August 03, 2017: Thursday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170803
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Yesterday I had a strange experience. My deodorant ran out, so I used my wife’s. It worked fine, but there was a weird side effect. When I drove downtown–I discovered I had completely lost the ability to parallel park.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. — Psalm 33:12

Some of the Jews were persuaded and joined Paul and Silas, as did a large number of God-fearing Greeks and not a few prominent women. — Acts 17:4

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” — John 6:29

Thought: “What do you do for a living?” It is one of the most commonly asked questions in many cultures. We define each other in large measure by the work we do. God, however, defines us by his grace. So the work God has for us, the way he wants us to “make our living,” so to speak, is by fully trusting in Jesus. This is the orientation point for each of our lives!

Prayer: Lord God Almighty, Ruler of Heaven and earth, I believe, but help my unbelief. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

1 Corinthians 8:3 NIV = But the man who loves God is known by God.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – AUGUST 03, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
143 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is HAMMOCK APPRECIATION DAY.  ***I’ve always wanted one of these, but there’s no room in the on-air studio.

Today is NATIONAL WATERMELON DAY.  The U.S. Department of Agriculture says cold watermelon is much less nutritious than room temperature watermelon.  ***The report came from the office of the Undersecretary of Killing All Summertime Joy.

Today is WATCH “SESAME STREET” WITH A CHILD DAY.  ***This holiday brought to you by the number one, the letter “K”, and the color green.

Today is LOST VOYAGE DAY. On this date in 1492 Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, on a voyage that took him to the present-day Americas.  ***Of course, he was truly looking for INDIA.  Christopher Columbus became a national hero because he got lost.  That’s right, ladies… even back in 1492, men never stopped to ask for directions.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Friendship Day
Watermelon Day
India Pale Ale Beer Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 04

Braham Pie Day or Homemade Pie Day
Coast Guard Day
International Beer Day
Tomboy Tools Day
Twins Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day

SATURDAY, AUGUST 05

International Hangover Day
Mead Day
National Disc Golf Day
National Jamaican Patty Day
National Mustard Day
National Oyster Day
National Underwear Day
Sandcastle Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 06

American Family Day
Friendship Day
Hiroshima Day
National Doll Day
National Kids’ Day
Sister’s Day
National Fresh Breath
National Root Beer Float Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 07

Assistance Dog Day
Lighthouse Day
National Psychic Day
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 08

Dalek Day
International Cat Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Odie Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 09

International Day of The World’s Indigenous People
Perseid Meteor Showers
Veep Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 10

National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
Smithsonian Day
S’mores Day

ON THIS DAY

1492: Christopher Columbus set sail half an hour before sunrise from Palos, Spain. With three ships, Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria and a crew of 90, he sailed for Cathay, but found instead a New World of the Americas, first landing October 12 at Guanahani on San Salvador Island in the Bahamas.

1953: South Africa refused to allow Mexican tennis star Pancho Segura play in their country, objecting to his “South American Indian blood.”

1966: Comedian Lenny Bruce died of a morphine overdose.

1977: After building and testing 25 units, Radio Shack issued a press release introducing its TRS-80 computer. Within weeks, the company had thousands of orders. ***And eight weeks later thousands were returned.

1984: Mary Lou Rettom edged past Ecatarina Szabo 79.175 to 79.125 by scoring a perfect 10 on the vault in her final routine in the all-around competition to win America’s first women’s Olympic gymnastic gold .medal. Szabo dominated the remaining gymnastic events to take three individual gold medals home to Romania.

1986: Despite pouring rain, some 82,000 Brits watched the Chicago Bears whip the Dallas Cowboys 17 to 6 in the first All America Bowl in England. The fans seemed especially to enjoy 340-pound William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and an unknown streaker who dashed across the field wearing only socks.

1989: Methusaleh the rattlesnake died at Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas. Methusaleh was captured fully grown in 1960, so he was at least 30 or 31 years old, which may have made him the oldest rattlesnake in history. So they stuffed him.

