April 26, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

Print Friendly and PDFNOTE: You may have noticed the slight changes to the welcome page for ONAIRprep – primarily, the green “Member Entrance” button and the red “Member Login” button. You will need to begin using these buttons on Monday, May 4TH as we revert back to using unique usernames and passwords to gain admittance to the prep pages. Be on the lookout for an email with more information about this important and overdue change.

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

What a great job! Plenty of snacks, good music, unlimited coffee, the hand dryer works in the men’s room… –HaLife

 

I feel great today! I mean, I am emitting such powerful vibes, all young children and pregnant women please stay away from the radio.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. — Galatians 3:28

 

If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. — Romans 10:9-10

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. — Psalm 103:6

 

Thought: There are times in our world history when this promise of God seems like a mirage in the face of brutal governments, racial hatred, and human injustice. But over time, brutal governments are smashed. Despots go to their graves. Moral indignation replaces complacency. As Kingdom people, don’t you think we are called to model the ethics and values of God’s will? So let’s renew the prayer Jesus taught us: “Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven!” And let’s also demonstrate God’s will in our families, friendships, and churches!

 

Prayer: Holy and righteous God, I know you are even more repulsed than we are by the inhumanity that stains our world and crushes precious and innocent peoples. Please, Father, show your will and discipline those nations who are ruthless in their injustice. Convict us, your people, that we as individuals and as congregations must be places of reconciliation, justice, healing, and hope. Use me, along with my brothers and sisters in our congregation to show your righteousness and your justice toward those in our community who need freedom from oppression and who need someone to help stand up for justice in every area of life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

Ephesians 4:26 NIV = “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – APRIL 26, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 244 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is ALL YOU CAN EAT DAY. ***MARLAR: Whoo hoo! The cool thing about this day that I just learned is that All You Can Eat Day is on the 26th day of each and every month! I love that. And hey, it’s a holiday, you can’t just ignore it!

 

***MARLAR: I was going to have Nicole Kidman on the show with me today, but then she heard why. It’s HUG AN AUSTRALIAN DAY. We can’t find her anywhere now. I’m not sure if that should offend me or not.

 

Today is NATIONAL STATIC CLING DAY.  ***MARLAR: Today’s the day to try and rub yourself against someone else and fling yourself towards the wall to see if you’ll stick. (Quick tip – if you use dryer sheets, and you run out, try a sheet of aluminum foil, just throw it in the dryer along with your clothes and turn it on and no more static cling. A new tennis ball will work just as well.)

 

Today is REMEMBER YOU FIRST KISS DAY.  ***MARLAR: Ah yes…. mine was a Hershey’s.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Doo Dah Day

Hug An Australian Day

National Help a Horse Day

Audubon Day

Mother, Father Deaf Day

National Kids and Pets Day

National Pretzel Day

National Pet Parent’s Day

Pinhole Photography Day

Richter Scale Day

World Intellectual Property Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, APRIL 27

Babe Ruth Day

Mantanzas Mule Day

Morse Code Day

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 28

Biological Clock Day

Workers Memorial Day

World Day for Safety and Health at Work

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29

Day of Remembrance for all Victims of Chemical Warfare

International Dance Day

International Guide Dogs Day

Peace Rose Day

World Wish Day

Zipper Day

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

 

THURSDAY, APRIL 30

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

Beltane

Bugs Bunny Day

International Jazz Day

National Animal Advocacy Day

National Honesty Day

Poem In Your Pocket Day

Spank Out Day (USA)

Walpurgis Night

 

FRIDAY, MAY 01

Amtrak Day

Batman Day

Beltane

Dandelion Day

Executive Coaching Day

Global Love Day

International Space Day

Keep Kids Alive, Drive 25 Day

Law Day

Lei Day

Loyalty Day

Mariachi Day

May Day

Mother Goose Day

National Bubba Day

National Purebred Dog Day

New Homeowner’s Day

School Principals’ Day

Silver Star Day

Stepmother’s Day

Tuba Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 02

Beer Pong Day

Bladder Cancer Awareness Day

Free Comic Book Day

Join Hands Day

Kentucky Derby

Martin Z. Mollusk Day

National Homebrew Day

National Scrapbooking Day

World Naked Gardening Day

Roberts Rule of Order Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 03

Garden Meditation Day

Hug Your Cat Day

International Baby Lost Mother’s Day (Bereaved Mothers Day)

Lemonade Day

Lumpy Rug Day

Motorcycle Mass & Blessing of the Bikes Day

National Special-abled Pets Day

National Infertility Survival Day

National Two Different Colored Shoes Day

Paranormal Day

Public Radio Day

World Laughter Day

World Press Freedom Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1834: Horatio R. Palmer was born. From the American Congregational clergyman’s religious poetry came the hymn “My Faith Looks Up to Thee.”

 

1877: Minnesota stopped everything for a day of prayer, asking God to deliver them from the grasshoppers, which already had eaten Minneapolis and were hopping toward Duluth. ***MARLAR: God must have been listening, because Minnesota is fine now. Of course, nowadays you’d have the ACLU on your back for asking people to pray, and then PETA would show up to protect the bugs.

 

1921: Radio Station WEW in St. Louis broadcast the first U.S. government weather forecast. And every day since, the U.S. Weather Service has been issuing weather forecasts. ***MARLAR: And they’re gonna keep doing it until they get one right.

 

1931: Chattanooga signed the first female pro baseball player. Southpaw Jackie Mitchell didn’t make it to the major leagues, but she did once strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in an exhibition game. ***MARLAR: She had to quit though because she could never figure out how to spit.

 

1937: The afternoon comedy soap “Lorenzo Jones” premiered on NBC radio. And we must not forget his devoted wife Belle. The daily show lasted until 1955.

 

1961: New York Yankee Roger Maris hit the first of a then-record 61 home runs in a single season.

 

1964: The Boston Celtics won their sixth straight NBA title. They would win two more before the streak came to an end.

 

1964: The Beatles attended the 28th birthday party for singer Roy Orbison.

 

1975: B.J. Thomas scored with the longest song title to hit #1 on Billboard’s pop music chart: “(Hey Won’t You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song.” It stayed #1 for one week.

