August 19, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150819

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome back to (THE JOCK SHOW) – radio’s answer to absolutely nothing!

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. –Proverbs 31:10 27-28

 

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. — John 3:20-21

 

To me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. — Philippians 1:21

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

By God’s will I may come to you with joy and together with you be refreshed. — Romans 15:32

 

Thought: Our lives, our futures, and our plans are in God’s hands. This inescapable reality is the basis of our existence. It is also the foundation of our joy and refreshment when we are with each other. Think about it a second: our meetings with each other, and our ministry to each other, are not chance happenings. They are acts of God’s grace that gives us a chance to share in God’s blessing and joy.

 

Prayer: Holy Father, thank you for your direct involvement in my life. Thank you for the leading of your Spirit, the guidance of your Word, and the wisdom of older Christians. These have all deepened the meaning of my life and empowered my service to your Kingdom. Please give me a more profound sense of grace and joy when I am able to be with Christians wherever that may be. I know these precious members of your family are not chance acquaintances I make along the way, but are the reminders of your desire to bless me and refresh your children with your presence. In Jesus’ name I thank you. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 8:19 NIV = The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – AUGUST 19, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 129 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is AVIATION DAY, always on Orville Wright’s birthday. He was born in Dayton, Ohio, August 19, 1871.

 

Today is PENGUIN AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: One of the few birds that won’t be celebrating Aviation Day.

 

Today is ZELLA DAY, honoring all ladies named Zella. ***MARLAR: And that constitutes a whopping ZERO for our audience.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Aviation Day

“Black Cow” Root Beer Float Day

National Medical Dosimetrist Day

World Humanitarian Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

THURSDAY, AUGUST 20

Earth Over Shoot Day (Ecological Debt Day)

National Radio Day

 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21

Men’s Grooming Day

National Spumoni Day

Poet’s Day

Senior Citizen’s Day

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 22

Be An Angel Day

International Tongue Twister Day

Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

Take Your Cat To The Vet Day

 

SUNDAY, AUGUST 23

Day For The Remembrance of The Slave Trade & Its Abolition

Go Topless Day

Valentino Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 24

Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Wilberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day

 

TUESDAY AUGUST 25

Kiss and Make Up Day

National Park Service Day

National Second-hand Wardrobe Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

 

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26

National Dog Day

National Toilet Paper Day

Tug-of-War Day

Women’s Equality Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1883: Gabrielle Chanel was born in France. “Coco” created the perfume Chanel #5. ***MARLAR: What ever happened to Chanel numbers one through four? (And with a name like “Coco” I’m surprised one of her fragrances wasn’t Cocoa-Puffs.)

 

1929: Amos & Andy, a radio sitcom starring white actors Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll as African-American characters, debuted on NBC Radio. One of radio’s longest-running shows, it moved to television with an all-black cast for two seasons in the early ‘50s. Reruns finally disappeared in 1966 after complaints from civil rights groups.

 

1946: William Jefferson Blythe IV was born in Hope, Arkansas, just weeks after his father had been killed in an accident. In 1961, 15-year-old Bill Blythe, whose mother had since married Roger Clinton, had his last name legally changed to Clinton.

 

1951: Edward Gaedel became the only dwarf to play major league baseball. The 3-foot-7 pinch hitter with the St. Louis Browns walked on four straight pitches. ***MARLAR: And then took a short jog to first base.

 

1964: The Beatles opened their first American tour at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. Also on the bill were The Righteous Brothers and Jackie DeShannon.

 

1973: Singer Kris Kristofferson married singer Rita Coolidge in Los Angeles.

 

1993: South Korea banned singer Michael Jackson from that country, claiming Jackson was an “evil example” to young people.

 

1996: Guillermo Leciaire, who had survived 72 bullet wounds and seven assassination attempts during a 57-year feud with another family, died at age 74 in central Nicaragua. He had been blind since being shot in the head in 1970.

 

1997: 22-year-old Texas Rangers rookie third baseman Fernando Tatis Jr. spoke by telephone for the first time in 17 years to his father. Ferando Sr. and his wife had divorced when their son was 5. Fernando Sr. had played minor-league baseball in the U.S. Rangers coach Bucky Dent, who had gone through a similar search for his own father, helped arrange the reunion. The Tatises got together in person a short time later.

 

1998: An Indian astrologer stuck by his 1996 prediction that scandals would force U.S. President Bill Clinton to resign. N.K. Rawo edited India’s Journal of Astrology.

 

2002: A South African driver survived a shooting when the bullet lodged in a wad of money in his jacket pocket. The victim was attacked outside a bank where he’d just collected about a thousand dollars. He told police he realized he’d been shot when he found a hole in his pocket and a bullet in the wad of money.

 

2004: Carly Patterson won gymnastics’ premier event at the Olympics in Athens, becoming the first U.S. woman to win the all-around title since Mary Lou Retton in 1984.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1099: Three years after setting out, the First Crusade armies defeat the Saracens at the Battle of Ascalon, a Palestinian city. For more than a century afterwards, Christians controlled the Holy Land.

