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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150806
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Today is sort of an anniversary for me. It’s the third year of my two-week notice at my other job at McDonald’s!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day… — 2 Timothy 4:7-8
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. — Psalm 119:130
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground. — 1 Samuel 3:19
Thought: Samuel began his ministry at such a young age and was so important in bridging the generations between the period of the Judges and the period of the Kings. During that whole time, God was with him and empowered his ministry, making his words true and effective. Let’s pray that God does the same with his spokespeople today. May God use his servants effectively all their lives and not let any of their words fall to the ground.
Prayer: Today, O God, I ask you to empower your faithful servants who proclaim your Word all over the world. Please bless them with a season of freedom from satanic attack. Bless them with health, vigor, and passion. Please give them a long life full of useful service empowered by your grace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 Corinthians 8:6 NIV = yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – AUGUST 06, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 142 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is WIGGLE YOUR TOES DAY. ***MARLAR: Can you do it? Good… let’s move on then…
Today is SHAPELY CHICKEN DAY. In 1906, patent #828,227 was issued for the chicken treadmill, a device designed to keep chickens in good physical condition by forcing them to exercise while eating. ***MARLAR: Since when do we want skinnier chickens?
Today is NATIONAL ROOT BEER FLOAT DAY.
Today is NATIONAL PAMPER YOURSELF DAY. ***MARLAR: Which you can do with a root beer float!
Today is NATIONAL FRESH BREATH DAY. ***MARLAR: Is my breath okay? (Blow into microphone.) Well?
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
COMING UP NEXT
FRIDAY, AUGUST 07
Braham Pie Day (Homemade Pie Day)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
Professional Speakers Day
Purple Heart Day
Tomboy Tools Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 08
International Hangover Day
The Date to Create
Happiness Happens Day
Middle Child Day
National Garage Sale Day
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors’ Porch Night
SUNDAY, AUGUST 09
International Day of The World’s Indigeneous People
MONDAY, AUGUST 10
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
TUESDAY, AUGUST 11
Presidential Joke Day
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12
IBM PC Day
International Youth Day
Sewing Machine Day
Vinyl Record Day
THURSDAY, AUGUST 13
ON THIS DAY
1806: The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor Francis I abdicated.
1930: Gene “Half Pint” Rye hit three home runs in one inning for Waco in the Texas League.
1960: Chubby Checker did “The Twist” on American TV for the first time, appearing on “American Bandstand.” (
1964: Loretta and Mooney Lynn became parents to twin daughters: Patsy and Peggy.
1973: Stevie Wonder was seriously injured in an auto accident, remaining in a coma for four days.
1980: On General Hospital Luke and Laura spent a romantic evening locked inside Wyndham’s department store. (
1986: William J. Schroeder died after living 620 days with the Jarvik Seven artificial heart.
1989: The Boston Red Sox retired Carl Yastrezemski’s #8.
1992: Harold Russell, going against the wishes of the Motion Picture Academy, sold his Oscar statuette for $60,500 to pay for his wife’s eye surgery. He had won the award in 1947 for The Best Years of Our Lives. It was the first Oscar to be sold.
1993: In Israel archeologist Dr. Avraham Biran announced discovery of a fragment of a monument bearing the first known reference outside the Bible to King David and the House of David. Scholars described the discovery as “phenomenal.”
1994: Newlyweds Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley made their first public appearance together in Budapest.
1995: Czech President Vaclav Havel switched on a new $32-thousand lighting system for Prague Castle, paid for by the Rolling Stones. The Stones had performed for 120,000 at Prague’s Strahov Stadium the night before.
2000: NBC announced that rapper Ice-T would play a detective on the TV series “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”
2002: A young English couple, both 19, who thought they had planned a 3-week vacation in Sydney, Australia, with an online travel agent, landed instead in Sydney, Nova Scotia. The couple quickly decided to vacation in Canada and try the Australian trip another time.
2003: Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger used an appearance on NBC’s “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” to announce his successful bid to replace California Governor Gray Davis.
2004: Legendary funk-rocker Rick James died in Los Angeles at age 56.
2005: Cindy Sheehan, mother of soldier-son Casey slain in Iraq, gained national attention when she set up camp outside U.S. President George W. Bush`s Texas ranch, bitterly criticizing the war and demanding to see him. The President ignored her.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
258: Emperor Valerian executes Bishop of Rome Sixtus II preaching a sermon in a cemetery. The emperor originally tolerated Christians, but switched to persecuting them because he believed they were responsible for the plagues, earthquakes, and other disasters that disturbed his reign.
1221: Dominic, founder of the Order of Preachers (or Dominicans), dies, having just confessed his darkest sin—that, though he had always been chaste, he enjoyed talking with younger women more than older ones. He left this “inheritance” to his followers: “Have charity among you, hold to humility, possess voluntary poverty.” A mere five years earlier, he had six followers. At his death, he had thousands.
