NOTE: You may have noticed the slight changes to the welcome page for ONAIRprep – primarily, the green “Member Entrance” button and the red “Member Login” button. You will need to begin using these buttons on Monday, May 4TH as we revert back to using unique usernames and passwords to gain admittance to the prep pages. Be on the lookout for an email with more information about this important and overdue change.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
The station owners are visiting the studio today. (Whisper) We’ve got our night guy, (JOCK), locked in the Pepsi machine.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. –1 Corinthians 1:18
It is written, “As surely as I live,” says the Lord, “every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.” — Romans 14:11
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream! — Amos 5:24
Thought: While many attribute this quote to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., it was originally uttered by Amos, God’s spokesman over 2600 years earlier than Dr. King quoted it. God wanted his people to know that their religious pilgrimages, their sacrificial offerings, and their songs meant nothing to him if they were not backed up by a life of compassion, character, and concern. Northern Israel did not believe Amos and did not repent. Not too many years later, they were utterly destroyed because God found their hypocrisy, injustice, and abuse of the weak reprehensible. But we live now, and these words are just as powerful and clear as they were then! What will our response be?
Prayer: Almighty God, many of your children are ashamed today at the unrighteousness in our world and in our nations. Please use us to lead a rebirth of character. And Father, as we seek to live holy lives, please keep our eyes not only on your character, but on your compassion, mercy, tenderness, and grace so we may share those same qualities with those who need to know your love and receive your salvation. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
Proverbs 4:27 NIV = Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.
TODAY IS MONDAY – APRIL 27, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 243 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is LEARN TO MAKE AN APRICOT CREAM PIE DAY. ***MARLAR: I found a recipe for you.
Today is WRITE AN OLD FRIEND DAY. ***MARLAR: I guess that’d be “email” or “text message” nowadays, wouldn’t it? Unless they truly are old, then write to them. You do remember how to do that without an Internet or cell connection, right?
This one is simply beyond bizarre… today is NATURAL LAW DAY, marking this date in 1417 when a chicken in Basel, Switzerland, was burned at the stake for violating natural law by laying a brightly colored egg. The chicken was believed to be an Araucana-Ameraucana Strain, or the “Easter Egg Chicken,” which gets its name from the Indian tribe of Chile where they were first discovered. Araucanas lay colored eggs of blue-green shades from turquoise to deep olive. ***MARLAR: That had to be the best-smelling witch burning ever… I love roasted chicken.
Today is NATIONAL HAIRBALL AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: Have you ever stepped in one? I’m not sure it’s possible to NOT be aware of it.
This is CANADA-U.S. GOODWILL WEEK. U.S. troops invaded Canada on this day in 1813. Trying to control Lake Ontario, the U.S. Army attacked Toronto and burned the provincial parliament. ***MARLAR: Not sure where that “goodwill” part comes in…
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Babe Ruth Day
Mantanzas Mule Day
Morse Code Day
COMING UP NEXT
TUESDAY, APRIL 28
Biological Clock Day
Workers Memorial Day
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29
Peace Rose Day
Adopt a Shelter Pet Day
THURSDAY, APRIL 30
Bugs Bunny Day
International Jazz Day
National Animal Advocacy Day
National Honesty Day
Spank Out Day (USA)
FRIDAY, MAY 01
Executive Coaching Day
Keep Kids Alive, Drive 25 Day
National Bubba Day
New Homeowner’s Day
School Principals’ Day
SATURDAY, MAY 02
Martin Z. Mollusk Day
Roberts Rule of Order Day
SUNDAY, MAY 03
Garden Meditation Day
International Baby Lost Mother’s Day (Bereaved Mothers Day)
Lumpy Rug Day
Motorcycle Mass & Blessing of the Bikes Day
National Special-abled Pets Day
National Infertility Survival Day
National Two Different Colored Shoes Day
Public Radio Day
World Press Freedom Day
MONDAY, MAY 04
Intergalactic Star Wars Day (May The Fourth Be With You)
International Respect for Chickens Day
Petite and Proud Day
World Give Day
ON THIS DAY
4977 B.C.: The universe was created, at least according to German astronomer Johannes Kepler. ***MARLAR: There’s really no way of knowing exactly when the universe was created unless you were there… and it’s impossible nowadays to get an interview with Regis Philbin.
1667: English poet John Milton sold the copyright to his religious epic Paradise Lost for less than $30. ***MARLAR: Ironic title.
1888: The British oil company Esso was formed in London.
1947: It was Babe Ruth Day in every ballpark in organized baseball in the U.S. and Japan. Battling throat cancer, Ruth appeared at Yankee Stadium to thank baseball and its fans for the honor. He died in 1948 at age 53.
1956: At age 32 heavyweight boxing champion Rocky Marciano retired undefeated, the only heavyweight champ with a perfect record. Unbeaten in 49 pro fights. ***MARLAR: That’s in the ring. At home his wife won plenty.
