August 24, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150824

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I think of each new day as a blank sheet of paper — just waiting to be written on.  But what usually happens is — somebody comes along and uses it for a Kleenex.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“You have granted me life and loving kindness; and Your care has preserved my spirit.” – Job 10:12

 

“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

 

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. — 2 Corinthians 7:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. — Matthew 6:14

 

Thought: As Christians, we live in the environment of forgiveness and grace. As we forgive others, the basis of that forgiveness is the incredible debt that God has already forgiven us (Matthew 18). But at the same time, as God sees that his forgiveness is kept in circulation and passed on to others by us, he joyously pours out more forgiveness on us. As hard as it is to forgive someone when we have been genuinely harmed, Jesus wants us to know that the blessings of doing so far outweigh the costs!

 

Prayer: Loving and just God, thank you for cleansing and forgiving me by the atoning sacrifice of your Son Jesus. Thank you for challenging me to forgive others as you have forgiven me. Thank you for demanding that your people be a community of forgiveness. Forgive us, and especially forgive me, when we are reluctant, slow, or suspicious about forgiveness. I ask especially that you will forgive ___ for ____, and I ask you to bless this person with your love and grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 8:24 NIV = For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – AUGUST 24, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 126 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL KNIFE DAY.  ***MARLAR: During the first week back to school for some kids?!?!  Are these people NUTS?!?!

 

Today is FLITTING APPRECIATION DAY, a time to recognize those who have perfected the art of flitting around.  ***MARLAR: Or perhaps a day for those who can actually use the word “flitting” in a proper conversation.

 

WEATHER CLICHÉ DAY, marking this date in 1897 when editor Charles Dudley Warner of the Hartford Courant published the sentence, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”  Many incorrectly attribute the quotation to Warner’s close friend, Mark Twain.

 

Today is “THE FACTS OF LIFE” DAY, marking debut of the popular NBC-TV sitcom on August 24, 1979. A spinoff from “Diff’rent Strokes,” it starred Lisa Welchel, Mindy Cohn, Nancy McKeon, Kim Fields, Charlotte Rae, and Molly Ringwald.  (

)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Knife Day

Pluto Demoted Day

Vesuvius Day

Wayzgoose Day

William Wilberforce Day

National Waffle Iron Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY AUGUST 25

Kiss and Make Up Day

National Park Service Day

National Second-hand Wardrobe Day

National Whiskey Sour Day

 

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26

National Dog Day

National Toilet Paper Day

Tug-of-War Day

Women’s Equality Day

 

THURSDAY, AUGUST 27

The Duchess Who Wasn’t Day

 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28

Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day

Radio Commercials Day

Crackers Over The Keyboard Day

World Daffodil Day

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29

According to Hoyle Day

Franchise Appreciation Day

Individual Rights Day

International Bat Night

International Day Against Nuclear Tests

More Herbs, Less Salt Day

National Sarcoidosis Awareness Day

 

SUNDAY, AUGUST 30

International Bat Night

International Day of the Victims of Enforced Disappearances

International Whale Shark Day

National Grief Awareness Day

National Holistic Pet Day

National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Pony Express Day

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 31

International Overdose Awareness Day

Love Litigating Lawyers Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

79: Mount Vesuvius erupted, burying the cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum in volcanic ash.

 

1932: Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly non-stop across the U.S., traveling from Los Angeles to Newark, New Jersey, in just over 19 hours.

 

1956: Elvis Presley recorded “Love Me Tender.”

 

1968: Rocker Keith Moon of The Who drove a Lincoln into the swimming pool at the Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan.

 

1981: Mark David Chapman was sentenced in New York to 20 years to life in prison for killing rock star John Lennon.

 

1989: Pete Rose was banned from baseball for gambling.

 

1990: Irish singer Sinead O’Connor prompted a boycott of her music when she refused to allow the U.S. National Anthem to be played before her New Jersey concert.

 

1991: In Newport, South Carolina, 15-year-old Dirk Tanis escaped from his burning home after Spuds, the family Dalmation, bit his hand to wake him up. Safely outside, Dirk then watched Spuds carry out Gizmo, a 5-month-old kitten, by the scruff of its neck.

 

1992: Thieves armed with a frozen rabbit smashed through the glass doors of a pub in Devon, England. They left the rabbit thawing on the bar.

 

1995: Microsoft released Windows-95.

 

1996: Four women became students at The Citadel, a military school in South Carolina that had fought in court to remain all male.

 

1997: A 36-year-old German man was nearly killed when he passed out during a heavy drinking session at a Munich tavern and fell on top of his beer glass. A piece of shattered glass sliced an artery in his neck.

 

1998: Three parties donated 24 beads to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse Memorial in South Dakota’s Black Hills. The beads were said to be used in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians.

 

2002: Petri Valta of Finland beat 90 other contestants from seven countries when he hurled a Nokia 5510 cell phone 219 feet to set a new world record at the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championships in Savonlinna, Finland.

 

2004: An investigative panel headed by former Defense Secretary James Schlesinger blamed institutional and personal failures at high levels for mistreatment of prisoners at Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

410: Alaric and the Goths sack Rome. Pagans blamed pacifist Christians and their God for the defeat. Augustine, in his massive City of God, repudiated this claim and blamed Rome’s corruption instead.

 

1456: The second volume of the Gutenberg Bible is bound in Mainz, Germany. This act completes a two-year project to create the first complete book printed with movable type.

 

1759: William Wilberforce, philanthropist and vocal abolitionist, is born in Yorkshire, England.