1989: ABC-TV debuted Prime Time Live, a news show anchored by Diane Sawyer and Sam Donaldson.

1991: Hazel Stout of Portland, Oregon, set a world skydiving record. Hazel was 88 years old.

1992: Millions of South African blacks joined a nationwide strike against white-led rule.

1997: The world’s oldest person, 122-year-old Jeanne Calment, died in Marseille, France. ***So they stuffed her. Oh, wait… wrong story – that was the rattlesnake story from 1989.

1998: Vietnam’s Finance Ministry set fee caps for officials on the public speaking circuit. Commune-level officials could charge only $2.30 a speech, though higher-ranking officials could demand a whopping $7.60.

1999: Salesman Simon Thompson got a shock when his car broke down in west London and Prince William and Prince Harry stopped to help him push it down the street and out of the way. He said the 17- and 14-year-old Royals acted as though it was no big deal.

2000: George W. Bush accepted the Republican presidential nomination at the party’s convention in Philadelphia, presenting himself as an outsider who would return “civility and respect” to Washington politics.

2014: A Florida man was arrested after authorities said he hit a postal carrier and threw furniture at his truck because he didn’t have any mail for him. ***From then on he got plenty of mail…mostly from attorneys.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

(None today)

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actress (Virginia Bryce on “Angel”, Vanessa Dunphy on “Over There”) Brigid Conley Walsh 45 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Platoon, Wall Street, Dr. Perry Cox on “Scrubs”) John C. McGinley, 58 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Dennis on the classic “Dennis the Menace” TV show) Jay North, 66 (audio clip)

  • actress (Mrs. Freeman on “Will & Grace”, Bernetta Campbell on “Moesha”, Harriette Winslow on “Family Matters”) JoMarie Payton 67 (audio clip)

  • Author/columnist/TV host/white-collar felon Martha Stewart 76

  • Actor (“The West Wing”, Apocalypse Now, Spawn) Martin Sheen, 77– Martin has played the Presidents four times: Jed Bartlett on TV’s “The West Wing”; in the TV movie Medusa’s Child; as John F. Kennedy in the mini-series “Kennedy”; and as the “future” president (in a premonition) Greg Stilson in the original The Dead Zone movie. (

    )

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1902 : Ray Bloch

1917 : Charlie Shavers

1918 : Les Elgart

1921 : Richard Adler

1926 : Tony Bennett

1929 : Arthur Wood (The Climax Blues Band)

1935 : Gordon Stoker (The Jordanaires)

1936 : Kenny Hodges (Spanky and Our Gang)

1941 : Beverly Lee (The Shirelles)

1946 : John York (The Byrds)

1949 : B.B. Dickerson (War)

1951 : John Graham (Eart, Wind & Fire)

1953 : Ian Brainson (Pilot)

1961 : Randy Scruggs (The Stray Cats)

1963 : Ed Roland (Collective Soul)

1963 : James Hetfield (Metallica)

1966 : Dean Sams (Lonestar)

1985 : Holly Artnstein (The-Dream)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Is it true that bumblebees’ bodies shouldn’t be able to fly?
If bumblebees tried to fly by flapping their smallish wings or kept them stationary, using them to gain lift from air currents, as do airplanes, we would probably call them stumblebees. The wings are too small in proportion to their body to bring that off. In fact their anatomy seems so improbably built for flight that the buzz among some people is that we simply don’t know how bees do it. But we do. Bees gain lift by vibrating their wings up and down about 200 times a second (rather than simply flapping them like birds do). That vibration also makes the characteristic bee sound. Musical notes are created on string instruments in the same way… by vibration. Although, I’m sure none of these bugs is capable of playing “The Flight of the Bumblebee.”

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Nick Cannon has gone from “America’s Got Talent” to hosting a Lip-Sync show for kids on Nickelodeon.  ***The next step down would be filming Caraoke lullabies with celebrity babies.

