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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150810
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
It’s (THE JOCK SHOW) – now quilted for extra softness.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7
To all who received him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. — John 1:12-13
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” — Mark 6:31
Thought: “Come away.” We do need to withdraw — not once-in-a-while, but often, daily! What is incredible is that Jesus invites his disciples (today that’s us!) to withdraw with him to a quiet place and rest with him. The little childhood prayer is appropriate here: “Now I lay me down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep.” Only this isn’t just about a good night’s sleep; it’s about taking time in the middle of our wild and crazy days to join him for a few moments of grace, rest, and refreshment. Let’s make these daily stops in God’s Word more than quick e-mail viewing; let’s let it be a time to withdraw with the Savior and take a few minutes of rest!
Prayer: Holy and gentle Shepherd of my soul, thank you for your constant care and loving faithfulness. Please touch my heart as I try to be more disciplined in my rest times with you. Please keep my soul, but even more, please restore my soul as I withdraw to spend time with your Son and my Savior Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Nehemiah 8:10 NIV = Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
TODAY IS MONDAY – AUGUST 10, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 138 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is IMPROVE YOUR ICE CUBES BY SWAPPING RECIPES DAY. ***MARLAR: This may sound funny to you, but my wife honestly and truly told me the other day that I was making ice cubes incorrectly! I’m serious! Apparently I wasn’t using enough water! (Totally true!)
Today is NATIONAL LAZY DAY – a day to take it easy. ***MARLAR: One suggestion – don’t make anything more complicated than ice cubes!
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
Skyscraper Appreciation Day
COMING UP NEXT
TUESDAY, AUGUST 11
Presidential Joke Day
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12
IBM PC Day
International Youth Day
Sewing Machine Day
Vinyl Record Day
THURSDAY, AUGUST 13
FRIDAY, AUGUST 14
National Navajo Code Talkers Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 15
Best Friends Day
International Geocaching Day
International Homeless Animals Day
National Relaxation Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 16
Joe Miller’s Joke Day
National Rollercoaster Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 17
Meaning of “Is” Day
ON THIS DAY
1498: England’s King Henry the 7th paid John Cabot a 10-pound reward for discovering Canada. In American currency, that was about $15 worth of beads. ***MARLAR: You gotta love those bonuses for hard work!
1889: Dan Rylands of Hope Glass Works in Barnsley, England, patented the screw bottle top.
1948: Allen Funt’s “Candid Microphone,” later called “Candid Camera,” made its television debut on ABC Radio.
1985: Singer Michael Jackson paid $47.5-million for ATV Music, a catalog of the Beatles’ copyrights, which included 251 songs written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. ***MARLAR: Proving that the color green beats out ebony or ivory every single time.
1993: Ruth Bader Ginsburg was sworn in as the U.S. Supreme Court`s 107th justice, and second female member.
1995: A drug addict who snatched purses to finance his habit grabbed a lady’s purse in Bari, Italy, as he sped past on a motorcycle. He didn’t recognize his own mother, but she recognized him and reported him to police.
1995: Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss was convicted of conspiracy, tax evasion, and money laundering.
1996: “Redneck Games” by Jeff Foxworthy and Alan Jackson hit #66 on the Billboard Hot 100.
1997: A grandmother in Avia, Spain, announced that her family had agreed to approve her 100th birthday celebration on board a hot-air balloon if she would give up her plans to paraglide. Romona Safont said she always liked to be daring on her birthday. ***MARLAR: At 100 years old, I’d think getting out of bed without stretching would be daring enough!
1999: A 32-year-old Egyptian man, pronounced dead after drowning near Alexandria, regained consciousness after spending three hours in a morgue refrigerator. Ali Mohammed said an attendant ran out of the morgue when he grabbed his hand. ***MARLAR: No surprise – I also do that in the middle of the night when I feel the touch of my wife’s cold feet.
2000: A 31-year-old burglar had a bad day when he burglarized a computer services company in Colonie, New York. He sliced a finger on a piece of glass, then left the finger tip behind. Police quickly lifted a print from the finger, identified the burglar from state records, and arrested him.
2003: Atlanta Braves shortstop Rafael Furcal turned the 12th unassisted triple play in major league history against the St. Louis Cardinals — but the Cards won the game 3-2.
2005: A 48-year-old man in Simi Valley, California, became so annoyed by a noisy car alarm he grabbed a handgun, went out and fired at least three bullets into a Toyota Camry. He silenced the alarm, but also brought out police who hauled him away in handcuffs. The charge was reckless discharge of a firearm and felony vandalism.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
70: Roman troops, sent by Emperor Vespasian to put down a Jewish rebellion, break through the walls of Jerusalem and destroy the temple. Some said that the event occurred on the same day of the year as the earlier destruction of Solomon’s temple by Babylonians.
1742: English revivalist George Whitefield observed in a letter: “It is a very uncommon thing to be rooted and grounded in the love of Jesus. I find persons may have the idea, but are far from having the real substance.”
1760: Samuel Leigh, the first Methodist minister in Australia, arrives in Sydney. The Methodist denomination is now Australia’s third largest, with an adherence of 10 percent of the population.
