April 05, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

 

CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150405

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I must apologize. I’m just not myself this week. Unfortunately, several people have called up and complimented me for that very reason.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 6:23

 

In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. — Ephesians 1:7

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

Psalm 55:16-17 (NIV)

 

Thought: Wow, this Psalm of confidence in God suddenly has a much more powerful ring to it after remembering the resurrection of Christ! God does save us. God does listen to our voice. We can be sure he both hears and acts to bring salvation for us. The only question is whether we call out to God evening, morning and noon trusting in his response?

 

Prayer: Abba Father, I have burdens on my heart about things in my own life that need your grace and power. Please hear my voice and my heart as I share these concerns with you… In addition, dear Father, please place your loving touch on the following people for whom I’m concerned… Thank you for hearing me and saving me. In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

Micah 4:5 NIV = All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the LORD our God forever and ever.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 05, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 265 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Be thankful you don’t live in Taiwan, as today is NATIONAL TOMB SWEEPING DAY.  *** Because what we needed more than anything was a holiday to creep us out first thing in the morning.

 

But hey, on the upside, it’s also MAKE YOUR CHILDREN LAUGH DAY!  Today’s the day to do something really goofy they’ll still remember next year. *** Like, uh… sweeping tombs…

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Easter

National Deep Dish Pizza Day

Plum Pudding Day (Eaten on Easter. If eaten on Dec 25th it’s considered “Christmas Plum Pudding” – but it’s the same recipe for either day.)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, APRIL 06

Army Day

New Beers Eve

Drowsy Driver Awareness Day

Dyngus Day

Hostess Twinkie Day

International Day of Sport For Development and Peace

National Student Athlete Day

Charlie the Tune Day

Tartan Day

Tater Day (Sweet Potatoes)

Teflon Day

White House Easter Egg Roll

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 07

Day of Remembrance of the Victims o Rwanda Genocide

International Beaver Day

International Snailpapers Day

Metric System Day

National Beer Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Month’s Day of Action (SAAM)

No Housework Day

World Health Day (UN)

World Health Organization Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 08

Draw a Bird Day

International Roma Day

National Dog Fighting Awareness Day

Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 09

National Alcohol Screening Day

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Winston Churchill Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day

National Farm Animals Day

National Siblings Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 11

Baby Massage Day

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children to Save Day

Slow Art Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 12

D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse

International Day for Street Children

Walk On Your Wild Side Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1614: America’s Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia.

 

1621: The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth, Massachusetts, to return to England. (audio clip)

 

1856: Educator Booker T. Washington was born in Franklin County, Virginia. An educational leader and spokesman of African-Americans, he established the Tuskegee Institute in 1881. He was inducted into the American Hall of Fame in 1945.

 

1977: Singer David Bowie appeared on a TV special starring Dinah Shore.

 

1980: In the final first-run episode of “Hawaii Five-0,” McGarrett captured his arch-enemy Wo-Fat. The series, starring Jack Lord and James MacArthur, lasted 12 years. (audio clip)

 

1984: Los Angeles Laker Kareem Abdul Jabbar skyhooked his 31,420th point to pass Wilt Chamberlain at the top of the NBA’s all-time scoring list.

 

1985: John McEnroe was quoted as saying, “Any man can beat any woman at any sport, especially tennis.”

 

1987: “Married … With Children” debuted on the Fox TV network. (audio clip)

 

1990: A Gulfport, Mississippi, man discovered that his house had been stolen. Not only that, but police had escorted the thieves and the house out of town.

 

1992: Sam Walton died in Little Rock at age 74. His Wal-Mart chain had made him the world’s richest man.

 

1993: Sherry Davis became the first female public-address-system announcer at a major league baseball park. She won the San Francisco Giant’s job over 499 others who auditioned.

 

1998: A sheep being held on the roof of a Cairo apartment building for slaughter during a religious festival, decided he’d rather commit suicide and jumped off the roof, breaking gas pipes when he landed, causing a gas leak, and forcing evacuation of the building.

 

1999: Thieves forced open a display case at the Criminals Hall of Fame Museum in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and walked out with life-size wax figure of Adolph Hitler. The museum was open, but nobody witnessed the theft.

 

2004: Lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on near Mexico City, but the plane landed safely and no one was hurt.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1524: Swiss reformer Ulrich Zwingli marries Anna Reinhart for the second time—this time in public. In 1522, Zwingli (and 10 other priests) appealed to the bishop of Constance for permission to marry. When the bishop refused the petition, Zwingli married secretly and, later that year, resigned from the priesthood.

 

1621: The Mayflower sails home, leaving the Pilgrims in the New World where many die over winter.

