August 18, 2017: Friday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170818
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Got some great news yesterday.  Beginning this coming Monday, the (THE JOCK SHOW) will be syndicated!  We’re going to be broadcasting live along our nation’s southern border to discourage illegal aliens from crossing.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. –Matthew 18:15

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. — 1 Corinthians 2:14

“Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. — 2 Corinthians 10:17-18

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. — Mark 10:13-14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” — Matthew 7:12

Thought: Some things don’t need a lot of explaining, just a lot more implementing.

Prayer: Loving God, Almighty Father, forgive me of my selfishness. You have blessed me so richly through Jesus. Please move me by your Spirit to be as generous, loving, forgiving, and kind with others as I want them to be with me and as the Lord has been to me. In Jesus’ name I ask this. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 8:18 NIV = I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – AUGUST 18, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
128 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is BAD POETRY DAY.  Write a really terrible poem and send it to your high school English teacher!  ***Roses are red, violets are blue, I hated your class, and so did everybody else.”

Okay, here’s another attempt:

Two roads diverged in a black forest cake,

Split, as a woman’s locks – murdered by a Sears hair-dryer (not be used while sleeping).

In the vast cold, darkness of my nightmarish frosting,

Let them eat pie.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Bad Poetry Day
Birth Control Pills Day
Mail Order Catalog Day
Men’s Grooming Day
National Badge Ribbon Day
National Fajita Day
Serendipity Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 19

Aviation Day
“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day
Coco Chanel Day
International Orangutan Day
National Honey Bee Day
World Humanitarian Day
World Photo Day
International Geocaching Day
International Homeless Animals Day
World Honey Bee Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 20

Chef Appreciation Day
National Radio Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 21

Brazilian Blow-out Day
Cupcake Day
National Spumoni Day
Poet’s Day
Senior Citizen’s Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22

Be An Angel Day
National Bao Day
Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Take Your Cat To The Vet Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 23

Day For The Remembrance of The Slave Trade & Its Abolition
Valentino Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 24

Knife Day
Pluto Demoted Day
Vesuvius Day
Wayzgoose Day
William Wilberforce Day
National Waffle Iron Day

FRIDAY, AUGUST 25

International Bat Night
Brother’s Day
Kiss and Make Up Day
National Park Service Day
National Second-hand Wardrobe Day
National Whiskey Sour Day
World Daffodil Day

ON THIS DAY

1919: The Anti-Cigarette League of America was organized in Chicago.

1920: Tennessee became the 36th state to ratify the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which guaranteed the right of all American women to vote.

1930: Pluto the dog debuted in the Walt Disney cartoon “The Chain Gang.”

1941: One of Walt Disney’s lesser known films, The Reluctant Dragon, premiered.

1963: James Meredith became the first black graduate from the University of Mississippi.

1974: The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced development of the Super Slurper, a starch derivative treated with iron that could retain water 1,300 times its own weight. It’s the world’s most absorbent substance.

1975: The Blue Bell Inn in Lichfield, England, received history’s highest telephone bill. One month’s service, 4-billion, 386-million, 800-thousand dollars. Plus tax. It was a mistake.

1979: Mel Tillis’s “Coca-Cola Cowboy” became the #1 country song in America. Tillis did not like the song, and recorded it only to keep from losing a bit part in the movie Every Which Way But Loose. When it hit, he said he liked it better.

1992: Boston Celtics superstar Larry Bird announced his retirement from pro basketball. In 13 seasons he played in 12 All-Star games.

1992: At the Republican National Convention in Houston, keynote speaker Senator Phil Gramm called President Bill Clinton’s economic program “worse than sleaze.”

1993: “Weird Al” Yankovic recorded “Livin’ In The Fridge” for his Alapalooza CD.

1998: Prospector Rob Mitchell’s football-size gold nugget sold in Australia for $263,000. Mitchell said he found the nugget in 1992 and buried it in his backyard. He decided to sell it when he came home one day to find that his dog had dug it up.

2002: In a tearful farewell mass in Krakow, Pope John Paul II told more than 2 million Poles that he would like to return one day — but that “this is entirely in God’s hands.”