 

1662: Blaise Pascal, French scientist, polemicist, and Christian apologist, dies at the age of 39 after an extended illness. In 1654, he experienced his “definitive conversion” where he discovered the “God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob, and not of the philosophers and men of science”.

 

1835: German-born William Nast, founder of German Methodism, is appointed a missionary to Germans in Ohio. He organized hundreds of German converts into churches.

 

1843: C.I. Scofield, dispensationalist creator of the Scofield Reference Bible, is born near Clinton, Michigan.

 

1886: Richard G. Spurling, a Baptist minister, founds the Christian Union in Tennessee. In 1923 the organization took the name the Church of God, Cleveland, Tennessee, a Pentecostal denomination that now has hundreds of thousands of members.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Six Degrees”, “Parenthood”) Erika Christensen 33
  • Actor (“Friends”) Matthew Perry, 46
  • Former MTV news correspondent Tabitha Soren, 48
  • Actor (“That’s Life”, “Entourage”) Kevin Dillon, 50 (
    )
  • Actress (“The Closer”, Phenomenon) Kyra Sedgwick, 50
  • Actor (“Full House”) John Stamos, 52 (
    )
  • Actor (“Northern Exposure”, “Chicago Hope”) Adam Arkin, 59
  • Actor (“The O.C.”) Peter Gallagher, 60
  • Actor (Will Riker on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”) Jonathan Frakes, 63 (
    )
  • former 2nd Lady Tipper Gore 67
  • Actor (“Major Dad”, “Simon & Simon”) Gerald McRaney, 68 (
    )
  • 42nd President Bill Clinton is 69
  • Actor and former U.S. Senator (“Law & Order”, Die Hard 2, Hunt for Red October, Line of Fire) Fred Thompson, 73
  • Actress (Diamond Are Forever) Jill Saint John, 75

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1939 : Ginger Baker (Cream)

1940 : Roger Cook (Blue Mink)

1940 : Johnny Nash

1943 : Billy J. Kramer

1943 : Don Fardon (The Sorrows)

1945 : Ian Gillian (Deep Purple)

1948 : Elliott Lurie (Looking Glass)

1948 : Susan Jacks (The Poppy Family)

1951 : John Deacon (Queen)

1966 : Lee Ann Womack

1968 : MC Eric (Technotronic)

1989 : Lil’ Romeo

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Secular scientists are now talking about massive catastrophes in regard to the formation of the fossil record. Isn’t this what the creationists have been saying all along?

Creationists have always insisted that the fossil record has to be interpreted on the basis of catastrophic events.  Not long ago evolutionists taught that the fossil record formed slowly, over millions and millions of years. But now, evolutionary scientists suggest all sorts of global catastrophes to explain, for example, the extinction of dinosaurs. Even in a secular book published recently, leading evolutionists declare that the fossil record now must be understood in terms of catastrophic processes–not slow processes as they originally taught.  Why won’t they just accept the answer from Genesis that there was a single global catastrophe–the Flood–just thousands of years ago? The real answer is because they don’t want to acknowledge that there’s a God who judged man’s rebellion with a watery catastrophe. It stands as a warning that He will judge again–but next time by fire.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Matt Maher didn’t let a broken down tour bus stop he and his band from getting to Sioux Falls over the weekend. He shared a picture as they continued on to their destination in a rental van.

 

Plumb was dealing with a long day in the air over the weekend. As she headed to flight number four, Plumb tweeted her travel schedule for the day. It took her from West Virginia to somewhere, somewhere to DC, DC to Denver, Denver to North Dakota. To make the schedule even more difficult, the series of flights came just one day after what Plumb described as her worst flight ever.

 

The Fox Network is describing Chris Tomlin’s Worship Night in America stop at Madison Square Garden the New York City Shocker. The reason for their amazement? Because the venue was sold out for a night of worship. According to the story, Tomlin’s call to the five boroughs of New York City met with excitement that only New Yorkers can show, with roughly 14,000 people uniting as one in worship and prayer.   http://t.co/GPJznENoFJ

 

Anita Renfroe is a survivor. The Christian Comedian and motivational speaker shared: I survived the Blue Bell ice cream famine of 2015.

 

Having a son has been a life changer for Casting Crown’s Megan Garrett. She tweeted over the weekend: Things I’ve never said until I had a boy; “Stop putting waffles in your pants!”

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey was giving tips on sneaking into a sold out concert over the weekend. After hearing that the Tour De Compadres stop in Nashville was sold out, Mike shared: Industry tip: Black t-shirt. Numerous tour badges. Fancy camera. Walk in confidently.

 

Visitors to a Chick-fil-A drive-thru in Washington DC recently had a special surprise. They were served their order by none other than Tobymac. The Christian artist made a stop at the facility and also delivered some free music and some free food.