1651: Francois Fenelon, Roman Catholic priest and mystical theologian, is born in Perigord, France. His 1697 Explication des Maximes des Saintes is still in print under the title Christian Perfection.
1774: Ann Lee and a small band of her followers arrive in New York from Liverpool, England. Though known as the “Shaking Quakers” and later the “Shakers,” the millenarian communal society preferred to call itself the United Society of Believers in Christ’s Second Coming. They initially did not receive a warm welcome, as they were British and advocated pacifism and celibacy.
1801: Revival hits a Presbyterian camp meeting in Cane Ridge, Kentucky. Within a week, 25,000 were attending the revival services. It was the largest and most famous camp meeting of the Second Great Awakening.
1955: Death of Jesse Irvin Overholzer, who founded and directed Child Evangelism Fellowship in 1937, a work he had begun many years earlier.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (The Girls’ Room, “Sabrina The Teenage Witch”, Punky on “Punky Brewster”) Soliel Moon Frye 39 (
- actress (“We Got it Made”, Sgt. Dee Dee McCall on “Hunter”) Stepfanie Kramer 59 (
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1921 : Buddy Collette
1928 : Andy Warhol (The Velvet Underground manager)
1929 : Mike Elliot (The Foundations)
1938 : Isaac Hayes
1948 : Allan Holdsworth (Soft Machine)
1951 : Pat McDonald (Timbuk 3)
1958 : Randy DeBarge (DeBarge)
1972 : Geri Halliwell (The Spice Girls)
1981 : Travis McCoy (Gym Class Heroes)
1984 : Eric Roberts (Gym Class Heroes)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
A new theory is out on how the dinosaurs may have died – it’s because of the planet Mercury!
An American scientist says that dinosaurs could have been wiped out because the orbit of the planet Mercury once had a wobble in it. Bruce Runnegar, from the Center for Astrobiology at the University of California in Los Angeles, said that computer simulations show that Mercury’s orbit wobbled 65 million years ago. This could have tugged the asteroid belt and propelled an asteroid toward earth, he said. Why is this explanation unlikely? Mark Bailey, director of the Armagh Observatory in Northern Ireland, was quoted in New Scientist (June 30, 2001), as saying that the theory relies on an unlikely chain of events. “I can’t believe that Mercury has an effect on anything in the solar system,” he said. “It’s such a small planet.” SO WHAT REALLY WIPED OUT THE DINOSAURS? Creationists believe that most dinosaurs, like most other life, died out as a result of Noah’s Flood. Any large dinosaurs that lived after the flood would have had increasing difficulty getting the huge amount of food they needed to survive (because the year-long Flood changed the surface of the earth and destroyed most of the vegetation). But other problems could have included humans hunting them and destruction of ideal habitats.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Jason Gray says singing the National Anthem on mic in front of a crowd is no easy task. He tweeted this week: remember that time Christina Aguilera botched the National Anthem? I had nothing but empathy for that sweet girl. I’m grateful that the lyrics were up on the screen tonight for the song that you think you know because you sing along with it all of the time. It is a whole new ballgame (pun intended) when you have to lead it.
Matthew West poking a little fun at a painful situation: I think John Mellancamp wrote his song “Hurt So Good” right after getting his teeth cleaned at the dentist.
Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey was ministered to by swans this week. He was on vacation with his family and saw a family of swans every night that matched their family nearly perfectly. Mike said it was a good reminder that, although we have scars in this life, something better is coming.
Laura Story recently shared a picture of her daughter all dressed up as a flower girl. She tweeted: Seems like just yesterday she was spilling Cheerios in the back of the van.. Oh wait. That was yesterday.
The South African band Tree63 will independently release its seventh full-length album on September 11. According to a media release, the name of the the bands first project in more than 7 years is “Land”. Tree63 has been on hiatus since 2008. They re-formed following the enthusiastic reception at a series of reunion events last year in their home country. A successful Kickstarter campaign earlier this year led to the new 12 song album.
An interesting perspective from Jamie Grace: “When you’re old enough to date, you’re old enough to consider marriage. Dating isn’t something you do to have fun or waste time. It’s a decision that is made to begin the process of a decision that you will commit to for life.” What do you think: do you agree or disagree?
