CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150416
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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. — 2 Corinthians 10:17-18
Jesus said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. — Luke 9:23-24
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph. — Amos 5:15
Thought: While we teach our children that we must not hate people, we also must teach them to loathe injustice, evil, prejudice, and the mistreatment of the weak. Amos reminded Israel that God demands justice be administered fairly for both rich and poor, resident and alien. Their repeated refusals of God’s will in these areas brought destruction upon their land despite their apparent affluence and power in Amos’ day.
Prayer: Holy God, I know you are furious at the injustice in so many lands and are enraged at the ethnic hatred setting our world ablaze. Please make your people, your Church, a place of justice, equity, compassion, love, racial healing, and hope. Please begin in my heart and with my hands to build this better world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Hebrews 4:16 NIV = Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – APRIL 16, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 254 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY, time to set aside a moment to laugh. ***MARLAR: Hopefully we’ve already taken care of that for you today.
Today is NATIONAL STRESS AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: And if you’re not aware of stress… you don’t have any.
NATIONAL VOLUNTEER WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I know this should be a good thing, but when the boss demands that you recognize the spirit of the week by doing your job for no pay… it just doesn’t have that same warm and fuzzy feeling.
This is NATIONAL COIN WEEK. ***MARLAR: Probably because after dealing with the IRS yesterday, coins are the only thing you have left.
Today is CONSUMER AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: The day after Tax Day… go figure. We’re now aware that we can’t afford to do any more consuming.
Today is WEAR YOUR PAJAMAS TO WORK DAY. ***MARLAR: I chickened out this morning and didn’t wear mine. All I have are the kind with feet.
YOUR BEDTIME CLOTHES REVEAL THE DEEP-DOWN YOU
Psychiatrist Dr. Douglas LaDier says what you wear to bed reveals your personality.
- Pajamas — You’re a no-nonsense kind of guy, direct and straightforward. Once you’ve committed yourself, your relationships tend to last. You are steady, hardworking and you enjoy rugged outdoor activities.
- Boxer Shorts/Briefs — You’re good at details and like order in your life. You are warm, friendly and caring. You remember birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates.
- Long Johns — You’re practical, secure about yourself, and you don’t follow trends. You work on a task until it is completed. You don’t like variety once you find a style you like, you stick with it.
- T-shirts — You’re a down-home kind of man, not easily impressed by superficial people or material possessions. You’re mellow, slow to anger and enthusiastic at work.
- Nude — You are creative, high-spirited, quick-tempered, and you have great confidence in your ability to achieve your goals. At work you’re known as an “idea man” who can quickly grasp the complexities of a problem and readily find a solution.
- Baby Dolls or Nightgowns — Sensitive and romantic, you’re always looking for excitement. You are also neat, orderly and meticulous about your appearance.
- Flannel or Other Heavy Pajamas — You’re a warm, caring person with a smile for everyone and a hug for those who need it. You enjoy outdoor activities like camping and hiking and you’re very practical.
- Teddy, Chemise or Camisole — You are very feminine, and you like to be coddled, petted and pampered. You love candlelight dinners.
- Childlike Pajamas — You like the warmth and coziness of a strong, safe relationship. You’re reliable and steady at work and play.
- T-shirt or Team Jersey — Generous and warm, you make friends easily. You are playful in your relationship. People confide in you, knowing you’re trustworthy.
- Nude –– You’re spontaneous, independent, and you respond to challenges at the drop of a hat. You are very trusting and like openness.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Celebrate Teen Literature Day
Get To Know Your Customers Day
High Five Day
National Stress Awareness Day
Save The Elephant Day
COMING UP NEXT
FRIDAY, APRIL 17
Bat Appreciation Day
Blah! Blah! Blah! Day
Ellis Island Family History Day
Ford Mustang Day
Nothing Like a Dame Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 18
Adult Autism Day
Pet Owners Independence Day
Husband Appreciation Day
Record Store Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 19
John Parker Day
National Hanging Out Day
Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day
MONDAY, APRIL 20
Chinese Language Day
TUESDAY, APRIL 21
Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day
Queen’s Birthday (real date)
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 22
Administrative Professionals Day (Secretary’s Day)
Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day
In God We Trust Day
Mother Earth Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 23
English Language Day
Movie Theater Day
ON THIS DAY
1867: Wilbur Wright was born in Millville, Indiana. When it came time to decide in 1903 who would make history’s first airplane flight, Wilbur and brother Orville flipped a coin. Wilbur lost.
1889: U.S. patent #432,728 was issued for the air-conditioned hat, a hat with a wind-up exhaust fan at the back that pulled air in through vents in the front and top.
1935: The radio comedy program “Fibber McGee and Molly” premiered on the NBC Blue Network.
1940: President Franklin Roosevelt threw the first pitch of the new baseball season, a wild pitch, and broke the camera of Washington Post photographer Irving Schlossenberg.
1947: The Zoomar lens was first demonstrated at the NBC Television studios in New York City. Today even 35-millimeter cameras can use the zoom lens.
1956: On “I Love Lucy,” in an episode called “Lucy’s Italian Movie,” Lucy engages in what would become TV’s classic comedy grape-stomping scene. (audio clip)
1962: Walter Cronkite began anchoring “The CBS Evening News,” replacing Douglas Edwards.
