CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150414
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Before we begin I’d just like to say, if this doesn’t work out, we’ll all meet at Burger King, stick French fries in our ears, and take pictures. –HaLife
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men — the testimony given in its proper time. –1 Timothy 2:5-6
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. — Romans 3:23-24
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. — Psalm 144:4
Thought: Time is so precious — time with our families, our children, our parents, our friends, as well as our brothers and sisters in Christ. How do you invest your time? Where do you invest it? You know, it’s really more valuable than the money we invest. Once it’s gone, it can’t be reclaimed. So as you begin each day, ask God that you will be able to “know the time,” to see it for what it is and to use it for its greatest good. Time passes quickly, and like the shadows of early evening, it’s not long before it is absorbed into the gathering darkness of night.
Prayer: Eternal God, please give me the wisdom to use the time given me today to do what is best, right, good, and profitable. I want to invest my time in what is truly enduring. Please help me use my time to influence and to bless all those with whom I interact so that they are brough closer to you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
John 4:14 NIV = but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
TODAY IS TUESDAY – APRIL 14, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 256 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY, a time for everyone to find time to experience the power of laughter. ***MARLAR: And I feel honored that you’ve decided to celebrate by listening to (THE JOCK SHOW)! Thank you!
Today is SPRING HULA HOOPING DAY, a day to continue spring cleaning by throwing away your old hula hoop, but not without trying it out again one more time.
Today is NO HOUSEWORK DAY. ***Because you threw out your hip trying the hula hoop thing. (Duane Matz)
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Children With Alopecia Day
International Moment of Laughter Day
National Dolphin Day
Pan American Day
Pathologists’ Assistant Day
COMING UP NEXT
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15
Income Tax Pay Day
Take a Wild Guess Day
That Sucks Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 16
Celebrate Teen Literature Day
Get To Know Your Customers Day
High Five Day
National Stress Awareness Day
Save The Elephant Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 17
Bat Appreciation Day
Blah! Blah! Blah! Day
Ellis Island Family History Day
Ford Mustang Day
Nothing Like a Dame Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 18
Adult Autism Day
Pet Owners Independence Day
Husband Appreciation Day
Record Store Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 19
John Parker Day
National Hanging Out Day
Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day
MONDAY, APRIL 20
Chinese Language Day
TUESDAY, APRIL 21
Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day
Queen’s Birthday (real date)
ON THIS DAY
1775: The first organization for the abolishment of slavery was organized by Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Rush.
1871: Canada set the denominations of its currency as dollars, cents, and mills.
1902: James Cash Penney opened his first store, called “The Golden Rule,” in Kemmerer, Wyoming.
1955: Imperial Records released Fats Domino’s “Ain’t That A Shame.”
1956: Ampex demonstrated its first videotape recorder. It was the size of a large freezer.
1958: Laurie London’s “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” knocked off Perry Como’s “Catch A Falling Star” as America’s #1 pop song.
1968: Rookie New York Mets pitcher Nolan Ryan won his first major league game. In six and two-thirds innings, he allowed the Houston Astros just three hits.
1983: The first cordless telephone, capable of operating up to 600 feet from its base, was introduced by Fidelity and British Telecom.
1986: Unruly baseball fans disrupted Opening Day in Toronto as hundreds ran onto the field throughout the Blue Jays-Orioles game. Police ejected 126 fans and jailed 35 others. The Orioles won.
1991: A dromedary camel gave birth to a 100-pound son at Busche Gardens in Tampa. Park workers nicknamed the baby Norman Schwarzkopf.
1996: Su Juan was crowned fattest person in Beijing and awarded $600 worth of diet food. The 5-feet-5, 27-year-old woman weighed 374 pounds. She said she was thin until she stopped judo training.
1998: Residents of the small northern New Mexico community of Medanales announced they had given up on having a city limits sign with town’s name spelled right. They said they’d tried several times, but the state highway department always gets it wrong.
2001: The Indian government hired several large monkeys to scare away thousands of smaller rhesus monkeys that had been attacking New Delhi’s civil servants and trashing state property. The fearsome-looking langur monkeys patroled New Delhi’s defense, external affairs and finance ministries – as well as the army headquarters and Delhi’s main hospital – snarling menacingly at intruders. Each guardmonkey was paid $15 a month, in bananas.
2006: A homeless cat saved the life of a newborn baby abandoned in the middle of the night with temperatures near zero on the doorstep of a house in Cologne, Germany. Police said the cat meowed loudly until someone woke up and opened the door to see why all the racket. Thanks to the cat, the baby boy suffered only mild hypothermia.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1775: America’s first society to abolish slavery organizes in Philadelphia.
1759: George Frideric Handel, composer of the oratorio Messiah, dies at age 74 in London.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (The Grudge, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) Sarah Michelle Gellar 38
- Actor (Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, “The Dead Zone”, The Dark Knight) Anthony Michael Hall 47 (audio clip)
- Actor (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) Brad Garrett, 55 (audio clip)
- actor (“Mutant X”, Lex Luthor on “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman”) John Shea 66 (audio clip)
- actress (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Neverland, Dragonheart, Heaven Can Wait) Julie Christie 75
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1935 : Loretta Lynn
1962 : Joey Pesce (’til tuesday)
1964 : Vinnie Moore (UFO)
1969 : Martyn Le Noble (Porno For Pyros)
1974 : DaBrat
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Where do we get the term “Mad as a Hatter?”
