August 17, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep


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Good morning, all you wonderful people who are ready for work. I really admire you folks. I’m already at work and I’m still not ready.




“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” –Psalms 139:9-10 New International Version
“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense — Jesus Christ the Righteous One.” — 1 John 2:1


Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. — Luke 12:6-7




So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. — Matthew 7:12


Thought: Ah! The “Golden Rule” is so straightforward, isn’t it? Sometimes we make things, especially religious things, far too complicated and complex. I love the Bible because it is so often practical and plain when God deals with our behavior. You want to know how to treat someone? Then do for them what would be a blessing if it was done to you! If it wouldn’t bless, encourage, build up, support, comfort, or help you, then don’t do it to them. If it would hurt, wound, depress, spite, or discourage you, then don’t do it to them. Treat others with the same dignity, kindness, love, respect, and tenderness with which you would like to be treated. Simple to understand; revolutionary to do!


Prayer: Almighty God, thank you for making some things so simple to understand. Please fill my heart with your love as I try to live the “Golden Rule” in my relationships. In the name of the Lord Jesus I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 8:17 NIV = Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is COONSKIN CAP DAY, always on the birthday of Davy Crockett.  ***MARLAR: Coonskin caps in the middle of the summer. Yeah, that’s a wonderful idea. Sounds more like a Davy CROCK to me.


Today is DRINK COFFEE AT THE OFFICE FROM A SIPPY CUP DAY.  ***MARLAR: Just to see if anyone notices. And you’re really special if you do it while wearing your coonskin cap.




Black Cat Appreciation Day

Cupcake Day

Meaning of “Is” Day

National Thrift Shop Day





Bad Poetry Day

Birth Control Pills Day

Mail Order Catalog Day

Serendipity Day



Aviation Day

“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day

National Medical Dosimetrist Day

World Humanitarian Day



Earth Over Shoot Day (Ecological Debt Day)

National Radio Day



Men’s Grooming Day

National Spumoni Day

Poet’s Day

Senior Citizen’s Day



Be An Angel Day

International Tongue Twister Day

Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

Take Your Cat To The Vet Day



Day For The Remembrance of The Slave Trade & Its Abolition

Go Topless Day

Valentino Day



Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Wilberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day




1896: The first pedestrian knocked down and killed by an automobile in Britain was Bridget Driscol of Croydon, England. The car was going four miles an hour. ***MARLAR: Four miles per hour. You’d think the person would see that one coming.


1957: Phillies outfielder Richie Ashburn smashed a line-drive foul ball that broke Philadelphia grandmother Alice Roth’s nose and left her bleeding. As she was being carried out on a stretcher, Ashburn lined another foul into the stands and hit her again. He took flowers to her in the hospital.


1960: The Beatles opened what would become a three-month engagement at the Indra Club in Hamburg, Germany — their first performance outside England.


1975: 22-year-old Michael Murphy left Stevenage, England, to ride his bicycle around the world. Almost two years later, after traveling 25,000 miles and with only 40 miles to go, his bike was accidentally crushed at a customs depot, and he had to hitchhike home.


1984: The first night of his Breaking Hearts Tour, Elton John announced he was retiring from touring.


1987: The movie Dirty Dancing, starring Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey opened throughout the U.S.


1992: Las Vegas singer Wayne Newton filed for bankruptcy protection, admitting that he owed some $20-million.


1994: Actor David Caruso quit the ABC drama “NYPD Blue” and was replaced by Jimmy Smits. (



1996: An 8-year-old gorilla named Binti cradled an injured boy in her arms and left him for keepers to rescue after the boy fell 20 feet into her enclosure at the Chicago zoo.


1997: While digging a grave near the village of Yakasse-Feyasse in the Ivory Coast, workers heard sighs from a nearby grave and dug up 2-year-old Minata Lafissa, who had been pronounced dead from a mystery illness and buried three days earlier. The child was very much alive.


1998: U.S. President Bill Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.


2000: Police awakened and arrested a 21-year-old burglar found sleeping in the bedroom of a home in Bridgton, Maine, after a neighbor reported a strange car in the driveway. The burglar said he was tired and just decided to take a nap.


2001: A 45-year-old family doctor in London took do-it-yourself to a new level by performing a vasectomy on himself. Dr Jonathan Heatley performed his own surgery with the help of his wife and a nurse. The doctor, who had performed some 400 vasectomies, said everything went well, but advised others not to try it at home.


2004: Eight British men arrested with reconnaissance plans for the New York Stock Exchange and other targets were charged with conspiracy to murder and conspiracy to use radioactive material, toxic gas, chemicals or explosives.




1635: Richard Mather arrives in Boston. He began the “Mather Dynasty” in New England Puritanism that also included his son, Cotton, and grandson, Increase.