2003: Authorities estimated as many as 10,000 people had died in heat-related deaths in France during a brutal European heat wave.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1688: John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim’s Progress preaches his last sermon, in London.

1732: In an emotional farewell service, Moravian Christians at Herrnhut sing 100 hymns and commission Leonard Dober and David Nitschmann as missionaries to slaves in the West Indies. Herrnhut, a community of only 600 members sent more than 70 missionaries between 1732 and 1742.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • Actor (“The Cosby Show’s” Theo, “Malcolm And Eddie”, “Jeremiah”, “Listen Up”) Malcolm-Jamal Warner, 47 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Robin Hood, The Contender, “Mr. Robot”) Christian Slater 48

  • Actor (Fight Club, Primal Fear, The Italian Job, Kingdom of Heaven, The Incredible Hulk) Edward Norton, 48

  • Actress (12 Monkeys, Last of the Mohicans) Madeleine Stowe, 59

  • Comedian/actor (Thomas Crown Affair, The Ref, “Rescue Me”) Denis Leary, 60 (audio clip)

  • Comedian Elaine Boosler, 65

  • Comedian/actor (“Roseanne,” the boss in Mr. Mom) Martin Mull, 74 (audio clip)

  • actor (The Horse Whisperer, An Unfinished Life, Spy Games, Captain America: Winter Soldier) Robert Redford 80

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Sonny Til

1939 : Johnny Preston

1944 : Carl Wayne (The Move)

1945 : Barbara Harris (The Toys)

1945 : Sarah Dash (Labelle)

1945 : Nona Hendryx

1950 : Dennis Elliott (Foreigner)

1957 : Ron Strykert (Men at Work)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Ever wonder why traffic signs and markers are yellow?

Yellow is the most visible of all the colors in the spectrum. It can be seen from the farthest distance and it is conspicuous in all lighting conditions. This makes it a natural choice for traffic signs, which must be seen from great distances.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

Fleas have tested positive for the bubonic plague in Arizona.  ***But by all means, keep shouting “he’s not my president” because that’s the more important issue.

While the average American household gets 189 TV channels, they watch just 17 of them. In fact, it seems like 17 channels is about our limit. Almost a decade ago, when the typical American household received 129 channels — 60 fewer than today — we were still watching just 17.  ***But you’re PAYING for 189 channels – so it all balances out.

Daniel Craig, who once said he’d rather “break glass and slash my wrists” than play 007 again, told “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” Tuesday that he will return for another James Bond film.  ***So he was immediately placed on suicide watch.

Wisconsin doctors say Doug Bergeson came perilously close to death after accidentally shooting a nail into his heart! Yet Doug remained amazingly calm and drove himself to the hospital and even parked his pickup truck in the lot before walking into the emergency room. This all went down on June 25 while Doug was working on framing in a fireplace at his house near Peshtigo when his nail gun accidentally fired, sending a nail ricocheting off some wood and into his chest. He said, “I thought it just nicked me,” but then realized only about 1 inch of the 31/2-inch nail was sticking out of his chest. He adds, “I could see the nail moving with my heartbeat.” He also said he was more annoyed than worried as he drove himself to the ER, adding that “common sense” told him not to pull the nail out. Dr. Alexander Roitstein confirmed the nail hit Bergeson’s heart, saying it was also 1/16 of an inch from a major artery. He commended Bergeson for not pulling the nail out and letting doctors handle it. Bergeson spent two days in the hospital and has been recovering at home since the incident. He finally will be able to return to work this week at the Village of Lena waterworks plant. He also has a construction repair business. ***Shot to the heart, and Doug’s to blame…

Be glad you’re not Monica Dorsett – she got the shock of her life while driving on a Florida highway. A slithering snake started coming out of the air vent next to her steering wheel! Fortunately, she managed to keep it together long enough to pull over and get out of the vehicle. She then called her husband to help after she trapped the snake in a car door. Moving forward Monica says, “I’m not opening those vents for a long time.”  *** If Samuel L. Jackson has taught us anything, it’s that snakes can get pretty much anywhere!

There’s a new dating show in the UK where a robot A robot will use artificial Intelligence to solve celebrity relationship issues. ***So the cold and unfeeling might get dating advice from the cold and unfeeling!