 

1979: At the close of his show at Carnegie Hall, comic Andy Kaufman invited the audience of 2,800 to board buses to the Manhattan School of Printing’s cafeteria for free cookies and milk.

 

1988: “China Beach,” a drama set during the Vietnam War, debuted on ABC-TV. The cast included Dana Delany, Marg Helgenberger, Concetta Tomei, Chloe Webb, Robert Picardo, Jeff Kober, Nad Vaughn, Megan Gallager, Michael Boatman, and Ricki Lake.

 

1989: At New York City’s Four Seasons restaurant, wine merchant William Sokolin accidentally bumped a table with a bottle of wine and broke it. It was a bottle of 1787 Chateau Margaux which once belonged to Thomas Jefferson and was valued at $519,750.

 

1990: The 24-carat diamond that Marilyn Monroe wore in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” sold for $297,000 at a Christie’s auction in New York City.

 

1993: Conan O’Brien was named to succeed David Letterman as host of NBC’s “Late Night” program.

 

1996: A 4-day New York auction of possessions of Jackie Kennedy Onassis raked in $34.5-million.

 

1998: Police in Peru arrested a man at Lima International Airport trying to smuggle a thousand butterflies out of the country. Butterfly smuggling is punishable in Peru by up to three years in prison. ***MARLAR: “Let’s see, a knife, a gun, an explosive in your shoe… okay you’re free to board the plane sir. Whoa! Wait a minute! What’s this? A Monarch butterfly? SECURITY!!!”

 

2003: The Russian Space Agency announced that stamp collectors could have a letter posted to them from space for a cool $20,000. The price was high because it cost up to $80,000 to deliver a kilogram of cargo to and from the International Space Station. Labor costs were listed at $19,000 an hour.

 

2004: The U.S. government introduced a new colorized $50 bill, reportedly that would be harder to counterfeit than the old bill.

 

2006: President Bush appointed Fox News commentator Tony Snow as his press secretary, replacing Scott McClellan.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1521: After Charles V promises to take firmer measures against his doctrines, Luther leaves the Diet of Worms. A month later, his teachings are formally condemned

 

1877: Residents of Minnesota observe a state-wide day of prayer, asking deliverance from a plague of grasshoppers that had ruined thousands of acres of crops. The plague ended during that summer.

 

1992: Worshipers celebrate the first Russian Orthodox Easter in Moscow in 74 years.

 

1955: The Roman Catholic Television program “Life Is Worth Living” airs for the last time after a three year run. In 1952 it won an Emmy Award for its host, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (D.E.B.S., The Fast And The Furious, The Faculty, “All My Children,” “As the World Turns”) Jordana Brewster 35 (audio clip)
  • actor-comedian (Hitch, “The King of Queens”) Kevin James 50 (audio clip)
  • actor-singer (“The Young & The Restless”) Michael Damian 53 (audio clip)
  • Comic/actress (“The Carol Burnett Show,” “Mama’s Family”) Carol Burnett is 82 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1886 : Ma Rainey

1915 : Johnny Shines

1915 : Jorgen Ingmann

1938 : Maurice Williams

1938 : Duane Eddy

1941 : Claudine Clark

1942 : Bobby Rydell

1943 : Gary Wright

1946 : John “Buck” Wilkins (Ronny of Ronny & the Daytonas)

1960 : Roger Taylor (Duran Duran)

1961 : Chris Mars (The Replacements)

1970 : T-Boz (TLC)

1975 : Nathan “Joey” Jordison (Slipknot)

1976 : Jose Pasillas (Incubus)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we joke about fools believing the moon is made from green cheese?

Well it would be incredibly vain to say it was made of American cheese, now wouldn’t it? Then again, there are a lot of holes… maybe it should be made of Swish cheese instead of green cheese? Actually, it’s not just green cheese by default. Did you ever stop to think, just what is “green cheese,” after all? There’s no such thing, right? Literally, that’s true. The “green” in this old proverb refers to the quality of “newness.” Specifically it described a hunk of cheese that had not yet aged, the appearance of which reminded people of what the moon looked like from afar. But only a fool thought it was really made from it.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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After being a band for 22 years, Third Day is still having “firsts”. The band later this month will embark on their first ever official Canadian tour. Guitarist Mark Lee says that, while they have played there quite a bit, they have never done so as part of a focused tour. Third Day will make seven stops in Canada between April 29th and May 7th.

 

Matthew West is giving you the chance to be part of his CD release show later this month. Matthew will hold a 60 minute online acoustic concert on April 27, the day before the release of he new album Live Forever. He says the night will feature songs from the new CD, the stories that inspired the new songs, videos from the new album, and songs by request. Matthew will also answer your questions and a surprise guest or two may even show up. Find out more about the online concert next Monday at 7:00pm CT at http://t.co/9LDnQWFe24

 

Megan Garrett has cut out sugar and caffeine and it doesn’t sound like it’s going well. The Casting Crowns member tweeted: why does it have to hurt my head so bad. Megan added: sorry for yelling, but I’m a bit on edge. She said it feels like a frying pan to the face.

 

Wild turkeys beware. Kutless frontman Jon Micah Sumrall tweeted that he had time to shoot his new hunting bow while he was home earlier this week. He says he’s starting to get it dialed in and shared a picture of the target riddled with arrow holes and one very dead paper plate.

 

Kari Jobe was being a little sappy this week. She shared an open letter to her husband of 5 months. Kari said: Still can’t believe I get to be married to you. When I said yes I knew I loved you… but 5 months in I love you even more… at the end of my life I won’t know what to do with all the love in my heart for you. You are a gift to me. A great treasure from heaven. Thank you Cody Carnes for making me your Mrs. Carnes.

 

+++++

 

The members of Tenth Avenue North introduced their social media followers to one of their top fans this week. Alex Currie had the chance to join Tenth Avenue North on tour for several weeks this spring as he wrapped up his senior year in High School. Alex has a special place in the hearts of Tenth Avenue North because he began a fan site for the band all the way back when he was in middle school.

