August 21, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150821

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I know it’s not right to favor any particular denomination… but I think I should be honest in saying that, personally, I really light up when I see tens and twenties.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. — 1 John 3:8

 

Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. — Proverbs 19:20-21

 

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. — Psalm 16:8

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Be careful not to do your “acts of righteousness” before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. — Matthew 6:1

 

Thought: Why do we do the things we do? What is the motivation for our behavior? It’s so easy to fall into the trap of doing religious things so we will look good to others. This is true even when culture reacts negatively to our faith. Those around us who know about our faith and the Christians around us become the target of our behavior. While we do want to have the right kind of influence on everyone around us, we must never make our decisions about spiritual service on the basis of being seen by others to be honored because of it. Our goal must be to honor God and bless others!

 

Prayer: Almighty God, please purify my heart of any false motivation and help me serve others based on their need and my desire to honor you in helping them. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

 

Proverbs 8:21 NIV = bestowing wealth on those who love me and making their treasuries full.

 

 

TODAY IS FRIDAY – AUGUST 21, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 129 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is SCRAPE OFF THE BUGS DAY.  ***MARLAR: Off of…? Maybe we’re supposed to scrape them off of the spumoni, because…

 

Today is NATIONAL SPUMONI DAY.  ***MARLAR: I never cared for the name “spumoni” for ice cream.  It sounds like it should come with garlic and tomato sauce.  (Or getting a pizza delivered during Mr. Hand’s class.)

 

Today is PLAY A NEW PART DAY. Whatever it is you do, do something different… at home, at work, at church. Try something new — play a new part. ***MARLAR: I’ve decided that today I’m going to take a shot at being a radio professional.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Men’s Grooming Day

National Spumoni Day

Poet’s Day

Senior Citizen’s Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SATURDAY, AUGUST 22

Be An Angel Day

International Tongue Twister Day

Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day

Take Your Cat To The Vet Day

 

SUNDAY, AUGUST 23

Day For The Remembrance of The Slave Trade & Its Abolition

Go Topless Day

Valentino Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 24

Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Wilberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day

 

TUESDAY AUGUST 25

Kiss and Make Up Day

National Park Service Day

National Second-hand Wardrobe Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

 

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26

National Dog Day

National Toilet Paper Day

Tug-of-War Day

Women’s Equality Day

 

THURSDAY, AUGUST 27

The Duchess Who Wasn’t Day

 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28

Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day

Radio Commercials Day

Crackers Over The Keyboard Day

World Daffodil Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1866: Civilla Martin was born in Nova Scotia. A pastor’s wife, in 1904 she wrote the hymn “God Will Take Care of You.”

 

1887: Phillies’ pitcher Dan Casey struck out in the 9th inning of a game against the New York Giants. The event inspired Ernest L. Thayer to write the classic poem “Casey at the Bat.”

 

1904: William “Count” Basie was born in Red Bank, New Jersey. His hits included “Open the Door, Richard,” “April in Paris,” “One O’Clock Jump,” and “Jumpin’ at the Woodside.” He died in 1984.

 

1908: Washington Senator catcher Gabby Street caught a baseball thrown from the top of the 500-foot-tall Washington Monument. He missed the first 12 balls thrown.

 

1935: Benny Goodman, introducing a new “big-band” jazz style, opened at the Palomar Ballroom in Los Angeles and was hailed as “The King of Swing.” The swing era had begun.

 

1976: RCA Victor records announced sales of Elvis Presley records had passed 400 million.

 

1986: Colin Watson and Andre Douglas each set the world hairdressing record in Northcliff, South Africa, by cutting, setting, and styling hair continuously for 408 hours. That’s 17 days.

 

1987: The movie Dirty Dancing opened throughout North America. It starred Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, and Jerry Orbach.

 

1991: In Independence, Missouri, the owner of a Domino’s Pizza restaurant, dressed as a giant red rabbit to attract business, was knocked unconscious by Bobo the Clown, who was promoting a Pizza Hut across the street. The rabbit declined to press charges.

1995: Philip Morris and R.J. Reynolds agreed to drop libel suits against ABC News after the network apologized for reporting a year earlier that cigarette makers added nicotine in order to addict smokers.

 

1997: Children on bicycles in Granite City, Illinois, cornered and captured a 5-year-old stray dog nicknamed Cookie that had run loose for at least five days with a bubblegum jar stuck on her head. Cookie apparently had tried to drink rain water out of the jar. The Humane Society saw to it that Cookie fully recovered.

 

1998: Actor Wesley Snipes received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

 

2002: President Bush told reporters at his Texas ranch that ousting Iraq’s Saddam Hussein was “in the interests of the world” but indicated the U. S. was in no hurry.

 

2003: Alabama’s top judge, Chief Justice Roy Moore, lashed out at his colleagues who ordered a Ten Commandments monument removed from the rotunda of the state judicial building.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1741: George Frideric Handel shuts himself up in his home to begin writing “Messiah.” He finished the composition 23 days later. “Whether I was in the body or out of the body when I wrote it, I know not,” he later said.