In the 19th century, craftsmen who made hats were known to be excitable and irrational, as well as to tremble with palsy and mix up their words. Such behavior gave rise to the familiar expression “mad as a hatter”. The disorder, called hatter’s shakes, was caused by chronic mercury poisoning from the solution used to treat the felt. Attacking the central nervous system, the toxin led to behavioral symptoms.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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A first for Audio Adrenaline member Brandon Bagby. Audio Adrenaline joined the Newsboys for a concert at a rattlesnake festival in Alabama. Following the concert Brandon enjoyed some fried rattle snake on toast and tweeted a picture as he stood beside a handler holding one of the snakes. His wife Rebecca replied don’t get any ideas. She said we will never have a snake in our house.
7eventh Time Down experienced a full spectrum of venues last week. They played in Bethune, Colorado, a town of approximately 250 people, on Thursday. The following night they were in the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado for the Denver Nuggets Faith and Family Night.
The Gospel Music Association is honoring long time Christian artist Twila Paris. She will be inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame in 2015.
Congratulations to Phil Wickham. His baby girl, Lottie Elizabeth Wickham, was born Sunday morning at 12:17a.m. Phil said mommy and baby are doing great.
Moriah Peters had a unique experience over the weekend. She tweeted: That awkward moment when the guy in your hotel room is the same as the guy on tv. Moriah is married to Joel from the band for King and Country. They were recently featured on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Sanctus Real front man Matt Hammitt needs to work on his diet. He tweeted: I ate four eggs today. Two Cadbury, two deviled. Matt promised: I’m gonna start eating better. But then he admitted that he had said the same thing last week.
Casting Crowns Mark Hall says he is suffering one of the setbacks of surgery recovery. Mark had surgery to remove a kidney filled with cancer in March but the setback doesn’t deal with the actual operation. Instead, it’s due to the time in bed required after the surgery. Mark tweeted: I am officially addicted…To Agents of Shield. But Mark isn’t alone in his addiction. Fellow Casting Crowns member Melodee Devevo replied: Mark, we have a support group meeting on Thursdays.
Jonny Diaz on National Sibling Day: I’m blessed to have had three older brothers who encouraged me or kicked my butt depending on what I needed that day.
Jamie Grace wrote an open letter to Taylor Swift over the weekend. The letter was written just hours after Taylor announced that her mom had been diagnosed with cancer. In the letter Jamie shares her own story of having a mom dealing with a major health issue and the struggle of having to cope night after night on stage while knowing that someone you love is suffering. Read the letter at http://t.co/EcOlwXdwMh
Kutless member James Mead was celebrating National Sibling Day in his own way over the weekend. James is an only child and tweeted: It’s cool. I’m fine. I’m gonna go talk to myself some more.
WEIRD & WACKY
|French ‘Spiderman’ scales Dubai skyscraper
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — A French climber has scaled one of Dubai’s tallest skyscrapers, relying on just chalk and sticky tape on his fingertips to help him up the 75-storey high Cayan Tower in the emirate’s glitzy marina area. Alain Robert, 52, completed climbing the 1007-foot (307…
|Vietnam vet surprised over reason for license-plate denial
ST. GEORGE, Utah (AP) — A Vietnam War veteran in Utah says he’s surprised over the reason for the denial of his request for a personalized license plate commemorating the year he was wounded and awarded a Purple Heart. Arnold Breitenbach of St. George sought a license plate with the…
|Police: Teen takes cash, hands out $100 bills to classmates
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — Police in Ohio say a middle school student took $25,000 from his grandfather and later started handing out $100 bills to his classmates. Authorities say the 13-year-old gave out thousands of dollars this week before schools officials discovered what was happening….