 

Jamie Grace this week was celebrating the fact that there is finally some diversity in the emjoi’s available. She tweeted: so happy there are finally brown people emojis. However, Jamie has already found a problem. She found that, if you don’t have the latest update, the new emoji’s show up as aliens rather than people.

 

To kick off the release of his new CD Live Forever, Matthew West is staging quite a promotional event. West is planning to do 24 Shows in 24 Hours on the release date, April 28. At midnight he will embark on the non-stop special event, visiting 24 different spots in and around the Nashville area in 24 hours. Matthew West will be performing at such places as the historic Ryman Auditorium, Tri-Star Children’s Hospital and Women’s Center, Teen Challenge in Madison, and ASCAP on Music Row. He is also slated to sing the National Anthem at the Vanderbilt vs. Belmont baseball game. Nashville’s local NBC affiliate will be filming part of the day’s events and several of the concerts will go across the globe via Skype. 
https://t.e2ma.net/message/jo7dfb/fhz75d

 

Group 1 Crew front man Manny Reyes says his new record is forcing him in to a new season of faith. Manny shared on Facebook: Every part of my emotions and flesh wanna give up everyday cause of the insecurity and pressure of succeeding. But how beautiful it is to be put in a position where everything is out of your hands and the only thing you can do is trust Him! I don’t know about you, but I look forward to seeing if my faith is real or not. I’m done with just saying I trust Him, I want to put those words into action. Whatever may come Lord, you’re the goal! Nothing else matters.

 

Citizenway’s Ben Blascoe is feeling a lot of emotions as the band pushes through a intense stretch of concerts. Ben tweeted on night 7 of an 11 night stretch. He said he was: Exhausted. Homesick. Frustrated. Thankful. Inspired. and Hopeful all at the same time.

 

Christy Nockels says first class is for wimps. The worship leader was on an all night flight to London this week with her husband. She said she was spending the night sitting up really straight with a screaming baby in the seat behind her. But she was looking on the bright side. Christy said: just think how much money we didn’t spend.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Sea lion pup waddles away from water, gets ride back to sea    photo
FORT BRAGG, Calif. (AP) — A healthy sea lion pup that was returned to the sea by deputies after waddling a quarter-mile onshore seemed to be staying in the waves on Wednesday — at least for now, officers said. “There’s no reports of him running down the street or anything,” Mendocino…

 

Scottish collie behind wheel of runaway vehicle causes scare    photo
LONDON (AP) — Don the Sheepdog might want to learn a new trick: applying the brakes. The border collie inspired a traffic scare and social media gold after he plunged down a hill and onto a highway in his master’s vehicle. Wednesday’s incident near Abington, Scotland, began when farmer Tom…
Massachusetts police receiving calls from Australia
NORTHBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts police department has been receiving some curious calls from people with Australian accents. Police dispatchers in Northbridge say they have recently received several calls on their business line from people in an Australian community with the same…
Cops: Driver cruised for miles with man on hood after fight
PITTSBURGH (AP) — State police say a Pittsburgh man drove for several miles through seven communities with another man clinging to the hood of his vehicle after an argument. The driver, 46-year-old Dwayne Harvard, is charged with aggravated assault and other crimes after the Sunday night…
Man lost in Boston tunnel vent calls police, gets arrested
BOSTON (AP) — A man who called police to say he was trapped in an underground storm drain in Boston has been rescued and charged with trespassing. Daniel Kelly called police Monday night after getting lost inside a wall vent of the Ted Williams Tunnel, part of the Big Dig system. Police asked…
Firefighters rescue duck stuck in Louisiana fireplace
SLIDELL, La. (AP) — Firefighters in Louisiana have rescued a duck lodged in a fireplace. WVUE-TV (http://bit.ly/1yKz37O) reports firefighters in St. Tammany Parish responded to an unusual call Sunday from a home in Slidell outside New Orleans. When firefighters arrived, they discovered a…
Woman gets 3-7-years for shooting over bacon-less burger
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan woman has been sentenced to three to seven years in prison for opening fire at a McDonald’s restaurant after workers twice failed to put bacon on her burgers. Authorities say 30-year-old Shaneka Torres became angry in February 2014 when the first burger…
Cops: Woman arrested at JFK hid cocaine in girdle, underwear
NEW YORK (AP) — Authorities quickly found out why an arriving passenger at Kennedy Airport was so nervous: She had 4 pounds of cocaine hidden in her girdle and underwear. Authorities said Monday that 70-year-old Olive Fowler seemed nervous when she arrived in New York from Guyana on April 12….
California woman eats 3 steak dinners in 20 minutes in Texas    photo
AMARILLO, Texas (AP) — A competitive eater has conquered three 72-ounce steak dinners in about 20 minutes during a food challenge held at a restaurant in Amarillo, Texas. Dozens of people gathered outside The Big Texan Steak Ranch on Sunday afternoon to watch Molly Schuyler eat the steaks,…
Clean-water advocate takes Earth Day swim at Superfund site    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A clean-water advocate took an Earth Day swim in the polluted Gowanus Canal, a federal Superfund site. “I’m going in!” yelled Christopher Swain, wearing a yellow-and-black protective suit and a green swim cap as he crossed a railing into the water near a sewage discharge point…
Frustrated technophobe ‘kills’ computer, gets citation
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — For killing the source of his frustration and abandoning the body in an alley, a Colorado man could be considered lucky for just receiving a citation — except his victim was his computer. HASH(0x140fdc0) Colorado Springs police Lt. Jeff Strossner, who…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Q&A: What’s listeria and how is it traced to ice cream?    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — New technologies account for one way that the government is tracking a life-threatening outbreak of listeria linked to Blue Bell ice cream products. Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries recalled all its products this week after listeria was found in a variety of the company’s…

 