1957: Cubs pitcher Moe Drabowsky was hit on the foot by a pitched ball and fell on the ground in pain. Teammate pitcher Dick Drott immediately borrowed a wheelchair from a handicapped fan, picked up Drabowsky at home plate, and wheeled him to first base. Everyone laughed except plate umpire Stan Landes, who kicked Drott out of the game.
1965: R.C. Duncan patented a revolutionary disposable diaper he called “Pampers.”
1967: Heavyweight boxing champ Muhammad Ali refused to be drafted into the U.S. Army. ***MARLAR: The REASON he refused to be drafted? Because he, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, didn’t believe in violence. Mm, hmm.
1973: Opryland park opened in Nashville.
1976: Ken Redding set a world record in Saratoga Springs, New York, by eating 11 pounds of ice cream in eight minutes. ***MARLAR: It was two records broken at the same time. The other was for the amount of Excedrin Migraine he had to take in order to relieve his “brain freeze.”
1982: South Korean Policeman Wou Bom-Kon killed himself with a grenade after an 8-hour drunken rampage during which he killed 57 people and wounded 35 others with rifles and grenades.
1986: Andoni Dominguez of Vizcaya, Spain, set a world record by eating 2.4 pounds of snails in 65 seconds.
1989: Rocker Jon Bon Jovi and Dorothea Hurley were married. They had been high school sweethearts.
1993: California revoked Dr. Jack Kevorkian’s license to practice medicine. ***MARLAR: And you can’t blame them… he practiced medicine for years and STILL kept losing patients!
1999: Argentine police arrested a blind man driving a pickup truck with the help of his 13-year-old daughter and charged him with dangerous conduct. Police said the man was driving fairly well in the center of Trelew, had recently gone blind from diabetes, and had a valid driver’s license. His car was impounded.
2003: A 28-year-old Italian student took her final law exam in an Arezzo hospital delivery room after authorities said giving birth was not an excuse to miss the test. Eight law school examiners gave the 30-minute oral exam. A couple of hours after acing the exam, the new lawyer gave birth to a healthy daughter.
2006: Construction began on the 1,776-foot Freedom Tower that will stand on the site of the World Trade Center in New York City.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1667: Blind, bitter, and poor, Puritan poet John Milton sells for ten pounds the copyright for Paradise Lost—a book that would influence English thought and language nearly as much as the King James Version and the plays of Shakespeare. The theme of the epic appears in its opening lines: “Of man’s disobedience, and the fruit / Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste / Brought death into the world, and all our woe, / With loss of Eden.
1775: Moravian minister and missionary Peter Boehler dies. He met John Wesley in 1737 while both were sailing to minister in America, and his assurance of faith and belief in joyous, instantaneous conversion left a permanent mark on Wesley.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (Matt Burke on “Two of a Kind,” Josh on “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”) David Lascher 42 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1904 : Syd Nathan
1932 : Maxine Brown (The Browns)
1932 : Casey Kasem
1933 : Calvin Newborn
1944 : Cuba Gooding, Sr. (The Main Ingredient)
1947 : Pete Ham (Badfinger)
1947 : Ann Peebles
1947 : Herbie Murrell (The Stylistics)
1947 : Gordon Haskell
1947 : Dave Peel
1949 : Clive Taylor (Amen Corner)
1951 : Ace Frehley (Kiss), (Paul Frehley)
1958 : Kate Pierson (The B-52’s)
1959 : Sheena Easton
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How do they make mirrors?
You may not like looking at yourself in the mirror, but that doesn’t change the fact that mirrors exist… sorry! Since ancient Egypt, when people used shiny metal to bring themselves face to face with their face, we’ve used mirrors to keep an eye on ourselves. Commercial glass mirrors were first produced in 16th century Venice. It was the Renaissance, when realistic portraits came into vogue and literature and philosophy were suddenly emphasizing the individual. The mirror glass was backed by a mixture of mercury and tin, a method that was used until the 19th century, when a chemically treated silver-ammonia compound replaced it. The backing, supported and protected by the glass, reflects the image.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
The members of Tenth Avenue North introduced their social media followers to one of their top fans this week. Alex Currie had the chance to join Tenth Avenue North on tour for several weeks this spring as he wrapped up his senior year in High School. Alex has a special place in the hearts of Tenth Avenue North because he began a fan site for the band all the way back when he was in middle school.
Jamie Grace this week was celebrating the fact that there is finally some diversity in the emjoi’s available. She tweeted: so happy there are finally brown people emojis. However, Jamie has already found a problem. She found that, if you don’t have the latest update, the new emoji’s show up as aliens rather than people.
