August 04, 2017: Friday ONAIRprep

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The program normally heard at this time will be aired. So fasten your seat belt and get out your Dramamine — it’s (THE JOCK SHOW)!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. –2 Timothy 2:15

[Jesus said] “You are the light of the world. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:14-16

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day… — 2 Timothy 4:7-8

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

But Moses said to the LORD, “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?” — Exodus 6:30

Thought: Moses had to learn the same lesson most of us have to learn: folks really don’t care that much about what we say. If the truth be known, most of us can’t say it very well, anyway. But, when we offer ourselves to the Lord, he truly works through us and uses us in mighty ways. Ol’ Stammerin’ Mo’ is the great testimony that God can take a shepherd with faltering speech and turn him into the greatest leader of his time. Don’t you think we had better ask what God wants to do with us, and get to doing it!

Prayer: Loving Father, please use me in your service. I recognize that all the gifts, abilities, and experiences that I have came from you. All my capabilities are given to me so I can bring you praise. So please enable me to use my abilities for your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 8:4 NIV = “…the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.”

TODAY IS FRIDAY – AUGUST 04, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
142 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

FOWL BALL DAY. In 1983 Toronto police arrested Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield for “causing unnecessary suffering to an animal” after Winfield threw a baseball during warm-ups, and a seagull was killed when it ran into the ball’s flight path. ***Isn’t that like being arrested for running over a squirrel that runs under your car? And seagulls are uglier!

This is NATIONAL NIGHT OUT. ***For those of you thinking it’s the perfect opportunity to go out for a night on the town – paint the town red, so to speak – well, hold up. This is a night to promote police-community partnerships to fight crime. Then again, there’s no accounting for taste – you might find that romantic.

Today is HUG YOUR CHILD DAY. ***If you don’t have a child, hug somebody else’s. We all need a hug every day.

Today NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CHIP DAY. ***Just hearing that makes today sound so much better, doesn’t it?

TODAY IS ALSO…

Braham Pie Day or Homemade Pie Day
Coast Guard Day
International Beer Day
Tomboy Tools Day
Twins Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
Single Working Women’s Day
Social Security Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 05

International Hangover Day
Mead Day
National Disc Golf Day
National Jamaican Patty Day
National Mustard Day
National Oyster Day
National Underwear Day
Sandcastle Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 06

American Family Day
Friendship Day
Hiroshima Day
National Doll Day
National Kids’ Day
Sister’s Day
National Fresh Breath
National Root Beer Float Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 07

Assistance Dog Day
Lighthouse Day
National Psychic Day
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 08

Dalek Day
International Cat Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Odie Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 09

International Day of The World’s Indigenous People
Perseid Meteor Showers
Veep Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 10

National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Paul Bunyan Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
Smithsonian Day
S’mores Day

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11

Ingersoll Day
Presidential Joke Day
Kool-Aid Day
Shop Online For Groceries Day

ON THIS DAY

1693: Dom Perignon invented champagne. ***Before that, they christened ships with bottles of sparkling deer pee.

1830: The plans for the city of Chicago were laid out. ***And, once the kickbacks, payoffs, and other amenities were taken care of, construction began.

1927: Singer Jimmie Rodgers recorded his first songs for Victor Records in Bristol, Tennessee: “Sleep Baby Sleep” and “Soldier’s Sweetheart.”

1927: The Peace Bridge between the US and Canada opened. ***Then people said, “Wait a minute, we’re connected by LAND!”

1943: While attempting to develop a substitute for rubber, engineer James Wright dropped a lump of gooey stuff on a General Electric laboratory floor and it bounced. Accidentally, he had invented Silly Putty.

1956: Clocked at 210 at Wendover, Utah, William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle over 200 miles an hour.

1957: The Everly Brothers introduced “Wake Up, Little Susie” on the Ed Sullivan Show. The hit song was banned by many radio stations as being too controversial.

1958: Billboard magazine introduced its “Hot 100” chart, listing the 100 most popular pop singles in the country. The first No. 1 was Ricky Nelson`s “Poor Little Fool.”

1963: A 21-year-old housewife named Connie Smith won a talent contest in Columbus, Ohio. The judge was country star Bill Anderson. Within a year, she had cut her first single, “Once A Day,” which hit #1 on the country charts.