WEIRD & WACKY
|Drone drops drugs in Ohio prison yard, spurring inmate fight
MANSFIELD, Ohio (AP) — A drone dropped a package of drugs into a prison yard while inmates were outside, sparking a fight, prison officials said. HASH(0x1406390) Smith said there have been other instances of drones breaching security and the agency is taking steps to increase awareness and…
|Sheriff’s office asks drug dealers to turn in their rivals
FRANKFORT, Ky. (AP) — A Kentucky sheriff’s office has posted a flyer on its Facebook page asking drug dealers to turn in their rivals. Multiple media outlets report the Franklin County Sheriff’s Office posted the flyer Monday afternoon. It features an image of a marijuana leaf and says, “Is…
|Police: Fake officer tried to pull over off-duty Ohio cop
NORTH KINGSVILLE, Ohio (AP) — Authorities in northeast Ohio say a man pretending to be a police officer was caught and charged because the driver targeted by his bogus traffic stop was a real officer. HASH(0x141b1c0) Flanigan says the officer contacted village police, who found the suspect…
|Skunk saved by Detroit-area police officer – sans spray
ROCHESTER, Mich. (AP) — A hungry skunk whose head was stuck in a yogurt container has a hero: a suburban Detroit police officer. Rochester Officer Merlin Taylor’s encounter Sunday was recorded from his police car. The video shows Taylor putting on a rubber glove and cautiously approaching the…
|German mechanic wins pay for changing, but not for showers
BERLIN (AP) — A German court says a municipal bus mechanic can have hundreds of euros (dollars) in back pay for time spent changing into his work clothes — but not for time he spent showering. The state labor court in Duesseldorf said the man and the local transport authority in…
|Maine man hires plane to fly banner protesting Brady ruling
SCARBOROUGH, Maine (AP) — A man hired a plane to fly a banner over NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s vacation home in Maine, telling him to go back to New York. HASH(0x14076c0) Brady was suspended for his role in the use of deflated footballs in the AFC championship game in January. Goodell…
|Subway sandwich artists set world record in Las Vegas photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Subway’s “sandwich artists” cranked out a record number of their lunchmeat masterpieces in Las Vegas on Saturday. Franchisees and employees from around the world set a Guinness World Record for the “most people making sandwiches simultaneously” when 1,481 people built subs at…
|Massachusetts woman’s chicken getting $2,500 prosthetic leg
CLINTON, Mass. (AP) — This chicken leg isn’t for eating. A hen owned by a Massachusetts woman who specializes in chicken rehabilitation and rescue is getting fitted with a prosthetic leg Wednesday at Tufts University’s Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine. HASH(0x141c140) The chicken, named…
|Cops: Man buys car after taking $150,000 left by ATM workers photo
MAHWAH, N.J. (AP) — One of two men suspected of making off with a bag containing $150,000 in cash that was mistakenly left behind by ATM workers bought an SUV with the money hours later, police said. Alton Harvey, 42, of Hillside, was arrested Wednesday after police traced a white van that…
|Report: Man arrested, tried to carjack unmarked police car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Police in St. Petersburg say a man who tried to carjack an unmarked police car was surprised by two detectives, who arrested him after he tried to run. A St. Petersburg police report said the undercover detectives were sitting in their vehicle last week when…
|School closes after venomous spiders found for a 3rd time
MERCERSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A Pennsylvania school district has closed one of its elementary schools due to an infestation of venomous spiders. HASH(0x13eb680) The Tuscarora School District made the decision to close the school Tuesday after officials met with the district’s pest control…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|FDA lays out extra steps to clean scopes linked to outbreaks
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health officials are laying out extra safety measures that hospitals can take to clean specialized medical scopes that have been linked to sometimes deadly bacterial outbreaks across the U.S. However, Food and Drug Administration officials acknowledge that not all…
|Obama power plant rules spark 2016 fight over climate change photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama’s sweeping new power plant regulations are thrusting the divisive debate over climate change into the race for the White House, with candidates in both parties seeing an opportunity to capitalize. To Democrats, rallying around global climate change is…
|Task force urges more research into child autism screening
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government task force says more research is needed to determine if toddlers should be screened for autism even if check-ups or parents haven’t spotted developmental problems — despite guidelines from other health groups that urge such screening. Doctors are supposed…
|South Korea to replace health minister after MERS outbreak
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — South Korea’s president has decided to replace her health minister, officials said Tuesday, in the wake of criticism over the government’s handling of the MERS virus outbreak that killed 36 people and infected nearly 200 others. Last week, South Korea announced that…
|CDC head says Sierra Leone in strong place with Ebola
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Sierra Leone is in a stronger place than it was six months ago to fight Ebola, but the new challenge is to get to zero cases, the director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Monday during a visit, as new cases emerged in the city and in…
|Most picky eating harmless but it can signal emotional woes photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Parents of picky eaters take heart: New research suggests the problem is rarely worth fretting over, although in a small portion of kids it may signal emotional troubles that should be checked out. Preschool-aged children who are extremely selective about what they eat and…
|More fights ahead on Planned Parenthood after Senate vote photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — After the Senate’s derailing of Republican legislation halting federal dollars for Planned Parenthood, one thing seems clear: Many on both sides think they can ring up gains from the battle. Abortion-rights groups are already releasing TV ads attacking GOP supporters of the…
|Clinton releases tax, medical records as emails made public photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton and her husband paid close to $44 million in federal taxes since 2007 and she is in “excellent physical condition,” two facts that emerged in a flood of disclosures from the campaign of the Democratic presidential candidate. Within a three-hour period…
|Experimental Ebola vaccine could stop virus in West Africa photo
LONDON (AP) — An experimental Ebola vaccine tested on thousands of people in Guinea seems to work and might help shut down the waning epidemic in West Africa, according to interim results from a study published Friday. There is currently no licensed treatment or vaccine for Ebola, which has…
|Once a sideshow, former preemies praise doctor years later photo
LONG BEACH, N.Y. (AP) — At age 95, Lucille Horn often reflects on her long, full life, with a husband and five children, and how it might not have happened if not for the renegade doctor who put her in a Coney Island sideshow when she was just days old. Horn is among thousands of former…
|Abortion supporters get help from courts in video fight
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Abortion rights advocates locked in a public relations battle with abortion opponents over videos of Planned Parenthood leaders discussing the use of aborted fetuses got some good news from two courts in California. A federal judge in San Francisco on Friday blocked the…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A hen owned by a Massachusetts woman who specializes in chicken rehabilitation and rescue is getting fitted with a prosthetic leg this week at Tufts University’s Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine. Andrea Martin is paying for the $2,500 operation out of her own pocket, adding that the alternative is euthanization. *** If euthanization is followed immediately thereafter by deep frying, I think that would be the more fiscally and mentally responsible option.