 

1662: The deadline arrives for all British ministers to publicly assent to the Book of Common Prayer (BCP). The Act of Uniformity, passed on May 19, 1662, also required the BCP to be used exclusively from this date forward. The act remains on Britain’s Statute Book, though it has been modified over the years.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actor (Harry Potter movies) Rupert Grint, 27
  • model Claudia Schiffer 44
  • TV’s (original host of “The Daily Show,” host of “The Late Late Show,” the movie Old School) Craig Kilborn 52
  • Actress (Oscar for Children of a Lesser God) Marlee Matlin, 49
  • Actor (Three Men and a Baby, Cocoon) Steve Guttenberg, 56
  • Actor (Kramer on “Seinfeld”) Michael Richards, 64 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1905 : Arthur “Big Boy” Crudup

1915 : Wynonie Harris

1924 : Louis Teicher (Ferrante and Teicher)

1938 : Mason Williams

1938 : David Frieberg (Jefferson Airplane)

1941 : Ernest Wright (Little Anthony & The Imperials)

1942 : Marshall Donald Thompson (The Chi-Lites)

1942 : Carl Mann

1942 : Jimmy Soul

1943 : John Cipollina (Quicksilver Messenger Service)

1944 : Jim Capaldi (Traffic)

1944 : Jim Brady (The Sandpipers)

1945 : Ken Hensley (Uriah Heep)

1945 : Malcolm Duncan (Average White Band)

1947 : Jim Fox (James Gang)

1948 : Jean-Michel Jarre

1951 : Michael Derosier (Heart)

1951 : Danny Joe Brown (Molly Hatchet)

1957 : Jeffrey Daniels (Shalamar)

1961 : Mark Bedford (Madness)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we call a bad dream a nightmare?

Most people when asked to guess about its origins figure that the “mare” in nightmare has something to do with horses. I could live with that. Recently I was given a hot tip on a thoroughbred and got to the betting window at the track just as the race began and the window closed. The nag won and I did not have good dreams that night. But that’s not the etymology of nightmare–not by a long shot. It comes from the Old English word “maere,” which means an incubus, a tiny demon that stands on your chest during the night, suffocating you. Why would an incubus do that to you? You probably did something to upset nature’s laws. Maybe you served white wine with red meat, wore a red suit with brown shoes, or did some other nightmarish thing.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Hillsong United recently had what they called an unscripted moment. Due to lightening in the distance, the venue they were playing in decided that they had to close down. But instead of heading back to their tour bus, the members of Hillsong United decided to move the concert to the blocked off street in front of the venue. With thousands of moths and mosquito’s swarming the street lights and the rain, heat, and humidity creating a natural fog machine, Hillsong United continued on with a small drum, a few guitars, and their voices, holding their own sing along with a faithful band of brothers and sisters. Members of the band shared: it was an amazing reminder of who God is. Outside the security of everything that was supposed to be we found God’s presence among us.

 

Crowder is working on new music. He tweeted from the studio: Hey kids. New music happening. Crowder describes it as a merging of metal, bluegrass, and hip hop.  ***MARLAR: We’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

 

The War Room Soundtrack is now available. The sound track for the latest movie from the Kendrick brothers includes music from Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Toby Mac, Building 429, Tenth Avenue North, and Mandisa.

 

Jenny Simmons says her daughter Annie this week got her first pet ever; a cat she named Milky. But it sounds like having a pet in the house is taking a little time to adjust to. Jenny says she and her husband Ryan haven’t had a pet since 1999 and, back then, their parents took care of it. This week Jenny says Ryan walked in the room and asked, “Well what do we do with it now? Should we leave a night light on for it?” Jenny says: we are in serious trouble.

 

Brandon Heath has found his own form of therapy. He says he enjoyed spending time coloring with his wife. Brandon said they now have coloring books specifically for adults and shared picture of the butterfly he was working on. https://t.co/53IToXvn0X

 

Jimmy Needham says his wife hit a home run with the surprise gift she got for his 30th birthday. He tweeted: My wife ROCKS! She just surprised me with tickets to Aladdin on Broadway for my 30th B-Day.

 

Is it a sign that a DC Talk reunion is on the way? That was the question one fan of the band asked after hearing the DC Talk song Consume Me streaming at the Staples Center in L.A. In response, Kevin Max told her: it may be a sign, it may not be. test the spirits.

 

for King and Country has been very busy this month. Over the past 12 days their schedule has included: 16 planes. 10 shows. 7 states. 6 festivals. 3 fairs. and 2 countries. But the most important statistic of all; band members say it’s all for One cause!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Mama bear, 5 cubs beat the heat in New Jersey family’s pool
ROCKAWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — A mama bear and her five cubs decided to beat the heat in a New Jersey backyard pool. Tim Basso posted a video online showing the bears climbing into his family’s above-ground pool, tumbling out of it, dragging around pool toys and climbing on a slide and swing…

 

