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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160813
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
(THE JOCK SHOW)… the show the American Dwarf Association has rated “Dopey.”
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
For the value of wisdom is far above rubies; nothing can be compared to it. –Proverbs 8:11
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. — 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Six days do your work, but on the seventh day do not work, so that your ox and your donkey may rest and the slave born in your household, and the alien as well, may be refreshed. — Exodus 23:12
Thought: Refreshed! Boy that’s often hard in any time, but it’s especially hard in August, isn’t it? It’s either the dead of summer or the dead of winter depending on which side of the equator you find yourself. Either way, we need to hear God’s desire for all of us to be refreshed and to allow those around us to be refreshed in his presence, his grace, and his rest.
Prayer: Forgive me, God, for being so busy being busy that I don’t intentionally take time to be refreshed in your rest. Teach me gently, Father, that I need this weekly rest in your presence and with my family to be all that you want me to be, and all that I can be. Restore my soul, O God, and fill me with your restful joy. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Isaiah 8:13 NIV = The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear . . .
TODAY IS SATURDAY – AUGUST 13, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 139 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL BLAME SOMEONE ELSE DAY. ***MARLAR: And if you don’t like it, tough – it wasn’t my idea in the first place.
Today is NATIONAL FILET MIGNON DAY. ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, today you have to eat it using your left hand only, because…
Today is NATIONAL LEFT-HANDERS DAY. ***MARLAR: And now, some left-handed facts.
Studies show that 56 percent of all typing is done with the left hand.
“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand. (“Lollipop” is the longest with your right hand only.)
Why do most people wear their watch on the left hand? Early watches had to be wound, and the knob on the right made it easier to wind.
The wedding ring: Its circular shape is believed to symbolize endless love. Ancient Egyptians began the tradition of placing it on the third finger of the left hand because they believed that the vein in that finger ran directly to the heart.
A tenth of the full-term babies are left-handed. But more than half the babies born at least two months prematurely are left handed.
Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right-handed people.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Middle Child Day
National Garage Sale Day
COMING UP NEXT
SUNDAY, AUGUST 14
National Navajo Code Talkers Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 15
Best Friends Day
National Relaxation Day
National No Spongebob Day
TUESDAY, AUGUST 16
Joe Miller’s Joke Day
National Airborne Day
National Roller Coaster Day
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17
Meaning Of “Is” Day
National Medical Dosimetrist Day
THURSDAY, AUGUST 18
Bad Poetry Day
Mail Order Catalog Day
National Badge Ribbon Day
FRIDAY, AUGUST 19
“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 20
International Geocaching Day
International Homeless Animals Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 21
MONDAY, AUGUST 22
Be An Angel Day
Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Take Your Cat To The Vet Day
ON THIS DAY
1889: William Gray patented the pay phone. *** No, I don’t have any idea what a pay phone is either.
1908: Music evangelist Ira Sankey died at age 68. He composed the music to the hymn “Faith Is the Victory (That Overcomes the World).”
1910: Nursing pioneer Florence Nightingale died at age 90. She had taken to her bed 34 years earlier, convinced she was dying. ***MARLAR: And after 34 years she finally proved them right.
1930: Charles Chreighton and James Hargis backed their 1929 Model-A Ford Roadster into Los Angeles, driving backwards the entire 3,340 miles from New York City. ***MARLAR: Proving their theory incorrect, as they ran out of gas anyway.
1934: Cartoonist Al Capp began his famous comic strip, “Li’l Abner”. *** For years it reigned as the least funny comic strip until “Family Circus” came along.
1952: Big Mama Thornton recorded “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog,” almost four years before Elvis did it. In 1953 Big Mama’s version hit #1 on the R&B charts.
1961: East Germany closed the Brandenburg Gate and prepared to start building the infamous Berlin Wall.
1966: David Houston hit the top of the Billboard country chart with “Almost Persuaded.” During the next decade, the song was recorded by 150 artists.
1991: Prevention magazine cited a study at the University of Utah that said milkshakes can ruin a man’s sex life.
1993: Officials at a Birmingham, England, hospital were criticized for renting out their high-tech cancer scanner. Area farmers were scanning their pigs to make sure only the meatiest ones were allowed to breed.
1995: Baseball Hall of Famer Mickey Mantle died at a Dallas hospital of liver cancer at age 63.
1996: Forty monkeys escaped from a Vienna zoo and blocked a main Austrian highway screeching at stalled drivers. The long-tailed primates were faster than police, but finally got tired of playing chase and ran into the woods.