 

1649: John Winthrop, the first governor of Massachusetts Bay, dies. Profoundly religious, Winthrop, who left England because of its persecution of Puritans, believed New England to be “a city upon a hill” for the world to see and emulate.

 

1796: Singing “Jesus, I Long for Thy Blessed Communion” as he works, Hans Nielsen Hague overflows with joy. He leaves home to spread the gospel throughout Norway, traveling 10,000 miles to preach, sparking renewal wherever he goes and suffering imprisonment ten times.

 

1811: Robert Raikes, founder of English Sunday schools in 1780, dies. Raikes built his Sunday schools not for respectable and well-mannered children of believers, but for (in one woman’s description) “multitudes of wretches who, released on that day from employment, spend their day in noise and riot.” In 4 years, 250,000 students were attending the schools, by Raikes’s death, 500,000, and by 1831, 1.25 million.

 

1887: Christian historian Lord Acton writes his famous saying “power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely” in a letter to his friend Mandell Creighton. Acton was often on the outs with the Roman Catholic church because he did not accept the doctrine of papal infallibility.

 

1943: Dietrich Bonhoeffer is arrested by the Nazis whom he resisted. He will be hanged in prison.

 

1956: The ruins of Ulrich’s church in Magdeburg are dynamited by the East Germans, despite church protests. The building dated back to 1028, had been damaged in the war, and the church had made plans to rebuild it.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Skinner on “The X-Files”) Mitch Pileggi, 63 (audio clip)
  • actress (Death at a Funeral, “Wish Me Luck”) Jane Asher 69
  • Actor (“Barney Miller’s” Det. Stanley “Wojo” Wojohowicz) Max Gail, 72 (audio clip)
  • Actor (“Law & Order’s” Asst. D.A. Ben Stone) Michael Moriarty, 74 (audio clip)
  • former Secretary of State Colin Powell 78

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1922 : Gale Storm

1925 : Stan Levey

1928 : Tony Williams (The Platters)

1929 : Joe Meek

1932 : Billy Bland

1934 : Stanley Turrentine

1939 : Ronnie White (The Miracles)

1941 : Dave Swarbick (Fairport Convention)

1942 : Alan Clarke (The Hollies)

1944 : Crispian St. Peters

1944 : Nicholas Caldwell (The Whispers)
1950 : Agnetha Faltskog (ABBA)

1951 : Everett Morton (The English Beat)

1965 : Mike McCready (Pearl Jam)

1968 : Paula Cole

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is household dust grey?

Grey household dust consists mostly of sloughed-off human skin cells. Although humans are of different color, the pigments are found below the layer that generates the outer layer of dead skin. Dry skin is a translucent grey color, and consequently, so is the dust. There is no other color in it because the blood vessels are much deeper down and they are not lost as the skin grows.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Matthew West says a girl at his concert in Illinois this week made his night. She’s been through a lot but is a survivor. Matthew said she’s also a great t-shirt maker. He shared pictures of her shirt that, on the front, said keep calm and attend a Matthew West concert. On the back it has a list of the concerts she’d attended, all 8 of them, in 2013 and 2014.

 

Jonny Diaz shared a picture of a four foot tall painting of a cow that is now hanging in his living room. Jonny didn’t give any indication on why he chose to have the multi-colored cow predominantly hung in his house. But he did ask his social media followers to help him come up with the cows name. Some of the suggestions included: holy, Lola, and chick-fil-a. https://t.co/MPxXD3op2K

 

Crowder is part of the Rock and Worship Road Show but David Crowder says catering may be taking their end of tour pranks a little to far. Crowder shared a picture on Facebook of a Weiner dog in a hot dog bun.

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard says the bar has been officially raised. Bart tweeted: can’t stop listening to Live Forever by Matthew West. The newly released song is the title cut from Matthews upcoming CD.

 

Happy Anniversary to Kevin Max. He announced this week that he was celebrating 10 years of marriage “to the wonderful, beautiful, and indispensable Amanda Max.”

 

David from the band Hawk Nelson was asking for some help. He said that he just found a $25 iTunes gift card left over from Christmas and needed some suggestions. David asked: What is an album or two that you consider a must have? Or some artist that I should at least check out. I mean, maybe suggest an app or two while you’re at it! HELP……and…..GO!

 

A one-man effort to get Jamie Grace on TV is underway. A Jamie Grace fan named Jerry Williams is tweeting daily in hopes of getting Jamie Grace cast in the role of Dorothy in the NBC live musical The Wiz and it sounds like Jamie isn’t opposed to the idea. She retweeted his post and asked her social media followers to join in the effort, using the hashtag #JamieGraceIsDorothy.