Being exposed to artificial light at night, even when it is dim as that emitted by a computer screen, may be making people fat. Ohio State University researchers discovered mice exposed to a nightly glow piled on 50 percent more weight than those who slept in the dark. Mice with night lights ate more than half their daily food intake when they should have been asleep. Night light could be “contributing to the obesity epidemic in people,” says OSU’s Dr. Randy Nelson. ***Now… raise your hands if you lay in bed at night looking at your computer or smartphone screen.  Yep… me too.  That explains a few things.

Osama bin Laden’s son, Hamza, is saying he’s ready to lead Al Qaeda and get revenge for his father’s death.  ***So we have that to look forward to.

Colorado is considering a bill that would allow legal pot deliveries. ***Which is a much better idea than buying your pot, getting high in the parking lot, then trying to drive home.

A watchdog group says the Cheesecake Factory’s pasta and pizza hybrid dinner is the most unhealthy restaurant meal at 2,300 calories.  ***Daaaaaaaang.  That’s 200 calories over what I get for the entire day using the MyFitness Pal app!

Connor Cox apparently forgot to take out the trash – one of his regular chores – and his mom wasn’t going to let him forget it even if he was away at college. A freshman at Westminster College in New Wilmington, Cox Tweted a photo showing a box full of trash his mother actually sent to him at school. He wrote: “Thought my mom was sending me a care package… but instead she sent me a box of trash i was supposed to take out!” He later called his mom to see if maybe she sent the wrong box. Nope – it was the right box alright because as he said, ” I had to be held responsible for what I didn’t do.” Cox said he was supposed to throw the trash away when he was home for winter break, but he neglected to finish the chore.  ***Just imagine if it was his job to clean out the kitty litter box!

Police in Albuquerque, NM, are hunting for a 1,700-pound barbecue pit stolen from a local restaurant that was actually barbecuing a brisket when it was stolen. ***Sounds like someone needs to beef up their security.

A group of staff members at the HaClinica veterinary hospital in Tel Aviv, Israel went above and beyond recently when they glued together an injured snail’s shell after a woman accidentally stepped on it. ***Then, just for fun they painted the words “S Car” on the shell so they could say, “Hey – look at that escargot!”
http://bit.ly/2kGvUog

I guess it’s true – everything is deadly.  Now they are saying that printing could harm your lungs. One third of laser printers studied emitted ultrafine toner particles that, when inhaled, penetrate the lungs, increasing the risk for respiratory problems and disease, a report in Environmental Science and Technology suggests. ***So you could print out that latest diet or exercise routine in order to increase your health – but doing so might kill you.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Just when you think people have gone as far as possible in selling out Christianity, here comes “worship for prizes.”  Las Ultimas Noticias reports that there is a Catholic church in a shopping mall in Santiago, Chile. The Dockers clothing chain sponsored the installation of a sound system that detects the person in the church who’s praying the loudest, and that person wins a Dockers discount coupon. Worshipers can also win free chocolate bars and McDonald’s coupons for going to confession.  ***The church slogan is “Jesus Saves…And So Will You, at Garden View Mall!”

A study from Brigham Young University showed that people are fairer and more generous when they are in clean smelling environments. Participants engaged in two psychological experiments some worked in unscented rooms and others worked in rooms freshly sprayed with citrus scented Windex. In both tests, the study found that clean scents led to more ethical behavior. “It could even be that getting our kids to clean up their rooms might help them clean up their acts, too,” says assistant professor Katie Liljenquist.  ***A more practical application for this study – be sure to wait and ask for a raise after the janitorial service has Mop-N-Glowed the boss’ office… and THEN ask.

About 10 percent of the workforce in Egypt is under 12 years of age. Although laws protecting children are on the books, they are not well enforced, partly because many poverty-stricken parents feel forced to send their children out to help support the family.  ***On the plus side, cheap clothing for the USA!  So it all works out.

It is an age-old riddle that has perplexed generations: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Now British scientists claim to have finally come up with the definitive answer: The chicken.  The scientific and philosophical mystery was purportedly unraveled by researchers at Sheffield and Warwick universities.  The scientists found that a protein found only in a chicken’s ovaries is necessary for the formation of the egg. The egg can therefore only exist if it has been created inside a chicken.  ***They next plan to tackle the age old question of why the chicken crossed the road.