To kick off the release of his new CD Live Forever, Matthew West is staging quite a promotional event. West is planning to do 24 Shows in 24 Hours on the release date, April 28. At midnight he will embark on the non-stop special event, visiting 24 different spots in and around the Nashville area in 24 hours. Matthew West will be performing at such places as the historic Ryman Auditorium, Tri-Star Children’s Hospital and Women’s Center, Teen Challenge in Madison, and ASCAP on Music Row. He is also slated to sing the National Anthem at the Vanderbilt vs. Belmont baseball game. Nashville’s local NBC affiliate will be filming part of the day’s events and several of the concerts will go across the globe via Skype. https://t.e2ma.net/message/jo7dfb/fhz75d
Group 1 Crew front man Manny Reyes says his new record is forcing him in to a new season of faith. Manny shared on Facebook: Every part of my emotions and flesh wanna give up everyday cause of the insecurity and pressure of succeeding. But how beautiful it is to be put in a position where everything is out of your hands and the only thing you can do is trust Him! I don’t know about you, but I look forward to seeing if my faith is real or not. I’m done with just saying I trust Him, I want to put those words into action. Whatever may come Lord, you’re the goal! Nothing else matters.
Citizenway’s Ben Blascoe is feeling a lot of emotions as the band pushes through a intense stretch of concerts. Ben tweeted on night 7 of an 11 night stretch. He said he was: Exhausted. Homesick. Frustrated. Thankful. Inspired. and Hopeful all at the same time.
Christy Nockels says first class is for wimps. The worship leader was on an all night flight to London this week with her husband. She said she was spending the night sitting up really straight with a screaming baby in the seat behind her. But she was looking on the bright side. Christy said: just think how much money we didn’t spend.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Manure trade show’s slogan contest produces pile of entries
Entries are piling up for a slogan contest being held this year by the North American Manure Expo. The trade show, now in its 13th year, showcases the latest technology in manure handling, treatment and application. It’s being held in July in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. An official event slogan has…
|Romania: robbers trained to steal jewels, cars detained
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Prosecutors detained 14 people Friday who are suspected of belonging to a network of well-dressed robbers who were trained to rob luxury items in Romania and the European Union. The alleged leader was among those detained and prosecutors have asked for their arrest….
|Thief sneaks ice cream cooler past sleeping store clerk
OAKLAND PARK, Fla. (AP) — Deputies in Florida say a thief worked for 15 minutes to drag a cooler full of Good Humor ice cream past a sleeping clerk at a gas station near Fort Lauderdale. Surveillance cameras captured a man walking up to the Oakland Park store at 4:09 a.m. on April 2 to find…
|Firefighters rescue man who wedged inside wall to evade cops
MONROVIA, Ind. (AP) — A central Indiana man who hid inside a wall in his home to avoid arrest had to be rescued by firefighters after he became wedged next to its chimney for more than a day. Steven Shuler was trying to avoid arrest on a probation violation Monday when he squeezed down a…
|Teen wears fake bomb to ask date to prom, gets suspended
LA CENTER, Wash. (AP) — A Washington teen who strapped fake explosives to his body in a stunt to ask a date to prom has been suspended from school. HASH(0x13d9c10) The 18-year-old senior says he was trying to go all out with his proposal, wearing a vest filled with paper-tube props made to…
|Loose moose munching on leaves in Idaho park gets captured photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Wildlife officials have wrangled a moose that meandered through a park in Idaho’s largest city, the second sighting of the animal captured last year in Boise. The 400-pound young female moose snacked on leaves and laid down in the shade Thursday in the park on the north…
|Dog rescued in Kansas after 13 days under concrete slab photo
DERBY, Kan. (AP) — A miniature dachshund has been rescued after spending 13 days trapped underneath a concrete slab at her home in Kansas. HASH(0x13fd030) Owner Rebecca Felix says her other dog, Thor, had acted interested in the spot where Lucy was buried. But it wasn’t until last Thursday…
|Coyote urban: String of sightings in Manhattan this year photo
NEW YORK (AP) — One moseyed around Manhattan’s East Village. Another was caught in trendy Chelsea. Yet another rambled through a Hudson River park this week. Tourists? Hipsters? Coyotes. A string of recent sightings in Manhattan has drawn new attention to the wily critters that have been…
|Barn owl halts removal of 41-foot nutcracker in Oregon park
ROSEBURG, Ore. (AP) — All this barn owl family wants is the chance to raise their children in a stable home. A 41-foot, 18,000-pound, coconut-crushing stable home that workers were planning to dismantle with a 10-ton crane. The massive wooden nutcracker erected in River Forks Park couldn’t be…
|China to crack down on strippers at rural funerals
BEIJING (AP) — Chinese officials are launching a campaign to crack down on stripteases and other lewd shows that have become popular at funerals in some rural areas, the Ministry of Culture said Thursday. The ministry said in a statement that it will tighten control over rural culture, where…
|Philadelphia college mistakenly congratulates the rejected
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Drexel University in Philadelphia is apologizing to hundreds of applicants who were denied admission but then mistakenly received follow-up emails congratulating them on getting in. The university says the follow-up emails were intended only for admitted students. Though…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Unusual ice cream recalls raise questions about cause photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Major recalls from two well-known ice cream companies due to the discovery of listeria bacteria raise questions about how the pathogen could have contaminated multiple ice cream manufacturing plants — and whether the discoveries are related. Blue Bell Creameries of…