1761: William Carey, who would become a tremendously successful Baptist missionary to India, is born in Northamptonshire, England.




  • actor (Three Kings, Boomtown, “Blue Bloods”) Donnie Wahlberg 46
  • actor (Mystic River, I Am Sam) Sean Penn 55
  • actor (Heat, The Untouchables, Meet the Parents) Robert DeNiro 72
  • actress (The Parent Trap, Miracle on 34th Street) Maureen O’Hara 95




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1909 : Larry Clinton

1919 : Georgia Gibbs

1932 : Duke Pearson

1933 : Mark Dinning

1944 : John Seiter (Spanky and Our Gang)

1947 : Gary Talley (The Box Tops, Big Star)

1949 : Sib Hashian (Boston)

1955 : Colin Moulding (XTC)

1958 : Belinda Carlisle

1964 : Maria McKee

1965 : Steve Gorman (The Black Crowes)

1966 : Jill Cunniff (Luscious Jackson)

1969 : Donnie Wahlberg (New Kids on the Block)

1969 : Kelvin Mercer (De La Soul)




What famous cave paintings were found by teenagers?

On September 12, 1940, four teenagers were exploring a cave in the French countryside when they found a series of rock paintings made by early humans. Within days, archaeologists were examining the paintings, which made science headlines around the world. The Lascaux cave paintings are among the world’s most famous examples of early human art. In the shallow cave are detailed, highly artistic paintings of animals, people, and abstract forms, revealing much about the people who lived there 17,000 years ago. For more than two decades, the Lascaux caves were open for public tours. But the constant stream of visitors took its toll, and the paintings began to deteriorate as the carbon dioxide from visitors’ breathing corroded them. The cave was closed to tours in 1963, but a replica site nearby is now open for visits.




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Plumb was thanking God for their arrival at their destination this week. She tweeted: Worst. Fight. Ever.  (We think she meant worst FLIGHT ever.  At least, that’s what we hope she meant.)


Casting Crowns Juan DeVevo this week shared a conversation he recently had with a local cashier.

Cashier: “you can tell a lot about someone by what they buy…deodorant and a chicken”

Me: “I don’t like a sweaty supper”




3 arrested after searching NYC sewer system for valuables
NEW YORK (AP) — Police say three men hoping to find discarded valuables in New York City’s hot and putrid sewer system have been arrested — after coming out empty-handed. Two of them were nabbed after emerging from a manhole in Brooklyn’s East Flatbush neighborhood Thursday. Police say…


YOPO: New Jersey brewer releasing Pope Francis-inspired beer
CAPE MAY, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey brewery is releasing a limited edition beer to commemorate Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia next month. Cape May Brewing Co. co-owner Ryan Krill says his company is brewing 500 gallons of YOPO, or “You Only Pope Once.” The pope-inspired beer is a hoppy…
Man in bear costume harasses bears in Alaska
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Authorities want to talk to a man who donned a fairly realistic bear costume — head and all — and wore it when harassing a bear and two sows trying to feed on pink salmon in an Alaska river. The incident happened Monday on the Chilkoot River near Haines,…
Couple who took pet snake for swim in river say it vanished
DANVILLE, Pa. (AP) — A couple who took their nearly 5-foot boa constrictor for a swim in a Pennsylvania river say the pet slipped away and they’re concerned about its welfare. HASH(0x13f6960) They say Zachary Latranyi was on shore with the snake wrapped around his shoulders when he dozed off,…
4 questioned after moviegoers scared with leaf blower
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Newport Beach police have questioned four people in connection with a scare at a movie theater that occurred when someone started a leaf blower that many mistook for a chainsaw. HASH(0x140fc20) Investigators had previously described the people in the photos as…
Cops: Loaded gun found in hollowed-out box resembling Bible
NEW YORK (AP) — New York City police say they found a loaded gun inside a hollowed-out lockbox that resembles the Bible during a traffic stop. HASH(0x1415760) Officers made the discovery early Monday in Brooklyn after pulling over a car with tinted windows. Police say they searched the car…
Disgruntled man can’t pay parking fine with rolls of pennies
CHAMBERSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A Pennsylvania borough is putting the brakes on a disgruntled handyman’s attempt at paying his $25 parking fine with 50 rolls of pennies. Chambersburg officials told Justin Greene his passive-aggressive payment of 2,500 pennies wasn’t allowed under a federal rule…
Harvard student loses Facebook gig for app that shows flaws
BOSTON (AP) — A Harvard University student says he lost his internship at Facebook after he launched a browser application from his dorm room that exploited privacy flaws on the company’s mobile messenger. Aran Khanna’s app — called Marauder’s Map in tribute to the Harry Potter books…
Man admits bringing counterfeit chips to poker tournament
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — A man admitted Thursday that he brought millions of dollars in counterfeit poker chips to use in a casino’s poker tournament, a scheme that was uncovered when he clogged a pipe by flushing the chips down the toilet in his hotel room. Christian Lusardi, 43, of…
Police officers rescue groundhog with head stuck in tin can
BETHLEHEM, Pa. (AP) — One lucky groundhog might live to see another Groundhog Day thanks to authorities in eastern Pennsylvania. The creature roaming Lehigh University wasn’t able to see its own shadow — or much of anything — because its head was stuck in a tin can. Campus police…
Teen finds gold bar while swimming in German Alpine lake    photo
BERLIN (AP) — A teenager has made an unexpected find while swimming in a lake in the German Alps: a 500-gram (17.6-ounce) bar of gold. Police said Wednesday that they are still trying to figure out where the bar comes from and how it got into the Koenigssee lake, a popular tourist destination…





