August 01, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150801

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Hey–we’re having a (SATURDAY) — and you’re all invited!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” –Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

 

Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. — Hebrews 12:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

To all who received him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. — John 1:12-13

 

Thought: We live in a time and culture of rights. “It’s my right to ___.” Just fill in the blank. But we don’t have a right to be God’s child. We are given that right by God’s grace. This right came to us at great cost to God. Jesus came to earth, lived, died and was raised from the dead. We receive this grace through faith: God gives us new birth as we trust in Jesus as Lord and we are baptized and reborn through the power of the Holy Spirit (John 3:3-7; Titus 3:3-7). To be born of God, to be born from above, to be born “again” is the gift of adoption into God’s family and brings us all the rights of heirs in God’s house (Galatians 3:26-4:7).

 

Prayer: Abba Father, thank you for including me in your family. May my life today reflect your influence, character, mercy, holiness, compassion, righteousness, and love. I want to be like you, my Father. So just as I was born into your family by the power of the Holy Spirit, please fill me with your Spirit today so that I will reflect you in all I do and say this day. In the name of my older brother Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 8:1 NIV = therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – AUGUST 01, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 147 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

This is G.I. JOE DAY. In 1964 Hasbro Toys introduced GI Joe, an 11½-inch “action figure” that sold for $4.00. The doll was inspired by the 1945 Robert Mitchum movie, The Story of GI Joe. ***MARLAR: They were realistic too! As they aged, their hair began to fall out.   At least mine did.

 

Today is RESPECT FOR PARENTS DAY.  ***MARLAR: The bible says you’ll live longer if you do!

 

MTV DAY. In 1981 MTV (Music Television) debuted in some two million homes. ***MARLAR: Ironically, the first music video on MTV was “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles. Yet radio lives on, and videos on MTV have been killed.

 

Today is WORLD WIDE WEB DAY, marking the birth of the World Wide Web in August 1990 at the Europe Laboratory for Particle Physics in Switzerland. Tim Berners-Lee and Robert Cailliau developed a prototype Web browser and introduced HTML – which stands for “Hypertext Markup Language.” ***MARLAR: And at 2:06pm that same afternoon it was the very first sending of spam.

 

SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE WEEK begins today.  ***MARLAR: Which computers and the internet were supposed to do for us… obviously that didn’t happen. No need getting upset about it though, because…

 

August is HAPPINESS HAPPENS MONTH, sponsored by the Secret Society of Happy People in Coppell, Texas.  ***MARLAR: How SECRET can you be if you tell everybody what city your secret society is in, what it’s called, and you’re publicly sponsoring an entire month telling people to be happy?

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Girlfriend’s Day

India Pale Ale Beer Day

Mead Day

National Minority Donor Awareness Day

National Mustard Day

Respect For Parents

Rounds Resounding Day

Sandcastle Day

Spider-Man Day

US Air Force Day

World Lung Cancer Day

World Wide Web Day

World Scout Scarf Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, AUGUST 02

Friendship Day

National Doll Day

National Kids’ Day

Sister’s Day

Take a Penny/Leave a Penny Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 03

Assistance Dog Day

Friendship Day

National Psychic Day

Watermelon Day

 

TUESDAY, AUGUST 04

Coast Guard Day

National Chocolate Chip Day

Single Working Women’s Day

Social Security Day

National Night Out

 

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 05

National Oyster Day

National Underwear Day

 

THURSDAY, AUGUST 06

Hiroshima Day

National Fresh Breath Day

National Root Beer Float Day

 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 07

Braham Pie Day (Homemade Pie Day)

International Beer Day

Kool-Aid Day

Lighthouse Day

Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day

Professional Speakers Day

Purple Heart Day

Tomboy Tools Day

Twins Day

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 08

Dalek Day

International Hangover Day

International Cat Day

The Date to Create

Happiness Happens Day

Middle Child Day

Odie Day

National Bowling Day

National Garage Sale Day

Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors’ Porch Night

 

SUNDAY, AUGUST 09

International Day of The World’s Indigeneous People

Veep Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 10

National Duran Duran Appreciation Day

Paul Bunyan Day

Skyscraper Appreciation Day

Smithsonian Day

S’mores Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1790: The first U.S. census was completed, showing a population of just under 4 million people.

 

1927: In a vacant hat warehouse in Bristol on the Tennessee-Virginia border, the Carter Family, A.P., Sara, and Maybelle, recorded their first song for the Victor Talking Machine Company. Later the same week, the Singing Brakeman Jimmie Rodgers recorded his first song in the same warehouse. Commercial country music was born.

 

1957: Jerry Garcia’s mom gave him an accordion for his 15th birthday. He hocked it and bought a guitar.

 

1960: Parkway Records released single #811: Chubby Checker’s “The Twist.”

 

1964: Hasbro Toys introduced GI Joe, an 11½-inch “action figure” that sold for $4.00. The doll was inspired by the 1945 Robert Mitchum movie, “The Story of GI Joe.”

