August 20, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160820

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” –Colossians 1:16,17

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. — Matthew 5:11-12

He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. — 1 John 5:12

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. — 2 Timothy 1:16

Thought: A friend in Christ that will faithfully serve others is a wonderful gift of refreshment. Yet as humans, we are tempted to be fickle friends — there for a bit of time while they need us, but often tiring over the long haul of extended recovery from illness, grief, or the consequences of previous sin or addiction. Is there someone you know who is still chained in some way to the past? Is the Lord calling upon you to bless this person today? What about blessing them as Onesiphorus blessed Paul — often and without being ashamed!

Prayer: Almighty and tender Shepherd, please give me eyes to see your precious ones around me who need the encouragement of your grace that can only be experienced through the touch of a caring brother or sister in Christ. Please help me through the power of your Holy Spirit to be a more steadfast and faithful source of refreshment to these people. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Proverbs 8:20 NIV = I walk in the way of righteousness, along the paths of justice,

TODAY IS SATURDAY – AUGUST 20, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 1
32 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL STOP AND SMELL YOUR DOG DAY.  ***MARLAR: Meaning it also very well could turn out to be “Oh My Gosh My Dog Needs a Bath Day”.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Geocaching Day

International Homeless Animals Day

International Tongue Twister Day

National Radio Day

Sand Castle Day

World/National Honey Bee Day

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21

Brazilian Blow-Out Day

National Spumoni Day

Poet’s Day

Senior Citizen’s Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 22

Be An Angel Day

Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

Take Your Cat To The Vet Day

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23

Day For The Remembrance of the Slave Trade & Its Abolition

Valentino Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUT 24

Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Willberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25

Kiss and Make Up Day

National Park Service Day

National Second-hand Wardrobe Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26

National Dog Day

National Toilet Paper Day

National WebMistress Day

Women’s Equality Day

World Daffodil Day

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27

Franchise Appreciation Day

International Bat Night

Just Because Day

The Duchess Who Wasn’t Day

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28

Pony Express Day

Race Your Mouse Around The Icons Day

Radio Commercials Day

Crackers Over The Keyboard Day

MONDAY, AUGUST 29

According To Hoyle Day

Individual Rights Day

International Day Against Nuclear Tests

More Herbs, Less Salt Day

National Sarcoidosis Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

ON THIS DAY

1924: Jim Reeves was born in Galloway, Texas. With his 1960 hit “He’ll Have to Go,” Reeves joined Johnny Cash and Bobby Helms as a new breed of “crossover” artist who sold records to pop as well as country fans.

1955: Bo Diddley made his first appearance at the Apollo Theater in New York City. He probably did “Bo Diddley” and “I’m A Man.”

1960: Singer Connie Francis made her acting debut on the set of the movie Where the Boys Are.

1965: The Rolling Stones released “Satisfaction.” It would become their first #1 song in the U.S.

1985: Xerox presented its original 914 copy machine to the Smithsonian Institute. It was first introduced in 1960.

1990: Ike Sewell died in Chicago at age 87. Ike was an all-America football player at the University of Texas, and he invented the Chicago-style deep-dish pizza.

1994: Vice-President Al Gore underwent surgery to repair an Achilles tendon, injured playing basketball in the U.S. House of Representatives gymnasium.

1996: An 18-year-old British burglar suffered third-degree-burns on 90% of his body when he climbed into what he thought was a tanning bed at Salisbury hospital. The nuclear machine, used to treat serious skin conditions, would have killed the guy in 45 seconds. He got out fast but seriously burned after just fifteen. ***MARLAR: Not only was he caught red-handed, but also red-footed, red-backed, red-legged, red-chested, red-armed, red-faced, red-necked…

1997: An 88-year-old man had to be rescued twice from a burning hotel in Mattawa, Ontario. He went back in to get his false teeth. ***MARLAR: Life ain’t worth living without being able to chew.

1998: Canada’s Supreme Court ruled that Quebec could not secede without the federal government’s consent.

2001: A 19-year-old accused Polish shoplifter was dumped naked in the center of the city of Szczecin with “I am a thief” written on his back. The vigilante sentence was executed by unknown men called by the store staff where the youth was caught trying to steal a sweatshirt. Police said the youth refused to press charges against the store.