1983: Toronto police arrested Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield for “causing unnecessary suffering to an animal” after Winfield threw a baseball during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull.

1987: The U.S. Federal Communications Commission voted to rescind the Fairness Doctrine, which required radio and television stations to present balanced coverage of controversial issues.

1992: Actor Charlie Sheen bought the baseball Mookie Wilson bounced through first baseman Bill Buckner’s legs, ending Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. He paid $93,500 for it.

1993: Heavy rocker Kurt Cobain checked into Cedar-Sinai Hospital to be treated for heroin addiction. He committed suicide in April 1994.

1996: A 36-year-old man climbed a 400-foot Miami radio tower demanding to be Bob Dole’s vice-presidential running mate to spread his message that God wanted more horses and bicycles and less asphalt in the world. Police talked the man down safely after seven hours.

1998: Someone stole the Tyrannosaurus rex’s eyeball from the Youth Museum in Beckley, West Virginia. The eye thief left a football-size hole in the rex’s head, and apparently pried out the artificial eye with other visitors in the museum.

1999: Randy Kerfoot of East Ridge, Tennessee, claimed the Georgia Lottery’s largest payout ever after winning the $116-million Big Game jackpot. He selected the lump-sum option for $59-million, or $38.9 million after taxes.

2002: While a Japanese news crew filmed a story warning tourists in Rome how to avoid being robbed by pickpockets, three children stole their wallets.

2004: Republicans launched an attack on the war record of Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry, with a TV ad blitz that Republican Senator John McCain called “dishonest and dishonorable.”

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1792: By order of revolutionaries, all houses of worship close in France.

1892: English medical missionary Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell arrives in Labrador, Newfoundland. He labored as a physician and missionary for 42 years and was instrumental in building orphanages, hospitals, cooperative stores, and other community organizations.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • race car driver Jeff Gordon 46

  • actor (T.J. on “Gimore Girls”, Andy Sipowicz Jr. on “NYPD Blue”, Tony Piccolo on “Seaquest DSV”, son of Dom Deluise) Michael DeLuise 48 (audio clip)

  • Actress (The Joy Luck Club, In Good Company) Lauren Tom, 56

  • U.S. President Barack Obama, 56

  • Actor (Bad News Bears, Bad Santa, Pushing Tin) Billy Bob Thornton, 62

  • Comedian/actor (Det. John Munch on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”) Richard Belzer, 74 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1901 : Louis Armstrong

1921 : Herb Ellis

1930 : Bobby Day

1936 : Elsbeary Hobbs (The Drifters)

1939 : Frankie Ford

1939 : Big Dee Irwin

1940 : Larry Knechtel (Bread)

1941 : Timi Yuro

1943 : David Carr (The Fortunes)

1947 : Paul Layton (The New Seekers)

1947 : Klaus Schultze (Tangerine Dream)

1951 : Roy Flowers (Sweet Sensation)

1952 : Maire Ni Bhraonian (Clannad)

1958 : Ian Broudie (The Lightning Seeds)

1959 : Robbin Crosby (Ratt)

1962 : Paul Reynolds (A Flock Of Seagulls)

1971 : Yo-Yo

1981 : Marques Houston (Immature)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Do possums really play dead?

The possum–the full name is opossum–is a North American mammal about the size of a cat. It looks pretty ratty, and in fact one variety is called the rat opossum. The most distinctive thing about the glamourless possum is how it reacts to predators. When it can’t run or hide, and hissing and showing its teeth do not impress an enemy, the possum feigns death. But here’s the catch: it’s not “playing.” This isn’t an act and the animal can’t control it. Its muscles stiffen out of sheer terror. The good news is that the predator is then likely to go away, sparing the possum’s life. Imagine how many years of twice-a-week psychotherapy the possum probably needs after such trauma, not to mention a prescription for an antidepressant.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a survey, one in four Europeans has fallen asleep in the workplace.  ***A similar conclusion was made about the U.S., but all of those were government workers.