 

Kutless member James Mead was dealing with the loss of a piece of his personal history this week. The longtime guitarist for the group shared online that the high school in South Albany, Oregon where he studied band and choir burned to the ground. To make matters worse, media outlets now say officials believe the fire was intentionally set. They say an arrest has already been made in the case.

 

EASTER: Have you invited someone to church for Easter yet? Pastor Greg Laurie reminded his readers in a recent blog that you are even more likely to get a positive response in the week leading up to Easter. The teacher on the program A New Beginning pointed to a Barna poll that revealed about 25% of adults say they would go to church if a friend invited them. Greg wrapped up with a simple reminder: It’s as simple as reaching out and asking. So invite someone to Easter service this Sunday!   http://ow.ly/La276

 

EASTER: Darlene Zschech shared an Easter tradition from her family. She tweeted a picture of the chocolate bread and butter pudding that had just gone in the fridge to soak overnight before baking. Darlene said the dish is a part of Easter every year for her family.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

British couple win a million in lottery for 2nd time    photo
LONDON (AP) — A couple from northern England has defied the odds — again — by winning a million pounds ($1.5 million) in the lottery for a second time. David and Kathleen Long won the money — and a car — in the EuroMillions Mega Friday Draw, having already scooped up 1…

 

Tiny songbird tracked across 1,700 miles of open ocean    photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A tiny songbird that summers in the forests of northern North America has been tracked on a 1,700-mile, over-the-ocean journey from the northeastern United States and eastern Canada to the Caribbean as part of their winter migration to South America, according to a new…
‘Spicy’ scent of a Burger King store entices cologne buyers    photo
TOKYO (AP) — The whiff of a Whopper made hundreds of customers hungry for a Burger King special Wednesday — “Flame Grilled” cologne. Bottles of the fragrance were sold at the fast-food chain’s stores in Japan for 5,000 yen (about $40), including one Whopper burger. At a downtown Tokyo…
‘Miracle dog’ survives being hit by car, clubbed, abandoned    photo
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The stray dog was hit by a car, clubbed in the head and left for dead in a ditch in Washington state. Days later, the 1-year-old bully breed mix showed up sickly and covered in dirt at a nearby farm. Now, the dog that defied death is recovering with the help of good…
Man accused of posing as officer to cut into fast-food line
ODESSA, Texas (AP) — A West Texas man has been charged with impersonating an officer by using sirens and flashing lights to skip to the head of the drive-thru line at a fast-food restaurant. Odessa police say Michael Chico was arrested after an off-duty officer spotted a truck with…
Woman charged with stabbing boyfriend after salsa argument
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — A northeast Ohio woman has been charged with felonious assault for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend after yelling at him for eating all of the couple’s salsa. A police report says 61-year-old Ronnie Buckner told officers he was eating salsa with his girlfriend, Phyllis…
Police: Idaho man calls 911 a dozen times about bar bill
POST FALLS, Idaho (AP) — Police say a northern Idaho man called 911 a dozen times to report being overcharged at a bar and now faces a $1,000 fine and a year in jail. Post Falls police Capt. Pat Knight says an officer gave Phillip Poissonnier of Post Falls a ride home after he was kicked out…
Stalled replica pirate ship towed to port after crew rescued
BOSTON (AP) — A disabled Canadian replica pirate ship whose nine crewmembers were rescued by the Coast Guard has been towed to a southern Maine shipyard. Coast Guard Petty Officer Ross Ruddell says a fishing vessel took the charter schooner Liana’s Ransom to the Kittery Point Yacht Yard in…
10-foot, 300-pound metal rooster goes missing in Athens
ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — Police are searching for whoever made off with Rocket the Rusty Rooster, a 10-foot-tall, 300-pound metal sculpture stolen from its perch outside an Athens business. Lexington Vintage owner Bonnie Harris tells CBS 46 that she’s saddened by the crime, believed to have…
Police: Man crashed truck, stole forklift while intoxicated
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — Police in Fairbanks, Alaska, say a 21-year-old man drove a stolen forklift more than 3 miles while intoxicated to retrieve a truck he crashed. Police Lt. Matt Soden says just before 6 a.m. Monday, Aleksandr Glushko of Delta Junction drove off a road in a pickup and…
Judge ends Maine man’s attempt to salvage Cape Cod shipwreck
PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A treasure hunter’s effort to salvage what he calls $3 billion in platinum from a World War II shipwreck off Cape Cod has been ended by a federal judge. Greg Brooks’ company Sea Hunters LP is no longer allowed to salvage additional items from the S.S. Port Nicholson,…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Too much iced tea caused Arkansas man’s kidney problems    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Doctors traced an Arkansas man’s kidney failure to an unusual cause — his habit of drinking a gallon of iced tea each day. They ruled out several potential causes before stumbling on a reason for the 56-year-old man’s kidney problems. He said he drank about 16 8-ounce…