2003: Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore was suspended after refusing to comply with a federal court order to remove a large stone inscribed with the Ten Commandments from the lobby of the state Supreme Court building.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1153: Bernard of Clairvaux, French theologian, monastic reformer, and hymn writer (O Sacred Head Now Wounded), dies. His motto was “To Know Jesus and Jesus Crucified”.

1745: Francis Asbury, one of the two first Methodist bishops in America (the other was Thomas Coke), is born in Birmingham, England.

1902: Althea Brown, African-American, sails for Africa as a missionary where she will die young of malaria and sleeping sickness.

1912: William Booth, founder and first General of the Salvation Army, dies.

1935: Kenneth Pike crosses into Mexico for the first time with Cameron Townsend, later to become a trailblazing linguist and founder of the Summer Institute of Linguistics.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Face-Off, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Bourne Supremacy, Death Race) Joan Allen 60

  • actress (Raging Bull, “The Commish”) Theresa Saldana 62

  • TV weatherman Al Roker 62

  • actor (Patch Adams, The Green Mile, “Evening Shade”) Michael Jeter 64 (audio clip)

  • journalist Connie Chung is 70

  • promoter Don King 85

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1923 : Jim Reeves

1926 : Frank Rosolino

1927 : Joya Sherrill

1931 : Paul Robi (The Platters)

1931 : Frank Capp

1933 : “Uncle John” Turner (Johnny Winter Band)

1934 : “Sneaky” Pete Kleinow (The Flying Burrito Brothers)

1935 : Justin Tubb

1940 : John Lantree (The Honeycombs)

1941 : Dave Brock (Hawkwind)

1942 : Isaac Hayes

1944 : John Povey (Pretty Things)

1946 : Ralf Hutter (Kraftwerk)

1947 : James Pankow (Chicago)

1948 : Robert Anthony Plant

1949 : Phil Lynott (Thin Lizzy)

1952 : John Hiatt

1952 : Rudy Gatlin (The Gatlin Brothers)

1952 : Doug Fieger (The Knack)

1970 : Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

So the myth that one dog year is equivalent to 7 human years is just that – a myth?

According to pet expert Dr. Jeffrey Werber, that dog-years formula is only accurate in the middle of a pet’s life span. Elsewhere, the first year of a pet’s life is equal to about 15 years; the second year is equal to about 10 years, and every year thereafter is equal to between 4 and 8 human years, depending on the breed and size of your pet. Plus, just because a dog is wagging his tail doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s friendly. While dogs often express their happiness and affection with a wagging tail, they also wag their tails when they are excited, ready to fight, tense, anxious and annoyed.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Nicole C. Mullen is getting married. Singer and preacher Donnie McClurkin made the announcement on the Charisma News podcast earlier this week. Donnie is a former homosexual who says God delivered him from “the curse” of homosexuality. http://bit.ly/2bhT00c

Sidewalk Prophets frontman Dave Frey’s girl friend has actually been following the band for quite a while. Dave this week posted a picture of a ticket she purchased back in 2008. The ticket was for a Sidewalk Prophets show. She kept it and, this week, just found it in one of her drawers. https://www.instagram.com/p/BJJ8SwWg68R/

Jamie Grace was standing up for gymnast Gabby Douglas this week. The Olympian has borne the brunt of some less than favorable comments during this year’s games, prompting Jamie to come to her rescue. Jamie posted: I just can’t handle bullying. It’s not cool. Ever. https://youtu.be/lDcPR6LQKUk

How long will Casting Crowns continue to tour? They posted this week: “As long as God gives us songs and something to say, we will keep going.”