1760: Philip Embury (1728-1773) arrived in New York the first Methodist clergyman to come over from England.in America.
1841: Birth of Mary A. Lathbury, American Sunday School leader and poet. Daughter of a Methodist preacher, two of Lathbury’s poems later became popular hymns: “Break Thou the Bread of Life” and “Day is Dying in the West.”
1855: Birth of Frederick J. Foakes-Jackson, Anglican theologian. His numerous publications centered around church history. His best-remembered work is The Beginnings of Christianity, Part I: The Acts of the Apostles (5 volumes, 1919-33).
1886: Joseph M. Scriven, Irish Plymouth Brethren hymnwriter, dies. He spent his life performing menial work for the destitute, and both of his engagements ended with the sudden deaths of his fiancees. Nonetheless, his best-known hymn is the uplifting “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.
1948: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: “We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is good, because it is good; if bad, because it works in us patience, humility, contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Actress (Asst. D.A. Abbie Carmichael on “Law & Order”, “Rizzoli and Isles”) Angie Harmon, 43 (
- Actor (The Mask of Zorro, Spy Kids, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, the voice of Puss-in-Boots in Shrek2) Antonio Banderas, 55
- Actress (Desperately Seeking Susan, The Whole Nine Yards) Rosanna Arquette, 56
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1880 : Clarence Cameron White
1909 : Leo Fender
1928 : Jimmy Dean; Born Jimmy Ray Dean
1928 : Eddie Fisher
1940 : Bobby Hatfield (The Righteous Brothers)
1943 : Ronnie Spector (The Ronettes)
1943 : James Griffin (Bread)
1946 : Mick Clarke (The Rubettes)
1947 : Ian Anderson (Jethro Tull)
1948 : Patti Austin
1961 : Jon Farriss (INXS)
1964 : Neneh Cherry
1967 : Todd Nichols (Toad The Wet Sprocket)
1968 : Michael Bivins (New Edition, Bell Biv Devoe)
1977 : Aaron Kamin (The Calling)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do the Chinese use chopsticks?
They developed this custom because they didn’t need anything resembling a knife and fork at the table. They cut up food into bite-sized pieces in the kitchen before serving it. This stemmed from their belief that bringing meat to the table in any form resembling an animal was uncivilized and that it was inhospitable, anyway, to ask a guest to cut food while eating. And you thought they were just sticking it to you.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Mercyme’s Bart Millard had some good news this week. They started mastering the bands Christmas album. Bart tweeted: In other words, it’s finished! And it sounds like it’s just in the nick of time. Bart added: I’ve been singing those songs since January. I’m tired.
Plumb isn’t letting a family vacation get in the way of her effort to lose weight. Even though she is on vacation in Michigan, Plumb reported in on her progress so far. She admitted that she did stumble once, enjoying some soft serve ice cream with toppings. But Plumb said that was her first indulgence in three weeks. Plumb is posting her weight loss progress each week in hopes that others will join her in the effort.
School is underway in the Camp household. Jeremy Camp’s wife Adrienne shared pictures of the couple’s children hard at work on their art journals. She added the hash tag home school is cool. http://t.co/ZyV2aMBoGL
Colton Dixon got some help from the technology experts in his fan base this week. He shared online that he was having problems picking up his AT&T phone service and asked for suggestions. After a few minutes and several comments Colton responded: Restarted my phone and voila! Thanks for the advice y’all!
Chris and Jodi of Love and The Outcome will have an extra special valentines day next year. Jodi tweeted this week: Love and the Outcome has a whole new meaning on Feb 15! She added: can’t wait to meet the newest member of our band. Attached was a picture of her growing baby bump, due the day after Valentines. http://t.co/mZYNmOtl9Y
Ellie Holcomb was reminded this week of how young kids are when they learn to use technology. She found a picture on her phone taken by her young daughter. Ellie shared the picture, complete with the culprits feet showing in the bottom of the frame. She asked: how does she already know how to take a picture?
Selah member Allan Hall celebrated his birthday by releasing a cover video of the Bette Midler song The Rose. Check it out… https://t.co/RxbY5USg6I
Ellie Holcomb finally has words for a song she kept hearing while in labor. She tweeted that she has written the words to that melody and is enjoying the chance to sing it over her son.
Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo has his own version of Proverbs 6. He tweeted: Three things I love, yea, four are a pleasure: A wife that is loving, A pillow that is cold, A cake that is chocolate, And a lunch that is free.
Overheard by Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard in Nashville: “But mom, I don’t WANNA be a hipster….”