1987: The U.S. Patent Office began accepting patent applications for new animals created by genetic engineering.
1993: A Monmouth, Illinois, man told a judge his wife could come back home and cook for him while she was out on bail awaiting trial for trying to poison him. ***MARLAR: Sounds like he’s the one that should be eating the prison food… he’d be safer!
1994: The first woman was inducted into the National Comedy Hall of Fame. The 50-year veteran of the Grand Ole Opry, Minnie Pearl, died in 1996.
1999: Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from hockey.
1999: Shania Twain became the first woman to be named as Songwriter/Artist of the Year by the Nashville Songwriters Association International.
2000: As a protest against noise at Italy’s Malpensa airport, some 30 voters in a Milan suburb cast their votes in regional elections in their underwear.
2003: Michael Jordan played his last NBA game with the Washington Wizards, who lost to the Philadelphia 76ers, 107-87.
2006: Lance Nesta of Waukesha, Wisconsin, found a fruitcake in his mother’s attic his aunts had sent him in the Army in Alaska in 1962. Nesta didn’t like fruitcake so he shipped it back home and forgot about it when he left the Army. Still in its original tin, he said the 44-year-old fruitcake hadn’t changed at all, fresh as ever. But he still wouldn’t eat it.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1521: German reformer Martin Luther arrives at the Diet of Worms, convinced he would get the hearing he requested in 1517 to discuss the abuse of indulgences and his “95 Theses.” He was astounded when he discovered it would not be a debate, but rather a judicial hearing to see if he wished to recant his words. In defending himself the next day, Luther said, “Unless I can be instructed and convinced with evidence from the Holy Scriptures or with open, clear, and distinct grounds of reasoning . . . then I cannot and will not recant, because it is neither safe nor wise to act against conscience. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me! Amen!” When negotiations over the next few days failed to reach any compromise, Luther was condemned.
1879: Bernadette Soubirous, who at age 14 became famous for her visions of the Virgin Mary at Lourdes, dies in Nevers, France. In 1933 the Roman Catholic church declaired her a saint.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (Leap of Faith, Mars Attacks, Last Days, Samuel in Witness) Lucas Haas 39
- actor (Ralphie in A Christmas Story) Peter Billingsly 43
- actor (“Martin,” Bad Boys, Big Momma’s House) Martin Lawrence 50
- actor (Duckie in Pretty In Pink, Zach on “The Trouble With Normal”, Bob on “Partners”, best known as Alan Harper on “Two And A Half Men”) Jon Cryer 50 (audio clip)
- basketball’s Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is 68
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1924 : Henry Mancini
1924 : Rudy Pompilli (Bill Haley & His Comets)
1929 : Roy Hamilton
1929 : Ed Townsend
1930 : Herbie Mann
1935 : Bobby Vinton (born Stanley Robert Vintula)
1939 : Dusty Springfield
1943 : “Lonesome” Dave Peverett (Foghat)
1947 : Gerry Rafferty (Stealers Wheel)
1947 : Lee Kerslake (Uriah Heep, Blizzard of Ozz)
1963 : Jimmy Osmond (The Osmonds)
1964 : David Pirner (Soul Asylum)
1971 : Selena
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do some mushrooms glow?
If you have walked in damp woods on a dark night and you have good night vision, you may have noticed a glowing mushroom growing from a decaying log. Although glowing mushrooms are common, their glow is not usually bright enough to attract human attention.
Mushrooms that glow are attracting insects and small animals that want to eat them. Some of the spores the mushroom produces end up getting attached to the outside of the eaters, and are later deposited far away, spreading the fungus around.
Fungi have other ways of attracting potential spore-spreaders. Some, like the foul-smelling stinkhorns, emit an odor that attracts flies and beetles. Some flowering plants also use foul odors to attract the flies or other insects that pollinate them.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Christian comedian Chonda Pierce was at the Louisiana women’s prison this week. Her opening line: I’ve been a stand up comedian for 20 years and this is my first captive audience.
Natalie Grant talked openly with Yahoo Parenting about infertility and postpartum depression. In a recent interview Natalie shared more about the fertility specialists who helped her conceive, the counselors who supported her as she battled postpartum depression, and the nanny she says is a part of her family. https://t.co/Gb2fgbdvNr
Jamie Grace was showing off a new talent this week. She was drawing, producing sketches of everything from zebras to the snowman from frozen. She was even dedicating them to some of her social media followers. Jamie tweeted: my parents saw drawing isn’t my gift; obviously they’re way wrong. Jamie even went as far as to share: no more singing; artist for life. You can check out samples of her art work here:
Danny Gokey may have a new fall back occupation. He tweeted this week: Today I learned how to be a barista and made my first latte. Danny did admit that his design needed a little practice but it sounds like he’s off to a good start. http://t.co/zW2pS8tfib
Audio Adrenaline guitarist Brandon Bagby says his wife is in full nesting mode. He tweeted: my wife is preparing and “nesting” for our new baby coming in May. He showed off some of the onesy they already had ready to go, including quite a few featuring guitars. Brandon says they even are recycling one that his wife stiched for their oldest child a few years ago.