 

1973: The movie “American Graffiti” opened nationwide. It starred Ron Howard, Candy Clark, Richard Dreyfuss, Harrison Ford, Cindy Williams, McKenzie Phillips, Susan Richardson, and Herby & The Heartbeats.

 

1981: MTV debuted in some two million homes. The first music video was “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles.

 

1988: Rush Limbaugh began his syndicated radio show with 56 stations. Today more than 600 stations carry Rush’s political commentary.

 

1994: Lisa Marie Presley confirmed rumors that she had married pop star Michael Jackson on May 26 in the Dominican Republic. The couple divorced less than two years later.

 

1995: British newspapers announced that London residents could now purchase lawn and garden insurance against damage by moles, squirrels, and rabbits. The new policy would cost $28.00 a year.

 

1996: Two Swedish cats in Stockholm caused $45-thousand worth of damage after flooding their owner’s home while locked in the bathroom. Roger Sjoberg said he always locked the cats in the bathroom to keep them from tearing up the place.

 

1998: Scott Gehrke and Lorrie Kilgore married above Perris, California, in a 55-second ceremony. The Rev. Rick Lemons officiated as the trio parachuted from 13,000 feet. The groom said the couple fell for each other and decided to take the ultimate plunge into matrimony.

 

2002: Pizza dough spread across Chippewa County, Wisconsin, after hot weather caused yeast to rise and pop open the back of a Tombstone delivery truck. The truck driver didn’t notice for 25 to 30 miles. Police said it “was quite a mess.” Workers removed as much dough as they could, but some stuck to the asphalt.

 

2004: Alexandra Scott, a young cancer patient who started a lemonade stand to raise money for cancer research, sparking a nationwide fund-raising campaign, died at her home in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania, at age 8.

 

2005: Bypassing U.S. Senate opposition with a recess appointment, U.S. President George W. Bush named John Bolton to be the United States envoy to the United Nations.

 

2006: A 6-year-old Doberman guard dog named Barney went berserk at a London children’s museum and ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley. Barney ripped the head off Mabel, Elvis’ brown stuffed bear, leaving fluffy stuffing on the museum floor. Mabel was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff. The bear collection was worth $900,000. Mabel had been loaned to the museum by an English collector. No word on what happened to Barney. (Probably in rehab).

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1714: The “Schism Bill,” which was intended to reestablish Catholicism in England, dies with its chief supporter, Queen Anne. For years, Dissenters regarded the date as a day of deliverance, the “Protestant Passover.”

 

1779: Francis Scott Key, author of “The Star-Spangled Banner” and a devout Episcopalian who helped establish the American Sunday School Union, is born.

 

1834: The first Protestant missionary to China, Robert Morrison, dies at age 52. The Englishman’s translation of the Bible, completed in 1823, filled 23 volumes.

 

1897: Pope Leo XIII issues the encyclical Militantis Ecclesiae, which describes Protestantism as the “Lutheran rebellion, whose evil virus goes wandering about in almost all nations.”

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (North, Die Hard) Taylor Fry 33
  • Actress (“The Cosby Show’s” Vanessa Huxtable) Tempestt Bledsoe, 41 (
    )
  • Actor (Soapdish, Born on the Fourth of July) Rob Camilletti, 50
  • Actor (The Good Girl, Drew’s brother Steve on “The Drew Carey Show”) John Carroll Lynch, 51 (
    )
  • cartoonist Tom Wilson (“Ziggy”) 81

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1779 : Francis Scott Key

1942 : Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

1946 : Boz Burrell (Bad Company)

1947 : Rick Coonce (The Grass Roots)

1947 : Rick Anderson (The Tubes)

1951 : Tommy Bolin

1951 : Tim Bachman (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)

1953 : Robert Cray

1958 : Michael Penn

1959 : Joe Elliot (Def Leppard)

1960 : Suzi Gardner (L7)

1960 : Chuck D (Public Enemy)

1963 : Coolio

1964 : Adam Duritz (Counting Crows)

1981 : Ashley Angel (O-Town)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How can scientists investigate life’s origin when it supposedly occurred so long ago?

It’s a big problem. Think about this–in 1995 there was a murder trial involving a famous athlete that went on for many months. If lawyers and the forensic scientists had such a hard time trying to reconstruct an event that occurred just months earlier, how can scientists ever reconstruct what happened supposedly millions or billions of years ago?  Do creationists and evolutionists argue about photosynthesis, how a computer works, or how to put up a space shuttle? No, they don’t disagree about those things. But do they argue about origins? Most definitely!  So what’s the difference? Current technology deals with what we can observe in the present. But, when it comes to origins and the past, this is outside real science because we don’t have the past with us! In Genesis, though, we have a record of a witness who has been there in the past when it was all created… and that is the basis for TRUE science.  Observation.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Crowder concerts are unique. From laser lights to a cabin front porch, the concerts have a feel all their own. But Crowder’s music company says that isn’t the only unique aspect of a crowder show. Members shared this week: he featured a petting zoo available before a recent show in Atlanta.

