April 12, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

 

CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150412

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I asked the boss what I could do to improve my show. When I walked out of his office he was still talking.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. –Psalm 62:7

 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought. — Jeremiah 17:7-8

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. — 1 Peter 2:11

 

Thought: This world is not our destination; it is our journey! There are many things here that can distract us from our goal and destroy our desire to complete our journey. These sinful desires actually are at war with us. But through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can say “NO!” and live with confidence and character before our world that is trapped in darkness and so desperately needs God’s light.

 

Prayer: Forgive me, holy God, for my failure with sin. Empower me, almighty God, so that I may grow ever closer to your character and holiness. Help me, loving God, to live a holy life that is attractive to my friends, family, and neighbors, so they may come to glorify you by living your life, too. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

1 John 4:12 NIV = No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 12, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 258 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is SPAM THE INTERNET DAY. On this day in 1994, the Internet became commercial when two authors spammed 6,000 Usenet newsgroups with a commercial ad.  ***MARLAR: Thanks a lot, guys.

 

Today is EAT ALL YOUR SNACKS BEFORE THE MOVIE EVEN STARTS DAY.  ***MARLAR: I hate when that happens. I cannot watch a movie without a giant Mr. Pibb and a big box of Milk Duds – but I always wait until the movie starts before I dig into the Duds. My wife, on the other hand, eats ALL of her popcorn during the trailers and then forces me to go get more. I have to leave the theatre – and by the time I come back the movie has already started; I’m completely lost with the plot, and I can’t find my wife because it’s so dark and I end up sitting next to some other guy sitting in the back of the theatre who can’t find his wife either.

 

Speaking of movie snacks – today is HOT DOG DAY as well as NATIONAL LICORICE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Would you believe there are so many different kinds of licorice that they actually have a Licorice of the Month Club?  Makes you wonder if there’s a hot dog flavored licorice. Can’t be any more disgusting than black licorice.

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL TEENS AGAINST ZITS DAY. ***MARLAR: Now this is the best example of a complete waste of a holiday if I’ve ever seen one. International Teens Against Zits Day? Can you describe a time when a teenager (or anyone else for that matter) was not against zits?

 

Today is THANK YOU SCHOOL LIBRARIAN DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m telling you, without that Dewey Decimal System, I’d probably have ended up in a much worse and lower paying job… like maybe being a radio station’s Program Director.

 

tapSpeaking of our station management, today is NATIONAL TAP DANCE PARTY DAY. ***MARLAR: When it comes to tap dancing, our General Manager here at the station is phenomenal. I asked him for a raise just last week, and you should have seen the tap dancing he did around the answer! Amazing! Oh yeah… and speaking of our boss… today is BIG WIND DAY too.

 

This is NATIONAL GARDEN WEEK. ***MARLAR: And if dandelions count as flowers, I have the most beautiful garden in the neighborhood!

 

Today is VOTE LAWYERS OUT OF OFFICE DAY. ***MARLAR: How many lawyer jokes are there? Actually, there are only three… the rest are all true stories.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

D.E.A.R. Day (aka Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse

International Day for Street Children

Walk On Your Wild Side Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, APRIL 13

Scrabble Day

Thomas Jefferson Day

Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 14

Children With Alopecia Day

Dictionary Day

Equal Pay

International Moment of Laughter Day

National Be Kind To Lawyers Day

National Dolphin Day

National Library Workers Day

National Library Day

National Pecan Day

Pan American Day

Pathologists’ Assistant Day

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Income Tax Pay Day

Jackie Robinson Day

McDonald’s Day

Rubber Eraser Day

Take a Wild Guess Day

That Sucks Day

World Art Day

National Bookmobile Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 16

Celebrate Teen Literature Day

Get To Know Your Customers Day

High Five Day

National Ask An Atheist Day

National D.A.R.E. Day

National Health Care Decisions Day

National Stress Awareness Day

National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day

Save The Elephant Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 17

Bat Appreciation Day

Blah! Blah! Blah! Day

Ellis Island Family History Day

Ford Mustang Day

Nothing Like a Dame Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 18

Adult Autism Day

National Columnists’ Day

National Golf Day

National Lineman Appreciation Day

Pet Owners Independence Day

World Amateur Radio Day

Auctioneers Day

Husband Appreciation Day

Record Store Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 19

Bicycle Day

John Parker Day

National Garlic Day

National Hanging Out Day

Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 20

Chinese Language Day

National Pot Smokers Day

Boston Marathon

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1833: Charles Gayler of New York City patented the fireproof safe. ***MARLAR: And if you had money to burn, you could afford it!

 

1861: The U.S. Civil War began. ***MARLAR: Although calling it “civil” is a complete misstatement.

 

1892: The citizens of Lockport, New York, became the first people to cast ballots using a voting machine. ***MARLAR: The recounts still have not been completed.

 

1939: Woody Herman’s orchestra recorded the big band classic “Woodchopper’s Ball.”

 

1954: In New York City Bill Haley & the Comets recorded “Thirteen Women” and “(We’re Gonna) Rock Around the Clock” for Decca Records.

 

1967: Jim Brown made his TV acting debut on NBC’s “I Spy,” which starred Bill Cosby and Robert Culp. “I Spy” was the first TV series with a black co-star. (audio clip)

 

1972: The first Fan Fair opened in Nashville. Almost no fans came to see Loretta Lynn, Porter Wagoner, Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, Ernest Tubb, and Bill Monroe. ***MARLAR: Sounds like the first Fan Fair was more like a Fan Unfair!

