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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150802
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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. –1 John 4:7
Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. — Jeremiah 32:17
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. — Titus 2:3
Thought: “Teach… to teach!” We need faithful women in God’s family to help show us the way to reverence God in our daily lives and to live with character. That means we need to teach these women they need to teach. We need to pray for them to step forward and be mentors. We must openly respect their reverent lifestyles and acknowledge their godly character.
Prayer: Holy and righteous Father, please raise up women of strong character and faithful service. Give us the eyes to see their godly lives and a willingness to hold them up as examples to your people. Thank you for the many godly women in our Christian heritage who have had tremendous impact for good — women like Deborah, Esther, Mary, Dorcas, and Priscilla. I also want to thank you for those godly women who have made such a great difference in my life and taught me so much about faith, hope, and love. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Romans 8:2 NIV = “…because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
TODAY IS SUNDAY – AUGUST 02, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 146 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is MAKE SOME OLD-FASHIONED LEMONADE DAY, squeezing real lemons and using real sugar and real water. ***MARLAR: When I was growing up I thought lemonade was made by just adding water. Go figure. And why do they use artificial lemon flavoring with the lemonade mixes, but use real lemons for cleaning products? Now if I want an authentic lemonade I have to use a twist of Mop-n-Glow!
Today is HUG A DEEJAY DAY. ***MARLAR: In fact, as a joke, everybody should just show today and give (OTHER JOCK) a big hug.
Today is NATIONAL ICE CREAM SANDWICH DAY. ***MARLAR: Personally, I prefer mine on pumpernickel – but that’s just me.
PSYCHIC WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: But then, if you’re a psychic you already knew that.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
COMING UP NEXT
MONDAY, AUGUST 03
TUESDAY, AUGUST 04
Coast Guard Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day
National Night Out
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 05
THURSDAY, AUGUST 06
National Fresh Breath Day
FRIDAY, AUGUST 07
Braham Pie Day (Homemade Pie Day)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day
Tomboy Tools Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 08
International Hangover Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Middle Child Day
National Garage Sale Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors’ Porch Night
SUNDAY, AUGUST 09
International Day of The World’s Indigeneous People
MONDAY, AUGUST 10
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
ON THIS DAY
1876: Jack McCall shot Wild Bill Hickok in the back as he played poker at a saloon in Deadwood, Dakota Territory. Hickok held black aces and eights, which became known as the “dead man’s hand.” McCall was hanged.
1938: In a game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St. Louis Cardinals, the first yellow baseball was tested. Johnny Mize was the only major leaguer ever to hit a yellow home run.
1943: PT-109, commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy, sank after being rammed by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri off the Solomon Islands. The future president was credited with saving members of the crew; he was awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for heroism, and the Purple Heart for his injuries.
1945: Norma Jean Dougherty filled out an application for the Blue Book Modeling Agency. Later, she would change her name to Marilyn Monroe.
1961: The Beatles began a 2-year engagement of some 300 shows at Liverpool’s Cavern Club.
1963: Eric Clapton quit The Roosters to form Casey Jones and the Engineers.
1967: In their first pre-season game, the New Orleans Saints lost to the Rams 77 to 16.
1984: Charles Schultz’ comic strip “Peanuts” was added to the Portsmouth Daily Times, making it the first comic strip to appear in 2,000 newspapers.
1987: Eurythmics guitarist Dave Stewart and Bananarama’s Siobhan Fahey were married in Paris.
1987: Disney re-released “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” 50 years after the film’s original release.
1997: “Frasier” star Kelsey Grammer tied the knot for the third time, this time, to model Camille Donatacci at a private ceremony in Malibu, California.
1998: A woman called San Francisco Animal Control to complain that an iguana was “staring at” her cat. The “iguana” turned out to be a 4-foot crocodile named Ernest, who escaped while his owner was moving. Though he reported Ernest missing, the owner kept moving because it’s illegal to own a crocodile in San Francisco.
2000: The Republican Party nominated George W. Bush and Dick Cheney to head its ticket for the November U.S. elections.
