April 09, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

 

CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150409

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Well, I’m all set for another award-winning program: shirt pressed…. hair combed…. fingernails freshly bitten…. let’s get started!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. –1 John 1:9

 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. — James 5:16

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. — Psalm 143:1

 

Thought: Some days are just plain tough! Those we care about are hurting. Our plans are falling through. Our prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling and fall at our feet. We cry out to God — sometimes in anger, sometimes in desperation, but especially for mercy. We need relief! We need hope! We need the Father to respond.

 

Prayer: Faithful and righteous God, loving Father, please come to my aide and bring me relief from my struggles with sin, with disease, with discouragement, with friends who are untrue, and with enemies who work for my humiliation and destruction. I need your help. I need your mercy. O, dear Father, I need to know your presence and power in my life today. In Jesus’ sweet name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

1 John 4:9 NIV = This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – APRIL 09, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 261 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is FAT EGG DAY, commemorating history’s largest chocolate Easter egg, completed on this date in 1992 in Ringwood, Victoria, Australia, at the Cadbury Red Tulip factory. It was 23-feet 3-inches tall and weighed 10,483 pounds. *** Just five pounds heavier than the pimple it produced.

 

41+b+BEnuiLThis is NATIONAL MIME WEEK. *** And to celebrate, I’ve decided to do the rest of my report in pantomime. First, I’ll perform “Man in a box.” (long moment of silence). Wow, I ought to do this more often… I’m not usually this entertaining.

 

Today is NATIONAL CHERISH AN ANTIQUE DAY. *** Buy something nice for your wife.

 

Today is NATIONAL FUN AT WORK DAY.  *** Well, not so far it isn’t. Okay… who’s not celebrating around here?!?!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Alcohol Screening Day

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Winston Churchill Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) Day

National Farm Animals Day

National Siblings Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 11

Baby Massage Day

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children to Save Day

Slow Art Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 12

D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse

International Day for Street Children

Walk On Your Wild Side Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 13

Scrabble Day

Thomas Jefferson Day

Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 14

Children With Alopecia Day

Dictionary Day

Equal Pay

International Moment of Laughter Day

National Be Kind To Lawyers Day

National Dolphin Day

National Library Workers Day

National Library Day

National Pecan Day

Pan American Day

Pathologists’ Assistant Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Income Tax Pay Day

Jackie Robinson Day

McDonald’s Day

Rubber Eraser Day

Take a Wild Guess Day

That Sucks Day

World Art Day

National Bookmobile Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 16

Celebrate Teen Literature Day

Get To Know Your Customers Day

High Five Day

National Ask An Atheist Day

National D.A.R.E. Day

National Health Care Decisions Day

National Stress Awareness Day

National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day

Save The Elephant Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1913: On opening day at Ebbets Field, new home of the Brooklyn Dodgers, fans had to wait an hour to get in because nobody brought the key. Then there was no flag to salute for The National Anthem. Then the Dodgers lost to Philadelphia 1-0.

 

1965: Major-league baseball’s first indoor game was played at the opening of the Houston Astrodome. President Lyndon Johnson was there, but Texas governor John Connally threw out the first ball. In an exhibition game the Houston Colt-45s beat the New York Yankees 2-1.

 

1973: Carly Simon received a gold record for the single, “You’re So Vain.”

 

1984: Robert Duvall won the Oscar as Best Actor for his role as a country singer in Tender Mercies.

 

1988: Singer Brook Benton died of a spinal disease at age 56.

 

1988: Elders returned to Bikini Atoll to begin cleaning up the island where no one had lived since the nuclear testing of the 1940s.

 

1988: The final episode of the action drama The New Adventures of Beans Baxter aired on The Fox Network.

 

1992: U.S. President George Bush fell suddenly ill at a state dinner in Japan. He became pale, slumped in his chair, and threw up on the Japanese Prime Minister. (video clip)

 

1993: The Colorado Rockies set a National League baseball record by drawing 80,227 fans to their first game.

 

1994: Actress Judy Geeson was playing a chain-smoker in the play Faith Healer at a New Haven, Connecticut, theater, when a man in the audience stood up and said, “You’re gonna kill yourself smoking that much!” Then he yelled as he walked out, “Smoking is prohibited in this theater anyway!” (audio clip)

 

1996: The Church of England was in uproar after actress Ruth Ford was cast in the role of God in the annual York Mystery Plays.

 

1998: New Zealand’s conservation minister proposed firing the Easter Bunny and replacing him with the Easter Kiwi. Nick Smith said the bunny was one of New Zealand’s major pests and that the kiwi would be better for the environment and for kids.

 

2002: Former Arthur Andersen auditor David B. Duncan pleaded guilty in Houston federal court to ordering the shredding of Enron documents, and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors.

 

2002: Scientists at the Army Soldier Systems Center in Massachusetts introduced a vacuum-sealed battlefield sandwich edible for up to three years. Using an array of chemicals to seal the meat and inhibit bacterial growth, the scientists had produced pepperoni and barbecue chicken indestructible sandwiches, and were experimenting with pizzas, bagels, burritos and even the staple peanut butter sandwich.

