change his mind and go through with the surgery, or will he still have to attend his own funeral? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Hey, there are free hugs on the streets of China! Who wants one? Apparently, nobody.
People in China have not warmed up to a “free hugs” campaign aimed at cheering up strangers by hugging them on the street. In fact, the tactic seems so strange that some huggers have been hauled away by police for questioning. The campaign hit the streets of a number of Chinese cities, with participants opening their arms to embrace passers-by and brandishing cards saying “free hugs” and “care from strangers.” But in one incident, police moved in and took away four huggers briefly for questioning, seemingly baffled by their wacky, Western-style activities on a busy downtown shopping street.
TOP TEN SPRING CLEANING TIPS FOR MEN
- Just because something is fuzzy and the kids don’t pet it, doesn’t mean you should throw it out!–Wait for it to start moving, then kill it, and throw it out!
- Remove all your old, ratty, FAVORITE shirts from the closet and hide them until your wife has done her spring cleaning, then put them back!
- Washing and waxing your car IN THE GARAGE isn’t technically considered house cleaning!
- Buying your wife a self-cleaning oven for Mother’s Day is a nice gesture, but it shouldn’t be considered your share of house cleaning for the next year!
- Just because the dog doesn’t die when drinking from the toilet isn’t an indication that the bathroom is clean enough!
- Contrary to popular male opinion, using car parts as accent pieces in the living room is ALWAYS a fashion faux pas!
- Posting a “Do Not Touch, Experiment In Progress” sign on the refrigerator door isn’t an acceptable compromise to cleaning the fridge.
- Naming and issuing birth certificates for each dust bunny, in hopes of cashing in on some future novelty item business windfall, isn’t being particularly realistic!
- Most people overlook the sanitizing benefits of flame throwers. Using flame retardant paint on your walls and furniture makes using one of these “crispy cleaners” both fun, and effective!
And the number one spring cleaning tip for men is:
- Start with the most important place first–your heart! Be like David and pray: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10,NIV)
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
How would you like to be Hector Hernandez-Graza. Not only did the Colorado man have his car stolen, but police actually fined him too…
FILE #1: …Hernandez-Graza left the engine of his Honda running when he went into a shop in the city of Aurora, Colorado. He said he was only gone for three minutes when the 1988 Accord was taken. But after he explained to a police officer that he had left the engine running and the doors unlocked, the cop gave Hector a $15 fine. The law has been on the books for years and is aimed at preventing car thefts and conserving the resources of police departments that have to devote time to solving them. Hector said he understood and fortunately his car was later recovered the following day.
FILE #2: A Portuguese motorist who was stopped for shaving while driving his car told police he had needed to smarten up for an important meeting. The young man had the driving mirror turned toward him as he cruised along a road. ***MARLAR: “Smarten up”; what an appropriate choice of words.
FILE #3: Canadian prisoner David Wild is suing the government for $1.95 million, claiming that his inability to sleep well has caused him emotional distress and depression, because the guards come by at night to ensure he’s still in his cell.
STRANGE LAW: Myrtle Creek, Oregon has a law stating that you can not get into a boxing match with a kangaroo. ***MARLAR: You have to wonder how often something like that comes up.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Curiosity not only kills cats, it also corners confused criminals!
Here’s another tip for those contemplating a career in the potentially profitable field of drug trafficking. That was the career field that Gary Brunner of Carmel, New York opted for and he may still be doing business today had he not made one slight miscalculation. Gary walked into the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office to inquire as to whether there were any arrest warrants out for him. There were and police executed them and he remains in jail awaiting a hearing.
HATE WEEK begins today, according to George Orwell’s novel, 1984. So, without getting too cruel about it, what things do you hate? Here are a few to get you started…
* Form 1040
* Anybody with a 900 phone number
* People who park crooked
* Sales calls at home
* Alarm clocks
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who had Jesus flogged?
ANSWER: Pilate, the governor (Mark 15:15)
QUESTION: How many Philistines were killed by Samson with a jawbone?
ANSWER: One-thousand (Judges 15:15)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Plymouth, Mass. is the oldest city in the United States. (False – St. Augustine, Florida)
- The abbreviation ‘ORD’ for Chicago’s O’Hare airport comes from the words, “O’Hare Regional Departure”. (False – ‘ORD’ comes from the old name ‘Orchard Field.’)
- Quito in Ecuador, South America, is said to have the most pleasant climate in the world. (True. It is called the ‘Land of Eternal Spring.’ The temperature rarely drops below 46 degrees Fahrenheit during the night, or exceed 72 degrees Fahrenheit during the day.)