2001: A Muskegon, Michigan, man was charged with unlawful use of a harmful device after he blew up his home while sniffing propane gas and smoking marijuana. No one was seriously injured in the blast, which blew the home off its foundation and damaged two neighboring houses.
2004: Crude oil prices rose sharply after the terror alert in the United States was hiked over an al-Qaida threat, posting a then-record $43.92 a barrel before slipping back.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1100: William the Conqueror’s son and successor Rufus, a wicked king who delighted in torture, seizing church property, and blasphemy, is mysteriously killed while hunting by an arrow that flew out of nowhere. No one mourned, and England took his eternal damnation for granted.
1640: Joseph Chiwatenhwa, a faithful Huron Indian Christian is butchered as he carries a message for the Jesuits.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress Hallie Eisenberg (The little girl in Bicentennial Man, How To Eat Fried Worms, the girl in the old Pepsi commercials) 23
- actor (The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Visitation) Eddie Furlong 38
- actress (“Weeds”, Amy Gardner on “The West Wing”, Ruth Jamison in Fried Green Tomatoes) Mary-Louise Parker 49 (
- comic (“Saturday Night Live”, UHF) Victoria Jackson 56 (
- actress (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Dr. Madison Wesley on “Diagnosis Murder”, Beverly Bridge on “Boston Legal”) Joanna Cassidy 70 (
- actor (Laurence of Arabia, Troy, 1967’s Casino Royale spoof of James Bond) Peter O’Toole is 83
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1900 : Helen Morgan
1935 : Hank Cochran
1937 : Garth Hudson (The Band)
1939 : Edward Patten (Gladys Knight and the Pips)
1941 : Doris Kenner-Jackson (The Shirelles)
1941 : Andrew Malcolm (The Herd)
1943 : Kathy Lennon (The Lennon Sisters)
1951 : Andrew Gold
1961 : Pete De Freitas (Echo And The Bunnymen)
1970 : Zelma Davis (C and C Music Factory)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How far can spiders travel on a thread of silk?
By casting a thread of silk into the breeze spiders are able to ride wind currents away from danger or to parachute into new areas. Often they travel a few meters but some spiders have been discovered hundreds of miles out to sea. Researchers have now found that in turbulent air the spiders’ silk moulds to the eddies of the airflow to carry them further.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Crowder concerts are unique. From laser lights to a cabin front porch, the concerts have a feel all their own. But Crowder’s music company says that isn’t the only unique aspect of a crowder show. Members shared this week: he featured a petting zoo available before a recent show in Atlanta.
Jimmy Needham this week pointed out another difference between men and women. Jimmy tweeted: My wife just clipped her nails over the trash can. I clipped mine into my hat.
David Crowder fans need to be ready to go at a moments notice. Crowder tweeted this week: Wanna be in a Crowder video? Get to PCC in Atlanta in the next 30 minutes.
TobyMac is having to wait to listen to his own album. A record rep shared this week on twitter that one of the perks of his job was getting to listen to Tobymac’s new CD This is Not a Test more than a week ahead of it’s scheduled August 7th release. Tobymac replied: Man, I don’t even have one yet cause I’m out of the country. He will be in Canada through the end of the week.
Lincoln Brewster was on stage earlier this month leading worship but it wasn’t with his guitar. Instead, he was sharing a message from Romans 8. As part of the message, Lincoln asked: Have you ever wanted to do great? I mean really succeed. With all your might you wanted to make the team, give the speech, sell the product, win the girl, score the winning point, finish on top, win the prize, etc. etc. etc. but instead of winning you failed. Have you ever blown it? Then you will want to listen to Lincoln Brewster’s entire message.