Police department offers heroin addicts amnesty, treatment    photo
GLOUCESTER, Mass. (AP) — The young woman nursing a fresh black eye has come to the police station in this old fishing city for help. But she’s not looking to report a crime or seek someone’s arrest. She wants help kicking her heroin addiction. “It was better than the alternative,” says the…


Location, extent of Carter’s cancer will govern his options    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Surgery, drugs, radiation, comfort care. What’s next for Jimmy Carter depends on how widely his cancer has spread and where, and how aggressively the 90-year-old former president wants to fight it. Carter said Wednesday that surgery on Aug. 3 to remove a mass in his liver…
Most Legionnaires’ deaths tied to spray from shower, faucet
NEW YORK (AP) — Most deaths from Legionnaires’ disease are tied to hospital and nursing home showers, not outdoor cooling towers, new government figures released Thursday show. Cooling towers are the focus of an investigation into a Legionnaires’ outbreak in New York City this summer that is…
Glaxo: Meds from plant with Legionnaires’ bacteria are safe    photo
ZEBULON, N.C. (AP) — The medications produced at a GlaxoSmithKline pharmaceutical plant are safe despite the decision to close the factory after the discovery of the bacteria that causes potentially fatal Legionnaires’ disease, the company said Wednesday. The London-based drug maker expects…
First lady’s healthy kids director understands good eating    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The new director of Michelle Obama’s initiative against childhood obesity knows firsthand the benefits of healthy eating. Debra “Deb” Eschmeyer and her new husband, Jeff, were preparing to move to Ecuador as Peace Corps volunteers when her high school sweetheart was…
Report: Bicyclist death rates fell for kids, rose for men
NEW YORK (AP) — A new report says bicyclist death rates for children have fallen dramatically in recent decades, but have risen sharply for middle-aged men. Experts believe the statistics reflect that adults are biking more and kids are biking less. The biggest rise was for men ages 35 to 54….
Doctors: Various factors figure into Carter cancer treatment    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Determining what treatment to pursue for former President Jimmy Carter’s cancer will depend on its type, its origin and factors such as age and health, doctors said. Carter, 90, announced Wednesday that recent liver surgery found cancer that has spread to other parts of his…
Kids with cancer get futuristic chance at saving fertility    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Barely 2 years old, Talia Pisano is getting tough treatment for kidney cancer that spread to her brain. She’s also getting a chance at having babies of her own someday. To battle infertility sometimes caused by cancer treatment, some children’s hospitals are trying a futuristic…
Health law sign-ups keep growing; uninsured rate declines    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly a million people signed up for health insurance under President Barack Obama’s law even after the official enrollment season ended, helping push the share of uninsured Americans below 10 percent and underscoring how hard it could be for Republicans to dismantle the…
Scientists say fetal tissue essential for medical research    photo
BOSTON (AP) — The furor on Capitol Hill over Planned Parenthood has stoked a debate about the use of tissue from aborted fetuses in medical research, but U.S. scientists have been using such cells for decades to develop vaccines and seek treatments for a host of ailments, from vision loss to…
EPA chief: Colorado mine spill ‘pains me’    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The head of the Environmental Protection Agency said Tuesday her department takes full responsibility for spilling 3 million gallons of mining waste that turned a southwest Colorado river an unnatural shade of orange, adding it “pains me to no end.” Gina McCarthy made the…





(None on the weekends)



A new craze sweeping Thailand is called the “red ants challenge.” It involves taking a bunch of fire ants and shoving them down your underpants.  ***See, now this is what happens when you take the Dukes of Hazzard off of television and there’s nothing left to watch… people get bored.


In South Carolina, a woman was asked to leave a seafood buffet after spending four hours there. After causing a disturbance police were called. She told police that she planned to have Jesus pay her bill.  *** When they say that Jesus paid it all, this is not what they were referring to, lady.


