April 22, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

 

CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150422

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

We’re working on a fan of the month club here, which is pretty exciting… I can get as many as twelve fans a year.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“I always see the Lord near me, and I will not be afraid with him at my right side. Because of this, my heart will be glad, my words will be joyful, and I will live in hope. –Acts 2:25-26 CEV

 

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. — 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. — Galatians 6:10

 

Thought: We are to be a people who do good deeds! When God gives us the opportunity, let’s take it! Unlike those in the world looking to get ahead, to get even with someone, or to get out of difficult situations, let’s look for opportunities to do good!

 

Prayer: Only you are truly good, Father, but I pray that some of that goodness may be seen in me and in your Church as we serve you today, this week, and until the time the Savior returns for us in glory. Help us to be aware of and to look for the opportunities that you give us to do good to and for others. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

Proverbs 4:22 NIV = for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – APRIL 22, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 248 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

This is NATIONAL ORGAN AND TISSUE DONOR AWARENESS WEEK. ***MARLAR: This has nothing to do with a musical instrument or a box of Kleenex… no matter what (OTHER JOCK) thinks. Then again, he thinks that sharing his heart means signing the back of his driver’s license.

 

This is also NATIONAL EARTHQUAKE AWARENESS WEEK. ***MARLAR: Seriously? Like we need a holiday for this? Raise your hand if you feel like you would NOT be aware of an earthquake taking place. Exactly.

 

Today is SNIFF THE BREEZE DAY in Egypt.  ***MARLAR: Just make sure you’re upwind of the camels.

 

Today is APRIL SHOWERS DAY.  ***MARLAR: And what do April showers bring?  May flowers.  And what do May flowers bring?  (Come on – you remember this from grade school, don’t you?)  Mayflowers bring Pilgrims!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Administrative Professionals Day (Secretary’s Day)

Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day

Earth Day

Girl Scout Leaders Day

Global Selfie Earth Day (NASA)

In God We Trust Day

Mother Earth Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, APRIL 23

English Language Day

Impossible Astronaut Day

National Lost Dog Awareness Day

Movie Theater Day

Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day

Talk Like Shakespeare Day

World Book & Copyright Day

World Book Night

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 24

Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

National Hairball Awareness Day

New Kids on The Block Day

National Teach Your Children to Save Day

Satchmo Days begin

World Meningitis Day

Arbor Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 25

Bob Wills Day

DNA Day

Eeyore’s Birthday

Hairstylists Appreciation Day

Hug a Plumber Day / Plumbers Day

International Marconi Day

License Plaes Day

National Mani-pedi Day

Malaria Awareness Day

National Dance Day

National Go Birding Day

National Herb Day

Parental Alienation Day

Penguin Day

National Rebuilding Day

Red Hat Society Day

Save The Frogs Day

Sense of Smell Day

Spring Astronomy Day

World Day for Animals in Laboratories

World Healing Day

World Veterinary Day

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day

World Penguin Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 26

Doo Dah Day

Hug An Australian Day

National Help a Horse Day

Audubon Day

Mother, Father Deaf Day

National Kids and Pets Day

National Pretzel Day

National Pet Parent’s Day

Pinhole Photography Day

Richter Scale Day

World Intellectual Property Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 27

Babe Ruth Day

Mantanzas Mule Day

Morse Code Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 28

Biological Clock Day

Workers Memorial Day

World Day for Safety and Health at Work

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29

Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare

International Dance Day

International Guide Dogs Day

Peace Rose Day

World Wish Day

Zipper Day

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1864: Congress authorized the use of the phrase “In God We Trust” on U.S. coins.

 

1876: Boston’s Joe Gordon, baseball’s highest-paid pitcher at an incredible $2,000 a year, won his first game. But by year’s end he had posted an 11-12 record and was also the team’s grounds-keeper for no extra pay.

 

1962: TV’s talking horse, Mr. Ed, fell in love with Clint Eastwood’s horse. Clint’s girlfriend was played by Donna Douglas, who would star later that year as Ellie Mae Clampitt on The Beverly Hillbillies. (audio clip)

 

1968: As a novelty number, trumpeter Herb Alpert sang “This Guy’s In Love With You” during a TV special. The response was so overwhelming, he recorded the song and it became a million seller.

 

1969: Singer John Lennon officially changed his middle name from Winston to Ono.

 

1970: Millions of Americans concerned about the environment observed the first Earth Day.

 

1976: Barbara Walters became network television’s first news anchorwoman when she accepted ABC’s offer to co-anchor the evening news with Harry Reasoner.

 

1977: A group of Hell’s Angels buried a motorcycle at Cypress Lawn Cemetery near San Francisco. Their former leader, Harry “The Horse” Flamburis, had been buried there two months earlier. It was his motorcycle.

