CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150408
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Here is today’s career tip for aspiring young radio DJs. Always start your show with a witty remark designed to make the audience laugh. A remark like the one I should have used here if I hadn’t wasted this time giving career tips to aspiring young DJs.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” –Hebrews 12:1
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and he carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. — Isaiah 53:3-4
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. — Amos 5:14
Thought: What do you seek out of today? Do you seek good? Or will you pursue evil by nursing a grudge, spreading some gossip, or feeding a lust? God longs to be with us, and he has promised to never leave us. But where God goes, his character, his righteousness, and his goodness are sure to follow!
Prayer: Good and loving Father, thank you for showing me what goodness looks like by sending Jesus. Thank you for filling me with your Spirit so I can produce your good spiritual fruit. Thank you for putting me within the Body of Christ, your people, so I can have opportunities to do good deeds for those in need of care. But deep down, Father, I recognize that you alone are truly good. Help me as I seek you, your character, and your goodness in my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Philippians 4:8 NIV = Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – APRIL 08, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 262 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
This is NATIONAL BIRTHPARENTS WEEK. *** A huge thanks to you parents! You have the most important and most difficult job in the entire world. You are molding our future. Guess it’s a good thing that I don’t have kids, isn’t it? Can you imagine four or five little (JOCKS) running around? The world would be doomed.
Today is BEHAVE YOURSELF DAY. *** And if you’re a parent, I don’t have to tell you how often you’ll likely use that phrase today.
Today is THANK YOU DAY. While we thank God in November for all we have, why not set aside a day every year where we thank everyone else publicly that we want to thank?
And, no pressure, but your TAXES ARE DUE IN ONE WEEK!
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
International Roma Day
National Dog Fighting Awareness Day
Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, APRIL 09
National Alcohol Screening Day
National Cherish An Antique Day
National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
Jenkins Ear Day
Winston Churchill Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 10
ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day
Salvation Army Founders’ Day
Safety Pin Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 11
Barbershop Quartet Day
International “Louie Louie” Day
National Teach Children to Save Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 12
D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)
International Day of Human Space Flight
Walk On Your Wild Side Day
MONDAY, APRIL 13
Thomas Jefferson Day
TUESDAY, APRIL 14
Children With Alopecia Day
International Moment of Laughter Day
National Dolphin Day
Pan American Day
Pathologists’ Assistant Day
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15
Income Tax Pay Day
Take a Wild Guess Day
That Sucks Day
ON THIS DAY
1941: Brace Beemer became the radio voice of “The Lone Ranger” after Earle Graser died in a Detroit auto accident. Graser had played the role for eight years. Beemer, who was previously the show’s announcer, was the Ranger for 14 years. (audio clip)
1953: Relatives of the great Hunkpapa Sioux medicine man Sitting Bull secretly moved his remains from Fort Yates, North Dakota, to his birthplace, the banks of the Missouri River west of Mobridge, South Dakota. The army had buried him at Fort Yates 62 years earlier.
1974: Hank Aaron of the Atlanta Braves hit his 715th career home run in a game against the Los Angeles Dodgers, breaking Babe Ruth’s record. The homer was off pitcher Al Downing.
1975: History’s oldest canary died in Hull, England. Joey, owned by Mrs. Kay Ross, was 34 years old.
1986: In a landslide, actor Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, California. ***MARLAR: It’s not hard to win an election when you can give your constituents the, “Do you feel lucky” speech and mean it. (audio clip)
1988: The Rev. Jimmy Swaggart was defrocked by the Assemblies of God church after he rejected an order to stop preaching for a year.
1989: “Entertainment Tonight” hostess Mary Hart married producer Burt Sugarman. (audio clip)
1990: 11-year-old Richard Daff Jr. of Crownsville, Maryland, bowled a perfect game. He is believed to be the youngest bowler ever to score 300.
1992: Britain’s top humor magazine Punch published its final issue. It had lasted 151 years.
1994: The grunge rock group Nirvana’s lead singer Kurt Cobain committed suicide in his Seattle home.
1995: Associated Press reported that Virginia prisoner Robert Lee Brock’s lawsuit for $5-million against himself had been dismissed in state court. Brock claimed he had violated his own civil rights by getting himself arrested for grand larceny and asked the state to pay the $5-million because he had no income in prison.
1998: Japan slapped restrictions on the use of flashing lights on television after a “Pocket Monster” cartoon made thousands of kids sick. Some 680 children were rushed to hospitals after being thrown into fits by the cartoon show. Another 10,000 reportedly suffered convulsions and blurred vision.
2001: A Valparaiso, Indiana, couple who met through their mutual love of jogging were married in their running shorts after completing a 5-kilometer race in which they competed against their pastor and best man. During Wanda Johns’ and Clarence Melion’s wedding, the Rev. Duane Schmidt told the sweaty couple they were starting the “marathon of life.” Johns’ racing outfit included a white veil attached to a baseball cap, a wrist corsage and a white lace garter.
