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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I must apologize. I’m just not myself this week. Unfortunately, several people have called up and complimented me for that very reason.
PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)
(None on the weekends or holidays.)
“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headlines that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’” – Lyndon B. Johnson
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 6:23
In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. — Ephesians 1:7
I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. —Psalm 55:16-17 (NIV)
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan. But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see. — Deuteronomy 3:27b-28
Thought: Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt and in the wilderness, but did not get to enter into the Promised Land because of his sin. Yet, for all those years, Moses nurtured and prepared the person who would do what he could not do. That person was Joshua. Who are you training, molding, encouraging, motivating, and calling to do what you won’t be able to do? What successor will take your dreams farther than you can? Who is your Joshua?
Prayer: Holy and Righteous God, please lead me to those with whom you want me to share my life and to pass on your heritage of faith. Please open my eyes to see them. Give me strength to live my life honestly and courageously before them. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Micah 4:5 NIV = All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the LORD our God forever and ever.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – APRIL 05, 2018
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 263 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.
Be thankful you don’t live in Taiwan, as today is NATIONAL TOMB SWEEPING DAY. ***Because what we needed more than anything was a holiday to creep us out first thing in the morning.
But hey, on the upside, it’s also MAKE YOUR CHILDREN LAUGH DAY! Today’s the day to do something really goofy they’ll still remember next year. ***Like sweeping tombs!
TODAY IS ALSO…
Gold Star Spouses Day
National Fun at Work Day
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Burrito Day
National Deep Dish Pizza Day
Read A Road Map Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
FRIDAY, APRIL 06
Charlie the Tuna Day
Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
Hostess Twinkie Day
International Day of Sport for Development and Peace
National Pie Day
National Kids Yoga Day
National Student Athlete Day
National Walk To Work Day
New Beers Eve
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 07
Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide
Every Day is Tag Day
International Beaver Day
International Snailpapers Day
International Pillow Fight Day
Metric System Day
National Beer Day
National Girl Me Too Day
National Handmade Day
National Love Our Children Day
No Housework Day
Tangible Karma Day
World Health Day (UN)
World Health Organization Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 08
MONDAY, APRIL 09
Jenkins Ear Day
Jumbo Day (Elephants came to US and created the word for “jumbo” meaning “big” in our language.)
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Winston Churchill Day
TUESDAY, APRIL 10
ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
Equal Pay Day
Free Cone Day (Ben & Jerrys)
National Be Kind To Lawyers Day
National Farm Animals Day
National Library Workers Day
National Library Day
National Sibling Day
Salvation Army Founder’s Day
Safety Pin Day
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11
Barbershop Quartet Day
International “Louie Louie” Day
National Bookmobile Day
National Pet Day
National Teach Children To Save Day
World Parkinson’s Disease Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 12
Belmont-Paul Women’s Equality Monument Day
Celebrate Teen Literature Day
D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)
Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day
International Day of Human Space Flight
International Day for Street Children
National Licorice Day
Walk on Your Wild Side Day
ON THIS DAY
1614: America’s Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia.
1621: The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth, Massachusetts, to return to England. (audio clip)
1856: Educator Booker T. Washington was born in Franklin County, Virginia. An educational leader and spokesman of African-Americans, he established the Tuskegee Institute in 1881. He was inducted into the American Hall of Fame in 1945.
1931: Fox Films dropped an actor they said just wasn’t cutting it. Some guy named John Wayne.
1977: Singer David Bowie appeared on a TV special starring Dinah Shore.
1980: In the final first-run episode of “Hawaii Five-0,” McGarrett captured his arch-enemy Wo-Fat. The series, starring Jack Lord and James MacArthur, lasted 12 years. (audio clip)
1984: Los Angeles Laker Kareem Abdul Jabbar skyhooked his 31,420th point to pass Wilt Chamberlain at the top of the NBA’s all-time scoring list.
1985: John McEnroe was quoted as saying, “Any man can beat any woman at any sport, especially tennis.”
1987: “Married … With Children” debuted on the Fox TV network. (audio clip)
1990: A Gulfport, Mississippi, man discovered that his house had been stolen. Not only that, but police had escorted the thieves and the house out of town.
1992: Sam Walton died in Little Rock at age 74. His Wal-Mart chain had made him the world’s richest man.
1993: Sherry Davis became the first female public-address-system announcer at a major league baseball park. She won the San Francisco Giant’s job over 499 others who auditioned.