Donald Trump vowed this week – if he’s elected president – to make the tax code “good.”  *** Meaning “I won’t be paying taxes – but the rest of you will be!”


The world’s largest atom smasher has made a discovery that was five decades in the making.  Scientists with the European Organization for Nuclear Research announced the detection of a new kind of subatomic particle called the pentaquark, which essentially means a new form of matter has been discovered. The pentaquark was first predicted in the 1960s but actual detection of the particle had eluded scientists for decades.  *** Hopefully it’s dense matter to explain why we get heavy so fast.




Scientists have done laser scans on two life masks, made from plaster casts of Lincoln’s face, and it turns out that the left side of Lincoln’s face is smaller than the right.  ***MARLAR: This is just weird – I’d think of all the politicians who WOULDN’T be two-faced it would be Lincoln.


Scientists say they have disturbing news. The American bumblebee is disappearing from the Midwest. ***The good news is that picnics are up 75%.


Figures released by the Earth Policy Institute say that there is enough wind energy in North Dakota, Kansas and Texas to meet power needs of the entire country. ***MARLAR: Or couldn’t they just grab the hot air from Washington D.C.?


Two recent studies show Facebook can make you feel socially isolated and miserable because seeing friends’ happy pictures triggers feelings of envy. One in three people feel worse after visiting the site and their ‘general dissatisfaction’ with life decreases. Positive images of friends enjoying holidays, commenting on their happy lives or simply posting pet pictures were enough to trigger feelings of jealousy.  ***MARLAR: And that’s exactly why I POKE those people.












OPEN: When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson learned that, because he ran away to avoid tonsil surgery, that his tonsils got worse and killed him! Other kids also died because they saw Marvy as a hero, and even the entire population of Razzleflabbin Island is now gone because Marvy wasn’t around to keep them from being hit by a giant tidal wave!


CLOSE: An entire generation of Snufflesons wiped out because Marvy wouldn’t get his tonsils taken out? What more could possibly go wrong? Tune in next time to find out what happens – as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!




OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never ending saga that is As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was singing show tunes and getting ready to go on a picnic. He had everything ready to go and was just about to take off when Millard the Monkey stopped by…


CLOSE: The best picnic the jungle animals have ever had… now that DOES sound like fun! We’ll find out how much fun next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




A teenager doing a little job hunting somehow arrives at a Moment of Duh…

Wow… and I thought it was hard finding a job here in the United States! Don’t ever move to India! A teenager (Ravindra Nath Halder) applied for a state government job and got a call to go in for an interview… but he applied for the job 34 years ago!  The now 52-year-old man is now too old for a government job!  ***MARLAR: Good thing he didn’t wait around for an answer.






  1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.


  1. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she’ll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he’ll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you’re driving there.


  1. Boys’ rooms are usually messy. Girls’ rooms are usually messy, except it’s a good smelling mess.


  1. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.


  1. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.


  1. Boys couldn’t care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.


  1. Baby girls find mommy’s makeup and almost instantly start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.


  1. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.


  1. Boys grow their fingernails long because they’re too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long – not because they look nice – but because they can dig them into a boy’s arm.


  1. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.




The skylight is the limit… for one potential burglar.


FILE #1: In Germany a guy broke into a pharmacy by climbing through a skylight. But when he was ready to pack up his loot and leave he noticed that he was too short to reach the skylight so he couldn’t go back out the way he came in. He tried the doors and windows, but they were all locked. So he had no choice but to call police for help. They were more than glad to come by and free him.


FILE #2: A 64-year-old man got so angry at a pair of grout workers who showed up seven hours late that he got his gun and took a shot at their truck.  Agron Henci said he was defending himself because he felt threatened after an argument with the men.  Henci told officers that he ordered the men to leave after they showed up at 3:45 p.m. to do a job that was promised at 9 a.m. One of the workers became angry, called him names and kicked his front door.  Henci was charged with two counts of attempted murder and taken to jail.


FILE #3: It wasn’t Cupid’s arrow that pierced Brandon Quinn in the jewelry department of the Newburgh, New York, Wal-Mart. Brandon and his current girlfriend encountered ex-girlfriend Patricia Johnson while shopping. An argument soon began and Patricia slapped Brandon’s new girlfriend and then him. Brandon hit back, and Patricia retaliated by pulling out a knife and stabbing Brandon in the back, although his thick down jacket took the brunt of it. Brandon then punched Patricia before an off-duty police officer broke them up.


STRANGE LAW: In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.




An ice cream van is pulled over – for DUI!

In Goshen, Indiana, several motorists called to report a swerving vehicle. When police arrived, the vehicle — an ice cream truck — was stopped and the driver was selling ice cream to children, so the officer waited until Dennis D. Cogburn started up again. The officer said he followed the van and pulled it over after Cogburn failed to signal turns and swerved into the wrong lane. Cogburn failed field sobriety tests and was arrested on a preliminary charge of driving under the influence of alcohol.  ***MARLAR: And we’re not buying his excuse that he had too much Rum Raisin.