 

Senate has new deadline to avoid doctors’ Medicare cuts
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress will get a little extra time to prevent a threatened 21 percent cut in Medicare payments to doctors. Technically, the cut was to take effect Wednesday. But the Department of Health and Human Services said it will hold off processing claims at the lower rate until…
Texas bill would bar gun ownership status in medical record    photo
DALLAS (AP) — Texas lawmakers are considering a bill that would keep a person’s gun ownership status from being listed in their medical records, a move health providers worry would be an unnecessary government intrusion that harms their consultations with patients. The bill would make Texas…
Liberia, Sierra Leone gain in Ebola crisis; Guinea struggles    photo
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — When will the world’s largest and longest Ebola outbreak end? The West African countries of Sierra Leone and Liberia both appear to be on steady paths to ending the epidemic. The wild card is Guinea, where Ebola hasn’t burned as hot but remains stubbornly entrenched….
Health providers’ stand could invite other execution methods    photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — With the American Pharmacists Association taking a stance this week, the medical community is now united in its opposition to playing any role in capital punishment killings. That could make it increasingly difficult for corrections departments to obtain the already scarce…
3-D print technology provides ‘robohand’ to 7-year-old girl    photo
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. (AP) — Seven-year-old Faith Lennox never thought much about putting a prosthetic limb where her missing left hand had once been. Not until the little girl learned she could design her own, strap it on easily and then jump on her bike and pedal away at speeds previously…
Texas measure cuts HIV funds, boost abstinence education
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Texas would cut $3 million from programs to prevent HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases and spend that money instead on abstinence education under a contentious Republican-sponsored measure tucked into the state budget Tuesday night. The GOP-controlled House…
An apple a day may not keep the doctor away, study says    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — An apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away. That’s according to proverb-busting research that found daily apple eaters had just as many doctor visits as those who ate fewer or no apples. The findings don’t mean apples aren’t good for you but they do underscore that…
Exercising critically ill patients may help speed recovery    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The intensive care unit is a last frontier for physical therapy: It’s hard to exercise patients hooked to ventilators. Some hospitals do manage to help critically ill patients stand or walk even if they’re tethered to life support. Now research that put sick mice on tiny…
Arizona governor signs abortion drug notification mandate
PHOENIX (AP) — Gov. Doug Ducey signed a bill Monday that requires abortion providers in Arizona to tell women they can reverse the effects of a drug-induced abortion and also bars women from buying any health care plan through the federal marketplace that includes abortion coverage. The…
10 Ebola cases found during Sierra Leone’s shutdown
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone found 10 new Ebola cases during a three-day countrywide shutdown, an official said Wednesday, declaring that the West African country is now at the “tail end” of the epidemic. Hundreds of sick people were identified on Friday, Saturday and Sunday as…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Lighter Hair, Darker Skin”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Golf Carts”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were about to go head to head in their regular checkers match… and it sounds as if they don’t pull any punches when it comes to playing the game or even trying to intimidate each other before the game begins!

 

CLOSE: Can’t miss them? I don’t even know what Gruffy is TALKING about! I don’t think I could follow those directions if they were printed out through MapQuest and fed into a GPS system! And who is this new guy… Grizz? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 4/5, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the story, Marvy Snuffleson’s doctor told him he had infected tonsils – and that he’s have to have surgery! But Marvy decided not to go through with it, escaped from the hospital, and now he’s floating on a bed on the high seas!
CLOSE: Will Marvy be able to change his mind and go through with the surgery, or will he still have to attend his own funeral? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A 27-year-old Romanian refugee became a stowaway on a German flight in the most unusual way…

… he didn’t hide in the bathroom or luggage area — he latched onto the landing gear of the plane. Authorities said the man, whom they did not name, had scrambled undetected onto the forward tire of the aircraft shortly before the Berlin-bound plane took off and hauled himself into the gear shaft. The pilot was unable to retract the gear and decided to abort the flight and return to Munich. Meanwhile, the stowaway managed to survive the 23-minute flight by holding onto the landing gear of a Boeing 737. He was taken to hospital suffering from hypothermia. ***MARLAR: And you thought flying coach was bad!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE FROM A SMALL TOWN

 

  1. You got a fine and your parents knew within the hour.

 

  1. You don’t give directions by street names, but by references (turn by Nelson’s house, go 2 blocks past Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field).

 

  1. You can’t help but date a friend’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

  1. The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty”, but is actually just like your town.

 

  1. You refer to anyone with a house newer then 1980 as “the rich people”.

 

  1. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere.

