April 21, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep






I’m so tired I can’t even open my mouth wide enough to yawn.




He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, give us all things? — Romans 8:32


The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. — Hebrews 1:3




Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. — Psalm 145:3-4


Thought: What we know about God is confined to our small brains, our limited experiences, our willingness to read about the great deeds of God in Scripture, and our hearing of his incredible work through the lives of older Christians. There is nothing quite like listening to older, grace-filled brothers and sisters in Christ who know our Lord and his power through worship, obedience, and experience.


Prayer: God Almighty, by your grace I call you Abba Father. Your majesty is beyond my ability to comprehend and your power is beyond my abilty to grasp. What I do know, dear Father, and what I do understand, Almighty God, brings me to my knees in humble adoration and reverent appreciation. Thank you for your love, your mercy, and your grace that makes your majesty approachable and my mortality redeemable. In Jesus’ name. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.




1 John 4:21 NIV = And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is KINDERGARTEN DAY, a day to recognize the importance of play, games, and creative activity in children’s education.  ***MARLAR: It was also the last time I was able to take home a perfect report card.


Today is BIG WORD DAY, a day to use huge words on purpose just to impress yourself. ***MARLAR: Personally, it is my comprehension that celebration of such a trivial holiday as this, is proof of a delusional mind that likely requires psychiatric examination to a tremendous extent.  More fulfilling and productive ritualizations exist.




Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day

National Surprise Drug Test Day (because yesterday was National Pot Smokers Day)

Queen’s Birthday (real date)





Administrative Professionals Day (Secretary’s Day)

Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day

Earth Day

Girl Scout Leaders Day

Global Selfie Earth Day (NASA)

In God We Trust Day

Mother Earth Day



English Language Day

Impossible Astronaut Day

National Lost Dog Awareness Day

Movie Theater Day

Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day

Talk Like Shakespeare Day

World Book & Copyright Day

World Book Night



Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

National Hairball Awareness Day

New Kids on The Block Day

National Teach Your Children to Save Day

Satchmo Days begin

World Meningitis Day

Arbor Day



Bob Wills Day


Eeyore’s Birthday

Hairstylists Appreciation Day

Hug a Plumber Day / Plumbers Day

International Marconi Day

License Plaes Day

National Mani-pedi Day

Malaria Awareness Day

National Dance Day

National Go Birding Day

National Herb Day

Parental Alienation Day

Penguin Day

National Rebuilding Day

Red Hat Society Day

Save The Frogs Day

Sense of Smell Day

Spring Astronomy Day

World Day for Animals in Laboratories

World Healing Day

World Veterinary Day

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day

World Penguin Day



Doo Dah Day

Hug An Australian Day

National Help a Horse Day

Audubon Day

Mother, Father Deaf Day

National Kids and Pets Day

National Pretzel Day

National Pet Parent’s Day

Pinhole Photography Day

Richter Scale Day

World Intellectual Property Day



Babe Ruth Day

Mantanzas Mule Day

Morse Code Day



Biological Clock Day

Workers Memorial Day

World Day for Safety and Health at Work




1783: Reginald Heber was born in England. He published his first hymn at age 28. His greatest hit: “Holy, Holy, Holy.”


1789: John Adams was sworn in as the first vice president of the U.S.


1836: Sam Houston’s Texas Army of 900 men surprised and defeated a Mexican force of almost 2,000 in only 18 minutes at San Jacinto. Mexican General Santa Anna was being distracted at the time by the slave girl, Emily. You may have heard of Emily. She was the sweetest little rosebud that Texas ever knew, a beautiful albino girl, half white, half black, “The Yellow Rose of Texas.”


1940: The quiz show “Take It or Leave It” premiered on CBS Radio. It asked the “$64 question.”


1956: Ten-year-old Leonard Ross won $100-thousand on the TV show “The Big Surprise” by answering questions about the stock market.


1974: Dolly Parton left “The Porter Wagoner Show.” Her first recorded song after the split, “I Will Always Love You,” was written to Porter.


1986: After massive hoopla, reporter Geraldo Rivera hosted a live TV special to open a sealed vault linked to Al Capone in Chicago’s Lexington Hotel. Except for a few bottles, the vault was empty.


1987: The U.S. Postal Service issued its first “Special Occasion” stamps, including “Happy Birthday” and “Get Well” stamps.


1993: Bryan Berg of Spirit Lake, Iowa, used 208 decks of playing cards to build a 75-story, 14-foot 6-inch “house of cards.” He devoted 30 hours of meticulous work to setting the Guinness world record.


1993: Deputies near Cudahy, Wisconsin, arrested two men for stealing a large electronic game machine from a bar. The machine was so heavy, their pickup truck got stuck in the mud in the tavern parking lot. One of the men called the sheriff’s office and asked for a tow.


1996: The world’s highest roller-coaster opened in Las Vegas with a track 1,149 feet up. It circled the new Stratosphere hotel.


1998: While Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates presented his new Windows 98 computer operating system to a Chicago convention group, it crashed.