 

Jimmy Needham this week pointed out another difference between men and women. Jimmy tweeted: My wife just clipped her nails over the trash can. I clipped mine into my hat.

 

David Crowder fans need to be ready to go at a moments notice. Crowder tweeted this week: Wanna be in a Crowder video? Get to PCC in Atlanta in the next 30 minutes.

 

TobyMac is having to wait to listen to his own album. A record rep shared this week on twitter that one of the perks of his job was getting to listen to Tobymac’s new CD This is Not a Test more than a week ahead of it’s scheduled August 7th release. Tobymac replied: Man, I don’t even have one yet cause I’m out of the country. He will be in Canada through the end of the week.

 

Lincoln Brewster was on stage earlier this month leading worship but it wasn’t with his guitar. Instead, he was sharing a message from Romans 8. As part of the message, Lincoln asked: Have you ever wanted to do great? I mean really succeed. With all your might you wanted to make the team, give the speech, sell the product, win the girl, score the winning point, finish on top, win the prize, etc. etc. etc. but instead of winning you failed. Have you ever blown it? Then you will want to listen to Lincoln Brewster’s entire message.

http://www.baysideonline.com/weekend/lincoln-brewster-freedom-from-failure/

 

Do you have better rhythm that worship leader Paul Baloche? I played an online game this week called Got Rhythm and says he only scored 681 out of 1000 points. Now he’s asking if you can do any better? Find out! http://t.co/joGBQblERE

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

New Hampshire baby receives lifetime hunting-fishing license
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — A 6-month-old New Hampshire boy has become the first child to get a newborn hunting and fishing license in the state. Daylen Brickley’s grandfather read about the state program in a hunting and fishing magazine. The family from Milford bought the license July 23, the…

 

Soup kitchen offers free meal for return of Jesus statue
PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — “Have you found Jesus?” That’s what employees at a Rhode Island soup kitchen are asking after a religious statue disappeared from the kitchen’s garden. Pawtucket Soup Kitchen Director Adrienne Marchetti says on Wednesday that she last saw the statue, which depicts…
US court says drug-sniffing dog fails the smell test    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Lex the police dog from central Illinois is far from top dog in drug-sniffing skills. That’s the core finding of a potentially influential new ruling from the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which considered the question of how much police should rely on their K-9 partners…
Diner en Blanc: New York leads world’s biggest popup picnic    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five thousand people dressed in white got together for the world’s largest popup picnic at a location revealed only at the last moment. Guests for Tuesday’s Diner en Blanc, French for Dinner in White, showed up at one of 24 designated spots where the secret venue was…
Man says he petted zoo cougars after calling ‘Here, kitty’
DELAWARE, Ohio (AP) — A man who jumped a fence to pet cougars at the Columbus zoo and posted video of it on YouTube says he jokingly called “Here, kitty” and moved closer when the animals seemed to respond. Joshua Newell of suburban Gahanna pleaded no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor…
2 houses from ‘Breaking Bad’ for sale in Albuquerque    photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Two houses featured on the hit AMC-TV series “Breaking Bad” are up for sale in Albuquerque. A mother-daughter realty team said this week they are helping sell the home where the fictitious Jesse Pinkman made methamphetamine. The two-story, 3,500-square foot,…
Summer snow turns Wyoming mountains into winter wonderland    photo
TETON VILLAGE, Wyo. (AP) — The middle of summer looked like the middle of winter in the mountains of western Wyoming. A cold front that moved through Monday afternoon dumped heavy rain on the valleys and snow above 9,000 feet. Officials at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort say they saw the storm…
Ohio State coach Meyer, mascot celebrated in butter at fair    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Winning another national championship has made Urban Meyer a butter man. The Ohio State University football coach and Buckeyes mascot Brutus are being honored with butter sculptures at this year’s Ohio State Fair, which opens Wednesday in Columbus. The life-size…
Cops: 2-state chase began over warrant for stolen underwear
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police say a man who led officers on a wild two-hour chase spanning two states had been facing charges of stealing $21 worth of underwear from a supermarket. Police records show 54-year-old Robert Ritter was accused of stealing a pack of underwear and a package of T-shirts…
Fugitive’s role in horror film leads to his arrest    photo
TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. HASH(0x1433880) Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant near the set. Stange pleaded guilty…
Snow piles from record-breaking Buffalo storm still melting    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — People from Buffalo hear it all year — over the phone or while traveling: “Buffalo? Got snow there?” The answer, still: “Why, yes!” Two piles remain in one abandoned lot where trucks dumped it after a freak November storm buried neighborhoods in so much snow —…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