|Cops: Reported gator in western Pa. river may never be found
BELLE VERNON, Pa. (AP) — An alligator reportedly spotted in a western Pennsylvania river may never be found — or even confirmed — but police continued to search for it Friday, the local police chief said. Nobody has seen the reptile since two people reportedly spotted it in the…
|Escalator missing en route to Prague airport photo
PRAGUE (AP) — The good news for visitors to the Czech capital: the newly expanded A line of Prague’s subway network that opened this week will comfortably take them from downtown closer than ever to the city’s international airport. The bad news: To board the No. 119 bus that covers the final…
|Police: Des Moines man reports stolen bag of dog poop
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Police say someone who attempted to steal a truck parked outside a Des Moines home instead took a bag of dog poop. The Des Moines Police Department responded to a report of an attempted burglary around 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. Upon arrival, a man told police someone broke…
|Washington deputies find cabin that family reported stolen photo
SPRINGDALE, Wash. (AP) — Authorities say a log cabin that a family reported stolen off its foundation has been found in rural northeast Washington. Stevens County Sheriff Kendle Allen says deputies following a tip found the cabin Thursday morning about 10 miles from its original location. He…
|Police: $70K in bull semen stolen from Minnesota farm
LEROY, Minn. (AP) — Police are investigating the theft of about $70,000 worth of bull semen from a farm in southern Minnesota. Mower (MOH’-ur) County Sheriff Terese Amazi (AM’-uh-zye) says a LeRoy man reported Tuesday that a storage canister with vials of bull semen was taken from his…
|Manhole cover sent flying by blast is caught on video
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say an underground electrical fire is blamed for an explosion that sent a manhole cover flying more than 200 feet above a Buffalo street in a blast that was captured by a television news photographer. HASH(0x13ecad0) Police evacuated two buildings as smoke…
|Itty, bitty (fake) nations to unfurl flags, royal doodads photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The largest gathering of world leaders this side of the United Nations is convening Saturday at a decidedly less glamorous edifice: the Anaheim Central Library down the street from Disneyland. No one will be representing the United States, Great Britain or China, but you…
|Cat survives shock, 25-foot fall from power pole photo
GRANTS PASS, Ore. (AP) — The owner of a 17-pound Siamese cat named Liam says he has nearly used up his nine lives after getting shocked on a power pole in Grants Pass and falling 25 feet. HASH(0x1417360) Her husband, Jeff, went outside and the cat was lying still on the transformer at the top…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Survey: Nearly 9 in 10 US adults now have health insurance photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Underlining a change across the nation, nearly 9 out of 10 adults now say they have health insurance, according to an extensive survey released Monday. As recently as 2013, slightly more than 8 out of 10 had coverage. Whether the new number from the Gallup-Healthways…
|Cancer surge in China prompts rise of special patient hotels photo
BEIJING (AP) — Li Xiaohe has set herself up for the long haul in a cramped but sunny room in western Beijing, about a block from China’s most renowned cancer hospital. Her laundry dries on hangers and her husband cooks in a communal kitchen as she embarks on an 84-day program of chemotherapy,…
|What to know about recent food recalls and bacteria listeria photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Large food recalls have forced consumers to throw away hummus and ice cream that may be contaminated with the same potentially deadly bacteria — listeria. Tainted Blue Bell ice cream products are linked to eight listeria illnesses in Kansas and Texas; three of those…
|UN: Ebola still global emergency despite big drop in cases photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says the year-long Ebola outbreak in West Africa still qualifies as an international emergency even though the number of cases has plummeted. Last August, the U.N. health agency declared the epidemic of the lethal virus to be a global emergency…
|Group hopes recycled hotel soap helps save lives worldwide photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Shawn Seipler is on a mission to save lives with soap. It began about seven years ago as a tiny operation with a few friends and family in a single-car garage in Orlando, Florida, where they used meat grinders, potato peelers and cookers to recycle used soap into fresh bars….
|Rural Indiana county’s HIV outbreak tops 100 cases photo
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — More than 100 people in southeastern Indiana have tested positive for HIV in an outbreak linked to the sharing of intravenous needles, and officials said Friday they’re trying to combat unfounded fears among drug users that they could be arrested if they take part in a…
|California vaccine bill sparks acidic debate, Nazi links photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A California bill that would sharply limit vaccination waivers after a measles outbreak at Disneyland has generated such an acidic debate that the proposal’s author was under added security this week. Authorities wouldn’t specify the extra protections around state…
|Bird flu outbreak spreads to 3 more Midwest turkey farms photo
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — A bird flu outbreak that has puzzled scientists spread to three more Midwest turkey farms, bringing the number of farms infected to 23 and raising the death toll to more than 1.2 million birds killed by the disease or by authorities scrambling to contain it. The U.S….
|Worst VA health care wait times are in the South photo
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. (AP) — The chronic delays plaguing the Veterans Affairs health system are concentrated in a fraction of its hospitals and clinics — many of them in the South — that have done far worse than others in delivering prompt care, according to government data reviewed…
|California saw record number of West Nile deaths in 2014 photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California saw a record number of deaths from the West Nile virus last year, and the state’s drought may have contributed to the spike in infections, according to health officials. Thirty-one infected people died in 2014, the most since California began recording West Nile…
|Utah prison chief: Someone could be fired over inmate death
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Utah’s prison director said Thursday that he’ll fire someone if needed after he investigates the death of an inmate who went without dialysis for two days when providers failed to show up for treatment. Rollin Cook, the executive director of Utah’s Department of…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
New York City firefighters used a rope-and-pulley system on Friday in an hours-long struggle to move a 700-pound man from his sixth-floor apartment into an ambulance. The man was having difficulty breathing. ***700 pounds? I’m guessing his quadruple chin was blocking air from getting into his apartment building.
