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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150812
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(THE JOCK SHOW)… guaranteed to help you keep your mind off your problems. Listen for just ten minutes and you’ll be too worried about me to think about yourself.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
For, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” –Romans 10:13-15
I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. — Psalm 119:14
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
A bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” — Matthew 17:5
Thought: Moses and Elijah appeared with Jesus on the “Mount of Transfiguration” before Jesus’ closest disciples. This was the ultimate honor for them as faithful Jews. God, however, wanted them to know that as important as Moses and Elijah are, only Jesus is his Son. His Son’s words are the ultimate authority and the bottom-line truth of God’s will. If we are to be refreshed, renewed, and restored, we must begin by listening to and obeying God’s Son and our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Prayer: Righteous Father, please give me a holy hunger for the words of Jesus. Help me as I seek to not only understand them, but also live them. I want to make honoring you my life’s work just as it was his. Please give me wisdom today, as I seek to make decisions and face difficult circumstances with integrity, grace, and obedience. In the name of the Lord Jesus I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
John 8:12 NIV = When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – AUGUST 12, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 136 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is PUT PEANUTS IN YOUR COKE DAY. ***MARLAR: I know Coke is supposed to go with everything, but this is just a bit too weird for me.
Today is NATIONAL TOASTED ALMOND BAR DAY. ***MARLAR: Hey, if you’re going so far as to put peanuts in your Coke, why not really go nuts.
Today is VINYL RECORDS DAY. ***MARLAR: Many music-lovers believe that recorded music sounds better on vinyl rather than in digital forms like MP3… and I agree. But it’s real hard to get vinyl records to fit inside your MP3 player.
Today is THE GLORIOUS TWELFTH – the beginning of the 4-month grouse hunting season in the Highlands of Scotland. ***MARLAR: Exciting. It’s also the beginning of the snipe-hunting season in the United States!
Today is NATIONAL MIDDLE CHILD’S DAY. ***MARLAR: You get bonus points if your name is Jan or Peter.
WAYS TO USE THOSE OLD VINYL DISCS
Play ’em if you’ve got ’em, but if you don’t have a record player, here are some alternatives to holding a garage sale.
- Very dangerous frisbees
- Coasters for very large coffee mugs
- Attractive Dinnerware
- You can sell them to the neighborhood geeks telling them they are the “newest digital format.”
- Skeet shooting
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
IBM PC Day
International Youth Day
Sewing Machine Day
Vinyl Record Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, AUGUST 13
FRIDAY, AUGUST 14
National Navajo Code Talkers Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 15
Best Friends Day
International Geocaching Day
International Homeless Animals Day
National Relaxation Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 16
Joe Miller’s Joke Day
National Rollercoaster Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 17
Meaning of “Is” Day
TUESDAY, AUGUST 18
Bad Poetry Day
Birth Control Pills Day
Mail Order Catalog Day
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19
“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day
World Humanitarian Day
ON THIS DAY
1815: Stagecoach driver Ben Cheney was born. In 1835 he started a stage run from Boston to Montreal that grew into the American Express Company.
1898: Hawaii was formally annexed to the United States.
1936: The small town of Seymour recorded Texas’ hottest temperature ever: 120°F (48.9°C).
1966: On the same day the Beatles began their last North American tour in Chicago, John Lennon apologized for saying earlier that the rock group was more popular than Jesus.
1970: At Harvard University, singer Janis Joplin performed her final concert.
1972: The last American combat ground troops left Vietnam.
1974: For the first time in history, two teammates were elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame on the same day: Yankees Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford.
1979: Melissa Anker of Baton Rouge was born on her mother’s birthday, and her mother’s birthday. And her uncle’s and aunt’s and granduncle’s and three cousins’ birthdays.
1984: In one of baseball’s ugliest beanball games, Atlanta beat San Diego 5-3, but not before three bench-clearing brawls, 13 players and four managers and coaches were ejected, and four fans were taken to jail. ***MARLAR: The ballpark owners are still trying to buy a hockey team.
1986: Rod Carew became the first California Angel to have his number (#29) retired.
1988: Michael and Debbie Ball were married near Los Angeles on the roller coaster at Magic Mountain. The minister rode behind them, with the maid of honor and best man in the next car. The wedding took four trips around the track. ***MARLAR: The hard part was placing the ring on the bride’s fingers while she was screaming with her arms in the air.
1996: Republicans meeting in San Diego touted Bob Dole as the candidate who would lower taxes and bring “compassionate conservatism” to the White House.
1999: Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet on “Guinness World Records: Primetime” and hit a target 16 feet and 5 inches away.
2001: A German couple kissing in the front seat of a car parked by a lake became so passionate they didn’t notice it rolling into the lake. The couple was unharmed, but Ludwigshafen firefighters had to pull the car out of the shallow lake.