Do you have better rhythm that worship leader Paul Baloche? I played an online game this week called Got Rhythm and says he only scored 681 out of 1000 points. Now he’s asking if you can do any better? Find out! http://t.co/joGBQblERE
WEIRD & WACKY
|New Hampshire baby receives lifetime hunting-fishing license
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — A 6-month-old New Hampshire boy has become the first child to get a newborn hunting and fishing license in the state. Daylen Brickley’s grandfather read about the state program in a hunting and fishing magazine. The family from Milford bought the license July 23, the…
|Soup kitchen offers free meal for return of Jesus statue
PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — “Have you found Jesus?” That’s what employees at a Rhode Island soup kitchen are asking after a religious statue disappeared from the kitchen’s garden. Pawtucket Soup Kitchen Director Adrienne Marchetti says on Wednesday that she last saw the statue, which depicts…
|US court says drug-sniffing dog fails the smell test photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Lex the police dog from central Illinois is far from top dog in drug-sniffing skills. That’s the core finding of a potentially influential new ruling from the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which considered the question of how much police should rely on their K-9 partners…
|Diner en Blanc: New York leads world’s biggest popup picnic photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five thousand people dressed in white got together for the world’s largest popup picnic at a location revealed only at the last moment. Guests for Tuesday’s Diner en Blanc, French for Dinner in White, showed up at one of 24 designated spots where the secret venue was…
|Man says he petted zoo cougars after calling ‘Here, kitty’
DELAWARE, Ohio (AP) — A man who jumped a fence to pet cougars at the Columbus zoo and posted video of it on YouTube says he jokingly called “Here, kitty” and moved closer when the animals seemed to respond. Joshua Newell of suburban Gahanna pleaded no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor…
|2 houses from ‘Breaking Bad’ for sale in Albuquerque photo
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Two houses featured on the hit AMC-TV series “Breaking Bad” are up for sale in Albuquerque. A mother-daughter realty team said this week they are helping sell the home where the fictitious Jesse Pinkman made methamphetamine. The two-story, 3,500-square foot,…
|Summer snow turns Wyoming mountains into winter wonderland photo
TETON VILLAGE, Wyo. (AP) — The middle of summer looked like the middle of winter in the mountains of western Wyoming. A cold front that moved through Monday afternoon dumped heavy rain on the valleys and snow above 9,000 feet. Officials at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort say they saw the storm…
|Ohio State coach Meyer, mascot celebrated in butter at fair photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Winning another national championship has made Urban Meyer a butter man. The Ohio State University football coach and Buckeyes mascot Brutus are being honored with butter sculptures at this year’s Ohio State Fair, which opens Wednesday in Columbus. The life-size…
|Cops: 2-state chase began over warrant for stolen underwear
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police say a man who led officers on a wild two-hour chase spanning two states had been facing charges of stealing $21 worth of underwear from a supermarket. Police records show 54-year-old Robert Ritter was accused of stealing a pack of underwear and a package of T-shirts…
|Fugitive’s role in horror film leads to his arrest photo
TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. HASH(0x1433880) Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant near the set. Stange pleaded guilty…
|Snow piles from record-breaking Buffalo storm still melting photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — People from Buffalo hear it all year — over the phone or while traveling: “Buffalo? Got snow there?” The answer, still: “Why, yes!” Two piles remain in one abandoned lot where trucks dumped it after a freak November storm buried neighborhoods in so much snow —…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|APNewsBreak: Gov’t finds health law co-ops awash in red ink photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nonprofit co-ops, the health care law’s public-spirited alternative to mega-insurers, are awash in red ink and many have fallen short of sign-up goals, a government audit has found. Under President Barack Obama’s overhaul, taxpayers provided $2.4 billion in loans to get the…
|Free checkups helping Special Olympics athletes stay healthy photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — They arrived in Los Angeles by the thousands to run, jump and swim and to play such team sports as soccer and softball. This week, however, Special Olympics athletes from around the world also are taking part in what could be called the Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat events….