|Q&A: What’s listeria and how is it traced to ice cream? photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — New technologies account for one way that the government is tracking a life-threatening outbreak of listeria linked to Blue Bell ice cream products. Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries recalled all its products this week after listeria was found in a variety of the company’s…
|CDC using new technology to track listeria Illnesses photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The government is relying on some new technology — as well as a bit of luck — to track an outbreak of life-threatening listeria linked to Blue Bell ice cream products. Texas-based Blue Bell Creameries recalled all its products this week as listeria was found in a…
|Q&A: What is listeria? Bacteria found in Blue Bell ice cream photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Blue Bell Creameries is pulling all of its products off the shelves after samples of its ice cream tested positive for a potentially deadly bacteria — listeria. The recall announced late Monday includes ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet and frozen snacks distributed in…
|VA pledges broad review of claims processing
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Department of Veterans Affairs said Wednesday it has launched a top-down review of its handling of disability claims and pledged to punish those who falsify data as pressure mounted on Capitol Hill for personnel changes amid mismanagement investigations in Philadelphia…
|Health officials probe cause of suspected botulism at picnic
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Heath officials said Wednesday they are working to determine which food from a church potluck might have caused a suspected botulism outbreak that left one person dead and 23 others sick. Doctors and officials said at a news conference Wednesday that health workers are…
|Worried sick over canine flu? Tips to help protect your pup photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — An outbreak of canine flu has sickened more than 1,000 dogs in the Midwest, killing a handful and stirring concern among animal lovers nationwide that the highly contagious virus will sideline their pets. Experts blame the epidemic on a strain called H3N2 that is seen in…
|Guinea: 11 accused in Ebola worker deaths get life sentences
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — A Guinea court sentenced 11 people accused of killing eight Ebola health workers and journalists last year to life in prison on Tuesday. Judge Mamadou Diop released 15 other suspects at the conclusion of the trial, according to state TV. The trial in the remote town of…
|Trader Joe’s Sweet Apple Chicken Sausage is recalled
MONROVIA, Calif. (AP) — Trader Joe’s customers who bought the chain’s Sweet Apple Chicken Sausage are urged to throw it out amid concerns plastic may have made its way into the packages. The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced this week that Massachusetts-based sausage maker Kayem Foods…
|Task force: Mammograms in 40s a choice, but don’t skip at 50
WASHINGTON (AP) — Women should get a mammogram every two years starting at age 50 — and while routine screening brings little benefit in the 40s, beginning it that early should be a personal choice, a government task force said Monday. Also, there’s not enough evidence to tell if new…
|Lawmakers seek FDA review of ingredients used in cosmetics
WASHINGTON (AP) — Two U.S. senators introduced legislation Monday that would require the Food and Drug Administration to evaluate and report on some of the ingredients used in cosmetics and personal-care products such as shampoo and skin cream. The bill would require the FDA to investigate at…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A woman allegedly used forged documents to pose as an estate lawyer for a decade and made partner at her Pennsylvania firm before her fraud was discovered. Kimberly Kitchen has been charged with forgery, unauthorized practice of law and felony records tampering. Prosecutors say Kitchen fooled BMZ Law by forging a law license, bar exam results, an email showing she attended law school and a check for a state attorney registration fee. Kitchen handled estate planning for more than 30 clients despite never having attended law school. ***MARLAR: Leonardo DiCaprio has already been signed on for the film adaptation – “Catch Me If You Can… Again.”
A Florida robbery suspect arrived at a bank robbery drunk. When Stanley Geddie got to the Central City Bank, he owed $25.50. He allegedly told the driver: “I will take care of you when I come out.” Geddie then walked into the bank and asked to speak to the manager, who invited him into his office. Geddie then allegedly said: “I’m here to rob the bank.” He told the manager he was a carrying a .357 gun and C-4 plastic explosives and would “blow this place up” if he didn’t get $100,000. Witnesses told police that Geddie seemed drunk during his alleged bank-robbery-by-taxi. ***MARLAR: But at least he was a responsible drunk and hired a sober designated driver.
A 4-year-old girl grabbed her purple raincoat, slipped out of her house at 3AM Friday morning and boarded Philadelphia bus. Driver Harlan Jenifer says the girl climbed up into a seat as she chanted: “All I want is a slushie.” Authorities say the girl’s family didn’t know she had awoken and unlocked the back door. The bus driver, a father of three, stopped the bus and called police. They took the girl to a hospital, where she was reunited with her mother. ***MARLAR: The most important part of this story is where was she going to get that slushie, because wherever it is, you know they’ve got some pretty danged good slushies!
According to the head of a House committee investigating the terrorist attacks in Benghazi, former secretary of State Hillary Clinton decided to “wipe her server clean” and permanently delete all e-mails from the personal server. ***MARLAR: Alright, so she has agreed to cooperate with the investigation and turn over all emails from her server… which comes to a grand total of zero emails? As if we’re not going to see right through that one, Hillary?
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
New evidence shows that drinking is bad for your image even if you don’t open your mouth. According to a paper from the University of Michigan’s Scott Rick and the University of Pennsylvania’s Maurice Schweitzer, just holding a glass of alcohol makes you look stupid. It does not matter if you’re male or female, or whether you drink beer or wine — if people see you drinking, they think you’re dumber than you’d otherwise appear.” ***MARLAR: And if you’re drunk while listening to this, you’re a complete moron.