APNewsBreak: Gov’t finds health law co-ops awash in red ink    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nonprofit co-ops, the health care law’s public-spirited alternative to mega-insurers, are awash in red ink and many have fallen short of sign-up goals, a government audit has found. Under President Barack Obama’s overhaul, taxpayers provided $2.4 billion in loans to get the…

 

Free checkups helping Special Olympics athletes stay healthy    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — They arrived in Los Angeles by the thousands to run, jump and swim and to play such team sports as soccer and softball. This week, however, Special Olympics athletes from around the world also are taking part in what could be called the Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat events….
NYC health department investigates Legionnaire’s outbreak
NEW YORK (AP) — The New York City Department of Health is investigating an outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease in the South Bronx. The department said Wednesday that 31 cases have been reported in the area since July 10. Two patients reported to have the illness have died, and the department is…
Planned Parenthood seeks fed study of fetal tissue research    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Under fire for its role in providing fetal tissue for research, Planned Parenthood asked the government’s top health scientists Wednesday to convene a panel of independent experts to study the issues surrounding the little-known branch of medicine. Planned Parenthood’s…
Health care spending to accelerate, US report says    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — It’s lasted six years. But now welcome relief from rising U.S. health care costs seems to be winding down. Health care spending will outpace the nation’s overall economic growth over the next decade, the government forecast on Tuesday, highlighting a challenge for the next…
Human fetal tissue long used for variety of medical studies    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Controversy over Planned Parenthood’s supplying fetal tissue for research has focused attention on a little-discussed aspect of science. Some of the organization’s affiliates, in fewer than five states, provide the tissue, according to Planned Parenthood. An anti-abortion…
Then & Now: Medicare and Medicaid turn 50    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare and Medicaid into law on July 30, 1965, roughly half of Americans 65 and older had no health insurance. “No longer will older Americans be denied the healing miracle of modern medicine,” Johnson said at the bill signing. “No…
Immigrants, poor fish for their dinner, unaware of mercury    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — It’s midday and the white bucket balanced on the rocky shore at Mountha Uppasay’s feet holds five or six white bass, moving sluggishly in the water she scooped from the Des Moines River. She and her husband, who are immigrants from Laos, have been fishing since shortly…
Correction: Lake Erie Algae story
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — In a story July 28 about toxins in lakes, The Associated Press reported erroneously on the affiliation of Milt Miller. He is restoration manager for Grand Lake St. Marys, not Lake Erie. A corrected version of the story is below: Ohio city detects Lake Erie toxins that led…
Court orders EPA to redo air-pollution limits in 13 states    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal appeals court on Tuesday ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to relax some limits it set on smokestack emissions that cross state lines and taint downwind areas with air pollution from power plants. At the same time, the court upheld the EPA’s right to…
Surgeon who helped pioneer key CPR technique dies at 87
MIAMI (AP) — Dr. James Jude, one of the experts credited with pioneering life-saving cardiopulmonary resuscitation, has died. He was 87. Peter Jude says his father died early Tuesday in Coral Gables after an extended illness. Jude says his father always wanted to help people, noting CPR has…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Mouse-flavored Cat Food”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Unmedicated Silent Birth”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey had encouraged all of the jungle animals to keep dropping coconuts on their heads. He called it “clunking”. And while all of the animals were doing it, Sully would not – but now Sully is angry, because he found his nephew clunking – because he saw Millard do it!

 

CLOSE: Banning clunking? Is that really the answer? Is clunking truly as bad as Sully is making it out to be? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 01/02, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!

 

CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Two guys wanting to celebrate Independence Day end up celebrating a Moment of Duh instead!

Independence Day might be over, but the stories of true inDUHvidualism involving fireworks is far from over! From Chicago, Illinois comes today’s Moment of Duh, with James Kowalski and Josh Fineman wanting to celebrate the Fourth of July. These two guys weren’t willing to pay the high prices for fireworks though, so they decided to make some of their own. They filled 10 small balloons with explosive acetylene gas and planned to ignite them at a party later in the day. Loading up their car to head to the party they threw the balloons in the back and slammed the door. A spark ignited the balloons, blowing up the car and throwing James and Josh several feet. Fortunately, they suffered only minor cuts and burns, can’t say the same for their car though.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN UPGRADES FOR WHATEVER IS TAKING OVER IN PLACE OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE

 

  1. Fondu Set in docking area (for impromptu parties at the International Space Station).

 

  1. Replaced that one funny-shaped doohickey that nobody knew what it was for.

 

  1. Cup holders that work in zero G.

 

  1. Beaded seat cushions.

 

  1. Removal of the unpopular “power windows” option.

 

  1. Spoiler and chrome exhaust tips!

 

  1. Stick shift.

 

  1. Fuzzy dice.

 

  1. Espresso machine.

 

  1. A thumpin’ stereo and spinners on the landing gear.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man is summoned into court for the third time in three months… yet he never shows up. It may have something to do with the fact that he’s dead.