 

1993: Actor Chuck Norris kicked his first bad bubba in the face as Walker, Texas Ranger debuted on CBS television. (audio clip)

 

1996: Humorist Erma Bombeck died in San Francisco at age 69. She had told her housewife readers in 600 newspapers, “We’re all in this mess together. Let’s get some fun out of it.”

 

2002: A Swedish woman swallowed her toothbrush while trying to scratch an itch in the back of her throat. Doctors in Stockholm found it lodged in her esophagus, just above the entrance to the 26-year-old’s stomach. Under a local anesthetic, they managed to remove the toothbrush with a remote-controlled miniature grip. She recovered at home after 20 hours in the hospital. Doctors gave her back the toothbrush. (audio clip)

 

2004: Former NFL star Pat Tillman, after turning down a lucrative contract with the Arizona Cardinals to join the Army rangers, was killed in Afghanistan. The U.S. military said later he was a victim of friendly fire.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1418: The Council of Constance ends, having finally ended the Great Western Schism. When the schism began nearly 40 years earlier, three men had reasonable claims to the papacy. The council deposed all three and elected Martin V. (Martin then turned around and rejected further councils’ right to depose a pope.) Though that part of the council is regarded as a triumph, the council also hastily condemned Jan Hus, a Bohemian preacher and forerunner of Protestantism, and sentenced him to execution by burning. And since his teachings were based on those of John Wycliffe (c. 1329-1384), the council had the Bible translator’s body dug up, burned, and thrown into the Swift River.

 

1538: John Calvin and William Farel are fired by the town council of Geneva and ordered to leave the city within three days. They had refused to give the Lord’s supper the day before, unless the townsfolk repented.

 

1669: Colonial religious leader Richard Mather (father of Increase, grandfather of Cotton) dies at age 63. He helped author the Bay Psalm Book and the Cambridge Platform, which served for many years as the standard doctrinal statement for New England Congregationalism

 

1723: Bach is elected cantor of St. Thomas in Leipzig. This is the last of the posts that he will hold before his death. Bach had a rule never to convert Christian works to secular use although he often converted secular works to Christian use.

 

1724: German philosopher Immanuel Kant, a pivotal figure in the history of modern philosophy and theology, is born in Konigsberg, East Prussia.

 

1864: The motto “In God We Trust,” conceived during the Civil War, first appears on American coinage.

 

1987: Death of Dr. J. Edwin Orr. A historian of revivals, he showed that no revival began without prayer.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (“Twin Peaks”) Sheryl Lee, 48 (audio clip)
  • actor (Rudy in Meatballs) Chris Makepeace 51
  • comedian Byron Allen 54
  • Actor (“Who’s Line Is It Anyway”, “Drew Carey Show’s” Lewis Kiniski) Ryan Stiles, 56 (audio clip)
  • actress (Mystery Men, Chocolat, “Alias”) Lena Olin 59 (audio clip)
  • actor (“Santa Barbara”, “The Net”) Joseph Bottoms 61 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Anger Management, Something’s Gotta Give, The Shining) Jack Nicholson, 78
  • Singer/actor Glen Campbell, 79
  • Actress (“The Facts of Life”, “Diff’rent Strokes”) Charlotte Rae, 89 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1921 : Candido Camero

1922 : Charles Mingus

1927 : Laurel Aitken

1931 : Joe Cuba

1936 : Glen Campbell in Delight, Arkansas.

1937 : Jack Nitzsche

1943 : Mel Carter

1948 : Larry Groce

1950 : Peter Frampton

1950 : Kimberley Dahme (Boston)

1951 : Paul Carrack (Squeeze, Roxy Music)

1979 : Daniel Johns (Silverchair)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we say that a crazy person is “loco?”

First, let’s clear up some confusion. This is not related to the old railroad slang word, which was simply short for locomotive. If you think they’re the same, you don’t know one end from another. Crazy railroad people aren’t loco, they have a loose caboose. But I digress. The word “loco” comes from a weed found in the Southwest. This plant, a narcotic, is actually called the locoweed and it drove cattle nuts when they ate it. It became a synonym for craziness in the West in the 1840s and came into widespread use about four decades later. Did you ever see a bull run amok? Crazy, man.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

What does it take to make your day better. Casting Crowns Chris Huffman tweeted: Monday, you are always cloaked as a bad day, but then, cinnamon rolls!!

 

Beside the Bible, what do you consider required reading? The members of Rend Collective said, on their tour bus, one of the required reading items is a manual on learning to play the bagpipes. It sounds like we just might be hearing more bagpipe music in their upcoming CDs.

 

James Mead of the group Kutless says it creeps him out to walk into a dark room with a helium balloon just floating there. In fact, he tweeted this week: Is it weird that I’m a 32 year old man and I don’t wanna walk downstairs because there’s a creepy balloon down there?

 

What is the best, cheap toy you purchased for your young children? Blanca tweeted that she just purchased a pack of bubbles this weekend. She said: best two dollars I have ever spent. Blanca shared a video of her 20-month-old son having a great time chasing the bubbles around the room.

