April 09, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160409

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Well, I’m all set for another award-winning program: shirt pressed…. hair combed…. fingernails freshly bitten…. let’s get started!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  –1 John 1:9

 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. — James 5:16

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. — Psalm 143:1

 

Thought: Some days are just plain tough! Those we care about are hurting. Our plans are falling through. Our prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling and fall at our feet. We cry out to God — sometimes in anger, sometimes in desperation, but especially for mercy. We need relief! We need hope! We need the Father to respond.

 

Prayer: Faithful and righteous God, loving Father, please come to my aide and bring me relief from my struggles with sin, with disease, with discouragement, with friends who are untrue, and with enemies who work for my humiliation and destruction. I need your help. I need your mercy. O, dear Father, I need to know your presence and power in my life today. In Jesus’ sweet name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 John 4:9 NIV = This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – APRIL 09, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 259 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is FAT EGG DAY, commemorating history’s largest chocolate Easter egg, completed on this date in 1992 in Ringwood, Victoria, Australia, at the Cadbury Red Tulip factory. It was 23-feet 3-inches tall and weighed 10,483 pounds.  *** Just five pounds heavier than the pimple it produced.

 

This is NATIONAL MIME WEEK. *** And to celebrate, I’ve decided to do the rest of my report in pantomime. First, I’ll perform “Man in a box.” (long moment of silence). Wow, I ought to do this more often… I’m not usually this entertaining.

 

Today is NATIONAL CHERISH AN ANTIQUE DAY.  *** Buy something nice for your wife.

 

Today is NATIONAL FUN AT WORK DAY.  *** Well, not so far it isn’t.  Okay… who’s not celebrating around here?!?!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Baby Massage Day

“Bring Your Own Cup” Slurpee Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Jump Day

Slow Art Day

Winston Churchill Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, APRIL 10

ASPCA Day

Global Day To End Child Sexual Abuse

National Farm Animals Day

National Sibling Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 11

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children To Save Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 12

D.E.A.R. Day (Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

International Day For Street Children

National Be Kind to Lawyers Day

National Library Workers Day

National Library Day

National Licorice Day

Walk On Your Wild Side Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13

National Bookmobile Day

Scrabble Day

Thomas Jefferson Day

Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 14

Celebrate Teen Literature Day

Children With Alopecia Day

Dictionary Day (***I’m currently reading the dictionary, so please – no spoilers.  I’d rather be surprised to see how the book ends!)

International Moment of Laughter Day

National Dolphin Day

National Pecan Day

Pan American Day

Pathologists’ Assistant Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 15

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Income Tax Pay Day

Jackie Robinson Day

McDonald’s Day

Rubber Eraser Day

Take a Wild Guess Day

That Sucks Day

World Art Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 16

Auctioneers Day

Husband Appreciation Day

National Health Care Decisions Day

National Orchid Day

National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day

Record Store Day

Save The Elephant Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 17

Bat Appreciation Day

Blah! Blah! Blah! Day

Ellis Island Family History Day

Ford Mustang Day

International Haiku Poetry Day

Nothing Like a Dame Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 18

Adult Autism Day

Boston Marathon

National Columnists’ Day

National Golf Day

National Lineman Appreciation Day

National Stress Awareness Day

Pet Owners Independence Day

World Amateur Radio Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1913: On opening day at Ebbets Field, new home of the Brooklyn Dodgers, fans had to wait an hour to get in because nobody brought the key. Then there was no flag to salute for The National Anthem. Then the Dodgers lost to Philadelphia 1-0.

 

1965: Major-league baseball’s first indoor game was played at the opening of the Houston Astrodome. President Lyndon Johnson was there, but Texas governor John Connally threw out the first ball. In an exhibition game the Houston Colt-45s beat the New York Yankees 2-1.

 

1973: Carly Simon received a gold record for the single, “You’re So Vain.”

 

1984: Robert Duvall won the Oscar as Best Actor for his role as a country singer in Tender Mercies.

 

1988: Singer Brook Benton died of a spinal disease at age 56.

 

1988: Elders returned to Bikini Atoll to begin cleaning up the island where no one had lived since the nuclear testing of the 1940s.