1999: A 32-year-old man robbed the Hickory Smoke Bar-B-Que in Shreveport, but dropped his wallet on the way out. The wallet contained his prison I.D. card, and he was arrested the same day.


2003: A group of Russian train conductors needed hospital treatment after smashing their heads repeatedly against a train window to find out who had the strongest forehead. The conductors came up with the contest to pass time on a 3,000 mile journey from Novosibirsk in Siberia to Vladivostock. The train had to stop so the conductors could receive medical treatment.


2006: U.S. oil prices hit a record high, topping $75 a barrel, and the cost of regular gasoline at the pump soared to more than $3 gallon in some parts of the nation.




1109: Anselm, archbishop of Canterbury and one of the most profound thinkers of the Middle Ages, dies around age 76. He attained fame for his argument that faith is the precondition of knowledge (“credo ut intelligam”), his “satisfaction theory” of the atonement (“No one but one who is God-man can make the satisfaction by which man is saved”) and for his ontological argument for God’s existence.


1142: Medieval French philosopher, teacher, and theologian Pierre Abelard dies. Though well-known for his writings on revelation and the relationship between faith and knowledge, he is probably most remembered for his love letters to Heloise, a nun.


1855: Edward Kimball, a Sunday school teacher in Boston, leads 18-year-old shoe salesman Dwight L. Moody to Christ at the Holton Shoe Store. Moody went on to become the most successful evangelist of his day.


1897: A.W. Tozer, devotional writer (The Pursuit of God and The Knowledge of the Holy) and influential pastor in the Missionary Alliance Church, is born.




  • comedian (“MAD TV,” Holly on “The King of Queens”) Nicole Sullivan 45 (audio clip)
  • actress (The Muse, Green Card, Multiplicity, Groundhog Day) Andie MacDowell 57
  • actor (“Taxi,” “Who’s the Boss,” “The Tony Danza Show”) Tony Danza 64 (audio clip)
  • actor (Beethoven, Clifford, Midnight Run, The Couch Trip, Ishtar, political commentator) Charles Grodin 80




(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1919 : Don Cornell

1924 : Clara Ward

1931 : Carl Belew

1939 : Ernie Maresca

1945 : Robert Knight

1947 : Alan Warner (The Foundations)

1947 : John Weider (Family)

1947 : Iggy Pop

1948 : Paul Davis

1951 : Nicole Barclay (Fanny)

1951 : Paul Carrack (Ace, Squeeze, Mike & The Mechanics)

1958 : Mike Barson (Madness)

1959 : Robert Smith (The Cure)

1959 : Michael Timmins (Cowboy Junkies)




How do camels survive in the inhospitable desert environment?

The “ship of the desert,” they call them. It’s a heck of a comparison to make when the “ocean” they navigate is all beach. Fortunately, camels are appropriately outfitted by nature for the trip. Let’s first dispose of a widely held misconception. No camel carries a canteen on its back. Those humps are not water sacks; they store fat. However camels can convert that fat into water–a good thing, since they might otherwise get dehydrated from their nasty habit of spitting when angry. As for dealing directly with that hot sun: no sweat. In fact, camels don’t have to sweat because–surprise!–they wear a camel’s hair coat. The hair on their back is thick enough to shield their skin from the sun and keep heat out. Their relatively hairless belly, on the other hand, enables body heat to escape. All in all, a well engineered, if not always pleasant beast.


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Steven Curtis Chapman was showing off his latest grandchild over the weekend. Noble Day Chapman was born last week to Steven’s son Caleb, a member of the Colony House Band.


Paul and Rita Baloche were showing off their latest purchase over the weekend. Paul tweeted that they had just purchased a bicycle built for two.


Jamie Grace was reaching out to a little girl named Mackenzie over the weekend. Jamie saw on facebook that no one was coming to Mackenzie’s party and said, due to her health issues, she’s experienced the same thing. So she recorded a version of her song Every Bit of Lovely just for Mackenzie in the back of her touring van. She also promised Mackenzie free tickets to one of her upcoming concerts. Check out Jamie’s happy birthday video for Mackenzie at http://ow.ly/LQl0a.


Casting Crowns Mark Hall was back on stage this weekend, just four weeks after surgery to remove one of his kidneys. Following the concert Mark wrote: I think I left a few of those high notes in my other kidney.


Hank Bentley, guitar player for Crowder, took an epic fall over the weekend. Hank was backing away from Crowder as they introed the song “I saw the light”. But Hank’s feet couldn’t quite keep up with his body and he wiped out side stage. David Crowder never missed a beat, continuing the song as Hank returned to the stage, none the worse after his unplanned side stage exit.



Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard was thanking everyone for their prayers over the weekend. He tweeted: Made it through a fun show last night and slept a solid 10 hours. Voice is on the mend! Not 100% yet but getting better. Hawk Nelson had just completed eight straight shows when Jon sent out his post. He said his voice was getting “pretty ratty”.


Tenth Avenue North took a break from big venues over the weekend to hold a couple of small coffee shop jam sessions. They tweeted: “Sweet souls and good coffee” following the secret shows. Also during the weekend Tenth Avenue North held a small pre concert show in their tour bus with a few select fans. Members of the band say they loved doing the smaller, intimate shows.