 

1874: Henry Ward Beecher, a popular Congregational clergyman from Connecticut, is accused of adultery. Sued for $100,000 by the alleged adulteress’s husband, the brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe (and son of evangelical leader Lyman Beecher) would eventually be exonerated by his congregation and the jury (which voted 9-3 in favor of Beecher).

 

1940: The Russian Jew turned Bolshevik, Leon Trotsky, is murdered in Mexico city. As a young man, he and his friend Abraham Silverstein had an opportunity to hear the gospel of Christ. Silverstein went into the church, was converted and became a missionary to Jews. Trotsky rejected the gospel and died an atheist at the hands of his former comrades.

 

1978: Death of Robert T. Ketcham. He was one of the founders of the General Association of Regular Baptists and a notable preacher and soul winner. Over five thousand people professed Christ under his preaching. He personally baptized 3,093 individuals. 500,000 copies of his books are in print and millions of copies of his pamphlets.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Zach Young on “Desperate Housewives”) Cody Kasch 28 (
    )
  • actress (Gertrude Lang in Mr. Holland’s Opus, Libby in Vanilla Sky, The Upside of Anger, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) Alicia Witt 40
  • actress (Red Planet, Chocolat, the Matrix movies) Carrie-Anne Moss 45
  • actor (Biloxi Blues, Ferris Beuler’s Day Off, Godzilla, Inspector Gadget) Matthew Broderick 53
  • singer/actor Kenny Rogers is 77

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1904 : Count Basie

1928 : Art Farmer

1938 : Kenny Rogers;

1939 : Harold Reid (The Statler Brothers)

1941 : Tom Coster (Santana)

1944 : Jackie Deshannon

1947 : Carl Giammarese (The Buckinghams)

1952 : Glenn Hughes (Deep Purple)

1952 : Joe Strummer (John Graham Mellor) (The Clash)

1954 : Steve Smith (Focus, Journey)

1957 : Kim Sledge (Sister Sledge)

1971 : Liam Howlett (The Prodigy)

1980 : Kelis

1984 : Melissa Schuman (The-Dream)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where do we get the term “Cowboy?” Not from where you might expect!

I don’t want you to think that I’m not shootin’ straight with you. The first use of the term cowboy was in England. In the 18th century it simply described a young boy who tended to the cows. The rough and tough adult cowboy, however, does originate on American soil. But not where you might think. Even at the time of the American Revolution, what is now the upscale New York City suburb of Westchester County was hardly part of the wide open spaces. It always had more crabgrass than sagebrush. And the only place it was ever west of was New England. But back then it was the home of many loyalists, or Tories, who sided with the British against the revolting colonists. Among the toughest were the guerilla fighters who signaled their attacks by ringing cowbells, from which they got the name cowboys.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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Michael W. Smith dedicated a song to Jamie Grace over the weekend. Jamie shared that she asked Michael prior to his time on stage if he was going to sing Friends. She said he just did and, right before starting the song, he said: “Jamie, this is for you.”

 

Third Day’s David Carr has mixed emotions about the limited release of the bands latest worship CD on vinyl. Carr shared this week: I’m excited about the upcoming, limited release of ‘Lead Us Back’ on vinyl. On the other hand, signing 500 of them wasn’t quite as exciting.

 

The Sidewalk Prophets says their new album “Something Different” just got real. Members of the band showed a photo of the copies of their CD that had just arrived and it took a forklift to move all of them. They said: Can’t believe how many of you pre-ordered the record! Thank you times 3. The latest Sidewalk Prophets album will officially release on August 28.

 

Tobymac recently sat down to talk with HLN TV to talk about his new CD and his thoughts on music and on being there for his family. As part of the interview Tobymac shares that, to the best of his ability, he is home at 6pm each evening so he can be with his family. He also says that he doesn’t see his music as specifically Christian. Instead, he says it’s about life and his walk with Christ is a very important part of his life so it comes through in his music. Watch the entire interview at http://t.co/QjaVQoHIUu.

 

Having Drew Holcomb along on tour will probably make Switchfoot and NeedtoBreathe feel a little more safe. Drew joined the members of Switchfoot for some skeet shooting on the Tour De Compadres’ day off and the band members tweeted: We just found out that Drew is a sharp shooter! Whooping all of us in skeet!

 

A word of appreciation from Plumb; she recently shared: I so appreciate the letters I get from fans… You encourage me twice as much as I could ever encourage you.

 

Francesca Battistelli is living the glamorous life. She announced last week that she is pregnant with child number three. This week she added: Real life is throwing up next to a ball field in Nebraska after a 17 hour bus ride. She says morning sickness is hitting her hard.

 

A web site named Fashion Meets God recently sat down with the 19 year-old fashion designer who created the dress worn by Moriah Peters in her music video for Brave. Brandie Ribeiro says the two actually met on Instagram after she used Moriah’s song as background music in a video featuring the creation of her sisters wedding gown. She credited Morish for the song, Moriah heard about it and watched the video, and the rest is history.  http://t.co/KpiBQMIX2D

 

In a time when members of the Police aren’t getting a lot of good press, Casting Crowns Mark Hall made sure he said thank you for the good they do. He tweeted: Atlanta Police Department went above and beyond today to help us find a friend in crisis. Thank you so much for all you guys do.

