August 18, 2016: Thursday ONAIRprep

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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160818

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Got some great news yesterday.  Beginning this coming Monday, the (THE JOCK SHOW) will be syndicated!  We’re going to be broadcasting live along our nation’s southern border to discourage illegal aliens from crossing.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. –Matthew 18:15

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. — 1 Corinthians 2:14

“Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. — 2 Corinthians 10:17-18

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. — Mark 10:13-14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” — Matthew 7:12

Thought: Some things don’t need a lot of explaining, just a lot more implementing.

Prayer: Loving God, Almighty Father, forgive me of my selfishness. You have blessed me so richly through Jesus. Please move me by your Spirit to be as generous, loving, forgiving, and kind with others as I want them to be with me and as the Lord has been to me. In Jesus’ name I ask this. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 8:18 NIV = I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

TODAY IS THURSDAY – AUGUST 18, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
34 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is BAD POETRY DAY.  Write a really terrible poem and send it to your high school English teacher!  ***MARLAR: Roses are red, violets are blue, I hated your class, and so did everybody else.”

Okay, here’s another attempt:

Two roads diverged in a black forest cake,

Split, as a woman’s locks – murdered by a Sears hair-dryer (not be used while sleeping).

In the vast cold, darkness of my nightmarish frosting,

Let them eat pie.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Mail Order Catalog Day

National Badge Ribbon Day

Serendipity Day

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19

Aviation Day

Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day

International Orangutan Day

Men’s Grooming Day

World Humanitarian Day

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20

International Geocaching Day

International Homeless Animals Day

International Tongue Twister Day

National Radio Day

Sand Castle Day

World/National Honey Bee Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21

Brazilian Blow-Out Day

National Spumoni Day

Poet’s Day

Senior Citizen’s Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 22

Be An Angel Day

Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

Take Your Cat To The Vet Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23

Day For The Remembrance of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition

Valentino Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUT 24

Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Willberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25

Kiss and Make Up Day

National Park Service Day

National Second-hand Wardrobe Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

ON THIS DAY

1919: The Anti-Cigarette League of America was organized in Chicago.

1920: Tennessee became the 36th state to ratify the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which guaranteed the right of all American women to vote.

1930: Pluto the dog debuted in the Walt Disney cartoon “The Chain Gang.”

1941: One of Walt Disney’s lesser known films, The Reluctant Dragon, premiered.

1963: James Meredith became the first black graduate from the University of Mississippi.

1974: The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced development of the Super Slurper, a starch derivative treated with iron that could retain water 1,300 times its own weight. It’s the world’s most absorbent substance.

1975: The Blue Bell Inn in Lichfield, England, received history’s highest telephone bill. One month’s service, 4-billion, 386-million, 800-thousand dollars. Plus tax. It was a mistake.

1979: Mel Tillis’s “Coca-Cola Cowboy” became the #1 country song in America. Tillis did not like the song, and recorded it only to keep from losing a bit part in the movie Every Which Way But Loose. When it hit, he said he liked it better.

1992: Boston Celtics superstar Larry Bird announced his retirement from pro basketball. In 13 seasons he played in 12 All-Star games.

1992: At the Republican National Convention in Houston, keynote speaker Senator Phil Gramm called President Bill Clinton’s economic program “worse than sleaze.”

1993: “Weird Al” Yankovic recorded “Livin’ In The Fridge” for his Alapalooza CD.

1998: Prospector Rob Mitchell’s football-size gold nugget sold in Australia for $263,000. Mitchell said he found the nugget in 1992 and buried it in his backyard. He decided to sell it when he came home one day to find that his dog had dug it up.

2002: In a tearful farewell mass in Krakow, Pope John Paul II told more than 2 million Poles that he would like to return one day — but that “this is entirely in God’s hands.”

2003: Authorities estimated as many as 10,000 people had died in heat-related deaths in France during a brutal European heat wave.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1688: John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim’s Progress preaches his last sermon, in London.