After years of speculation about her future, Hillary Rodham Clinton confirmed one of the worst-kept secrets in politics on Sunday: She’s running for president. The former first lady and secretary of state officially entered the 2016 presidential race Sunday with a video announcement, saying she wants to be the champion of “everyday Americans.” ***Because when you think of everyday Americans, you immediately think of a former first-lady who says she was dead broke when leaving the White House but was somehow able to buy a $1.7-million mansion in Chappaqua; stole White House furniture for her personal residence, claimed to be a feminist yet looked away at her husband’s continual infidelity with Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willy, and even Juanita Broaddrick who accused Bill Clinton of rape – and Hillary still stood by her man; Hillary “improperly” accessed FBI files on several hundred individuals, calling it “completely honest bureaucratic snafu”, accepted donations from a known drug dealer and invited him to visit the White House without Secret Service, has been accused of insider-trading on cattle futures, did not put her name to a single piece of legislation while in the Senate for eight years, was a disaster as Secretary of State (Benghazi, anyone?), felt too important to use the government’s email servers – instead choosing to use her own and deleting whatever emails she didn’t want anyone to see, and being associated with Chinagate, Travelgate, the Whitewater Scandal, the death of Vince Foster, etc. Yes, she will champion “everyday Americans.”
Real estate developer and TV star Donald Trump says he has formed an exploratory committee to consider a run for president in 2016. He said in a statement: “I am the only one who can make America truly great again!” ***MARLAR: Dude – you can’t even make your hair great again.
There are many, many ways to send money to your friends online, but that’s not stopping Facebook from throwing its hat into the ring. According to the Huffington Post, Facebook announced this week that its Messenger app for mobile devices will let users send each other money. A Facebook spokesperson says users will also be able to send payments in the Chat feature for desktop. The feature should roll out in the U.S. over the coming months. ***MARLAR: So new rule – if you want to poke me, you have to pay me a dollar.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
The most challenging part of any weight loss program is actually staying in the program. Close to half of us drop out of weight loss programs before achieving the desired results. The main reason is the feeling we’ve gone as far as we can go with the program. If we feel we won’t lose more weight, we’ll give up. ***MARLAR: That’s why my weight loss goal is to not have a goal. That way I’m never disappointed!
In Germany a couple was granted a quick divorce on the grounds of “gross infidelity” after the wife moved in with her new lover just four days after her wedding. They got married on a Monday and she moved in with her new man on Friday. ***MARLAR: I must’ve missed the news. When did Hollywood relocate to Germany? (“Till death do us part, or until I’m bored with you… which will be in 3…2…1…”)
A gene linked to sticky ear wax and excessive underarm odor may indicate a higher risk of cancer. The study may give doctors another tool for predicting cancer risk. The researchers arrived at their conclusion by tracking a protein created by a gene which is associated with cancer. The ear wax and odor problems may become lifesaving clues to the early detection and treatment of cancer. ***MARLAR: Assuming your doctor can stomach being close enough to examine you, you waxy, smelly freak.
Dieters who weighed themselves at least weekly lost more weight than those who didn’t, according to research from the Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation. ***MARLAR: But weighting yourself regularly also makes you more likely to suffer from depression.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Broker”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Football Widow”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was helping out a friend’s bowling team by filling in for an absent player. He was bowling well… so well in fact that he threw three strikes in a row to win the game and move on to the next round! Unfortunately, that would mean he’d have to cancel his checkers game with Sully… for the third time!
CLOSE: Boy, Sully sure is being understanding about all of this. This is the third time that Gruffy has postponed their checkers game! But it’s great to hear Gruffy is doing so well at the bowling alley! Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 18/19, 2015
OPEN: When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson learned that, because he ran away to avoid tonsil surgery, that his tonsils got worse and killed him! Other kids also died because they saw Marvy as a hero, and even the entire population of Razzleflabbin Island is now gone because Marvy wasn’t around to keep them from being hit by a giant tidal wave!
CLOSE: An entire generation of Snufflesons wiped out because Marvy wouldn’t get his tonsils taken out? What more could possibly go wrong? Tune in next time to find out what happens – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A passenger from Glasgow (GLAS’-goh), Scotland, has been charged with reckless endangerment and criminal tampering for trying to get off a Delta Air Lines flight stuck on a taxiway at New York’s Kennedy International Airport. Flight 149, bound for Las Vegas from Rome, was stopped by bad weather and congested skies after pulling away from the gate. Authorities say when it still hadn’t taken off two hours and 45 minutes later, Robert McDonald, traveling with his wife, got up and started opening an emergency exit. Flight attendants stopped him before the evacuation chute deployed. The jet returned to the gate, McDonald was arrested and the other passengers were rebooked on a later flight. He did not enter a plea at his arraignment and was released pending a court hearing in May. If convicted, McDonald could get up to a year in jail.
TOP TEN WORST NAMES FOR A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT
- The Ol’ Chum Bucket
- Parasite Island
- It Might Be Flounder
- The Festering Cod
- Botulism Bay
- TGI Scurvy’s
- 3-Mile Island Trout ‘N’ Things
- Yesterday’s Sushi
- The Gagging Deck Hand
- Green Lobster
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Something fishy is going on in the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: There was something fishy about the 911 call that summoned police to the scene of a stabbing in Madeira Beach, Florida. The cops arrested one man for running another through — with the sawed-off bill of a swordfish. The fight allegedly started on a dock and ended in the apartment of the victim, who recovered from his wound. His attacker was charged with aggravated battery.
