August 08, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep


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Sorry I’m a bit late today – I was outside having an autograph session with my fan.




So be very careful how you live. Do not live like those who are not wise, but live wisely. Use every chance you have to do good, because these are evil times. So do not be foolish but learn what the Lord wants you to do. –Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLV)


The Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; it is he who will save us. — Isaiah 33:22




You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance. — Psalm 68:9


Thought: Dryness, whether spiritual or physical, is sapping to the spirit and wilting to all living things. Let’s join our hearts together today, ten of thousands strong, praying that God will do two things: (1) that he bring rain and refreshment on those lands that are parched and where times are hard; and (2) that he will refresh all of his servants who are discouraged and close to giving up in their difficulties, challenges, temptations, discouragements, and failures. Let’s pray for today to be a day of refreshment and the beginning of revival in our world and among God’s people!


Prayer: Lord God Almighty, the one able to do more than all we ask or imagine, today, we join our voices and our hearts in asking you for refreshment for every land and every heart parched and wilted. Send your rains on the drought laden parts of our world. And dear Father, please bring revival throughout our world in our churches and the hearts of those who serve you. We ask this together in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and King. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Zechariah 8:8 NIV = …they will be my people, and I will be faithful and righteous to them as their God.”




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is ODIE DAY, marking the birth of Odie the dog, Garfield’s best friend, who first appeared on the comic pages on this day in 1978.  ***MARLAR: That makes him 37 years old today – or 259 in “dog years!”  Wow… Odie looks great for his age, doesn’t he?


Tonight is SNEAK SOME ZUCCHINI ONTO YOUR NEIGHBOR’S PORCH NIGHT, a night for gardeners who grew too much zucchini. ***MARLAR: Or take it to Dairy Queen and ask them to use it to make a frozen zucchini Blizzard!


Today is ADMIT YOU’RE HAPPY DAY.  ***MARLAR: Which you might be, if you open your front door tomorrow morning and discover a basket of zucchini.  Assuming you LIKE zucchini. You probably WON’T be happy though if someone offers you a frozen zucchini Blizzard.


Today is NATIONAL FROZEN CUSTARD DAY.  ***MARLAR: They froze him? I figured they just buried General Custard like everyone else! (Oh, okay – I know that was a groaner.)




Dalek Day

International Hangover Day

International Cat Day

The Date to Create

Happiness Happens Day

Middle Child Day

Odie Day

National Bowling Day

National Garage Sale Day

Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors’ Porch Night





International Day of The World’s Indigeneous People

Veep Day



National Duran Duran Appreciation Day

Paul Bunyan Day

Skyscraper Appreciation Day

Smithsonian Day

S’mores Day



Ingersoll Day

Presidential Joke Day




International Youth Day

Milkman Day

Sewing Machine Day

Vinyl Record Day

World Elephant Day



International Lefthander’s Day



National Navajo Code Talkers Day

Shop Online for Groceries Day

V-J Day

Worldwide Art Day



Best Friends Day

Chauvin Day

Check The Chip Day

International Geocaching Day

International Homeless Animals Day

National Relaxation Day

World Honey Bee Day



Joe Miller’s Joke Day

National Airborne Day

National Rollercoaster Day



Black Cat Appreciation Day

Cupcake Day

Meaning of “Is” Day

National Thrift Shop Day




1471: Thomas Kempis died at Mount Saint Agnes monastery in the Netherlands where he had lived for 64 years. He wrote Imitation of Christ, a work translated into all languages, still published and read today, more than 500 years after it was written.


1923: Clarinetist Benny Goodman got his first professional job as a band leader on a Chicago excursion boat. He was 14 years old.


1926: Webb Pierce was born in West Monroe, Louisiana. He had 51 Top 10 country records, including “In the Jailhouse Now,” “There Stands the Glass,” and “I Don’t Care.” He died in 1991.


1934: Bing Crosby recorded “Just A-Wearyin’ For You” and “I Love You Truly,” the first songs to be released on the new Decca Records label: single #D-100.


1941: Joe DiMaggio, the Yankee Clipper, got a new nickname when Les Brown & His Band of Renown recorded “Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio” on Okey Records.


1970: Singer Janis Joplin purchased a marker for the Philadelphia grave of blues singer Bessie Smith. Bessie died in 1937.


1974: President Richard Nixon announced he would resign following new damaging revelations in the Watergate scandal.


1975: Singer Hank Williams Jr. fell 500 feet down a Montana mountain and survived, but recuperation took two years.


1988: 39,012 fans attended the first night baseball game at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. ***MARLAR: It was then that they decided, “Hey, maybe we should get lights next time!”