Defense lawyer skips hearing so wife in labor won’t kill him
PITTSBURGH (AP) — A Pittsburgh defense attorney got a hearing postponed at the last minute after convincing a judge that his wife’s labor was a matter of life — or his death. The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (http://bit.ly/1hQ0LJm) reports Marc Daffner was granted a continuance Thursday…
UK marine researchers receive ‘oldest message in a bottle’    photo
LONDON (AP) — A century-old message in a bottle, possibly the oldest ever found, has finally reached its destination. Tossed into the North Sea sometime between 1904 and 1906, the bottle washed up on the beach on the German island of Amrum, and was found by a couple in April. Inside they…
Pig OK after flying out of trailer going 65 mph on highway
FORT COLLINS, Colo. (AP) — Maybe pigs can fly. Authorities in northern Colorado say a 250-pound porker escaped relatively unscathed when it flew out of a trailer that was being pulled at about 65 mph on Interstate 25. HASH(0x1421e70) Colorado State Patrol Trooper G.A. Villavicencio says he…
Police: Florida woman lied about kidnapping to skip work
PANAMA CITY, Fla. (AP) — A Florida Panhandle woman is accused of making up a lie about being kidnapped so she wouldn’t have to return to her job as a night shift nursing assistant. In a news release, the Panama City Police Department said its officers and other agencies spent several hours…
Hurt man, 70, survived week in woods by drinking rain water
AVON, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say a 70-year-old man who fell while walking the woods near his western New York home survived a week outdoors by drinking rain water. Police say Donald Farrell was following two deer off a trail when he lost his footing and fell on Aug. 9 in Avon. That’s about…
Zombie walk that once drew thousands falls victim to costs
ASBURY PARK, N.J. (AP) — It seems money is the best medicine to put the undead to rest: The annual New Jersey Zombie Walk has fallen victim to rising costs and growing popularity. The free event began with a group of friends shuffling and groaning their way through Asbury Park seven years…
Don’t smell: Cocaine, heroin found in flower shipments
MIAMI (AP) — Authorities say federal officers are regularly finding cocaine and heroin concealed in shipments of flowers moving through Miami International Airport. Officials with U.S. Customs and Border Protection say 80 pounds of the drugs have been found at the airport over the past two…
Tree pluribus unum: Many fruits stem from artists’ grafts    photo
SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) — Plums, peaches, nectarines and cherries all grow on just one of Sam Van Aken’s fruit trees. The trees blossom in a riot of red, white and pink each spring. The artist calls his creations the Tree of 40 Fruit. And the tree at Syracuse University, and others like it,…
Killer deal: ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ house up for sale
PERRYOPOLIS, Pa. (AP) — Celebrate your purchase of this lovely four-bedroom Victorian with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. The house that was used as the home of psychotic killer Buffalo Bill in the 1991 film “The Silence of the Lambs” is up for sale. The production crew took six weeks to…
NYC mayor: Regs for Times Square characters under study
NEW YORK (AP) — Mayor Bill de Blasio has launched a multiagency task force to address what he calls the “growing problem” of panhandling topless women and costumed characters in Times Square and said that one option under consideration is removing the famed intersection’s pedestrian plazas….

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

As cancer treatment begins, Carter to scale back on work    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Former President Jimmy Carter says he will step back from his humanitarian work and surround himself with his family as he undergoes three months of treatment for melanoma cancer. This weekend, relatives will gather in his tiny hometown of Plains, Georgia, to celebrate his…

 

Carter to get radiation, new immune therapy for skin cancer    photo
It was found in his liver and then in his brain, but very well may have started in his skin. Former President Jimmy Carter revealed Thursday that he has melanoma, a serious form of cancer. Carter, who will turn 91 in October, said he has already begun treatments for four small brain tumors. A look…
Drug industry links run deep in field of sexual medicine    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — How do you measure sexual desire? If you’re a drugmaker trying to win approval for a medication to boost female libido, it might come down to two questions on a medical questionnaire. Those questions made the difference for Sprout Pharmaceuticals, which received federal…
Historic hotel named source of deadly Legionnaires’ outbreak
NEW YORK (AP) — A historic hotel’s rooftop air-conditioning unit is the source of a Legionnaires’ disease outbreak that has killed 12 people and sickened more than 100 in the Bronx, the city’s health commissioner said Thursday. After extensive sampling and testing of Legionnaires’-causing…
Earliest breast cancer risky for some women, study suggests    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — New research shows that chances of dying from very early breast cancer are small but the disease is riskier for young women and blacks, the same disparities seen for more advanced cancer. Death rates in the 20 years after diagnosis totaled about 3 percent for women whose breast…
Quadruplets born to 65-year-old German woman leave hospital
BERLIN (AP) — Doctors in Germany say the quadruplets born prematurely to a 65-year-old woman three months ago have been allowed to leave the hospital. Berlin’s Charite hospital said Thursday that doctors would continue to monitor the babies, who all weigh more than 2.5 kilograms (5 pounds 8…
EPA downplays dangers of mine spill, but concerns linger    photo
More than two weeks after a mine spill fouled waterways in several Western states, officials expressed concern Thursday over the long-term effects of contaminated river bottoms as the federal agency that triggered the accident downplayed the dangers. U.S. Environmental Protection Agency workers…
Scientists find how obesity gene works, a clue to treatment    photo
Scientists have finally figured out how the key gene tied to obesity makes people fat, a major discovery that could open the door to an entirely new approach to the problem beyond diet and exercise. The work solves a big mystery: Since 2007, researchers have known that a gene called FTO was related…
Antibiotic-resistant ‘superbug’ found at California hospital
PASADENA, Calif. (AP) — A Los Angeles-area hospital said Wednesday that some of its patients contracted an antibiotic-resistant “superbug” that has been linked to a type of medical scope and infected dozens of people around the country. Huntington Memorial Hospital said in a statement that it…
FDA approves first pill aimed at boosting female libido    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration has approved the first prescription drug designed to boost sexual desire in women, a milestone long sought by a pharmaceutical industry eager to replicate the blockbuster success of impotence drugs for men. But stringent safety measures on…
With humor and honesty, Carter talks about his cancer    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — With a broad smile and an upbeat attitude, former President Jimmy Carter told the world Thursday that he has cancer in his brain, and feels “perfectly at ease with whatever comes.” Carter said doctors had removed melanoma from his liver, but found four small tumors in his…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A South Carolina (Aiken) man was arrested after neighbors saw him walking his dog naked.  *** So for goodness sake, if you’re going out, put a sweater on your dog!