2006: A White House spokesman said President George W. Bush approved a leak of classified information, as charged in the I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby case, because it served a “public interest” and did not compromise security.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1378: Bartholomew Prignano is elected Pope Urban VI. Mired in political controversy even before his election (threats from masses of violent demonstrators helped drive his election), his violent demeanor did little to contradict rumors that he was insane. His electors conspired to leave Rome and name a new pope (Clement VII), starting the Great Western Schism.
1498: Savonarola is arrested. His friars fought fiercely despite his pleas that they not take up the sword.
1546: At its fourth session, the Council of Trent adopts Jerome’s Latin translation of the Bible (called the Vulgate), completed in 405, as the only authentic Latin text of the Scriptures. It became the official Bible of the Roman Catholic Church.
1857: A small group of Dutch immigrants, meeting in Zeeland, Michigan, organize the Christian Reformed Church.
1868: George Matheson, a blind hymn writer, is ordained pastor of Clydesdale parish of Innellan in Argyllshire, Scotland. He wrote the hymn “O Love that Will not Let Me Go.”
1901: After nearly 30 years of successful church planting in New Guinea, Presbyterian missionary James Chalmers (accompanied by missionary Oliver Tomkins, who had just arrived in the field) sets out to explore a new part of the islands. No one ever saw the two again. A rescue party learned the men had been clubbed to death and eaten by cannibals. When London preacher Joseph Parker heard the news, he exclaimed, “I do not want to believe it! Such a mystery of Providence makes it hard for our strained faith to recover. Yet Jesus was murdered. Paul was murdered . . . I cannot but feel that our honored and noble-minded friend has joined a great assembly.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (Mark on “Home Improvement”) Toran Noah Smith 31 (audio clip)
- actress (Maxie Jones on “General Hospital”, Bonnie Rockwaller on “Kim Possible”) Kirsten Storms 31 (audio clip)
- actress (Stigmata, Holes, Fast Food Nation, “Medium”) Patricia Arquette 47 (audio clip)
- actress (Moll Flanders, The Princess Bride, Unbreakable, Beowulf, Forest Gump) Robin Wright Penn 49
- actor/singer (“Smallville”, “The Dukes of Hazzard”) John Schneider 61 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1920 : Carmen McRae
1941 : J.J. Jackson
1942 : Roger “Chappo” Chapman (Family)
1947 : Steve Howe (Yes)
1947 : Larry Norman
1962 : Izzy Stradlin (Guns N’ Roses)
1963 : Julian Lennon
1964 : Biz Markie
1972 : Paul Gray (Slipknot)
1975 : Anouk
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
What’s the deal with marshmallow peeps?
Are you a “Peeps” person? If you are, then you’ve already seen and most likely purchased the pastel marshmallow creations lining the grocery store shelves. This Easter, Peeps fans will consume more than 700 million Peeps chicks, bunnies and eggs.
Over one billion individual Marshmallow Peeps are made every year for Easter, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day at Just Born’s Bethlehem, Pennsylvania factory. During the early years, it took 27 hours to create one Peep. Today, it takes six minutes. Peeps were once squeezed one at a time out of a pastry tube and their eyes were painted by hand. Now, technology can create 3,500 Peeps’ eyes per minute.
Today, Just Born is America’s largest manufacturer of seasonal marshmallow confections, with Marshmallow Peeps the top selling non-chocolate Easter candy brand for the last decade. Peeps even outsell jelly beans.
The history of Just Born, Inc. began in 1910, when Samuel Born immigrated to the U.S. from Russia. In 1932, the operation moved from Brooklyn to Bethlehem. Many of Just Born’s 400-plus employees are second and third generation candy makers.
Marshmallow Peeps came in only three colors as recently as 1995, when lavender was added. Blue Peeps were hatched for Easter 1998. Each Peep has 32 calories and 0 grams of fat.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Casting Crowns Megan Garrett says the day got off to a rough start. She tweeted: I just made a cup of coffee without a coffee cup.
How do you begin your day as a couple? Jodi and Chris, from Love and the Outcome, tweeted: in the morning we wake up, drink coffee, and give thanks. Trying to get better at this as a couple. It really does set the tone for our day.
Jeremy Camp recently wrapped up a run of 90 shows in the past 180 days. He reported: We’ve literally seen miracles happen and heard stories of transformed lives all over the nation. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for the Lord allowing me to be a small part of what He’s doing. I’m tired, yet refreshed, and ready for what He has in store next. Jeremy Camp added: I want to stay on my knees and press into the heart of Jesus even more. I want to see a generation rise up and proclaim the truth of Jesus Christ and His saving grace in boldness… yet in love.
Speaker David Nasser has coined a new nickname for Third Day front man Mac Powell. He called Mac P3 which stands for Pastel Prep Powell. Attached was a picture of Mac looking preppy in a green and white check shirt and white pants.
SanctusReal front man Matt Hammitt was seeing Easter through new eyes this weekend. Matt’s son Lewis is old enough to understand more about the holiday and Matt tweeted: It’s the first Easter that Lewis can talk. I love hearing him articulate his excitement.