1991: Students at Stanly Community College in Albermarle, North Carolina, set a world record by filling a container with 5,438 cubic feet of popped popcorn. Three weeks later a British theater staff broke the record by 541 cubic feet.


1994: Israel and Jordan opened the first road link between the two once-warring countries.


1995: The regime of Iraq`s Saddam Hussein was shaken when his two older daughters, their husbands and other senior army officers defected.


1999: Tish, the world’s oldest captive goldfish, died in Yorkshire, England, at the age of 43. At least. Seven-year-old Peter Hand had won Tish at a fair in 1956. The fish swam with the family until his death.


2001: An Egyptian man claimed he had been married 203 times. 78-year-old Mustafa Semeda said he first got married in 1947. He only had three children and said he was permanently searching for his ideal woman. Egyptian and Islamic law allow polygamy but limit the number of wives to four at any one time.


2004: Actress Fay Wray, held atop the Empire State Building by the giant ape in the 1933 film classic “King Kong,” died in New York City at age 96.


2006: A jet airliner landed safely after one of its doors fell off and crashed to earth next to a supermarket shortly after departure from Sao Paulo, Bazil. No one was hurt in the incident. The Fokker 100 plane with 79 people aboard en route to Rio de Janeiro returned to the airport safely 18 minutes after taking off.




1471: Thomas a Kempis, Dutch mystic and devotional author of The Imitation of Christ, dies at age 91. In his classic, Thomas wrote, “We must imitate Christ’s life and his ways if we are to be truly enlightened and set free from the darkness of our own hearts. Let it be the most important thing we do, then, to reflect on the life of Jesus Christ.


1492: Albrecht Durer’s art is published for the first time when one of his woodcuts serves as the title page for St. Jerome’s letters. In a few years, he became one of the most famous painters and engravers in Germany.


1852: Swedish-born Gustaf Palmquist baptizes three converts in the Mississippi river at Rock island Illinois, initiating the organization later known as the Baptist General Conference, which a century and a half later had grown to over 800,000 members.




  • actress (“Moesha”, “227”) Countess Vaughn 37 (
  • Odie (the dog from the “Garfield” comic strip) 37
  • Actor (Ralph Malph on “Happy Days”) Donny Most, 62 (
  • actor (The Long Riders and host of the History Channel’s “Wild West Tech”, brother to the late David Carradine) Keith Carradine 66
  • Actor (“CHiPs’” officer Jon Baker) Larry Wilcox, 68 (
  • actress (Grease 2, Back to the Beach) Connie Stevens 77
  • Actor (Runaway Jury, The Graduate, Sphere, Wag the Dog) Dustin Hoffman, 78 — Dustin was considered for the role of Michael Corleone in The Godfather. The role went to Al Pacino.




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1857 : Cécile Chaminade

1907 : Benny Carter

1921 : Webb Pierce

1923 : Jimmy Witherspoon

1926 : Urbie Green

1932 : Mel Tillis

1933 : Joe Tex

1938 : Connie Stevens

1939 : Phil Balsley (The Statler Brothers)

1942 : John David (Dr. Hook)

1944 : Michael Johnson

1949 : Keith Carradine

1949 : Airrion Love (The Stylistics)

1950 : Andy Fairweather-Low (Amen Corner)

1956 : Ali Score (A Flock Of Seagulls)

1957 : Dennis Drew (10,000 Maniacs)

1958 : Chris Foreman (Madness)

1961 : The Edge (David Evans) (U2)

1961 : Rikki Rocket (Poison)

1962 : Kool Moe Dee

1976 : Drew Lachey (98 Degrees)

1976 : JC Chasez (‘N Sync)




Where did “B-Movies” come from?

During the Depression, “B” movies were coupled with “A” movies to produce a double-billing at U.S. theaters. This was a desperate effort of film studio heads to draw in budget-conscience audiences with meager allowances for entertainment. By the 1940s, Columbia Pictures and MGM had perfected the “B” flick to the point that it was difficult to tell it from an “A” picture. “B” movies were profitable, and Universal Pictures turned out an average of one B-film each week. Most B-films took from 7 days to 3 weeks (including Saturdays) to make. Scant time was spent on rehearsals or costume fittings.




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Moriah Peters is counting down the days until the release of the music video for her song Brave. This week Moriah said: Meet “Afraid.” She represents the part of us that is chained by the past & fearful of the future.


Citizenway’s Ben Blascoe drives Uber on the side. He was taking a break at Chick-fil-A to be reminded of his other job. He tweeted: my band on the radio…irony.