 

Gas is now below $2.00-a-gallon in about a dozen states and could be under two-a-gallon nationwide by Christmas.  *** So it’s okay for me to ask Santa for a Humvee then, right?

 

GOP White House hopeful Lincoln Chafee is at zero percent in the latest presidential polls.  *** Lincoln WHO?!?!

 

Police say a man sneaked into a New Jersey home and hid under a bed in a spare room for three days before the homeowner realized it. Spotswood police say Jason Hubbard was charged with burglary and theft of services because he allegedly charged his four cellphones in an electrical outlet under the bed. They say Hubbard entered the home on May 7th, when the homeowner took out the garbage. He stayed in the spare bedroom until the homeowner heard a noise in the room and spotted Hubbard.  *** The guy had FOUR CELL PHONES?!?!  With today’s cellular plan rates, he could go down to one phone and use the rest for rent to get his own place.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A poll by the University of South Australia reveals that one in three Australian executives admitted to falling asleep during meetings.  ***MARLAR: Not only that, the drool swirls out of their mouths counter-clockwise.

 

“You have nice eyes.” That’s one compliment people are hearing on a busy street in the nation’s capital. Artist Tom Greaves has created what he calls “The Compliment Machine.”  It’s a bright red-and-white-striped box that automatically says nice things about people as they walk past.  ***MARLAR: Our radio station’s General Manager bought one last week – he had it modified so it would just agree with every idea he comes up with.

 

A researcher at Ersta Skoendal University College in Stockholm had 20 women around 80 years old gather once a week for four months to look at various works of art and discuss them. She said their attitudes and creativity improved, their blood pressure went down, and oddly, they needed fewer laxatives and suffered less constipation.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, modern art gives me loose bowels too.

 

What if a drug could help you gain some of the benefits of exercise without working up a sweat?  In a study, sedentary mice that took the drug (AICAR) for four weeks burned more calories and had less fat than untreated mice.  And when tested on a treadmill, they could run about 44 percent farther and 23 percent longer than untreated mice.  Just how well those results might translate to people is an open question. But researchers say someday such a drug might help treat obesity, diabetes and people with medical conditions that keep them from exercising.  The scientists also report that in mice that did exercise training, a second drug — GW1516 — made their workout much more effective at boosting endurance.  The research is published online by the journal Cell.  ***MARLAR: Finally – I can get in my cardio just by running my mouth off!

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Sign Maker Strike”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Gordon Douglas, “Grade Cards”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were suffering from having so much to do in their daily schedules. So much, in fact, that they even stopped sleeping just to get everything done! Planners, DayTimers, lists, appointments, it was getting so bad they didn’t have time for anything else!
CLOSE: Sounds like the animals, in their rush to get things done, don’t even have time now for common courtesy and niceness! Tune in again next time for more of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 29/30, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was heading out for a picnic, singing show tunes. He wanted to go alone, but Millard the Monkey talked him into taking him along as well… but then Millard told all the other jungle animals, and now everybody is heading out for one gigantic picnic!

 

CLOSE: The mother of all picnic spots in order to have the mother of all picnics! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Did you ever think about the fact that, somewhere out in the world, there’s a worst doctor?

If you think about it, there has to be worst doctor somewhere, right? Well we may have found him. It’s a doctor that, in five years, has operated on the wrong limb… twice! Dr. Craig DuMond was fired recently by the Adirondack Medical Centre for operating on a healthy knee. 5 years ago, he operated on the wrong hip and his colleagues did their best to help him out. In fact, since the hip incident 5 years ago, the operating room nurses started printing the word “yes” on limbs which were supposed to be operated on and they even pulled a red sock over the healthy arm or leg as a final reminder. But to no avail, he operated on the wrong limb again. ***MARLAR: So calling it a medical “practice” is accurate… he just needs a bit MORE practice.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS FOR TEENAGERS

 

  1. No one fails a class anymore, there merely “passing impaired.”9. You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed.”

    8. Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive.”

    7. These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined.”

    6. Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.”

    5. Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”

    4. Your homework isn’t missing, its just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”

    3. You’re not sleeping in class, you’re “rationing consciousness.”

    2. You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”

    1. You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A bad haircut ends up in the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: A woman who claims she had a “bad hair year” is suing a Wisconsin styling salon. Janesville resident Stacie Renz says it took a year for her hair to recover after getting highlights done at the Regis Salon in Janesville. She has filed for damages in Rock County Court, but the salon denies any knowledge or liability. She claims that she simply wanted highlights for her brown hair in March 1998, and it went badly. They tried fixing it by using different chemicals, and by that time, it was orange and crispy. She no longer works in the styling industry and none of the staff who were at the salon at the time of Stacie’s visit still work there.

 

FILE #2: A 21-year-old Arizona man stands accused of a string of robberies — and he’s probably grateful the cops caught up with him and put an end to his misfortune. At the first stickup, the hapless hooligan dropped his gun and it broke. At the second, he had to stop in mid-getaway to use an inhaler to relieve an asthma attack. And at the third, he locked himself out of his getaway car. After he finally broke into his own vehicle, the cops pulled him over for driving at night without his headlights on, bringing his life of crime to a halt.

 

FILE #3: A New Zealand policeman liked his job so much, he bought his police station. Jim Beardsley retires this week after 33 years, but will continue to be landlord to the Cambridge Police. The Cambridge force needed a bigger station, but didn’t want to buy it themselves, so Constable Beardsley stepped in. The force now occupies a spacious, air conditioned office, just yards from the back fence of Constable Beardsley’s house. ***MARLAR: In case there’s any confusion… buying off a police station is okay.  It’s buying off a police officer that gets you into trouble.