|NYC health department investigates Legionnaire’s outbreak
NEW YORK (AP) — The New York City Department of Health is investigating an outbreak of Legionnaire’s disease in the South Bronx. The department said Wednesday that 31 cases have been reported in the area since July 10. Two patients reported to have the illness have died, and the department is…
|Planned Parenthood seeks fed study of fetal tissue research photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Under fire for its role in providing fetal tissue for research, Planned Parenthood asked the government’s top health scientists Wednesday to convene a panel of independent experts to study the issues surrounding the little-known branch of medicine. Planned Parenthood’s…
|Health care spending to accelerate, US report says photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — It’s lasted six years. But now welcome relief from rising U.S. health care costs seems to be winding down. Health care spending will outpace the nation’s overall economic growth over the next decade, the government forecast on Tuesday, highlighting a challenge for the next…
|Human fetal tissue long used for variety of medical studies photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Controversy over Planned Parenthood’s supplying fetal tissue for research has focused attention on a little-discussed aspect of science. Some of the organization’s affiliates, in fewer than five states, provide the tissue, according to Planned Parenthood. An anti-abortion…
|Then & Now: Medicare and Medicaid turn 50 photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare and Medicaid into law on July 30, 1965, roughly half of Americans 65 and older had no health insurance. “No longer will older Americans be denied the healing miracle of modern medicine,” Johnson said at the bill signing. “No…
|Immigrants, poor fish for their dinner, unaware of mercury photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — It’s midday and the white bucket balanced on the rocky shore at Mountha Uppasay’s feet holds five or six white bass, moving sluggishly in the water she scooped from the Des Moines River. She and her husband, who are immigrants from Laos, have been fishing since shortly…
|Correction: Lake Erie Algae story
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — In a story July 28 about toxins in lakes, The Associated Press reported erroneously on the affiliation of Milt Miller. He is restoration manager for Grand Lake St. Marys, not Lake Erie. A corrected version of the story is below: Ohio city detects Lake Erie toxins that led…
|Court orders EPA to redo air-pollution limits in 13 states photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal appeals court on Tuesday ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to relax some limits it set on smokestack emissions that cross state lines and taint downwind areas with air pollution from power plants. At the same time, the court upheld the EPA’s right to…
|Surgeon who helped pioneer key CPR technique dies at 87
MIAMI (AP) — Dr. James Jude, one of the experts credited with pioneering life-saving cardiopulmonary resuscitation, has died. He was 87. Peter Jude says his father died early Tuesday in Coral Gables after an extended illness. Jude says his father always wanted to help people, noting CPR has…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Mouse-flavored Cat Food”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Unmedicated Silent Birth”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey had encouraged all of the jungle animals to keep dropping coconuts on their heads. He called it “clunking”. And while all of the animals were doing it, Sully would not – but now Sully is angry, because he found his nephew clunking – because he saw Millard do it!
CLOSE: Banning clunking? Is that really the answer? Is clunking truly as bad as Sully is making it out to be? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 01/02, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson nailed down the hands on the island’s calendar clock so everyone would think every day was Saturday! Unfortunately, it’s been many, many days of Saturdays. There’s no food, and everyone is at each other’s throats wondering who is to blame!
CLOSE: Now that Marvy has come clean with what he’s done, will Razzleflabbin Island get back to normal? Will Karl stay? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Giving away money sometimes makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Other time, it makes you feel like a real inDUHvidual.
A man stunned shoppers on a British street by handing out his savings to “make people happy.” Chris Aljaradat withdrew just under $18,000 from his bank before dishing out the cash to amazed passers-by in Worcester, England. He got about $3,500 into his free-for-all when he wised up and walked away with the rest of his money.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU LIVE IN A REALLY SMALL TOWN
- You can fill your car with gas, check your mail and get a haircut at the same place.
- The whole town showed up for the neighbor’s cat’s funeral
- There’s no newspaper…just old Henry who sits on a bench in front of the cafe and talks about what everybody’s doing.
- When you were 10 your daddy drove you 30 miles to show you a stoppin’ signal.
- You can touch both “City Limits” signs at the same time.
- When someone says, “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us,” they mean it literally.
- The phone book is a 3×5 index card.
- The town library consists of the outdated magazines at the combo barbershop/town hall.
- The grocery store’s operating hours are 7:00 AM to Whenever I Get Ready To Go Home.
- The sidewalks are rolled up promptly at 8:00pm.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
You have to be a true genius to be caught doing something illegal… while behind bars.