1997: A 49-year-old man in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, was sentenced to 15 years in prison for robbing two banks while wearing a floral dress, pumps, and a red wig.
1998: Iowa honored longtime Governor Terry Branstad by having his likeness carved in a 150-pound block of Colby cheese. The bust was displayed in a cooler outside the cattle barn at the Iowa State Fair. ***MARLAR: Is it really a compliment to be sculpted out of cheese though? Granite or marble, sure… but cheese? I’d think that honor would be saved for 3rd rate comedians like me or uncles that ask you to pull their finger!
1999: Tennis player Steffi Graf retired from the sport she had dominated for two decades.
2001: Opening gifts at Dean and Marion Olphert’s wedding reception turned into a farce in Eynesbury, England. The couple opened 13 toasters. And they already had a toaster. To remember the occasion, guests made the couple a plaque that said, “To Dean and Marion – a toast to you both.”
2004: The Summer Olympic Games opened in Athens, Greece, with a record 202 countries and 10,500 athletes taking part.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
523: John I is consecrated pope. Shortly after his appointment, John became the first pope to leave Italy—with unfortunate results. He traveled to Constantinople, the center of Eastern Christianity, but on his return was imprisoned by the Arian king of Italy, Theodoric, who suspected John of conspiring with the king’s Byzantine antagonists.
662: Maximus Confessor, the Eastern leader in the fight against Monothelitism (the heresy that Christ had divine, but no human, will), dies after being tortured for his beliefs.
1587: Members of Sir Walter Raleigh’s expedition to Roanoke baptizes Manko, the first American Indian convert to Protestantism.
1878: Death of Elizabeth Prentiss, the school teacher who wrote the hymn “More Love to Thee, O Christ.”
1908: Ira D. Sankey, best known as the music leader in D.L. Moody’s evangelistic crusades, dies.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actress (“Big Eddie”, “Family”) Quinn Cummings 49 (audio clip)
actress (“A Different World”) Dawnn Lewis 56 (audio clip)
actor (“The Partridge Family”) Danny Bonaduce 57 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1919 : George Shearing
1921 : Jimmy McCracklin
1930 : Don Ho
1938 : Dave “Baby” Cortez
1940 : John Stokes (The Bachelors)
1949 : Cliff Fish (Paper Lace)
1951 : Dan Fogelberg
1959 : Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do we sometimes call someone with below average intelligence a moron?
Moron was a word coined in 1910. It seems that psychologists, never happy unless they can stick a label on someone, felt they needed a new word to describe people who were mentally slow. Delegates met at The American Association for the Study of the Feeble Minded (can you imagine such an organization with that title even existing?!?). Someone remembered that the French dramatist, Moliere, had written a play in which a stupid character was named Moron (ancient Greek for stupid was “moros”). Voila! Everyone went home happy. Well, except the feeble minded.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Cullen Roche: “Marry up”. Great life advice. For most men that just means getting married.
Jonny Diaz: Never go into a bathroom where there are Pokémon. They might Pikachu.
Kutless member James Mead has a suggestion for an E.T. Sequel. He posted: There should be a modern day E.T. where Elliot is grown up and E.T. comes back to visit him.
Pastor and author Max Lucado was talking about Christmas prep this week. He held a webinar for church leaders. However, don’t worry if you missed it. The webinar is now available online. Hear Max’s thoughts on Christmas prep at http://tr.im/BecauseOfBethlehemWebinar.
Alot of people want to see Kutless in the Ukraine. More than 25,000 people showed up for one of the bands concerts in that country. Members of the band posted: Amazing night!! Respond Ukraine has been nothing short of amazing so far! Thousands and thousands have heard the Gospel and come to know Christ! God Is Good.
It was a rough travel week for Switchfoot. The band flew from New Hampshire to Texas to Vancouver, using four different flights and taking 14 hours to make it to their show in Canada. But their travel difficulties weren’t over. Following the show, they were scheduled to fly Delta to their next concert. However, due to Delta’s computer problems, their flight was canceled so they piled in a van with the members of Hawk Nelson and drove the the next venue.
Third Day members Mac Powell and David Carr were dressed this week in identical black v neck t-shirts and jeans. They said: This happens all the time when you’re in a band.
A suggestion from Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard: Apparently Delta experienced a massive system outage today and lots of people are stuck in airports. Maybe try CNTRL-ALT-DELETE?
Casting Crown’s Megan Garrett: Watching rugby is surprisingly similar to watching middle school boys play football in the yard.