FILE #2: A Tulsa, Oklahoma man, who forced his way into his former girlfriend’s apartment, got into a fight with the woman’s new boyfriend. During the fight, the man lost part of his ear! The new boyfriend told police he was just trying to protect himself and his girlfriend, so during the struggle he bit the intruder’s ear. Doctors were unable to reattach the ear.
FILE #3: Police in Australia are calling it one of the “dumbest” crimes they have ever heard of. Two crooks broke into a security company. Sixteen of 25 surveillance cameras installed at Gold Coast Security captured high quality digital video images of the burglars as alarm bells rang and the pair desperately ransacked the premises in search of valuables. The two tried to cover their faces, but only after looking directly into the cameras. Undeterred, the two stole what they thought were three video recorders. Instead, it just turned out to be three cases for video recorders. Police are using the videotape to identify the pair.
STRANGE LAW: It is required by Kentucky law that you must bathe (either by shower or bath) no less than once a year.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
If you want to give a pretty lady a ride home – be sure you’re driving a cool car, not a school bus.
Police in Arkansas say a drunken 44-year-old Joseph P. Fannin stole a parked school bus and then asked a woman if she wanted to go for a ride. Police say Fannin took an El Dorado School District bus parked near a bar and left it in a motel driveway. They say a woman called them after Fannin asked if she wanted a ride. Police say Fannin told them he’d been kicked out of the bar and got into the bus because it was “a warm, dry place.” The school district says the driver was out of town and that the keys must’ve been left behind.
86% of us wish our spouse would do this? Drop some weight. So, how do you delicately convince your spouse to lose weight? Do you just ask? Or is your approach more covert?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: When Hezekiah was sick unto death, what prophet told him that he was going to die?
ANSWER: Isaiah (2 Kings 20:1)
QUESTION: How can you say the following sentence without using any r’s? – “Richard and Robert purchased a Rottweiler.” Is there a way of saying the same thing without using the letter R?
ANSWER: Dick and Bob bought a dog!
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- In Singapore, it is illegal to chew gum. (True)
- The drinking straw was invented in 1772. (False – 1886. It was invented by hand rolling paraffined Manila paper)
- Cars were first started with ignition keys in 1949. (True)
- Many hamsters blink one eye at a time. (True)
- Olathe, Kansas has more donut stores per capita than any other place in the world. (False – Whitby, Ontario)
- A can of Spam is opened every fourteen seconds. (False – every four seconds!)
- Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. (True)
- The percent of women who wash their hands after leaving a restroom is 80%. (True)
- The percent of men who wash their hands after using a restroom is 55%. (True)
- You breathe about 100 million times a year. (False – 10 million)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
TALKING PINK _________ (ELEPHANTS)
Zookeepers have been tending to several pink elephants for years, but this week they were shocked to learn that the pink elephants- talk!
Pink elephants were parading around a Burmese zoo over the weekend – as they do every weekend – when one of them turned to a zookeeper and said, “Peanuts. I want some peanuts.” The zookeeper didn’t speak English, but he was shocked to hear words come out of the elephants mouth. A pink elephant English interpreter was brought in to work with the elephants.
The elephants haven’t stopped talking since. Zookeepers told WWN that the pink elephants are mostly concerned with zoo conditions, their food and the amount of exercise they are getting on a daily basis. ”They had a lot of complaints, but we are trying to accommodate all their demands,” said Bin Dowa, a zookeeper.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”
Charles H. Spurgeon, the prince of preachers, was emphasizing to his budding preacher’s class the importance of making one’s facial expression harmonize with one’s speech.
“When you speak of Heaven,” he said, “let your face light up, let it be irradiated with a heavenly gleam, let your eyes shine with reflected glory. But when you speak of hell – well, then your ordinary face will do!”
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like.
It seems the minister asked my Mom, “Do you take this man to be your husband.” And she said, “I do.”
Then the minister asked my Dad, “Do you take this woman to be your wife,” and my Mom said, “He does.”
Mom’s kiss really did have special powers to make a skinned knee feel better. According to experts, a kiss is no longer just a kiss — it’s a prescription to good health. Research proves that when you feel loved and nurtured, like when your mother smooched your boo-boos, your immune system gets a huge boost and is able to fight off disease much better. A study also shows that people who get a morning smooch from their spouse take fewer sick days, have lower blood pressure and live up to five years longer. Kissing makes you feel better, by stimulating the pleasure center in your brain, bringing euphoria and elation. ***MARLAR: I just can’t see my doctor saying, “Pucker up…”
Scientists at the University of Missouri report that just standing around may be as important as exercise. ***MARLAR: Finally, a legitimate explanation for why the folks at the DMV act the way they do.
Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
Tax his oil, Tax his gas
Tax his notes, Tax his cash
Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he’s good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he’s laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove him to his doom.”
After he’s gone, we won’t relax.
We’ll still collect the inheritance tax.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
REALLY NICE MUGGING VICTIMS
When the Bible tells you to be nice to your enemies and to smother your enemies with kindness, these people really must have taken it to heart!
