April 23, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

 

CLICK HERE FOR A .DOC VERSION OF TODAY’S PREP: 20150423

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

One thing I love about radio is that you have a little privacy from your audience. For example, and I know you can’t see this, but I’ve worn the same shirt for over a month now.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and he carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. –Isaiah 53:3-4

 

Jesus said, “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” — John 10:28-30

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. — Psalm 46:1-2

 

Thought: God is not only our protector; he is also our helper. Even when our world seems to be crashing around us, he is there. He will deliver us from death or deliver us through death. He will deliver us from evil or he will deliver us to overcome evil. Our task is to trust that in the midst of our earthquakes and tidal waves we are not alone or abandoned.

 

Prayer: Holy God, I pray for those today who are in the middle of life’s earthquakes. You know those for whom I am concerned. You know I care about their struggles which are too big for me to mitigate and too painful for me to truly bring comfort. I ask you now, to bless them, be with them, and please deliver them quickly. You are our only true hope and Jesus is our only sure redeemer. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

Proverbs 4:23 NIV = Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – APRIL 23, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 247 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

This is NATIONAL VOLUNTEER WEEK. ***MARLAR: Celebrations were suspended this year, however, as they did not have enough volunteers to make the event possible.

 

NATIONAL PLAYGROUND SAFETY WEEK begins today.  ***MARLAR: So if you must fall from the monkey bars onto the concrete, please land on the softest part of your body possible.

 

This is NATIONAL KARAOKE WEEK. ***MARLAR: I took a Karaoke class once, and I still don’t see how it’s supposed to help me defend myself.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

English Language Day

Impossible Astronaut Day

National Lost Dog Awareness Day

Movie Theater Day

Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day

Talk Like Shakespeare Day

World Book & Copyright Day

World Book Night

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, APRIL 24

Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

National Hairball Awareness Day

New Kids on The Block Day

National Teach Your Children to Save Day

Satchmo Days begin

World Meningitis Day

Arbor Day

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 25

Bob Wills Day

DNA Day

Eeyore’s Birthday

Hairstylists Appreciation Day

Hug a Plumber Day / Plumbers Day

International Marconi Day

License Plaes Day

National Mani-pedi Day

Malaria Awareness Day

National Dance Day

National Go Birding Day

National Herb Day

Parental Alienation Day

Penguin Day

National Rebuilding Day

Red Hat Society Day

Save The Frogs Day

Sense of Smell Day

Spring Astronomy Day

World Day for Animals in Laboratories

World Healing Day

World Veterinary Day

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day

World Penguin Day

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 26

Doo Dah Day

Hug An Australian Day

National Help a Horse Day

Audubon Day

Mother, Father Deaf Day

National Kids and Pets Day

National Pretzel Day

National Pet Parent’s Day

Pinhole Photography Day

Richter Scale Day

World Intellectual Property Day

 

MONDAY, APRIL 27

Babe Ruth Day

Mantanzas Mule Day

Morse Code Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 28

Biological Clock Day

Workers Memorial Day

World Day for Safety and Health at Work

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29

Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare

International Dance Day

International Guide Dogs Day

Peace Rose Day

World Wish Day

Zipper Day

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 30

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

Beltane

Bugs Bunny Day

International Jazz Day

National Animal Advocacy Day

National Honesty Day

Poem In Your Pocket Day

Spank Out Day (USA)

Walpurgis Night

 

 

ON THIS DAY

33: According to Christian tradition, Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, marking this date as the first Easter. (Other sources put the year at 29 A.D., pointing to a four year mistake in the Gregorian calendar.)

 

1564: This date is believed to be the birth date of English poet and dramatist William Shakespeare; he died exactly 52 years later, also on April 23.

 

1616: William Shakespeare died on his 52nd birthday. ***MARLAR: It’s rumored that a friend of Shakespeare wanted to play a tuba at his funeral, but Shakespeare’s wife couldn’t decide if that was appropriate or not.  Tuba or not tuba, that was the question.

 

1939: Singer Ray Peterson was born in Denton, Texas. He learned to play guitar while recovering from polio at a San Antonio hospital. His 1960 hit “Tell Laura I Love Her” made the Tear Jerker Hall of Fame.

 

1949: Gov. Adlai Stevenson of Illinois vetoed a bill that would have protected birds by requiring the legal restraint of cats.

 

1952: In his first major-league at-bat, New York Giants relief pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm hit his first and last home run. He pitched in 1,070 games in 21 years, but never hit another home run.

 

1964: Ken Johnson of the Houston Colts threw the first no-hit game for a loss in baseball history. Cincinnati’s Reds beat Johnson’s no hitter by a score of 1-0 by capitalizing on two costly Houston errors.

 

1971: Harold Witcomb and Gerald Harding shelled 12,600 eggs in a 7-hour shift in Bowyers, England. Both men were blind.

 

1975: B.J. Thomas scored with the longest song title to hit #1 on Billboard’s pop music chart: “(Hey Won’t You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song.” It stayed #1 for one week.

 

1985: Coca-Cola announced it was changing the secret flavor formula for Coke. Negative public reaction forced the company to resume selling a version similar to the original. ***MARLAR: Think of it as Van Halen hoping to gain more fans by releasing an album of Broadway tunes.

 

1989: With the first pick in the NFL draft, the Dallas Cowboys chose UCLA quarterback Troy Aikman.

 

1989: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar played his last game with the Los Angeles Lakers.

 

1991: The U.S. issued a patent (#5,008,959) to Edward and Richard Coppage of Centreville, Virginia, for their Bulletproof Dress Shirt, a bulletproof shirt that can be manufactured in various colors and styles to keep a person fashionable and safe. ***MARLAR: It used to be that Mom would only ask you to wear clean underwear in case of an accident.