 

1988: The final episode of the action drama The New Adventures of Beans Baxter aired on The Fox Network.

 

1992: U.S. President George Bush fell suddenly ill at a state dinner in Japan. He became pale, slumped in his chair, and threw up on the Japanese Prime Minister. (video clip)

 

1993: The Colorado Rockies set a National League baseball record by drawing 80,227 fans to their first game.

 

1994: Actress Judy Geeson was playing a chain-smoker in the play Faith Healer at a New Haven, Connecticut, theater, when a man in the audience stood up and said, “You’re gonna kill yourself smoking that much!” Then he yelled as he walked out, “Smoking is prohibited in this theater anyway!” (audio clip)

 

1996: The Church of England was in uproar after actress Ruth Ford was cast in the role of God in the annual York Mystery Plays.

 

1998: New Zealand’s conservation minister proposed firing the Easter Bunny and replacing him with the Easter Kiwi. Nick Smith said the bunny was one of New Zealand’s major pests and that the kiwi would be better for the environment and for kids.

 

2002: Former Arthur Andersen auditor David B. Duncan pleaded guilty in Houston federal court to ordering the shredding of Enron documents, and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors.

 

2002: Scientists at the Army Soldier Systems Center in Massachusetts introduced a vacuum-sealed battlefield sandwich edible for up to three years. Using an array of chemicals to seal the meat and inhibit bacterial growth, the scientists had produced pepperoni and barbecue chicken indestructible sandwiches, and were experimenting with pizzas, bagels, burritos and even the staple peanut butter sandwich.

 

2005: Britain’s Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles, who took the title Duchess of Cornwall.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1626: English philosopher of science Sir Francis Bacon dies. After a dizzying rise to political power (he was named Lord Chancellor in 1618) and a bribery scandal, Bacon retired to writing. He introduced the essay form to the English language and wrote The New Atlantis, which mixed his scientific approach and his Christian beliefs. “Knowledge is the rich storehouse for the glory of the Creator and the relief of man’s estate,” he wrote. “A little philosophy inclined man’s mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men’s minds about to religion.”

 

1761: English devotional writer William Law dies. His writings, such as A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life, greatly influenced George Whitefield and John Wesley though they later distanced themselves when Law wrote of the indwelling of Christ in the soul.

 

1816: Richard Allen and others organize the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Philadelphia. The next day he was named the denomination’s first bishop, thereby becoming the first black bishop in the United States. A few years earlier, Allen and his colleagues had left the Methodist Episcopal Church when it removed blacks from “white” seats during prayer.

 

1906: In Los Angeles, Holiness minister William Seymour and several associates experience what they called the “baptism of the Spirit,” marked by speaking in tongues. This launched the three-year “Azusa Street Revival,” considered the first major public event of Pentecostalism.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  1. actor (Stevie in Mystery Alaska) Ryan Northcott 36
  2. actress (“The Cosby Show)” Keshia Knight Pulliam is 37 (audio clip)
  3. actress (Miranda on “Sex And The City”) Cynthia Nixon 50 (audio clip)
  4. actress (Anna, Her Alibi, “Dancing With The Stars”) Paulina Porizkova 51 (audio clip)
  5. actor (Flight of the Phoenix, The Day After Tomorrow, The Rookie, Cold Creek Manor, Frequency) Dennis Quaid 62
  6. actress (“Scrubs,” “Nurse,” Olivia on “The Waltons”) Michael Learned 77 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1887 : Florence Beatrice Price

1932 : Carl Perkins

1941 : Kaye Adams

1943 : Terry Knight

1944 : Gene Parsons (The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers)

1945 : Emil Stucchio (The Classics)

1948 : Dave “Chico” Ryan (The Happenings, Sha Na Na, Bill Haley & His Comets)

1969 : Kevin Martin (Candlebox)

1977 : Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance)

1987 : Jesse McCartney

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What came first, the orange or the color Orange?