 

STRANGE LAW: Many cities have statutes preventing ministers and barbers from eating garlic or onions during their hours of business.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A man is so desperate for beer, he gets creative in finding transportation to the nearest gas station.

With a revoked license because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, Dennis Cretton shouldn’t drive. But authorities said that didn’t stop the 49-year-old man from drunkenly driving up to a gas station for more beer – on his yellow riding lawnmower.  Cretton was charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence after neighbors reported he was weaving in and out of traffic on his lawnmower. When deputies tried to stop him, authorities said Cretton drove the mower into his home’s front yard, his 12-pack of Milwaukee’s Best spilling onto the ground along the way.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Which old movie would you like to see a remake of?

Which old movie should never be remade?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which two disciples asked Jesus to sit at His right hand and left hand?

ANSWER: James and John (Mark 10:35-37)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How far will the average office chair with wheels travel in one-year’s time?

ANSWER: Eight miles

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Corn is an ingredient in about 300 grocery products. (False – try more than 3,000)

 

  1. It takes 1,000 pounds of milk to make 15 pounds of cottage cheese. (False – it takes 100 pounds of milk)

 

  1. The banana is the world’s largest herb. (True)

 

  1. Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of women’s feet. (True)

 

  1. The average human drinks about 6,000 gallons of water in a lifetime. (False – 16,000 gallons)

 

  1. Nolan Ryan was the first baseball player to make over $1 million dollars in a season. (True)

 

  1. The toes of mummies were individually wrapped. (True)

 

  1. “Mageiricophobia” is the intense fear of magic. (False – it’s the fear of having to cook)

 

  1. Women shoplift more often than men. (True… the ratio is 4-to-1.)

 

  1. Minnie Pearl’s famous price tag read “$1.98.” (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

CURIOSITY KILLS MARTIAN _________ (CAT)

After narrowly escaping an initial attack, the Mars rover Curiosity has reportedly run over a Martian cat. The incident comes after an already tumultuous stay on the Red Planet, as those “seven minutes of terror” that brought Curiosity down to the surface was quickly countered with a Martian swarm.

A picture of the cat-like creature’s corpse, taken by one of Curiosity’s cameras, was sent to NASA on Tuesday. The question of whether or not this planet has life was answered for all of the Earth’s naysayers within the first few hours of Curiosity’s arrival. However, the robot’s continued encounters with Martian lifeforms has provided many more questions.

How will the Martians retaliate against Earth for killing one of their precious, feline-like companions? Do cats on Mars also have nine lives? Are there Martian puppies?

Developments about the rover itself also continue to unravel. Details about the rover’s abilities have surprised many as it continues its search on Mars. From self-repair programming to a crude grappling gun that helped it escape those initial attacks, Curiosity continues to inspire awe in its design and functionality. However, many are now skeptical about the robot’s chances against advanced alien weaponry.

Weekly World News will continue to follow Curiosity as it makes its way to the Tylon Canyon, miles south of where it took the life of the Martian Cat. President Barack Obama is expected to provide a formal apology to the Martian people for the incident on Wednesday.

When reached, a PETA spokesman was unable to comment on whether the organization advocates for ethical treatment of Martian animals.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

“No thanks,” said Doug. “I’ll just have a cup of black coffee.”

“I’ll have black coffee too,” Bill said. “And please make sure the cup is clean.”

The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. “Two cups of black coffee,” she announced. “Which one of you wanted the clean cup?”

 

JOKE #2

A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. 

”Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”

 

JOKE #3

At the scale manufacturers’ convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight. A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight. 

She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: “One hundred and sixty-three.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The Consumers Union says 75% of people who use the internet don’t trust web sites that sell things. ***MARLAR: For more information, log on to our website to purchase the complete report.

 

This will probably come as no surprise to married women, but a University of Michigan study shows that having a husband creates an extra seven hours of extra housework a week. On the other hand, for guys who are married, having a wife saves him from an hour of chores each week.  ***MARLAR: I’m not seeing the downside.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

SAM’S FISHING

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.
So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam’s approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

3-Year-Old Biker Dude!
In New Delhi, three-year-old Azeem Khan has been granted a special motorcycle license by the Indian DMV. Azeem had to prove he could control the powerful Royal Enfield Bullet after his dad added special extensions to the controls so he could reach them. His proud father, Shantanu Khan says of his toddler, “He is much safer than most adult drivers I know.” But Azeem, who turns four next month, is not allowed out on the main roads on his own. Dad says, “Of course I won’t let him drive on the busy roads without me on the bike as well. I trust Azeem but I don’t trust other drivers.” And the pint-sized biker already has his sights set on his next set of wheels — a Harley Davidson — which is his dream.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Your body is a temporary house that you occupy before moving into eternity. The body itself is not evil, only the sinful nature that manipulates it. Concerning the human body, Paul first taught the Corinthians that their bodies were “actually parts of Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:15). It would be unthinkable to take Christ’s body and place it in an immoral situation! In the same way, you must consider your body as respectfully as you would Christ’s own body.
Second, Paul stated that the body is the “temple of the Holy Spirit”
(v. 19). To use it in outward sin, therefore, obviously grieves Him. If you consider an earthly temple as holy, how much more should you respect a temple where the Holy Spirit is physically present!
Finally, Paul says, “You were bought at a price.” Your body is worth the highest price ever paid for anything—the blood of Jesus. If God sets such a high price on your body, how much more should you cherish it!
Value your body, and don’t cheapen it with immorality. Refuse to yield it to the desires of the sinful nature. Keep it pure, and one day it will be glorified like Jesus’ body.