- Napoleon Bonaparte was the first man to set foot on all continents except Antarctica. (False – Captain Cook)
- The model ape used in the 1933 movie ‘ King Kong ‘ was eight feet tall. (False – 18 inches tall)
- The high-jump method of jumping head first and landing on their back is called the Fosbury Flop. (True)
- Powdered tea was once used as a snuff to stop bleeding noses. (True)
- The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are immediately married at the age of twelve. (False – they are married at birth!)
- According to a Gallup poll, 11 percent of the US population believes in ghosts and other supernatural entities. (True)
- The largest hailstone ever recorded was 17.5 inches in diameter. (True – bigger than a basketball!)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
_____ BUSINESS VENTURES ON EARTH REVEALED (ALIENS’)
Typically, the alien invasion is a thing of urgency and devastation. However, creatures from the tenth sector of Nebulon have taken a subtler approach to taking over the world. The contentious act of hydraulic fracturing, or “fracking,” is even more complex of an issue than previously thought.
From environmental destruction to theorized effects on human health, the process of fracturing rocks to release natural gas has garnered scorn from all corners of the Earth. But what many do not realize is that business tyrants on this planet aren’t the only ones they have to fear. An alien species known as “Plurvians” have their own investment in the practice, and though many see fracking’s harm to Earth as simply a by-product, one expert is maintaining that’s it’s all part of the plan.
“Listen, they know we have nukes and bombs,” says Bradley McKinney, chief scientist at B.O.L.T.. Labs in Chicago. “We’ve caught up to many species in terms of how big of a boom we can make. The Plurvians aim to get rid of humans one environmental disaster at a time. They’re investing in anti-green causes, and human moguls only care about being rich now, so they let them do whatever they want.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.
He thought to himself, “Life isn’t so bad after all,” and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
“Thank you,” he said. “I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind.”
“Dancing? I’m not dancing!” the armless man replied bitterly. “My nose itches, and I can’t scratch it!”
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty.
“Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”
The teacher in the bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert.
“The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat!” she began. “Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it.”
The woman paused, looked up and said…. “Hey, isn’t that the Atkins diet?”
A company in Europe is being criticized for selling tickets to a lottery to win plastic surgery. ***MARLAR: Isn’t that what most lottery winners spend it on, anyway?
A recent study shows that easy listening music is not relaxing to most people. In fact, most find it to be annoying. Elevator music tends to cause most listeners to become irritable and short-tempered. ***MARLAR: And yet we play it when people are trapped in a small box with no quick escape. Genius.
THE BIG SHOW
As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, “We’ll make a real big thing out of it. We’ll have five hundred people. We’ll order fifty limos.”
Daughter Grace says, “Why do you want to waste money like that? We’ll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us.”
They proceed. Grandson Jeff says, “We’ll have lots of flowers. We’ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies, dozens and dozens.”
Daughter Alice says, “What a waste! We’ll have one little bouquet, that’s enough.”
Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, “Why don’t you get me my pants? I’ll walk to the cemetery.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
I SAW THE SIGN
Do you have a weird hobby? One man’s hobby is about to destroy his marriage. The signs are obvious.
A British wife says her husband’s obsession with road signs has taken over their lives. Graham Stanton from Worcester has spent 25 years collecting 700 road signs. They fill several rooms of their house. His wife Lynne has told him to rent a warehouse to keep the signs or give up his hobby. The 53-year-old’s obsession began after he found a Men at Work sign in some bushes. ***MARLAR: Maybe that’s why we never see road construction workers actually working – they’re waiting for the sign to tell them what to do.
LESSONS IN HUGGING
Life’s biggest lessons aren’t learned all at once. They are taught and learned time and time again over years and years. I realized this today when I was with my youngest son in the store. We were walking back and forth looking for something both good tasting and good for you when he suddenly reached over, wrapped his arms around me, and gave me a hug. This made me smile with both laughter and joy. I realized then that even though I hadn’t been able to teach my son everything over the years, I had at least been able to teach him how to hug.
I am so delighted too that all of my children have learned this lesson so well over the years. My daughter’s hugs brighten my days and uplift my soul. I have been blessed a million times over by the love and joy she so freely shares with me. My two sons’ hugs always bring happiness to my heart as well. It makes me feel good to know that they have learned two of the most important things in life: how to choose love and how to spread joy.
Remember then that every loving act you do, smile you share, and hug you give teaches all those around you as well. The lessons they share are priceless. Little by little, time after time, and year by year they teach the minds, hearts, and souls of all you touch. They spread God’s love and life’s joy everywhere. They show all who are watching how to love, how to give, and how to live.