This weekend The Sidewalk Prophets wrapped up a their west coast run of six shows in six days but they weren’t taking a break. The members of the band drove 20 straight hours as they continued their tour run in Colorado and Wyoming. And it wasn’t an easy drive. Members of the band say they were stranded on I-80 for two hours due to ice and snow. It wasn’t easy but they did make it to their concert in Colorado with a few hours to spare.



AP PHOTOS: A different kind of heavy metal in the Gowanus    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Several dozen competitors from around the world took turns Sunday hurling a sacrificial banjo into a polluted urban canal to see who could throw it the farthest. Tyler Frank of St. Louis bested all other male competitors with an 85-foot throw. On the women’s side, Nada…


Police: Seal or sea lion pup abducted from Los Angeles beach    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Whoever snatched a seal or sea lion pup from a Los Angeles beach early Sunday should not be fooled by the animal’s cuteness — they could suffer a vicious bite, an animal rescue expert said. A witness to the abduction said four people wrapped the pup in a blanket and…
Handcuffed suspect steals police car; doesn’t get far
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (AP) — A handcuffed man who stole a police car in Alabama has been arrested again. HASH(0xc2da20) Officer Scott Thurmond says the suspect managed to get his handcuffs in front of him and drive away. Police say the unidentified suspect drove less than a mile before ditching…
New England Aquarium offering penguins ‘honeymoon suites’
BOSTON (AP) — The New England Aquarium wants its endangered African penguins to get a little steamy. Aquarium experts are playing matchmaker behind the scenes to encourage eight pairs of African penguins to breed more chicks. Biologists say that will help a population that’s expected to be…
Highway abuzz with millions of bees after big truck tips    photo
LYNNWOOD, Wash. (AP) — A tractor-trailer carrying millions of honeybees overturned on a highway north of Seattle early Friday, scattering hives and sending white-suited beekeepers scrambling to save as many insects as they could. The truck had just merged onto Interstate 5 around 3:30 a.m….
Ohio woman’s search for birth mother leads to co-worker
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio (AP) — A 38-year-old woman’s quest to find her birth mother ended in a surprising place — the company where she works. HASH(0x140e460) She knew of an employee named Francine. She reached out, and the next day, got the long-awaited phone call. “I said, ‘I think I’m your…
Family wins back seized gold coins that could be worth $80M
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A family was awarded the rights to 10 rare gold coins possibly worth $80 million or more on Friday after a U.S. appeals court overturned a jury verdict. U.S. Department of the Treasury officials insist the $20 Double Eagles were stolen from the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia…
NY woman tackles pothole problem by planting pansies there    photo
SCHENECTADY, N.Y. (AP) — An upstate New York woman has taken on the post-winter pothole problem in her hometown by filling in the eyesores with pansies. After months of severe weather left the streets of Schenectady pocked with pavement craters and city public works crews scrambling to fix…
Buffalo herd roams Arkansas city neighborhoods    photo
HOT SPRINGS, Ark. (AP) — Two buffaloes are on the run in a central Arkansas city after authorities failed to round up all of an escaped herd. Hot Springs Cpl. Sonia Luzader said Friday that police know the general location of the 2,000-pound animals but that no sightings were reported…
Colorado law enforcement switches message to safe pot use    photo
DENVER (AP) — Breaking from decades of “Just Say No”-type messaging about marijuana use, Colorado law enforcement officials are starting a new campaign designed to promote safe marijuana use. The revised campaign starts this weekend, when tens of thousands are expected at public rallies and…
Police: ‘Tree Ninja’ caught chopping down tree with a hammer
BOSTON (AP) — Boston police say they have arrested a 65-year-old man they believe is the infamous “Brighton Tree Ninja.” For several years a vandal has been damaging newly planted trees and shrubbery in the city’s Brighton neighborhood. Authorities have been unable to apprehend the…




Disney measles outbreak that sparked vaccination debate ends
LOS ANGELES (AP) — An outbreak of measles that popped up at Disneyland in late December soon spread to six other U.S. states, Mexico and Canada. Health officials suspect an infected traveler, who caught the virus overseas, visited the theme park and exposed others. The outbreak sickened 147…