After a year of being mostly sugar free, Darlene Zschech says she broke all the rules over the Easter holiday weekend. The Australian worship leader confessed it over the holidays she hadn’t done very well on her diet. Last year at this time Darlene was fighting breast cancer and on a special diet so wasn’t able to enjoy most of her family’s traditional Easter foods.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Canadians make 2,000-mile trip for Kentucky Fried Chicken photo
CORBIN, Ky. (AP) — Two thousand miles might seem like a long way to go for fried chicken. Two men from Canada who took their sons on a journey to the original home of Kentucky Fried Chicken say it’s a trip they’ll never forget. HASH(0x14166c0) The friends left on Thursday, traveling to…
|Kids cry, parents push as Easter egg hunt turns rowdy photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — What should have been a fun-filled Easter egg hunt in California turned rowdy, with toddlers crying and parents pushing to snag the colorful eggs. HASH(0x1403f50) The event Saturday at the Capitol in Sacramento became chaotic when people lunged for the eggs as soon…
|Officials: Sea lion pulls man with fish into San Diego bay
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Officials say a 62-year-old man holding a fish he caught on a boat in a San Diego bay was pulled overboard by a sea lion. San Diego lifeguards tell the Los Angeles Times that the man was posing for a photo when the sea lion, apparently attempting to get the fish, bit on the…
|Roaming ‘disorderly’ goat corralled after head-butting door
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — A “disorderly” goat has been corralled in northern New Jersey, and authorities are now trying to determine who owns the wayward animal. Two Paramus police officers nabbed the small white goat shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday. The department says on its Facebook page they…
|DNA testing for dog poop on the rise in Seattle area
SEATTLE (AP) — Frustrated with dog owners who refuse to clean up after their pets, an increasing number of apartments in Seattle are opting to use DNA testing to identify the culprits. HASH(0x1412200) Erin Atkinson, property manager at Potala Village Apartments in Everett says the messes are…
|Police in Central Texas help round up buffalo on the loose
ROUND ROCK, Texas (AP) — A buffalo that roamed away from home has been recaptured after being cornered by police in Central Texas in a chase through a residential area. Round Rock police were dispatched Friday morning when the owner reported the buffalo jumped some fences at a rural property…
|Driving lesson ends with teen hitting building, 3 gas meters
WOODBRIDGE, N.J. (AP) — New Jersey police say a teenager who had just received her learner’s permit drove into an apartment building and struck three gas meters after hitting the accelerator instead of the brake. The 16-year-old was getting a driver’s lesson from her father Thursday night in…
|Alaskans wonder: When will the ice on the river break up?
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — People who want to participate in Alaska’s biggest guessing contest have until Sunday to buy tickets for the Nenana Ice Classic. Thousands of people each year pay to try to guess the exact date and time the ice will break up on the Tanana River in Nenana. Each guess…
|Not a whopper: Pot-bellied pig creates stir at Burger King
BOSWELL, Pa. (AP) — Did you hear the one about the pot-bellied pig at Burger King? Pennsylvania State Police swear it’s not a whopper. Troopers from the Somerset barracks were called to the restaurant on U.S. Route 30 near Boswell in southwestern Pennsylvania after the pet wandered from its…
|Cambodian cinema puts brakes on ‘Furious 7’ competition
PHNOM PENH, Cambodia (AP) — A cinema chain in the Cambodian capital has apologized for what it called a “Fast and Furious Competition,” which was criticized for encouraging participants to drive fast and post online photos of their speedometers. Legend Cinemas had launched the competition…
|A burglar in Siberia leaves his photo, note of apology
MOSCOW (AP) — A burglar in a small town in Siberia has broken into a house and left his photograph with a note of apology. The burglar in Prokopyevsk, about 3,100 kilometers east of Moscow, picked the lock on the front door and stole a chain saw as well as several blocks of cigarette packs,…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Obama presents climate change as hazard to your health photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama will ask Americans to think of climate change as a threat not just to the environment, but also to their health. Obama on Tuesday was to announce a series of steps that private entities like Google and Microsoft are taking to better prepare the…
|Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig get best marks in diet review photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Trying to slim down? Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig scored the best marks for effectiveness in a review of research on commercial diet programs, but many other plans just haven’t been studied enough to evaluate long-term results. The two plans are among the most popular and…
|Modi blames changing lifestyles for India’s rising pollution photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Monday blamed the changing lifestyles that have come with India’s economic development for rising pollution levels that have given the country some of the world’s dirtiest air. With his government rolling out a new air quality index to 10 of…
|Big retailers pull Blue Bell products linked to Okla. plant
DALLAS (AP) — Some of the largest retailers in the country have decided to pull from their shelves Blue Bell Ice Cream made at an Oklahoma production plant that the company has temporarily closed. Wal-Mart spokesman Brian Nick said Monday that the giant retailer along with Sam’s Club have…
|Indiana begins needle exchange in county with HIV outbreak photo
AUSTIN, Ind. (AP) — Health officials in Indiana on Saturday began a needle-exchange program Saturday in a county where an HIV outbreak among intravenous drug users has grown to nearly 90 cases. Scott County’s needle-exchange program was created through an emergency executive order signed by…
|Study: Breast cancer overtreatment costs US $4B a year