 

FILE #1: John Boorey was arrested after getting into a loud altercation with his girlfriend and her mother over an e-mail his girlfriend supposedly sent to another man. John was hauled off to jail and was released a short time later after posting $1000 bail. Conditions of his release included the stipulation that he not have any contact with his girlfriend or her family. He was absolutely, positively forbidden to get in touch with them. On the way out of the courthouse Mr. Boorey stopped at a pay phone and placed a brief call before heading out of the building. Of course, you know who he called. His girlfriend. Collect. She didn’t take the call but she did call the cops who arrested John Boorey (or should I say, “John Bozo”?) before he made his way out of the courthouse parking lot.

 

FILE #2: Raymond Green was charged with breaking and entering even though he didn’t steal anything. Apparently, Raymond had a friend who wanted to have his head shaved. For some reason, he didn’t feel that his own living room was the right place to do the job, he decided that his friend’s head could be better shaved on the front porch of a nearby house. Only one problem–it was dark. So Raymond simply let himself into the house to turn on the porch light. Unfortunately for him the residents were home at the time and they called the cops. No word on whether the buddy ever got his head shaved.

 

FILE #3: Vince is a large Rottweiler guard dog at a factory in Melbourne, Australia. One night, career criminal Jeff Sutherly broke into the factory, and when confronted by vicious Vince, the crook began speaking affectionately to the pooch… and it worked. The dog not only let the guy steal 30-thousand dollars worth of stuff, but it also followed Jeff back to his hideout. When police finally caught up with the crook, they found him in bed with his new best friend, Vince, at his feet.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Baltimore, Maryland, it’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Can you be arrested for driving under the influence even if your car’s engine wasn’t on? Apparently so, in Indiana!

Two women who took turns steering a broken-down vehicle face drunk driving charges after their slow-moving car crashed into a parked car. Kaylyn Kezy of Gary, Indiana, was pushing the disabled car, while Melissa Fredenburg steered from the passenger seat. The two were moving the car into a parking lot at a nearby motel when spotted by police. Both women had blood-alcohol levels of 0.17 percent, more than twice the state’s legal limit to drive. Authorities said the women were operating the vehicle while intoxicated – even though the car’s engine wasn’t working. A prosecutor acknowledged the charges could be difficult to prosecute in court. According to Deputy Prosecutor Adam Burroughs, who authorized the charges, “The statute and case law supports (a DUI charge) … but it will be interesting to see.” Burroughs said that the office had prosecuted drunken drivers who were stopped in restaurant drive-through lanes or who were on private property. Bicycles and motorized wheelchairs are about the only vehicles in which a person would be unlikely to face a drunken-driving charge, he said.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Do you think that your husband “really” listens to you when you speak? Rest assured that he does – it just doesn’t “look like he is”. Research has proven that when women listen to other women speak, they use an average of six expressions within 10 seconds to reflect and feed back the feelings of the person talking to them – basically mirroring the emotions being expressed by the speaker. On the other hand, men remain impassive while listening, so as not to betray emotions. And that typically answers why a woman will frequently accuse a man of not listening. Ladies, do you really “buy” this explanation or do you think that your husband really just ignores you?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What nation saw 185,000 of its soldiers slaughtered by an angel of the Lord?
ANSWER: Assyria (2 Kings 19:35)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many words in the English language contain the vowels A, E, I, O, U in their proper order?

ANSWER: Five… and they are facetious, abstemious, abstentious, arsenious and arteriosus.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Fingernails grow nearly twice as fast as toenails. (False – they grow four times faster)

 

  1. In England, in the 1880’s, “Pants” was considered a dirty word. (True)

 

  1. The average person laughs 5 times a day. (False – fifteen)

 

  1. Female dog bites are twice as numerous as bites inflicted by male dogs. (True)

 

  1. A cow spends 18 hours a day chewing. (True)

 

  1. In the military, when soldiers refer to a “klick,” they’re talking about one kilometer. (True – or .62 of a mile)

 

  1. Mozart wrote the music for the song “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”. (True – and he wrote it when he was just five years old)

 

  1. Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of women’s feet. (True)

 

  1. The Empire State Building sways in the wind. (True. During a severe windstorm or rainstorm the Empire State Building may sway several feet to either side.)

 

  1. The estimated weight of the Great Pyramid of Egypt is 6,648,000 tons. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

________ BRAINS ARE SHRINKING AT AN ALARMING RATE (HUMAN)

Scientists were startled to discover that human brains, for some unknown reason, are shrinking!

Human brains shrink as people grow old, unlike even our closest animal relative, says a new study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that highlights what researchers call the unique character of human aging.

BUT, the most alarming finding of the study is that human brains are 17% smaller than they were even back in 1930.