Intersex surgeries spark move away from drastic treatment    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — She was born to a young Chicago couple, named Jennifer, and grew into a beautiful long-lashed child with wavy dark hair, big brown eyes and a yearning, youthful desire to be just like all the other girls. Only she wasn’t. Doctors first noticed her slightly enlarged genitals,…
Pill-taking can be less yucky for kids, study review finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Many sick kids can’t or won’t swallow pills — and that can make them sicker. But there may be some pretty simple ways to help the medicine go down, a new study says. Dr. Kathleen Bradford and colleagues at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill reviewed research…
Large measles outbreak traced to Disneyland is declared over    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California health authorities on Friday declared an end to a large measles outbreak that started at Disneyland and triggered a national debate about vaccinations. Disease detectives for months raced to contain the highly contagious disease, which surfaced at Disney theme…
Glaxo recalls flu vaccine due to potency problem
WASHINGTON (AP) — GlaxoSmithKline is recalling remaining doses of a popular four-in-one flu vaccine because of effectiveness problems. The company alerted U.S. customers Tuesday that the vaccine can lose potency over time and fail to adequately protect against some strains of the flu. The…
Waivers may give next president way out of health care feuds    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican or Democrat, the next president will have the chance to remake the nation’s health care overhaul without fighting Congress. The law signed by President Barack Obama includes a waiver that, starting in 2017, would let states take federal dollars now invested in the…
Dr. Oz tells critics: No conflict of interest on my TV show    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Dr. Mehmet Oz is defending himself against 10 doctors who’ve accused him of promoting “quack treatments” on his TV show. Oz said in a statement Friday that his show provides “multiple points of view” including his own. He added that his own views are offered “without conflict…
Study: High school smoking fell as e-cigarette use boomed    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Teen smoking hit a new low last year while the popularity of electronic cigarettes and water pipes boomed, a government report shows. The number of high school students who tried e-cigarettes tripled in one year — to more than 13 percent. Water pipes or hookahs were used…
Colorado law enforcement switches message to safe pot use    photo
DENVER (AP) — Breaking from decades of “Just Say No”-type messaging about marijuana use, Colorado law enforcement officials are starting a new campaign designed to promote safe marijuana use. The revised campaign starts this weekend, when tens of thousands are expected at public rallies and…
Financial incentives OK’d for workplace wellness programs    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a victory for business, federal regulators said Thursday that employers can continue to use financial penalties and rewards to nudge staff to participate in fast-growing workplace wellness programs. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission — which enforces…
For next president, a way out of the health care fights?    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican or Democrat, the next president will have the chance to remake the nation’s health care overhaul without fighting Congress. The law signed by President Barack Obama includes a waiver that, starting in 2017, would let states take federal dollars now invested in the…




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A 21-year-old Canadian (Winnipeg) had a first date interrupted. Tristan Gareau was driving along when he saw that a car had crashed into some condominiums. Tristan could tell the situation was escalating and the driver was in urgent need of help, so he sprung to action. Seconds after pulling the driver — a 65-year-old man — from the smoldering car, it burst into flames.  ***MARLAR: If this doesn’t earn you a second date, the girl ain’t worth keeping.


“Troopers don’t always stop people in the HOV lanes, but when they do, they prefer ‘dos’ passengers.”  A Washington State Patrol trooper says it’s by far the best carpool scam he’s seen, but it didn’t work.  A Washington State motorcycle trooper parked along Interstate 5 near Tacoma spotted a driver and a rather unusual “passenger” pass by him in the carpool lane. When the trooper stopped the car, he discovered the “passenger” was a cardboard cutout of the actor who portrays TV’s “The Most Interesting Man in the World”.  The driver’s response? “He’s my best friend.”  The Most Interesting Man was not confiscated, but the driver was told not to use him again.  Channeling the cardboard cutout, the State Patrol tweeted: “I don’t always violate the HOV lane law … but when I do, I get a $124 ticket.”


A ‘USA Today” analysis of federal energy records finds that about once every four days, part of the nation’s power grid is struck by a cyber or physical attack.  ***MARLAR: On the positive side, every time the power grid goes down we’re not inundated with buzz feed quizzes.


In England a couple bought a Beanie Baby for $15 at a garage sale — and later realized it was worth over $90,000. As a former Beanie Baby collector, Ryan Flanaghan recognized the bear as a limited edition Princess Diana Di Beanie Baby. He later learned it could fetch $90,000 or more. ***Wow – just imagine how much it would be worth if Princess Di was still alive!




Laws strictly curbing school sales of junk food and sweetened drinks may play a role in slowing childhood obesity, according to a study that seems to offer the first evidence such efforts could pay off.  The results come from the first large national look at the effectiveness of the state laws over time. They are not a slam-dunk, and even obesity experts who praised the study acknowledge the measures are a bit extreme.  ***MARLAR: In fact… hey, you know what… we have too many kids in car accidents too.  Let’s make it illegal to have anyone under the age of eighteen in a car, period.


The Japanese company Fujitaka has invented a cigarette machine that determines if you’re over the legal smoking age of 20 by figuring out your age from your face. Buyers have to look into a digital camera, and the machine counts their facial sags and eye wrinkles, examines their bone structure, and compares them to data from over 100,000 people to identify their age.  ***MARLAR: The problem though is that if you smoke you’ll already have wrinkles and sagging skin by age 15.


It’s common knowledge that heart disease risk can be raised by smoking, obesity and your family history. Now, a study adds to the list that your very own blood type might increase risk for future heart problems.  Harvard researchers have found that people with blood types A, B or AB have a higher risk for coronary heart disease than people with blood type O. People with the rarest blood type, AB, were found to have the greatest risk.  The lowest risk was seen for people with type O blood, which is most common and found in about 43 percent of Americans.  ***MARLAR: So, for goodness sake, make sure when you’re born that you get Type O!