 

1997: A replica of playwright William Shakespeare’s English birthplace, Stratford-on-Avon, opened 40 miles east of Tokyo, Japan.

 

2001: Two Canadian youngsters used a blanket to catch a four-year-old boy falling from a fourth-floor window. Police praised nine-year-old Stephanie Boddy and six-year-old Samantha Quinn for their quick reactions. The girls saw Skyler Christou toppling out of a window in Barrie, Ontario, when they were having a picnic. Samantha and Stephanie used their blanket to catch the toddler. He bounced off onto the ground, but the blanket broke the fall and he was not seriously hurt.

 

2002: President Bush’s top White House aide, Karen Hughes, resigned to go home to Texas with her family.

 

2005: Health officials in Vietnam said they feared the South Asian outbreak of bird flu was likely to spawn a pandemic.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

33: According to Christian tradition, Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, marking this date as the first Easter. (Other sources put the year at 29 A.D., pointing to a four year mistake in the Gregorian calendar.)

 

303: Christian martyr Saint George is believed to have been killed. According to legend he rescued a Libyan king’s daughter after slaying the dragon that was about to devour her. Although little factual information is known, it is said that Saint George’s defense of Christianity led to his arrest, torture, and execution.

 

1073: Hildebrand is elected pope, taking the name Gregory VII. The first pope to excommunicate a ruler (Henry IV), Gregory was driven out of Rome in 1084. “I have loved righteousness and hated iniquity,” were his last words, “therefore I died in exile.

 

1538: John Calvin and William Farel (whom Calvin was assisting) are banished from Geneva. The day before, Easter Sunday, both had refused to administer communion, saying the city was too full of vice to partake. Three years later, Calvin returned to the city he would forever be associated with.

 

1959: Church properties in Poland are confiscated by the Communist government. The church is required to lease them back for use.

 

1968: The Evangelical United Brethren Church joins with the much larger Methodist Church, forming the United

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Birds of Prey,” Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer ) Rachel Skarsten 30 (audio clip)
  • actress (Detective Stella Bonasera on “CSI: NY,” Dr. Sydney Hansen on “Providence” ) Melina Kanakaredes 48 (audio clip)
  • actor-comedian (“George Lopez”) George Lopez 54 (audio clip)
  • actress (“One Day at a Time,” “Touched By An Angel”) Valerie Bertinelli 55 (audio clip)
  • comedian (“Saturday Night Live”) Jan Hooks 58 (audio clip)
  • actress (“Three’s Company”) Joyce DeWitt 66 (audio clip)
  • filmmaker-author (Fahrenheit 9/11, Bowling For Columbine, Roger And Me) Michael Moore 61
  • actor (“The Big Valley,” “The Fall Guy,” “The Six Million Dollar Man”) Lee Majors is 76 (audio clip #1, audio clip #2)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1891 : Sergey Prokofiev

1935 : Ray Peterson

1936 : April Stevens

1936 : Roy Orbison

1940 : Dale Houston (Dale & Grace)

1947 : Glenn Cornick (Jethro Tull)

1949 : John Miles

1952 : Narada Michael Walden

1960 : Steve Clark (Def Leppard)

1969 : Stan Frazier (Sugar Ray)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where do mosquitoes hang out, and what do they do when they’re not biting you?

Who knows where the bloody things hang out? Maybe at the Type O Club, where old proofreaders also go to get away from it all. Ok, I did the research. Typically, mosquitoes put the bite on you at night or, if they’re crepuscular (sounds like someone who doesn’t blow his nose, doesn’t it?), at twilight. They hate sunlight, but you probably already guessed that. During the day, they’re likely to be in the grass, on a tree, under a bridge or in a house on a wall away from light. And what are they doing when not drinking your blood or mating? Not much of anything. Well are they just hanging out or asleep? We’re not sure. If you have an itch to know, put your ear next to one and tell me if it’s snoring.
Source: DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES? By David Feldman

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Citizenway Road Manager Jackson Butler got a little more adventure than he bargained for while on a hike in Arizona. He had a run in with a cactus and it was pretty clear that the cactus won. Jackson shared a picture on twitter as one of the band members pulled cactus thorns from his posterior.

 

Josh Wilson this week doubled the number of releases for 2015. He tweeted: Turns out there are two releases this year. Attached was a picture of Josh and an ultrasound of the couples unborn baby. It said New Album August 4th. New Human October 30. Congratulations to the Wilsons.

 

Jamie Grace found a unique way to announce work on her third CD. Jamie released a rambling post that talked about everything from Winter Jam to seeing someone with a shirt with her name on it to not getting enough sleep. But she wrapped it up by announcing that her third album is in the works. She then said she clearly needs to get some sleep and wished everyone a good night.

 

Sometimes we do crazy things to get a picture. Kutless member James Mead tweeted: Just cut my face on a tree while trying to take a picture of a bumblebee.

 

Tenth Avenue North may be the next contestants on the Family Feud game show. Members of the band posted on twitter earlier this week: Anyone have any tips on how we can get our band on Family Feud. In response, one of their followers posted information about a taping that will be held in Atlanta later this spring. The members of Tenth Avenue replied: so doing this!