1998: A sheep being held on the roof of a Cairo apartment building for slaughter during a religious festival, decided he’d rather commit suicide and jumped off the roof, breaking gas pipes when he landed, causing a gas leak, and forcing evacuation of the building.
1999: Thieves forced open a display case at the Criminals Hall of Fame Museum in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and walked out with life-size wax figure of Adolph Hitler. The museum was open, but nobody witnessed the theft.
2004: Lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on near Mexico City, but the plane landed safely and no one was hurt.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1524: Swiss reformer Ulrich Zwingli marries Anna Reinhart for the second time—this time in public. In 1522, Zwingli (and 10 other priests) appealed to the bishop of Constance for permission to marry. When the bishop refused the petition, Zwingli married secretly and, later that year, resigned from the priesthood.
1621: The Mayflower sails home, leaving the Pilgrims in the New World where many die over winter.
1649: John Winthrop, the first governor of Massachusetts Bay, dies. Profoundly religious, Winthrop, who left England because of its persecution of Puritans, believed New England to be “a city upon a hill” for the world to see and emulate.
1796: Singing “Jesus, I Long for Thy Blessed Communion” as he works, Hans Nielsen Hague overflows with joy. He leaves home to spread the gospel throughout Norway, traveling 10,000 miles to preach, sparking renewal wherever he goes and suffering imprisonment ten times.
1811: Robert Raikes, founder of English Sunday schools in 1780, dies. Raikes built his Sunday schools not for respectable and well-mannered children of believers, but for (in one woman’s description) “multitudes of wretches who, released on that day from employment, spend their day in noise and riot.” In 4 years, 250,000 students were attending the schools, by Raikes’s death, 500,000, and by 1831, 1.25 million.
1887: Christian historian Lord Acton writes his famous saying “power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely” in a letter to his friend Mandell Creighton. Acton was often on the outs with the Roman Catholic church because he did not accept the doctrine of papal infallibility.
1943: Dietrich Bonhoeffer is arrested by the Nazis whom he resisted. He will be hanged in prison.
1956: The ruins of Ulrich’s church in Magdeburg are dynamited by the East Germans, despite church protests. The building dated back to 1028, had been damaged in the war, and the church had made plans to rebuild it.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
Actor (Skinner on “The X-Files”) Mitch Pileggi, 66 (audio clip)
actress (Death at a Funeral, “Wish Me Luck”) Jane Asher 72
Actor (“Barney Miller’s” Det. Stanley “Wojo” Wojohowicz, 42) Max Gail, 75 (audio clip)
Actor (“Law & Order”, Courage Under Fire, Pale Rider) Michael Moriarty, 77 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1922 : Gale Storm
1925 : Stan Levey
1928 : Tony Williams (The Platters)
1929 : Joe Meek
1932 : Billy Bland
1934 : Stanley Turrentine
1939 : Ronnie White (The Miracles)
1941 : Dave Swarbick (Fairport Convention)
1942 : Alan Clarke (The Hollies)
1944 : Crispian St. Peters
1951 : Everett Morton (The English Beat)
1965 : Mike McCready (Pearl Jam)
1968 : Paula Cole
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Why is household dust grey?
Grey household dust consists mostly of sloughed-off human skin cells. Although humans are of different color, the pigments are found below the layer that generates the outer layer of dead skin. Dry skin is a translucent grey color, and consequently, so is the dust. There is no other color in it because the blood vessels are much deeper down and they are not lost as the skin grows.
(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
*****NOTE: THIS FEATURE WILL BE TAKING A BREAK FROM MARCH 31 THRU APRL 16. IT WILL RETURN TUESDAY, APRIL 17, 2018.*****
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(PERENNIAL) Swedish and Norwegian newspapers didn’t do any April Fools’ Day jokes this year because of fears they might spread “fake news.” ***Meanwhile, in America every day is April Fool’s Day!
You know all of those “studies” that say you should be drinking eight glasses of water a day? I’ve been saying since the beginning that they were balderdash – designed to make money for those who sell water. Turns out I was right. A new study shows drinking a lot of water isn’t as beneficial as you’ve heard, and drinking too much could actually be harmful. An article published in a British medical journal says there’s no evidence drinking water will improve your health. It also points out drinking water when you’re not thirsty can impair your concentration. Health experts have said drinking eight glasses a day can help you lose weight and prevent kidney damage, but the article’s author says those benefits are often exaggerated by groups which stand to profit from it. ***The next time someone says you should be drinking eight glasses of water a day, tell them they’re all wet and to go jump in a lake.