According to a study, people who attend religious services weekly live 2-3 years longer than those who don’t attend regularly.  ***Which is 2-3 years longer to wait to get to Heaven which is where we really want to be – so I’m not seeing the benefit there.

The average person spends three days of their life on the phone waiting for customer service.  ***And an additional month on the phone asking the person with the strong Indian accent to repeat what they just said.

In Des Moines, Iowa, folks were simply shocked to see a guy using a hammer to destroy the beautiful sculptures at the Robert D. Ray Asian Garden – a local garden and park. Bystanders called police and begged the nutcase to stop, but to no avail. When police arrived, the man still refused to put down the hammer so they used a stun gun on him which was quite effective in getting him to stop the madness. He was then arrested without further incident. ***Who knew Thor could be brought down that easily?

A University of Wisconsin student has been charged for running around inside that state’s capitol building naked.  ***On the other hand, someone found something exciting to do in Wisconsin.

After their wedding ceremony a newly married couple in Tennessee went to their motel where they got into an argument which led to the bride reaching inside her wedding dress and pulling out a pistol.  ***It would’ve been a shotgun wedding, but she didn’t have enough room in her bra.

Britain’s Prince Philip carried out his final official duty yesterday and is now officially retired, at the age of 96.  ***You can afford to retire that young when you’re married to royalty.

A survey says 72% of Americans think people who speak multiple languages are more attractive.  ***So I guess it’s time to start brushing up on my Klingon.

A poll shows Kid Rock as the front-runner for a Michigan Senate Seat. ***So this might actually happen, people.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A study by San Diego State University researchers has disproven the popular phrase “five second rule” … determining bacteria can attach itself to food in less than five seconds.  ***True – but that’s why you blow on it once you pick it up off the floor. DUH!

A University of Newcastle. study of 170 obese Australians disproved the common belief that you can lose weight faster if you break up meals into five or six snack-size portions a day. There was no difference in health or weight loss between those who ate three meals a day and those who ate six smaller meals. A nutritionist said what matters is what and how much you eat, not how many times, and that eating six small meals a day at McDonald’s clearly won’t help you lose weight.  ***But eating six Happy Meals a day will make you extremely happy.

Although vitamin D boosts the immune system, taking large doses of the nutrient does not appear to ward off colds, according to a study from New Zealand.  In the study, participants who took high doses of vitamin D supplements every month for more than a year were just as likely to catch colds as those who took a placebo.  ***Really?  Wow – where can I get some of those awesome placebo pills?!?!

Research shows that boys, just like girls, are experiencing younger and younger puberty.  ***In fact, some southern states like Arkansas will be voting on whether or not to lower the legal marrying age from 12 to 10.

Just one in 17 women of a healthy weight actually considered themselves to be “slim”, a recent survey has found.   The study, involving thousands of people, provides a disturbing insight into female self-esteem. Volunteers were asked to look at themselves in the mirror and select from 12 adjectives to describe how they felt or how they considered they looked. Those taking part were also measured to determine whether they were overweight or of a healthy weight.  Among women who were the right weight for their height, just 13 per cent said they felt happy when they saw their reflection and only six per cent thought they were slim.  ***Although the study did look a bit more normal if you took out the names of Calista Flockhart, Terri Hatcher, and Lara Flynn Boyle.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational inspiration in the never-ending deep jungle soap opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

CLOSE: So Racquet the Skunk makes his own badminton racquets – who knew? But will a new racquet really help Gruffy Bear with his badminton game, or is this just a way for Racquet to get a cool new hammer for practically nothing? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Would you spend over a million dollars for your wedding album?  One couple did – and they are not happy about it! 