 

A thought from Kari Jobe: I learned some things from the ocean this week. We can stay on the edge of the water where we think we’re safe, and we can feel a little bit of refreshing from the small waves. But if we’ll take a full plunge and go into the deeper water, where the waves can wash over us, the refreshing takes full effect and we feel it completely. God invites us into the deep end, not to just stay in the shallow. It might feel safer but when we trust HIM, that’s actually what’s safest and most life changing. Let’s go deeper.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Missing wedding ring plucked from dog doo, returned to owner    photo
SITKA, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska woman suspected her family’s dog snatched her wedding ring, but she couldn’t find proof — until the diamond-encrusted platinum band turned up months later at a local ball field. Nikki Balovich lost her ring in January, when she was pregnant and often took…

 

Firefighters rescue duck stuck in Louisiana fireplace
SLIDELL, La. (AP) — Firefighters in Louisiana have rescued a duck lodged in a fireplace. WVUE-TV (http://bit.ly/1yKz37O) reports firefighters in St. Tammany Parish responded to an unusual call Sunday from a home in Slidell outside New Orleans. When firefighters arrived, they discovered a…
Cops: Woman arrested at JFK hid cocaine in girdle, underwear
NEW YORK (AP) — Authorities quickly found out why an arriving passenger at John F. Kennedy International was so nervous: She had four pounds of cocaine hidden in her girdle and underwear. Authorities said Monday that 70-year-old Olive Fowler seemed nervous when she arrived in New York from…
California woman eats 3 steak dinners in 20 minutes in Texas    photo
AMARILLO, Texas (AP) — A competitive eater has conquered three 72-ounce steak dinners in about 20 minutes during a food challenge held at a restaurant in Amarillo, Texas. Dozens of people gathered outside The Big Texan Steak Ranch on Sunday afternoon to watch Molly Schuyler eat the steaks,…
Man says he put rifle-toting statue near gas station
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A Pennsylvania man says he left a rifle-toting statue at a southern New Jersey gas station. HASH(0xc2c470) Fine characterized the incident as a prank. Fine says the man was guilty of bad judgment, but not a crime and will not face charges. Police say the statue could be…
Parking lot honker: Grumpy goose takes over high school lot
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) — There’s a lot of honking going on at a suburban New York high school parking lot, and it’s not coming from the drivers. HASH(0xc2e070) The honking and hissing interloper has been swooping down and chasing people. His actions are well-intended: He’s protecting his…
AP PHOTOS: A different kind of heavy metal in the Gowanus    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Several dozen competitors from around the world took turns Sunday hurling a sacrificial banjo into a polluted urban canal to see who could throw it the farthest. Tyler Frank of St. Louis bested all other male competitors with an 85-foot throw. On the women’s side, Nada…
Arkansas police: 2 escaped buffaloes not seen since Thursday    photo
HOT SPRINGS, Ark. (AP) — Police say two buffaloes that escaped captivity and roamed a central Arkansas city last week remain unaccounted for. Hot Springs Cpl. Sonia Luzader said Monday that police called off the search over the weekend and there hasn’t been any reported sighting of the…
Chemistry Ph.D. student illustrates her thesis in comic book
MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Late last spring, a doctoral student worked late into the night. As she doodled, her chemistry thesis took on a life of its own, transforming into a comic book. Veronica Berns, 28, was working on her Ph. D. in chemistry at the University of Wisconsin -Madison. Berns said…
Man charged in fight over whether Jordan or LeBron is better
STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — Police say an argument over whether Michael Jordan or LeBron James is a better basketball player ended in a Pennsylvania man’s arrest on aggravated assault and other charges. HASH(0x13e41f0) It wasn’t clear which player Mondelice backed. He was released on bond and…
Egypt court sentences belly dancer for ‘insulting’ flag
CAIRO (AP) — An Egyptian court has sentenced a popular Armenian belly dancer to six months in prison for “insulting the Egyptian flag” after she allegedly wore a tight dress in its red, white and black color scheme. The court in Agouza, west of Cairo, said on Monday that Sofinar Gourian,…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Task force: Mammograms in 40s a choice, but don’t skip at 50
WASHINGTON (AP) — Women should get a mammogram every two years starting at age 50 — and while routine screening brings little benefit in the 40s, beginning it that early should be a personal choice, a government task force said Monday. Also, there’s not enough evidence to tell if new…

 