Pluto is 3.7 billion miles from earth. But do you really have any idea how far that actually is? Now NPR is coming to the rescue. They have figured the travel time in units we can understand. A recent article found that driving to Pluto in your car, at 65mph, would take 6,293 years. But don’t worry. Flying would be considerably faster. A Boeing 777, at 590 miles per hour, could make the trip in just 680 years. Don’t have that much vacation time built up. You might want to hitch a ride on the New Horizons rocket. It will zoom past Pluto on July 14 and, at a speed of more than 50,000 miles per hour, has taken a little under a decade to make the trip. *** So you might want to start building up your vacation time NOW.
Ever been so angry about your carry-out food order that you wanted to call police? An Ohio woman called 911 to complain about an order of Chinese food. She told police it was “not up to par for her liking.” *** We have not yet heard whether or not her new jail cell is up to par for her liking.
A giant inflatable Minion balloon somehow got loose from its restraints and rolled onto a road in Dublin, Ireland Monday. The Minion knocked a side view mirror off one car, but nobody was hurt. *** These guys are so desperate to find a new evil ruler they’re wandering into traffic to do it.
They say you can’t take it with you when you die, but that’s not necessarily true for the wealthiest Americans – like Donald Trump. He announced recently that he is considering building a 1.5-acre cemetery next to his high-end golf course in Bedminster, where members pay a lifetime fee of as much as $300,000. If they want to stay beyond that, they most likely will pay a membership fee that includes burial. It may be among the pricier final resting places, but if it gets state and local approval, it’d be a bargain compared with some of the country’s other swank cemeteries. ***MARLAR: His Presidential campaign is now promising not a “Turkey in every pot”, but a “supporter in ever plot.”
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
For most people, putting on deodorant is a necessary ritual on par with brushing teeth or washing hands. But for those who produce no armpit stench, it is totally unnecessary. Despite that, more than three-quarters of those people still use deodorant at least once a week, a new study finds. The findings, published in the latest issue of the Journal of Investigative Dermatology, show just how much a person’s daily life is dictated by what’s considered normal. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute – there are people whose armpits don’t stink? We should clone these people, breed with them, make it illegal to procreate with anyone other than non-stinky-pit people. Imagine the dramatic reduction in plastics we’d use simply by not needing deodorant…
Our friends at Gallup have released another poll, and if you’re a member of Congress you might want to cover your ears. 15% approve of the job Congress is doing, and 81% disapprove. ***MARLAR: But then, their moms weren’t allowed to vote, so this poll is totally bogus.
Be sure to drink plenty of water. This helps to prevent dehydration, which can cause confusion and memory problems. And be sure to get plenty of rest. Being tired can impair your memory as well. ***MARLAR: In other news, it’s been discovered that drinking water and getting plenty of sleep can improve your memory…
Americans are concerned about poor eating habits. In fact, according to a Barna Survey, nearly half of Americans are concerned they eat too much. But not every generation is equally worried. In fact, the study found that Millennials are almost twice as likely as elders to express concern about their diet and nutrition. But age is not the only striking demographic difference. Practicing Christians, it turns out, tend to be more concerned about their diet choices than other Americans. ***MARLAR: Which is surprising, since we know these bodies are only temporary and that we’ll receive glorified bodies on the other side of eternity. You’d think Christians would be more likely to think of their bodies as disposable.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Ballpark Stands”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Puberty”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, the jungle animals were conducing anti-clunking and pro-clunking rallies trying to win the argument over whether or not clunking should be banned in the jungle. Clunking is hitting yourself on the head with a coconut over and over again. Sully the Aardvark says it’s dumb, Millard the Monkey thinks it’s okay. But what about second-hand clunking?