2004: The California Supreme Court invalidated more than 4,000 same-sex marriage licenses issued earlier in San Francisco.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
304: Euplius, a Christian deacon from Sicily, is martyred for owning the Scriptures and proclaiming himself a Christian (loudly and repeatedly). Martyrdom was so common under Emperor Diocletian that many Christians expected it and some, like Euplius, actively sought it out.
1553: Pope Julius III orders all copies of the Talmud to be confiscated and burned.
1942: William Cameron Townsend and Rev. L.L. Legters incorporate the Wycliffe Bible Translators in California.
1973: Chuck Colson accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Face-Off, Nightfall, Dead Whisper) Dominque Swain 35
- Actor (Ocean’s 11 and 12) Casey Affleck, 40
- Actress (“Beverly Hills 90210”) Rebecca Gayheart, 43 (
- Actor (“Ed”) Michael Ian Black 44 (
- tennis pro Pete Sampras 44
- Actor (“Sports Night”, “Parenthood”, “The Catch”, “Six Feet Under”) Peter Krause, 50
- actor (Flash Gordon, Ted) Sam J. Jones 60
- actor (Godfather III, Love at First Bite) George Hamilton 76 –just barely older than his tan
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1926 : Joe Jones
1927 : Porter Wagoner
1929 : Buck Owens
1940 : Rod Bernard
1941 : Craig Douglas
1949 : Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits)
1950 : Kid Creole
1954 : Pat Metheny
1961 : Roy Hay (Culture Club)
1963 : Sir Mix-a-Lot
1969 : Tanita Tikaram
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Dinosaur footprints have been found in Utah… right next to fossilized human footprints! How is that possible?
Valuable fossil dinosaur footprints have been recovered from a reservoir in Utah after boy scouts damaged them and threw them in the water. The scouts pried fossils from a dinosaur trackway beside Red Fleet Reservoir in Vernal, Utah, back in July. A park manager intervened when he saw the scouts throwing broken fossils at a buoy. Divers searching the murky waters have now recovered about 90 per cent of the fossils. The scouts faced juvenile court charges. Here is an interesting point about dinosaur footprints: When exposed to the weather they erode fairly quickly (you may see considerable deterioration within decades), and the prints the boy scouts discarded were said to be 190 million years old. If dinosaurs really lived hundreds of millions of years ago, isn’t it strange how many prints and other fossils are being uncovered at this exact time in history? Wouldn’t you think that during 190 million years (a time span too vast for any of us to really imagine) all the fossil footprints of the world would have had time to be uncovered by erosion, then erode over the next 100 years or so, then disappear? Perhaps they could be covered for several thousand years, but millions? We don’t think so. It seems to make more sense to us to believe that the fossils are the result of a more recent catastrophe, such as Noah’s Flood only thousands of years ago.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman played in New York Monday night but before the concert, he took part in another tradition. Jon said: Took my annual summertime nap in Central Park-feeling good!
Jonny Diaz isn’t above using sad baby pictures to sell albums. This week Jonny shared a picture of his young daughter Charlie Grace crying her eyes out. He posted the caption: Told Charlie Grace that, even though I worked really hard on it, not everyone is going to buy my cd when it comes out. http://t.co/uAcIJJIUfO
Moriah Peters and for King and Country’s Joel Smallbone might have some interesting looking babies. Moriah tweeted: I hope Joel likes little girls with big sideburns. She added: apparently I was Buddy Hackett Baby look alike. Attached was a picture of a very young Moriah and Buddy Hackett side by side. http://t.co/JuL7H1SoLx
Even worship leaders experience difficulty getting to church on time. Jamie Grace tweeted: when you have to stop and get gas on the way to church cause you took a road trip yesterday! I can’t be lateeeeeeeee!
Building 429’s Jason Roy turned 26 over the weekend and it sounds like the aging process is already slowing him down. He tweeted to Chris Huffman of Casting Crowns: Age is slowing me down bro… Man do early morning flights hurt a bit more now or is it just me?
Laura Story joined her family for the Chick-fill-A 5k over the weekend. She shared a picture as she and her young daughter finished together. Laura said: We may have finished pretty close to last place but at least we finished!
Natalie Grant says her daughter Sadie is teaching her a lot about worship. Natalie was filming Sadie as she danced to her favorite worship song when Natalie said Saide sat down and began to worship from her core, with pure sincerity. Natalie added: She is only 4, yet she totally gets it. I wasn’t teaching her tonight. She was teaching me. Oh to have faith like a child.
A challenge from Britt Nicole. She shared a picture during her early morning training session at a local health club and commented: if I can get up at 4:30am to go work out you can too!
Earlier this year worship leaders Paul and Rita Baloche left their longtime home in Texas and moved to New York to be closer to family. It sounds like Paul is making the most of that move. Over the weekend he tweeted that his activity of choice was catching lightening bugs with his grandson Colton.