British researchers say missing DNA may be to blame for severe obesity in some children. A study on 300 obese children found evidence that the lack of certain chunks of DNA may be promoting extreme weight gain. ***MARLAR: I knew being a fat slob wasn’t my fault. Now where are my Cheetos?
Taking low doses of aspirin can reduce the risk of many kinds of cancer, and the evidence is strong enough to suggest people over 40 should take it daily as protection. According to some experts, while taking aspirin carries a small risk of stomach bleeding, that risk was beginning to be “drowned out” by its benefits in reducing the risk of cancer and the risk of heart attacks. ***MARLAR: Plus, if your stomach is bleeding, it won’t matter because you’re already taking aspirin for the pain!
Computers may be necessities, but they’re not exactly beloved. In an online survey by the University of Maryland, 20 percent of respondents said they’d gotten so angry at a computer that they’d “crashed” it by throwing it to the floor. Others admitted cursing, smashing and microwaving their computers. One man said he’d thrown his laptop in a deep fryer, and three men had shot their computers. ***MARLAR: You have to expect a little attitude from your computer when you keep calling it “Mac.”
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Time Clocks”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear, Nozzles the Elephant, and Sully the Aardvark all traded their blue-handled tools to Racquet the Skunk so he’d make all of them custom badminton racquets. But Racquet has a plan… a way to make his friends keep buying more racquets so he can get rich…
CLOSE: Looks like we’re about to find out if these new racquets are going to be the racket Racquet wants them to be. That is, we’re going to find out if the new racquets break easily – forcing Racquets friends to buy new ones. Will Racquet’s scheme work? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 02/03, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: And you thought YOU were busy! Tune in again next time – if you have time, that is – to see what the jungle animals do about their own time problems! As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A man tries not to get a speeding ticket from an automated camera – but ends up getting 23 speeding tickets!
A Netherlands man decided to defeat an automated camera used to catch speeders. His plan was to speed past the camera 23 times on his motorcycle, covering his license plate with his hand, expecting that the camera would run out of film. What he did not realize was that the camera can take 800 pictures on a roll of film. So when he passed yet again, with his license plate NOT covered by his hand, the police had all the evidence they needed to give him not one, but 23 speeding tickets in the mail… totaling $4,526. Duh!
TOP TEN REASONS CATS MAKE BETTER PREACHERS THAN DOGS
- Preachers have a hard enough time getting to the point, do you really want one who likes to chase his tail?
- Cats aren’t in the Bible, therefore, there is no conflict of interest!
- Dogs can preach OK, but the panting and tail wagging is so distracting!
- Studies show that “marking” one’s congregation is a substantial barrier to church growth!
- Playing with yarn has so many spiritual applications!
- No one likes to be barked at!
- Purring has calmed many a contentious annual meeting!
- Most dogs have a hard time distinguishing between ushers and mailmen!
- Do you really want to smell “wet dog” after every baptism? — let alone having to deal with the dry-off spray!
- Cats know lots about free will!
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
When someone suggests that you take the bus – they don’t mean that you should literally TAKE the bus.
FILE #1: In Memphis, Tennessee, Allen Glazier was caught driving a stolen Greyhound bus. He stole his first bus in Kansas, drove it to Jackson, Mississippi, where he stole another bus, drove it to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and stole yet another Greyhound and drove it to Memphis. It was a stop at a truck stop that got him in trouble. After filling up the bus, Glazier told the attendant to “bill it to Greyhound.” While he was waiting for his receipt, the cops were called.
FILE #2: Here’s a story with two morals: don’t drink, and don’t rob houses! An alleged burglar in Romania was caught by the owners after falling asleep in the house he was robbing. The 29-year-old broke into the house where he found two bottles of liquor. Believing the owners would not be back for a while, he decided to have a quick drink while watching television and drifted off. When the owners returned they called the police who arrested the sleeping robber without any difficulties.
FILE #3: An Iowa man ended up in hospital after a fight over whether to watch TV in a nightspot. Police in Des Moines say the man was trying to keep a TV turned on at Estrada’s restaurant, but another man turned it off and an argument began which spilled outside. Two opposing groups began fighting and 31-year-old Edin Rekanovic was hit over the head by people armed with bats and clubs.
STRANGE LAW: It is against the law to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool in Baldwin Park, California.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Apparently a seeing-eye dog doesn’t work if you’re drunk… and behind the wheel of a car.
An ill-advised trip on golf cart ended with a long drive into a rough spot when a blind man — accompanied by his guide dog — steered the vehicle along two miles of winding paths in Peachtree City, Georgia. Peachtree City, about 25 miles south of Atlanta, has about 80 miles of paved cart paths and 9,000 registered carts that residents use for daily tasks like going to the grocery or taking children to school. But it was never intended to be used by the blind driving golf carts (who would ever create anything for that?) Police say a drunken friend, Michael Johnston, gave instructions to the blind man, Samuel McClain, to enable him to negotiate the twists and turns of the paved path. Also riding in the cart was McClain’s guide dog, a golden retriever. The journey came to a sudden end when McClain rammed the cart into a parked car. ***MARLAR: He’s now claiming it isn’t his fault, as his dog didn’t tell him to swerve.