Lawmakers seek FDA review of ingredients used in cosmetics
WASHINGTON (AP) — Two U.S. senators introduced legislation Monday that would require the Food and Drug Administration to evaluate and report on some of the ingredients used in cosmetics and personal-care products such as shampoo and skin cream. The bill would require the FDA to investigate at…
Disney measles outbreak that sparked vaccination debate ends
LOS ANGELES (AP) — An outbreak of measles that popped up at Disneyland in late December soon spread to six other U.S. states, Mexico and Canada. Health officials suspect an infected traveler, who caught the virus overseas, visited the theme park and exposed others. The outbreak sickened 147…
Intersex surgeries spark move away from drastic treatment    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — She was born to a young Chicago couple, named Jennifer, and grew into a beautiful long-lashed child with wavy dark hair, big brown eyes and a yearning, youthful desire to be just like all the other girls. Only she wasn’t. Doctors first noticed her slightly enlarged genitals,…
Pill-taking can be less yucky for kids, study review finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Many sick kids can’t or won’t swallow pills — and that can make them sicker. But there may be some pretty simple ways to help the medicine go down, a new study says. Dr. Kathleen Bradford and colleagues at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill reviewed research…
Large measles outbreak traced to Disneyland is declared over    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California health authorities on Friday declared an end to a large measles outbreak that started at Disneyland and triggered a national debate about vaccinations. Disease detectives for months raced to contain the highly contagious disease, which surfaced at Disney theme…
Glaxo recalls flu vaccine due to potency problem
WASHINGTON (AP) — GlaxoSmithKline is recalling remaining doses of a popular four-in-one flu vaccine because of effectiveness problems. The company alerted U.S. customers Tuesday that the vaccine can lose potency over time and fail to adequately protect against some strains of the flu. The…
Waivers may give next president way out of health care feuds    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican or Democrat, the next president will have the chance to remake the nation’s health care overhaul without fighting Congress. The law signed by President Barack Obama includes a waiver that, starting in 2017, would let states take federal dollars now invested in the…
Dr. Oz tells critics: No conflict of interest on my TV show    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Dr. Mehmet Oz is defending himself against 10 doctors who’ve accused him of promoting “quack treatments” on his TV show. Oz said in a statement Friday that his show provides “multiple points of view” including his own. He added that his own views are offered “without conflict…
Task force: Mammograms in 40s a choice, but don’t skip at 50
WASHINGTON (AP) — Women should get a mammogram every two years starting at age 50 — and while routine screening brings little benefit in the 40s, beginning it that early should be a personal choice, a government task force said Monday. Also, there’s not enough evidence to tell if new…
Colorado law enforcement switches message to safe pot use    photo
DENVER (AP) — Breaking from decades of “Just Say No”-type messaging about marijuana use, Colorado law enforcement officials are starting a new campaign designed to promote safe marijuana use. The revised campaign starts this weekend, when tens of thousands are expected at public rallies and…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Oklahoma City police arrested a man accused of firing a gun into the air after they found him in the street wearing nothing but a miniskirt.  ***MARLAR: He was charged with reckless endangerment, unlawful firing of a gun, and wearing white after Labor Day.

 

British bookies are predicting that Prince William and Kate’s second child will be a princess and she will be called Alice.  ***That is oddly specific.  Are they big fans of the old “Alice” TV show?  Did they love the Johnny Depp version of “Alice in Wonderland?”  Listeners of Alice Cooper?

 

The currently-in-production “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel  is without its star, as Johnny Depp is missing in action. Depp, who is vital to the $250 million movie shoot, failed to board his scheduled private charter flight from Los Angeles to Australia and has now been missing for over a week.  ***So not even Depp is interested in seeing this franchise move forward.  That’s good to know.

 

A woman was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight out of Chicago late last week after she grabbed a pen and poked the man snoring next to her. The woman was trying to silence her snoring seatmate and jabbed him repeatedly. Firefighters were called in to evaluate the man, who wasn’t seriously injured.  ***Apparently we’ve found one more thing that does not alleviate snoring – ballpoint pens.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Technology is currently being developed to keep you from changing the channel during TV commercials!

Philips electronics is working on new technology that would make it impossible for TV viewers to flip the channel during commercials. It would use MHP, or Multimedia Home Platform, the software now in most digital TV receivers and recorders that picks up flags in programs that signal extra features, such as program or shopping info. They want to embed flags in ads that would prevent viewers from changing channels until the commercial ends. They admit this might be “greatly resented by viewers,” but perhaps they could be charged an extra fee if they want to skip commercials.  ***MARLAR: Or perhaps we could charge the Philips headquarters with torches and pitchforks.  What’s next – a La-Z-Boy chair that straps you down and doesn’t let you go to the bathroom during commercial breaks?

 

A recent poll shows that inactivity is kids’ biggest health problem.  ***MARLAR: Don’t worry though, I’m sure they’re already making an app for that.

 

According to the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation an estimated 700,000 to 1.4 million people in the United States are believed to have compulsive hoarding syndrome, a sub-condition of obsessive-compulsive disorder. That’s a condition where a person saves and piles up almost everything much of which is of no value at all.  ***Which might explain the Chick-Fil-A wrappers on my car’s floorboard.