Matt Redman is out with a devotional on why good things grow in difficult times. The devotional is featured on the We Are Worship web site and looks at his song It Is Well With My Soul. http://ow.ly/QHSG8
WEIRD & WACKY
|91-year-old Sydney man charged with importing cocaine photo
SYDNEY (AP) — A 91-year-old retired surgeon has been charged with importing cocaine hidden in soap into Australia, prompting police to warn travelers to beware they are not tricked into becoming drug mules. Victor Twartz, of Sydney, was released on bail when he appeared in Sydney’s Downing…
|Paraglider prompts strange sky chase after jail flyover
CASTAIC, Calif. (AP) — A midair traffic stop? Almost, as a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s helicopter pursued a powered paraglider that had just flown past a jail, raising concern. A KABC-TV (http://bit.ly/1huxJPl) helicopter captured the brief chase that took place when the man in the…
|Police ID clown-dressed man accused of swinging ax at woman
HICKORY, N.C. (AP) — Police in western North Carolina have identified a man accused of swinging an ax at a woman while wearing a clown costume. Multiple media outlets report that the woman has obtained an arrest warrant for 31-year-old Jimmy Raybon of Connelly Springs on a charge of assault…
|Police say dogs seeking cupcakes caused small stove fire
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — Police say dogs trying to get at a box of cupcakes left on top of a stove apparently started a small fire in a central Pennsylvania home. The landlord tells police in Logan Township that he stopped by his tenants’ home to let out the dogs about 8 p.m. Sunday. That’s when…
|Man held in bank robbery suspect in drug store heist, too
STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — Police say a man jailed on charges he robbed a central Pennsylvania bank has been identified as the suspect in a drug store robbery two days later in a neighboring county. For now, 61-year-old Cecil Barnhart, of Connellsville, is jailed in Centre County only on…
|Community service for 2 men after World Trade Center jumps
NEW YORK (AP) — Two men convicted of parachute-jumping from the top of One World Trade Center were sentenced on Monday to community service and each ordered to pay $2,000 in fines. A judge sentenced James Brady to 250 hours of community service and Andrew Rossig to 200 hours. The men were…
|Active military-grade grenade found outside McDonald’s
THURMONT, Md. (AP) — An active military-grade hand grenade was uncovered Saturday afternoon in the parking lot outside a Maryland McDonald’s. HASH(0x13d6dc0) Dale Ednock, the bomb technician, told the News-Post the grenade found lodged about a foot under the pavement was there for quite some…
|Authorities: Man planning robbery inadvertently calls 911
BRANCHBURG, N.J. (AP) — Authorities say a man planning a burglary inadvertently dialed 911, allowing dispatchers to listen in on his conversation. Somerset County prosecutors say Branchburg police received the errant call on July 27, but were unsure of the caller’s location. They learned that…
|Take the vapors: Londoners buzz over breathable booze photo
LONDON (AP) — Britons are buzzing over a temporary entry in the capital’s already saturated drinking scene: breathable booze. The pop-up bar, Alcoholic Architecture, uses a humidifier to pump a gin and tonic vapor into an enclosed space. Patrons absorb their alcohol from the “Cloud” by…
|Alabama family reunites with dog missing for 9 years
GOLDEN, Colo. (AP) — An Alabama family drove to Colorado to be reunited with their dog Boozer on Saturday after a 9-year separation. Boozer, now 10, had gone missing while the family was moving from Tennessee to Alabama. HASH(0x13d4240) The shelter scanned Boozer’s microchip and discovered…
|Dead Poets Society founder wraps up tour, visits 500th grave photo
YORK, Pa. (AP) — A Maine man who travels the nation to document the final resting places of poets has completed a summer tour in which he visited his 500th grave. Dead Poets Society of America founder Walter Skold wrapped up Friday at the graves of Philip Pendleton Cooke in Millwood,…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Kids with cancer get futuristic chance at saving fertility photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Barely 2 years old, Talia Pisano is getting tough treatment for kidney cancer that spread to her brain. She’s also getting a chance at having babies of her own someday. To battle infertility sometimes caused by cancer treatment, some children’s hospitals are trying a futuristic…
|Some US rowers fall ill at 2016 Olympics test event photo
RIO DE JANEIRO (AP) — Thirteen rowers on the 40-member U.S. team came down with stomach illness at the World Junior Rowing Championships — a trial run for next summer’s Olympics — and the team doctor said she suspected it was due to pollution in the lake where the competition took…
|NYC mayor: Legionnaires’ outbreak has claimed 12 lives photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Two more people in the Bronx have died of Legionnaires’ disease, bringing the total of fatalities to 12 in the largest outbreak of the disease in New York City history, officials said Monday. There are now 113 reported cases of Legionnaires’ in the Bronx, and cooling towers in…
|China pledges continued support for Ebola-hit Africa nations
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — China’s foreign minister has pledged continued support to the three West African countries hardest hit by the Ebola outbreak that has killed more than 11,200 people. Minister Wang Yi ended his tour in Guinea on Monday after visiting Sierra Leone and Liberia. He met with…
|Medical researchers say fetal tissue remains essential photo
BOSTON (AP) — The furor on Capitol Hill over Planned Parenthood has stoked a debate about the use of tissue from aborted fetuses in medical research, but U.S. scientists have been using such cells for decades to develop vaccines and seek treatments for a host of ailments, from vision loss and…