CDC using new technology to track listeria Illnesses    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The government is relying on some new technology — as well as a bit of luck — to track an outbreak of life-threatening listeria linked to Blue Bell ice cream products. Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries recalled all its products this week as listeria was found in a…
Q&A: What is listeria? Bacteria found in Blue Bell ice cream    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Blue Bell Creameries is pulling all of its products off the shelves after samples of its ice cream tested positive for a potentially deadly bacteria — listeria. The recall announced late Monday includes ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet and frozen snacks distributed in…
VA pledges broad review of claims processing
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Department of Veterans Affairs said Wednesday it has launched a top-down review of its handling of disability claims and pledged to punish those who falsify data as pressure mounted on Capitol Hill for personnel changes amid mismanagement investigations in Philadelphia…
Health officials probe cause of suspected botulism at picnic
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Heath officials said Wednesday they are working to determine which food from a church potluck might have caused a suspected botulism outbreak that left one person dead and 23 others sick. Doctors and officials said at a news conference Wednesday that health workers are…
Worried sick over canine flu? Tips to help protect your pup    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — An outbreak of canine flu has sickened more than 1,000 dogs in the Midwest, killing a handful and stirring concern among animal lovers nationwide that the highly contagious virus will sideline their pets. Experts blame the epidemic on a strain called H3N2 that is seen in…
Guinea: 11 accused in Ebola worker deaths get life sentences
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — A Guinea court sentenced 11 people accused of killing eight Ebola health workers and journalists last year to life in prison on Tuesday. Judge Mamadou Diop released 15 other suspects at the conclusion of the trial, according to state TV. The trial in the remote town of…
Trader Joe’s Sweet Apple Chicken Sausage is recalled
MONROVIA, Calif. (AP) — Trader Joe’s customers who bought the chain’s Sweet Apple Chicken Sausage are urged to throw it out amid concerns plastic may have made its way into the packages. The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced this week that Massachusetts-based sausage maker Kayem Foods…
Task force: Mammograms in 40s a choice, but don’t skip at 50
WASHINGTON (AP) — Women should get a mammogram every two years starting at age 50 — and while routine screening brings little benefit in the 40s, beginning it that early should be a personal choice, a government task force said Monday. Also, there’s not enough evidence to tell if new…
Lawmakers seek FDA review of ingredients used in cosmetics
WASHINGTON (AP) — Two U.S. senators introduced legislation Monday that would require the Food and Drug Administration to evaluate and report on some of the ingredients used in cosmetics and personal-care products such as shampoo and skin cream. The bill would require the FDA to investigate at…
FDA: Safety problems prompted review of homeopathic remedies    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A top federal drug regulator says increased safety problems with homeopathic remedies contributed to the government’s decision to revisit its oversight of the products this week. The Food and Drug Administration on Tuesday wrapped up a two-day meeting to hear from supporters…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

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NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

NONE ON THE WEEKENDS

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Time Clocks”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear, Nozzles the Elephant, and Sully the Aardvark all traded their blue-handled tools to Racquet the Skunk so he’d make all of them custom badminton racquets. But Racquet has a plan… a way to make his friends keep buying more racquets so he can get rich…

 

CLOSE: Looks like we’re about to find out if these new racquets are going to be the racket Racquet wants them to be. That is, we’re going to find out if the new racquets break easily – forcing Racquets friends to buy new ones. Will Racquet’s scheme work? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF APRIL 25/26, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson, after escaping from the hospital to avoid getting his tonsils taken out, found that because of his cowardice, most of his friends, family, and even children in the future will all suffer cowardice as well – getting sick and dying from following Marvy’s example!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle saga that is As The Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Imagine being sued just because your dog barked at someone!

A Japanese pet owner has been ordered to pay $26,000 to a woman who fell and broke her leg when his dog barked at her. The court ruling claimed that the man was “negligent in training the animal”. The dog simply barked at a 71-year-old Yokohama woman, who in turn was surprised by the presence of the dog and fell – losing partial use of her leg and now needing a walking stick. She took 7 months to recover. ***MARLAR: I feel bad for the lady, but she’s suing because the dog barked… something natural for the dog. Dogs bark, that’s what they do. That’s how they communicate. She’s suing because the dog said something! What if the dog was saying “Hey, look out or you might fall and break your leg!?”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SPRING CLEANING TIPS FOR MEN

 

  1. Just because something is fuzzy and the kids don’t pet it, doesn’t mean you should throw it out!–Wait for it to start moving, then kill it, and throw it out!

 

  1. Remove all your old, ratty, FAVORITE shirts from the closet and hide them until your wife has done her spring cleaning, then put them back!

 

  1. Washing and waxing your car IN THE GARAGE isn’t technically considered house cleaning!

 

  1. Buying your wife a self-cleaning oven for Mother’s Day is a nice gesture, but it shouldn’t be considered your share of house cleaning for the next year!

 

  1. Just because the dog doesn’t die when drinking from the toilet isn’t an indication that the bathroom is clean enough!

 

  1. Contrary to popular male opinion, using car parts as accent pieces in the living room is ALWAYS a fashion faux pas!

 

  1. Posting a “Do Not Touch, Experiment In Progress” sign on the refrigerator door isn’t an acceptable compromise to cleaning the fridge.

 

  1. Naming and issuing birth certificates for each dust bunny, in hopes of cashing in on some future novelty item business windfall, isn’t being particularly realistic!

 

  1. Most people overlook the sanitizing benefits of flame throwers. Using flame retardant paint on your walls and furniture makes using one of these “crispy cleaners” both fun, and effective!

 

  1. Start with the most important place first–your heart! Be like David and pray: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10,NIV)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Smelling of pot didn’t help one man’s effort to get a gun permit.

 

FILE #1: Deputies at North Carolina’s Caldwell County Sheriff’s Office report Dennis Lee Vines Junior reeked of marijuana when he came in to apply for a gun permit. Officials called a canine team. Deputies say they found two small bags of pot, two joints and two packs of rolling papers in the man’s pickup truck, which was in the sheriff’s office parking lot.  Vines was busted for possession.

 

FILE #2: There’s been some horsing around in a bank in Germany. Police say a man identified only as Wolfgang H. and his horse spent the other night in the heated foyer of a bank southwest of Berlin. Wolfgang admits he had been drinking and decided to sleep it off. Since there was no hitching post outside, Wolfgang brought his horse Sammy inside with him. They were discovered by a bank customer who wanted to use the cash machine. Police say they’re not charging Wolfgang. But he could have some cleaning up to do. Let’s just say Sammy left his mark on the bank’s carpet.

