April 11, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep






Up next, it’s the new, improved, tartar-controlled, (JOCK SHOW)!




If we live, we live to the Lord: and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. — Romans 14:8


I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. — Galatians 2:20




So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. — Colossians 2:6


Thought: “New and improved!” That’s the key marketing tag to re-introduce an older product that has fallen out of the public perception. Make a few changes, then re-market the old product. Paul wants the Colossians to know that Jesus does not need to be “new and improved.” Instead, they need to follow him as Lord just as they did when they first became Christians. That is our need, too. Our lives need to be rooted and nurtured in Christ Jesus as Lord, full of thankfulness for God’s incredible gift of grace in his Son.


Prayer: Loving Father and Almighty God, thank you for the gift of your grace given to me in Jesus Christ. Forgive me when I get fascinated by what is simply new or when wanderlust hits and I want something novel. Please make my walk with Jesus fresh each day. Strengthen my appreciation that his lordship in my life will help me face the difficult circumstances along the way and greet the exciting new opportunities each day with joy, strength, hope, and power. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




1 John 4:11 NIV = Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL DANDELION DAY.  *** Oooh… an entire day dedicated to pretty weeds!


On this day in 1934 at the top of Mt. Washington in New Hampshire, wind gusts up to 231 miles per hour were recorded, the strongest gusts ever measured on Earth. *** The amount of wind caused talk of changing the name from “Mount Washington” to “Mount Washington D.C.”


130909195057-03-cassette-0909-horizontal-galleryToday is 8-TRACK TAPE DAY.  *** 10 points if you still have 8-track tapes at home, and double points if you have a working 8-track player!  Triple points if you have your working player still hooked up to your home stereo and use it regularly!  (I’m sure a great majority of people listening have no clue whatsoever what an eight-track tape even is. Before music was available on the Internet, before you could buy music on CDs, even before music could be purchased on cassette tapes, there was the eight track tape.  The good thing about eight-track was that it could hold a lot of songs… a lot more than cassettes, and even CDs. The bad thing is that you could never rewind to get to your favorite song. Using the fast forward feature, if you missed the beginning of the song you’d have to go through the entire tape again to get back to where you wanted to be.  The eight-track tape is still in use today all over the world if you keep an eye out.  Eight-track tapes are used as drink coasters, door stops, they prop open windows, are used as clay pigeons…)


Today is BARBERSHOP QUARTET DAY.  *** Ironically, most men who like barbershop quartets today are those who’ve lost the need for a barber.  They probably still own eight-track tapes too. (



Today is DAY OF SILENCE. ***MARLAR: Which is preferable to anyone singing barbershop.




Baby Massage Day

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children to Save Day

Slow Art Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day





D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse

International Day for Street Children

Walk On Your Wild Side Day



Scrabble Day

Thomas Jefferson Day

Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day



Children With Alopecia Day

Dictionary Day

Equal Pay

International Moment of Laughter Day

National Be Kind To Lawyers Day

National Dolphin Day

National Library Workers Day

National Library Day

National Pecan Day

Pan American Day

Pathologists’ Assistant Day



Holocaust Remembrance Day

Income Tax Pay Day

Jackie Robinson Day

McDonald’s Day

Rubber Eraser Day

Take a Wild Guess Day

That Sucks Day

World Art Day

National Bookmobile Day



Celebrate Teen Literature Day

Get To Know Your Customers Day

High Five Day

National Ask An Atheist Day

National D.A.R.E. Day

National Health Care Decisions Day

National Stress Awareness Day

National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day

Save The Elephant Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day



Bat Appreciation Day

Blah! Blah! Blah! Day

Ellis Island Family History Day

Ford Mustang Day

Nothing Like a Dame Day



Adult Autism Day

National Columnists’ Day

National Golf Day

National Lineman Appreciation Day

Pet Owners Independence Day

World Amateur Radio Day

Auctioneers Day

Husband Appreciation Day

Record Store Day



Bicycle Day

John Parker Day

National Garlic Day

National Hanging Out Day

Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day



Chinese Language Day

National Pot Smokers Day

Boston Marathon




1868: U.S. Army Commander Ulysses S. Grant was stopped for speeding in his horse-drawn buggy. Three months later he was stopped again and fined $5.00.


1882: U.S. patent #256,265 was issued for the Block Clock. It was an alarm clock mounted over the bed that, at a set time, dropped two dozen small wood blocks on the sleeper.


1921: Iowa became the first state to impose a tax on cigarettes.


1929: Popeye made his first appearance as a supporting character in a comic strip in Hearst’s New York newspapers. (



1956: Elvis Presley held his first recording session with the Jordanaires, cutting the single track “I Want You, I Need You, I Love You.” The same day, James Brown debuted on Billboard’s R&B chart with “Please, Please, Please.”


1961: Bob Dylan made his professional singing debut in New York City’s Greenwich Village. He sang “Blowin’ in the Wind.”


1962: The New York Mets played their first regular season game. Managed by Casey Stengel, the Mets lost their first ten games.


1979: Rebels and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control of Uganda’s government deposing the brutal dictator Idi Amin.


1981: Guitarist Eddie Van Halen and actress Valerie Bertinelli were married in Los Angeles.


1986: Kellogg’s of Battle Creek, Michigan, stopped an 80-year tradition of tours of its breakfast-food plant, believing that spies from other companies were taking the tours to steal company secrets.