|1st restocked Iowa turkey farmer talks lessons from bird flu photo
MANSON, Iowa (AP) — Thousands of small young turkeys ran around the barns on the Moline family farm Monday near Manson, the first Iowa farm to restock birds after a bird flu outbreak decimated flocks in the Midwest. Owner Brad Moline, who farms with his father and brother, said it’s a sign…
|Bernie Sanders picks up first major labor endorsement photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Bernie Sanders picked up his first major labor endorsement from the nation’s largest organization of nurses, reflecting the Vermont senator’s appeal among unions in his challenge to Hillary Rodham Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination. The 185,000-member…
|Health officials say amoeba did not kill Minnesota youth
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — Health officials say lab tests have determined that a Minnesota teenager did not die from a water parasite as initially suspected, but instead from a bacterial disease. Fourteen-year-old Hunter Boutain, of Alexandria, died of a brain infection July 9. He became ill…
|Facing rising dental costs, seniors head to Mexico photo
LOS ALGODONES, Mexico (AP) — Mark Bolzern traveled 3,700 miles to go to the dentist. The 56-year-old Anchorage, Alaska, native left home this spring, made a pit stop in Las Vegas to pick up a friend, and kept heading south, all the way to Los Algodones, Mexico, a small border town teeming…
|Accessing care especially difficult for Latinos on Medi-Cal photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Miriam Uribe enrolled in California’s low-income health insurance program last November, and she still hasn’t found a primary care doctor 10 months later who could see her. “Once you have (insurance), you actually still don’t have it because it’s still a struggle to…
|Finding their voice: Speech clinic helps transgender clients photo
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — Sylvia Wojcik was making reservations for a beach getaway in Maine when the receptionist on the other end of the line called her “ma’am.” Nothing could have delighted her more. Wojcik, 66, is transitioning from male to female. For her, that proof that she sounded like a…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A Florida woman says she was shot in the leg while sitting at a café on July 4th, but didn’t realize it until doctors found the bullet five days later. The woman explains that after days of pain from what she initially thought was a firecracker, she went to the hospital. Doctors told her they found a .38-caliber bullet lodged in her leg. *** Shot on the 4th of July – the only way to make that more American is if you tell me she only speaks Spanish!
A cat named Limberbutt McCubbins is running for president. McCubbins, who’s a five-year-old neutered rescue cat, has filed his paperwork with the Federal Election Commission. *** And since he’s neutered, we won’t have to worry about him wasting time with White House interns!
Some Vermont residents are upset after a highway crew didn’t take the time to clean up a dead skunk before putting yellow lines on a road (in Williston). *** People, this is what you get when you deal with unions. One union paints the road, a different union picks up dead animals. If the road union picked up the skunk, they’d be violating union rules and taking away jobs from the other union. This is how civil wars begin, and we just got rid of the Confederate flag…
Scientists were shocked to find sharks swimming in an underwater active volcano. ***Coming this summer to SyFy – SHARKANO!
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Depending on the specific model, your car loses 1-2% fuel efficiency for every 100 pounds of extra weight in the car. That’s a surprising amount that can really add up. Experts say cleaning out the junk in your trunk, the back seat, etc., can save you $35 or more a year in fuel costs. ***MARLAR: Another suggestion is, when driving to work, leave your body at home.
A Scandinavian study suggests that getting drunk increases the risk for violent behavior in people who have a strong tendency to suppress their feelings of anger when sober. *** And in other news of the obvious…
New research suggests that a gene linked to wet, sticky earwax and excessive underarm odor may be an indicator of higher breast cancer risk. The Japanese study may give doctors another tool for predicting breast cancer risk. The researchers arrived at their conclusion by tracking a protein created by a gene called ABCC11, which is associated with breast cancer. The ear wax and odor problems “may become lifesaving clues to the early detection and treatment of breast cancer. ***MARLAR: Assuming your doctor can stomach being close enough to examine you, you waxy, smelly freak.
A recent report shows that the number of full-time journalists on the Capitol beat is down 40 percent since 2003. ***It’s a crisis. In some places, Politicians are having to resort to parroting their own talking points.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Time Clocks”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Fast Food”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, we learned that Marvy Snuffleson had a sore throat. A really sore throat. So sore, in fact, that his dad decided it would be best to take Marvy in to see the doctor. Unfortunately, the doctor had some bad news for Marvy… his tonsils were infected and he’d have to have surgery!
CLOSE: Marvy was able to escape from the hospital – but what about his tonsils? Tune in next time to find out – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 15/16, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: So Gruffy’s going on a picnic… I’m thinking Millard’s going to want to go too. So what’s the big deal with that? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Personal responsibility takes a backseat in the theater in today’s Moment of Duh!