A team of NASA scientists is trying to make Pluto a planet again. The group has proposed changing the definition of a planet. ***Making Pluto a planet again? Now that’s just plain Goofy.
A Treasury Department survey finds some 40 percent of Americans believe that payments to bank accounts using paper checks are more secure than direct deposit. But a top department official says that assumption is wrong. The department is mounting what it calls its “Go Direct” campaign aimed at getting greater use of direct deposit by recipients of Social Security and Supplemental Security Income payments, among others. The Commissioner of the Department’s Financial Management Service says 80 percent of benefit payments are now done by direct deposit. Officials are hoping to get the remaining 20 percent to come aboard, to cut costs and reduce the risk of theft and fraud. ***I’m a bit confused about something. What exactly is a “deposit?”
Listening to the radio makes people happier and gives them higher energy levels than watching TV or browsing the internet. Over 1,000 Britons were asked to record what media they were consuming and to rate their mood and energy levels while doing so. Radio came out top, beating both TV and online, in the study called ‘Media and the Mood of the Nation’, with respondents recording a 100 per cent lift in happiness and 300 per cent boost to their energy levels when listening to a radio show versus not consuming any type of media at all. ***The only exception were people who suddenly began feeling sluggish when listening to Delilah and John Tesh.
A study out of Oregon State University found that women are far less likely to exercise for 30 minutes every day than men. While men got 30 minutes, women averaged 18. ***Well duh. She’s too busy ironing my clothes, packing my lunch, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn… how is she going to have time to work out each day? Sheesh.
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name) and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspiration story from the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is, As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: So we have a new story, about having a story – but the story hasn’t begun yet because everyone wants the story to be about them. Or maybe that IS the story. Whatever… find out next time, As the Jungle Turns.
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
A 27-year-old Romanian refugee became a stowaway on a German flight in the most unusual way…
… he didn’t hide in the bathroom or luggage area — he latched onto the landing gear of the plane. Authorities said the man, whom they did not name, had scrambled undetected onto the forward tire of the aircraft shortly before the Berlin-bound plane took off and hauled himself into the gear shaft. The pilot was unable to retract the gear and decided to abort the flight and return to Munich. Meanwhile, the stowaway managed to survive the 23-minute flight by holding onto the landing gear of a Boeing 737. He was taken to hospital suffering from hypothermia. ***MARLAR: And you thought flying coach was bad!
SIGNS YOU ARE FROM A SMALL TOWN
10. You got a fine and your parents knew within the hour.
9. You don’t give directions by street names, but by references (turn by Nelson’s house, go 2 blocks past Anderson’s, and it’s four houses left of the track field).
8. You can’t help but date a friend’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
7. The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snooty”, but is actually just like your town.
6. You refer to anyone with a house newer then 1980 as “the rich people”.
5. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere.
4. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
3. The closest McDonald’s is 45 miles away (or more).
2 Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn’t be enough people to have a team.
1. You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without any i.d.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A school teacher uses a firm voice to nab two criminals!
FILE #1: From Terre Haute, Indiana comes the story of a couple of teenagers who were going door to door offering to shovel snow off sidewalks. They eventually came to the home of retired school teacher Eileen Prose who wasn’t at home. The door was unlocked and our culprits decided to go inside and nose around, looking for anything they might want. About that time Mrs. Prose returned home, saw the two shovels standing outside and the front door slightly ajar and quickly figured out what was going on. First, she used her cell phone to call the cops. Then, as she approached the house, the teenagers came walking out. Using her best school teacher voice she said, “You boys are going to stay right there until the police come.” Our less-than-intelligent heroes must have had some sort of grade school flashback, because that’s just what they did. They followed their teacher’s instructions and waited quietly until the police arrived to arrest them.
FILE #2: A 35-year-old in Lisbon, Portugal was stopped while walking his pit bull without a leash. Policemen have been cracking down lately on what they call “dangerous” dogs. The man threatened the officers with his dog but the “dangerous” animal ran away leaving the man standing there. So the man bit the officers himself. The man is now under house arrest. The pit bull is still at large.
FILE #3: A 7-year-old in Enterprise, Alabama, who apparently wanted to play with friends couldn’t wait. He drove off in his father’s truck, eventually running it into a ditch before police officers managed to coax him out of the vehicle. The boy was driving the big, dual-wheel truck erratically when other drivers called police, saying they couldn’t see anyone behind the wheel. The boy apparently got the keys while his father was sleeping, and he was trying to drive to a day care center.