What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?




QUESTION: Who was the man who lived among the tombs?

ANSWER: Legion (Mark 5:2, 9)




QUESTION: A group of women in Wales are knitting sweaters for what animal?

ANSWER: Penguins (to protect them in the event of an oil spill)




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The Ford Festiva was the inspiration for Ralph Nader’s bestseller “Unsafe at Any Speed” (False, it was the Chevrolet Corvair)


  1. The name of Legionnaires’ disease comes from an outbreak that occurred during a 1976 convention in a Los Angeles hotel. (False, it was a Philadelphia hotel)


  1. Mount Crumpit was the peak overlooking the Seussian town, “Whoville”. (True)


  1. Maybe Wall Street should try this: In Pakistan, goats are often sacrificed to improve the performance of the stock market. (True)


  1. “Frog” is the name for one of the parts of a horse’s hoof. (True)


  1. On average there are about 3000 earthquakes in the world each year. (False, it’s more like 50,000)


  1. The average bra size for American women is 34B. (True)


  1. Recent studies have shown that people perform better on tests if they have a cold. (True, but they don’t know why)


  1. If you began right now to count stars in our galaxy at a rate of 100 per minute, you would finish counting all 105 billion stars (give or take) in just 2,000 years. (True)


  1. Tiger urine smells like buttered popcorn. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


THE TRAIN _______ (LADY)

Elaine Silets  has built the largest model train display in the world.

Silets recently opened her train gardens to the public and thousands train lovers came by to look at her train set.

She began her life as the Train Lady after her beloved late husband Harvey’s law career took off, leaving her in search of a hobby. That hobby became Huff & Puff Industries, a company that designs and manufactures model railroads for home and garden displays.

She has 10 acres of gardens, waterfalls, lakes, trestles, bridges, and replica towns and pastoral scenes, her Glorée & Tryumfant Garden Railway in North Barrington, Illinois, it’s no wonder they call her the Train Lady.

Her work with trains has been seen in the Nieman Marcus Christmas book, in the lobby of Chicago’s Hancock Center, and in Tiffany & Co. window displays.

Eleven model trains chug about the lavish gardens all-year round.

The half-inch G-scale trains ply a Japanese water garden with waterfalls, a pond garden, rose gardens, a Snoopy topiary built especially for Silets’ grandsons, and other floral landscapes.

She also has a private train museum on her property.  The Harvey M. Silets Memorial museum was built in honor of the Train Lady’s husband, a famous attorney who once represented Jimmy Hoffa. The museum is a scaled down replica of Greater Chicago that has 16 trains of its own, a drive-in movie theatre, and other transit-related exhibits like elevated trains and subway trains.





Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when a beautiful young woman fell overboard. Immediately there was an 80-year-old man in the water who rescued her.

The crew pulled them both out of the treacherous waters. The captain was grateful as well as astonished that the white-haired old man performed such an act of bravery. That night a banquet was given in honor of the ship’s elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award and was asked to say a few words.

He said, “First of all, I’d like to know who pushed me.”



As a concierge at a posh resort, Perry was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked him where the lift was.  “Go down the hill,” Perry told them, “out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you’ll see it on your right.”

Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up. “They’re folks are from England,” he said. “I think they’re looking for the elevator.”



An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented “These are very good! You must have a good camera.”

He didn’t make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said “That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots.”




All Americans owe a debt to Native Americans for their contributions to American culture. For example, squash, corn, and chili peppers all came from the Indians. ***MARLAR: It’s our own lack of imagination that these have not yet become part of the 31 flavors at Baskin’ Robbins Ice Cream.


A thief in Bergen, Norway, stole a shoe salesman’s sample case and got away with 24 new women’s shoes. But they were recovered after the thief threw them away upon realizing they were not 12 pairs but 24 singles, all for the left foot.  ***MARLAR: Those would’ve been perfect for (OTHER JOCK); have you ever seen that guy dance?  He’s ALL left feet!




Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer
Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?,” questioned the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’!”
Farmer Joe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was
hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”
It was then that I said, “I’m fine.”




A woman in a swimsuit causes a massive air-search for a missing person…

In England, a woman was taking a dip in the ocean when she decided to pop over to the supermarket, so she wrapped herself in a towel and wandered off. A man drinking at a nearby boat club noticed her clothes had been on the beach for some time with no owner in sight and called authorities, who launched a massive air-search. An hour later the woman, who was still only wearing a swimsuit and towel, returned to collect her clothes — and wondered what all the fuss was about.