If we could only deduct ____ our family would NEVER owe taxes…ever!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who wanted to marry Dinah, Jacob’s daughter?
ANSWER: Shechem (Genesis 34:8)
QUESTION: The Hollywood Sign in California was first erected in what year?
ANSWER: The Hollywood sign was first erected in 1923. It was first erected as “Hollywoodland.”
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The Wayside Inn, founded in 1408, is America’s oldest inn still in operation. (False, it was founded in 1702, in Massachussetts)
- The first umbrella factory in the U.S. in 1928. (True)
- The most common denominational preference of U.S. presidents has been Episcopalian. (True)
- Donald Duck has a sister named Ducklingling. (False, her name is Dumbella)
- According to the song “A Pirate’s Life for Me,” the pirates are still loved by their “mommies and dads.” (True)
- In addition to the movie “Ratatouille,” the movies “Aristocat” and “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” also take place in Paris. (True)
- North Dakota’s state flower is the red clover. (False, but Vermont’s is)
- John Wesley Powell, who explored the Colorado River and the Grand Canyon in the 1860s, had only one arm. (True)
- The National Geographic Society is the largest nonprofit scientific and educational institution in the world. (True)
- Actress Cameron Diaz, as an 11-month-old, was featured in a TV commercial for Gainesburger puppy food. (False, that was Drew Barrymore)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
FEATHERED _______ (DINOSAUR)
A close cousin of Tyrannosaurus rex discovered in China is the biggest feathered dinosaur ever found.
The huge predator Yutyrannus Huali measured almost 30 feet and weighed more than a tonne – it’s 40 times heavier than any previous feathered dinosaurs.
Like T. rex it was a formidable predator, but – unlike its famous relative – was covered in downy feathers.
Scientists believe the feathers had no connection with flight and would have been used to keep the animal warm.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
After a long, bumpy flight, air passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the attendants checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, the pilot found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying “Much love, Mom.” Quickly, he gave the bag to one of the gate agents in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. In few minutes, this announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: “Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?”
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize… you guessed it…. his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled. The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed and tore his skin, and finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the “ceremony.” But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting, and scratching the boy’s face. Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said, “Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!”
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month’s outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him–he sauntered in. “Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?”
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
British doctors say many women who try to juggle family and career are suffering from a new malady called “stressorxia,” or losing weight because they’re too busy to eat properly. ***MARLAR: Check it out – stress has a GOOD side!
A study in Britain suggests that the idea of a “male menopause” may actually be a myth promoted by drug companies. ***MARLAR: So my mood swings and hot flashes are caused by something else?!?!
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.
“SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?” demanded the coach.
“Well” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
MAN GETS BEAT FOR ORDERING A THICKER SHAKE FROM McDONALDS
A Michigan man says when he complained to the employees of a Detroit McDonald’s that his milk shake was watery, they beat him up. He’s now suing the hamburger giant and the franchise owner. The $100 million lawsuit says that Alfred Pointer and his wife, Tijuana, went through the drive-up and ordered several items — including a milk shake. Pointer complained his shake was watery and allegedly was instructed to park and enter the restaurant. The suit said the manager and several workers then started beating him and that, when his wife intervened, she was beaten as well. Pointer says as a result of the beating, he has suffered partial blindness. ***MARLAR: Boy, when they say, “You deserve a break today,” they literally mean it!
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.” Proverbs 13:12. Christ certainly felt the burden of a city that refused His grace (Luke 19:41). Jerusalem had every opportunity to repent, having seen great miracles and having heard the Lord’s greatest sermons. The knowledge that Jerusalem would finally reject and crucify Him caused Jesus to weep over a lost opportunity. Paul also felt heartsick over Israel’s rejection of the Gospel: “My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief for my people, my Jewish brothers and sisters. I would be willing to be forever cursed—cut off from Christ!—if that would save them” (Romans 9:2-3). Have you ever thought that a certain person would surely repent after hearing a particular sermon or experiencing an especially painful situation in his life, and yet he did not? Intercession can arise from deferred hope, knowing that God is waiting to bless, but human beings are resisting. The pain and agony of watching others miss God’s best in their lives should be turned into a continual prayer on their behalf. Keep on standing for your lost loved ones. As long as they are alive and breathing, there is still hope. Imagine the joy you will experience when they turn their lives over to God!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Luke 11:1-13
As He was praying in a certain place, . . . one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray.” —Luke 11:1
The president of a large company wanted to talk to the factory’s manager about an urgent matter. But the manager’s secretary said, “He cannot be disturbed. He’s in conference—as he is every day at this time.”
“Tell him the president wants to see him,” the man responded impatiently.
The secretary firmly replied, “I have strict orders, Sir, not to disturb him while he is in conference.”