 

Good news from Jamie Grace; she tweeted this week that her mother is out of the hospital. Mona had surgery last week but had to return to the hospital over the weekend due to severe pain. Jamie added that, while she is now back home again, prayer is still needed. Jamie said: she’s still recovering from the surgery and has some very important appointments this week as we continue down the road of improving her quality of life.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Hurt man, 70, survived week in woods by drinking rain water
AVON, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say a 70-year-old man who fell while walking the woods near his western New York home survived a week outdoors by drinking rain water. Police say Donald Farrell was following two deer off a trail when he lost his footing and fell on Aug. 9 in Avon. That’s about…

 

Tree pluribus unum: Many fruits stem from artists’ grafts    photo
SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) — Plums, peaches, nectarines and cherries all grow on just one of Sam Van Aken’s fruit trees. The trees blossom in a riot of red, white and pink each spring. The artist calls his creations the Tree of 40 Fruit. And the tree at Syracuse University, and others like it,…
Killer deal: ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ house up for sale
PERRYOPOLIS, Pa. (AP) — Celebrate your purchase of this lovely four-bedroom Victorian with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. The house that was used as the home of psychotic killer Buffalo Bill in the 1991 film “The Silence of the Lambs” is up for sale. The production crew took six weeks to…
NY governor: Topless women in Times Square breaking the law    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo says women posing nearly naked for photos in Times Square are breaking the law and undermining efforts to keep the tourist area family friendly. Cuomo said Wednesday on NY1 that the situation is beginning to remind him of the seedy days of the “bad…
Detroit-area mayor seeks ban on personal flamethrowers    photo
DETROIT (AP) — A suburban Detroit official is trying to extinguish the use of personal flamethrowers, which are being sold online by two Midwest companies, in his city. The companies, located in the Detroit area and Cleveland, claim their devices can be used for recreation or to control weeds…
Single bed bug at 911 center costs Pittsburgh county $12,000
PITTSBURGH (AP) — How much does it cost to get rid of a single bed bug? At an emergency dispatch center in Pittsburgh, about $12,000 so far. HASH(0x1415230) The county relocated dispatchers to three backup locations Tuesday so crews could treat the building and clean workstations. That…
Idaho replaces mile marker 420 with 419.9 to thwart stoners    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — If you’re looking for milepost 420, you won’t find it in Idaho. Idaho transportation officials say the mile marker has been replaced with 419.9 signs to curb thieves eager to own a number associated with marijuana enthusiasts. Turns out, Idaho isn’t alone in this problem….
Man who can’t use his arms has gun possession charge dropped    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A man who can’t use his arms because of a spinal condition has had a New Jersey gun possession charge against him dropped. HASH(0x13fc300) Authorities say Hubbard and three other men were in a car that ran a red light in Trenton last summer and had a stolen handgun in a…
Kangaroo-type pet on the loose in Arizona
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Authorities say one or two wallaroos, a type of kangaroo, have escaped from a north Tucson home. Pima County Sheriff’s Department spokesman Tracy Suitt said a person reported that at least one pet wallaroo went missing Monday afternoon. A video captured the kangaroo-type…
Woman’s request in obituary: Don’t vote for Hillary Clinton
RUNNEMEDE, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey woman has used her obituary to make a final request to friends and family: Please don’t vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton for president. Elaine Fydrych’s husband said Wednesday she was a registered Democrat and not “a political person.” But he said she grew…
Buffett fans scolded for leaving homemade toilets at show
MANSFIELD, Mass. (AP) — Parrotheads are apparently too busy wasting away in Margaritaville to wait in line for the bathroom. HASH(0x13d4cd0) Lt. Sam Thompson says the most common model is a 5-gallon bucket with its rim lined with a foam pool noodle for a seat, stashed inside a tent. Thompson…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Scientists find how obesity gene works, a clue to treatment    photo
Scientists have finally figured out how the key gene tied to obesity makes people fat, a major discovery that could open the door to an entirely new approach to the problem beyond diet and exercise. The work solves a big mystery: Since 2007, researchers have known that a gene called FTO was related…

 