WEIRD & WACKY
|Dead Poets Society founder wraps up tour, visits 500th grave photo
YORK, Pa. (AP) — A Maine man who travels the nation to document the final resting places of poets has completed a summer tour in which he visited his 500th grave. Dead Poets Society of America founder Walter Skold wrapped up Friday at the graves of Philip Pendleton Cooke in Millwood,…
|Man takes backpack stuffed with dirty socks to drug deal
ADRIAN, Mich. (AP) — A southeastern Michigan man who brought a backpack stuffed with dirty socks to a couple looking to buy a pound of marijuana is facing prison. HASH(0x1415940) The 33-year-old says he “didn’t bring any weed” and instead had “a bag of dirty socks.” He faces up to 7½ years in…
|City balks at $800 cupcake bill for worker’s farewell party
YAKIMA, Wash. (AP) — Officials in Washington state want a former city employee to pay back nearly $800 in taxpayer money she spent on cupcakes for her own office farewell party. HASH(0x14169e0) City Manager Tony O’Rourke says the spending was a “gross misuse” of taxpayer money. Mattia says…
|Florida man pleads guilty to trading in wild-caught snakes
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Florida man has admitted his role in the trade of 59 illegally caught wild snakes, including a live rattler mailed to him in a coffee can. Gerard Kruse of Oviedo, Florida, appeared Friday in a federal courtroom in New York City. The 42-year-old social worker pleaded guilty…
|East Texas man guilty of assault gets life – in matrimony
TYLER, Texas (AP) — An East Texas man who pleaded guilty to assaulting his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend has been sentenced to life — in matrimony. HASH(0x13dab00) At the sentencing hearing, Smith County Court-at-Law Judge Randall Rogers asked Bundy whether Jaynes was “worth it” and whether…
|14 Maine shipbuilding workers to split $3 million ticket
AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) — Some shipbuilding maintenance employees in Maine are splitting a $3 million lottery jackpot. State lottery officials say 14 Bath Iron Works co-workers make up the group known as Harding’s Maintenance Crew. The group usually plays the Powerball but chose to also play the…
|Uganda’s top court bans ‘bride price’ refund after divorce
KAMPALA, Uganda (AP) — Uganda’s top court on Thursday banned the practice of refunding bride price — normally livestock given by the groom to his bride’s family — when a marriage ends in divorce. The Supreme Court agreed with activists that the practice undermines the dignity of…
|Would-be Tarzan allegedly tried to climb into monkey exhibit
SANTA ANA, Calif. (AP) — A man who claimed to be Tarzan has been arrested after he allegedly climbed a tree and tried to get into the monkey exhibit at a Southern California zoo. A zookeeper called 911 Tuesday morning to report that a shirtless man plastered in mud had climbed about 20 feet…
|French horn returned to Washington state woman after 5 years
MUKILTEO, Wash. (AP) — A Mukilteo woman has her French horn back, five years after it was stolen out of her car. HASH(0x1413590) The horn belonged to 61-year-old Terry Preshaw, an attorney who is also first horn in the Mukilteo Community Orchestra. Preshaw bought the instrument used in 2009…
|Drone drops drugs in Ohio prison yard, spurring inmate fight
MANSFIELD, Ohio (AP) — A drone dropped a package of drugs into a prison yard while inmates were outside, sparking a fight, prison officials said. HASH(0x13d38c0) Smith said there have been other instances of drones breaching security and the agency is taking steps to increase awareness and…
|Pennsylvania man waives hearing in fake DUI checkpoint case
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — A man charged with setting up a fake drunken-driving checkpoint while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper must now stand trial. State troopers from Somerset say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis was drunk when he parked his vehicle diagonally across state Route 601 and…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Court sides against FDA in “off-label” drug promotion case
WASHINGTON (AP) — The maker of a prescription fish-oil pill won an early victory Friday against the Food and Drug Administration over its right to publicize unapproved uses of its drug. The preliminary ruling in U.S. District Court could strengthen the pharmaceutical industry’s ability to…
|Finding their voice: Speech clinic helps transgender clients photo
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — Sylvia Wojcik was making reservations for a beach getaway in Maine when the receptionist on the other end of the line called her “ma’am.” Nothing could have delighted her more. Wojcik, 66, is transitioning from male to female. For her, that proof that she sounded like a…
|Meningitis epidemic threat in West Africa, but few vaccines photo
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — International health officials are scrambling, without much success, to find meningitis C vaccines as an outbreak of the child-killing disease threatens to balloon into an epidemic. The first large-scale outbreak of the C strain in decades has this year killed 800 of…
|NY to deploy teams to help Legionnaires’ outbreak testing
NEW YORK (AP) — State health teams will deploy to the Bronx to help collect and test samples from cooling towers amid a deadly outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease as the number of those sickened grew by one to 101, officials said Friday. Teams will begin work Saturday, and state officials have…
|Thailand bans commercial surrogacy for foreigners, singles
BANGKOK (AP) — Thailand, once a top choice for would-be parents around the world who were seeking a surrogate, has narrowed the choices for people looking to hire a woman to carry a fetus in her womb. It had been one of the handful of Asian countries where commercial surrogacy was not…
|Hepatitis increasingly goes hand in hand with heroin abuse photo
MACHIAS, Maine (AP) — Public health agencies and drug treatment centers nationwide are scrambling to battle an explosive increase in cases of hepatitis C, a scourge they believe stems at least in part from a surge in intravenous heroin use. In response, authorities are instituting or…
|Obama administration plans new workplace limits on beryllium
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration is proposing new safety rules to limit workplace exposure to beryllium, a type of metal used in aerospace, electronics and other industries that can cause serious health problems when it’s ground into dust and inhaled. The plan announced Thursday by…
|16 states ask Obama admin to put power plant rules on hold photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The campaign to stop President Barack Obama’s sweeping emissions limits on power plants began taking shape Wednesday, as 16 states asked the government to put the rules on hold while a Senate panel moved to block them. West Virginia Attorney General Patrick Morrisey, who is…
|Food industry asks for exemptions to trans fat phase out
WASHINGTON (AP) — Shortening, pie crusts, brownies and microwave popcorn could be partially exempt from a government phase out of artificial trans fats — if the food industry gets its way. The Food and Drug Administration announced in June that it is requiring food companies to largely…
|Colorado resident is 2nd to die of plague there this year
PUEBLO, Colo. (AP) — A person from southern Colorado has died of the plague, the second person to die of the disease in the state this year. The unidentified adult from Pueblo County likely died of the relatively rare septicemic form of the disease, said Christine Nevin-Woods, the medical…
|Boston mayor wants ban on chewing tobacco at ballparks photo
BOSTON (AP) — From storied Fenway Park to youth baseball diamonds across the city, Boston Mayor Martin J. Walsh is calling for a ban on dip, snuff and chewing tobacco. With former Red Sox pitcher and mouth cancer survivor Curt Schilling at his side, the mayor on Wednesday proposed banning…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Toronto police have charged a man for driving solo in a carpool lane. The lanes are for cars carrying at least three people. The man tried to fake it by bringing two mannequins with him. *** Kim Cattrall and Kristy Swanson are demanding reparations.