1732: In an emotional farewell service, Moravian Christians at Herrnhut sing 100 hymns and commission Leonard Dober and David Nitschmann as missionaries to slaves in the West Indies. Herrnhut, a community of only 600 members sent more than 70 missionaries between 1732 and 1742.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (“The Cosby Show’s” Theo, “Malcolm And Eddie”, “Jeremiah”, “Listen Up”) Malcolm-Jamal Warner, 46 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Robin Hood, The Contender, “Mr. Robot”) Christian Slater 47

  • Actor (Fight Club, Primal Fear, The Italian Job, Kingdom of Heaven, The Incredible Hulk) Edward Norton, 47

  • Actress (12 Monkeys, Last of the Mohicans) Madeleine Stowe, 58

  • Comedian/actor (Thomas Crown Affair, The Ref, “Rescue Me”) Denis Leary, 59 (audio clip)

  • Comedian Elaine Boosler, 64

  • Comedian/actor (“Roseanne,” the boss in Mr. Mom) Martin Mull, 73 (audio clip)

  • actor (The Horse Whisperer, An Unfinished Life, Spy Games, Captain America: Winter Soldier) Robert Redford 79

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Sonny Til

1939 : Johnny Preston

1944 : Carl Wayne (The Move)

1945 : Barbara Harris (The Toys)

1945 : Sarah Dash (Labelle)

1945 : Nona Hendryx

1950 : Dennis Elliott (Foreigner)

1957 : Ron Strykert (Men at Work)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Ever wonder why traffic signs and markers are yellow?

Yellow is the most visible of all the colors in the spectrum. It can be seen from the farthest distance and it is conspicuous in all lighting conditions. This makes it a natural choice for traffic signs, which must be seen from great distances.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Mandisa shared a picture of the sunrise over the weekend. She tweeted: This is the ONLY redeemable thing about a 3:40AM lobby call for a 6AM flight.

http://twitter.com/mandisaofficial/status/764833013590994944/photo/1

Third Day was running late over the weekend. Bus troubles the night before made things a little tight Saturday evening. Members of the band posted: Due to bus problem we only got to venue 30 minutes before show. They said: Should make for an interesting show!

It was a tough weekend for Meredith Andrews as she sought to balance life as a wife, mother, and a touring artist. Meredith posted: Today was hard. I tossed and turned all night thinking about my kids, wondering if they’d be ok after yet another weekend without Mom. Yet here I was at a festival in Michigan. I believed with my whole being that God had something significant to say through me to these precious people, and I wasn’t about to miss it. Turns out, emptying myself before Jesus and choosing to lift my praise was exactly the thing that ushered in the breakthrough I so desperately needed. Worship recalibrates our hearts. Praise always precedes our miracle. And this is how we are able to operate in the fullness of who we are, admitting our weakness and embracing His greatness.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJB9iYxj6mV/

The flooding in Louisiana is affecting Kari Jobe. She had to cancel her tour stop in Baton Rouge due to the flooding. She posted: praying for you all in this trying time. http://twitter.com/karijobe/status/765259040880402432/photo/1

The Newsboys played for a big crowd. They were joined by more than 20,000 people at the Unity Christian Music Festival in Michigan.

Jonny Diaz is thinking about a change in career. He posted: I wouldn’t love jumping off a 30′ tall Olympic diving platform…but I would love working for only 3 seconds and then sitting in a hot tub.

Speaker Anita Renfroe may have missed the point. She posted this week: I am kinda stressed that I missed National Relaxation Day.

Another edition of CCM Magazine is now available. The latest edition of the magazine focused on Contemporary Christian Music features Skillet on the cover and also includes articles about Group 1 Crew and Jonny Diaz. Check out the free on-line version… http://bit.ly/CCMaug15-2016

Casting Crowns Mark Hall says his young daughter Hope has a little different view on the Olympics. She told her dad this week: Who cares about winning?!? Just LOOK at her outfit. It’s sparkly and I love her makeup!

NeedToBreathe is giving away a trip to one of their Tour De Compadres shows. The giveaway includes the flight and accommodations for two individuals to a NeedToBreathe show between September 1 and November 12. To enter simply follow the band’s playlist on the web site Topsify. However, the band says signup ends on Friday. http://smarturl.it/TopsifyNTB

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A Swedish church group plans to use drones to drop thousands of tiny electronic Bibles in areas of Iraq controlled by the Islamic State. The Bibles are the size of pill boxes and have a display. They require no electricity.  ***The liberal media will, of course, report this as Christians bombing Muslims.

It took a team effort for firefighters to rescue Mabel from a dry well in Perryman, Maryland earlier this week. With relentless humidity and temperatures dangerously wavering just below 100 degrees, a team of firefighters worked to get Mabel out of the 30 foot deep well. They rescued her by repelling down and then lifting her out with a pulley system. Oh.. did I mention Mabel is a dog?  Officials say the St. Bernard was thirsty but unwise unharmed from her ordeal.