Selah member Amy Perry introduced the group’s followers to Sydni Chambers this week. Amy posted: Jake and I used to babysit her, now she dances with Mandisa and wow, is she ever talented. It’s such a blessing to see what a beautiful, Godly woman she’s grown into. https://www.instagram.com/p/BJIjafgDZcy/

The Grit and Grace Project web site is out with an exclusive interview and video with Hillary Scott and her family. The member of the group Lady Antebellum says: when hard times hit, women run headlong to the two places that provide strength: our family and our faith. These pillars may be central to our daily life, but it is during these seasons that they become even more significant. For Hillary, that point was the sudden miscarriage of her second pregnancy in the fall of 2015. It led Hillary to write “Thy Will” a song that offers a universal message of hope. The family then joined together to create a new album that shines a light not only on the bond Hillary shares with her family, but the union they all share with God. http://thegritandgraceproject.org/faith/love-remains-scott-family-video-exclusive

Israel Houghton is ready to wed again. According to Charisma News, the former Lakewood Church worship leader, who announced his divorce earlier this year, proposed to girlfriend Adrienne Bailon in Paris. The couple has been dating at least since March, not even a month after Houghton told social media followers he “failed and sinned” in his marriage. Bailon is a singer-songwriter, actress, dancer and television personality from New York City’s lower eastside, according to her website. She appeared in the Houghton-produced film I’m In Love With a Church Girl. http://bit.ly/2byMenH

A new record for Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo. He posted: I went 13 minutes enjoying social media before reading anything political and ruining said enjoyment.

Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard is applauding a new trend by millennials. He posted this week: Just read an article saying “millennials” are more averse to taking on debt than past generations. Jon said the article reported the trend like its a bad thing. However, Jon had a different take. He said: you go millennials. Jon added: I don’t agree with him on everything but my man Dave Ramsey changed my world by encouraging me to kick debt to the curb. The borrower is slave to the lender. Pay off that last debt and tell me you don’t feel free.

Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips is known for his upbeat performances, spinning drums, and unique expressions. This week Duncan admitted that not even he always knows what he’s doing. He posted a picture this week and added: Another one of those moments when I have no idea what I’m doing! I must black out from time to time! https://www.instagram.com/p/BJG2Yl-g2Qg/

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Self-Help Groups”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Road Construction”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, not only were the Cheetah Sisters no longer singing three-part-harmony, but nobody was singing or playing in harmony! Ever since Cheetah Bonita decided to go solo, everyone decided to go solo… and now there’s no more music in the jungle – it’s all just… well… NOISE!


CLOSE: Will Cheetah Bonita be able to run away from the squirrels? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 20/21

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, everyone was running for their lives to get away from a Razzleflabbin called The Plaid Guy! Nobody knew why they were scared of him, but they were all terrified… and the Plaid Guy was about to catch Marvy when Marvy finally ducked behind a tree!

CLOSE: The Plaid Guy doesn’t seem all that scary anymore… but is it a trick? Is he really a nice guy, or is he secretly plotting to use Marvy to get the other Razzleflabbins to come out so he can get them all? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A car crashes into a business – through the company’s roof!

A couple of pranksters in Vista, California, thought it would be funny to take a crane and lift a classic 1966 Chevy Nova onto the roof of a local business. Unfortunately they apparently failed to take into account that cars weighed a lot more back then. The joke became a lot less funny when the Chevy crashed through the roof, rupturing the fire sprinkler system, dousing computers, carpets and furniture in the business. The pranksters are now looking at felony vandalism.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY

10. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase

9. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter

8. We can open all our own jars

7. Phone conversations last 30 seconds

6. We know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes

5. Old friends don’t care if we’ve lost or gained weight

4. When surfing channels, we don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying

3. Our last name stays put.

2. We can leave a hotel room bed unmade.

1. We can kill our own food.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Two crooks pick the worst vehicle to try and steal… a police vehicle!

FILE #1: From Albuquerque, New Mexico comes the story of two criminals (Alejandro Martinez and Cardell Betonia) who couldn’t have picked a worse vehicle to try to steal. It was an old beat up GMC van with faded-out tinted windows and a curtain separating the driver’s area from the back of the vehicle. And it also happens to be owned by the police department. It’s used on stakeouts in suspected drug trafficking areas. That’s how a couple of officers were using it the other night, hiding in the back and keeping a lookout for drug dealers. These criminals strolled by, noticed the keys in the ignition and jumped in. Before they got it started they got the shock of their lives when the cops pulled the curtain back and busted them.

