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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
We’re working on a fan of the month club here, which is pretty exciting… I can get as many as twelve fans a year.
PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)
(None on the weekends or holidays.)
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“I always see the Lord near me, and I will not be afraid with him at my right side. Because of this, my heart will be glad, my words will be joyful, and I will live in hope. –Acts 2:25-26 CEV
Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. — 1 Corinthians 15:55-57
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. — Galatians 6:10
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. — Philippians 4:9
Thought: I don’t know about you, but I truly hope that my life reflects what I say and teach. What a great statement to be able to make to those we lead, whether it is in the classroom, in our families, at work, or at church.
Prayer: Almighty and Most High God, please bless me with the integrity that comes when my convictions, my words, and my actions are consistent and righteous. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to email@example.com.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Proverbs 4:22 NIV = for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 21, 2018
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 246 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.
This is NATIONAL ORGAN AND TISSUE DONOR AWARENESS WEEK. ***This has nothing to do with a musical instrument or a box of Kleenex… no matter what (OTHER JOCK) thinks. Then again, he thinks that sharing his heart means signing the back of his driver’s license.
This is also NATIONAL EARTHQUAKE AWARENESS WEEK. ***Seriously? Like we need a holiday for this? Raise your hand if you feel like you would NOT be aware of an earthquake taking place. Exactly.
Today is SNIFF THE BREEZE DAY in Egypt. ***Just make sure you’re upwind of the camels.
Today is APRIL SHOWERS DAY. ***And what do April showers bring? May flowers. And what do May flowers bring? (Come on – you remember this from grade school, don’t you?) Mayflowers bring Pilgrims!
TODAY IS ALSO…
Chemists Celebrate The Earth Day
Girl Scout Leaders Day
Global Selfie Earth Day (NASA)
“In God We Trust Day” Day
Mother Earth Day
National Jelly Bean Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
MONDAY, APRIL 23
English Language Day
English Muffin Day
Impossible Astronaut Day (Dr. Who)
National Lost Dog Awareness Day
Movie Theatre Day
Talk Like Shakespeare Day
World Book & Copyright Day
World Book Night
TUESDAY, APRIL 24
Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day
Sauvignon Blanc Day
New Kids on The Block Day
World Day for Animals in Laboratories
World Meningitis Day
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25
Administrative Professionals Day or Secretary’s Day
East Meets West Day (aka Elbe Day)
Hairstylists Appreciation Day
Hug A Plumber Day or Plumbers Day
International Guide Dogs Day
International Marconi Day
International Noise Awareness Day
License Plates Day
National Mani-pedi Day
Malaria Awareness Day
Parental Alienation Day
Red Hat Society Day
World Penguin Day
National Golf Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 26
International Girls in Information and Telecommunication Technologies Day
Hug An Australian Day
Lesbian Visibility Day
National Help A Horse Day
National Kids and Pets Day
National Pretzel Day
Poem In Your Pocket Day
Richter Scale Day
Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day
World Intellectual Property Day
FRIDAY, APRIL 27
Babe Ruth Day
Day of Dialogue
Mantanzas Mule Day
Morse Code Day
National Day of Silence
National Devil Dog Cakes Day
National Little Pampered Dog Day
National Hairball Awareness Day
Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day
SATURDAY, APRIL 28
Biological Clock Day
Brave Hearts Day
International Table Top Day
International Sculpture Day
Bob Wills Day
Eeyore’s Birthday Day
National Dance Day
National Go Birding Day
National Herb Day
National Pool Opening Day
National Prepare-A-Thon Day
National Rebuilding Day
National Sense of Smell Day
National Superhero Day
National Take Back Day
Save The Frogs Day
Workers Memorial Day
World Day for Safety and Health at Work
World Healing Day
World Tai Chi & Qigong Day
World Veterinary Day
SUNDAY, APRIL 29
Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare
International Dance Day
Mother, Father Deaf Day
National Pet Parent’s Day
“Peace” Rose Day
Pinhole Photography Day
World Wish Day
MONDAY, APRIL 30
Adopt A Shelter Pet Day
Animal Advocacy Day
Bugs Bunny Day
Day of Vesak
Kiss of Hope Day
International Jazz Day
National Animal Advocacy Day
National Bubble Tea Day
National Honesty Day
National Military Brats Day
National Prepareathon Day
Spank Out Day – USA
TUESDAY, MAY 01
Batman Day (Also in September)
Childhood Depression Awareness Day
Executive Coaching Day
Foster Care Day
Global Love Day
Hug Your Cat Day
International Workers Day
Keep Kids Alive! Drive 25 Day
May One Day
Mother Goose Day
National Bubba Day
National Purebred Dog Day
New Homeowner’s Day
School Principals’ Day
Silver Star Day
World Asthma Day
ON THIS DAY
1864: Congress authorized the use of the phrase “In God We Trust” on U.S. coins.