Selah member Todd Smith will release his solo album later this month. This week he was talking about his song Jesus Is from the new project. The album There’s a Light won’t be available until August 26 but right now you can hear the story behind this song. http://youtu.be/f-GM2e45rxw?a
(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email firstname.lastname@example.org for details!)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Night Falls”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Tim Hawkins, “Angel Dream”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, the singing Cheetah Sisters weren’t getting along very well – mostly because Cheetah Bonita’s new song had no room for anyone but her. No three-part harmonies, just Cheetah Bonita singing solo. Not only that, but she refused to sing any other songs!
CLOSE: Do you think this is why other music groups break up? Find out what happens next time on As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 13/14
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins on Razzleflabbin Island were running for their lives to get away from someone they called, the Plaid Guy! They’re so scared they’ve built plaid shelters, run numerous emergency plaid drills, and hired a scout to do nothing but stay awake and look for the Plaid Guy!
CLOSE: Oh no! It looks like Marvy isn’t fast enough to stay away from the Plaid Guy! What’s going to happen? Will the plaid guy eat Marvy? Will he eat Marvy’s teddy bear? Will he make Marvy go shopping for plaid shirts? Oh, how gruesome! Tune in next time to find out what happens… As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
Spiders and beauty products don’t mix.
It was a hair-raising experience for one German woman when she tried to kill some spiders in her garage with a can of hairspray. Unfortunately for the woman, when the hairspray failed to kill the spiders, she went to plan B. That involved using a cigarette lighter to burn them out. However, the lighter ignited the aerosol fumes and the ensuing blaze spread to a hedge and to her semi-detached house next to the hedge. The home is now uninhabitable, but on the bright side the spiders are gone.
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS SLOW
10. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code.
9. Graphics arrive via FedEx.
8. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection.
7. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it displays a week later.
6. Your credit card expires while ordering online.
5. ESPN Web site exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner”…for 1989.
4. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”.
3. Everyone you talk to on the ‘net phone’ sounds like Forrest Gump.
2. You receive e-mails with stamps on them.
1. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Just because Santa can get down chimneys doesn’t mean you can.
FILE #1: Firefighters in Orlando, Florida, had to save a burglary suspect who got stuck. The man pulled the vent off an exhaust chimney on the roof of a convenience store and tried to slide his way in. Arriving firefighters found the man squished in the middle of the chimney, his legs dangling into the store. Rescuers poured Palmolive dish soap down the chimney and pulled him back up onto the roof, and finally back to solid ground, where police handcuffed him.
FILE #2: Jaspal Singh should be a hostage negotiator. The convenience store owner not only got a robber to release his hostage and steal no money, but he got him captured as well. It all started when a knife-wielding robber grabbed a young woman and threatened her with a steak knife unless staff handed over cash at the store. Singh asked the thief what he needed and the man replied that he was hungry. So in return for releasing the hostage, he was given a chicken sandwich and a Mountain Dew. While the man ate, Singh called the police — who came and arrested him while he was still finishing his sandwich.
FILE #3: A young man in Kuwait gave his fiancé a hug and a smooch and was immediately arrested and sentenced to four years in prison. Authorities said the stiff prison sentence was handed down to punish the youth for “offending public decency.’ Even a married couple is forbidden to kiss in public in Kuwait.
STRANGE LAW: It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
The police and alcohol do not mix… particularly if you are someone wanting to BE a police officer!
A Madison, Wisconsin police intern has been arrested after he allegedly impersonated an officer to detain three people. A police report said the 20-year-old intern was drunk early last Friday morning when he approached three men. The man allegedly flashed his police intern badge, claimed he was an undercover detective, pantomimed a gun with his thumb and index finger and ordered the men to the ground. Police said he talked into his cell phone saying he needed backup. Authorities said he eventually let the men leave, saying they were lucky. Police arrested the man on tentative charges of impersonating a police officer, disorderly conduct and underage drinking. The police report notes, “It is anticipated his internship will be ending.”
If you got mad at a customer service representative recently, you were not alone. At least 70 percent of those surveyed in a U.S. poll “experienced rage” in trying to get some sort of customer complaint resolved. 27% said they spent more than eight hours, in the course of four calls, to get their problem resolved. 47% said the time they spent complaining wasn’t worth it anyway. Tell us about your Customer Service nightmare!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What judge was a wheat farmer?