 

Jamie Grace asking for help in giving back. Jamie shared on twitter and facebook that a young lady named Larah has been a great supporter of her music. Now Jamie is hoping to return the favor. She says Larah and her mom were in an car accident earlier this week. Larah’s mom was killed and Larah is still in the hospital. Jamie is asking that everyone send Larah encouraging tweets, @tanfan2001, and also to pray for her.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Frustrated technophobe ‘kills’ computer, gets citation
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — For killing the source of his frustration and abandoning the body in an alley, a Colorado man could be considered lucky for just receiving a citation — except his victim was his computer. HASH(0x1439250) Colorado Springs police Lt. Jeff Strossner, who…

 

Cops: Driver cruised for miles with man on hood after fight
PITTSBURGH (AP) — State police say a Pittsburgh man drove for several miles through seven communities with another man clinging to the hood of his vehicle after an argument. The driver, 46-year-old Dwayne Harvard, is charged with aggravated assault and other crimes after the Sunday night…
Abraham Lincoln misquoted again on Ohio Statehouse banner    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio Statehouse banner marking the 150th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s death includes his famous words “With malice to no one, with charity for all.” Except that’s not exactly what Lincoln said in his second inaugural address. What he said was, “With malice toward…
Man lost in Boston tunnel vent calls police, gets arrested
BOSTON (AP) — A man who called police to say he was trapped in an underground storm drain in Boston has been rescued and charged with trespassing. Daniel Kelly called police Monday night after getting lost inside a wall vent of the Ted Williams Tunnel, part of the Big Dig system. Police asked…
Firefighters rescue duck stuck in Louisiana fireplace
SLIDELL, La. (AP) — Firefighters in Louisiana have rescued a duck lodged in a fireplace. WVUE-TV (http://bit.ly/1yKz37O) reports firefighters in St. Tammany Parish responded to an unusual call Sunday from a home in Slidell outside New Orleans. When firefighters arrived, they discovered a…
Woman gets 3-7-years for shooting over bacon-less burger
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan woman has been sentenced to three to seven years in prison for opening fire at a McDonald’s restaurant after workers twice failed to put bacon on her burgers. Authorities say 30-year-old Shaneka Torres became angry in February 2014 when the first burger…
Cops: Woman arrested at JFK hid cocaine in girdle, underwear
NEW YORK (AP) — Authorities quickly found out why an arriving passenger at Kennedy Airport was so nervous: She had 4 pounds of cocaine hidden in her girdle and underwear. Authorities said Monday that 70-year-old Olive Fowler seemed nervous when she arrived in New York from Guyana on April 12….
California woman eats 3 steak dinners in 20 minutes in Texas    photo
AMARILLO, Texas (AP) — A competitive eater has conquered three 72-ounce steak dinners in about 20 minutes during a food challenge held at a restaurant in Amarillo, Texas. Dozens of people gathered outside The Big Texan Steak Ranch on Sunday afternoon to watch Molly Schuyler eat the steaks,…
Man says he put rifle-toting statue near gas station
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A Pennsylvania man says he left a rifle-toting statue at a southern New Jersey gas station. HASH(0x14177b0) Fine characterized the incident as a prank. Fine says the man was guilty of bad judgment, but not a crime and will not face charges. Police say the statue could be…
Missing wedding ring plucked from dog doo, returned to owner    photo
SITKA, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska woman suspected her family’s dog snatched her wedding ring, but she couldn’t find proof — until the diamond-encrusted platinum band turned up months later at a local ball field. Nikki Balovich lost her ring in January, when she was pregnant and often took…
Parking lot honker: Grumpy goose takes over high school lot
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) — There’s a lot of honking going on at a suburban New York high school parking lot, and it’s not coming from the drivers. HASH(0x13ee880) The honking and hissing interloper has been swooping down and chasing people. His actions are well-intended: He’s protecting his…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Q&A: What is listeria? Bacteria found in Blue Bell ice cream    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Blue Bell Creameries is pulling all of its products off the shelves after samples of its ice cream tested positive for a potentially deadly bacteria — listeria. The recall announced late Monday includes ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet and frozen snacks distributed in…

 

VA: Mismanagement of claims in Philadelphia an unusual case
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Veterans Affairs official overseeing benefits is rejecting notions that mismanagement at its Philadelphia office points to a broader, department-wide problem in handling veterans’ claims and says an internal review will help determine fault. A blistering report by the VA…
Task force: Mammograms in 40s a choice, but don’t skip at 50
WASHINGTON (AP) — Women should get a mammogram every two years starting at age 50 — and while routine screening brings little benefit in the 40s, beginning it that early should be a personal choice, a government task force said Monday. Also, there’s not enough evidence to tell if new…
Lawmakers seek FDA review of ingredients used in cosmetics
WASHINGTON (AP) — Two U.S. senators introduced legislation Monday that would require the Food and Drug Administration to evaluate and report on some of the ingredients used in cosmetics and personal-care products such as shampoo and skin cream. The bill would require the FDA to investigate at…
FDA: Safety problems prompted review of homeopathic remedies    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A top federal drug regulator says increased safety problems with homeopathic remedies contributed to the government’s decision to revisit its oversight of the products this week. The Food and Drug Administration on Tuesday wrapped up a two-day meeting to hear from supporters…
Pill-taking can be less yucky for kids, study review finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Many sick kids can’t or won’t swallow pills — and that can make them sicker. But there may be some pretty simple ways to help the medicine go down, a new study says. Dr. Kathleen Bradford and colleagues at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill reviewed research…
Intersex surgeries spark move away from drastic treatment    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — She was born to a young Chicago couple, named Jennifer, and grew into a beautiful long-lashed child with wavy dark hair, big brown eyes and a yearning, youthful desire to be just like all the other girls. Only she wasn’t. Doctors first noticed her slightly enlarged genitals,…
Waivers may give next president way out of health care feuds    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican or Democrat, the next president will have the chance to remake the nation’s health care overhaul without fighting Congress. The law signed by President Barack Obama includes a waiver that, starting in 2017, would let states take federal dollars now invested in the…
Disney measles outbreak that sparked vaccination debate ends
LOS ANGELES (AP) — An outbreak of measles that popped up at Disneyland in late December soon spread to six other U.S. states, Mexico and Canada. Health officials suspect an infected traveler, who caught the virus overseas, visited the theme park and exposed others. The outbreak sickened 147…
Large measles outbreak traced to Disneyland is declared over    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — California health authorities on Friday declared an end to a large measles outbreak that started at Disneyland and triggered a national debate about vaccinations. Disease detectives for months raced to contain the highly contagious disease, which surfaced at Disney theme…
Glaxo recalls flu vaccine due to potency problem
WASHINGTON (AP) — GlaxoSmithKline is recalling remaining doses of a popular four-in-one flu vaccine because of effectiveness problems. The company alerted U.S. customers Tuesday that the vaccine can lose potency over time and fail to adequately protect against some strains of the flu. The…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