“We already knew that human brains shrink as they age, but when we compared brains from today with brains from the 1930s, 1960s and 1990s, we noticed an alarming trend – human brains are shrinking.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The fellow had recently succumbed to promotions for satellite TV, which advertised non-stop sport day and night.  It was to be expected, however, that his wife did not share his enthusiasm.

One evening she could take it no longer and confronted her husband: “It’s like this every day,” said she.  “It’s true–you love football more than you love me.”

Such a cosmic question was new to the man, and several moments’ reflection was in order. “Why, yes, I do,” he said.  “But I can sincerely say,” he continued thoughtfully, “that I love you more than baseball …”

 

JOKE #2

A man was driving down a country road when he saw a baby pig along side the road. He stopped and picked it up and headed home to the city with his new found pet. As the man drove home, the piglet jumped up on the shelf in the back window and paced back and forth – creating quite a distraction for passing motorists.

After entering the city limits, a cop saw this pulled the car over.

“Hey, What are you doing with that pig in the car?”, the cop asked

The driver replied, “Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field so I thought he’d make a great pet.”

The cop responded, “I want you to take that pig to the zoo!”

The driver agreed and drove off.

The next day the cop saw the guy driving around with the pig in the back window again and pulled him over.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT PIG TO THE ZOO!!” he yelled.

“Well, I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now.”

 

JOKE #3

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him, “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough,. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and upon seeing the numerous gold bars Peter exclaims, “You could bring anything you wanted to Heaven – and you brought pavement?!!!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A restaurant in China paid $75,000 for a giant golden tiger fish because it’s believed to be good luck. ***MARLAR: The fish died during transport.

 

An Oregon man on vacation is accused of putting his 2 teenagers in the trunk because the car was too small to handle all 4 of his children.  ***MARLAR: As is his I.Q.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

ROUTINE PHYSICAL

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.
“How much do you weigh?” she asks.
“Oh, about 165.” he says.
The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, “Your height?”
“Oh, about six feet,” he says.
The nurse checks and sees that he’s only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it’s very high.
“High!” The man explains, “Of course it’s high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I’m short and fat!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

BREAK A LEG

Stand up comedy may be fun to watch, but it’s considered one of the toughest jobs on the planet – and in once case it caused a broken ankle for the performer!

In the United Kingdom, comedian Mark Olver brought a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Break a Leg’ when he took to the stage in a Bristol comedy club. Within just 15 seconds of taking hold of the mic at Jesters, his left knee gave way and, as he collapsed in a heap, he broke his ankle. The audience thought it was all part of the act. The 28-year-old, who has been a stand-up comic for four years, continued telling jokes as he lay on the floor unable to move and lapsing in and out of consciousness with the pain from his dislocated knee. It was only when paramedics arrived on the scene about 20 minutes later that the audience began to realize the fall hadn’t been planned as part of the performance. Mark said: “I was in a lot of pain, but managed to do about 15 minutes of material while on the floor, passing out every now and then because of the pain, and then coming round to do the punchline.” He got a standing ovation on his way out. Or so he was told — he was basically passed out by that time.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE ROBBERS REPENT

by J. H. Zachary

Every week Pastor Karro Rao gathered the tithes and offerings from the churches of his district in southwestern Papua New Guinea to take to the mission office. The week’s offerings usually amounted to close to 3,000 kinars (U.S. $1,500).

As he made his way along the narrow path, a bamboo pole suddenly fell across his pathway, and four robbers surrounded him. One wielded a knife; another, a homemade gun. “Are you carrying money?” they asked.

“Yes,” the pastor answered truthfully.

“Then hand it over,” one man ordered.

“I can do that” the pastor answered. “But you must know that this money does not belong to me. I am a pastor. This money was given by my church  members for the work of God. I have five kinars of my own money that I will give to you, but I urge you to not touch God’s money.”

“Give us all of the money!” the robbers ordered threateningly.

Pastor Rao gave the bandits all the money he was carrying. After the bandits disappeared, Pastor Rao hurried to a telephone and called the mission office to report the theft. Then he asked the office staff to pray
that  God would help get the money back. Six days later Pastor Rao was walking along the same pathway when a bamboo pole again dropped across the path in front of him.

This time the pole had a plastic bag attached to it. It was his money bag. Before he could retrieve the bag, the same four criminals surrounded him. “Please take this money and give it for God’s work,” one man said.

Curious, the pastor asked, “What happened to change your mind?”

“We wanted to buy some beer and get drunk. But when we tried to open the bag of money, our hands began to shake so violently that we could not open it.”

Pastor Rao answered, “Thank God! He loves you so much, and He has a better life planned for you. I am sure that you do not want to spend the
rest of your life hurting people.”

Pastor Rao developed a friendship with these men, and within a few months one of them was baptized. The others are still preparing to experience that better life that pastor Rao has promised them.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FOOLISH BAGGAGE

Read: 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us. —Hebrews 12:1

In 1845, the ill-fated Franklin Expedition sailed from England to find a passage across the Arctic Ocean.