A thought from Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey: Sometimes, we hurt and instead of feeling it, we run to distractions. We try to numb it. Instead, Mike advises Letting it sting. He says that means taking your hurt to God. Holding it out to him. Making space. Making time. Mike says: We want the cure, not a medication. Instead, we need to “let is sting”.


Kutless member James Mead recorded a personal best over the weekend. He tweeted: 7:40 per mile for 4 miles, hills included. James went on to explain: I have realized that I run SO THAT I can keep eating burritos.


More thoughts on dating from Jamie-Grace. She tweeted an open letter to all other single ladies this week. It says: We can go on dates with the most incredible guys, have girl’s nights with our best friends, we can even train a dog to say “I love you!” But until we learn that our peace, joy, hope, strength and resolve comes from our Creator, we will never truly fill the emptiness that is oh so natural without Him.


Plumb made a discovery this week and it wasn’t a good one. She tweeted: we discovered today that yes you in fact can get a pretty epic sunburn in Michigan. Oops Parent fail.


Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman says the bands guitars were well guarded during this weeks stop in Wisconsin. He shared a picture of an elderly member of the local American Legion sitting in front of the bands guitars keeping watch in his full, ceremonial dress uniform, complete with his rifle.


Kari Jobe would appreciate your prayers. Her cousin Stephen is scheduled for a kidney transplant this week. Kari says: Pray it can happen. A kidney has been found but it still must pass the doctor’s inspection.


Hawk Nelson’s Micah Kuiper got married this past week. His wedding to Jamie James took place on Tuesday.


The band Thousand Foot Krutch is asking for your prayers. They tweeted: Our bass player Joël is in the hospital right now with a torn and collapsed lung. They are looking to do surgery on it, but need the lung to improve first.




Would-be Tarzan allegedly tried to climb into monkey exhibit
SANTA ANA, Calif. (AP) — A man who claimed to be Tarzan has been arrested after he allegedly climbed a tree and tried to get into the monkey exhibit at a Southern California zoo. A zookeeper called 911 Tuesday morning to report that a shirtless man plastered in mud had climbed about 20 feet…


French horn returned to Washington state woman after 5 years
MUKILTEO, Wash. (AP) — A Mukilteo woman has her French horn back, five years after it was stolen out of her car. HASH(0x141b980) The horn belonged to 61-year-old Terry Preshaw, an attorney who is also first horn in the Mukilteo Community Orchestra. Preshaw bought the instrument used in 2009…
Drone drops drugs in Ohio prison yard, spurring inmate fight
MANSFIELD, Ohio (AP) — A drone dropped a package of drugs into a prison yard while inmates were outside, sparking a fight, prison officials said. HASH(0x13fc000) Smith said there have been other instances of drones breaching security and the agency is taking steps to increase awareness and…
Pennsylvania man waives hearing in fake DUI checkpoint case
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — A man charged with setting up a fake drunken-driving checkpoint while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper must now stand trial. State troopers from Somerset say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis was drunk when he parked his vehicle diagonally across state Route 601 and…
Community mourns Michigan man who waved at passers-by
LAMBERTVILLE, Mich. (AP) — A community in far southeast Michigan is remembering an elderly man who would wave at passing motorists every day as he waited for the mail carrier. For two years, Norman Hall went out to his mailbox, located along a busy road just north of the Michigan-Ohio state…
Man throws away, recovers lottery tickets worth $10,000
ROME, Ga. (AP) — A north Georgia man has recovered $10,000 worth of lottery tickets he had thrown away in the trash. Multiple media outlets report that Cedric Jackson on Friday thought that he had narrowly missed winning a $5,000 jackpot on two lottery tickets. Jackson, who lives in Rome,…
Officers rescue priest’s puppy stuck in 30-foot drain pipe    photo
BUTTE, Mont. (AP) — A Montana priest has his puppy back after law enforcement officers and an animal control officer pulled the shaking animal from the inside of a 30-foot drain pipe that runs under part of the church. The Montana Standard reports ( the small…
Coal protesters, firm still battle over song lyrics in suit
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) — The lyrics of a more than 40-year-old strip-mining protest song still amount to fighting words in Wyoming, where a lawsuit pits environmentalists against one of the nation’s largest coal mining companies. Lawyers for activists suing Peabody Energy Corp. and others quoted…
Michigan township draws more people to meeting with hot dogs
VICTORY TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — Here’s a way to boost interest in local government: potato salad. A township board in northern Michigan held a lakeside picnic Monday before its regular meeting. After an hour of hot dogs and side dishes, the Pledge of Allegiance was recited and the Victory…
Police: Fake officer tried to pull over off-duty Ohio cop
NORTH KINGSVILLE, Ohio (AP) — Authorities in northeast Ohio say a man pretending to be a police officer was caught and charged because the driver targeted by his bogus traffic stop was a real officer. HASH(0x13eb250) Flanigan says the officer contacted village police, who found the suspect…
2 arrested after meth lab remnants found in Iowa Taco Bell
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) — Authorities say two men have been arrested after the remnants of a methamphetamine lab were found inside a Taco Bell in eastern Iowa. The Cedar Rapids Police Department says officers found two men outside the restaurant early Tuesday. One identified himself as a Taco…





