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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
It’s a special STAR WARS edition of (THE JOCK SHOW)! Why? Because… well… because I’m a complete geek and need an excuse to play the disco version of the Star Wars theme song. (audio clip) (audio clip – alternate version)
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him.” –Matthew 3:16
2 Timothy 3:16-17 = All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” — Revelation 3:14 and 20
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. — John 10:11
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. — Proverbs 3:11-12
Thought: Discipline, even when it is not falsely confused with punishment, is considered onerous, irritating, and unnecessary. The lazy and sinful part of us wants no boundaries, even if they are good, and no direction because it might conflict with what we want to do. But the Lord disciplines out of love to bless us. It is a sign of his delight. Why? Because he is not content to leave us unchanged, unmotivated, and disinterested. He wants to move us closer to our goal: Jesus!
Prayer: I confess, Righteous Father, I don’t like discipline all that much. However, Father, deep down I know that your discipline is for my good and my spiritual blessing. Please help me better know and use the situations in my life to become more like Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)
Romans 8:15 NIV = For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
TODAY IS TUESDAY – AUGUST 15, 2017
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 131 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is BEST FRIEND’S DAY, a day to do something fun with your best friend. ***It’s not like you’d get together with your best friend just for the heck of it now, would you?
NATIONAL FAILURES DAY. ***They have yet to organize a successful celebration.
Today is NATIONAL RELAXATION DAY, an excuse for every overworked, underpaid person to do what they’d rather be doing. ***Like hangin’ with their best friend.
Some tips on how to relax:
Find a quiet place, and lie down or sit comfortably.
Tense muscles in one hand, then relax them. Do the same with the rest of that side of your body, tensing and then relaxing each part separately: Forearm, upper arm, shoulder, foot, calf, thigh. Repeat this on the other side of the body starting again with the hand.
Loosen your hip muscles and let a wave of relaxation pass up from your abdomen to your chest.
Now let the wave of relaxation continue into your shoulders, neck, jaws and the muscles of your face.
Finish the drill by imagining your forehead growing cool — as though you’re telling it to chill.
TODAY IS ALSO…
Best Friends Day
Check The Chip Day
National Relaxation Day
National No SpongeBob Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 16
Joe Miller’s Joke Day
National Airborne Day
National Medical Dosimetrist Day
National Rollercoaster Day Day
Wave at Surveillance Day
THURSDAY, AUGUST 17
Black Cat Appreciation Day
I Love My Feet Day
Meaning of “Is” Day
National Nonprofit Day
National Thrift Shop Day
FRIDAY, AUGUST 18
Bad Poetry Day
Birth Control Pills Day
Mail Order Catalog Day
Men’s Grooming Day
National Badge Ribbon Day
National Fajita Day
SATURDAY, AUGUST 19
“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day
Coco Chanel Day
International Orangutan Day
National Honey Bee Day
World Humanitarian Day
World Photo Day
International Geocaching Day
International Homeless Animals Day
World Honey Bee Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 20
Chef Appreciation Day
National Radio Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 21
TUESDAY, AUGUST 22
Be An Angel Day
National Bao Day
Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Take Your Cat To The Vet Day
ON THIS DAY
1911: Procter & Gamble of Cincinnati introduced Crisco hydrogenated shortening.
1935: Humorist Will Rogers and aviator Wiley Post died when their airplane crashed near Point Barrow, Alaska.
1939: The film Wizard of Oz premiered at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood. (audio clip)
1958: After meeting only two weeks earlier, Buddy Holly and Maria Elena Santiago were married in Lubbock, Texas.
1969: The Woodstock Music and Art Fair opened in a field near Bethel, New York. Almost 400,000 rock fans heard Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane, Joe Cocker, Santana, the Grateful Dead, the Who, Creedance Clearwater Revival, and Sly and the Family Stone. Two children were born during the 3-day festival; three people died.
1970: During a semi-pro game in Orlando, Patricia Palinkas became the first woman to be paid for playing football.
1977: 8-year-old Rebecca Chase sank a hole-in-one on the 125-yard par-3 fifth hole at Oak Knoll golf course in The Dalles, Oregon. It was the first hole she ever played.
1981: Lionel Richie and Diana Ross hit #1 in the U.S. with “Endless Love.” It stayed on top for nine weeks.
1999: The Indian army posthumously honored Yogender Yadav with the nation’s highest award for gallantry. His wife called the next day to tell them that Yadav was still alive and recovering from combat injuries.
1999: Tiger Woods won the PGA Championship, the youngest player to win two majors since Seve Ballesteros.
2002: Authorities in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, charged a 30-year-old man for public drunkenness after the slowest police chase on record. The man was cruising down the street at 3 miles an hour on a child’s Fisher Price Power Wheels car.
2002: The Centers for Disease Control confirmed the U.S. was experiencing its worst outbreak of mosquito-borne West Nile virus since the virus first appeared in the nation in 1999.
2004: In Athens, the U.S. men’s basketball team lost 92-73 to Puerto Rico, only the third Olympic defeat ever for the Americans and the first since adding pro players.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1096: The First Crusade sets out from Europe to rescue Jerusalem from the Muslim Turks.