I hope that someone was watching when my son gave out his own lesson in hugging. A single hug can warm a hundred hearts. Hugs like love, joy, laughter, and smiles travel from heart to heart and from soul to soul until they circle the world. They make us more like the angels and Earth more like Heaven. They help us to give lessons in God’s love and wisdom each time we simply open our arms and wrap them around another.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
HOW TO FACE ANOTHER DAY
Read: James 4:13-17
This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. —Psalm 118:24
World-famous cellist Pablo Casals once gave this challenging testimony: “For the past 80 years I have started each day in the same manner. . . . I go to the piano and I play two preludes and fugues of Bach. I cannot think of doing otherwise. It is a benediction on the house. But that is not its only meaning for me. It is a rediscovery of the world of which I have the joy of being a part.”
If that is how a dedicated musician daily started his waking hours, we Christians—by the enabling grace of the Holy Spirit—can surely dedicate each new day to our Lord. No matter where we are or what our situation may be, each day we can resolve to dedicate the hours before us to God’s praise. As David wrote, “This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).
If you are facing loneliness or pain as once again you pick up your burden, you can draw on the Lord’s resources and be a living testimony of His all-sufficiency. If you’re filled with thanksgiving and praise, you can tell others of God’s goodness.
James reminded us that we “do not know what will happen tomorrow” (4:14). All the more reason, then, to dedicate each day to rejoicing in the Lord. —Vernon Grounds
This is the day the Lord hath made,
He calls the hours His own;
Let heaven rejoice, let earth be glad,
And praise surround the throne. —Watts
If you know Jesus, you always have a reason to rejoice.
Can you lose weight on a high fat diet?
Chicago nutritionist Dr. Jan Kwasniewski is promoting a high-fat, low-carb diet called the Polish Diet. It promises that you can lose weight by eating extremely high-fat foods, like kielbasa, bacon, veal brains in aspic, buttered Polish bread and eggs cooked in spicy lard, with a cup of heavy cream for a beverage. One patient on the “fit through fat” diet has dropped from a size 14 to a 4. She said we think fat is bad when it’s really good for you: it provides energy and makes you feel better. But another happy dieter says it’s not short-term; it’s a lifelong lifestyle change. ***MARLAR: It’s already helping me lose weight: just hearing the phrase “veal brains in aspic” has killed my appetite.
LIFE… LIVE IT
- Live together before you marry
- Get into debt
- Marry an unbeliever
- Refuse to go through premarital counseling
- Dream of a “soul mate”
How long can a sandwich survive in a plastic baggie? One school in Germany found out… the hard way!
Piles of old unwanted sandwiches dating back to the 1970s have been found behind a radiator in a German school’s music room, ending years of confusion about the bad smell. Workers carrying out repairs on the floor of the room found a cavity behind and under the radiator where generations of children had stuffed their unwanted pack lunches. The school’s head teacher had already spent thousands of dollars for experts to examine the room to try to find the source of the smell, but they found nothing and recommended that the music teacher air the room more thoroughly. ***MARLAR: The hard part was distinguishing the smell from the school cafeteria.
JUST FOR FUN
I’M TASTING BLUE
Can the color blue fight tooth decay? Apparently, yes!
The ultimate cure for bad breath is on the way and it’s a blue light! That’s the word from Nikos Soukos, who directs the Forsyth Laboratory of Applied Molecular Photo Medicine. He is developing a dental light pen that people can shine in their mouths to zap the bad bacteria that cause bad breath. The light works by blinding the bacteria, suppressing the bad microbes and allowing healthier bacteria to flourish. Soukos expects his dental light pen to be on store shelves in a few years. Toothpaste and mouthwash are the best ways to fight bacteria, but Soukos is convinced his blue light will be better. ***MARLAR: Cool… so now you can go shopping with your mouth open around K-Mart’s blue light specials and save money and your teeth at the same time! (I don’t think drinking blue water from the toilet is going to have the desired effect though.)
MURPHY’S LAW FOR CHURCHES
- Video projectors always work before the program begins.
- The probability of the preacher tripping over the mike cord is greater on “Bring A Friend” Sunday than any other week.
- The largest Bible Class will show up when the teacher feels his/her worst.
- No matter how many bulletins you print, you’ll always need one more.
- A member living 15 miles away will be 15 minutes early; members living two blocks will be 15 minutes late.
- The shorter the agenda, the longer the business meeting.
- When you answer the Bible teacher’s question right, nobody remembers; when you are wrong, nobody forgets.