Smokers miss an average of two or three more days of work each year than non-smokers, according to an analysis of 29 past studies. Based on that finding, absenteeism due to smoking costs employers billions each year.  ***But when they are at work, they tend to take more breaks in order to get a smoke, so it all works out… oh… wait a minute…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Gruffy Bear, after breaking his promise to Sully numerous times to play checkers with him, finally showed up on Sully’s door… ashamed of how he’d been acting. But Sully already had plans to play checkers with Nozzles the elephant. And that leaves Gruffy with no one…

CLOSE: Now that’s what forgiveness… and friendship… is all about. Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

In Connecticut, 33-year-old Juan Vega was just sentenced to 120 days in prison for murder – fish murder!

(2017) …The April incident began when Vega showed up unannounced at his girlfriend’s home and a fight started. Police say he pushed the unidentified woman, kicked and broke a TV, gathered up his things, and left. But after his departure, the victim found other damaged items throughout the home, and then officers spoke to her 9-year-old son who told them Vega picked up the family’s beta fish from its tank and sliced it in half! Vega later confessed to killing the fish and pleaded guilty to one count of second-degree breach of peace. He was sentenced to 120 days in prison. The prosecutor said the incident “really did traumatize the 9-year-old.” (Bristol Press)

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ON VACATION:

10. Yes, Honey, I’m sure I gave you my wallet yesterday!

9. What’s wrong, Mister? The water in these here parts is always that color!

8. Cool dad! How did you make all those lights flash on the dashboard?

7. Don’t worry! I hear that the conditions in Mexican prisons have really improved in the last few years!

6. At least we still have each other! Honey?! Honey?!

5. Maps? I don’t need no stinkin’ maps!

4. No, officer, we’re not laughing at you!

3. Was the snake brown with yellow stripes, or yellow with brown stripes?

2. You say the hornets’ nest just happened to fall out of the tree when you were walking under it? What are the chances?!

1. Gee, I would have never thought you were a Christian!

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man has been dubbed the dumbest criminal in Scotland.

FILE #1: David McGregor was sentenced to 28 months after admitting a list of offenses which included assault, fraud, and attempted theft. Among his less successful exploits was failing to conceal an offensive weapon when, following a confrontation at a pub, an axe fell from where it was hidden up his sleeve. On another occasion he successfully passed a fake $17 note at a store, but was caught after he was heard bragging about it as he left, where he was a regular customer and staff knew his name. He once tried to use a stolen bank card to buy cigarettes and get $87 cash back. The staff was suspicious because the card was in a woman’s name.

FILE #2: An unshaven man wearing a black evening gown, fishnet stockings, calf-high boots and a black wig robbed a gas station in Monterey, California. The armed man stuffed $290 in cash into an ensemble-matching black purse. About 35 minutes after the robbery, a police officer spotted a black car with fishnet pantyhose hanging from the front driver’s side door, dragging on the ground. The car was pulled over and he was arrested and booked for investigation of armed robbery.

FILE #3: Returning a pair of pants to the store because they’re too small is a fairly common occurrence… unless you’re returning stolen pants. An unidentified woman stole a pair of pants last week in Ohio only to get home and find they were a couple of sizes too small. So she called the store to see if she could come back in and exchange them for a larger size. It was a rather small store and the manager couldn’t remember selling those pants so he reviewed the store’s security cameras and sure enough he spotted the lady stealing the pants. He called her back and told her to come on down. He also called the cops who came on down and arrested her.

STRANGE LAW: Believe it or not, in the state of Oregon it is actually a law that dishes must “drip dry.”

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

The quickest way to get rid of evidence when pulled over by the police? EAT it, of course!