ANSWER: Gideon (Judges 6:11 = “The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in the winepress to keep it from
QUESTION: What’s the diameter of the wheel on “Wheel of Fortune?” (audio clip)
ANSWER: Eight feet, six inches
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. About 17 percent of humans are left-handed. (True)
2. The average wind speed on the planet Jupiter is 225 miles per hour. (True)
3. The Library of Congress has approx. 27 miles of bookshelves. (False – 327 miles)
4. It is illegal to hunt camels in Arizona. (True)
5. Canada’s national sport is hockey. (False – lacrosse)
6. There are no public toilets in Peru. (True)
7. Canada forced all national beauty contests to be cancelled in 1992, claiming they were degrading. (True)
8. The distance between cities are from city limit line to city limit line. (False. Actually the distances between city halls. When you see a sign “City of Timbukto – 40 miles” it means actually it is 40 miles to the city hall of that city sign.)
9. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New York. (False – New Jersey)
10. Per-capita, Israel eats the most turkey based products in the world. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
Man Rides _________ To Death! (Roller Coaster)
After the Expedition Everest roller coaster at Walt Disney World’s Animal Kingdom came to a stop, 44-year-old Jeffrey Reed didn’t leave his seat. That’s because he was dead! Officials said there were no visible signs of trauma or injury and photographs taken automatically during the ride show Reed was apparently still conscious about 50 seconds before the end of the ride. The roller coaster was found to be in good working condition and nobody else reported any problems. An autopsy will determine the final cause of death.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper’s attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, “What are those three huts you have here?”
“Well, that’s my house there.”
“What’s that next hut?” asks the sailor.
“I built that hut to be my church.”
“What about the other hut?”
“Oh, that’s where I used to go to church.”
Charlie Warren met his wife-to-be, Sandy, during missionary training. For two years they kept the long-distance relationship alive on different sides of the world. Toward the end of their terms, he popped the question, and Sandy accepted. Charlie wrote her father, whom he had never met: “I would like permission to marry your daughter and for your blessing on the marriage.”
His response still tickles the couple: “You have my permission and my blessing, but remember, there is no refund on mail-order brides!”
Some researchers at the University of Glasgow say they have some evidence that disputes the idea that humans evolved from Neanderthals. They say that humans and Neanderthals both roamed the earth simultaneously. ***MARLAR: And they cite the existence of the WWE as evidence.
The great library of Alexandria, founded in 295 BC, held 700,000 books at its peak. But much of it was destroyed by fire in A.D. 47 when Julius Caesar laid siege to the city. ***MARLAR: Causing the immediate destruction of all records of Ceasar’s overdue books and library fines.
HOT AND COLD
A woman dining out summoned her waiter and requested that the air conditioning be turned down. Minutes later, the same woman was fanning herself, and she again summoned the waiter, asking that the air conditioning be turned up. As her complaints continued, a man seated at the next table beckoned the waiter. “She must be driving you crazy,” he said, “making you turn the air conditioning up and down like that.” “Not at all,” the waiter replied. “I’m driving her crazy. We don’t have air conditioning.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
I SMELL PORK
Police have sometimes been called, disrespectfully, “pigs.” But in one story, it was a pig that stopped a burglar!
Being a burglar nowadays can be a dangerous thing. You gotta watch out for burglar alarms, guards, guns, angry dogs, and of course, the pigs. No, I’m not talking about police officers, that would be disrespectful to call them pigs. I’m talking real, honest-to-goodness pigs. Pot bellied pigs. A pot-bellied pig has foiled a burglar’s attempts by biting him as he was breaking into the pig’s owner’s house. The pig’s name is, of course, “Arnold” – and that’s the name that was screamed when Becky Moyer heard someone breaking into her home. The pig immediately grabbed the man by the leg, but the man escaped. Turns out Arnold was a present for Becky from her boyfriend. ***MARLAR: Who’s name was obviously Cletus.
At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
If not for you, someone may not be living.
You are special and unique.
Someone that you don’t even know exists, loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
Always tell someone how you feel about them. You will feel much better when they know.
If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Mark 10:35-45
Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. —Mark 10:43
Some people feel like a small pebble lost in the immensity of the Grand Canyon. But no matter how insignificant we judge ourselves to be, we can be greatly used by God.
In a sermon early in 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. quoted Jesus’ words from Mark 10 about servanthood. Then he said, “Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love.”
When Jesus’ disciples quarreled about who would get the places of honor in heaven, He told them: “Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:43-45).