The color is named after the fruit. The English version of the word comes from Old French, but originally it comes from the Arabic word, naranj. Since the fruit was (probably) native to India, the origin is in the languages there, but the exact origin has long been lost to the ages. The House of Orange (referring to the Dutch royal family or William and Mary of England) and the use of the term in reference to Irish politics is of a different origin. It derives from the town of Orange on the Rhone river in France and is etymologically unrelated to the color or the fruit.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

2016 has been a busy year for the Newsboys and the first quarter is barely even over. According to a recently Billboard article, the veteran Christian band appears in a pivotal scene in the new film God’s Not Dead 2, which hit theaters April 1. Meanwhile, their latest album, Love Riot, reached No. 1 on the Top Rock Albums chart, No. 2 on the Top Christian Albums list and No. 14 on the all-genre 200. According to the article, Love Riot represents a new chapter for the band. Drummer Duncan Phillips told Billboard “In many ways, I just feel we are getting started.”

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7318799/newsboys-gods-not-dead-2-love-riot-guilty-christian-rock-interview

 

Jamie Grace held her first ever facebook live chat this week and I think it’s safe to say that the response was positive. Jamie shared that that more than 63-thousand people joined her for the live event.

 

It looks like an animated version of Andrew Peterson’s The Wingfeather Saga is going to be a reality. Peterson used a kickstarter fund raiser in an attempt to raise the money needed for the project and the effort was successful. The Kickstarter wrapped up this week, raising a total of 265,881 dollars. Andrew posted: We’ll take a few days to regroup and reconnect to some kind of normalcy, then we’ll start planning how to make this film as awesome as we can make it.

http://kck.st/1QqvIl8

 

Chris August shared a picture this week of his just completed, regulation NBA basketball goal. The picture was of is first shot on the goal, a fade away jumper. However, it might not be a picture he’ll keep. Chris says it was a brick.

http://twitter.com/ChrisAugust/status/716747458659893249/photo/1

 

The band For King and Country is known for their energetic concerts but so far the members of the band have been able to keep their activities on stage; at least until late last week. Joel posted: Well, it finally happened folks, I took a tumble off the stage.. But hey, at least I fell on beat! The good news is Joel is fine. He jumped right back on stage and continue the song like nothing had happened.

http://twitter.com/4kingandcountry/status/716377490525175809/video/1

 

Citizen Way played a surprise CD release show over the weekend. The band recently released their second CD, titled Citizenway 2.0. The weekend surprise release show was held at the Imago Film Festival on the campus of Judson University, the alma mater of the members of Citizenway.

http://fb.me/29OzCQvGk

 

Phil Wickham is out with a new video telling the story behind the new song “Your Love Awakens Me”. Phil says we were once dead but now we’re alive. He says the song is calling all Christians to sing out that God’s love is greater than our sin. Watch the entire story behind the song video…

http://youtu.be/tcEPRES1muo

 

The members of Mercyme have the perfect plan. They suggested: pick up the God’s Not Dead 2 Soundtrack and then go see the new God’s Not Dead 2 film. Mercyme is one of 11 artists on the project. It also includes music by the Newsboys, Audio Adrenaline, Hawk Nelson, Citizenway, the Afters and more.

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “One-armed man”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Aldrich, “7-Eleven”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Nozzles the Elephant had a journal and was writing down everything bad anyone had ever done to him.  Then Sully the Aardvark came over and began doing the same thing, and then came Racquet the Skunk and Gruffy Bear!  Now everyone is writing down bad things about everyone else!

 

CLOSE: For a second there I thought someone finally made the right decision by throwing that book out the window!  How can all these friends say such nasty things about each other… all because of this dumb little blank book!  Of course, now they’ll probably write something in it about me saying they’re all dumb – and that it’s a dumb little blank book.  Boy, I hope that pizza arrives soon – maybe that’ll take all of our minds off of this!  We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 09/10

 

OPEN: FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns!  Last time, Cheetah Bonita decided she didn’t want to sing three-part harmony with her sisters any longer… she wanted to go solo.  But both of her sisters hated that idea – and so did Gruffy Bear.  Music in the jungle just wouldn’t be the same without that three part harmony.  And then, Nozzles the Elephant stopped by…

 

CLOSE: Boy, it’s beginning to look like everybody wants to be solo – and nobody wants to harmonize!  Tune in next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A letter from a hospital to a patient is the subject of today’s Moment of Duh!