1989: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,821,247) to Reginald Grooms of Conway, South Carolina, for his Ear-Mounted Alarm Clock, a digital alarm clock so tiny it can be hidden in your ear and awaken you without bothering your spouse.


1990: Astronomers at Lowell Observatory in Arizona named four asteroids after John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr.


1999: Florida accountant Jim Akin finished his annual count of dollar bills stapled to the walls and ceiling at McGuire’s Irish Pub & Brewery in Pensacola. Since 1977 customers had signed and stapled up 175,000 dollar bills, which every April have to be inventoried and reported to the IRS.


2003: Thieves broke into a safe and stole $1,020 — from a prison. A spokesman for Spring Hill Prison near Aylesbury, England, said the crime took place in the prison’s reception area.


2006: More than a million immigrants and their supporters in some 150 U.S. cities rallied peacefully against a congressional clampdown and possible deportations.




627: Hilda of Whitby is baptized. One of the most influential women of the Dark Ages, she founded Whitby, discovered and promoted Caedmon (an early English poet), and trained five bishops.


1079: Stanislaus, Polish bishop of Krakow, is martyred. Whether or not he attempted to overthrow King Boleslaw II (called Boleslaw the Cruel) is debatable; he certainly excommunicated the evil king. In return, Boleslaw deemed him a traitor and had Stanislaus murdered.


1506: Pope Julius II lays the foundation for the new St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. Builders delayed its completion until 1626 due to its immense cost, size, and other factors. Indulgences sold to fund the construction drew criticism from Protestant reformers, most memorably Martin Luther.


1567: Thomas Aquinas, the greatest Christian philosopher of the Middle Ages, is elevated to the status of Doctor of the Church.


1836: George Mueller, leader of the Plymouth Brethren movement, opens his famous orphanage on Wilson Street in Bristol. By 1875, Mueller’s orphanage provided care for over 2,000 children, a work sustained not by regular fundraising but by thousands of “answers to prayer.


1861: Sarah Platt Haines Doremus becomes the first president of the Women’s Union Missionary Society of America for Heathen Lands. She became known as the “Mother of Missions.”




  • actress (Lady Killers, Wolves of Wall Street, Mystery Men) Louise Lasser is 76
  • actor (Another Mr. Sloane/Ned Bolger on TV’s “Alias,” Chiun in Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins) Joel Grey 83 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1918 : Jimmy Lewis

1935 : Richard Berry

1943 : Tony Victor (The Classics)

1946 : Bob Harris

1954 : Chris Difford (Squeeze)

1958 : Stuart Adamson (Big Country)

1961 : Doug Hopkins (The Gin Blossoms)

1965 : Nigel Pulsford (Bush)

1966 : Lisa Stanfield

1969 : Cerys Matthews (Catalonia)

1970 : Dylan Keefe (Marcy Playground)

1979 : Sebastien Grainger (Death from Above 1979)

1987 : Joss Stone




Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Painting eggs dates back to Western Europe’s 15th century. When czars ruled Russia, royal families were given Fabergé eggs as Easter gifts. Carl Fabergé created his eggs out of gold, silver and jewels from the 1880s to 1917. They opened to show tiny figures of people, animals, plants or buildings. In pre-Christian times, colored eggs were used as a calling for good spirits.




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Jon Steingard was packing for a 12-day run of shows, photos, and writing this week. The frontman for Hawk Nelson said he was packing light. He was able to get everything he needed into a backpack and a small computer bag.


Joel was taking a walk down memory lane this week. The member of for King and Country was in California visiting some of the old haunts where he and his brother Luke wrote several of their songs. Join Joel on his walk down memory lane by going to the bands Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/forkingandcountry?fref=ts


NeedToBreathe is celebrating National Siblings Day this Friday. In the spirit of the bands new single “Brother” and National Siblings Day on April 10th, they want you to recreate a childhood photo with your brother, sister, best friend, compadres, or ANYONE who you consider to be family! Upload your photos to Instagram using the hashtag #BrotherNTB. Then fill out the form online form to be automatically entered to win a signed Martin Acoustic Guitar and prize pack. Sign up now at http://t.co/x8V9CQoByW


Jamie Grace is looking for dancers. She shared online this week : there may be a chance in the near future to team up with myself and Good Eye Management. Jamie says she is looking for all ages, styles and both guys and girls. Simply post a link to a YouTube video of you dancing on Jamie’s Facebook page. Include your email, name and age in the description of the video.


Ben McDonald this week fulfilled the promise he made three years ago. The Sidewalk Prophets guitarist said he was going to climb Sandia in Albuquerque but it didn’t happen until Tuesday. Ben says the 8-mile hike took 3.5 hours and included a vertical climb of 35-hundred feet. The Bad news was that the tram down was closed.




Another groaner from Citizenway: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.


Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard was going over old school over the weekend. He tweeted that he just put a letter in the mail.


Brandon Heath had some special help recently while performing his song No Turning Back. He was playing in Florida at a Young Life event and had the young people in the group join him on stage. They each wrote down their no turning back date, the date they committed to follow Christ, no turning back. Brandon tweeted: I was so honored to witness it all. So cool.


Ken Davis had a scare this week. He shared on his Facebook page: I was taken to the emergency room last night with excruciating chest pain. The doctors did a battery of tests. They found nothing suspicious except….a Jalapeno. They set me free and I rode 15 miles this morning. God is good.