16 states ask Obama admin to put power plant rules on hold    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The campaign to stop President Barack Obama’s sweeping emissions limits on power plants began taking shape Wednesday, as 16 states asked the government to put the rules on hold while a Senate panel moved to block them. West Virginia Attorney General Patrick Morrisey, who is…


Food industry asks for exemptions to trans fat phase out
WASHINGTON (AP) — Shortening, pie crusts, brownies and microwave popcorn could be partially exempt from a government phase out of artificial trans fats — if the food industry gets its way. The Food and Drug Administration announced in June that it is requiring food companies to largely…
Colorado resident is 2nd to die of plague there this year
PUEBLO, Colo. (AP) — A person from southern Colorado has died of the plague, the second person to die of the disease in the state this year. The unidentified adult from Pueblo County likely died of the relatively rare septicemic form of the disease, said Christine Nevin-Woods, the medical…
Boston mayor wants ban on chewing tobacco at ballparks    photo
BOSTON (AP) — From storied Fenway Park to youth baseball diamonds across the city, Boston Mayor Martin J. Walsh is calling for a ban on dip, snuff and chewing tobacco. With former Red Sox pitcher and mouth cancer survivor Curt Schilling at his side, the mayor on Wednesday proposed banning…
Aramark revising menus to cut fat and boost produce, grains
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The food services giant Aramark is pledging to create healthier recipes for the 2 billion meals it serves each year in schools, hospitals, sports arenas and other settings. Aramark has teamed with the American Heart Association to cut fat and sodium by 20 percent by 2020….
Pets pick up on cues to comfort the dying, the grieving    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — For those who are dying, it’s clear why all dogs go to heaven. They provide comfort not just in death, but in other difficult times, whether it’s depression, job loss or a move across country. Dogs know when people are dying or grieving through body language cues, smells…
NYC targets cooling systems linked to Legionnaires’ outbreak    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Lawmakers are rushing to draft New York’s first regulations for a type of heavy-duty rooftop air conditioning equipment amid suspicions that bacteria-laden mist from these units could be the cause of the deadliest known outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease in the city’s history….
New Ebola cases in single digits another week, says WHO
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — New Ebola cases were in the single digits another week, the World Health Organization said Wednesday, showing that contact tracing efforts are yielding results. The path to zero cases, however, remains a challenge as the West African nations that have seen most of the…
Tax filing problems could jeopardize health law aid for 1.8M    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — About 1.8 million households that got financial help for health insurance under President Barack Obama’s law now have issues with their tax returns that could jeopardize their subsidies next year. Administration officials say those taxpayers will have to act quickly….
Toxic algae blooming in warm water from California to Alaska    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — A vast bloom of toxic algae off the West Coast is denser, more widespread and deeper than scientists feared even weeks ago, according to surveyors aboard a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration research vessel. This coastal ribbon of microscopic algae, up to 40 miles…
FDA lays out extra steps to clean scopes linked to outbreaks    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health officials laid out extra safety measures that hospitals can take to clean specialized medical scopes that have been linked to sometimes deadly bacterial outbreaks across the U.S. However, Food and Drug Administration officials acknowledged on Tuesday that not…





(None on the weekends)













CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… David Dean, “Hugging a Stranger”




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time Weatherbee the Owl ruled that hitting yourself over the head with a coconut (or “clunking”) could not be banned. But Millard the Monkey, who started the clunking trend, now has hiccups and can’t get rid of them no matter how hard he tries!


CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!



OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffelson finally broke down and told the truth about why the island had no food and why trash was piling up everywhere. It wasn’t because others weren’t doing their jobs, but because Marvy had nailed down the calendar clock to always be Saturday…


CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Getting into the fair for free can be a sign of cleverness…or a sign of inDUHvidualism.