The latest Jamie Grace podcast is now available. Episode five of the free podcast download features what Jamie terms her super intellectual Hawks verses Hornets commentary. Check it out at https://t.co/qbtylFYYq6
Kevin Max will hold an online chat this Thursday night from 7-8pm ct. Kevin said ask me anything and use the hashtag #HouseOfMax.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Only horse ever flagged in NCAA game dies at 42
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — The only horse ever to be penalized in a college football game has died. Rutgers University says Lord Nelson was 42, or the human equivalent of 126 years. One of Lord Nelson’s duties during his 37-year Rutgers career was carrying the school’s Scarlet Knight mascot…
|Elusive mountain lion captivates LA then quickly vanishes photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — A celebrity mountain lion transformed a wealthy hillside neighborhood into a paparazzi-like scene of scrambling photographers before eluding everyone Tuesday and quietly slipping away. The 125-pound beast, easily recognizable by the collar and ear tag wildlife officials…
|Huge metal rooster found in forest following Georgia heist
ATHENS, Ga. (AP) — Authorities say the hunt for a 10-foot metal rooster stolen from outside an Athens, Georgia, business has ended in a forest, where Rocket the Rusty Roster was discovered under a pile of wood. Lexington Village owner Bonnie Harris says she’s grateful the sculpture has been…
|Crocs shoe tracks help link Alaska man to burglaries photo
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — Crocs plastic shoes left tread marks that helped link a 22-year-old Fairbanks man to downtown burglaries, authorities said. The owner of a building where break-ins occurred provided surveillance footage to police, who posted it on the department’s Facebook page….
|80-year-old Alabama grandfather goes to prom for first time
ALBERTVILLE, Ala. (AP) — An 80-year-old grandfather in northern Alabama has experienced his first high school prom after going as his granddaughter’s date. James “Poppa” Drain of Albertville told WHNT-TV (http://bit.ly/1zdHNOS) his granddaughter, Joy Webb, asked him to be her date for…
|Chimp Tushi turns drone-buster in Dutch Burgers’ Zoo photo
ARNHEM, Netherlands (AP) — Beware! Chimp Tushi at the Dutch Burgers’ Zoo is a real drone-buster. When the zoo sent a drone over the chimpanzee enclosure for a better look at how their 14 apes live, the response was swift. With the unfamiliar intruder coming close to them, 23-year-old female…
|Farmer names calf born with heart in neck ‘Cardio Brisket’
MARIANNA, Pa. (AP) — A calf born with its heart in its neck is thriving on a western Pennsylvania farm despite the unusual deformity. Tom Leech, the Amwell Township farmer who owns the 6-week-old calf, researched the disorder on the Internet and found just two instances, one in Kentucky in…
|Driver who can’t pay fine on too-heavy rig jailed for 4 days photo
CANONSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A Florida truck driver has been jailed for four days in Pennsylvania for not being able to pay a portion of the $17,000 fine he got for driving an overweight rig. Francisco Amareles-Amareles, of Hialeah, was arrested Saturday after police saw him drive his 40-ton rig…
|Police: Man burned trying to kill bedbugs inside rental car
EASTPORT, N.Y. (AP) — Police say a Long Island man set his rental car ablaze while trying to kill bedbugs inside the vehicle. Scott Kemery suffered first- and second-degree burns in the incident Tuesday outside an Eastport supermarket. Police say the Bridgehampton resident poured alcohol over…
|Man kills armadillo, but ricochet gunshot hits mother-in-law
LEESBURG, Ga. (AP) — Authorities say a south Georgia man shot an armadillo, but ended up accidentally wounding his mother-in-law when the bullet ricocheted off the mammal known for its hard shell. Lee County Sheriff’s deputies tell WALB-TV (http://bit.ly/1FCGUBO) that 54-year-old Larry…
|Authorities struggling to capture goose with arrow in neck
ANAHEIM, Calif. (AP) — Orange County authorities are trying to catch a rare Egyptian goose that has an arrow through its neck. HASH(0x13ec5c0) Orange County Animal Care spokeswoman Katie Ingram says authorities suspect the goose was intentionally shot. Officers want to help the injured bird….