Antibiotic-resistant ‘superbug’ found at California hospital
PASADENA, Calif. (AP) — A Los Angeles-area hospital said Wednesday that some of its patients contracted an antibiotic-resistant “superbug” that has been linked to a type of medical scope and infected dozens of people around the country. Huntington Memorial Hospital said in a statement that it…
FDA approves first pill aimed at boosting female libido    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration has approved the first prescription drug designed to boost sexual desire in women, a milestone long sought by a pharmaceutical industry eager to replicate the blockbuster success of impotence drugs for men. But stringent safety measures on…
Rand Paul: a humanitarian in Haiti, a pit bull in 2016 race    photo
CAP-HAITIEN, Haiti (AP) — Even while fighting blindness in the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere this week, Republican presidential contender Rand Paul intensified political attacks against rivals in both parties, vowing to continue pressing billionaire businessman Donald Trump in…
Q&A: What you need to know about new female libido pill    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health officials on Tuesday approved the first-ever prescription drug intended to treat women suffering from a lack of sexual desire, ending a vigorous debate over the drug’s fate. The daily pill, called Addyi, comes with warnings about risks of fainting if it is…
Female libido pill took long, winding route to market
Federal health officials on Tuesday approved the first prescription drug intended to treat women suffering from a lack of sexual desire. The daily pill, which acts on brain chemicals, followed a long, winding path to approval, including two previous rejections by the Food and Drug Administration….
Sierra Leone awaits countdown to Ebola-free declaration    photo
MASSESSEHBEH, Sierra Leone (AP) — It had been five months since the last Ebola case in Musa Kamara’s village when he returned home for festivities to mark the end of Ramadan. Not long after his sudden death in this roadside village, authorities came with a grim message: The killer virus was…
Saudi closes emergency ward after spike in MERS virus cases
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (AP) — Saudi authorities closed an emergency ward in one of the kingdom’s largest hospitals after at least 46 people, including hospital staff, contracted the potentially fatal Middle East respiratory syndrome, also known as MERS, a health official said Wednesday. Dr….
Jimmy Carter to discuss cancer diagnosis publicly    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Former President Jimmy Carter plans to discuss his recent cancer diagnosis Thursday for the first time since revealing last week that he was ill. Carter, 90, is scheduled to hold a news conference at 10 a.m. at the Carter Center in Atlanta. The event will be closed to the…
Teens’ e-cigarette use linked with later smoking    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Teens who use e-cigarettes are more likely than others to later smoke conventional cigarettes and other tobacco products, a study at 10 Los Angeles high schools suggests. The study doesn’t prove that electronic cigarettes are a “gateway drug” but some doctors say it bolsters…
Jimmy Carter to discuss cancer diagnosis on Thursday    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter plans to discuss his recent cancer diagnosis, making his first comments since revealing he has the disease last week. The Carter Center on Tuesday said Carter will hold a press conference Thursday morning at its offices in Atlanta. The event…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

All-day breakfast at McDonald’s is an apparent success. According to an internal company memo obtained by the Wall Street Journal, McDonald’s operators are being advised to prepare for a nationwide extension of the all-day breakfast as early as October.  *** So now you can order a Mc10:35 even if it’s Mc2p.m. (If you have no idea what I’m talking about do a Google search for the McDonald’s “secret menu”.)

 

The Pentagon’s computers are reportedly targeted by hackers as many as 250,000 times a year.  *** Which is exactly why they should go with the Hillary Clinton plan – be ultra-safe by keeping their servers in an apartment… in the bathroom…

 

The average American spends about an hour in the bathroom every day, or two weeks a year. A survey by the National Association for Continence found that a third of respondents said they find comfort and relief from life’s stresses in the bathroom.  *** Unless you’re last name is Clinton, at which point you’re only in there to check your email.

 

Jesse Ventura says he likes the fact that because Trump is funding his own campaign he’s no one’s puppet. Ventura thinks the other presidential candidates should dress in NASCAR racing suits with the names of their “corporate sponsors” on the suits showing who the candidates are beholding to.  *** Hey look – Hillary Clinton is being sponsored by George Soros and HotMail!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A school library in Falkenberg, Sweden, is refusing to lend books to students whose underwear is showing.  ***MARLAR: Wait a minute – teenagers who walk around with their underwear showing… read BOOKS?!

 

People who sleep more or fewer than seven hours a day, including naps, are increasing their risk for cardiovascular disease, the leading cause of death in the United States, a recent study shows.  Sleeping fewer than five hours a day, including naps, more than doubles the risk of being diagnosed with angina, coronary heart disease, heart attack, or stroke, the study, conducted by researchers at West Virginia University’s (WVU) School of Medicine and published in the journal “Sleep,” says.   And sleeping more than seven hours also increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, it says.  ***MARLAR: I was doing fine until I read this story and got so bored that I fell asleep and screwed up my schedule.

 

It took $140,000 of your tax dollars to prove it, but scientists have confirmed that women really are more sensitive than men. Gals are quicker to cry when upset, more sympathetic to others who are in emotional pain and more likely to hug someone who is not a blood relative, the 6-year government funded study revealed. ***MARLAR: Men still cry though – like when we find out that $140,000 of our tax dollars go to a study to prove what we already know.

 

Think back to your last car purchase… if you made it with your spouse, who really made the final decision? If you ask him, it was him. Unless you ask her, then it was her. A recent survey found 72% of men believing they were the ones with the most influence while 60% of women believe they had the most say.  ***MARLAR: Which is complete balderdash on both sides, because we all KNOW it’s the used car salesman that did all of the convincing.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Nations In Debt”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Mark Lowry, “Love”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were worried about not being able to get enough done in the day. They held seminars on time-management, made lists of things to do, tried to prioritize their chores in order of importance – they even got up an hour earlier each day just to have more time… but that wasn’t working either, because they just found more they had to do!