Plumb continue to provide updates on their home renovations. The latest addition is a mud room. Plumb says: Now when my kids walk in the house their schoolbags and coats and gloves and hats and mittens and dirty clothing will come into the mudroom and hopefully stay there so the rest of the house can stay cleaner… Anybody with me?




Cat survives shock, 25-foot fall from power pole    photo
GRANTS PASS, Ore. (AP) — The owner of a 17-pound Siamese cat named Liam says he has nearly used up his nine lives after getting shocked on a power pole in Grants Pass and falling 25 feet. HASH(0x14143b0) Her husband, Jeff, went outside and the cat was lying still on the transformer at the top…


Former TV pitchman will go to trial in owl harassment case    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A plea deal for a former TV pitchman in Utah accused of kicking a barn owl in flight while riding a motorized paraglider fell through Thursday when he refused to admit to a crime he said makes him look like an evil, horrible person. Dell “Super Dell” Schanze —…
Police: Des Moines man reports stolen bag of dog poop
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Police say someone who attempted to steal a truck parked outside a Des Moines home instead took a bag of dog poop. The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. Upon arrival, a man told police someone broke…
Washington deputies find cabin that family reported stolen    photo
SPRINGDALE, Wash. (AP) — Authorities say a log cabin that a family reported stolen off its foundation has been found in rural northeast Washington. Stevens County Sheriff Kendle Allen says deputies following a tip found the cabin Thursday morning about 10 miles from its original location. He…
Police: $70K in bull semen stolen from Minnesota farm
LEROY, Minn. (AP) — Police are investigating the theft of about $70,000 worth of bull semen from a farm in southern Minnesota. Mower (MOH’-ur) County Sheriff Terese Amazi (AM’-uh-zye) says a LeRoy man reported Tuesday that a storage canister with vials of bull semen was taken from his…
Man indicted for robbing the same Ohio bank after prison
CLEVELAND (AP) — A 47-year-old Ohio man has been charged with robbing a suburban Cleveland bank — the same bank he pleaded guilty to robbing in 1999 and for which he served a prison sentence of nearly six years. Larry Hewitt of Garfield Heights and his alleged accomplice, 33-year-old…
Godzilla welcomed in Tokyo – to lure visitors, not to scare    photo
TOKYO (AP) — Fire-breathing, building-stomping Godzilla was welcomed in part of Tokyo on Thursday as a sign of prosperity, not destruction. The irradiated monster was appointed special resident and tourism ambassador for Shinjuku ward, known for its down-home bars and noodle restaurants. A…
Surprise! Utah man dons polo shirt, ends at table with Obama    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Last week, 26-year-old Lance Futch donned a white polo shirt and drove to Hill Air Force Base for what he believed was a chance to be in the audience during a news conference with a “senior White House official.” Instead, he found himself sitting at a small table just…
Puppy rescued after falling 50 feet into old well casing    photo
FRESNO, Calif. (AP) — A puppy in California apparently is doing OK after he fell about 50 feet down an old well casing and was rescued by firefighters. Fresno Fire Department spokesman Pete Martinez says the puppy dropped into the uncovered metal pipe Tuesday in a Fresno garage. The pipe was…
Images released of ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ robber in California    photo
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. (AP) — Police have released surveillance images of a wanted man dubbed the “Mrs. Doubtfire” bandit because he was disguised as a woman during a bank robbery in California. HASH(0x140a7f0) He wore a wavy blond wig, thick-framed glasses and navy blue hospital scrubs, and…
Massive plant that waited 80 years to flower is taken down    photo
ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) — An American agave’s job is to flower once and then die. One of the plants that called the University of Michigan home for an unexpectedly long 80 years accomplished the former last year. On Wednesday, its life came to an end. Mike Palmer, the horticulture manager at…




Worst VA health care wait times are in the South    photo
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. (AP) — The chronic delays plaguing the Veterans Affairs health system are concentrated in a fraction of its hospitals and clinics — many of them in the South — that have done far worse than others in delivering prompt care, according to government data reviewed…