 

FILE #3: A Scottish man carried on incessantly over his girlfriend’s driving, took over the wheel and promptly crashed the car. That earned him a $500 fine since he wasn’t even qualified to drive, let alone complain about someone else’s driving.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Alaska, it is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. ***MARLAR: Particularly an offense to the moose, I’d think.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Ever had a splitting headache where it felt as if nails were being driven into your skull?  Next time, you might check to see if there are, perhaps, actual nails protruding from your skull. 

An Oregon man suffering from a terrible headache went to a hospital for an examination. Turns out he had something stuck in his head. Actually, 12 things. Actually, 12 nails. And he had put them there himself. The man at first told doctors he had had a “nail gun accident.” It wasn’t until later that the patient admitted he was using drugs and the injury was a suicide attempt. Somehow the guy was in remarkably good condition when he got to the hospital. Surgeons were able to remove the nails with needle-nosed pliers because the nail heads did not penetrate the skull.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What’s the dumbest thing that you and your significant other have fought over? One Orange County,FL woman stabbed her husband after a fight over hot dogs for dinner! That’s pretty frivolous! What’s the silliest thing you and your significant argued about?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What people even put sackcloth on their animals when they repented?
ANSWER: The people of Nineveh Jonah 3:8

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Abraham Lincoln was watching what play at Ford’s Theatre in Washington, D.C., when he was fatally shot on April 14, 1865?

ANSWER: Our American Cousin

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Reports from owners of cats and dogs indicate that 21% of dogs snore. (True – and 7% of cats snore.)

 

  1. On November 29, 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an “Honorary Harlem Globetrotter.” (True)

 

  1. It costs the soft drink industry $10 million a year for crimes that are committed involving vending machines. (False – $100 million!)

 

  1. There are close to 40,000 varieties of mushrooms. (True)

 

  1. There are 186 drinking fountains in the Pentagon. (False – 691)

 

  1. Most landfilled trash retains its original weight, volume, and form for 40 years. (True)

 

  1. New Jersey, with 96, is the US state with the greatest number of hazardous waste sites. (True)

 

  1. Quito in Ecuador, South America, is said to have the most pleasant climate in the world. (True – It is called the ‘Land of Eternal Spring.’ The temperature rarely drops below 46 degrees Fahrenheit during the night, or exceed 72 degrees Fahrenheit during the day.)

 

  1. St. Augustine, Florida is the oldest city in the US. (True)

 

  1. Talking on a cellular phone while driving is against the law in Israel. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

THE YOGA ______ (TAX)

WASHINGTON  – President Obama issued an executive order yesterday – putting a ten percent tax on yoga studios and everything related to yoga.

“We see this as a fairness issue,” said a source inside the White House, adding that Pilates would be next.   “There’s a lot of people doing yoga and the government needs to get a piece of that action. They’ve been untaxed for too long.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Sue told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute, Sue. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
There was a long pause before Sue replied, “In that case, if that’s how it works, then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

 

JOKE #2

I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Dewey, having a snack.

“Where’s your mother?” I asked.

“She said she was going to have a shower. Just a second, I’ll see.”

Dewey went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast.

An indignant yell came from above.

Dewey calmly turned off the tap and said, “Yep, she’s in the shower.”

 

JOKE #3

A college chemistry professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
“And who was it that discovered uranium?” the professor asked.
“I don’t know,” the student said.
“Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Winters, you would know,” said the professor.
“That’s not true,” the student replied. “I never pay attention!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

New research is leading some experts to believe that the amount of lead we were exposed to earlier in life might have more to do with how our mental capacity declines than simple old age. If the research is shown to be accurate it could mean that an aging person’s brain could work as if it’s five years older than it truly is – simply due to the amount of led levels more than 20 years ago. ***MARLAR: To be safe, U.S. Government officials are now suggesting we send senior citizens to China with the next toy recall.

 

If you want to remember names, where your keys are along with all your appointments, take a nap. New research by Avi Karni, a brain researcher with the University of Haifa in Israel, has concluded that a 90-minute afternoon nap helps to lock in fleeting long-term memories.  ***MARLAR: My problem is that I can’t ever remember to take a nap.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CAT PETTING

We moved into an apartment while we were looking for a place that would let us keep our pets. We could not have our pets at our apartment, so my brother-in-law kept our cat for us until we could find a place that would let us keep him.
One day he came home after dark and saw the cat on the porch eating. He reached down to pet him and while he was petting him he looked over toward the fence where he saw MY cat sitting. Looking back around to see what he was petting he realized that it was a raccoon that had come up to eat the cat food. After that the cat was fed in the house.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

COMPUTER RAGE IS ALL THE RAGE

Look out road rage — there’s a new rage in town. It’s called computer rage!

Road rage is so passé, and checkout rage is quickly getting old.  So let’s concentrate on the latest rage – computer rage!  According to University of Maryland Professor Kent Norman, it’s becoming a big problem. Dr. Kent says, “Men and women are taking out their frustrations on the computer and unfortunately, sometimes misdirecting it to other people.” He conducted an online survey last year in which nearly 20 percent of the respondents admitted they’d dropped a computer on the floor out of anger. They described smashing, microwaving and cursing at their computers. One confessed he had thrown his laptop in a fryer. At least three claimed to have shot at hardware. Others admit to “swearing at my computer.” And watch out — Norman says not dealing with these feelings appropriately, bottled up, can lead to “techno-frustration denial.” ***MARLAR: The next rage will be PHRASE-RAGE – for those of us that can’t understand what the heck these supposedly enlightened college professors are saying.  “Techno-Frustration Denial”?!?!  Sounds like an excuse a defendant would come up with in court case.  “It’s not my fault the computer monitor landed on the dog seven floors down – I was suffering from techno-frustration denial!”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE GOOD LIFE