 

CLOSE: So now the animals are so busy that can’t even find a single day off to spend time together! How busy can animals get? We’ll find out how busy next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 22/23, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode in the never ending saga that is As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was singing show tunes and getting ready to go on a picnic. He had everything ready to go and was just about to take off when Millard the Monkey stopped by…

 

CLOSE: The best picnic the jungle animals have ever had… now that DOES sound like fun! We’ll find out how much fun next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Andrew Aquilini thought he snagged a great bargain for a 52-inch plasma screen television on eBay. It turned out to be a Moment of Duh!

Instead of a plasma television with a great picture, he ended up paying $2,000 for a 52-inch picture of a TV set.  Andrew was one of three people scammed by an 18-year-old Brian Kim.  Buyers thought they were getting a TV with a great “picture”; instead they just paid thousands for a picture of the plasma TV.  Andrew and two other scammed buyers alerted eBay who quickly contacted authorities.  Mr. Kim was arrested and charged with theft by deception.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO COLLECT AS A HOBBY

 

  1. Weapon-grade Plutonium

 

  1. Annoying cell phone rings

 

  1. Nests of angry bees

 

  1. Shark Bites

 

  1. XFL memorabilia

 

  1. Your neighbor’s lawn gnomes

 

  1. Chicago Cubs World Series rings

 

  1. Mother-in-Laws

 

  1. State representative bobbleheads

 

  1. Barry Bonds’ autographed syringes

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Thieves are thwarted because of chocolate!

 

FILE #1: Sales assistants stopped a robbery in a supermarket by pelting the thieves with tins of chocolate spread. Four masked robbers threatened staff and demanded money in the raid on an Italian store. They gave up though, and fled after staff started throwing tins at them. The gang demanded money from the tills of the supermarket in Italy, and when staff refused, they kidnapped two customers. But they gave up when two sales assistants and the manager, who were hiding behind a display of chocolate and hazelnut spread, started throwing the tins at them. The burglars, reportedly wounded by the tins and bleeding, left the customers and fled the shop. They have not been caught and their identity is unknown. ***MARLAR: But hey, they did get free chocolate!

 

FILE #2: An Arkansas couple wanted to go to the movies so badly, they were willing to put it all on the line to do so. Having no money, teenage movie lovers Allen and Jessica Powell decided to simply go steal the money so they could go to the show. Allen put on a Scream mask, and Jessica acted as the getaway driver. Allen simply walked in to the store, demanded money, got it, left with it, and drove away. But, the couple was arrested 32 minutes later in Blackwell after authorities identified the getaway car. They were both charged with armed robbery and attempted escape.

 

FILE #3: While an Iowa couple was robbing a convenience store, the woman noticed a contest entry form while waiting for her boyfriend to finish getting the money. Thinking it would be cool to win, she filled out the form complete with her name, address, and phone number. A few hours later the police were at the couple’s house to arrest them. She did win a free trip though – to jail!

 

STRANGE LAW: In Maryland, clotheslines are forbidden, but you are allowed to hang your clothes on a fence.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Honesty is always the best policy – but sometimes it doesn’t help your case if your brain is on drugs.

An Ohio police officer recently pulled over a van with the suspicion that the driver was driving under the influence of alcohol. After pulling over 42 year old Nancy Lang to give her a sobriety test, she said “Please give me a break I’m drunk.” Believe it or not, she was arrested and charged with speeding, driving under the influence of alcohol, driving with a suspended license, and driving with expired license plates. But hey, at least she was honest!

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Your high school ex suddenly e-mails you after all these years, but you’re married to someone else — what do you do?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What privileges did the Mosaic Law give a man during his first year of marriage?
ANSWER: He was allowed to stay home one year without business or military obligations. (Deuteronomy 24:5 = “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The doll, Barbie has a last name. What is it?

ANSWER: Barbie’s last name is Roberts.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Henry Ford, father of the Model T, is also father of the charcoal briquette. (True)

 

  1. The eggplant is part of the Rose family. (False – the thistle family)

 

  1. The Hula Hoop is illegal in Finland. (True)

 

  1. Elvis Presley holds the record for playing the most leading roles in films. (False – John Wayne. He played the lead in all but 11 of his 153 movies.)

 

  1. The White House used to be the biggest house in the United States. (True – until the Civil War)

 

  1. The cells that make up the antlers of a moose are the fastest growing animal cells in nature. (True)

 

  1. The mouths of the President’s faces on Mt. Rushmore are 8 feet wide. (False – eighteen feet wide)

 

  1. The lifespan of a taste bud is only one day. (False – 10 days)

 

  1. Lyndon B. Johnson was the first President of the United States to wear contact lenses. (True)

 

  1. The croissant originated in France. (False – Austria)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Israeli Police Arrest Gang of Jewish _________”  (NAZIS)


Eight young Israeli neo-Nazis were arrested near Tel Aviv who had been attacking and beating religious Jews as well as gay people and foreigners and videotaping the attacks. What’s crazy is the gang members reportedly all hail from Russia and immigrated to Israel under that country’s policy of admitting anyone who has at least one Jewish grandparent!