 

Drummer Duncan Phillips says that, as a member of Newsboys, he gets to do some pretty cool things. No, he wasn’t referring to playing in front of thousands or meeting dignitaries. Duncan shared: Today we visited some patients with multiple sclerosis at a Retirement Center in Aberdeen South Dakota! What a privilege!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

‘Call 911’: Man says Siri made the call that saved his life
WATERHILL, Tenn. (AP) — A Middle Tennessee teen is alive, thanks to Siri. Eighteen-year-old Sam Ray says the voice recognition service on his iPhone — famously named Siri — called emergency dispatchers after his truck fell on him while he tried to make repairs. Ray told media…

 

College student lives in 96-square-foot solar-powered house    photo
POULTNEY, Vt. (AP) — A college student in Vermont is living in a 96-square-foot house he built to reduce his carbon footprint — and save money. HASH(0x13e02e0) The home is powered by two 100-watt solar panels. A rocket mass heater built from a cast-iron stove insulated with a mixture of…
‘Literary litterbug’ admits tossing 600 books from vehicle
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A man dubbed the “literary litterbug” for tossing more than 600 books along a busy Colorado highway must complete 30 hours of community service and pay $1,725 in restitution and court costs. HASH(0x13652b0) Colorado Department of Transportation crews began noticing the…
Police: Drunk NY man has his 10-year-old drive him home
STILLWATER, N.Y. (AP) — Police say an upstate New York man had his 10-year-old drive his pickup truck while he was sitting in the passenger seat drunk. HASH(0x13febd0) Police say officers pulled over the truck and found that the 10-year-old was behind the wheel while his father, 46-year-old…
Guinness: 26-year-old cat in Oregon is world’s oldest alive
SISTERS, Ore. (AP) — A 26-year-old cat in Oregon has been named the oldest living cat by Guinness World Records. The cat named Corduroy is owned by a family in the central Oregon city of Sisters. His owner, Ashley Reed Okura, has had him since he was a kitten and she was 7. It’s the second…
Group files complaint against judge over marriage sentence
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — A group that advocates the separation of church and state has filed a complaint about a Texas judge who ordered a man to marry his girlfriend as a condition of probation. The Freedom From Religion Foundation said Friday it filed the complaint against Smith County…
Who are they going to call? 911 dispatch center has bed bugs
PITTSBURGH (AP) — Western Pennsylvania’s largest 911 dispatch center has its own emergency: It’s infested with bed bugs. Allegheny County Emergency Services officials announced the infestation Friday at the agency’s call center in Pittsburgh. Emergency Services Chief Alvin Henderson says…
3 arrested after searching NYC sewer system for valuables
NEW YORK (AP) — Police say three men hoping to find discarded valuables in New York City’s hot and putrid sewer system have been arrested — after coming out empty-handed. Two of them were nabbed after emerging from a manhole in Brooklyn’s East Flatbush neighborhood Thursday. Police say…
YOPO: New Jersey brewer releasing Pope Francis-inspired beer
CAPE MAY, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey brewery is releasing a limited edition beer to commemorate Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia next month. Cape May Brewing Co. co-owner Ryan Krill says his company is brewing 500 gallons of YOPO, or “You Only Pope Once.” The pope-inspired beer is a hoppy…
Black bear breaks into car in Montana, destroys interior    photo
HELENA, Mont. (AP) — A retired Pittsburgh schoolteacher could do nothing but laugh after a black bear broke into her car in Montana, destroyed the interior while trying to escape, and finally busted out through the windshield. The bear became trapped Thursday inside Ellen Stolpe’s Toyota…
Cape Cod race lets runners compete virtually from treadmills    photo
FALMOUTH, Mass. (AP) — While thousands of runners descend upon Cape Cod for the New Balance Falmouth Road Race this weekend, an additional 100 are planning to compete from the comfort of their home or gym. Whether they failed to snag a coveted bib or are serving overseas in the military, the…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

2016 hopefuls hit the gym, try to skip pie on campaign trail    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Scott Walker is counting steps on his FitBit. Jeb Bush swears by the Paleo diet. Bobby Jindal is a “gym rat.” With long travel days and a fresh slab of cherry pie never far away, the campaign trail is notoriously unhealthy. But many 2016 presidential candidates are…

 