University Hospitals Coventry recently sent Ronald Cooksey a letter, informing him that he is a “non-emergency patient” and comforting him with the news that his chances for surviving his surgery are good. “There is a difference between patients like you, who are on our waiting list for elective surgery, and emergency patients who need to have surgery in a hurry because their condition has become unstable or life-threatening,” the letter explained. Yes, it is undeniably true that there IS a difference between Ronald Cooksey and other patients. Ronald Cooksey is DEAD… having died from his “non-emergency” heart condition a year earlier.  So it should come as no surprise that, upon receiving this letter, the family became a bit upset – and contacted a lawyer.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CLASSIFIEDS TO APPEAR IN THE JERUSALEM TIMES THAT FIRST EASTER

 

  1. For Sale: Used Tomb. Good location! Like new! No longer occupied!

 

  1. For Sale: Temple Curtain. Subdivided by owner. (Mat. 27:51)

 

  1. For Sale: Used Wrap Collection. Excellent condition. You can have it for a song!

 

  1. For Sale: Large selection of sackcloth (mourning clothes)–men’s and women’s, various sizes and styles. No longer needed.

 

  1. Looking For Work: Two former guards. Willing to lie for right price. No Cemeteries! (Mat 28:11-15)

 

  1. Companions Wanted: Long-term relationships desired. I am dying to meet you!–Jesus

 

  1. Lost Item: One body lost. Big Reward for its return!–the Sanhedrin.

 

  1. Personal to Mr. S: nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah–you lose!

 

  1. Personal to JC: Well-done, Son! — Dad

 

  1. For sale: One Cross. Well used! Priceless!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Why would an inmate just released from prison want to break back in to prison?

 

FILE #1: In Malawi, notorious criminal Witala Soko was released from prison after serving six years for burglary. Days later, Soko broke back into prison and stole two rifles, three pairs of handcuffs and a police communications radio. Soko was eventually captured again and will likely be returned to his familiar prison cell on the new burglary charges.

 

FILE #2: 25-year-old Alvin Gist robbed the First American Check Cashing store in Louisville, Kentucky. Unfortunately, Gist didn’t get the gist of not robbing the same check cashing store where you’re a regular customer. Yes, they recognized him and when police paid a visit to his apartment they found the money and the clothes he wore during the robbery.

 

FILE #3: When committing a robbery, the element of surprise always comes in handy. Unfortunately, this was news to Michigan’s Kasey Allan and David Connell. The duo went into a gas station and warned the cashier they were coming back with guns to rob the place and gave her a detailed plan of the crime. Those details included cutting her in for a piece of the action if she cooperated. The cashier cooperated, but not with the crooks. She called police and when the robbers returned as promised police made the easy arrest.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Maine all Christmas decorations must be down by January 14th or you will receive a $50 fine.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Today’s Brain on Drugs might pass you by if you don’t pay close attention!

Police surrounded a stolen car that finally ran out of gas in Westboro, Massachusetts and driver Ronald D. Raymond asked them to “Hold on a minute” as he finished his beverage… an alcoholic beverage.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

My how times have changed.  I’m hearing stories now of people breaking up with each other via text messaging.  Did someone ever break up with you via text or email?  How did you handle it?

 

If you could wipe your memory and watch any movie over again for the “first” time, what movie would you pick?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said, “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God.”?

ANSWER: Paul (Act’s 15:19)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: If you drilled a hole straight through the center of the earth from New York City, where would you end up?

ANSWER: Perth, Australia

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The letters “O-u-g-h” can be pronounced in five different ways. (False. It can be pronounced EIGHT different ways! The following sentence contains them all: “A ROUGHT-coated, DOUGH-faced PLOUGHMAN strode THROUGH the streets of SCARBOROUGH, COUGHING and HICCOUGHING THOUGHTFULLY.)

 

  1. The correct response to the Irish greeting, “Top of the morning to you,” is “and a top of the morning to you too.” (False. It’s, “and the rest of the day to yourself.”)