From the “Everyone is responsible for everything except me,” files. A woman just won a lawsuit against Hoyts cinema in Australia because (are you ready for this?), the theater did not put up a warning sign saying that the theater seats would retract when no one was sitting in them. She stood up, tried to sit down again, missed the chair, and decided to sue… and won her case! This is really a case of double-duh though, because she didn’t have a problem sitting down the first time, just when she got up and tried to sit down again.
TODAY’s TOP TEN
Little Golden Books That Never Made It
- You Are Different and That’s Bad
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
- Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
- Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched
5. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
4. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
3. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
- Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
- Some Kittens Can Fly
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
It’s not only the United States that has stupid criminals. Today’s files of Law & Disorder take us to Canada!
FILE #1: A man in Canada returned a video game console to an electronics store. He came back to the store later to ask the clerk to fetch the .22 caliber semi-automatic handgun he left in the box, by accident. Police already had the pistol though… and it turns out the man was wanted in Chicago. Police visited him and discovered $50,000 in stolen goods at his house.
FILE #2: Last weekend in Toronto, a man was given a traffic ticket because he was driving with people on the roof of his car. Why? Because there was no more room in the car – it was jammed with teenagers. The man received a $585 fine.
FILE #3: Also in Toronto, Canada last weekend, a man was given a ticket for driving 85 MPH, with a flat tire, but who did not know he had a flat tire, and who, not seeing that the lane was ending, drove onto the shoulder, all because he was distracted by his cell phone conversation. He was charged with careless driving, fined $325 and had six demerit points added to his license.
STRANGE LAW: In Pennsylvania, any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
If you’re going to hide your stash of drugs – don’t hide it outside a police station.
Police said a 21-year-old man placed a $1,500 stash of marijuana under a rock outside police headquarters one morning prior to an appearance in nearby state Superior Court. When Daniel Garcia returned two hours later, all he found was a note reading: “You’re under arrest. Look up at the police station.” Two police officers watching from inside headquarters then went out and placed Garcia under arrest. Daniel’s father could not believe the story and said his son claimed the police planted the drugs on him.
If your house were on fire, what would be the one inanimate object you’d run back in to save? What if you were risking being arrested for running back in – would you still do it for that item?
A Winona, Minnesota, man couldn’t save his house from burning down, but he was able to rescue his computer. Nicholas Christopher Guy, 53, ignored orders from firefighters to stay back. He ran into his burning house twice, once for his computer. Guy was given a citation for obstructing a fire scene and disorderly conduct. ***MARLAR: But thank goodness he can still play Solitaire without having a deck of cards.
PHONER: If you had to run back into your burning house to save one inanimate object, what would you go in for?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who dreamed of the sun, moon, and eleven stars bowing before him?
ANSWER: Joseph (Genesis 37:9)
QUESTION: In Sanskrit, this word means “desire for more cows.” What’s the word?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The term, “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye” is from Ancient Rome. (True. The only rule during wrestling matches was, “No eye gouging,” everything else was allowed.)
- Las Vegas means “The Dunes” in Spanish. (False – “The Meadows”)
- Strength is the longest English word with only one vowel. (True)
- When the body is resting, it takes in about 10 liters of air every minute. (True)
- There are approximately 600 muscles in the face. (False – 60)
- Merry-go-rounds turn counterclockwise. (True)
- It would require an average of 8 hummingbirds to tip the scale at one ounce. (False – eighteen hummingbirds!)
- Lions sleep almost 20 hours a day. (True)
- The space between your nostrils is called the “columella.” (True)
- The address of Big Bird’s nest on “Sesame Street” is 123 ½ Sesame Street. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
MATT DAMON TO GIVE ALL HIS MONEY TO __________ (GOVERNMENT)
HOLLYWOOD – In what could be a new celebrity trend, Matt Damon, announced he will give all his future earnings to the U.S. government.
Matt Damon believes that the rich are not taxed enough. He believes that the tax rate on wealthy Americans should be at least 80%. “England has the right idea, the wealthy should give almost all of their money to the government, so that wealth is spread around.”
Damon has come under fire from some on the right wing, but Damon has put his money where his mouth is. “I am going to give 100% of my future earnings on all money I make from every source, to the government. I trust the government to use the money in better was than I could.
Damon is reportedly worth over $200 million. He will hold on to that money – and vows to keep most of it in bank accounts in Switzerland, but anything that he earns from now on will go to the government.
Democratic leaders applauded Damon’s “contribution” and urged all Americans who make over $250,00 a year to donate any money they make over that amount to the U.S. Government. “If Americans gave 100% of their salaries – over $250,000 – to the government – we could wipe out our debt in ten years,” said Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi.
Pelosi, however, will not be donating any money to the government. “I have too many grandchildren. They all need money for college.”
(Weekly World News)
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said. “I’ll do the next one.”
The next time came around and she asked again.
The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. “I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby.”
A policeman pulled over a man who was driving in an erratic manner. The cop said
to the man, “Your eyes look watery. Have you been drinking?”