California saw record number of West Nile deaths in 2014    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California saw a record number of deaths from the West Nile virus last year, and the state’s drought may have contributed to the spike in infections, according to health officials. Thirty-one infected people died in 2014, the most since California began recording West Nile…
Utah prison chief: Someone could be fired over inmate death    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Utah’s prison director said Thursday that he’ll fire someone if needed after he investigates the death of an inmate who went without dialysis for two days when providers failed to show up for treatment. Rollin Cook, the executive director of Utah’s Department of…
UN: Ebola still global emergency despite big drop in cases    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the year-long Ebola outbreak in West Africa still qualifies as an international emergency even though the number of cases has plummeted. Last August, the U.N. health agency declared the epidemic of the lethal virus to be a global emergency…
Suit claims AIDS foundation scammed Medicare for $20M
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — One of the nation’s largest suppliers of HIV and AIDS medical care is accused of bilking Medicare and Medicaid in an elaborate $20 million dollar scam that spanned 12 states, according to a lawsuit filed in South Florida federal court. Three former managers of the…
Inspection found no problem at Oklahoma ice cream plant
DALLAS (AP) — Days after a foodborne illness was linked to Blue Bell ice cream products, a state inspection of an Oklahoma plant later tied to the infection praised the facility for having no violations and doing a “great job,” according to a copy of the inspection report. Inspectors had no…
Study: Short people’s genes may confer higher heart risks    photo
Short people have more risk for heart disease, and now researchers may know why: Genes that govern height also seem to affect cholesterol, especially in men. Doctors have suspected that height and heart risks are related. Shorter people are more prone to heart attacks, high blood pressure and…
Obama says climate change is harming Americans’ health    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Global warming isn’t just affecting the weather, it’s harming Americans’ health, President Barack Obama said Tuesday as he announced steps government and businesses will take to better understand and deal with the problem. Obama said hazards of the changing climate include…
Garth Brooks dedicates child play zone at Indiana hospital    photo
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Country music star Garth Brooks became teary-eyed Tuesday as he dedicated a new child play zone at an Indianapolis children’s hospital, praising the colorful, game-filled space as a “miracle” that allows ailing youngsters to forget their illnesses and just have fun. Brooks…
Obama: Malia’s asthma brings home climate change debate
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama says his memory of the fear over his daughter’s preschool asthma attacks brings home the debate over climate change. Obama says he knows firsthand how scary it can be to have a child who struggles to breathe. He is arguing that preventing climate…
Court: Arizona probationers can’t be barred from medical pot
PHOENIX (AP) — Arizonans with medical marijuana cards cannot be barred from using the drug while on probation, the state Supreme Court concluded Tuesday in a ruling that will have ripple effects across the state. The decision by Arizona’s highest court comes as courts around the country are…




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OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear cancelled his checkers game with Sully so he could help out a friend’s bowling team who was short one player. Gruffy was doing well, in fact, he was doing very well! Finally it came down to the last ball, and it was all up to Gruffy… he had to get a strike or the team would lose the tournament!


CLOSE: That was great bowling by Gruffy – but now he has a dilemma. He already promised Sully that he’d play checkers tomorrow night. He’s already cancelled twice – and now he has decide whether or not to break his promise to Sully… again! What will he do? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had just escaped from the hospital in order to avoid getting his tonsils out. Unfortunately, a Razzleflabbin named Clarence has the job of showing Marvy what happened because he didn’t have the surgery! And it’s not pretty.


CLOSE: This story gets more and more grim by the day! Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Self-defense classes are pretty popular – just make sure you’re not taking a class in Tai Kwon DUH!
It’s not Tai Kwon Do, it’s Tai Kwon DUH!  Aarti Rishi, a 20-year-old first-degree black belt, was substituting for the regular Sensei at a Dojo in Bayonne, New Jersey. Guess she thought she’d be a show off and instructed one of the students to shoot an arrow at her. She was supposed to catch it with her hand. Instead she caught it with her left eye! The regular Sensei, Chris Cherchio, said had he been there, he never would have allowed such stunt adding, “That’s not the kind of school we run.” In the meantime, Aarti’s going to be all right… as long as you consider going throughout the rest of your life with just one eye all right!






  1. You already lied about your weight on your driver’s license; there’s no reason that anything else should be completely accurate.


  1. Gunmetal grey just isn’t as fetching as it may sound.


  1. Last resort! Hopefully the aliens won’t recognize you.


  1. Last Halloween some kid tried to carve a jack-o-lantern in your head.


  1. It clashes with your iPod.


  1. You’ve always wanted to be a twin, but all you’ve got is a parrot.


  1. Bright purple hair still looks dark brown on black and white security cameras in convenience stores.


  1. So you can stand out as an individual, just like everyone else.


  1. Anything is better than your current shade of “clear.”


  1. You’re the ditzy, talentless younger sister tired of being mistaken for your ditzy, talentless older sister.




Who needs a semi-automatic when you have an ice scraper?


FILE #1: In Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Derdre Rodriguez chased down a burglar and held him at bay with an unusual weapon of choice — an ice scraper. She told officers that when she came home, she heard someone jump out of a back window. She then saw 16-year-old Jake Merfeld running across the yard, carrying jewelry, cell phones and a video game. So she chased him down and when she caught him, hit him on top of the head with the ice scraper and he surrendered. She then made the teen boy pick up the property he dropped while trying to escape. He was treated for a cut on his head, now faces a second-degree burglary charge.


FILE #2: There is such a thing as getting too tough on crime — like when we throw common sense out the window and start treating our good citizens like bank robbers — over an obvious mistake. Thus was the fate of Tom Sturgis in Cleveland, Ohio. Tom had gone grocery shopping and paid $157.20 at one of those self-checkout counter. Problem was that he forgot to ring up the case of sodas he had under his cart and was walking out of the store when security asked to see his receipt. When Tom realized his mistake, he offered to gladly go back to the line and pay for the sodas. But the security guard refused and told Tom that the situation was similar to a bank robbery! So they called police and Tom was charged with petty theft.


FILE #3: Note to self: When robbing banks, taxis don’t make good getaway vehicles. Police in East Point, Georgia, easily caught Marcus Chisholm after he called a taxi to take him to and from the Sun Trust bank branch that he allegedly robbed. The cab driver gave officers Chisholm’s address and identified him in the bank’s surveillance video. Police picked Chisholm up at his apartment a few hours after the robbery.


STRANGE LAW: Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown in Florida.  And thank goodness for that.