 

  1. The expletive, “Holy Toledo,” refers to Toledo, Ohio. (False – it refers to Toledo, Spain, which became an outstanding Christian cultural center in 1085.)

 

  1. The idiom “pillar of salt” means to have a stroke, or to become paralyzed and dead. (True)

 

  1. When you say something is the “ultimate” in it’s category, product, or field, you’re saying it’s the “last”. (True. The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-last is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the antepenultimate.)

 

  1. The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding. (True. They are also called milling.)

 

  1. The right side of a boat was called the starboard side because that’s where people used to look at the stars. (True. Astronavigators used to stand out on the plank – which was on the right side of the boat – to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.)

 

  1. Many of the sweaters worn by Mr. Rogers on the popular television show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, were actually knitted by his real mother. (True)

 

  1. On September 9, 1950 dubbed laughter (a laugh track) was used for the first time on television. It was used for the sitcom “I Love Lucy.” (False – it was for the sitcom “The Hank McCune Show”

 

  1. The first female guest host of Saturday Night Live was actress Vivian Vance. (False, Candace Bergen)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GIANT-SIZED _______ INVADE FLORIDA! (RATS)

Giant rats are running wild in the Florida Keys!

The voracious rats first appeared in 1999 after they escaped from a local exotic pets breeder – and they’ve been multiplying like crazy and getting bigger and bigger – and bigger.

Yikes!

These adult rats can reach nineteen pounds.

These giant Gambian pouch rats are everywhere on Florida’s Grassy Key despite concerted efforts by conservation officials to eradicate them.

Officials worry that the voracious rats, which grow to nineteen pounds, might wipe out some crops and upset the delicate ecological balance if they manage to reach the Florida mainland.

And citizens are running scared.  ”They are ferocious.  I’d rather face a lion,” said Jeb Markham of Key West.

South Florida has become a virtual dumping ground for exotic animals from across the globe – and the gigantic rats love eating them all.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students.  He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.  The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note that said, “A dollar per point.”

The next class the professor handed back the tests.  The student received his test and $64 change.

 

JOKE #2

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds – and girth – was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership.

When the salesman’s pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, “Now what would it take to get you into one of these?”

Looking at the Jeep’s high front seat, the woman replied, “Probably a crowbar.”

 

JOKE #3

The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: “What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?”

One of the brightest students in the class wrote: “0% financing.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A study says procrastination among adults is getting worse. ***MARLAR: Maybe.  Actually, they haven’t really begun the study yet.

 

Stanford researchers report that people who wear pedometers walk 2,000 more steps per day than people who don’t wear pedometers.  ***MARLAR: Really?  But how do they know that?  Think about it.  How do they know how many steps people without pedometers took?  Wouldn’t they only way they could know require that person wearing a pedometer?

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE

Miss Smith and Little Johnny’s father were having a parent teacher conference. Miss Smith said to Little Johnny’s father, “Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.”

Little Johnny’s father asked, “What’s that?”

“With grades like these, he couldn’t possibly be cheating.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

The Holy Bible… the graphic novel?

A Japanese author (Ajinbayo Akinsiku) has created a heavily abridged version of the Bible, in the graphic novel style. Called the “Manga Bible,” the work was recently published in the United States, with the goal of making Jesus more “accessible” to a younger, religion-indifferent generation. Along with the illustrations, the Manga Bible uses contemporary dialogue and action scenes. In one example, Noah is seen taking census on the Ark and says, “That’s 11,344 animals? Aargh! I’ve lost count again. I’m going to have to start from scratch!” (New York Times)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

As I started weeding my flower boxes, a friend came by to pay for an item she had purchased from me. Perfect, I thought. Now I can buy a new camera. While taking a photojournalism class at college, the shutter on my camera had suffered a fatality. Since I couldn’t afford either the repair or a new camera, this timely sale was just the solution I needed. As I resumed my duties, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the little boy I had met while on a mission trip building an orphanage in Bolivia three months earlier. I had promised God that someday I would help that little boy. Was that day now? But how could I finish my photojournalism class without a camera? I fought back and forth- little boy, camera – and then finally decided: I would send the money to Bolivia, and if God wanted me to finish my class, He would provide me with a solution. I immediately wrote out a check and put it in the mailbox. An hour later the mail carrier arrived. Not only did he pick up my check, but he also left me a handful of bills. At the bottom of the pile lay an unmarked envelope. I couldn’t believe what it contained- an unexpected check for the mount of a new camera. –Thea Hansen