 

1985: Kevin “Catfish” McCarthy set a world record by completing a 341-hour shower at Buffalo State College. That’s 14.2 days in the shower. ***MARLAR: He then walked out of the dorm to go to class… and it rained on him.

 

1990: An 8-foot alligator strolled into a store in Spring Hill, Florida, and attacked a vacuum cleaner. ***MARLAR: I’m guessing he got upset after running the vacuum over that one piece of lint over and over again without picking it up… it makes me attack the vacuum too.

 

1995: Marcello Pagliacci of Taranto, Italy, returned a winning lottery ticket to a deaf and mute boy who thought it was worthless and threw it away. The ticket was worth 100-million lire or $59,000. ***MARLAR: The boy was speechless.

 

1995: On “Late Night with David Letterman,” actress Drew Barrymore jumped on Dave’s desk, did a bump and grind, opened her blouse, and flashed the host.

 

1997: Italian firemen punched through two layers of bulletproof glass to rescue the Holy Shroud of Turin from a ferocious fire at the 15th Century Turin Cathedral.

 

1998: A federal appeals court in San Francisco awarded the rights to the record “Louie Louie” to the Kingsmen, the group that recorded it in 1963. The court agreed that the group had missed out on decades of royalties on the top-selling record.

 

1999: A 75-year-old German war veteran apologized to an 87-year-old French woman for stealing her ham during the war in 1944. Hans Kupperfahrenberg said he was retreating in Normandy and was starving, but he never felt right about stealing Louise Marie’s ham. ***MARLAR: So 55 years later, he returned to Normandy, and gave the ham back to her. Bon appetite! (Actually stopped by and purchased a new ham for her.)

 

2002: An armed robber held up a shopkeeper in Amsterdam and told the victim he’d wait for the police in a nearby park. A half hour later, the robber got tired of waiting and walked to the police station and gave himself up. He had to show his gun before police believed him. Police said the 38-year-old robber was homeless and wanted to be arrested so he had somewhere warm and dry to sleep.

 

2004: Barry Bonds hit his 660th home run to tie Willie Mays for third on baseball’s career homer list.

 

2005: Thousands turned out at a Shanghai city park for the Pig Olympics. The trained pigs, a midget species from Thailand, raced over hurdles, jumped through hoops, dove and swam in shows twice a day. The shows proved popular because most residents of the large Chinese city had few opportunities to see pigs in action.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1204: The armies of the Fourth Crusade captured Constantinople and established the Latin Empire.

 

1572: French-born Swiss reformer Theodore Beza (John Calvin’s successor) wrote in a letter to Scottish reformer John Knox: “They whose citizenship is in heaven ought to have their whole dependence on heaven.”

 

1799: The Church Missionary Society was organized in London under the original name of the Society for Missions in Africa and the East. This Anglican missions agency currently works in fields located in Africa, Ceylon, India, Pakistan, Iran, Palestine and the Far East.

 

1850: Adoniram Judson, pioneer Baptist missionary to India and Burma, and Bible translator, dies during a sea voyage. He and his wife, Ann, were the foremost American missionary heroes of their day.

 

1882: The Evangelical Reformed Church in Northwest Germany was created by royal decree when the king of Prussia ordered the 124 “reformed” congregations scattered throughout the area to become incorporated as an independent territorial church.

 

1914: An 11-day constitutional convention in Hot Springs, Arkansas, ended. During its sessions, the Assemblies of God denomination was founded.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Terminator 3, The Rainmaker, Romeo & Juliet, Little Women) Claire Danes 36
  • actress (Alexandra Hudson on TV’s “North Shore,” Prue Halliwell on TV’s “Charmed,” Brenda Walsh on TV’s “Beverly Hills 90210”) Shannen Doherty 44 (audio clip)
  • actor-writer (The Untouchables, Ocean’s Eleven, Ocean’s Twelve, Ocean’s Thirteen, The Godfather Part 3) Andy Garcia 60
  • singer/actor (“The Partridge Family”) David Cassidy 65 (audio clip)
  • TV talker David Letterman is 68 (audio clip)
  • actor (“Modern Family”, Governor Eric Baker in TV’s “The West Wing,” Al Bundy on TV’s “Married With Children”) Ed O’Neill 69 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1909 : Lionel Hampton

1916 : Russ Garcia

1917 : Helen Forrest

1919 : Billy Vaughn

1921 : Shakey Jake Harris

1925 : Ned Miller

1930 : Tiny Tim

1938 : Judy Lynn

1940 : Al Jarreau

1940 : Herbie Hancock

1942 : Larry Ramos (The Association)

1944 : John Kay (Steppenwolf)

1950 : David Cassidy

1951 : Alexander Briley (The sailor from Village People)

1956 : Herbert Grönemeyer

1957 : Vince Gill

1958 : Will Sergeant (Echo And The Bunnymen)

1962 : Art Alexakis (Everclear)

1964 : Amy Ray (Indigo Girls)

1970 : Nicholas Lofton Hexum (311)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we wear new clothes for Easter?

Wearing new clothing on Easter originated in 300 A.D. with the first Christian emperor, Constantine, who declared that his court members should wear their finest clothes on Easter. New clothes also signify new beginnings. In early times, people who were baptized at the Easter Vigil dressed in white robes, which they would wear throughout the week to symbolize their new life.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jon Steingard was packing for a 12-day run of shows, photos, and writing this week. The frontman for Hawk Nelson said he was packing light. He was able to get everything he needed into a backpack and a small computer bag.