“. . . You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” –1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Your body is a temporary house that you occupy before moving into eternity. The body itself is not evil, only the sinful nature that manipulates it. Concerning the human body, Paul first taught the Corinthians that their bodies were “actually parts of Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:15). It would be unthinkable to take Christ’s body and place it in an immoral situation! In the same way, you must consider your body as respectfully as you would Christ’s own body. Second, Paul stated that the body is the “temple of the Holy Spirit” (v. 19). To use it in outward sin, therefore, obviously grieves Him. If you consider an earthly temple as holy, how much more should you respect a temple where the Holy Spirit is physically present! Finally, Paul says, “You were bought at a price.” Your body is worth the highest price ever paid for anything—the blood of Jesus. If God sets such a high price on your body, how much more should you cherish it!
Value your body, and don’t cheapen it with immorality. Refuse to yield it to the desires of the sinful nature. Keep it pure, and one day it will be glorified like Jesus’ body.

–By Larry Stockstill





Godliness with contentment is great gain. — 1 Timothy 6:6

Over the past 15 years, a New Jersey businessman has anonymously given away more than $600 million to universities, medical centers, and other beneficiaries. When a legal complication forced him to reveal his identity, he explained his generosity by saying, “Nobody can wear two pairs of shoes at the same time. I simply decided I had enough money.”

A friend of the donor described him as a man who doesn’t own a house or a car, flies economy class, wears a $15 watch, and “didn’t want his money to crush him.”

Few people seem able to treat their resources as a servant instead of a master. It seems so natural and sensible to grasp rather than to give. Even as followers of Christ, we may mistakenly believe that “godliness is a means of gain” (1 Tim 6:5).

To counter that dangerous mindset, the apostle Paul wrote, “Godliness with contentment is great gain… and having food and clothing with these we shall be content.” Contentment, according to one observer, “is not an economic quality but a spiritual attainment. It is not a state of accounts but a state of the heart.”

Are you a confirmed grasper or a contented giver? It will be demonstrated by what you do with what you have.





Pantyhose… for men?

There are a few things in this world that I absolutely would NEVER do… and this is one of them. A hosiery company in Granville, Ohio that went out of business found a whole new consumer for their excess pantyhose — men! ComfiLon has made a comeback marketing their “legwear”, waist-high and knee-high hosiery, to men. Customers say it makes them feel cooler in summer and warmer in winter; and hunters, skiers and utility workers say it improves circulation, prevents chafing, and provides extra leg support. ***MARLAR: So, can you go deer hunting if you have a run in your hose?





Joanna works at a McDonald’s in Walker, Louisiana and she has some McRules for us, the customers, to follow if we want to eat at her McDonald’s!

  1. Don’t confuse franchises! We don’t Biggie Size, we don’t have onion rings or nachos, and no – you may not “Have it your way.”
  2. Don’t come into the lobby two minutes before we close. Chances are I’ve already cleaned, and it will only cause me to do unspeakable things to your (already stale) food.
  3. Don’t scream at me if I ask you to repeat your order… we’re talking about cheeseburgers, not missiles… so calm down!
  4. If you don’t see tomatoes on the sandwich in the picture don’t ask me to take them off. The Big Mac has been around for ages… it doesn’t have tomatoes.
  5. Does this look like Toys-R-Us? Who cares if your kid’s have 10 of the same toy already. That’s telling me you don’t feed them at home enough!
  6. When I hand you your food and say “Have a nice day,” you better respond with a smile, a “Thanks, you too,” or at least acknowledge my existence. It’s called being polite people.
  7. Please don’t order a combo and then, when I ask what kind of drink, you tell me you don’t want one. That defeats the whole purpose of ordering a combo!
  8. If you’re a senior citizen, don’t think you can drive past the speaker and say you forget to order; go back around like everyone else!  You already get discounts, what more special favors do you expect?!
  9. Do you realize that I can hear everything you say from the moment you pull up to the speaker till you drive off?  So if you’re talking trash, don’t act so surprised when I’m not exactly friendly when you get to the window.
  10. If you let go of your money before I grab it, or you drop it while I am handing it to you, don’t look at me like you really expect me to get it for you.  Besides you’re closer.
  11. If you ordered a burger without pickles and they somehow ended up there anyway… just pick them off because that’s all I’m going to do when you bring it back to me to “fix it.”





An amateur sailor was picked up at sea by British coast guards for the 11th time – just two days after being rescued for the 10th time! It seems that 56-year-old Eric Abbott ran aground off the north coast of Wales recently as he tried to sail across the Irish Sea – the exact area where the unemployed painter had been picked up two days before! 11 rescues by the Coast Guard has cost the British government $82,520. Therefore, Abbott has been ordered to take navigation lessons. ***MARLAR: Just like a man, won’t get directions unless he’s forced to by the government!