(2010) A Bossier Parish, Louisiana sheriff’s spokesman said a man was booked with resisting an officer for allegedly eating marijuana after a deputy stopped his car for a loud exhaust. Sheriff’s spokesman Ed Baswell said a 24-year-old man seemed nervous when he was stopped. Baswell said the deputy smelled marijuana, searched the suspect’s car and found two bags holding a total of two grams of marijuana. That’s less than one-tenth of an ounce. Braswell said that the suspect apparently put an unknown amount of marijuana into his mouth just after he was stopped. The deputy saw marijuana on his lips, and found that he had some in his mouth. Baswell said the man also was booked with second-offense marijuana possession and having a modified exhaust.

PHONER PHUN

KEEPING COOL

So what do you put into your refrigerator during the summer months to keep cool other than food? The folks at Mars Candy wanted to know and got some unusual answers. The results of their survey include:

  • Lipstick: to keep it from melting.

  • Perfume: to keep it from going bad.

  • Facial sprays: Keep them cool to keep you cool.

  • T-shirts.

  • Flip-flop sandals

  • Underwear (8% of people actually said this).

What’s the weirdest thing in your fridge? Let us know!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Name two men in the Bible who did not die.

ANSWER: Enoch (Genesis 5:24) and Elijah (II Kings 2:11)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Woodpecker scalps, porpoise teeth and giraffe tails have all been used as… what?

ANSWER: They’ve all been used as money.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The average person will consume twelve thousand gallons of water in a lifetime. (True)

2. The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a Model T. (False – it’s a 1925 Huptmobile)

3. Money is made of cloth, not paper. (True – it’s made of woven linen)

4. One billion seconds is about 3 years. (False – it’s about 32 years)

5. The belly button of a typical blue whale is eight feet across. (False – it’s eight inches across)

6. In Singapore, there are an average of 26 restaurants per square mile. (True)

7. The typical chicken hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year. (True)

8. Worldwide consumption of beef exceeds that of any other meat. (False – pork is at the top)

9. Lettuce is a member of the rose family. (False – sunflower family)

10. Alaska could hold the 21 smallest states. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SCIENTISTS CLONE __________ (DINOSAUR)

GAINESVILLE, FL – Scientists at the University of Florida have successfully cloned a dinosaur, a spokesman from the university said yesterday.

The dinosaur, a baby Apatosaurus nicknamed “Spot,” is currently being incubated at the University of Florida’s College of Veterinary Medicine.

The scientists extracted DNA from preserved Apatosaurus fossils, which were on display at the university’s museum of natural science. Once the DNA was harvested, scientists injected it into a fertile ostrich womb.

“Ostriches share a lot of genetic traits with dinosaurs,” said Dr. Norman Trudell, a biology professor at UF and the project’s leading scientist. “Their eggshell microstructures are almost identical to those of the Apatosaurus. That’s why the cloning worked so perfectly.”

Those in the scientific community say the dinosaur cloning – the first ever of its kind – is a milestone for genetic engineering.

“I used to think this kind of thing could only happen in the movies,” said Dr. Sven Bjornsen, a UF chemistry professor. “But we’re making it happen right here in our lab. It’s astounding.”

The cloning attracted the attention of a wide variety of animal rights activists and religious groups. They claim that animal cloning is unethical and immoral.

PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk criticized the scientists for performing potentially life threatening threats on a new species.

“These scientists brought an animal from the Jurassic age back to life – just to watch it suffer!” she said.

But Dr. Trudell doesn’t seem to be bothered by the activists’ quibbling. He says that the opportunities afforded by dinosaur cloning are endless.

Within ten years, we could repopulate the world with dinosaurs,” he said. “We could harvest them for civic service, law enforcement, or even mass transportation.”

“Imagine riding to work on a dinosaur,” he continued. “Wouldn’t that be incredible?”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. “How are we faring?” asks the king.
“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”
“What?!?” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”
“Oh,” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”

JOKE #2

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
”Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I know, I know,” she said. “To make the gravy!”

JOKE #3

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn’t worried at all about serving his full term. The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early.

Jimmy replied, “Well, this will be the first time since getting married that I’ll be able to finish a sentence.”