Join my new Facebook group, download the free app for Apple or Android, subscribe to my YouTube channel, sign up or my newsletter, visit my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and more at www.DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com! [Theme music provided by Turner Broadcast Music Library and 615 Music.]

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A new app called Crystal calls itself “the biggest improvement to email since spell-check.” According to the Huffington Post, Its goal is to help you write emails with empathy. How? By analyzing people’s personalities. Crystal, which launched on Wednesday, exists in the form of a website and a Chrome extension, which integrates the service with your Gmail. The Crystal account will generate personality profiles based on your public social media posts. You will see advice on how to speak to a specific person, email them, work with them and sell to them. You’ll even be told what comes naturally to them and what does not. ***MARLAR: I’m not sure if I find this useful, or scary.  Yes, I like the idea of being able to better-communicate with friends, family, and clients… but I’m not sure I like the idea of Gmail knowing that I’m having issues that day with my irritable bowel syndrome.

http://huff.to/1LYDORl

 

Police in Sandwich, Massachusetts, are looking for a thief with really, really white teeth. Police say a man entered a CVS Pharmacy and went directly to the aisle containing teeth whitening strips. He left without paying for $295.95 worth of dental products.  ***MARLAR: His will be the best mugshot in the cell block.

 

In the wake of Burger King releasing a Whopper-scented fragrance, McDonald’s Sweden is launching a Big Mac clothing and lifestyle line. The line will consist of clothing, wallpaper, bedsheets, rain boots, and even a dog jacket, all peppered with photos of the chain’s most popular sandwich.  ***MARLAR: Although I’m not so sure I like the idea of special sauce being in my bed sheets.

 

From the land Down Under comes news that a man accidentally set his car on fire by using a cigarette lighter to see while filling his car from a gas can. The man ran out of fuel and walked to get the gas can, but could not see what he was doing when he returned to the car, so he used his lighter… which ignited the umps and the vehicle caught on fire.”  ***MARLAR: Dude – it’s called a “flashlight app” – look into it!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

According to research from the University of Chicago and the University of California at Santa Barbara, women who are seeking a long-term relationship prefer men who like children, and they are able to discern which men want to become fathers just by looking at their face.  ***MARLAR: You can expect to see a lot more plastic surgeons passing out business cards to men now.

 

According to a new study, more and more Americans are preferring to attend mega-churches.  ***MARLAR: Probably because it’s a lot harder for people to notice if you’re skipping to stay home and watch the big game.

 

Remember when mom would say, “dry your hair before you go out or you’ll catch a cold?”  Well, mom was wrong. Just because you leave your house with your hair wet doesn’t mean you’re going to get sick. The common cold and flu are caused by viruses, not by exposure to cold air or going out with wet hair.  ***MARLAR: What you WILL catch, however, is more flack from Mom.

 

School-age children whose mothers tightly control their diets may be prone to overeating, while those with moms who pressure them to eat tend to be fussy about food, a study finds.  A number of studies have found that when parents strictly control their children’s diets — either denying all unhealthy fare or pressuring them to expand their menu choices — kids may be more likely to have less-than-ideal eating habits.  ***MARLAR: In other words, the reason I’m so fat is that my mother told me not to eat so much.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Heads Up”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Daren Streblow, “Hotel Pools”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk was making his own badminton racquets… and when Gruffy Bear saw them, and tried one out, he insisted that Racquet make a special badminton racquet just for him… and has agreed to give Racquet one of his new blue handled hammers for it.

 

CLOSE: I have a sneaking suspicion Racquet is about to get two new orders for badminton racquets… you think? Boy, these jungle animals sure take the game of badminton seriously. Tune in next time for more of our story… As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson, after escaping from the hospital to avoid getting his tonsils taken out, found that because of his cowardice, most of his friends, family, and even children in the future will all suffer cowardice as well – getting sick and dying from following Marvy’s example!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle saga that is As The Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Spend any time in a hospital and you’re bound to be shocked by the type of bill you can rack up…

… and Herman Wicker of Evansville, Indiana is upset at the amount of his hospital bill, too. He recently received a bill for one cent. That’s right… a penny. The retired car salesman went to the emergency room and was billed a penny. But Wicker still refuses to pay it. He says Medicare and private insurance covered his visit. And get this – a collection agency came after him saying that if he didn’t pay the penny, he would be in jeopardy of hurting his good credit rating! However, he still refuses to pay the bill.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO COME TO CHURCH IN THE SUMMER

 

  1. The last time you wore your sunglasses in church the preacher got paranoid.

 

  1. You’re part of the church baseball league and last week you made a sacrificial bunt. That should count for something!

 

  1. Your kids are already getting all the moral values they need from cable TV

 

  1. Hey, inner peace, fulfillment and salvation are probably over rated anyway.

 

  1. The last time you attended the worship service, the deacons frowned on you using the collection plate to practice your putt!