A Vallejo, California, couple promised to take each other for better or for worse. The worse part came a lot sooner than they expected.
A fight broke out at their wedding party and when police returned for a second time they treated both the groom and his cousin to a toast with a Taser. The bride and groom spent their wedding night in jail after officers took this man and this woman to be their lawfully arrested inmates – he for resisting arrest, she for public intoxication.




What’s the dumbest thing that you and your significant other have fought over?  One Orange County, FL woman stabbed her husband after a fight over hot dogs for dinner!  That’s pretty frivolous!  What’s the silliest thing you and your significant argued about?




QUESTION: What was the name of the secretary that wrote the book of Romans for Paul?
ANSWER: Tertius (Romans 16:22 = “I Tertius, who wrote this epistle, salute you in the Lord.”)




QUESTION: What was Kelly’s last-name in “Saved by the Bell”?
ANSWER: Kapowski (





Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Electric refrigerators were first sold to American housewives in 1916, at a cost of $90. (False – $900!)


  1. In 1956, 80% of all U.S. households had a refrigerator, but only 8% of British households had one. (True)


  1. The country whose residents eat at sit down restaurants the least is Hong Kong. (False – Russia. Russians eat at restaurants an average of 0.3 meals per month. Residents of Hong Kong eat out at sit down restaurants the most at 8.7 meals per month.)


  1. Women’s hearts beat faster than men’s. (True)


  1. When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit. (True)


  1. Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets. (True)


  1. Bubble gum contains rubber. (True)


  1. You can only smell 1/10th as well as a dog. (False – 1/20th)


  1. In high school, Robin Williams was voted “Most Likely to Succeed.” (False – he was voted “Least Likely to Succeed”)


  1. Only 85% of all Americans know that the sun is a star. (False – worse, it’s only 55% that know.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


A snowman jumped in front of a moving train!

Passenger train “Moscow – Novy Urengoy” had to make an emergency stop in the Kirov region, after the train ran over a snowman. The snowman “emerged” on the tracks. The collision resulted in a technical malfunction for the locomotive. The train continued traveling as soon as the malfunction was fixed.





A minister has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says, “I am a taxi driver from New York City.”
The angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the minister steps up to the angel who hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water.
The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, “That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?”
The angel replies, “Up here we judge on results—all of your people sleep through your sermons—in his taxi, they pray.”



Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger mellowed, and I decided to give the driver another chance.

During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver’s windshield: “Please don’t take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don’t say I never towed you!”



This guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.”

The doctor says, “OK. Touch your elbow.”

The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doctor, surprised, says “Touch your head.”

The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts terribly. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days.

Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor says “We’ve found your problem.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?”

“You’ve broken your finger!”




A survey of Glamour Magazine readers resulted in 50% of Glamour readers saying they would throw a “divorce party.”  ***MARLAR: Which is even more shallow than actually reading Glamour Magazine.


A skin care clinic in Bangkok, Thailand, was raided by the Public Health Ministry for allegedly prescribing superglue as an acne remover.  ***MARLAR: Good call; I’d think Super Glue would make your zits more permanent.






  1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found


  1. hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without


  1. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never


  1. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always


  1. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended


  1. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee


  1. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no


  1. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound


  1. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be


  1. classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be


  1. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be


  1. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be


  1. executed as soon as possible.


Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.




Here are some actual tax deductions from a firm in Cupertino, California

  • A San Jose couple donated a halibut to the Salvation Army. The wife caught it while on an Alaskan vacation. They claimed the fish weighed 700 pounds, and at the market price of $7.99 a pound, they paid for their vacation with the write-off.
  • A father deducted the cost of a musical instrument and lessons for his son, who played the clarinet to help correct an overbite.
  • A cat owner deducted the cost of the kitty because it was trained to alert its hearing-impaired master to unusual sounds.
  • How about childbirth-damaged carpet? Nobody gave birth on it, but a woman who conducted Lamaze classes in her family room claimed pregnant women were wearing out the carpet during their exercises.
  • A paraplegic’s doctor recommended swimming as therapy, so the woman built a glamorous pool with water-spouting cupid statues. The IRS allowed a $70,000 deduction, including five grand for the cupids.
  • One man wrote off a wig. He bought the rug to relieve his mental stress of going bald.




David L. Kuzminski
Walking down a path through some woods in Georgia, I saw a water puddle ahead on the path. I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that wasn’t covered by water and mud. As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly attacked!  Yet I did nothing for the attack was so unpredictable and from a source so totally unexpected.
I was startled as well as unhurt, despite having been struck four or five times already. I backed up a foot and my attacker stopped attacking me. Instead of attacking more, he hovered in the air on graceful butterfly wings in front of me. Had I been hurt I wouldn’t have found it amusing, but I was unhurt, it was funny,
and I was laughing. After all, I was being attacked by a butterfly!
Having stopped laughing, I took a step forward. My attacker rushed me again.
He rammed me in the chest with his head and body, striking me over and over again with all his might, still to no avail.
For a second time, I retreated a step while my attacker relented in his attack. Yet again, I tried moving forward. My attacker charged me again. I was rammed in the chest over and over again. I wasn’t sure what to do, other than to retreat a third time. After all, it’s just not everyday that one is attacked by a butterfly. This time, though, I stepped back several paces to look the situation over. My attacker moved back as well to land on the ground. That’s when I discovered why my attacker was charging me only moments earlier. He had a mate and she was dying. She was beside the puddle where he landed. Sitting close beside her, he opened and closed his wings as if to fan her. I could only admire the love and courage of that butterfly in his concern for his mate. He had taken it upon himself to attack me for his mate’s sake, even though she was clearly dying and I was so large. He did so just to give her those extra few precious moments of life, should I have been careless enough to step on her.
Now I knew why and what he was fighting for. There was really only one option left for me. I carefully made my way around the puddle to the other side of the path, though it was only inches wide and extremely muddy. His courage in attacking something thousands of times larger and heavier than himself just for
his mate’s safety justified it. I couldn’t do anything other than reward him by walking on the more difficult side of the puddle. He had truly earned those moments to be with her, undisturbed. left them in peace for those last few moments, cleaning the mud from my boots when I later reached my car.
Since then, I’ve always tried to remember the courage of that butterfly whenever I see huge obstacles facing me.
I use that butterfly’s courage as an inspiration and to remind myself that good things are worth fighting for.