After finishing their 20th anniversary dinner, Lonnie and Tammy Crawford were held up at gunpoint by a robber just outside the restaurant. The crook stole their cell phone and all the money they had in their pockets — $8. Lonnie reportedly said to the criminal, “Buddy, don’t you know you could get 10 years in prison for this?” What he said must of hit home, because the robber quickly returned to the couple saying he was down on his luck and that he had never done anything like that before. He then returned the cell phone and tried to return the money. The Crawfords said they felt he needed the money more than they did and told him to keep it. After apologizing several more times, the gunman wished the couple a happy anniversary and walked off. The couple, who said they wouldn’t press charges, just so happen to be residents of Niceville, Florida.
When my son was 11 years old, he got a small job helping out with a traveling carnival while it was in our town.
He didn’t come home at lunch time, phoning instead to tell me he was fine and had found a few days work helping out at an exhibit. He turned up for supper as usual however after he finished work.
I asked him how he had managed at lunch and he told me he had made some new friends at the carnival, some young men who were twin brothers, and their mom and dad. They had paid him a few dollars and invited him for lunch in return for helping them set up their exhibit and wanted him to return the next day to help with other chores.
I was glad he had found new friends but a little apprehensive about the type of people that might be traveling in a carnival.
“Oh Mom, these are just normal everyday people like anyone else. They just work at a carnival instead of in a store or something. Come down tomorrow and meet them yourself,” he said.
So the next day I went to the carnival and to the exhibit he had directed me to. The twin brothers turned out to be Siamese twins, joined at the chest.
He hadn’t thought this fact was noteworthy enough to mention. When I brought it to him he said, “Yes, I noticed that too. Do you know that their mom has to make all their clothes because it’s so difficult to find anything to fit them? They’re also really good cooks. Today, Joe, the one on the right, made me spaghetti for lunch.”
What others see first in a person (or persons) is not what a child considers important.
Where I saw Siamese twins, he saw people having difficulty buying clothes that fit, and young men who were good cooks.
It was a lesson I have thought about many times over the years.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
It is required in stewards that one be found faithful. —1 Corinthians 4:2
Much of our attention and praise is directed toward highly visible and successful people. But occasionally we read about an ordinary, obscure person being honored for many years of faithful service. It may be a school custodian, a cafeteria worker, a handyman, or a clerk in a store who has served others in a dependable and unselfish way.
That kind of reliability often goes unnoticed, but I believe it’s a powerful picture of how we are to live. Although consistency may not be flashy, days add up to a life of great significance to God.
Paul wrote, “It is required in stewards that one be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). If we live faithfully for Christ, God has promised to reward us at His appointed time. When the Lord comes, He “will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one’s praise will come from God” (v.5).
When we long for success, God says, “I will reward you.”
When we ache for recognition, God says, “I see you.”
When we are ready to quit, God says, “I will help you.”
Whether our service is public or private, our responsibility is the same—to be faithful. —David McCasland
In all the little things of life,
Yourself, Lord, may I see;
In little and in great alike,
Help me to faithful be! —Anon.
God doesn’t ask us to be successful but to be faithful.
GARAGE SALE RULES
Hey, we’ve got warm weather – must be time to hit the garage sales! Here are some hints on how to have the best garage sale experience possible:
- While everybody likes to start at the exclusive part of town, the smart shopper starts out at the OLDEST section, in terms of demographics and age of houses. The junk has had many more years to pile up, as opposed to the neighborhoods with the four or five year old houses. Your chances of getting a $300 antique for .25 also increase dramatically.
- Bicycles are usually a bad deal at garage sales. Sure you can get one for $25 bucks, but who has the time to replace all the tires and tubes, fix the handbrakes, etc? The nicer ones are usually priced too high… it’s probably better (and safer) to spend another $120 dollars and get a new one at the Wal-Mart.
- Home exercise equipment at garage sales is usually not worth it. You NEVER see a used Soloflex or a Nordic-Track. Rather, these sales are full of 15 year old exercise bikes (with the chain drive and the saddle seat) and lots of stuff ordered from TV that didn’t work.
THINGS YOU NEVER BUY USED:
- Child car seats (they may have microscopic stress cracks from a prior impact)
- Underwear (like you ever would?!?)
- Eating utensils
- Toilet plungers (yeah right)
- Caskets (just kidding)
LIFE… LIVE IT
From the folks at Hallmark.com and their creation, Maxine the Queen of Crabbiness, here are a few ways to ensure getting audited by the IRS…
- Pay in pennies (delivered by sling slot).
- Deduct calls made to the Psychic Network in an attempt to get winning PowerBall numbers.
- Claim your cat as a dependent.
- Claim charitable deductions that equal more than your income.
- On the line that asks what you made this year, answer “Trouble.”
- Deduct adoption costs associated with adopting a new personality.
- Claim a home office deduction based on all the in-home counseling you give to friends and family.
- Wait till the last minute and copy the numbers from the guy standing next to you in line at the post office.
- Fill out your forms in yellow crayon.