 

Is eating organic food, which costs more, really better for me?  Stanford University doctors dug through reams of research to find out – and concluded there’s little evidence that going organic is much healthier, citing only a few differences involving pesticides and antibiotics.  Eating organic fruits and vegetables can lower exposure to pesticides, including for children – but the amount measured from conventionally grown produce was within safety limits.  Nor did the organic foods prove more nutritious.  ***MARLAR: But it is a lot more expensive, so it has that going for it.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Only a Game”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jonnie W. “Growing Up Pentecostal”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep jungle soap opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: So Racquet the Skunk makes his own badminton racquets – who knew? But will a new racquet really help Gruffy Bear with his badminton game, or is this just a way for Racquet to get a cool new hammer for practically nothing? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson, after escaping from the hospital to avoid getting his tonsils taken out, found that because of his cowardice, most of his friends, family, and even children in the future will all suffer cowardice as well – getting sick and dying from following Marvy’s example!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle saga that is As The Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

For today’s Moment of Duh, we visit the office of an optometrist, and learn the story of one of his patients that followed directions a bit too well.

We can’t tell you the name of the doctor that gave us the story for today’s Moment of Duh, but we do want to thank him! Here’s what he wrote to us…”I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, ‘Cover your right eye with your hand.’ He read the 20/20 line perfectly. ‘Now your left.’ Again, a flawless read. ‘Now both,’ I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS TO TAKE TIME OUT FOR

 

  1. Take time to work: It is the price of success.
  2. Take time to think: It is the source of power.
  3. Take time to play: It is the secret of youth.
  4. Take time to read: It is the foundation of knowledge.
  5. Take time to worship: It is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.
  6. Take time to help and enjoy friends: It is the source of happiness.
  7. Take time to love: It is the one sacrament of life.
  8. Take time to dream: It hitches the soul to the stars.
  9. Take time to laugh: It is the singing that helps with life’s loads.
  10. Take time to plan: It is the secret of being able to have time to take time for the first nine things.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

They say you can get just about anything at Wal-Mart, including arrested.

 

FILE #1: Police say employees at a Wal-Mart in New Hampshire called to report a young man was in the store in an orange prison jumpsuit and handcuffs, asking for a hacksaw. It turns out Joha Turner hadn’t escaped from anywhere. He told police it was a prank. They told him he was under arrest for disorderly conduct.

 

FILE #2: They say that a picture is worth a thousand words.  It might also be worth a thousand days… in jail. In Rosario, Argentina, three guys stole some fertilizer. While they were there one of them spotted a cell phone, the kind with a built in camera. And, of course, these guys couldn’t resist taking pictures of themselves. Only one problem: this phone had been set up so that any pictures taken were automatically posted on a personal webpage. The cops were able to identify and track down our crooks simply by visiting the website.

 

FILE #3: Clamp on… clamp off… A marked police car, investigating a burglary in the UK, had its wheels clamped for parking in a private car parking space.  It took an hour of arguing before the clamp was finally removed.   Police were furious saying that it could have kept the officer from responding to an emergency.

 

STRANGE LAW: Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields in North Carolina.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

It takes a lot of dough to buy illegal drugs, yet in one case, the illegal drugs were actually balls of dough!

Hillmon Arnold, 22, of Jacksonville, Florida, was arrested in the parking lot of the Golden Retreat nursing home, where police say he was attempting to sell the seniors pill bottles full of balled-up pieces of bread that he claimed were crack cocaine for $5 each. Police say that since he admitted what he was doing, he’ll be charged with drug dealing. Even though he was selling bread balls, if you lead buyers to believe it’s drugs, you’re just as guilty as if it were.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What does your pet do that drives you crazy? Does your cat attack visitors at the door? Does your dog like to get into the refrigerator? Does your hamster keep escaping? What’s your pet do that really frustrates you?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What warriors were so extravagant that even their camels wore necklaces?



ANSWER: The Midianites (Judges 8:24-26)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Which U.S. president wrote love letters to his wife affectionately calling her “Mommie Poo Pants”?

ANSWER: Ronald Reagan

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Instead of a Birthday Cake, many Russian children are given a Birthday Tie. (False – a birthday pie.)

 

  1. One billion seconds is about 32 years. (True)

 

  1. A healthy adult can draw in about 200 to 300 cubic inches of air at a single breath. (True – but at rest only about 5% of this volume is used)

 

  1. The surface of the human skin is 18.6 square feet (False – 6.5 square feet, or about 2 meters)

 

  1. 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every hour. (False – every second)

 

  1. The pancreas produces Insulin. (True)

 

  1. The most sensitive cluster of nerves is at the fingertips. (False – at the base of the spine)

 

  1. The human body is comprised of 60% water. (False – 80%)

 

  1. The average human will shed 400 pounds of skin in a lifetime. (False – 40 pounds)

 

  1. Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ SCOUTS OF AMERICA (DOG)

The Dog Scouts of America are one of the fastest growing organizations in the United States.