M. R. De Haan, M.D.
Read: Psalm 71:9-18
At evening time it shall happen that it will be light. – Zechariah 14:7
It is wonderful to be young, with clear sight, acute hearing, elastic step, pulses drumming to the march of exhilarating health. But old age has glories that youth cannot know. It is a blessed old age indeed if it ends brightly at evening time.
Old age celebrates the harvest—youth the sowing. Like fruit in the fall, the harvest of old age will either dry up and wither, or grow mellow and sweeter as it ripens.
You cannot escape the advancing years. Youth stays long enough only to strengthen our shoulders for the burdens ahead. Life leads inevitably to the evening time. But the best things are the oldest things—things that have endured and stood the test of time. God Himself—though not bound by time—is called the Ancient of Days (Daniel 7:9).
So don’t be ashamed to own your age. Everything that abides must become old: mountains, rivers, oceans, stars.
But the evening time of life can be bright only if we have the One who is the Light as our evening Sun. Nothing is sadder than an aging person facing eternity without Jesus. And nothing is sweeter than a gently mellowing Christian, still growing and resting in Christ as he faces God’s tomorrow with confidence.


So I journey with rejoicing
Toward the city of God’s light,
While each day my joy is deeper,
And the pathway grows more bright. —Hoffman


It is a strange thing that, while all would live long, none would be old. —Benjamin Franklin




Ever have an ache in your body, but are not sure how you hurt yourself? A woman from Yonkers, New York, dealt with a pain in her neck for three days before finally seeing a doctor. The doctor found the source of the pain…

… a bullet! Apparently she had been shot in the neck, but was not aware of it! The 23-year-old woman, whose name was not made public, told police she began feeling pain, and noticed a small amount of blood. Four days later she went to the hospital because the pain had not subsided. An X-ray revealed a small caliber bullet lodged in her neck. Detectives and the woman are still trying to figure out when she was shot. ***MARLAR: How would you like to have this lady’s tolerance for pain? This lady gets shot and doesn’t even realize it for four days! I cry like a baby if I stub my toe on the coffee table in the middle of the night!




If you want to lose weight, you might want to skip the gym and hit the hay.

French researchers now say that an extra hour of sleep could be the key to losing weight. Of course, it still makes sense to make time for exercise and you still need a good diet, but after going over some 30 previous studies, the researchers noticed a link between weight gain and lack of sleep. There are two key hormones in our bodies that regulate the fat. Grehlin makes people hungry, slows metabolism and decreases the body’s ability to burn body fat, and leptin regulates fat storage. When we lose sleep, we lose appetite-cutting leptin and gain appetite-causing grehlin. Of course, the best time to start the habit of getting a good night’s sleep and fighting off obesity is when you’re young and the researchers say that each extra hour of sleep cuts a child’s risk of becoming overweight by nine percent.




Do you think he requires a Delorian traveling 88 miles per hour?
In Athens, Ohio, a chiropractor who claims he can treat anyone by going back in time to when an injury occurred has attracted the attention of state regulators. Now a hearing has been scheduled for James Burda who has been accused of being “unable to practice chiropractic according to acceptable and prevailing standards of care due to mental illness, specifically, Delusional Disorder, Grandiose Type.” But James says he’s not mentally ill — it’s just that he possesses a skill he discovered by accident while driving six years ago. He calls his treatment “Bahlaqeem” — basically a made up word — and charges nothing for his first “visit,” usually by phone or Internet. Subsequent treatments are $60. He also offers a money back guarantee and says he’s treated hundreds of patients and reports nine out of 10 patients are satisfied.  ***MARLAR: This is a total sham.  If you discovered that you somehow had the ability to travel back and forth through time, would your first idea be, “Saaaay… I could place people’s spines back into alignment!”?  Of course not – you’d immediately go after the Power Ball numbers. (






From the folks at Hallmark.com and their creation, Maxine the Queen of Crabbiness, here are 10 ways to ensure you get audited by the IRS…

  • Pay in pennies (delivered by sling slot).
  • Deduct calls made to the Psychic Network in an attempt to get winning PowerBall numbers.
  • Claim your cat as a dependent.
  • Claim charitable deductions that equal more than your income.
  • On the line that asks what you made this year, answer “Trouble.”
  • Deduct adoption costs associated with adopting a new personality.
  • Claim a home office deduction based on all the in-home counseling you give to friends and family.
  • Wait till the last minute and copy the numbers from the guy standing next to you in line at the post office.
  • Fill out your forms in yellow crayon.
  • Detail 11,215 Internet stock trades — and claim you came out exactly even.




UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.


Tipping Point

Generally speaking, I feel very low guilt over not fulfilling certain tipping expectations. And now I feel indignant toward new tipping practices as outlined in a January New York Times article. It centers on the growth of “automatic tipping.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/01/business/dollar3-tip-on-a-dollar4-cup-of-coffee-gratuities-grow-automatically.html?_r=0
The writer visited a coffeehouse in New York City. When the credit card was used, the iPad was turned to face the customer to include a $1, $2, or $3 tip! A customized option was available but it took extra effort while the cashier waited. Oooohhhh. Pressure.
As noted in this article, “Leaving 15 percent for full service (the former standard tip at a sit-down restaurant), and less for quick transactions, is considered chintzy by some people. ‘We recommend 20 percent absolutely,’ said Peter Post, managing director of the Emily Post Institute, which offers guidelines in etiquette.”
Ride a taxi in New York and your options might well be 20, 25, or even 30 per cent for the autotip. Again, manual options available. A certain day spa asks if you’d like to include a tip with a gift certificate. The amount? Twenty five percent!
One innovative approach for lower end food service businesses is DipJar. When you pay for your items with a credit card, you “dip” your card again into a electronic receptacle usually with a preset amount— say $1. The test market for this has proven quite successful.
But the tipping issue begs a larger question, namely, who is entitled to a tip?
In the old days, I went to Dairy Queen and bought a sundae or a Blizzard. Now I see a tip jar! If you use a laundromat, does the maintenance team deserve a tip? What about all those good folks at a grocery store? The expert who cuts and packages your meat? The cashier who must handle all of your items at checkout? The dude who restocks the shelves?
What about in the medical field? These people once saved my life! Along with the unbelievably high medical bills, imagine a 20 per cent tip for outstanding service of my thoracic surgeon! Or the nurses…the orderlies…the check in people? And what about auto mechanics? Walmart greeters? Dry cleaners? Movie theatre employees who put on the extra butter?
And bringing it all back home…what about ME? My reading of my feature article tells me that the company ChangeTip enables tips to be collected for content creators (or anyone) on the Internet! Content creators? That’s what I do every day! I create radio content for my listeners. Certainly there MUST be a way for those tuned in to reward me in the event I have a scintillating and meaningful interview! After all, I’m now tipping everyone else!
And, of course, how about all those good people at my church? Sure we take an offering. But that’s our gift of gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. And it’s used to pay the operating budgets at the church. But what about when the pastor or music director hits a homerun? Should there be a tip jar up front?
The answer is … NO! This tipping thing is out of control. I’ll tip when appropriate, thank you. No guilt.
This past week, many Christians recognized the day before Good Friday as Maundy Thursday. The significance was on the “mandate” of Jesus from the Last Supper. During that meal, Jesus put a towel around his waist and washed his disciples’ feet. He was sending a message on serving others. You can read the account in John, Chapter 13. Verse 15 has Jesus saying, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (ESV)
My business advice is simple. Serve others. Serve with excellence. Be grateful for customers. Do this, and they may decide to tip you. And whatever they give, be grateful.
If this blog has been helpful, well, need I say more? Hint. Hint.



The top ten excuses for speeding, according to a Georgia State Trooper: (so if you NEED an excuse, try to come up with something other than one of these…)

  1. I just didn’t realize it.
  2. I was traveling with the flow of traffic.
  3. I was passing someone.
  4. My speedometer must be wrong.
  5. But I had my cruise control set at such and such.
  6. Your radar must be wrong.
  7. Running late for something.
  8. I’m on vacation.
  9. I was trying to get to a rest room.
  10. This is someone else’s car.




Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

The work of a pastor and former vice police officer may soon be the next reality show. According to Relevant Magazine, the show will be titled 8 minutes. It will feature an undercover pastor who has 8 minutes to encourage prostitutes to leave their lifestyle. The reality show actually started when the pastor, simply known as Brown, told his church he wanted to help these young ladies after 20 years of arresting them. What started by a drive in his local church has turned into what are the cable network A&E hopes will be the next hit reality show. http://relm.ag/1yUB6nE


When Sadie Robertson posted a video she made on YouTube she didn’t expect her message of faith to go viral. According to Fox News, The “Duck Dynasty” star only shared the video at the urging of her younger sister Bella. Sadie told Gma’s Robin Roberts: “I was in my pajamas laying in bed and I was like kind of preaching to myself.” In the seven-minute long video, the 17-year-old spoke about her insecurities and how she leans on God to help her overcome her jealousy.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEt1eWbCW5g


There’s an app for everything these days; so why not also have an app for Bible translation? Bruce Smith, President of Wycliffe Associates, says they’re working on a Bible translation app called translationStudio. According to the Mission Network News Report, the app will be like a Bible commentary, helping translators understand the context and meaning of a verse. Smith says “Our goal is to create open content that’s freely available that people can use in the translation process.”  The app is not yet available, it’s still in the works – but you can learn more about it at https://t.co/cBFLnofr69.