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Patients’ medical records under threat from data breaches
CHICAGO (AP) — Your private medical information is under threat. That’s according to a study that found almost 30 million health records nationwide were involved in criminal theft, malicious hacking or other data breaches over four years. The incidents seem to be increasing. Compromised…
|Autism could be linked with moms’ diabetes during pregnancy
CHICAGO (AP) — Diabetes that develops early in pregnancy may increase women’s chances of having a child with autism, according to a new study. The risk was seen in young children whose mothers were diagnosed with diabetes during the most crucial period of fetal brain development. Reasons for…
|Finally, Congress OKs bill reshaping Medicare doctors’ fees photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Conservatives hated that it’s expected to swell federal deficits over the coming decade. Liberals complained that it shortchanged health programs for children and women. But after years of complaints and failed efforts, huge majorities of both parties in Congress finally…
|Survey: Nearly 9 in 10 US adults now have health insurance photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Underlining a change across the nation, nearly 9 out of 10 adults now say they have health insurance, according to an extensive survey released Monday. As recently as 2013, slightly more than 8 out of 10 had coverage. Whether the new number from the Gallup-Healthways…
|French lawmakers OK health care bill targeting anorexia photo
PARIS (AP) — Too-thin models, too much drinking, sexy cigarette packs: France’s parliament is cracking down on all of these in a sweeping bill designed to improve public health and trim public health costs — while tackling unhealthy stereotypes along the way. The National Assembly,…
|Actavis: No apologies for seeking Alzheimer’s drug profits
NEW YORK (AP) — A lawyer for the Irish manufacturer of an Alzheimer’s drug urged a U.S. appeals court on Monday to let it replace a two-pill daily regimen with a single-dose version of the drug even if it cheats generic drugmakers of profits. Attorney Lisa Blatt told the 2nd U.S. Circuit…
|Australia to withhold payments from parents against vaccine photo
CANBERRA, Australia (AP) — The Australian government has ramped up pressure on parents who oppose vaccination by threatening to withhold child care and other payments from families that fail to immunize their children. The government announced this week that families could lose up to 15,000…
|Sierra Leone schools re-open after Ebola closed for 9 months
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Children in Sierra Leone returned to schools on Tuesday after staying at home for nine months because of the Ebola outbreak that has killed more than 10,000 mostly in West Africa. More than 8,000 schools are to reopen for about 1.8 million students and the…
|More than 200 sickened on San Diego-bound cruise ships
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Federal health officials say about 200 people have come down with vomiting and diarrhea aboard two San Diego-bound cruise ships. The Centers for Disease Control says 112 passengers and crew were sickened by norovirus aboard the Celebrity Infinity, which carried some 2,000…
|Cancer surge in China prompts rise of special patient hotels photo
BEIJING (AP) — Li Xiaohe has set herself up for the long haul in a cramped but sunny room in western Beijing, about a block from China’s most renowned cancer hospital. Her laundry dries on hangers and her husband cooks in a communal kitchen as she embarks on an 84-day program of chemotherapy,…
|Congress OKs bipartisan bill changing doctors’ Medicare fees photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Legislation permanently overhauling how Medicare pays physicians won approval Tuesday from an atypically united Congress as lawmakers banded together to erase an irritant that has dogged them for years. Adding urgency to legislators’ work, the measure headed off a 21 percent…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Utah became the only state to allow firing squads for executions when Governor Gary Herbert signed a law approving the method’s use when no lethal injection drugs are available. Herbert has said he finds the firing squad “a little bit gruesome,” but Utah is a capital punishment state and needs a backup execution method in case a shortage of the drugs persists. ***MARLAR: And if for some reason the prison is out of bullets, that back up plan to the back up plan is to execute the inmates by feeding them Michelle Obama’s public school lunches.
Good News: Now you can own your own portable flamethrower. According to the Huffington Post, The XM42 was developed by Detroit-based Ion Productions. It is a portable handheld flamethrower that shoots a plume of ignited fuel 20 to 25 feet. Currently the XM42 is legal everywhere in the U.S. except California but it will set you back about $700. The XM42’s website lists its practical uses as clearing brush, melting ice and getting rid of insects. ***But you might want to think twice before you use it to kill spiders in your laundry room.
Olive Garden has a tablet for two waiting for you. The Italian restaurant chain said Tuesday that it is installing Ziosk computer tablets at all of its U.S. locations so customers can order and pay by touch screen. Olive Garden started using Ziosk tablets in some of its restaurants last year. The chain said that locations using the devices have experienced faster dining times and increased tip percentages for wait staff. It will start rolling them out at additional restaurants next month and expects the 7-inch devices to be in all of its more than 800 U.S. restaurants before year’s end. ***Let’s hope they wipe them down between customers. On the plus side, having computer tablets at the table might help you forget about the quality of the food.
University of Wisconsin-Madison students said on Sunday that they have completed a Rice Krispies cereal treat weighing more than 512 tons they hope will be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records. The current record holding Rice Krispies treat weighs a little over 5 tons. ***Which cannot be confirmed as Rosie O’Donnell got to it before the judges did.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Guys, your mustaches and beards aren’t just babe magnets, they’re also a boon for your health. A group of Australian researchers found that facial hair provides an effective barrier against the sun’s UV rays. ***MARLAR: So guys – you can stop waxing now.
British dentists say the National Health Service doesn’t reimburse them enough so they’re refusing to take patients who have bad teeth. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… Britain has DENTISTS?
A study of UK consumers by Glasgow Calegonia University found that men are still much more likely than women to shop on the Internet. The study also found that the stereotype is true: men don’t like shopping, so they go on the Internet, find something that looks good at the lowest price, assume it’ll be okay and buy it. ***MARLAR: My wife hates it when I buy my jeans online. “But you don’t have a chance to try them on that way.” True; but I don’t do that in the store either.
It seems as though Americans are losing their appetite for fast food combo meals. Since 2007, the traditional burger, fries, and soda have been down, according to a new report by market research firm The NPD Group, by one billion servings. The number-one reason they said they stopped is that the dollar menu is a better deal. ***MARLAR: Okay then – make all combo meals a dollar. There you go, problem solved!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Mouse-Flavored Cat Food”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mark Lowry, “Open Heart Surgery”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was substituting in a bowling tournament and was bowling better than he’d ever bowled before. Unfortunately, every time Gruffy bowled well, it meant the team moved to the next level… and Gruffy would have to keep canceling his checkers games with Sully. He’s already cancelled three times… will he do it to Sully again?