CLOSE: What’s causing the hiccups? Does it have something to do with clunking, or is Millard just vying for attention? Tune in again next time to see what happens, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 08/09, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson finally broke down and told the truth about why the island had no food and why trash was piling up everywhere. It wasn’t because others weren’t doing their jobs, but because Marvy had nailed down the calendar clock to always be Saturday…
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A recently divorced man finds an unusual way to feel good about himself again.
In Italy a 37-year-old man has admitted to robbing 21 banks in a ten month period. Why? Well, he says he did it to take his mind off his marital problems and cope with his depression. He said, “I suddenly found out that the only way to escape from the tunnel of depression was to have very strong experiences, and robbing banks really gave me peace of mind.” ***MARLAR: Imagine this guy’s thinking… “Gosh, I’m so depressed! My wife left me, I’m divorced, my life stinks! How can I feel better again? Oh, I know… I’ll rob banks! That’ll make all the bad feelings go away!”
TOP TEN TRUE TO LIFE FACTS ABOUT WOMEN
- “Oh, nothing,” has an entirely different meaning in woman language than it does in man language.
- Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
- All women are overweight by definition; don’t agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don’t bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
- If it is not Valentine’s day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, “What did you do?”
- Only women understand the reason for “guest towels” and the “good china”.
- Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
- If a man angers a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which makes it impossible for the lid to stay up.
- Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
- Women don’t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don’t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
- The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don’t hear men say, “Oh-my-goodness, there’s another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Robbing a bank is not a smart thing. Running away from a bank robbery and not making sure you’re being chased lands you in the files of Law & Disorder!
FILE #1: Andrew Green watched helplessly as one bank robbery unfolded last month. This time, he’d had enough. Green was standing behind a man in line Saturday at Riverside National Bank in Florida, waiting to deposit a check. He thought the guy looked suspicious as he walked out, but he thought little of it until a teller announced a moment later that she’d been robbed. As bank employees begin locking down the building, Green bolted and began following the robber, who made one critical mistake: He failed to look back. The 47-year-old landscaper tackled the robber 200 yards from the bank.
FILE #2: In Orange County, California, Sheriff’s deputy Owen Hall was standing beside a car he had just stopped for speeding when wouldn’t you know it — he was shot in the leg with an arrow. Being a real man, he just pulled the dang arrow right out of his leg and then drove himself to a hospital. While that was going on other deputies combed the area and finally located archer Tri Lam, who had apparently been practicing in his backyard when an arrow got away from him. He was arrested but went free two days later when baffled authorities realized that he had committed no crime, since the state’s negligent-shooting law applies only to guns.
FILE #3: In Ohio, a fight between two brothers over a sausage led to a four-year prison sentence. Kenny and John Graden had been drinking when John began to eat his brother’s sausage, inciting Kenny to slash him in the face. Kenny Graden pleaded guilty to felonious assault.
STRANGE LAW: In Eureka, Nevada men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
A flying car ends up in today’s Brain on Drugs story!
Accident investigators say the car was airborne for about 150 feet before crashing through the roof of Joanne and Mahlon Donovan’s house in Derry, N.H., at 3:00 a.m. Driven by a 20-year-old woman who was later arrested for drunk driving, the car came through the ceiling and dropped right over the Donovan’s bed. “The thing was right in front of my face,” Mr. Donovan, 65, said. “I could feel the heat from the exhaust system coming through the sheets.” Still, that wasn’t enough to wake his wife. He had to shake her awake after the crash. ***MARLAR: There go any awards for “emotional damages.”
Do you remember what your allowance was when you were a kid? Things were most likely different then than they are now. Today, parents are typically more generous to their children. A study of almost 9,000 kids between the ages of 12 and 16 found that on average, they received $50 A WEEK for allowance! Also, boys are paid more on average than girls are, for the same jobs. How much of an allowance did you get when you were growing up?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: How old was Isaac when he died?
ANSWER: 180 (Genesis 35:28)
QUESTION: In 1916, what animal was tried and hung for murder in Erwin, Tennessee?
ANSWER: An Elephant.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Tweety Bird was originally blue. (False. He was originally pink, but censors thought he looked naked, so his color was changed to yellow. Also, his name was originally Orson.)
- The average woman uses about six pounds of lipstick during her lifetime. (True)
- The average escalator moves 120 feet per minute. (True)
- The telephone area code for ships travelling in the Atlantic Ocean is 699. (False – 871)
- In 1922, American Airlines was the first to provide airsickness bags. (False – it was Pitcairn Airlines)
- One hundred years ago the average life expectancy in the United States was only 37. (False – 47)
- Little Red Riding Hood’s name is Blanche. (True. Well, actually it’s Blanchette – but Blanche is short for that)
- Jack Norworth, who wrote “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” in 1908, had never seen a baseball game. (True)
- A giant redwood tree contains more water than wood. (True. A trunk 200 feet high holds 4,700 gallons)
- Albert Einstein didn’t like to wear shoes. (False – he didn’t like socks)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
______ TO DESTROY THE MOON ON SEPTEMBER 30 (ASTEROID)
Scientists are keeping a close eye on a big asteroid that is expected to impact (and destroy) the Moon in September.