USELESS FACTS

A toadstool is the spore-producing body of a fungus. Contrary to belief, only a few toadstools are poisonous.  ***But after you learn that a toadstool is just a spore-producing fungus, you don’t want to eat one anyway.

The earth tilts at a 23.5 degree angle. For part of the year the north part is tilted towards the sun and experiences summer, then it changes and tilts away from the sun and has winter.  ***That’s one reason we have seasons. Another reason is so clothing designers will know when to introduce their new fashion lines.

FEATURED FUNNIES

THOSE AMAZING ANIMALS AND KIDS!
While waiting in the car for her husband to come out of the post office, a mom was playing the game “What does this animal say?” with her three year old daughter.  “What does the birdie say?” the mom asked. “Tweet, tweet,” said the girl.
“What does the lion say?” “Roaarrr!”
“And what does the snake say?” Mimicking her Sunday school teacher, she replied in a sinister voice, “Go ahead, you can eat the apple!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Sometimes, armed robbers do have a heart!

(2010) Police say an armed robber gave back everything he stole from a homeless man after learning he lives at a shelter. The York Dispatch reported that Larry Sanderson was outside the York Rescue Mission when a man displayed the handle of a revolver and told him to empty his pockets. The paper says Sanderson turned over his wallet, cell phone, MP3 player and cigarettes. When the armed man asked Sanderson if that was all he had, Sanderson explained he lives at the shelter. Police say the robber replied, “I can respect that,” returned the man’s property and walked away.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE ANT AND THE CONTACT LENS

Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death, she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the rope, and started up the face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the safety rope snapped against Brenda’s eye and knocked out her contact lens.

Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping it had landed on the edge, but it just wasn’t there. Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down, despondent, with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth”. She thought, “Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me”.

Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, “Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?” Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it. Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist.

When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words, “Lord, I don’t know why You want me to carry this thing. I can’t eat it, and it’s awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I’ll carry it for You”.

I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, “God, I don’t know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it’s awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will”. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOOD MEDICINE

Read: Proverbs 17:17-22

A merry heart does good, like medicine. —Proverbs 17:22

In a Better Homes and Gardens article titled “Laugh Your Way to Good Health, ”Nick Gallo made an observation that echoes what Solomon wrote thousands of years ago:“A merry heart does good, like medicine”(Proverbs 17:22). Gallo said, “Humor is good medicine-and can actually help keep you in good health.”He quoted William F. Fry, M.D., who describes laughter as “inner jogging ”and says that it’s good for a person’s cardiovascular system.

Comparing laughter to exercise, Gallo pointed out that when a person laughs heartily several physical benefits occur. There’s a temporary lowering of blood pressure, a decreased rate of breathing, and a reduction in muscle tension. He said that many people sense a “relaxed afterglow.”He concluded, “An enduring sense of humor, especially combined with other inner resources such as faith and optimism, appears to be a potent force for better health.”

Christians, above all others, should benefit from laughter because we have the greatest reason to be joyful. Our faith is firmly rooted in God, and our optimism is based on the assurance that our lives are under His wise control.

Don’t be afraid to enjoy a good laugh—it’s good medicine. —Richard De Haan

Laughter is a remedy
For sorrow and for care;
It brings joy to troubled souls,
To damaged hearts, repair. —Sper

He who laughs, lasts.

LEFTOVERS

DANGLING PROTESTING PARTICIPLE

We’ve heard of dangling participles but how about a dangling protest? A Chilean man dangled himself from the 20th floor balcony on the JW Marriott Hotel in Miami to protest against local discrimination against tourists. Apparently the guy tied a rope around his waist lowered himself off the balcony with a sign that read: “Say no to tourism until Florida stops discrimination of tourists.” Of course nobody really knew what on earth he was talking about, and after a few hours he was persuaded by police to go back inside his room. He was immediately taken for a psychological evaluation.  ***MARLAR: This story is double the fun, because it’s just so much fun to say “dangling participles!”  Watch… you’ll be saying it all day now!  “Dangling participles!”  You can’t get it out of your head now, can you?  See what I mean?