 

Joel was taking a walk down memory lane this week. The member of for King and Country was in California visiting some of the old haunts where he and his brother Luke wrote several of their songs. Join Joel on his walk down memory lane by going to the bands Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/forkingandcountry?fref=ts

 

NeedToBreathe is celebrating National Siblings Day this Friday. In the spirit of the bands new single “Brother” and National Siblings Day on April 10th, they want you to recreate a childhood photo with your brother, sister, best friend, compadres, or ANYONE who you consider to be family! Upload your photos to Instagram using the hashtag #BrotherNTB. Then fill out the form online form to be automatically entered to win a signed Martin Acoustic Guitar and prize pack. Sign up now at http://t.co/x8V9CQoByW

 

Jamie Grace is looking for dancers. She shared online this week : there may be a chance in the near future to team up with myself and Good Eye Management. Jamie says she is looking for all ages, styles and both guys and girls. Simply post a link to a YouTube video of you dancing on Jamie’s Facebook page. Include your email, name and age in the description of the video.

 

Ben McDonald this week fulfilled the promise he made three years ago. The Sidewalk Prophets guitarist said he was going to climb Sandia in Albuquerque but it didn’t happen until Tuesday. Ben says the 8-mile hike took 3.5 hours and included a vertical climb of 35-hundred feet. The Bad news was that the tram down was closed.

 

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Another groaner from Citizenway: What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

 

Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard was going over old school over the weekend. He tweeted that he just put a letter in the mail.

 

Brandon Heath had some special help recently while performing his song No Turning Back. He was playing in Florida at a Young Life event and had the young people in the group join him on stage. They each wrote down their no turning back date, the date they committed to follow Christ, no turning back. Brandon tweeted: I was so honored to witness it all. So cool.

 

Ken Davis had a scare this week. He shared on his Facebook page: I was taken to the emergency room last night with excruciating chest pain. The doctors did a battery of tests. They found nothing suspicious except….a Jalapeno. They set me free and I rode 15 miles this morning. God is good.

 

Plumb continue to provide updates on their home renovations. The latest addition is a mud room. Plumb says: Now when my kids walk in the house their schoolbags and coats and gloves and hats and mittens and dirty clothing will come into the mudroom and hopefully stay there so the rest of the house can stay cleaner… Anybody with me?

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Cat survives shock, 25-foot fall from power pole    photo
GRANTS PASS, Ore. (AP) — The owner of a 17-pound Siamese cat named Liam says he has nearly used up his nine lives after getting shocked on a power pole in Grants Pass and falling 25 feet. HASH(0x14143b0) Her husband, Jeff, went outside and the cat was lying still on the transformer at the top…

 

Former TV pitchman will go to trial in owl harassment case    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A plea deal for a former TV pitchman in Utah accused of kicking a barn owl in flight while riding a motorized paraglider fell through Thursday when he refused to admit to a crime he said makes him look like an evil, horrible person. Dell “Super Dell” Schanze —…
Police: Des Moines man reports stolen bag of dog poop
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Police say someone who attempted to steal a truck parked outside a Des Moines home instead took a bag of dog poop. The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. Upon arrival, a man told police someone broke…
Washington deputies find cabin that family reported stolen    photo
SPRINGDALE, Wash. (AP) — Authorities say a log cabin that a family reported stolen off its foundation has been found in rural northeast Washington. Stevens County Sheriff Kendle Allen says deputies following a tip found the cabin Thursday morning about 10 miles from its original location. He…
Police: $70K in bull semen stolen from Minnesota farm
LEROY, Minn. (AP) — Police are investigating the theft of about $70,000 worth of bull semen from a farm in southern Minnesota. Mower (MOH’-ur) County Sheriff Terese Amazi (AM’-uh-zye) says a LeRoy man reported Tuesday that a storage canister with vials of bull semen was taken from his…
Man indicted for robbing the same Ohio bank after prison
CLEVELAND (AP) — A 47-year-old Ohio man has been charged with robbing a suburban Cleveland bank — the same bank he pleaded guilty to robbing in 1999 and for which he served a prison sentence of nearly six years. Larry Hewitt of Garfield Heights and his alleged accomplice, 33-year-old…
Godzilla welcomed in Tokyo – to lure visitors, not to scare    photo
TOKYO (AP) — Fire-breathing, building-stomping Godzilla was welcomed in part of Tokyo on Thursday as a sign of prosperity, not destruction. The irradiated monster was appointed special resident and tourism ambassador for Shinjuku ward, known for its down-home bars and noodle restaurants. A…
Surprise! Utah man dons polo shirt, ends at table with Obama    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Last week, 26-year-old Lance Futch donned a white polo shirt and drove to Hill Air Force Base for what he believed was a chance to be in the audience during a news conference with a “senior White House official.” Instead, he found himself sitting at a small table just…
Puppy rescued after falling 50 feet into old well casing    photo
FRESNO, Calif. (AP) — A puppy in California apparently is doing OK after he fell about 50 feet down an old well casing and was rescued by firefighters. Fresno Fire Department spokesman Pete Martinez says the puppy dropped into the uncovered metal pipe Tuesday in a Fresno garage. The pipe was…
Images released of ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ robber in California    photo
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. (AP) — Police have released surveillance images of a wanted man dubbed the “Mrs. Doubtfire” bandit because he was disguised as a woman during a bank robbery in California. HASH(0x140a7f0) He wore a wavy blond wig, thick-framed glasses and navy blue hospital scrubs, and…
Massive plant that waited 80 years to flower is taken down    photo
ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) — An American agave’s job is to flower once and then die. One of the plants that called the University of Michigan home for an unexpectedly long 80 years accomplished the former last year. On Wednesday, its life came to an end. Mike Palmer, the horticulture manager at…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Worst VA health care wait times are in the South    photo
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. (AP) — The chronic delays plaguing the Veterans Affairs health system are concentrated in a fraction of its hospitals and clinics — many of them in the South — that have done far worse than others in delivering prompt care, according to government data reviewed…