 

  1. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

 

  1. The closest McDonald’s is 45 miles away (or more).

 

2 Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn’t be enough people to have a team.

 

  1. You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without any i.d.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A school teacher uses a firm voice to nab two criminals!

 

FILE #1: From Terre Haute, Indiana comes the story of a couple of teenagers who were going door to door offering to shovel snow off sidewalks. They eventually came to the home of retired school teacher Eileen Prose who wasn’t at home. The door was unlocked and our culprits decided to go inside and nose around, looking for anything they might want. About that time Mrs. Prose returned home, saw the two shovels standing outside and the front door slightly ajar and quickly figured out what was going on. First, she used her cell phone to call the cops. Then, as she approached the house, the teenagers came walking out. Using her best school teacher voice she said, “You boys are going to stay right there until the police come.” Our less-than-intelligent heroes must have had some sort of grade school flashback, because that’s just what they did. They followed their teacher’s instructions and waited quietly until the police arrived to arrest them.

 

FILE #2: A 35-year-old in Lisbon, Portugal was stopped while walking his pit bull without a leash. Policemen have been cracking down lately on what they call “dangerous” dogs. The man threatened the officers with his dog but the “dangerous” animal ran away leaving the man standing there.  So the man bit the officers himself. The man is now under house arrest. The pit bull is still at large.

 

FILE #3: A 7-year-old in Enterprise, Alabama, who apparently wanted to play with friends couldn’t wait. He drove off in his father’s truck, eventually running it into a ditch before police officers managed to coax him out of the vehicle. The boy was driving the big, dual-wheel truck erratically when other drivers called police, saying they couldn’t see anyone behind the wheel. The boy apparently got the keys while his father was sleeping, and he was trying to drive to a day care center.

 

STRANGE LAW: Community leaders in one California town passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Here’s an interesting story… passing out and getting locked into a bar overnight, and the bar owners Don’t Care!

A patron at the I Don’t Care Bar & Grill evidently didn’t care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked. The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm.  Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it’s not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don’t Care.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What do you have at your house that’s broken, but you’re keeping it anyway?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What is the name of the day when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples?
ANSWER: Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

ANSWER: Strawberry

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Cherophobia is the fear of 70’s pop singers. (False – it’s the fear of laughing yourself to death.)

 

  1. In the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace in the civilized world. (True)

 

  1. The three most common elements in the universe are hydrogen, helium, and carbon. (False – hydrogen, helium, and OXYGEN)

 

  1. The woman who has appeared most on the covers of Time magazine is Hillary Clinton. (False – it’s the Virgin Mary)

 

  1. The number of births that occur in India each year is higher than the entire population of Australia. (True)

 

  1. Levi Strauss blue jeans with copper rivets were priced at $13.50 per dozen in 1874. (True)

 

  1. Money is made from high quality paper. (False – it’s made out of linen.)

 

  1. Most American car horns honk in the key of C. (False – F)

 

  1. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (True)

 

  1. There are 35 million digestive glands in the stomach. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_______ CAUGHT ON SUPERMARKET VIDEO (GHOST)

A grocery store in South Australia says paranormal detectives are investigating a ghost who likes flinging Fruit Roll-Ups.

Brompton IGA store owner Norm Hurst says he turned to his surveillance footage after finding a box of the fruit snacks laying in an aisle, about six meters from its original location, after he had locked up shop.

‘The previous owners told me it was haunted,’ Mr Hurst told Adelaide Now. ‘I thought, ‘yeah, whatever.’ But since we’ve owned the place, strange things have happened.’

Mr Hurst watched the CCTV footage and says he was shocked by what he saw.

‘One of the cameras shows the packet of Roll-Ups just arriving on the ground,’ he told the Herald Sun. ‘It has not just slid off, it has been thrown out of the pasta, yet, the Roll-Ups are kept 12 metres away.’

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families.”

The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained six new families.”

The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!”

 

JOKE #2

While replacing some roof tiles, Marty fell from a ladder. His ankle broken, he called out for help – and his neighbor’s four-year-old came to his side. “Don’t worry,” she said, disappearing into her house. Minutes later she returned in her nurse’s outfit, carrying a medical bag.

Lisa’s employment search preoccupied her family for months. One day her husband told their three boys that to make things easier for mom, he had a list of jobs for them. They were all silent until our six-year-old spoke up: “When are the interviews?”

“Mom,” said the little girl, “Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?” “Yes,” said her mother, “that is the correct thing to say.” “Well then, I’m going to milk the cat!”

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children’s ward. “Are you medical or surgical?” asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. “I don’t know what you mean,” replied the second. “It’s simple,” replied the first. “Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?”