STRANGE LAW: Community leaders in one California town passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
Here’s an interesting story… passing out and getting locked into a bar overnight, and the bar owners Don’t Care!
A patron at the I Don’t Care Bar & Grill evidently didn’t care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked. The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm. Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it’s not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don’t Care.
What do you have at your house that’s broken, but you’re keeping it anyway?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What is the name of the day when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples?
ANSWER: Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4)
QUESTION: What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. Cherophobia is the fear of 70’s pop singers. (False – it’s the fear of laughing yourself to death.)
2. In the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace in the civilized world. (True)
3. The three most common elements in the universe are hydrogen, helium, and carbon. (False – hydrogen, helium, and OXYGEN)
4. The woman who has appeared most on the covers of Time magazine is Hillary Clinton. (False – it’s the Virgin Mary)
5. The number of births that occur in India each year is higher than the entire population of Australia. (True)
6. Levi Strauss blue jeans with copper rivets were priced at $13.50 per dozen in 1874. (True)
7. Money is made from high quality paper. (False – it’s made out of linen.)
8. Most American car horns honk in the key of C. (False – F)
9. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (True)
10. There are 35 million digestive glands in the stomach. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
_______ CAUGHT ON SUPERMARKET VIDEO (GHOST)
A grocery store in South Australia says paranormal detectives are investigating a ghost who likes flinging Fruit Roll-Ups.
Brompton IGA store owner Norm Hurst says he turned to his surveillance footage after finding a box of the fruit snacks laying in an aisle, about six meters from its original location, after he had locked up shop.
‘The previous owners told me it was haunted,’ Mr Hurst told Adelaide Now. ‘I thought, ‘yeah, whatever.’ But since we’ve owned the place, strange things have happened.’
Mr Hurst watched the CCTV footage and says he was shocked by what he saw.
‘One of the cameras shows the packet of Roll-Ups just arriving on the ground,’ he told the Herald Sun. ‘It has not just slid off, it has been thrown out of the pasta, yet, the Roll-Ups are kept 12 metres away.’
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families.”
The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained six new families.”
The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!”
While replacing some roof tiles, Marty fell from a ladder. His ankle broken, he called out for help – and his neighbor’s four-year-old came to his side. “Don’t worry,” she said, disappearing into her house. Minutes later she returned in her nurse’s outfit, carrying a medical bag.
Lisa’s employment search preoccupied her family for months. One day her husband told their three boys that to make things easier for mom, he had a list of jobs for them. They were all silent until our six-year-old spoke up: “When are the interviews?”
“Mom,” said the little girl, “Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?” “Yes,” said her mother, “that is the correct thing to say.” “Well then, I’m going to milk the cat!”
The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children’s ward. “Are you medical or surgical?” asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. “I don’t know what you mean,” replied the second. “It’s simple,” replied the first. “Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?”
At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One young man, having received his series of injections, asked for a glass of water.
“What’s the matter, Mate?” asked the sick bay attendant. ”Do you feel pain?”
“No, just checking to see if I’m still watertight.”
A new survey in the aftermath of April 1st reveals that 98.5% of people think workplace practical jokes are important for company morale. ***The remaining 1.5% still have “kick me” signs taped to their backs.
The luxurious Hotel Cortisen in Austria allows dogs but has banned young children because nowadays, they’re so badly-behaved. ***Because at least people still housebreak their dogs – you can’t always say the same for their kids.
THE DEFINITION OF AN AMERICAN…
…A man drinking Brazilian coffee out of an English cup while sitting on Danish furniture after coming in a German car from an Italian Movie, then picks up his Japanese ball point pen and writes a letter to his Congressman that something must be done about the American economy.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
In Minocqua, Wisconsin, there was a run on Trig’s Minocqua Shell station after they suddenly started selling gas for under 33 cents a gallon!
Unfortunately they never intended to be quite so generous at the pumps. At closing, an employee mistakenly entered the price of a gallon of gasoline as 32.9 cents instead of $3.29. He left about 10 p.m., but drivers could still use their credit cards to buy gas. Word of the bargain spread fast and 42 drivers sucked out 586 gallons in an hour and 45 minutes. When police saw the lines and chaos they called the store manager who ran down to the store and pushed the emergency stop.