 

California saw record number of West Nile deaths in 2014    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California saw a record number of deaths from the West Nile virus last year, and the state’s drought may have contributed to the spike in infections, according to health officials. Thirty-one infected people died in 2014, the most since California began recording West Nile…
Utah prison chief: Someone could be fired over inmate death    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Utah’s prison director said Thursday that he’ll fire someone if needed after he investigates the death of an inmate who went without dialysis for two days when providers failed to show up for treatment. Rollin Cook, the executive director of Utah’s Department of…
UN: Ebola still global emergency despite big drop in cases    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the year-long Ebola outbreak in West Africa still qualifies as an international emergency even though the number of cases has plummeted. Last August, the U.N. health agency declared the epidemic of the lethal virus to be a global emergency…
Suit claims AIDS foundation scammed Medicare for $20M
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — One of the nation’s largest suppliers of HIV and AIDS medical care is accused of bilking Medicare and Medicaid in an elaborate $20 million dollar scam that spanned 12 states, according to a lawsuit filed in South Florida federal court. Three former managers of the…
Inspection found no problem at Oklahoma ice cream plant
DALLAS (AP) — Days after a foodborne illness was linked to Blue Bell ice cream products, a state inspection of an Oklahoma plant later tied to the infection praised the facility for having no violations and doing a “great job,” according to a copy of the inspection report. Inspectors had no…
Study: Short people’s genes may confer higher heart risks    photo
Short people have more risk for heart disease, and now researchers may know why: Genes that govern height also seem to affect cholesterol, especially in men. Doctors have suspected that height and heart risks are related. Shorter people are more prone to heart attacks, high blood pressure and…
Obama says climate change is harming Americans’ health    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Global warming isn’t just affecting the weather, it’s harming Americans’ health, President Barack Obama said Tuesday as he announced steps government and businesses will take to better understand and deal with the problem. Obama said hazards of the changing climate include…
Garth Brooks dedicates child play zone at Indiana hospital    photo
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Country music star Garth Brooks became teary-eyed Tuesday as he dedicated a new child play zone at an Indianapolis children’s hospital, praising the colorful, game-filled space as a “miracle” that allows ailing youngsters to forget their illnesses and just have fun. Brooks…
Obama: Malia’s asthma brings home climate change debate
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama says his memory of the fear over his daughter’s preschool asthma attacks brings home the debate over climate change. Obama says he knows firsthand how scary it can be to have a child who struggles to breathe. He is arguing that preventing climate…
Court: Arizona probationers can’t be barred from medical pot
PHOENIX (AP) — Arizonans with medical marijuana cards cannot be barred from using the drug while on probation, the state Supreme Court concluded Tuesday in a ruling that will have ripple effects across the state. The decision by Arizona’s highest court comes as courts around the country are…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Artificial Lemons”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Brad Stine, “Safe Cars”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear cancelled his checkers game with Sully so he could help out a friend’s bowling team who was short one player. Gruffy was doing well, in fact, he was doing very well! Finally it came down to the last ball, and it was all up to Gruffy… he had to get a strike or the team would lose the tournament!

 

CLOSE: That was great bowling by Gruffy – but now he has a dilemma. He already promised Sully that he’d play checkers tomorrow night. He’s already cancelled twice – and now he has decide whether or not to break his promise to Sully… again! What will he do? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 11/12, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had just escaped from the hospital in order to avoid getting his tonsils out. Unfortunately, a Razzleflabbin named Clarence has the job of showing Marvy what happened because he didn’t have the surgery! And it’s not pretty.

 

CLOSE: This story gets more and more grim by the day! Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A spelling error spells embarrassment for one Illinois college basketball team.

A great Moment of Duh from 2002. At Western Illinois University, not one basketball team member had noticed, for several games, and after appearing in uniform in their media guide, and then not until someone pointed it out to them, that “Illinois,” emblazoned across their white home team tops, was misspelled “Illinios.”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE GOLF MORE EXCITING

 

  1. Each foursome has to have a minister, a priest and a rabbi…that ALWAYS turns out funny!

 

  1. Replace caddies with WWF Wrestlers.

 

8 Audi twin turbo, four-wheel drive golf carts!!!!

 

  1. New rule: One in six golf balls must actually be a tiny piniata filled with Tootsie Rolls.

 

  1. Give all the golfers real tough sounding names like “Sabre Tooth” Tiger Woods or “Black” Jack Nicklaus.

 

  1. Spectators who applaud with that annoying “golf clap” are forced to become “goalie” for next hole.

 

  1. Combine it with sharpshooting. (It worked for skiing!!)

 

  1. In addition to the water hazards and sand traps throw in some snake pits.

 

  1. Deduct 2 strokes from your final score for each opponent hit with the ball from over 50 yards away

 

  1. Lakes … BORING; Lava … INTERESTING!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Have a court date for a hearing about you allegedly stealing a car?  Don’t have transportation?  Steal a car!

 

FILE #1: Miami’s Thomas Mink did exactly that.  With his court date looming and not having transportation, Thomas decided to forego the bus, the taxi and even hitchhiking and decided to get to his car theft hearing by stealing a car.  Seeing as God is a just God, the Mercedes Thomas stole was outfitted with a GPS tracking system. The company that monitors the tracking device alerted Miami police after the car’s owner reported the vehicle stolen. Officers tracked the car to the courthouse parking lot where Thomas was reportedly about to drive away.  Several squad cars blocked his exit and, not surprisingly, Thomas told a television news crew during his arrest that he was high at the time.