 

JOKE #3

At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One young man, having received his series of injections, asked for a glass of water.

“What’s the matter, Mate?” asked the sick bay attendant.

”Do you feel pain?”

“No, just checking to see if I’m still watertight.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A new survey in the aftermath of April 1st reveals that 98.5% of people think workplace practical jokes are important for company morale. ***MARLAR: The remaining 1.5% are tired of having “kick me” signs stuck to their backs.

 

The luxurious Hotel Cortisen in Austria allows dogs but has banned young children because nowadays, they’re so badly-behaved.  ***MARLAR: At least people still housebreak their dogs.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE DEFINITION OF AN AMERICAN…

…A man drinking Brazilian coffee out of an English cup while sitting on Danish furniture after coming in a German car from an Italian Movie, then picks up his Japanese ball point pen and writes a letter to his Congressman that something must be done about the American economy.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

In Minocqua, Wisconsin, there was a run on Trig’s Minocqua Shell station after they suddenly started selling gas for under 33 cents a gallon!

Unfortunately they never intended to be quite so generous at the pumps. At closing, an employee mistakenly entered the price of a gallon of gasoline as 32.9 cents instead of $3.29. He left about 10 p.m., but drivers could still use their credit cards to buy gas. Word of the bargain spread fast and 42 drivers sucked out 586 gallons in an hour and 45 minutes. When police saw the lines and chaos they called the store manager who ran down to the store and pushed the emergency stop.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

AN EVERYDAY PRAYER

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I’m blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God’s eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God. And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus’ example-to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It’s the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.

I pray for those who don’t know You intimately. I pray for those that will not share this prayer with others. I pray for those that don’t believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

COSTLY CONSEQUENCES

Read: 1 Samuel 13:1-15

You have not kept the commandment of the Lord . . . . Now your kingdom shall not continue. —1 Samuel 13:13-14

I always knew that disobedience has consequences, but it came home to me forcibly in basic training during World War II. I had traveled beyond the distance allowed on my weekend pass to be with my wife Ginny, and I returned to camp late because the train had broken down. I paid for my rule-breaking—20 hours of extra duty washing pots and pans!

King Saul also learned the high cost of disobedience. He faced the prospect of fighting a huge well-equipped Philistine army with his small band of frightened and untrained followers. While waiting for Samuel to come and offer a sacrifice before going to battle, Saul became impatient and offered the sacrifice himself, even though he knew that God had given that right only to the priests. It was a costly mistake.

Saul had begun his reign with humility and compassion, and he gave God the credit (1 Samuel 11). And the prophet Samuel told him that God would have kept the kingship in his family if he had obeyed God’s command (13:13-14). But that one act of disobedience changed the course of his life. From that point on, it was a sad downhill journey.

Never forget that disobedience has consequences. And some of them may be very costly. —Herb Vander Lugt

 

O help me, Lord, to be afraid
Of disobedient ways;
And may I seek what pleases You,
What gives You highest praise. —Sper

 

The way of obedience is the only way of blessing.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

McSNOOPY

Could Snoopy signal the demise of education in China?

McDonald’s outlets in a southern Chinese city could face fines of $1,200-$12,000 after a Snoopy doll promotion turned violent. Dwindling supplies of the Snoopy doll triggered a run on the Chinese McDonalds outlets, resulting in fist fights among customers and a smashed window at one location. As if that is not bad enough, it turns out that the 34 outlets in China weren’t even licensed to sell the toy. The violation is punishable under Chinese law by a fine of anywhere between $1,200 and $12,000.  And now parents are complaining that their children’s education is on the line. Why? Because disappointed students trying to collect the full set of Peanuts dolls (and cannot get the Snoopy doll now) are too upset to continue studying. ***MARLAR: So much for China being tops in the world for education.  Their kids can’t study because they don’t have a Snoopy doll.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

DON’T FORGET TO REMEMBER

Want to remember something? Chow down!

A study out of Germany shows that people are more likely to remember something if they eat immediately after learning it. The study says that the human body stores memories by activating hormones. These are the very same hormones that are released during digestion. ***MARLAR: Which explains why I always remember during mealtime that I love dessert!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

EASTER STORY COOKIES (To be made the evening before Easter, but try this in-advance first to make sure it works! I’ve never tried it on my own.)