CLOSE: That’s not good… Gruffy is now so caught up in himself and his bowling skills that he’s about to lose a good friend. Will he snap out of it? Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 18/19, 2015
OPEN: When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson learned that, because he ran away to avoid tonsil surgery, that his tonsils got worse and killed him! Other kids also died because they saw Marvy as a hero, and even the entire population of Razzleflabbin Island is now gone because Marvy wasn’t around to keep them from being hit by a giant tidal wave!
CLOSE: An entire generation of Snufflesons wiped out because Marvy wouldn’t get his tonsils taken out? What more could possibly go wrong? Tune in next time to find out what happens – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
There’s a very valid reason for not smoking in hospitals… and it has nothing to do with sick people.
In Dallas, a hospital patient who was wearing an oxygen mask actually tried to light a cigarette in his hospital room. This sparked a fire that forced the evacuation of more than 100 patients, destroyed the room and melted medical equipment. A nurse at Methodist Dallas Medical Center rescued the man from his burning bed shortly after the blaze started. He suffered serious burns and was taken to the burn unit at another Dallas hospital. Fortunately no one else was hurt. Officials didn’t release the inDUHvidual’s name or condition, citing medical privacy laws.
TOP TEN PERKS FOR WORKING FOR THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER
- Meeting interesting new people, like bat-boy, and Elvis’s two headed baby
- No more pesky “Reality Police”
- It satisfies your lifelong goal of burning every bridge possible in the field of journalism.
- Free backrubs from either the lady with two heads or the frog boy… your choice
- You get kicked out of all the greatest parties on Oscar night!
- Free upgrades of Photoshop and all the film you can manipulate!
- Free beatings by the celebrity of your choice!
- All those interview trips to Blzirthmork and the Crab Nebula really boost your Frequent Flyer Miles total.
- You do the same thing Enron’s accounting firm did, but you don’t get in trouble for it.
- You can borrow the UFO every third weekend.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Bad places to have a cell phone? Church, weddings, movie theatres, business meetings, first dates, and… bank robberies.
FILE #1: In what could bring new meaning to the term ‘being put on hold,’ 19-year-old Lonnie Eugene Stout, of St. Johns County, Florida, lost his cell phone recently. Unfortunately, Stout lost the phone at the scene of a robbery. The not-so-quick thinking Lonnie figured he could get his cell phone back by calling his own number and arranging to pick it up. While St. Johns County Sheriff’s Deputy T.C. Coward was investigating the break in, the phone rang. The deputy identified himself, and asked to meet the owner to return the phone. Lonnie agreed and was given one phone call before being sent to the slammer.
FILE #2: How can painting toenails get you in trouble with the law? In India, a man is wanted on charges of painting toenails. And he’s choosy about his victims. According to reports, the man will slink late at night into the bedrooms of unsuspecting and sleeping victims and paint their toenails a red or pink color. But it’s not women the man is victimizing — it’s men. So far 5 men have had their nails painted.
FILE #3: In Gothenburg, Sweden, a 21-year-old guy was with some friends as they withdrew some money from an ATM. Noticing the video camera in the machine, he decided, as a joke, to break the glass and steal the lens of the camera. Then he and his colleagues laughed as they ran down the street and threw the lens away. Unfortunately, before he took the lens, the camera captured a perfect shot of his face as he committed the crime, and the bank had a record of his friend’s withdrawal. The police put two and two together and arrested the suspect the same day.
STRANGE LAW: In the state of Connecticut you can be stopped by the police for bicycling over 65 miles per hour. ***MARLAR: Stopped? If you can go 65 miles per hour on a bicycle, you should be commended.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Some people don’t quite understand the concept of “keeping a low profile.”
Barbara A. Hill has problems. Problems with authority, problems with drugs, and now problems getting out of jail. The 21-year-old Arizona girl was recently arrested for possession of marijuana. Oh yeah, and possession of marijuana for sale… and transportation of marijuana for sale. And possession of a dangerous drug and possession of drug paraphernalia. This all happened because of her problem with authority… she made a very inappropriate hand gesture to a police officer – for no apparent reason – while he drove past her car. This prompted him to stop, of course – at which point he was able to charge her with numerous crimes.
It’s National Volunteer Week… do you or your family spend any time volunteering around the city? Where do you volunteer, and what do you do there? What made you decide to get involved? Any suggestions on where to volunteer around town? Where’s the need?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: The Sermon on the Mount can be found in which book?
ANSWER: Matthew (Matthew 5:1 to 7:29)
QUESTION: Of which president did humorist Will Rogers say, “He didn’t do nothing, but that’s what we wanted done”?
ANSWER: Calvin Coolidge
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Mosquitoes prefer blondes to brunettes. (True – and they prefer children over adults)
- No two spider webs are the same. (True)
- Of all known forms of animal’s life ever to inhabit the Earth, only about 1 percent still exist today. (False – 10 percent, at least as far as we can tell)
- On average, pigs live for about 5 years. (False – fifteen years)
- Only female mosquitoes bite. (True. Females need the protein from blood to produce their eggs.)