 

  1. Because you figure if God wanted us to go to church in the Summer, He would have commanded us to install BBQ pits!

 

  1. Hey, the disciples went home and fished for awhile, so why can’t you?

 

  1. Even Larzarus slept in once in a while, right?

 

  1. You mean they HAVE church in the summer?

 

  1. Sadly, you don’t understand how important your efforts and support are for the Body of Christ in your area!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sometimes the police see the strangest things when they pull someone over.

 

FILE #1: A state trooper in Brazoria, Texas, pulled over a car that was making suspicious U-turns. He then noticed a six-foot alligator riding contentedly on the ledge below the back windshield. The driver, William Johnson, told the trooper that there was also a water moccasin, a poisonous water snake, in the car, and it had bitten him on the hand. Johnson moved to Texas from Tennessee and was known for his love of reptiles. He was arrested for intoxication, then on burglary charges after the cop found a stolen hair trimmer and game controller in his car. Earlier that night, he had allegedly knocked on a door at a trailer park to ask for help moving a TV. The homeowner told him, “That’s not your house,” and he left the TV on the lawn and drove away with his gator and snake.

 

FILE #2: Three robbers plotted to rob a bank south of Stockholm recently. Apparently, they didn’t spend a great deal of time on their planning. As one masked man stormed into the bank with an automatic weapon and demanded that the teller hand over the money, the two others waited outside in a getaway vehicle. The gunman quickly ran out of the bank, hopped into the getaway car and the sped away empty handed. It turned out to be a cashless bank branch.

 

FILE #3: Police in Honolulu are looking for a man who tried to rob a bank. ‘Tried’ would be the operative word in the previous sentence. The man walked up to a teller with a note demanding money. While the teller tried to figure out what the note said, the man handed over a second note for a withdrawal. When the teller then asked him for ID, the man got flustered and took off empty handed.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Maine, shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Car, where’s my dude?

Police near Bismarck, North Dakota, recently stopped a car on Interstate 94 because it had steam rolling out from under the hood. It turns out that the car was smoking marijuana. The deputy discovered a bag of marijuana shoved against the vehicle’s air intake, which was causing the car to overheat. 37-year old Johnny Lerma got to cool his heels in jail for felony possession of marijuana and driving on a suspended license.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What kind of things did your parents used to pack in your lunch that you absolutely hated? Did you always trade them to some other kid, throw them in the trash, or did you eat them anyway?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: To whom did Jesus say, “Hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven”?

ANSWER: The High Priest (Matthew 26:64)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What food should never be stored near potatoes?

ANSWER: Apples… they give off ethylene gas which causes potatoes to sprout.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. The average woman consumes 2 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. (False – 6 pounds!)

 

  1. The average person swallows 8 spiders a year. (True)

 

  1. It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off. (True – ouch!)

 

  1. Air causes super glue to dry. (False – it’s moisture that dries Super Glue.)

 

  1. A wedding ring is generally exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. (True. That means that a wedding ring can’t be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.)

 

  1. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them. (True. A fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.)

 

  1. Tuxedo Park, New York is named after the tailless dinner jacket of the same name. (False – the tuxedo was invented in Tuxedo Park, New York. It is named after the town…not the other way around.)

 

  1. There is no such thing as naturally blue food. (True, even blueberries are purple.)

 

  1. Venetian blinds were invented in Australia. (False – Japan)

 

  1. Welsh mercenary bow men in the medieval period only wore one shoe at a time. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

STUDY: CONGRESS FILLED WITH _______ (MORONS)

CAMBRIDGE, MA – A groundbreaking study has determined that 83% of the members of Congress are certified morons!

The Kennedy School of Government did a longitudinal study over the last 30 years that looked at the average IQ of members of Congress – the Senate & House of Representatives.

The study found that, despite the many advanced degrees from prestigious universities, and despite the fact that many in Congress are millionaires, the average IQ of U.S. Representatives is 101.   The average IQ of U.S. Senators, is surprisingly, even lower at 98.

“We spent one hour a month with each member of Congress over the last thirty years.  We gave them a number of IQ tests – including math problems, verbal problems and analytic reasoning problems.  The results were consistent year-in-year out.  Members of Congress are morons,” said Professor Thomas Turley of Harvard.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, “Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?”

“No, dear, not at all,” he replied, “Our house isn’t blue.”

He is almost over the cold he caught sleeping in the garage for 3 nights.

 

JOKE #2

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after running through cabinets, she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured..She said, “Oh dear, there is no time to bake another cake.”

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom– a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9.30, and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the Daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold..Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified, she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend, and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP’d. She could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South…and to Alice’s horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “what a beautiful cake!” Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.” Alice smiled and thought to herself, “GOD is good.”

 

JOKE #3

A high school senior, saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life’s calling and could she send her some information.

The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a long pause.

Then the woman said, “You misspelled teach.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A cat in London was put on a drug similar to Prozac because it was depressed and gaining weight.  ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… so it was getting fat and acting lethargic?  Isn’t that called “being a cat”?

 

A recent report says there are currently 1.5 billion cell phones in the world.  ***MARLAR: And they’re all being used by someone driving in front of me.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

COCKROACH KILLING

My wife is too afraid of cockroaches, one fine day I heard scream of my wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. I asked her to take the killing spray and to spray on the cockroach. She took the spray and turned to me and said, “THIS SPRAY IS ONLY TO KILL THE MOSQUITOES,” and how can it work for the cockroach, I said to her. “Don’t show the label to the cockroach!”
 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Did you know that Molly Ringwald turned down the Julia Roberts role in the movie “Pretty Woman?” And that Robert DeNiro was being considered for the role of Willy Wonka? It’s true!