 

2005: Britain’s Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles, who took the title Duchess of Cornwall.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1626: English philosopher of science Sir Francis Bacon dies. After a dizzying rise to political power (he was named Lord Chancellor in 1618) and a bribery scandal, Bacon retired to writing. He introduced the essay form to the English language and wrote The New Atlantis, which mixed his scientific approach and his Christian beliefs. “Knowledge is the rich storehouse for the glory of the Creator and the relief of man’s estate,” he wrote. “A little philosophy inclined man’s mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men’s minds about to religion.”

 

1761: English devotional writer William Law dies. His writings, such as A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life, greatly influenced George Whitefield and John Wesley though they later distanced themselves when Law wrote of the indwelling of Christ in the soul.

 

1816: Richard Allen and others organize the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Philadelphia. The next day he was named the denomination’s first bishop, thereby becoming the first black bishop in the United States. A few years earlier, Allen and his colleagues had left the Methodist Episcopal Church when it removed blacks from “white” seats during prayer.

 

1906: In Los Angeles, Holiness minister William Seymour and several associates experience what they called the “baptism of the Spirit,” marked by speaking in tongues. This launched the three-year “Azusa Street Revival,” considered the first major public event of Pentecostalism.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  1. actor (Stevie in Mystery Alaska) Ryan Northcott 35
  2. actress (“The Cosby Show)” Keshia Knight Pulliam is 36 (audio clip)
  3. actress (Miranda on “Sex And The City”) Cynthia Nixon 49 (audio clip)
  4. actress (Anna, Her Alibi, “Dancing With The Stars”) Paulina Porizkova 50 (audio clip)
  5. actor (Flight of the Phoenix, The Day After Tomorrow, The Rookie, Cold Creek Manor, Frequency) Dennis Quaid 61
  6. actress (“Scrubs,” “Nurse,” Olivia on “The Waltons”) Michael Learned 76 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1887 : Florence Beatrice Price

1932 : Carl Perkins

1941 : Kaye Adams

1943 : Terry Knight

1944 : Gene Parsons (The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers)

1945 : Emil Stucchio (The Classics)

1948 : Dave “Chico” Ryan (The Happenings, Sha Na Na, Bill Haley & His Comets)

1969 : Kevin Martin (Candlebox)

1977 : Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance)

1987 : Jesse McCartney

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What came first, the orange or the color Orange?

The color is named after the fruit. The English version of the word comes from Old French, but originally it comes from the Arabic word, naranj. Since the fruit was (probably) native to India, the origin is in the languages there, but the exact origin has long been lost to the ages. The House of Orange (referring to the Dutch royal family or William and Mary of England) and the use of the term in reference to Irish politics is of a different origin. It derives from the town of Orange on the Rhone river in France and is etymologically unrelated to the color or the fruit.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

How far would you be willing to walk for your favorite food? Sidewalk Prophets guitarist Ben McDonald tweeted that he had just walked two miles to get some Indian food. He says it really hit the spot. Then he headed out for another two mile walk back to the hotel.

 

Love and the Outcome member Chris says he has found the hat he needs to have for this summer. The hat proudly proclaims Stay Rad. Chris says that, since his last name is Rademaker, he needs the hat. In fact, you might see something similar on the groups merchandise table. Chris tweeted: Maybe we should make our own for summer festivals.

 

Less than a month ago Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall was in the hospital having a kidney removed. But Mark is already back at work in his local church and the band will also soon be heading back out on the road. Casting Crowns first show back will be in front of a sold out crowd in Montgomery, Alabama on April 16th. And Mark isn’t easing back into touring. Casting Crowns is scheduled to do three shows on Mark’s first weekend back after the surgery and eight shows by the end of April.

 

What does Lauren Daigle do to prepare for tour? She shared a video of Facebook as she wrapped up baking a fresh batch of sweet rolls. She said baking her way of reducing the tension of gearing up for a new tour.

 

Ever had one of those days? Francesca Battistelli tweeted: Sometimes you just need to listen to Disney songs and paint watercolors with your kiddos in your pjs.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Burger King to pay for the wedding of Mr. Burger, Ms. King    photo
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) — Burger King is paying the expenses and providing gifts for the wedding of an Illinois couple with an interesting connection to the fast food restaurant chain. Joel Burger and Ashley King accepted the company’s proposal Monday. HASH(0x140f010) The couple announced…

 