Secondhand smoke kills more than 600,000 people worldwide every year, according to a new study.  In the first look at the global impact of secondhand smoking, researchers analyzed data from last year for 192 countries. They found 40 percent of children and more than 30 percent of non-smoking men and women regularly breathe in secondhand smoke.  ***MARLAR: Because second-hand smoke is so dangerous, the FDA is now requiring graphic warning-labels be placed on the foreheads of all smokers.












OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear, after breaking his promise to Sully numerous times to play checkers with him, finally showed up on Sully’s door… ashamed of how he’d been acting. But Sully already had plans to play checkers with Nozzles the elephant. And that leaves Gruffy with no one…


CLOSE: Now that’s what forgiveness… and friendship… is all about. Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson, after escaping from the hospital to avoid getting his tonsils taken out, found that because of his cowardice, most of his friends, family, and even children in the future will all suffer cowardice as well – getting sick and dying from following Marvy’s example!


CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle saga that is As The Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Trying to be a success is one thing. Trying to be a success, but being a bonehead at the same time, that’s another thing. One man tries to be a successful author, but ends up a true inDUHvidual!

Today’s Moment of Duh centers on an award-winning reporter for the Washington Post who is believed to have wanted to send his new book up the best seller list. So he purchased between 16,000 and 18,000 copies of his own book, online, from Barnesandnoble.com. He was caught though, when he tried to return every single one of them in a “confusing series of transactions.”






  1. The dust bunnies outnumber the congregation 3 to 1!


  1. The baptistery was just featured in National Geographic in an article entitled, “The Quest For New Life Forms”!


  1. The church mice are circulating a petition demanding better living conditions!


  1. Instead of using the bathrooms in the building, the congregation has started to frequent the restrooms in the service station next door!


  1. The plan to include an air freshener in each worship bulletin hasn’t really worked to improve the overall air quality!


  1. The congregation is no longer fully convinced that the mold on the walls is a “message from God that needs to be interpreted”!


  1. Young people in the community just voted the church as “The Public Building Most Like Their Rooms”!


  1. A visitor commented on the stained glass windows. You don’t have any!


  1. The grassroots movement in your church refers to the carpet, not the people!


  1. JESUS is coming!!!!!




A Tyler, Texas man has been sent to jail for having a Sweet Tooth!


FILE #1: It seems that Kenneth Payne received a 16-year prison sentence after being convicted of stealing a Snicker’s Candy Bar from a convenience store. 16 years in jail seem a little stiff for that? Well it wasn’t the first time that his sweet tooth landed him in trouble. He has a previous conviction for stealing a bag of Oreos. So, the district attorney’s office tried Payne as a habitual offender, bumping the misdemeanor shoplifting charge to felony theft. His lawyer will appeal.


FILE #2: A good rule of thumb for criminals is it’s probably not a good idea to ask for help from the person you just robbed. Police in Toronto arrested a man for robbing an attorney’s office. While questioning him at the police station, the cops advised the crook that he probably should contact an attorney. Guess whose number he gave the police to call? Yes, the same attorney’s office he had been burglarizing. Police advised that he should probably call someone else.


FILE #3: It was a bad case of mistaken identity for a woman from Ft. Worth, Texas. Shortly after she left a bank ATM, the 39-year-old woman found herself being stopped by the police, cuffed, pushed to the ground and had policemen’s guns pointed at her. She thought maybe she had run a stop sign (a bit harsh don’t you think). The cops thought she had just robbed the bank. It seems that just as she was getting in her car to leave the ATM, a bank robber was fleeing the Bank of America. A teller thought her car was the getaway vehicle. Police quickly figured out they had the wrong person. The mistaken identity incident was on top of an already unpleasant banking experience. The ATM machine took her cash and didn’t give her a receipt. So she gets ripped off and caught by the police, meanwhile the real crook still remains at large.


STRANGE LAW: In Massachusetts, it is unlawful to injure a football goal post.




In Lodi, California, 54-year-old parolee Daniel Santos Ramirez is back behind bars after shopping at Wal-Mart.

While shopping at Wal-Mart isn’t an actual crime, Ramirez left some items behind at the check stand after making his purchase. Those items would include nine baggies of methamphetamine and $420 in cash. Ramirez was also nice enough to leave behind his wallet and ID to make the job of arresting him that much easier. His timing also was unfortunate as Ramirez was due to get off parole three days later.




What book are you currently reading in the bathroom?

What does your spouse read in the bathroom?




QUESTION: This king was ” higher than any of the people from the shoulders upward”.

ANSWER: King Saul (1 Samuel 9:2)




QUESTION: Who was made the first honorary citizen of the United States?

ANSWER: Winston Churchill




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The first place in the western world to give women the right to vote was an island known as Man. (True)


  1. Tangerines are named after the Moroccan city of Tangiers. (True)


  1. In 1836 the U.S. government had so much extra money that it repaid all its debts, and still had money left over. (True)


  1. Each person’s ears are unique. (True)


  1. Every year 800 people injure themselves while using a tooth pick. (False – 8,000)


  1. Sliced bread was patented in 1904. (False, 1954)


  1. On average, adults watch double the amount of TV as teenagers do. (True)


  1. We spend approximately 3 years of our lives waiting for red lights. (False – but we do spend six months!)


  1. On average, when asked for a color, 3 out of 5 people will say blue. (False, red.)


  1. It would take 15,840,000 rolls of wallpaper to cover the Great Wall of China. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


People are lining up in New York City trying to get some “Obama Money.”