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOD’S VITAMINS

  • Anxious? Take Vitamin A. (Romans 8:28 = And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.)
  • Blue? Take Vitamin B. (Psalm 103:1 = Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name!)
  • Crushed? Take Vitamin C. (1 Peter 5:7 = Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.)
  • Depressed? Take Vitamin D. (James 4:8 = Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.)
  • Empty? Take Vitamin E (Psalm 100:4 = Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise.)
  • Fearful? Take Vitamin F. (Isaiah 41:10 = Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’)
  • Greedy? Take Vitamin G. (Luke 6:38 = Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”)
  • Hesitant? Take Vitamin H. (Isaiah 52:7 = How beautiful upon the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who proclaims peace, Who brings glad tidings of good things, Who proclaims salvation, Who says to Zion, “Your God reigns!”)
  • Insecure? Take Vitamin I. (Philippians 4:13 = I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.)
  • Jittery? Take Vitamin J. (Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.)

 

 

LEFTOVERS

What have you learned from going to the movies?

After 47 years in existence, I’ve learned a lot in this life… and along with my parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, friends, and others – I’ve also learned a few things from going to movies. Actually, to be honest, I’ve learned the hard way that a lot of the things that I see in movies are NOT true. According to the movies, we’re supposed to believe that…

  • It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  • A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  • When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
  • No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, or volcanic eruption will ever go into shock.
  • Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  • Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  • Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
  •  An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

PHONER: Now – how about you add to the list!  Give me a call and let me know what other things you’ve learned from watching movies!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

You might be burning extra calories right now and not even realize it!

Some of the boring things you do in the office every day are actually helping you burn calories. For example…

  • Running an energetic meeting in front of your boss burns up 177 calories per hour!
  • Cleaning up your desk and surrounding area: 177 calories per hour
  • Delivering mail throughout the office: 177 calories per hour
  • Xeroxing and stapling or filing papers while standing: 147.5 calories per hour
  • Writing a project proposal by hand: 102 calories per hour
  • Typing on your computer: 96 calories
  • Sitting through a staff meeting: 88.5 calories

***MARLAR: Can you feel that burn? Come on now, type… 2… 3… 4… file… 6… 7… 8… staple… 2… 3… 4…

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HOW DIRTY ARE YOU?

A Glamour poll of nearly 1000 women, analyzed by Billy Goldberg, M.D., and Mark Leyner, authors of “Let’s Play Doctor,” found which habits are unhealthy — and which are filthy but fine.

  • Ever wear dirty clothes? A full 85% of women have — just draw the line at underwear (which 52% of poll-takers have re-worn).
  • The five-second rule? More than 40% of women eat food that’s fallen on the floor. — Researchers tossed food on grimy flooring and found that it was germy after just a few seconds.
  • Go barefoot at the gym? 32% of women admitted doing it — Sorry, going barefoot is not a good thing to do at the gym. Even if you’re not worried about slipping on wet feet, you should be wary of the stuff found in sweaty, steamy places that can cause athlete’s foot and plantar warts.
  • Brush your teeth every night? 43% of poll-takers said they don’t — Skip brushing and you’re giving the germs in your mouth time to multiply, especially since the production of bacteria-killing saliva decreases when you sleep.
  • How often do you shower? Almost a third of women said they don’t lather up every day — It depends on how much you sweat. Unhealthy? No.
  • Wash up after using the bathroom? 24% of women don’t do it every time — A little time at the sink will prevent those germs from finding their way into your mouth and causing you nasty gastrointestinal distress. Hand washing is the single most effective way to prevent the transmission of disease of almost any kind.