LIFE… LIVE IT

Chew on this: Thinking hard can make you eat more food.. 

…Researchers measured the food consumption of students after they just sat and relaxed or did intense intellectual work. The students burned only three more calories while doingmental tasks compared to relaxing but they consumed up to 250 more caloriesafter expending their brain power. The brain uses glucose as fuel and may try to maintain its glucose balance by taking in more food, explained researcher Jean-Philippe Chaput, who headed the team at Canada’s Laval University.

JUST FOR FUN

MAYBE SHE SHOULD’VE BOUGHT A CHEVY

Carol Probst is good with a camera, which is a good thing as her insurance company would likely never have believed her claim that a goat totaled her truck.

The Midway, Utah woman grabbed her camera and began snapping photos when she discovered that a goat had made its way into her garage and on top of her Dodge truck.  The goat began walking in circles, stomping on the roof, and using its horns against the windshield and the truck’s paint job.  Animal control finally showed up to put the goat out of commission with a tranquilizer dart and release it back into the mountains.  ***You’d think she would’ve been able to avoid the ram. After all, her truck was a “Dodge!”

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOUR I.T. GUY IS A REDNECK

  • Got his tattoo using a laser printer

  • Instead of a mouse, uses a possum

  • Has several PCs in his front yard, up on blocks

  • Dog is asleep underneath his front I/O port

  • He has a laptop rack in his truck

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

GOOD NIGHT

What really happens when your head hits the pillow? Sure, sleep fulfills some very basic needs–like maintaining your physical and mental health, not to mention preparing you for those crucial daytime hours. But a lot more happens after the lights go out. Did you know that sleep affects your memory, your heart, and even the health of your teeth? Here, are some of sleep’s strangest facts.

  • Flexing Memory – From a special vacation to a holiday gathering, long-term memories are predominantly formed during sleep when the brain replays recent experiences.

  • Sleep to a Better Beat – A good night’s sleep is essential for a healthy ticker. Lack of sleep can lead to hypertension.

  • Snooze and Smile – Tossing and turning can affect your smile. A Journal of Periodontology study shows that the amount of sleep you get can significantly affect your teeth. Researchers speculate that sleep shortage impairs the body’s immune system, something that can lead to bad teeth.

  • Sleep to Your Own Rhythm – If you find yourself awake and energetic late at night, you may have a genetic mutation. The altered gene may explain why some people prefer late nights.

  • Getting by with Less – Some people can survive on very little sleep, while others require many hours to function normally. If you still perform relatively well when sleep deprived, the reason could be your genes.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Women apologize more than men — a lot more. And it’s not because women goof up more frequently or men are reluctant to admit they are wrong. Instead, men just have a higher threshold for what they believe warrants humbling themselves to say, “I’m sorry.” Researchers at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, says men aren’t actively resisting apologizing because they think it will make them appear weak or because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. The study found that women apologized more and reported committing more offensive acts, but both men and women apologized about 81% of the time when they deemed their actions offensive.

A University of Washington research team has discovered that the skinniest people shop at Whole Foods where only 4% of the shoppers are obese. Why? It’s all about money — or lack thereof. People who are poor and have less to spend on food try to get the biggest calorie bang for their food buck. That means they not only shop at cheaper stores, but also buy less healthy food.

California UPS driver Katie Newhouser befriended a Tina Rummel, a woman she often saw walking her dog on her route. Newhouser also quickly became friends with Tina’s pit bull, Leo. Newhouser says, “He would even hop in my truck and look around the back.” Then last October tragedy struck – Rummel died suddenly and her son, Canon, who was in training to be a Marine, needed to find a home for Leo. Newhouser offered to take Leo until Canon’s training was complete. She says, “But after Christmas break, I decided that he was getting along so well with my other dogs that he should just stay,” and Leo found his new forever home. Their story recently started getting attention after Newhouser shared a picture of Leo sitting in her truck’s driver’s seat on the Facebook page UPS DOGS and then later shared their story with the PupJournal website. Of her new pet Newhouser says, “He’s one of the most gentle dogs I have ever met.” (Today)