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

OUR MAIN CALLING

Read: Exodus 19:1-8

I bore you on eagles’ wings and brought you to Myself. —Exodus 19:4

In our performance-driven world, Christians often assume that God’s main calling on their lives is to work for Him. But working for Christ should be secondary to our devotion to Him. As Oswald Chambers warned: “The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him.”

I encountered this subtle “competitor” soon after the Lord led our family to start a ministry among street addicts. We loved these searching youths, and I devoted my entire attention and energy to helping them experience Christ’s saving power.

Then Derek, one of our seekers, ran back to London and to drugs. This loss shocked me into realizing that I had become so absorbed in our work that my devotion to Jesus had lost its importance. God used my distresses as “eagles’ wings” to carry me away from my worship of work and back to my first love—Jesus!

God did the same for Israel in Moses’ day. He delivered the Hebrews from an impossible taskmaster and brought them on “eagles’ wings” back to Himself (Exodus 19:4).

Praise God, Derek soon returned. Meanwhile, I had learned a lesson that’s vital for all followers of Jesus. Our God-given work must never compete with our main calling: devotion to Christ. —Joanie Yoder

 

Striving for souls, I loved the work too well;
Then disappointments came; I could not tell
The reason, till He said, “I am thine all;
Unto Myself I call.” —Cowman

 

Many Christians are strong on service but weak on worship.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TOUGH LOVE

Want to adopt a child? Better get those boxing gloves out!  One couple has been turned down for an adoption because they don’t argue enough!   As if adopting a child isn’t difficult enough as it is . . . one couple’s application to adopt a child was rejected because – get this – they don’t ARGUE enough!  A Swedish Welfare board says that the couple is unfit to be parents because they don’t have enough experience arguing with each other. According to the welfare board, ”To be able to resolve conflicts, one needs to have experience in arguing and conflict resolving. Children should grow up in an environment that allows them to argue as it will teach them about differences of opinion.”

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

TIPS FOR GETTING ENOUGH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

It may sound daunting: The government says most adults should get 2 1/2 hours a week of physical activity that revs their heart rates. But if you can’t do that much, don’t give up – every little bit helps, especially as people age. “The message should always be to take it slow by setting realistic but challenging goals,” says Jack Rejeski, Wake Forest University professor of health and exercise science. He recommends a walk with friends “and before you know it, you’re through.”

Some tips:

  • The recommendation is for moderate-intensity physical activity, things like a brisk walk, water aerobics, cutting grass with a push mower, taking a dance class, doubles tennis.
  • Just doing 10 minutes at a time counts. A few 10-minute activities each day add up.
  • If you’ve been sedentary, build up gradually.
  • If you prefer more vigorous activity – like jogging or singles tennis or a fast bike ride – the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says 75 minutes a week is sufficient. One minute of vigorous activity counts for two minutes of moderate activity.
  • The CDC says moderate-intensity means you’re not breathing too hard to talk but you couldn’t sing.
  • In addition to the aerobic activity, the CDC urges muscle-strengthening activities at least two days a week. That can range from digging in the garden and yoga to push-ups or lifting weights.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

WEDDING ROBBERY

Call it the case of the runaway bridal gowns. 

Hundreds of wedding dresses worth more than $230,000 were stolen from a Vancouver store.  Investigators were seeking clues at consignment shops, wedding stores and other businesses after the heist was discovered.  Police Inspector Tim Laidler said he had never heard of so many dresses being stolen at once.   None of the stolen dresses was reserved for a wedding, so there won’t be any unhappy brides, and only dresses up for sale were taken.  ***MARLAR: So, if you steal a dress for your own wedding, does that count as “something borrowed”?

 

 

FUN LIST

BACK-TO-SCHOOL PRE-TEST

It’s time for kids to go back to school, and as a public service, I’m here to give your kids a little back-to-school pre-test on various subjects:

 

HISTORY: Paul Revere made his ride through the Massachusetts countryside to:

  1. a)      warn everybody that the British were coming;
  2. b)      call The Minutemen to arms;
  3. c)      see how well the new stereo system he installed on his horse sounded.

 

MATH: Farmer Brown has six chickens. Four chickens lay one egg a day; two chickens lay an egg every other day. In your typical story problem, the question to answer would be:

  1. a)      how many days does it take for the chicken to lay a dozen eggs;
  2. b)      how many eggs will the chickens lay in a year;
  3. c)      how low does the price of eggs have to drop before Farmer Brown gives up and turns his chickens into six buckets of original recipe.

 

CHEMISTRY: Mixing a metal like sodium with a corrosive acid and a caustic alkali (alk-uh-lie) will produce:

  1. a)      a salt dissolved in water;
  2. b)      a discharge of chlorine gas;
  3. c)      a trip to the ER.

 

ENGLISH: An example of a preposition is:

  1. a)      in
  2. b)      over
  3. c)      “Hey, do I have the deal for you.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

THEY’RE BACK!

The movie ‘Failure to Launch’ has come true for many families. Here’s what to do when your adult child moves back home (according to author Barbara McRae)

The latest parenting challenge is dealing with emerging adults who have no intention of leaving the nest. Many 19- to 30-year-olds either return home after college – or have never left. The media refers to them as “Boomerang Kids.” Parents are worried that their kids won’t ever be motivated to start their own lives. 
This phenomenon is highlighted in the movie “Failure to Launch.” Matthew McConaughey plays Tripp, 30-something bachelor whose parents want him out of the house. They hire Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker), an “interventionist,” to help him move out. Paula has a track record of successfully boosting men’s self-confidence to spur them to want to be independent.