1876: Boston’s Joe Gordon, baseball’s highest-paid pitcher at an incredible $2,000 a year, won his first game. But by year’s end he had posted an 11-12 record and was also the team’s grounds-keeper for no extra pay.
1962: TV’s talking horse, Mr. Ed, fell in love with Clint Eastwood’s horse. Clint’s girlfriend was played by Donna Douglas, who would star later that year as Ellie Mae Clampitt on The Beverly Hillbillies. (audio clip)
1968: As a novelty number, trumpeter Herb Alpert sang “This Guy’s In Love With You” during a TV special. The response was so overwhelming, he recorded the song and it became a million seller.
1969: Singer John Lennon officially changed his middle name from Winston to Ono.
1970: Millions of Americans concerned about the environment observed the first Earth Day.
1976: Barbara Walters became network television’s first news anchorwoman when she accepted ABC’s offer to co-anchor the evening news with Harry Reasoner.
1977: A group of Hell’s Angels buried a motorcycle at Cypress Lawn Cemetery near San Francisco. Their former leader, Harry “The Horse” Flamburis, had been buried there two months earlier. It was his motorcycle.
1993: Actor Chuck Norris kicked his first bad bubba in the face as Walker, Texas Ranger debuted on CBS television. (audio clip)
1996: Humorist Erma Bombeck died in San Francisco at age 69. She had told her housewife readers in 600 newspapers, “We’re all in this mess together. Let’s get some fun out of it.”
2002: A Swedish woman swallowed her toothbrush while trying to scratch an itch in the back of her throat. Doctors in Stockholm found it lodged in her esophagus, just above the entrance to the 26-year-old’s stomach. Under a local anesthetic, they managed to remove the toothbrush with a remote-controlled miniature grip. She recovered at home after 20 hours in the hospital. Doctors gave her back the toothbrush. (audio clip)
2004: Former NFL star Pat Tillman, after turning down a lucrative contract with the Arizona Cardinals to join the Army rangers, was killed in Afghanistan. The U.S. military said later he was a victim of friendly fire.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1418: The Council of Constance ends, having finally ended the Great Western Schism. When the schism began nearly 40 years earlier, three men had reasonable claims to the papacy. The council deposed all three and elected Martin V. (Martin then turned around and rejected further councils’ right to depose a pope.) Though that part of the council is regarded as a triumph, the council also hastily condemned Jan Hus, a Bohemian preacher and forerunner of Protestantism, and sentenced him to execution by burning. And since his teachings were based on those of John Wycliffe (c. 1329-1384), the council had the Bible translator’s body dug up, burned, and thrown into the Swift River.
1538: John Calvin and William Farel are fired by the town council of Geneva and ordered to leave the city within three days. They had refused to give the Lord’s supper the day before, unless the townsfolk repented.
1669: Colonial religious leader Richard Mather (father of Increase, grandfather of Cotton) dies at age 63. He helped author the Bay Psalm Book and the Cambridge Platform, which served for many years as the standard doctrinal statement for New England Congregationalism
1723: Bach is elected cantor of St. Thomas in Leipzig. This is the last of the posts that he will hold before his death. Bach had a rule never to convert Christian works to secular use although he often converted secular works to Christian use.