18-year-old Amber Anne Miller of Cornona, California, didn’t want to pay the entrance fee to the Orange County Fair. So she went to fair officials and told them that her 12-year-old sister was lost at the fair.  They wanted her to fill out a missing-persons report before they let her in to look for her. So she did… and they let her in. And they also let in dozens of reserve deputies to help her look for her little 12-year-old sister.  When closing time came at midnight and there was no sign of Amber or her sister, they got a little suspicious. That’s when they called Amber’s parents who told them there was no 12-year-old sister.  Busted!  Now Amber’s been charged with two misdemeanors: resisting, obstructing or delaying the duties of a public officer, and falsely reporting an emergency.  Way to go, Amber.






  1. You refer to the windshield as the exit


  1. The community college filmmaking class paid you $10 to drive around the parking lot. It seems they can’t afford a stunt driver.


  1. As a safety measure, you removed the rear and side view mirrors because they were “distracting.”


  1. You keep hearing “Where did you get your license?” from that nosy guy on your hood.


  1. Your name becomes a traffic fatality verb, as in “Look out honey, you almost Bob-Smithed that guy!”


  1. You use the pedals like on a bicycle: left, right, left, right…


  1. Instead of “wash me,” people write “kill me” on the back of your car.


  1. You have even managed to roll a bumper car.


  1. Hitch-hikers see you coming and pretend not to be hitch-hiking.


  1. Your insurance company only agreed to continue your coverage if your car is fitted with the landing balloons from the Mars lander.




A man asks for Grey Poupon and ends up getting a gun stuck in his face instead!


FILE #1: Police arrested a Sandy, Utah, man who allegedly pulled a handgun on a teenage driver who asked if he had any “Grey Poupon.” Investigators said the 22-year-old man was incensed at the request for Dijon mustard, a reference to an old commercial for the product, and pulled a black handgun from his glove compartment. The three teens in the other car said the man cocked the weapon, pointed it at them, and said: “Here’s your Grey Poupon.” One of the car’s occupants took down the man’s license plate number and the suspect admitted to the incident when confronted by officers. The man was charged with a third-degree felony count of aggravated assault.


FILE #2: Police in College Hill, Ohio, arrested a man for stealing 32 deodorant products from a Walgreens.  Cops say Martin Steve Johnson entered the drug store Monday and transferred 18 sticks of Degree deodorant, 10 sticks of Axe deodorant and five bottles of Axe body spray from his shopping basket to his book bag before walking off. Officers caught up with Johnson behind a Chili’s restaurant and arrested him.


FILE #3: In Wilmington, Delaware, an unidentified woman told police she caught a burglar stealing property and taking it out of her house. When she told him to drop her stuff, he said, “no” and rode of on his bike. So she got in her car and chased him down. When he still wouldn’t stop she started bumping the bike with her car until he finally did drop the stolen property. She then picked up her things, drove home and called 911. Police are still looking for the suspect.


STRANGE LAW: In Omaha, Nebraska, barbers are forbidden from shaving their customers’ chests.




Can you crash twice in the span of just a few seconds? You can if your brain is on drugs.

Two intoxicated friends crashed their pickup truck into a parked car in Peekskill, New York, then drove down the street and crashed again. Police said one of the men couldn’t pull the truck free of the parked car he had hit so his friend hopped behind the wheel and managed to get it loose – only to drive it into another parked car down the block. Both men were charged with DUI and leaving the scene of an accident.




If you could only take one album with you into eternity, what would it be? And why?




QUESTION: Who dreamed about a tree that reached to heaven?  

ANSWER: Nebuchadnezzar (DANIEL 4:4,5,10,11) 




QUESTION: What’s the only mammal that has hair on the soles of its feet?

ANSWER; Polar bears




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Kiwis are the only birds that hunt by smell. (True)


  1. Superman is known as the “Caped Crusader.” (False, it’s Batman)


  1. The New Jersey Devils are a professional basketball team. (False, there a professional hockey team)


  1. The state of Hawaii consists of 8 main islands. (True)


  1. The Ford Motor Company’s answer to Chevrolet’s popular Corvette roadster in the 1950s was the Mustang. (False, it was the Thunderbird)


  1. The woman whom legend (but not fact) credits with designing the first American flag is Barbara Bell. (False, it was Betsy Ross)


  1. The largest antique ever sold was The London Bridge. (True, it was completed in 1831 and sold and transported to Lake Havasu City, Arizona in 1968.)