  • If you messed up your life, you could just reboot and start over.
  • To get your daily exercise, just click on “run.”
  • If you needed a break from life, click pause.
  • Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.
  • To add or remove someone in your life, change control panel settings.
  • To improve your appearance, adjust the screen settings.
  • If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
  • When you lose your car keys, click on find.
  • “Help” with anything is just a click away.
  • Auto insurance wouldn’t be necessary, use your back-up disk to recover from a crash.
  • Click “SEND NOW” and a Pizza would be on its way.
  • Upgrade your wardrobe with CUT and PASTE.
  • You could empty the trash with just one click of the mouse.





Playing video games may actually be good for your kids?

Medical researchers say that playing video games may be beneficial for your children. Researchers studied a group of 16 to 25 year olds who played video games for 30 minutes, researchers found that heart rate increased 25 percent and energy levels increased 80 percent. Which makes playing video games equivalent to walking about two miles.




(Mondays Only)


Imagine demanding to be paid by your employer for time you didn’t work… because you were on trial for extortion!

In Stoughton, Massachusetts, former police sergeant David M. Cohen has filed for over $100,000 in compensation from the town for overtime and time spent away from his job in court. Of course the reason he was in court was because he was on trial for attempted extortion! Cohen, who was released from prison on a stay of his sentence last month, filed the request through his attorney. He’s seeking $113,000, which includes 87 accrued vacation days, 125 unused sick days, 144 hours of compensation time accrued for not using sick time, 152 hours of supervisor comp time, 481 hours for court appearances related to his criminal case, 280 hours of overtime to prepare for his case, at least 61 percent education incentive pay for 2007, and 61 percent for accrued stipends and benefits. Cohen was found guilty on four criminal charges in Norfolk Superior Court stemming from his role in the 2002 arrest of a former Stoughton businessman to collect a debt as a lawyer for a friend. Town Manager Mark S. Stankiewicz said he has received the letter from Cohen’s lawyer and “we will reject the man’s request.”




Have you ever wished that McDonald’s had a burger with pineapple, tortilla chips, a fried egg, sliced beetroot, and jalapeños all wrapped in lettuce? Well, you can now make that happen if you live down under. According to Time Magazine, McDonald’s is currently hosting a “Create Your Taste” contest in Australia. It offers customers the opportunity to customize their own burger using a list of 30 ingredients. They can enter their creation online for a chance to win one of 100,000 possible prizes.

  • PHONER: What would you ask to be put on your burger that the fast food restaurants don’t currently offer?  What’s the “ultimate burger” for you?


What if teachers were treated like athletes? Now you can find out. A new sports center parody is titled Teaching Center. It gives a tongue in cheek overview of teaching changes and acquisitions across the nation.


Netflix is giving new parents on its payroll up to a year of paid leave in a move that could pressure other technology employers to improve their baby benefits as they vie for talent. The employee benefit announced this week on Netflix’s blog is generous even by the high standards of Silicon Valley, where free meals and other perquisites supplement lavish salaries in the fiercely competitive battle for computer programmers and other technology workers.  *** KInda makes me wish I’d paid more attention in Computer class in school… and that I was a girl.




I think I should get a dog so he can stick his head out the window when I drive. It looks really silly when I do it. –F. J. Varano




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

Cool Ideas for a Warmer Workplace

We lived in Dallas, Texas, in the late 1980s. Moving from Sacramento, California, we were used to hot weather. But northern California summers have that famed “dry heat.” Dallas summers have that “unbearable who-chooses-to-live-here” kind of heat. By year three, we adjusted. Almost…adjusted.


It was interesting to see men in suits and sport coats with ties on hot summer days. And on Sundays, we noticed the women wearing sweaters to church! The Dallas mindset was simple: you live in air conditioned homes, travel in air conditioned cars, and work in air conditioned offices. Thus, churches were also very cool places to be!

This past week, I discovered that office temperature is a long standing issue for women. Two male scientists have published a study in the journal Nature Climate Change. They’ve determined that office temperatures are set based on a decades-old formula calculating the metabolic rates of men. (See the complete story here:

From this scientific report, we learn that most building thermostats are set using a thermal comfort model from the 1960s. That model used air temperature, air speed, vapor pressure, and clothing insulation to arrive at the recommended setting. Who knew that still today we have been impacted by “Fanger’s thermal comfort equation”? Well, most women can tell you…it’s too cold in most offices.

Changing times have brought more women into the workplace. In fact, women now comprise about half the staffing of many companies. And their metabolism is slower than a man’s.

Bottom line…changes in office temperature pre-sets are being recommended. Read the article if you want more details. And especially if you’d like to see that Fanger equation mapped out! I was overheating just looking at it!

I have another idea. Call it, “Mark’s Five Ways to Warm Up the Workplace.” It has nothing to do with thermostats. Or any equation from Fanger.