 In a border dispute Chinese soldiers and Indian soldiers threw rocks at each other.  ***They then started throwing “Your mom is so fat” jokes at each other.

Employers may not be able to ask you your age or inquire about your religion, but they can ask you for something almost as personal: Your Facebook username and password. In an attempt to thoroughly screen job applicants, some companies and government agencies want to do more than view the publicly available social networking profile page. They want to log in and poke around. And since it is fairly common for Facebook users to lock down their sites so only friends can see it, employers are requesting the password.  ***Face it, America – no matter how many restrictions and privacy setting you set, if you post something online it WILL be seen by someone other than the intended recipient.  So unless you are okay with the world knowing about it, it’s a bad idea to post it.

“The Hunger Games” and “Twilight” movie series are getting their own theme parks in South Korea.  ***A “Twilight” theme park?  How is that not literally going to suck?

A study says better sleep is as beneficial as winning the lottery.  ***I guess that depends on your definition of “beneficial”.  I seriously doubt MasterCard is going to accept my sleeping-in as this month’s minimum payment.

A vandal spray-painted the Lincoln Memorial with graffiti on Tuesday. ***This is exactly why we should not be removing statues and taking down flags – we forget our history.  Lincoln was the one who ENDED slavery, you Antifa moron.

Sweaters for chickens? It sounds like a joke, but a plucky group of retirees in suburban Boston has hatched a plan to keep poultry warm during the New England winter. The unusual project began after members of a knitting club at Fuller Village, a retirement home in Milton, Massachusetts, heard about the hardships that some chickens suffer this time of year.  ***You think they’re suffering from hardships now – just wait until you hear them squawk after you fit them with a  wool-knitted straight jacket.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/03/13/sweaters-for-chickens-retirees-knit-clothes-for-chilly-poultry.htm

Kennewick, Washington, will be the home of the annual International Bigfoot Conference Labor Day Weekend.  ***What I want to know is how did they get all of the bigfoots’ mailing address to send out the invitations!

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

As children return to school, many parents are deciding what prize — if any — is appropriate to offer when kids get good grades. Adults who promise money, gifts or privileges say their children study harder when incentives are on the table.  ***How is this preparing kids for the real world though?  Once you graduate, you aren’t rewarded for doing well so much as you are threatened with termination if you don’t.

According to a survey, one in 10 women doesn’t like her boyfriend’s looks.  ***Yet he still gets the classification of “boyfriend”?  Sounds like the girls have had to lower the bar a bit to find decent dates.

A new poll finds that 67% of gamers will miss sleep in order to continue playing video games.  ***That may sound terrible – but let’s face it, a greater percentage of us stay up late because we can’t walk away from Facebook.

Did you know that your body constantly refreshes itself? According to an NPR report, each body part has its own very distinct lifespan. The lining of the stomach, constantly under assault by digestive acid, is renewed every few days. But bones are refreshed once a decade. ***So you can literally commit a crime now, and then in ten years claim “Well – that wasn’t me.”

A new study finds that making decisions while hungry usually leads to poor decisions.  ***I’m going to take a wild guess and say this study was conducted by the makers of Snickers.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

Last time, Racquet the Skunk made a defective badminton racquet and sold it to Gruffy Bear. Gruffy gave that same racquet as a gift to Racquet the Skunk’s niece, Rita, without Racquet knowing. Rita gave the racquet to her friend Stinky – and it broke immediately! And now Rita is under arrest for sabotaging a badminton racquet!

CLOSE: This just keeps getting worse! Not only is Rita in jail for something she didn’t do, but now so is Gruffy… and the one that really should be in jail is Racquet for purposely making defective badminton racquets to begin with – all to try and get rich off of his friends. Tune in for more of our story next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

What would you do if YOU found a bullet in the middle of the street?  Now think about what you’d do if you wanted to be featured in our Moment of Duh.

A North Philadelphia 14-year-old found a bullet on the street and wanted to see what would happen if he held it over an open flame on the stove. You may be wondering what the odds are that the one person in the world who didn’t know what would happen when you cook a bullet would find one, but it happened. The bullet exploded, hitting the boy in the chest and face. Luckily, the injuries were not as serious as they could have been and he was treated and released.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN INDICATORS YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

10. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

9. Your back goes out more than you do.

8. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

7. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

6. You are proud of your lawn mower.

5. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

4. You sing along with the elevator music.

3. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

2. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

1. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Just stole a car? No problem… sell it back to the owner!