- Detail 11,215 Internet stock trades — and claim you came out exactly even.
JUST FOR FUN
WAITING, WAITING, WAITING
Hey guys… hate waiting around for your woman as she tries on clothes at the mall? You’re not alone.
According to a recent survey of 2000 men, the average man spends nearly a week of his life sitting in the car waiting to pick up his significant other. He also spends 22 weeks of his life waiting outside the dressing room while his partner tries on clothing. Not all at once, mind you… but it sure seems that way sometimes. And 60% of the men surveyed said all of this waiting drives them crazy – so much so that 10% of men have actually broken up with a girlfriend or divorced a wife because of the constant waiting. Ouch. Even worse, 20% of men say they entertain themselves while waiting by checking out other women in the store. ***MARLAR: This makes no sense, guys. If you’re going to be checking out the other women in the store, what happens if you hit it off, dump your woman, and starting dating the new chick? You met the lady while she was trying on clothes! What makes you think you won’t be waiting for HER now? All you’d be doing is trading in for a newer model… meaning you’re adding that many more years of waiting to your life.
WEIRD LIBRARY REFERENCE QUESTIONS
All of these situations are real and some of them were mighty embarrassing. Enjoy! Actual reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers of various levels.
- “Do you have books here?”
- “Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?”
- “Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?”
- “I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, ‘Waltzing through Grand Rapids.'” (Actual title wanted: “Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.”)
- “Where is the reference desk?” This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying “REFERENCE DESK”!
- “I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?” (This is very similar to what I experience frequently at the radio station. “I heard this song a few months ago at about 3:00pm. I don’t know the name of the artist or the song, can you tell me what it is?”)
- “Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hair dryer?”
- “Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”
- “Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”
- “I need a color photograph of George Washington [Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, etc.]”
- “I need a photocopy of Booker T. Washington’s birth certificate.”
- “I need to find out Ibid’s first name for my bibliography.”
- “Why don’t you have any books by Ibid? He’s written a lot of important stuff.”
- “I’m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I’m having trouble with it in my neck.”
- “Is the basement upstairs?” (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk)
- “I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Generally speaking, I feel very low guilt over not fulfilling certain tipping expectations. And now I feel indignant toward new tipping practices as outlined in a January New York Times article. It centers on the growth of “automatic tipping.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/01/business/dollar3-tip-on-a-dollar4-cup-of-coffee-gratuities-grow-automatically.html?_r=0
The writer visited a coffeehouse in New York City. When the credit card was used, the iPad was turned to face the customer to include a $1, $2, or $3 tip! A customized option was available but it took extra effort while the cashier waited. Oooohhhh. Pressure.
As noted in this article, “Leaving 15 percent for full service (the former standard tip at a sit-down restaurant), and less for quick transactions, is considered chintzy by some people. ‘We recommend 20 percent absolutely,’ said Peter Post, managing director of the Emily Post Institute, which offers guidelines in etiquette.”
Ride a taxi in New York and your options might well be 20, 25, or even 30 per cent for the autotip. Again, manual options available. A certain day spa asks if you’d like to include a tip with a gift certificate. The amount? Twenty five percent!
One innovative approach for lower end food service businesses is DipJar. When you pay for your items with a credit card, you “dip” your card again into a electronic receptacle usually with a preset amount— say $1. The test market for this has proven quite successful.
But the tipping issue begs a larger question, namely, who is entitled to a tip?
In the old days, I went to Dairy Queen and bought a sundae or a Blizzard. Now I see a tip jar! If you use a laundromat, does the maintenance team deserve a tip? What about all those good folks at a grocery store? The expert who cuts and packages your meat? The cashier who must handle all of your items at checkout? The dude who restocks the shelves?
What about in the medical field? These people once saved my life! Along with the unbelievably high medical bills, imagine a 20 per cent tip for outstanding service of my thoracic surgeon! Or the nurses…the orderlies…the check in people? And what about auto mechanics? Walmart greeters? Dry cleaners? Movie theatre employees who put on the extra butter?
And bringing it all back home…what about ME? My reading of my feature article tells me that the company ChangeTip enables tips to be collected for content creators (or anyone) on the Internet! Content creators? That’s what I do every day! I create radio content for my listeners. Certainly there MUST be a way for those tuned in to reward me in the event I have a scintillating and meaningful interview! After all, I’m now tipping everyone else!
And, of course, how about all those good people at my church? Sure we take an offering. But that’s our gift of gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. And it’s used to pay the operating budgets at the church. But what about when the pastor or music director hits a homerun? Should there be a tip jar up front?
The answer is … NO! This tipping thing is out of control. I’ll tip when appropriate, thank you. No guilt.
This past week, many Christians recognized the day before Good Friday as Maundy Thursday. The significance was on the “mandate” of Jesus from the Last Supper. During that meal, Jesus put a towel around his waist and washed his disciples’ feet. He was sending a message on serving others. You can read the account in John, Chapter 13. Verse 15 has Jesus saying, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (ESV)
My business advice is simple. Serve others. Serve with excellence. Be grateful for customers. Do this, and they may decide to tip you. And whatever they give, be grateful.