AN EVERYDAY PRAYER
I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I’m blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God’s eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God. And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus’ example-to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It’s the best response when I’m pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can’t pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can’t find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don’t know You intimately. I pray for those that will not share this prayer with others. I pray for those that don’t believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.
This is my prayer.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: 1 Samuel 13:1-15
You have not kept the commandment of the Lord . . . . Now your kingdom shall not continue. —1 Samuel 13:13-14
I always knew that disobedience has consequences, but it came home to me forcibly in basic training during World War II. I had traveled beyond the distance allowed on my weekend pass to be with my wife Ginny, and I returned to camp late because the train had broken down. I paid for my rule-breaking—20 hours of extra duty washing pots and pans!
King Saul also learned the high cost of disobedience. He faced the prospect of fighting a huge well-equipped Philistine army with his small band of frightened and untrained followers. While waiting for Samuel to come and offer a sacrifice before going to battle, Saul became impatient and offered the sacrifice himself, even though he knew that God had given that right only to the priests. It was a costly mistake.
Saul had begun his reign with humility and compassion, and he gave God the credit (1 Samuel 11). And the prophet Samuel told him that God would have kept the kingship in his family if he had obeyed God’s command (13:13-14). But that one act of disobedience changed the course of his life. From that point on, it was a sad downhill journey.
Never forget that disobedience has consequences. And some of them may be very costly. —Herb Vander Lugt
O help me, Lord, to be afraid
Of disobedient ways;
And may I seek what pleases You,
What gives You highest praise. —Sper
The way of obedience is the only way of blessing.
Could Snoopy signal the demise of education in China?
McDonald’s outlets in a southern Chinese city could face fines of $1,200-$12,000 after a Snoopy doll promotion turned violent. Dwindling supplies of the Snoopy doll triggered a run on the Chinese McDonalds outlets, resulting in fist fights among customers and a smashed window at one location. As if that is not bad enough, it turns out that the 34 outlets in China weren’t even licensed to sell the toy. The violation is punishable under Chinese law by a fine of anywhere between $1,200 and $12,000. And now parents are complaining that their children’s education is on the line. Why? Because disappointed students trying to collect the full set of Peanuts dolls (and cannot get the Snoopy doll now) are too upset to continue studying. ***MARLAR: So much for China being tops in the world for education. Their kids can’t study because they don’t have a Snoopy doll.
LIFE… LIVE IT
DON’T FORGET TO REMEMBER
Want to remember something? Chow down!
A study out of Germany shows that people are more likely to remember something if they eat immediately after learning it. The study says that the human body stores memories by activating hormones. These are the very same hormones that are released during digestion. ***MARLAR: Which explains why I always remember during mealtime that I love dessert!
JUST FOR FUN
EASTER STORY COOKIES (Print this out and keep it for next year! To be made the evening before Easter, but try this in-advance first to make sure it works! I’ve never tried it on my own.)
What You Need:
1 Cup whole pecans
1 teaspoon vinegar
3 egg whites
1 Cup sugar
How to Make an Easter Impression (as well as cookies):
Preheat oven to 300 degrees (this is important – don’t wait until you’re half done with the recipe).
Place pecans in zipper baggy and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. (Read John 19:1-3)
Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink (Read John 19:28-30)
Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. (Read John 10:10-11)
Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. (Read Luke 23:27)
So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 Cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loved us. He wants us to know and belong to him. (Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16)
Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. (Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3)
Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheets. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus’ body was laid. (Read Matt. 27: 57-60).
Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven “OFF”. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus’ tomb was sealed. (Read Matthew 27:65-66)
GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus’ followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. (Read John 16:20-22)
On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter Jesus’ followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. (Read Matthew 28:1-9)
VOICES IN YOUR HEAD?
How would you like a sound system without any speakers or headphones?
California’s Elwood “Woody” Norris has invented just a system. His prototype involves a square aluminum frequency emitter hooked up to a CD player. By pointing the piece of aluminum at a person, they hear what’s playing in the CD player. The so-called HyperSonic Sound system has won Woody the $500,000 annual Lemelson-MIT Prize. It works by sending a focused beam of sound above the range of human hearing. When it lands on you, it seems like sound is coming from inside your head. No word yet on when this may wind up in our homes. ***MARLAR: I’m hearing voices! I’m hearing voices in my head telling me to… to… to save big money at Menards!