FILE #1: You won’t find a much dumber criminal than this. In Trenton, New York, Donald Ray Bilby pleaded guilty to sending letters to the FBI and secret service that included bomb and anthrax threats. He sent five letters in all demanding authorities deposit $20,000 in his county jail inmate account because he needed the money for bail. Each letter did include his name and inmate number. Christopher Christie of the U.S. Attorney’s Office said, “I think it’s fair to say we were not dealing with a great criminal mind here.” Donald now faces a maximum of five more years in prison after he finishes serving a sentence for automobile theft.
FILE #2: The bank robbery careers of Andre Lamar Henderson and Lisa Terry Hanna have come to an abrupt and unprofitable end. Anderson entered a Norristown, Pennsylvania, bank and handed a note to a teller that read, “Give me all your hundreds and fifties FAST.” Apparently the bank was short on cash that day as Anderson got away with just one $50 bill. Actually, even ‘got away’ is a relative term as a witness noticed the license number of Hanna’s car and the aspiring Bonnie and Clyde were soon busted.
FILE #3: A ringing cell phone landed a 17-year-old Patchogue, New York, girl facing drug charges in a jail cell after an angry judge sentenced her to 21 days for contempt. Mariela Acevedo incurred the wrath of the judge when, as she awaited her hearing, the phone went off in the courtroom and the judge warned everyone to shut off all cell phones and pagers or face contempt charges. When Acevedo’s phone sounded, the judge called the teenager forward and asked, “Did you think I was playing with you?” She responded, “No. I thought I had turned it off.” The judge said, ” I know you’ve been playing with it all morning, sayonara” and sentenced her to 21 days on the spot.
STRANGE LAW: A common law, found in dozens of states and cities, forbids men with moustaches to kiss women.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Today in history… one guy’s brain was on drugs!
On this day in 2001, a Muskegon, Michigan, man was charged with unlawful use of a harmful device after he blew up his home while sniffing propane gas and smoking. No one was seriously injured in the blast, but it did blow the home off its foundation and damaged two neighboring houses.
Anybody know of an open lemonade stand in the area right now? Where are your kids setting up shop? Let us know and we’ll tell everyone about it on the air so listeners can stop by and your kid can make some dough!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What was the name of the wife of Lapidoth and for what is she famous?
ANSWER: Deborah, she was the first woman judge of Israel (Judges 4:4,5)
QUESTION: What’s the strongest muscle in the body?
ANSWER: The tongue.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- A pineapple is a nut. (False – it’s a berry)
- Coffee cures scurvy. (False, but advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for scurvy, gout and other ills.)
- Ginger works twice as well as Dramamine for fighting motion sickness, with no side effects. (True)
- Tea was so expensive when it was first brought to Europe in the early 17th century that it was kept in locked wooden boxes. (True)
- Mercury is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature. (True)
- Fishermen in China train dolphins to herd fish into their nets. (False – but they do train otters)
- The average human will pump 48 million gallons of blood in their lifetime. (True)
- You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss. (True)
- There are 26 calories in a Hershey Kiss. (True)
- Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
MCDONALD’S ADDS _______ TO HAPPY MEALS (PROZAC)
Bowing to pressure from health advocates and the government, McDonald’s is putting “happy” in the Happy Meal.
The company announced Tuesday that it would more than halve the amount of French fries and add apples to its popular children’s meal in an effort to reduce the overall calorie count by 20 percent.
And to make children “happy” the company is adding two 20 mg Prozac pills to the meal. A toy will still come with each Happy Meal. Children will either get a free water pistol or a plastic Pirates of the Caribbean knife.
Happy Meals account for less than 10 percent of all McDonald’s sales, and the signature box and its contents — first introduced in 1979 — have become a favorite target in recent years. Health groups were concerned that the french fries were making kids “fat and sad”.
Now, with the addition of apple slices and Prozac the company feels kids will now be “skinny and happy.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results. Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill.
Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait. Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water.
“Okay,” he said, “Let’s drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while.”
At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian.
He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian, and his sister was also valedictorian.
He paused, leaned back in his chair and said, “Looks like the end of an era!”
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said “Chopsticks were provided only on request.”
“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”
“True,” the waiter shot back, “but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess.”