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

 

JOKE #1

Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complain about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.

As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say.  “It’s perfect!” he exclaimed. “It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips.”

Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. “If there’s another a dress here that will do all that, I want it!”

 

JOKE #2

Dear God,

So far today,

I’ve done all right.  I haven’t gossiped. I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.  I am very thankful for that.  But, in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed; and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

 

JOKE #3

On a flight to Florida, Emily was preparing notes for one of the parent-education seminars she conducts as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to her explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what Emily did for a living.   Emily told her, fully expecting her to ask for free professional advice.   Instead she sat back and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A recent study says obese kids miss the most school. ***MARLAR: I can say from personal experience that it is tough to walk to school while eating a box of Ho-Hos.

 

A deficiency of vitamin D could significantly increase your risk of developing certain types of cancer, according to new research from the Roswell Park Cancer Institute in New York.  ***MARLAR: Which is why, instead of milk, I use Half-n-Half on my Fruit Loops.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

ECLIPSE MEMOS
Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn’t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn’t happen every day.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

How much would you pay for a device that would give you a green light when driving whenever you pushed the button? Would you buy one?

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to push a button and all the traffic lights would turn green for you? That’s what a couple of scam artists in Miami were hoping you would want… but the device does NOT exist (dang!). They called them “Go-boxes” and promised they would change red lights to green with the push of a remote control button. But there was no “go” with the “Go-boxes”. People sent in checks to purchase the devices, but often got instructions on how to build the “Go-box”, which turned out to be nothing more than a flashing strobe light. Others got nothing at all. The “Go-boxes” were advertised on the Internet and sold for $69 to $150. The suspects, Johnnie Greene and Lisa Moon, were indicted on charges of mail and wire fraud.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Cinderella could have run away. She could have argued and complained. She could have refused to serve her stepmother and stepsisters. But life would not have been pleasant if she did. Instead of fighting the exile into which she had been cast, she did all she could to make the time pleasant for herself. Of course, the fairy tale ending came with fairy tale magic, and Cinderella won the battle in the end with the help of a fairy godmother. Yet, her life was much better because she lived content in her circumstance, experiencing peace and joy in the hope of tomorrow. There are times in our life when we feel we have been exiled into a foreign land, most of the time we do not even understand why. We can fight it or give up and not accomplish anything of value or we can embrace our situation and find peace. The exile might not be geographic like the Israelites. It might be more like Cinderella whose life changed completely because her father died. In such circumstances, God calls us to keep living in peace. God is able to use exile to make us stronger, more faithful and more obedient to His Word in our lives.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

David tells us three things we must do to come out of troubles. First, he tells us to “extol the Lord” (Psalm 34:1). When we bless the Lord for all His benefits, “boast in the Lord” for His attributes, and “glorify” the Lord for His deliverance (vv. 1-3), we are focusing on Him and not on the trouble. How easy it is to let the trouble take over our thinking to the point that we forget how great God is! Second, he tells us he “sought the Lord” (Psalm 34:4). To seek the Lord means “to inquire diligently, to reach a place of desperation”: “this poor man called, and the Lord heard him” (v. 6). Hezekiah turned his face to the wall, Moses stretched out his rod, Peter put on his sandals…and God delivered from sickness, danger and imprisonment. Finally, David said to “fear the Lord” (Psalm 34:9), which means we must reexamine every area of our lives to be certain our giving, our words and our relationships are in order. When we “extol the Lord,” “seek the Lord” and “fear the Lord,” we will be delivered from our troubles!

 

 

LEFTOVERS

GIRL SCOUTS VS. THE POLICE

Bad laws can make a criminal out of anyone, even a Girl Scout selling cookies in DeKalb County, Georgia. An overzealous cop managed to ticket two separate groups of Girl Scouts because they were going door-to-door without a permit. A troop leader argued with the officer until a sergeant showed up for backup and, incredibly, he too agreed that the Scouts had broken the law and deserved to be cited. The entire incident has blemished the good name of the DeKalb County PD. But the chief says all charges will be dropped and his officers warned not to ticket the tots with the baked goods. ***MARLAR: Must have had something to do with those new doughnut-flavored cookies!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW TO DEAL WITH A BAD BOSS

Are you suffering from a “bad boss”? In The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Work, authors Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht describe some of these bosses and how to deal with them.