The crew loaded their two sailing ships with a lot of things they didn’t need: a 1,200-volume library, fine china, crystal goblets, and sterling silverware for each officer with his initials engraved on the handles. Amazingly, each ship took only a 12-day supply of coal for their auxiliary steam engines.

The ships became trapped in vast frozen plains of ice. After several months, Lord Franklin died. The men decided to trek to safety in small groups, but none of them survived.

One story is especially heartbreaking. Two officers pulled a large sled more than 65 miles across the treacherous ice. When rescuers found their bodies, they discovered that the sled was filled with table silver.

Those men contributed to their own demise by carrying what they didn’t need. But don’t we sometimes do the same? Don’t we drag baggage through life that we don’t need? Evil thoughts that hinder us. Bad habits that drag us down. Grudges that we won’t let go.

Let’s determine to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us” (Hebrews 12:1). —Dave Egner

 

The world has lost its transient lure—
Its evil spell I shun;
I’ve set my course for higher things
Till earth’s brief race is run. —Bosch

 

Keep out of your life anything that would crowd Christ out of your heart.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

How much do you love your favorite restaurant? Enough to have it permanently inked on your body?

Peter Johnson loves the All In One restaurant in Brighton, England. A lot. He not only eats there five days a week, he had the restaurant’s name and phone number tattooed on his forehead. All In One’s owner Nasser Bandar says he doesn’t give Johnson free food, “because he did it on his own free will. But whenever he comes in, he’ll go straight to the front of the queue.” Johnson says the tattoo is no big deal. “Some people, including my family, think I am crazy. But I like tattoos, so why not?”  ***MARLAR: Maybe because someday they might change their phone number?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Where You Live Affects Your Blood Pressure!

Researchers have discovered that people who live in neighborhoods with more opportunities for exercise and better grocery stores had a lower risk of having high blood pressure. The findings found that income and education level didn’t have as much to do with blood pressure as environment. Walkable streets, recreational areas and better access to healthy foods may make it easier for people to exercise and maintain a healthy diet, researchers at the University of Michigan said. Stress may also play a role. Living conditions that make it hard for people to relax and recover from life’s daily stresses might contribute to blood pressure problems.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

Just because you’re receiving free books for libraries does not mean those books are worthy of being received.

When the Tennessee-based Cracker Barrel restaurant chain ran a promotion to give free books to libraries, customers thought it was a great idea. The libraries were a little less enthusiastic. The Gilbert, Ariz., library, for instance, wasn’t sure what to do with the 11,796 copies of the same preschool book, 1,000 copies of “Quick and Easy Pasta” and 200 copies of “How To Use Microsoft Windows 95” it received. “We can find a creative way of doing something with the children’s books,” said county library director Harry Courtright, “but Windows 95 is of no value to anybody.” The restaurant chain said it did not get a chance to review the titles. It didn’t say what it would do to make up for the useless gifts. (Arizona Republic)  ***MARLAR: Maybe the library can send the Cracker Barrel a few hundred copies of “Promotions for Dummies.”

 

 

FUN LIST

LAWS OF COMPUTING

  • When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
  • When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
  • The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
  • When the going gets tough, upgrade.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
  • To err is human . . . To blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

If one of your excuses for not going to the gym is that weight lifting and treadmills are boring, it looks like you’ll have to come up with a new way to weasel out of it.

…Now that they have to compete with dance studios and adult sports leagues, gyms are coming up with creative new ways to get fit. Classes like “Karaoke Spin,” “Pogo Bootcamp,” and “Stiletto Strength,” are among the latest gym crazes.  Among the benefits of taking different classes is that you work muscles that may not get a regular workout and help you avoid the so-called ‘plateau’ that people get when they do the same workout over and over. Plus, working out with others builds camaraderie, making it easier to stick with it.  ***MARLAR: But for me personally, I don’t work out because it makes me tired.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

While American drivers routinely exceed the speed limit, getting caught is more expensive in some states than in others. To find out which states take the hardest line on dangerous driving behavior, the website WalletHub conducted an in-depth analysis of 2015’s Strictest States on Speeding and Reckless Driving. The site looked at 12 key metrics ranging from what speeds are automatically considered reckless driving to how many speeding tickets it takes to earn an automatic license suspension. Based on their findings, the state taking the hardest line on speeding was Colorado. It was followed by Arizona, Delaware, New Mexico and… Illinois.

http://ow.ly/PSYee

 

An ancient, charred Torah scroll from 1,500 years ago has been translated as a text from the book of Leviticus. According to ChristainToday.com, The Hebrew scroll was discovered 45 years ago by archaeologists in a burned down synagogue but researchers have only just been able to decipher it. It is the oldest known scroll after the 2,000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls. Scientists at the Dead Sea lab at Israel’s Antiquity’s Authority and Kentucky university used micro_CT scanners and 3D reconstruction to establish that the scroll consisted of verses from the second book of Leviticus.