400-pound alligator moved from Texas pond to preserve
GROVES, Texas (AP) — A 400-pound alligator safely hauled out of a Southeast Texas pond has a new home at a tourist attraction that caters to gators. Gator Country preserve owner Gary Saurage (sarj) said Tuesday that the 11-foot reptile joins more than 400 other alligators at the preserve in…
Canadians make 2,000-mile trip for Kentucky Fried Chicken    photo
CORBIN, Ky. (AP) — Two thousand miles might seem like a long way to go for fried chicken. Two men from Canada who took their sons on a journey to the original home of Kentucky Fried Chicken say it’s a trip they’ll never forget. HASH(0x140ef20) The friends left on Thursday, traveling to…
Kids cry, parents push as Easter egg hunt turns rowdy    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — What should have been a fun-filled Easter egg hunt in California turned rowdy, with toddlers crying and parents pushing to snag the colorful eggs. HASH(0x1403630) The event Saturday at the Capitol in Sacramento became chaotic when people lunged for the eggs as soon…
Officials: Sea lion pulls man with fish into San Diego bay
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Officials say a 62-year-old man holding a fish he caught on a boat in a San Diego bay was pulled overboard by a sea lion. San Diego lifeguards tell the Los Angeles Times that the man was posing for a photo when the sea lion, apparently attempting to get the fish, bit on the…
Roaming ‘disorderly’ goat corralled after head-butting door
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — A “disorderly” goat has been corralled in northern New Jersey, and authorities are now trying to determine who owns the wayward animal. Two Paramus police officers nabbed the small white goat shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday. The department says on its Facebook page they…
DNA testing for dog poop on the rise in Seattle area
SEATTLE (AP) — Frustrated with dog owners who refuse to clean up after their pets, an increasing number of apartments in Seattle are opting to use DNA testing to identify the culprits. HASH(0x1414850) Erin Atkinson, property manager at Potala Village Apartments in Everett says the messes are…
Police in Central Texas help round up buffalo on the loose
ROUND ROCK, Texas (AP) — A buffalo that roamed away from home has been recaptured after being cornered by police in Central Texas in a chase through a residential area. Round Rock police were dispatched Friday morning when the owner reported the buffalo jumped some fences at a rural property…
Driving lesson ends with teen hitting building, 3 gas meters
WOODBRIDGE, N.J. (AP) — New Jersey police say a teenager who had just received her learner’s permit drove into an apartment building and struck three gas meters after hitting the accelerator instead of the brake. The 16-year-old was getting a driver’s lesson from her father Thursday night in…
Alaskans wonder: When will the ice on the river break up?
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — People who want to participate in Alaska’s biggest guessing contest have until Sunday to buy tickets for the Nenana Ice Classic. Thousands of people each year pay to try to guess the exact date and time the ice will break up on the Tanana River in Nenana. Each guess…
Not a whopper: Pot-bellied pig creates stir at Burger King
BOSWELL, Pa. (AP) — Did you hear the one about the pot-bellied pig at Burger King? Pennsylvania State Police swear it’s not a whopper. Troopers from the Somerset barracks were called to the restaurant on U.S. Route 30 near Boswell in southwestern Pennsylvania after the pet wandered from its…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Obama: Malia’s asthma brings home climate change debate
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama says his memory of the fear over his daughter’s preschool asthma attacks brings home the debate over climate change. Obama says he knows firsthand how scary it can be to have a child who struggles to breathe. He is arguing that preventing climate…

 

Obama says climate change is harming Americans’ health    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Global warming isn’t just affecting the weather, it’s harming Americans’ health, President Barack Obama said Tuesday as he announced steps government and businesses will take to better understand and deal with the problem. Obama said hazards of the changing climate include…
Garth Brooks dedicates child play zone at Indiana hospital    photo
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Country music star Garth Brooks became teary-eyed Tuesday as he dedicated a new child play zone at an Indianapolis children’s hospital, praising the colorful, game-filled space as a “miracle” that allows ailing youngsters to forget their illnesses and just have fun. Brooks…
Court: Arizona probationers can’t be barred from medical pot
PHOENIX (AP) — Arizonans with medical marijuana cards cannot be barred from using the drug while on probation, the state Supreme Court concluded Tuesday in a ruling that will have ripple effects across the state. The decision by Arizona’s highest court comes as courts around the country are…
Obama: Health care law an 8 out of 10, lawsuit a ‘last gasp’
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama is giving his health care law an eight out of a 10, and calls a lawsuit hanging over it “the last gasp” from opponents. Obama tells ABC News he doesn’t give it a 10 is because things can always be improved. He says the biggest challenge is getting more…
Aetna aims for LGBT community with targeted marketing test    photo
Aetna is urging gay customers to “be proud” — and consider buying its coverage — as part of a new, narrow focus to selling health insurance in a business where the individual’s buying decision matters more than it used to. The nation’s third-largest health insurer is using mobile phone…
Modi blames changing lifestyles for India’s rising pollution    photo
NEW DELHI (AP) — Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Monday blamed the changing lifestyles that have come with India’s economic development for rising pollution levels that have given the country some of the world’s dirtiest air. With his government rolling out a new air quality index to 10 of…
Blue Bell expands recall of ice cream made at Oklahoma plant
BRENHAM, Texas (AP) — Blue Bell Creameries says it’s expanding its recall of products made at an Oklahoma plant after pints of banana pudding ice cream tested positive for listeriosis. The Texas-based dairy company announced in a statement Tuesday that no illnesses linked to those pints have…
Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig get best marks in diet review    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Trying to slim down? Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig scored the best marks for effectiveness in a review of research on commercial diet programs, but many other plans just haven’t been studied enough to evaluate long-term results. The two plans are among the most popular and…
Study: Breast cancer overtreatment costs US $4B a year
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sharpening a medical debate about the costs and benefits of cancer screening, a new report estimates that the U.S. spends $4 billion a year on unnecessary medical costs due to mammograms that generate false alarms, and on treatment of certain breast tumors unlikely to cause…
Study: Brain scans may identify concussion-related disease    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A brain-scanning technique might one day help identify people with a disease linked to concussions in football and other sports, an illness now diagnosed only after death, a small study suggests. Scans of 14 retired football players at risk for the condition, called CTE,…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