1195: Anthony of Padua is born in Lisbon, Portugal. The most popular and effective preacher of his day (he had studied under Francis of Assisi), attracting crowds of up to 30,000, Anthony earned the title “hammer of the heretics” for converting so many of the dualistic Cathari. “He is truly the Ark of the Covenant and the treasury of Holy Scripture,” said Pope Gregory, who added that if all the Bibles of the world were lost, Anthony could surely rewrite them.
1456: The Gutenberg Bible, the first book printed from a movable type, was dated by hand. Printed by the German Johann Gutenberg, its exact date of publication is unknown. Gutenberg probably printed about 180 copies, of which 20 complete copies are extant. The Gutenberg Bible is the oldest surviving printed book in Europe.
1534: Ignatius of Loyola founds “the company of Jesus,” which he described as similar to a group of fur traders, only focused on God’s will. In 1540 they gained the approval of the pope, who named them the Society of Jesus. The vision and disciplines of the “Jesuits,” as they came to be called, caught the imagination of Europe. Soon Jesuits flocked to Europe’s major cities as well as the new world: Gao, Mexico City, Quebec, Buenos Aires, and Bogota. They opened hospices for the dying, sought financial support for the poor, founded orphanages, and opened schools.
1549: Spanish Jesuits led by Francis Xavier become the first Christian missionaries in Japan. Xavier went to Japan hoping to eventually reach China. He figured once he evangelized China, Japan’s conversion would be much easier because, he believed, Japan looked to China for wisdom.
1846: Addressing rumors that he mocked Christianity, Abraham Lincoln publishes a broadside on his religion: “That I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general, or of any denomination of Christians in particular . . . “
Actress (The Whole Nine Yards) Natasha Henstridge, 44
Actor/director (Daredevil, The Sum of All Fears, Changing Lanes, Batman Vs Superman) Ben Affleck, 45
Actress (“Will & Grace”) Debra Messing, 49 (audio clip)
Actor (the son Ritchie on “The Dick Van Dyke Show”) Larry Mathews, 62 (audio clip)
Actress (Tender Mercies) Tess Harper, 67
Actress (Sally on “The Dick Van Dyke Show”) Rose Marie, 92 (audio clip)
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1896 : Leon Theremin
1909 : Hugo Winterhalter
1925 : Oscar Peterson
1925 : Bill Pinkney (The Drifters)
1930 : Jackie Brenston
1933 : Bobby Helms
1933 : Floyd Ashman (The Tams)
1941 : Johnny Thunder
1941 : Don Rich
1942 : Peter York (The Spencer Davis Group)
1946 : Jimmy Webb
1948 : Tom Johnston (The Doobie Brothers)
1951 : Bobby Caldwell
1972 : Michael Graham (Boyzone)
1989 : Joe Jonas (The Jonas Brothers)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)
Is it true that the movie Star Wars almost didn’t make it off the ground?
In July 1973, George Lucas was an unknown director working on a low-budget 1950s nostalgia film called American Graffiti. He approached Universal Studios to see if they were interested in a film idea he called Star Wars. Universal turned him down.
It was the biggest mistake the studio ever made.
Six months later, Lucas was the hottest director in Hollywood. American Graffiti, which cost $750,000 to make, was a smash. It went on to earn more than $117 million, making it the most profitable film in Hollywood history – even today.
While Universal was stonewalling Lucas, an executive at 20th Century Fox, Alan Ladd, Jr., watched a smuggled print of American Graffiti before it premiered and loved it. He was so determined to work with Lucas that he agreed to finance the director’s new science fiction film.
Star Wars opened on May 25, 1977, and by the end of August it had grossed $100 million – faster than any other film in history. By 1983 the film had made over $524 million in ticket sales worldwide – making it one of the 10 highest grossing films in history. [note: this article was written in 1993; Star Wars is currently the 24th highest-grossing films]
(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
(Not posted on weekends.)
Tom Cruise was injured on set in London yesterday while filming a stunt for “Mission: Impossible 6.” In a video clip, Cruise can be seen leaping off of a platform onto the roof of a building, but coming up short and crashing into the side of the building instead of landing on top of it. ***The “IMPOSSIBLE” part of this mission is Tom’s insurance company continuing to cover him doing his own stunts despite the fact that he’s 55-years-old.
NBC is going to try a reboot of “The Munsters.” ***Why do we need a bunch of monsters in heavy makeup on another show – we already have “The View”.
Your grandparents could soon be getting some help from Uber. Thanks to a new partnership between London-based geriatrics startup Cera and the transportation giant, the elderly portion of the U.K.’s population will soon be able to make their way home from the hospital with greater ease thanks to rides from Uber and its drivers, who are to be specially trained to assist people with disabilities. ***To indicate to other drivers that they are carrying an elderly person, the Uber driver will be required to drive at all times at 10-miles per hour under the limit with the blinker on.
A study says that two thirds of American kids can’t find North Korea on a map. ***The remaining third wanted a hint by asking what state it was in.
Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett sat with a towel over his head during the National Anthem yesterday before his team took on the LA Chargers in the preseason opener for both teams at the StubHub Center. Bennett’s action came a day after his former teammate, running back Marshawn Lynch, did something similar before the Raiders’ exhibition opener on the road Saturday against the Arizona Cardinals. Bennett told reporters after his team’s 48-17 win that he hopes his stance will cause others to go out and get involved in changing their community. He says he intends to continue to sit during the national anthem. ***This did wonders for Colin Kaepernick’s career – he’s so in-demand Spike Lee has had to come to his side to try and find the guy a job. So feel free to follow in his footsteps, dork brains!