  • Molly Ringwald turned down the Julia Roberts role in the movie “Pretty Woman”
  • While we’re talking about Julia Roberts movies, Sandra Bullock lost out to Julia Roberts for “Runaway Bride.”
  • We know the new version of Willy Wonka played by Johnny Depp – but Robert DeNiro was being considered for the role, as was Jim Carey and John Cleese.
  • Meanwhile, Johnny Depp lost the role of Johnny Blaze in “Ghost Rider” to Nicolas Cage, the role of “Mr. Smith” to Brad Pitt, and the role of Jack in “Titanic.”
  • Along with auditioning for Willy Wonka, Robert DeNiro was also considered for the role of Sal in “Do the Right Thing,” and the role of Hannibal Lechter in “Silence of the Lambs.”
  • Jim Carey didn’t get the part of Willy Wonka, nor did he get the part of Howard Hughes in “The Aviator” – which went to Leonardo DiCaprio.
  • Another Willy Wonka wannabee? Brad Pitt. And though the part of Jason Bourne went to Matt Damon for “The Bourne Identity” it was actually written with Brad Pitt in mind.
    Jessica Alba auditioned for the part of Elektra in “Dare Devil, a role which ended up going to Jennifer Garner.
  • Alec Baldwin turned down several roles including Batman in two of the Batman movies (which went to Michael Keaton) and Sam in “Ghost.”
  • Harrison Ford was also considered for the role of Sam in “Ghost.”
  • This would’ve been interesting… Ashton Kutcher turned down for the role of Batman in “Batman Begins,” and the role of Superman in “Superman Returns.”
  • While we’re talking super heroes, Paul Newman tested for the role of Superman (which of course went to Christopher Reeve). He was also, considered for the role of James Bond in “Live and Let Die,” and lost the role of “Dirty” Harry Callahan to Clint Eastwood. .
  • Clint Eastwood was considered to play the part of Rambo in “First Blood.”
  • Keanu Reeves as Wolverine? Almost – but he was turned down. He was also turned down for the role of Charlie Babbit in “Rain Man,” and Aragorn in “Lord of the Rings.”
    Nicolas Cage turned down for the role of John Bender (the tough guy Judd Nelson part) in “The Breakfast Club”
  • Courtney Cox auditioned for the role of Princess Buttercup in “The Princess Bride”.
  • Mel Gibson auditioned to play Mozart in “Amadeus” and lost the part to Tom Hulce. He also lost out to Robin Williams in “The Dead Poet’s Society”.
  • Hugh Jackman lost the role of Robert Langdon in “The DaVinci Code” to Tom Hanks.
  • Courtney Love didn’t get the parts of Dorothy in “Jerry Maguire” or the lead role in “Moulin Rouge.”
  • Jack Nicholson lost the role of Benjamin Braddock in “The Graduate” to Dustin Hoffman.
  • Gwyneth Paltrow – One of the contenders for Samantha in “Bewitched” and lost the role of Roxie in “Chicago.”
  • Meryl Streep lost the part of Evita to Madonna.       (What?!??! How do you give a role to Madonna rather than Meryl Streep?!??!)
  • John Travolta was turned down for a part in “Apollo 13.”
  • Mark Wahlberg – Considered for the lead in “Cinderella Man.”
  • Ally Sheedy was turned down for a lead in “A League of their Own” and “Sixteen Candles.”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

EVEN IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, YOU STILL HAVE TO OBEY THEM

It’s been a long while since I wrote this, but I stumbled across it while preparing for the show today and thought I’d share it with you.  Back in 2001, the American Civil Liberties Union and five Denver residents were offended by the granite Ten Commandments tablet outside the Grand Junction City Hall in Denver, Colorado. They filed suit against the city. The suit, filed in U.S. District Court in Denver, claimed Grand Junction was promoting religion by having the commandments outside the entrance to the new city hall.  But really, what’s so wrong about a City Hall displaying the ten commandments? In fact, the law requires us to obey almost every single one of the commandments already!  Don’t believe me?  Let me show you…

  1. “I am the Lord, your God, you shall not have any other God besides me.”  Think you don’t live life by this one? Think again… “In God We Trust” is printed on all of our money. I don’t recall ever seeing a dollar that says, “In the stars we trust” – do you?
  2. “You shall not take the name of the Lord, Your God, in vain.” You might think this means swearing – but it actually means we should speak with reverence about God and to revere His name; to be truthful in taking oaths and to be faithful to our vows. These ten commandments are in front of a court building… and what do they do before allowing you to testify? They make you swear to tell the truth on the Bible. Thus, lying would be taking God’s name in vain. You can’t do that by law either!
  3. “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath Day.” Unfortunately, many people do ignore this one… but there are still cities in this country that force you by law to close the doors to your store on Sunday.  (And on Saturdays in Jewish neighborhoods and cultures.)
  4. “Honor your father and your mother.” To this day you still are not allowed to do certain things – by law – without your parents’ permission. Sorry kids!
  5. “You shall not kill.” There’s a law against this isn’t there?
  6. “You shall not commit adultery.” It’s not talked about, but in most areas of the United States it is ILLEGAL to commit adultery. It’s just not normally followed up on in legal proceedings. But it’s against the law, nonetheless, and often a large factor in judgments in divorce cases.
  7. “You shall not steal.” Yeah, I think this is against the law too.
  8. “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Yup, you can get arrested for this too. It’s called slander in spoken form, libel in written form.
  9. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.” This means ANY neighbor’s wife… or daughter… or any other girl on the block. That’s why pornography is so limited in where it can be distributed. It’s illegal in many areas and for many people. Yup, laws against this too!
  10. “You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.” The only commandment that does not have a law attached to it – at least that I can find. But then, why covet something of someone else’s if you know you can’t have it? That might lead you to steal it, or murder in order to obtain it (take a look at what David did in order to get Bathsheba and then cover up his sin – all because he literally coveted his neighbor’s wife!).

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A STORM IS COMING!