FILE #1: Michael Martin stole a car but instead of selling it to a chop shop he decided to try to sell it back to the person he had just stolen it from. He found the phone number and called the woman who he stole the car from, claiming to have bought the car for $600 before realizing it was stolen. He then offered to sell it back to her for the same amount. No deal, she said, and after some negotiating she agreed to buy it back from him for $200. Knowing something was not right, she called the cops who were waiting for Michael when he showed up with the car.

FILE #2: A man in Peninsula Clarion, Alaska ran into a grocery store packed with people, busy as ever, and yelled, ”Everybody freeze, nobody move. You know what that means?” Apparently not, because nobody paid him any attention. ”Everyone kind of ignored him” says the store manager. “We were busy.” So he tried again by yelling out, ”You people don’t understand. I really mean it.” This time he did get a reaction. One customer told him he could get into trouble talking like that. At that point the would-be store robber left… empty handed.

FILE #3: It used to be a disease. Then it became a disability. And now alcoholism is a religion, at least according to Judge Charles Brieant who overturned a manslaughter conviction because the killer, who killed two people in their home while they slept, made his admission at his Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. The judge says the admission was a form of ”religious communication” and is protected by the Constitution. The prosecution will appeal.

STRANGE LAW: It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin in Georgia unless the shades are down.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A British woman’s bulging wig didn’t fool customs agents in Norway who realized she wasn’t just having a bad hair day.

The wig was concealing more than two pounds of cocaine glued to her head. Customs agents detained her on suspicion of cocaine smuggling. The bag of cocaine was glued so firmly to the woman’s real hair that police reportedly had to take her to a local hospital to have it removed. A court ordered the women held pending a formal indictment and trial.

PHONER PHUN

It sounds like every school kids’ dream – three-day weekends. But students in Tatum, N.M., will find they only have class four days a week when school starts this fall. The new schedule has nothing to do with giving the kids more free time.  It’s a cost-saving measure. Superintendent Buddy Little says the Monday-through-Thursday schedule adds 37 minutes to each school day. Officials note the shorter school week will shave as much as five percent off the budget because of lower utility costs and fewer school bus runs.

PHONER: If this could be worked into the regular work-week for adults, would you do it?  What if it’s only for the kids – would this inconvenience you as a parent as you still have to work five days a week?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When Herod heard of Jesus, he thought Jesus was_____________, risen from the dead?

ANSWER: John the Baptist (Mark 6:14)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In the movie “Jurassic Park”, how many minutes of special effects were there? (That’s computer blue screen, Chromakey, etc.)

ANSWER: The movie, had a total of 7 minutes of special effects. “Independence Day” had 50 minutes.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The average butterfly has a lifespan of two years. (False, it’s less than one month)

2. Doc is the only one of the Seven Dwarfs that wears glasses. (True)

3. The “utriculus” and the “sacculus” are two saclike organs located in your neck. (False, it’s your ear)

4. The last time the French government used the guillotine to execute a convicted criminal was in 1905. (False, it was 1977)

5. A male duck is known as a “Gomer”. (False, it’s known as a “Drake”)

6. In 1998, AOL acquired the rights to ICQ, the first widespread instant messaging service. (True)

7. First published in June 2004, Bill Clinton’s autobiography was called, “My Regret”. (False, it was called “My Life”)

8. In the original book series, super-sleuth Sherlock Holmes was addicted to Cocaine. (True)

9. The Three Mile Island nuclear facility is located in Nebraska. (False, Pennsylvania)

10. The British candy company Cadbury was the first to offer a Valentine’s Day chocolate box. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Drinking Lots of _______ Reduces Risk of Ovarian Cancer!” (COFFEE)


A new study from Harvard Medical School says three cups of coffee a daycould lessen the risk of ovarian cancer, particularly for women who do not take hormone supplements. The study was conducted from 1976 through 2004 and researchers found women who had at least three cups of coffee a day were 20% less likely to develop ovarian cancer than those who drank none. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”

No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

“Pretty good,” replied the veteran, “especially since this was a bus stop.”