  1. Nicknames for the city of Memphis, Tennessee, include “The Metropolis of the New South” and “Derby Town”. (False, those nicknames are for Louisville, Kentucky)


  1. The pole used in the game of shuffleboard is called a “cue.” (True)


  1. Billy Joel was actually the first celebrity guest on TV’s “Sesame Street.” (False, it was James Earl Jones)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Guy Eats 47 _______ in 10 Minutes!” (Grilled Cheese Sandwiches)

Joey Chestnut is the new big cheese of grilled cheese. He’s set a new world’s record, by downing 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in ten minutes– eleven more than the old mark. In July, Joey joins other world class big eaters for the mother of all eating contests – Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog chow-down in Coney Island, New York.





I was with a friend in a cafe’ when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. “What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?” I wondered aloud.

“Some are quite effective,” my friend corrected me. “Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors’. Whenever I wanted him home, I’d go out to the driveway and kick his car.”



An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor’s office.

”Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping
pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the man answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered the man wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard
getting him to swallow the pill!!!”



With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator. As a reminder, I wrote at the top: “IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN.”

When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: “MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT ‘OUT OF IT.'”




An Australian artist who thought his talent was being unfairly ignored was jailed for three months for launching a bomb scare to get attention.  ***MARLAR: It worked though – and now he’s complaining about being unfairly incarcerated.


Teenagers who have a television in their bedroom tend to eat a poor diet, have bad exercise habits and have lower grades in school than their friends who don’t have a TV in their room, according to a new study from the University of Minnesota School of Public Health.  ***MARLAR: I knew my poor health wasn’t my fault!  It’s all because of Gilligan’s Island!!!





A little girl, enchanted by her new baby cousin, asked her mother, “Can’t we have a baby?”

“I don’t believe so, darling,” her mother replied. “They cost too much.”

“How much?” the child inquired.

“Oh, about $4,000,” her mother said.

The youngster thought for a moment, then said, “That’s not very much, when you consider how long they last.”




What’s in a name? Well – a lot of misery if your name happens to be “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.”

A New Zealand Judge ordered that a 9-year-old girl named Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii be given a new – and less insane – name. The judge made the girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed. The new name was not made public to protect the girl’s privacy. Other crazy names submitted to New Zealand Name Registration Officials include Fish and Chips, Violence, Yeah Detroit and Sex Fruit.





A little boy is telling his Grandma how everything is going wrong, school, family problems, severe health problems, etc.  Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, He does. “Here, have some cooking oil.”
“Yuck” says the boy.
“How about a couple raw eggs? ”
“Gross, Grandma!”
“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”
“Grandma, those are all yucky!”
To which Grandma replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!” God is crazy about you! He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. Hope your day is a “piece of cake!”
–T. J. Malone





Read: James 1:2-12

Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life. —James 1:12

A pastor placed this sign on his door: “If you have problems, come in and tell me all about them. If you don’t have any problems, come in and tell me how you avoid them.”

What do we do when problems come unannounced and with great intensity? James told us to “count it all joy,” because trials do not happen without a reason. He said, “The testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete” (James 1:3-4). Armed with this understanding, our prayer changes from asking God “why” to thanking Him for what He is doing.

Having endured many trials and facing a new struggle with cancer, Our Daily Bread author Joanie Yoder shared her thoughts in a letter: “I have relinquished my destiny to God’s will. Nothing, praise God, not even cancer, can thwart His will. I may have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have me—God alone has me. So in this light, I would value your prayers that Christ may be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.”

Trials are unavoidable and unpredictable, and they come in an unimaginable variety. Knowing that our sovereign God will walk with us and use trials to deepen our maturity, we can count them “all joy.” —Albert Lee


Heavenly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whatever befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well. —Crosby


We can endure trials in this life because of the joys in the life to come.





A woman finds a cockroach on her tongue and sprays it with bug spray. Bad news for the cockroach… and bad news for the woman’s tongue!

An Israeli woman suffered chemical burns after spraying pesticide into her mouth when a flying cockroach landed on her tongue. The 20-year-old, from Jerusalem, burnt her mouth, tongue, vocal cords and lower larynx and needed hospital treatment. She says she hates cockroaches more than snakes and did not think first before grabbing the pesticide. ***MARLAR: Forget that… how do you get a cockroach on your tongue to begin with?!?! And once you do, who in their right mind is going to keep a cockroach on their tongue with their mouth open long enough to get the bug spray? This whole story gives me the creeps!





A year-long study of children’s meals has revealed vast dietary differences among America’s favorite fast-food and sit-down chain restaurants, according to the authors of the new book “Eat This, Not That! For Kids.” Co-authors David Zinczenko and Matt Goulding calculated calories, fat (trans- and saturated), and sodium, as well as the average number of calories per child’s entree, and discovered that many of America’s most popular chain restaurants are nutritional nightmares. The result is a Restaurant Report Card that holds each food chain accountable for the fare they’re serving. Did your favorite restaurant make the grade?