FILE #2: A German man has purposely started fires just so he could appear in the courtroom of a judge that he has a crush on. Robert H. first met the judge in court after being charged with setting fire to his own apartment in Vienna. She later refused numerous requests for dinner by the fire-starter, who then decided the only way to see her again, was to start another blaze. He was jailed when he appeared in court again on other arson charges.

FILE #3: Andrea Karlen of Milford, Connecticut, was the victim in what all parties acknowledged was a mere “fender bender.” Nevertheless she sued big time and paraded a slew of so called medical experts on the witness stand, all who claimed the accident triggered severe post-traumatic stress disorder which dislodged repressed memories of childhood physical abuse which sent her into a major depression, panic attacks and resulted in at least 400 psychiatric sessions. The jury somehow bought it and awarded Andrea a half a million dollars! By the way, Andrea just happens to be a state judge who has now been nominated to a federal court.

STRANGE LAW: In Wyoming it is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Don’t blame your stupidity on the swine flu – especially when your brain is on drugs!

A judge in New Zealand is rejecting a woman’s drunk-driving defense. Deborah Karen Graham contended that the three glasses of wine she had were more potent, because she was getting over a case of the swine flu. The explanation was less contagious than the ailment. The judge fined her and took away her license for six months.

PHONER PHUN

Three things you couldn’t live without?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who along with Moses saw God during the wilderness wanderings?

ANSWER: Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and seventy of the Israelite elders. (Exodus 24:9,10)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: We hear a lot about the sinking of the Titanic. But here’s something you’ve probably not heard… how many dogs survived the sinking of the “unsinkable ship”?

ANSWER: Two dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The Tony award-winning Movin’ Out tells a story using music written by Bruce Springsteen. (False, Billy Joel)

2. Fidel Castro earned a Ph. D. in Law. (True)

3. Atari was the Japanese video game company founded in 1898 to manufacture playing cards. (False, it was Nintendo)

4. Uranium the heaviest natural element found on Earth. (True)

5. The Rat Pack singer whose signature song was “The Candy Man” was Frank Sinatra. (False, it was Sammy Davis, Jr.)

6. Idiot’s Delight is one of the many variants of the card game Poker. (False, it’s Solitaire)

7. The not-yet-celebrity who was arrested in 1965 for being AWOL from the Austrian army was model Fabio. (False, it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger)

8. In mathematics, the more common name of an “obelus” is a division sign. (True)

9. Three times as many people in America put ketchup along side their French Fries as put it on top. (True)

10. A fathom is ten feet deep. (False – six feet deep)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Firefighters Blame _______ For Setting House Fires!”  (Aliens)


Italian fire investigator Francesco Venerando of Sicily has concluded that aliens are to blame for a series of unexplained fires in refrigerators, televisions and mobile phones in the village of Canneto di Caronia. Residents there have reported everyday household objects bursting into flames. Mr. Venerando said, “We are not saying little green men from Mars started the fires, but that unnatural forces capable of creating a large amount of electromagnetic energy is just one possibility.” 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, “May I have two bagels to go, please?”

The baker said in astonishment, “Two bagels? Nothing more?”

“That’s right,” answered the little man. “One for me and one for Bernice.”

“Bernice is your wife?” Asked the baker.

“What do you think,” snapped the little man, “my mother would send me out on a night like this?”

JOKE #2

“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when, Jason, a college student delivered his pizza.

“Well,” Jason replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”

“Is that so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.”

“Thanks,” Jason said, “I’ll put it in my college fund.”

“By the way, what are you studying?” inquired the man.

Jason replied, “Applied psychology.”

JOKE #3

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

“Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!”

“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some clown named Martin Luther.”

USELESS FACTS

The Census Bureau reports that the average American commutes for more than an hour to get to work, and that it seems to be getting longer.  ***MARLAR: And they can’t quit their jobs, because they need the money to buy gas.

A couple in Belgium is passing out leaflets door-to-door hoping to find an egg donor so they can have a baby.  ***MARLAR: The poor couple passed out over 4,000 leaflets before finding a typo. Now they’ll be eating frozen waffles for the next 15 years.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GRANDPA’S MANNERS

“Grandpa, I’m really proud of you,” said the modish young lady.