 

FILE #2: When a 27-year-old Winnipeg man ran out of gas, he decided to flag down a police cruiser for help in pushing his van out of the way of traffic. Police obliged and quickly discovered the motorist had a suspended license. Upon further investigation, cops found an undisclosed amount of crack cocaine and crystal meth and a weapon in the vehicle. To make matters worse, officers also discovered that the other man with him was wanted on an arrest warrant and busted him, too.

 

FILE #3: A 29-year-old German man snuck over to his neighbor’s apartment and tried to break in by prying open a lock with his credit card. It didn’t work. The card snapped in half leaving behind his name and account details for the police.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Morrisville, Pennsylvania, woman must have a permit to wear cosmetics.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Ever heard of a drunk driver pulling over a police officer?

In all his years patrolling the streets of Vernon, Vermont, Police Chief Ian McCollin has pulled over plenty of drunk drivers. However, he just had the tables turned on him. While heading south on Route 142 he was flagged down by another motorist. As he slowed down to help the man, Chief Ian noticed the driver pulled behind him. When Ian pulled his cruiser to the shoulder, the man pulled alongside, rolled down his passenger-side window and made an astonishing proclamation. He told the chief, “I’ve been looking for a police officer to arrest me. I’m drunk!” Although a bit suspicious, as Chief Ian approached the vehicle, it became apparent that the guy’s assertions were true and then some. 28-year-old Bryan Condo, who had a history of previous DUIs, registered more than four times the 0.08 legal limit to drive. Of his new captive Ian said, “He was a gentleman, very polite and very cooperative. I think he was just looking for help.”

 

 

PHONER PHUN

I was recently reminded about how I once broke a molar, had to get a temporary cap, and then while I was out of town for a comedy show I broke that as well – right before the show. All I could consume for sustenance was Slim Fast. I found myself missing food – mostly pizza. If you could only eat one thing every day for a month, what would it be?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When God instructed the Israelites to drive the nations out of the promised land, who was to be spared?
ANSWER: No one (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What was the first letter Vanna White every turned over on “Wheel of Fortune?” (BONUS: What word/phrase was that first letter a part of?)

ANSWER: The letter “T”… part of the Title Puzzle “General HospiTal.”

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. A “duffer” is Australian slang for a cheater at golf. (False – it’s slang for a cattle thief)

 

  1. In 1500 B.C. in Egypt a fat woman was considered beautiful. (False – the shaved head was considered the ultimate in feminine beauty. Egyptian women removed every hair from their heads with special gold tweezers and polished their scalps to a high sheen with buffing cloths.)

 

  1. In Elizabethan England the spoon was a novelty. (True. It was such a prized rarity, that people carried their own folding spoons to banquets.)

 

  1. Qantas, the Australian airline, is an acronymn. (True. It stands for Queensland and Northern Territories Aerial Service.)

 

  1. Popcorn has been served in movie theaters since 1948. (False – 1912)

 

  1. John Adams was the first President to display fireworks at the White House. (True)

 

  1. Even though Dr. Seuss wrote successful books for children, he never had any of his own. (True)

 

  1. Tea Bags were invented in 1904 in China. (False, they were invented by Thomas Sullivan of New York City. He first used them to send samples to his customers instead of sealing it in more expensive tins.)

 

  1. Chili is the official state dish of Texas. (True)

 

  1. While drug-sniffing dogs are trained to bark like crazy, go “aggressive” at the first whiff of the right powder, bomb-sniffing dogs are trained to go “passive”. (True – lest they set off a motion sensor or a noise sensor or any number of other things that might go kablooie.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

MEN ON “__________  _______ ” LIST! (“ENDANGERED SPECIES”)

Men are going extinct and scientists have now put them on the “endangered species” list.  Professor Jenna Goodman even claims the male of the species is heading for extinction by the end of this century.  Professor Goodman, one of  England’s most influential scientists, believes that women will win the battle of the sexes – and men will be permanently vanquished.  She says that the inherent fragility of the male sex chromosome, the Y sex chromosome, means that men will no longer be able to survive in the genetic pool.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family. “Pastor,” Johnny says, “I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”

“That’s right, Johnny, I did,” he says.

“And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.”

“Yes, I’m glad you were listening,” the pastor replies. “Why do you ask?”

“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’!”

 

JOKE #2

Two men are in a bank when armed robbers break in.

One robber rushes the teller windows, one guards the door and the third bank robber stands in the middle of the bank and yells, “Right! Everyone up against the wall and empty your pockets. We want valuables, watches and wallets.”

The first man jams something into his buddy ‘s hand.

“What’s this?” asks his friend without looking down.

“It’s that $100 I owe you” answers his friend.

 

JOKE #3

A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a birthday present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. However it took the old man two days to assemble the toy.

Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Archaeologist are baffled by the discovery of a rare coin dating back to 200 A.D., because it appears to depict the profile of a space alien. The crowned figure has large, almond-shaped eyes and a tiny nose and mouth. The flip side of the coin shows a Stonehenge-like temple.  ***MARLAR: Which proves that aliens not only lived among us in ancient times… they also had Laundromats.

 

A new study links video game playing with aggressive behavior in young adults.  ***MARLAR: Fortunately, they’re so out-of-shape that they’re easy to outrun.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

TURNING THE TABLES

A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. “Here,” she said, handing him the coats, “This time you put the children into their coats, and I’ll go honk the horn.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Imagine taking a simple blood test to determine if you have cancer.  It’s coming soon to a doctor’s office near you.