Responding to a local rumor, people are standing in line for hours, turning over valuable personal information and expecting to receive a government handout in New York City.

If this sounds familiar, it is. Back in the fall of 2009, thousands of people stood in line in Michigan expecting to be given some Obama money. It never arrived.

People in NYC are lining up because they heard that people were getting a debit card loaded with as much as $1,000 of stimulus money. However, based on the latest information, there is no money to be given away. And yet people continue to line up and turn over their sensitive, personal information.





An three construction workers were working on a sky scraper, discussing their lunch. The first construction worker said, “Ham, ham, ham! All I ever get is a ham sandwich! I’m so sick of ham sandwiches. If I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself.”
The second construction worker said, “Turkey, turkey, turkey!! All I ever get is a turkey sandwich! I’m so sick of them! If I get ONE MORE turkey sandwich, I’m gonna kill myself, too!”
The last construction worker said, “Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter! All I ever get for lunch is a peanut butter sandwich. I’m getting so sick of them! If I get another peanut butter sandwich, I’m going to join you guys and jump off this sky scraper.”
The next day, the first construction worker got a ham sandwich. So he jumped off the building and killed himself. The second construction worker got another turkey sandwich, so he jumped off the building and killed himself. And the third construction worker got a peanut butter sandwich, so he jumped off the building and killed himself, too.
At the funeral, the wives were in mourning. The wife of the first construction worker said, “If only he had told me! I wouldn’t have made another ham sandwich.”
The wife of the second construction worker said, “If only he had told me! I wouldn’t have made another turkey sandwich.”
The wife of the third construction worker said, “I don’t know why he jumped. He always made his own sandwiches!”



A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.

The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its tail, and said “This duck ain’t from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin’ license, boy?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its tail, and said, “This ain’t no Kansas duck. This duck’s from Arkansas. You got an Arkansas license?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its tail, and said, “This ain’t no Arkansas duck. This here duck’s from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin’ license?”

Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the heck are you from?”

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, and said, “You tell me!  You’re the expert!”



A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country’s greatest works of art.  Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her.  At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

“Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted.”

“Oh my, “the grandmother says.  “He and I must have the same landlord.”




Scientists have created a radio smaller than a grain of sand. ***MARLAR: But they had a really hard time plugging in the headphones.


The dollar sign originated from taking the abbreviation of the United States and placing one on top of the other. Later, the bottom of the “U” was dropped to form the present day design of the dollar sign.  ***MARLAR: That’s right – money only works if U (you) are not involved.





Farmer Roscoe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Roscoe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” said the lawyer. Farmer Roscoe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the….” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question.” “Did you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!” Farmer Roscoe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Roscoe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.” Roscoe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”




15 year old Michael Carter received a new kidney – from the most unlikely of sources.

You see his relatives and friends were tested as potential kidney donors, but were rejected. And one day on the school playground his teacher at R. Max Abbot Middle School in Chapel Hill, NC. asked him to pull up his baggy jeans at recess. He explained to her that his loose fitting pants were more comfortable because he was undergoing dialysis and was waiting for a kidney transplant. It was then that Jane Smith said casually, “I’ve got 2, do you want one?” The rest is history. ***MARLAR: And wow – what pressure Mike has now to pay attention in class!





A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard’s outer office.

The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn’t even deserve to be in Cambridge.

She frowned. “We want to see the president,” the man said softly. “He’ll be busy all day,” the secretary snapped.

“We’ll wait,” the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn’t. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. “Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they’ll leave,” she told him.

And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn’t have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, “We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus.”

The president wasn’t touched, he was shocked. “Madam,” he said gruffly. “We can’t put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery”.

“Oh, no,” the lady explained quickly. “We don’t want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard.”

The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, “A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard.”

For a moment the lady was silent.

The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, “Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don’t we just start our own?”

Her husband nodded.

The president’s face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.

And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them.





Read: Psalm 71:12-18

When I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation. —Psalm 71:18

Getting older doesn’t mean becoming obsolete. It can mean growing, maturing, serving, ministering, venturing, enjoying ourselves to the end of our days. “Old men ought to be explorers,” author T. S. Eliot said. One of my friends says, “Have a blast while you last.”

To idle away our last years is to rob ourselves of what could be the best years of our lives and to deprive the church of gifts God has given to enrich it. There is still service to be rendered and there are victories to be won.

Some older folks may not have the energy or inclination for leadership, but they are an invaluable asset to the next generation of leaders. John Wesley was asked what he would do if he knew he had only a short time to live. He responded, “I should meet with my young men till the moment came that I was called to yield my spirit back to Him that gave it.”