A Texas wedding photographer says her business dropped from 75 to 100 bookings a year to just two after a newlywed couple trashed her online and on TV. Well that couple, Andrew and Neely Moldovan, will now have to pay Andrea Polito $1.08 million for defamation. The Moldovan’s accused Polito of “holding their photos hostage” following their 2014 wedding. They claimed Polito was demanding an extra $125 for a wedding album cover before she would give them digital copies of their photos despite it being included in the contract they signed. Polito says she was prepared to absorb the $125 charge to keep the couple happy; instead they went public. On local news and online, the Moldovans claimed Polito “cheated” and “scammed” them. Neely Moldovan used her position as a blogger to amplify the story. Statements like, ‘I’m pretty sure her business is ruined,’ ‘I hope this goes viral,’ ‘feeling excited,’ and ‘justice has been served’ were included in her posts. Polito filed a $1 million defamation lawsuit in 2015, and a jury ruled in her favor, awarding her $1.08 million. The jury determined that not only was Polito attempting to follow the contract but also tried to work with the Moldovans further to “satisfy their demands.” Polito’s lawyer said, “There are real world consequences for maliciously attacking a business online with venom and lies.” (Dallas Morning News)  ***$1.08 million!  Now THAT is an expensive wedding album!

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES

10. Nice bible”

9. “I would like to pray with you”

8. “You know Jesus? Me too!”

7. “God told me to come talk to you”

6. “Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.”

5. “Christians don’t shake hands, Christians gotta hug!”

4. “The word says ‘Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry,’ So…how about dinner?”

3. “You want to come over and watch ‘The 10 Commandments’ tonight?”

2. “Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?”

1. “My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that’s his name.”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A South Carolina robber uses a pitchfork to rob a bank… and gets away!

FILE #1: …So far, finding him has been like looking for a needle in a haystack.  The man, wearing sunglasses and a mask, entered Security Federal Bank and threatened employees with the 4-foot-long pitchfork. The man took an undisclosed amount of money.  The robber dropped the farm tool as he ran from the bank through a wooded area to a golf course behind the bank.  No customers were in the bank during the holdup, and no one was injured.

FILE #2: Laughter might be the best medicine, but it doesn’t do much for driving. A Wisconsin man is blaming an uncontrollable fit of laughter for causing him to crash his van into a utility pole. 29-year-old Daniel Ellis told police that his passenger, Brenda Williams, was making him laugh as he drove the streets of Kenosha. He laughed so hard that he started coughing and lost control of his van. He swerved off the road and slammed into a light pole. The van and the pole took the worst of the damage and neither Daniel nor Brenda was seriously hurt. ***MARLAR: Can you charge someone with driving under the influence of the giggles?

FILE #3: Ronald Cherry wanted to rob the Treasure Bay Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi, but was hoping they would deliver him the cash instead of going there himself! He called the casino and demanded they deliver $100,000 to his home within two hours otherwise he’d come down there with a gun! Like with any expected delivery, Ronald of course gave them his address. But unlike pizza places, casinos don’t deliver. The address he gave them, however, made it really easy for the police to arrest him.

STRANGE LAW: In Australia, children may not legally purchase cigarettes, but they can legally smoke them.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A man suspected of stealing a bottle of Schnapps from a Wyoming grocery store didn’t have the best escape route planned.

(2010) …Riverton police say the 26-year-old ran out of the store after grabbing the bottle of booze and a package of cough drops and hid in a nearby building, which happened to be the police station. Police say the man then ran out of the police station, but not before a dispatcher had spied him on the station’s surveillance camera and alerted officers. The man, who police say was drunk, was caught soon after. He was taken into custody on preliminary charges of resisting arrest and shoplifting.

PHONER PHUN

People complain about their jobs all of time – but some people actually like their job. And others even LOVE their jobs. If that’s you, tell us how much you love your job!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What miracle is recorded in all four gospels?
ANSWER: Loaves and Fishes – A little boy’s lunch fed thousands! (Matthew 14:17-21, Mark 6:38-44, Luke 9:12-17, John 6:5-14)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Oil is the world’s top commodity. What comes in second?

ANSWER: Coffee

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The space between your eyebrows is called the “glabella.” (True)

2. Giraffes sleep only 20 minutes a day. (True – and at only five minutes at a time.)

3. The practice of manicuring nails is more than 4,000 years old. (True)

4. Amathophobia is a morbid fear of rocks. (False – fear of dust)

5. Yak hair is considered the best kind of hair from which to make a clown wig. (True – probably because “yak” is funny to say!)