1724: German philosopher Immanuel Kant, a pivotal figure in the history of modern philosophy and theology, is born in Konigsberg, East Prussia.
1864: The motto “In God We Trust,” conceived during the Civil War, first appears on American coinage.
1987: Death of Dr. J. Edwin Orr. A historian of revivals, he showed that no revival began without prayer.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
Actress (“Twin Peaks”) Sheryl Lee, 51 (audio clip)
actor (Rudy in Meatballs) Chris Makepeace 54
comedian Byron Allen 57
Actor (“Who’s Line Is It Anyway”, “Drew Carey Show’s” Lewis Kiniski) Ryan Stiles, 59 (audio clip)
actress (Mystery Men, Chocolat, “Alias”) Lena Olin 62 (audio clip)
actor (“Santa Barbara”, “The Net”) Joseph Bottoms 64 (audio clip)
Actor (Anger Management, Something’s Gotta Give, The Shining) Jack Nicholson, 81
Actress (“The Facts of Life”, “Diff’rent Strokes”) Charlotte Rae, 92 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1921 : Candido Camero
1922 : Charles Mingus
1927 : Laurel Aitken
1931 : Joe Cuba
1936 : Glen Campbell in Delight, Arkansas.
1937 : Jack Nitzsche
1943 : Mel Carter
1948 : Larry Groce
1950 : Peter Frampton
1950 : Kimberley Dahme (Boston)
1951 : Paul Carrack (Squeeze, Roxy Music)
1979 : Daniel Johns (Silverchair)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Why do we say that a crazy person is “loco?”
First, let’s clear up some confusion. This is not related to the old railroad slang word, which was simply short for locomotive. If you think they’re the same, you don’t know one end from another. Crazy railroad people aren’t loco, they have a loose caboose. But I digress. The word “loco” comes from a weed found in the Southwest. This plant, a narcotic, is actually called the locoweed and it drove cattle nuts when they ate it. It became a synonym for craziness in the West in the 1840s and came into widespread use about four decades later. Did you ever see a bull run amok? Crazy, man.
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
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NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
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AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals found out the source of the giant footprints… there were from a giant gorilla! Somehow, all of the animals were able to run away and hide from the gorilla in a giant, scary cave… and now Cheetah Bonita is thinking the gorilla might not be so mean.
CLOSE: Here we go again! Will Millard be able to escape the gorilla’s grip? Will the gorilla try and eat the other animals too? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
For today’s Moment of Duh, we visit the office of an optometrist, and learn the story of one of his patients that followed directions a bit too well.
We can’t tell you the name of the doctor that gave us the story for today’s Moment of Duh, but we do want to thank him! Here’s what he wrote to us…”I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, ‘Cover your right eye with your hand.’ He read the 20/20 line perfectly. ‘Now your left.’ Again, a flawless read. ‘Now both,’ I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.”
TOP TEN THINGS TO TAKE TIME OUT FOR
10. Take time to work: It is the price of success.
9. Take time to think: It is the source of power.
8. Take time to play: It is the secret of youth.
7. Take time to read: It is the foundation of knowledge.
6. Take time to worship: It is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.
5. Take time to help and enjoy friends: It is the source of happiness.
4. Take time to love: It is the one sacrament of life.
3. Take time to dream: It hitches the soul to the stars.
2. Take time to laugh: It is the singing that helps with life’s loads.
1. Take time to plan: It is the secret of being able to have time to take time for the first nine things.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
They say you can get just about anything at Wal-Mart, including arrested.
FILE #1: Police say employees at a Wal-Mart in New Hampshire called to report a young man was in the store in an orange prison jumpsuit and handcuffs, asking for a hacksaw. It turns out Joha Turner hadn’t escaped from anywhere. He told police it was a prank. They told him he was under arrest for disorderly conduct.