Sweden suspects meningitis outbreak at scout camp in Japan
STOCKHOLM (AP) — Sweden’s health authority is urging nearly 2,000 scouts returning from a gathering in Japan to get medical treatment after a suspected outbreak of meningitis. The Swedish Public Health Agency on Monday said one Swedish participant was likely to have contracted the disease at…
Imperfect test fuels alternative treatments for Lyme disease    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Lyme disease conjures memories of checking for ticks at camp and fretting over bug bites after hikes in the woods. But far from a summertime nuisance, Lyme is a potentially debilitating disease – and the subject of a vigorous debate in modern medicine. Doctors not only…
Health officials say they won’t change HPV vaccine mandate
PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — State health officials say there are no plans to change a new requirement that middle school students in Rhode Island get the HPV vaccine even though some parents, and now some lawmakers, have expressed concerns. Children entering seventh grade in September must get…
Former NFL players appeal terms of concussion settlement
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Former NFL players who object to terms of the potential $1 billion concussion settlement have filed appeals that are likely to delay payouts to thousands of retirees until next year. About a dozen appeals on behalf of as many as 90 former players were expected to be filed…
Yosemite campground shutting after 2 squirrels die of plague
YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK, Calif. (AP) — Officials at Yosemite National Park said Friday they will temporarily close a popular campsite after two squirrels died of plague in the area. Tuolumne Meadows Campground will close from noon Monday through noon Friday so authorities can treat the area…
Addict amnesty: Police give heroin addicts support, rehab
GLOUCESTER, Mass. (AP) — The young woman nursing a fresh black eye has come to the police station in this old fishing city for help. But she’s not looking to report a crime or seek someone’s arrest. She wants help kicking her heroin addiction. “It was better than the alternative,” says the…
Congregant: No hard feelings over botulism at church potluck
LANCASTER, Ohio (AP) — One of the 30 congregants sickened with botulism after a church potluck in April says no one there has any animosity toward the person who made the potato salad that was blamed for the outbreak. Debbie Wright of Cross Pointe Freewill Baptist Church told the Lancaster…
Drug execs behind female libido pill have run afoul of FDA    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A small drugmaker from North Carolina may succeed next week where many of the world’s largest pharmaceutical companies have failed: in winning approval for the first drug to boost women’s sexual desire. The husband-and-wife team that founded Sprout Pharmaceuticals is not new…
Location, extent of Carter’s cancer will govern his options    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Surgery, drugs, radiation, comfort care. What’s next for Jimmy Carter depends on how widely his cancer has spread and where, and how aggressively the 90-year-old former president wants to fight it. Carter said Wednesday that surgery on Aug. 3 to remove a mass in his liver…
Most Legionnaires’ deaths tied to spray from shower, faucet
NEW YORK (AP) — Most deaths from Legionnaires’ disease are tied to hospital and nursing home showers, not outdoor cooling towers, new government figures released Thursday show. Cooling towers are the focus of an investigation into a Legionnaires’ outbreak in New York City this summer that is…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A controversial video has emerged of Queen Elizabeth – as a child – giving the Nazi salute in 1933.  *** But then, a few years ago we had a picture of Prince Harry celebrating Halloween in a Nazi uniform – so at least they’re consistent.

 

A Boston bus driver gave passengers a cool treat on a hot day when he made a stop at a child’s lemonade stand. John Lohan asked permission to stop and all six passengers agreed. Lohan treated each to one 50-cent cup of lemonade.  ***Upon seeing it was a bus, the kid running the lemonade stand insisted on exact change.

 

A study finds that too much texting can be bad for your relationship. Researchers studying the types and frequency of text messages between men and women say the sexes use texting differently – and may be driving their partner away. Men who text their partners more are likely to be unhappy with the relationship, while women who text their partners more often are typically happier in the relationship and trying to reach out – but may be driving their partners away by appearing too intrusive.  *** And speaking of driving, don’t text while doing that either.

 

Surgeons in China have restored the use of a hand severed in an industrial accident. But they had to wait a month. The injuries to his arm were so severe that the surgical team believed time has to be allowed for nerves and tendons to heal. To keep the hand alive they grafted it onto a man’s ankle for a month before re-attaching it to his arm. *** Which was great when he had an itch on his foot – he didn’t have to bend over to scratch it.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A survey found many of us have said something we regret on a first date. Why? Blame the alcohol. A third of us say something we regret, and one in five end up doing things we wish we hadn’t. ***MARLAR: So if you must drink and date, make sure it’s a virgin daiquiri.

 

The United States Food and Drug Administration allows up to 60 insect parts (legs, wings etc.) in a 100-gram sample of chocolate.  ***MARLAR: Yep, Kit Kits are a good source of protein!

 

Chia: It may not be just for pets anymore.

…The seeds behind the world’s favorite hair-sprouting ceramic creatures might start turning up in an unexpected place: your cake recipe.  A gel made from chia seeds – yes, the same ones that lend their name to the beloved line of Chia Pets – may work as a substitute for eggs or oil to reduce the fat content of cakes.  ***MARLAR: Ch-ch-ch-chia cake!

 

A Gallup poll says that half of people in Illinois would leave the state if they could. The top reason for wanting to move from Illinois, given by 26 percent of those polled, was “work/business-related.” Weather was the next most-cited reason for wanting to move.  I say leave!  If all of those people left, just think of how much better Chicago traffic would be.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Better Business Bureau”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Limousine”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

CLOSE: And you thought YOU were busy! Tune in again next time – if you have time, that is – to see what the jungle animals do about their own time problems! As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 22/23, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never ending saga that is As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was singing show tunes and getting ready to go on a picnic. He had everything ready to go and was just about to take off when Millard the Monkey stopped by…

 

CLOSE: The best picnic the jungle animals have ever had… now that DOES sound like fun! We’ll find out how much fun next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Teaching a few extra classes to make some money landed a few teachers in a big mess of DUH!