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sharpening a medical debate about the costs and benefits of cancer screening, a new report estimates that the U.S. spends $4 billion a year on unnecessary medical costs due to mammograms that generate false alarms, and on treatment of certain breast tumors unlikely to cause…
|Study: Brain scans may identify concussion-related disease photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A brain-scanning technique might one day help identify people with a disease linked to concussions in football and other sports, an illness now diagnosed only after death, a small study suggests. Scans of 14 retired football players at risk for the condition, called CTE,…
|Tax refunds for many take hit or get bump from health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — As the April 15 tax deadline nears, people who got help paying for health insurance under President Barack Obama’s law are seeing the direct effect on their refunds — hundreds of dollars, for better or worse. The law offers tax credits so people without access to…
|Dallas hospital seeks dismissal of nurse’s suit over Ebola
DALLAS (AP) — A hospital operator denied allegations of poor training and improper preparation in seeking dismissal of a lawsuit by a nurse who contracted Ebola while caring for the first U.S. patient to succumb to the deadly disease. HASH(0x140ae80) Pham, who remains employed at Texas Health…
|Appeals court: Yoga doesn’t bend rules on religious freedom photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Yoga taught in a San Diego County school system is not a gateway to Hinduism and doesn’t violate the religious rights of students or their parents, a California appeals court ruled Friday. The 4th District Court of Appeal in San Diego upheld a lower court ruling that tossed…
|Campaigner of rare premature aging condition dies at 17 photo
LONDON (AP) — A campaigner who raised awareness of the rare genetic condition progeria, which causes those affected to age about eight times faster than average, has died at age 17. The U.S.-based Progeria Research Foundation said Hayley Okines, from East Sussex in England, died Thursday at…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
While Ted Cruz the first major candidate to file for the race for United States President, he was not anywhere close to the first declared presidential candidate. In fact, he was the 194th. According to a NPR news report interviewing one of the many newly filed candidates, filling out the necessary paperwork takes about four minute. All you have to do is fill out a one-page form called the FEC Form 2. If you want to receive campaign contributions that eventually will total more than $5,000, you double the number of forms, filling out one more, FEC Form 1. ***MARLAR: By this time next year we’ll have more people running for President than are eligible to vote.
Despite no one on the Democratic ticket yet making their candidacy official, according to a new CNN poll, Hillary Clinton leads her potential Democratic rivals for the presidential nomination by an impressive 47%. She leads her closest rival, Joe Biden, by a margin of 62% to 15%. ***MARLAR: Her closet rival is Joe Biden? The chances are better of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning during a shark attack than Biden winning a presidential election. How about we save everybody time and just give Hillary the nomination now.
The owner of the Albuquerque, New Mexico, home that was used as Walter White’s residence during the production of “Breaking Bad” would like tourists to stop tossing pizzas on her roof. ***MARLAR: Are you serious? Because… free pizza!
In England, Kai Thomas collapsed last June after a massive brain hemorrhage. Doctors performed a six-hour operations to release pressure on his brain. To aid his healing, he was then put in a medically-induced coma. After waking up, Kai initially could not talk or walk. But once he regained the power of speech and movement, his mother noticed an immediate change in his personality. He had developed strange compulsions: cheese started missing from the fridge, and he was swearing a lot. Kai’s mom says it’s not uncommon to find him working his way through a whole block of cheese. ***MARLAR: Heck – for me that’s called “Saturday”.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
There’s a new trend towards what’s sometimes known as “soap-dodging”. Among those who have cut down on daily showers, baths or hair-washing were a woman who swipes a sliced lemon under her armpits instead of deodorant, another who uses baby wipes to freshen up, and a salesman who shampoos only once a month. ***MARLAR: Is this an attempt to be more “green” – because I’m pretty sure not showering actually adds to air pollution.
Wildlife experts report that gorillas living in Rwanda have learned on their own how to dismantle traps set by poachers. ***MARLAR: Not only that, but they then teach other gorillas by posting videos on how to do it on YouTube.
Male boss, or female? Which do you prefer? A survey from Gallup gives the edge to men, 32 to 22 percent. ***MARLAR: The remaining 46 percent of respondents were women who punched out the researchers.
A recent poll found that only 22% of Americans believe Congressional Democrats have a clear plan for dealing with terrorism. ***MARLAR: Which is slightly lower than the 24% of Americans who believe in Bigfoot.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Psychic Wins Lottery”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “Modern Cars”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
When last we left the jungle, just as Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were getting ready to play their regular game of checkers, a lost grizzly bear came knocking on the door. Gruffy Bear decided to cancel the checkers match until later that night so he could help the grizzly find his way…
CLOSE: Well that’s good, as tempting as it is, Gruffy is going to honor his promise to Sully and play checkers with him… that’s nice. Unfortunately, that means Gruffy’s new friend, Grizz, is going to have to forfeit the bowling tournament! Is there a solution to that problem? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 11/12, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had just escaped from the hospital in order to avoid getting his tonsils out. Unfortunately, a Razzleflabbin named Clarence has the job of showing Marvy what happened because he didn’t have the surgery! And it’s not pretty.