“What’s to be proud of?” asked the old man.

The young lady replied, “I noticed that when you sneeze, you’ve learned to put your hand in front of your mouth.”

“Of course,” explained Grandpa. “How else can I catch my teeth?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Wouldn’t it be great if you could bill the state for all the gas you waste sitting still in a construction zone? One woman tried to do exactly that!

Carol Greenberg, from Ohio, has sent Michigan transportation officials a bill for the $16 she says she wasted on gas sitting in construction zone traffic. Greenberg said there were no signs warning about the work on southbound I-275 where it merges with I-75 near Newport, Michigan. She ended up sitting in traffic for nearly an hour on July 23rd while trying to get home to the Toledo suburbs. The Michigan Department of Transportation sent a letter to Greenberg saying it was not able to reimburse drivers for time, wages, or gas lost in work zone back-ups. Meanwhile, in a similar incident, a woman from Indianapolis billed her physician for the extra 30 minutes she waited in his office past her appointment time. The woman said, “Doctors have this arrogance and think their time is more valuable than mine – so I billed him double the amount he charges my insurance.”

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

GOD IS A LITTLE LIKE…

God is a little like General Electric
He lights your path.

God is a little like Bayer Aspirin
He works wonders.

God is a little like Hallmark Cards
He cared enough to send the very best.

God is a little like Tide
He gets out the stains that others leave behind.

God is a little like VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is a little like Dial Soap
Aren’t you glad you know Him?
Don’t you wish everyone did?

God is a little like Wal Mart
He has everything.

God is a little like Alka Seltzer
Oh, what a relief He is!

God is a little like Scotch Tape
You can’t see Him but you know He’s there!

God is a little like The Copper Top Battery
Nothing can outlast him.

God is a little like American Express
Don’t leave home without Him!

–Author Unknown

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Have you ever been in a pitched battle? At times, the spiritual warfare in life can reach a fever pitch. Satan knows when you are approaching a breakthrough threshold in the advancement of the kingdom of Christ. A team fights hardest in a goal-line stand!
Nehemiah was nearing the end of the wall construction when he said, “Neither I nor my brothers nor my men nor the guards with me took off our clothes; each had his weapon, even when he went for water” (Nehemiah 4:23). Relaxation was not an option.
As Paul said, “Put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground” (Ephesians 6:13). Nehemiah never put off his armor in the day of battle. When you are in a crisis and are doing spiritual warfare, don’t stop battling the devil until the breakthrough comes. There will be plenty of time for rest when the battle is won!

LEFTOVERS

SOCKHER

Can you sue someone for kissing you?

Louise Kelsey, 58, of Melbourne, Australia, is suing the Park Hyatt Hotel, where she used to work as a maid. She claims that in 2001, a soccer player who was there from Uruguay for the World Cup stole a kiss from her, sparking post-traumatic stress disorder that left her legally blind. The hotel doesn’t deny she was kissed, but they got a skeptical doctor to testify that it must’ve been “the most powerful kiss in history.”  ***MARLAR: Either that, or out of habit the soccer player head-butted her while attempting to score.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Planning on getting a tattoo? We’ll don’t… especially if you’re a woman!

Researchers are saying that women are more likely than men to regret getting a tattoo. About a quarter of Americans ages 18 to 30 have at least one tattoo, and that number is expected to jump to 40% in the next few years. A survey by Texas Tech University found that while 80% are pleased with their tattoos, 6% eventually undergo procedures to erase them. About two-thirds of them are women, who said the body art caused them embarrassment, drawn negative comments and created problems when choosing clothing to cover them up. A similar study 10 years ago found that more men than women sought tattoo removal.

JUST FOR FUN

RELIGIOSITY

Are you religious? If you have a TV or have a photograph of an animal then Afghanistan thinks you’re evil! And that’s just the beginning!

I’m not the most religious guy in the world. I have my faults, but I had no idea how evil I really was until reading about the nation of Afghanistan and the Islamic religion. Recently they banned a lot of stuff in an effort to make people more religious. Included on the banned list were TV, live music, and photographs of people and animals. They’ve now also banned playing cards, neckties, lipstick, nail polish, chessboards, fireworks, statues, greeting cards, cassettes, musical instruments, computer disks, movies, and satellite dishes. All of these things have been banned in Afghanistan in an effort to make people more religious. ***MARLAR: I’m the most evil person on Earth!