Olympic athletes who bring home medals also bring home cash – $25,000 for gold, $15,000 for silver and $10,000 for bronze – paid for by the United States Olympic Committee. And like any prize winner, the athletes are taxed because Olympic medals and cash bonuses are considered income.  ***Congratulations on winning Gold in Rio – you’re being audited!

As children return to school, many parents are deciding what prize — if any — is appropriate to offer when kids get good grades. Adults who promise money, gifts or privileges say their children study harder when incentives are on the table.  ***How is this preparing kids for the real world though?  Once you graduate, you aren’t rewarded for doing well so much as you are threatened with termination if you don’t.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Living to very old age may be “in the genes” as the saying goes, and a recent study published in the journal Aging suggests that certain personality traits make up a major part of the mix of longevity genes.   Researchers found that having a positive attitude and a sense of humor could play a role in living a longer, healthier life.  *** You’re welcome.

According to a study, nearly six in ten adult workers experience significant drowsiness during business hours.  *** Which is comforting to think about when you’re behind a HEAVY-EQUIPMENT OPERATOR shortly after he’s had a big lunch.

Who lies better – men or women?

The New York Post reported that author Susan Shapiro Barash interviewed 500 women for her book, “Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie.” Her conclusion: women are much better liars than men, and they lie about everything from shopping binges to barhopping to facelifts.  Barash said, “Women lie… to get what they want.”  ***MARLAR: For example, women will lie to get people to buy their book.

In a survey by the group Cats Protection, 75 percent of cat owners over age 55 said they sometimes prefer to share their feelings with their cat rather than their spouse or friends. 81 percent of kids 13 and under said they’d rather talk to their cat about their feelings than to their parents or a friend. And among owners aged 20-to-40, 60 percent said they’d put up with their cat’s bad breath but not their spouse’s, nearly half get a better night’s sleep with their cat in bed than with their spouse, and 55 percent would tolerate their cat hogging the bed covers but not their spouse doing it.  ***MARLAR: Oh sure… it’s okay for the cat to cough up a hairball, but just let your spouse do it… (This is silly.  I know from personal experience that you can talk to your husband about your feelings, and he’ll ignore you just as well as your cat can.)

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Daylight Savings”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… David Dean, “Mall Parking”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, everybody was so caught up in their own talents, voices, and instrument playing that nobody was making beautiful music together… because nobody was together at all! In fact, even all of the band members wanted to do their own solos! Everyone wanted their own spotlight.

CLOSE: Okay, I think we’ve gone just about as far with this solo-thing as we can go. If individual piano keys and individual guitar strings won’t play together, what’s left? Find out next time – As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 20/21

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, everyone was running for their lives to get away from a Razzleflabbin called The Plaid Guy! Nobody knew why they were scared of him, but they were all terrified… and the Plaid Guy was about to catch Marvy when Marvy finally ducked behind a tree!

CLOSE: The Plaid Guy doesn’t seem all that scary anymore… but is it a trick? Is he really a nice guy, or is he secretly plotting to use Marvy to get the other Razzleflabbins to come out so he can get them all? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

What would you do if YOU found a bullet in the middle of the street?  Now think about what you’d do if you wanted to be featured in our Moment of Duh.

A North Philadelphia 14-year-old found a bullet on the street and wanted to see what would happen if he held it over an open flame on the stove. You may be wondering what the odds are that the one person in the world who didn’t know what would happen when you cook a bullet would find one, but it happened. The bullet exploded, hitting the boy in the chest and face. Luckily, the injuries were not as serious as they could have been and he was treated and released.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN INDICATORS YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

10. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

9. Your back goes out more than you do.

8. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

7. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

6. You are proud of your lawn mower.

5. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

4. You sing along with the elevator music.

3. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

2. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

1. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Just stole a car? No problem… sell it back to the owner!

FILE #1: Michael Martin stole a car but instead of selling it to a chop shop he decided to try to sell it back to the person he had just stolen it from. He found the phone number and called the woman who he stole the car from, claiming to have bought the car for $600 before realizing it was stolen. He then offered to sell it back to her for the same amount. No deal, she said, and after some negotiating she agreed to buy it back from him for $200. Knowing something was not right, she called the cops who were waiting for Michael when he showed up with the car.

FILE #2: A man in Peninsula Clarion, Alaska ran into a grocery store packed with people, busy as ever, and yelled, ”Everybody freeze, nobody move. You know what that means?” Apparently not, because nobody paid him any attention. ”Everyone kind of ignored him” says the store manager. “We were busy.” So he tried again by yelling out, ”You people don’t understand. I really mean it.” This time he did get a reaction. One customer told him he could get into trouble talking like that. At that point the would-be store robber left… empty handed.