People with ears that stick out may feel self-conscious about how others perceive them. But according to a new study (Cantonal Hospital, Switzerland), while strangers do notice the ears they don’t make negative personality judgments based on them.  ***MARLAR: So don’t bother making that live-action version of Dumbo, Tim Burton – it’s pointless now.

 

A Minnesota man who gave his neighbors a set of knives for Christmas has been charged with burglary after he allegedly stole the knives back. Alfred Joseph Guercio was arrested after allegedly breaking into the neighbor’s home to take back the knives because the neighbor “did not appreciate” his gift.  ***Something else they didn’t appreciate… having their house broken into by a psychotic neighbor wielding knives.

 

A cat that vanished in South Carolina two years ago is going home after ending up nearly 2,000 miles away in Southern California. Kevin the orange tabby is leaving Palm Springs after disappearing from Anderson, South Carolina, in 2013. The cat turned up in early this month inside a U-Haul trailer a woman had driven across the country. During a routine inspection, meowing was heard from inside the U-Haul. The driver says she didn’t know Kevin was inside. The dehydrated cat was taken to a shelter. His microchip helped track down owner Cheryl Walls, who jokes that Kevin the Cat has seen more of the country than her.  ***MARLAR: Cheryl’s husband Karl, the last one to see the cat, seemed visibly shaken at the news that Kevin was found and is being returned.

 

From Georgia comes word that Gilbert the goose is on the mend at a wildlife center after being found recently with a dart through his head. Gilbert is expected to make a full recovery.  ***MARLAR: Plus, he doesn’t lose any income from missing work because his buddy convinced him to sign up for Aflac.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Teenagers are smoking coffee rather than drinking it and posting videos of the practice online. Only problem: It seems unsafe, with users reporting hallucinations, vomiting, dizziness, and trouble breathing. One Reddit user who puffed coffee a couple years back called it the “stupid idea of the week.”  ***MARLAR: Because the only thing better than coffee, is the possibility of lung cancer!

 

Scientists are discussing the idea of creating a “space elevator”. It would be a huge cable — one end attached to the earth, and the other end attached to a satellite. Cargo and astronauts would ride up the cable into space, and unbelievably it would be cheaper and safer than rockets.  ***MARLAR: The downside to this plan is that you’re stuck in an elevator for twelve hours listening to the instrumental version of Elton John’s “Rocket Man”.

 

What’s that beverage in your hand? A Gallup poll says that for 48% of you, it’s probably a soda. Half of Americans drink a soda a day and 20% of those drink two or more sodas a day.  ***MARLAR: I’m more like five sodas a day.  For once in my life, I’m above average!

 

Outer space may be soundless, but it’s apparently not odorless. According to a 2009 interview with NASA astronaut Kevin Ford — who did some space walks — space has a metallic odor that Ford describes as having the “aroma of seared steak, hot metal, and welding fumes.” ***MARLAR: Yep – space smells like the Galactica’s mess hall.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Abbreviated is a long word”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Charles Marshall, “Discipline”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear had to cancel the checkers game with Sully the Aardvark to help a grizzly bear named Grizz find his way to a bowling alley. Apparently, Grizz was heading there to forfeit the bowling tournament that was supposed to take place that night because they didn’t have enough bowlers.

 

CLOSE: Will Gruffy do the right thing and play checkers with Sully as he promised? But then, he also promised Grizz that he’d help the bowling team! What will Gruffy do… what will Sully do… what will the bowling team do? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 11/12, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had just escaped from the hospital in order to avoid getting his tonsils out. Unfortunately, a Razzleflabbin named Clarence has the job of showing Marvy what happened because he didn’t have the surgery! And it’s not pretty.

 

CLOSE: This story gets more and more grim by the day! Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A letter from a hospital to a patient is the subject of today’s Moment of Duh!