CLOSE: This story gets more and more grim by the day! Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Showing off to impress your girlfriend not only rarely impresses her, but it’s usually the set up for a Moment of Duh.
18-year-old Nicholas Rogers, of England was out cruising in his car with his girlfriend when he happened upon a slower moving vehicle. Perhaps wanting to show off, Nicholas began sounding his horn, tailgating and lunging at the car in front. As Nicolas finally pulled alongside the other car, he slowed, and his female passenger made a hand gesture. The whole incident might have been fun for the couple had the other vehicle not been an unmarked police car. Rogers was fined about $200 and had three penalty points put on his license.
TOP TEN CLASSIFIEDS TO APPEAR IN THE JERUSALEM TIMES THE FIRST EASTER
- For Sale: Used Tomb. Good location! Like new! No longer occupied!
- For Sale: Temple Curtain. Subdivided by owner. (Mat. 27:51)
- For Sale: Used Wrap Collection. Excellent condition. You can have it for a song!
- For Sale: Large selection of sackcloth (mourning clothes)–men’s and women’s, various sizes and styles. No longer needed.
- Looking For Work: Two former guards. Willing to lie for right price. No Cemeteries! (Mat 28:11-15)
- Companions Wanted: Long-term relationships desired. I am dying to meet you!—Jesus Christ
- Lost Item: One body lost. Big Reward for its return!–the Sanhedrin.
- Personal to Mr. S: nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah–you lose!
- Personal to Jesus Christ: Well-done, Son! You da man!–Dad
- For sale: One Cross. Well used! Priceless! Best offer!
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Can you imagine escaping from prison and then not being punished for it? That’s the LAW in Columbia!
FILE #1: This is pretty bizarre. A dozen inmates had successfully escaped from Colombia’s mountain prison of Caloto, but returned the very next day to the front gates of the compound, asking to be readmitted. After visiting family and friends, the prisoners said they had opted to take advantage of a Colombian amnesty law that forgives and forgets prison breaks if fugitives return voluntarily within 72 hours.
FILE #2: As one Tennessee police officer puts it, “We can’t be everywhere all the time.” So, one Tennessee town has come up with a solution to deter speeders — a lifelike plastic cutout of a real Smyrna police officer. Sgt. Andy Miller, who posed for the picture, says “It’s meant to get people to think about it and slow down.” And he says “It’s actually worked.” The fake officer has worked so well the city is planning on getting another one. Sometimes Miller even stands behind his plastic twin and catches speeding drivers who apparently aren’t fooled by the cutout.
FILE #3: Always bring the right tools for the job. Waterloo, Iowa’s, Jacob Mason walked up to the drive-up window of a local Hardee’s restaurant and placed his order for a bacon, egg and cheese combo. Apparently thinking cash was part of the combo, Jacob crawled through the window and demanded money. Seeing as how he was armed only with a long cardboard tube covered in black tape, employees held him until police arrived.
STRANGE LAW: In St. Cloud, Minnesota, hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Before you start talking about stupid people, be sure your not one of them first!
A Slidell, Louisiana, man who struck up a conversation with a sheriff’s deputy about dumb criminals was cited when the deputy spotted a bag of marijuana protruding from his pocket. The uniformed sheriff’s deputy was at a gas station when a man walked up to him at the soda fountain. The man asked the deputy how busy he was and remarked, “There are some stupid people out there.” As they talked, the deputy noticed a plastic bag protruding from a pocket of the man’s cargo pants. When the deputy asked what was in the pocket, the man said it was empty. But the deputy persisted and asked him what was in the bag. At that point, the red-faced culprit produced a small bag of marijuana and surrendered it to the deputy, who said, “What was that you were saying about stupid people?”
It’s THANK YOU DAY (see today’s Weird Holidays), so I’m giving you 30 seconds to say “thank you”. Call in and you can thank anyone for anything on the air – you just have 30 seconds in which to do it. So, who deserves an “on-air thanks” from you?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: “I am the Lord’s servant,” ___________ answered. “May it be to me as you have said.”
ANSWER: Mary (Luke 1:38)
QUESTION: Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The first patent issued in the U.S. was for a dietary aid. (False – In 1833, George Dulty in Wheeling was granted the first patent for a soda fountain.)
- Earthquakes occur on the moon. (True. “Moonquakes” do occur, but they happen less frequently and have smaller magnitudes than earthquakes on the Earth.)
- The only living tissue in the human body that contains no blood vessels is the transparent cornea of the eye. (True)
- There is a course on the “Films of Keanu Reeves” offered at The Art Center, College of Design in Pasadena, California. (True)
- Milton Bradley originally wanted to name the game Twister, Pretzel. (True – but they couldn’t since the name “pretzel” was already copyrighted.)
- One tree can provide enough oxygen needed for a family of four. (False – but two trees will do the job.)