- The furnace only fails when the outside temperature is more than 20 degrees below zero.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Who among us has not been shocked by the dramatic and devastating act of a German pilot this past week? We are now assured that Andreas Lubitz deliberately brought about the deaths of 150 people aboard the crashed Germanwings flight in France. The pilot had left the cabin for a few minutes and found the door locked upon his return. The rest of the details only leave us with an imagined horror of what took some eight minutes to finish.
We are gradually finding out quite a bit about this Andreas. Apparently he suffered from depression. It was debilitating enough for the 27-year-old to receive treatment. We are aware he had a “sick pass” so he would not need to fly the day of the crash. We know there are reports of vision problems—whether real or psychosomatic.
But standing out about these to me were the comments he purportedly made to a former girlfriend. In her words, he once said he was “planning a heinous act that will be remembered forever.” The woman, dubbed “Maria W,” expanded on this saying, “[He said], ‘One day I will do something that will change the whole system, and then all will know my name and remember it.’ I never knew what he meant, but now it makes sense.”
Lubitz learned to fly gliders at the age of 14. The New York Times reports that Klaus Radke, the president of the glider club, said “When I saw him as an adult compared to a youth, I thought, ‘He really amounted to something.’ He was confident, helpful. I thought, ‘Man, he’s someone who made it.’”
But his adult behavior was not so pleasant to Maria W. She said, “We spoke a lot about work and then he became another person. He became agitated about the circumstances in which he had to work, too little money, anxiety about his contract and too much pressure. During conversations he’d suddenly throw a tantrum and scream at me. I was afraid. He even once locked me in the bathroom for a long time.”
It is impossible to know how much his mental state led Andreas to commit his “heinous act.” What seems apparent, however, is that he was stable enough to make statements about wanting fame. He was rational enough to fly airplanes and function well with associates. And, at times, he apparently sought help. But not enough.
Thus, two very common attributes of human behavior left out of control come into focus: pride and selfishness. These forces, perhaps enhanced by a spiritual battle of which Lubitz was unaware, kept him from two important decisions. The first was to seek more help. The second, was to avoid the totally self focused act of taking the lives of 149 other souls to satisfy his longing to be remembered.
I’ve read nothing that would indicate he had a spiritual life. When the moral constraints of an individual rely solely on one’s own value system, why should we be surprised at such acts? Unless we are willing to be guided by the wisdom, understanding, and discernment that comes from our Creator, we operate on a different moral plane. So to speak.
Proverbs 16:18 (ESV) warns: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” And as for being remembered, Psalm 34:16 (ESV) states: “The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.”
May God help those families being tortured by the tragic ending of their loved ones. May God give comfort to the parents and family members of Andreas Lubitz, who also will be tortured by the memory of this terrible act. And may all of us remember that we are capable of acts much worse, were it not for the moral restraints offered us by a loving God.
The Lord is my Light. And my Salvation. Amen.
That’s The Way WE Work.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SEVEN WAYS TO SAVE THE PLANET
Earth Day is coming up, that time of year when we all ask ourselves, What’s the least I can do? Are there ways that I can save the planet without putting in any real effort or time? Here are a few ways to help save the planet.
- Wash your hands sparingly. Washing many times a day wastes gallons of water, and your hands are never as dirty as you think.
- Turn off your watch when you’re not checking the time.
- Stop bread waste. Place condiments on both sides of the bread and use just one slice. This saves on oven-baking time and is perfect for today’s low-carb lifestyle.
- Create your own ecologically friendly products. For example, toothpaste: My recipe includes mint gum, peanut butter, and mayonnaise. The consistency and color is perfect, with no tubes clogging up the landfill.
- When throwing away books, be sure to break the spines first. Unbroken books can lodge in the throats of bears and cougars.
- Don’t walk — run! Running saves time, propelling you to incredible sales and discounts faster.
- Wear socks with sandals. My personal favorite. A socks/sandals combo says to others, “I don’t care about how I look, I care about our natural environment.” You will also save money on expensive habits like having a social life. Spend it on shrubs and flowers instead.
LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM TOO GOOD TO BE ALLOWED TO PLAY
Can a little league team be too good to be allowed to play against other teams? That’s the story in Apache Junction, Arizona!
The Apache Junction Little League team known as “The Hooks” have been terminated from this baseball season … and parents are furious.
The League’s governing board accused the team’s coaches of rigging the player draft system in their favor so they could get some of the best players. The team denies it, and the 8, 9 and 10-year-old players say they’re tired of being harassed for being too good.