http://bit.ly/1KiCRiP

 

The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association has announced plans to broadcast a couple of festivals in August live online. Franklin Graham will be joining with popular artists to spread the gospel message in Birmingham, Alabama August 14 through 16 and in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma August 22 and 23. If you can’t attend in person you can tune in online. They’ll both be aired at billygraham.org/live.

http://billygraham.org/live

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I believe the President of Wal-Mart doesn’t buy his suits at Wal-Mart.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Following Your Dreams Is Dangerous

Is there such a thing as an “entrepreneur gene?” You know, something innate that becomes the drive for some to take risks. To step out on their own. To follow their dreams.
I’m pretty sure my father had that innate drive. While family security was important, he had the urge to take on new things. His limited efforts in this way were not met with success. For a number of reasons.
My wiring definitely has some of that. I have stepped out aggressively more than once, raising capital for a new venture. And then I helped my wife start a publishing business several years ago. Additionally, I helped launch two nonprofits. It’s fun to be in the “start with a dream and see it work” business.
The verdict on whether genetics is involved is mixed. But what seems to be a very common indicator for success is a little more clear. And it has to do with…family money.
First, an Inc Magazine story on this topic reports findings from The Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology at Kings College, London. In short, their research concluded:
• 37 to 48 percent of the tendency to be an entrepreneur is genetic.
• The tendency to identify new business opportunities is in your genes.
• Self-employment income is heritable, which means that genetics affect not only the tendency to engage in entrepreneurship, but also the ability to perform it.
• The tendency to have personality traits such as extroversion, openness, etc., has a genetic component. This suggests that your genes could affect your tendency to be an entrepreneur by influencing the type of personality you develop.
(see http://www.inc.com/adam-heitzman/how-entrepreneurship-might-be-genetic.html)
But the success factor of entrepreneurship comes from a second article. It’s titled, “Entrepreneurs don’t have a special gene for risk—they come from families with money.” (http://qz.com/455109/entrepreneurs-dont-have-a-special-gene-for-risk-they-come-from-families-with-money/)
Here we learn that “the most common shared trait among entrepreneurs is access to financial capital—family money, an inheritance, or a pedigree and connections that allow for access to financial stability.” When basic needs are met, it’s argued, it’s easier to be creative. Safety nets encourage more risk taking.
A University of California Berkeley study of entrepreneurs revealed most were white, male, and highly educated. Not all, but most. And without family money, success chances drop quite a bit.
On the personality trait side, resilience stands out, along with extroversion and openness as noted earlier. And genetics do play a factor here. It’s still risky business. But as one woman who runs in circles of entrepreneurs says, “Following your dreams can be dangerous.”
This information was quite revealing to me. If I was counseling others on whether to take the leap and start a new venture, I would now have an even more cautious mindset. At least as it applies to business startups.
To the contrary, the spiritual life often demands from us a “leap of faith.” Hebrews, chapter 11, is a classic piece of scripture on the “halls of faith.” Here are a few verses specifically about Abraham:
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.”  (Hebrews 11:8-10 NLT)
For a person to have an authentic spiritual life—which will certainly impact our work life as well—faith comes into play. To move confidently into areas where insecurity dwells, it is best to know the voice of God. The sensitivity to hear God’s voice comes by abiding in Him. Leaps of faith are not such big jumps when our hearts are properly tuned.
And in terms of “family wealth” as a safety net, remember: God not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills…he owns the real estate as well.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

JULY 31, 2015…

 

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation—This time, Tom Cruise is hanging from the side of a plane in flight. The next “Mission Impossible” film probably has him hanging from the side of a rocket. Anyway, this particular story has Ethan Hunt (Cruise) fighting the Syndicate and is aided by Rebecca Ferguson. Also in the cast are Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner. “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

The Gift—Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall have to come to grips with a secret when an old friend visits. This film is directed and also stars, Joel Edgerton. “The Gift” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Vacation—Ed Helms is married to Christina Applegate and Ed  plays the son of Chevy Chase from the “National Lampoon” vacation films.  Here, he decides to take his family to Walley World and retrace the childhood steps. For fans, Chevy Chase has a cameo and also in the cast are Chris Hemsworth and Leslie Mann. “Vacation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)—Jesse Eisenberg plays a reporter from “Rolling Stone” magazine who wants to have an interview with writer David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel). This is set in the mid 1990’s.  “The End Of The Tour” is rated R. No rating.

 

AUGUST 07, 2015…

 

Dark Places is based on the Gillian Flynn novel about a 25-year-old murder in Kansas. Stars Charlize Theron.

 

The Diary of a Teenage Girl is based on the book by Phoebe Glockner and stars Kristen Wiig.

 

Fantastic Four, and what more can one say?  Comic book heroes are back.

 

Nicki and the Flash has Meryl Streep as a rock star who is asked to help the family she abandoned.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.