FILE #2: They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. It might also be worth a thousand days… in jail. In Rosario, Argentina, three guys stole some fertilizer. While they were there one of them spotted a cell phone, the kind with a built in camera. And, of course, these guys couldn’t resist taking pictures of themselves. Only one problem: this phone had been set up so that any pictures taken were automatically posted on a personal webpage. The cops were able to identify and track down our crooks simply by visiting the website.
FILE #3: Clamp on… clamp off… A marked police car, investigating a burglary in the UK, had its wheels clamped for parking in a private car parking space. It took an hour of arguing before the clamp was finally removed. Police were furious saying that it could have kept the officer from responding to an emergency.
STRANGE LAW: Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields in North Carolina.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
It takes a lot of dough to buy illegal drugs, yet in one case, the illegal drugs were actually balls of dough!
Hillmon Arnold, 22, of Jacksonville, Florida, was arrested in the parking lot of the Golden Retreat nursing home, where police say he was attempting to sell the seniors pill bottles full of balled-up pieces of bread that he claimed were crack cocaine for $5 each. Police say that since he admitted what he was doing, he’ll be charged with drug dealing. Even though he was selling bread balls, if you lead buyers to believe it’s drugs, you’re just as guilty as if it were.
What does your pet do that drives you crazy? Does your cat attack visitors at the door? Does your dog like to get into the refrigerator? Does your hamster keep escaping? What’s your pet do that really frustrates you?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What warriors were so extravagant that even their camels wore necklaces?
ANSWER: The Midianites (Judges 8:24-26)
QUESTION: Which U.S. president wrote love letters to his wife affectionately calling her “Mommie Poo Pants”?
ANSWER: Ronald Reagan
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. Instead of a Birthday Cake, many Russian children are given a Birthday Tie. (False – a birthday pie.)
2. One billion seconds is about 32 years. (True)
3. A healthy adult can draw in about 200 to 300 cubic inches of air at a single breath. (True – but at rest only about 5% of this volume is used)
4. The surface of the human skin is 18.6 square feet (False – 6.5 square feet, or about 2 meters)
5. 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every hour. (False – every second)
6. The pancreas produces Insulin. (True)
7. The most sensitive cluster of nerves is at the fingertips. (False – at the base of the spine)
8. The human body is comprised of 60% water. (False – 80%)
9. The average human will shed 400 pounds of skin in a lifetime. (False – 40 pounds)
10. Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
_____ SCOUTS OF AMERICA (DOG)
The Dog Scouts of America are one of the fastest growing organizations in the United States.
They’ve got badges and campouts, cookie drives and troops in 22 states. The Dog Scouts of America even has a motto or two as the half-human, half-hound organization goes about the business of doing good deeds.
One of the first badges for Jasper, a 3-year-old collie-lab mix, was disaster preparedness. After all, he lives with Robert and Misti Verdahl in Milpitas, southeast of San Francisco, where you have to be aware of earthquakes and other natural disasters.
Jasper and his humans belong to Troop 198 in Santa Clara and have earned 18 badges altogether. Each, the humans said, has made him a better dog.
“We go outside and I know he’s going to be safe,” Verdahl said. “If there’s an emergency, I know he will listen to me.”
There are 682 Dog Scouts who belong to 38 troops across the country. The organization has around 80 badges, but not all dogs can earn all badges, said DSA President Chris Puls of Brookville, Ind.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
“My mother gave me that box the day we married,” she explained. “She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you.”
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she’d only been mad at him twice.
“Where did the $82,500 come from?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s the money I made selling all the doilies.”
A woman, trying to control her dry hair, treated her scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, she washed her hair several times. That night when she went to bed, she leaned over to her husband and asked, “Do I smell like olive oil?”
“No,” he said, sniffing his wife. “Do I smell like Popeye?”
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work.
A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, “Johnny, stop that! You’ll drown those kittens.”
Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: “They should had thought of that before they joined my church.”
Patients in a Dutch hospital are being allowed to choose the background music for their operations. Anyone undergoing local anesthetic can take their minds off surgery by listening to music over headphones. But if they want their doctor to listen in, the tunes can be played over speakers in the Emmen hospital. ***I know exactly what song I’d ask for I were going into surgery. “The hip bone connected to the knee bone, the knee bone is connected to the foot bone …”
The term “lawn mullet” refers to a neatly manicured front yard with an unmowed mess in the back.