5 teachers at Southwest High School in Miami were a little short of cash, so they looked for a “creative way” to make a little extra. They typically make around $6,000 in overtime for their classes so they began offering extra classes in wrestling, track and field, fitness lifestyles and aerobics. After 2 semesters, school officials noticed that the students were getting mostly A’s in the courses and stop by to see the reason for the success. When they stopped by, they realized that there were never any classes and there were never any students! In fact, the coaches made up the students’ names. All 5 teachers were quickly arrested and face 12 counts of felony. ***MARLAR: But will all receive an “A” for that acting class they were teaching!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS A MOM DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR

  1. I swallowed a goldfish.2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.3. Does grape juice leave a stain???

    4. The principal called…

    5. But DAD says that word all the time.

    6. What’s it cost to fix a window???

    7. Has anyone seen my earthworms???

    8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?

    9. The dog doesn’t like dressing up in your clothes.

    10. I’m moving out. (Well, maybe some days.)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Liar, liar, pants on fire is a pretty good saying for today in the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: Stop, drop, and roll. Stop, drop, and roll. Isn’t that what they teach you in school if your clothes were ever to catch fire? Apparently one criminal didn’t remember that saying… as he kept running from police even when his pants were on fire! In fact, the only thing that saved Carl Franklin was that his hot pants burned enough away that they dropped to his ankles… which tripped him up so police could catch him. It all started with two bad habits… the first, running away from the cops. The second, putting your lit cigarette in your pants to save for after the chase. Franklin was charged with resisting arrest, handcuffed, and taken to jail. Halfway to the jail he was still shouting that his pants were on fire.

 

FILE #2: It was a tough day at the office indeed for police in Oklahoma City. The SWAT team recently surrounded a suspected drug house and staged a stand off with the residents inside. For seven hours things stayed tense as negotiators tried to talk the occupants into surrendering. Finally, after seven hours they figured out that no one was home

 

FILE #3: A woman who tried to steal cash from a Kansas City convenience store ended up with less than she came in with — namely her shirt — and the whole thing was caught on tape! Our would-be-robber came into the store about 1:30 a.m. and grabbed a can of soda. She headed to the counter, then jumped over the counter toward the open cash register. But that’s when store clerk Omar Takow grabbed the woman’s shirt — which inevitably came off. The now topless woman grabbed all of $3 dollars and fled, leaving her shirt behind. Mr. Takow said he’s not thrilled with all the publicity, but he’s not afraid to stand up for what’s right adding, “They can come and try it, but they will see that they will get what they deserve.” Apparently he got the stolen $3 bucks back when the woman returned to get her shirt. She had two guys waiting for her in a car outside. They all got away, but without the cash.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal to cross streets while walking on your hands.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A husband and wife are both pulled over for drunk driving… in separate cars!

A husband and wife in Nevada both face drunk-driving charges after being stopped at the same time driving separate cars.  Elko County sheriff’s deputy Sean Murphy says the wife’s car almost crashed into him after he’d pulled over the husband.  Mr. Murphy says it’s the first his-and-hers drunk-driving case he’s ever heard about in the area. Police arrested them and held them in separate cells in Elko County Jail.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What weird trick did you teach your pet?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: After Pharaoh refused to let Israel go, he said the Israelites would gather what to make their bricks?

ANSWER: Straw (Exodus 5:7)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How many knights could sit around Camelot’s Round Table?

ANSWER: It seated 150 knights, with one place left open for the Holy Grail.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The average American kid eats 15 pounds of cold cereal annually. (True)

 

  1. A cow can give about 100 quarts of milk per week. (True)

 

  1. President Carter joined the boxing team at Harvard and lost sight in one eye after a rough sparring match later in life, while he was in office. (False, it was Teddy Roosevelt)

 

  1. The comic strip character Garfield often exclaimed “Leapin’ lizards!” (False, it was Little Orphan Annie)

 

  1. “Rickets” is a deficiency of Vitamin D. (True)

 

  1. McDonalds is the only major fast-food burger chain in the U.S. to offer onion rings as an option. (False, it’s Burger King)

 

  1. A triangle can have a maximum of two right angles. (False, it can only have one)

 

  1. The first person to survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel was a 63-year-old widow, back in 1901. (True)

 

  1. A “shoveler” is actually a kind of Duck. (True)

 

  1. A Disney theme park opened in 1983 in North Korea. (False, Tokyo, Japan)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“New Greeting Cards Just For __________!” (PRISONERS)


Terry Cheathem is a criminal defense lawyer and adviser to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. She has also developed a special line of greeting cards for a demographic she says Hallmark has completely ignored — the recently incarcerated. Among her selections are cards which say: “Sorry to hear about your arrest,” and “Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, “Mommy, my stomach hurts.”

Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

Later that day when the Evangelist and her husband were over for dinner, the Evangelist began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, “I have such a terrible headache!”
The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”

 

JOKE #2

A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He entrusted his new assistant with filling the pulpit. The Pastor’s wife stayed home. When he returned, the Pastor asked his wife what she thought of the young man’s sermon. 

”The poorest I’ve ever heard,” she said. “There was nothing in it, nothing at all. It didn’t even make sense. It was very unorganized. I was disappointed.”

Later that day, the concerned minister met his assistant and asked him, “How’d the Sunday service and sermon go? Did all go well? How did you manage?”