University Hospitals Coventry recently sent Ronald Cooksey a letter, informing him that he is a “non-emergency patient” and comforting him with the news that his chances for surviving his surgery are good. “There is a difference between patients like you, who are on our waiting list for elective surgery, and emergency patients who need to have surgery in a hurry because their condition has become unstable or life-threatening,” the letter explained. Yes, it is undeniably true that there IS a difference between Ronald Cooksey and other patients. Ronald Cooksey is DEAD… having died from his “non-emergency” heart condition a year earlier.  So it should come as no surprise that, upon receiving this letter, the family became a bit upset – and contacted a lawyer.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CLASSIFIEDS TO APPEAR IN THE JERUSALEM TIMES THAT FIRST EASTER

 

  1. For Sale: Used Tomb. Good location! Like new! No longer occupied!

 

  1. For Sale: Temple Curtain. Subdivided by owner. (Mat. 27:51)

 

  1. For Sale: Used Wrap Collection. Excellent condition. You can have it for a song!

 

  1. For Sale: Large selection of sackcloth (mourning clothes)–men’s and women’s, various sizes and styles. No longer needed.

 

  1. Looking For Work: Two former guards. Willing to lie for right price. No Cemeteries! (Mat 28:11-15)

 

  1. Companions Wanted: Long-term relationships desired. I am dying to meet you!–Jesus

 

  1. Lost Item: One body lost. Big Reward for its return!–the Sanhedrin.

 

  1. Personal to Mr. S: nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah–you lose!

 

  1. Personal to JC: Well-done, Son! — Dad

 

  1. For sale: One Cross. Well used! Priceless!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Why would an inmate just released from prison want to break back in to prison?

 

FILE #1: In Malawi, notorious criminal Witala Soko was released from prison after serving six years for burglary. Days later, Soko broke back into prison and stole two rifles, three pairs of handcuffs and a police communications radio. Soko was eventually captured again and will likely be returned to his familiar prison cell on the new burglary charges.

 

FILE #2: 25-year-old Alvin Gist robbed the First American Check Cashing store in Louisville, Kentucky. Unfortunately, Gist didn’t get the gist of not robbing the same check cashing store where you’re a regular customer. Yes, they recognized him and when police paid a visit to his apartment they found the money and the clothes he wore during the robbery.

 

FILE #3: When committing a robbery, the element of surprise always comes in handy. Unfortunately, this was news to Michigan’s Kasey Allan and David Connell. The duo went into a gas station and warned the cashier they were coming back with guns to rob the place and gave her a detailed plan of the crime. Those details included cutting her in for a piece of the action if she cooperated. The cashier cooperated, but not with the crooks. She called police and when the robbers returned as promised police made the easy arrest.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Maine all Christmas decorations must be down by January 14th or you will receive a $50 fine.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Today’s Brain on Drugs might pass you by if you don’t pay close attention!

Police surrounded a stolen car that finally ran out of gas in Westboro, Massachusetts and driver Ronald D. Raymond asked them to “Hold on a minute” as he finished his beverage… an alcoholic beverage.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

My how times have changed. I’m hearing stories now of people breaking up with each other via text messaging. Even celebrities like Carrie Underwood have been dumped that way. Did someone ever break up with you via text or email? Is that even appropriate?

 

If you could wipe your memory and watch any movie over again for the “first” time, what movie would you pick?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said, “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God.”?

ANSWER: Paul (Act’s 15:19)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: If you drilled a hole straight through the center of the earth from New York City, where would you end up?

ANSWER: Perth, Australia

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. The letters “O-u-g-h” can be pronounced in five different ways. (False. It can be pronounced EIGHT different ways! The following sentence contains them all: “A ROUGHT-coated, DOUGH-faced PLOUGHMAN strode THROUGH the streets of SCARBOROUGH, COUGHING and HICCOUGHING THOUGHTFULLY.)

 

  1. The correct response to the Irish greeting, “Top of the morning to you,” is “and a top of the morning to you too.” (False. It’s, “and the rest of the day to yourself.”)

 

  1. The expletive, “Holy Toledo,” refers to Toledo, Ohio. (False – it refers to Toledo, Spain, which became an outstanding Christian cultural center in 1085.)

 

  1. The idiom “pillar of salt” means to have a stroke, or to become paralyzed and dead. (True)

 

  1. When you say something is the “ultimate” in it’s category, product, or field, you’re saying it’s the “last”. (True. The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-last is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the antepenultimate.)

 

  1. The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding. (True. They are also called milling.)

 

  1. The right side of a boat was called the starboard side because that’s where people used to look at the stars. (True. Astronavigators used to stand out on the plank – which was on the right side of the boat – to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.)

 

  1. Many of the sweaters worn by Mr. Rogers on the popular television show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, were actually knitted by his real mother. (True)

 

  1. On September 9, 1950 dubbed laughter (a laugh track) was used for the first time on television. It was used for the sitcom “I Love Lucy.” (False – it was for the sitcom “The Hank McCune Show”

 

  1. The first female guest host of Saturday Night Live was actress Vivian Vance. (False, Candace Bergen)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GIANT-SIZED _______ INVADE FLORIDA! (RATS)

Giant rats are running wild in the Florida Keys!

The voracious rats first appeared in 1999 after they escaped from a local exotic pets breeder – and they’ve been multiplying like crazy and getting bigger and bigger – and bigger.