Tiger Woods has pleaded not guilty to DUI and will enter a diversion program. ***Of all people, you’d think Tiger Woods would know when to use a different driver.
Remember Play-Doh. Well, In February, Hasbro, Inc., the toy giant that owns the putty, filed paperwork to trademark the product’s smell. According to the filing, it’s “a unique scent formed through the combination of a sweet, slightly musky, vanilla-like fragrance, with slight overtones of cherry, and the natural smell of a salted, wheat-based dough.” ***They want to trademark the smell of Play-Doh. You just know they have plans for it… but if my wife comes home with Play-Doh Perfume we’re gonna have words.
A man in China had more than 50 maggots removed from a rotting open wound in the back of his head. Surgeons operated on the 75-year-old patient after he had scratched open a wart on the back of his head days earlier. ***Wow – maybe Mom wasn’t exaggerating when she said to stop scratching!
Taco Bell certainly isn’t afraid of launching menu items that pack a seriously flavor-packed punch, but their latest burrito is quite the firecracker. The new Firecracker Burrito comes in two varieties (cheesy or spicy), and is stuffed with rice, nacho cheese, sour cream, beef, and red tortilla strips. For an additional twenty cents, you can get a packet of spicy “Cayenne Popping Crystals” added to your burrito. ***Cayenne Popping Crystals? What, are they adding pop-rocks now? http://on.today.com/2uyh7gD
A Swedish scientist has developed a high-tech solution for what she considers an environmentally friendly burial. The ingenious machine will take your lifeless corpse and turn you into clean and useful compost within a matter of months. Swedish biologist Susanne Wiigh-Mäsak spent three years making what is perhaps the most green crematorium on Earth. The invention freezes the dearly departed’s body, then vibrates their body into dust, then pops them into a sack of potatoes. Seriously. The starch in the potatoes helps the dust become compost and ready to help something else grow tall and green on Earth. ***Or you could just have yourself buried in a pine box and also turn into soil without the exorbitant and ridiculous expense – but what fun would that be?
For all the jokes made about fruitcake, it may just be the food that can survive any environment. Conservationists have discovered a 100-year-old fruitcake in the Antarctic, of all places. And apparently, it looks and smells almost edible. Made by Huntley and Palmers, the fruitcake is described as being “in excellent condition” and still wrapped in paper. In fact, the cake itself held up better than the tin box it was kept in, which was deteriorating. The cake is believed to have been brought to the region by British explorer Robert Falcon Scott. Scott and his party successfully made it to the South Pole on the Terra Nova expedition from 1910 to 1913, but all five died on the return journey to base camp. Lizzie Meek of the conservation group said, “It’s an ideal high-energy food for Antarctic conditions, and is still a favorite item on modern trips to the Ice.” (Metro) ***So when giving someone a fruitcake this coming December, just know you’re giving them a “forever food”.
You fall in love and marry for many reasons. A fabulous physique. A great sense of humor. An abiding trust. But did you know you’re also attracted to his or her bachelor’s degree? One of the traits that attracts us to our mates is educational achievement. It turns out that our “educational DNA” is one of the sparks that helps light the romantic fire. British researchers have concluded that our genes drive us to a relationship with someone who has a similar level of education. Translation: Smart, highly educated people will marry each other and produce children who are also smart and highly educated. ***My kids are going to be so stuuuuupid!
Pharrell Williams got stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes last week in Los Angeles. ***No word on whether he was happy about it or not.
Stress can make you fat. Why? It’s biological. When your life is filled with stress and anxiety, your body produces high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and British researchers have discovered there is a link between cortisol and excess weight. ***I got on the scale this morning and OBVIOUSLY I’m a lot more stressed than I thought!
Sean Spicer has let it be known he’d be interested in a “Saturday Night Live” appearance. ***Worked for Trump, willing to go on SNL… obviously a glutton for punishment.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
(Not posted on weekends.)
Medical experts say the taking of selfies – where people lean their heads close to one another in order to get into the frame of smartphone pictures – is contributing to the spread of head lice. ***Some of us kind of already associated selfies with a social disease.
A new study finds that we are more mentally alert in rooms painted bright colors such as reds and yellows. ***So for the sake of my career I’m going to begin doing all of my work at Mickey D’s.
Drinking coffee can lengthen your life. A new study finds that drinking three cups of coffee per day – either regular or decaf – can lead to a longer lifespan. ***Which I can only conclude means that I am immortal.
Swearing when you bang your finger with a hammer has been shown to have pain-killing impact. This is according to a new study in which participants were instructed to write about a distressing social event in order to stir up a corresponding feeling, and then were told to say a curse word or a non-curse word. The results suggest that socially distressed participants who swore out loud experienced less social pain than those who did not. They also experienced less sensitivity to physical pain. ***Once when I was a kid I banged my knee, cursed and then my old man smacked me in the head. And boy did I want to swear again!!!