  1. R. De Haan, M.D.

Read: Proverbs 1:20-33

It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment. —Hebrews 9:27

We were in a small boat on the far side of the lake and the fish were biting when we heard a rumble of thunder in the distance. Looking up, we saw a mass of dark clouds in the west.

I ignored the suggestion of my fishing partner that it might be wise to start back to the cottage—I wanted to keep fishing. Then it happened! The storm was suddenly upon us. We tried to start the motor but it wouldn’t go! My friend tried to row, but the rain came in sheets and the waves tossed our little aluminum boat. We survived, but I learned a lesson. Don’t delay when a storm is brewing.

Another type of storm is coming—a day of judgment. It may seem far off, and you don’t feel you have to hurry to prepare. You may be in good health and in the prime of life. But listen, the storm may come upon you unexpectedly.

Proverbs 1 says that disaster will strike the person who foolishly ignores all warnings (v.27). And the author of Hebrews warned, “It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment” (9:27).

To heed God’s warnings is true wisdom. Have you sought shelter in Christ? If you haven’t, it’s time to stop “fishing” and seek safety before it’s too late. Turn from your sin to Christ. Do so today.

 

Oh, turn to Christ while still you may;
Too late, it soon will be—
A glorious life you then will have
Throughout eternity. —Anon.

 

Those who reject Christ as Savior will face Him as Judge.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

IT DOESN’T TAKE A GENIUS

You’ve heard of MENSA, haven’t you? They’re an international organization of more than 100,000 members worldwide whose inclusion dictates that you be in the top 2% in intelligence scores among the general population.  To get in you have to take a test.   A test made up by members of MENSA.  A test with questions like: “What human body network is approximately 96,500 kilometers long?” (By the way the answer is: WHO GIVES A BIG FAT FLYING FRITO?)  The fact is, I could make up a test for radio people that nobody else other than radio people would know the answers to. That doesn’t make us geniuses.  And MENSA always has that test, “Match Wits With Mensa,” on the internet or in magazines for us to take to see if we’re as smart as they are.  Well, here’s a short test for the MENSA people to see if they’re as smart as the 98% of us.

 

“How much wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”  (ANSWER: You can come out of your discussion group now, Einstein. A woodchuck can’t chuck wood. Never could.)

 

“Bishkek is the Capital of Kyrgyzstan. Spell it.”  (ANSWER: I-T)

 

“What time does Midnight Mass start on Christmas Eve at St. Wenceslaus’ Church?”  (ANSWER: They tore that church down years ago, you heathen.)

 

Who said, “Opportunity only knocks if the door isn’t already open”?  (ANSWER: I did, didn’t you just hear me? You MENSA people just don’t listen!)

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

SURVIVING THE INFAMOUS TEACHER

(Woman’s Day) Did your child get “The Teacher” this year? Even if a teacher lives up to her reputation, you and your child can not only survive, but thrive, in the year ahead. Here’s how:

  • The Strict Teacher — Focus on what your child can gain from the teacher’s approach. Know the classroom rules, and review assignments and homework with your child on a regular basis to ensure he’s meeting the teacher’s expectations.
  • The Tough Grader — View the experience as a life lesson. When his honor student son got a teacher who never gave a grade higher than a C, Bob Nelms of Philadelphia encouraged the teen to stick it out rather than switch to another class. “Difficult teachers, like tough bosses, are part of life,” Bob says. Encourage your child to work hard no matter what the results, and help him adjust his grade expectations.
  • The Non-Communicator — Think you’ll be forewarned of a D on your child’s report card? Not always. Ask for ways to keep tabs on your child’s progress throughout the marking period that don’t make unreasonable demands on the teacher’s time.
  • The Crabby Teacher — Encourage your child not to take it personally if his teacher is irritable, and help put the teacher’s behavior in perspective. When her son had an impatient and scolding teacher, Dawn Bernett of Leesburg, Virginia, asked the teacher to list some of the boy’s strengths, and then shared them with him. “It was nice for my son to know that, despite outward appearances, the teacher liked some things he was doing,” Dawn says.
  • The Confusing Teacher — Ask for individual help. If your child is still lost in a cloud of chalk dust, encourage her to find a study buddy in the class, and ask the teacher for recommendation of Web sites that explain the material.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Do women get smarter with age?

Okay ladies, if you don’t like this story, blame Dr. Paulk Lamet. He’s a French researcher who claims that through lifetime studies of more than 350 women, he has concluded that women do not get smarter with age. His study concludes that women lose their ability to think clearly when they pass age 40. He says it’s not senility… it’s just the ability to make commonsense decisions.  ***MARLAR: And in case you were wondering, the opinions expressed by this so-called doctor are not necessarily those of the staff and management of this station… or this radio host… especially if my wife is listening.

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU’RE BEING STALKED BY A CLOWN

  • Size 25 footprints in the flower bed
  • Rubber nose prints on the windows
  • The words “I love you” appear in the front lawn, made out of balloons
  • When you answer the phone, no one speaks: you just hear a bike horn
  • Someone keeps sending you bouquets of flowers… that squirt water