Yikes!

These adult rats can reach nineteen pounds.

These giant Gambian pouch rats are everywhere on Florida’s Grassy Key despite concerted efforts by conservation officials to eradicate them.

Officials worry that the voracious rats, which grow to nineteen pounds, might wipe out some crops and upset the delicate ecological balance if they manage to reach the Florida mainland.

And citizens are running scared.  ”They are ferocious.  I’d rather face a lion,” said Jeb Markham of Key West.

South Florida has become a virtual dumping ground for exotic animals from across the globe – and the gigantic rats love eating them all.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students.  He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.  The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note that said, “A dollar per point.”

The next class the professor handed back the tests.  The student received his test and $64 change.

 

JOKE #2

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds – and girth – was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, “Now what would it take to get you into one of these?”

Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, “Probably a crowbar.”

 

JOKE #3

The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: “What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?”

One of the brightest students in the class wrote: “0% financing.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A study says procrastination among adults is getting worse. ***MARLAR: Maybe.  Actually, they haven’t really begun the study yet.

 

Stanford researchers report that people who wear pedometers walk 2,000 more steps per day than people who don’t wear pedometers.  ***MARLAR: Really?  But how do they know that? Think about it. How do they know how many steps people without pedometers took? Wouldn’t they only way they could know require that person wearing a pedometer?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE

Miss Smith and Little Johnny’s father were having a parent teacher conference. Miss Smith said to Little Johnny’s father, “Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.”

Little Johnny’s father asked, “What’s that?”

“With grades like these, he couldn’t possibly be cheating.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

The Holy Bible… the graphic novel?

A Japanese author (Ajinbayo Akinsiku) has created a heavily abridged version of the Bible, in the graphic novel style. Called the “Manga Bible,” the work was recently published in the United States, with the goal of making Jesus more “accessible” to a younger, religion-indifferent generation. Along with the illustrations, the Manga Bible uses contemporary dialogue and action scenes. In one example, Noah is seen taking census on the Ark and says, “That’s 11,344 animals? Aargh! I’ve lost count again. I’m going to have to start from scratch!” (New York Times)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

As I started weeding my flower boxes, a friend came by to pay for an item she had purchased from me. Perfect, I thought. Now I can buy a new camera. While taking a photojournalism class at college, the shutter on my camera had suffered a fatality. Since I couldn’t afford either the repair or a new camera, this timely sale was just the solution I needed. As I resumed my duties, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the little boy I had met while on a mission trip building an orphanage in Bolivia three months earlier. I had promised God that someday I would help that little boy. Was that day now? But how could I finish my photojournalism class without a camera? I fought back and forth- little boy, camera – and then finally decided: I would send the money to Bolivia, and if God wanted me to finish my class, He would provide me with a solution. I immediately wrote out a check and put it in the mailbox. An hour later the mail carrier arrived. Not only did he pick up my check, but he also left me a handful of bills. At the bottom of the pile lay an unmarked envelope. I couldn’t believe what it contained- an unexpected check for the mount of a new camera. –Thea Hansen

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOD’S VITAMINS

  • Anxious? Take Vitamin A. (Romans 8:28 = And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.)
  • Blue? Take Vitamin B. (Psalm 103:1 = Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name!)
  • Crushed? Take Vitamin C. (1 Peter 5:7 = Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.)
  • Depressed? Take Vitamin D. (James 4:8 = Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.)
  • Empty? Take Vitamin E (Psalm 100:4 = Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise.)
  • Fearful? Take Vitamin F. (Isaiah 41:10 = Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’)
  • Greedy? Take Vitamin G. (Luke 6:38 = Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”)
  • Hesitant? Take Vitamin H. (Isaiah 52:7 = How beautiful upon the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who proclaims peace, Who brings glad tidings of good things, Who proclaims salvation, Who says to Zion, “Your God reigns!”)
  • Insecure? Take Vitamin I. (Philippians 4:13 = I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.)
  • Jittery? Take Vitamin J. (Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.)

 

 

LEFTOVERS

What have you learned from going to the movies?

After 46 years in existence, I’ve learned a lot in this life… and along with my parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, friends, and others – I’ve also learned a few things from going to movies. Actually, to be honest, I’ve learned the hard way that a lot of the things that I see in movies are NOT true. According to the movies, we’re supposed to believe that…

  • It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  • A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  • When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
  • No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, or volcanic eruption will ever go into shock.
  • Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  • Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  • Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
  •  An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

PHONER: Now – how about you add to the list! Give me a call and let me know what other things you’ve learned from watching movies!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

You might be burning extra calories right now and not even realize it!

Some of the boring things you do in the office every day are actually helping you burn calories. For example…

  • Running an energetic meeting in front of your boss burns up 177 calories per hour!
  • Cleaning up your desk and surrounding area: 177 calories per hour
  • Delivering mail throughout the office: 177 calories per hour
  • Xeroxing and stapling or filing papers while standing: 147.5 calories per hour
  • Writing a project proposal by hand: 102 calories per hour
  • Typing on your computer: 96 calories
  • Sitting through a staff meeting: 88.5 calories

***MARLAR: Can you feel that burn? Come on now, type… 2… 3… 4… file… 6… 7… 8… staple… 2… 3… 4…

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HOW DIRTY ARE YOU?