JOKE #2

A man called the church office one day and said, “Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?”

The secretary, highly offended, said, “If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as ‘Pastor’ or ‘Brother,’ but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the ‘head hog at the trough!'”

The man said, “Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church’s building fund, but…”

“Hold on,” the secretary quickly replied, “Porky just walked in.”

JOKE #3

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor.

The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.

“The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous.”

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother. “Okay, A minus,” he said.

USELESS FACTS

An annual survey by HR company Mercer reveals that Baghdad is the “worst place on Earth” to live.  ***Detroit is planning to appeal.

For the first time, astronomers say they’ve found a planet outside our solar system that could potentially sustain life.  The new discovery has Earth-like temperatures, and might have water. In galactic terms, it’s relatively close, a mere 120-trillion miles away, orbiting a red dwarf star.  An astronomer on the European team that found the planet calls it a “nice discovery,” but adds, “We still have a lot of questions.”  ***Like, “How soon can we send (Alec Baldwin/Amy Schumer/Rosie O’Donnell) there?”

FEATURED FUNNIES

NO STAIRS

An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.

“Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Thank goodness!” she said. “I’m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

He calls himself an artist, but Michael Fernandes’ exhibit in Halifax, Nova Scotia, did have some people scratching their heads.

His big artistic statement was nothing more than a regular banana perched on a gallery’s window sill. Nevertheless Michael’s original price tag was $15,000. He later dropped the price to $2,500. Actually, Michael changed bananas every day– eating the old ones– and placed progressively greener ones out to demonstrate the banana’s transitoriness. But the kicker is he actually had two different collectors place holds on the “work,” requiring the gallery’s co-owner, Victoria Page, to call them and make sure they new what they were getting. She told them, “It’s a banana– you understand that it’s a banana?”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GROWING UP

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, ‘Hi handsome.. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?’
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, ‘Of course you may!’ and she gave me a giant squeeze.
‘Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?’ I asked.
She jokingly replied, ‘I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…’

‘No seriously,’ I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
‘I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!’ she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Everyday for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this ‘time machine’ as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, ‘I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.’ As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ‘We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream.  When you lose your dreams, you die..We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.   If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.  Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.’ She concluded her speech by courageously singing ‘The Rose.’

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.  Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.  If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE

“Love is not what makes the world go ’round. Love is what makes the trip worthwhile.” -Franklin Jones
Upon the last hours of his death, an AIDS victim pondered his life and attempted to make sense of all the highs and lows, seeking meaning and purpose to his short-lived existence.
Through all my successes in business and education, none of these seem significant any more,” he said to a young journalist who was taking notes for an assignment on death and dying. “I have concluded that when all is said and done, love is all that really matters,” he continued.
How true this is. Recall when, in days of old, ancient peoples would bury their deceased loved one with riches and personal belongings, hoping the deceased could use these items in the afterlife. Centuries later, various excavations reveal the riches to remain intact and the body decayed, thus proving that, no matter how hard you try, you can’t take it with you. We come into this world naked, and naked we shall also exit.
When all is said and done and the hour of our death is near, all that will truly matter is how well we have loved, not only those closest to us, but, how well we have loved our Heavenly Father, God. If our eyes are not fully open NOW, in the end, not only may reality prove shocking, but there will be no time to turn back the hands of time.
Life is indeed a journey as the author of the above quote states, but with every journey, there is also a destination.
Today, think for a moment of what YOUR destination is. If it is anything less than love, consider traveling upon a whole new path. His name is Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes through the Father except through me.” -John 14:6
— Melanie Schurr

LEFTOVERS

A preacher in Africa claims to be able to walk on water like Jesus!

In Libreville, Gabon, Africa, evangelist preacher Franck Kabele announced to his congregation that he’d had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus. So he took them all to the beach, saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes to cross by boat. A witness said, “He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head.”  ***MARLAR: This has nothing to do with having enough faith, and everything to do with breaking God’s laws.  One of those laws is gravity.