Angrily, the man brushed past the secretary and opened the door to the manager’s office. After one quick look he backed out, gently closed the door, and said, “I’m sorry!” The president had found his manager on his knees in front of his open Bible.
The purpose of a daily devotional time is to stimulate regular, intimate meetings with the King of kings. We need to seek new orders and instructions each day from the One who has planned our lives and provided for our needs.
Jesus Himself spent regular time in prayer and inspired His disciples to pray (Luke 11:1). He gave them what we know as The Lord’s Prayer and told them to keep asking, seeking, and knocking (vv.9-10).
Have you spent time in conference with God today? It’s never too late to start. —M. R. De Haan, M.D.
Begin the day with God,
Kneel down to Him in prayer;
Lift up your heart to His abode,
And seek His love to share. —Anon.
Begin the day with prayer; end it with praise.
A 90-year-old woman is locked in a bank vault all night!
A 90-year-old woman was released after accidentally getting herself locked in a bank’s vault overnight. Police called off their search for the woman after bank staff found her when they arrived for work. They say the woman was in a good condition when she emerged from the vault. It appears she was inside looking at the contents of her safety deposit box when staff closed the door at the end of the business day.
LIFE… LIVE IT
GO TO CHURCH AND LIVE LONGER
There’s a study that shows those who attend church regularly live 10% longer than those who never attend services! The life expectancy for regular churchgoers is 82, and 83 for those who attend more than once a week. Non churchgoers live an average of only 75 years.
JUST FOR FUN
How many times have you watched your favorite movie? Twenty? Fifty? Maybe a hundred times? One man has rented a Rambo movie to watch every night for the past 10 years!
Rudy Wajzchek rents a movie every single day. A ‘Rambo’ movie. He’s been doing this for several years. Rudy has seen every one of the ‘Rambo’ movies hundreds of times. He knows all the dialog by heart. In 1991, the bus driver won a VCR in a contest, his prize included a free movie rental per day–for life. Rudy’s wife left him 7 years ago–she said she couldn’t take it anymore. The video rental store offered to give him free copies of all the Rambo movies–but Rudy says he enjoys dropping by the store each day after work. Has he ever considered renting a non-Rambo movie? No. Rudy says the store once mistakenly put a Steve Martin comedy in the box–but he took it back. After ten years of watching Rambo every night, Rudy says he still enjoys the action in the movies–and he may one day write a fan letter to Sylvester Stallone. ***MARLAR: And he promises to continue watching the movies until he can finally figure out what Sylvester Stallone is saying.
REASONS FOR SITTING AT THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH
- Statistics show that the front of the church building is the safest in the event of natural disaster.
- You can see if anything’s caught between the preacher’s teeth. Then watch him as you smile and point.
- There’s still a lot of padding in these seats since they’re almost like new.
- You only have to comb the back of your hair and iron the back of your shirt or blouse.
- It’s easier to trip the Ushers and Deacons.
- No one will hear your stomach make all those “alien” noises.
- You’re the Treasurer and want to keep your eye on the collection.
- You want to justify that feeling you’ve always had that everyone’s looking at you.
- You’re mad at everyone in the church and want to make sure no one sits beside you.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
As I set out in my 30s to build my empire, which fell significantly short of an actual empire, I sought counsel from several successful business people. One of my most important questions was how to structure a new venture. The response I heard most resoundingly was, “avoid partnerships!” And in particular, equal partnerships! I took that counsel to heart.
Over the years, I have come to understand why that is sage advice. The idea of partnerships is grand — at the beginning. Two people have a different set of skills and knowledge. Put together, they should create a synergy that becomes quite powerful if they have good business sense and work well together. Of course, their business needs to be a viable and sought-after enterprise.
That being said, partnerships can easily become a burden. In most cases, one partner is smarter than the other. Eventually, that becomes apparent. Sometimes very quickly. Views begin to conflict over growth strategies, expenses, office space, location…and the list is too long to continue.
What does this sound like? To me, it sounds like a marriage. Two people begin the journey with the best of intentions. Their foundation is built on “love.” And then reality hits. Unless the couple gets help—sometimes professional help—lookout.
Thus I was quite intrigued over the weekend to see a New York Times story about how two men who bonded well in college went on to start a successful tech firm. These guys really connected. They do a LOT together besides business. They are joined at the hip.
But like a married couple—and these men are not romantically linked—they have issues. They disagree over things. They fight. They make up. The stress of this relationship falls on their coworkers. It gets difficult.
So what do they do? Get ready. They get counseling! Yeah…like marriage/relationship counseling. The article is titled “Anger Management: Why the Genius Founders Turned to Couples Therapy.” You should read it. In an odd way, it’s funny. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/19/fashion/anger-management-why-the-genius-founders-turned-to-couples-therapy.html?emc=edit_th_20150419&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012
So here’s a big takeaway I learned. “Counseling has become a popular way for young technology entrepreneurs to work out their differences. ‘Except for the sex, founders have the same interdependency as married couples,’ said Peter Pearson, a founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, who holds that businesses and romantic relationships fail for similar reasons.”