Medical researchers from New York and New Jersey universities, including Rutgers, did MRI scans on people who were freshly in love. They found that in its effects on the brain, new love could easily be mistaken for mental illness. In its neural profile, romantic love resembles drives such as cocaine cravings. It appears as a blend of mania, dementia and obsession, causing behavior such as compulsive phone calling, serenading, yelling from rooftops, and showing up at the gym every day because the loved one is there. ***By the sound of it, falling in love and getting married should require pre-martial counseling and a psychiatric evaluation!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS
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OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!
When last we left the jungle, the badminton racquets made for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles all broke during their first use. When they went back to Racquet to complain, he convinced them to buy new racquets – but these will be even more flimsy than the first racquets, and he’s even got them to buy defective birdies too!
CLOSE: Well, it looks like Racquets bad badminton racquet racket might backfire on Racquet and the racquet of Racquet’s niece, Rita… all because Racquet tried to cheat his friends. But his solution isn’t to make it right – it’s just to make a new racquet for Rita. This is not looking good. Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
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MOMENT OF DUH
Movies… and movie theatres… designed especially for moms and babies?
A Mexican cinema chain is getting set to offer movies for mothers and babies. MovieMom will be launched at 15 cinemas next week. Mothers who take their babies to the movies cinema will get bibs, baby food and a toy for their babies to play with while they watch the movie. The temperature in the each cinema will be programmed for the comfort of the babies and some lights will be left on in case mothers need to use the cinema’s baby changing tables, located on each side. ***MARLAR: Sounds nice, but I think is more along the lines of a Moment of Duh because, c’mon, who wants to have the smell of dirty diapers at changing tables mixing with the smell of movie popcorn? Unless you’re watching the trash compactor scene of the first Star Wars movie…
TOP TEN REASONS ‘STAR WARS’ IS BETTER THAN ‘TITANIC’
10. The Titanic is big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive.
9. Yoda could’ve used the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
8. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancé like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy ’cause he strangles people & blows up planets for fun.
6. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
5. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
4. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
3. Han Solo would’ve steered clear of that stinkin’ iceberg!
2. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated, “Luke….I am your father”?
1. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a minor character.
DARTH VADER’S TOP TEN PET PEEVES
10. The Emperor always drives the Emperial starship too slowly in the left-hand star lane.
9. When the Emperor calls him his “Little Darthy” in front of the other officers
8. Overpriced, under-delivering bounty hunters
7. Thanks to the force, the Emperor always knows when Vader is making faces at him.
6. Tall, Dark and Mysterious doesn’t work for him in personal ads.
5. He went and turned evil just like the emperor wanted, but he never got to learn any of the really cool powers like shooting lightning from his hands.
4. Ever since that Death Star thing, his insurance premiums have skyrocketed.
3. Trying to figure out what Ewoks are saying.
2. All the junk mail addressed to “Mr. Vader or Current Sith Apprentice”
1. He invented the mono-color dress scheme long before Regis Philbin.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
In Germany, a young thug got the surprise of his life when he tried to hold up the wrong little old man.
FILE #1: Turned out this little old man was 88-year-old former boxing champion Gerhard Brinkmann who knocked out the young punk cold! Gerhard told the cops, “I was visiting a friend’s grave when a young, long-haired man came up to me and demanded I hand over my money. I told him to come closer if he wanted it and as he did I landed a full-force right hook on his chin!” Gerhard was the German lightweight boxing champion of 1936. The kid remained unconscious while Gerhard called police, but came to and ran before they got to the scene. Gerhard said, “I can’t run like I used to but I can still put up a good fight.”
FILE #2: Going samurai on your recliner isn’t illegal. At least that’s the ruling from a Canadian judge. Wayne Bell of Sarnia, Ontario, was busted after he attacked an old chair on his patio with a yard-long sword. During his trial, Bell said skewering the old recliner was fun and felt good. He was arrested for possession of a dangerous weapon. But a judge dismissed the charge, saying the sword could only be considered a weapon if it was used to intimidate somebody.
FILE #3: Two girls aged 10 and 13 tried to rob a bank in Pennsylvania — saying they got most of their ideas from TV. ***MARLAR: Yeah, but learning most of your bank robbery lessons by watching the show COPS isn’t the best plan.
STRANGE LAW: Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
“This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.
Trying to bribe a deputy with a stack of Dunkin’ Donuts coupons was the suspected drunken driver’s first mistake.
…After being arrested, the Hutchinson Island man compounded the error by threatening that the deputy would “get a bullet,” Martin County sheriff’s reports state. Michael J. Matakaetis, 23, was charged with DUI and corruption by threat. A police officer stopped Matakaetis in a 2000 Lexus on suspicion of speeding. The officer called for a sheriff’s deputy after becoming suspicious that the driver was impaired. The deputy arrived to be offered the coupons. “You can have these if you just let me park the car and I’ll walk home,” Matakaetis told the deputy. Matakaetis failed roadside sobriety tests, was arrested and taken to jail. Once in the breath-test room, Matakaetis made his situation worse when he told the deputy, “You’re done, you’re done. You’re gonna get a bullet. … You should’ve let me go.”
Best Star Wars movie? Worst? Who is your favorite Star Wars character? What about the upcoming Star Wars films – have we had enough, or are you looking forward to them?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What was the name of the queen whose blood was sprinkled on horses?
ANSWER: Jezebel (2 Kings 9:30-33)
QUESTION: In “Star Wars” (Episode Iv) what animal do the Sand People ride?