- Only full-grown male crickets can chirp. (True)
- Owls have eyeballs that are triangular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes. (False – their eyes are tubular. But still, it does keep them from moving their eyes.)
- Pet parrots can eat any common “people-food”. (False – they cannot have chocolate and avocados. Both of these are highly toxic to the parrot and can be fatal.)
- Pigs can get sunburned. (True. So can walruses and light-colored horses)
- Prairie dogs are truly one of the canine family. (False – a prairie dog is a kind of rodent.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
_____ EARTH FOUND WITH_______ HUMANS (SUPER)
More than 50 new alien planets — including a Super Earth with Super Humans has been discovered by the European Southern Observatory (ESO).
The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 Super Earths, including one in which researchers have spotted more than a dozen Super Humans, who are at least 50 feet tall, according to researchers.
The planet, called HD 85512 b, has captured astronomers’ attention because it orbits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe for the Super Humans to make a trip to Earth.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry”, said the first one.
“Me, too”, said the second. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate ’til they could eat no more. “I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up to the tree,” said the first one.
“Me neither, let’s just lay here and bask in the warm sun”, said the second.
“OK”, said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I love baskin’ robins.”
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.
“The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store,” she said.
“Oh good,” he said,
“Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!”
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. They all had the same story.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily,
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…”
“Let me guess,” the General interrupted, “it broke down.”
“No sir,” said the G.I., “there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”
Researchers now believe that the difference in length from your ring finger to our index finger may be an indicator of athletic ability. ***MARLAR: No wonder they called me Butterfingers when I played football.
If you want to lose weight, join a soccer league. According to research from Copenhagen University in Denmark, soccer works off more fat and builds up more muscle than jogging. ***MARLAR: Not from playing the game itself, but from running away from the football players who think you’re a pansy.
Two guys are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first guy responds, “Well, I guess it was the thing to do – after all, I was married to her for 40 years.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
THE NEW WAY TO TRAVEL?
We all try to make plans to see our parents – especially when they’re under the weather. But Istvan Beki of Budapest had a problem. He lived 155 miles away and did not have enough money to take a train. But he took the train anyway at a discounted rate… by using the Postal Service.
Yup, Istvan mailed himself to his mother! He got himself a large cardboard box, made air holes in it, got a bottle of water and some sandwiches together and told the guy at the post office to seal up the box once he got in. Apparently there are no postal regulations in Budapest against mailing oneself. The next day he saw his mother, at 1/20th the cost of the train ride.
SO LITTLE TIME
So little time to say the things
You’d really like to say –
Before you even find the words,
The time just slips away.
So little time to do the things
You feel that you must do.
So treasure, like the purest gold,
The time God’s given you.
So little time to dream your dreams,
For youth has passed its prime,
And all too soon you realize
That there’s … so little time.
So little time to reach the height
To which you’re bound to climb,
For swiftly pass the waning years,
And there’s … so little time.
So little time to pass regrets,
And less, to make amends,
Yet God can heal the deepest wounds
In chosen, cherished friends.
So little time to share God’s love
And beauty here on earth,
And know, before His endless time,
Their meaning and true worth.
Oh, yes, there is so little time
To seek the hidden door
That opens up to heaven’s time,
Where time’s forevermore.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Haggai 2:1-9
Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins? – Haggai 1:4
The prophecy of Haggai is often overlooked in Scripture, but it holds much for us. This brief book consists of four messages from God to the Jewish exiles who had returned from Babylon. Their mission was to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem.
They started well, but then their enthusiasm waned and they turned to building houses for themselves. In his first message, Haggai asked, “Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?” (1:4).
In message two (2:1-9), Haggai asked if anyone remembered the temple Solomon had built, and that King Nebuchadnezzar destroyed. A few elderly exiles could recall the former glory. By comparison, the abandoned work looked pitiful.
Let’s think for a moment about our work of building the church. For us, the church is the body of Christ—the believers themselves (1 Corinthians 12:27). Our mission as followers of Jesus is to become a strong, dedicated, growing, witnessing church.
How is your local congregation doing? Is it busy doing the work of God? Are you personally involved? Or have you become distracted with the work of building your own “paneled houses”?
God gives us talents to be used for Him.
Should then His work for lack of zeal decline?
His kingdom first! Our light must not grow dim—
Through faithful servants may His glory shine! —Mollon
THREE DELICIOUS BENEFITS OF EATING CHOCOLATE
Sharper Mind: Harvard researchers found that when older adults with diabetes or hypertension and impaired blood flow to the brain drank two cups of hot cocoa daily for 30 days, 89 percent saw an improvement in blood flow during tests of memory and thinking skills, suggesting that cocoa may also reverse some of the cognitive changes that come with age or vascular disease.
Lower Blood Pressure: A daily dose of dark chocolate may help lower BP. In one small 2014 study, researchers found that when subjects ages 18 to 23 ate about a third of an ounce of dark chocolate (that was more than 75 percent cocoa) daily for a month, they experienced a decrease in blood pressure and arterial stiffness. Why? Chocolate may improve blood flow by relaxing arteries.