Imagine that. Two grown up men sitting in their counselor’s office pouring out their baggage. And getting…help. What a concept!
Now here’s a powerful addition. People, who receive God’s great gift of reconciliation to Him through Jesus, receive a BIG bonus. Along with the guilt-free complete forgiveness of sin, they are given the Holy Spirit! The Bible describes the Holy Spirit as a real person—Who actually becomes a part of your human life.
To what benefit? I will use the Amplified Bible to give this full treatment. Here is what Jesus tells His disciples, as recorded in John 14:26: “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.”
To be clear, every single person who receives God’s truth about Jesus is given this special gift Who resides within. The Spirit guides, comforts, and interacts on our behalf before the Heavenly Father. Amazing. But only those who receive Jesus by faith have this. You might well call it, an “inside advantage.”
Make no mistake. Do followers of Jesus often require coaching, marriage counseling, and other forms of professional help? Certainly. But if their hearts are tuned right, there are insights galore with which to be blessed.
Now the unscrupulous might wonder if this Spirit would help with insider trading. For that I say, “You naughty person. You need to go to Sunday School.”
End of story.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Is red meat really bad for the environment?
Some say that you can help the environment by cutting red meat from your diet and instead eating chicken, fish or vegetables. While the green crowd has urged people to buy more locally produced food because it requires less fuel for shipping, a new study has found you can help the environment even more by skipping red meat. According to a new study, the production of red meat is nearly 150 percent more greenhouse-gas-intensive than chicken or fish. The good news for beef lovers is that even if you skip it just one day a week you’ll eliminate more greenhouse gasses than you would by buying all your food from local sources. ***MARLAR: So I can shop locally or give up prime rib? Hmm… I guess gas prices aren’t THAT bad.
Coming May 4th, 2015!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
Facebook users are a key part of how the company makes its money — and the social network can put a price on how much revenue the average user helped generate over the past quarter by interacting with advertisements. An ABC News report found that, for the first quarter of 2015, the average Facebook user helped bring in $2.50 of revenue to the company. However, looking at it geographically, the average user in the United States and Canada contributed significantly more revenue, totaling $8.32. Facebook received $3.54 billion in revenue over the past quarter. http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/heres-money-made-facebook-quarter/story?id=30511094&ts=true
Mary Doyle Keefe, the model for Norman Rockwell’s iconic 1943 Rosie the Riveter painting that symbolized the millions of American women who went to work on the home front during World War II, has died. She was 92. According to ABC News, Keefe died Tuesday in Simsbury, Connecticut, after a brief illness. Keefe grew up in Arlington, Vermont, where she met Rockwell — who lived in West Arlington — and posed for his painting when she was a 19-year-old telephone operator. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/model-rockwells-rosie-riveter-painting-dies-92-30507675
New research suggests that deprivation of an amino acid called arginine may contribute to Alzheimer’s disease. According to Time Magazine, that finding could help usher in new treatment strategies for patients suffering from the debilitating illness. According to the story, a team at Duke University focusing on the immune system found that cells designed to protect the brain from infection will uncharacteristically consume arginine during the early stages of Alzheimer’s. They say further tests are needed find ways to better block the arginine consumption process. http://ti.me/1OdtSPA
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” –Pancho Villa (last words)
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
APRIL 24, 2015…
Little Boy—This is an unusual story about a small boy, age seven, who decides he wants to end WWII. He and his father are great friends, but when the father is called to go to war, the boy begins to worry about his safety. It is a story of faith…lots of faith. Hmm, see what happens here. Stars include Jakob Salvanti, Kevin James, Emily Watson, Ted Levine and Tom Wilkinson. “Little Boy” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Water Diviner— This film is the directing debut of actor Russell Crowe and is adapted from the novel by Andrew Anastasasios and Dr. Meghan Anastasasios. The premise has a farmer in the Balkans, after WWI, trying to locate his sons who are soldiers. He finds graves, but are the sons really dead? Also in the cast are Olga Kuylicho, James O’Toole and Jai Courtney. “The Water Diviner” is rated R. No rating.
Infinitely Polar Bear (opening in select cities)—Mark Ruffalo and Zoe Saldana star in this romance comedy about a man, who is bi-polar, decides to pay more attention to his two young, energetic daughters and give his wife a break. Keir Dullea is in the cast, too. “Infinitely Polar Bear” is rated PG 13.
Age of Adaline—-This is a story of a woman (Blake Lively) who doesn’t age. Fifty-plus years go by and she looks the same. One person knows her secret, her aging daughter. Enter romance, and what to do? Also in the cast are Kathy Baker, Amanda Crew, Ellen Burstyn and Harrison Ford. “Age of Adaline” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for this interesting story.
MAY 01, 2015…
Avengers: Age of Ultron has just about every Marvel comic book hero who can hold a script in it. Enjoy.
She’s Funny That Way is brave to go against “Avengers: Ultron” this week. “She’s Funny…” is a comedy about a stage star and the people in her life. Stars Imogen Poots and Owen Wilson.
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