The psalmist also desired to pass along his understanding of the Lord to others, and he prayed, “When I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare Your strength to this generation” (Psalm 71:18).

We too should remain open to being used by God to enrich others’ lives. Our greatest usefulness may be to pass our understanding of God on to others. —David Roper


The longer we live, the more that we know,
Old age is the time for wisdom to show;
Who knows how much good some word we might say
Could do for the leaders of some future day. —Bosch


To forget the elderly is to ignore the wisdom of the years.





Insomnia is a serious health hazard that afflicts 50% of all Americans, especially women. You don’t have to take drugs to get that much needed good night’s sleep. Try these simple tricks instead and you’ll be insweet dreamland shortly after your head hits the pillow:

  • Straighten up your bedroom. You’ll reduce stress and sleep better. * Keep your bedroom cool. Snuggle under a blanket if you feel chilly.
  • An hour before you hit the sack, eat a slice of whole grain bread with peanut butter and a glass of milk to give yourself a dose of the sleep inducing amino acid tryptophan.
  • Wear an eye mask to keep light from interrupting your brain’s production of melatonin, a hormone that plays a key role in sleep.
  • Listen to soothing music. Try to match the tempo to the normal human heart rate of 60 to 80 beats per minute. Studies show that music makes you drowsy.  ***MARLAR: Easy music to find if you planning on taking a snooze in an elevator.




Paul Bootham is definitely not Mr. Fix-It and he’s definitely not a plumber!

Bootham was trying to unclog his kitchen sink so he poured a powerful drain cleaner down the drain. Not satisfied with just that, he followed that up by pouring some bleach down the drain…and that turned out to be a bad combination. The mixture of drain cleaner and liquid bleach began fizzing and bubbling and quickly filled his house with deadly fumes. His whole family had to flee the house before the fumes did any damage. It then took three fire crews, a chemical unit and a damage control unit two hours to maintain and deal with the deadly and highly explosive mix of chlorine and hydrogen gases. So, if you’re faced with the same kind of clog, you might want to try a plunger first.





How weird would it be if you could never hear your own voice, yet could hear every else?

Doctors have discovered a rare condition that affects only a few victims around the world. It’s a bizarre ailment in which a person finds it impossible to hear their own voice. When they speak, somehow “white noise” is created in their brain which drowns out the sounds made by their vocal chords, so they can hear others, they just can’t hear themselves.  ***MARLAR: If they could reverse that so you could tune out the specific of somebody else, they’d make a fortune from husbands.





  • Neighbor tired of duct-taping your door shut
  • Only car in the neighborhood that starts by cranking it.
  • Dealer still laughing when you asked if they took trade ins
  • Car thieves break in and leave donations
  • Family says for this year’s vacation to Montana they’d rather walk




UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Wise Guy

Once upon a time there was a worker who was unhappy with his lot in life. Specifically, his job. It seemed like he had hit his advancement ceiling. His neighbor was likewise unhappy with his work. He needed something new and invigorating to revitalize his career. Oddly, the neighbor across the street was hurting because someone decided he was no longer a fit for the company. He was unhappy because he was unemployed.
Now, a fourth neighbor on the block wasn’t unhappy with her work at all. As a matter of fact, she was just offered a remarkable opportunity. But she lacked the right information to help her make a wise decision.
All four of these valuable workforce members had something in common. They were ripe for some wise counsel from the very creative, bestselling author Jon Acuff. Actually, they just needed his new book, Do Over.
I had Jon Acuff as a guest on my talk show this past week. It was the very day of his book release. Do Over focuses on how to build a “career savings account.” As Jon sees it, virtually everyone in the work world will face a “Career Bump,” a “Career Jump,” a “Career Ceiling” or a “Career Opportunity.” All of these would benefit greatly from learning key techniques to advancing the next step. It is a good read.
I first came across Jon Acuff as I was looking over his tongue-in-cheek writing on Stuff Christians Like. Jon has a fine sense of humor and is capable of delivering serious material in a not-so-serious way. His presentations fit the same bill.
Acuff was on the team of Dave Ramsey for a few years. Then he made his own career jump. No real warning. No big opporunity waiting. He claims it was just right time for such a move. Apparently, he likes risk. Truth be told, he was still in the throes of having a New York Times bestseller, Start.
I heard Jon deliver an excellent presentation at the weeklong course of Ramsey’s called Entre Leadership. Few speakers have such good command of an audience. His talent has been well groomed.
Certain writers and speakers have a treasured gift of giving others hope and encouragement. The sum of that encouragement often exceeds the technical quality of the message. What I mean by that can be illustrated by my former Sunday School teacher, Zig Ziglar.
Zig was not teaching rocket science. Neither is Jon. Zig was about “folksy” and real life, told in stories. Jon Acuff is a story teller as well. But the impact of the message by both of these message senders is borne out extremely well with audiences. TED talks demonstrate this. They are a form of masterful communication.
Delivering hope and encouragement, with life changing results, requires something else. One must challenge the status quo. People who genuinely want a better life must face both truth and a change of pattern or habits. You can love a new way of thinking but do you love it enough to embrace the changes required … whatever form that takes?
The very best at this was none other than the Creator of all humankind. He is more commonly referred to as Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus and His parables are legendary. His words are still changing lives every single day. Many could not, and cannot, bear up under His revolutionary style.
But who better to follow? After one of His more difficult sessions, this followed: “At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, ‘Are you also going to leave?’ Simon Peter replied, ‘Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.’”  (John 6:66-68, NLT)
Are you learning from the wisdom teachers? Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough pull up another TED talk … or read their Bibles. 