FILE #3: It used to be a disease. Then it became a disability. And now alcoholism is a religion, at least according to Judge Charles Brieant who overturned a manslaughter conviction because the killer, who killed two people in their home while they slept, made his admission at his Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The judge says the admission was a form of ”religious communication” and is protected by the Constitution. The prosecution will appeal.

STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin in Georgia unless the shades are down.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A British woman’s bulging wig didn’t fool customs agents in Norway who realized she wasn’t just having a bad hair day.

The wig was concealing more than two pounds of cocaine glued to her head. Customs agents detained her on suspicion of cocaine smuggling. The bag of cocaine was glued so firmly to the woman’s real hair that police reportedly had to take her to a local hospital to have it removed. A court ordered the women held pending a formal indictment and trial.

PHONER PHUN

It sounds like every school kids’ dream – three-day weekends. But students in Tatum, N.M., will find they only have class four days a week when school starts this fall. The new schedule has nothing to do with giving the kids more free time.  It’s a cost-saving measure. Superintendent Buddy Little says the Monday-through-Thursday schedule adds 37 minutes to each school day. Officials note the shorter school week will shave as much as five percent off the budget because of lower utility costs and fewer school bus runs.

PHONER: If this could be worked into the regular work-week for adults, would you do it?  What if it’s only for the kids – would this inconvenience you as a parent as you still have to work five days a week?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When Herod heard of Jesus, he thought Jesus was_____________, risen from the dead?

ANSWER: John the Baptist (Mark 6:14)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In the movie “Jurassic Park”, how many minutes of special effects were there? (That’s computer blue screen, Chromakey, etc.)

ANSWER: The movie, had a total of 7 minutes of special effects. “Independence Day” had 50 minutes.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The average butterfly has a lifespan of two years. (False, it’s less than one month)

2. Doc is the only one of the Seven Dwarfs that wears glasses. (True)

3. The “utriculus” and the “sacculus” are two saclike organs located in your neck. (False, it’s your ear)

4. The last time the French government used the guillotine to execute a convicted criminal was in 1905. (False, it was 1977)

5. A male duck is known as a “Gomer”. (False, it’s known as a “Drake”)

6. In 1998, AOL acquired the rights to ICQ, the first widespread instant messaging service. (True)

7. First published in June 2004, Bill Clinton’s autobiography was called, “My Regret”. (False, it was called “My Life”)

8. In the original book series, super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes was addicted to Cocaine. (True)

9. The Three Mile Island nuclear facility is located in Nebraska. (False, Pennsylvania)

10. The British candy company Cadbury was the first to offer a Valentine’s Day chocolate box. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Drinking Lots of _______ Reduces Risk of Ovarian Cancer!” (COFFEE)


A new study from Harvard Medical School says three cups of coffee a daycould lessen the risk of ovarian cancer, particularly for women who do not take hormone supplements. The study was conducted from 1976 through 2004 and researchers found women who had at least three cups of coffee a day were 20% less likely to develop ovarian cancer than those who drank none. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”

No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

“Pretty good,” replied the veteran, “especially since this was a bus stop.”

JOKE #2

A man called the church office one day and said, “Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?”

The secretary, highly offended, said, “If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as ‘Pastor’ or ‘Brother,’ but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the ‘head hog at the trough!'”

The man said, “Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church’s building fund, but…”

“Hold on,” the secretary quickly replied, “Porky just walked in.”

JOKE #3

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor.

The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.

“The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous.”

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother. “Okay, A minus,” he said.

USELESS FACTS

An annual survey by HR company Mercer reveals that Baghdad is the “worst place on Earth” to live.  ***MARLAR: Detroit is planning to appeal.

For the first time, astronomers say they’ve found a planet outside our solar system that could potentially sustain life.  The new discovery has Earth-like temperatures, and might have water. In galactic terms, it’s relatively close, a mere 120-trillion miles away, orbiting a red dwarf star.  An astronomer on the European team that found the planet calls it a “nice discovery,” but adds, “We still have a lot of questions.”  ***MARLAR: Like, “How soon can we send Alec Baldwin there?”

FEATURED FUNNIES

NO STAIRS

An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.

“Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Thank goodness!” she said. “I’m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

He calls himself an artist, but Michael Fernandes’ exhibit in Halifax, Nova Scotia, did have some people scratching their heads.