They’ve got badges and campouts, cookie drives and troops in 22 states. The Dog Scouts of America even has a motto or two as the half-human, half-hound organization goes about the business of doing good deeds.

One of the first badges for Jasper, a 3-year-old collie-lab mix, was disaster preparedness. After all, he lives with Robert and Misti Verdahl in Milpitas, southeast of San Francisco, where you have to be aware of earthquakes and other natural disasters.

Jasper and his humans belong to Troop 198 in Santa Clara and have earned 18 badges altogether. Each, the humans said, has made him a better dog.

“We go outside and I know he’s going to be safe,” Verdahl said. “If there’s an emergency, I know he will listen to me.”

There are 682 Dog Scouts who belong to 38 troops across the country. The organization has around 80 badges, but not all dogs can earn all badges, said DSA President Chris Puls of Brookville, Ind.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.

Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.

“My mother gave me that box the day we married,” she explained. “She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you.”

Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she’d only been mad at him twice.

“Where did the $82,500 come from?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s the money I made selling all the doilies.”

 

JOKE #2

A woman, trying to control her dry hair, treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, she washed her hair several times. That night when she went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, “Do I smell like olive oil?”

“No,” he said, sniffing his wife. “Do I smell like Popeye?”

 

JOKE #3

A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work.

A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, “Johnny, stop that! You’ll drown those kittens.”

Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: “They should had thought of that before they joined my church.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Patients in a Dutch hospital are being allowed to choose the background music for their operations. Anyone undergoing local anesthetic can take their minds off surgery by listening to music over headphones. But if they want their doctor to listen in, the tunes can be played over speakers in the Emmen hospital. ***MARLAR: I know exactly what song I’d ask for I were going into surgery.  “The hip bone connected to the knee bone, the knee bone is connected to the foot bone …”

 

In Colorado, a 60-year-old man is suing an 8-year-old boy for causing a ski accident on the slopes and causing him a shoulder injury.  ***MARLAR: I’d think a 60-year-old man on the slopes would be dangerous enough as it is.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

ACCOUNTING INTERVIEW

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”
“22,” Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn’t get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SAVED BY A SONG


Terry Panek never heard a sweeter song than the one her 3-year-old daughter sang. In fact, it saved her life.


With her husband out of town, Terry and her daughter Abby Jo were home alone when Terry suffered an epileptic seizure. Just before she passed out she said to her daughter, “I think Mommy’s having trouble.” Abby Jo had learned a song about calling 911 at preschool, and Panek said she remembered singing the first line to her daughter before passing out. The child got the telephone and punched in the number. Abby’s pre-school teacher said, “It’s every teacher’s crowning glory. Not only to show they’ve learned in class but to use it in a life-saving situation.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Love for a neighbor is always measured (as it was in the story of the Good Samaritan) in practical ways. Love for God, however, is often measured in impractical ways. In Martha’s opinion, Mary was wasting her time sitting at the Lord’s feet while the details in the kitchen required her attention (Luke 10:39-40). The woman who lavished her ointment on the head of Jesus was also accused of being impractical and of wasting money (Matthew 26:7-9).
We show our love for people by service. We show our love for God by worship. One who worships does not count the pennies or the hours but sees only the immense value of the Person he is worshiping. To the outside world, which measures everything by its efficiency, these dollars and hours seem wasteful. But to those who love God from their hearts, the money and time expended are only a trifling pittance.
When it comes to loving people, we must be very practical, but when it comes to worshiping God, we must lay aside our desire to be busy. In our love for God, let us detach ourselves from an earthly mentality. Even if our practical, reasoning side says, “You’re being wasteful,” let’s lavish our time and money upon the Lord in true worship.

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HURTING AND HEARING

Read: Exodus 6:1-9

I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry. —Exodus 3:7

When we are experiencing deep sorrow or difficult circumstances, we may feel offended if someone suggests that something good can emerge from our adversity. A well-meaning person who tries to encourage us to trust God’s promises may be perceived as insensitive or even unrealistic.

That happened to the children of Israel when God was working for their deliverance from Egypt. As Pharaoh hardened his heart toward the Lord’s command to let His people go, he increased the Hebrew slaves’ workload by forcing them to gather the straw they needed to make bricks (Exodus 5:10-11). They became so discouraged, they couldn’t accept Moses’ assurance that God had heard their cries and promised to take them to a land of their own (6:9).

There are times when our hurts and fears can close our ears to the hopeful words of God. But the Lord doesn’t stop speaking to us when it’s hard for us to hear. He continues working on our behalf just as He did in delivering His people from Egypt.

As we experience God’s compassion and His loving care, we can begin to hear again even as the hurt continues to heal. —David McCasland

 

O yes, He cares—I know He cares!
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares. —Graeff

 

Even when we don’t sense God’s presence, His loving care is all around us.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Think driving an electric car is good for the environment? Maybe… but it might cost you more to drive it!