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”
“22,” Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn’t get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
SAVED BY A SONG
Terry Panek never heard a sweeter song than the one her 3-year-old daughter sang. In fact, it saved her life.
With her husband out of town, Terry and her daughter Abby Jo were home alone when Terry suffered an epileptic seizure. Just before she passed out she said to her daughter, “I think Mommy’s having trouble.” Abby Jo had learned a song about calling 911 at preschool, and Panek said she remembered singing the first line to her daughter before passing out. The child got the telephone and punched in the number. Abby’s pre-school teacher said, “It’s every teacher’s crowning glory. Not only to show they’ve learned in class but to use it in a life-saving situation.”
Love for a neighbor is always measured (as it was in the story of the Good Samaritan) in practical ways. Love for God, however, is often measured in impractical ways. In Martha’s opinion, Mary was wasting her time sitting at the Lord’s feet while the details in the kitchen required her attention (Luke 10:39-40). The woman who lavished her ointment on the head of Jesus was also accused of being impractical and of wasting money (Matthew 26:7-9).
We show our love for people by service. We show our love for God by worship. One who worships does not count the pennies or the hours but sees only the immense value of the Person he is worshiping. To the outside world, which measures everything by its efficiency, these dollars and hours seem wasteful. But to those who love God from their hearts, the money and time expended are only a trifling pittance.
When it comes to loving people, we must be very practical, but when it comes to worshiping God, we must lay aside our desire to be busy. In our love for God, let us detach ourselves from an earthly mentality. Even if our practical, reasoning side says, “You’re being wasteful,” let’s lavish our time and money upon the Lord in true worship.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
HURTING AND HEARING
Read: Exodus 6:1-9
I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry. —Exodus 3:7
When we are experiencing deep sorrow or difficult circumstances, we may feel offended if someone suggests that something good can emerge from our adversity. A well-meaning person who tries to encourage us to trust God’s promises may be perceived as insensitive or even unrealistic.
That happened to the children of Israel when God was working for their deliverance from Egypt. As Pharaoh hardened his heart toward the Lord’s command to let His people go, he increased the Hebrew slaves’ workload by forcing them to gather the straw they needed to make bricks (Exodus 5:10-11). They became so discouraged, they couldn’t accept Moses’ assurance that God had heard their cries and promised to take them to a land of their own (6:9).
There are times when our hurts and fears can close our ears to the hopeful words of God. But the Lord doesn’t stop speaking to us when it’s hard for us to hear. He continues working on our behalf just as He did in delivering His people from Egypt.
As we experience God’s compassion and His loving care, we can begin to hear again even as the hurt continues to heal. —David McCasland
O yes, He cares—I know He cares!
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares. —Graeff
Even when we don’t sense God’s presence, His loving care is all around us.
Think driving an electric car is good for the environment? Maybe… but it might cost you more to drive it!
Many of us care about the environment. Some of us (a relative few so far) care so much that we’re actually buying electric cars to save money and to clean the air. In doing so, you should be honored and rewarded for your thoughtfulness and your sacrifice, right? Wrong. TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! In Oregon there’s a state law that requires owners of electric cars to pay $15 more to register their cars than the owners of gas-powered cars. Why is that? Easy… government wants its money, and it will do anything to keep you paying the money. Since you won’t be using gasoline as much – hence you won’t be spending as much money on taxes with that gasoline – they’ve created this additional $15 charge to you to make up the difference. Isn’t that special?
LIFE… LIVE IT
Here’s another reason to get your cholesterol in check.
A new study suggests that the higher your cholesterol levels in your 40s, the greater your chance of developing Alzheimer’s disease decades later. The study involving nearly 10,000 people found that those with high cholesterol levels between ages 40 and 45 were about 50 percent more likely than those with low cholesterol levels to later develop Alzheimer’s disease. This new study comes on the heels of another study suggesting that having a big belly in middle age may greatly increase one’s risk of later developing Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia. ***MARLAR: So maybe if I lose weight people will stop calling me demented.