As Mr. Miyagi would say: Banzai, Daniel-san! Banzai!





A South African man was walking to work on a remote, narrow path that he uses each day when he was attacked by a python that tried to squeeze him to death! 57 year old Lucas Sibanda said the snake suddenly appeared from behind some shrubs and tangled itself around him. While the python began constricting him, Sibanda sank his teeth into the reptile and kicked and punched until it released its grip. Pythons suffocate their prey before swallowing it whole and have been known to kill and eat antelope species but attacks on humans are rare. Taking a bite out of the snake could possibly have been the only thing that saved him. ***MARLAR: Of course, like everything else in the world, it tasted like chicken.




Coming May 4th, 2015!




Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

Christians around the world are being urged to wear orange to show solidarity with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ martyred for their faith in the Middle East. In February the media was flooded with pictures of Egyptian Christians, dressed in orange jump suits, kneeling on a beach in Egypt before being beheaded for their faith. Now groups of Christians are bringing attention to the atrocities by wearing orange clothing or ribbons. http://ow.ly/LQmlo


Do you have a doppelganger? A social media project is seeking to prove that everyone has a twin. The Twin Strangers campaign is an online media effort three friends started in an attempt to find their lookalikes. One of the three has already found her look alike and they lived only an hour apart. They met for the first time earlier this month. The goal was for all three to find their most convincing “twin” within 30 days. http://ow.ly/LQnrJ


A new study finds that your pet says some interesting things about your personality. According to a Time magazine report, researchers found that:
Fish owners are happiest.
Dog owners are the most fun to be with.
Cat owners are the most dependable and emotionally sensitive.
and Reptile owners are the most independent.
Studies also found that Liberals want dogs that are gentle and relate to their owners as equals while conservatives want dogs that are loyal and obedient. What does your pet say about you?




I’ve recently discovered how to unite gravity with the strong and weak nuclear forces and the electromagnetic force.  This finally completes the much-sought-after Grand Unified Theory which confounded even Albert Einstein.  But I’m not going to tell anybody what it is until somebody fixes my cable.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


APRIL 17, 2015…


Unfriended—Another film with found footage, the story is about the past year, when a high school student commits suicide from being bullied. A year later, friends (and not so friendly people) are online when someone interrupts and says they will eventually die. What to do? Stars Heather Sossaman. Another working title was “Cyper Natural.” “Unfriended” is rated R. No rating.


Monkey Kingdom—This movie is a Disney Nature documentary about a family of Toque Macaque monkeys living in jungles near Laos and have to move when hostile monkeys come along. The mother takes her babies (including one called “Kip”),  to a new location and it is a dangerous journey. “Monkey Kingdom” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for nature fans. Narrator is Tina Fey.


Child 44 (opening in select cities)—Based on Tom Rob Smith’s novel of  2008, it has Tom Hardy starring as a Russian police detective who gets involved in a case of murdered children under the Stalin regime. Also in the cast are Noomi Rapace, Vincent Cassel and Joel Kinneman. “Child 44” is rated R. No rating.


Paul Blart: Mall Cop—Kevin James co-wrote this film that continues the adventures of his character, Paul Blart, Mall Cop. This time, Paul is doing security in Las Vegas and, of course, gets into many adventures. The first film was a hit. The cast includes Neal McDonaugh, David Henne and Raini Rodriguez. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of Kevin James.


Clouds of Sils Maria (opening in select cities)—This film is really a study of three women working to put on a play by a noted playwright. Juliette Binoche is seen as the lead actress in a younger role and then studying for an older role in the same play, while Kristen Stewart is her assistant and Chloe Grace Morentz is auditioning for the role that Juliette used to play. How gracefully do people age, especially those in front of the spotlight?  “Clouds of Sils Maria” is rated PG 13. No rating.


True Story—Based on the memoir by newspaperman Michael Finkel, this is the story of convicted murderer Christian Longo, who killed his wife and three children in Oregon, then escaped to Mexico. Finkel was an alias he used. James Franco stars as Longo, with Jonah Hill as Michael Finkel, and Gretchen Moi. “True Story” is rated R. No rating.



APRIL 24, 2015…


Little Boy is a story of a child during WWII who decides he wants to end the war.


The Water Diviner has the directing debut of actor Russell Crowe as a farmer in central Europe, trying to find his sons in a war.


Infinitely Polar Bear (opening in select cities) is a Mark Ruffalo comedy about married life with children.


The Age Of Adaline  is a romance film that stars Blake Lively as a woman who doesn’t age.


Ex Machina is a science fiction film about making a robot that is almost human. Stars Domhnall Gleeson.




WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.