His big artistic statement was nothing more than a regular banana perched on a gallery’s window sill. Nevertheless Michael’s original price tag was $15,000. He later dropped the price to $2,500. Actually, Michael changed bananas every day– eating the old ones– and placed progressively greener ones out to demonstrate the banana’s transitoriness. But the kicker is he actually had two different collectors place holds on the “work,” requiring the gallery’s co-owner, Victoria Page, to call them and make sure they new what they were getting. She told them, “It’s a banana– you understand that it’s a banana?”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GROWING UP

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, ‘Hi handsome.. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?’
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, ‘Of course you may!’ and she gave me a giant squeeze.
‘Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?’ I asked.
She jokingly replied, ‘I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…’

‘No seriously,’ I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
‘I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!’ she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Everyday for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this ‘time machine’ as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, ‘I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.’ As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ‘We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream.  When you lose your dreams, you die..We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.   If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.  Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.’ She concluded her speech by courageously singing ‘The Rose.’

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.  Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.  If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

“Love is not what makes the world go ’round. Love is what makes the trip worthwhile.” -Franklin Jones
Upon the last hours of his death, an AIDS victim pondered his life and attempted to make sense of all the highs and lows, seeking meaning and purpose to his short-lived existence.
Through all my successes in business and education, none of these seem significant any more,” he said to a young journalist who was taking notes for an assignment on death and dying. “I have concluded that when all is said and done, love is all that really matters,” he continued.
How true this is. Recall when, in days of old, ancient peoples would bury their deceased loved one with riches and personal belongings, hoping the deceased could use these items in the afterlife. Centuries later, various excavations reveal the riches to remain intact and the body decayed, thus proving that, no matter how hard you try, you can’t take it with you. We come into this world naked, and naked we shall also exit.
When all is said and done and the hour of our death is near, all that will truly matter is how well we have loved, not only those closest to us, but, how well we have loved our Heavenly Father, God. If our eyes are not fully open NOW, in the end, not only may reality prove shocking, but there will be no time to turn back the hands of time.
Life is indeed a journey as the author of the above quote states, but with every journey, there is also a destination.
Today, think for a moment of what YOUR destination is. If it is anything less than love, consider traveling upon a whole new path. His name is Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes through the Father except through me.” -John 14:6
— Melanie Schurr

LEFTOVERS

A preacher in Africa claims to be able to walk on water like Jesus!

In Libreville, Gabon, Africa, evangelist preacher Franck Kabele announced to his congregation that he’d had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus. So he took them all to the beach, saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes to cross by boat. A witness said, “He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head.”  ***MARLAR: This has nothing to do with having enough faith, and everything to do with breaking God’s laws.  One of those laws is gravity.

LIFE… LIVE IT

BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING

The high gas and food crunch will result in less spending for back-to-school stuff this year, according to a survey from Deloitte. Due to economic concerns, 71% of Americans plan to spend less on back-to-school items this year. In addition, a whopping 90% will change the way they shop for back-to-school items this year. Changes included:

  • 79% will buy more back-to-school items on sale.

  • 70% will buy only what the family needs.

  • 68% will buy more lower-priced items.

  • 53% will use more store coupons.

  • 46% will shop at different – less expensive – stores than usual.

  • 45% will put off buying certain items for as long as possible.

  • 27% will research more products online to find the best price.

  • 83% said they will spend less on clothes; 48% will spend less on shoes; and 30% will spend less on backpacks/book bags. Almost one-third, 29%, will spend less on supplies.

JUST FOR FUN

HAIR TODAY

Firefighters are called to put out flaming… hair!

Firefighters were called to an apartment in Fargo, North Dakota, after a report of smoke and a “noxious and terrible odor,” coming from a window. It turns out that there was no fire or chemical leak. Rather, the owner of the apartment was burning his hair. The man said that once a year he takes all the hair he has saved from his haircuts and burns it in a skillet.  ***MARLAR: If he ever invites you over for angel hair pasta – don’t go!

FUN LIST

REAL BUMPER STICKERS

Money talks – mine only says goodbye.

I started off with nothing – and I still have most of it left.

Driver carries only $20.00 in ammunition.

If this is a free country, how come I have to pay for everything?