“All went very well, sir, absolutely wonderful,” he said. “I didn’t have time to prepare a new sermon of my own on such short notice, so I got on your computer and pulled up one of your old sermons from last year.”

 

JOKE #3

While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her. 

Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, “Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?”

“What do you say?” she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, “You’re thin and beautiful.”

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

There really is a disease called the laughing disease, where people literally laugh themselves to death.  ***MARLAR: There is a cure though – force them to listen to (OTHER STATION / OTHER JOCK).

 

According to the Population Council, people tend to marry people who live near them.  ***MARLAR: Well, yeah.  Otherwise they’d be a pen-pal.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE WEDDING DRESS

When Andra got married, she asked to wear her mother’s wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time her father sitting with her mother in the living room as she descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Andra’s Mother’s eyes welled with tears.

“You’re not losing a daughter,” her father reminded his wife. “You’re gaining a son.”

“Oh, forget about that!” she said with a sob. “I used to fit into that dress!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

CORNY NEWS

It’s a new plague to add to the list! First there were frogs, locusts, hail, and now… falling corn! It happened in Wichita, and no one can explain it!

It was an event of biblical proportion. Things falling from the sky that could not be explained. Fortunately, no one was hurt when the corn husks fell upon Wichita, Kansas in the summer of 2001.  According to news reports, thousands of foot-long (30-cm-long) and larger leaves from corn stalks fell like rain across Wichita. Meterologist Chad Petta says that in cases of high winds, tornadoes, thunderstorms and other extreme weather events it was not unusual for objects to fall from the sky after getting blown long distances. But there has been no unusual weather to explain the falling corn husks, he said.  Some thought perhaps an airplane may somehow have been responsible, but there is no evidence to back up the theory.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE BLESSING IN “NO”

I asked God to take away my pride. God said, “No. It is not for Me to take away, but for you to give it up.”

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, “No. Her spirit is whole, her body is only temporary.”

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, “No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn’t granted, it is earned.”

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, “No. I give you blessings, happiness is up to you.”

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, “No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.”

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, “No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.”

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, “No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.”

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said, “Ah, finally you have the idea!”

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GRACE AND GLORY

Read: Psalm 84:5-12

The Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. —Psalm 84:11

There’s a circular path in the park where I walk behind our home in Boise, Idaho. When I’ve walked three times around, I’ve gone 1 mile.

It’s easy to lose count of the laps on my 3-mile walk. So each morning I pick up nine small stones and put them in my pocket, discarding one each time I finish a lap.

I always feel good when there’s one stone left in my pocket. It puts spring in my step. I pick up the pace.

It occurs to me that my walk through life is a lot like those daily walks. I’ve completed three-score and ten years and don’t have far to go. That too puts spring in my step.

I’m in no hurry to leave this life, but my times are in God’s hands. As the body is breaking down under the weight of the years, there is a grace within that sustains me. I go now “from strength to strength,” and in good time I will appear “before God in Zion” (Psalm 84:7,11). That will be glory for me.

Our Lord gives “grace and glory,” the psalmist says—grace for our earthly walk and glory when we have finished it. “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (v.11).

Do you need grace today? God gives it with both hands. All you have to do is take it. —David Roper

 

When all my labors and trials are o’er,
And I am safe on that beautiful shore,
Just to be near the dear Lord I adore
Will through the ages be glory for me. —Gabriel

 

God gives grace for this life and glory in the life to come.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

DOOGIE HOWSER

An eight-year-old boy tied his mother’s umbilical cord with a shoelace after he’d helped deliver her baby. Tommy Davidson, from Detroit, also called an ambulance and made sure his new sister didn’t fall off the bed. The baby came quicker than his mother anticipated. She’d sent her husband out to a relative when the baby arrived. Tommy said: “My mom said, ‘When the baby’s head comes out, don’t let her fall on the floor’. Then she said to put her on her stomach and put a towel on her to keep her warm, but I was scared. She had all that stuff on her.” ***MARLAR: Little Tommy is still confused as to why he never did see a stork.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

WAYS TO DEAL WITH A NOISY OFFICE

CareerBuilder.com offers these tips to eliminate excess noise at work when you don’t have an office door to close.

  • White Noise — If colleague conversations and ringing phones have you reading the same sentence over and over, try purchasing a white noise CD to play in your computer.
  • Radio/CDs — If your company allows it, download a media player onto your computer, bring in a small radio or listen to some of your favorite CDs.
  • Plants — Plants are good at absorbing noise. Talk to your office manager about getting some greenery in the office to help take the edge off the hubbub — and they look nice too!
  • Nonreflective Surfaces — Make some noise of your own and consult the facilities manager about putting some noise absorption materials in your office, such as carpets, curtains, dividers or acoustic ceiling panels.
  • Confront the Culprit — If it’s just one person in the office who is making all the noise, talk to him or her and explain your situation. They may not even be aware of how loud they are.
  • Set Up a Noise-Free Zone — Perhaps you and your colleagues can designate a particular conference room or area that can be used to escape the noise. It’s always good to have a quiet place to consult with clients or interview candidates.
  • Noise-Canceling Products — There are many products out there that can help with the vexing problem of noise pollution. From small, lightweight headsets to varying types of earplugs, these devices can be used to reduce annoying noise.
  • Move It and Lose It — If an ill-placed copy machine is causing too much traffic, or an over-burdened fax machine rings constantly, check with office services about the possibility of relocating the noise-maker. If that won’t work, see if you can relocate your work station further away from the machines.
  • Post a Sign — Simple and friendly “quiet” signs in hallways and outside conference rooms will help remind co-workers to keep it down when leaving a meeting, heading down the hallway or grabbing a cup of coffee.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THIS IS A SHORT WORK WEEK