A blood test so sensitive that it can spot a single cancer cell lurking among a billion healthy ones is moving one step closer to being available at your doctor’s office.  Boston scientists who invented the test and health care giant Johnson & Johnson are joining forces to bring it to market. Four big cancer centers also will start studies using the experimental test this year.  Stray cancer cells in the blood mean that a tumor has spread or is likely to, many doctors believe. A test that can capture such cells has the potential to transform care for many types of cancer, especially breast, prostate, colon and lung.  Initially, doctors want to use the test to try to predict what treatments would be best for each patient’s tumor and find out quickly if they are working.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE DART GAME

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person’s picture.

Sally’s girlfriend drew a picture of a girl who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased at the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts, with much laughter and hilarity. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn’t have a chance to throw any darts at her target, Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words, “In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.” Matthew 25:40. No other words were necessary. The tear-filled eyes of each student focused only on the picture of Christ.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE NEW IRRATIONAL VERSION OF THE BIBLE

This collection of comments about the Bible was actually written by children.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked “Am I my brother’s son?” Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came to in pears. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a partridge who had twelve sons. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by Jezebel. Then he slayed the Philistines with the ax of the apostles. People who lived in Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is so hot that it is cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle to Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the Manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.  St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.” The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve decibels. The epistles were the wives of apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taxi man. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

Unfortunately, children are not the only ones who misinterpret or misunderstand the Bible. Adults, too, are often Biblically illiterate. That’s why it’s important to read the Bible for yourself and to attend Bible studies and
classes that will help you to learn what the Bible really says and means. The Bible is God’s love letter to you. It is full of wonderful stories and teachings that are not only very interesting, but they will help you to live a happier, more successful life.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

JUST DON’T GET HER MAD!

29-year-old Nicola Hughes is a hero… well, sort of. Turns out she caught a mugger, but didn’t really catch a mugger.

Nicola Hughes single-handedly caught a mugger on the streets by striking him with her purse. Only one problem though… he wasn’t really a mugger, he was just playing one on television! Turns out a film crew was only filming a mugging reconstruction for a TV show, but Nicola thought it was the real thing. As the actor-mugger finished his scene and ran away like a real mugger would do, Nicola – not seeing the TV crew – smacked him in the head with her handbag – leaving him lying on the ground with a bloody nose. Although it was a mistake, the police did commend Ms. Hughes on her bravery. ***MARLAR: She’s now being scouted by the World Wrestling Federation… they need someone that can act violently without a script.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

MEN DON’T HAVE A CLUE

Since the days of Adam and Eve, gals have known one thing with certainty — men don’t have a clue. And, no doubt, guys feel the same way about women. But Barbara and Allan Please, authors of “Why Men Don’t Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes,” have some advice that can help both sexes get a grip on what’s going on and make a lasting love connection.

 

HERE’S A TEST FOR THE LADIES. DO YOU AGREE WITH THESE STATEMENTS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN?

  • Nagging will pay off in the long run — No. Stop nagging and re-train him. Leave his dirty shorts and wet bath towel on the floor until he figures out they don’t wash themselves. He’s not stupid, only lazy.
  • He should enjoy shopping as much as you do — Never. Men find shopping stressful. But he can be trained if you go “hunting” for only one item. It’s like bagging game. And keep shopping jaunts to 30 minutes or less with no browsing.
  • Without a remote to channel surf, he’s lost — True. Accept this fact. If it drives you crazy, get another TV and snuggle down with your pet and a good tearjerker.
  • They’re stupid not to ask for directions — Wrong. Incredibly, men have an innate ability to find their way without asking for help. But it can’t hurt to keep a map in the car. If you’re really lost, ask for a potty break and he can get directions without admitting he’s up the creek without a paddle.

 

GUYS HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WOMEN? SEE IF YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THESE STATEMENTS, THEN CHECK OUT THE PEASES’ TIPS FOR HOW YOU CAN GET ALONG BETTER:

  • She wants you to solve her problems — Wrong. Instead of instructing and problem-solving, listen and be supportive. Believe it or not, women can, and do, figure out solutions to their difficulties. All they need is your support and a hug.
  • Women have too many shoes — Never. Accept it. There’s no such thing as too many shoes. Stop counting and find something else to obsess about.
  • Women make such a big deal over the toilet seat being up — True. If you’ve never fallen into a toilet in the middle of the night, you won’t understand why it’s such a big deal. The perfect solution is his and hers toilets. If this can’t be arranged, be gallant and put the seat down.
  • They beat around the bush, instead of getting to the point — True. Men and women communicate on different levels. You want her to get to the point, and she will — eventually. Sit back, nod and agree, don’t offer any solutions since you don’t have a clue and give her a big smooch when she’s done.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT, “LET ME OUT OF HERE!”

It’s a reality show starring a pig. And no, we’re not talking about “The Bachelor.”

If you’re much into reality shows, you know that Big Brother was pretty popular for a while. Germany has their own version of the popular show, and along with the human cast, there was also a pet pig. Well, there was until recently. Apparently the pig ran away. After several days on the lamb, er uh, pig, whatever… after several days, Konrad the pig has been recaptured. Konrad dashed for freedom while no one was watching, snuck through the garden gate, and found a hole in the fence. Unfortunately, Konrad was caught by a security guard as he tried to wriggle his way to liberty under the fence. During his escape attempt, Konrad the pig hurt his snout and hooves. He’s been ordered to undergo a few days of rest and relaxation before being sent back onto the set of Germany’s Big Brother TV show. ***MARLAR: How bad does a reality series have to be when it stinks so bad that even the PIG tries to escape from it?