If this blog has been helpful, well, need I say more? Hint. Hint.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
BATTLE OF THE REDHEADS
Ronald MacDonald has been arrested for robbing Wendy’s.
Seriously! In Manchester, New Hampshire, a 22-year-old man, whose name is really Ronald MacDonald, has been charged with stealing money from a safe at a Wendy’s restaurant. The restaurant manager called police after he found MacDonald and another employee had taken money from the office safe. Ronald told the store manager he used his driver’s license to pick the lock to the office. After repeated requests, he finally returned the stolen money — all of $133 dollars. ***MARLAR: Which incidentally will buy you about 26 extra value meals.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
A mother was reunited with her daughter 49 years after being told she died. According to the Time Magazine report, Several hours after Zella Jackson Price gave birth, the hospital told her that her daughter had died. But 49 years later, her daughter is alive and well—and reunited with her mother. Melanie Diane Gilmore was put up for adoption for unknown reasons shortly after she was born, but she recently decided to track down her mother. Price, now 76, is delighted to have her daughter back in her life—but intends to investigate how the St. Louis hospital wrongly told her of her daughter’s death five decades ago. http://ti.me/1NmbZmN
Twelve-year-old March Madness bracket champion Sam Holtz has a philanthropic streak to match his basketball smarts. According to the Huffington Post, Sam tied for first place in ESPN’s official March Madness Tournament Challenge, besting some 11.5 million other entrants. Although he was below the required age limit required to win the ESPN prize, Best Buy still awarded him a $1,000 gift card as a consolation prize. Sam used the card to purchase an Xbox One gaming consul for himself but then used the rest of the money to purchase another to donate to the Make-A-Wish foundation. http://huff.to/1NlPqi6
Dr. James Dobson says it’s never too early to think about your legacy; the things you will be remembered for when you pass from this life. To help, he has released a free Special Report on the value and importance of legacy that will draw you to think about the things that truly matter, how you want to be remembered and what you will pass along to friends and family. Download the free pdf at http://t.co/Z3Yi2Wwv8n.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 10, 2015…
Desert Dancer—This film is a biographical one about a self-taught dancer in Iran who, with his friends, learns to dance by watching Michael Jackson videos and others artists. The government sternly disapproves and this is done in secret. Stars Afsshin, Freida Pinto, Tom Cullen and Akin Akezy. “Desert Dancer” has no rating. Rating of 2 for this particular situation.
The Hunting Ground—Director Amy Ziering has produced quite a documentary about rapes on the campus of the University of North Carolina. With two women willing to tell their story, the audience finds out just what happened and precautions to be taken. A college campus isn’t entirely a safe place and a forest isn’t the only place people hunt. Harrowing. “The Hunting Ground” is nor rated. Rating of 3.
Merchants of Doubt—A documentary about the news industry and adapted from the book by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway, directed by Robert Kenner. The audience sees what goes on in behind the scenes in news shows and sometimes it can be a bag of tricks. Just how much of the “truth” do audiences really get? The word “manipulation” comes to mind. “Merchants of Doubt” is not rated. Rating of 3.
While We’re Young—Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts are a couple sliding into middle-age. Ben is a filmmaker. they meet a nice young couple, Amanda Seyfreid and Adam Driver and become friends. Then, Ben and Naomi take a long, hard look at their own lives. Crisis ahead? “While We’re Young” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Danny Collins—This comedy stars Al Pacino as a fading rock star (try to imagine that) who is trying to revive his career. Enter something unexpected (really unexpected) and he decides to go with it. Also in the cast are Annette Bening, Bobby Cannavale, Jennifer Garner and Christopher Plummer. “Danny Collins” is rated R. No rating.
The Longest Ride—Based on a Nicholas Sparks novel , this film tells the story of a love affair between a bull rider (Scott Eastwood) and an artist (Britt Robertson.) Of course, there are problems, and one day Scott meets a retired champion, Ira (Alan Alda) who helps him in this situation. Also in the cast are Jon Huston and Lolita Davidovich. “The Longest Ride” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for author Nicholas Sparks fans.
Woman In Gold—This is based on a real life situation in which a woman (Helen Mirren) tries to regain a portrait stolen by the German Army during WWII. The painting is called “Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer” by Gustav Klimt. Also in the cast are Maria Altman, Katie Holmes, Charles Dance and Elizabeth McGovern (“Downton Abbey.”) “Woman In Gold” is rated PG 13. No rating.
APRIL 17, 2015…
Clouds of Sils Maria stars Juliette Binoche as an actress trying to adjust to younger actresses after her roles.
Monkey Kingdom is a documentary about a family of monkeys who have to move to another home. Disney Nature film.
Child 44 is based on Tom Rob Smith’s 2008 novel about child murders in Russia. Stars Tom Hardy.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a sequel to Kevin James earlier hit, and now Blart is doing special security in Las Vegas.
Unfriended uses the Internet and Skype as a tool to haunt people. Stars Heather Sossaman.
True Story, and based on a true incident, stars James Franco as a man in Oregon who murders his wife and children and then goes on the run.
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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.