I wonder about us. Is that our understanding of greatness? Are we gladly serving, doing tasks that may be unnoticed? Is the purpose of our serving to please our Lord, rather than to gain the applause of people? If we are willing to be a servant, we can achieve true greatness. —Vernon Grounds
ANYTHING YOU CAN DO
Have a young boy struggling in school? Have him sit closer to a girl – he might do better! In a bizarre new teaching instruction, boys in Scotland are being ordered to sit next to girls in school classes in a bid to help them pass exams. Scottish education officials believe the seating arrangement will help under-achieving male students catch up. They hope boys will learn from the strengths of girls who are doing better in tests and exams. Last year, girls performed 11% better on standardized tests. Having done tests already, the boy-girl seating arrangement in class has been found to improve behavior and ensures they learn from each other’s strengths. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t teenage boys be more DISTRACTED by teenage girls? I was.
LIFE… LIVE IT
SNOOZE AND LOSE NOT!
For those of us who like to sleep in, here’s some good news – it might actually be good for you!
A team of scientists from the University of London has determined that sleeping in late is actually good for you! The Scientists say that getting up early can leave you stressed-out for the whole day, and make you more susceptible to colds and flu. However, late risers tend to be calmer, more laid back and fitter. In their study they discovered a link between the time people get up and their levels of stress hormone cortisol. Early risers tended to be busier and suffer greater hassles during the day – having more anger and less energy at the end of the day. Those who got up later are “more leisurely and less busy”. ***MARLAR: That’s right… I was late getting on the air today, but that’s okay… it was for my health.
JUST FOR FUN
NICE LIKE ICE
Diamonds have been called ice… but have you ever considered buying a ring actually made of ice? You can now!
A jewelry designer in Germany is marketing rings made out of ice. They last just a couple of minutes once worn and cost about $30. Susanne Sous came up with the cool idea. Her rings are being sold at a gallery in Berlin. Owner of the Oona Gallery, Anna Schetelich, said: “The rings melt in the hands of the wearer within a couple of minutes.” ***MARLAR: I love you! Will you marry me… hey, I had your engagement ring here just a second ago… why are my pants cold and wet?
AUGUST IS BACK-TO-SCHOOL MONTH
It’s August… when we should all take the time to stop and say aloud those three special words: “Back to school.” Soon the kids will be heading back to school and God bless those teachers who have to put up with them all day. Still, while it’s tough being a teacher today, it’s still better than it was in 1915! The following is a list of rules that American teachers in 1915, were told to obey.
You will not marry during the term of your contract.
You are not to keep company with men.
You must be home between the hours of 8pm and 6am, unless attending a school function.
You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores.
You may not travel beyond city limits, unless you have the permission of the chairman of the board.
You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man, unless he is your father or brother.
You may not smoke cigarettes.
You must wear bright colors to school.
You may under no circumstances, dye your hair.
You must wear at least 2 petticoats.
Your dresses must not be any shorter than 2 inches above the ankle.
Of course this all really stunk if the teacher was a guy!
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
You can have the best intentions, but if you’re sending the wrong signals, kids will clam up, says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of “12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.” Watch for these:
Body language — Avoid gestures like shrugging your shoulders or leaning back with arms folded, which a kid is likely to read as, “I don’t accept you.” And don’t stand above her if your teen is sitting or is shorter than you, sit down.
Facial expressions — Beware the scowl, the raised eyebrows, the rolled eyes, the smirk. They don’t like it any more than you do.
Nonverbal sounds — Skip the heavy sighs and groans. You probably do it without even realizing.
Tone — Are you talking to your teen in the voice you’d use with a friend? Keep it casual and conversational.
Yelling — If you’re not careful, your voice may go up a level. Moms need to use their “indoor” voice, too.
Talking too much — Bite your tongue literally if necessary. Count to 10 and give your child plenty of time to formulate his thoughts.
Sarcasm –– Don’t try to be funny; hypersensitive kids may feel insulted. Save your sparkling wit for grown-ups.
Anger — Stay as relaxed as possible, even if you have to say, “I need some time to calm down. Let’s talk later,” and come back when you’re cooler.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Simone Biles , a 19-year-old gymnast for Team U.S.A., was already the most decorated gold medallist in world championship gymnastics history as she headed to the Olympics in Rio. However, none of it would have been possible without adoption. Biles and her siblings were born into a fatherless, drug-abusing family and eventually placed in foster care. Biles bounced back and forth between state and foster care until she was six years old. In 2001, her grandparents, Ron and Nellie Biles, officially adopted Simone and her sister and moved them to Spring, Texas. Ron and Nellie were the first to introduce Simone to the sport of gymnastics. They also introduced Simone to her Christian faith. She attends mass with her family every Sunday when she is not competing.