A Glamour poll of nearly 1000 women, analyzed by Billy Goldberg, M.D., and Mark Leyner, authors of “Let’s Play Doctor,” found which habits are unhealthy — and which are filthy but fine.

  • Ever wear dirty clothes? A full 85% of women have — just draw the line at underwear (which 52% of poll-takers have re-worn).
  • The five-second rule? More than 40% of women eat food that’s fallen on the floor. — Researchers tossed food on grimy flooring and found that it was germy after just a few seconds.
  • Go barefoot at the gym? 32% of women admitted doing it — Sorry, going barefoot is not a good thing to do at the gym. Even if you’re not worried about slipping on wet feet, you should be wary of the stuff found in sweaty, steamy places that can cause athlete’s foot and plantar warts.
  • Brush your teeth every night? 43% of poll-takers said they don’t — Skip brushing and you’re giving the germs in your mouth time to multiply, especially since the production of bacteria-killing saliva decreases when you sleep.
  • How often do you shower? Almost a third of women said they don’t lather up every day — It depends on how much you sweat. Unhealthy? No.
  • Wash up after using the bathroom? 24% of women don’t do it every time — A little time at the sink will prevent those germs from finding their way into your mouth and causing you nasty gastrointestinal distress. Hand washing is the single most effective way to prevent the transmission of disease of almost any kind.

 

 

FUN LIST

TELL TALE SIGNS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO AT WORK

  • You’ve read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for this year.
  • You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
  • You’ve definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island.
  • You decide to see how many Red Bulls you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.
  • People come into your office frequently… to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
  • No longer content with merely photocopying your rear, you now scan it and enhance it with Photoshop.
  • The 5th Division of Paperclips has completely overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

 

Tipping Point

Generally speaking, I feel very low guilt over not fulfilling certain tipping expectations. And now I feel indignant toward new tipping practices as outlined in a January New York Times article. It centers on the growth of “automatic tipping.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/01/business/dollar3-tip-on-a-dollar4-cup-of-coffee-gratuities-grow-automatically.html?_r=0
The writer visited a coffeehouse in New York City. When the credit card was used, the iPad was turned to face the customer to include a $1, $2, or $3 tip! A customized option was available but it took extra effort while the cashier waited. Oooohhhh. Pressure.
As noted in this article, “Leaving 15 percent for full service (the former standard tip at a sit-down restaurant), and less for quick transactions, is considered chintzy by some people. ‘We recommend 20 percent absolutely,’ said Peter Post, managing director of the Emily Post Institute, which offers guidelines in etiquette.”
Ride a taxi in New York and your options might well be 20, 25, or even 30 per cent for the autotip. Again, manual options available. A certain day spa asks if you’d like to include a tip with a gift certificate. The amount? Twenty five percent!
One innovative approach for lower end food service businesses is DipJar. When you pay for your items with a credit card, you “dip” your card again into a electronic receptacle usually with a preset amount— say $1. The test market for this has proven quite successful.
But the tipping issue begs a larger question, namely, who is entitled to a tip?
In the old days, I went to Dairy Queen and bought a sundae or a Blizzard. Now I see a tip jar! If you use a laundromat, does the maintenance team deserve a tip? What about all those good folks at a grocery store? The expert who cuts and packages your meat? The cashier who must handle all of your items at checkout? The dude who restocks the shelves?
What about in the medical field? These people once saved my life! Along with the unbelievably high medical bills, imagine a 20 per cent tip for outstanding service of my thoracic surgeon! Or the nurses…the orderlies…the check in people? And what about auto mechanics? Walmart greeters? Dry cleaners? Movie theatre employees who put on the extra butter?
And bringing it all back home…what about ME? My reading of my feature article tells me that the company ChangeTip enables tips to be collected for content creators (or anyone) on the Internet! Content creators? That’s what I do every day! I create radio content for my listeners. Certainly there MUST be a way for those tuned in to reward me in the event I have a scintillating and meaningful interview! After all, I’m now tipping everyone else!
And, of course, how about all those good people at my church? Sure we take an offering. But that’s our gift of gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. And it’s used to pay the operating budgets at the church. But what about when the pastor or music director hits a homerun? Should there be a tip jar up front?
The answer is … NO! This tipping thing is out of control. I’ll tip when appropriate, thank you. No guilt.
This past week, many Christians recognized the day before Good Friday as Maundy Thursday. The significance was on the “mandate” of Jesus from the Last Supper. During that meal, Jesus put a towel around his waist and washed his disciples’ feet. He was sending a message on serving others. You can read the account in John, Chapter 13. Verse 15 has Jesus saying, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (ESV)
My business advice is simple. Serve others. Serve with excellence. Be grateful for customers. Do this, and they may decide to tip you. And whatever they give, be grateful.
If this blog has been helpful, well, need I say more? Hint. Hint.
 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Could eating less extend your life?  It seems to work for monkeys.