My five will not actually change the temperature in the office, but your team will find YOU a much warmer leader. Your “Good Boss Score” will go up. Perhaps your retention rate as well.

My five ways are:

  • Give compliments. Employees almost always feel shortchanged on hearing about the good work they are doing. Think back on the One Minute Manager. He uses “one minute praisings” when catching people doing something right. Good idea!
  • Ask questions of interest. To help remove the stigma of “all he/she cares about is us making more money,” use casual conversation to find out basic lifestyle points of interest in the lives of your team members. Keep notes on this information for reference later. Bring an item up in a meeting!
  • Unexpected treats. Having a company brunch, lunch, or individualized treats dropped off in the afternoon during busy seasons or difficult pressure times are sure day brighteners. Especially if the boss is the one delivering the goods.
  • Thank you notes. As the hard hearted boss might ask, “Why do I need to give my employees a thank you note? I believe that’s called a paycheck!” A good boss doesn’t need my answer, but here it is anyway: Thank you notes increase loyalty and turn up job performance because people feel appreciated! Many people hold on to them for years. If you need ideas in writing them, think about what you would like written in such a note written to YOU.
  • Half day party. Why wait for the Christmas season? Plan a half day cookout asking your team to relax and share stories about how THEIR company has helped people. Invite discussion of some challenges. Give lots of pats on the back. Put a little fun back into life for these folks.

Keep in mind this is only a starter list. No doubt a creative session would yield many more good ideas.

The Bible does not have such a list. But one of the distinctives of the Christian faith was how workers were instructed to perform faithfully even in difficult circumstances. Likewise, bosses were told to treat their workers well—unlike the mistreatment that was common in that day.

In Colossians 4:1, we read, “And masters, treat your servants considerately. Be fair with them. Don’t forget for a minute that you, too, serve a Master—God in heaven.” (MSG)

Wise leader, perhaps you may want to check how employees feel about office temperature. Women in parkas in August is generally not a good sign.

That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


AUGUST 14, 2014…


The Man From U.N.C.L.E.—Yet another earlier TV action series (reference: “Mission Impossible”) is now brought to the screen. This time, it has to compete with five successful “Mission Impossible” films. Remember the suave Robert Vaughn as Napoleons Solo and David McCallum as his Russian sidekick, Illya Kuryakin. They go against the bad guys who have kidnapped the father of a scientist (Alicia Vikander.) This is in the Sixties with the Berlin Wall.  Solo now played by Henry Cavill and Kuryakin by Armie Hammer. Also in the cast is Hugh Grant. Vaughn and McCallum were top stars in their day with McCallum now back on top in “NCIS” as a navy doctor.  Guy Ritchie directs. “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Straight Outta Compton—In the 1980’s (and this week at the movies seems to go back in time,) there was the beginning of Hip Hop, especially associated with the group N.W.A. which had Dr. Dre and Ice Cube as members.  They don’t play themselves, but Ice Cube’s son (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) portrays him as a youth and Corey Hawkins is Dr. Dre. The story of the groups rise in music is told against street rioting of that time. Profanity here and beware of the R rating.


Underdogs—This animated film is about two rivals from childhood. Voices of Matthew Morrison from “Glee” and Nicholas Hoult who meet as adults and start the rivalry all over again. One is a soccer player and the other wants to demolish the field for real estate purposes. Other voices include Kate Hudson,  Ariana Grande and John Luguizamo. “Underdogs” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for animation fans.


Shaun The Sheep Movie–Claymation as an animation art form, has its fans, and this film goes with the best of them like “Wallace & Gromit.”  In this story, done by Claymation Studio Aardman, a herd of sheep must pull themselves together and go to the Big City to find their owner, a farmer, who can’t remember anything.  This involves humor such as the sheep going to a restaurant and then to an animal shelter. There are no voices here, rather sounds. This film is based on a British teleivision show. “Shaun The Sheep Movie” is rated PG. and rated 3 for fans and you know who you are.


Ten Thousand Saints—This coming of age film set in the 1980’s, stars Hailee Steinfeld, Asa Butterfield, Emile Hirsch and Emily Mortimer, who hang out together as teens. When Emily discovers she is pregnant and the father has died, the group decides to raise the baby by themselves. Study of drug use and yippies. “Ten Thousand Saints“ is rated R. No rating.,  Book by Eleanor Henderson.


AUGUST 21, 2014…


Digging for Fire has a young, married couple finding a weapon and bones and over a weekend trying to figure out what is going on. Stars Jake Johnson and Anna Hendrick.


Sinister 2 carries on the theme of the first film in which people are haunted by spirits.

Stars Shannon Sossamon.


Sleeping With Other People stars Jason Sudiekis as a guy who regularly cheats and tries to reform.


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