A University of Michigan study found that if a child is misbehaving, removing his tonsils might help. ***MARLAR: Or just threatening to remove them.
A tractor-trailer missed a corner at the bottom of a hill, sliced through four lanes of traffic and smashed into the front of Idaho State Police headquarters in Lewiston, Idaho. Miraculously, no one was hurt by the accident. ***MARLAR: But the driver was later taken to the hospital with multiple bruises after the cops found out the truck hit the coffee room and spilled diesel all over their donuts.
I PAINT WHAT I FEEL
Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.
Liz walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”
“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.
“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
DUMBEST GAME SHOW ANSWERS EVER
The folks at.jumpingjacksbar.com assembled some of the dumbest answers given to some of the easiest questions on such shows as “University Challenge,” “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” and some regional radio shows:
- Question: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? (Contestant: I don’t know; I wasn’t watching it then.)
- Question: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? (Contestant: Forrest Gump.)
- Question: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. (Contestant: “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”)
- Question: In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637? (Contestant: Sydney)
- Question: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? (Contestant: <after long pause> Fourteen days.)
- Question: What is the currency in India? (Contestant: Ramadan)
- Question: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play? (Contestant: Jesus)
NEEDING A SONG
A nurse escorted a tired, anxious young man, to the bedside of an elderly man. “Your son is here” she whispered to the patient. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened. He was heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack and he dimly saw the young man standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand and the young man tightly wrapped his fingers around it, squeezing a message of encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair next to the bedside. All through the night the young man sat holding the old mans hand, and offering gentle words of hope. The dying man said nothing as he held tightly to his son. As dawn approached, the patient died. The young man placed on the bed the lifeless hand he had been holding, and then he went to notify the nurse.
While the nurse did what was necessary, the young man waited. When she had finished her task, the nurse began to say words of sympathy to the young man. But he interrupted her. “Who was that man?” He asked.
The startled nurse replied, “I thought he was your father”.
“No, he was not my father, “He answered. “I never saw him before in my life.”
“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?” asked the nurse.
He replied, “I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here. When I realized he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, I knew how much he needed me….”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Luke 15:11-24
Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. —Luke 15:21
A meaningful apology can be the first step toward forgiveness. Colleen O’Connor writes in The Denver Post: “The successful apology dissolves anger and humiliation. It shows respect, builds trust, and helps prevent further misunderstanding. A sincere apology makes it much easier to forgive.”
And author Barbara Engel says that a true apology depends on the three Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.
In Jesus’ story of the prodigal son, the headstrong young man who returned home after squandering his inheritance approached his father with humility and remorse: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son” (Luke 15:21). He expressed regret for the pain he had caused, took responsibility for what he had done, and was prepared to work as a hired servant (v.19).
As Christians, we have a responsibility to repent and sincerely say “I’m sorry” whenever we wrong another person. In a spirit of humility and love, we can help those who need to forgive us by offering a genuine apology.
A sincere apology doesn’t compel others to forgive, but it’s the right thing to do. We must take the first step on the pathway toward the freedom of forgiveness. —David McCasland
Have you hurt a friend or brother?
Go at once and make things right;
From your heart say, “I am sorry.”
How these words bring God delight! —D. De Haan
A heartfelt apology can’t change the past, but it can brighten the future.
A convicted murder is complaining that she’s not allowed to sleep past 8:00am… poor thing.
Virginia Green, a patient in the Augusta (Maine) Mental Health Institute was convicted of murdering 75-year-old mother in 1996. She has filed a lawsuit alleging that the facility’s 8 a.m. wakeup policy violates her rights and is ordering that the institute be instructed to permit her to sleep until 11 a.m. ***MARLAR: But of course, Ms. Green… we wouldn’t want to inconvenience a convicted murderer now, would we?
LIFE… LIVE IT
Healthy living can cut your risk of death in half!