  • THE CONTROL FREAK micromanages every move you make. How to Deal: Bombard this person with emails, reports and meetings. This might overwhelm him and throw off his controlling behavior.
  • THE BUDDY tries to solicit personal information and seeks inclusion as though you are best of friends. How to Deal: Include this person but keep your distance. Invent a fictional hobby, extend invitations you know she can’t accept, and avoid hugs.
  • THE WORKAHOLIC has sacrificed his life for his job and expects the same from you. How to Deal: Let this person know there is life outside of work. Discuss family, friends and hobbies at every opportunity.
  • THE TELLER OF BAD JOKES always has one for you and it’s always bad. How to Deal: Be prepared for the painful punchline and feign amusement. Then change the subject.
  • THE SUPREME DELEGATOR takes all of the credit and none of the blame and essentially is setting up others to take the fall. How to Deal: In writing, advise on all key decisions and plans, but be prepared for a denial of knowledge if anything goes wrong.
  • THE YES/NO MANAGER could care less about useful information or discussions and simply wants every decision boiled down to “yes” or “no.” How to Deal: Present summaries with several alternatives for action. If asked for a recommendation, give it orally.
  • THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BOSS procrastinates, complains about not enough time, and then blames others for the bad job. How to Deal: Involve others in projects as much as necessary so that you have witnesses.
  • THE INDECISION MAKER needs info from many different sources before making any sort of “independent” decision. How to Deal: Present any question as if you’ve taken an informational survey of any key employees who might have a stake in the problem.
  • THE ALL-BUSINESS-IS-PERSONAL MANAGER can’t separate business and personal life. How to Deal: Make your work time enjoyable, one bad incident could ruin your work relationship. In the long run, though, your nightmare could turn into a sweet dream. That toxic supervisor could be the motivating factor for you to make a change for the better.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

RUN, IT’S BIG BIRD!

Did dinosaurs really look like birds?  

Leading paleontologist Gareth Dyke of University College Dublin says the “Jurassic Park” image of dinosaurs is wrong, and it is now irrefutable that they were covered in feathers. Dinosaur fossils found in China, preserved by a volcanic eruption, still have their feathery plumage, including a dinosaur that looks remarkably like a Tyrannosaurus rex. Dyke says museums may have to change all their dinosaur models, because they looked more like birds than reptiles, and it’s likely the T-rex actually resembled “a giant chicken.”  ***MARLAR: Which also explains T-Rex’s eating habits.  Smaller animals would see the T-Rex, collapse and die from uncontrollable laughter, then T-Rex ate them.

 

 

FUN LIST

Now, everything I know about dandelions:
* Dandelions grow very fast.
* In four days a dandelion can have 47 babies.
* Nobody seems to know how dandelions get pregnant.
* The easiest way to get rid of dandelions is to move.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

THREE WAYS TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE MORE (modernmom.com)

 

Turn it Off: Try turning your computer off and putting your blackberry away from time to time this week. If you are watching your kid’s soccer game, leave the phone in the car. Instead of rushing to your computer first thing in the morning, sit down with your family for breakfast and talk about the day. This exercise will teach you to be more in the moment and enjoy your life aside from work and obligations.

 

Appreciate Nature: Being surrounded by nature and the beauty of outdoors is meditative. When you are working like a racehorse, or carpooling kids here and there, it’s easy to put this at the bottom of your priority list. Just the act of getting some fresh air will rejuvenate you physically and emotionally. Take your lunch break and get in a brisk walk. Meet a friend early in the morning for a walk or ride. Use the weekends as a time to explore your surroundings.

 

Leave Work at Work: How many of you feel like your work always finds you, no matter where you are or what you are doing? Of course there will times when you need to bring work home, but there is always a balance. This week I want you to be conscious of leaving work at the office. When you are home with the family or kids, be engaging with them. If you are out on a date, don’t constantly check your blackberry. Work will always be there, there will always be more to do, but in the process you are missing out on a huge chunk of your life.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Religion can help people deal with cancer, but only if it’s the right kind of religion. According to Christianity Today, a new analyses in the US journal CANCER looked at the impact of religious belief on physical, mental and ‘social’ health and the patients’ ability to maintain their social roles and relationships during their illness. It found that religious people had less pain, better mental health and were better able to carry on functioning than non-religious people. However, the study found that much depended on how someone actually experienced their religion, with those whose faith was emotionally satisfying and supportive faring better than those who believed in an angry and judgmental God.  http://bit.ly/1J5LGPI

 

Protestants and Catholics are uniting in China for what they call ‘safe and legal non-violent disobedience.’ According to a Christianity Today report, Several churches held a prayer service recently outside a government office , holding up crosses and banners that read, “Can’t remove the cross in our hearts,” The government has torn down hundreds of giant red crosses from church buildings over the past two years. Now Chinese Protestants and Catholics are joining together to put red crosses—albeit much smaller ones—back in the public eye. In an online campaign, church leaders in the eastern province of Zhejiang have called on Christians to craft hundreds of small wooden crosses, paint them red, and display them at home or on their cars. http://bit.ly/1SCazao

 

After having their bikes stolen, engineering students in Chile took matters into their own hands by creating what they describe as the unstealable bike. The invention features a seat that detaches and converts into a lock around the basic pole, all in less than 30 seconds. While stealing the bike is still technically possible, engineers say thieves would have to saw through the bikes frame to remove it from the poll.  http://ow.ly/QHYVi

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I believe that people who use those cell phone wireless ear buds have no idea how stupid they look.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Would Your Workplace Qualify?