  • Chick-fil-A (A)
  • Subway (A-)
  • Boston Market (B+)
  • McDonald’s (B)
  • Domino’s (C+)
  • Burger King (C)
  • Chipotle (D)
  • Applebee’s, IHOP, Olive Garden, Outback, Red Lobster, T.G.I. Friday’s (F)



It’s summer but your children can still learn. The web site Kids Adventures this week released a links to the top YouTube science experiments for kids. Some of these and easy experiments include a Mentos geyser, color changing milk, monster foam, and more. Check out the videos and maybe even try a couple on your own!





A woman is arrested for disturbing the peace… at a wedding!

City police say Marie Salomon could not forever hold her peace. Marie was arrested at a wedding and charged with breach of peace for allegedly objecting too strenuously to the marriage of the bride and groom. Officers say when the minister asked if anyone had cause as to why the couple shouldn’t get married, Salomon screamed and yelled and refused to stop. The minister at First Baptist Church asked police to remove her from the church so he could continue with the wedding. Salomon was released after posting a $500 bond. ***MARLAR: It’s just like I tell my wife. If you don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask the question!





  • GARBOFLAGE (v.) To hide your child’s artwork under other trash in wastebasket so they don’t catch you throwing it away.
  • STOCKTEASE (n.):  A child who lets you buy large quantities of their favorite food at the grocery store and then immediately decides that they don’t like it anymore.
  • TOYPHOON (n.): Routine recreational activities of children that leave their playroom looking like it was decimated by a hurricane.
  • TWIRPLE (v.):  When a child playing baseball gets to third base on a hit that didn’t make it out of the infield.
  • WASPTUSI (n.): The frantic dance of a child trying to elude a bee.
  • BOOTALITY(n): The notion that “keep your hands to yourself” means it’s still okay to kick someone.
  • UPTITUDE (n): The intense desire to be the one who presses the button on an elevator.




Well this is gross. Look around your office or workplace now. Pick out a group of eight men. According to researchers, one of those eight wears their underwear two or three times before washing it. The survey, conducted by Clorox, also found guys 18 to 29 wash their bed sheets around one a month (compared to once a week for women).




(Mondays Only)




The web site Your Amazing Places is out with another edition of the most beautiful and breathtaking places in the world. From sky walking in Canada to a river of flowers in Holland, the site is helping you to see some of the places you may never have the chance to visit in person. After seeing the pics, it’s hard to see how anyone can deny the existence of God.  Check out the latest list of fabulous views…


Good news from South Sudan. According to Christianity Today, Two jailed South Sudanese pastors have been set free after a judge found them guilty, but ruled that they already served their sentences. Yat Michael and Peter Yen were convicted respectively of breaching the peace and managing a criminal or terrorist organization. Michael and Yen together faced six charges, but were not convicted of four of them, including undermining the constitutional system and espionage—charges which carry punishments of the death penalty or life imprisonment.


A new movie from the creators of Fireproof and Courageous is coming out this month. War Room is a drama with humor and heart that explores the power that prayer can have on marriages, parenting, careers, friendships, and every other area of our lives. The movie’s cast features director Alex Kendrick, Priscilla Shirer, T.C. Stallings, Beth Moore, Michael Jr., and Karen Abercrombie. War Room will be in theaters nationwide beginning Friday, August 28.




Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

The Weight of Leadership

Recently, I received a vote of confidence from our church council when they elected me president. The vote was not unanimous, of course, as there was another candidate who has served on the council longer and is a wise and mature man. It was an encouragement to my soul to have earned the respect of my brothers on this team.

Almost immediately, my mind began to take its natural course and to consider vision-driven items for us to pursue. And at the same time, this odd sense of the weight of a “leadership burden” crept in. My confidence was not lacking. Just the reality of stepping into this role.

I must quickly admit that president of our church council is not like leading a mega corporation or even a mega church. We are a group of a few hundred people. But certain aspects of the “weight of leadership” come with any position of true influence.

Here are ten features that I see come with leadership territory.