To which the man replied, “Your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”
A window salesman phoned a customer. “Hello, Mr. Brown,” said the Sales Rep, “I’m calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven’t sent us a single payment.”
The customer replied, “But you said they’d pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months!”
A Scottish man has won recognition as the fastest human in the world when it comes to typing text messages on his cell phone. ***MARLAR: He broke the world’s record by typing in the following phrase: “I am without a doubt the world’s most anti-social human being.”
Italy claims to have a real-life Garfield. Orazio the cat looks amazing like the famous cartoon cat of the comics and weighs in at a whopping 37 pounds! Orazio grew to such a gargantuan size by guzzling all the food treats that his native Italy can provide. The three-year-old tabby is such a food fanatic that owner Laura Santarelli finds it impossible to get him to slim down. ***MARLAR: Maybe you should stop serving him lasagna. (Here’s a photo!)
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey Billy, want to play house?”
He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
Sally replied, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”
“Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy… “I have no idea what that means.”
The little girl nods and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever worn? How about wearing bugs… on purpose!
Two 17-year-old jewelry makers from Cape Cod, Massachusetts, are hoping swarms of customers will want their latest creations – earrings and necklaces made from dead bugs. Katheryn Maloney and Brady Cullinan are selling jewelry made out of the cicadas that swarmed their town of Sandwich this summer. ***MARLAR: The worst part about bug-jewelry is when people tell you to stand very, very still and then smack you with a newspaper.
Impossible to HIMpossible!
“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it…But if he doesn’t…” Daniel 3:17-18.
This is one of the most wonderful stories in all the Bible of preservation! The three Hebrews were thrown into the fire because they would not worship a heathen god. The king was astonished that first, the three men were not burned and second, that there was a fourth man in the fire with them. The fire had been heated purposely to destroy these men, so it was even more a miracle that they were preserved.
But the wonderful lesson is that God was right there with them. He is with us in our trials, too. He does not prevent sorrow, for we all have them, but He is with us when they do happen. He doesn’t just send help but He comes Himself. He is afflicted in our afflictions (Isaiah 53:9, one of my favorite chapters as well as verses); He bore our grief’s (Isaiah 53:4 and Matthew 8:17). Many times I pictured the Form of the Fourth on days that I thought I couldn’t stand the pain of my son’s death another minute, much less another day and month and year! I pictured Him as keeping the flames away, lifting me above them and finally out of them. Our loving God has given us so many instances of deliverance from pain, either of the heart or of the body, that we cannot doubt His love to us. And we finally find out, after we have endured, that there are many fruits of our affliction that at the time we thought impossible. But all becomes HIMpossible as we kneel beside our suffering Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane.
–Patricia Erwin Nordman, Walking Through the Darkness
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
THE POWER OF LOVE
Read: Matthew 5:43-48
Love your enemies, . . . and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. —Matthew 5:44
Fyodor Dostoevsky tells the story of brothers Ivan and Alyosha Karamazov. Alyosha is a devoted follower of Jesus; Ivan is a skeptic.
As the story unfolds, Ivan meets his brother at a café. In an effort to undermine the faith of Alyosha, he recites a lengthy poem he has written about the Grand Inquisitor. In it the Inquisitor rails at Jesus for His decision to grant free will to human beings and thus bring so much pain and suffering into the world.
As the Grand Inquisitor finishes his argument, Ivan portrays Jesus as having no answer. Instead, Jesus walks up to the Inquisitor and kisses him. Ivan hopes Alyosha will see this as an irrational act. But as he finishes speaking, Alyosha, imitating Jesus, leans forward and kisses Ivan.
Alyosha’s profound gesture completely changes the tenor of the scene, for it represents the triumph of love over doubt and skepticism. Love overrides every objection. No logical argument can overthrow it.
That’s why Jesus calls us to love our enemies, and to do good to those who spitefully use us and persecute us (Matthew 5:44). Love, not rational argument, overcomes hatred. The goodness of God revealed in our love draws people to repentance. —David Roper
Open my eyes, Lord, to people around me,
Help me to see them as You do above;
Give me the wisdom and strength to take action,
So I may show them Your wonderful love. —K. De Haan
It’s better to give others a piece of your heart than a piece of your mind.
THE STORK BROUGHT IT
A mother gives birth to her fourth child… without even knowing she was pregnant!
A mother has given birth to a baby girl without realizing she was pregnant. Helen Thompson, 35, thought she was just getting fat. It was only when they went to the hospital because of stomach pains for Helen did they discover she was to be a mom again. That’s right – AGAIN. She already had three children. Once at the hospital, Helen gave birth to 6lbs 15oz Jessica. Helen said: “The doctors and nurses couldn’t believe I didn’t know I was pregnant. We had no plans for more children. I had just thought I was putting on weight.” ***MARLAR: She had three children already. Don’t you think she’d KNOW by that point what the signs of pregnancy are?
LIFE… LIVE IT
WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?