The Swiss postal system is testing a new package delivery service that uses drones. *** And if the package arrives C.O.D. and you don’t have the money, the drone sends a missile through your bay window.
Do we really need as much space as we have? As urban populations and housing costs soar, micro housing is on the rise. In fact, some apartments are smaller than the average parking space. ***Although, in Chicago it’s hard to verify that as you can never find an open parking spot to measure for comparison. http://bit.ly/1CeNjrH
A court fined a man in Germany after he admitted to giving his girlfriend a sedative so that he could keep playing video games with a friend. After ten hours at work, the girlfriend had been planning on a quiet evening. After drinking some drugged tea the woman slept until midday the following day. ***How many Grand Theft Auto points do you get for drugging your girlfriend?
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
The Food and Drug Administration has approved a sunscreen that is the best in the world at blocking out dangerous cancer-causing ultraviolet light. ***MARLAR: The downside – it’s not easy picking up chicks at the beach when you’re skin is green.
A record number of companies in North America are permitting employees to work from home, according to a survey from World-At-Work. Forty-two percent of U.S. companies surveyed say they have offered their employees work-from-home programs this year, up from 30% last year. In Canada, the jump was even bigger – from 25% last year to 40% this year. ***MARLAR: I’m trying to get the radio station to let me work from home. The hard part is convincing them to move the giant broadcast tower into my backyard each morning.
Doctors are using Coca-Cola to treat patients who have gastric phytobezoar – more commonly referred to as a stomach blockage. The treatment is now being favored over surgery, as it has a success rate of more than 90 percent, according to researchers from Athens University, which detailed their findings in the journal Alimentary Pharmacology and Therapeutics. Coca-Cola, along with the diet version and Coke Zero, have chemical ingredients that work the same way as gastric acid, and the carbonation helps move everything along. ***MARLAR: Coca-Cola… the poor man’s version of Ex-Lax!
Police in Italy arrested a man for stealing some tortellini from a store. Alerted by neighbors of suspicious noises coming from a Bologna tortellini shop, police turned up to catch a man helping himself to some free pasta while the store was closed for lunch. And get this — the suspect’s name is Stefano Spaghetti! As he was being put into the police car Spaghetti reportedly mumbled, “And to think I don’t even like tortellini.” ***MARLAR: So to review… Spaghetti was caught stealing tortellini in Bologna.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Heads Up”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… David Dean, “Hugging a Stranger”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time Weatherbee the Owl ruled that hitting yourself over the head with a coconut (or “clunking”) could not be banned. But Millard the Monkey, who started the clunking trend, now has hiccups and can’t get rid of them no matter how hard he tries!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 15/16, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: So Gruffy’s going on a picnic… I’m thinking Millard’s going to want to go too. So what’s the big deal with that? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Training for what to do in case of a robbery ends up as a Moment of Duh for one couple.
A 72-year-old Melbourne, Florida woman was accidentally shot by her husband during a “robbery drill” the couple staged to practice how they’d respond to an intruder. The Brevard County Sheriff’s Office said Arnold and Patricia Morris had little experience with guns, and the shooting was clearly accidental. Arnold Morris called 911 after the .380-caliber pistol fired, and his wife was airlifted to the hospital for surgery. The two were fortunate to escape serious injury. Patricia Morris was expected to make a full recovery.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO DUMP YOU…
- Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.
- She’s been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don’t recall proposing to her.
- She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week.
- She says she has to tell you something… on Jerry Springer.
- Her love letters come soaked in formaldehyde rather than perfume.
- Whenever she introduces you it’s always “I would like you to meet an old friend of mine…”
- She leaves a message on your phone and identifies herself by both her first and last names.
- Your other girlfriend told you so.
- The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.
- Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, “You haven’t got a clue, do you?”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
I only have eyes for you! A somewhat appropriate song title for today’s files of Law & Disorder.
FILE #1: 37 year old Charles Dellaria was arrested for stealing from the “New England Eye & Tissue Transplant Bank” in Boston. What did he steal? Two human corneas that were donated to be transplanted. The Massachusetts man told state police that he thought the plastic foam package holding the corneas on ice was filled with lobsters, so he in fact was trying to steal the lobsters. Whatever… either way he was arrested for burglary.
FILE #2: A Wisconsin judge ordered a 74-year-old grandmother to sew a quilt for charity in lieu of serving jail time for snatching her grandson from his parents. Betty Richmond was convicted of kidnapping her grandson. She says she was just taking him on a trip and just didn’t tell his parents. Anyway, Judge William Dyke, originally sentenced her to 23 days in jail, but when she fainted in the courtroom, he decided to change her sentence. Upon hearing from her doctor that Richmond was a quilter, Judge Dyke gave her a year to produce a quilt with children at play as the subject, to be sold at auction to benefit a children’s charity.
FILE #3: An Arkansas man was charged with burglarizing the home of a childhood friend and was linked to the crime by cheese wrappers that he left on the kitchen counter. 21-year-old Anthony Robinson stole $1,800 worth of property from the victim who grew up with Robinson and identified him as a possible suspect after noticing cheese wrappers on his kitchen counter. Robinson had that habit since he was a kid. According to police, the victim had seen Robinson on Friday for the first time in three years and the burglary took place the next day. Now he gets to say “cheese” while posing for his mugshots.
STRANGE LAW: In Elko, NV, everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
It’s not often someone asks police to arrest him, Williamsport, Pennsylvania police say 27-year-old Patrick McCarty did just that.
…McCarty allegedly told police he wanted to be arrested “for being stupid.” When police told him that wasn’t a crime, he took police to his apartment and handed over marijuana and drug paraphernalia. McCarty is being held now in lieu of $10,000 bail on drug charges.
Almost everybody, regardless of occupation, thinks there’s something else that they could or should be doing. What is that for you? (And once you get them on the phone, ask them why they aren’t doing it!)
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: In the parable of the talents, how many talents was the first servant given? /// ANSWER: 5 (Matthew 25:15)
QUESTION: What is a pregnant goldfish called?
ANSWER: A twit
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for kiwis. (False – strawberries)
- In ancient times, Aztecs gave medicine for kidney problems with the left hand, and medicine for liver problems with the right hand. (True)
- Frank Sinatra’s last TV appearance was on “Happy Days”. (False – “Who’s the Boss?”)
- Lassie was voted the most popular film performer of 1926. (False – Rin Tin Tin)
- All ten of the ten largest hotels in the U.S. are in Las Vegas, Nevada. (True)
- Fifty percent of pizzas sold in the U.S. have pepperoni on them. (True)
- A black eye, in medical terminology, is called a “bilateral periorbital hematoma.” (True)
- About fifty percent of female lawyers are married to doctors. (False – they are married to other lawyers)
- President Chester Arthur was the only president to ever hold a garage sale on the White House lawn. (True)
- If you would like to make a Siberian happy, give him a horse-meat steak. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
_____-YEAR-OLD ROCKFISH (200)
A 200-year-old fish has been caught in Alaska.
A 39.08-pound rockfish caught by an insurance adjuster from Seattle on June 21 is the oldest fish ever caught in the state, according to a local media report.
Henry Liebman reeled in the record setting catch from a depth of about 900 feet, and learned of his achievement when he brought the beast ashore.
‘I knew it was abnormally big [but I] didn’t know it was a record until on the way back we looked in the Alaska guide book that was on the boat,’ Liebman told the Daily Sitka Sentinal.
The ancient monster measured 41 inches, smashing the old record, set by a 32 and a half inch guppie, Troy Tidingco, Sitka area manager for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, told the paper.
Tidingco said the fish is still being analyzed but he believes it is at least 200 years old. Tidingco said that would beat the current record of 175 years. Researchers are able to determine the age of a shortraker by the number of growth rings along its ear bone.
In 2007, a commercial fisherman caught a similarly sized rockfish that turned out to be 115 years old. Amazingly, researchers from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association say that fish was still fertile at the time of its capture. “The belly was large,” NOAA researcher Paul Spencer told The Associated Press. “The ovaries were full of developing embryos.”
Liebman told the paper he plans to have the fish mounted back home in Seattle, but he did provide the Alaska Department of Fish and Game with a sample so its age could be determined.
Tidingco noted that if the fish is actually as old as believed, it would easily predate the Alaska Purchase in 1867.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir wasn’t used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
“Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?” demanded the Grand Emir.
“A thousand pardons, Oh Illustrious One,” stammered the wretched Abdul, “white man sit on well.”
THE TRUTH ABOUT NUTRITION
Here is the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one. “You didn’t really do that, did you?”
“You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?
The employees at Tops Friendly Markets in Erie, Pennsylvania have been catching hundreds of little white rabbits everywhere – using everything from bags to boxes. ***MARLAR: This is what happens when you don’t find the Easter Bunny’s hidden eggs.