What You Need:

1 Cup whole pecans

1 teaspoon vinegar

3 egg whites

pinch salt

1 Cup sugar

zipper baggy

wooden spoon

tape

Bible

 

How to Make an Easter Impression (as well as cookies):

  • Preheat oven to 300 degrees (this is important – don’t wait until you’re half done with the recipe).
  • Place pecans in zipper baggy and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. (Read John 19:1-3)
  • Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink (Read John 19:28-30)
  • Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. (Read John 10:10-11)
  • Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. (Read Luke 23:27)
  • So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 Cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loved us. He wants us to know and belong to him. (Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16)
  • Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. (Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3)
  • Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheets. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus’ body was laid. (Read Matt. 27: 57-60).
  • Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven “OFF”. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus’ tomb was sealed. (Read Matthew 27:65-66)
  • GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus’ followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. (Read John 16:20-22)
  • On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter Jesus’ followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. (Read Matthew 28:1-9)

 

 

VOICES IN YOUR HEAD?


How would you like a sound system without any speakers or headphones?

California’s Elwood “Woody” Norris has invented just a system. His prototype involves a square aluminum frequency emitter hooked up to a CD player. By pointing the piece of aluminum at a person, they hear what’s playing in the CD player. The so-called HyperSonic Sound system has won Woody the $500,000 annual Lemelson-MIT Prize. It works by sending a focused beam of sound above the range of human hearing. When it lands on you, it seems like sound is coming from inside your head. No word yet on when this may wind up in our homes.  ***MARLAR: I’m hearing voices!  I’m hearing voices in my head telling me to… to… to save big money at Menards!

 

 

FUN LIST

REASONS TO CELEBRATE EASTER EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT RELIGIOUS…

  • You look really good in yellow.
  • You look even better in a bunny suit.
  • You absolutely love the movie, The Ten Commandments.
  • Any Holiday that starts with a “Good Friday” can’t be all that bad.
  • You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
  • It’s a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

 

Pilot Out of Control

Who among us has not been shocked by the dramatic and devastating act of a German pilot this past week? We are now assured that Andreas Lubitz deliberately brought about the deaths of 150 people aboard the crashed Germanwings flight in France. The pilot had left the cabin for a few minutes and found the door locked upon his return. The rest of the details only leave us with an imagined horror of what took some eight minutes to finish.
We are gradually finding out quite a bit about this Andreas. Apparently he suffered from depression. It was debilitating enough for the 27-year-old to receive treatment. We are aware he had a “sick pass” so he would not need to fly the day of the crash. We know there are reports of vision problems—whether real or psychosomatic.
But standing out about these to me were the comments he purportedly made to a former girlfriend. In her words, he once said he was “planning a heinous act that will be remembered forever.” The woman, dubbed “Maria W,” expanded on this saying, “[He said], ‘One day I will do something that will change the whole system, and then all will know my name and remember it.’ I never knew what he meant, but now it makes sense.”
Lubitz learned to fly gliders at the age of 14. The New York Times reports that Klaus Radke, the president of the glider club, said “When I saw him as an adult compared to a youth, I thought, ‘He really amounted to something.’ He was confident, helpful. I thought, ‘Man, he’s someone who made it.’”
But his adult behavior was not so pleasant to Maria W. She said, “We spoke a lot about work and then he became another person. He became agitated about the circumstances in which he had to work, too little money, anxiety about his contract and too much pressure. During conversations he’d suddenly throw a tantrum and scream at me. I was afraid. He even once locked me in the bathroom for a long time.”
It is impossible to know how much his mental state led Andreas to commit his “heinous act.” What seems apparent, however, is that he was stable enough to make statements about wanting fame. He was rational enough to fly airplanes and function well with associates. And, at times, he apparently sought help. But not enough.
Thus, two very common attributes of human behavior left out of control come into focus: pride and selfishness. These forces, perhaps enhanced by a spiritual battle of which Lubitz was unaware, kept him from two important decisions. The first was to seek more help. The second, was to avoid the totally self focused act of taking the lives of 149 other souls to satisfy his longing to be remembered.
I’ve read nothing that would indicate he had a spiritual life. When the moral constraints of an individual rely solely on one’s own value system, why should we be surprised at such acts? Unless we are willing to be guided by the wisdom, understanding, and discernment that comes from our Creator, we operate on a different moral plane. So to speak.
Proverbs 16:18 (ESV) warns: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” And as for being remembered, Psalm 34:16 (ESV) states: “The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.”
May God help those families being tortured by the tragic ending of their loved ones. May God give comfort to the parents and family members of Andreas Lubitz, who also will be tortured by the memory of this terrible act. And may all of us remember that we are capable of acts much worse, were it not for the moral restraints offered us by a loving God.
The Lord is my Light. And my Salvation. Amen.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

TEN “SUPER FOODS!”

Want to feel better? Look no further than the end of your fork.

…Here are 10 “super foods” that can boost your immune system, your brain function, even give you a youthful glow. No prescription needed, and no pesky side effects – just dig in.