JUST FOR FUN
I DIDN’T WANT TO BE LATE FOR MY THIRD GRADE FINGER PAINTING TEST!
An 8-year-old is determined to get to school on time… no matter what!
An 8-year-old Florida boy drove himself to school in a stolen car after missing the school bus, police said. The youngster was caught when schoolmates told a teacher they had seen him park the car in the faculty lot at Riverhills Elementary School in Temple Terrace, a city northeast of Tampa. He was suspended from school for up to 10 days for endangering himself and others, but was not arrested because police did not see him driving the car. ***MARLAR: And at just eight years old nobody probably saw him driving – the dashboard would be in the way.
EXCUSES FOR FILING YOUR TAXES LATE
“Tax time? I thought you said snack time!”
Accidentally hired an exterminator instead of an accountant and he used all of my reciepts to plug up mouse holes.
Still waiting to hear from Publisher’s Clearinghouse.
Got nasty paper cut from 1040 form; passed out for three days from blood loss.
H. Block finished on time, but R. Block was slow as heck.
“I paid you last Friday. No wait. That was the paperboy.”
Think about: the longer you make the IRS wait for your returns, the more excited they’ll be when they finally get ’em!
Math is real hard dude.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
RUN THE RACE
An Indiana couple combined their mutual love of jogging and each other when they were wed in their running shorts after completing a 5-kilometer marathon. The sweaty couple, Wanda Johns and Clarence Melion was married by the Rev. Duane Schmidt who told them that their wedding was the start of the “marathon of life.” Johns wore a white veil attached to her baseball cap, a wrist corsage and a white lace garter on one leg throughout the race and throughout the nuptials. ***MARLAR: You know, to make the running more symbolic of real marriage, they should have made it a three-legged race… after all, from now on you’re in it together! That includes the stumbling, falling, knee scrapes…
IN GOD WE TRUST DAY APRIL 22
The motto IN GOD WE TRUST was placed on United States coins largely because of the increased religious sentiment existing during the Civil War. The Congress passed the Act on April 22, 1864. IN GOD WE TRUST first appeared on the 1864 two-cent coin. The motto has been in continuous use on the one-cent coin since 1909, and on the ten-cent coin since 1916. It also has appeared on all half-dollar coins, and quarter-dollar coins struck since July 1, 1908. In 1956, the President approved a Joint Resolution of the 84th Congress, declaring IN GOD WE TRUST the national motto of the United States.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Well, here we are, the show’s over. All good things must come to an end—which probably explains why soap operas go on forever.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 20, 2018…
Rampage-–Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) is back on the screen with an early try for a spring blockbuster. In this film, Johnson is a Primatologist (no, it is not another political party) and through his life, until now, he is friends with a silver-back gorilla named George. Enter something that alters the equation, yes, the experiment gone awry, and George begins growing larger and larger, and with a bit of a temper, too. Not only that, but other creatures are becoming Godzilla-size and roaming the country. What to do? Well, The Rock can’t wrestle everything to the ground, so there are other measures, but George is special. Also, in the cast are Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Will Yun Lee, Malin Akerman, Marley Shelton and Joe Manganiello. “Rampage” is rated PG 13 for action sequences. Rating of 2 for fans.
Super Troopers 2—This group of police, namely Highway Patrol, are now sent to the border between Canada and the U.S. There is somewhat of a dispute there and a Highway Patrol Station is needed. Can anything go right? The cast includes Rob Lowe, Lynda Carter, Brian Cox and Tyler Labine. “Super Troopers 2” is rated R. No rating.
APRIL 27 2018…
Avengers: Infinity and who hasn’t been waiting for this film? Your favorite comic book characters are back in action to save the world.
Animal Crackers is an animated film about inheriting an old circus. Voices of John Krasinski and Danny DeVito.
I Feel Pretty stars Amy Schumer as a woman who suddenly thinks she is pretty.
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