FUN LIST

THINGS THAT TAKE YEARS TO LEARN

  • The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

  • If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

  • The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

  • You should not confuse your career with your life.

  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

  • When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HOW TO DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD WITHOUT YELLING OR SPANKING

(modernmom.com) Discipline is a touchy subject. Every family has their own methods. One thing we all have in common? Our kids act up. Let’s face it, there comes a time when your child will misbehave at home, or worse, when you’re out in public at the mall, park or when visiting friends and family. Sometimes your initial instinct is to yell, “Stop!” (or heaven forbid, spank your child). Because research shows that yelling and spanking can have short-term and long-term negative effects on kids, it’s important for you to come up with alternative ways to discipline your children.

  • Pick Your Battles: Pick your battles. Children are naturally curious and will sometimes say or do things that are seemingly inappropriate. Assess the situation to determine whether a simple talk with your child will improve his behavior, or whether another disciplinary action is necessary.

  • Consider Age: Consider your child’s age. Certain discipline methods work best with younger children, rather than older children. Use distraction or removal to discipline children 15 months and younger. Discipline children 3 and younger by ignoring them, especially if they are whining or acting inappropriately to get your attention.

  • Be an Example: Show your child the behavior you’d like her to exhibit. The website Parents says that children respond well to this technique, because it gives them an example of what to do, instead of what not to do. Children see this approach as more positive than being told what not to do.

  • Use Timeouts: Make a timeout rule and set up a timeout area in your home. When your child misbehaves, make him stop what he’s doing and then direct him to a chair, pillow or space on the floor specifically reserved for timeouts. Timeouts should last one minute per year old. Dr. Bill Sears, a pediatrician and child care author, says that timeouts can be used anywhere by simply finding an unrewarding spot away from distractions.

  • Express Disapproval: Express your disapproval when your child misbehaves. Explain to your child the behavior you expect from her and how it makes you feel when she misbehaves. Family Education, a parenting website, suggests that expressing disapproval once is one of the most effective ways to change a child’s behavior.

  • Stick to the Rules: Stick to the rules you set for your child. Once you announce your expectations, reinforce the behaviors you want to see.

  • Recognize: Remember to recognize and reward your child when he behaves well. Express your approval with words, but also offer your child a special reward such as his favorite treat, or better, a big hug to show how proud you are.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Back-to-school shopping is seen by many as a tedious, yearly task.  But what if you could make it meaningful?  What if you could make back-to-school shopping this year more of a missions trip?  For countless kids around the nation, school supplies aren’t even on their radar, much less new clothes and shoes. So, as you take your kids shopping for Back-to-school items this year, you might also consider buying doubles of a few things to help another child somewhere to also be able to attend school.  Find a church near you that is already doing this to make your donation – or start a campaign at your own church!  (Want to donate online to this kind of idea? Check out MissionBackpack.org.)

McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, and Taco Bell have all admitted to having secret menus comprised of food items that you won’t see on the menu board. Secret sandwiches include the Land, Air, and Sea burger at some McDonald’s, composed of Chicken, a Fish Patty, and a hamburger. At Taco Bell, try the Incredible Hulk, which takes a beef burrito, and replaces the cheese with Guacamole giving it a green look. And KFC has the Zinger Stacker, composed of two zinger fillets, mixed with cheese, lettuce, a spicy sauce, and chili relish. But the most impressive, or scary, might just be the Suicide Burger from Burger King. It’s made of four beef patties, four slices of cheese and four slices of bacon, all between two buns. It might just clog your artery just thinking about it.  http://ow.ly/QHYnf

NASA has released a yearlong timelapse of Earth, built from over 3,000 images. According to ABC News, the pictures were captured with EPIC, a camera located approximately 1 million miles from Earth. The hourly images from the daylight side of the earth will be used to study the daily variations of features over the entire globe.

http://abc7.com/science/timelapse-shows-a-year-in-the-life-of-planet-earth/1436787/