This story line is not as far-fetched as it may seem. Young adults are indeed becoming more difficult to coax out of their comfy childhood homes. According to Twentysomethings.com, since the ’70s, the number of 26-year-olds still living at home has nearly doubled! Here are the top four factors I’ve found that contribute to this change:

 

  1. Kids Are Unprepared
They are overwhelmed by the prospect of responsibility or unmotivated to live independently. They would rather play it safe by staying in their familiar surroundings, playing computer games, and just hanging out.  Often such young people have grown up living a privileged lifestyle. Well-meaning parents provide their children with all the amenities of affluence. The parents are focused on doing more for their children than their parents did for them—at the expense of keeping them dependent. Kids don’t move out because they’ve got it made! 
How to Help: Teach young adults how to become self-sufficient by giving them opportunities to grow into healthy adults. Show them how to create a budget and how to save for big expenditures. Let them make their own choices and reap the consequences. Step back and let the Law of Cause and Effect happen organically; don’t rescue. Young adults need to clean up their messes; otherwise no growth takes place.

 

  1. Kids Are Cautious or Clueless About a Career
They want a great life, but are unsure how to discover their ideal career path. They approach college with the same trial and error mindset their parents had only to find out that it no longer prepares them for today’s competitive world. 
Parents do their kids a disservice by waiting until they are 17 or 18 before initiating career-related discussions. In our dynamic society where change is a daily diet, this is much too late! It’s best to start young, at age 13. This stage of development is the perfect time to begin connecting the dots between what they love to do and possible career options. It can take years to prepare for the perfect career. Beginning early will help teens maximize their opportunities in high school and make college a much better investment. However, if this hasn’t happened…
How to Help: Parents can help young adults get career savvy by providing career coaching services on how to get hired. Young adults can begin using networking (the #1 job search technique) by conducting informational interviews with family contacts or leaders in the industries that they are considering for themselves. There’s no need to wait until mid-life to learn how to build a satisfying future.

 

  1. Kids Have Personal Problems
They don’t have effective life coping skills, have failed relationships, are grieving some other loss, or are wrestling with a challenging life event.  In “Failure to Launch,” we learn that Tripp’s parents indulged him largely because the woman he loved died and he hadn’t gotten over his loss. When Tripp falls in love with Paula, his self-sabotaging habit of dumping a girl before she can get too close gets reactivated. Finally, his friends intervene, and Tripp eventually faces his demons–and begins his adult life… How to Help: If your young adult is struggling emotionally, don’t make the mistake of thinking it will somehow magically get better without an intervention. Tough love requires that you insist your son or daughter get professional help from a therapist or pastoral counselor so that he or she can move forward. (If you don’t know how to have that kind of conversation, consider talking to a pastoral counselor yourself.)

 

  1. Kids Have Mounting Debt
They’ve accumulated significant credit card debt, and moving back in with their parents is a way to pay it off.  According to the National Credit Card Research Foundation, 55% of students ages 16-22have at least one credit card. If your child falls into this group, make sure you monitor spending together online. Helping your child understand how to budget and manage credit cards will be important for handling a household budget in the future… How to Help: Kids can’t learn to manage money if they don’t have any, or if parents always pay for everything. If your offspring moves back home, I recommend you charge a nominal amount for room and board. As an adult member of your household, it’s important for your young adult to contribute to household chores and expenses. If the purpose of your child’s return home is to pay off bills or a college loan, have a realistic financial plan and stick to it to make sure your young adult moves in the direction of independence.

 

  1. And finally… Determine goals and stick to them! 

Most parents enjoy having their children visit and will consider offering some short-term help. However, indulging an adult child’s inaction does not help a son or daughter “get launched.” If your child defaults on your agreement, you might renegotiate more realistic terms; if it happens again, insisting that your child vacate the premises–as hard as that is–will help him or her launch into responsible adulthood.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

A U.S. firefighter has been suspended… for displaying a U.S. flag!

In Chester, Pennsylvania, firefighter James Krapf has been suspended without pay for — get this — refusing to peel off a U.S. flag sticker from his locker!  And, in case you don’t know your geography, Chester, Pennsylvania is IN the United States of America.  Apparently a new department rule mandates that all stickers and statements – union, cartoon and political – be stripped from lockers after several offensive and racist images showed up in the firehouse. But Krapf figured the red, white and blue was still safe and told his chief, “No disrespect chief, but I’m not taking the flag off.” That’s when he found himself suspended from his 11-year job. But Krapf’s not giving up and the firefighters union plans to negotiate with the department on the issue. Krapf says, “It’s the American flag, we should be able to fly it wherever we want and don’t believe it’s offensive to anyone.”  ***MARLAR: Agreed.  What hope is there left in the world if you can’t fly the flag of your country when you’re in your country?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A 90-year-old man recently saved his 89-year-old, wheelchair-bound wife from a house fire, and credits God for his strength to do so. According to Christian Headline News, Arthur Schneider of Asheboro, North Carolina was in his bedroom taking care of his wife, Rosemary, when a bolt of lightning struck a transformer near their house and ignited a fire. Schneider wheeled his wife out the front door, but could not bring her wheelchair any farther because of the front porch steps. So, without his cane, Schneider ran to his neighbor’s house for help, about a football-field’s distance from his own home. With the help of their neighbor, both Rosemary and Arthur were able to get to safety before the firemen came. Schneider said “I guess God gives us a little strength when we need it.” http://dlvr.it/BpMQtG

 

The Kendrick Brothers’ latest movie, War Rom, opens in Theaters THIS WEEK!  According to the movie web site, War Room tells the story of Tony and Elizabeth Jordan, a couple who seemingly have it all – great jobs, a beautiful daughter, and their dream home. But appearances can be deceiving. In reality, the Jordan’s marriage has become a war zone and their daughter is collateral damage. As Tony’s heart drifts away from his wife, Elizabeth encounters an elderly widow who teaches her how to fight for her family by developing a secret prayer room in her home. The movie will be available in select theaters starting Thursday, August 27.