PUNS GALORE (submitted by Paul Cameron)
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,’Dam!’
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
TEN “SUPER FOODS!”
Want to feel better? Look no further than the end of your fork.
…Here are 10 “super foods” that can boost your immune system, your brain function, even give you a youthful glow. No prescription needed, and no pesky side effects – just dig in.
Tomatoes. The generous amounts of the antioxidant lycopene in tomatoes help skin maintain its youthfulness, and may reduce the risk of developing heart disease, as well as several cancers, including breast, lung, and colon.
Fish Oily fish. (such as salmon, sardines, and mackerel) are packed with omega-3 fatty acids that fight inflammation. They also lower blood pressure & decrease triglyceride levels.
Nuts. Like fatty fish, nuts are high in omega-3s, and are great for the heart and the brain. Many studies have shown that nuts lower LDL (“bad”) cholesterol, reduce the risk of developing blood clots, and improve the lining of arteries.
Broccoli. All cruciferous vegetables, which include broccoli, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, and cauliflower, contain cancer-fighting phytochemicals.
Grapes. Rich in an antioxidant called resveratrol that is an anti-inflammatory and anti-coagulant, red grapes have been shown to extend the life span of test animals. Grapes contain several other powerful nutrients that keep cancer at bay.
Berries. Blueberries, raspberries, and other deeply colored berries contain phytochemicals known as flavonoids. These antioxidants have been shown to improve brain function and slow the growth of some cancers.
Tea. Green and white teas contain large amounts of EGCG, an antioxidant linked to a lower risk of heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and numerous types of cancer.
Cranberries. Researchers at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania found that drinking three glasses of cranberry juice daily for a month significantly raised HDL (“good”) cholesterol by 10 percent and lowered the risk of heart disease by 40 percent. Cranberries contain phytochemicals that have been found to block cancerous tumors.
Garlic. Garlic contains allium compounds, which keep carcinogens from entering cells. According to studies, garlic — as well as onions, leeks, and chives — lowers the risk of stomach and colon cancer.
Chocolate. Studies suggest that antioxidant-rich chocolate has a low dose aspirin-like effect that could help prevent both heart attacks and strokes, lower blood pressure, and improve blood flow.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Can’t stop thinking about that time you cried in front of a girl during Titanic on your first and only date? It might be because your brain is lacking a specific chemical, according to a study just published in Nature Communications. And while being unable to suppress unwanted bad thoughts can occasionally certainly be embarrassing or unpleasant, it can also be downright disastrous for people with depression, PTSD, or schizophrenia. Cambridge professor Michael Anderson says, “Our ability to control our thoughts is fundamental to our wellbeing. Being unable to do so causes some of the most debilitating symptoms of psychiatric diseases.” Researchers studied the chemical and blood flow changes in subjects’ brains as they were told to recall or not recall certain words. They concluded an “inhibitory” neurotransmitter called GABA in the hippocampus, the “memory” region of the brain, is the key, with subjects with more GABA being better at stopping unwanted thoughts. Anderson says GABA acts like “an army’s foot-soldiers” against such thoughts and memories. He says the discovery could in the future lead to new ways to treat PTSD, depression, schizophrenia, and more. Let’s hope so – because if not, that would be really depressing. (Nature Communications)
The University of Maryland Medical Center found: Laughter not only improves your mood it can improve your health. Aside from the rush of those feel good endorphins you get when you giggle, a good laugh also boosts the production of T-cells in the body which helps your immune system fight off disease. A hearty guffaw also appears to be good for your heart. Stress is associated with impairment of the protective barrier lining of our blood vessels. This sets the stage for fat and cholesterol buildup in the coronary arteries and fat and cholesterol buildup in the coronary arteries and eventually a heart attack. But laughter is a surefire stress buster and a great preventative for heart disease. A good chuckle increases circulation and boosts oxygenation by moving the body’s lymph fluid. It also alleviates symptoms of depression, lowers blood pressure and promotes relaxation.
Your underwear is dirty — even the undergarments that just came out of the dryer, smelling as sweet as a spring morning… those are dirty too. Why? 25% of home washing machines are contaminated with fecal bacteria, according to Dr. Charles Gerba of the University of Arizona in Tucson. How does this happen? While it has never been proven that bacteria on clothing spread illness, Gerba says that each pair of dirty underwear contains about one-tenth of a gram of bacteria-carrying feces, which is about the same size as a quarter of a peanut. Detergent and water remove 99% of those nasty organisms — but not all of them. Why? Most of us do not use hot water to wash our clothes and even fewer use bleach.