Scientists at the University of Saskatchewan, Canada, claim they have found that women sometimes ovulate several times in a single month, which may require the rewriting of medical textbooks and explain why the rhythm method of birth control doesn’t work. ***MARLAR: This should be fun… educating married couples on the importance of abstinence.
There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other: “You may choose first.” “No, you may choose first.” And this goes on for a while. Then the first person says: “OK, I’ll take first.”
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person: “Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!”
The first person says: “Which piece would *you* have taken?”
The second person replies: “Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course.”
The first person says: “Well, that’s what you have now!”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A man’s pants save him from a bullet!
Willie Marbury, an innocent bystander, was waiting for a bus when he was struck by a bullet from a nearby domestic argument. Marbury, thankfully, was okay thanks to the fact that he was wearing three pairs of pants! Police say the 53-year-old man escaped injury because he was so far away from where the gun was shot that the bullet wasn’t able to penetrate all three pairs of pants. In fact, the bullet was recovered from one of Marbury’s pockets. As for the question that’s on everybody’s mind now — “Why was he wearing three pairs of pants?” An officer replied, “We don’t ask those types of questions. Sometimes the answers frighten us.”
CHRISTIAN BUMPER STICKERS
- Give God what’s right, not what’s left
- “Pray” is a four letter word that you can say anywhere (except in a public school)
- Man’s way leads to a hopeless end! God’s way leads to an endless hope.
- A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
- He who kneels before God can stand before anyone
- To be almost saved is to be totally lost
- We’re too blessed to be depressed
- In the sentence of life the Devil may be a comma, but DO NOT LET him be the PERIOD
- Don’t put a question mark where God put a period
- God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit over religious nuts”
- God grades on the cross, not the curve
- Are you wrinkled with burden? Come on into Church for a faith lift.
- Prayer – Don’t give God instructions-just report for duty
- Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place
- God doesn’t want shares of your life; He wants controlling interest .
- Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church
- A family altar can alter a family
- We don’t change the message, the message changes us
- This Church is “Prayer Conditioned”
- When God ordains, He sustains
- WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning
- Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark
- Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity
- Having truth decay? Brush up on your Bible
- Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord
- Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous
- Wisdom has two parts: (1) Having a lot to say. (2) Not saying it.
- Never give the devil a ride! He will always want to drive.
- Watch your step carefully! Everyone else does
- A clean conscience makes a soft pillow
- Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it
- You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
- He who is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
- Kindness is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back
- He who angers you controls you
- Worry is the darkroom in which “negatives” are developed
- Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler
- For all you do, His blood’s for you
- Forbidden fruits creates many jams
- Be ye fishers of men. You catch them and He will clean them
- Deciding not to choose is still making a choice
- God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called
- “Read The Bible…..It Will Scare The Hell Out Of You!”
- If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
We hate to think about it, but someday we’re going to pass away. What kind of legacy will we leave behind?
Ricky Byrdsong, a former Northwestern University basketball coach, was murdered in 1999. He was walking with his children a few blocks from their Skokie, Illinois, home when he was shot in the back by a white supremacist on a killing spree.
Byrdsong’s life was over, cut short by tragedy. Part of his legacy, however, lives on–thanks to his book Coaching Your Kids in the Game of Life (Bethany House Publishers). He applies the lessons he learned while coaching to the game of life. He has left behind a wonderful handbook for coaches and parents.
We all leave a legacy when we die. Look at a few examples from the Bible. King Josiah left behind a kingdom purged of idol worship. He revived the worship of Jehovah and re-instituted the Passover (2 Chronicles 34). Earlier in Israel’s history, high priest Eli’s legacy was his two sons who desecrated the temple and laughed at God (1 Samuel 2:12-36; Matthew 1:5). Rahab, who helped the Israelites capture Jericho, left a legacy that included being an ancestor of the Messiah, Jesus Christ (Joshua 2). Paul’s legacy includes many books in the New Testament. David left behind numerous Psalms, and God called him “a man after My own heart” (Acts 13:22).
Think about your life. If you were to die today, what sort of legacy would you leave? Would it be marked by lies, cheating, and selfishness? Or will you be remembered for your joy, kindness, and witness for Christ? Your relationship with Christ will help determine your legacy. So will your choice of friends, your priorities, and your life’s work.
Look at your life closely and consider the legacy you are building right now. Ricky Byrdsong left a book of advice. His killer left hate and pain. What are you leaving behind?
KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PIE
Police Laguna Beach, California, came to the aid of woman who feared her house was going to burn down.
They didn’t rescue her from any flames though; in fact her house wasn’t on fire at all – and she wasn’t home anyway. The woman contacted the police because she left a pie in the oven and was worried that her home might catch on fire while she was out of town. The good-natured police department obliged and sent men over to turn off her oven and averted any potential disaster. Police chief Greg Bartz says it’s not uncommon for people to call the police afraid they left water boiling or the iron on. ***MARLAR: Hot apple pie in the oven… if it didn’t burn the house down, it might still have been a reasonable cause for justifiable breaking and entering.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Have you ever been rejected? Take heart – it might have made you a better judge of character for the future! A Miami University study finds being rejected by peers, friends or family members may give people the added advantage of spotting a “fake” when they encounter one. The study shows people who have faced rejection have an enhanced ability to determine whether the “happy” face in front of them is genuine. Researchers found that subjects who were manipulated to feel rejection were able to distinguish a fake smile from a real one nearly 80% of the time. According to researcher Michael Bernstein, real smiles are incredibly difficult to fake because a real smile is an automatic response to a positive feeling. Bernstein says if you can tell the difference between a real and fake smile, you can identify a good person you can relate to while weeding out the trash.