Here’s how many years the average human spends on the mundane things of life:
Sleep – 23 years
Work – 19 years
Leisure Activities – 9 years
Travel – 7 years (yeah, that includes the morning commute)
Eating – 6 years (no wonder we’re all so fat)
Illness – 3 years
Personal care – 2 years
Religion – 1 year
JUST FOR FUN
A polar bear attacked a campsite… but it didn’t take any food – it wanted the toothpaste and vitamins!
Typically, when you hear of someone being attacked by a bear, it’s because the bear is looking for food. Recently, in the Arctic, a polar bear attacked a campsite. Here’s the weird thing though. There was food lying all over the place, even some fresh meat hanging within the bear’s reach, but the bear didn’t touch the food. All he made off with was toothpaste and vitamin C! Fourteen tourists and guides from Norway, Sweden and Italy, came to the camp on the Arctic island of Spitsbergen last week to find the bear had knocked over tents, bitten through a tube of toothpaste and sucked out its contents. Polar bears’ teeth are often yellow, unlike their snow-white fur. The bear, probably aged two, had also popped vitamin-C pills. A local expert said the bear was probably just driven by curiosity more than anything else. They apparently like to try new things. ***MARLAR: Sounds like he was just shopping for the bear necessities.
RULES FOR FREQUENT FLIERS
- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
- If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
- If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
- Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
- If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee. Or try to type on your laptop.
- If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just find the two largest passengers.
- Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
- The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
- The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SIX WAYS TO SAVE ENERGY
- Set your thermostat at 68 degrees Fahrenheit during the day and 60 degrees Fahrenheit at night.
- Keep lamps and TVs away from air-conditioning thermostats. The heat produced can cause the air conditioner to run longer.
- Reduce trips to the refrigerator. Each time the door is opened, up to 30% of the cold air can escape.
- Take a look at your furniture arrangement. Make sure vents and radiators aren’t blocked by sofas, chairs or other items.
- Remove lint from the dryer filter. A dirty one can increase energy use by up to 30%.
- Give your home an energy audit. Go to Home Energy Saver http://hes.lbl.gov/ to calculate your home’s energy use by zip code and find out the best ways for you to save energy.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
It’s not always easy to convince yourself to exercise after a long day of work. But according to Time magazine’s report, people who consistently manage to do it may be using a simple trick—whether they realize it or not. A new study published in the journal Health Psychology found that the most consistent exercisers were those who made exercise into a specific type of habit—one triggered by your own internal or environmental cue. Research say the only factor that predicted how often a person exercised over the long-term was the strength of their habit. They add that it also gets stronger over time. http://ti.me/1IcET6n
Sam Schmidt is racing again. The former Indy Racing League driver was paralyzed from the neck down after crashing during testing in Orlando in 2000. But now, according to a Joni and Friends report, he’s driving a race car again. The report says a company recently modified a Corvette loaded with sensors and cameras which allows Sam get out on the track again by turning his head to steer and ‘sipping’ on a straw to brake. It includes an infrared camera system, a sip and puff system, a computer system, GPS technology, and a safety system. http://t.co/LBcduM8JTt
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas — at least when it comes to booking airfare. According to ABC News, While most of us are planning for back-to-school or thinking about how to squeeze in one last vacation before Labor Day, the airlines have moved past summer and are pricing for the holidays. At least one travel search engine says the cheapest holiday fares are likely to come this week. An analysis by Skyscanner found that Thanksgiving week tickets booked during week 33 in 2014 garnered a nearly 5.5 percent savings, while Christmas-time flights saw close to 19 percent savings, and New Year’s Eve air travel purchased during this week saw close to 15 percent in savings as compared to travelers who purchased airfare at the last minute. http://abcn.ws/1Tfbduy
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
August is (OTHER JOCK) APPRECIATION MONTH, which means we don’t mention the time he went to the drive-in movie and parked on the wrong side of the screen.
Today’s show was made possible by a flaw in the system.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
We lived in Dallas, Texas, in the late 1980s. Moving from Sacramento, California, we were used to hot weather. But northern California summers have that famed “dry heat.” Dallas summers have that “unbearable who-chooses-to-live-here” kind of heat. By year three, we adjusted. Almost…adjusted.
It was interesting to see men in suits and sport coats with ties on hot summer days. And on Sundays, we noticed the women wearing sweaters to church! The Dallas mindset was simple: you live in air conditioned homes, travel in air conditioned cars, and work in air conditioned offices. Thus, churches were also very cool places to be!
This past week, I discovered that office temperature is a long standing issue for women. Two male scientists have published a study in the journal Nature Climate Change. They’ve determined that office temperatures are set based on a decades-old formula calculating the metabolic rates of men. (See the complete story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/04/science/chilly-at-work-a-decades-old-formula-may-be-to-blame.html?emc=edit_th_20150804&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=68618012)
From this scientific report, we learn that most building thermostats are set using a thermal comfort model from the 1960s. That model used air temperature, air speed, vapor pressure, and clothing insulation to arrive at the recommended setting. Who knew that still today we have been impacted by “Fanger’s thermal comfort equation”? Well, most women can tell you…it’s too cold in most offices.