Living a long, healthy life is simple – eat healthier and stop smoking. Researchers at Harvard School of Public Health and Brigham and Women’s Hospital said women who heed common sense health messages about smoking, diet and exercise can cut their risk of premature death in half. Researchers followed 80,000 nurses for more than 20 years. They found that 28% of the 8,882 women who died during the study could have survived if they had never smoked. And 55% of the deaths could have been avoided if the women had never smoked and exercised regularly, eaten a healthy diet low in red meat and trans-fats and maintained a healthy weight. Smoking played the biggest role in causing premature death, and alcohol consumption played the smallest, they said.
JUST FOR FUN
A SURE FIRE WAY TO WIN A BASKETBALL GAME
The basketball coached by Kevin and Kollen Werner stinks and they’ll be the first ones to admit it! The couple from Nebraska coaches a fifth-grade girls basketball squad that was sprayed by a skunk while sightseeing between tournament games. The girls tried showers, soap and shampoo and even tried perfume — but nothing seemed to work. But the bad smell must have worked to their advantage. The skunked girls won their game 27-14 and the coaches say their girls weren’t guarded very closely. ***MARLAR: Ah, the sweet smell of victory.
VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!
Even though we can now explain differences between men and women’s social conducts genetically, several facts remain puzzling and distinguished professors in the field think answer may be a few centuries away yet…for instance, can you explain why:
- Men are biologically incapable of letting a women light a barbecue.
- Women do not replace tops on jars and tubes. Men put them on so tightly that they cannot be removed at all.
- Single-tasking men do one thing well at a time: (e.g. drink a cup of coffee.) In the same time a multitasking women can make breakfast, make the children’s sandwiches, organize the window cleaner, phone the office, dress the children, write shopping list, iron a shirt and DE-flea the cat. Women have not yet realized this is an disadvantage.
- A man who regularly visits his mother is a mommy’s boy. A women who does the same is a good daughter.
- A woman believes that visitors will be impressed by a clean house. A man believes that the visitors will be impressed with his large stereo system.
- Exactly the same haircut will cost $30 more for a woman than it will for a man.
- Men have flu, women have colds.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
POP YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH
Daily popcorn snackers may be more likely to hit their quota of whole grains, reports a study in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Researchers surveyed more than 15,000 people and found that popcorn poppers consumed an average of 2.5 servings of whole grains per day; non-‘corn connoisseurs got .7 servings, the recommended daily allowance is three servings. Let’s face it: We snack. But grazing on high fat or sugary treats often comes at the expense of eating fiber rich grains, says Kristin J. Reimers, Ph.D., manager of nutrition for ConAgra Foods. One six-cup serving of dry popcorn such as SmartPop! has about 90 calories and supplies two servings of grains. (Women’s Health)
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
While American drivers routinely exceed the speed limit, getting caught is more expensive in some states than in others. To find out which states take the hardest line on dangerous driving behavior, the website WalletHub conducted an in-depth analysis of 2015’s Strictest States on Speeding and Reckless Driving. The site looked at 12 key metrics ranging from what speeds are automatically considered reckless driving to how many speeding tickets it takes to earn an automatic license suspension. Based on their findings, the state taking the hardest line on speeding was Colorado. It was followed by Arizona, Delaware, New Mexico and… Illinois.
An ancient, charred Torah scroll from 1,500 years ago has been translated as a text from the book of Leviticus. According to ChristainToday.com, The Hebrew scroll was discovered 45 years ago by archaeologists in a burned down synagogue but researchers have only just been able to decipher it. It is the oldest known scroll after the 2,000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls. Scientists at the Dead Sea lab at Israel’s Antiquity’s Authority and Kentucky university used micro_CT scanners and 3D reconstruction to establish that the scroll consisted of verses from the second book of Leviticus.
The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association has announced plans to broadcast a couple of festivals in August live online. Franklin Graham will be joining with popular artists to spread the gospel message in Birmingham, Alabama August 14 through 16 and in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma August 22 and 23. If you can’t attend in person you can tune in online. They’ll both be aired at billygraham.org/live.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school — you’ll be working for them in the future. –Wisecrack of Dawn
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Is there such a thing as an “entrepreneur gene?” You know, something innate that becomes the drive for some to take risks. To step out on their own. To follow their dreams.