By Mary Hunt
Nowadays, people call me “the Ann Landers of personal finance.” Back in 1982, if anyone had told me that someday I’d write a newsletter—and a book!—to teach people how to get out of debt, I wouldn’t have known whether to laugh or to cry. The only thing I was an expert on was getting into debt. My family was on the brink of financial ruin. We had run out of credit. We had no savings. No income. Nothing.
That fall day, I looked with dismay at the envelopes that arrived in the mail. More bills to add to the mountain of debt my husband, Harold, and I had amassed. I had no idea how much we owed. What did it matter? We didn’t have the money to pay off even one of our debts. Harold and I had barely spoken since our business collapsed a month earlier. There’s no way out of this mess, I thought.
It seemed so easy at the beginning, when the first credit card arrived—a gas station card I’d gotten “to be safe.” The first time I handed it to the guy at the pump, I felt like a queen. Pretty soon, offers were flooding our mailbox. “Look,” I said to Harold, “this bank wants to give us a ten-thousand-dollar credit line!” Why not? Harold was a banker. I had a good job. I wanted our little boys, Jeremy and Joshua, to have everything I didn’t have growing up as a pastor’s daughter. And, anyway, the expensive things we had made us look successful. Nobody had to know that we hadn’t come close to paying for that brand-new car in the garage or the fancy vacations we took.
When I maxed out one card, a new card would somehow magically come in the mail. It was as though God wanted to support my spending habit—or at least the credit companies did. And if the cards failed, I could write a check. Harold was the branch manager at our local bank. “Honey, you’d better watch it about all those bouncing checks,” he said one day with a grave face. “My boss has spoken to me about it a couple of times.”
“Maybe we need to get new jobs,” I said. “Or start our own business.”
“We’ll refinance our house,” he said. We did—more than once. And, of course, the mountain of debt just grew.
Then an acquaintance told us about a door-to-door venture, a surefire way of making cash. “You’ll be millionaires in a matter of months!” he promised, and he was very convincing. Harold quit his job and we finagled a twenty-two-thousand-dollar loan to invest in the start-up. We should have known better. It was a complete scam. The “quality merchandise” we were supposed to sell turned out to be junk. Our so-called partners disappeared into thin air.
So there I was that September day staring at the pile of bills on the desk. I had to talk to somebody. I dashed outside and jumped into our new car (which by now we couldn’t afford to service). In a daze I found myself driving to Harold’s parents’ house. Maybe they’d have a solution. Or a loan.
I rang the doorbell. No answer. I let myself in and sat at the table in the empty kitchen. I stared into space and felt terribly alone. Suddenly, I was overcome by tears. I couldn’t stop crying. “It’s all my fault!” I nearly screamed. “Oh, God, please forgive me. We’ll find a way to get out of this mess somehow. But, we can’t do it by ourselves.”
And there in the silence of my mother-in-law’s kitchen I heard God say, You don’t have to. I heard him loud and clear: I’m here for you. But what did God know about getting out of debt? I thought of God as an expert on things of the heart, not money. Then I thought of my behavior over the past few years. I had let “things” take over my heart—all those luxuries that were supposed to make us happier. My problem wasn’t just money. It was how I used it and thought of it—worshipped it even.
Just put me first, God seemed to be saying. The rest will fall into place.
Feeling a strange measure of peace for a woman on the verge of bankruptcy, I drove home. Harold and I talked and we made a pledge that no matter what, we’d get ourselves out of this hole we’d fallen into. We’d stop spending and start paying back. No matter what, we’d stay close as a family and we wouldn’t forget God. In fact, even as we paid off the bills, we’d still give to our church and other charities. It was a way of putting God first.
Days later, I got an unexpected call from a colleague I’d worked with in commercial real estate. “Mary, would you be interested in managing some properties?” he asked me. Would I ever!
“It’s a small salary plus commission,” I told Harold. “But it’s something.”
“Sure,” he said. “I’ll take care of the house and the boys.”
With that I started opening up those bills. I phoned every single creditor and assured them that if they gave us time, we’d pay them off.
But how? Small steps first.
We stopped eating out. I culled the supermarket flyers for bargains and made simple, nutritious meals that pleased all of us. Over one supper of burgers and salad, eight-year-old Jeremy said, “Mom, this is better than eating out,” and Joshua, six, agreed.
Whenever I got a commission, I increased the payments on the bills, and slowly I began to see progress. I followed a system of paying down the card with the lowest balance first. When it was paid off, I moved on to the next lowest balance. As each account was paid off, I canceled it, cut up the card and said a relieved prayer of thanks.
After nearly three years as a stay-at-home dad, Harold was eager to get back to work. We opened our own real estate firm. The business took off and we adopted a formula of 10-10-80. Whenever we received any income, we gave away the first 10 percent—to our church and to charity—and put the next 10 percent into savings. Our budget eventually allowed us to live debt-free, except for our mortgage. We kept one credit card for convenience, but we paid it off in full each and every month.
In church one Sunday our pastor challenged us in his sermon. “Let God stretch your imagination,” he preached, “so that you can touch the world for him.” A light went on. Just days earlier I had heard a radio program about someone who had started a newsletter that was reaching thousands of people. I could write a newsletter on how to get out of debt! I thought excitedly.
Thus was born The Cheapskate Monthly. I printed 4,000 copies, rented a mailing list and sent them out. The result: three subscribers, including my mother-in-law! But then a copy of the newsletter reached a reporter who decided to look me up. The story ran in the Los Angeles Times and my phone rang off the hook.
It took more than a dozen years to get out of debt—and a staggering one hundred thousand dollars. Along the way I learned so much, but putting God first was the first step. Words from Romans are always on my mind: “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another.” With no debt, I feel like there’s a lot more room for love. And you know what? That’s the way to the good life.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

BE TRUE TO YOUR WORD

Read: Matthew 5:33-37

Let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No,” “No.” —Matthew 5:37

Shortly before his death, the Duke of Burgundy was presiding over the Cabinet Council of France. A proposal was made by the ministers that would violate a treaty but would secure important advantages for the country. Many reasons were offered to justify the deed. The Duke listened in silence, and when all had spoken he closed the conference without giving approval. Placing his hand on a copy of the original agreement, he said with firmness in his voice, “Gentlemen, we have a treaty!”

It’s important that Christians act and speak so that the Savior is glorified. When you give your word, keep it. If you make a commitment, honor it. If you take on an obligation, fulfill it. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:37, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes.'”