Better Stress Control: If you often reach for the sweet stuff when you’re under pressure, don’t beat yourself up. A recent Swiss study found that dark chocolate may help suppress the production of stress hormones from the adrenal glands in anxiety-inducing situations. Consider this permission to keep a little dark chocolate stashed in your desk drawer.
LIFE… LIVE IT
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME
Need to recharge your body’s batteries? Instead of taking a nap, try getting a little “me time.”
Savoring even a few minutes of it adds fuel to your being, enhancing your energy for the rest of the day,” says Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., assistant clinical professor at Harvard Medical School in Boston. “Indulging can even increase your performance at work.” To savor stolen moments, remember this:
- Start small. Close your eyes while listening to soothing tunes. Any activity can give you pep “if it calms and connects you to your core self,” she says.
- Relaxing daily is as essential as going on an annual vacation. “View each 24 hour period as a microcosm of your year, and take a break,” Kauffman says.
- You’re worth it. “You invest time in people you love, so you should be one of them,” she advises.
JUST FOR FUN
HOW TO ANNOY THE IRS – IN CASE YOU’RE RUNNING A BIT LATE WITH YOUR RETURN
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the IRS without getting into trouble. These methods are only recommended when you owe money.
- Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.
- Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples on the right side.
- If you send two checks, they’ll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.
- If you’re very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, send two or three party checks. On top of paying with a third party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.
- Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer’s glue and let it dry before you put in you forms, so that the automated opener doesn’t open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.
- Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).
- Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and then date stamped.
- When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if it’s just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.
- Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it’s on. Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a supermarket sack.
- If they owe you money, being nice helps.
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU’RE A LOUSY BOWLER
- You keep score on your hands
- You had to be informed that the balls have holes
- Everyone bowling with you wears steel-toed shoes
- During a typical game, you lose three balls
- Your last name is Obama.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
Once upon a time there was a worker who was unhappy with his lot in life. Specifically, his job. It seemed like he had hit his advancement ceiling. His neighbor was likewise unhappy with his work. He needed something new and invigorating to revitalize his career. Oddly, the neighbor across the street was hurting because someone decided he was no longer a fit for the company. He was unhappy because he was unemployed.
Now, a fourth neighbor on the block wasn’t unhappy with her work at all. As a matter of fact, she was just offered a remarkable opportunity. But she lacked the right information to help her make a wise decision.
All four of these valuable workforce members had something in common. They were ripe for some wise counsel from the very creative, bestselling author Jon Acuff. Actually, they just needed his new book, Do Over.
I had Jon Acuff as a guest on my talk show this past week. It was the very day of his book release. Do Over focuses on how to build a “career savings account.” As Jon sees it, virtually everyone in the work world will face a “Career Bump,” a “Career Jump,” a “Career Ceiling” or a “Career Opportunity.” All of these would benefit greatly from learning key techniques to advancing the next step. It is a good read.
I first came across Jon Acuff as I was looking over his tongue-in-cheek writing on Stuff Christians Like. Jon has a fine sense of humor and is capable of delivering serious material in a not-so-serious way. His presentations fit the same bill.
Acuff was on the team of Dave Ramsey for a few years. Then he made his own career jump. No real warning. No big opporunity waiting. He claims it was just right time for such a move. Apparently, he likes risk. Truth be told, he was still in the throes of having a New York Times bestseller, Start.
I heard Jon deliver an excellent presentation at the weeklong course of Ramsey’s called Entre Leadership. Few speakers have such good command of an audience. His talent has been well groomed.
Certain writers and speakers have a treasured gift of giving others hope and encouragement. The sum of that encouragement often exceeds the technical quality of the message. What I mean by that can be illustrated by my former Sunday School teacher, Zig Ziglar.
Zig was not teaching rocket science. Neither is Jon. Zig was about “folksy” and real life, told in stories. Jon Acuff is a story teller as well. But the impact of the message by both of these message senders is borne out extremely well with audiences. TED talks demonstrate this. They are a form of masterful communication.
Delivering hope and encouragement, with life changing results, requires something else. One must challenge the status quo. People who genuinely want a better life must face both truth and a change of pattern or habits. You can love a new way of thinking but do you love it enough to embrace the changes required … whatever form that takes?
The very best at this was none other than the Creator of all humankind. He is more commonly referred to as Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus and His parables are legendary. His words are still changing lives every single day. Many could not, and cannot, bear up under His revolutionary style.
But who better to follow? After one of His more difficult sessions, this followed: “At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, ‘Are you also going to leave?’ Simon Peter replied, ‘Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.’” (John 6:66-68, NLT)
Are you learning from the wisdom teachers? Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough pull up another TED talk … or read their Bibles.
As Mr. Miyagi would say: Banzai, Daniel-san! Banzai!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
YOU ARE SUCH A CHARMER!
Ladies Home Journal writer Margaret Renkl identifies the five traits of charming people:
- A Sense of Humor – More important than poise or social ease, being funny attracts people like magnets. Make someone laugh, and you’ll have an admirer.
- Insight and Passion – A charming person has a unique ability to be fully engaged in the moment. They tend to be highly intelligent, curious and creative.
- Effortless Social Grace – Your mother called it poise. A poised person knows exactly what to do and what to say in every social situation, no matter how awkward or strange.