LIFE… LIVE IT

BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING

The high gas and food crunch will result in less spending for back-to-school stuff this year, according to a survey from Deloitte. Due to economic concerns, 71% of Americans plan to spend less on back-to-school items this year. In addition, a whopping 90% will change the way they shop for back-to-school items this year. Changes included:

  • 79% will buy more back-to-school items on sale.

  • 70% will buy only what the family needs.

  • 68% will buy more lower-priced items.

  • 53% will use more store coupons.

  • 46% will shop at different – less expensive – stores than usual.

  • 45% will put off buying certain items for as long as possible.

  • 27% will research more products online to find the best price.

  • 83% said they will spend less on clothes; 48% will spend less on shoes; and 30% will spend less on backpacks/book bags. Almost one-third, 29%, will spend less on supplies.

JUST FOR FUN

HAIR TODAY

Firefighters are called to put out flaming… hair!

Firefighters were called to an apartment in Fargo, North Dakota, after a report of smoke and a “noxious and terrible odor,” coming from a window. It turns out that there was no fire or chemical leak. Rather, the owner of the apartment was burning his hair. The man said that once a year he takes all the hair he has saved from his haircuts and burns it in a skillet.  ***MARLAR: If he ever invites you over for angel hair pasta – don’t go!

FUN LIST

REAL BUMPER STICKERS

Money talks – mine only says goodbye.

I started off with nothing – and I still have most of it left.

Driver carries only $20.00 in ammunition.

If this is a free country, how come I have to pay for everything?

Driver carries only $10.00. Wife and kids have the rest.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

TOP 10 MOST SPAMMED STATES

A study by web security company MessageLabs has found that Illinois residents get more spam than residents of any other U.S. state. The study analyzed spam traffic on a state-by-state basis and found that 92.1% of all e-mail to addresses in Illinois were made up of spam. The least spammed state was Montana, at 77%. Overall, the U.S. is still receiving more than its fair share of spam. Global spam rates are 81.5%, whereas for the U.S. as a whole is 86%. The top 10 most spammed states:

1. Illinois

2. South Dakota

3. Oregon

4. New Hampshire

5. Wisconsin

6. North Carolina

7. Indiana

8. Texas

9. Pennsylvania

10. Alabama

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends.)

If you want to keep your memory well into old age, read a book now. It doesn’t have to be great literature. Mysteries, chick-lit or science fiction will suffice just fine. That’s the word from researchers at the Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, who have concluded that when people of any age read books, write or participate in other brain-stimulating activities, it may preserve memory. A study found that those who participated in mentally stimulating activities both early and late in life had a slower rate of decline in memory, compared with those who did not participate in such activities across their lifetime, after adjusting for differing levels of plaques and tangles in the brain. Mental activity accounted for nearly 15 percent of the difference in decline beyond what is explained by plaques and tangles in the brain. Specifically, the study found that the rate of decline was reduced by 32 percent in people with frequent mental activity in late life, compared with people with average mental activity.

Too Much Screen Time Leads to Speech Delays in Toddlers
Bad news for new parents – too much tablet time may slow speech development in young children. Pediatricians at the Hospital for Sick Children in Canada who examined the effect of screen time on 900 children between 6 months and 2 years old found a 49% increased risk of delayed speech for every additional 30 minutes spent using a touch screen. While previous studies have reported negative effects associated with screen time, including sleeping problems, the research presented at the annual meeting of the Pediatric Academic Societies was the first to establish a link between handheld devices and expressive language delay. Team leader Dr. Catherine Birken says in a news release that all screen time for children under 18 months should be discouraged, a suggestion echoed by the AAP. That even goes for apps marketed as educational. One expert tells Time that the littlest ones can’t understand the connection between what they see on the screen and what they see in the real world. (Time)

The most popular American meal is not hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken or spaghetti, it’s leftovers. According to a study by the Food Marketing Institute, 58% of Americans are having leftovers for dinner on any given night. With the tough economy, people are eating out less these days, while two-thirds of Americans are buying less fancy foods and 60% are buying store brands. At least home cooking is healthier than going out to eat, according to 39% of the study participants. Another 53% think they are now eating healthier, while 41% of us claim to be “very concerned” about the nutritional value of what we eat.