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. In an early draft of Star Wars, the character of Luke Skywalker was called Dirk Starkiller. (True)
2. Children laugh about 40 times a day. (False – more like 400 times a day! Sadly, adults laugh on average only 15 times a day.)
3. Americans make 350 billion phone calls a year. (True – most of them by teenage girls.)
4. In your lifetime, you will walk about 600,000 miles. (False – 65,000 miles)
5. The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean. (True)
6. The footprints left by astronauts on the Moon are expected to last about 1 million years. (False – 10 million years)
7. About 17% of all working Americans have at some time worked at McDonalds. (False – 7%)
8. There are 36 squares on a Monopoly board. (False – 40)
9. The average wind speed on the planet Jupiter is 225 miles per hour. (True)
10. 85%-90% of a horse’s life is spent on its feet. (True)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
________ FORECLOSES ON WHITE HOUSE (CHINA)
BEIJING – China has foreclosed on the White House and wants the First Family out by the end of the month.
China bluntly criticized the US just two days after the superpower’s credit rating was downgraded, saying the “good old days” of borrowing were over. And to prove their point – they foreclosed on the White House. How could they do that? Well, China, the United States’ biggest creditor, owns the majority of U.S. debt and instead of demanding repayment on outstanding debt, they have decided to seize the White House as an “impetus to get the U.S. government to get control of their debt!”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear–everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie – the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and MandMs. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”
One eye opened. The wife said, “You idiot, I meant my dress size!”
The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Okay Ryan, you be Jesus.”
For those of us who remember the good old days. In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated. In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
STAR WARS ARTIST
An artist in Melbourne, Australia, sparked outrage with “Crusci-fiction,” an exhibit of C3PO robots nailed to crosses, which he says is not meant to be sacrilegious. ***MARLAR: It is, however, meant to be a review of the last three “Star Wars” movies.
STAR WARS NAME GAME
That’s right! You, too, can have your own official Star Wars name! Here’s how it works: Take the last three letters of your first name, backwards. Follow that with the first car you ever drove. Add “from the planet,” and finish with the last medication you ingested. For me, “Hello, I am Ner Vega from the planet Nexium!”
STUFF TO SAY TO A STAR WARS FAN TO DRIVE THEM UP THE WALL
“Star Wars?” Is that anything like “Battlestar Galactica?”
“Return of the Jedi.” That’s the one where Captain Picard faces the Borg for the first time after being rescued, right?
Wasn’t it the fifth “Star Wars” movie where they went back in time to pick-up a bunch of humpback whales to save the Earth?
Yeah, Lucas is great and all, but the Star Wars movies would’ve been better if Jonathan Frakes were directing.
I know Yoda’s in the Star Wars movies – but when are they going to bring back Kermit and Miss Piggy?
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
STAR WARS WEDDING
Not that long ago, in a galaxy not so far away— in Esher, UK to be exact– 33-year-old Bramwell Brightey got married to 29-year-old Tamsyn Lofts in a wedding that would have made any self-respecting Star Wars geek break down and cry! Bramwell was dressed as Han Solo while Tamsyn dressed as Princess Leia in what was called the ultimate Star Wars wedding. Attending the service was Chewbacca, various storm troopers and Obi Wan Kenobi. Bramwell said, “We didn’t really want a traditional church wedding, so we decided we’d do something different.” The couple originally wanted to hold the wedding on May 4– as in “May the fourth be with you”– but instead waited until the following week which was their eighth anniversary together. With 50 guests at the wedding and another 50 at the reception afterwards, Bramwell admitted that the sight of so many costumes was “amazing”. And you guessed it– instead of a traditional first dance at their reception the couple opted for a light saber duel with all the lights off. Bramwell said, “The whole day was amazing, everyone looked amazing. I said to everyone there, this is the greatest day of my life. Everyone made an extra special effort and without them, it wouldn’t have been as good.” ***But then Jar-Jar Binx showed up and ruined it for everybody.
A farmer’s wife had spread a slanderous story about her pastor through the village, and soon the whole countryside had heard it. Sometime later the woman became sick and confessed the story was untrue. After her recovery she came to the pastor and craved his pardon. The old pastor said, “Of course I will gladly pardon you if you will comply with a wish of mine.” “Gladly,” replied the woman. “Go home, kill a black hen, pluck the feathers, and put them in a basket and bring them here.” In half an hour she was back. “Now,” said the pastor, “go through the village and at each street corner scatter a few of these feathers, the remaining ones take to the top of the belltower and scatter them to the winds, then return.” She did so. “Now go through the village and gather the feathers again, and see that not one is missing.” The woman looked at the pastor in astonishment and said, “Why that is impossible! The wind has scattered them over the fields everywhere!” “And so,” said he, “while I forgive you gladly, do not forget that you can never undo the damage your untrue words have done.”
“UP” RULES FROM GOD
WAKE UP: Decide to have a good day. “Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” –Psalms 118:24
DRESS UP: The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart.” –I Samuel 16:7
HUSH UP: Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. “He who guards his lips guards his soul.” –Proverbs 13:3
STAND UP: …For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. “Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…” –Galatians 6:9-10
LOOK UP: …To the Lord. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. –Philippians 4:13
REACH UP: …For something higher. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” –Proverbs 3:5-6
LIFT UP: …Your Prayers. “Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.” –Philippians 4:6
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Read: Mark 14:3-9
Jesus said, “Let her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a good work for Me.” —Mark 14:6
After being away on business, Terry wanted to pick up some small gifts for his children. The clerk at the airport gift shop recommended a number of costly items. “I don’t have that much money with me,” he said. “I need something less expensive.” The clerk tried to make him feel that he was being cheap. But Terry knew his children would be happy with whatever he gave them, because it came from a heart of love. And he was right—they loved the gifts he bought.