The space rock, which is called GD5, is about 790 feet wide. It is on a collision course with the Moon and will hit on the last day of September unless NASA is able to deflect it away.
Talk about the asteroid was on the agenda during the 50th session of the Scientific and Technical Subcommittee of the United Nations Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space (COPUOS), held earlier this month in Vienna.
A UN Action Team on near-Moon objects (NMOs) noted the asteroid’s repeat approaches to the Moon and the how it will directly hit the moon in two months.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he’d been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
“How do you get along with the other students, Donald?” she asked.
“Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terribly noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”
“Oh Donald!” says his mother. “How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy neighbors?”
“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them and sit here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
When Ruthie’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye.
He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.” Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t. Finally she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?” Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”
Japanese chewing gum giant Lotte is now requiring new employees to go out and scrape chewing gum off Tokyo sidewalks. The company says they require this because they are concerned about the environment. ***MARLAR: Either that or they need more supplies.
Soon you might see cars on the road using prune juice for fuel; that’s according to a company in California that’s developed the unusual fuel. ***MARLAR: Prune juice… so does that mean we’ll be calling the fuel REGULAR?
A high school teacher was giving a true/false test. He was strolling up and down the aisles surveying the students at work. He came upon one student who was flipping a coin, then writing.
Teacher: What are you doing?
Student: Getting the answers to the test. The teacher shook his head and walked on. A little while later, when everyone was finished with the test, the teacher noticed the student was again flipping the coin.
Teacher: Now what are you doing?
Student: I’m checking the answers.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Prepare to be freaked-out. Your private thoughts may soon not be so private.
Scientists from Japan and the United States have figured out how to read a person’s mind by remotely measuring brain activity, extracting information of which the subject is not even aware. The study findings were published in the journal Nature Neuroscience. So far it’s pretty rudimentary stuff in that the mind-reading machine can only identify visual patterns a volunteer can see or has chosen to look at. But the researchers are hopeful that the approach will eventually probe into a person’s awareness, focus of attention and memory. ***MARLAR: If this were really to happen, it would be extremely unnerving… but on the upside, you would always be able to ask somebody where you misplaced your car keys!
GOD HEARS THE BOY CRYING
God hears us. There are times when we wonder if God even realizes we exist, but God knows when we need Him. This young man’s suffering had a “voice” which our compassionate God heard and answered where and when he so desperately needed it. He does the same for us. Anguish has its own peculiar voice: “I am worn out from groaning…The Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy” (Psalm 6:6,8,9).
“But when we cried out to the Lord, he heard our cry…” Numbers 20:16;
“The Lord listened to Israel’s plea…” Numbers 21:3;
“Then we cried out to the Lord…and the Lord heard our voice and saw our misery…” Deuteronomy 26:7;
“There was never a day like it…a day when the Lord listened to a man” Joshua 10:14;
“The Lord heard Elijah’s cry…” 1 Kings 17:22;
“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me” Jonah 2:2;
and Jesus: “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me…” John 11:41,42.
We cannot doubt that God hears and answers prayer, as unimaginative as it sounds. We have heard it over and over, but when the “waves and breakers” begin to drown us, we need to be reminded again that God is a viable and veritable force, not so much to be reckoned with as to be trusted. “Deep calls to deep in the roar of [our] waterfalls,” (Psalm 42:7), and God is the Captain who asks us to keep our eye and heart on Him, as we walk on the roaring waves of life (Matthew 14:29-31). He asks us, too, “You of little faith, why did you doubt that I can rescue you; that I hear your faint cries?”
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3.
–Patricia Erwin Nordman, Walking Through the Darkness
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
EYES OF COMPASSION
Read: Luke 10:25-37
A certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. —Luke 10:33
As Francisco Venegas, a school custodian in Colorado, watched the children on the playground, he saw a 9-year-old girl fall off a bench for no apparent reason. Another time he noticed her face twisted in a strange expression. Sensing that something was wrong, Francisco reported what he had seen to the school office.
A few days later, the girl had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital. The information that Francisco provided led doctors to perform a brain scan, and they found a tumor. Successful surgery and recovery followed.
Many people have called Francisco Venegas a “good samaritan,” a name drawn from a story Jesus told about three people who saw a man in need. The first two “passed by on the other side” (Luke 10:31-32). But the third, a Samaritan, showed compassion (vv.33-35).
Compassion cannot see someone in need without helping. It accepts the consequences of getting involved because it cannot bear to turn away. Compassion comes from a heart that is tender toward God and fellow travelers on the road of life.