I’m pretty sure my father had that innate drive. While family security was important, he had the urge to take on new things. His limited efforts in this way were not met with success. For a number of reasons.
My wiring definitely has some of that. I have stepped out aggressively more than once, raising capital for a new venture. And then I helped my wife start a publishing business several years ago. Additionally, I helped launch two nonprofits. It’s fun to be in the “start with a dream and see it work” business.
The verdict on whether genetics is involved is mixed. But what seems to be a very common indicator for success is a little more clear. And it has to do with…family money.
First, an Inc Magazine story on this topic reports findings from The Department of Twin Research and Genetic Epidemiology at Kings College, London. In short, their research concluded:
• 37 to 48 percent of the tendency to be an entrepreneur is genetic.
• The tendency to identify new business opportunities is in your genes.
• Self-employment income is heritable, which means that genetics affect not only the tendency to engage in entrepreneurship, but also the ability to perform it.
• The tendency to have personality traits such as extroversion, openness, etc., has a genetic component. This suggests that your genes could affect your tendency to be an entrepreneur by influencing the type of personality you develop.
But the success factor of entrepreneurship comes from a second article. It’s titled, “Entrepreneurs don’t have a special gene for risk—they come from families with money.” (http://qz.com/455109/entrepreneurs-dont-have-a-special-gene-for-risk-they-come-from-families-with-money/)
Here we learn that “the most common shared trait among entrepreneurs is access to financial capital—family money, an inheritance, or a pedigree and connections that allow for access to financial stability.” When basic needs are met, it’s argued, it’s easier to be creative. Safety nets encourage more risk taking.
A University of California Berkeley study of entrepreneurs revealed most were white, male, and highly educated. Not all, but most. And without family money, success chances drop quite a bit.
On the personality trait side, resilience stands out, along with extroversion and openness as noted earlier. And genetics do play a factor here. It’s still risky business. But as one woman who runs in circles of entrepreneurs says, “Following your dreams can be dangerous.”
This information was quite revealing to me. If I was counseling others on whether to take the leap and start a new venture, I would now have an even more cautious mindset. At least as it applies to business startups.
To the contrary, the spiritual life often demands from us a “leap of faith.” Hebrews, chapter 11, is a classic piece of scripture on the “halls of faith.” Here are a few verses specifically about Abraham:
“It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.” (Hebrews 11:8-10 NLT)
For a person to have an authentic spiritual life—which will certainly impact our work life as well—faith comes into play. To move confidently into areas where insecurity dwells, it is best to know the voice of God. The sensitivity to hear God’s voice comes by abiding in Him. Leaps of faith are not such big jumps when our hearts are properly tuned.
And in terms of “family wealth” as a safety net, remember: God not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills…he owns the real estate as well.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 31, 2015…
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation—This time, Tom Cruise is hanging from the side of a plane in flight. The next “Mission Impossible” film probably has him hanging from the side of a rocket. Anyway, this particular story has Ethan Hunt (Cruise) fighting the Syndicate and is aided by Rebecca Ferguson. Also in the cast are Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner. “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The Gift—Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall have to come to grips with a secret when an old friend visits. This film is directed and also stars, Joel Edgerton. “The Gift” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Vacation—Ed Helms is married to Christina Applegate and Ed plays the son of Chevy Chase from the “National Lampoon” vacation films. Here, he decides to take his family to Walley World and retrace the childhood steps. For fans, Chevy Chase has a cameo and also in the cast are Chris Hemsworth and Leslie Mann. “Vacation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)—Jesse Eisenberg plays a reporter from “Rolling Stone” magazine who wants to have an interview with writer David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel). This is set in the mid 1990’s. “The End Of The Tour” is rated R. No rating.
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places is based on the Gillian Flynn novel about a 25-year-old murder in Kansas. Stars Charlize Theron.
The Diary of a Teenage Girl is based on the book by Phoebe Glockner and stars Kristen Wiig.
Fantastic Four, and what more can one say? Comic book heroes are back.
Nicki and the Flash has Meryl Streep as a rock star who is asked to help the family she abandoned.
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