When you hear a bloodcurdling scream, your natural reaction is to jump out of your skin. But why? It’s not the volume that spikes your adrenaline, but rather the frequency range that acts as a shrill alarm and taps into your brain’s natural fear response, reports HealthDay News of research from New York University and the University of Geneva in Switzerland. Just ask parents of newborns. When a baby cries — and really gets worked up — it’s impossible to ignore the sound, no matter how little sleep mom and dad have gotten. It’s an efficient alarm signal. A study found that the sounds that were higher in roughness were also perceived by the volunteers as being more frightening. And the brain showed this to be true. So what? The research could be used to make mechanical alarms more effective — be it waking you up in the morning or warning you of a fire or other life-threatening hazard. That is, the sounds could be designed to get your attention without being dangerously loud.  ***Although, I’d think a bloodcurdling scream from your alarm clock would also get you out of bed quite effectively.

Earlier this summer Bill Fritsch, from the small Nebraska town of Culbertson, participated in a triathlon; a personal goal he set for himself a little over a year ago. Fitsch swam 500 meters, cycled 14 miles and ran a 5k (3.1 miles). Bill’s participation in his first triathlon at the age of 63 is remarkable in itself. However it is even more remarkable because a little over a year ago Bill underwent quadruple bypass surgery.  ***Well, now I feel like a lazy fat slob.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Well, I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed listening to today’s program as much as I’ve enjoyed screwing it up.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

JULY 28, 2017…

Atomic Blonde—When Charlize Theron dives into a role, she really does it. The actress trained for hours a day for months getting the stunts right.  This film concerns a British female spy in the 1980’s who is supposed to gather information to help bust a spy ring in Berlin. With all the action here—and watch those deadly spike heels—Theron goes into battle as Lorraine Broughton. She is in Berlin, just before the big crack in The Wall. The plot is adapted from the graphic novel by Anthony Johnston and Sam Hart called “The Coldest City.”  James McAvoy plays Lorraine’s contact, while Sofia Boutella (“Star Trek: Beyond”) is a French agent. Director David Leitch was once a stunt double for Brad Pitt and directed  “Captain America: Civil War.“ “Atomic Blonde” has action sequences that go on longer than what is usual in an action film. Plus, there is a rocking soundtrack. Fasten your seat belts. “Atomic Blonde” is rated R and is an adult movie. Rating of 2 for fans of the genre.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power (documentary)—The first “Inconvenient Truth” documentary with Al Gore won an Academy Award in 2006. Now, we have an update on the situation.  From melting icebergs to typhoon victims, the audience see what is happening to the world as the climate slowly warms up. What can be done? Gore knows. “An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power” stars Al Gore. Rated PG 13. No rating.

The Emoji Movie—The little creatures that seems to decorate everything in cyber land now have their own animated film. The theme of the movie is that one emoji thinks he is imperfect because he can’t express emotion. What to do? Voices of T. J. Miller, Patrick Stewart and James Corden. “The Emoji Movie” is rated PG. No rating.

From The Land Of The Moon (opening in select cities)—is  French films starring Marion Cotillard. She goes into an arranged marriage to a land owner in Spain only to fall for a war veteran (Louis Garret.) What to do? “From The Land Of The Moon” is rated R. No rating.

The Incredible Jessica James (opening in select cities)—In this romance, a woman who writes plays (Jessica Williams) falls for Chris O’Dowd who has recently been divorced. Will this work out? The story is set in New York. “The Incredible Jessica James” is rated PG 13. No rating.

AUGUST 04, 2017…

The Dark Tower is adapted from the Stephen King books and stars Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba.

Detroit is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and is centered on the Detroit Riots. Stars Anthony Mackie.

Ingrid Goes West has Aubrey Plaza befriending someone on Instagram. It had to happen.

Wind River concerns an Indian Reservation murder. Stars Jeremy Renner.

Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature continues the animated  adventures of the little creatures and voiced by Will Arnett.

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