Many of us care about the environment. Some of us (a relative few so far) care so much that we’re actually buying electric cars to save money and to clean the air. In doing so, you should be honored and rewarded for your thoughtfulness and your sacrifice, right? Wrong. TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! In Oregon there’s a state law that requires owners of electric cars to pay $15 more to register their cars than the owners of gas-powered cars. Why is that? Easy… government wants its money, and it will do anything to keep you paying the money. Since you won’t be using gasoline as much – hence you won’t be spending as much money on taxes with that gasoline – they’ve created this additional $15 charge to you to make up the difference. Isn’t that special?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Here’s another reason to get your cholesterol in check.

A new study suggests that the higher your cholesterol levels in your 40s, the greater your chance of developing Alzheimer’s disease decades later. The study involving nearly 10,000 people found that those with high cholesterol levels between ages 40 and 45 were about 50 percent more likely than those with low cholesterol levels to later develop Alzheimer’s disease. This new study comes on the heels of another study suggesting that having a big belly in middle age may greatly increase one’s risk of later developing Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia.  ***MARLAR: So maybe if I lose weight people will stop calling me demented.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE LATE FOR MY THIRD GRADE FINGER PAINTING TEST!

An 8-year-old is determined to get to school on time… no matter what!

An 8-year-old Florida boy drove himself to school in a stolen car after missing the school bus, police said. The youngster was caught when schoolmates told a teacher they had seen him park the car in the faculty lot at Riverhills Elementary School in Temple Terrace, a city northeast of Tampa. He was suspended from school for up to 10 days for endangering himself and others, but was not arrested because police did not see him driving the car. ***MARLAR: And at just eight years old nobody probably saw him driving – the dashboard would be in the way.

 

 

FUN LIST

EXCUSES FOR FILING YOUR TAXES LATE

  • “Tax time? I thought you said snack time!”
  • Accidentally hired an exterminator instead of an accountant and he used all of my reciepts to plug up mouse holes.
  • Still waiting to hear from Publisher’s Clearinghouse.
  • Got nasty paper cut from 1040 form; passed out for three days from blood loss.
  • H. Block finished on time, but R. Block was slow as heck.
  • “I paid you last Friday. No wait. That was the paperboy.”
  • Think about: the longer you make the IRS wait for your returns, the more excited they’ll be when they finally get ’em!
  • Math is real hard dude.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Inside Advantage

As I set out in my 30s to build my empire, which fell significantly short of an actual empire, I sought counsel from several successful business people. One of my most important questions was how to structure a new venture. The response I heard most resoundingly was, “avoid partnerships!” And in particular, equal partnerships! I took that counsel to heart.
Over the years, I have come to understand why that is sage advice. The idea of partnerships is grand — at the beginning. Two people have a different set of skills and knowledge. Put together, they should create a synergy that becomes quite powerful if they have good business sense and work well together. Of course, their business needs to be a viable and sought-after enterprise.
That being said, partnerships can easily become a burden. In most cases, one partner is smarter than the other. Eventually, that becomes apparent. Sometimes very quickly. Views begin to conflict over growth strategies, expenses, office space, location…and the list is too long to continue.
What does this sound like? To me, it sounds like a marriage. Two people begin the journey with the best of intentions. Their foundation is built on “love.” And then reality hits. Unless the couple gets help—sometimes professional help—lookout.
Thus I was quite intrigued over the weekend to see a New York Times story about how two men who bonded well in college went on to start a successful tech firm. These guys really connected. They do a LOT together besides business. They are joined at the hip.
But like a married couple—and these men are not romantically linked—they have issues. They disagree over things. They fight. They make up. The stress of this relationship falls on their coworkers. It gets difficult.
So what do they do? Get ready. They get counseling! Yeah…like marriage/relationship counseling. The article is titled “Anger Management: Why the Genius Founders Turned to Couples Therapy.” You should read it. In an odd way, it’s funny. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/fashion/anger-management-why-the-genius-founders-turned-to-couples-therapy.html?emc=edit_th_20150419&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012
So here’s a big takeaway I learned. “Counseling has become a popular way for young technology entrepreneurs to work out their differences. ‘Except for the sex, founders have the same interdependency as married couples,’ said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, who holds that businesses and romantic relationships fail for similar reasons.”
Imagine that. Two grown up men sitting in their counselor’s office pouring out their baggage. And getting…help. What a concept!
Now here’s a powerful addition. People, who receive God’s great gift of reconciliation to Him through Jesus, receive a BIG bonus. Along with the guilt-free complete forgiveness of sin, they are given the Holy Spirit! The Bible describes the Holy Spirit as a real person—Who actually becomes a part of your human life.
To what benefit? I will use the Amplified Bible to give this full treatment. Here is what Jesus tells His disciples, as recorded in John 14:26: “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.”
To be clear, every single person who receives God’s truth about Jesus is given this special gift Who resides within. The Spirit guides, comforts, and interacts on our behalf before the Heavenly Father. Amazing. But only those who receive Jesus by faith have this. You might well call it, an “inside advantage.”
Make no mistake. Do followers of Jesus often require coaching, marriage counseling, and other forms of professional help? Certainly. But if their hearts are tuned right, there are insights galore with which to be blessed.
Now the unscrupulous might wonder if this Spirit would help with insider trading. For that I say, “You naughty person. You need to go to Sunday School.”
End of story.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