Changing times have brought more women into the workplace. In fact, women now comprise about half the staffing of many companies. And their metabolism is slower than a man’s.
Bottom line…changes in office temperature pre-sets are being recommended. Read the article if you want more details. And especially if you’d like to see that Fanger equation mapped out! I was overheating just looking at it!
I have another idea. Call it, “Mark’s Five Ways to Warm Up the Workplace.” It has nothing to do with thermostats. Or any equation from Fanger.
My five will not actually change the temperature in the office, but your team will find YOU a much warmer leader. Your “Good Boss Score” will go up. Perhaps your retention rate as well.
My five ways are:
- Give compliments. Employees almost always feel shortchanged on hearing about the good work they are doing. Think back on the One Minute Manager. He uses “one minute praisings” when catching people doing something right. Good idea!
- Ask questions of interest. To help remove the stigma of “all he/she cares about is us making more money,” use casual conversation to find out basic lifestyle points of interest in the lives of your team members. Keep notes on this information for reference later. Bring an item up in a meeting!
- Unexpected treats. Having a company brunch, lunch, or individualized treats dropped off in the afternoon during busy seasons or difficult pressure times are sure day brighteners. Especially if the boss is the one delivering the goods.
- Thank you notes. As the hard hearted boss might ask, “Why do I need to give my employees a thank you note? I believe that’s called a paycheck!” A good boss doesn’t need my answer, but here it is anyway: Thank you notes increase loyalty and turn up job performance because people feel appreciated! Many people hold on to them for years. If you need ideas in writing them, think about what you would like written in such a note written to YOU.
- Half day party. Why wait for the Christmas season? Plan a half day cookout asking your team to relax and share stories about how THEIR company has helped people. Invite discussion of some challenges. Give lots of pats on the back. Put a little fun back into life for these folks.
Keep in mind this is only a starter list. No doubt a creative session would yield many more good ideas.
The Bible does not have such a list. But one of the distinctives of the Christian faith was how workers were instructed to perform faithfully even in difficult circumstances. Likewise, bosses were told to treat their workers well—unlike the mistreatment that was common in that day.
In Colossians 4:1, we read, “And masters, treat your servants considerately. Be fair with them. Don’t forget for a minute that you, too, serve a Master—God in heaven.” (MSG)
Wise leader, perhaps you may want to check how employees feel about office temperature. Women in parkas in August is generally not a good sign.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 07, 2015…
Dark Places—Adapted from Gillian Flynn’s novel, this story is set in Kansas in a time span of 25 years. Charlize Theron, as a child, witnesses a murder and accuses her brother. Now, as adults, a group is interested in reopening the case and believes the brother is innocent. Are all memories true? Also in the cast are Nicholas Hoult, Chloe Grace Moretz and Corey Stoll. “Dark Places” is rated R. No rating.
Diary of a Teenage Girl—Another film adapted from a book that was written by Phoebe Gloeckner. It is a comedy/drama and tells the story of a girl (Bel Powley) who has an affair with the boyfriend of her Mom. The stars include Kristen Wiig, Christopher Meloni and Alexander Skarsgard. “Diary“ was also an off-Broadway play. “Diary of a Teenage Girl” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Fantastic Four—Here come the comic book heroes, Reed Richards who becomes Mr. Fantastic (Miles Teller), Johnny Storm is the Human Torch (Michael B. Jordan), Ben Grimm is the Thing (Jamie Bell) and Sue Storm is the Invisible Woman (Kate Mara.) Victor (Toby Kebbel) is the villain, Dr. Doom. There is the plot, with people trying out their powers and trying to overcome the bad guy. “Fantastic Four” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Ricki and the Flash—Meryl Streep stars as a rock singer who left her family years ago to pursue her dream (Streep does her own guitar playing here.) Now, one of her children, played by real daughter Mamie Gummer, has problems and Mom is asked to come home and help. Can she do it after all these years? The cast includes Rick Springfield. What a role for Meryl Streep. “Ricki and the Flash” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the cast.
Masterminds—Based on the true incident of the Loomis Fargo bank robbery in North Carolina, 1997, the movie stars Kristen Wiig, Owen Wilson and Zach Galifianakis. A group of misfits pull off a bank robbery to the tune of millions of dollars, and then what? Jason Sudeikis is also in the cast. “Masterminds” is rated PG 13. No rating.
AUGUST 14, 2015…
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is a remake of the famous TV series that starred Robert Vaughn. This time, Henry Cavill has the lead as Napoleon Solo.
Straight Outta Compton is in the line of a bio-pic about the hip-hop group N.W.A. Stars include Jason Mitchell and Corey Hawkins.
Underdogs is an animated film about two childhood rivals who clash again in sports. Voices of Matthew Morrison and Nicholas Hoult.
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