David Boudia and Steele Johnson won a silver medal in men’s synchronized 10-meter platform for the United States Monday – and then proclaimed the name of Christ to a national television audience. According to the Christian Examiner, Following their dive Boudia told the NBC national audience: “We both know that our identity is in Christ, and we’re thankful for this opportunity to be able to dive in front of Brazil and in front of the United States. It’s been an absolutely thrilling moment for us.” Boudia’s faith has been well-known to the sports world – he co-wrote a book, Greater Than Gold, about his faith. His Twitter feed reads simply: “Follower of Christ, Psalm 115:1. Husband. Father. Olympic Champion Diver.” Johnson’s feed reads: “Christ Follower. 2016 Olympian.”
A Pennsylvania Uber driver’s dream of traveling to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, to see his son compete in the Olympic Games is coming true thanks to a chance encounter with a determined passenger. According to People.com, During an hour-long ride in Philadelphia, passenger Liz Willock and driver Ellis Hill covered a lot of conversational territory. When they got to the Olympics, Hill proudly explained that his son, Darrell Hill, would be representing Team USA in shot put. That was when Willock had an idea. As a sales leader at a concierge service that arranges travel and accommodations for people seeking clinical trials around the world, she felt she had all the contacts and resources she needed to make Hill’s trip happen. The pair exchanged information and, in two days a GoFundMe campaign raised $7,500 to send Hill to Rio to cheer for his son. Get the full joy-filled story at http://ow.ly/Vgyd3036yr8
Olympic gymnast Jake Dalton isn’t one of those athletes who point heavenward after every successful vault through the air. But the 24-year-old bears other outward signs of his Christian faith, including two tattoos: a pair of praying hands on his right side and the words of a New Testament verse on the other. Jake told ChristianHeadlines.com: “Usually you’re afraid to get hurt, so my thought process is, if that’s God’s plan that I’m going to get injured, there’s going to be a reason for it and it’s going to make me stronger.” He said “I’m ready to go and just put my faith that God’s going to carry me through and keep me safe.” http://dlvr.it/Lzzsrr
ABORTION COSTS U.S. OVER $16-TRILLION IN FEDERAL REVENUE
Planned Parenthood may be costing us a lot more than we think. A recent study finds that abortion may be the cause of our nations financial troubles. The research looks at the number of unborn babies aborted and then factors in the compounding nature of population and the per-capita individual tax burden for each respective year. The resulting data indicates that approximately 16-trillion dollars in revenue has been lost due to abortion, roughly the same amount as our current national debt. Read the entire article at http://ow.ly/zOcln.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Accommodations for guests on today’s show are provided by me. They stay at my house. That’s why we never have any guests on this show.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 12, 2016…
Pete’s Dragon—This is a remake of a film about an orphan child (Oakes Fegley), on his own, who meets a friendly dragon with the name of Elliott. Bryce Dallas Howard is a park ranger who finds the boy, but his story of a dragon sounds familiar to her—from her lather (Robert Redford.) So, what to do now? “Pete’s Dragon” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.
Sausage Party—Talking food? And on your plate, too? This is the premise of the animated comedy (adult) with the voices of Kristen Wiig (hot dog bun), Edward Norton (bagel) and Seth Rogen (sausage). They live in a grocery store and can’t wait to be sold to someone. This is the ultimate…..however…..what happens when they go home? Chomp, chomp. “Sausage Party” is rated R. No rating.
Spectral—Two special Ops, Emily Mortimer and James Badge Dale, find problems when they go against a sinister force. Kind of unworldly here. “Spectral” is rated R. No rating.
*Note: The Hollars will now open August 26.
AUGUST 19, 2016…
Ben-Hur and who thought this film could ever be remade? Well, it has and stars Jack Huston as Ben-Hur (remember Charleton Heston in this role and that famed chariot race?) with Roby Kebbell as Messala, Ben Hur’s adoptive brother.
Kickboxer:Vengeance has Jean-Claude van Damme now the teacher training kickboxing students.
Kubo And The Two Strings is an animated film about an Asian boy hero and the voice of Matthew McConaughey.
The Space Between Us is about the first child born on Mars and falling in love with a girl born on Earth. Stars Asa Butterfield.
War Dogs is based on a true incident about two guys who win an enormous weapons contract. It’s a comedy. Stars Jonah Hill and Miles Teller.
Southside With You gives us two actors who portray President Obama and the First Lady on their first date. Stars Parker Sawyer and Tika Sumpter.
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