6. In circus parlance, a “Joey” is a clown with less than five years of experience. (False – MORE than five years of experience)

7. The Roman word for “secretary” meant “one who keeps a secret.” (True)

8. Half of all antibiotics sold in the U.S. go into animal feed. (True)

9. The leaf on the Canadian flag has 10 points. (False – eleven)

10. Another word for a guitar pick is “plick stick”. (False – “plectrum.”)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

Woman Takes Husband’s ________ To Steelers Game!  (ASHES)

Though Richard Desrosiers never actually made it to Heinz Field to watch his beloved Steelers play in person — his widow helped him fulfill his dream in death. Thanks to some help from sympathetic donors, Kathleen Desrosiers attended the recent Steelers/Jaguars match up with an urn of her late husband’s ashes, his wedding ring and a picture of him sitting beside her. Kathleen said, “I couldn’t take the tumor away. I couldn’t take the pain away. I couldn’t make him better. But I can do this.” Too bad the Steelers lost 29-22.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Little Johnny’s Mom asked him, “How high can you count?”

Johnny proudly replied “433!”

She then asked, “Why did you stop counting?”

He answered, “‘Cause church was over.”

JOKE #2

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

JOKE #3

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”
”Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
”Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

USELESS FACTS

A study by Carnegie Mellon University found that women make less money than men because they aren’t aggressive enough to demand more money the way men do.  ***Whoa… so the problem is that we need more demanding and aggressive women?

A study from Vanderbilt University showed that you can burn up 40 calories by laughing genuinely from 10 to 15 minutes. ***Although around here we’re perfectly fine if you fake it.

FEATURED FUNNIES

CHROME PLATE

A man goes into his dentist’s office. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, “That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What have you been eating?”

“Well,” says the man, “the only thing I can think of is the stuff my wife put on some asparagus about four months ago… hollandaise sauce she called it. This sauce is DELICIOUS! I’ve never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I’ve been putting it on everything… meat, fish, toast, vegetables…you name it!”
“That’s probably it,” replied the dentist “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I’ll have to install a new plate. I’ll make it out of chrome this time.”

“Why chrome?” the man asked.
“Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

JOB OPENING

Looking for work? There’s a cutting edge job opening that you might want to consider… assuming you don’t mind having sharp objects around you at all times.

I understand that with the economy today, you may be looking for a new job. But you’d have to be pretty desperate to accept this one. A circus knife thrower is looking for a new target. It seems that he’s accidentally, uh… “speared” several of his former helpers. Last year Jayde Hanson accidentally stabbed his girlfriend for the third time in three years during his circus act. Not surprisingly, she walked out on him – and even claimed that he was trying to kill her. Jayde’s latest stand-in, an acrobat, is giving up after an injury that left her needing three stitches. He says that he doesn’t do this king of thing on purpose, he just gets distracted sometimes during his act… especially if someone uses a flash camera in the audience. So if you’re looking for a job, the circus spokesman, Paul Webb, says, “The person we are looking for will need nerves of steel and more faith than the Pope.” ***MARLAR: A your life insurance paid up.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

NO TIME
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They’d laugh at me I’d fear.

No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.

I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said
“Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down…
But never found the time”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

AN ATTITUDE CHANGE

Read: Ephesians 5:8-14

You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. –Ephesians 5:8

Pastor and author A. W. Tozer wrote, “Human nature is not fixed, and for this we should thank God day and night! We are still capable of change. We can become something other than what we are.”

The priority of our lives should be to let God change us. But what should be our attitude toward believers who have shown little or no change over the years? Too often we develop a critical spirit, which only reinforces their problems and may hinder God’s work in changing them. Here are three such accusing attitudes:

1. “They never do anything right.” (No one does everything wrong!)

2. “They’ve always been the way they are.” (Maybe, but God is powerful and able to change them.)

3. “They’ll never change.” (We can’t know that. We can only trust God, who knows their hearts.)

Sometimes we even have these attitudes about ourselves: “I can’t do anything right. I’ve always been this way. I’ll never change.”

We may not be able to change the attitudes and actions of others, but with God’s help we can take charge of our own–if we’re willing. We can choose to “walk as children of light” (Eph. 5:8)

LEFTOVERS

What’s the longest you’ve waited to have something delivered? One person waited over sixty years!