During Jesus’ last visit to the town of Bethany, Mary wanted to show her love for Him (Mark 14:3-9). So she brought “an alabaster flask of very costly oil of spikenard” and anointed Him (v.3). The disciples asked angrily, “Why this waste?” (Matthew 26:8). Jesus told them to stop troubling her, for “she has done a good work for Me” (Mark 14:6). Another translation reads, “She has done a beautiful thing to Me.” Jesus delighted in her gift, for it came from a heart of love. Even anointing Him for burial was beautiful!
What would you like to give to Jesus to show your love? Your time, talent, treasure? It doesn’t matter if it’s costly or inexpensive, whether others understand or criticize. Whatever is given from a heart of love is beautiful to Him. —Anne Cetas
With thankful hearts give praise to Jesus
For His blessings without end;
Let’s give to Him our full devotion—
He’s our Savior and our Friend. —D. De Haan
A healthy heart beats with love for Jesus.
JUST CALL HIM “OBEE ONE ENROLEE”
Wanna be a Jedi?
Adrian Pavel, the head of Romania’s “Star Wars” Club, has founded the Jedi Academy, after so many fans asked how they could be more like the movie characters. He told the Libertatea newspaper that they had meetings and lectures and dressed like Jedis, but that wasn’t enough. Now, anyone who passes a 100-question quiz can join the academy and learn about the Jedi religion, light saber fighting, how to speak Wookiee, and even how to cook dishes seen in the films, such as Sand Trooper sandwiches, Princess Leia Danish donuts, and Wookiee Cookies. ***MARLAR: Or as the rest of us know them, “Dog biscuits.”
LIFE… LIVE IT
CHURCH OF THE JEDI
The Church of the Jedi now has an actual church building.
“Star Wars” fan brothers Barney and Daniel Jones of Anglesey, Wales, have founded the UK Church of the Jedi. They said they’ve found Jedi religions on the Internet, but they plan to open an actual church. The congregation will wear black, and they will wear brown Jedi master robes and deliver sermons on the Force, light saber training and meditation techniques. And they say women will be welcomed because, as Barney said, “Princess Leia helped them out a lot.” ***MARLAR: If any women show up, it will be the church’s first miracle.
JUST FOR FUN
CHEWBACCA IS NOW AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!
It’s official: Chewbacca is an American. British actor Peter Mayhew, who plays the “Star Wars” Wookie hero, became a citizen recently at a ceremony in Arlington, Texas, a Dallas suburb. Mayhew said he’s always been fascinated with cowboys and American history, and marrying a Texas lady “more or less decided it.” When he took the oath of American citizenship, he recited what he could remember… and then used a Chewie growl for the other parts. ***MARLAR: Which isn’t much different than the way most Americans sing “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
THE CHARACTERS OF STAR WARS
Luke Skywalker. At first Lucas planned to portray him as an elderly general, but decided that making him a teenager gave him more potential for character development. Lucas originally named the character Luke Starkiller, but on the first day of shooting he changed it to the less violent Skywalker.
Obi-Wan Kenobi. Lucas got his idea for Obi-Wan Kenobi and “the Force” after reading Carlos Castaneda’sTales of Power, an account of Don Juan, a Mexican-Indian sorcerer and his experiences with what he called “the life force.”
Darth Vader. David Prowse, a six-foot, seven-inch Welsh weightlifter, played the part of Darth Vader. But Lucas didn’t want his villain to have a Welsh accent, so he dubbed James Earl Jones’s voice over Prowse’s. Still, Prowse loved the part. “He took the whole thing very seriously,” Lucas remembers. “He began to believe he really was Darth Vader.”
Han Solo. In the early stages of development, Han Solo was a green-skinned, gilled monster with a girlfriend named Boma who was a cross between a guinea pig and a brown bear. Solo was supposed to make only a few appearances in the film, but Lucas later made him into a swashbuckling, reckless human (allegedly modeled after the film director Francis Ford Coppola).
Chewbacca. Lucas got the idea for Chewbacca one morning in the early 1970s while watching his wife Marcia drive off in her car. She had their Alaskan malamute, Indiana (the namesake for Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark), and Lucas liked the way the large, shaggy dog looked in the passenger seat. So he decided to create a character in the film that was a cross between Indiana, a bear, and a monkey.
Princess Leia. Carrie Fisher was a beautiful 19-year-old actress when she was cast to play Princess Leia, but Lucas did everything he could to tone down her femininity. At one point, he even ordered that her chest be strapped down with electrical tape.
R2-D2. Lucas got the name R2-D2 while filming American Graffiti. During a sound-mixing session for the film, editor Walter Murch asked him for R2, D2 (Reel 2, Dialogue 2) of the film. Lucas liked the name so much that he made a note of it, and eventually found the right character for it.