One Hooks player said, “I just think they’re jealous and they want to make up stories.” Another player said, “Our whole family doesn’t like being called cheaters… we’re being called liars too.”
This kids’ baseball team being called a bunch of cheaters isn’t sitting well with moms and dads who are outraged their kids’ baseball season is ruined after a month of practices. The team hasn’t played in real games yet.
Apache Junction’s Little League Board told upset parents their kids will have to join other teams if they want to play this season.
Parents say their children are depressed. They worry breaking the little players away from all of the friends they’ve made takes away all of the fun.
On April 1, The Apache Junction Little League Board issued the following statement in response to this story:
In Little League, one of the responsibilities of the governing board members to maintain the integrity of the league. The Apache Junction bylaws state, “Membership may be terminated by resignation or action of the Board of Directors. The Board of Directors, by a two-thirds vote of those present at any duly constituted meeting, shall have the authority to discipline or terminate the membership of any Member of any class when the conduct of such person is considered detrimental to the interests of the local League and/or Little League Baseball.” Based on the above bylaw, a unanimous decision was made with the support of District 7 to terminate the membership of two coaches, with a third coach voluntarily resigning. The decision made affected coaches only; all players remain members of the league and are encouraged to continue to play. For players affected, provisions have been made. Refunds will be issued to those requesting them by Friday of this week. Apache Junction Little appreciates the continued support of our community
PHONER: What is your response to this story as a parent?
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends.
SATURDAY: Don’t blink if you want to see this weekend’s total lunar eclipse. According to ABC News, it is set to take over the skies Saturday morning and will be visible across the United States. However, it will only last about five minutes, according to NASA. Officials say people in the eastern part of the country see the beginning stages of the partial umbrella eclipse before sunrise at 6:16am ET. The total eclipse will be visible to people in the Western United States at 7:58 PT. At this time, the moon will turn a shade of blood red as it skims the outskirts of Earth’s shadow. The eclipse is the third in a series of four eclipses. The fourth is set for Sept. 28, 2015. http://abcn.ws/1Cx5chI
THRU EASTER: Want to engage your kids in the Easter story in a new way this year. How about with Legos? Recently Focus on the Family shared a video they had discovered on YouTube. It tells the Easter story, including Jesus’s Death and Resurrection, using Legos. Check out the video at http://bit.ly/1NAcswp
THRU EASTER: Christians in ISIS-controlled areas are celebrating Easter and Holy Week despite the danger. According to Open Doors USA, they are recognizing the day of the washing of the feet on Thursday, Good Friday, the Saturday of Light, then Resurrection Sunday. In Iraq, Easter is a larger celebration than Christmas for Christians. According to the Mission Network News report, a local Christian relief workers says, “Easter also gives new hope. We are celebrating the resurrection from the death of Jesus Christ, but we are also looking forward to a resurrection in each of our hearts.” https://t.co/CMzMfmVnVe
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Today’s (JOCK SHOW) was only a test. If it had been an actual (JOCK SHOW), you would’ve been entertained and be feeling pretty good right now.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 01, 2015…
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (opening in select cities)—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group. Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise: is not rated. No rating.
**Note: “Woman in Gold” starring Helen Mirren as a woman trying to retrieve a lost painting is now due to open April 10.
APRIL 03, 2015…
Furious 7—This film will be remembered as the last movie for the late actor, Paul Walker. His brothers are stand-in’s in some scenes as Walker had finished most of his work before his tragic accident. Basically the story has Jason Stratham as the villain out for revenge for the death of his brother a film ago. The fan favorites are back with Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson and Jordana Brewster. Plenty of action here and one hopes the series can continue. It has a built-in audience. “Furious 7” is rated PG 13. Rated 3 for fans.
Effie Gray (opening in select cities)—Dakota Fanning stars in this film in which she plays Effie, the wife of 19th century British painter, John Ruskin (Greg West.) Problems in the marriage and Effie doesn’t know what to do. Also in the cast is Tom Sturridge as the painter John Everett Mellais. “Effie Gray” is rated R. No rating.
APRIL 10, 2015…
Desert Dancer (opening in select cities) is a Middle East film about a young man and his friends who want to learn to dance but the government forbids it.
The Hunting Ground is a documentary that concerns the subject of rape on a college camp. Directed by Amy Ziering.
Merchants of Doubt, a documentary by Robert Kenner that shows what goes on behind presenting the news. It sometimes is like a stage show.
While We’re Young stars Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts as a middle-age couple who meet a younger couple, become friends, and then take a look at their own lives.
The Longest Ride is adapted from the Nicholas Sparks novel about a bull-rider and artist who fall in love. Stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson.
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