Afraid of working in the Missions field?  If you own a computer, you’re already there.  A new study finds that the Internet is emerging as a witnessing tool in the United States. According to a report in Charisma News, a study by the Pew Research Center found that one in five Americans shares their faith online, and in a typical week, nearly 50 percent of U.S. adults see someone else share their faith online. Generationally, younger people, ages 18-29, were approximately twice as likely to see someone sharing their faith online as were adults ages 50 and over. Meanwhile, Southern Evangelical Seminary President Dr. Richard Land says online evangelism is critical to reaching the unreached and will be central to fulfilling the Great Commission. He adds: sharing one’s faith online is perhaps the best way to reach many younger people with the Gospel, and it may be the only way to reach those in foreign nations that have governments and cultures hostile to the Gospel.  ***MARLAR: So poking someone on Facebook is kinda like the laying on of hands!


The Haggai Institute is helping clear up some conflicting messages coming out of China. According to a Mission Network News report, most stories coming out of China are true to a certain extent. They say the facts are that Christianity is growing in China and persecution is decreasing. While church and crosses are being torn down in some areas, it isn’t the case in all areas. But the situation isn’t all positive. Officials say that, while there has never been greater for the freedom for the church in China, uncertainty and mixed messages underscore one important fact; difficulties do still exist in the country. However, things are improving. In 2009 China ranked as number 13 on the Open Doors USA World Watch List. Today China has dropped all the way to 37 on the list of the countries with the most persecution.  Keep praying for China… it’s working!


Medical research from leading hospitals and universities across the U.S. has shown conclusively a belief in God really IS good for you, making you healthier and happier, and helping you live longer. According to the Huffington Post, Duke University’s Harold G. Koenig, M.D. say “Studies have shown prayer can prevent people from getting sick — and when they do get sick, prayer can help them get better faster.” After an exhaustive analysis of more than 1,500 reputable medical studies, Dr. Koenig found that the studies “indicates people who are more religious and pray more have better mental and physical health.” He added: “out of 125 studies that looked at the link between health and regular worship, 85 also showed regular churchgoers live longer.





You have no idea how good you have it here.  In (OTHER TOWN), there’s a new self-service radio station. They mail you three CDs in a row and you play ’em yourself.  You mail back the CDs and they send you two commercials to read.  It’s a new idea they call “listener involvement”.  In (OTHER TOWN) they think way outside the box.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


APRIL 10, 2015…


Desert Dancer—This film is a biographical one about a self-taught dancer in Iran who, with his friends, learns to dance by watching Michael Jackson videos and others artists. The government sternly disapproves and this is done in secret. Stars Afsshin, Freida Pinto, Tom Cullen and Akin Akezy. “Desert Dancer” has no rating. Rating of 2 for this particular situation.


The Hunting Ground—Director Amy Ziering has produced quite a documentary about rapes on the campus of the University of North Carolina. With two women willing to tell their story, the audience finds out just what happened and precautions to be taken. A college campus isn’t entirely a safe place and a forest isn’t the only place people hunt. Harrowing. “The Hunting Ground” is nor rated. Rating of 3.


Merchants of Doubt—A documentary about the news industry and adapted from the book by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway, directed by Robert Kenner. The audience sees what goes on in behind the scenes in news shows and sometimes it can be a bag of tricks. Just how much of the “truth” do audiences really get? The word “manipulation” comes to mind. “Merchants of Doubt” is not rated. Rating of 3.


While We’re Young—Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts are a couple sliding into middle-age. Ben is a filmmaker. they meet a nice young couple, Amanda Seyfreid and Adam Driver and become friends. Then, Ben and Naomi take a long, hard look at their own lives. Crisis ahead? “While We’re Young” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Danny Collins—This comedy stars Al Pacino as a fading rock star (try to imagine that) who is trying to revive his career. Enter something unexpected (really unexpected) and he decides to go with it.  Also in the cast  are Annette Bening, Bobby Cannavale, Jennifer Garner and Christopher Plummer. “Danny Collins” is rated R. No rating.


The Longest Ride—Based on a Nicholas Sparks novel , this film tells the story of a love affair between a bull rider (Scott Eastwood) and an artist (Britt Robertson.) Of course, there are problems, and one day Scott meets a retired champion, Ira (Alan Alda) who helps him in this situation. Also in the cast are Jon Huston and Lolita Davidovich. “The Longest Ride” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for author Nicholas Sparks fans.


Woman In Gold—This is based on a real life situation in which a woman (Helen Mirren) tries to regain a portrait stolen by the German Army during WWII. The painting is called “Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer” by Gustav Klimt. Also in the cast are Maria Altman, Katie Holmes, Charles Dance and Elizabeth McGovern (“Downton Abbey.”) “Woman In Gold” is rated PG 13. No rating.


APRIL 17, 2015…


Clouds of Sils Maria stars Juliette Binoche as an actress trying to adjust to younger actresses after her roles.


Monkey Kingdom is a documentary about a family  of monkeys who have to move to another home. Disney Nature film.


Child 44 is based on Tom Rob Smith’s 2008 novel about child murders in Russia. Stars Tom Hardy.


Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a sequel to Kevin James earlier hit, and now Blart is doing special security in Las Vegas.


Unfriended uses the Internet and Skype as a tool to haunt people. Stars Heather Sossaman.


True Story, and based on a true incident, stars James Franco as a man in Oregon who murders his wife and children and then goes on the run.


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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.