A month ago my wife and I went to Dallas – and to save the cost of paying extra for luggage that would have to be checked, we decided to mail a big box overnight full of our clothes, toiletries, etc. It worked beautifully. We weren’t in as big of a hurry to get the box home from the trip, so instead of overnighting it we just sent it regular first class. It took three weeks to get it – we thought it was lost forever. I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised the U.S. Post Office would take so long in delivering something – three weeks is nothing compared to these two stories:

  • In Anchorage, Alaska, in a three-day span Teresa Childs received two postcards from Italy addressed to James Jigliotti, who lived in the home several years ago. One postcard was dated March 9, 1982, while the other bore a 1982 postmark from Vatican City. Both carried stamps purchased with lira, which aren’t in circulation anymore, and both were from James’ mother, Olga Jigliotti. And we’re fairly sure it’s the fault of the U.S Postal Service, because Pam Wyrick, who lives in another house where the Jigliottis once lived, said she recently received postcards that James mailed to his parents from Atlanta in 1997 and 1998.

  • A letter lost in the U.S. postal system for nearly 60 years turned up in the mailbox of a Lawrence, Kansas, woman last Friday (July 25, 2008). The letter, postmarked November 11, 1948, was found by Xan Wedel in her mailbox. The letter never reached its destination – Ruth Willisten in Rockfall, Connecticut – but it took nearly 60 years for the letter to come back to the return address, where Wedel now lives. Stamped on the envelope was “Return to Sender” and “Found in supposedly empty equipment.” The letter details how the town was “in mourning” after Harry S. Truman beat Thomas E. Dewey for the presidency of the United States. The election would have taken place just days before the letter was postmarked.

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE BEST JOBS

These are REAL JOBS! Obviously, I’m just in the wrong career! Do any of these sound appealing to you? I’ll bet they do!

  • Lotion Tester — You get paid to lie on a beach and test suntan lotions.

  • Ice cream Taster — The only requirements are discriminating taste buds and a willingness to sample hundreds of gallons of ice cream a year.

  • Toy-Enjoyment Controller — You spend your entire working day playing with toys to determine which ones will be a hit with kids.

  • Video Game Expert — You play the latest computer games, then share your knowledge with people who call for help.

  • World Travel Writer — You explore the world’s most exotic locales, then write about’ your adventures. All expenses are covered.

  • Ferrari Test Driver — A typical day involves cruising the scenic Italian countryside at top speeds in the world’s most exotic sports car.

  • Yachting Partners — You go on all-expense paid cruises aboard five-star ocean liners. Your only responsibility; you must socialize with people who are single.

  • TV Sports Viewers — You watch hours of taped sporting events to select the plays that will be included in news and blooper programs. (OTHER JOCK) would kill for this job!

JUST FOR FUN

SEND IN THE CLOWNS
There’s an elderly woman in Florida who owes her life to… clowns!

…The woman is now safe after being trapped in an elevator for two days in temperatures of over 100 degrees! Thankfully, some clowns performing at a nearby magic shop heard her cries for help. The clowns then called the Winter Haven Fire Department who rushed to the scene to find the elevator stuck between two floors and the building’s air conditioning system off. They rescued the woman who was taken to the hospital. ***MARLAR: In their tiny little clown car.

FUN LIST

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

  • Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

  • You spot the telltale signs of a primitive central nervous system in your Jell-O.

  • Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

  • The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

  • Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SMILE AWHILE

The eyes have it. Researchers have found that looking directly into someone’s eyes and smiling makes you more attractive to them.

The finding from the Face Research Laboratory at Aberdeen University disputes previous studies that have attributed attractiveness to physical characteristics, such as certain facial features. In the study, participants were found to be more attracted to happy faces, looking directly at them and of the opposite sex. Researchers say this shows that people prefer faces that appear to like them and that attraction is not just about looks.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

If you find your eyes getting heavy in the middle of the day join the crowd. Researchers say about one-fifth of all Americans start nodding off just when they need to concentrate most, like while driving or at a business meeting or reading a story about drowsiness. Much of this is caused by chronic sleep deprivation that comes from problems including sleep apnea, insomnia and late night TV. “Insufficient sleep is plaguing the American population and is one of the leading factors for daytime sleepiness,” notes Stanford University researcher Dr. Maurice Ohayon. “The number of individuals sleepy or drowsy during situations where they should be alert is very disturbing. It’s always a mistake to curtail your sleep.”