If you’re angry at him for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, say so. If you’re upset with her for ignoring you at the end of a long day, speak up. Holding it in with the idea of not starting an argument is the fastest way to kill a marriage. Why? It creates emotional distance. The Rev. David Code, an Episcopal priest, family coach and author of “To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First,” says couples today are quick to suppress the urge to argue with one another. “But just because you seldom argue doesn’t mean your marriage is strong. The real silent killer of marriage is distancing yourself from your partner,” he writes in a column published in the Christian Science Monitor. Code insists that couples should worry more about their flight response, which is the instinct to avoid your partner, than their fight response, the instinct to argue it out verbally.

If the upcoming solar eclipse on August 21st doesn’t work for your schedule, you do have another one coming up… in 2024.  The next total solar eclipse in the Americas comes on April 8, 2024. Totality first touches Mexico, enters the United States at Texas, cuts a diagonal to Maine, and visits the maritime provinces of Canada.

SOUL-GLO

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

Justin Juenemann has never played in a game in four years with the University of Minnesota football team, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t made an impact. The Gophers’ backup kicker has dedicated himself to helping kids in need as a volunteer at Masonic Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by his teammates and coaches.   He may never have played a single game of football but Juenemann, 23, was recently surprised with a full-ride football scholarship for his final season. http://on.today.com/2vXERy7

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

What happens when internet social justice warriors get it wrong when they accuse you of racism?  

Of course there are internet sleuths working hard to publicly identify and shame the white nationalists, neo-Nazis, and others who attended last weekend’s “Unite the Right” rally in Virginia. While the act in itself may have merit, what happens when they get it wrong? Talk to Kyle Quinn who spent last Friday going to a museum and dinner with his wife in Arkansas over 1,000 miles from Charlottesville. Nevertheless, he was incorrectly identified as one of the men who stormed the University of Virginia campus with torches. As a result he was harassed on social media and his home address was made public. As threats poured in, he and his wife were forced to stay at a co-worker’s home. Scary stuff.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Summer vacation is almost over and, depending on whether you’re the parent or the kid, your sentence is either up or it’s just beginning.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 18, 2017…

Tulip Fever—The tulip flower may look like a small resident in your flower bed, but centuries ago, the tulip was a rare flower, indeed, and fortunes could be made on color, size and shape of blossom and the best place to buy and grow tulips. In this film, adapted from Deborah Moggach’s novel, a painter (Dane DeHaan from “Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets”)  is commissioned to paint a portrait of the wife (Alicia Vikander) of a wealthy man (Christoph Waltz.) This is the Netherlands of the 17th century when the Tulip Market was at its peak. Love blooms (couldn’t resist that) between painter and the wife, but how to run away? Hmm, there are always those tulips to consider for wealth. This film has quite a cast, including Judi Dench, Matthew Morrison, Jack O’Connell and Zach Galifianakis. Would you believe, Danny Elfman does the soundtrack?  “Tulip Fever” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for history fans and gardening buffs.

Polaroid—This film is a supernatural thriller about a camera with a curse (this time is a Polaroid camera not a video). What comes next, an Instamatic thriller? When the camera is found, and a picture is taken, the person in the photo becomes a target. The stars include Kathryn Prescott, Katie Stevens  and Mitch Pileggi. “Polaroid” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Death Note—Here is another supernatural thriller (they all come in August now?) based on a manga story. It concerns someone who has the ability to write down a name and then something bad happens to that person. (Does this pertain to checks, also?) The stars of “Death Note” include Nat Wolff, Margaret Qualley and Willem Dafoe. “Death Note” is rated R. No rating.

Villa Capri—Tommy Lee Jones is the star here and it is an action/comedy about problems within the “organization.” Actress Glenne Headly (“Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”) is one of the stars and “Villa Capri” was her last film. Unfortunately, she passed away this year. Other stars include Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo and Elizabeth Ashley. “Villa Capri” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

AUGUST 25, 2017…

Leap! is an animated film (also titled “Ballerina”) about a little girl who wants to be a dancer. Voices of Elle Fanning, Dane DeHaan and Carly Rae Jepson.

Brigsby Bear concerns the end of a children’s TV show and how it affects one child. Stars Kyle Mooney.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.