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Inside Advantage

As I set out in my 30s to build my empire, which fell significantly short of an actual empire, I sought counsel from several successful business people. One of my most important questions was how to structure a new venture. The response I heard most resoundingly was, “avoid partnerships!” And in particular, equal partnerships! I took that counsel to heart.
Over the years, I have come to understand why that is sage advice. The idea of partnerships is grand — at the beginning. Two people have a different set of skills and knowledge. Put together, they should create a synergy that becomes quite powerful if they have good business sense and work well together. Of course, their business needs to be a viable and sought-after enterprise.
That being said, partnerships can easily become a burden. In most cases, one partner is smarter than the other. Eventually, that becomes apparent. Sometimes very quickly. Views begin to conflict over growth strategies, expenses, office space, location…and the list is too long to continue.
What does this sound like? To me, it sounds like a marriage. Two people begin the journey with the best of intentions. Their foundation is built on “love.” And then reality hits. Unless the couple gets help—sometimes professional help—lookout.
Thus I was quite intrigued over the weekend to see a New York Times story about how two men who bonded well in college went on to start a successful tech firm. These guys really connected. They do a LOT together besides business. They are joined at the hip.
But like a married couple—and these men are not romantically linked—they have issues. They disagree over things. They fight. They make up. The stress of this relationship falls on their coworkers. It gets difficult.
So what do they do? Get ready. They get counseling! Yeah…like marriage/relationship counseling. The article is titled “Anger Management: Why the Genius Founders Turned to Couples Therapy.” You should read it. In an odd way, it’s funny. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/fashion/anger-management-why-the-genius-founders-turned-to-couples-therapy.html?emc=edit_th_20150419&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012
So here’s a big takeaway I learned. “Counseling has become a popular way for young technology entrepreneurs to work out their differences. ‘Except for the sex, founders have the same interdependency as married couples,’ said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, who holds that businesses and romantic relationships fail for similar reasons.”
Imagine that. Two grown up men sitting in their counselor’s office pouring out their baggage. And getting…help. What a concept!
Now here’s a powerful addition. People, who receive God’s great gift of reconciliation to Him through Jesus, receive a BIG bonus. Along with the guilt-free complete forgiveness of sin, they are given the Holy Spirit! The Bible describes the Holy Spirit as a real person—Who actually becomes a part of your human life.
To what benefit? I will use the Amplified Bible to give this full treatment. Here is what Jesus tells His disciples, as recorded in John 14:26: “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.”
To be clear, every single person who receives God’s truth about Jesus is given this special gift Who resides within. The Spirit guides, comforts, and interacts on our behalf before the Heavenly Father. Amazing. But only those who receive Jesus by faith have this. You might well call it, an “inside advantage.”
Make no mistake. Do followers of Jesus often require coaching, marriage counseling, and other forms of professional help? Certainly. But if their hearts are tuned right, there are insights galore with which to be blessed.
Now the unscrupulous might wonder if this Spirit would help with insider trading. For that I say, “You naughty person. You need to go to Sunday School.”
End of story.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

WHAT WE CALL OUR SWEETHEARTS

(American Demographics – February 1998)

48% Honey

44% Baby

41% Sweetheart

39% Dear

32% Lover

31% Darling

24% Sugar

20% Angel

13% Pumpkin

6% Beautiful

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Coming May 4th, 2015!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

Philadelphia Eagles fans can already have a piece of Tim Tebow. According to the Huffington Post, the Philly Pretzel Factory announced a pretzel in his honor, a pretzel shaped like Tim’s well known “Tebowing.” Seventy of the twisted Tebows were sold in an hour and a company spokesman says the pretzel could become a regular item on Sundays if the demand is strong enough. http://huff.to/1bm3vLD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Now today’s career tip for anyone who’d like to work with animals. Please come by the station and drop off your resume.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 17, 2015…

 

Unfriended—Another film with found footage, the story is about the past year, when a high school student commits suicide from being bullied. A year later, friends (and not so friendly people) are online when someone interrupts and says they will eventually die. What to do? Stars Heather Sossaman. Another working title was “Cyper Natural.” “Unfriended” is rated R. No rating.

 

Monkey Kingdom—This movie is a Disney Nature documentary about a family of Toque Macaque monkeys living in jungles near Laos and have to move when hostile monkeys come along. The mother takes her babies (including one called “Kip”),  to a new location and it is a dangerous journey. “Monkey Kingdom” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for nature fans. Narrator is Tina Fey.

 

Child 44 (opening in select cities)—Based on Tom Rob Smith’s novel of  2008, it has Tom Hardy starring as a Russian police detective who gets involved in a case of murdered children under the Stalin regime. Also in the cast are Noomi Rapace, Vincent Cassel and Joel Kinneman. “Child 44” is rated R. No rating.

 

Paul Blart: Mall Cop—Kevin James co-wrote this film that continues the adventures of his character, Paul Blart, Mall Cop. This time, Paul is doing security in Las Vegas and, of course, gets into many adventures. The first film was a hit. The cast includes Neal McDonaugh, David Henne and Raini Rodriguez. “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of Kevin James.

 

Clouds of Sils Maria (opening in select cities)—This film is really a study of three women working to put on a play by a noted playwright. Juliette Binoche is seen as the lead actress in a younger role and then studying for an older role in the same play, while Kristen Stewart is her assistant and Chloe Grace Morentz is auditioning for the role that Juliette used to play. How gracefully do people age, especially those in front of the spotlight?  “Clouds of Sils Maria” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

True Story—Based on the memoir by newspaperman Michael Finkel, this is the story of convicted murderer Christian Longo, who killed his wife and three children in Oregon, then escaped to Mexico. Finkel was an alias he used. James Franco stars as Longo, with Jonah Hill as Michael Finkel, and Gretchen Moi. “True Story” is rated R. No rating.

 

 

APRIL 24, 2015…

 

Little Boy is a story of a child during WWII who decides he wants to end the war.

 

The Water Diviner has the directing debut of actor Russell Crowe as a farmer in central Europe, trying to find his sons in a war.

 

Infinitely Polar Bear (opening in select cities) is a Mark Ruffalo comedy about married life with children.

 

The Age Of Adaline  is a romance film that stars Blake Lively as a woman who doesn’t age.

 

Ex Machina is a science fiction film about making a robot that is almost human. Stars Domhnall Gleeson.

 

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.