Driver carries only $10.00. Wife and kids have the rest.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

TOP 10 MOST SPAMMED STATES

A study by web security company MessageLabs has found that Illinois residents get more spam than residents of any other U.S. state. The study analyzed spam traffic on a state-by-state basis and found that 92.1% of all e-mail to addresses in Illinois were made up of spam. The least spammed state was Montana, at 77%. Overall, the U.S. is still receiving more than its fair share of spam. Global spam rates are 81.5%, whereas for the U.S. as a whole is 86%. The top 10 most spammed states:

1. Illinois

2. South Dakota

3. Oregon

4. New Hampshire

5. Wisconsin

6. North Carolina

7. Indiana

8. Texas

9. Pennsylvania

10. Alabama

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Religious leaders and institutions have taken part in efforts to address important social issues throughout American history, from slavery to civil rights to today’s advocacy in areas such as reducing poverty. But according to a recent Pew Research Study, Americans appear to be growing more skeptical of how much of a difference churches and other houses of worship make in tackling social concerns. A majority of U.S. adults still say religious institutions contribute either “a great deal” or “some” to solving important social problems. But the combined figure of 58% has fallen significantly in recent years. About four-in-ten Americans (39%) now say religious institutions make little to no contribution in this area. http://pewrsr.ch/29UqIXD

A Satanic invocation kicked off a local assembly meeting in an Alaskan borough last week, sparking debate about whether the assembly should do away with its tradition of opening meetings with prayer. According to the Alaska Dispatch News, the Kenai Peninsula Borough Assembly meeting last Tuesday was opened up with a prayer from local resident Iris Fontana, a member of a local Satanic Temple. Although Iris proclaimed “Hail Satan” at the end of her invocation, her invocation appeared to be mostly a call for people to turn against their religious beliefs and embrace agnosticism. http://ow.ly/yCho303gjVn

The new 400m Olympic champion and world record holder celebrated his medal with the words “Jesus did it”. According to Christian Today.com, Wayde van Niekerk blew his rivals away with a time of 43.03 seconds, breaking Michael Johnson’s 17-year-old record to win a sensational Olympic final in Rio. The South African youngster has already been hailed as a future legend. After the race he tweeted his thanks with the words “God is power”. A committed Christian, van Nierkerk, took time to thank God on the track after the race. He told BBC Sport: “The only thing I can do now is to give God praise. I went on my knees each and every day and I told the lord to take care of me and look after me every step.” “I asked the Lord to carry me through the race and I am really just blessed for this opportunity.” http://bit.ly/2bjWhZ5

In preparation for the release of Ben-hur on August 19, the web site New Release Today is giving away a trip to Israel. The giveaway includes economy-class airfare to Tel Aviv, a four-night hotel stay, round-trip transfers from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, and a full-day group tour of Jerusalem and Bethlehem. http://www.newreleasetoday.com/contests.php

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Summer vacation is almost over and, depending on whether you’re the parent or the kid, your sentence is either up or it’s just beginning.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 12, 2016…

Pete’s Dragon—This is a remake of a film about an orphan child (Oakes Fegley), on his own, who meets a friendly dragon with the name of Elliott. Bryce Dallas Howard is a park ranger who finds the boy, but his story of a dragon sounds familiar to her—from her lather (Robert Redford.) So, what to do now?  “Pete’s Dragon” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.

Sausage Party—Talking food?  And on your plate, too?  This is the premise of the animated comedy (adult) with the voices of Kristen Wiig (hot dog bun), Edward Norton (bagel) and Seth Rogen (sausage). They live in a grocery store and can’t wait to be sold to someone.  This is the ultimate…..however…..what happens when they go home?  Chomp, chomp. “Sausage Party” is rated R. No rating.

Spectral—Two special Ops, Emily Mortimer and James Badge Dale, find problems when they go against a sinister force. Kind of unworldly here. “Spectral” is rated R. No rating.

*Note: The Hollars will now open August 26.

AUGUST 19, 2016…

Ben-Hur and who thought this film could ever be remade?  Well, it has and stars Jack Huston as Ben-Hur (remember Charleton Heston in this role and that famed chariot race?) with Roby Kebbell as Messala, Ben Hur’s adoptive brother.

Kickboxer:Vengeance has Jean-Claude van Damme now the teacher training kickboxing students.

Kubo And The Two Strings is an animated film about an Asian boy hero and the voice of Matthew McConaughey.

The Space Between Us is about the first child born on Mars and falling in love with a girl born on Earth. Stars Asa Butterfield.

War Dogs is based on a true incident about two guys who win an enormous weapons contract. It’s a comedy. Stars Jonah Hill and Miles Teller.

Southside With You gives us two actors who portray President Obama and the First Lady on their first date. Stars Parker Sawyer and Tika Sumpter.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.