JUST FOR FUN
After an audition, Stephen Smith landed the job of his dreams.
…He’s now with the Cottle & Austen Circus in England – as the knife-thrower’s assistant. He doesn’t hand the knife thrower the knives; no, Stephen stands in front of the target and prays the thrower doesn’t miss! The job involves standing against a board 3 ft wide and facing 10 knives thrown at speeds of around 60 mph twice a day, six days a week. Smith, a former trampoline champion, was previously out of work and is excited about his new job. “I’m not nervous at all. It’s all positive thoughts I’m having. I really want to go for it, I really want to show the crowd that I can perform.” ***MARLAR: Perform? I’d think any movement at all would put your life in jeopardy, dude!
THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK BUT CAN’T!
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
- And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be?
- Do I look like a people person?
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
WHAT DID HE SAY?
Bosses, listen up. When you talk to your staff using business management jargon, it not only alienates your employees, but it makes them perceive you as being untrustworthy and weak, according to a survey by the British organization YouGov. 40% of those polled said the use of jargon is on the rise in their offices. A whopping 60% said they would like to work in a jargon-free zone. But most managers are clueless, as 55% believe using such language is not a problem. Here are the 10 Gobbledygook Phrases Bosses Should Never Use:
- Blue-sky thinking — Idealistic or visionary ideas that do not always have a practical application.
- Get our ducks in a row — Making sure all arrangements are efficiently made.
- Brain dump — To tell everything you know about a particular topic.
- Think outside the box — Don’t limit your thinking to within your job description; be creative.
- Joined-up thinking — Taking into account how things affect each other and not looking at something in isolation.
- Drilling down — Getting more detail about a particular issue.
- Push the envelope — Improve performance by going beyond commonly accepted boundaries.
- The helicopter view — An overview.
- Low-hanging fruit — The easiest targets.
- At the end of the day — Something you say before you say what you believe to be the most important fact of a situation.
Excessive noise from airplanes is a big problem if you live near an airport – but one mayor thinks he has the solution.
Residents living near the Toledo, Ohio airport have been complaining for years about the excessive noise that comes from jets taking off and landing from the airport. Looking to do something about it, Toledo Mayor Carty Finkeimer has come up with a solution to try and relocate all of the city’s deaf people to the high noise area. Here’s how he’d do it, he proposed that the city buy the houses from the complainers and sell them to the hearing impaired. No one liked the idea.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
An architect in London has come up with an innovative solution to help the city’s homeless population: Floating sleeping pods. James Furzer won an award for his plywood pods, which are designed to hang above head height from host buildings in the city. The temporary shelters, which could be used for an overnight stay or for some respite during the day, are constructed of untreated plywood and held up by a steel frame. Accessed by a ladder, the space comprises a bed with a mattress and a makeshift living area. http://on.mash.to/1IFCsK1
In light of back-to-school season, The online site WalletHub compared the quality of education in the 50 U.S. states and the District of Columbia by analyzing 13 key metrics that range from student-teacher ratios to standardized-test scores to dropout rates. The study ranked the Massachusetts school system as the best in the nation. It was followed by Colorado, New Jersey, Wisconsin and Kentucky in the top 5. Colorado boasted the best School system quality ranking while Massachusetts came in at number one regarding school safety. *** Interestingly, despite the grief public schools in Chicago get, the state of Illinois came in at #10 on the list. http://ow.ly/QEvF3
There are over 400 different Sign Languages worldwide, but less than 1% have a complete translation of the Bible. Now the Deaf Bible Society is making a change to address the problem. They want to have translation projects for 75% of the Deaf population in place by 2025. Officials say that translating the Bible into 44 sign languages would allow them to do just that. *** I have to admit this is somewhat lost on me – they’re deaf, not blind – couldn’t they just READ the Bible in their own language? https://t.co/YF5LZ9oFTM
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
WHAT I BELIEVE…
- I believe that “they” don’t really exist, as in “They always say you can’t take it with you.”
- I believe that when a railroad executive needs to get to another city in a hurry, he doesn’t even CONSIDER taking the train, no matter WHAT kind of discount he gets.
- I believe that if men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, that’s why husbands and wives are always fighting about where to set the thermostat.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Recently, I received a vote of confidence from our church council when they elected me president. The vote was not unanimous, of course, as there was another candidate who has served on the council longer and is a wise and mature man. It was an encouragement to my soul to have earned the respect of my brothers on this team.
Almost immediately, my mind began to take its natural course and to consider vision-driven items for us to pursue. And at the same time, this odd sense of the weight of a “leadership burden” crept in. My confidence was not lacking. Just the reality of stepping into this role.