Despite persecution, more and more Muslims are converting to Christianity in Bangladesh, a Muslim-dominated country. Muslims make up nearly 90 percent of Bangladesh’s population. However, the number of Christian converts is rising. Human rights organization Christian Freedom International estimates that as many as 91,000 Muslims have converted to Christianity in the country over the last six years. Christian converts know that persecution will likely follow their conversions. Open Doors notes: “Conversion is not forbidden by law, but pressure to recant the Christian faith will be exerted by family, friends, and neighbors.”

http://dlvr.it/Lrktrq

A Former Imam in Eastern Uganda has lost his Home, Family, Work after Turning to Christ. The 53-year-old man was driven from his ancestral home the night of June 27 by a group of relatives led by his brother-in-law. The man said an evil spirit had been tormenting him for many years before he visited Elim Church in his village on May 28. When the story of Tenywa’s conversion reached his family and other relatives, they became incensed and told him to go back to Islam because it was the religion of his clan. Tenywa told them he could not deny what Jesus had done for him.

http://dlvr.it/LrjsPy

Struggling to pray for victims of recent attacks or people in far off countries? The organization Open Doors Youth suggests you start with how Jesus taught us. They recommend using The Lord’s Prayer as a way of getting focused when we pray–read it through and then check the points to pray as Jesus said to pray.

http://bit.ly/2a85e8g

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I believe global warming is real… but only in the summer.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 19, 2016…

Ben-Hur—Here is the third re-make of this famous novel by Lew Wallace.  The first was in the 1920’s. the second in 1959 with Charlton Heston (Ben-Hur) and Stephen Boyd as Massala, his nemesis. Oh, that famous chariot race and done live, too.  Well, today, we have Jack Huston as Ben-Hur with Toby Kebbell as the bad guy Messala. Richly done and with plenty of action, we follow the adventures of Ben-Hur from a good life to slavery and back again, against the backdrop of the time of Christ. “Ben-Hur” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

Kickboxer: Vengeance—Fans of Jean Claude Van Damme hate to admit it, but now is the time for their martial arts hero to become a Master in films, and that is what happens.  He becomes the Master (coach) to a new fighter  in order to beat the man who killed Van Damme‘s brother.  Who is the villain, you ask?  Why Dave Bautista, no less. The action begins. “Kickboxer: Vengeance: is rated R. No rating.

Kubo And The Two Strings—This is a stop-action anime film that tells the story of a young Asian boy-hero. The voices you may recognize will be Matthew McConaughey (playing a beetle), Rooney Mara and Charlize Theron. “Kubo And The Two Strings” is rated PG. No rating.

The Space Between Us—On a colonization voyage to Mars, it is discovered that one of the female astronauts is pregnant.  This results in the first child, a boy, being born on Mars, but in that atmosphere, gravity, etc. Fast forward to teen years, and the kid (Asa Butterfield) knows about Earth and even has a girl friend, Britt Robertson (Skype) he speaks to with.  However, something happens and Asa ends up on Earth. “The Space Between Us” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

War Dogs—Based on an article from “Rolling Stone” magazine, the film is about two guys (Seth Rogen and Miles Teller) who win a multi-million dollar arms contract from the US. They are supposed to supply arms to troops in Afghanistan. Well, what a premise, and with Seth Rogen aboard, you know the hilarity will begin. “War Dogs” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Southside With You—This film is about how Michelle Obama and Barack Obama first met and began dating. Who is daring enough to take on these roles?  Tika Sumpter is Michelle and Parker Sawyers plays Barack. Directed by first-timer Richard Tanne. “Southside With You” is rated PG 13. No rating.

AUGUST 26, 2016…

Blood Father is a thriller starring Mel Gibson and about saving family.

Don’t Breathe has teens breaking into a house for a robbery but find trouble. Stars Jane Levy.

Hands of Stone is the story of champion boxer Roberto Duran and stars Edgar Ramirez..

Mechanic: Resurrection has Jason Statham returning in the role and saving his girlfriend.  Again.

The Hollars is written and directed by John Krasinski. It’s about returning to your family and finding them as dysfunctional as ever.

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