- In Charles Schulz’s comic strip “Peanuts,” Snoopy was born at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm. (True)
- The world’s fastest flying insect is a species of honeybee. (False – it’s a species of horsefly, and it can fly as fast as 90 miles per hour.)
- Rolls-Royce used to make rifles. (True – during World War I.)
- No word in the English language rhymes with orange. (True. Same goes for the words month, silver, and purple.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
______ ON ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST (MEN)
Men are going extinct and scientists have now put them on the “endangered species” list. Professor Jenna Goodman even claims the male of the species is heading for extinction by the end of this century. Professor Goodman, one of England’s most influential scientists, believes that women will win the battle of the sexes – and men will be permanently vanquished. She says that the inherent fragility of the male sex chromosome, the Y sex chromosome, means that men will no longer be able to survive in the genetic pool. The female, or X, chromosome, contains a healthy 1,000 or so genes. And girls and women have two of them. The Y chromosome started off with as many genes as its female counterpart. But over hundreds of millions of years it has crumbled away, leaving fewer than 100 genes in modern man. This includes the SRY gene, the ‘male master switch’ that determines whether an embryo is male or female. What is more, while women have two X chromosomes, men have just one, dying Y. Lacking a mate, the Y chromosome finds it more difficult to patch up mistakes and so decays away. Professor Goodman, of Cambridge University, said: ‘The X chromosome is all alone in the male but in the female it has a friend, so it can swop bits and repair itself. The Y is going to get hit in the next twenty years and then… it’ll be all over.” The Professor said the Y Chromosome has turned to “junk.” Scientists say that women will still be able to have babies from artificial sperm and some speculate that the world will be a more peaceful and joyful place.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Jack’s wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Jack would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Jack? Don’t you like my singing?”
Jack replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he indignantly answered. “How could you think I would forget?” Whereupon he left for the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.
“First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never had a more wonderful ‘Arbor Day’ in all my life!”
SO, YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS, EH??
- In the old days, discipline for the kids was easy. You just bopped them at least once every day. If you didn’t know why, they did.
- I’ve found children to be a great comfort in your declining years. good thing too – they “declined” ya faster in the first place.
- The young Mother, tired of all the loud noise, tells her son to go outside and play with his friends. “I only have one friend.” he retorts, “and I HATE him !”
- The little girl had just finished her very first soccer match & her Mother asked her how she liked the sport. “It’s OK, I guess.” she replied. “But it’d be a lot more fun if the other team learned how to share better.”
- To any of you out there who’ve yet to have children. If you’re still deciding whether or not to bring some into this poor old world, I highly recommend you go to lunch at some fast food place and sit next to a bunch of them.
- The Mother was having more than a little bit of trouble with her pre-teen boy. She summed it up for him by saying, “Lloyd, you must live each day as if it were your last.” “No way !!!” he yelled. “I tried that last week and you grounded me.”
An Arizona thief stole dozens of free-to-borrow fantasy and fiction audio books from his local library. ***MARLAR: Ironically, most of them were crime stories.
A Michigan man says he shot a neighbor’s cow after mistaking it for a coyote. ***MARLAR: Wow – exactly how big ARE the coyotes in Michigan?
My son is so lazy he hates emptying the trash in the recycle bin on his computer.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Smelly feet cause a happy couple to break up!
A Birmingham, Alabama woman has decided that the smell of her boyfriend’s feet is the reason why their relationship can go on no more! It seems that 18-year-old Kelly Green has dropped Matt Hassett because the odor of his feet is intolerable. Devastated, Matt has tried to fix the problem by changing his socks and washing his feet twice a day, but to no avail as the smell was just too much to bear. ***MARLAR: Calling Dr. Scholls, Dr. Scholls to the emergency room please!
HOW HEAVY IS YOUR BAG?
One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we’d refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.
We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.
The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.
Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!
Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that’s true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!
So the next time you decide you can’t forgive someone, ask yourself…
Isn’t MY bag heavy enough?
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”- Mark 11:25
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
LIGHTEN THE LOAD
Read: Philippians 4:10-20
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. —Philippians 4:13
I once read about a distraught Christian woman who was extremely upset because her children had become unruly. She telephoned her husband at work one day and tearfully described the visit of a friend who had pinned this verse above the kitchen sink: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). The friend had meant well. She was trying to be helpful, but her action just made the mom feel even more like a failure.
Sometimes it’s not helpful merely to quote a Scripture verse to someone. Philippians 4:13 was Paul’s personal testimony that he had learned to be content in all situations, in plenty and in want (vv.11-12). His secret of contentment was that he could “do all things through Christ” who strengthened him (v.13).
We too can live by Paul’s secret. We can be victorious through Christ’s strength, but we shouldn’t force this truth on people who are feeling overwhelmed. Paul also wrote that we should care for one another and share in one another’s distress (Galatians 6:2; Philippians 2:4; 4:14).