Our honesty and reliability should be so evident that we can be trusted for any contract we make. What better testimony could be said of a believer than this: “He gave his word; that’s good enough for me.” And if non-Christians can trust us in business matters, they are more likely to believe us when we speak about the gospel.

If you are tempted to go back on a promise, think again of the words of the Duke of Burgundy: “Gentlemen, we have a treaty!” —Richard De Haan

 

Uphold me in the common strife;
Give me the grace to work and plan;
And in the marketplace of life,
O keep me, Lord, an honest man. —Bayliss

 

Never give your word unless you intend to keep it.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

JETSONS CAR

Oh how you dreamed one day you’d have a flying car just like George Jetson. My friend — that day is now.

The folks at NASA have built something called “The Highway in the Sky.” It’s a computer system designed to let millions of people fly whenever they please, and take off and land from wherever they please, in their very own vehicles. And here’s the good news — a lot of people are building machines you’ll be able to buy. One of those people is inventor Woody Norris who will receive America’s top prize for invention this week. It’s called the Lemelson-MIT award — a half-million dollar cash prize to honor his life’s work, which includes a brand new personal flying machine called the AirScooter. It can fly for 2 hours at 55 mph, and go up to 10,000 feet above sea level. Everything is controlled from the motorcycle-like handle bar. He plans to sell the things for $50,000 each.  ***MARLAR: But only for people who have $50,000 and have no idea what to spend it on.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

WHERE HAVE ALL THE MOTHERS GONE?

Motherhood has changed drastically in the past 30 years. Today, American women are having fewer babies, and more women are choosing to be childless. A new report by the U.S. Census Bureau found:

  • 20% of women today aged 40 to 44 have no children, double what it was 30 years ago.
  • The average number of children a woman aged 40-44 will have is 1.9.
  • Mothers in North Carolina, Mississippi, and the District of Columbia are least likely to marry.
  • 20% of all births reported in the survey were to U.S. moms who themselves were born in another
  • In California, that percentage doubled, with 41% of moms being foreign-born.
  • Hispanic women average the most children (2.3).

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THE LOST ART OF STAGECOACH DRIVING

Planning a summer vacation – just be thankful you have a car now rather than a horse-drawn stagecoach!

Stagecoach travel has been glamorized by Hollywood: a handsome hero in an immaculate white shirt and string necktie, and a neatly coiffured heroine swaying gently as the stage races across the prairie. But stages never raced — they generally were run at 5mph — and passengers usually arrived at their destinations covered in dust and aching from the bone-rattling journey. Here’s a real list of “commandments” that used to be posted by the Wells Fargo company at each station:

  1. Abstinence from liquor is requested, but if you must drink, share the bottle. To do otherwise makes you appear selfish and un-neighborly.
  2. If ladies are present, gentlemen are urged to forego smoking cigars and pipes as the odor of same is repugnant to the Gentle Sex. Chewing tobacco is permitted, but spit WITH the wind, not against it.
  3. Gentlemen must refrain from the use of rough language in the presence of ladies and children.
  4. Buffalo robes are provided for your comfort during cold weather. Hogging robes will not be tolerated and the offender will be made to ride with the driver.
  5. Don’t snore loudly while sleeping or use your fellow passenger’s shoulder for a pillow; he or she may not understand and friction may result.
  6. Firearms may be kept on your person for use in emergencies. Do not fire them for pleasure or shoot at wild animals as the sound riles the horses.
  7. In the event of runaway horses, remain calm. Leaping from the coach in panic will leave you injured, at the mercy of the elements, hostile Indians and hungry wolves.
  8. Forbidden topics of discussion are stagecoach robberies and Indian uprisings.
  9. Gents guilty of unchivalrous behavior toward lady passengers will be put off the stage. It’s a long walk back. A word to the wise is sufficient.

 

 

FUN LIST

WHAT OTHER ‘ESSENTIALS’ COST BY THE GALLON

A lot of drivers who complain about gasoline prices seem to have no problem plunking down $4 for a designer cup of coffee. What gives? In the United States, people spend so much time telling themselves they deserve to be pampered, they sometimes forget the basics, says Michael Solomon, a professor of consumer behavior at Auburn University. From cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil to contact solution, American lives are filled with expensive liquids. Fancy-label products aren’t the only items that add up. [1 gallon = 128 fluid ounces; 1 liter = 33.8 fluid ounces]

  • Starbucks Chantico (6 ounces) – Price: $2.65 – One gallon: $56.53
  • Coca-Cola (2 liters = 67.628 ounces) – Price: $1.69 – One gallon: $3.20
  • Pepto Bismol (12 ounces) – Price: $4.99 – One gallon: $41.58 should be $53.23
  • Castelas Olive Oil (16.8 ounces) – Price: $29.99 – One gallon: $228.50
  • San Pelligrino (25.3 ounces) – Price: $1.50 – One gallon: $7.59
  • French’s Yellow Mustard (14 ounces) – Price: $1.25 – One gallon: $11.43
  • Visine (1 ounce) – Price: $7.39 – One gallon: $945.92
  • Off mosquito spray (6 ounces) – Price: $5.49 – One gallon: $117.12
  • Windex (24 ounces) – Price: $3.19 – One gallon: $13.11