Wouldn’t it be great if we ALWAYS had three-day weekends and four-day work weeks?  Here are the top five reasons why…

  • Because I say so
  • Because you say so
  • It would mean the boss would be grumpy one less day every week
  • I could get my work done in 4 days. Don’t tell the boss, but I could probably do it in one – that would just make him more grumpy!
  • And finally, after all those years of complaining about Monday, we could start complaining about Tuesday’s instead!

 

 

FUN LIST

PET PET-PEEVES

  • Dog: They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl.
  • Parrot: Tease, tease, tease — but do those greedy humans ever really give me a cracker?
  • Cat: Why are these people in my house?
  • Goldfish: Just because I have a three-second memory, they don’t think I’ll mind eating the same fish flakes … Oh boy! Fish flakes!

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MEMORABLE RESUME MISTAKES

How much time does a potential employer really spend looking at your resume?  You might be surprised.  And I have a few “memorable resume mistakes” as well.  (Well, not my own mistakes – after all, I landed this job.)

The job search site CareerBuilder recently asked 2,500employers to list their most memorable resume mistakes.  Missteps included:

  • *Putting God as a reference (no phone number)
  • *Sending a 24-page resume
  • *Including an e-mail address with the words “lovesbeer” in it
  • *Listing “Master of Time and Universe” under experience

With nearly five jobseekers available for every job opening these days, it does pay to make your resume stand out, and quickly. The CareerBuilder survey found that human resources managers typically review no more than 25 applications for every open position, and by review we mean “glance briefly at.”  The survey found that 38 percent of employers say they spend less than a minute looking at each resume, on average, and 18 percent spend less than 30 seconds.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Men are so reluctant to ask for directions that they will clock up an unnecessary 900 miles – the distance from Land’s End to John O’Groats – over a lifetime. Of the nearly 1,000 respondents to a recent study in the UK, 94 per cent said women were generally better at navigation even though men are often reluctant to admit it. The study estimated that wrong turns means that the average British man will needlessly travel an extra 1.5 miles per month before correcting his mistake, clocking-up an extra 18 miles per year. Over 50 years, that adds up to 13,500 minutes, or 225 hours, wasted needlessly pounding the pavement. http://ow.ly/R1djq

 

Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport landscaping team doesn’t consist of a group of people using lawn mowers and other gardening tools. Rather, it’s a herd of hooved animals who love green vegetation. Over 40 grazers, including goats, sheep, llamas, burros and alpacas, graze hilly and rocky areas along creeks part of O’Hare’s 8,000-acre property that would be difficult to maintain with traditional landscaping equipment. http://abcn.ws/1W1C78d

 

Is your irritating smartphone alarm not enough to get you out of bed? Look no further. According to Huffington Post, Inventor and YouTube star Colin Furze has come up with the “high voltage ejector bed,” which is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a concept bed frame that “flips” sleepyheads onto their feet, with sirens and trumpets blaring at the same time. Users can also adjust the force from low to high, depending on how much they need to be yanked out of bed and how far they are willing to be thrown. http://huff.to/1M4PLCT

 

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

They should create a sequel series where Doogie Howser takes his medical skills and becomes an Army doctor, and call the show “Doogie Howitzer”.

 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. ***MARLAR: I know I’ve used this line before, but I was too lazy to go searching for a new one.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Would Your Workplace Qualify?

The 2015 list of Best Christian Workplaces has been released. Certified, no less. It is based on research conducted by the Best Christian Workplaces Institute. Great name.

According to their press release, “Certified Best Christian Workplaces are global and represent all facets of ministries from churches, private schools, universities, parachurch missions, product and services, book publishers and radio stations. This year we have added Christian led businesses.” Wow…that’s some collection!

True to their previous research, the BCWI surveyed more than 180,000 employees. They ask more than 50 questions. Apparently organizations have valued being on this list with a number of them surveying staff “to discover the health of their workplace culture.” For a complete list of results check the website. (http://www.bcwinstitute.com/bcwlists.html)

I always scan the list to see how many Chicago area organizations are on it. Also to see who is NOT on it. And to appreciate the organizations I’m connected to in one way or another.

For example, my radio show producer is a graduate of Olivet Nazarene University. They made the list. Last week, I did my radio show at the Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Church in Barrington, Illinois. They’re ALWAYS on the list. The Coalition for Christian Outreach in Pittsburgh made the list. A highly reputable group I’ve known from my days in “The ‘Burgh.”