RUN THE RACE

An Indiana couple combined their mutual love of jogging and each other when they were wed in their running shorts after completing a 5-kilometer marathon. The sweaty couple, Wanda Johns and Clarence Melion was married by the Rev. Duane Schmidt who told them that their wedding was the start of the “marathon of life.” Johns wore a white veil attached to her baseball cap, a wrist corsage and a white lace garter on one leg throughout the race and throughout the nuptials. ***MARLAR: You know, to make the running more symbolic of real marriage, they should have made it a three-legged race… after all, from now on you’re in it together! That includes the stumbling, falling, knee scrapes…

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Coming May 4th, 2015!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

An artist in Washington state is producing a unique kind of sidewalk art. Designed and produced by artist Peregrine Church, Rainworks is a special type of street art that appears on sidewalks only when they’re wet. The works include hopscotches, whimsical illustrations and uplifting messages. Church told The Huffington Post: “The purpose of Rainworks is to turn rainy days into something to look forward to.”

http://huff.to/1NzwZD5

 

Anyone who has kids knows how much of a pain it is that they outgrow shoes as fast as you can buy them. Now imagine how hard it must be for poor children in underdeveloped countries. According to Yahoo News, One company has found a way to solve that problem. The Shoe That Grows is a one-size-fits-all shoe for children. Each shoe adjusts to five sizes and lasts five years. The company makes two shoes: one small and one large. Together, the company says a child have a pair of shoes that fit from kindergarten through 9th grade.

https://www.yahoo.com/makers/shoe-that-kids-cant-outgrow-more-than-clever-116580309340.html?soc_src=unv-sh&soc_trk=fb

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Well, here we are, the show’s over. All good things must come to an end—which probably explains why soap operas go on forever.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 17, 2015…

 

Unfriended—Another film with found footage, the story is about the past year, when a high school student commits suicide from being bullied. A year later, friends (and not so friendly people) are online when someone interrupts and says they will eventually die. What to do? Stars Heather Sossaman. Another working title was “Cyper Natural.” “Unfriended” is rated R. No rating.

 

Monkey Kingdom—This movie is a Disney Nature documentary about a family of Toque Macaque monkeys living in jungles near Laos and have to move when hostile monkeys come along. The mother takes her babies (including one called “Kip”),  to a new location and it is a dangerous journey. “Monkey Kingdom” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for nature fans. Narrator is Tina Fey.

 

Child 44 (opening in select cities)—Based on Tom Rob Smith’s novel of  2008, it has Tom Hardy starring as a Russian police detective who gets involved in a case of murdered children under the Stalin regime. Also in the cast are Noomi Rapace, Vincent Cassel and Joel Kinneman. “Child 44” is rated R. No rating.

 

Paul Blart: Mall Cop—Kevin James co-wrote this film that continues the adventures of his character, Paul Blart, Mall Cop. This time, Paul is doing security in Las Vegas and, of course, gets into many adventures. The first film was a hit. The cast includes Neal McDonaugh, David Henne and Raini Rodriguez. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of Kevin James.

 

Clouds of Sils Maria (opening in select cities)—This film is really a study of three women working to put on a play by a noted playwright. Juliette Binoche is seen as the lead actress in a younger role and then studying for an older role in the same play, while Kristen Stewart is her assistant and Chloe Grace Morentz is auditioning for the role that Juliette used to play. How gracefully do people age, especially those in front of the spotlight?  “Clouds of Sils Maria” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

True Story—Based on the memoir by newspaperman Michael Finkel, this is the story of convicted murderer Christian Longo, who killed his wife and three children in Oregon, then escaped to Mexico. Finkel was an alias he used. James Franco stars as Longo, with Jonah Hill as Michael Finkel, and Gretchen Moi. “True Story” is rated R. No rating.

 

 

APRIL 24, 2015…

 

Little Boy is a story of a child during WWII who decides he wants to end the war.

 

The Water Diviner has the directing debut of actor Russell Crowe as a farmer in central Europe, trying to find his sons in a war.

 

Infinitely Polar Bear (opening in select cities) is a Mark Ruffalo comedy about married life with children.

 

The Age Of Adaline  is a romance film that stars Blake Lively as a woman who doesn’t age.

 

Ex Machina is a science fiction film about making a robot that is almost human. Stars Domhnall Gleeson.

 

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.