We need each other, for we all have burdens to bear. Let’s use the strength Christ gives us to minister to the needs of others and find ways to lighten their loads. —Joanie Yoder
While playing a game of fetch in Germany, a man threw a stick for his dog to chase. One problem though… the dog didn’t come back with a stick. It came back with something else.
It used to be an innocent game. You’d throw the stick, the dog would run to get it and bring it back. Then you’d throw the stick again. It wasn’t a really hard game to play either, now that I think about it. But things got really complex for a German man when he threw the stick and his dog returned with something else. Not a stick… but a live hand grenade! Fortunately, it did not go off, and he called the police – who evacuated the area and had explosives experts make it safe. The dog’s owners said, “Hajo has already found loads of things. He could easily become a search dog.”
LIFE… LIVE IT
I PICKED THIS ONE FOR YOU
Gross-out warning, gross-out warning! The next story will likely make you gag… just wanted to give you fair warning.
When I was little, like in kindergarten, we used to make fun of kids that… well… how can I put this delicately? Kids that consumed their own nose candy. I’m sure you get the picture. Anyway, we made fun of those kids because, after all, that kind of thing is gross! But no one ever really stopped to think if doing that kind of t hing was healthy or not. Some scientists in Toronto who apparently have way too much time on their hands and way to much taxpayer money to play with decided to do some tests to see if eating your own “boogies” is harmful to your health or not. It turns out that a certain “mucin” actually blocks the body’s mechanism to fight a cancer cell… and if you eliminate that mucin that you might actually eliminate the cancer. So eating that… well… you know… might actually prevent you from getting cancer.
JUST FOR FUN
A dog goes to church every Sunday in Portugal… and walks 16 miles to do it!
I have to admit that, even though I should, I don’t always make it to church. But now I’m beginning to feel shamed into doing it, because it turns out that a dog in Portugal is more dedicated to going to church than I am. I drive to church – about five miles from my home. Preta the dog walks to church – every Sunday – 16 miles by herself to get there in time for the 7:30 a.m. mass! She’s done this every single Sunday for the last 3 years! And Preta doesn’t stop there. Even though she’s a dog, whenever worshippers stand up or sit down, Preta does the same. Once mass is over, she usually walks back home. Sometimes Preta will return in a car — but only with a human she knows. Congregations have grown at the church as many people come just to see Preta. ***MARLAR: So when you go to church to hear God speak, you might also hear a dog speak too. (Did you ever notice that GOD spelled backwards is DOG?)
TAXES FROM AROUND THE WORLD
Tax day, April 15th, is quickly approaching. So, Maxim magazine took the time to bring us “taxes from around the world.”
- Australia – Tax: 65 percent on cigarettes. Sure, the unflappable Aussies risk life and limb with snakes, crocs, and Australian Rules Football but their government has to protect them from the perils of smoking.
- China – Tax: 80 percent to 100 percent on foreign cars. Your old $5,000 Escort would cost $9,000 if someone in China were stupid enough to buy it.
- Turkmenistan – Tax: 100 percent on mineral water. This former Soviet republic slaps the same heavy premium on cotton mittens, saws, blankets, pillows, and mattresses, deeming them “luxury items.” Apparently, so is “tourism.”
- Costa Rica – Tax: 170 percent on foreign poultry. Costa Rica has definitely taken chicken nuggets off the value menu. And don’t try to swallow that tax with a glass of milk, as foreign dairy products garner a 96 percent mark-up.
- Sweden – Tax: 400 percent on hard liquor. Back in the 1800s, Swedes drank a whopping 46 liters of liquor a year per person. To fend off this encroaching “Irishness,” (according to them) the Swedish government slapped incredibly high taxes on alcohol.
- Japan – Tax: 1,000 percent on foreign rice. Japan has always been a good fortress to imported goods, but the Japanese will do everything shy of hari-kari to keep alien rice out of their country. No Uncle Benihana’s for you.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Generally speaking, I feel very low guilt over not fulfilling certain tipping expectations. And now I feel indignant toward new tipping practices as outlined in a January New York Times article. It centers on the growth of “automatic tipping.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/01/business/dollar3-tip-on-a-dollar4-cup-of-coffee-gratuities-grow-automatically.html?_r=0
The writer visited a coffeehouse in New York City. When the credit card was used, the iPad was turned to face the customer to include a $1, $2, or $3 tip! A customized option was available but it took extra effort while the cashier waited. Oooohhhh. Pressure.
As noted in this article, “Leaving 15 percent for full service (the former standard tip at a sit-down restaurant), and less for quick transactions, is considered chintzy by some people. ‘We recommend 20 percent absolutely,’ said Peter Post, managing director of the Emily Post Institute, which offers guidelines in etiquette.”
Ride a taxi in New York and your options might well be 20, 25, or even 30 per cent for the autotip. Again, manual options available. A certain day spa asks if you’d like to include a tip with a gift certificate. The amount? Twenty five percent!
One innovative approach for lower end food service businesses is DipJar. When you pay for your items with a credit card, you “dip” your card again into a electronic receptacle usually with a preset amount— say $1. The test market for this has proven quite successful.
But the tipping issue begs a larger question, namely, who is entitled to a tip?