Jesus’ story of the Good Samaritan ends with a command for each of us: “Go and do likewise” (v.37). Jesus sees everyone through eyes of compassion, and He calls us to do the same. —David McCasland
When you see someone in need,
Love demands a loving deed;
Don’t just say you love him true,
Prove it by the deeds you do. —Sper
Compassion is love in action.
Ever dreamed of being Spiderman?
Thanks to new technology, soldiers of the future could one day use special “Spiderman” suits to walk up vertical surfaces and even stick to the ceiling. BAE Systems has developed a material that closely mimics the feet of a gecko lizard, which can scale vertical glass. The research is still at an early stage but the firm said “infantry climbing suits” could be made out of the material, giving the troops gecko-like abilities. ***MARLAR: And if it doesn’t work out, the soldiers could always become spokespersons for Geico.
LIFE… LIVE IT
IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE BY FIGHTING!
A relationship expert says one way to improve a marriage is to fight.
If you want your marriage to be happy, you have to learn how to fight with your mate… the right way. Dr. Susan Heitler says the happiest marriage isn’t the one in which the couple never fights… it’s the one in which conflict is resolved fairly and without malice. The doc says that decades ago marriage was easier because the roles were more defined: the husband was the breadwinner and the wife was unquestioning and supportive. But now, most women work outside the home so power is becoming more of an issue, giving rise to conflicts that married couples didn’t face in the 1940’s and 1950’s. So, here are some tips to help you out the next time you and your mate have a fight…
- Expect Things To Work Out. Assume from the outset that you can both be winners. Your concerns may differ, but there’s always a solution that can work for both of you.
- Keep Your Comments Tactful, Not Toxic. Try to make your feelings known without attacking your significant other. Instead of saying, “You’re inconsiderate.. always coming home late from work,” try saying, “I’ve been feeling neglected lately. Do you think you might be able to come home a little earlier?”
- Really Listen To Your Partner. You don’t accomplish anything if you’re merely waiting for your partner to shut up so you can talk. Listen when your mate speaks. One indication that you may not be really listening is if you use the word “but” a lot in response to their statements.
- Do Not Discuss Important Issues When You Are Angry. When two people are angry, neither is likely to listen to the other. Wait until you’ve calmed down and then address the conflicts that are disturbing your relationship.
JUST FOR FUN
Would Jesus attend church services if he were on earth today? A lot of people say no.
It’s sometimes interesting to think about what life would be like if Jesus were still here on earth. One research group wondered if Jesus would attend church services, and after surveying 931 people, about 61 percent of them believe that Jesus would not bother going to church if he were alive. And almost half of all the Christians surveyed (43 percent) believed that the church as an organization puts people off Christianity. (What church are THESE people going to? If they really feel that way, they need to find a new church!) Then again, you have to wonder if these people are truly committed Christians, because 71 percent of these so-called Christians only go to church a couple of times a year or not at all. And yet, 48 percent of these people believed themselves to be spiritual. Sounds to me like maybe they need to spend more time in church learning more about Jesus whom they assume to know.
(Contributed by Natalie Ramirez)
PARADOX (A SELF-CONTRADICTING PHRASE)
- He lived his life to the end.
- Black Light
- I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- Straight hooks.
- Compulsory volunteers
- Jumbo shrimp
- That shoe fits him like a glove.
OXYMORON (PAIR OF WORDS OPPOSED IN MEANING)
- Black Light
- Straight hooks
- Compulsory Volunteers
- Jumbo Shrimp
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
What is the most stressful time of the day?
According to a new survey, commuting during rush hour is the most stressful part of the day. A survey into the most stressful situations has found that 44% of the people surveyed said that rush-hour traffic is the biggest inducer of stress. 32% said the most stressful part of the day was worrying about their children’s future and 31% said their job was the most stressful. Interestingly enough most people said technology has alleviated the stress of having to deal with co-workers face to face, but the worry created by having to wade through scores of office e-mails made its way into the top ten of daily stresses. Nice trade-off.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Joke thieves beware: Twitter seems to be cracking down on plagiarism. In a freewheeling universe home to millions of spambots, fake celebrities and trolls, it’s no surprise that many Twitter accounts habitually steal 140-character quips to rack up followers. But now the social network is erasing and hiding a number of tweets reported as stolen. Twitter has been working for months to smooth the site’s rougher edges and make it more suitable for advertisers after facing a firestorm of criticism
While the amount of persecution against Christians continues to increase around the world, what are Christians in the United States saying about their future? Baptist Press reports Americans view Islam as a threat to their own nation’s religious liberty almost as strongly as they consider it a danger to religious freedom internationally. Although most persecution occurs overseas, 39% of American adults say Islam threatens religious freedom in the U.S. — almost as many as the 40% who see Islam as a global threat
As the Planned Parenthood scandal continues, a league of more than 50 pro-life groups is calling U.S. citizens to action. ProtestPP is a coalition of pro-life groups calling for a National Day of Protest on August 22 at Planned Parenthood facilities throughout the U.S. Demonstrators aim to raise awareness of Planned Parenthood’s alleged illegal activities and rally support for federal defunding of the organization.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
And remember: licking a frog can cure depression … but the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Recently, I received a vote of confidence from our church council when they elected me president. The vote was not unanimous, of course, as there was another candidate who has served on the council longer and is a wise and mature man. It was an encouragement to my soul to have earned the respect of my brothers on this team.