The 2015 list of Best Christian Workplaces has been released. Certified, no less. It is based on research conducted by the Best Christian Workplaces Institute. Great name.

According to their press release, “Certified Best Christian Workplaces are global and represent all facets of ministries from churches, private schools, universities, parachurch missions, product and services, book publishers and radio stations. This year we have added Christian led businesses.” Wow…that’s some collection!

True to their previous research, the BCWI surveyed more than 180,000 employees. They ask more than 50 questions. Apparently organizations have valued being on this list with a number of them surveying staff “to discover the health of their workplace culture.” For a complete list of results check the website. (http://www.bcwinstitute.com/bcwlists.html)

I always scan the list to see how many Chicago area organizations are on it. Also to see who is NOT on it. And to appreciate the organizations I’m connected to in one way or another.

For example, my radio show producer is a graduate of Olivet Nazarene University. They made the list. Last week, I did my radio show at the Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Church in Barrington, Illinois. They’re ALWAYS on the list. The Coalition for Christian Outreach in Pittsburgh made the list. A highly reputable group I’ve known from my days in “The ‘Burgh.”

Several ministry organizations, whose leaders I know, are NOT on the list. To be fair, that is because a ton of these people do not enlist in the survey process. In one case I know of, failure to make the list three or four years running caused this one organization to step back and try to figure out why! Good idea.

So I decided to think of what really should characterize a “Christian Workplace” — be it for profit or nonprofit. I really don’t like using “Christian” as an adjective. But for this exercise, I accept the term as an environment where Christ-like attitudes are the prevailing mindset. And I have a short list. Not a complete list. A short list.

First, it should be a place of safety. Can a person speak openly and freely about legitimate concerns and not worry about losing their job? Can a person ask difficult questions? Does the person feel “safe”?

Secondly, does the company encourage advancement? This is a difficult and challenging area for several reasons. Finding the right people for the right job only to lose them after training is painful. Also, once a team is in place and is functioning well, having key members advance out makes it difficult. But if our mindset is to grow and encourage others’ development, it is part of the cost.

Thirdly, how does conflict resolution get handled? Jesus always encouraged relationships to be the priority. When a management level person KNOWS there are strained or dysfunctional relationships, every effort should be made to help those coworkers resolve their issues.

Fourth. How is pay determined? More often these days I hear of “ministry oriented” organizations cutting costs by reducing people to part time to save on benefits. When the value of a person is only as good as a minimum effort of compensation and benefits, can we truly say we have a heart for people?

Fifth…on a list that could easily be longer…is the matter of staying with what is often termed integrity. When commitments are made they are kept. Intentional deception is forbidden. Corners to quality are not cut short in favor of profitability.

A “Christian Workplace” isn’t just about what management does. It is often what management requires. And on this front, it means employees are expected to do the job as outlined. To work a full day and show up on time. Not to “fudge” in their own ways, diminishing performance. And to work with spirit and a good attitude. Certain companies are much better at hiring to these ends, and at holding people accountable, than others.

A sober reminder about work can be found in Ecclesiastes 9:10: “Whatever work you do, do your best, because you are going to the grave, where there is no working, no planning, no knowledge, and no wisdom.” (NCV)

One day, Christ-followers will be given a new heaven and a new earth. And while I didn’t see it listed as one of the “Best Christian Workplaces,” I can assure you…it will be.

That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

AUGUST 21, 2015…

 

Grandma—What are Grandmother’s for?  Sometimes for a hug and sometimes to help out in a tough situation.  In this film, Lily Tomlin plays the profanity-using grandmother who is asked by her grand-daughter Julia Garner, to help raise money for a personal crisis. Marcia Gay Harden is also in the cast. “Grandma” is an adult film and rated R. No rating.

 

American Ultra—This movie is an action comedy about a rogue government agent who has a target on his back. Everyone wants to get him.  The large cast includes Jesse Eisenberg, Topher Grace, Kristen Stewart and Walton Goggins. “American Ultra” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Digging For Fire—Here is a comedy with dark humor concerning a young, married couple who spend a weekend trying to figure out what is wrong…and right…with their marriage.  The cast includes Jake Johnson, Anna Hendricks and Orlando Bloom. “Digging For Fire” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Sinister 2—Of course, there is another one. In this continuation, a young mother (Shannon Sossamon) and the nine year old twin sons fight evil. The bad spirit wants the children to kill people. James Ransome is the detective trying to help. “Sinister 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

*Note: “Sleeping With Other People” starring Jason Sukeikis is now due to be released September 13.

 

AUGUST 28, 2015…

 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend is a sequel to the famous film.

 

Hitman: Agent 47 is based on the game series and stars Rupert Friend.

 

The War Room is a Christian drama about making a marriage work and stars Alex Kendricks.

 

We Are Your Friends is a  music drama starring Zac Efron about trying to build a career in the music business.

 

Regression concerns a young girl trying to regain her memory. Stars Emma Watson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.