- An Interest in Others – A charming person is a sparkling conversationalist. When a charming person asks another, “How are you?” she really wants to know the answer. “Fine” isn’t enough of a response. She asks about the other person’s life. How are the children doing? Is your sick mother getting better? There is sincere, not feigned, interest.
- Curiosity About the World – Being deeply curious about all things is a trait of charming people — from trying new foods to reading books to meeting people. They always want to know more, and that attitude is contagious in that it inspires in others a sensation of energy, deeper engagement and greater curiosity.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
One of the top Charisma News stories of 2014 features new information on the state of marriage in the local church. According to the report, It’s long been believed that half of America’s marriages end in divorce and the problem is just as bad in the Church as the rest of the country. But when Harvard-trained researcher Shaunti Feldhahn tried to find the actual research to prove those points, she couldn’t. That started her on an eight-year odyssey to find the actual facts. Feldhahn now estimates that the overall divorce rate for the country is around 31 percent. She adds that studies of people who regularly go to church all show the divorce rate for them is much lower. http://bit.ly/1lpzqwi
A study from Lifeway Research finds some interesting facts about the spiritual openness of unchurched youth. It found that 89% said they were willing to listen to someone tell what they believe about Christianity, 61% are willing to study the Bible with a friend, and 46% are willing to join a small group to learn more about the Bible and Jesus. The study also found that 81% say God or a higher being exists and 57% believe there is only one God, the God described in the Bible. ***So you have to wonder – why are we hesitant to share our faith, if the listener is this open to hearing it? http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2014/december/state-of-culture-and-opportunity-for-evangelism.html?paging=off
New research out of the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture has found a strong correlation between religion and personal happiness. According to Relevant Magazine, though their survey looked at several factors, the biggest indicator of happiness was regularly going to religious services. The study found that people who attend religious services on a weekly basis are nearly twice as likely to describe themselves as “very happy” as people who never attend. Conversely, those who never worship are twice as likely to say they are “very unhappy” as those who attend services weekly. http://relm.ag/1zmtVB6
An Oregon couple chose to announce their pregnancy in a very ’90s way when they rapped the news to the Fresh Prince theme song music. Jason Meek, the dad-to-be, posted the video and within days, it’s reached viral status. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikIAKBaPrbk
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting to talk.” –Fran Lebowitz
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 10, 2015…
Desert Dancer—This film is a biographical one about a self-taught dancer in Iran who, with his friends, learns to dance by watching Michael Jackson videos and others artists. The government sternly disapproves and this is done in secret. Stars Afsshin, Freida Pinto, Tom Cullen and Akin Akezy. “Desert Dancer” has no rating. Rating of 2 for this particular situation.
The Hunting Ground—Director Amy Ziering has produced quite a documentary about rapes on the campus of the University of North Carolina. With two women willing to tell their story, the audience finds out just what happened and precautions to be taken. A college campus isn’t entirely a safe place and a forest isn’t the only place people hunt. Harrowing. “The Hunting Ground” is nor rated. Rating of 3.
Merchants of Doubt—A documentary about the news industry and adapted from the book by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway, directed by Robert Kenner. The audience sees what goes on in behind the scenes in news shows and sometimes it can be a bag of tricks. Just how much of the “truth” do audiences really get? The word “manipulation” comes to mind. “Merchants of Doubt” is not rated. Rating of 3.
While We’re Young—Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts are a couple sliding into middle-age. Ben is a filmmaker. they meet a nice young couple, Amanda Seyfreid and Adam Driver and become friends. Then, Ben and Naomi take a long, hard look at their own lives. Crisis ahead? “While We’re Young” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Danny Collins—This comedy stars Al Pacino as a fading rock star (try to imagine that) who is trying to revive his career. Enter something unexpected (really unexpected) and he decides to go with it. Also in the cast are Annette Bening, Bobby Cannavale, Jennifer Garner and Christopher Plummer. “Danny Collins” is rated R. No rating.
The Longest Ride—Based on a Nicholas Sparks novel , this film tells the story of a love affair between a bull rider (Scott Eastwood) and an artist (Britt Robertson.) Of course, there are problems, and one day Scott meets a retired champion, Ira (Alan Alda) who helps him in this situation. Also in the cast are Jon Huston and Lolita Davidovich. “The Longest Ride” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for author Nicholas Sparks fans.
Woman In Gold—This is based on a real life situation in which a woman (Helen Mirren) tries to regain a portrait stolen by the German Army during WWII. The painting is called “Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer” by Gustav Klimt. Also in the cast are Maria Altman, Katie Holmes, Charles Dance and Elizabeth McGovern (“Downton Abbey.”) “Woman In Gold” is rated PG 13. No rating.
APRIL 17, 2015…
Clouds of Sils Maria stars Juliette Binoche as an actress trying to adjust to younger actresses after her roles.
Monkey Kingdom is a documentary about a family of monkeys who have to move to another home. Disney Nature film.
Child 44 is based on Tom Rob Smith’s 2008 novel about child murders in Russia. Stars Tom Hardy.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a sequel to Kevin James earlier hit, and now Blart is doing special security in Las Vegas.
Unfriended uses the Internet and Skype as a tool to haunt people. Stars Heather Sossaman.
True Story, and based on a true incident, stars James Franco as a man in Oregon who murders his wife and children and then goes on the run.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.