Almost immediately, my mind began to take its natural course and to consider vision-driven items for us to pursue. And at the same time, this odd sense of the weight of a “leadership burden” crept in. My confidence was not lacking. Just the reality of stepping into this role.
I must quickly admit that president of our church council is not like leading a mega corporation or even a mega church. We are a group of a few hundred people. But certain aspects of the “weight of leadership” come with any position of true influence.
Here are ten features that I see come with leadership territory.
- Responsibility. Whether one is the owner of a business or is in charge of operations, you agree to take on being responsible for its success. When things don’t fall in line according to your vision or plan, you become the fall guy.
- Risk Taking. Many people avoid risks. Leaders must take them…and live with the consequences. Fear often finds its home in the pressure zone of risk.
- Criticism. Every leader must be ready for critics—internally and externally. Leaders must be bold turtles—willing to stick their neck out and rely on their shell to protect their insides. Easier said than done.
- Dark Tasks. One of the heavier weights of leadership is having to fire people. Or to get involved in trying to clean up messy relationships. Other challenges include dealing with investigations, legal issues, or those things most people don’t want to do.
- Subversives. These are the people who DON’T have a leader’s best interest at heart. They quietly—or not so quietly—work to get a leader removed, or cause to fail. Any power position can attract these types—almost always with selfish and destructive motives.
- Hot Kitchen. Ever been in a commercial restaurant when the pressure is on? Things are flying. And frying. A leader will find him- or herself in situations where cool heads must prevail. And said leader must get everyone out safely.
- Confidence / Arrogance. This particular “weight” must be watched carefully. That inner assuredness that you can do the job—mixed with several successes—can cause humility to fade away. Most people find arrogance so irritating they stop cheering for their leader.
- Nightmares. Why? Lost revenues. Lost talent. Lost sleep. Need I say more?
- Stepping Away. Change will come—voluntarily or involuntarily. Succession planning reveals wisdom and caring. And knowing when to leave requires insight and boldness.
- Folding the Tent. This one hurts. For all of the Atlas efforts to keep the endeavor going, it just may not be worth it. Failure hurts. And it can appear like leadership was weak. Time to move on.
People who aspire to roles of leadership—or who accept that assignment—should be reminded by their best friends or advisors that this is “weighty territory” before running toward the job.
Leaders have another serious challenge as well. When the pressure is on and things are going bad, a leader looks for relief. Too often, that relief comes in tempting forms that revolve around unwise pursuits of pleasure.
In Isaiah 5:11-13 (NLT), we read of those whose lives went down the pleasure path: “What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk. They furnish wine and lovely music at their grand parties—lyre and harp, tambourine and flute—but they never think about the Lord or notice what he is doing. So my people will go into exile far away because they do not know me. Those who are great and honored will starve, and the common people will die of thirst.”
Instead, leaders must learn to create “white space” in their lives for focus and renewal. They need counselors and a “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” And above all, they need a bedrock of biblical wisdom.
As for my new church council assignment, I’m going to try to avoid calling any “meeting of the bored.”
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
JULY 31, 2015…
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation—This time, Tom Cruise is hanging from the side of a plane in flight. The next “Mission Impossible” film probably has him hanging from the side of a rocket. Anyway, this particular story has Ethan Hunt (Cruise) fighting the Syndicate and is aided by Rebecca Ferguson. Also in the cast are Simon Pegg and Jeremy Renner. “Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The Gift—Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall have to come to grips with a secret when an old friend visits. This film is directed and also stars, Joel Edgerton. “The Gift” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Vacation—Ed Helms is married to Christina Applegate and Ed plays the son of Chevy Chase from the “National Lampoon” vacation films. Here, he decides to take his family to Walley World and retrace the childhood steps. For fans, Chevy Chase has a cameo and also in the cast are Chris Hemsworth and Leslie Mann. “Vacation” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
The End Of The Tour (opening in select cities)—Jesse Eisenberg plays a reporter from “Rolling Stone” magazine who wants to have an interview with writer David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel). This is set in the mid 1990’s. “The End Of The Tour” is rated R. No rating.
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places is based on the Gillian Flynn novel about a 25-year-old murder in Kansas. Stars Charlize Theron.
The Diary of a Teenage Girl is based on the book by Phoebe Glockner and stars Kristen Wiig.
Fantastic Four, and what more can one say? Comic book heroes are back.
Nicki and the Flash has Meryl Streep as a rock star who is asked to help the family she abandoned.
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