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Inside Advantage

As I set out in my 30s to build my empire, which fell significantly short of an actual empire, I sought counsel from several successful business people. One of my most important questions was how to structure a new venture. The response I heard most resoundingly was, “avoid partnerships!” And in particular, equal partnerships! I took that counsel to heart.
Over the years, I have come to understand why that is sage advice. The idea of partnerships is grand — at the beginning. Two people have a different set of skills and knowledge. Put together, they should create a synergy that becomes quite powerful if they have good business sense and work well together. Of course, their business needs to be a viable and sought-after enterprise.
That being said, partnerships can easily become a burden. In most cases, one partner is smarter than the other. Eventually, that becomes apparent. Sometimes very quickly. Views begin to conflict over growth strategies, expenses, office space, location…and the list is too long to continue.
What does this sound like? To me, it sounds like a marriage. Two people begin the journey with the best of intentions. Their foundation is built on “love.” And then reality hits. Unless the couple gets help—sometimes professional help—lookout.
Thus I was quite intrigued over the weekend to see a New York Times story about how two men who bonded well in college went on to start a successful tech firm. These guys really connected. They do a LOT together besides business. They are joined at the hip.
But like a married couple—and these men are not romantically linked—they have issues. They disagree over things. They fight. They make up. The stress of this relationship falls on their coworkers. It gets difficult.
So what do they do? Get ready. They get counseling! Yeah…like marriage/relationship counseling. The article is titled “Anger Management: Why the Genius Founders Turned to Couples Therapy.” You should read it. In an odd way, it’s funny. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/fashion/anger-management-why-the-genius-founders-turned-to-couples-therapy.html?emc=edit_th_20150419&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012
So here’s a big takeaway I learned. “Counseling has become a popular way for young technology entrepreneurs to work out their differences. ‘Except for the sex, founders have the same interdependency as married couples,’ said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, who holds that businesses and romantic relationships fail for similar reasons.”
Imagine that. Two grown up men sitting in their counselor’s office pouring out their baggage. And getting…help. What a concept!
Now here’s a powerful addition. People, who receive God’s great gift of reconciliation to Him through Jesus, receive a BIG bonus. Along with the guilt-free complete forgiveness of sin, they are given the Holy Spirit! The Bible describes the Holy Spirit as a real person—Who actually becomes a part of your human life.
To what benefit? I will use the Amplified Bible to give this full treatment. Here is what Jesus tells His disciples, as recorded in John 14:26: “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.”
To be clear, every single person who receives God’s truth about Jesus is given this special gift Who resides within. The Spirit guides, comforts, and interacts on our behalf before the Heavenly Father. Amazing. But only those who receive Jesus by faith have this. You might well call it, an “inside advantage.”
Make no mistake. Do followers of Jesus often require coaching, marriage counseling, and other forms of professional help? Certainly. But if their hearts are tuned right, there are insights galore with which to be blessed.
Now the unscrupulous might wonder if this Spirit would help with insider trading. For that I say, “You naughty person. You need to go to Sunday School.”
End of story.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

ROAD RAGE

Here’s the top 5 things that make people mad while driving (from a survey of licensed drivers):

  1. No blinker when turning
  2. Slow drivers
  3. Drivers who cut you off
  4. Tailgating
  5. Rude drivers

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Coming May 4th, 2015!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

Facebook users are a key part of how the company makes its money — and the social network can put a price on how much revenue the average user helped generate over the past quarter by interacting with advertisements. An ABC News report found that, for the first quarter of 2015, the average Facebook user helped bring in $2.50 of revenue to the company. However, looking at it geographically, the average user in the United States and Canada contributed significantly more revenue, totaling $8.32. Facebook received $3.54 billion in revenue over the past quarter.
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/heres-money-made-facebook-quarter/story?id=30511094&ts=true

 

Mary Doyle Keefe, the model for Norman Rockwell’s iconic 1943 Rosie the Riveter painting that symbolized the millions of American women who went to work on the home front during World War II, has died. She was 92. According to ABC News, Keefe died Tuesday in Simsbury, Connecticut, after a brief illness. Keefe grew up in Arlington, Vermont, where she met Rockwell — who lived in West Arlington — and posed for his painting when she was a 19-year-old telephone operator. 
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/model-rockwells-rosie-riveter-painting-dies-92-30507675

 

New research suggests that deprivation of an amino acid called arginine may contribute to Alzheimer’s disease. According to Time Magazine, that finding could help usher in new treatment strategies for patients suffering from the debilitating illness. According to the story, a team at Duke University focusing on the immune system found that cells designed to protect the brain from infection will uncharacteristically consume arginine during the early stages of Alzheimer’s. They say further tests are needed find ways to better block the arginine consumption process.
http://ti.me/1OdtSPA

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

YOU HAVE BEEN IN RADIO SALES TOO LONG WHEN:

  • You become indignant at Lowes when they won’t throw in free light bulbs with your purchase, as “value added”.
  • You introduce your children as your “dubs”.
  • You call in sick by saying you’ll be “discreping today”.
  • You thought Herb Tarlick on WKRP played a “straight-man” role.
  • You saw “City Slickers” and thought it was about time they made a movie about radio salespeople.
  • You consider a phone number with area code to be a word.
  • Won’t take the family to 90 percent of the restaurants in town because they’re not your accounts.
  • Just as you’re about to crash into a tree, instead of pushing the brake you try to go to a commercial.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

APRIL 24, 2015…

 

Little Boy—This is an unusual story about a small boy, age seven, who decides he wants to end WWII.  He and his father are great friends, but when the father is called to go to war, the boy begins to worry about his safety. It is a story of faith…lots of faith. Hmm, see what happens here. Stars include Jakob Salvanti, Kevin James, Emily Watson, Ted Levine and Tom Wilkinson. “Little Boy” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Water Diviner— This film is the directing debut of actor Russell Crowe and is adapted from the novel by Andrew Anastasasios and Dr. Meghan Anastasasios. The premise has a farmer in the Balkans, after WWI, trying to locate his sons who are soldiers. He finds graves, but are the sons really dead? Also in the cast  are Olga Kuylicho, James O’Toole and Jai Courtney. “The Water Diviner” is rated R. No rating.

 

Infinitely Polar Bear (opening in select cities)—Mark Ruffalo and Zoe Saldana star in this romance comedy about a man, who is bi-polar, decides to pay more attention to his two young, energetic daughters and give his wife a break. Keir Dullea is in the cast, too. “Infinitely Polar Bear” is rated PG 13.

 

Age of Adaline—-This is a story of a woman (Blake Lively) who doesn’t age. Fifty-plus years go by and she looks the same. One  person knows her secret, her aging daughter. Enter romance, and what to do? Also in the cast are Kathy Baker, Amanda Crew, Ellen Burstyn and Harrison Ford. “Age of Adaline” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for this interesting story.

 

MAY 01, 2015…

 

Avengers: Age of Ultron has just about every Marvel comic book hero who can hold a script in it. Enjoy.

 

She’s Funny That Way is brave to go against “Avengers: Ultron” this week. “She’s Funny…” is a comedy about a stage star and the people in her life. Stars Imogen Poots and Owen Wilson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.