One more reason to love the little fur ball. In a small study, 60 percent of people battling mental illness said their pets play a significant role in managing their disease by keeping them in a routine, for example. “This suggest that pets can reduce stress and improve quality of life,” says researcher Helen Brooks, Ph.D., of the University of Manchester in England. That’s good for whatever ails you. (Redbook)

So-called “diet” foods can make you fat. How? They are loaded with sugar. To make processed diet foods lower in calories, much or all of the fat is removed, but sugar is added–sometimes in great quantities–to make them taste better. And you really have to pay attention to know that because the sweet ingredients are camouflaged under other names to give the impression that the food is healthy. That’s the word from University of Georgia researchers, who determined that these sugar-laded “diet” foods can actually cause you to gain weight.

If you want to impress your boss, say “thank you.” Expressing gratitude may be more than good manners, especially if your workplace is overseen by a belligerent and insecure manager. A study reveals that those taking the time to tell the boss “thank you” found it could work wonders.

Think you have to be young and spry to dribble a basketball down a court? Think again. The San Diego Senior Women’s Basketball Association, which has 14 teams of women over age 50, has one team that stands out. They’re called The Splash, and every member of the team is 80 and over. And the members of The Splash aren’t just there to socialize and get some exercise. 91-year-old Meg Skinner says, “We play to win.”  Read the full story here: https://sports.yahoo.com/san-diego-senior-womens-basketball-team-proves-age-just-number-195540718.html

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If God had wanted man to fly, he would have given us wings — big metal ones, powered by fuel pumped out of the earth, and also a large steel fuselage to protect us from the elements. Oh, and God, wouldn’t forget the honey cashews and ample legroom in business class, either.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 04, 2017…

The Dark Tower—For Stephen King fans who just can’t get enough, at last is a screen adaptation of his book series, “The Dark Tower.”  This is King’s take on a quest (think of the Crusaders) except in science fiction times and with a touch of the Old West. There are two adversaries and they are Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba. “The Dark Tower” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Detroit—This film is not about cars, but concerns the 50th anniversary of the 12th Street Riot at the Algiers Motel in Detroit. In 1967, the Detroit police raided the motel, ant at once, the situation became racial, resulting in the deaths of several African American people, and beatings of others, including two white women. This film is directed by Kathryn Bigelow, who is known to tackle strong subjects, such as a woman police officer in “Blue Steel,” a robbery in “Point Break,” submarines in “K-19: The Widowmaker“  and war time bombs in “The Hurt Locker.” The stars of  “Detroit” include John Boyega (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”) Boyega will also be in the upcoming “Star Wars: Last Jedi” and (though I may be the only fan) the sequel to the science fiction film, “Pacific Rim.” Plus, in “Detroit” are John Krasinski and Anthony Mackie. “Detroit” is rated R for themed material and violence. Rating of 3 for fans.

Ingrid Goes West—A rather sly, dark comedy, this film has Aubrey Plaza with a crush on a major celebrity (Elizabeth Olsen) and follows her to the West Coat. All because of Instagram. Other stars are Wyatt Russell and O’Shea Jackson, Jr. “Ingrid Goes West” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Wind River—Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen (busy actress) star in this action film concerning solving a murder on a Native America reservation. Olsen is a detective who hires Renner (a tracker) to help solve the case. Also in the cast are Jon Bernthal and Graham Greene. “Wind River” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

AUGUST 11, 2017…

The Hitman’s Bodyguard has Ryan Reynolds hired as a bodyguard by an old enemy—Samuel L. Jackson.

Logan Lucky is directed by Steven Soderbergh and about two siblings who plan a robbery. Stars Channing Tatum and Adam Driver.

The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature is a continuation of the animated adventures of your favorite squirrels. Voice of Will Arnett.

13 Minutes (opening in select cities) concerns an attempt on the life of Adolph Hitler. Stars Christian Friedel.

STEP is a documentary about a girl’s high school slap dance group in their senior year.

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