  • Responsibility. Whether one is the owner of a business or is in charge of operations, you agree to take on being responsible for its success. When things don’t fall in line according to your vision or plan, you become the fall guy.
  • Risk Taking. Many people avoid risks. Leaders must take them…and live with the consequences. Fear often finds its home in the pressure zone of risk.
  • Criticism. Every leader must be ready for critics—internally and externally. Leaders must be bold turtles—willing to stick their neck out and rely on their shell to protect their insides. Easier said than done.
  • Dark Tasks. One of the heavier weights of leadership is having to fire people. Or to get involved in trying to clean up messy relationships. Other challenges include dealing with investigations, legal issues, or those things most people don’t want to do.
  • Subversives. These are the people who DON’T have a leader’s best interest at heart. They quietly—or not so quietly—work to get a leader removed, or cause to fail. Any power position can attract these types—almost always with selfish and destructive motives.
  • Hot Kitchen. Ever been in a commercial restaurant when the pressure is on? Things are flying. And frying. A leader will find him- or herself in situations where cool heads must prevail. And said leader must get everyone out safely.
  • Confidence / Arrogance. This particular “weight” must be watched carefully. That inner assuredness that you can do the job—mixed with several successes—can cause humility to fade away. Most people find arrogance so irritating they stop cheering for their leader.
  • Nightmares. Why? Lost revenues. Lost talent. Lost sleep. Need I say more?
  • Stepping Away. Change will come—voluntarily or involuntarily. Succession planning reveals wisdom and caring. And knowing when to leave requires insight and boldness.
  • Folding the Tent. This one hurts. For all of the Atlas efforts to keep the endeavor going, it just may not be worth it. Failure hurts. And it can appear like leadership was weak. Time to move on.

People who aspire to roles of leadership—or who accept that assignment—should be reminded by their best friends or advisors that this is “weighty territory” before running toward the job.

Leaders have another serious challenge as well. When the pressure is on and things are going bad, a leader looks for relief. Too often, that relief comes in tempting forms that revolve around unwise pursuits of pleasure.

In Isaiah 5:11-13 (NLT), we read of those whose lives went down the pleasure path: “What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk. They furnish wine and lovely music at their grand parties—lyre and harp, tambourine and flute—but they never think about the Lord or notice what he is doing. So my people will go into exile far away because they do not know me. Those who are great and honored will starve, and the common people will die of thirst.”

Instead, leaders must learn to create “white space” in their lives for focus and renewal. They need counselors and a “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” And above all, they need a bedrock of biblical wisdom.

As for my new church council assignment, I’m going to try to avoid calling any “meeting of the bored.”

That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


AUGUST 07, 2015…


Dark Places—Adapted from Gillian Flynn’s novel, this story is set in Kansas in a time span of 25 years. Charlize Theron, as a child, witnesses a murder and accuses her brother.  Now, as adults, a group is interested in reopening the case and believes the brother is innocent. Are all memories true?  Also in the cast are Nicholas Hoult, Chloe Grace Moretz and Corey Stoll.  “Dark Places” is rated R. No rating.


Diary of a Teenage Girl—Another film adapted from a book that was written by Phoebe Gloeckner.  It is a comedy/drama and tells the story of a girl (Bel Powley) who has an affair with the boyfriend of her Mom. The stars include Kristen Wiig, Christopher Meloni and Alexander Skarsgard. “Diary“ was also an off-Broadway play.  “Diary of a Teenage Girl” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Fantastic Four—Here come the comic book heroes, Reed Richards who becomes Mr. Fantastic (Miles Teller), Johnny Storm is the Human Torch (Michael B. Jordan), Ben Grimm is the Thing (Jamie Bell) and Sue Storm is the Invisible Woman (Kate Mara.) Victor (Toby Kebbel) is the villain, Dr. Doom. There is the plot, with people trying out their powers and trying to overcome the bad guy. “Fantastic Four” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Ricki and the Flash—Meryl Streep stars as a rock singer who left her family years ago to pursue her dream (Streep does her own guitar playing here.) Now, one of her children, played by real daughter Mamie Gummer, has problems and Mom is asked to come home and help.  Can she do it after all these years? The cast includes Rick Springfield.  What a role for Meryl Streep. “Ricki and the Flash” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the cast.


Masterminds—Based on the true incident of the Loomis Fargo bank robbery in North Carolina, 1997, the movie stars Kristen Wiig, Owen Wilson and Zach Galifianakis. A group of misfits pull off a bank robbery to the tune of millions of dollars, and then what? Jason Sudeikis is also in the cast. “Masterminds” is rated PG 13. No rating.


AUGUST 14, 2015…


The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is a remake of the famous TV series that starred Robert Vaughn. This time, Henry Cavill has the lead as Napoleon Solo.


Straight Outta Compton is in the line of a bio-pic about the hip-hop group N.W.A. Stars include Jason Mitchell and Corey Hawkins.


Underdogs is an animated film about two childhood rivals who clash again in sports. Voices of Matthew Morrison and Nicholas Hoult.


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