 

 

FUN LIST

TELL TALE SIGNS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO AT WORK

  • You’ve read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for this year.
  • You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
  • You’ve definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island.
  • You decide to see how many Red Bulls you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.
  • People come into your office frequently… to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
  • No longer content with merely photocopying your rear, you now scan it and enhance it with Photoshop.
  • The 5th Division of Paperclips has completely overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Could eating less extend your life?  It seems to work for monkeys.

…A 20-year study of rhesus monkeys found cutting calories by almost a third slowed their aging and fended off death.  It backs up what scientists have long known about mice, worms and flies, that their lifespan can be extended by deep, long-term cuts in what should be normal consumption.  And the study found the monkeys didn’t just live longer, they were healthier. The calorie-cut monkeys had less than half the incidence of cancerous tumors or heart disease as the monkeys who ate normally. Brain scans showed less age-related shrinkage in the dieting monkeys. They also retained more muscle, something else that tends to waste with age.  The question for scientists now is whether that kind of calorie-cutting would have a similar effect on humans. ***MARLAR: So my choice is to live longer… or live not quite as long but still get my Milk Duds?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

For the church in China, history is being made.  For more than a century, the predominant Bible in China has been the Union translation. While still in use, it’s written in a language most contemporary Chinese people don’t speak. Now the Chinese government has granted approval for the Chinese Contemporary Bible to be printed in mass production at Amity Printing in Nanjing–the world’s largest publisher of Bibles. Officials say it’s a “first-ever in the history of the church in China to have a modern translation available for the vast number of Chinese citizens.”

https://goo.gl/xfF15e

 

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, there’s always something that’ll make you stop and say, “Hmm?” TODAY’s style and beauty expert Bobbie Thomas has uncovered the most unique and unusual finds to recently hit the beauty market. They include Spray-on nail polish, Wearable aromatherapy, and a hair tool you keep in the freezer.

http://on.today.com/1UpzrTb

 

Planning to get married soon? Focus on the Family has a Marriage Prep for Couples app to help you and your future spouse prepare for your upcoming marriage. http://bit.ly/1yArN8o

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The end of the show already? My, how time flies when they make you clean the washrooms during the songs.

 

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself. — Peter da Silva

 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? — George Price

 

Pet sitting for the vacationing neighbors and their pet just died. Hope to replace it with a look-alike. Do they sell Pet Rocks at pet stores? – Darren Marlar

 

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. – Jilly Cooper

 

“Fortunately, my parents were intelligent, enlightened people. They accepted me for what I was, a punishment from God.” — David Steinberg

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 08, 2016…

 

Before I Wake—Everyone has dreams that are fine and not so fine.  In this movie, a child keeps having nightmares that eventually come true, terribly true. The cast includes Kate Bosworth, Thomas Jane and Jacob Tremblay. “Before I Wake” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Boss—The next Melissa McCarthy comedy and this time she portrays a Martha Stewart-type character who is sent to prison for money problems.  Who is supposed to run her company when she is gone? Kristen Bell also stars and the film is directed by McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone. “The Boss” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Demolition—The title makes one think of a demolition derby, but instead, it is about a man (Jake Gyllenhaal) who has had many tragedies in his life and is trying to pull himself together. One of his letters accidentally goes to the wrong office and Naomi Watts gets it and starts taking an interest in Jake. Chris Cooper is also in the cast. “Demolition” is rated R. No rating.

 

Mr. Right (opening in select cities) —This is a study of manic-depression and is a comedy. Yes, Sam Rockwell is a paid assassin who falls for the manic-depressive Anna Kendrick, who starts to think she is seeing and hearing things.  Tim Roth is also in the cast. “Mr. Right” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Term Life– Vince Vaughn stars in a comedy about a man who plans robberies for other people, but is now on the run. Hailee Steinfeld and Bill Paxton are also in the cast. “Term Life” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

APRIL 15, 2016…

 

The Jungle Book is an animated adaptation of the famed book with voices of Bill Murray and Idris Elba.

 

Barbershop 4: The Next Cut continues the series of keeping a barbershop open. Stars Ice Cube.

 

Criminal stars Kevin Costner as an ex-con with implanted memories.

 

Everybody Wants Some!! Is a humorous sports film about college baseball in the 1980’s.

 

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WARNING:    Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned.  (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are.  So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.