C-3PO. Inspired by a robot character in Alex Raymond’s science fiction novel, Iron Men of Mongo. Raymond’s robot was a copper-colored, polite robot who was shaped like a man who worked as a servant. Lucas intended that C-3PO and R2-D2 be a space-age Laurel and Hardy team.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
STAR WARS OLYMPICS
Can the Winter Olympic Games be on the Star Wars planet of Hoth?
Web designer Shane Igoe was bothered by the low TV ratings for the Winter Olympics so he began a campaign to petition for the next Winter Olympics to be held on the ice planet Hoth from “Star Wars.” He drew thousands of supporters, some of whom created artists’ renderings of possible events, such as the Stormtrooper Biathlon. Igoe admits there would’ve been a couple of catches: the next Olympic sites have already been slotted… and the planet Hoth is completely made-up. ***MARLAR: As are the sports of snowboarding and curling!
THE “REAL” PRINCESS LEIA
There’s a real Princess Leah. Norway’s Princess Martha Louise gave birth to a baby girl named after the famous “Star Wars” character. Princess Leah (spelled differently than the Star Wars character “Leia” but still pronounced the same), was born on April 8, 2005 and is fifth in line to the Norwegian throne. “I must admit that I have always been a big ‘Star Wars’ fan, and Princess Leia has always been the most beautiful in the whole world,” Princess Martha Louise said. ***MARLAR: Do you think Leah’s dad wears a lot of black and has an asthma problem?
MAKING THE FILM “STAR WARS”
It took Lucas over two years to write the script. He spent 40 hours a week writing and devoted much of his free time to reading comic books and watching old “Buck Rogers” episodes and other serials looking for film ideas.
Lucas insisted on casting unknown actors and actresses in all the important parts of the film – which made the studio uneasy. Mark Hamill had more than 100 TV appearances, and Carrie Fisher had studied acting, but neither had had much experience in films. Harrison Ford’s biggest role had been as the drag racer in American Graffiti, and when he read for the part of Han Solo he was working as a carpenter.
STAR WARS SPECIAL EFFECTS
The spaceship battles were inspired by World War II films. Before filming the special effect began, Lucas watched dozens of war movies like Battle of Britain and The Bridges of Toko-Ri, taping his favorite air battle scenes as he went along. Later he edited them down to a 10-minute black-and-white film, and gave it to the special effects team – which reshot the scenes using X-wing and T.I.E. fighter models.
None of the spaceship models ever moved an inch during the filming of the flight sequences. The motion was an optical illusion created by moving the cameras around motionless models.
The executives at 20th Century Fox hated the film the first time they saw it. Some of the company’s board of directors fell asleep during the first screening; others didn’t understand the film at all. One executive’s wife even suggested that C-3PO be given a moving mouth, because no one would understand how he could talk without moving his lips.
The underwater monster in the trash compactor was one of Lucas’s biggest disappointment in the film. He had planned to have an elaborate “alien jellyfish” in the scene, but the monster created by the special effects department was so poorly constructed that it reminded him of “a big, wide, brown turd.” Result: The monster was filmed underwater during most of the scene – so that moviegoers wouldn’t see it.
CHEWBACCA PLAYS BASEBALL?
An actor playing Chewbacca threw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to a game between the Boston Red Sox and Toronto Blue Jays Fenway Park in Boston recently. Chewbacca and an actress playing Princess Leia were promoting the Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit at the Museum of Science in Boston. ***MARLAR: Chewbacca was chosen to pitch because Leia throws like a girl.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
(Not posted on weekends.)
It may seem like Mondays, but Wednesdays are really the downer day of the week, says a recent study. Psychologists interviewed 550 people about their moods on each day of the week and found that Mondays were not as depressing as those polled expected and that weekends were not as exciting as they’d hoped. Based on these interviews, researchers at Australia’s University of Sydney concluded that one day was pretty much the same as the next for people except for Wednesdays, when heavy workloads led folks to look forward to the weekend. The leader of the study, Professor Charles Areni, adds: “Day of the week stereotypes like Monday morning blues and thank God it’s Friday are largely illusions.”
The latest innovation: Healing concrete. The Concrete is infused with bacteria that awakens when cracks appear, then produces limestone to fills the cracks in a matter of weeks. The concrete lasts for 200 years and self-activates if damage occurs. https://twitter.com/mashable/status/896351073241190400/video/1
You may be able to chew gum and walk at the same time, but don’t try to text and walk. Distracted walking results in more injuries per mile than does distracted driving, according to a Buffalo, New York emergency room physician. Consequences of texting while walking include bumping into walls, falling down stairs, tripping over clutter or stepping into traffic. The issue is so common in London that bumpers have been placed on light posts along a busy sidewalk to prevent people from slamming into them. Tens of thousands of pedestrians are treated annually in emergency rooms nationwide, and it is believed that as many as 10 percent of those are due to accidents involving cell phones.