I must quickly admit that president of our church council is not like leading a mega corporation or even a mega church. We are a group of a few hundred people. But certain aspects of the “weight of leadership” come with any position of true influence.
Here are ten features that I see come with leadership territory.
- Responsibility. Whether one is the owner of a business or is in charge of operations, you agree to take on being responsible for its success. When things don’t fall in line according to your vision or plan, you become the fall guy.
- Risk Taking. Many people avoid risks. Leaders must take them…and live with the consequences. Fear often finds its home in the pressure zone of risk.
- Criticism. Every leader must be ready for critics—internally and externally. Leaders must be bold turtles—willing to stick their neck out and rely on their shell to protect their insides. Easier said than done.
- Dark Tasks. One of the heavier weights of leadership is having to fire people. Or to get involved in trying to clean up messy relationships. Other challenges include dealing with investigations, legal issues, or those things most people don’t want to do.
- Subversives. These are the people who DON’T have a leader’s best interest at heart. They quietly—or not so quietly—work to get a leader removed, or cause to fail. Any power position can attract these types—almost always with selfish and destructive motives.
- Hot Kitchen. Ever been in a commercial restaurant when the pressure is on? Things are flying. And frying. A leader will find him- or herself in situations where cool heads must prevail. And said leader must get everyone out safely.
- Confidence / Arrogance. This particular “weight” must be watched carefully. That inner assuredness that you can do the job—mixed with several successes—can cause humility to fade away. Most people find arrogance so irritating they stop cheering for their leader.
- Nightmares. Why? Lost revenues. Lost talent. Lost sleep. Need I say more?
- Stepping Away. Change will come—voluntarily or involuntarily. Succession planning reveals wisdom and caring. And knowing when to leave requires insight and boldness.
- Folding the Tent. This one hurts. For all of the Atlas efforts to keep the endeavor going, it just may not be worth it. Failure hurts. And it can appear like leadership was weak. Time to move on.
People who aspire to roles of leadership—or who accept that assignment—should be reminded by their best friends or advisors that this is “weighty territory” before running toward the job.
Leaders have another serious challenge as well. When the pressure is on and things are going bad, a leader looks for relief. Too often, that relief comes in tempting forms that revolve around unwise pursuits of pleasure.
In Isaiah 5:11-13 (NLT), we read of those whose lives went down the pleasure path: “What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk. They furnish wine and lovely music at their grand parties—lyre and harp, tambourine and flute—but they never think about the Lord or notice what he is doing. So my people will go into exile far away because they do not know me. Those who are great and honored will starve, and the common people will die of thirst.”
Instead, leaders must learn to create “white space” in their lives for focus and renewal. They need counselors and a “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” And above all, they need a bedrock of biblical wisdom.
As for my new church council assignment, I’m going to try to avoid calling any “meeting of the bored.”
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places—Adapted from Gillian Flynn’s novel, this story is set in Kansas in a time span of 25 years. Charlize Theron, as a child, witnesses a murder and accuses her brother. Now, as adults, a group is interested in reopening the case and believes the brother is innocent. Are all memories true? Also in the cast are Nicholas Hoult, Chloe Grace Moretz and Corey Stoll. “Dark Places” is rated R. No rating.
Diary of a Teenage Girl—Another film adapted from a book that was written by Phoebe Gloeckner. It is a comedy/drama and tells the story of a girl (Bel Powley) who has an affair with the boyfriend of her Mom. The stars include Kristen Wiig, Christopher Meloni and Alexander Skarsgard. “Diary“ was also an off-Broadway play. “Diary of a Teenage Girl” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Fantastic Four—Here come the comic book heroes, Reed Richards who becomes Mr. Fantastic (Miles Teller), Johnny Storm is the Human Torch (Michael B. Jordan), Ben Grimm is the Thing (Jamie Bell) and Sue Storm is the Invisible Woman (Kate Mara.) Victor (Toby Kebbel) is the villain, Dr. Doom. There is the plot, with people trying out their powers and trying to overcome the bad guy. “Fantastic Four” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Ricki and the Flash—Meryl Streep stars as a rock singer who left her family years ago to pursue her dream (Streep does her own guitar playing here.) Now, one of her children, played by real daughter Mamie Gummer, has problems and Mom is asked to come home and help. Can she do it after all these years? The cast includes Rick Springfield. What a role for Meryl Streep. “Ricki and the Flash” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the cast.
Masterminds—Based on the true incident of the Loomis Fargo bank robbery in North Carolina, 1997, the movie stars Kristen Wiig, Owen Wilson and Zach Galifianakis. A group of misfits pull off a bank robbery to the tune of millions of dollars, and then what? Jason Sudeikis is also in the cast. “Masterminds” is rated PG 13. No rating.
AUGUST 14, 2015…
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is a remake of the famous TV series that starred Robert Vaughn. This time, Henry Cavill has the lead as Napoleon Solo.
Straight Outta Compton is in the line of a bio-pic about the hip-hop group N.W.A. Stars include Jason Mitchell and Corey Hawkins.
Underdogs is an animated film about two childhood rivals who clash again in sports. Voices of Matthew Morrison and Nicholas Hoult.
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