 

 

FUN LIST

RULES FOR GOOD HOUSEKEEPING

It’s springtime! And that means SPRING CLEANING! But, in order not to overdo it, here are a few helpful hints to keep it easy.

  • It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
  • Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
  • Never make fried chicken wearing only your underwear.
  • Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
  • You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
  • If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
  • When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

 

Tipping Point

Generally speaking, I feel very low guilt over not fulfilling certain tipping expectations. And now I feel indignant toward new tipping practices as outlined in a January New York Times article. It centers on the growth of “automatic tipping.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/01/business/dollar3-tip-on-a-dollar4-cup-of-coffee-gratuities-grow-automatically.html?_r=0
The writer visited a coffeehouse in New York City. When the credit card was used, the iPad was turned to face the customer to include a $1, $2, or $3 tip! A customized option was available but it took extra effort while the cashier waited. Oooohhhh. Pressure.
As noted in this article, “Leaving 15 percent for full service (the former standard tip at a sit-down restaurant), and less for quick transactions, is considered chintzy by some people. ‘We recommend 20 percent absolutely,’ said Peter Post, managing director of the Emily Post Institute, which offers guidelines in etiquette.”
Ride a taxi in New York and your options might well be 20, 25, or even 30 per cent for the autotip. Again, manual options available. A certain day spa asks if you’d like to include a tip with a gift certificate. The amount? Twenty five percent!
One innovative approach for lower end food service businesses is DipJar. When you pay for your items with a credit card, you “dip” your card again into a electronic receptacle usually with a preset amount— say $1. The test market for this has proven quite successful.
But the tipping issue begs a larger question, namely, who is entitled to a tip?
In the old days, I went to Dairy Queen and bought a sundae or a Blizzard. Now I see a tip jar! If you use a laundromat, does the maintenance team deserve a tip? What about all those good folks at a grocery store? The expert who cuts and packages your meat? The cashier who must handle all of your items at checkout? The dude who restocks the shelves?
What about in the medical field? These people once saved my life! Along with the unbelievably high medical bills, imagine a 20 per cent tip for outstanding service of my thoracic surgeon! Or the nurses…the orderlies…the check in people? And what about auto mechanics? Walmart greeters? Dry cleaners? Movie theatre employees who put on the extra butter?
And bringing it all back home…what about ME? My reading of my feature article tells me that the company ChangeTip enables tips to be collected for content creators (or anyone) on the Internet! Content creators? That’s what I do every day! I create radio content for my listeners. Certainly there MUST be a way for those tuned in to reward me in the event I have a scintillating and meaningful interview! After all, I’m now tipping everyone else!
And, of course, how about all those good people at my church? Sure we take an offering. But that’s our gift of gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. And it’s used to pay the operating budgets at the church. But what about when the pastor or music director hits a homerun? Should there be a tip jar up front?
The answer is … NO! This tipping thing is out of control. I’ll tip when appropriate, thank you. No guilt.
This past week, many Christians recognized the day before Good Friday as Maundy Thursday. The significance was on the “mandate” of Jesus from the Last Supper. During that meal, Jesus put a towel around his waist and washed his disciples’ feet. He was sending a message on serving others. You can read the account in John, Chapter 13. Verse 15 has Jesus saying, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (ESV)
My business advice is simple. Serve others. Serve with excellence. Be grateful for customers. Do this, and they may decide to tip you. And whatever they give, be grateful.
If this blog has been helpful, well, need I say more? Hint. Hint.
 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

THE TOP FIBS TOLD BY PEOPLE (Lifestyle Magazine)

I am not condoning lying… it is a sin. But what about little white lies? Are they okay? No. But that doesn’t seem to stop most people. 1600 people were surveyed about “little white lies” they’ve told others… and these were the top fibs.

  • Your baby is so cute.
  • Hold on, I’ll connect you right away!
  • You really shouldn’t have spent so much
  • This is a limited time offer, and is yours free only if you call now!
  • She’s not overweight, she’s big-boned
  • You get this one, next one’s on me.
  • “Two And a Half Men?” Nope, I only watch PBS.
  • Well, we can still be good friends.
  • Go ahead, he’s never bitten anybody.
  • Then you take a left, you can’t miss it.
  • It’s delicious but I can’t eat another bite.
  • Go ahead, you can tell me, I won’t get mad.
  • This car is like, brand new!
  • Mom, Dad, I need my own place so I can have some peace and quiet to study.
  • The new ownership shouldn’t affect you, everything will remain the same.
  • Put that map away, I know how to get there.
  • You don’t need it in writing, it’s my personal guarantee!
  • It’s alright, it happens to everyone.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

The work of a pastor and former vice police officer may soon be the next reality show. According to Relevant Magazine, the show will be titled 8 minutes. It will feature an undercover pastor who has 8 minutes to encourage prostitutes to leave their lifestyle. The reality show actually started when the pastor, simply known as Brown, told his church he wanted to help these young ladies after 20 years of arresting them. What started by a drive in his local church has turned into what are the cable network A&E hopes will be the next hit reality show. http://relm.ag/1yUB6nE

 

When Sadie Robertson posted a video she made on YouTube she didn’t expect her message of faith to go viral. According to Fox News, The “Duck Dynasty” star only shared the video at the urging of her younger sister Bella. Sadie told Gma’s Robin Roberts: “I was in my pajamas laying in bed and I was like kind of preaching to myself.” In the seven-minute long video, the 17-year-old spoke about her insecurities and how she leans on God to help her overcome her jealousy.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEt1eWbCW5g

 

There’s an app for everything these days; so why not also have an app for Bible translation? Bruce Smith, President of Wycliffe Associates, says they’re working on a Bible translation app called translationStudio. According to the Mission Network News Report, the app will be like a Bible commentary, helping translators understand the context and meaning of a verse. Smith says “Our goal is to create open content that’s freely available that people can use in the translation process.”  The app is not yet available, it’s still in the works – but you can learn more about it at https://t.co/cBFLnofr69.