…A 20-year study of rhesus monkeys found cutting calories by almost a third slowed their aging and fended off death.  It backs up what scientists have long known about mice, worms and flies, that their lifespan can be extended by deep, long-term cuts in what should be normal consumption.  And the study found the monkeys didn’t just live longer, they were healthier. The calorie-cut monkeys had less than half the incidence of cancerous tumors or heart disease as the monkeys who ate normally. Brain scans showed less age-related shrinkage in the dieting monkeys. They also retained more muscle, something else that tends to waste with age.  The question for scientists now is whether that kind of calorie-cutting would have a similar effect on humans. ***MARLAR: So my choice is to live longer… or live not quite as long but still get my Milk Duds?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

He’s a blue chip college basketball recruit. She’s a high school freshman with Down syndrome. At first glance Trey Moses and Ellie Meredith couldn’t be more different. But all that changed Thursday when Trey asked Ellie to be his prom date. According to the CNN report, Trey said he chose to ask Ellie to the prom because: “She’s great… she listens and she’s easy to talk to.”

http://fox5sandiego.com/2015/04/04/high-school-basketball-star-asks-girl-with-down-syndrome-to-prom/

 

Russell Westbrook is the MVP of good deeds. According to a report in the web site Mashable, The Oklahoma City Thunder point guard surprised Kerstin Gonzales with the car he won for the All-Star Game MVP award. Gonzales, a 19-year-old mother of two boys, broke into tears when Westbrook handed her the keys to a brand new 2015 Kia Sorrento. Westbrook also plans to cover the cost for the first year of insurance payments.

http://mashable.com/2015/04/07/russell-westbrook-single-mom-car/?utm_cid=mash-com-fb-main-link

 

One man in Kansas has been paying it forward with his high school teachers, one check at a time. According to Yahoo News, Kevin Perz graduated from Parkway Central High school in Missouri in 1977, but he hasn’t forgotten to show his appreciation for the special teachers that impacted his life there. The latest teacher who received an unexpected gift was Marilyn Mecham. She taught his co-ed food class during her first year of teaching. Earlier this year Perz thanked her for her impact in his life with a special phone call followed by a $10,000 check. His only requirement was that the money be used to do something special for herself.

https://gma.yahoo.com/kansas-man-sends-high-school-teacher-surprise-10-234340819–abc-news-topstories.html

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The end of the show already? My, how time flies when they make you clean the washrooms during the songs.

 

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself. — Peter da Silva

 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? — George Price

 

Pet sitting for the vacationing neighbors and their pet just died. Hope to replace it with a look-alike. Do they sell Pet Rocks at pet stores? – Darren Marlar

 

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. – Jilly Cooper

 

“Fortunately, my parents were intelligent, enlightened people. They accepted me for what I was, a punishment from God.” — David Steinberg

 

“Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.” — Woody Allen

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 01, 2015…

 

Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (opening in select cities)—a documentary from the Hillsong Churches of Australia/New Zealand and follows a tour of the Hillsong United singing group.  Film is directed by Michael John Warren. Hill Song (the church) has over 12 locations in Australia/New Zealand. “Hillsong: Let Hope Rise: is not rated. No rating.

 

**Note: “Woman in Gold” starring Helen Mirren as a woman trying to retrieve a lost painting is now due to open April 10.

 

APRIL 03, 2015…

 

Furious 7—This film will be remembered as the last movie for the late actor, Paul Walker. His brothers are stand-in’s in some scenes as Walker had finished most of his work before his tragic accident. Basically the story has Jason Stratham as the villain out for revenge for the death of his brother a film ago. The fan favorites are back with Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson and Jordana Brewster. Plenty of action here and one hopes the series can continue. It has a built-in audience. “Furious 7” is rated PG 13. Rated 3 for fans.

 

Effie Gray (opening in select cities)—Dakota Fanning stars in this film in which she plays Effie, the wife of 19th century British painter, John Ruskin (Greg West.)  Problems in the marriage and Effie doesn’t know what to do. Also in the cast is Tom Sturridge as the painter John Everett Mellais. “Effie Gray” is rated R. No rating.

 

APRIL 10, 2015…

 

Desert Dancer (opening in select cities) is a Middle East film about a young man and his friends who want to learn to dance but the government forbids it.

 

The Hunting Ground is a documentary that concerns the subject of rape on a college camp. Directed by Amy Ziering.

 

Merchants of Doubt, a documentary by Robert Kenner that shows what goes on behind presenting the news. It sometimes is like a stage show.

 

While We’re Young stars Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts as a middle-age couple who meet a younger couple, become friends, and then take a look at their own lives.

 

The Longest Ride is adapted from the Nicholas Sparks novel about a bull-rider and artist who fall in love. Stars Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.