Atlanta students got a huge surprise last week. Mentors encouraged them as they walked into school for the very first time this year. During the welcome, approximately 370 boys at BEST Academy of Atlanta, an all boys school for grades 6 through 12, were greeted with cheers, handshakes, high-fives, hugs and encouraging words from over 70 men. The heartfelt welcome was thanks to a partnership by several Atlanta non-profit organizations. http://abcn.ws/2fvm2vU
Good news for the kid in you: Not only can you eat cake for breakfast, doing so may actually help you keep weight off, a recent study suggests. In the study, obese participants who ate a breakfast high in protein and carbohydrates that included a dessert were better able to stick to their diet and keep the pounds off longer than participants who ate a low-carb, low-calorie breakfast that did not include sweets. The findings suggest that both meal timing and meal composition play a role in weight loss. Carbs and protein eaten at breakfast may keep us full throughout the day, plus allowing ourselves some sweets helps to stem cravings for these foods, said study researcher Dr. Daniela Jakubowicz, of Tel Aviv University in Israel. Nutritionists said they have mixed feelings about the study. Some say dessert for breakfast is a diet no-no, and could actually increase your cravings for sweets. “I would never, in a million years, recommend cookies or cake for breakfast,” said Katherine Tallmadge, a registered dietitian and author of “Diet Simple” (LifeLine Press, 2011), who was not involved in the study. Others said eating something sweet at breakfast is all right, as long as it’s part of a healthy diet. But the experts agreed, a large, balanced breakfast can help maintain weight loss.
(Feel-good story of the day! Not posted on weekends.)
An update from yesterday’s story about the shoplifter who was caught, but the police officer bought him the clothes he was trying to steal anyway!
A teenager who wore the shirt and tie that a Toronto cop bought for him after he allegedly attempted to steal them for a job interview has been hired. Earlier this month Const. Niran Jeyanesan responded to a shoplifting call. He found an 18-year-old who had allegedly attempted to make off with a long-sleeved shirt, a tie and a pair of socks. He told the officers they were meant for a job interview. Jeyanesan decided to purchase the shirt and tie for the teenager. Late last week the teen called Jeyanesan and let him know that the outfit worked — he landed the position and starts work on Monday.
(Not posted on weekends.)
In Cincinnati, the trial of Monika Burgett is underway and it’s a disturbing, wild ride.
Burgett is accused of impersonating a doctor and falsely claiming her preschool-age son had terminal cancer so he could receive unnecessary hospital care and opioids. She must be good because she convinced doctors at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center that she was a doctor while they cared for her 3-year-old son. She also used GoFundMe to raise $40,000 on her son’s behalf. She even shaved the boy’s eyebrows and head to make her story look legit and posted photos of him on the site. Dr. Robert Shapiro testified that Burgett “became a member of the health care team” as her son was treated with drugs such as oxycodone and methadone but doctors eventually suspected she was lying and called family services. Burgett’s lawyer, MJ Hugan, said she lied about being a doctor but said her son had many medical problems since he was born premature and that she was trying to get help for him. The boy, now 5, was removed from Burgett’s custody last year and now lives with his father in Texas. Burgett is on trial for felonious assault and telecommunications fraud. (Cincinnati Enquirer) ***I’m thinking we need to add child abuse to that as well.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
They should make a pre-pre-pre-pre-prequel to “Star Wars” and have it take place in the 90’s. It would clear up a lot of the confusion, and it’d be cool to see Brian Skywalker, M.C. Yoda and Darth Jennifer. –Pete Thompson
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 11, 2017…
13 Minutes (opening in select cities)—This German film (subtitled) tells the true story of Georg Elser (played by Christian Friedel) who tried to kill Hitler with a bomb during WWII. Friedel’s life was not a pleasant one. Others in the cast include Johann von Bueloe and Cornelia Konegren. “13 Minutes” is rated R. No rating.
The Hitman’s Bodyguard—So hit men need bodyguards? Daniel Craig would need one? How about Jason Statham? In this movie, Samuel L. Jackson does need a bodyguard and who does he get? His former nemesis, Ryan Reynolds. This is a comedy, by the way. “The Hitman’s Bodyguard” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
Logan Lucky—How to make easy money. Rob a bank. In this comedy film, two siblings decide to do just that. They have fast cars (compliments of a southern speedway) and figure they can out run the law. Stars are Channing Tatum, Riley Keough, Katie Holmes, Sebastian Stan, and Adam Driver. “Logan Lucky” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature—A animation film, it has the little animals are peacefully living in their forest when along comes—gasp—a land developer! What to do? They all join forces to take care of this situation. Voices of Will Arnett, Katherine Heigl. Maya Rudolph and Jackie Chan. “The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.
STEP (documentary)—The Sundance Film Festival produces another winner and this documentary concerns a step dancing team at Baltimore Leadership School for Young Women. Thee is boundless energy here and a chance to work off frustration. Learning the routines and the diligence of practice, the girls begin to see dance as a chance for a college scholarship and life improvement. The school’s academic advisor is the key to inspiring the girls and giving them a role model. We can look at our own lives and see there a role model who helped us. There are looks into the lives of some of the girls and that includes dealing with some parents who aren’t helping their children to improve themselves. The goal is a high GPA for education goals and getting from one life style to another. Film director Amanda Lipitz and cinematographer Casey Regan give you a close-up of young women on the move. “STEP” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
AUGUST 18, 2017…
Polaroid concerns a haunted camera (what else?).
Tulip Fever is a historical romance set in the 17th century and about that special flower, the tulip. Stars Alicia Vikander.
Death Note is based on a manga story. Supernatural story starring Nat Wolff.
Villa Capri has mobsters hunting for Tommy Lee Jones and is the last film for the late actress Glenn Headly (remember her from “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.”)
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