If you’re having one of those days when you feel a little low, wash your troubles away. Literally. University of Michigan researchers have determined that just washing your hands with warm water and plenty of soap not only cleans your hands, but also your psyche — making you feel better. “Cleansing is about the removal of residues,” said study leader Spike W.S. Lee. By washing the hands, taking a shower or even thinking of doing so, “people can rid themselves of a sense of immorality, lucky or unlucky feelings, or doubt about a decision. The bodily experience of removing physical residues can provide the basis of removing more abstract mental residues.”
Whether you enjoy doing it or not, you know your daily workout is good for you. Good for your muscles. Good for your bones. Good for your heart. But did you know that it’s also good for your brain? Older people who exercise regularly–and face it, the habit begins when you’re much younger — have a slower rate of decline in thinking skills that naturally occurs with aging. And it makes a big difference. People who reported light to no exercise experienced a decline equal to 10 more years of aging as compared to people who reported moderate to intense exercise, according to researchers from the University of Miami in Florida and Columbia University in New York City. Translation: Spending 30 minutes speed-walking on a treadmill most days of the week will help you keep your wits about you much longer than if you are sedentary. More than anything else, it will help you delay the cognitive effects of aging.
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
Most people would be too smart to fall for the idea of a “pet psychic”… but then how do you explain those so-called “communicators” having such a luxurious lifestyle?
It looks like P.T. Barnum was right… a sucker is born every minute. The economy might be in trouble, but “pet psychics” are doing extremely well despite it. That’s right… pet psychics. These con artists claim to understand the emotions of your pets regardless of the species! Some people say they just know that their dog or cat is trying to speak to them when they bark or meow, but pet psychics take this idea and take it to a bizarre and unethical extreme. Dogs and pets are just a fraction of the “pet psychics” clients. They also claim to be able to communicate with spiders, iguanas, snakes, skunks, birds – even a couple of odd cases where a pet psychic had to communicate with a camel and with a cockroach! Wait… it gets even worse! The PRICE for this is $25 for about 15 minutes of so-called therapy; and all of this is done often times without seeing the pet-patient at all. It’s done over the phone by sticking the receiver up next to the pet! You might be wondering what the pets “say” to the psychics when talking to them over the phone – right? The advice isn’t all that special when given to the pet owners. Spiders mostly express interest in not being stepped on, and one French poodle’s pet-peeve was supposedly that it spoke French and its owner spoke English.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Here at the end of the show things really get boring. The show is so dead right now, there’s a buzzard on the window sill.
“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.” – Will Rogers
“Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.” – Robert Orben
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MARCH 30, 2018…
Ready Player One—Steven Spielberg directs this film that is based on an Ernest Cline novel from 2011. It is a science fiction film, set in 2045 and in a world where the reality everyone lives in is just too hard to bear. People live in barren cities and use a virtual reality world to exist. The outside world is something like “Blade Runner.” Enter Mark Rylance (remember him from “Dunkirk”) as the man who is head of the Oasis Corporation, along with Simon Pegg. In Mark’s later years. they set up a game called “Anorak,” supposed to be unsolvable. Well, tell that to teens. If you win the game, you get an enormous amount of money and life away from this present place. Now, everyone goes to solve the game, so if you don’t play, it means, you like to remain just where you are. “Ready Player One” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.
Acrimony—Taraji P. Henson, who makes a name for herself in the television series, “Empire,” now plays a betrayed wife in Tyler Perry’s newest film, “Acrimony.” Woe to the husband, played by Lyriq Bent. Also in the cast is Crystie Stewart. “Acrimony” is rated R. No rating.
Loveless (opening in select cities)—A husband and a wife (Boris and Zenya) quarrel all the time. They don’t seem to notice their son, Alyosha. One day, after a heated argument, they notice the boy is missing A massive search begins, and in the meantime, how does the couple deal with this enormous loss—a missing child. “Loveless” is rated R. Rating of 2. Subtitles.
APRIL 06, 2018…
You Were Never Really Here has Joaquin Phoenix in a thriller about a kidnapped young woman.
Blockers is a comedy starring John Cena about a father trying to stop his daughter from serious dating.
A Quiet Place has John Krasinski as the actor/writer/director of this thriller that also stars his wife, Emily Blunt. Keep quiet when the prowlers come.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.