 

===

 

Afraid of working in the Missions field?  If you own a computer, you’re already there.  A new study finds that the Internet is emerging as a witnessing tool in the United States. According to a report in Charisma News, a study by the Pew Research Center found that one in five Americans shares their faith online, and in a typical week, nearly 50 percent of U.S. adults see someone else share their faith online. Generationally, younger people, ages 18-29, were approximately twice as likely to see someone sharing their faith online as were adults ages 50 and over. Meanwhile, Southern Evangelical Seminary President Dr. Richard Land says online evangelism is critical to reaching the unreached and will be central to fulfilling the Great Commission. He adds: sharing one’s faith online is perhaps the best way to reach many younger people with the Gospel, and it may be the only way to reach those in foreign nations that have governments and cultures hostile to the Gospel.  ***MARLAR: So poking someone on Facebook is kinda like the laying on of hands!

 

The Haggai Institute is helping clear up some conflicting messages coming out of China. According to a Mission Network News report, most stories coming out of China are true to a certain extent. They say the facts are that Christianity is growing in China and persecution is decreasing. While church and crosses are being torn down in some areas, it isn’t the case in all areas. But the situation isn’t all positive. Officials say that, while there has never been greater for the freedom for the church in China, uncertainty and mixed messages underscore one important fact; difficulties do still exist in the country. However, things are improving. In 2009 China ranked as number 13 on the Open Doors USA World Watch List. Today China has dropped all the way to 37 on the list of the countries with the most persecution.  Keep praying for China… it’s working!

 

Medical research from leading hospitals and universities across the U.S. has shown conclusively a belief in God really IS good for you, making you healthier and happier, and helping you live longer. According to the Huffington Post, Duke University’s Harold G. Koenig, M.D. say “Studies have shown prayer can prevent people from getting sick — and when they do get sick, prayer can help them get better faster.” After an exhaustive analysis of more than 1,500 reputable medical studies, Dr. Koenig found that the studies “indicates people who are more religious and pray more have better mental and physical health.” He added: “out of 125 studies that looked at the link between health and regular worship, 85 also showed regular churchgoers live longer.

http://www.newsmax.com/Health/Headline/prayer-health-faith-medicine/2015/03/31/id/635623/

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation!

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 10, 2015…

 

Desert Dancer—This film is a biographical one about a self-taught dancer in Iran who, with his friends, learns to dance by watching Michael Jackson videos and others artists. The government sternly disapproves and this is done in secret. Stars Afsshin, Freida Pinto, Tom Cullen and Akin Akezy. “Desert Dancer” has no rating. Rating of 2 for this particular situation.

 

The Hunting Ground—Director Amy Ziering has produced quite a documentary about rapes on the campus of the University of North Carolina. With two women willing to tell their story, the audience finds out just what happened and precautions to be taken. A college campus isn’t entirely a safe place and a forest isn’t the only place people hunt. Harrowing. “The Hunting Ground” is nor rated. Rating of 3.

 

Merchants of Doubt—A documentary about the news industry and adapted from the book by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway, directed by Robert Kenner. The audience sees what goes on in behind the scenes in news shows and sometimes it can be a bag of tricks. Just how much of the “truth” do audiences really get? The word “manipulation” comes to mind. “Merchants of Doubt” is not rated. Rating of 3.

 

While We’re Young—Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts are a couple sliding into middle-age. Ben is a filmmaker. they meet a nice young couple, Amanda Seyfreid and Adam Driver and become friends. Then, Ben and Naomi take a long, hard look at their own lives. Crisis ahead? “While We’re Young” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Danny Collins—This comedy stars Al Pacino as a fading rock star (try to imagine that) who is trying to revive his career. Enter something unexpected (really unexpected) and he decides to go with it.  Also in the cast  are Annette Bening, Bobby Cannavale, Jennifer Garner and Christopher Plummer. “Danny Collins” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Longest Ride—Based on a Nicholas Sparks novel , this film tells the story of a love affair between a bull rider (Scott Eastwood) and an artist (Britt Robertson.) Of course, there are problems, and one day Scott meets a retired champion, Ira (Alan Alda) who helps him in this situation. Also in the cast are Jon Huston and Lolita Davidovich. “The Longest Ride” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for author Nicholas Sparks fans.

 

Woman In Gold—This is based on a real life situation in which a woman (Helen Mirren) tries to regain a portrait stolen by the German Army during WWII. The painting is called “Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer” by Gustav Klimt. Also in the cast are Maria Altman, Katie Holmes, Charles Dance and Elizabeth McGovern (“Downton Abbey.”) “Woman In Gold” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

APRIL 17, 2015…

 

Clouds of Sils Maria stars Juliette Binoche as an actress trying to adjust to younger actresses after her roles.

 

Monkey Kingdom is a documentary about a family  of monkeys who have to move to another home. Disney Nature film.

 

Child 44 is based on Tom Rob Smith’s 2008 novel about child murders in Russia. Stars Tom Hardy.

 

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a sequel to Kevin James earlier hit, and now Blart is doing special security in Las Vegas.

 

Unfriended uses the Internet and Skype as a tool to haunt people. Stars Heather Sossaman.

 

True Story, and based on a true incident, stars James Franco as a man in Oregon who murders his wife and children and then goes on the run.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.