In the old days, I went to Dairy Queen and bought a sundae or a Blizzard. Now I see a tip jar! If you use a laundromat, does the maintenance team deserve a tip? What about all those good folks at a grocery store? The expert who cuts and packages your meat? The cashier who must handle all of your items at checkout? The dude who restocks the shelves?
What about in the medical field? These people once saved my life! Along with the unbelievably high medical bills, imagine a 20 per cent tip for outstanding service of my thoracic surgeon! Or the nurses…the orderlies…the check in people? And what about auto mechanics? Walmart greeters? Dry cleaners? Movie theatre employees who put on the extra butter?
And bringing it all back home…what about ME? My reading of my feature article tells me that the company ChangeTip enables tips to be collected for content creators (or anyone) on the Internet! Content creators? That’s what I do every day! I create radio content for my listeners. Certainly there MUST be a way for those tuned in to reward me in the event I have a scintillating and meaningful interview! After all, I’m now tipping everyone else!
And, of course, how about all those good people at my church? Sure we take an offering. But that’s our gift of gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. And it’s used to pay the operating budgets at the church. But what about when the pastor or music director hits a homerun? Should there be a tip jar up front?
The answer is … NO! This tipping thing is out of control. I’ll tip when appropriate, thank you. No guilt.
This past week, many Christians recognized the day before Good Friday as Maundy Thursday. The significance was on the “mandate” of Jesus from the Last Supper. During that meal, Jesus put a towel around his waist and washed his disciples’ feet. He was sending a message on serving others. You can read the account in John, Chapter 13. Verse 15 has Jesus saying, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (ESV)
My business advice is simple. Serve others. Serve with excellence. Be grateful for customers. Do this, and they may decide to tip you. And whatever they give, be grateful.
If this blog has been helpful, well, need I say more? Hint. Hint.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
CAN ANGER BE A GOOD THING?
Anger may not be so bad after all!
…Many experts think that getting angry can actually be good for you… as long as you vent your rage in constructive ways. The key to making anger work is to let it all out, because if you keep it bottled up inside, it’ll turn into a monster. How can you use the anger constructively? If you’re mad at the power company for raising rates, write a letter. Even if you don’t send it, you’ll feel better just putting your feelings on paper. ***MARLAR: However, if you’re mad at (STATION) or (THE JOCK SHOW), go ahead and send the letter, but please enclose $50 in cash for handling costs.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
A unique wedding took place recently in Brazil. According to ABC News, Rafaela, Rochelle and Tagiane Bini, 29 year old identical triplets, walked down the aisle together wearing the same makeup, same hairstyle and nearly identical dresses. The only thing that was different was the color of their bouquets — and, of course, the men they married.
Planning to get married soon? Focus on the Family has a Marriage Prep for Couples app to help you and your future spouse prepare for your upcoming marriage. http://bit.ly/1yArN8o
A South Carolina man who had been reported missing for over two months was rescued Thursday after he was found 200 miles off the coast of North Carolina. According to the report in USA Today, the man, 37-year-old Louis Jordan, and the sailing vessel Angel were initially reported missing by his family to the Coast Guard on Jan. 29. According to the Associated Press, Louis Jordan says he survived 66 days at sea by capturing rainwater in a bucket, snagging little fish to catch bigger fish, and praying to God. http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/04/02/sailor-missing-sea-days-rescued-nc-coast/70861242/
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. So why is it then that when Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they call each other Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy?
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 01, 2015…
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (opening in select cities)—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group. Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise: is not rated. No rating.
**Note: “Woman in Gold” starring Helen Mirren as a woman trying to retrieve a lost painting is now due to open April 10.
APRIL 03, 2015…
Furious 7—This film will be remembered as the last movie for the late actor, Paul Walker. His brothers are stand-in’s in some scenes as Walker had finished most of his work before his tragic accident. Basically the story has Jason Stratham as the villain out for revenge for the death of his brother a film ago. The fan favorites are back with Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson and Jordana Brewster. Plenty of action here and one hopes the series can continue. It has a built-in audience. “Furious 7” is rated PG 13. Rated 3 for fans.
Effie Gray (opening in select cities)—Dakota Fanning stars in this film in which she plays Effie, the wife of 19th century British painter, John Ruskin (Greg West.) Problems in the marriage and Effie doesn’t know what to do. Also in the cast is Tom Sturridge as the painter John Everett Mellais. “Effie Gray” is rated R. No rating.
APRIL 10, 2015…
Desert Dancer (opening in select cities) is a Middle East film about a young man and his friends who want to learn to dance but the government forbids it.
The Hunting Ground is a documentary that concerns the subject of rape on a college camp. Directed by Amy Ziering.
Merchants of Doubt, a documentary by Robert Kenner that shows what goes on behind presenting the news. It sometimes is like a stage show.
While We’re Young stars Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts as a middle-age couple who meet a younger couple, become friends, and then take a look at their own lives.
The Longest Ride is adapted from the Nicholas Sparks novel about a bull-rider and artist who fall in love. Stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.