  1. Tomatoes. The generous amounts of the antioxidant lycopene in tomatoes help skin maintain its youthfulness, and may reduce the risk of developing heart disease, as well as several cancers, including breast, lung, and colon.
  2. Fish Oily fish. (such as salmon, sardines, and mackerel) are packed with omega-3 fatty acids that fight inflammation. They also lower blood pressure &  decrease triglyceride levels.
  3. Nuts. Like fatty fish, nuts are high in omega-3s, and are great for the heart and the brain. Many studies have shown that nuts lower LDL (“bad”) cholesterol, reduce the risk of developing blood clots, and improve the lining of arteries.
  4. Broccoli. All cruciferous vegetables, which include broccoli, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, and cauliflower, contain cancer-fighting phytochemicals.
  5. Grapes. Rich in an antioxidant called resveratrol that is an anti-inflammatory and anti-coagulant, red grapes have been shown to extend the life span of test animals. Grapes contain several other powerful nutrients that keep cancer at bay.
  6. Berries. Blueberries, raspberries, and other deeply colored berries contain phytochemicals known as flavonoids. These antioxidants have been shown to improve brain function and slow the growth of some cancers.
  7. Tea. Green and white teas contain large amounts of EGCG, an antioxidant linked to a lower risk of heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and numerous types of cancer.
  8. Cranberries. Researchers at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania found that drinking three glasses of cranberry juice daily for a month significantly raised HDL (“good”) cholesterol by 10 percent and lowered the risk of heart disease by 40 percent. Cranberries contain phytochemicals that have been found to block cancerous tumors.
  9. Garlic. Garlic contains allium compounds, which keep carcinogens from entering cells. According to studies, garlic — as well as onions, leeks, and chives — lowers the risk of stomach and colon cancer.
  10. Chocolate. Studies suggest that antioxidant-rich chocolate has a low dose aspirin-like effect that could help prevent both heart attacks and strokes, lower blood pressure, and improve blood flow.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends.

 

Want to engage your kids in the Easter story in a new way this year. How about with Legos? Recently Focus on the Family shared a video they had discovered on YouTube. It tells the Easter story, including Jesus’s Death and Resurrection, using Legos. Check out the video at http://bit.ly/1NAcswp

 

Christians in ISIS-controlled areas are celebrating Easter and Holy Week despite the danger. According to Open Doors USA, they are recognizing the day of the washing of the feet on Thursday, Good Friday, the Saturday of Light, then Resurrection Sunday. In Iraq, Easter is a larger celebration than Christmas for Christians. According to the Mission Network News report, a local Christian relief workers says, “Easter also gives new hope. We are celebrating the resurrection from the death of Jesus Christ, but we are also looking forward to a resurrection in each of our hearts.” https://t.co/CMzMfmVnVe

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Here at the end of the show things really get boring.  The show is so dead right now, there’s a buzzard on the window sill.

 

Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for. – Will Rogers

 

“Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.”  – Robert Orben

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 01, 2015…

 

Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (opening in select cities)—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group.  Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise: is not rated. No rating.

 

**Note: “Woman in Gold” starring Helen Mirren as a woman trying to retrieve a lost painting is now due to open April 10.

 

APRIL 03, 2015…

 

Furious 7—This film will be remembered as the last movie for the late actor, Paul Walker. His brothers are stand-in’s in some scenes as Walker had finished most of his work before his tragic accident. Basically the story has Jason Stratham as the villain out for revenge for the death of his brother a film ago. The fan favorites are back with Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson and Jordana Brewster. Plenty of action here and one hopes the series can continue. It has a built-in audience. “Furious 7” is rated PG 13. Rated 3 for fans.

 

Effie Gray (opening in select cities)—Dakota Fanning stars in this film in which she plays Effie, the wife of 19th century British painter, John Ruskin (Greg West.)  Problems in the marriage and Effie doesn’t know what to do. Also in the cast is Tom Sturridge as the painter John Everett Mellais. “Effie Gray” is rated R. No rating.

 

APRIL 10, 2015…

 

Desert Dancer (opening in select cities) is a Middle East film about a young man and his friends who want to learn to dance but the government forbids it.

 

The Hunting Ground is a documentary that concerns the subject of rape on a college camp. Directed by Amy Ziering.

 

Merchants of Doubt, a documentary by Robert Kenner that shows what goes on behind presenting the news. It sometimes is like a stage show.

 

While We’re Young stars Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts as a middle-age couple who meet a younger couple, become friends, and then take a look at their own lives.

 

The Longest Ride is adapted from the Nicholas Sparks novel about a bull-rider and artist who fall in love. Stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.