Several ministry organizations, whose leaders I know, are NOT on the list. To be fair, that is because a ton of these people do not enlist in the survey process. In one case I know of, failure to make the list three or four years running caused this one organization to step back and try to figure out why! Good idea.

So I decided to think of what really should characterize a “Christian Workplace” — be it for profit or nonprofit. I really don’t like using “Christian” as an adjective. But for this exercise, I accept the term as an environment where Christ-like attitudes are the prevailing mindset. And I have a short list. Not a complete list. A short list.

First, it should be a place of safety. Can a person speak openly and freely about legitimate concerns and not worry about losing their job? Can a person ask difficult questions? Does the person feel “safe”?

Secondly, does the company encourage advancement? This is a difficult and challenging area for several reasons. Finding the right people for the right job only to lose them after training is painful. Also, once a team is in place and is functioning well, having key members advance out makes it difficult. But if our mindset is to grow and encourage others’ development, it is part of the cost.

Thirdly, how does conflict resolution get handled? Jesus always encouraged relationships to be the priority. When a management level person KNOWS there are strained or dysfunctional relationships, every effort should be made to help those coworkers resolve their issues.

Fourth. How is pay determined? More often these days I hear of “ministry oriented” organizations cutting costs by reducing people to part time to save on benefits. When the value of a person is only as good as a minimum effort of compensation and benefits, can we truly say we have a heart for people?

Fifth…on a list that could easily be longer…is the matter of staying with what is often termed integrity. When commitments are made they are kept. Intentional deception is forbidden. Corners to quality are not cut short in favor of profitability.

A “Christian Workplace” isn’t just about what management does. It is often what management requires. And on this front, it means employees are expected to do the job as outlined. To work a full day and show up on time. Not to “fudge” in their own ways, diminishing performance. And to work with spirit and a good attitude. Certain companies are much better at hiring to these ends, and at holding people accountable, than others.

A sober reminder about work can be found in Ecclesiastes 9:10: “Whatever work you do, do your best, because you are going to the grave, where there is no working, no planning, no knowledge, and no wisdom.” (NCV)

One day, Christ-followers will be given a new heaven and a new earth. And while I didn’t see it listed as one of the “Best Christian Workplaces,” I can assure you…it will be.

That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

AUGUST 14, 2014…

 

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.—Yet another earlier TV action series (reference: “Mission Impossible”) is now brought to the screen. This time, it has to compete with five successful “Mission Impossible” films. Remember the suave Robert Vaughn as Napoleons Solo and David McCallum as his Russian sidekick, Illya Kuryakin. They go against the bad guys who have kidnapped the father of a scientist (Alicia Vikander.) This is in the Sixties with the Berlin Wall.  Solo now played by Henry Cavill and Kuryakin by Armie Hammer. Also in the cast is Hugh Grant. Vaughn and McCallum were top stars in their day with McCallum now back on top in “NCIS” as a navy doctor.  Guy Ritchie directs. “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Straight Outta Compton—In the 1980’s (and this week at the movies seems to go back in time,) there was the beginning of Hip Hop, especially associated with the group N.W.A. which had Dr. Dre and Ice Cube as members.  They don’t play themselves, but Ice Cube’s son (O’Shea Jackson Jr.) portrays him as a youth and Corey Hawkins is Dr. Dre. The story of the groups rise in music is told against street rioting of that time. Profanity here and beware of the R rating.

 

Underdogs—This animated film is about two rivals from childhood. Voices of Matthew Morrison from “Glee” and Nicholas Hoult who meet as adults and start the rivalry all over again. One is a soccer player and the other wants to demolish the field for real estate purposes. Other voices include Kate Hudson,  Ariana Grande and John Luguizamo. “Underdogs” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for animation fans.

 

Shaun The Sheep Movie–Claymation as an animation art form, has its fans, and this film goes with the best of them like “Wallace & Gromit.”  In this story, done by Claymation Studio Aardman, a herd of sheep must pull themselves together and go to the Big City to find their owner, a farmer, who can’t remember anything.  This involves humor such as the sheep going to a restaurant and then to an animal shelter. There are no voices here, rather sounds. This film is based on a British teleivision show. “Shaun The Sheep Movie” is rated PG. and rated 3 for fans and you know who you are.

 

Ten Thousand Saints—This coming of age film set in the 1980’s, stars Hailee Steinfeld, Asa Butterfield, Emile Hirsch and Emily Mortimer, who hang out together as teens. When Emily discovers she is pregnant and the father has died, the group decides to raise the baby by themselves. Study of drug use and yippies. “Ten Thousand Saints“ is rated R. No rating.,  Book by Eleanor Henderson.

 

AUGUST 21, 2014…

 

Digging for Fire has a young, married couple finding a weapon and bones and over a weekend trying to figure out what is going on. Stars Jake Johnson and Anna Hendrick.

 

Sinister 2 carries on the theme of the first film in which people are haunted by spirits.

Stars Shannon Sossamon.

 

Sleeping With Other People stars Jason Sudiekis as a guy who regularly cheats and tries to reform.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.