 

Steven Curtis Chapman’s song Warrior is featured in a new music video for the movie War Room. The song was written specifically for the latest movie from the Kendrick brothers and they say the song captures the spirit of the movie as well. The movie comes out next week but you can watch the music video, complete with scenes from the movie, right now. http://ow.ly/RcICF
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And now, a totally unnecessary social tip from the boss’s office. When hosting a dinner party, don’t bother mentioning whether or not the cat’s litter box is dishwasher-safe.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Would Your Workplace Qualify?

The 2015 list of Best Christian Workplaces has been released. Certified, no less. It is based on research conducted by the Best Christian Workplaces Institute. Great name.

According to their press release, “Certified Best Christian Workplaces are global and represent all facets of ministries from churches, private schools, universities, parachurch missions, product and services, book publishers and radio stations. This year we have added Christian led businesses.” Wow…that’s some collection!

True to their previous research, the BCWI surveyed more than 180,000 employees. They ask more than 50 questions. Apparently organizations have valued being on this list with a number of them surveying staff “to discover the health of their workplace culture.” For a complete list of results check the website. (http://www.bcwinstitute.com/bcwlists.html)

I always scan the list to see how many Chicago area organizations are on it. Also to see who is NOT on it. And to appreciate the organizations I’m connected to in one way or another.

For example, my radio show producer is a graduate of Olivet Nazarene University. They made the list. Last week, I did my radio show at the Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Church in Barrington, Illinois. They’re ALWAYS on the list. The Coalition for Christian Outreach in Pittsburgh made the list. A highly reputable group I’ve known from my days in “The ‘Burgh.”

Several ministry organizations, whose leaders I know, are NOT on the list. To be fair, that is because a ton of these people do not enlist in the survey process. In one case I know of, failure to make the list three or four years running caused this one organization to step back and try to figure out why! Good idea.

So I decided to think of what really should characterize a “Christian Workplace” — be it for profit or nonprofit. I really don’t like using “Christian” as an adjective. But for this exercise, I accept the term as an environment where Christ-like attitudes are the prevailing mindset. And I have a short list. Not a complete list. A short list.

First, it should be a place of safety. Can a person speak openly and freely about legitimate concerns and not worry about losing their job? Can a person ask difficult questions? Does the person feel “safe”?

Secondly, does the company encourage advancement? This is a difficult and challenging area for several reasons. Finding the right people for the right job only to lose them after training is painful. Also, once a team is in place and is functioning well, having key members advance out makes it difficult. But if our mindset is to grow and encourage others’ development, it is part of the cost.

Thirdly, how does conflict resolution get handled? Jesus always encouraged relationships to be the priority. When a management level person KNOWS there are strained or dysfunctional relationships, every effort should be made to help those coworkers resolve their issues.

Fourth. How is pay determined? More often these days I hear of “ministry oriented” organizations cutting costs by reducing people to part time to save on benefits. When the value of a person is only as good as a minimum effort of compensation and benefits, can we truly say we have a heart for people?

Fifth…on a list that could easily be longer…is the matter of staying with what is often termed integrity. When commitments are made they are kept. Intentional deception is forbidden. Corners to quality are not cut short in favor of profitability.

A “Christian Workplace” isn’t just about what management does. It is often what management requires. And on this front, it means employees are expected to do the job as outlined. To work a full day and show up on time. Not to “fudge” in their own ways, diminishing performance. And to work with spirit and a good attitude. Certain companies are much better at hiring to these ends, and at holding people accountable, than others.

A sober reminder about work can be found in Ecclesiastes 9:10: “Whatever work you do, do your best, because you are going to the grave, where there is no working, no planning, no knowledge, and no wisdom.” (NCV)

One day, Christ-followers will be given a new heaven and a new earth. And while I didn’t see it listed as one of the “Best Christian Workplaces,” I can assure you…it will be.

That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

AUGUST 21, 2015…

 

Grandma—What are Grandmother’s for?  Sometimes for a hug and sometimes to help out in a tough situation.  In this film, Lily Tomlin plays the profanity-using grandmother who is asked by her grand-daughter Julia Garner, to help raise money for a personal crisis. Marcia Gay Harden is also in the cast. “Grandma” is an adult film and rated R. No rating.

 

American Ultra—This movie is an action comedy about a rogue government agent who has a target on his back. Everyone wants to get him.  The large cast includes Jesse Eisenberg, Topher Grace, Kristen Stewart and Walton Goggins. “American Ultra” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Digging For Fire—Here is a comedy with dark humor concerning a young, married couple who spend a weekend trying to figure out what is wrong…and right…with their marriage.  The cast includes Jake Johnson, Anna Hendricks and Orlando Bloom. “Digging For Fire” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Sinister 2—Of course, there is another one. In this continuation, a young mother (Shannon Sossamon) and the nine year old twin sons fight evil. The bad spirit wants the children to kill people. James Ransome is the detective trying to help. “Sinister 2” is rated R. No rating.

 

*Note: “Sleeping With Other People” starring Jason Sukeikis is now due to be released September 13.

 

AUGUST 28, 2015…

 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend is a sequel to the famous film.

 

Hitman: Agent 47 is based on the game series and stars Rupert Friend.

 

The War Room is a Christian drama about making a marriage work and stars Alex Kendricks.

 

We Are Your Friends is a  music drama starring Zac Efron about trying to build a career in the music business.

 

Regression concerns a young girl trying to regain her memory. Stars Emma Watson.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.